“Hold on a second,” Sunset blinks, just moments before everypony was going to teleport to the Ministry to make their fuss.
“What is it, Sunset?” Princess Celestia asks.
Sunset looks up at the Princess. It really isn’t fair that only Celestia knows age spells well enough to pull one off on herself, giving her a fully adult stature on this side as well. “We can’t go in the front door,” she states.
“Oh?” Celestia asks.
Sunset puts a hand to her forehead, and backsteps against a doorframe. “Ohhh, we were so stupid. We can’t go in the front door, because we never opened it! And if we try opening it now, all we’ll do is bring the whole wall crashing down on our heads.”
Celestia tilts her head in confusion. “Oh?”
Sunset grins only slightly- it isn’t often she knows something Celestia doesn’t. “To Wizarding Britain, we’re a foreign power they’ve insulted, right?”
Celestia tilts her head. “Yes?”
Sunset shakes her head. “Wrong! To them, we don’t exist! We never revealed Equestria to them, never opened diplomatic relations! They think we’re British!” She lets out a groan. “Oh, how I didn’t see this coming, I have no idea. But at least we’re not blowing things up even worse by going to the Ministry now, are we?”
Celestia blinks, and scowls. “How else do you suggest we face their affront?”
She shrugs. “We pretend to be British citizens,” she answers simply. “Lodge a public protest against the unfair expulsion of thousands of pureblooded students on the basis of their hair colors.”
Another blink. “But they’re expelling because you’re ‘dangerous’,” Celestia answers.
Sunset nods. “And we are. But in human politics, the truth doesn’t matter. Especially when you’re inciting a public uprising against a governmental decision- they don’t need to know the truth and, so long as they hear your version from more sources than theirs, they won’t believe the truth, and we win.” She looks up again. “Human politics isn’t about appeasing to a greater power, like Equestrian politics. Human politics is about convincing everyone else that you’re right and they’re wrong. We do that, we win. And… I think I know how to do just that, actually. I need to talk to Professor McGonagall.”
“Very well. We will wait here.”
“What is it this time?” Lucius nearly demands of the Board.
No one speaks. The nearest Board member hands him a newspaper.
The headline stands out to him.
Black Vindicated!
Sirius Black, charged with the murder of his childhood friend Peter Pettigrew as well as thirteen muggles, has been cleared of all charges, released from Azkaban Penitentiary, and brought to St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries. Simultaneously, the Order of Merlin, First Class, was withdrawn from Peter Pettigrew and he has been charged with treason, the murder of thirteen muggles, and the attempted murder of Minerva McGonagall, the deputy headmistress and transfiguration teacher of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
A first-year Gryffindor by the name of Fluttershy noticed that some things about ‘Scabbers’, the pet rat of a fellow first year, didn’t quite add up, such as the fact that he was about four times as old as a regular garden rat, like himself, could reasonably be expected to live. When she brought the suspicious pet to Professor McGonagall, he was revealed to be the unregistered animagus of Peter Pettigrew, who promptly attempted to murder the transfiguration teacher, likely to eliminate the greatest perceived threat in the acclaimed duelist. His attempt on her life was, however, foiled, when young Fluttershy rapidly and skillfully used a weapon designed, by her account, by American muggles. In the following confusion, Professor McGonagall managed to stun Pettigrew before he could inflict any further harm.
He was taken to St. Mungo’s Hospital under Auror guard, to treat the injuries the crude, muggle-made weapon had caused to his hand. When afterwards taken to the Department for Magical law enforcement, he admitted to all aforementioned charges.
Many a ministry employee was just as appalled by the false conviction of Sirius Black as I find myself being and as you, dear reader, doubtlessly are yourself. Furthermore, the Records Department came up empty-handed when asked to retrieve his trial records. When asked on this, Black made no statement and simply laughed, possibly an aftershock of his stay at the long criticised prison.
Minister for Magic Cornelius Fudge, when asked for a statement, declared himself to be alarmed and appalled by Blacks not only undeserved but, in fact, illegal ten-year imprisonment and claimed to have ordered a full investigation into the trial records of any living inmate of Azkaban. Any that cannot be assigned valid records, said the Minister, are to be transferred to cells in the Ministry, or, if required by their mental state, in a specially modified ward of St.Mungo’s Hospital pending trial.
As for Pettigrew himself, both his wand and the remnants of a second, heavily damaged by Fluttershy’s weapon, that was identified by renowned wand maker Garrick Ollivander as the wand of none other than He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, were confiscated and he remains in Ministry custody awaiting his own trial on the coming Thursday.
Rita Skeeter
He sits down heavily, staring at it, and reads it again; yes, the Dark Lord’s wand was destroyed by a muggle weapon and is now in Ministry hands. “Rita Skeeter… Of course.” He looks up, dropping the paper on the table. “And this Fluttershy is an Equestrian, isn’t she?”
Heads nod around the table.
He puts his head in his hands and groans. “And if we expel her for being dangerous, despite being definitely true if she destroyed his wand with a muggle weapon that shouldn’t have been allowed into Hogwarts, the public is going to come down on our heads. And, if we blanket-expel all the Equestrians except her, they’ll do the same.” He looks up. “How badly are we screwed?”
“Well,” a junior member mutters. “There is one saving grace.”
Everyone else turns to him. “What?”
“Rita obviously didn’t know we ordered them blanket-expelled, or Dumbledore removed. We can probably still rescind those orders, if we’re quick.”
“And that!” Malfoy groans, dumping his head into his hands again. “If we remove Dumbledore, we’ll have to explain why- and if we explain it’s for letting a bunch of dangerous Equestrians in, when said Equestrians are saving staff and catching criminals and we’re not expelling them, the Ministry will overrule and remove us!”
“We can just hope he hasn’t left the castle yet,” that junior member mutters.
Malfoy lifts his head to nod. “Yeah, right about. Votes?”
At least that session went quick. The vote was unanimous; both the mass expulsion and Dumbledore’s removal were rescinded, and letters sent to inform Dumbledore and McGonagall of that, claiming that the original letters- and the orders they carried- were unauthorized and, therefore, to be ignored. Fortunately, the original decision had happened on a weekend, so the official documents could simply be removed from the processing queue.
And now, he’s on his way to Hogwarts once again, to ask Dumbledore if he knows where his son is. He’d declined to ask to see the Headmaster when he’d been there this morning.
“Hmm,” Professor McGonagall mutters, resting her chin on her closed hands and staring unseeingly at the Equestrian legal expert seated on the other side of her desk. “We could try-!” She pauses, glancing over her shoulder at the window, and heaves a sigh. “That looks like another directive from the Board.”
Sunset sighs. “I wonder how deep they’ve mired themselves this time.”
McGonagall grins humorlessly and magics open the window, letting the owl in. She accepts the letter, unfolds it, and reads it- then raises an eyebrow and reads it again, out loud.
“Dear Professor McGonagall,
“We appear to have had a mailing error. Please disregard any messages you may receive about mass expulsions or Headmaster removals; such were never authorized.
“Sincerely,
“Hogwarts Board of Directors.”
Sunset nods. “Or in other words, Fluttershy caught Pettigrew, and they realized that by doing so, she sharpened the bed of nails they’re standing on.”
McGonagall looks up, blinks, and chuckles. “Yeah, right about.”
“Do you mind if I go call off our invasion real quick?”
“Go ahead, please.”
“But-! It’s a flower!”
Bonbon nods at Silver. “Yep, and that’s what ponies eat.”
Lyra’s gaze locks onto Silver as well.
Silver, feeling suddenly self-conscious, shrinks away from the unicorn. “What?”
Lyra blinks. “Oh, sorry. That… British magic segment looked like it wanted to activate.” She tilts her head. “It seems to have stopped now. I’m curious, what were you thinking?”
“I- I…” She stares at the food, feeling the heat on her cheeks. “I was wondering if she’d say that to me if I were human.”
Lyra rubs her chin with a hoof. “Huh… Um, for now, try not to think about being human. But once we get into the house, we might want to experiment- find out what that extra facet is, see if that’s the trigger. In any case, yes, flowers- of really any sort, at least Equestrian ones- are perfectly edible. Only really daisies and tulips taste very good, though; even grass is better than most the rest.” She shudders. “And that, let me tell you, isn’t too tasty.”
“... though perfectly edible,” Silver mutters.
Lyra nods. “Yep. Pony digestive systems are amazingly ubiquitous- it’s incredibly hard to poison a pony. I mean, we can digest meat just fine, even if it smells- and tastes- revolting. Except fish, that actually tastes pretty good, if it’s cooked right.”
“In any case,” Bonbon inserts, nudging Silver’s plate with a hoof, “Try it. Daisies are pretty tasty.”
Silver sighs, before lifting the sandwich with her glowing blue magic- and purposely not getting distracted by the same coming from the horn on her head, as she had been the first few times she ‘levitated’ things here in Equestria.
“Hmm, yeah. Whatever it’s trying to do, it’s not working. It’s only formulating part of a matrix- and a fairly generic matrix, at that- before collapsing.”
Silver lets out a huff of breath, releasing her concentration. “So much for that,” she mutters.
Lyra nods. “Yeah- and here I thought you might be able to transform yourself.”
“Though… I’ve been wondering.” She looks up at Lyra. “Bonbon tells me you’re really powerful?”
Lyra nods. “Yes?”
“Like, strong enough to go to the moon?”
Another nod. “Though I can only convince my magic into the patterns necessary for that distance because of an, ah, unique advantage I have. Once you study up on thaumic phase theory, you shouldn’t have any trouble crossing the planet either- you’re about as strong as I was at your age, and I was doing that by eight. Long before I figured out how to use my advantage.”
“How are you not in Slytherin if you’re that powerful?”
Lyra shrugs. “How is Princess Twilight, the second most powerful Equestrian to go to Hogwarts, in Ravenclaw? It’s simple: We both have a stronger propensity to one of the other houses. The hat wasn’t sure where to put me, at first- the power of a Slytherin, the adventuring of a Gryffindor, the studiousness of a Ravenclaw, and the patience of a Hufflepuff, all in one package. In the end, I went to Gryffindor because I’m a prankster.”
Silver looks at her, alarmed. “What-!?”
Lyra grins. “Yep! When you’ve got enough power and skill to go to the moon- and that’s your moon, by the way, the one here is a fraction of the distance and gets grumpy when I stop by- pops and snaps lose their entertainment value. And As Bonbon says…” She pauses, gesturing towards the mare.
“Bored power is deadly power,” Bonbon states simply. “It’s better to use it for entertainment than to allow it to build up boredom and explode on the poor bloke that dares give it something to do.”
Silver binks. “Wait,” she states.
“Sound like cold logic?” Lyra asks.
Silver nods.
Lyra nods as well. “That’s because that’s what it is. But who am I to complain? Life is fun!” She glances in the direction of the gate, in her backyard. “And even funner since I made that gate. I mean, I only expected to be nosing around over there to find something to drive Twilight crazy with- not for over there to drive her crazy all on its own.” She giggles. “Twilight is particularly fun to mess with, if you know how to do it without causing collateral damage.”
9671876
Seeing as how Twilight usually has the sense of humor of a brick, and how many near-misses I’m collateral damage there have been, I’d say she’s still fine-tuning it but doesn’t have it down.
9671935
Very true, very true. Lyra's minimum threshold for calling it "without damage" is probably rather higher than ours; when one has that much power, small damages are easy to fix very quickly. Besides, this is Ponyville, land of the Crusaders. Anything that does less damage than them is "damage-free".
So, Honesty, but only if it's convenient? You start digging this hole and it'll only be worse for you in the long run.
That limit must've taken quite the patient and controlled experimentation to find. And then take the widest possible berth around.
I'm rather curious about how powerful Twilight is, though. Teleporting to the moon seems some orders of magnitude more complicated than just blowing shit up - or is it truly a matter of finesse and not tremendous power?
9672036
It is accurate, though. Politicians don't give two shits about honesty or truth, only perception of it.
9672049
Well... A few chapters ago, it was revealed that Twilight "missed" once, and created the Equestrian equivalent of Lake Erie, one of the Great Lakes here in America...
9672049
The calculations needed to safely teleport from one celestial body to another are unthinkably complex. Both the planet and it's moon are moving, they are both rotating, and the true velocity of something on the planet's surface may not be compatible with that of the moon. Add to this the fact that a teleport preserves momentum, and you will have no shortage of problems in arranging for this to not be an unusually complicated method of suicide.
And this is before we begin to consider the array of environmental spells needed to keep the merry voyager alive in an inhospitable world. Air, heat, radiation shielding, some way to reproduce a sufficiently pressurized atmosphere, and so on.
Personally, I would throw a particularly durable teleport beacon at the moon, and use that as my anchor. Then I only need to manage the environmental spells, as arriving relative to a beacon is much easier.
But these are ponies? Sure they're not going to just wander around with their mouths hanging open, there is such a thing as discretion, but cheerfully resolving to lie through their teeth for reasons of political convenience? I'd have a hard time seeing Celestia go along with that.
9672068
Honestly, then it'd be better to say she created a 400km long, 80km wide trench into equestria. Which does raise the question of how the fuck didn't that obliterate the crust and expose thousands of square kilometers of the planet's mantle to the atmosphere. Or how she didn't kill thousands of sophonts by hitting a minor village, if magic somehow negated the tremendous climatic aftereffects. Or how she lives without constant attempts at her life - no sane being wants to leave that much power in the hands of an individual if they can help it, with Luna and Celestia getting a SLIGHT pass for keeping the celestial cycle going.
That level of power does not lend itself to any kind of reasonable world building, but this is so balls to the wall insane with power that I'm willing to ignore that. Let's be honest, the ponies are just playing magical student in the lesser beings world by now, so meh.
Still some funny moments, though.
9672078
That's considering something as a teleport beacon exists. Our moon is tidally locked though, so it's basically "move me XXX,XXX.XXkm into that direction and adjust my speed vector by XX.XXm/s into that other direction", with the calculus needed for that being high school subjects. That is, if you know beforehand the moment you're going to teleport, where you'll be and where the place you want to end on the moon's going to be at the the moment you arrive there. The environmental protection suit would undoubtedly be more complicated than those, if it were only a matter of power. Because translocating yourself some 400 thousand kilometers (giving it a little wiggle room for on which side of the planet you are at the time) in less than one second looks more staggering than the crust-shattering force Twiggles threw around fighting Tirek, to be honest.
On politics, well, either they play ball or they fully invade and install themselves as our new fluffy overlords, because they're not going to change human nature. So unless they want to be the dictators, they're going to have to play along, yes.
9672122
Yeah, that 'miss' did happen during her overpowered battle with Tirek... and was described as "vaporized a half a trillion tons of dirt and rock"...
How she didn't shatter the planet, I'm not sure.
9672078
Well of course, it wouldn't sit right with Celestia. But she'd do it anyways; no doubt she's done a little of it before, negotiating with other, less utopian nations on Equus. Besides, Sunset's simply describing Earth's legal system- and an action plan that (I think) would actually work. I'm not a politician, though, so don't quote me- but there's a reason so many fics I've seen have "Honest politician" ranked even lower than "Boring Discord" on the possibility scale... this one's no exception.
9672049
Naturally they care about truth, that is the best sword out there. That is the very reason they are trying to blunt the truths of their enemies and make their own look sharper than ever. That is where the lying and obfuscating come in. When someone has a truth and you also have a truth all you need to do is to make your truth seem most relevant to case in hand and you will win.
EvenEspecially if it has nothing to do with the case.Me: *looks over at the dozen monsters, one hundred evil lairs, and some random uninhabited planet Twilight obliterated last Wednesday out of frustration* "Yeah, probably not a good idea to cross the line with her."
9672049
don't forget the time she levitated an Ursa Minor and a water tower full of freshly milked (done sight unseen (i think i am using that phrase right) by Twilight on the fly) milk and carried both back to the cave while maintaining a lullaby. or the time she took a collapsing damn and un collapsed it. she may not have the finesse of Rarity but she has power and usually knows how to control it.
9672078
she literally created a holiday centered around her sister involving flat out lies and is a politician. i'd be more surprised if she didn't lie through her teeth occasionally. remember the time she told Twilight Nightmare Moon wasn't real?
9672290
True, it was Luna who held Honesty...
9672202
Twilight wasn't experienced enough to wield the full power of the alicorn aspects she was in control of at the time. She was really only using the outermost layer of power of each of the other alicorns... mostly Celestia's power, which she understood better than Luna's or Cadance's.
9672288
Those are at least some five to ten orders of magnitude lesser than "Exterminatus by oops", though. Or interplanetary teleporting. Those are actually perfectly plausible applications of kinetic control of comprehensible amounts of force, not mind boggling feats of pure WAT
9672554
I am just saying that she sometimes is able to control it really well. Not always but sometimes. *looks back in mild amusement at the time Twilight lifted half of Ponyville while trying to drink some tea* Yeah, sometimes.
does every male human that is turn in to a pony become female.
or is Draco the lucky one.
cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/474643182102118401/499382970658979870/Shooting_approved.png
9672726
Depends.
The way I'm doing it, the humans' Equestrian forms are not actually connected to their human forms. Rather, I take their personalities, then look at Equestria and decide what fits them best- colors, gender, and so on. Malfoy's behavior felt much more like a filly than a colt, so he became a filly. It's worth note that his canon behavior is more coltish than fillyine... But it's not the canon behavior I consider.
As such, anyone could be anything.
But for now at least, yeah, Draco is the lucky one.
So... Discord and Pinkie are both constantly bored?
9833990
Either that, or you don't want to stick around for when she is truely bored ..