Apogee is sent out by her mom to find somepony her own age to date... a desperate attempt to get the precocious filly to extract herself from romantic involvement with her mother. That plan backfires spectacularly when she brings home a cute colt!
“Hey! What the… where are you going kid?” Delta called after her, surprised that Apogee had suddenly decided to take off at a flying start.
“To go land a colt, obviously!” Apogee called over her shoulder as she took wing, leaving a soft dust cloud behind with the powerful flap of her takeoff.
Uh-oh, watch out Button! Apogee's got her sights on you!
Goddamn, I still just can't fucking stand Delta. She's just so unpleasant, all the time, and I think I finally figured out why. It's her massive victim complex. She acts like everyone is out to get her, but she doesn't do anything to better her position, and actively pushes people away who are trying to help, just because she thinks it's their fault she's like this. (Which in itself is ridiculous. It's their fault she's a toxic, emotionally abusive alcoholic who apparently hasn't produced any working products, and therefore doesn't have a job?)
Like, we get it, some shitty things happened to her (namely Apogee, for a certain value of shitty). But she never seems to make any effort to move past them, or acknowledge any responsibility she might have for her involvement in said events. All she ever does is mope and blame everyone else for her problems. SHE didn't get pregnant, HE got her pregnant. Nevermind that it takes two to tango, so to speak, and she could have been on birth control if she didn't want to have a kid.
On top of that, I have no reason to believe she'll ever make even a little bit of an effort to repair their relationship, thanks to her apparent inability to have any conversation in good faith. Literally any time she talks to him, she approaches it like a fight, when it's not. You can't make amends with someone like that. She'll make sure you know that she blames you for her situation, but if you try to help her improve it? That's ALSO a bad thing, somehow.
I know I'm getting way too worked up about a fictitious horse lady, but... Jesus. She needs to grow up.
But that's what makes her interesting and compelling! We can't have perfect ponies running about or we'd quickly you're off the lack of character driven plot movement.
Even your exasperation at Delta is a small form of affection and care for her: you wish she'd do things differently that would help her immensely.
I'm of the same mindset. I hope she heals and finds redemption!
I actually got here from typing random 6 digit numbers into the URL just to see if they corresponded with actual fics, so I really wasn't sure what to expect, but this is actually pretty great so far!
One two many broken date-nights had driven the sex-starved filly to her mother… and though she wouldn’t dare share with her mom that she too knew just how large Jet’s phallus was… she did turn to her for the affection she now had a thirsty addiction for.
I read chapter 2 before this one. Oops... Ah well.
The sun beat down on the outskirts of Las Pegasus with waves of unrelenting heat. It was like that a lot lately, which might lead some to believe that somewhere in Equestria a dastardly supervillain had gotten their paws on some arcane artifact, but for Las Pegasus it was just another dusty midsummer Friday afternoon.
That is some on-point third-person narration for a teenager. JK Rowling would be proud of you.
Delta had been making small efforts to keep the place in better shape. Trash actually got bagged and left outside for pickup, the refrigerator sometimes had non-adult beverages stocked in it… and most importantly, the cabinets were well stocked with Boop-a-Roops.
Holy hell, you're a good narrator! You didn't have to tell me anything and yet you explained everything! I have a complete understanding about how these characters relate and was told nothing.
“Dammit Gee!” Delta grumbled, reaching out for a discarded and dirty wife-beater to cover herself up. “I was just… taking my afternoon nap, I’m still uh…” she scrambled to think of some kind of excuse, “...naked.”
It's Lady Di from Opie and Anthony! Stealth edit: You forgot a comma before "Gee". You got to add a comma before character names in dialogue. It's like a rule or something.
“Dammit kid, where’d you get such a smart mouth, anyway?”
“Hmm…” Apogee grinned, fluffing out her wings as she pranced around the side of the bed, “...I think it must be genetics.”
Now, now. I have it on good authority that no one is influenced by genetics whatsoever. And by authority I mean the everpresent possibility of losing my job for hate speech should word get back to my employer.
“Anyway...” Apogee jumped up onto the messy bed, crashing down with a happy thump into the sweaty sheets,
Eeeewww! Wash your sheets, Lady Di!
Apogee squee’d, kicking her hooves up and down on the bed in glee. This was going to be awesome! Just like she’d told her best friend all throughout the school week, she’d hang with her mom, they’d watch sappy old sci-fi movies, she’d show her how to drink like a real rocket-mare, they could talk about colts… and… maybe… do a little more.
Oh honey, don't bring a guy back to this dump. What are you thinking? She sure is a sweetheart to love her useless Mother with such pure, unconditional affection.
Apogee was no stranger to what more modern ponies might call ‘improper familial relations’.
Bruh, she's going to fuck Lady Di, isn't she? God help us all. I'm continuing on, only because the writing on this is so good.
Apogee was no stranger to what more modern ponies might call ‘improper familial relations’. Her interest in the subject was piqued when she’d started to read about the ancient pre-unification tribes of the Las Pegasus area. Her teacher, Ms. Kindnicker, quickly suggested they all pick an element of the militaristic, tribal, pegasus society to present to the class.
They're called the Grand Pegasus Enclave. Let's just say "State Enforced Homosexuality" isn't just a Sam Hyde meme with these people.
the jocks were interested in physical prowess and wingspans…
And the fetishists. We can't forget about the fetishists.
Otherwise the houses would never marry outside of their trees.
Please forgive me. I feel bad even pointing out a missing comma in such a well-written work but you're missing one after "Otherwise".
The whole thing really put Flash Magnus’s recent scandalous indiscretions with his ancestors, a popular topic in the Equestrian national newspapers, in a new light. You could hardly expect the poor fellow to be transported so far into the future and adapt so quickly to the new social mores.
It truly is impossible to judge people in the past by the moral standards of today. Doesn't stop people from defacing and destroying statues though, does it?
For some time she’d had a rather heated relationship with her aerospace-CEO father. What had started as one steamy, heat-induced weekend where a father’s mistake became a daughter’s joy.
Why do I feel the fires of Hell licking at my feet?
What a great line! Between you and me and the rest of the internet, do you have to register your third-person as a lethal weapon? Do you get stopped at metal detectors and have to explain to people, "It's not a gun; I have narration that can straight-up murder a dude"? No joke. Not trying to kiss your ass. It's really that good! It's like Kkat's First-Person.
One two many broken date-nights had driven the sex-starved filly to her mother
One too many. The comment before me caught that too, I see. Do us a solid and fix that. Such a small thing should not mar this work of art.
and though she wouldn’t dare share with her mom that she too knew just how large Jet’s phallus was… she did turn to her for the affection she now had a thirsty addiction for.
My god! She is a national monument to psychoanalysis.
Walmaret brand sheets
I'd have gone with Stall-Mart. Maret isn't a word.
“Don’t worry ‘bout them.” Delta shook her head slightly. “Buncha little sluts…”
Maybe Lady Di is the wrong comparison but she does sound like something out of O&A. I like this character.
Nailed it!.
You nailed on an extra period!
Her tongue played around the stiff silicon ridge, ignoring the bitter, chemical taste of fake-flesh and lubricant, instead luxuriating in the heady tang of her mother’s nectar.
Mom is a "rocket mare". Mom's nectar has a "heady tang". Did you do that on purpose? You absolute madman. Also, you use "nectar" as a descriptor for cum. Absolutely based!
She inhaled more and more of the penis into her muzzle,
Penis just isn't a sexy word. Why do so many people use it?
“A-apogee...:”
This colon needs removing.
Apogee chewed her lip in concentration as she tried and failed to lower the cotton underwear with her tail, an act that all the magazine stories made out to be an easy task... But she only managed to shift the slip of fabric partway down her cute bottom, revealing that sacred, tender flesh just about her tailhole.
This dialogue tag is improper. The first period needs to be a comma.
“I don’t want you to end up being the kid at prom that has to bring their dad with them. Can’t you just try to pick up somecolt your own age?” Delta bit off her frustrated question before too much bitterness poured into the interrogative, but it was too late.
You're putting a gallant effort into this story. I don't mean to sound rude but Shakespearacles didn't put nearly this much effort in on his end. Just sayin'.
Tessla,
Nikola Tesla, the creator of alternating current? Nice reference. It doesn't sound very pony-ish and the spelling is wrong but points for creativity.
Apogee shivered, as the set of fears that most teenagers try to avoid raced through her head: was there really something wrong with her? Was there something wrong with how she looked? Did Delta and Jet only ‘love’ her because she was their daughter? It was a small fear, something that always haunted her, as she’d sit with her best friend Diz in the library and discuss their shared failures at romance and crushes.
Ballsy move pointing out how insane she looks through her own narrator. She's got to be pretty devastated after having her illusions of parent-screwing being anywhere near acceptable completely smashed.
I gotta say, I had the wrong idea about you. I saw one of your stories hit number one, some story about FoE, and I had you pegged as one of another of Fimfiction's overrated horse-famous clop-writers. You've got some serious skill and a damn fine narrative voice. I'm sorry for the comment I left on that story.
10193252 There are quite a number of typos and grammatical errors on this chapter even without going full editor and running this through spelling and grammar-checking software. It's still one of the greatest things I've ever read.
10294667 This is such a kind comment, and kindly catches and suggestions...
(Let me know if you're ever interested in some editor work.)
I'm so happy that you enjoyed the writing element of my story as much as the plot and ideas, it means a ton to me to know that party of my work is improving and getting better!
I will note off your first comment, where you say 'for a teenager', wasn't sure if you were referring to me or to Apogee... If the former I'm actually in my early thirties, not sure if that diminishes your expectation of my writing.
Again thank you, and please don't feel bad about any previous remarks or comments on my stories, it's totally normal for people to not like some author's stories and then like some other ones.
Uh-oh, watch out Button! Apogee's got her sights on you!
"Flash Magnus’s recent scandalous indiscretions with his ancestors" - surely with his descendants?
9462972
Lol, maybe both!
9462955
Just you wait!
9462972
Another thing is after a thousand years any descendants he would have are so diluted they might as well not be related at all.
Wait, I thought Delata stopped her from doing that.
Also.
This is funny because she has commited acts of incest with her father.
You said not to hit next chapter and I did it anyway, something's wrong with me
Hmmm... There is a giant text at the end of the chapter, but it doesn't say anything.
Eh, whatever I'll just click on the next chapter.
9482312
i.chzbgr.com/full/6609015296/h8D2CCA1D/
Gosh. The ending to this chapter is just so poetic...
9491062
I just wanted to do my part to help the potentially confused, lol.
Goddamn, I still just can't fucking stand Delta. She's just so unpleasant, all the time, and I think I finally figured out why. It's her massive victim complex. She acts like everyone is out to get her, but she doesn't do anything to better her position, and actively pushes people away who are trying to help, just because she thinks it's their fault she's like this. (Which in itself is ridiculous. It's their fault she's a toxic, emotionally abusive alcoholic who apparently hasn't produced any working products, and therefore doesn't have a job?)
Like, we get it, some shitty things happened to her (namely Apogee, for a certain value of shitty). But she never seems to make any effort to move past them, or acknowledge any responsibility she might have for her involvement in said events. All she ever does is mope and blame everyone else for her problems. SHE didn't get pregnant, HE got her pregnant. Nevermind that it takes two to tango, so to speak, and she could have been on birth control if she didn't want to have a kid.
On top of that, I have no reason to believe she'll ever make even a little bit of an effort to repair their relationship, thanks to her apparent inability to have any conversation in good faith. Literally any time she talks to him, she approaches it like a fight, when it's not. You can't make amends with someone like that. She'll make sure you know that she blames you for her situation, but if you try to help her improve it? That's ALSO a bad thing, somehow.
I know I'm getting way too worked up about a fictitious horse lady, but... Jesus. She needs to grow up.
9499638
Hey I hear you, she's a flawed character.
But that's what makes her interesting and compelling! We can't have perfect ponies running about or we'd quickly you're off the lack of character driven plot movement.
Even your exasperation at Delta is a small form of affection and care for her: you wish she'd do things differently that would help her immensely.
I'm of the same mindset. I hope she heals and finds redemption!
I actually got here from typing random 6 digit numbers into the URL just to see if they corresponded with actual fics, so I really wasn't sure what to expect, but this is actually pretty great so far!
There is a story before this story line so i go for that one before continued reading.
Great story so far.
Please change that bolded word to "too".
I read chapter 2 before this one. Oops... Ah well.
That is some on-point third-person narration for a teenager. JK Rowling would be proud of you.
Holy hell, you're a good narrator! You didn't have to tell me anything and yet you explained everything! I have a complete understanding about how these characters relate and was told nothing.
It's Lady Di from Opie and Anthony! Stealth edit: You forgot a comma before "Gee". You got to add a comma before character names in dialogue. It's like a rule or something.
Now, now. I have it on good authority that no one is influenced by genetics whatsoever. And by authority I mean the everpresent possibility of losing my job for hate speech should word get back to my employer.
Eeeewww! Wash your sheets, Lady Di!
Oh honey, don't bring a guy back to this dump. What are you thinking? She sure is a sweetheart to love her useless Mother with such pure, unconditional affection.
Bruh, she's going to fuck Lady Di, isn't she? God help us all. I'm continuing on, only because the writing on this is so good.
They're called the Grand Pegasus Enclave. Let's just say "State Enforced Homosexuality" isn't just a Sam Hyde meme with these people.
And the fetishists. We can't forget about the fetishists.
Please forgive me. I feel bad even pointing out a missing comma in such a well-written work but you're missing one after "Otherwise".
It truly is impossible to judge people in the past by the moral standards of today. Doesn't stop people from defacing and destroying statues though, does it?
Why do I feel the fires of Hell licking at my feet?
What a great line! Between you and me and the rest of the internet, do you have to register your third-person as a lethal weapon? Do you get stopped at metal detectors and have to explain to people, "It's not a gun; I have narration that can straight-up murder a dude"? No joke. Not trying to kiss your ass. It's really that good! It's like Kkat's First-Person.
One too many. The comment before me caught that too, I see. Do us a solid and fix that. Such a small thing should not mar this work of art.
My god! She is a national monument to psychoanalysis.
I'd have gone with Stall-Mart. Maret isn't a word.
Maybe Lady Di is the wrong comparison but she does sound like something out of O&A. I like this character.
You nailed on an extra period!
Mom is a "rocket mare".
Mom's nectar has a "heady tang".
Did you do that on purpose? You absolute madman. Also, you use "nectar" as a descriptor for cum. Absolutely based!
Penis just isn't a sexy word. Why do so many people use it?
This colon needs removing.
derpicdn.net/img/2019/5/5/2031139/large.png
This dialogue tag is improper. The first period needs to be a comma.
You're putting a gallant effort into this story. I don't mean to sound rude but Shakespearacles didn't put nearly this much effort in on his end. Just sayin'.
Nikola Tesla, the creator of alternating current? Nice reference. It doesn't sound very pony-ish and the spelling is wrong but points for creativity.
Ballsy move pointing out how insane she looks through her own narrator. She's got to be pretty devastated after having her illusions of parent-screwing being anywhere near acceptable completely smashed.
I gotta say, I had the wrong idea about you. I saw one of your stories hit number one, some story about FoE, and I had you pegged as one of another of Fimfiction's overrated horse-famous clop-writers. You've got some serious skill and a damn fine narrative voice. I'm sorry for the comment I left on that story.
Liked, favorited and followed.
10193252
There are quite a number of typos and grammatical errors on this chapter even without going full editor and running this through spelling and grammar-checking software. It's still one of the greatest things I've ever read.
10294667
This is such a kind comment, and kindly catches and suggestions...
(Let me know if you're ever interested in some editor work.)
I'm so happy that you enjoyed the writing element of my story as much as the plot and ideas, it means a ton to me to know that party of my work is improving and getting better!
I will note off your first comment, where you say 'for a teenager', wasn't sure if you were referring to me or to Apogee... If the former I'm actually in my early thirties, not sure if that diminishes your expectation of my writing.
Again thank you, and please don't feel bad about any previous remarks or comments on my stories, it's totally normal for people to not like some author's stories and then like some other ones.