Apogee has dreams. Strange dreams. Tag along as the cute little filly works her way through a bevy of sexual dreams that would make Freud throw up his hands in defeat!
I remember B_25 from the comments section of I Did Not See That Coming. I guess that whole "green team" weirdness was some sort of act and the two of you are both friends. (shrug)
Well, let's see how he did then...
“...dad?”
Unnnnnnnggggh!
—
Someone else who stops to type in alt-0152. I was beginning to wonder if my buddy and I were the only ones who did that.
Apogee shifted closer to the right. She was standing behind one of the curtains of the window. It was thin and white, and she briefly wondered if it even hid her at all. But that didn't matter. Not when all attention was placed on the squeaky opening of the door.
B-52's narration is extremely bloated. "the curtains of the window"? You mean the window curtains?
“I took my time getting lost. Just happened wandered to the right place is all.”
Missing/incorrect word.
But Apogee watched her mother take to step onto the bed. Her hooves sinking into the mattress of the bed,
More bloated prose with horrendous flow.
Even when the flanks inches from his face swayed left and right,
This dependent clause is an overstuffed fiasco. I'd have written that as, "Even with her flanks swaying inches from his face". Not really a great line even with my correction but at least it's compact enough to be easily ignored by the reader's eye.
the cheeks of flesh
All cheeks are made of flesh. This is one of the most disposable descriptions of anything I've ever read.
Slaughter rule evoked. Skipping the rest of the chapter. I take absolutely no pleasure in denigrating people who took time out of their day to help bronies in their hour of need. I want to make that absolutely clear before one of the contributors to this story finds my comments and goes nuclear on my ass.
I remember B_25 from the comments section of I Did Not See That Coming. I guess that whole "green team" weirdness was some sort of act and the two of you are both friends. (shrug)
Well, let's see how he did then...
Unnnnnnnggggh!
Someone else who stops to type in alt-0152. I was beginning to wonder if my buddy and I were the only ones who did that.
B-52's narration is extremely bloated. "the curtains of the window"? You mean the window curtains?
Missing/incorrect word.
More bloated prose with horrendous flow.
This dependent clause is an overstuffed fiasco. I'd have written that as, "Even with her flanks swaying inches from his face". Not really a great line even with my correction but at least it's compact enough to be easily ignored by the reader's eye.
All cheeks are made of flesh. This is one of the most disposable descriptions of anything I've ever read.
Slaughter rule evoked. Skipping the rest of the chapter. I take absolutely no pleasure in denigrating people who took time out of their day to help bronies in their hour of need. I want to make that absolutely clear before one of the contributors to this story finds my comments and goes nuclear on my ass.