Awh, delta you h*ckin wet blanket >:C

9440208
Lol twilight is such a sperg

Don't worry about your sexy dreams, they're all completely normal for a filly of your age. However, all of your dreams so far end with either going to jail or death. Let's focus on that for now.

It's there something you wish you had done in the past which you regret?

He could that she was cumming from the way her pussy

missing verb

9440208
Boooo! Casual sex!

She shuddered as she felt herself cum. He could that she was cumming from the way her pussy practically quivered around him.

He could feel that she was cumming?

"Now would you just please open your damn box so I can get going?"
"Happy Hearth's Warming to you too, Vee," Jet said.
"Eat a dick, Jet," Delta snapped.

"Yeah. Now you can psychically tell that it's time for me to leave," she said, reaching for her winter coat.

Well, this story suddenly got extremely depressing.

Apogee squee’d and looked over at Delta with the same hopeful, adorable, doe-eyes. Those same eyes quickly widened in terror as she found herself staring down the barrel of a shotgun, brandished by her furious mother.
“Jet, she’s just got you under her spell! If we don’t stop her she’ll pollute us… then all of Equestria!” Delta screamed in a panic, racking a shell with a hideously final sounding pump into the shotgun’s chamber.
“M-mom… wait!” Apogee chirped. Her stomach sank as her gut filled with horror. She opened her mouth and lifted a hoof to placate her mother. But all she saw was a flash from the end of the barrel and no more.

Whoa! Seriously, WHAT THE HELL!?

Like... It’s a dream, so it doesn’t have to make sense, but I love to imaging that either A.) Delta Vee just had a shotgun in a too-small bag or hidden inside of her winter coat or B.) Jet Stream just happened to have a shotgun laying around that Delta grabbed. Either option is ridiculous and that’s probably the point. Kudos, sir!

Also, this might just about me the closest we’ll ever get to Delta/Jet that is both post-Apogee and not hate-fucking

Ooooo! Mind control and hypnosis! I've done a story with those two things...

I have some experience with Shakespearacles already and he has nothing to prove to me. The guy is a fucking master! Kill it for me, Shake!

Apogee found herself still sitting in front of the Hearth's Warming tree. After everything else that had happened, she was expecting anything. A Cockzilla, a Cockasaurus, a Cocktopus.

derpicdn.net/img/view/2015/6/17/918872.gif

I wouldn't have ended the first sentence with a period but that's not overly important. What's important is this opening attack hits like a 2X4 to the face! All three of those adjectives were solid gold! The last one takes me back to 2009 when I used to watch this stoner, left-wing guy named Cocktopus Prime on Youtube. I wonder how he's doing these days?

"Are you going to open your present?" Jet asked.

"Yeah. Let's not make this take all day," Delta said. "You know how much I hate having to breathe the same air as your father."

Okay. Maybe not exactly a dream come true.

"You guys must have loved each other at some point," Apogee said, pointing at herself. "Obviously."

"Of course," Jet assured her.

"Pfft, yeah," Delta snorted. "Yes please, romanticize the night that we had too much to drink and had unprotected sex in college."

"Excuse me, Delta!" Jet scolded, motioning to Apogee. "Inappropriate!"

A lot of very brief said tags. This is one tendency of Shake's that really stands out. He favors driving stories with dialog to the degree that narration is truncated down to a series of "he said" "she said" "he replied" "she replied". My older works from 2015 kinda read like that and I vividly recall Roseluck facepalming at least five times in a single chapter (the shaaaame!) on an old version of A Gentleman's Price but as soon as I knew better, I put more effort into the narration to bring every scene to life - or as well as I'm able. I suppose there's a case to be made for it when the environment isn't terribly important (like, when you're inside of a shitty trailer) but it feels alienating to me. Life goes on all around you in the periphery.

At least you still get really good dialog and characterization out of the exchange. That's always good!

"There ya go kiddo. I know how much you love being punctual. A little something I picked up the other day from this little place The Little Shop of Honors... or something. I dunno. I wasn't wearing my glasses."

Nice bit of plot reveal there! Very nice line too - captures the slime-covered nature of DV perfectly! Next time you buy presents for your daughter, try to avoid Cthulu's Magical Funhouse, eh Best Mom?

"Mom... love Dad," Apogee said. The corner of Delta's eye twitched. The edge of her lips tugged into a snarl.

"Ngh- grrr... no," Delta growled. Apogee frowned. The power of hypnosis had its limits.

Feels bad man!

In Delta's mind, she could emotionally detach herself from physical intimacy.

Mental control omni-pass. 👍

"Okay, stop kissing," she said. They stopped kissing but Delta continued to rub her pussy in a game of Simon-Says.

I always sucked at that game.

"Mom, play with Dad's dick," she said. Delta took her hoof from his snout and began to rub his penis, making it harden very quickly.

I don't think this is my fetish. Apogee certainly is seizing the day though, isn't she?

"Oh, and me being in the room won't bother you."

She's thought this through!

He had been a content stallion in life. He had Apogee after all. But the hole in his heart that Delta had left behind never really healed.

Oh, I guess it is just omni. It's really not that important. I subsisted on a diet of omni for six years. I couldn't have written Fertile Ground without it.

"Vee, please," he all but begged. "Let me eat your pussy!"

Even with her mane still in a messy tussle, and her mouth full of dick, she looked beautiful when she was happy.

*chuckle* Nice!

You know this is all going to go to hell when the enchantment lifts but damn if Apogee didn't have to try.

"Ngh! I know how much you love riding this big dick," Jet said, enticing her to let him give her more pleasure. "It always gets you off when you're on top!" Delta moaned and pulled his dick from her mouth.

She would insist on being on top. God, I hate her...

“Jet, she’s just got you under her spell! If we don’t stop her she’ll pollute us… then all of Equestria!” Delta screamed in a panic, racking a shell with a hideously final sounding pump into the shotgun’s chamber.

“M-mom… wait!” Apogee chirped. Her stomach sank as her gut filled with horror. She opened her mouth and lifted a hoof to placate her mother. But all she saw was a flash from the end of the barrel and no more.

Harsh but fair! Rest in Pepperoni, Apogee.

That was pretty good for something outside of my usual preferences. I couldn't find a single typo or grammatical issue at all, aside from the questionable first line. I'd have slapped a semicolon on that. Still... very impressive!

9482289
All of this is fairly in character for the work. Why is this an issue now?

10070956
Nah, She probably brought the shotgun to aim at Jet.