Antics of Anon

by 23 KM To Nerdiness

Rough as Stone

Sweet Apple Acres.

The most calm, most humble place in Equestria. Home to the Apple (with a dash of Pear) family, this is one of the most iconic location in town. And from your experience, that's an absolute FACT. These ponies are your family.

"Not again! U-Uh, best two out of three!"

But at the moment, as a "family", you're determined to take them down. Yes, you and your little filly "sis" AppleBloom are having an intense game of arm/hoof wrestling on a wide old tree stump near the farm's silo. Actually, to be HONEST, it was only intense to her rather than to you. Even without your pony portal powers, you'd still whoop the kid.

"Alright. And a one and a two and a boom." you slam the puny pony's hoof down.

"Ah, HORSEAPPLES!" she exclaims.

"AppleBloom!"

You both turn to an appalled AJ.

"Now what'd I say 'bout the language?" she huffs.

"I'm sorry, big sis! But Anon keeps winnin' here!"

"That's cuz yer doin' it all wrong. Lemme show ya."

The filly moves aside as AJ sits across from you, laying her elbow on the stump. "Ready." she utters, giving you a sinister smirk. You kneel down and clutch the farm pony's hoof.

"Now AppleBloom, the key to hoof wrestlin' is ya always have to-"

Before she could finish, you slam her hoof down effortlessly.

"L-Lucky shot."

"Thanks." you say smugly.

"Here's the real deal. Put 'em up Monkey Boy!"

You grab her hoof again as AppleBloom stands between you two.

"Ready," she starts. "Set......GO!"

AJ prepares to struggle only to find her hoof already slammed down.

"Give up?" you ask.

"Ya got lucky again. Best two outta three."

SLAM!

"Three outta nine!"

SLAM!

"Eighteen outta thirty-five!"

SLAM!

"Seventy-six outta...one fifty one!"

SLAM!
SLAM!
Thank ya, ma'am!

The exhausted earth pony looks up at you, seething with anger. Even AppleBloom is bored to death.

"Just say it, I rule." you snicker.

"Don't ya worry none." AJ pants. "I'm not done just yet."

Suddenly, she blows a whistle that echoes throughout the fields. There, your side bro, Big Mac comes stomping into the scene.

"Oh, hey Big Mac," you wave. "Good to see you."

He gives you a little nod before taking AJ's spot across from you.

"You wanna take a crack at it?" you ask.

"Eeyup." he nods confidently.

The burly stallion lays his hoof down, ready for action. The sly looks in the two sister's faces made this outcome even more fun to anticipate seeing. You hook your arm around his.

"Ready," AJ starts. "Set......GO!"

Big Mac pushes with all his might, actually bringing your arm down a few inches. Soon, you get a devious idea.

"Hey look, it's Sugar Belle!"

His stone cold focus is demolished as his pupils form hearts, frantically searching for the mare. While he's distracted, you manage to even the odds and eventually bring his hoof your side.

"Oh, no ya don't!" AJ barks, clutching your arm.

Not long after, AppleBloom pushes against her sister's hoof.

"Snap outta it, Big Mac!" she exclaims. "He wants to play dirty, we'll show 'em DIRTY!"

With their combined sibling strength, the three Apples push your arm away from victory.

"Come on," you chuckle nervously. "You know I was just joking."

"Naw, Anon," AJ shakes her head. "We're doin' this our way now."

Further and further away, the three force you away till you're a bucking INCH towards failure.

"Any last words?" AppleBloom asks cockily.

"Just three," you utter. "That's. My. Purse!"

They pause and stare at you confused.

"Say what now?" Mac says.

"Ya know what, buck it." you thought.

You practically THREW the trio off the stump as you slam their hooves down in no time flat. Before you could savor your victory, a wave of confetti covers half of your body.

"THAT. WAS. AWESOME!!!"

As you wipe it off, you're greeted with a creepily cute smile from the pink menace.

"I know I'm awesome, Pinkie."

"That was more than awesome, that was Super Power Ninja Turbo Neo Ultra Hyper Mega Multi Alpha Meta Extra Uber Prefix AWESOME!!!" she screams. "Wasn't it Maud?"

"Yes..."

You jump in surprise as the odd mare appears beside you.

"Oh, hey Maud. How are you?"

"I'm good..."

Her blank stares have always sent shivers up your spine, to the point where you turn to the crack addict party pony.

"Hey Nonny, you should try her! She's a really reeeeeal challenge."

You look back at the rock pony whose motionless eyes meet yours.

"I-I don't know, think you're up for it, Maud?"

"Sure..."

Back at the stump, you two hook arms as Pinkie starts off. "Ready, set....GO!"

You decided to go easy on the pony and slowly lean her hoof. Only it doesn't budge.

Not a centimeter.

"GO MAUD!" Pinkie squeaks.

Maud slowly pushes your arm to her side as you helplessly strain to gain SOME shred of advantage, to no avail. The Apple family cheers as you get closer to your doom until-

PLOP.

"I win..."

Maud: 1
You: 0

You hang your head in defeat as Pinkie hops joyfully. Soon, Maud reaches into her cloak and pulls out a little rock, holding it up to her ear. "What's that, boy?"

A moment of silence.

"Boulder says your form needs improvement." she says, forming what looked to be a slight smirk.

"Well, you...I don't...that was......hush, Boulder!"

---

Author's Note:

Maud is best pony...

But seriously. Don't Google Monkeybone.

Comments

[Even Evil Has Standards]

Go Maud. Yaaaaaay.

[Acoustic Pulse]

The pink menace.

[HumanSVD]

9236504
Just saying, she's hot.

[23 KM To Nerdiness]

9236644
True.

[Shin]

I saw that kill of the hill reference

[23 KM To Nerdiness]

9237417
Wow. Made a reference and did NOT know it. Lol😂

[Skipjumper]

muad is the queen of the arm/hoof wrestle. all hail the queen!!!!

[Driver Nephi]

"That was more than awesome, that was Super Power Ninja Turbo Neo Ultra Hyper Mega Multi Alpha Meta Extra Uber Prefix AWESOME!!!" she screams. "Wasn't it Maud?"

Rumble McSkirmish, is that you?