Shortly after Dragonfly's emergence from her stasis cocoon she finds that her situation is still desperately in need of emotional and magical sustenance. The changeling will need to turn to new, lewd, methods of feeding if she hopes to escape mars!
Remember when I said it's better when you care about the characters and their connection and all? Yeah. Still true.
The occasional character interjections added just enough humor too, and I was also amused by them noticing the anatomy differences. As one would.
Speaking of which, just funny/sexy that Starlight was expecting the negative distance part of sex to be over almost immediately because horses, but humans don't work that way, and so her baseline reactions are...miscalibrated
Off The Rails Ship Discard this ship from your hand: replace any ship with one drawn at random from the deck. Every author talks about characters taking on a life of their own. In my case, sometimes it can become worryingly literal. -Starlight Glimmer's Writing Journal
”Now, whisper something sweet into her ear, Mark. [i/]
“This is SO sexy.” Mark breathed.
The somewhat innocuously inept statement, combined with the puff of air from his words tickling her delicate inner-ear hairs made Starlight giggle briefly, the sound escaping her lips before she could cover them with one of her forehooves.
”Don’t laugh Starlight, Mark may be a nerd. But YOU are too, and your turn is coming next.”
“Sorry” Starlight smiled, half-heartedly flattening her ears in a failed attempt to appear more contrite than she currently was.
”Mark, try again… try telling her what you’re going to do to her
You messed up the closing brackets on the italics, so this whole part is italicized. Also, you’re missing the punctuation at the end.
Look, I could nitpick this, but it consistently felt like the characters were present and reacting, and the setup was good, so I was in the mood to overlook many sins, whereas this was at least competent. Whether porn cliches or bland bits that are often true to sex anyway and consequently aren't all that bad in context...
The bit at the end where they badly misunderstood what the other was expecting was cute.
Mark tilted the angle of his approach carefully, keeping his eyes open. With Starlight flying blind, it would be up to him to make sure this docking procedure ended in success, and it wasn’t like there were any procedures on pony/human French-kisses. A moment's hesitation proved too much for Starlight. She pulled gently with the hoof still hooking itself behind Mark’s head, resulting in a little bump of their noses.
I think you did justice to the characters, and I certainly enjoyed what you have given.
Thank you for being one of the few writers here who spells vise correctly.
Oh my. Well.
Remember when I said it's better when you care about the characters and their connection and all? Yeah. Still true.
The occasional character interjections added just enough humor too, and I was also amused by them noticing the anatomy differences. As one would.
Speaking of which, just funny/sexy that Starlight was expecting the negative distance part of sex to be over almost immediately because horses, but humans don't work that way, and so her baseline reactions are...miscalibrated
Off The Rails
Ship
Discard this ship from your hand: replace any ship with one drawn at random from the deck.
Every author talks about characters taking on a life of their own. In my case, sometimes it can become worryingly literal.
-Starlight Glimmer's Writing Journal
Small typo:
reins
"take/give/free reins" is idiom about horse tack, not about killing your monarchs ;)
You messed up the closing brackets on the italics, so this whole part is italicized. Also, you’re missing the punctuation at the end.
I for one am extremely envious of Mark.
By the way, the word may be pronounced "morays", but it is spelled "mores".
9263331
Thanks! I definitely didn't mean the eels, lol. This was just a typo.
over the top
Look, I could nitpick this, but it consistently felt like the characters were present and reacting, and the setup was good, so I was in the mood to overlook many sins, whereas this was at least competent. Whether porn cliches or bland bits that are often true to sex anyway and consequently aren't all that bad in context...
The bit at the end where they badly misunderstood what the other was expecting was cute.
9262696
Agreed.
10337788
Thanks! So glad to see a little comment on this fic which I dedicated a ton of time to back in the day!
Hehe, at least two sets of expectations were thoroughly destroyed this day.
10497939
Hey! Thanks for the comment on this old fic! Thanks!
cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/452618494987468800/878501067455860736/RDT_20210820_2258507546568321915224907.png