Prince of Errors

by David Silver

20 - Sidetrack: I Have My Eyes On You and You

The prince flew through the air. Flying was normally a liberating experience of joy, that day, less so. His eyes refused to align quite right, and the world gently bobbed and swayed in heaving patterns that made it quite a trip. If he flew directly through empty space, it wasn't so bad, but the moment he was close to solid objects, he couldn't tell exactly how much space he had.

"Ow!" he cried in his borrowed female voice, flopping to the ground from where he had smacked into the side of a building.

As luck would have it, the address written on the building was the right one. "Woo!" he cheered, bounding to his hooves and moving for the door. Of all the ponies he could have become, why Derpy, and why on a workday? He reached up a wing to adjust his mailmare's hat carefully as he ascended the stairs. "I have a letter for somepony here."

He reached for the door, but it just rattled. There was no mailbox. There was no mail slot. It was just a door, defying him. "Huh..." He tilted his wall-eyed face, considering the situation. The mail had to be delivered, they made that clear. Dumping it on the porch in the city felt like a bad thing to do...

He spread his wings and flew up and back a little, getting a better look at the building. 'Sleepytime Pillows', read a sign mounted on it. "Sounds nice," he said in his soft female voice, flying up to the roof in a dart. He clipped the edge and tumbled up and over onto the roof in an unsteady pile, the world spinning around him.

The prince reached up to rub his horn, a bit sore from bumping into the building on the way up. "Derpy, you deserve a medal for flying like this." Slowly he rose to his hooves and started for the door he could see. "Please be open, please be open!"

It wasn't locked! He pulled it open with a wing and trotted inside with a smile. "Things are looking up!" Maybe he would celebrate with a big muffin... He slowed to a stop, frowning. Had that been his thought, or feedback from the pony he was imitating? It wasn't like he had a thing against muffins...

He shook his head vigorously and descended the stairs to the first actual floor below the roof. "Where to put mail...?"

To his left was a room labeled 'Pillow Quality Assurance'. "Nope." To his right was a room with a sign declaring, 'Customer Service'. "Nope..." He trotted past both of them. An elevator! He pressed the call button, wings flapping idly as he waited for it to arrive.

With a little ring, the door slid open, allowing him to enter and turn to the buttons. "Mmm..." What floor? Why not start from the start? He pressed a big hoof against an almost equally large G button. The elevator descended smoothly, but stopped at the second floor. "What the?" The door slid open, revealing a stallion.

The stallion blinked softly at her. "I expected a robber, or an employee. You are neither." He squinted a little, a hoof held where the elevator door would not close. "Why are you here, and who are you?" His eyes darted to her cap. "Mail?"

"O-oh, yeah." The prince stepped out of the elevator on unsure hooves. "I have a letter. Do you know where I should put it?" He reached with a wing into a saddlebag to produce the large manilla envelope.

He leaned in to squint at it. "It's your lucky day."

"Yay!" Cheering came very easily in Derpy's body, it seemed. "Why?"

"It's addressed to me." He leaned in and grabbed the envelope in his lips, pulling it away from Derpy. "You're a hard worker, why didn't you leave it in front? And how did you get in?"

"I thought someone might take it if I just left it there..." He rubbed behind his head with a hoof. "Why don't you have a mailbox or a slot or something?"

He smiled at that. "New in town? Ponies don't take each other's mail around here, glad to report. Still, thanks for thinking of us." He turned away, starting to walk down the hallway he had come from. "So how'd you get in?"

Derpy followed after him, head tilted a bit. "From the roof. The door's not locked up there."

"I told them... Thank you. I'll have that fixed, but next time, just leave it out front, Miss...?"

"I'm Derpy Hooves," he introduced, gesturing at himself with flared wings and a goofy smile, which also came easily to the form. "But my friends call me Muffins."

"Well, alright Muffins. You better get back to your route."

Route? Oh yeah! "Yeah!" The prince fled, getting back to his deliveries.

None of the things he delivered seemed that urgent. He was never entirely sure why he had been drawn into the role of the missing Derpy just that moment. At least he was paid for a day's work at the end of it.

---

"Mom!" Dinky raced through the house with a package floating along next to her, held up with her glowing horn and equally shimmering magic. "Mom!"

"What is it, Little Dinkster?" Derpy leaned out of her room to see Dinky racing towards her. "Ooo, a package?"

"It's for you!" Dinky came to a sudden stop, but the package didn't. It bounced right off of Derpy's head, leaving her blinking and wobbling. "Oops, sorry."

"It's alright." Derpy shook her head clear and reached for the package. "Huh, from Sleepytime Pillows? I always liked their billboards... They're not soft when you run into them, just to warn you."

Dinky smirked at that. "Duly noted. What's inside?!"

Derpy applied hooves and wings, tearing into the box eagerly. "Ooo wow! This is great!" She held aloft a big soft pillow in her wings. "I could never afford one of these! Did they send it on accident?"

Dinky looked around. With a glowing horn she pulled free a letter. "Thanks for the delivery, and good luck on future ones."

Derpy brought the pillow down to nuzzle into its delightful softness. Sometimes it paid to be a mailmare.

Author's Note:

The prince has helped Derpy twice now, to my recalling. This was a bonus chapter as requested by Kiki.

Comments

[Emtu]

I wonder if Derpy could see him? (With one eye, at least.)

[Zapper Frost]

DERPY IS BEST BACKROUND PONY... sorry, had to say it

[FanOfMostEverything]

If thou gaze too long into the derp, the derp shall also gaze in thy approximate direction.

[David Silver]

9416932
... I love that.

[tsaukpaetra]

Hehe, sweet.

[Emperor]

Perhaps the Prince is thinking too much of it. While it's certainly a curse to him, it's definitely helping other ponies set their lives out a little bit better than it was before he came into the picture. Not all the time, but enough.

[KvAT]

9806406
But it's a lonely life he's having. I think, more than anything, that's his biggest gripe. No friends, no nothing. Sure, there's Pinkie and Jake. But a person needs at least 20 acquaintance.