I Am The Villain!

by Chemtest

The reign of Emperor McBad shall be the best of history!

—(One week later)—

I hold the end of a screwdriver in my mouth for a second as I fiddle around with some knobs and buttons. I hear the shuffle of hooves to my side, “Emperor, I could get the science team to help you.”

I spit the screwdriver back into my hand, “Nonsense, rubbish, other somesuch words! This is one of my favorite activities in the world! The feeling of slowly piecing together something with your own hands and tools, with only the thoughts in your mind, blissful! Beside, they cannot comprehend the omniuniversal physics and magic that I use to make this!”

The guard at my door nods, “May I ask what it is you’re building?”

I smile and look back to face them, my hands still working, “A multi-universal radio! Capable of picking up signals from every universe and world in existence! Now, not many have discovered the technology to be able to brodcast on these wavelengths, but some have! Just like me! I mean, I only came up with this today. Popped into my head from a dream. Idea was given to me by some dude wearing a glowing green plauge mask. Weird what my mind will chose to communicate with.”

With a few more motions I can’t describe, the radio is done, “Finally, finished!” I smile, and carry the radio over to the guard, “Here, take this and place it near the portal. If you hear anything urgent, tell me.”

The guard takes the radio, and nods back to me, “At once, Emperor!”

I smile as I watch the guard carry it away, “Well, it’s been a week without event.”

I can hear another set of hooves approach me, and a different guard rounds the corner, “Sir, the Equestrian Princesses are in your throne room!”

I sigh, “I had to say that, didn’t I?” I look towards the guard, “I’ll be down.”

The guard salutes, and rushes off. I walk up to my wall, and walk through it. I hid a portal in there to my throne room, for situations like this.

I apper on my throne, sitting down. I look down at the two princess before me, “Celestia, Luna, it is a suprise to see you here. Is it a pleasant suprise, or not?”

Celestia walks forward, “McBad, we need your help. Something escaped from Tartarus, Tirek, the magic thief. He has grown so powerful that we cannot go against him. Our guard is useless without their magic, and the Elements are sealed away. We need your charm, or your technology to defeat him! We hold off on sending Discord for fear he might betray us, so we need your help.”

I stand up, “Well, I think I will be able to easily defeat Tirek. My guard is the strongest in the world, and they are the most technologically advanced! I will not allow my allies to fall in a time of need!”

*Bang!*

“Where are the alicorns!?”

I nod at a guard to my right, “Rally the guard, bring everything. Mechs, spears, Creamthrowers, cannons, zeppelins, grenades, changlings, all of it.”

They salute and flip the ‘rally’ switch I have stationed in every room.

I florish out my cape as I turn on my heel towards the door. The guards around me swarm out of the palace as I smooth out my moustach. Doors open automatically as we roll out every mechanical weapon, and I make sure my monocle is secured. I see staff members all running to the throne room to hide as we mobilize, and I straighten my coat. I walk through the armory to see guards throwing on the heaviest armors they have, and I make my hat straighten up.

I see the flag fly out of every window of the palace, and I affix the badge of it that Rarity made. Citizens all rush by me as they flee for the throne room, and they go around me like Moses. Pegasi warriors swoop overhead as they ready the zeppelins, and I slide my wand into my hand. Everyone around me is talking and shouting, but my boots are clearly heard.

The main door to the palace opens up before me, and my army stands there. The ranks separate as I walk to the front. Every guard I pass salutes me, even if they are in mechs.

I arrive to the front of the army, and see my possible foe further down the street. I continue forward toward him, and the guard all file into step with me. Changeling, Crystal, Equestrian, it doesn’t matter. Zeppelins float out of their ports of the palace, and send out squads of pegasi. The pegasus squads fly in rhythm with my walk, and I can feel all various cannons and guns aimed at my possible foe.

I stop a few yards away from him, and hold up my hand, “Halt!” The guard instantly complies and spreads out.

I can see Tirek smiles, darkly, “Well, someone who has an actual army, impressive. Most of what I’ve seen are weak and small. Your army, powerful and large, I can tell that.”

I look up towards him, “I am Emperor Eric McBad of the Bananaramma Corporation! You seek the locations of my allies, wich you will not get!”

He smiles again, this time more genuine, “Well, you didn’t even stutter. Faced with someone of my size and power, and you remain calm. That garners my respect, something I rarely ever say. Speak, Emperor McBad, you have my ear for the moment.”

I look still with no fear, “You are a magic thief, someone who thrives when facing magic.”

He nods, “That is why I do not fear your army. They are all burdend by the magic that powers their existence.”

I smile, “That is where you are wrong, Tirek. This army is one that you should fear. Open up your mouth, sense how much magic is here.”

He opens his mouth, and looks around. His face goes into one of shock, “Your army, it uses barely any magic! How?”

I look behind me to my army, “The one thing you should fear. Technology, and powerful technology at that.” I smile up at him, “You would lose to us, you know this deep in yourself. If I commanded it, this army would open fire and you would die!”

I can see him looking back at the army with what seems like fear. He starts to back up, “No, please, I have to do this, it’s not my choice!”

I lose my smile, “Explain.”

He looks at me specificly, “Centars, we steal magic by nature! It’s what my parents did, it’s what my grandparents did, it’s what my family does!”

I smile, “Tirek, have you ever thought about not stealing magic?”

“What else would I do?”

I scratch my chin, “Well, your a bad ass looking centaur with horns and a beard.”

He feels his beard, “Bad ass?”

I nod, “You know what I could see a bad ass centaur doing? Metal, that’s what I see.”

I toss him a guitar, and he catches it, “What is this?”

I smile up at him, “Play a riff.”

He plays out a complex maneuver of awesomeness. At the end he looks at his hands in amazement, “Wow, I can be a metal player. I can be a metal player!”

I take a paper out of my pocket, and hand it to him, “What say you become the royal metal player for Bananaramma. Of course, you will have to give up the magic you stole.”

He takes the paper, summons a quill, and signs it, “Done!”

I look back at my army, “Dissmised!” Then back at him, “Now, let’s return that magic.”

Author's Note:

Sorry for late upload, internet cut out last night as soon as I was gonna post.

Comments

[Airy Words]

That did it.

Now I want to go back and play Brütal Legend with Jack Black again

...

Not that Jack was sitting next to me when I played. No, he was the voice actor for the main character, you see!

[Resadur164]

9082896
Riiiiiight

[ynfiltra]

ok thats lame....................................................

but ill buy it!