I quickly throw off my current boring black cape, and thrown on my new King Cape. Two hooves wrap around my neck, and the rest just hangs off my back. I admire myself in the mirror, “As far as villainous fashion goes, I’d rank this fabulous. Not only does the fur and skin feel like velvet, but the fact it’s a body just sends the ‘don’t fuck with me’ vibe. The black coloration also really goes with the rest of me. Tell whoever made this that they get a raise!”
I can hear someone sigh in relief, “Oh, thank you Emperor, I am so glad you didn’t execute me!”
I smooth out my moustach before turning to face the sewing pony, “Now, why in villany’s name would I execute someone?”
They raise their eyes from the ground to look at me, “As you said, villany’s name.”
I shake my head, and shake my finger, “Now, now, don’t be silly! I may be a villain, but I’m not evil. I may be a politician, but that demonstrate mean I’m corrupt. I may not be a hero, but I am not evil either. Sad thing is that people seem to think the word villain and evil are one in the same.” I reach out and pat their head, “One important lesson to learn is that evil doesn’t make villain, and villain doesn’t make evil. I’m a villain, but I’m not an arsehole like the guy I’m currently wearing on my back. Well, he’s not a ‘guy’ anymore or else wearing this would be very uncomfortable.”
They only cower with each pat, “I’m sorry Emperor, please forgive me.”
I’m about to facepalm before I realise it would mess up my monocle. I settle on sighing instead, “There is nothing to forgive, you did nothing wrong.”
They stop cowering, “Thank you Emperor.”
I hold up a hand to stop any further talk, “Rule one: don’t call me Emperor, call me McBad. Now, with that out of the way, what is your name?”
They raise back up to their normal highet, “Cross Stitch, Emp- McBad. I serve as both tailor, and assistant of the Emperor. It will be good to have a new Emperor.”
I smile and nod at her, “How long had that arsehole been in power?”
She seems to do some math in her head, “Counting the years we were wiped from existence... 1,200 years. One thousand two hundred years of his tyranny. We had a thousand year lull when we litterly didn’t exist for that long. The ponies should be happy to see him dead, and you in power.”
I smirk as I think of all I can do, “So, Cross, what says I go find a balcony that looks over the entire kingdom, because it’s a tyranny, of course they would have that, and I give a rousing speech to the people?”
She nods, and walks away, “Follow me.”
———
I arrive to the balcony to see the entire population gathered below me, “Go ahead, McBad.”
I straighten my top-hat, smooth out my moustach, and dust off my cape as I walk out. I first point my wand at myself, “Voiceis Magnificus!”
Now my voice will be a lot louder, I don’t have to shout, “Ney-he-he-he, my new citizens! Wonderful morning isn’t it!? No rain, no snow, no arsehole in power anymore! I think today will be quite a good day, eh?!”
I’m met by crickets chirping, “Yeah, you go new Emperor!”
I look out over the crowd and see the pony that cheered, “Ponis teleportis!”
With that, the pony appears right beside me. I pat him on the head, “See, that’s the sprit we need!” I turn to look at him, “What is your name, my cheerful sir?!”
He looks up at me, “Lightning’s Arc, Emperor!”
I look down upon the crowd, “From now on Lighting’s Arc is the new Scientist of the Empire!”
I can hear him gasp beside me, “Really?! I’ve been trying to get to that position for my entire life!”
I pat him on the head, “Of course, I try not to lie!” I then turn back to the audience with a flourish, “I appreciate enthusiasm people! If you aren’t enthusiastic about something, you’ll never get it done!” Then I point my wand at the pony again, “Crowdis returnes!”
Lightning returns to the crowd, and I hold up my hands, “My name is Eric McBad, I am the new Emperor!” I hold up one finger, “First order of business! The name of this Empire is now the Bananaramma Corporation, and the national anthem is now Bohemian Rasphomy!” I raise a second finger, “Second: the Palace shall now be yellow with black highlights!”
As soon as I say this, a ripple is sent out from my position. The ripple touches the entire palace, and turns it yellow with black highlights. I adjust my monocle to make sure I’m not seeing funny, “Huh, didn’t know that would happen!”
I turn around to face the crowd again, “Third: No more slavery! The only ones who mine will be prisoners that we capture in the future, or those who sign up for it!” I hold up a fourth finger, “Fourth: Any strangers who enter without our permission are criminals and shall be brought to me!” I hold up my final finger, “Fifth: The Crystal Guard shall be rearmed and reinstated as the Bananaramma Guard!”
I can hear the crowd below me start to applaud loudly as I finish my speech, “Yeahhhhh!”
I hold up a hand to stop them, “Also, I’ve heard of a celebration that takes place today called the Crystal Fair! I now say it shall continue as usual under the name of the Bananaramma Fair!” A round of applause, “And I start off the festivities with the unfurling of our new flag!” I point my wand at a wall, “Flagus Apperatis!”
The new flag unfurls itself. A bunch of bananas wearing a top-hat, monocle, and with a smooth moustach on a red and gold alternating background. Obviously, the bananas are just copies of my style.
I wave a hand out over the crowd, “And with the first playing of our national anthem!” I point my wand at a random stage, “Orchestris apperatus!”
A random orchestra group appear, somehow paying a classical version of Bohemian Rasphomy.
I smile down upon the crowd, “Celebrate! Rejoice under the new Bananaramma Corporation and it’s new leader!”
I turn around on my heel, and walk into the throne room as the applause and cheers of the crowd reach me. I see Cross standing there, “You sure you’re a villain, McBad?”
I twirl my moustach as I walk past her, “If there are no more obvious questions I need to awnser, I think I will go celebrate with my new Bananaramma citizens!”
“You know your voice is still amplified, right?”
“Shut up.”
That’s it. This is the best story I have ever read on this entire website.
9058882
Ah. Ok then.
NYEHEHEHEHHEHEH
Second chapter. This is already going in God Tier Favourites after the SECOND CHAPTER.
This is only the second chapter and this story already won me over by how funny, ridiculous and unique the plot, characters and intractions are.
Fave!!!
And thus the crystal empire enterd a new glorious banana, moustach and monocle theme related era.
9058882
The problem isn't that it's bad, it's that it's unimpressive. It inspires disappointment rather than dread.
Brilliant and very amusing chapter. I'm really looking forward to when the Equestrians meet Emperor McBad, and their thoughts on him.
If he and Discord ever meet I think they would really get along well.
You wanna know where to find/not find/go bananas
ON THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNAAAAAA
Well, if the death tag is only for Sombra, then I think I can follow this, cause it is pretty silly, but, I'd rather that tag not extend to the other characters tagged in this. :P
9059426
Yeah, that’s pretty much all it applies to
This is glorious.
This "not evil villain" drivel got old really fast. It would have sounded much better if you made an effort to make some arguments on what makes a villain if not his evilness, and not just "it is so because I said so". As it is, McEvil doesn't even look mad just stupid. Villains who try to rationalize their good deeds and lack of evil with efficiency are more entertaining anyway.
9059657
Who do you think was inspiration?
(don’t be silly! I may be a villain, but I’m not evil. I may be a politician, but that demonstrate mean I’m corrupt.)
dont know why, but it sounded better in my head like this... "don’t be silly! I may not be good, but nor am I evil. While I'm not evil, I am defiantly no hero. I, good madam, am a corrupt politician and quite happily so."
but that's just me.
on another note, are you going to use the (100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord.) rules, or just wing it?
9060660
I’m winging it all the way
Wouldn’t use that list because that’s for ‘evil’ overlords, this is a ‘cartoonish hijinks’ overlord.
ZE BANANARAMMA CORPORATION?
SO VERY VILLAINOUS, INDEED!
9059176
that paragraph has everything good in it
i want fanart of this
i NEED fanart of this
SOMEONE MAKE FANART OF THIS
This is an... interesting direction. The whole banana theme is a bit odd and unexplained, and will probably get real old real fast, but I'll stick with this for now and see if a plot develops or if it just devolves into more "lol im so random" ramblings.
Ok, it's impossible to misspell it like this twice in a row. Why is it like this? Am I missing something? Also, paying.
This guy is so obsessed with bananas, he's going to inadvertently summon Minions. And I mean the Minions.
I approve of this immensely