Nightmare Night, What a Fright...
Aria and Sonata were sitting on Sunset's couch wearing their costumes. Aria had a purple shirt with a skull on it, a black skirt, black boots, and a studded collar and bracelets. Sonata, on the other hand, wore a simple orange and yellow dress with white knee high boots.
Aria started to become a little annoyed with waiting as she looked over at the bathroom and said, "YO SUNSET! YOU READY YET!?"
They then heard Sunset's voice through the door say, "Just about."
Aria groaned before Sonata said, "Come on, Aria, just be patient. Sunset already told us she'd probably take awhile, given how tight her outfit is and the fact that she still hasn't gotten used to changing clothes as a pony again."
Aria said, "Yeah well then why can't she just put it on while she's a human and then turn into a pony," before a look of confusion overtook her as she said, "Wait, would that work? I mean, her casual clothes disappear and reappear when she transforms so it probably wouldn't."
Sonata then joined in saying, "But wait, what would happen if she put on this outfit as a pony and then turned into a human? I mean, would it disappear and reappear when she changes back or would it, like remain on top of her human clothes?"
They pondered these questions for a bit, but they were then interrupted as the bathroom door opened to reveal Sunset in her costume.
Sunset then looked over at the girls saying, " Well, what do you think?" before she took on a nasally tone as she said, "Not that I even have to ask what you clods think of the Great and Lovable Peridot."
Sonata looked a little hurt as she said, "Why would you call us clods like that?"
Aria then nodded as she said, "Yeah and lay off the Great and Lovable stuff; you're not on stage with Trixie right now."
Sunset then looked defensive as she approached them saying, "Oh no no no. It's nothing like that, girl; I was just acting like the character I was dressed as."
"Really?" said Sonata as a curious look overtook her face.
"Well yeah, part of the fun of Halloween, or Nightmare Night, is not just dressing like a monster or character, but acting like that monster or character too," said Sunset with a reassuring grin.
Sonata then jumped up and looked at Aria excitedly saying, "Oh Aria! We should act like Ami and Yumi and sing the opening theme song."
Aria flatly looked at her and said, "Firstly, we already kind of do act like Ami and Yumi—that's why we picked them in the first place—and secondly. I'm not sure about the singing."
Sunset then looked at them both as she said, "Wait, but I thought you couldn't sing without those pendants, and I know you still have those shards on your necks, but they don't, work do they?"
Aria then said, "No, they don't seem to work like this. And yeah after we first lost them, we couldn't sing at all, but that's only because we didn't know how. You see, these were like auto-tune and made our voices perfect without us even trying."
Sonata then spoke up excitedly saying, "Yeeessss, but we have been practicing the songs from the show in our spare time, which we have a lot of since our jobs don't start until next week, and I think we're getting pretty good."
Aria then spoke up saying, "We are getting good, yes, but I'm not sure if now is the time to showcase that."
Sonata looked at her with puppy dog eyes as she said, "Please."
Sunset then walked up saying, "I mean, it is part of your characters so I'd say it's a good time." She then tried to give a warm smile to Aria as well.
Aria glanced at them before groaning and saying , "Fine, but not first thing or anything. We'll hit a couple houses and then when I say the time is right, we'll do it."
Sonata jumped up in glee at this while Sunset smiled and grabbed her candy pail in her magic field before saying, "Well if you're both ready to go I say it's time we meet up with Pinkie Pie and the other trick or treaters."
Sonata and Aria both nodded before they grabbed their pails and they all headed out the door.
As they walked the street they soon saw Pinkie Pie who was dressed in puffy white shorts, black leggings, a black belt with a gold buckle that had an "M" symbol on it, yellow boots and gloves, a purple cape, a black undershirt, black vest with yellow trim, and finally she had her hair done up in a way that made it look like some kind of antenna or tendril pointed forward. She then turned and saw them approaching as she waved and said, "Hi girls. Come on let's get out there and get some candy before I have to turn you all into candy," before she giggled to herself.
Sonata then giggled at the apparent joke as she ran forward and said, "Thank you so much for having us, Pinkie Pie. I can't wait to do this!"
Pinkie matched her excitement as she said, "I know right! This is going to be so awesome."
Sunset then thought to herself, "Wow, I know Pinkie can make friends with pretty much anyone, but I figured there might have been at least a little awkwardness."
She then looked over to Aria, who briefly had an awkward look on her face before returning to her usual confidence as she said, "Nice to see you, Pinks."
"Nice to see you too, Aria and Sonata. By the way, Sunset told me about how you were moving along well in your grieving process, but I'm glad I could still provide you with a distraction to form positive memories in your post loss lives to recall when you're down," said Pinkie before a smile appeared on her face.
They were all briefly stunned by this psychoanalysis before Sunset, who was more used to this stuff from Pinkie at this point, said, "Um yeah. Hey Pinkie I thought this was going to be with your usual group of kids?"
Pinkie than pulled out her phone as she said, "Yeah well, the CMC had this whole act planned with Applejack and Rainbow Dash." She then showed them a picture with Apple Bloom having her hair spiked in a somewhat illogical pattern and wearing a black tank top, a blue cape that also appeared to be a jacket, blue pants and shoes, and some kind of large inverted pyramid shaped necklace with an eye on the front of it. Applejack was behind her wearing a large pointed purple hat with matching purple armor throughout her body and a blue cloak, while also holding some kind of green staff. Pinkie then scrolled over to a picture of Scootaloo with her hair done into a bowl cut and her wearing a large white trench coat with black sleeves, a blue belt with a logo that said "KC" on it, a necklace that appeared to be some kind of brown and black playing card, and black pants and boots. Rainbow Dash also stood behind her wearing large spiked white wings, a white jumpsuit with spikes all along it, fake claws on her hands and feet, and finally a smooth white helmet with a large open jaw and blue lenses over the eyes. Pinkie then continued saying, "And ever since they helped Diamond Tiara become a better person, the others in their grade have kind of been looking at them like idols."
Sonata then spoke up saying, "So does that mean it's just going to be the four of us then?"
Suddenly they heard a very regal and commanding voice say, "Not exactly."
They all turned to see a woman in a black jumpsuit with, dark blue eyeliner, a dark blue helmet, dark blue armored boots and gloves, a large dark blue necklace with a white crescent moon symbol on it, and finally having black wings and a black axe strapped to her back.
Sunset instantly backed away as even though the figure was human she still recognized her from all the years she spent studying, and all scary stories about her she heard this time of year, as she began stammering saying, "N-n-n-nightmare Moon."
Suddenly Nightmare turned to her and said, "Well, well. Someone who remembers me. In that case I have a very special gift for you." She then reached into her pocket as Sunset shrunk back in fear, suddenly feeling like a little filly again at seeing this living legend. All that was changed though as Nightmare pulled out a cassette tape and said, "Here you go. A greatest hits collection autographed by all the CHILDREN OF THE NIGHT!"
At that last part she took on a yelling tone but Sunset was too stunned by this new development to notice as she walked up and saw that on the cover of this cassette's case was a picture of Nightmare Moon holding a guitar, which she now noticed was the "axe" mounted on her back, and to her left a girl with a solid black complexion and blue hair wearing a green dress that seemed to be purposefully filled with holes, black boots with green accents, and what appeared to a very tiny crown on top of her head. On Nightmare's right was a man with a dark gray complexion, black hair, and wearing a large red cape with white puffy trim, an armored chest plate with matching gloves and boots, black pants, and a silver crown with a red horn protruding from the front of it. On top of this picture was three autographs from left to right reading "Queen Chrysalis, Nightmare Moon, and King Sombra.
Pinkie grinned as she said, "Yeah, Luna always dresses as her old band persona from back in the day."
Luna took offense to that as she said, "It wasn't that long ago Ms. Pie."
Meanwhile Sunset continued to stare in aw as her brain struggled to accept that the very creature she feared when she was little is not only her vice principal but apparently a former rock star.
Aria, however glanced at the tape before saying, "Wait, you used to be in a band?"
Luna's smile returned as she said, "Indeed I was. The Children of the Night and I played all over the country, but unfortunately Celestia thought that I was spending too much time out with them as she said, quote, 'Your life has become one nonstop night party' and while ,yes, our gigs did go pretty late I still maintain that, that was an overreaction. Anyway she sent me to my room for what felt like a thousand years, but in actuality was probably only a few weeks, and after that me and my band mates sort of just lost touch."
Luna then looked at the ground in introspection before saying, "Maybe I should look them up." A new level of excitement overtook her as she said, "Oh I know. I'll invite them to come with me to Cadance and Shining Armor's wedding next year. I mean, I doubt Sombra will come since he and Cadance never fully clicked but Chrysy should since she was always a sucker for love-"
She was then cut short as Pinkie burst forward saying, "WHAT!? CADANCE AND TWILIGHT'S BROTHER ARE GETTING MARRIED!?"
Luna then blushed as she said, "Oh yes, please don't tell Twilight about this. You see Shining proposed to her a few weeks ago and Cadance told me in confidence... but they aren't planning on telling their families until Christmas when everyone is together." She then turned as she hoped no one else mentioned the fact that she let a big secret slip before marching along and saying, "Come on girls, the night may last forever but the candy sure doesn't."
Sonata giddily jogged behind her with Aria following soon after. Pinkie Pie than turned to Sunset, who was still struggling to take everything that just happened in, before saying, "You gonna be OK Sunset?"
Sunset then shook her head, trying to clear it like an etch a sketch, before saying, "Yeah I'm good... anyway let's just get on with the night."
Pinkie Pie smiled and said, "Okie dokie lokie," before they both began running up to catch up with the rest of the group.
Firstly if you couldn't tell by that clip I'm sorry that this kind a week late but I hope that this as well as the other Halloween chapters well make up for that in quality.
Welp it looks like things are off to an odd start. Will things keep going well? Find out next chapter whenever that maybe.
Also thank you to ApplejackFan204 for making the artwork used and inspiring the idea for Sunset's costume. Go check them out on Derpibooru
Finally have a good day, hope you liked this, and any constructive criticism is welcome. Also as a note to Emerald Flash feel free to point out everything as I know you said you wanted to go easy on me but I need to hear this stuff if I want to hold things together until December when I am on holiday break and am free to audition editors (I'll make a blog post explaining the rules for the audition when the time comes)
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Love the tongue in check references to episodes from the show.
how about a list of whos whos for us to tell who was dressed as what beyond Aria Sonata Sunset and Luna? plz?
9277541
Sure thing but I'll black it out for those who want to try and guess
Pinkie Pie is Majin Buu
Applebloom is Yugi Moto
Applejack is Dark Magician
Scootaloo is Seto Kaiba
and Rainbow Dash is Blue Eyes White Dragon
9277597
Got all but Pinkie. Would be easier with her if instead of antenna you said it was done up in a long tendril down the back or something.
9277597
I will be honest i'd never have guessed any of those except maybe Apple Blooms
9277597
Wonderful descriptions for each one, and another great chapter overall. It's nice to see Pinkie trying to bond with Sonata and Aria in her own odd little way. Sunset also makes an adorable Peridot. I love the idea of Luna, Sombra and Chrysalis being in a rock band together; it's rather fitting for their human counterparts. Good stuff.
I KNEW that's who they were supposed to be!
Also, I saw that callout, lol. If that's what you want, then I'll do my best to oblige. It may have to wait until I'm off this weekend, though; night shifts don't always leave me with the mental capacity to do much. I'll make a note to look over this chapter, and the next one if it's out by then, sometime on Friday. For what it's worth, I don't see quite as many errors this time around, and the ones I do see aren't that bad. That means you're improving already; good work!
What has my life become during my retirement that I knew all those costume descriptions? Oh wait, I AM reading My Little Pony fanfiction...
9277916
Thanks, your help is greatly appreciated and it makes me happy to hear it's already helping me improve as a writer
9277932
Seen a lot of good anime's and have the free time to read fanfics. Sounds to me like your life is going pretty good
9277616
I added the word tendril to try and make it clearer but
i.pinimg.com/originals/a5/31/96/a531961b5034bff6224a9816890d9cdf.png
I based her off Fat Buu so it's not going down her back or anything
9277733
It's understandable, usually I mention a characters name in my references but these ones were a little more vague than usual
9278014
Hehe now i am kinda curious what they (Aria Sonata and Sunset) will do for thanksgiving and Christmas
9278012
Fair enough, really the words antenna and forward were the ones that threw me off.
Freaking loving the build up for this and the band idea!
And the weekend has arrived. I'm worn out from work, but a promise is a promise; time to look this chapter over.
So going through this a second time, I have seen a few more mistakes that I didn't notice the first time, though it's still nothing major; they're mostly a minor misspelling or an omitted word, things like that. There are, however, a couple of rules that I myself was unsure about, and once I looked them up, I found that what I assumed to be true wasn't always the case. So there's a point of interest: in helping you, I'm actually learning something new as well.
This one slipped past me last time. Should be were instead of where.
And we come to the first rule that I ended up relearning; in fact, I've made this same mistake several times in the past. "On the other hand" should be separated by commas as it's a nonessential transitional phrase. Still a little baffled on the finer points of that, but the long and short of it is that if the sentence flows naturally without the phrase include, use commas.
Technically a question. Toss a question mark in there.
Two things here. First off, place commas around Aria's name, since Sonata is directly addressing her. The second thing involving "given" admittedly stumped me a bit. I was sure it needed a comma placed in front of it, and it does, but I wasn't sure why. Turns out in this case, given is being used as a preposition meaning "considering or taking something into account". I've seen it used that way plenty of times, but I never knew it was a preposition. So yeah, comma goes before it.
Comma needs to go after "I mean", since it's being used to clarify and/or qualify the statement before it. Same goes for its usage in the sentence below it and, well, any other time it's used in that fashion.
Needs a comma after "bit", where needs to be were, and you need a period at the end of the sentence.
Her first statement is a question, so use a question mark instead of a comma. Also, "well" needs a comma after it, being an introductory word. Putting in the question mark is gonna change the sentence structure a bit, so instead of "Before she took on a nasally tone", let's go with something like "She then took on a nasally tone".
EDIT: I'm starting to doze off at this point, so I'm gonna just stick with the corrections from this point on rather than detailed explanations. If you have any further questions, we can go over those another time when I'm not braindead.
Question needs a question mark.
Comma should be a semicolon.
Put a comma before "girls", and change the comma after it to a semicolon.
Semicolon should just be a comma this time, and But doesn't need to be capitalized.
Place commas after firstly and secondly (transition words). Also, instead of using commas for the phrase "that's why we picked them in the first place", you should use dashes for emphasis (—). The only way to type a dash that I know of is to hold down the ALT key and type 0151 on the numeric keypad to the right of your keyboard. Or, if you're feeling lazy, just copy+paste the one I put up there, lol.
Commas after Wait, necks, and work.
Comma after "no", period after "this" instead of comma, capitalize "and", comma after "them", comma after "all", comma after "see", and I think auto tune is one word (either that or hyphenated; not sure which, tbh).
You don't need the period after but, and "We" should be lowercase. Otherwise, all good.
Comma after good.
As she...what, exactly?
One too many "whens". Also, place a comma after right.
Comma after "us", and the comma after Pie can just be a period.
Skype, stop opening when I'm trying to be helpful!Ahem, moving on.
Comma after "anyone".
Comma after "you".
"To" should be "too", then place a comma after it. Place another comma after "way", another one after "process", and "lose" should be "loss".
Let's use a period after Dash rather than a comma, and capitalize "she" to start a new sentence. And a fun thing with the next bit. One, Bloom is missing an "o", and rather than being one word like her sister's name, Apple Bloom is actually supposed to be two words. Had to check the wiki to be sure; I'm always seeing both ways used in equal measure.
Capitalize "and" and place a comma after "person". Other than that, from what I can tell, the rest of that large paragraph is correct; good work.
Same idea as before. Period after "you", capitalize "she" to start a new sentence.
Drop a comma before "quote" and capitalize "your" (nice job with the inner quotation btw). Commas before and after "yes", and "short" should be "sort". I feel like I'm overlooking something else here, but I'm not gonna worry about it.
Period instead of comma, capitalize "a" for new sentence.
And here's another name I often see mixed up. While "cadence" is the correct spelling of the word, it turns out that when used as a name, it's actually spelled "Cadance".
Aaaaand I think that's it. Whew, I'm gonna go die now.
Good night.
9282458
. It makes me happy to hear that I'm alteast getting somewhat better (and that I am helping you brush up and remember the rules as well 
)
Just made all the corrections, and again thanks for the help
9283293
No problem. You're doing good, mate; keep it up.
is very good and such, but please use more punctuation.
Who the fuck loses touch only after a few weeks
It’s time to D-D-D-D-DUEL!!!!!!
Sounds like they really nailed the look for Yu-Gi-Oh I think it would be interesting to see Applebloom dressed at Yugi Moto and Scootaloo as Seto Kaiba however I don't quite see how applejack could pull off the look for Dark Magician however Rainbow – definitely seems fitting that she'd be blue eyes white dragon
That is deep
Like the opening to Teen Titans
All hail the Queen of the night