• Member Since 28th Apr, 2018
  • online

luckyboys121


Just here mainly to comment on and like other peoples stories. Might right a few myself because I love the show and want to give back but I am also lazy so we'll see what happens

E
Source

This story is a sequel to Sunset's A Pony Again


After Sunset Shimmer comes clean to her friends about wanting to be a pony again and is overjoyed at how they accept her decision she is excited to start her new life as a pony on Earth. Unfortunately for her she hasn't really thought this change of life out as much as she thought and now she has to deal with all kinds of unforeseen reactions and consequences. Will she come to regret her choice or will she stand by it no matter what? Find out here

This is going to be a fun little anthology series that I will probably update only when I have free time so don't expect regular chapter releases. Also this story is probably never going to be complete as I want to leave things open for new ideas I think of and adding in any new characters the Equestria Girls episodes add in later

Picture created by katakiuchi4u check them out on DeviantArt and I would just like to thank them as the image gave me several more ideas for the story

Once again a thanks to my friend Tyler for inspiring me to write this in the first place and of course thank you to all the fans of the first story who encouraged me to write this sequel and I hope you all enjoy it

Chapters (12)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 155 )

yea thats about my reaction to a talking unicorn as well

Thank you all for reading and I am glad everyone likes it :pinkiehappy:. Again thank you all for encouragement and I hope I can continue to provide you with enjoyment :heart:. I just finished my final edit of the story and I just have a little word of advice to the other new writers out there. No matter how many times you read over something you are not gonna find everything wrong with it so don't stress out of every little issue. So if there is any glaring errors I missed please let me know and I'll see you all next time :scootangel:

Ahhh! Demon llama!

8985231
Is probably just assume I was dreaming...or my hallucinations have risen to a whole new level.

"AHHH TALKING DEMON HORSE!!!"

This is gonna be fun!

So, Flash is a xenophile. Fair enough.

8985231
Lol yeah. Oh and thanks for reminding me that she is a unicorn as I forgot she had a horn for a second (I mean of course I remembered her magic but I forgot about the fact she actually had the horn on her head and I included that in a freak out in the next chapter)

"They well."

will

Oh my goodness this is so funny right now!

9001421
Just changed it thanks for the feedback :pinkiehappy:

9001911
your welcome keep up the good work

9001491
Glad your enjoying it :pinkiehappy:. Hope to keep you entertained with the later chapters too. :yay:

:rainbowlaugh:

D'aww,now I just imagine a Sunset Pony Petting club, spearheaded by Fluttershy and Flash.

What she failed to notice though was that standing next to the lockers by her class was a girl with puffy orange and yellow hair and wearing a mostly purple outfit that seemed to scream "look at me adore me" who then began walking out of the school with a sinister smile on her face saying, "So Sunset's got a magical pendant that can grant ones desires aye. Well that's good," she said glancing down at the black necklace around her neck with nothing on it but a broken hook and small bit of a red stone on it as a look of anger came to her face, "That's good because she owes me a new one." Her sinister smile once again returned to her face as she exited the school and walked towards two more girls eager to tell them the plan she was forming.

Think anyone should let Adagio know said wish-granting pendant only works for Sunset and is heavily implied to be a seventh Element of Harmony?
Anyone?
No?
Good!:scootangel:

so the dazzles are back

So the CMC watched some InuYasha and tried to be Sango? Sounds like them.

And Adagio is going to try to steal Sunsets element? Possibly, but not confirmed to be, Empathy at that? Oh that should screw her, and possibly her sisters up even more than Sunset was for stealing magic.

9021116
Congratulations you've seen an awesome (and one of my all time favorite) anime :pinkiehappy:. And yeah I am still unsure how I'm gonna handle the dazzlings getting her pendent but thanks for reminding me that technically people who aren't bonded to an element can use it (like Sunset Shimmer did in the first movie) as that is giving me new ideas on how to handle it. :yay:

I’m gonna drop a bit of criticism here, so brace yourself.

First, there is already some style emerging from your work, which is quite a good start. Also the theme and plot are for now engaging.

Now the bad news.
You have a deep problem with the written format. This shows in how little you use punctuation, especially in the very long sentences you use. They are constructed following a train of thoughts and — even if intended — this is of the most terrible for the written medium.
People reading do not merely record the text in their heads. They look at a sentence, take note of the elements referring to a previous one, the ones allowing a future call for its content and finally extract meaning from it. You tend to make long sentence for them to contain the whole meaning you want to carry, but that’s not working: people get lost and have to trace back because they lost the meaning, and so do you. It clearly shows in the syntax and grammar errors you make. And I understand why they are so difficult to see: you can’t remember the beginning of the sentence when you reach the end.
You should use more punctuation; it can only help you.
It allows you to give a structure to your sentence and make it easier to notice errors. It gives meaning to your sentence — especially in dialogues — by telling the reader the flow of speech, thought or action. A fight is narrated with very short sentences, focusing on the action-relevant aspects only. On the contrary a calm conversation will be full of comas, dashes and outward-referencing sentences. And moreover it makes you story not look like a succession of blocks of text.

Also, you seem to struggle with the dialogue.
Putting it in the direct following of the narration is perfectly valid, but necessitates proper punctuation (yes, it again).
Comas are to be out of the quotation marks, for they are not part of what is said. An incomplete sentence shall not end in a dot. Prefer the use of dashes and ellipses (with the addition of obligatory marks; e.g. Cheerilee drifting off: “..?”). And finally the narration and dialogue shan’t commute if not necessary. This is directly directed on:

"Hmm I guess that makes sense. I'm just more used to it considering that I actually used to study creatures like that in Celestia's school. So I would go from the "boring,"" she said while raising her two front hooves in the air to make air quotes, "calculus class to a class on magic history that talks about creatures like the sirens, or Tirek all the time," said Sunset.

First, hangouts in hangouts is not correct. Use instead “words ‘quoted‘ words“ or “words «quoted» words”.
Second, the reader already pictures Sunset air-quoting because of the use of actual quotation marks instead of italics, emboldening or underlining.

I’m about done and I hope you will improve, even if I might have been a bit harsh. I still enjoy the story this far and am ready to give more advice (or gall as it could be seen) if needed. And continue the good work!

9021346
Thank you for the criticism it was a little harsh but I needed to hear it. I have always struggled with punctuation and while I will take some of your advice into question when writing the next chapter I will still probably make mistakes as one of the reasons I like writing on here is because I don't have anyone like a teacher or an editor looking over my shoulder giving me criticism because I forgot one of the many obscure grammar rules (Plus when ever I try to follow the rules to the the letter I just end up getting confused and my writing gets even worse). Finally to explain the train of thought thing the reason behind it is that whenever I write I only really go in with a basic idea for the story in mind and I come up with the details as I am writing by thinking "what would the character do in this situation?". So it actually is my train of thought (and in a way the characters train of thought too). So in summation thank you for the advice and I will be sure to take it into account but don't expect me to change my whole writing style based around it. Have a good day :pinkiehappy:

9021346
Also you said

Comas are to be out of the quotation marks, for they are not part of what is said.

And according to grammarbook.com

Rule 3a. Use commas to introduce or interrupt direct quotations.

Examples:
He said, "I don't care."
"Why," I asked, "don't you care?"

That is how I have been using my commas throughout the story, though there may have been times where I accidentally misplaced them but I can assure you that this was always my intent. I am not trying to offend you or anything as I know very well that my grammar is not perfect but I do not think I broke all of the rules you said I did. Nevertheless I still appreciate your advice and will take it into account in the next chapter

9021678
My bad, I mixed it up with French.

9022297
It's fine everyone makes mistakes. Like I said before I have enough trouble keeping all the English rules of grammar straight so I can only imagine what it is like to have to keep multiple languages in check. Next time though you should probably double check that you have all the rules right before you provide constructive criticism because while I recognize that you still have several valid complaints and will think about them, others might see you made one or two mistakes and completely disregard your advice.

so it was updated but no updates huh

9038282
Sorry about that It should be fixed now

Attention everyone I am sorry that for a few minutes this story appeared on the updated list before the new chapter came out. It was my bad I accidentally hit publish while I was editing and I didn't know what to do so I just hit depublish without thinking about how that would affect the que so again I am sorry and hopefully it will not happen again. Thanks for bearing with me I am still relative new to the website and how it works :scootangel: have a good day

9038316
That’s fine dude and I got to say this is pretty good

9038365
I'm glad you enjoyed it and thanks :pinkiehappy:. I know everyone makes mistakes and that it is no big deal but it's always nice to hear someone else say it's fine to :twilightsmile:

As Aria began to follow behind her to third Dazzling Sonato finally spoke up

I was gonna say it's probably a typo, but at the same time, it's got a nice ring to it.

Sonato~

9038314
its okay the chapter was worth the mistake

9038413
Thanks for pointing that out I am gonna fix it though you are right about Sonato being a good name. Tempted to keep it but I'll change it anyone as others might now see the beauty in the mistake

9038416
Thanks glad you like it :pinkiehappy: Hopefully nothing like that will happen again but we'll see :scootangel:

9038443
only the future can tell

"Well duh. The problem last time was that as soon as you saw Equastrian magic in this world you dropped everything to get it and got us caught. First thing I'll do when I have my power back is use my voice to make Sunset forget that she ever saw us and then when she's going back to her friends saying "Boo Hoo I lost my pendant" we'll just leave this stupid little town behind and forget about the Rainbooms. With my powers back we'll be able to get whatever we want again and as long as we don't run in to them no one can stop us," said Aria as a satisfied grin began to form on her face.

Aria, the voice of reason!

Ok, caught up on two updates and I’m loving how Sonata pulled a Pinkie “just a hunch” like guess. This’ll be fun!

"Well duh. The problem last time was that as soon as you saw Equastrian magic in this world you dropped everything to get it and got us caught. First thing I'll do when I have my power back is use my voice to make Sunset forget that she ever saw us and then when she's going back to her friends saying "Boo Hoo I lost my pendant" we'll just leave this stupid little town behind and forget about the Rainbooms. With my powers back we'll be able to get whatever we want again and as long as we don't run in to them no one can stop us," said Aria as a satisfied grin began to form on her face.

Wait is this a villain with a brain? Villains aren't allowed to have brains.

nice one, im looking forward to the next chapter

I am happy to know that there are others who don´t especially dislike Flash either. I felt a little left alone cuz most of my friends don´t seem to like him and most of the FIMFics I´ve read about him were either sad or ridiculous. :ajsmug:

It took me a bit to see the reference but InuYasha is one of my favourite anime of all time and I just recently re-binchwatched it so... go Hiraikotsu! :pinkiehappy:

9051757
Exactly I mean there is nothing wrong with him as a character at all. He is the cool dude who just does what makes him happy and yes he happens to popular because of it but that was never his goal. And it was just hilarious how clumsy he got around Twilight. Yes he hasn't gotten much screen time but in what he has gotten he has been established as a very likable character. (Also yes I realize I said earlier that I wan't gonna do a rant but here I am doing one anyway and for that I am sorry but nevertheless I stand by what I am saying)

9052301
I think I most fans don't like him because he sinked many of their hot lesbian fantasy ships. I like flash he is not the most interesting character just a average and likable which people need to learn there is nothing wrong with that I mean not every character need issues to be interesting plus it's a kids cartoon for young girls fans tend to forget that.

Sunset then had a devious look cross her face as she said, "Really? Because I seem to remember Fluttershy telling me that on your first day of kindergarten you cried on the swings during recess and when she ran up to you and hugged you in an effort to try and calm you down you accidentally called her mommy and that's how you two met."

:pinkiegasp:

...

THIS IS NOW MY NEW HEADCANNON!!! :pinkiecrazy:

Ok, I noticed something that's starting to bug me. You say well instead of will. There instead of their or they're...

9055874
Sorry about that I have trouble with homonyms. Thanks for pointing it out though and I just did an editing pass on the chapter and made sure that any use of those words is correct (I even used google to determine the official definitions and grammar rules for them). So hopefully I got them all and thanks for the advice :pinkiehappy:

Who of these people well end up having the worst time?

Rainbow Dash. Definitely Rainbow Dash. That's my guess, at least.

COMMENCE THE PETTING :pinkiehappy:

who doesnt want to pet a cute little pony.

and poor Dash having to deal with Zephyr.

also imo both Aria and Sonata should ditch Adagio at some point.

man adigeo is determined to be a idiot

9051776
Even better if it turns out there really is a demon, it really does have their brother, and they really were training in order to save him, and their fights become funny background events. Everyone's too distracted by cute magical ponies to notice the demon slaying shounen anime plot happening across the hall.

"AHHH TALKING DEMON HORSE!!!"

As far as I remember she only was a demon as a human.

Adagio briefly turned her gaze from the sidewalk and glanced at her two partners saying, "Look I know we have had some bad luck since the Rainbooms beat us but I mean come on. What are the odds that she joins a club on the exact same day we plan to ambush her," she then turned her gaze back to the sidewalk as she said, "Trust me she is going to walk by here any minute."

Let's be honest here, that was mere bad luck rather than lack of brain, there's no way she could know that Sunset would enter in a club that same day.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!