The sun, or rather its mistress, stood before Spike and Ditzy, resplendent in white and gold. Her long, flowing mane fell down around her, only the most cursory magic keeping it flicking in its usual manner. Spike stared. Ditzy tried to, but one eye simply spun gently in the breeze.
"Princess..." Ditzy stood stock still at the intruder's voice, then dropped into a curtsey. "I'm sorry, I should've brushed my mane before coming here, it's just I was so worried about her-"
"Hush, my little pony... I understand. I'm just sorry that you have to." Celestia's voice was back to its usual regality, the slight wobble long since gone in the name of preserving her image to her subjects. Power does that to you. "This will take some time, so it's best that I start now. And it begins back in Canterlot."
*******
"Twilight Sparkle, I know you're in here!" The Sun Princess's boomed out across the library, earning her an acid look from the chief librarian and a small squeak of fear from the very back of the room. A snapping sound later, Celestia was stood beside a fortress made entirely of thick treatises on tax law and the semiotics of fifth-century Zebraramaic, all held together by tough-looking magic that set the air shimmering. Sighing to herself, the princess located the capstone rune set and tapped it with her magic, sending the whole edifice into a cascade failure. The net result was that her student shot out of the collapsing fort like a shot bolt and a book fell on her hoof.
Celestia was not pleased.
A flash of magic later, a purple filly who seemed largely composed of gigantic eyes and even bigger fringe was floating along behind the princess like a terrified duck-on-a-string toy. She was shaking slightly, and eventually the Princess set her down in a chair across the room from her in her private quarters.
"Twilight... this has to stop. You've been in my care for two years now and you've not been out to play with the other foals once. There's nothing scary about going outside-"
"Yes there is." Twilight's forceful demeanour vanished like blossom in the north wind when Celestia gave a small, polite, utterly displeased cough. "Um, I mean... yes there is, Princess."
"Pray tell," the Princess said with a raised eyebrow that definitely didn't make her think about her sister, thank you for asking.
Twilight gulped. "It's... it's the bigness going out, Princess. Seeing the sky, it just, it just doesn't ever end, Princess, it goes on forever and that's... I can't take it. I just can't." Her gaze flicked away to her hooves, shame boiling off her. She continued in a much smaller voice, "If you want me to leave, Princess-" She got no further. Alicorns are very strong creatures and perfectly capable of silencing a filly with a well-placed cuddle.
"Oh, my little pony... I will never send you from my side. Never." A swell of motherly affection ran through the Princess' whole being as Twilight nuzzled at her breast.
She almost regretted how easily the lie had come.
*******
"Wait, wait, back up. What do you mean, the lie came easily?" Spike's small face was curling up with rage, his fists having gone that way some time before. "What did you think was going to happen to her-"
"Spike, have you ever had a hunch?" Celestia's tone was as measured as it had been throughout her anecdote, something that infuriated Spike even more. She seemed to show only mild boredom when talking about such things. Ditzy, being sensible in spite of her reputation, had seen through it some time ago.
"Well, yeah, of course I have-"
"When you're a - when you're an alicorn, your hunches... tend to be on the mark. It's not exactly foresight, but it's not something that can be explained away by sheer coincidence. If I may continue..."
*******
Celestia blew the candle out by Twilight's bed and flew gently out of the room, not wanting to wake the filly with hoofsteps or the harsh crack of teleportation. She still had to go away, though; it would not be seemly for Twilight to see her teacher's distress should she wake during the night. The Princess was utterly shaken and took to her private study to read and reflect upon the nature of her most beloved pupil's sickness.
Agoraphobia, it transpired, had many root causes, and the treatment was like antivenom; pick the wrong one and you damage the patient even further. Celestia's eyes had widened upon reading that, and her cocoa had left a large stain on the carpet before she recovered her senses. Her choice was clear; send for the best psychiatrists in the land to sort this out. Then, maybe, she'd be able to get some sleep.
The following morning, after raising the sun and listening to self-important stallions in bad suits talk about new tax laws to the point where she wanted to just banish them to a scorpion pit and be the despot people sometimes accused her of being, she arranged an appointment with a psychiatrist. Wakeup Call was a highly respected pony who loved to work with foals, and his track record was truly incredible.
Halfway through the first session, Twilight Sparkle apparently turned him into a small painted wooden duck.
A month later, Celestia was at her wit's end. Not content with inflicting this mess on her, the powers that be had elected to send a fresh shipment of diplomatic crises, hot off the presses. The Gryphon King was going through one of his soapbox phases and harping on about how unnatural ponykind's weather manipulation was again, there was a drought and the inevitable resultant food shortage in Zanzebrar and the Caesar needed help to keep his country in order, and to top it all off the infernal blasted Serene Crane Highness was launching ever more punitive raids on the Ibis Hegemony's land and the equally unhelpful Great-House Rasetra had executed the Crane ambassador. Everything seemed to be kicking off at once and she had no idea why. Not for the first time, she wished Luna was here. Maybe Twilight would've taken a shine to her and not tried to transmogrify her on sight. Perhaps, she thought, I've trained her too well-
There was a loud bang. Celestia sighed. That had to have been Dr. Chalky.
*******
"What happened to him," asked Ditzy in a surprised tone.
"Well, you see, Twilight didn't have much of a handle on her magic in those days. If you got her spooked or angry it lashed out of its own accord-"
"Short version, please," said Spike tersely.
"... He burst."
*******
Celestia was trembling now. The sheer amount of magic needed to do that to somepony... she had no choice. With six psychologists having needed compensation and danger money, and this latest one a post-mortem after being turned into a balloon in the desert section of the arboretum, Twilight needed to be taken somewhere safe where she could be protected from herself. She'd seen what it could do to everypony else, so the Princess shuddered to think how it was ravaging the poor little mite's system. She'd given up on getting her to go outside for now; it was probably best that she be kept indoors.
The problem with that idea was that word had got out about Twilight Sparkle's effect on the health, well-being and minds of even the most bull-headedly determined mental health professionals. Even the ones specifically dedicated to handling unicorns that could be charitably described as totally bananas had flat-out told her, even when she dragged out the Royal Canterlot Voice, that the little filly would have to go elsewhere, preferably very far elsewhere so that they all had time to pick a solid-looking mountain to hide behind. Celestia was not a pony given to despair, but it was looking more and more attractive. And so, the most astute of her hoofmaidens noticed a shiver running constantly up and down Celestia's spine as they brushed her.
At court that day, a blue earth pony with an unfortunate green mane strode purposefully to the front of the Great Hall. "Your Highness, Princess Celestia, I come from Trottingham bearing my plea. Willst thou answer?"
Celestia was thoroughly impressed; this mare remembered the old protocol even though her grandparents couldn't have been born when it was last used. "Speak ye now, for the ears of the Princess turn for you."
"My Princess, I work at the Sunnygarden Institute, a hospice dedicated to pastoral care for... challenging ponies. We would have royal assent, if thou werest willing to grant it."
"Pray tell," said Celestia, an almost imperceptible twitch upward forming at the corners of her mouth, "the reason We would give it, and the reason you would have it."
"Why wouldst thou give it, your Majesty? Because we seek to help ponies in need, a core value of us as ponies. In turn, we seek it because with that assent and that prestige, we can help ever more ponies who are worse off than we or thou would like. Our hearts are as pure as thine own, Majesty... we seek only to aid those less fortunate."
"Very well," said the Princess, who was letting a warm and maternal smile cross her face while inwardly she bounced happily around like a space hopper made of Prozac. "We shall grant royal assent to the Sunnygarden Institute. Long may you prosper and bring help to all who need it." The young nurse bowed and gave thanks, but before she could leave Celestia beckoned her closer.
"Your Majesty?"
"We would have a private conference with you after court. There is a matter of some delicacy that your institution may be able to help me with."
"Your Majesty, I... Of course. I can guarantee secrecy in all Sunnygarden's dealings. After all, you can always trust a Tenderheart."
*******
"TENDERHEART?" Spike screamed, the shock of it sending Ditzy skywards and slamming her into the ceiling of the library. "But she works here, in Ponyville! Her and Redheart run the nursing station on the outskirts!"
"Then it is exactly as I feared. Sweetness Tenderheart is a silver-tongued mare, and I fancy she's been watching my faithful student for some time. Her painkiller addiction must have been a golden opportunity for-" Celestia couldn't finish her sentence; her mouth hung open and refused to work.
Spike had collapsed to the floor and curled up into a small, tight ball. Ditzy Doo struggled down from the ceiling, taking a not inconsiderable amount of plaster with her, and put a wing over his quivering form. She then turned what would have been a withering glare on the Princess had not one eye wandered off halfway through it.
"He gave them to her. The painkillers, I mean. He gave them to her because of the nightmares." Her voice was strangely calm, but in her wandering eyes there could be seen the rage of a demon begging with the grey mare to be set loose.
Celestia looked at the baby dragon with widening eyes. "Is this true, Spike?"
The purple dragon gave no response save a sniff and a barely perceptible nod.
"You know how bad this looks, Spike. I believe you," Celestia added that point hastily as Ditzy let out an animal growl, "but we're going to need proof. It's not an addiction if it's treatment."
"... okay," came a miniscule voice from the dragon, as rasping and subdued as he had been loud earlier. "there's a diary. small, black. twi's room. i picked the lock. it took me weeks. that's why i shut the library, to, to work on it... i'm sorry, princess, i couldn't get it open because of the magic..."
Two whipcrack noises later, Celestia had it levitating in front of her. "Twilight's ward work has improved," she said brittlely, "but she still places too much emphasis on down-stroke runes, the up-stroke combination work is highly underrated, in my opinion... aha." The diary glowed purple, the same colour as Twilight's magic, and fell open. Spike and Ditzy walked around and peered over the Princess' shoulders, then wished they hadn't.
"I never knew... I... my Twilight... how was I so blind..." Celestia's magic wobbled and failed entirely. The book fell to the floor, accompanied after a few moments by hot, salt water.
Then Celestia stood up, and her horn began to shine. "Spike, Ditzy Doo, attend me. We've a Princess to contact, some friends to round up, and an interrogation to conduct." The pair rushed to the Princess' side and with a burst of magic they were gone.
*******
Day 31. Though you know that, because you're me.
It's been a month since I was rescued from my prison. The Mistress has helped so much... I was scared at first. Apparently that's natural after cases like mine. Mistress calls what happened to me Satanism, though I've never heard of it. It wasn't in either Ponyville or... her library. I can't say her name. Think her name. Whatever. What she did was evil.
My injuries aren't healing. Every time I have another fit, the treatment plan opens up old wounds. Wounds that that horrible, horrible mare inflicted on me in the name of darkness. She even... I can't think about it. Not again. The Mistress says that I have to go through intimacy relearning - which is weird, and it feels wrong, and I have a lot of blackouts in it, but the Mistress says it has to be done - because of what that demon did.
The Mistress says that, if I respond to treatment and stay in line, she'll teach me magic to defend myself from her. Only theory, though; my magic's too unstable at present, so I have to wear an inmanipulon collar at all times, for my own good. This just seems weird too, because I remember using magic a whole lot and it never seemed like a problem, but now when I try to remember it everything's all fuzzy and besides, Mistress wouldn't lie.
Mistress keeps me tied to my bed when she visits. That was after the first night, when I was so scared of her coming back to hurt me again that I lashed out and hurt her pretty bad, which was horrible of me. After that, I was kept under sedation for a few days. But that's weird, because when I woke up everywhere hurt, especially my... well, you know where it hurt. Because you're me. Hah. Talking to yourself. First sign of madness. You'd think the hospital would be a clue.
The orderlies are nice. Big, strong unicorn stallions. The Mistress says I have to obey them and give them everything they ask for, which is weird because they don't ask for anything. I just black out around them a lot and I wake up and there's pain, but the Mistress says that that's normal and I should keep doing what I do. Sometimes they take me to treatment and I see the Mistress and another doctor who's really pretty and they give me something to drink, and that's nice, but sometimes I get flashbacks to the cult. Her cult. I don't remember much of it, and what's left is... grainy. Like a zoetrope that's spun too quick. I remember red lighting and all these horrible things, weird faces, red light everywhere, stuff like that. I cry a lot after those happen, because the memories make places hurt that shouldn't hurt.
Sometimes, though, I remember other things. They're strange. Fuzzy, like the memories of... of her, but kind of like they're from the other way, if that makes any sense. Which it doesn't. I know it doesn't, because, well, you know by now. I know. Whatever. Point is, they seem... nice. There's me and these five other girls, and we laugh and play and have a lot of cool adventures, but those can't be real because Mistress says I was locked in a library by that... that evil... No. Mustn't cry. Mistress doesn't like it.
Besides, I know they're not real, because those fillies are... they're nice. They act like friends.
And the Mistress says I never had any friends.
*******
The Princess had teleported across Ponyville, a growing band of followers in tow, until finally she contacted Luna via telepathy and bade her travel to the manse of Tenderheart. The Moon Princess' eyes had flashed wide, then hardened, and she landed in front of her sister and her entourage as they arrived.
The Tenderhearts were a noble line that had largely died out, the ancestors losing money left, right and centre to landlords, conponies and mares of negotiable affection - and it wasn't just the patriarchs. The current Tenderheart still lived in the hall, but the lack of funding was beginning to show in the rusted door studs and the smell of age and dust.
Those doors burst inward easily under a magical onslaught, and the two alicorn sisters stepped purposefully inside.
"SWEETNESS TENDERHEART," bellowed Luna, the Royal Canterlot Voice doing alarming things to the masonry, "YOU SHALL COME FORTH FROM YOUR HIDING PLACE AND FACE THE JUDGEMENT OF EQUESTRIA'S PRINCESSES! KNOW THAT WE ARE MERCIFUL SAVE IF YOU RESIST! OUT, OUT, TO THE GREAT HALL WITH YOU TO PRODUCE AN EXPLANATION! WE LISTEN FOR YOUR REPLY!"
Applejack looked at Rarity askance. "Uh, do y'all think that she's, um... puttin' it a li'l theatrical, like?"
"I just don't understand why Celestia of all people is supporting these rumours about Twilight Sparkle," said Rarity, before two and a half glares shut her up. Ditzy sighed afterwards and cursed her spinning vision.
Eventually, Nurse Tenderheart trotted down the stairs, looking like a foal caught ransacking the biscuit tin. "Ugh, I guess you want to take me away, then-"
"HOW DARE YOU ADDRESS US IN SUCH AN IMPUDENT MANNER, CREATURE OF FLESH AND MALICE? YOU WILL TREAT US WITH THE PROPER RESPECT FOR THE ENTIRETY OF THIS CONVERSATION OR YOU WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!" Luna had somehow managed to increase the volume, and a fine cloud of dust was spewing forth worryingly from a chandelier fitting. Tenderheart dropped to the ground and covered her ears, but there was no escaping the tremendous pressure of the noise. It was almost as if the Princess was shouting at her very soul.
What remained of it, anyway.
Celestia stepped forward. "You will tell me where Twilight Sparkle is being imprisoned. You have five seconds, and then Luna will ask you. Again. And again. And again." Someone watching her would have seen that her eyes were rimmed with tear-forged redness; a careful listener would have detected a note of huskiness in her voice. Tenderheart cringed. The Elements just looked on, shocked to their cores save for Pinkie Pie. She was smiling, really smiling... she could feel the energy beginning to come back to her.
Tenderheart quivered. "Please... Princess mine, I-"
"Four seconds."
"I can't tell you where she is, please, you have to believe me!" An edge of desperation crept into the nurse's voice.
"I don't have to and I don't intend to. Three seconds."
"But, but I'm just a poor nurse, I don't-"
"Two. Seconds."
"ALRIGHT! Alright. Please... She's at Moon River Hospice, please don't hurt me!"
"We are merciful, my little pony," said Luna, who appeared to be shaking violently. "Be thankful for this as you run from here and never return to Our sight." Tenderheart galloped off at pace, the ponies watching events unfold too dumbfounded to stop her.
"Well, that settles it. Luna, prepare for mass teleport-"
"Princess Celestia, that was... that was some of the worst manners I have ever seen!" Rarity marched up to her and bored into the alicorn's brain with deep blue eyes. "That was horrid, what you did to her. You could have just asked! She would not have dared lie to you-"
"Rarity," murmured Fluttershy in one of those peculiar whispered tones that cuts across a room louder than any magically-enhanced shout, "shut up. Until you remember, you don't get to speak. I read Twilight's journal. You do not get to speak, at all."
The white unicorn was taken completely aback. "Really, Fluttershy," she began, but a butter-yellow hoof that smelled of soap and lingering medicine was jammed into her mouth.
"No speaking." And Rarity simply let it go at that.
The teleport was quick, as they are wont to be, and the Elements found themselves in a strangely familiar garden - at least, three of them did. The other just thought it was a nice-looking hospital.
Celestia shut her eyes and concentrated for a moment. "Hmm... lots of different capstone runes... taking one down leaves another in place... however..." Her horn pulsed and bright-white light burst out of the garden wall, blinding everypony in the party for a minute and leaving oddly-shaped afterimages.
It was when Applejack slumped to the floor in utter, furious disbelief that Celestia knew her ponies were remembering. It was when they'd got to their hooves and growled with rage and pain that she knew they were back.
Now, though, it was time to fight.
Okay, couple of points:
First, I know it needs an edit. It'll get it when I'm actually awake enough to do so in anything more than the most cursory manner, especially the last scene. I just wanted to get it posted because I've already let you guys down with lateness enough as it is. Second, there's bound to be a bunch of people asking me about, or berating me for, the inclusion of the word Satanism in Twilight's italicised internal monologue. The reason for this is, well... I can't tell you all, because spoilers, but suffice it to say it ties into the precursor race touched upon in Witch Of The Westmareland. Go read that.
Lastly, the astute among you will have realised that Caducea is programming Twilight Sparkle to believe she was abused by Celestia. This actually happens. To humans. In real life. There's a link here to the story of a woman named Carol Felstead to whom this happened.
She killed herself.
Nothing more really needs to be said.
I hope this is nowhere near the end. I simply adore this story.
So, basically, whenever the Royal Canterlot Voice goes on, Luna's screaming at your soul.
104544
Yay!
104567
Yes and no. I imagine her shouting at her sister as Nightmare Moon from her place of banishment. That's 250,000 miles away, the majority of which is hard vacuum. There's a lot of magic involved in that voice, and when Luna gets angry, well... Jack's sonic pistol ain't got nothin' on dat pony.
104497
Outch man. That is fucking brutal. My GF is majoring in Psychology this year. Once we talked about the possibilities of Psychology being used for 'evil'. This is basically everything we talked about.
Poor girl.
104583
WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY YAY!? WRITE, GAWD DAHMN IT!
Let the awesome commence, just hope they get to twilight soon
104602
I agree. I just hope that Ms. Felstead gets the justice she did not in life. And by Yay I meant thank you for reading the story and no it is not going to be over for some considerable time.
104614
They're already there; Chapter 5's when they bust her out. No spoilers, because I like good things to happen to ponies.
104626
This pleases my brain.
You know... part of me thinks that Twin is being conditioned into a Princess killer, from what's been set up.
Vast magical reserves unleashed by fright in homicidal ways, brainwashed into thinking Celestia did all this to her...?
This won't end well.
Also; mind if I were to use Caduceus as a background element in a story I'm brewing? She'd be the perfect mentor for one Dr. Violetta Pie....
Though this is a truly disturbing story, and I absolutely hate the things you are implying that happen to Twi. This story is awesome regardless.
Awesome. just... just awesome...
This story is great and all but, it makes my heart hurt so bad. Poor Twilight.
This is really good, and I can't wait for the next installments. One comment / critique: I went back and re-read the last few lines of Ch 3 and the first couple of Ch 4 a few times, and now it is starting to make sense. I understand that you didn't want to give away that Celestia had come in at the end of Ch 3, and that's fine. Just.. if you revise Ch 4 sometime, maybe opening with a line about Ditzy and Spike turning and seeing the Princess standing in the doorway.. something to better tie the two chapters together. I will say that it does become clear after the first or second interruption, but.. I read 1-3 right around Christmas, maybe a day or two after. I've then gone and read a ton of other fanfics as well as taken a weekend trip over New Years because my cousin got married on the 31st. So coming back today to the site for the first time really since Thursday, and having read these chapters a few days before that, it was no longer fresh in my memory. I did manage to figure it out, though I did feel lost myself for a while reading it.
It is my personal opinion that you could add one line at the start of this chapter and not detract from the somber mood that you are trying to create. Putting it at the end of the previous chapter would ruin the surprise and suspense, but starting Ch 4 with it wouldn't have that same effect. Just my two cents, for what they are worth. Otherwise this is truly a good story and I am looking forward to the next chapter!
this cant end well....
more please!!!
i like this...although i could do with longer chapters....and not cliffhangers....but whatever keep going
YAY!!! I hope the wait for the next chapter isn't as long as the wait for the others or this one
If it is, bring out 2 chapters... PLEASE
Well, since I remember that the Precursors were a species of hairless ape, I have a fair idea of what Caducea is trying to do....and who she's serving. Also, go, Fluttershy!!!
104710
Using Caducea is absolutely fine. However, if you want to get her character nailed down exactly, it might be worth communicating with me via PM so as to avoid spoilers for everypony else here
104906
You're dead on. It does need an edit, and I'll get around to that shortly.
104946
So would I. Trust me. However, I wanted to pump these out as quickly as possible, so length gets sacrificed and sometimes I abase myself before the Cliffhanger God. Ia Ia pfhn'glui Tah'ra Gi'les'bie wagl'nagl et cetera.
yes yes enough apologizing write faster damnit twilight is being tortured!
105345
As you command, O mighty one.
gah! i cant wait for the next one!
This is incredible. That is all.
Amazing characters, perfect, natural dialogue, an original plotline, grimdark without being pointlessly gorey, genuinely disturbing but not gross...please never, ever stop writing.
Ever.
Never.
Or I will sic Pinkamena on you. I WILL FREAKING DO IT. NO, I HAVEN'T EATEN COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF SUGAR TODAY! WHY WOULD YOU ASK--Oops. Canterlock.
...Um. Sorry about that. I'm a bit loopy; I'm not normally like that...and I'm a horrific reviewer. I apologize in advance for the fact that you probably won't hear from me very often, but rest assured I am following every syllable you type with bated breath.
106101
Well, that's very nice to hear. In regards to my not stopping... this story's long. Very, very long. And it's not alone.
See, I'm trying to make a continuity set-up called the Westmareland Cycle. The first is Witch of the Westmareland. Second's this. Third up (once I finish this) is a Pinkie-centric thing with Gummy learning to talk and becoming a Deadpan Snarker in a fic called Land of the Long Count, and there's more to follow. Should be seven complete stories in all; one for each member of the mane 6 plus backups, with the final story putting those skills to the test in a battle against... well, that'd be telling, but you can get clues to it in the comments on this story both here and on dA (my username's the same, only no caps and no spaces). Thanks for reading, true believer, and keep on doing so.
106377
The only problem with this fic is that it gave me confused emotional responses to "Twilight is being tortured".
...What? A bunch of my friends used to be Twihards. I have issues with that series. Normally ^those^ four words would be a GOOD thing! But now it's not.
*bows* Thanks for your contribution in the fandom. I would normally seek therapy for my admittedly psychotic tendencies, but I'm going to wait until Caducea is well and truly defeated before seeking said therapy.
106394
I agree entirely. Twilight's name has got to be a reference; the G3 pony was called Twilight Twinkle (barf at will), and the damned stories had been out for a while... but yeah, that's not why I'm doing this. I agree entirely on those books, though; to paraphrase Dorothy Parker, "the word chagrined was the first point at which Cowwa Codied Kayus fwowed up."
uh-oh, you just pissed off Luna, Tenderheart
Never thought I would see Rarity speak to either of the Princesses like that
OH SH- you just pissed off the elements of harmony, prepare for a flank whoopin'
Oh...I really hope they get to Twi in time. If they need any help, I do have a couple of holy grenades, rope, a compass and WAY too much time on my hands! Next chapter, please!
I'm willing to suffer with shorter chapters but don't you dare end it in like 3 chapters
108121
Never fear. This fic's about building everypony back up after they've been beaten to the ground; it takes a long time to heal.
This has caught my interest, in that it makes me feel for the characters. Few stories manage to do that.
I do have to wonder though, what made you write this?
108577
An interesting point. See, this is part of a thing called the Westmareland Cycle, a continuity of stories that veer wildly in tone but generally have a happy ending. The point of it is that everypony in the mane 6 gets a power boost and an enemy to fight or ally to win round, and the final story has it all come to a head. All skills necessary to defeat final boss and so forth. Everything's important. Everything. In Twilight's case, I thought "Twilight already has a cockton of power, how can I give her a sufficient power boost to be of worth in the final battle without her coming off as a Mary Sue?" Th answer was clear: make her work for it. Make her earn her happy ending. I must stress that The L Words is far from done, and will concentrate much more on healing everypony rather than simply buggering Twilight's mental health with a fist made of old, rusty nails. She's best pony and I love her; I could not heal her in five seconds because, well, that would just be papering over the cracks.
You're world building, that's good, it's an interesting world.
Quick question. Did the diary update magically even though she was in the "hospital" or was that a monologue she did herself in the institution?
Oh sh*t. It is getting real now.
105296 tah'ra gil'es'bie? i see what you did there..
incidentally, i love cliffhangers. and i also love this story. awesome stuff, dude. awesome stuff. although i dont get why everyone reading is like 'nooo grimdark this is bad allow me to leave now!'
its not that bad, seriously.
111756 i think she did that herself. i feel like its just an excerpt so u know whats goin on in her life now. but i cant be sure, hopefully the author will tell us.
My subjective opinions on ratings and tags:
Twilight Sparkle has violent nightmares after having been tortured by a bad scientist. The reason she was put under her "care" in the first place was that she transformed her other doctors, and one of them died in a particularly chilling yet casually mentioned manner.
That's pretty much the definition of Grimdark: blood, madness, and death are the sources of the drama. It's not just for slasher fics like Cupcakes and Rainbow Factory.
"Sad" covers everything from breakups and really bad days to one pony's death and a touching funeral afterward. Those stories' drama comes from loss, the threat of loss, or the tragic side of the "human" experience.
Anyway, I am looking forward to reading more of the horrible, horrible things you're doing to these poor little ponies.
111756
Twilight was talking to herself there. Sorry if that wasn't sufficiently clear.
112014
They, um, kinda did. The diary contains a list of all the fractures, bruises, cuts, eye damage, nerve damage and other assorted unpleasantnesses that Twilight's been suffering for... 146 days, if memory serves, and probably long before then. That confirms that she does actually need them, and necessary treatment is not the same thing as addiction.
112122
I entirely agree with you; however, this fic is nowhere near finished, and it will become more sad than dark over time. We just have to get the dark out of the way so that Twi and everypony else can heal.
112284
Oh no, I just meant that it seemed to go like -
1) AJ has a hunch that Twi is drugged up
2) Get friends together.
3) Grab/Knock out, and ship off to rehab.
There just didn't seem to be the step of -
#) Confirm presence of drugs
Maybe have Dash darting into the kitchen to search then yelling "Found some!"?
Also, same scene -
>"Except she didn't, because the first painkiller I've taken in years I took was today!
I think that's supposed to be "Except I didn't
112472
You assume correctly, but that last point's not a typo. Twilight just got fed up of being talked about like she wasn't there.
LUNA IS IS DRAGONBORN ...
wait dragonborn's yell at dragons but yells at ponies........
LUNA IS PONYBORN
112521
Dammit, y'all beat me to the reference.
When are you going to finish the next chapter? I can't wait
Wonderful psychological horror story! Tracking.
Oh shiizzzz, it's about to go all the way live.
I AM SO EXCITED.
112630
Thank you very much for doing so! I hope you enjoy the rest of the fic.
113268
Yes... for a time. I'm debating whether or not to split the battle across two chapters. On the one hand, it might make the pacing work better. On the other, I have no pressing desire to be hung, drawn and quartered by an angry mob. Decisions, decisions...
Im going to have to apologize. i left a comment 3 weeks ago or something, about how much i hated this story. im sorry for that.
i decided to give it another chance this evening and i still get that wierd feeling in my stomach as i read but i guess that's what a good written [Sad] [Dark] fic is supossed to do. and now that chapter 4 was out that didnt leave the story looking completely dark and disgusting. i found myself crying at times.
And it's been along times since i found myself so happy as when Celestia and Luna rushed into Tenderhearts house and started screaming. that was trully epic! for me. and the last paragraph in chapter 4 made me smile so hard my jaws hurt a little.
well.. i guess im hooked, i'll be eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
<3
113523
Well... this is almost unprecedented. I've tried to take the criticism I get on board and edit in people's ideas, and it seems to be working. Apology wholeheartedly accepted and I hope you're not disappointed with the rest of the fic - which, by the way, is a long way fro being completed. As is rapidly becoming my catchphrase, it's less about the hurting of Twilight and more about the healing... with the occasional battle scene. That's in the next chapter, actually - I've been researching how to write them properly, since this is very much my first attempt at doing so. I'm glad you're enjoying my fic (if that's the right word for a sadfic) and I'm equally glad you're sticking around. =]
Also, if you're waiting for updates and you've got an hour free, you could do a lot worse than check out Witch Of The Westmareland, a 10k-word comedy adventure involving Applejack, Ditzy Doo and various pieces of snarky backchat. Just a suggestion, considering it shares a universe with The L Words.
The story is great so far, I dunno how far you are going to take it but keep making it awesome!
113706 im far from dissapointed with the fic so far, though i have to say that chapter 4 is my fave so far.
and im looking forward to the end of "Hurting Twilight". the Healing thing sounds really interesting tbh.
So yeah.. i'll stick around and good luck with the future chapters :)
and if i find some spare time i'll read Witch Of The Westmareland! sadly i am a busy pony these days...