The sun had just risen over the horizon beyond Ponyville, and Applejack awoke with it. A smile set itself upon her face; the order of the day was bucking down the last of the summer crop for the market. There was, she reasoned, no better use for your legs - at least, not in public - and if they got it done in time, she might have enough light left to get Big Macintosh and the other colts wasted enough on scrumpy to break out into song. That was always hilarious, especially since her brother was the only one among them with any talent in that regard. She'd just have to be careful not to join in on the love songs-
Now wait jes' one apple-buckin' minute, she thought, why would Ah not need ta do that? Ah've never met a stallion Ah've been interested in that way, so why's it matter? Or mare, fer that matter, not since Rainbow - aw, dangit, now Ah've got mahself all flustered. Best git out buckin' afore Ah do sump'n the Princesses wouldn't like.
Her hat jammed firmly on her head, AJ walked downstairs to grab something to eat. A photograph on her dresser sat in its usual place.
It showed all four of her best friends.
*******
Rainbow Dash was lazing atop a cloud above the orchards, as per her schedule. Naps were her second-favourite activity (and definitely her favourite inactivity), especially when they annoyed her more industrious friends.
"Rainbow Dash, y'all git that raincloud out from over mah head right now! So help me, Ah will buck yer until yer eatin' through a straw, ya good-fer-noth-" The rest of the tirade was cut off by the aforementioned good-for-noth as she jumped on the cloud. Undaunted by the sudden localised monsoon, Applejack continued bellowing at her friend until the cloud finally dissipated. "-with mah biggest, rustiest plough!" Dash guffawed at the sodden earth pony and blazed off into the distance, still chuckling by the time she got to the Mandala mountains several leagues away. She knew they were called that after some bigwig unicorn nerd who'd mapped the whole lot via teleportation, and it had reminded her of a friend like that-
"Wait," she said to herself whilst landing delicately on a snow-bearing cumulus, "why would I know somepony like that, or even call them a friend? I don't. Not even Fluttershy's that lame... aw, stop it, Rainbow, you're being mean. Almost as mean as that grouchy little guy who lives in the old treehouse in the centre of town. Hey, I don't think anypony's using this cloud... maybe I can make Pinkie Pie look like she's gone nuts again." With a cackle that was only moderately evil, she tore off back to Ponyville, pushing the cloud back with her as she went. She thought about her friends idly as she flew to prank them, about how she'd never leave even one of them behind. Even Fluttershy, without a doubt the most uncool of the sive of them.
Sive? What the hay kind of a number's sive? Meh. Maybe I shoulda paid more attention in school...
*******
Rarity knew the sun was up in the same general way that she knew Cranes existed; they were very far away and didn't affect her very much. She simply had to get these dresses done on time, and inspiration was proving difficult to find; the client had said something about a star-themed dress that had shown up at the previous year's Grand Galloping Gala, and though she dimly remembered seeing a dress like that - dim was the right word for it, the memories of the dress and its intended recipient twisting out of her reach like mist on a moor - she could not fathom how the thing was cut or even the gems shey'd used.
She bridled immediately at the strange, unusual word. I must have been socialising with Applejack too much; I've picked up her habit of butchering the Equestrian language. Perhaps... oh, why do keep thinking pale blues? Ms. Fairy Cakes is green, for goodness' sake! Subconscious, have you not heard of colour co-ordination? She sighed, gave finding out up for a lost cause, and decided to go for a walk through town to clear her mind. Sweetie Belle was out with the Crusaders trying to get dragon-slaying cutie marks for the third time that week; she didn't exactly approve, but the dragon in the abandoned library was very ungentlecoltly. The first time they'd met, he'd got down on his knees and begged her to bring back somepony... the name escaped her, and after she'd backed off and said she didn't know what he was talking about, he'd got violent. In the end, the Mayor had involved herself in proceedings and had a quiet word with the poor lamb. For his assault, he'd been put under house arrest. She idly wondered what had been done about the painkiller addiction, and then immediately forgot why.
The walk did indeed do her good; a few minutes into her walk through the marketplace, inspiration arrived in the form of a dust-covered tome of magic, of all things. In a flash, she knew exactly how to cut and colour the slim, flank-clinging dress she knew Fairy Cakes would love. Inspiration struck in the very oddest ways sometimes...
An hour after blitzing through some preliminary cut work and fabric choices, a very happy Rarity bounced out into the street to celebrate. Fluttershy was still treating the hedgehogs, so that ruled a spa visit out, and the others, well... she loved them dearly, but they were too much sometimes. Sugarcube Corner, therefore, seemed just the ticket. Something nice and sugary to fire her up for later. She trotted into the bakery, saw the long, iron-flat mane of her friend, and smiled. Today had been very good indeed.
*******
"Hello there, Pinkie darling! Isn't it just the loveliest day outside today?" Rarity sashayed through the door of Sugarcube Corner and planting herself at a nearby table.
"Yeah, I guess... I guess it is," called Pinkie from the kitchen. Her voice was monotone, almost drab; the spark had gone as much from it as it had from her voice and mane. Nopony out of her friends seemed to have noticed, even though it had been three weeks since she'd been like that. Since they stole her friend.
"Quite so, darling. Now then, what to have, what to have... oh, the chocolate muffins look divine!"
"There's a present for Ditzy Doo, she's really cut up about the whole thing. Or did you forget her too," Pinky snapped, her voice cracking slightly. Rarity looked shocked for a moment, then put on the face Pinkie had come to loathe. The forgetting face.
"Alright, Pinkie, there's no need for that. I don't know why you insist on indulging that dragon's fantasies, darling; there's no such mare as Twilight Sparkle. You remember what happened when you shouted at that dragon's guards." The pair of them shivered, one more than the other. "Now then, let's just... talk about something else. Those pies smell lovely, are they a new recipe?"
As if a light bulb had been switched off in whatever fractal mess counted for her brain, Pinkie walked back out to Rarity to talk shop for a while. Those were moments she'd treasured, over the weeks and months since Twilight's incarceration. It felt like everything was normal again, but then she'd say something about an adventure they'd had and Rarity would give her a really weird look and the energy would drift away before it could land properly. She missed it.
She missed everything that her friends had taken away.
And so, once the beautiful white unicorn had been packed off back to her studio with a bag of apple strudels and a Pinkie Pie grin as forced as a vault door in a bank robbery, Pinkie Pie trotted into the kitchen, watched snow falling outside the bakery window, hummed the Winter Wrap Up song and shook with the effort of not crying.
*******
The flight to the mountains had done Rainbow Dash a power of good, and now she was as raring to go as she'd always been. Her trick hadn't really been worth it; Pinkie hadn't run out to proclaim the coming of winter like last time, so she'd simply bucked the cloud into nothingness and given it up for a dead loss. She wondered for a while about what it was she ought to do.
"Hey, you know who I haven't seen in a while? Fluttershy. I know, I know, she's not very awesome, but it's nice to watch her work sometimes. Aw, horsefeathers, I'm monologuing out loud again." With that peculiar aside over with, she sped off to the cottage to find the dustbin overflowing with energy drink cans. Something wasn't right here, it reminded her of something but she couldn't pin down what, and that bothered her. Not as much as Fluttershy's appearance did, though.
"Um... Fluttershy? Are you okay? You're, uh, you're vibrating."
"vvzvvzzzv? vvvzvvzvvvzzzsdzvzv." Fluttershy looked like she'd survived a train crash only to be dragged through an entire forest backwards by an angry bear. Her mane was completely ragged, her pupils had massively dilated, she hadn't been brushed in forever (and curing that was an extremely pleasant thought for the blue pegasus for the nanosecond she allowed herself to think it) and there was this overpowering smell about her, like every bad thing about a hospital rolled into one, including the bedpans. Rainbow reeled backwards slightly.
"Uh... Shy, I didn't get any of that. Is that even Equestrian? You need to take a br-" Before she could finish, Fluttershy began to shout at her. Rainbow immediately remembered the massive arguments she'd had with AJ before they'd broken up and cringed, though the Southern-fried farmpony had never spoken so quickly.
"I'mgonnasaythisslowlysoyouunderstandyoubigdumblunkofmeanmeanieness! Icannottakeabreakfromthisevenforasecondbecausewhenyoudraggedmeawaysodarnedslowlytwobabyhedgehogsdied!
AndIstilldontknowwhybecausetheonlyponywithevenatenthasmuchveterinaryandmedicalknowledgeasmeyoutookaway!
HowthehayamIsupposedtotakeabreakwhenlittleanimalsdieifIturnmybackonthemforsomuchasasinglesecond!
Icantsleeportheywilldie! Icantletthemdie!
Andanywaywhoareyoutolecturemeonwhethersomeponyisalrightwhenyouforgetyourfriendentirelyafterdroppingherinahospital!
Stopbeingsoslowandletmegetbacktomyjob!" With that, the door slammed in Rainbow's face and there was a small sonic boom from inside the house.
Rainbow Dash's ears were ringing, which didn't go well at all with her spinning vision. She walked back down the track towards Ponyville, noticing after a while that her muzzle was wet. But what did that matter.
*******
"Mommy, what's wrong?"
It never ceased to amaze Ditzy Doo how perceptive her daughter was. She'd got good at hiding her emotions; they had been a sign of weakness during her foalhood, one she'd been careful to eliminate.
"Oh, nothing really, little muffin. It's just... Mommy had a bad day at work today. How was school?"
"Really fun, it was Home Ec last period so I brought you back some muffins. Oh, and Miss Cheerilee gave my project 134%, I didn't even know you could get tha- oof!" Dinky tried to force some air back into her lungs as her mother hugged her tight.
"Best. Daughter. Ever. Let's try those muffins!"
They did, and they were good. After a few hours of quiet reading, Sparkler came home from the after-school jeweller's club. "Hi Mom, hi Dinky! Got everyone some flapjacks from Sweet Apple Acres, hope you don't mind..."
"Why would we mind, sweetie?"
"Yeah, big sister, why?" Sparkler still got a kick out of Dinky calling her that, even after all their years together. She grinned and hugged the grey mares, then broke out a book on DIY ballistics and joined the comfortable, happy silence.
After a while, the little pudgy unicorn broke it. "Mom, do you remember a mare called Twilight Sparkle? Used to run the library?"
Ditzy swallowed hard. "Of course, dear. She was... is a friend. Why do you ask?"
"Well, I was talking to Applebloom-"
"That'll be your girlfriend Applebloom, then," said Sparkler. It was a running gag in their family, and it was funny because it was true, for given values of true.
"-Shuddup, Sparkler. Anyway, I was talking to Applebloom about how I missed going to the library and talking to her about books, learning magic with her, stuff like that. And Applebloom said the weirdest thing."
"Oh yes, little muffin?"
"She said there was no such mare. Now, we're not crazy. So something's happened - Mommy? You're all pale. Do you want me to get your snuggie?" A hint of worry crept into Dinky's voice as her mother sat and stared wide-eyed at nothing in particular.
"It affects blood relations..." Ditzy mumbled. "But she's in prison, I know she is, I watched the Princess put her there... this is a dream," she continued, her voice now oddly bright and brittle, like a sunny day in the depths of winter. "That's all it can be. Just a dream. A horrible, horrible dream." She rubbed the silver chain at her neck, remembering an old adventure, and gathered her children up in a big hug. "Except it isn't, is it. It just isn't."
She straightened up. "Mommy has to go and speak to your Uncle Spike. Sparkler, you're in charge. I might be gone for a few days, but you know where my bits are. Dinky, don't stay up too late reading. You too, Sparkler. And... remember that I love you both. Always." With that, she flew out into the night.
Sparkler turned to look at Dinky. "Now, what do you suppose is eating her?"
*******
dark
dark going to light lots of light can see a white room too bright too bright hurts hurts so bad help please no
dark
hurts
hear them talking hear them laughing hear them hear them no light please no hurts fire burning burning help me help me help me please help me hurts
dark
sick again
thrash again try to move have to leave hear snap bone gone hurts stop bleed sick again stop stop please no no no light bright hurts im sorry im sorry im sorry im
dark
burns
hurts
dark
light
darklightdarklightdarklightdarklight
im sorry
Caducea and Shining Light watched on as the little purple unicorn had yet another seizure. They smiled at each other, the latter's eyes oddly warm in the brushed-steel control room, and they took a few desultory attempts at notes. The thought of scientific endeavour had long since been swept aside in the pursuit of pain. After a few minutes, punctuated by silenced screaming from the unicorn lashed to the table with her eyes wired open, Shining Light turned to her boss and spoke, her presentation cut-glass accent long gone.
"Hey, Aki... tell me why we do what we do again. I mean, it's fun, but-"
"Then there you are. Pain, Miss Light, is an art as much as it is a science. We are artists, my dear, experimental and bold, seeking new media to work in and crafting symphonies from screams. Ponies who will not be missed, or should not be missed, will be made into art for everypony to enjoy. And please... you will address me with some measure of respect. I think... Mistress will suffice for now."
A familiar rush of blood ran through Light at the thought of that. "Y'know," she said, batting her long eyelashes, "I really love hearing you say that, Mistress. I really do." A brief grunt from the aforementioned Mistress told the golden-maned unicorn everything she needed to know.
Foolish child, thought Caducea as she made her aide lick her again - making people do things was, after all, something of a talent. Another simpleton lured by promises and trinkets and pretty little strung-together lies. You were bought as easily as a whore under a dockside lamp. You're even worse than me... except at doing that. Yes. Buck me yes. I'll have to try that move on dear little Twilight later. Not so little any more though... there's less point to it. Perhaps I'll have to counterbalance it with more pain. That reminds me, I've got to spend some quality time with my little filly later. Bring back all her favourite toys... oh, sweet Nightmare bucking Moon, Light's got some talent... because I've got my second chance, courtesy of the world's dippiest princess. Honestly, ponies are so easy to manipulate. I wonder why nopony really does it? Turn on the waterworks, talk incessantly about remorse like a foal up past its bedtime, and you're free. Not everypony deserves a second chance, or even a first, but I've got mine.
And this time... this time, I will not fail.
*******
Spike heard the door open, yelled the usual "We're closed, go away," and was surprised to hear continued hoofsteps on the hard wooden floor.
"Spike? It's me, it's Ditzy... I think I know what happened."
"Uh huh, you and everyone else. Twilight was crazy and on drugs so they took her away. That's their story and they're sticking to it. Even though they've disowned her."
"Drug addiction? Spike, she's not on drugs-"
Spike let out a short sigh that cut the pegasus off with the efficacy of a sniper's bullet and half as much warmth. "The others think she is. And it's my fault. They think she's addicted to p-painkillers... they took her away and I can't find her and it's all my fault..." His legs couldn't support him, and so they didn't try. Ditzy rushed over to him and wrapped her wings over his hard, newly-bony frame.
"It's okay, muffin... it's not your fault, it really-"
"I dosed her with them!" Ditzy reeled back in shock, eyes widening as they spun in her head. "I poured them down her throat because she was in so much pain! And now they've taken her away from me and I want her back because I love her, D-Ditzy, I love her so much..." He was incomprehensible after that, emitting nothing save a stream of snivelling grunts. The grey mare couldn't speak for some time after that.
"You were helping her, Spike. You were helping her. Nothing can take that away from you."
"Except her friends. Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash... they even g-got Fluttershy in to do the analysis. I tried to tell them... they wouldn't listen. And now they're acting like she doesn't even exist! It hurts, Ditzy, it hurts so bad..."
"I know, little muffin, I know... Spike, please tell me if I'm out of line, but doesn't this whole thing seem a little... you know... familiar?"
"What?" Spike paled. "No. You're wrong. Twilight's just been taken away somewhere. The doctor's in prison, there's no way-"
"That, my little dragon," said a voice that trembled with hidden regret, "is what we need to talk about. Come, sit... there's a story you both must hear. It seems that once again I've failed my most faithful student and closest friend. For what it may be worth, Spike... I am so, so sorry."
HOLY SHIT this story got REAL. YOU MUST CONTINUE THIS AT ONCE
Wait what ditzy is the princess
The writing style really is superb in this. I'm stunned at the lack of traffic it's getting. You should consider submitting this to Equestria Daily.
Shit just got real....AHHHNVZISNFBKNZDFVB IT updated YES. Weeeeeeee this story is so fucking cooool. I love love loooove How Pinkie and Fluttershy still remember and how the last three also unconsciously remember. It means there is still hope for Twi 8D Yay.
Also Next Chapter is probably backstory YES. Waiting for it eagerly(I just noticed how eagerly is spelled so weird).
Also the timeflow of the story feels kinda messed up...It's been months or weeks since they last saw Twi? or was that just an illusion?
79089
It has indeed been months since they dumped Twilight at Moon River. I'm glad you like the story, so keep watching the internets, true believer!
78703
I intend to continue it. However, Ditzy Doo is not an alicorn (even though it makes me want to squee and bounce around painting smiley faces on everything); Princess Celestia has just finally worked out what the hell's happening and is, as Princesses are wont to do, finding some heroes to do the legwork. There's actually a reason for this. If Celestia did take a more proactive role in a fight against an eldritch abomination and something went horribly wrong, Equestria does not have anypony capable of raising the sun. Which is, as you've probably inferred from the countless grimdark fics on the subject, a Very Bad Thing.
78878
I'm extremely flattered, but my updates are too infrequent and my chapters too small (they have to be over 3k words or some other such chickenman-inspired bellendery). In the big ol' edit that tends to happen, I'll probably end up mashing some chapters together so that they become acceptable, but that in turn implies a fic with massive injuries to the Best Pony and having her actually tortured would get through at all. Maybe I could get it through as part of the Westmareland Cycle... meh. Thank you again for your very kind words, and I hope I continue to give you cause to say them.
79263 I don't think you'd have a problem with this. So far, EqD's never rejected anything I've sent them, so I'm pretty familiar with what they want. They do want updates in chunks of at least 3k words, but that shouldn't be a problem, and it's okay for those words to be spread across several chapters. You've got enough here for an initial submission, and frankly I don't think they really enforce the 3k word requirement after the initial piece. There are many stories on that site that seem to do short updates. On the other hand, you can wait until there are several chapters accumulated before notifying them of an update. There are also plenty of stories there that go for a month or more between updates. In short, I don't think any of your concerns would be a problem. You could even wait until the story's complete if you like.
I do understand why they state a word limit - otherwise, writers would be producing very short chapters all the time, which wouldn't flow well in such short bursts, in order to make the update list every day and get maximum exposure.
You will catch some flame over there for a dark story, but it won't really carry over into your rating here, and it will direct a lot more people here who would genuinely enjoy this. I've always found their pre-readers to give helpful advice, too.
Well, as interesting as it'll be to see how they first met Caducea and how it is that Ditzy and whoever she gets to accompany her deal with her this time around, the real end of the story will be when caring doctors put what the evil freak casually mangled back together into a unicorn. I don't much like the odds of the one they started out with coming back but they will have something functional at the end of the process.....which, while saddening me, seems an appropriate punishment for the slower-thinking members of the Mane Six.
Holy schitt this is awesome. I always like seeing main characters suffer. Also this disturbed me somewhat.
Is there a cenobyte problem?
80032 That's your analysis of the odds and you're entitled to it.
80083 Nope, mostly because I never really got into the Hellraiser films or Clive Barker in general. There are supernatural elements in any pony story (what is magic if not supernatural) but the overtly demonic stuff? A) Barker's doing it wrong, for my money at least, and B) I'm saving it up for something special.
I'm really sorry but I don't feel comfortable reading this. I usually avoid anything this dark.
81544 That's entirely your prerogative, old sock. It is a dark fic, and will remain so right until the very end. I do hope, however, that you stick around for the other instalments in the Westmareland Cycle. The Pinkie Pie fic in particular should be more to your taste.
82177
Thank you for being so understanding, friend. I will most definitely stay around for the rest of the cycle, as I still very much enjoy your style of writing, and look forward to the rest of the grand narrative.
Anyway, sorry for not holding to my word out of my faint-heartedness. I wish you all the best and will still be checking your page eagerly for the next story.
Happy Hearth's Warming Eve!
As much as I like this fic, I don't think the time skip really works. I'm pretty sure Spike would write to Celestia as soon as he woke up, and even if that didn't bring a response, finding out that three members of the elements flat out forgot about Twilight should have. shortening the time span or changing the effects of the memory spell would make things more believable, but I just don't think Celestia would let the disappearance of her prized pupil go for so long.
82980 You raise a fine point, and one I cannot answer within the timeframe I have. Please allow me to return to this discussion in five hours?
I have absolutely no idea what's going on in this fanfic. can someone explain?
83455
Spoiler warning
-----------------------------
Twilight seems to have been a part of some psychopatic medical testing including much pain and suffering. The doctor who did this to her was put away, and Twilight got her life back on tracks, though still suffering at nights because of the traumas.
After they defeated Discord, these traumas have regained their grip from Twilight. Her friends don't understand at all, since they never knew about it, so they thought her bad condition was because of painkiller addiction. Without their knowing, they lead Twilight back to the place she got her traumas from.
Now Twilight's there, in the same room, with the same doctor doing the same horrifying things to her. Seemingly the doctor doesn't even test anything with Twilight, she just enjoys the pain she brings to her.
---------------------------------
Disgusting, that's all I can say. But since I began, I won't stop until the end. (oh why i'm doing this to me)
Please, end it quick.
i was struggling to not curse and be impolite. But!
i really don't like this story at all, i find it "disgusting" to be honest.
The writing is really good, i'll give you that, but the story line itself is nasty.
I am not lying when i say that my stomach turned more then once while i was reading this.
great writing, but i will Not! be back for more.
83507
My little pony: Justine
82980 Sorry, it's been six. Can't remember why... But yeah, that's a fine point. However, I don't think Spike would write to Celestia straight away; partially because he's still gonna be groggy for a few days, and partly because after those few days the doubt will have set in and he'll dissolve into the mess we see him in at the end of The Lapse. As for Celestia, well, this takes place after Lesson Zero. All the others write letters approximately once a week (without knowing entirely why), so there's not nearly as much scale for noticing. It might be idly curious that Twilight hadn't sent a letter for a few months, but since we didn't have a friendship report for a month either from ANYONE affiliated with Twilight, I'm willing to let it slide.
78745 probably because we like to see the growth that comes out of that pain and triumph
anyway can't wait for the next chapter
83507 Don't worry. As everyone tends to be saying to the LGBT teen community at present, it gets better (I'm assuming you got here from Equestria Daily, in which case YAY!). Whilst right now it focusses on Caducea's psychopathy and Twilight's pain, this fic is nowhere near finished and will get better from here. Indeed, I can hardly even consider it a spoiler to say that Twilight will heal and that it will take time to do.
83520 That's a bit of a shame, since it really won't concentrate on Twilight's torture beyond the fifth chapter and only occasional allusions to it with her (actual, real, properly trained, non-batfuck-insano-crazy-go-nuts) therapists. I can't make you read it, of course, that would be rather silly and against what I believe... but I'm glad you liked the writing style. For said style applied to a non-Grimdark premise, please consider Witch Of The Westmareland.
83489 Because I've got a story to tell. I beg you reserve judgement as to the story's necessity until I've finished telling it.
83646 i still stand by that i wont read this story any further, since it really made me feel physically bad. i might get around to reading this when im more stable, but that is not certain.
But i will read Witch Of The Westmareland, depending of the story itself :)
I need to start looking at the tags because i thought this was a ship fic. great story I cant wait for more.
i love this. it's nice to see twi suffer. she has everything going for her.
I also love how you describe the seizure. darklightdarklight...
Really progressive and well though our story. I would very much love to see the next chapter soon. Keep up the great work!
Thought* Out*
Don't know why my keyboard is responding so weirdly today...
This is great, except I don't want to say it's great because I hate to think of poor Twilight suffering. But the writing is very well done, the characters' personalities are right on track, and hopefully we'll make up for all of this darkness with a happy ending, yes?
Thanks for writing this.
83993 I'm very glad you enjoyed it thus far, and I'm definitely going to try and hammer something out before the end of the year. Yay productivity! I have thought this out a lot more than my other stories due to the episodic structure of the piece - it's paced more like TV than it is like a book or a film, in the same way that Dickens novels were originally serialised in daily newspapers. Not that I'm comparing myself to Dickens, of course. The man's an utter hack...
83926 I'm guessing you used that emoticon because we don't have a Twilight-screams-in-utter-agony face (and frankly, I'd be extremely worried about Knighty if we did), but I'm glad you've enjoyed it. However, one small caveat is that this ain't not no hatefic; Twilight gets rescued and does heal (indeed, I'd say that that will be much more what the completed fic is about rather than just watching her get mentally and physically ripped apart by a psychopathic doctor).
83884 The, er... the shipping comes later and we'll leave it at that. Anything else would constitute massive spoilers.
84015 Yes we do. It's in the blog - this fic's more about the healing than the hurting.
This just reads at a pretentious attempt at a deep, abstract thriller.
Incomprehensible is the new intelligent, after all.
84133
I'm not the author so I don't know if I have the authority to respond to this, but based on your assessment of this fic as "incomprehensible," I'd guess that you've only read the first chapter, which was indeed very difficult to understand. That being said, I want to encourage you to keep reading, because while I was skeptical after the first chapter as well, I'm now really intrigued with this fic.
Sorry to butt in. I just saw a comment expressing what I was thinking before starting the fic proper and figured I'd throw my two cents out there.
83646
She isn't the only one that will end up bouncing back from this, I should think. I can already see that Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie are starting to fray around the edges and figuring out that they don't have Twilight or each other really figured out will do a real number on Rarity, Rainbow Dash and especially Applejack. Even Ditzy is going to need time to recover from this.....again. I just hope the FPS doesn't try anything stupid this time.
83600 How do they get the letters to Celestia without Spike sending them? Even with your explanation, it's still a massive plot hole; the situation presumes that, for several months: Celestia never once wrote to Twilight or Spike, neither princess visited Ponyville, AJ, RD, and Rarity didn't notice that Fluttershy and Pinkie are going crazy, they didn't notice that they basically forgot a year+ of their lives, no one in Ponyville, including Ditzy, thought to question why they suddenly and literally forgot about one of their best friends, Celestia failed to notice that she hasn't received a single letter from Spike or Twilight, and so on. Shortening the time skip down to a couple weeks would mostly resolve the problems and wouldn't affect the story.
Honestly, though, I do like the story; this is the longest review of anything I've ever written.
I feel bad for Spike the most out of all the characters in this. I don't know why. Anyways, I look forward to seeing more chapters soon.
(Also I shed a *MANLY* tear when Pinkie Pie when she hummed the Winter Wrap-up song)
.....Celestia, what the ever loving christfuck is wrong with you?
85107 She sees the best in people and is, at the end of the day, the absolute monarch of a fairly sizeable country. That sort of thing can take a chunk out of your free time; more information on that will be forthcoming in later chapters. Suffice it to say that Caducea is extremely intelligent and knows how people think, even though she doesn't care about them at all.
.........so much i want to know so much i must know continue asap
This is really good so far~! I can't wait to read the next chapter! I'm glad Pinkie remembers Twilight. I don't know if the others are faking that they don't remember or some kind of spell went over them to make them forget (I bet it's the second choice) Anyway, great idea so far! Can't wait for more!!!!
What
I'm sure this will all make sense in a bit. It's all so serious!
Btw, haters, please restrain-- the writing's good, and there's no need for that just because it's confusing at first.
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Hooray for the scott pilgrim vs the world reference
85551 The wards mentioned at the end of Chapter 2 are spell wards. Those are what caused the memory loss. In retrospect, this could and should have been clearer.
WHAT THE F*** i NEED MORE I NEED MORE INEED MORE INEED MORE INEEDMOREMOREMOREMOREMOREmoremoremoremoremore...
I love the style of writing used in this story, and surprisingly, I see nothing wrong with Twi being hurt as such, mostly because she usually never has any problems, unlike the other five (Except in Lesson Zero)... Off of that though, I can't WAIT for the next chapter. If it doesn't come out soon, I'll go insane...
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Blibbledy-wibble hey nonny nonny *splish*
On a more serious note, The Leader should be out by the end of the year. Definitely before 15th January.
I think I've become an addict....to this fanfic. I MUST HAVE MORE!
88649 Fanfic addiction recovery is one of many treatment plans available at Moon River Hospice. Ask in your local asylum for a brochure!
"It showed all four of her best friends." aw yeah! Loving the foreshadowing! (is it Pinkie? is it Twilight in result of multiple brainwashing a.s.o) I don't know (yet) but I will now keep reading!
Laaaast christmas I gave you my heart and the very next day you gave it away.... Thank you for planting that song in my head now xD