A Story of Love (Among Others)

by TheMareWhoSaysNi

Written in the Wind

Little after Soarin's call, I slept for half an hour. When I woke up it was almost two in the morning and I was lying on the couch at the exact same place where I was when I decided to break up with him. I had never been so out of sorts than tonight, not even when I was a preteen beaten up by the others. In those days, it wasn't that I couldn't stop it, it was that I thought it wasn't worth to fight back.

The bits and pieces of my phone lied on my coffee table. I was going to have to buy a new one again! Smartphone sales surely increased grossly in Equestria thanks to me. Well, thanks to Filthy Rich, rather. I clenched my fists against my gala dress. Even thinking his name hurt. Had to close my eyes and breath out to get that feeling off my heart.

I needed a good shower. The hair artists had found no better idea than to smear my hair with gel and now they looked sticky and dirty. My makeup had dripped and my poor dress, which was so beautiful when I stepped on the stage now was closer to a second-hand rag than a haute couture piece.

Fire Streak came to me, crouched and gave me a glass of fresh water.

"Do you think he's going to do it? Convince Filthy Rich that it's enough now and that he had to be at Daring Doo's wedding? What will happen if... he just can't?"

"Don't worry too much about that. I can garantee he'll be there after what I said to him. If he doesn't come, he'll lose you for real and even I won't be able to do anything to help. So he'll come. Take a sip, water's always good for the body."

There were few chances for water to do anything to me but the worse was behind me anyway. If Soarin couldn't keep his promise and wouldn't come maybe it was going to be hard for me to get over it but for now, I didn't want to think about it. I wanted to have trust and tell myself he would be here. So, I sipped on my fresh water and noticed that, indeed, it felt good. I had never noticed water was so pleasant.

Fire Streak's phone melody, Countess Coloratura's song, suddenly rang. He picked it up casually and my first thought is to tell myself maybe this was Soarin with a good news.

"Hello? Rara? What's wrong? Please, stop crying, I don't understand a word of what you say. Speaker slower. Yeah, like this."

I looked at him, while drinking on my water. What was Coloratura's problem? He said she was crying. Maybe she argued with her record company's CEO again. I pricked my ears to try to decipher the conversation but I couldn't grasp her voice. Pinkie had to give me lessons to spy discussions from the others.

"Dash..." Fire Streak said, a hand on his phone. "Coloratura's not feeling very well, she wants me to come over. Would it bother you if I let you alone?"

"No, it wouldn't. Go and see her. I'm okay."

"Are you sure? Do you want me to ask Cheese Sandwich to stay over here tonight?"

"Don't bother Cheese Sandwich at two in the morning. I told you I was okay. Go and see her. She needs you more than me."

I wasn't some little girl who needed a substitute brother to tuck me in bed. My anxiety attack was behind me now and I knew I wouldn't give in again before a very long time. Even if Soarin couldn't come at the wedding.

"In this case... Rara? Where are you? Fine. Run a bath, get a glass of wine. I'll be here in less than thirty minutes. Does that suit you? Yeah, me too. See you soon in a minute."

He hung up and put his phone back into his pants' pocket. Then he took a cigarette, lit it and grabbed his jacket left on a chair.

"I'm leaving. Are you sure it's okay? Still, I can call Cheese Sandwich, or any other friends of yours."

"Stop worrying about me. My plan is to have a shower and go to sleep. It was a hard day."

"Fine. And don't think too much," he said, pecking my forehead. "Your Soarin will be there. I'd put money on it."

While he was putting on his shoes in the hall, I called him out. He turned around, asking what was wrong.

"Nothing's wrong. I just want to tell you something. Whatever happens tonight between Rara and you... don't mess up again and try to do the right thing. If I can't ruin my life, you can't ruin yours, and hers by the way."

"Fine, Miss. How all of you say, already? Pinkie Promise!"

Then, he pecked my cheek and left.

I was no fool. I knew Fire Streak and Coloratura would be back together. It was crystal clear. So, as their friends, I had to make sure they would stop hurting each other the way they did. I didn't know what they were going to be yet I knew, for sure, things had to change and Fire Streak would have to make a choice. Having your cake and eating it too was fine for as long as it could last but there always came a time when an adult had to take full responsibilties of their actions.

I took a few steps in my apartment and sat in front of my balcony's opened doors. My curtains were now smelling cigarettes. I thought to myself I had to ask Fire Streak to stop smoking inside. And then I thought about who he was. What a complicated personality he was. Full of contradictions. He was nice yet unbearable, sappy yet a womanizer, trustworthy yet unfaithful... And I owed him so much.

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*
One second, one minute, one hour & one day.

It didn't matter anymore. I've lost track of time and it wasn't in your arms. I was alone and my eyes were drowned. I am a tormented soul. Hypersensitive. Not even a scar.

"You say you hate me but in the end, you need me."

I don't. Not you, I need your f*cking fuel. To hear you yelling words in my ears. Please understand that I'm good to nothing. I'm using you to find my own path. Don't forget that I'm made of steal and cotton. And that my drowning eyes are sometimes fragile. My skin is pale, my lips are chapped and I have dark circles under my eyes. I'm aware of that. I'm here but it's not really me. It's over.

Nothing remains. Not a sound, even my body is silent. Are you seeing anything? Feeling anything? Are you only able of that because you're far from me? Don't lie to me. Look straight into my eyes, for once in your life.

I have the body of an innocent kid and the heart of a bruised adult. But I'm no fool even so. I had only been tricked by "happy ever after" and now my knees hurt. They're bleeding for they had scraped the asphalt for too long. I put my foot on shards of glass along the way. It breaks my bones to the spine. It hurts. When I look up in the mirror, it hurts. Who's that girl? What's that girl? How? Why is she like that? She's hurt and dead and gone. She's me; this is my body, these are my eyes and this is my tongue. Hell, I can't help it. Intense lashes flutter don't change a thing. It's me, nothing else but me. M and E.

I have nothing. I know it and I don't care. That "me" from the past is gone. And as far as the new one is concerned, it's rotten to the core, just don't try to search through the depth, it's destructive. I have to warn you that this me's a cheater. Playing with your eyes like I'm playing with my tears.

I'm tumbling down, I'm staggering and I'm falling flat on my face. I'm screaming and hell it feels good. It doesn't help but it's so f*cking good. It won't set my words free. No, it won't save me from drowning. My words and I are gone. Everything's elusive. Especially life. It's written in the wind.

I've written this text a long time ago, after Firefly's death. Once Fire Streak gone, before I went to sleep, I reread it and arranged it. I needed to express with words what I had been through, my deepest emotions, everything that I can't say. To make sure I would never, never ever feel that way again. Never.

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"Well," Daring Doo said, giving my notebook back to me. "That would make one hell of a novel. If you ever fail in the music industry, I have a conversion for you. Thanks for letting me read... Is it a diary?"

"Not really. I wrote it without thinking about it."

"I had no idea you've been through so much..."

Here! I like people who're not pointlessly empathic, those who want to lecture you about life and how much it's wonderful as if I didn't know my James Stewart movies by heart, those who, when you explained to them you wanted to kill yourself don't go and tell you 'don't you think that's a lack of courage?'. I like those who try to get in your shoes.

Daring Doo's like this. She's so smart she can read between the lines of everyone's reaction.

We were in a private lounge of Silk Street's luxury mall. Daring Doo asked Fire Streak and I to come and wait with her for the last alterations of her wedding dress to be done. When we arrived, three hours earlier, they immediately served us champagne and petit fours. Now we had jasmine tea and lemon cakes. Sometimes I tend to forget I'm friends with such huge stars.

"You know what they say? What matters isn't the fall but how you get up to your feet."

Daring Doo (I call her this way but everyone else says "A.K") looked much younger than her age but she really was an adult inside. Her maturity always striked me. I admired her so much. Out of all my friends, I saw her less than the others since she's a really busy woman but let's face it, she's the most reasonable.

I was so glad she chose us, Fire Streak and I, among all people to be the first ones to see her wedding dress completely done. It proved she really regarded me as her friend and not as a simple acquaintance. Her wedding in Fillydelphia was going to happen within three days, but she would get married at Canterlot's City Hall on Thursday.

Since I'd called Soarin on that weird night, I'd tried to focus back on the other important things in my life. I had to work on my frustration.

Back in my preteen years, when I wrote this text I'd improved a few days ago, I was this withdrawn young girl. Ever since, I overcame each of my past traumas: my mother and Firefly's deaths, my lack of combativeness, the feeling I was worthless even in my own family, my father and siblings' complete lack of interest for what I was going through, the scorn and cruelty of the other teenagers, this period of self-cutting and morbid thoughts such as 'will I suffer much if I jumped through the window?'... Until Filthy Rich came and slowly discouraged me with his wicked games.

I looked for what was good in my life and that wasn't connected to Soarin. I had kept my promise and now I was a professional musician, I lived in an awesome city, in the apartment that used to belong to my mom. It's a lot. Some people would kill to have all this. And I had friends... One by one, I focused on who they are for me and what they give me.

First, there's Pinkamena Diane Pie, aka Pinkie Pie. She's the most amazing person I have ever met. Her outlandishness, her silliness (the same as mine), her generosity, her kindness, her energy and her sense of humor are the qualities which make her my best friend, the most important person in my life. I had no friends before I met Pinkie and I never thought, when I arrived to the CAM that I would ever meet someone like her, so true and so real. I love her so much that no word could describe what she means to me.

Then there's Countess Coloratura, my Rara. Maybe she's not one of the first persons I've met here but she's very close to Pinkie in my heart, for many different reasons. Actually, she's a mix of Pinkie and myself. She can be outlandish and silly too at times but she's also a brash show off and she hides her sensitivity behind high walls of concrete. Life's sometimes a b*tch with her but when things were going down the slope, she's always been there for me. She's not selfish, she's not a coward and she doesn't run away from her problems and fears.

Cheese Sandwich also is someone I really cared about. Just like Rara, I've met him late compared to my other friends but he helped me a lot through that foggy period made in Filthy Rich. He supported me, never giving up or complaining though I know I can be a real pain in the a**, sometimes.

Daring Doo, who I was drinking champagne again with as we were still waiting for someone to tell her the dress was ready, is an important part of my life as well. Just like Fire Streak, drowsing by our side, in his very special way, though he'd spent quite a lot of time trying to hit on my girl friends and to jabber about his disastrous wedding. He happens to be more than meet the eye.

And of course, there's Rarity whose beauty inside and out always fascinated me, Fluttershy who's a real angel, the ultimate truly kind person on Earth, some sort of anti-Filthy Rich. Let's not forget Big Mac, the courageous only guy of the band whose honesty I can always count on and "the twins", Lyra and Bon Bon, who are still in my heart despite distance.

Thinking about them all helped me go through all this with my head high and now I knew I was ready to front life point blank, not aslant, not apologizing of my very existence.

A salesgirl from the boutique appeared before us and dragged me out of my thoughts.

"We're sorry for this long wait. Your dress is ready, Miss Yearling... Would you like to see it before trying it out?"

"No", Daring Doo replied, getting up. "I trust you. Can I try it on right now?"

"Of course. Do you want someone from our jewel department to show you necklaces and bracelets?"

"Yes... Can you wait a little more, Rainbow Dash? You can wake up Fire Streak."

"I'll wait. Don't worry."

She left me and followed the salesgirl in a nearby room. Meanwhile, someone came to bring us new glasses of champagne. So, I guess they wanted me to see double in case the dress would be a horrible puffy frilly thingamajig...

Since Fire Streak was now fully asleep, snoring as loud as an erupting volcano, I took my notebook and leafed through it. It wasn't the notebook Thunderlane stole me, it was another one that I bought especially for writing what I had written down. As soon as I remembered something, I took it and started to tell the story of how Soarin and I got together and what were the greatest challenges we hadn't completely overcome yet. Nostalgia was still strong when I wrote something about the CAM. I would never forget that school, the school which made me who I am today. In a way.

"So... Dash, your opinion? What do I look like?"

I looked up and discovered Daring Doo wearing her wedding dress. It had a bustier, fitted before the dress went flared but not like these awfull "Princess dresses", more like a siren tail with petticoats of muslin under the skirt. It wasn't frilly and the white flowers embroidered on it were pretty. Rarity would like this dress. It was nothing like a cream puff, like our bridesmaid gowns for Fire Streak's wedding. It was very "haute couture", as my friend would say.

"You look stunning... Do you want to have a male opinion?" I asked her, pointing Fire Streak with my chin.

"Nan, wouldn't be necessary. Let him have his beautiful dreams."

"Beautiful dreams? He's probably fantasizing about some "Playboy" model!"

Daring Doo burst out laughing before she stepped to the mirror and admired herself. There was a pearl necklace around her neck, not old-fashioned at all, very tasteful and vintage. She wiggled a bit, not quite at ease in such a dress yet. She had never been the "girly" kind, just like me. Unless her awkwardness came from something else...

"Okay, I'm nervous now."

I got off my chair and stopped to stand by her side in front of the mirror.

"Don't be nervous! Aren't weddings supposed to be happy? Well, I think they're awfully boring and dull but I guess that's different for the bride. More seriously... You're absolutely gorgeous and everyone you love will be here, just for you. What can possibly go wrong?"

"Oh, about a millon things! Thankfully, I have a wedding planner."

We both laughed for a short while, before Daring Doo turned really solemn.

"What about you, Dash? Are you nervous... about Soarin not going, I mean?"

"Why that question? It's your day, not mine!"

"Please, answer me. So I can play my role as a friend."

"I'm not nervous. I'm trying not to think about it. And I'd rather expect the worse, thus I won't be too much disappointed. Or so I hope."

"Hm, that's understandable," she paused. "Phew, I can't wait for this damn ceremony to be over! The best part is wedding night, everybody knows that."

Once again, we burst out laughing, which made Fire Streak wake up in a jolt, asking where he was with a trickle of drool in the corner of his mouth. And we laughed even more, under his sheepish eyes.

I couldn't help if Daring Doo was nervous about the ceremony and she couldn't help if I was trying hard not to think about that wedding too much. That's the way it was. But the very good thing about her was that she never attempted to comfort her friends by saying hollow commonplaces. And I would always love her for that.

Author's Note:

*Poem by my friend Sabah Hamadi

I'm sorry I had been so late in publishing... And I hope you won't be deceived to have such a chapter!

Comments

[Midday Giggle]

Better late than never

Oh, this weeding promises! I now officially like Fire Streak a lot better