• Published 27th Apr 2018
  • 3,368 Views, 131 Comments

Passive Antagonism - DrOcsid

A bored pony sets out to meet his most admired heroes: Twilight Sparkle and her friends. That is, so he can introduce himself as a villain and fight them. For fun, of course.

  • ...

Icing on the Cake

Applejack's morning started out as typical as any other. She woke up in her bed early in the morning, well-rested and ready as ever for yet another day of working on the farm. With the harvesting of apples, watering of crops, and collecting of eggs from the henhouse, Applejack knew she had a long day ahead of her, and she was fine with that. A longer day meant more time to get work done, after all. She got out of her bed and opened her curtains to take a look at the vast pastures of the farm that had been integral to her family for decades. She looked over the various areas of the farm, confirming for herself that everything was just as it had been left last night.

Except it wasn't.

"What in tarnation?! Where's the barn?!" Applejack snatched her hat off the wall and ran downstairs, waking up everypony else in the house with all the commotion she was unwittingly causing. She rushed out the front door towards the farm, and eventually made it to the space where the barn was formerly - it now having been replaced with a pile of burnt wood and ash.

Applejack couldn't really think of a thing to say to this. Aside from the fact that she'd just had her barn destroyed yet again, she was more concerned with the question of how this happened. Why would the barn just catch fire overnight? What could possibly cause that?

As Applejack pondered this, she heard someone running up behind her. She turned around to see Applebloom making her way over, with Big Macintosh following closely behind. "Applejack! What's goin' on?!" she said, finally coming to a stop in front of her. "You dang near woke everypony up! 'Cept for Granny Smith, that is."

"Applebloom, Big Mac, the barn's been burned down!" said Applejack, pointing to the charred remains.

Applebloom and Big Macintosh both looked over at the remains and realized that this mass of charred wood was, indeed, where the barn once was, and both let out respective gasps. "What?! How'd that happen?!" cried Applebloom.

"I don't know! We didn't even keep any flammable stuff in there!" Applejack replied, looking back at the remains. "Well, 'cept for the hay and stuff. And the wood the barn's made out of. But nothin' that could start a fire, 'specially not on accident!"

"Well, uh, can't you use those... 'in-sur-ents' you said you got for it?"

"No, we couldn't afford that anymore after the third or fourth time somethin' happened to it." Applejack walked over to what was left of the barn and kicked a still-standing piece of charred wood over. "And, I mean, at least those times we actually knew what happened. But now it just catches on fire for no reason?"

"That does seem kinda weird," said Applebloom. "But somethin' had to cause it, right?"

"Well, yeah," replied Applejack, walking back over to her sister. "I just can't for the life of me imagine what, y'know?"

Big Macintosh, meanwhile, had decided to say what would probably be his only full sentence for the day. "What 'bout the firebox?"

"The what, now?" Applejack directed her attention to that exact box, which miraculously, was far enough from the barn to remain unscathed. She rushed over to it, discovering it already open, and missing not only a significant amount of firewood, but also the matches used to light it.

"Consarn it!" said Applejack, throwing her hat to the ground. "Somepony did this on purpose!"

Guy Pony's morning started out as different from usual as you could get. This was, after all, his first time ever waking up in Ponyville, and, more importantly, his first time in quite a while of not getting a full night's sleep. That was never a problem for him before - he enjoyed sleeping quite a bit, after all - but he had a bit of a hard time managing it after the events of last night. He'd traveled over to Applejack's farm for a simple prank, and ended up committing arson instead. An accident, yes, but arson nonetheless. Applejack was now out of a barn, and Guy was now out of a clean conscience. Only his second target and he'd already screwed up royally. Good on him.

Jeez, it's been too long since I last did this, he thought. I think I've gotten rusty.

Still, Guy tried to persevere on. He certainly felt guilty for what he'd done, but it was in the past now. He couldn't change what had happened. All he could do is learn from his mistake and, well, not burn anything down again. That seemed simple enough to do, which is what motivated Guy to eventually get out of his motel room bed and don his red cape again.

Besides, nopony had seen him, right? There's no way he'd get caught now. He'd gotten away scot-free. Not a shred of evidence left behind, to his knowledge. He was in the clear, so to speak. Still, that didn't stop Guy from feeling a bit uneasy when he peeked out his motel room door. Putting yourself out in public sure felt different when you knew that you'd done something bad. Leave it to Guy to turn that into something positive, though.

Wait a minute, Guy thought, I just committed a major crime, and not a single pony knows about it. For some reason, that thought made Guy rather giddy. These ponies would inevitably hear about Applejack's barn being burned down, and the culprit would be walking among them without anyone being even close to knowing it. Although Guy didn't really mean to burn down her barn, he was beginning to regret it a little less.

Just a little, though. Guy peeked his head out of his motel room window, then slowly stepped out and shut it. The beginning of a new day, he thought. Now then, what's next for Guy Pony: Villain Extraordinaire? That was two ponies successfully pranked... well, more or less. That left four - Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy.

Rarity seemed like an easy enough target, he'd heard a decent bit about how much of a neat freak she could be sometimes.

Pinkie Pie, on the other hand... Frankly, he had no idea what to expect with her.

As for Rainbow, she lived in Cloudsdale, didn't she? He had no idea how he was even gonna get to her house. He'd have to be creative with her.

Fluttershy, however, would prove the hardest - everypony seemed to describe her as, well, indescribably shy, yet at the same time one of the sweetest ponies you could possibly meet. If what he'd heard was true, that in itself would prove to be the greatest defense against him of all: He couldn't think of anything he could do to her that wouldn't make him feel terrible about it.

"This is gonna be harder than I thought," Guy said, walking out of the shade of the motel into the streets of Ponyville. "I've gotta strategize better. If I end up burning somepony's house down I just might quit this whole villain business and turn myself in." Guy decided he'd start out his "strategization" by deciding the next pony to antagonize. But first thing was first - he was hungry. He needed breakfast. Can't villain on an empty stomach, after all.

Ignoring the fact that "villain" wasn't a verb, Guy trotted down the street, looking for a place he might be able to spend his bits. Guy, however, was an infamously picky eater, which left him with less choices than he'd typically be satisfied with. There were the typical places, burger joints, diners, even hot dog stands, but they had all those in Canterlot. He needed something at least somewhat unique to Ponyville. He was here to try new things, after all.

Guy continued walking down the streets with an air of disappointment gradually growing around him. He was getting hungrier by the minute, and there wasn't a single-

Guy stopped. He looked to the right. He'd recognize that building anywhere. That was none other than Sugarcube Corner, known by some as being the best possible place to satisfy your sweet tooth in a five hundred mile radius. Frankly, Guy was watering at the mouth imagining what sort of sweet treats he could get in there. He'd been wanting to try something from this place for years, and now the opportunity presented itself perfectly.

Guy started to walk toward the front door, but stopped himself again. Wait. What am I thinking? Pinkie Pie works there! I can't go in! Yet, at the same time, he was so hungry, and he so desperately wanted to eat something from there - a muffin, a cupcake, heck, maybe even an entire cake at this point. However, Guy considered his primary objective to just be too important. He couldn't screw it all up now just for a single cupcake, no matter how ridiculously delicious that cupcake may be.

Ridiculous... Delicious... Redelicioulus? Whatever Guy was trying to do in his head there, he resigned himself to simply having to come back later once the ponies were actually aware of his existence. Whenever that may be. He started off looking for a different place to eat, but the second he took another step forward, he stopped himself yet again as something dashed directly into the center of his vision.

"WOAH! Holy sh- Jeez!" Guy exclaimed, just as he realized exactly who it was that had just overloaded his vision with the unusually-alarming color of pink.

He was standing eye-to-eye with Pinkie Pie.

"Whoops! Sorry if I scared you!" Pinkie said in a sincere-sounding yet still overly giddy voice. "I was just too excited! You see, just yesterday, I heard there was somepony new in town! Somepony wearing a red cape! And it is, of course, my customary Pinkie Pie duty to throw a party for anypony who may be new in town! And when I saw you walking outside, I thought to myself, 'Hey, he's wearing a red cape'! So I had to come out and say hi, you know?"

Guy had to take a good few seconds to process both how bad this situation was and the sheer amount of words that had just entered his ears at the speed of... well, sound. "Oh! Yeah! Okay! Alright! Let me just... Give me a second, I need to think about something real quick."

Great! Good job, idiot! You got careless and you went right into the vicinity of the workplace of one of the Element Bearers, and now you've ended up meeting her way sooner than you wanted to. Oh, yeah, villain extraordinaire indeed.

Still, he might be able to salvage this situation. He turned back to Pinkie. "Phew. Okay. Where were we?"

"Well, I was just about to ask you your name!"

"Oh, right, that. My name is, uh..." Don't tell her your real name, dummy! Make up a fake one!

"...Pony... Guy?"

Dear Celestia, I am going to kill me.

"Pony Guy, huh? That's a weird name, but in a good way! It suits you!"

"...Because I'm weird?"

"No, because you're a pony, and you're a guy! Duh! Anyway, since you're new in town, you'd like me to throw you a 'Welcome to Ponyville' party, right?"

"I mean, yeah, sure-" NO! What am I saying?! That'll tell the whole town I'm here! "W-Wait, no, scratch that. I'd love to attend something like that, sure, but unfortunately I've got a really tight schedule these next few days. Wouldn't be able to make it."

"Are you suuuuure? There's free desserts in it for the guest of honor! That's you, by the way."

Wait, free desserts? Oof. That was a heck of an enticing offer. Not only would he be able to get a taste of Sugarcube Corner's famed pastries, but he wouldn't even have to pay for it? The offer suddenly became a lot harder to turn down. But, still, he couldn't have a party all about him going on. It just wouldn't work well with his whole villain scheme.

That is, unless...

"Alright, Pinkie, you've convinced me. I'll come to this party." He saw Pinkie's face light up, but continued before she could say something in response. "On two conditions, that is. The first is that the party will be held exactly one week from now. Is that fine?"

"Sure, works for me!"

"Great." A week wasn't an especially long time, but he figured he'd have already moved pretty far in his plot by then. "Secondly, you can't tell anypony about who this party is for. You can send out invitations and stuff, but don't tell them anything that might give them any info as to who the 'guest of honor' is. No name, no physical description, nothing."


"Because, well... I like surprise parties. But since I already know about it, it stands to reason we could go ahead and surprise everyone else in town instead, right? Does that make sense?"

"Hmm... Not really, but hey, it's your party! Any other requests?"

"Oh yeah, one more thing. Don't tell anyone you met me, okay? For maximum surprise factor."

"Well, if you say so! I've gotta get back to work, but it was nice meeting you, Pony!" And before Guy could respond, Pinkie dashed back in through the doors of Sugarcube Corner.

"...Yeah, you too!" he called after her. Yeesh, that was not something he wanted to have happen. Looked like he was going to have to cross Pinkie Pie off his pranking list for now. Maybe he could use the party to his advantage when the time for that comes. But for now, he was gonna have to do with just the remaining three ponies.

Wait, no, scratch that. For now, he was gonna have to not focus on the villain plot, and finally get something to eat. His stomach was killing him by this point. He looked around frantically for the closest place to eat, no longer caring about the "eating something unique" thing, but his eyes ended up coming to a rest back on Sugarcube Corner.

"Oh, wait. Guess there's no harm going in there anymore."

Guy emerged from Sugarcube Corner, having just satiated his hunger with the best poppyseed muffin he'd ever eaten in his life. He couldn't have imagined one would be enough, but, well, turns out their muffins are pretty big. Expensive too, though. Still, now able to focus more properly without hunger weighing him down, Guy felt the most motivated he'd been all morning as he stepped back out into the street. Look out, y'all! Ponyville's got a new villain in town!

Guy suddenly became very glad he didn't say that out loud. Having decreased his own morale slightly with the sheer cheese of that line, Guy shrugged that thought off and moved onto business. He walked over to a nearby bench and sat himself down, for the sake of thinking up his latest plan. It was time to get the creative gears turning in his mind. He figured Rarity would be the most convenient target to go with next, he just wasn't sure how he was gonna go about messing with her.

Guy leaned back and took in the fresh outside air, which happened to be somewhat infused with the delicious smell of cake due to Sugarcube Corner still being nearby. He had all day to worry about this, there was no need to rush. He just needed the perfect inspiration. It wasn't like he was just gonna instantly come up with something when it was most convenient for him. He looked around at the various ponies crossing the streets and flying through the air. They were all going about their normal business, more or less, talking with each other, walking to some destination, or a combination of both. Guy looked to his left and spotted a couple ponies that seemed to be arguing with each other.

"I'm not the one who took your necklace!" One said.

"Oh, yeah? Then what's that around your neck?" Said the other.

"...That's, uh, my necklace that happens to look the exact same as yours."

Guy couldn't help but laugh at this exchange. Ponies arguing with each other over the most mundane things. That always amused him, especially when it was over some kind of misunderstanding.

Wait a second. And there it was. Guy had his latest idea. Oh, ho-ho-ho. Looks like Pinkie's prank won't have to wait after all.

Guy was pressed up against the back of Sugarcube Corner, peering ever so slightly through a window into the kitchen. He had a good glimpse of the one pony working in there, which happened to be Pinkie Pie herself. She cheerfully stirred some ingredients into a bowl, poured it in a pan, and stuck it into the nearest oven, all at an especially impressive speed. I have got to learn to do that, Guy thought to himself. Just then, Guy heard a ding - presumably from the front counter - and Pinkie rushed out of the kitchen.

Alright, here we go. Stealth mission, begin. Guy opened the window and climbed through, stepping onto a counter and onto the floor. Now then. What here can I use for this plan? He surveyed the various countertops and cabinets, all of which were quite well-stocked with all the various supplies needed for baking. Looking at the counter Pinkie had most recently used, he found an order sheet, detailing a "Super Deluxe Ultimate Quad-triple Chocolate Cake Supreme" that, evidently, Pinkie was in the process of making.

Guy looked around the room, and eventually his eyes came to rest on a drawer labeled "icing". He listened for a moment to make sure Pinkie wasn't returning, then went over to the drawer and opened it. Inside was a multitude of different types of pre-made frosting, contained in sealed plastic bags.

And bingo was his name-o. Guy grabbed every single bag of chocolate frosting from the drawer - five in total - and threw them out the window. Alright, that's taken care of. Now just one more thing. Guy looked around for the blank order sheets, and eventually found them along with a pen that had been conveniently stored nearby. Having gotten a bit anxious at this point, he grabbed a sheet and wrote as quickly as he could.

Dear Pinkie Pie,

I'm taking your chocolate frosting. Need it for a dress.
Hope you don't mind.

Sincerely, Rarity

Guy put the order sheet in the place of the chocolate frosting and shut the drawer, then, his anxiousness reaching peak levels, ran for the window and cleanly jumped through. He shut it, grabbed the frosting, and ran off. Holy crap, that was stressful.

That, however, only served as the first half of his plan. Roughly half an hour later, Guy arrived at the Carousel Boutique, now quite tired of carrying all this frosting around. He dumped it all in a nearby bush, then tried to survey the status of the place. He needed to know if Rarity was home or not before he moved forward with this. The front door was adorned with a "Closed" sign, but, well, there could be any reason for that. He needed to be absolutely sure no one was home. How was he gonna find that out?

Wait, of course! The classic old tactic! Guy let a grin creep onto his face, as he now had a chance to put the classic "ring the doorbell and run away" trick to good use. He walked up to the door, got himself into a running stance, brought his hoof up, and rang the doorbell, immediately running off just as he did it. He dove into the same bush he'd stashed the frosting in, and waited.

And waited.

Aaaaand waited.

"...Maybe one more time, just to be sure." Guy repeated this process, running up and ringing the doorbell, then diving back into the bush. Yet again, no response. "Well, then. Looks like we're in prime position to move ahead," Guy said, grabbing a couple packages of frosting. He walked up to one of the windows of the house, making sure no one could see him, then tried opening it. Unfortunately for him, the window remained shut, having been locked from the inside.

Oh, come on! Why is it the castle is the only place here without basic home security?! Regardless of that, Guy decided to try all the other windows, hoping maybe he'd luck out and find one they forgot to lock. No such luck. It's a shame I can't just window-wash these out of existence.

By this point he'd exhausted all his options as far as getting into the house went. Seemed like he was just gonna have to do this outside. That made things lose a little impact, but, hey, it still worked. Guy ran back to the bush, grabbed a package of frosting, and came back. He put the corner of the bag in his mouth and ripped it open, leaving a convenient little hole for him to squeeze the frosting out of. And with this new tool in his possession, Guy took to performing his own little decoration of Rarity's house. Most importantly, with a chocolate-flavored message for her.


Guy's inability to write properly with frosting aside, he was satisfied with the result. For good measure, he opened a second bag and added some nice swirls and decorations to all the walls and windows and such. Getting frosting all on the windows in itself felt somewhat wrong to him - mainly in the sense that he was so used to washing windows, not making them dirty - but, well... Screw it. Guy had almost finished his renovation, but he stopped suddenly when he was interrupted by a rather high-pitched voice.


Shocked, Guy jumped, dropped the bag of frosting, and looked around, trying to figure out where in the world that came from. "Up here, dummy!" The voice said. Guy looked up and saw, from a higher, unreachable window, a small, white, purple-maned filly poking out. "What're you doing to our house?"

Oh, jeez. This must be her sister. I didn't account for that. "Uh, hey there, little girl! I'm just here to, uh, apply some decorations! I was hired for this, you see. I knocked on the door earlier to let you guys know I was here, but no one answered."

"Well, Rarity told me not to answer the door when she was gone. And she didn't tell me anyone was coming to decorate the house with... What is that stuff?"

"Oh, this? It's chocolate frosting. See, kid, the reason she didn't tell you is, well, she didn't know about it!"

"Whatd'you mean?"

"See, this is supposed to be a surprise for her! Pinkie Pie hired me to do some nice chocolate frosting decorations on your guys's house as a kind of friendly favor, you know?"

"Why frosting, though?"

"It's Pinkie Pie! What do you expect?" Guy let out a laugh. He never realized he was this good at lying. Then again, he was lying to a kid. That wasn't exactly hard to do. "Look, you can't see it from where you are, but I gotta tell you, this is some top-notch frosting decorating here. You'd swear the house looks like an actual cake."

"Aww, now I wanna see it!"

"Well, you can in due time! But remember, this is a surprise for Rarity! So even when she does see this, you can't tell her I came here or that Pinkie Pie sent me, alright? It's gotta be like I was never here."

"Well, I don't know. This still seems pretty weird."

"Well, would you keep quiet for a bag of frosting? I know you kids tend to have sweet tooths. Er... Sweet teeth?"

That seemed to get the filly's attention, as her face lit up with surprise. "A whole bag of frosting?!"

"Well, I've got too much down here. Look, I'll just toss it up to you, okay?" Guy grabbed an unopened bag and, with all his strength, flung it up towards the window. His throw, however, was evidently a little too accurate, as it hit the filly in the face, knocking her back inside.

"Oh, shoot!" Guy said. "Are you alright?!" You just assaulted an innocent little girl with frosting. Good on you.

"Yeah, I'm okay!" He heard her reply from inside. Jeez, that was a relief.

"Oh, alright, good! So, a deal's a deal, right?"

"Yeah, okay! I won't tell anypony, don't worry!"

"Excellent." And with everything in place, Guy ran off, way too confident that this was going to go the way he wanted it to.