Childsplay

by Creativa-Artly01

Chapter 2-Remember to Hold Your Head Up High

That afternoon after leaving the ice cream shop, Noel walks out with a prance in her step but her head still down. After a while, she remembers that she needs to hold her head up high, so she does just that. As she does so, all the bullies around her just stop and stare. They're dumbfounded. "Why, why is she walking with her held up so high, she should be ashamed of the fact that she acts and looks like a filly? What? What is going on?" says a stallion named Courten, the same stallion that picked on her yesterday, confused.

"I dunno," responds his friend. Courten lets out a huff. "She does look pretty happy and proud of herself."

"Ugh!" huffs Courten as he turns his head and walks away, his friend following close on his trail.

A few minutes later, the two bullies arrive at the cafe, where Courten continues to vent. "Why, why is she so proud of herself? She's a disabled little piece of crap. She shouldn't be proud of that. Why be proud of a disability? That doesn't make any sense? She shouldn't be walking with her head held high like that. She should be walking with it held towards the ground. She shouldn't be acting like this. Why? Why is she acting like this?"

"Maybe because she's not scared of you anymore," responds Courten's friend.

A few minutes later, Noel arrives back at her home after picking up some scones from Sugar Cube Corner. She's so glad no one in the store made fun of her like they used to. "This being proud of my disability is really working, Babs and the girls were right," sighs Noel with a smile. "I wish I had done it from the start, to be honest." She then goes and puts the scones on the counter and takes a seat on the couch and begins to read her favorite book: Daring Do and the Sapphire Statue. "At least nopony sees reading Daring Do as childish," sighs Noel. "At least I can still be proud of that." She then pulls her Daring Do plushie close to her along with a blanket and gets comfy and continues to read. As she reads, she imagines the story in her head and a smile appears on her face. Today is the best day she's had in awhile and she couldn't be happier.

Comments

[Artist]

8697576
I so sorry I had to tell you that but there was no plot behind it it is just loose very loose like and you do not describe where they are or what they are doing at that moment what does the café look like? and where was I sitting in the café?

And also I suggest you get an editor .

Many groups for that

[Creativa-Artly01]

8697666
Wanna give me a hand (or hoof) then, Leth?

[Lethrael]

8697913
I'm sorry, but I don't think, that I'm the right one for this.
First of all I'm not sure, that I have the time left for this.
I'm sorry, but my stories and work do need much of my time.
And seond, I'm not even a native speaker and my English needs a little bit more practice,
before I should help other writers with their stories.
So I've to say, that I shouldn't do that.

I'm very sorry about that.

[Reykan]

I’m afraid I lost what little interest I was forcing at the names. These aren’t even pony names. And you can’t use the excuse of griffons because, well, you’ve already said mares(maybe if she was raised by griffons?). There’s also very little flow to the story. The character was depressed last chapter, had ice cream, and is now happy. Thats...that wouldn’t even qualify as a story I beginning reader would read.

Do yourself a favor and set a word-count of 1000 or so for each chapter. It will force you to either add more descriptions or do more with the characters. I personally try to get to at least 5k per chapter. Any less and there’s not enough occurring to bother writing.