Childsplay

by Creativa-Artly01

Chapter 3-Falling Back Down Again

The next day, after a breakfast of scones, Noel goes outside to fly her kite. As she walks up the hill with her kite, ponies stand and stare. "She really is a child in a mare's body, how odd, how weird. Doesn't she know that flying kites is an activity only enjoyed by children and stunted idiots," giggles a mare named Snobby Shoes. As she hears this, Noel breaks into tears and runs off, leaving her kite there on the hill untouched. A few minutes later, the CMC and Babs arrive on that same hill and find Noel's kite.

"What's this?" says Apple Bloom.

"It looks like Noel left her kite," responds Scootaloo, "I wonder what happened."

"Yeah, me too," responds Sweetie Belle. "We should probably go find out."

A few minutes later, Noel hears a knock on her door and opens it to see the Cutie Mark Crusaders. "Oh hey," says Noel with a frown on her face.

"Hey, can we come in?" asks Sweetie Belle.

"Sure," responds Noel. "Just set the kite on the table." Sweetie nods and places the kite on the table.

"What happened?" asks Apple Bloom as they sit down with Noel on the couch.

"A stuck up mare named Snobby Shoes made fun of me. She called me a child in a mare's body. I tried to put on a strong face, but I couldn't. She said the one phrase that has always hurt me the most, so I ran off in tears. I was so mad that I kind of forgot about my kite."

"Yeah, that kind of runs in Snobby's family too," sighs Scootaloo, "her daughter is Diamond Tiara's mother, Spoiled Rich."

"Wow, so she is really a bad apple," says Noel.

"Yeah," responds Apple Bloom, "she's a bad apple covered in cow manure."

"Agreed," responds Sweetie Belle, "she's just trying to get a rise out of you and it seems she did. That's not good. You need to learn to ignore her."

"But how?" responds Noel in tears.

"We don't know, but we'll figure it out together, I promise," responds Apple Bloom.

"Promise?" inquires Noel.

"Promise," responds Apple Bloom. "Now how about we go fly your kite together?" Noel nods and she and the CMC grab the kite and go and fly it outback of Noel's house where nopony can pick on her anymore. As they fly the kite together, a smile makes its way across Noel's face. Thanks to the CMC, she'll get past all the bullying, it may take a long while, but at least, it will happen. To her, that is a great feeling for once in her life.

Comments

[BoredAuthor817]

This could be something...I'm just not sure what.

This appears to have the same problems as your other stories. Whatever plot there is, is loose and/or sparse. The pacing is largely to blame.

Slow things down an expand upon your details. Tell us a little more about Noel. Explain to us about her condition. Is it based on a real world syndrome? Or something you completely made up? You say she looks and acts like a five-year-old, but I haven't been given enough information really see that. Namely, she doesn't talk like a five-year-old. Also, if she has the mental capacity of a small child, I wonder why she is living alone (or not, I don't know).

So far, you are averaging less than 500 words per chapter. That is no where here enough to write an engaging narrative, especially since you have each chapter set up as it's own neat little package.

As is, you have a basis for a story. Just expand upon it.

[Creativa-Artly01]

8698171
Ok.