Sorry, But Your Princess is in Another Dimension

by Mr AJ

DISCORD IS AN A$$HOLE!

CHAPTER

We entered the Royal Throne Room (no, not the one that flushes!) to see Celestia sitting on her throne, shining like the very sun itself. My glasses didn't help in the slightest. While my eyes were still adjusting, Luna moved to her seat to the right of her sister and I was tackled by an over enthusiastic grey pegasus. I saw stars swirling around and briefly wondered if anyone had ever tried to grab one. A certain weight on my torso and excited shout brought me out of my musing.

"You're okay!" Derpy shouted from her apparently comfortable perch.

"Yes Ms. Hooves, I am. Though not for much longer if you don get off of me!" I wheezed. She chuckled nervously and removed herself. I stood up and caught my breath. GASP! Air! I could breathe again! I was a little surprised. I mean, the others were so light. I'd heard of buns of steel, but asses of lead? Hmmm, now that I think about it, I was fairly certain I knew quite a few people back home with that condition.

I must have been standing there staring into space for a while because Derpy took it upon herself to remind me there were people-er ponies I guess waiting to speak to me. I grinned and ruffled her mane making her blush a little. Darn. This whole thing was picture perfect and my camera was busted. The princesses just chuckled. Thet were soon joined by by a third, deeper, louder voice.

"Hmm hmm hmm ha ha ha haaa. What a lovely little scene we have here. Well Anthony, it seems you're adjusting to this world fairly easily." A tall figure suddenly appeared between the thrones. It's or well, his I guess, limbs looked like they had been thrown together from left over parts but, there was no mistaking what he was.

"HOLY SHINOLA! DRAAAGONNN!" I shouted. He snapped his fingers and both princesses vanished in twin flashes of light. Derpy hid behind me, quivering in terror. I just stared at the patchwork monstrosity. Seriously, this thing was at least eleven different animals. I just stood, staring at his face, too scared to move. The more I looked though, the more something at the back of my mind kept jabbing at me. Something that should be fairly obvious. Something about that snaggle tooth and those eyes.... I had seen them before, but where? Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

"The old man...." I mumbled. The creature blinked at me before bursting into a fit of maniacal laughter.

"I thought you never would catch on." He said, wiping a tear from his eye. He sat down and reclined in Luna's empty throne and continued. "I am Discord! Lord and Spirit of Chaos incarnate!" Listen, Anthony," he said appearing from behind me and stepping over the frightened pegasus, "I brought you to this world because I was bored you see. I needed some entertainment. For a while I let the ponies think I was imprisoned in a statue while I roamed the multiverse. Caused some mischief here, pestered a starship captain there, but after a few centuries it got tedious. So I came up with this honey of an idea that you get to be a part of." He said as he revealed his grand plan.

"Yay me." I muttered, placing myself between Derpy and Discord. Sure I didn't know her that well, but that didn't mean I was going to let him make her disappear like the princesses.

"Oh, and before I forget, I'm not a dragon. I'm a draconequus. You were close, but as they say, but no cigar. Anyway, back to my beautiful plan. I've hidden the princesses in two locations in two different universes and that's where you come in, my little human. You have to find them." He said with unrestrained glee. The glare on my face must have bothered him. "Now, now I'll have none of that. They are unharmed. All we need to do to get started is for you to sign this teeny, tiny little contract." He pulled a roll of parchment from.... somewhere and pointed to the dotted line. "It'll give you slightly improved regenerative abilities, and some other, minor less important things. Heck, put on a good enough show and I may even give you some sort of reward. Whaddaya say?" He asked with a toothy grin.

"An enticing offer, no doubt. I have to ask though, what if I refuse?" I asked, taking the contract. Discord stroked his beard in thought.

"Hmmmm, if you refuse.... Well, not too much. I'll just rule Equestria and Earth is all. Oh, and you and your friends get sent to the moon, POST HASTE!" He said with a growl that made him sound serious for the first time.

This. Royally. Sucked. I had to play this little game and rescue two creatures I hardly even knew from God knows where from God knows what. Or I could do nothing. That would doom me, and the well friends I had made here to almost certain death, and doom our worlds to be ruled by this Discord character. I thought for a minute and looked down at my companion. There was a small puddle on the floor where she had been crying. She sniffled and looked up at me. Well, that's that. I cleared my throat.

"I just have two questions. One; Do I have to go alone? and two; How do I travel like that?" I asked.

He snorted. "Is that all? Well, You can bring as much help as you would like, so long as the job gets done. Secondly, the "how" is up to you." He said, circling me in the air drinking..... chocolate milk? Damn, now I wanted some. "One more thing, the document needs to be signed in blood. Now don't ask why, I don't know the details myself, but it helps bind the magic to you." he said pointing at my hand and handing me a quill.

I shrugged. I'd had worse done in a Wal-Mart. I jabbed the quill into my arm until blood dribbled down to my fingers, using my index finger to sign. Discord made a face. "Ugh! No need to be so dramatic! A simple finger print would have sufficed. Anywho, the deed is done. I would give you a hint but, while I'm nice, I'm not that nice. Oh, what the heck. The first place you should check is th place you might least suspect. To find your missing princess of the sun, go back to where this tale had first begun." he said with an echoing voice as his form faded from view.

The room was silent and empty except for Derpy and myself. She suddenly pounced on me from behind and I found myself face-planting three feet away. I rolled over, only to come face to face with an angry mare. She was cute when she was angry. Cute and down right scary.

"Why did you sign that devil's contract? You didn't even read it! Are you insane? He could make you do anything!" She yelled. Mare's got a point

"Very true, but if you had a better idea, WHY THE DEUCE DIDN'T YOU SPEAK UP?! Listen, we need to get Celestia, but we need to get out of here, and fast." My vision started swimming. "Heeeyyyy Deerrrp...." I slurred as I hit the floor with a loud PLOP!

"Oops, sorry. I forgot to give you your magic. Welp, here you are champ! Now go get 'em! Hahahaha.....!" Discord's voice said. The last thing I remember from that room was a burning, tingling sensation.

"MARSHMALLOW!" I shouted as I sat bolt upright in bed. Wait, bed? When did that happen. The last thing I could recall was hitting the floor in the throne room. This bed was soft and a lot bigger than I imagined a pony bed to be. It almost fit me just right. The room was fairly plain a wooden nightstand with a lamp, a desk and a cabinet next to a small closet. The desk was empty save for a few pictures. Where was everyone?

"Derpy? Twilight? Lyra? Anybody?" I called out.

"Hey guys! He's awake!" A voice said as the door on the far wall opened. It was a pegasus with a light blue coat and a multicolored mane. I decided to take a wild guess on her name.

"Hey Rainbow, Where am I?" I asked catching the poly-chromatic maned mare off guard.

"Have we met? How do you know my name?" She asked, eyeing me cautiously. I chuckled.

" HAHA. I highly doubt it. I just took a wild guess, seeing that mane of yours. Why? Was I close? No way, Your name is Rainbow?" I asked, studying the odd expression on her face.

"Yeah actually. Rainbow Dash! I'm the fastest flyer in Equestria." She said with more confidence flaring her wings out. Just then the others walked in, hooves clip-clopping on the wooden floor. Twilight was the first in, followed by Derpy, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Lyra, a white unicorn with a deep blue mane, and an orange earth pony wearing a cowboy hat. I had a feeling that I should know that last one, but I had no idea why. Every last one looked like someone had kicked a puppy into a small child and lit both on fire.

I asked the obvious. "Who died?"

"The princesses are gone, Discord is back, and you pass out for four days and you make jokes?" Twilight snapped. Yeesh! Obviously not one to be trifled with.

"Yeah! What do you expect? Muffins?"Derpy asked. Wait a sec, what did Twilight say? I tried to think as she rattled off what had happened since Discord. Thinkthinkthinkthink.....

"And Derpy carried you all the way back here to the library...."FOUR DAYS!?"....by herself." Ms. Sparkle finished. "Yes, four days. In my bed. She's been taking care of you the whole time too, with some help from Fluttershy. You're probably a little hungry aren't you?" she asked, her tone softening a little. In answer my stomach roared like Godzilla tearing up Tokyo. We all had a laughed a little at my belly's announcement. I felt dizzy and put my hands to my head to steady myself. Or rather I tried to. I felt something hard. I pulled my arms down and looked. Two blue hooves.

"OH COME ONNNNN! A pony? Seriously? Discord, when I get my hands I mean hooves on you, I'll.."You'll what? Didn't you read that contract you signed? No? Well, you probably should have. Until, I end that contract, you can't lay a hoof on me. I'll be dropping in from time to time to keep things interesting. Ta! I shook my head. Most of the girls had cleared out leaving just Fluttershy and Derpy, both looking at me a little worried.

"Um, who were you talking to?" Fluttershy asked. I blinked and looked at both mares.

"Really? Neither one of you heard it?" I asked? They shook their heads. "Sorry for worrying you. Could you leave me for a minute, I need to think." Fluttershy got her first aid kit and walked out. "You too, Derpy." She stomped a hoof down defiantly.

"Oh, no! I was there when Discord showed up, I carried you all the way back from Canterlot, and I've been looking after you these last few days. I'm not leaving just because you want to sulk. We started this together, and by Luna we'll finish it together. Like it or not, you're stuck with me." she said, sticking her tongue out with this last part.

Shaking my head and smiling to myself, I rolled out of Twilight's bed and landed with a loud CLOP! Conveniently enough there was a vanity on the side of the room I landed on, so i could finally survey the damage. A navy blue, chocolate brown eyed unicorn stallion looked back at me from the mirror. I noticed I was only slightly taller than Derpy and more heavily built. My mane and tail were just as my hair had been dark brown with a grey streak and unkempt. I was about to ask where my glasses were, but I found I didn't need them. I wasn't exactly blind before, but this was like 20/20 vision. That's when I noticed Derpy staring at me with flared wings. More specifically, at my new flank.

*ahem*"See something you like, Ms. Hooves?" I teased.

"No. I mean Yes! I mean your flank!" She stumbled out. I turned my head back and looked. Nothing. I looked at her and arched an eyebrow. She sighed. "It's blank." Still not sinking in here. She shook her head. "Don't worry about it."

I tried to walk to the door, but wound up kissing the floor with every other step. After the fifth time, Derpy decided to help me. She caught me on the next stumble.

"C'mon, Let me give you a hoof." she said and wrapped a wing over my back. "Just lean on me and watch how I do it." We practiced walking around the room a few times and I nearly had the hang of it. "Go on, try it by yourself." she said. I did. I'd like to say I did pretty well. If you consider cantering into the bed at full speed and landing on my back next to it pretty well. I just lay there muttering curses most sailors wouldn't use, while my "coach" laughed her bubble sided flank off. She flapped over and landed on the bed, still grinning. Was she in for a shock. i jumped up and tackled her into a bear hug back onto the bed.

"What are you-AAAACCCKKK!" She yelped.

"Think my pain and suffering is funny, eh? Well then, laugh at this!" I yelled as I began a relentless tickle assault.

"I give! I give!" She squeaked. I stood over my latest victim in triumph. Twilight burst into the room loudly.

"What are you two doing..." she paused as she took in the scene "...in here? Not in my bed you're not! She screamed, her mane smouldering.

"Oh hey Twilight! She lost the tickle fight." I said grinning from ear to ear.

"OUT!" The newly evolved rapidash bellowed. Derpy and I took the hint and hauled butt. Me with my poofy tail firmly tucked in between my legs and Derpy with her wings fully extended. Seven sets of eyes were staring at us. The girls all had looks ranging from amusement to slight embarrassment. Lyra, who was laughing even more than Pinkie, sidled up to Derpy and nudged her side.

"Staking your claim already, huh?" She teased. Derpy just blushed and lowered her wings. Thankfully, a still smoking Twilight emerged from the bedroom and shot the unicorn a death stare.

"Enough foaling around! Tell us everything and I mean EVERYTHING that happened. How you got here, what Discord said, and oh, I don't don't know, why you're a unicorn now!" Twilight ordered. Hoo boy, what did I get myself into?

"Okay, but two things. One; I'm gonna answer that last bit first and two; after this we eat! No ifs ands or buts." I said. They all nodded. "Good. Actually I'ma combine most of that." I trotted (hey, I'm learning!) in front of my audience and started pacing. "*ahem* Discord claims he was bored and is sending me on kind of a treasure hunt to find your princesses. That's why he brought me here. He also thought that for whatever reason, making me a unicorn would be a nice extra challenge. As for how, I haven't the foggiest idea. All I do know is that he gave me some device that opened a portal, but I'm pretty sure it was only one way. He did give us a hint on where Celestia is though. I've just about figured his little riddle out. I'm sure he meant it to be confusing, but it was fairly straight forward." The mares all leaned in expectantly. Heh. I spun suddenly. "EARTH!" I shouted. They all fell over in shock. Don't look at me like that, I couldn't resist. Rainbow Dash stood back up and rubbed her head.

"Where is she?" she asked.

"Earth, didn't you hear me? What are you laughing at?" I asked her.

"Your home is dirt! Bwa-haaa-hahahaha" She fell over again, laughing this time. She raised her hoof and pointed at me. "Dirt." was all I managed to understand between fits of laughter.

"Laugh it up feather-brain. keep it up and I'll make a new pillow full of blue feathers." I said. She shut-up real quick and stared at me. I grinned innocently and made some weird squeaky noise. "Now, If I could please continue?" Once more I had everyone's attention. "Thank-you. I may know where the princess is, but I don't know how to get there. Any ideas?"

"Well, you are a unicorn now, why not a teleportation spell?" Pinkie chimed in after a moment of silent thought from the group. We all turned to stare at her. "Ugh! Why does everypony always act so surprised when ever I come up with a good idea." She mumbled. The face she made would have curdled milk.

"Okaaay.... Actually Pinks, that's a pretty good idea. Thanks." I said and turned to look at Twilight. We had a short staring contest before the light-bulb lit up over her head. I shooed Pinkie and her lamp away. "Nice touch though." I told her as she giggled and bounced away. This time, Twilight's face lit up with actual understanding.

"You don't know how to use magic at all, do you? Normally, it takes about five years for ponies to master basic magic and anywhere from ten on up for the more advanced stuff. You on the other hoof," and got face to face me with a wicked grin, "are rather lucky. I've been working on a spell for unicorns that have been seriously injured or might have learning disabilities. It's an experience compression and transference spell. I call it E-CATS for short. And you get to be my first test subject." She squealed with glee. Her horn glowed a blinding white and she moved to touch it to mine.

"Why me Lord? Why me?" was all I had time to say before I had the strangest dream ever.

Comments

[proto-alpha]

My reaction to that video...
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/232/017/07c.jpg

[Mr AJ]

1388553 Weird ass dream.

[graphicalerror]

nice touch at the end there

[TitaniumTomboy]

Oh gods why this story is so what.
Yes.

[Dawn Run]

I had to listen to that twilight sparkle song seven times (so far) because the head transforming thing just..it just got to me

...make that 12 times now..

Why can't I stop replaying that last minute

Officially lost count.

[Ivellios]

That right there is our own SparkleQuest. The test is that i dare someone to watch that whole vid without laughing once.

[Ballisticksoldier97]

>"Yes Ms. Hooves, I am. Though not much longer if you don get off of me!"
The word don't is incomplete, and I'm sure the "of" is not needed there.
I think I saw another incomplete word and a small "I" in there somewhere and Rapidash probably needs a capital R. But who am I to argue? Not my story.. *shrugs*

But grammar aside, another great chapter!
Needs more Twilight Rapidash.

[Hexavier]

That video at the end could confuse even Pinkie.

The newly evolved Rapidash line killed me.

Can't wait for more.

[Rune Flash]

Will he remain a pony for the whole story?

[Mr AJ]

1478591 To quote a certain favorite show of mine,

. If I ever get around to finishing it, that is.

[King_Krysalis]

MY reaction to that video.memecrunch.com/meme/8NDN/dafuq/image.png

[Jahoosaphat]

!I just WTF BOOMED at that video.
KuKuKu

[unknowncape7377]

Video broke