Sorry, But Your Princess is in Another Dimension

by Mr AJ

6

The beach. One of my least favorite places. I never did care much for the heat. Or the sand. Or the crowds. Or the overpriced drinks you usually found there. This was different. No throngs of people sitting asses to elbows. Just me, laying back in the shade of an umbrella dozing with a cooler full of drinks, and Derpy building castles in the sand nearby. I reached into the bag I was using for a footrest and pulled out an old radio that normally sat on my desk. I flipped it on and found a relaxing song and set it down next to my head. Letting out an epic yawn, I lay back down with my hands under my head, just watching the clouds drift by. My eyes had just closed when I heard the soft flap of my friend's wings above me. I peeked up and saw her hovering there, smiling down at me with a bucket in her hooves. A bucket full of water. My eyes popped shut, just as my head was soaked. The flying demon floated malevolently back to her sand castle, cackling the whole time. I laughed a little myself. She got me good and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. I got up, stretched and got a soda out of the cooler and stepped into the sun to dry. I looked up to the burning sun. Burning. Burning.

"Man, that thing really is burning. It fells like it's getting hotter by the second. Shit!" I yelped as the soda boiled out of the bottle. Pinkie Pie suddenly bounced into sight wearing the typical grass skirt and coconuts.

"Wow, this beach is great! But, I'd wake up now if I were yoooooouuuuuu." she said in a singsong voice and continued on her way.

There was a weight on me. What ever this weight was it was hot. My ears twitched. And angry, judging by the growling noise. "Wha-huh? Oh, heya Twilight-OHGOD!" I shouted, looking into the eyes of the four legged inferno.

"I suppose you're proud of yourself, aren't you? It took all night for the spell to wear off! I couldn't cast any magic as a human and when I finally do manage to get back in, I find you and Derpy in my bed! I. Will. Smite. You." The flaming unicorn said menacingly. I sat up at that accusation.

"Ms. Sparkle. I'll have you know that Ms. Hooves is--mmm too many muffins...--.....right here apparently." I said, interrupted by the lump to my right. I chuckled nervously and glanced at Twilight. "Want me to make some breakfast? heh-heh."

"No." She sighed. "Just leave so I can get some rest. Oh, and take her with you. You're going to need to practice that portal spell some more." She said and picked up the WHOLE SHEET SET IN ONE BIG BUNDLE with her magic and threw us out the bedroom door. We landed with a heavy thud which finally woke up Derpy. She shook her head and her eyes rolled in opposite directions.

"What happened?" She asked. What happened indeed?

"I don't know Derpy, you tell me. How did you end up in the bed with me last night? I asked the mare.

"Oh. That. You see, I woke up and it was dark and I couldn't remember where I was. When I did remember I went to ask Twilight for a blanket. When I got upstairs, I saw a lump under the covers and figured it was her. The bed looked so comfortable, I just flopped down. You're not mad are you?" She asked as pitifully as she could.

"Of course not. It takes a bit more than that to get me really riled up. Though if word gets out, ponies will talk." I explained, shaking my head. She looked like she didn't catch on. I laughed. "So let them talk. Anywho, Twilight says I need to practice that spell. Let's get cracking on that." I said, looking around. "Hmm. We may want to go outside first." She added.

We walked out of the front door of the library and started off in search of Pinkie Pie. My companion suggested her job, Sugar something or other. I wasn't listening too closely, I was thinking. "What exactly is it you do for a living Derpy?" I asked.

"Huh? Me? I deliver ponies mail everyday. That's a lot of fun. You get to meet the nicest ponies Oh, oh! And sometimes I help out on the weather team. That's the pegasi who take care of the weather." She said beaming a smile that would make any dentist jealous. We slowly made our way through town and nearly got bowled over by an orange filly zipping by on a scooter pulling a wagon with two more fillies. After that a rustling in the leaves overhead made us look up.

"Awwww... You caught me. Looks like my distraction didn't work. Oh well. HEADS UP!" She yelled and did a perfect swan dive. RIGHT. AT. ME. I spied the branch she had just come from and concentrated. A loud POP sounded and I was looking down at the two mares. Derpy was shocked and Pinkie was grinning. "That worked even better than I thought it would. Good job!" She said before landing gracefully on all fours. It was my turn to be shocked.

"Twilight got you to help out, didn't she?" I asked.

"Yep! She came to see me last night. I don't think she thought you could pull it of that quick. That was quick thinking!" She said waving a... giant foam finger around. Don't think too much Anthony, This is another world after all.

"There is just one problem, Pinks." I said VERY calmly.

"Yes?"

"I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS!" I calmly shouted. Derpy shook her head and flapped up and gave me a lift down.

We continued on to the park and sat around talking for a while once we got there. About an hour went by and we were in a heated discussion over names. I happened to like mine but it seemed to annoy Pinkie that nothing in my full name really meant anything. Derpy was listening intently. At least I think she was. One eye was fixed on me, the other on Pinkie.

She started on another "A pony's name should reflect their talents or their personality! What does Anthony J---."

"Whoa whoa whoa. Hold it. My name was handed down through my family for four generations." I stopped her.

"But, it doesn't even mean anything!" She pleaded.

"Alright smarty britches, then you name me." I snapped.

"Well I- what? Really?" She asked, clearly stunned.

"Yeah, sure. Why not? I'd like a name to fit in better around here." I told her. Then the unthinkable happened. Pinkie sat and thought. After a few minutes she cleared her throat.

"Alright everypony, I've reached a conclusion. This is going to take some serious consideration. I'll be following you, watching you. Based on what I observe, I'll let you know in a few days. Ohmygosh! I completely forgot! I gotta get back and finish that order! Gottagonow!" She yelped and took off in a cloud of dust and a streak of pink. Ah well, back to practicing.

"Well, I've got line of sight down, now to work on that memory/portal type. Any suggestions Derpy? I've only been a few places here, after all." I asked.

"Hmm. I really don't know that much about magic, but, I'd think that using the place that made the strongest impression on you would be best." She replied with a wing shrug. Oh, that is not fair! If I shrugged I'd kiss the ground. Note to self, find a way around this.

I took my friend's advice and started working on places that I knew. The spell worked similar to the line of sight one,just on a bigger scale. That is how Derpy and I came to pop in and out of a few random places around Ponyville. After dozen tries, I started to feeling a little tired. Then a thought occurred to me. I needed to try for a really long distance trip.

"Hey Derpy, I'm going to try one more. This time I'm going to aim for the castle. Go back to the library and let Twilight know for me okay?" I asked her.

"Okay. Just be careful. See you later!" She said as she flew off. Now on to lucky number thirteen. I lowered my head and began focusing my energy. A hole appeared in the air before me, well maybe hole isn't the best description. It was more of a disc that rippled with all sorts of colors, and you couldn't really see through it. I gulped and stepped through, hoping I had aimed right.

The trip lasted only a minute or so but it was really dark and the only lights I could see were the two portal ends glowing brightly. The floor of the In-Between felt like it was made of concrete or some kind of stone and the walls were nowhere to be found. A dark, empty tunnel. Screw this, I'm outta here. The way in felt like nothing at all, no weird feeling, nothing. The way out on the other hand, felt like walking through a wall of Jell-O. I stuck my tongue out.

"Strawberry. Mmm, tasty." I said to myself as I passed through the exit. Too bad it wasn't near the floor. I landed with a plop. I looked around and found myself in what appeared to be cell in the dungeon. There was one difference I noticed immediately. There was no door. "So how do I get out?" I wondered out loud. A low, familiar laugh echoed.

"Try casting the spell again. The one you used to get here. I'm getting impatient. And quit looking around like an idiot! You know good and well who this is." Discord said as he faded again. Huh. Worth a try I guess. I once again focused my energy to my horn and tried to fire off a spell. Instead of opening like it did earlier, it started ricocheting around the small cell. I actually looked pretty cool, until it hit the small cot and vaporized it. Considering the amount of bricks I dropped, I probably could've added a new wing to the castle. Well, that's no good. Might as well try plan B. I walked to the bars. They seemed to be made of some metal I couldn't identify. I wasn't about to try melting them as that ricocheting spell looked a little dangerous. I put my horn to the bars and started walking back and forth and shouting. CLANG-CLANG-CLANG "HEY! HEY GUARD! YOU GOT A NEW PRISONER HERE!" CLANG-CLANG-CLANG GUARD! "GET YOUR SORRY FLANK DOWN HERE NOW!" CLANG-CLANG-CLANG. CLANG-CLANG-CLANGITYCLANGCLANG! "YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? I'M BUSTIN' OUT TONIGHT!" CLANG-CLANG-CLANG-CLANGITYCLANG! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? ANTHONY'S IN JA-IL, ANTHONY'S IN JA-IL!"

"How in the heck did no one hear that? Surely somepony heard that ra- Oh?" I said to myself. It sounded like something headed my way. but it didn't exactly sound like a pony.

scrape-scrape-swish

What the heck?

scrape-scrape-swish

It's getting closer, whatever it is.

scrape-scrape-swish

What if it's something that escaped it cell and eats ponies?

scrape-scrape-swish

It's just around the corner! What if it caught my scent? What if it's scaring me because fear adds more flavor? It won't get me without a fight! I reared up on my back hooves and struck a fighting stance.

"COME GET SOME!" I growled at my presumed killer.

*clatter* A small dust colored pony poked her head around the corner. "Is somepony Ther-AAAAAAAAAGH!"

"AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!" I answered. We both fainted on the spot.

I opened my eyes and found I was in an office of some kind, lying on a couch. The next thing I saw was Twilight sitting on a cushion across from me next to a white unicorn wearing armor of some kind. Twilight was wearing a tired expression and spoke first.

"I let you out of my sight for a minute and what happens? You end up back in the royal dungeon's high security cell. What were you thinking?" she asked with a facehoof. I heard a barely audible chuckle come from nowhere in particular. The white unicorn looked at her.

"You want me to send him back?" He asked.

"NO!" My shout nearly knocked him over.

"uggh. Anthony, could you not damage my brother please? He just got married." She asked. Brother? Greeaaat. Now there's two of them. No need to be too rude, though.

"Sorry 'bout that. So Twilight's brother?" I asked him. I looked at him again. As I said, he was a large white unicorn. His mane and tail were both two-tone blue and of a medium length. I couldn't really see his cutie mark from where I sat, but being as they were family, I assumed it would be similar to his sister's. If those things worked like that.

"Yeah, my name is Shining Armor. Aside from being former captain of the royal guard, I'm also Twiley's b.b.b.f.f. and all around nice stallion. Good to meet you, Anthony. Sis told a little about you while you were out cold." He said, extending his hoof. I wasn't really sure if it was for a hoofshake or a bro-fist, I had something else on my mind.

"*ahem* B.b.b.f.f?" I asked. It was a simple question, requiring a simple answer. Music started from somewhere and Twilight took it upon herself to explain in song form. I leaned over and asked Shining if this happened often.

"NO INTERRUPTIONS!" An angry Twilight yelled and continued on as if nothing happened. After her song finished, she left the two of us and went to fix her mane, which smouldered a little. That mare needs some anger management classes. Her brother decided we needed a little talk.

"Twiley tells me you, her and a pegasus are going to get the princesses back. I really don't care how you do it, but know this," he leaned in close and I could see a flame in his eyes. Yep, definitely related. "If anything happens to her, I'll make the dungeon look like a paradise. Oh hey Twi!" he said and straightened back up as his sister walked back in.

"Anthony, we need to go now. Derpy needs time to get used to her disguise. You ready?" She asked as she walked for the door.

"Yeah, Twi. I'll be along in a minute." I told her. I turned to Shining. "Mr. Armor, you have my word that I will protect both of them with my life. See you around, hoss." I added and joined Twilight in the hallway.

"Say, Twi, You said that cell I was in was a high security cell. What exactly does that mean?" I asked her as we headed to the castle's entrance.

"As you no doubt noticed, there wasn't a door. There are also enchantments placed on it so that magic won't work right on the inside of the cell. On top of that, there is a ward on the whole castle right now to divert all unauthorized teleportation spells to cells like that until they can be sorted out." She said as I held the door open. I was not looking forward to the walk back.

"Um, now that we're out of the castle, do you think you can tele-*POP*-port us back? Huh. I'll take that as a yes." I muttered, blinking the spots from my eyes. I'm going to have to get her to show me that one.

"Spike came back earlier. He should be in the kitchen working on dinner. He could probably use some help. I'm going to go get Derpy and get started on getting her used to the disguise spell. I'll be back in a hour or so." She was half-way out the front door when I stopped her.

"Um, if it ain't too much trouble could you put me back to human form? While the telekinesis is nice, I'd prefer to use my hands. I'm just a little more used to those." I asked with a nervous smile.

"Oh sure! Just a second." She aimed her horn at me, concentrated and fired off a small ball of energy. It hit me and I felt a tingling sensation spread over my body, before suddenly feeling chilly. I looked down. Yep, not a stitch of clothes. Twilight smirked.

"Your clothes are in the cabinet in my bedroom. If you want them." She said and shut the door behind her. I was half tempted to spite her and not get them, but common sense won over. So I joined Spike in the kitchen after getting dressed and found him working on a stir-fry.

"Hey Anthony! Uh, could you get those noodles going?" he asked pointing to the counter behind him. "I would have used rice, but we're out. the pots are in cabinet next to the dishes."

"Sure." I got the noodles cooking quickly and not long after, everything was ready. All we had to do was wait on the girls, so Spike and I decided to pass the time by swapping stories. Spike decided to munch on some gems.

"All over the bathroom walls? Dude, that's gross." He said, turning an odd shade of green and laughing.

"It was. I just feel bad for the poor soul that had to clean it up!" I added, laughing like a maniac. Spike was looking at me funny. "What's up?"

"Your teeth look sharp enough. Want to try a ruby?" he asked. Ha-ha, wat? Eh, why not?

"Sure, pass me one. What's the worst that could happen?"

Comments

[graphicalerror]

A ruby? this wont end well

[SkankMaster]

He's going to try a ruby?
*Insert Tom & Jerry scene where Toms teeth fall out after biting something hardt*

[Hearse Boy]

Well... Clop Cloppitty Clop Clop Clop.

WHAT?!?! I was clapping......
(if you beleive that shi....)

After that awkward silence... Allow me to find the number for Ponyville's dentist.
But first I have to contact Team Rocket in reguards to that dream sequence...........

[Mr AJ]

1695214 Take that and add Courage the Cowardly Dog's laugh after he gets whooped....
1695366 I told you about it, I knew it was coming, and it still warrants facehooves.

[Mr AJ]

Also, I'm just throwing this out there,but based on what you've read, what kind of pony style name would you give Anthony? Any ideas? If you would like, PM me with the suggestion and why you chose that name. I'll take the last idea on Dec. 6.

[Poducken]

Anthony you fool!

Always try grinding hard food before biting into it. If it's too solid to scratch any off, it's definitely too solid to chew.

[Poets Dream]

Now, where's Colgate?