Chapter 5: Dream Warriors
A Nightmare in Ponyville
by Paleo Prints
Chapter 5: Dream Warriors
As the blood drained from Screwball’s face, a little of it managed to reach the bathroom sink counter. She didn’t notice. Shaking, she wiped a hoof across the flat pane of glass before her.
“No,” she said, refusing to believe what she saw. Despite this command, reality rudely refused to shape up and start making sense.
The bathroom “mirror” was, in all truth, barely functional. Perhaps it would have been best to return it, if the mirror salespony who saw it wouldn’t have immediately gone insane from the revelation. Currently, the glass in question was doing an epically poor job of reflecting things, instead showing a grimy public bathroom. Pipes burst from the wall like roots breaking free of a sidewalk, continually shrouding the floor in a heavy mist. Screwball’s bedroom was lit by a small candle, whereas, the scene in the mirror was maddeningly brighter, lit by flashing ceiling lights.
Of course, the big flaw in its performance was that Screwball wasn’t the mare reflected in it.
“Mom,” Screwy whispered. “Mom, how did he... ”
“I’m sorry,” Cheerilee said as she pushed her hooves against the glass, straining towards her daughter. “I’m so sorry.”
Cheerilee turned away as a scream reached Screwy’s ears. It was faint, as if it came from a long distance away.
“Mom,” Screwy begged. “Mom, talk to me. Please!”
Cheerilee shook once, then slowly turned back into view, a slight smile across her face. “Calm down, Screwball. Daddy and I need your help, so please pay attention to what I’m about to say.”
Screwball sat down, nodding attentively.
Cheerilee breathed in, holding her composure and confidence in place on in her mind as they both screamed and tried to run. After the moment her emotions sat down quietly at their desks, the mask was in place, and Cheerilee began the lesson.
___
Every shelf of the Ponyville Library held a different challenge for Twilight Sparkle. The books on magical theory shared authors and subjects with those of magical engineering, and the nuanced cataloging therein provided many a lively debate in cafes near the Canterlot Library. The children’s books constantly required reorganization, binding repair, and food removal. At least they stayed where they were, unlike the illusion books.
All of these constant struggles passed through her mind as the hippo in the luchadore mask missed her with a belly-flop, reducing the final shelf of the library (Early Equestrian History, Dream Valley to 500 P.M.) to splinters.
As the wrestler looked about in confusion, Twilight shook her head. Partly, it was the shock of seeing her last battlefield of literary order destroyed so pointlessly. It also shook her mane out of her sight while she stood upside down on the ceiling, or at least what was left of it. She filed the mental volume “Things I’ll Cry Over” in her backmost mental shelf as she carefully leapt between the separate, splinter-covered beams of the destroyed basement roof.
Galloping down a fractured sections of board barely as wide as she was, Twilight skidded to a halt. Directly underneath her, Pinkie was working hard to pull an irritated Rainbow Dash out a pile of slime. The accumulated ooze had splashed out of a destroyed pony-sized snail-shell on tank treads, the large monstrosity having holes in the side as if something had blown through it.
Filing the scene in her mental drawer labelled “Don’t Think About Too Carefully,” Twilight called down to the pair. “Pinkie! Rainbow! We need to get everyone together to use the Elements!”
Pulling herself to her hooves, Rainbow Dash punted a goo-covered army helmet across the room. “That’d be a great if we could just stop fighting the peanut gallery for a second.” She peered at Twilight skeptically. “Can you activate the elements upside-down?”
“Silly Dashie,” Pinkie giggled out while bouncing. “I can do everything upside-down!” She bit her lip. “Except croquette. I tried twice.”
Grinding her teeth, Twilight said, “Just get the girls together! I see Fluttershy near the squid ballet, and... ”
Twilight ducked closer to the roof as a shattering of wood sent Rainbow and Pinkie scattering. Beneath her, a muscular armadillo in sunglasses pulled its boxing glove out of the wreck of the floor, snorting in Rainbow’s direction.
Rainbow Dash grinned, eyes locked with the boxer as she pawed the ground.
Across the wooden wasteland, Cheerilee peeked out from under the makeshift shelter of several scattered bookshelves. She stared out onto a candy-coated confusion, the room having become a nightmare of bright colors and odd shapes from which one of her friends would occasionally surface through the chaos. For a second, she saw Applejack and Rarity leap into the air above the crown, pursued by a school of flying gummy sharks, and then they were lost to view amongst rotating posts studded with candy corn spikes.
“They’ve lost control,” she muttered. “Red, what are they going to do now?”
Next to Cheerilee, her husband appraised the mess. Explosions sounded out constantly as multicolored materials splattered against the walls. The screaming and the insane besieged a small group of responsible ponies as they tried with all their might to finish their task. Through all this, the troublemaker in charge hovered over the din, cackling maniacally.
Honestly, it reminded him of his fourth period chemistry class.
Red Glare sighed. While his principal would have said he lived with danger, it was more of an impersonal danger he and his students caused instead of things willfully trying to smash him. Still, he had stuck his head over enough beakers and manually launched enough rockets by his own hoof to keep calm under pressure for at least another minute With a quick kiss to Cheerilee’s cheek, he resolved to make use of the next fifty-six seconds before he started screaming.
“Red,” Cheerilee said with a gasp as he climbed out of the shelter and onto the bookshelves. “What are you doing?”
Grunting as he remembered why he didn’t teach physical education, Red pulled himself onto the slanting platform of furniture.
“Getting the class’ attention, honey.” He sighed, then, in a louder voice, said, “You know, Cheerilee, I heard this guy was funny.”
The room was suddenly silent. A squad of oyster-headed gangsters lowered their gumdrop-firing tommy-guns as the woolly mammoth hockey players-skidded to a halt. A cloaked pony-shaped figure paused, gummy worms spilling out of his mercifully opaque covering. Off to the side, Rarity took advantage of the sudden silence to sweep kick an overly large crab and enter the shadows..
They all stared at Red. Discord appeared in front of him in a flash of light, his arms crossed.
“Excuse me,” he said with a wave of his claw. “Did you just happen to say something?”
Red quaked on his feet. Locking eyes with the Lord of Chaos, his mind fought hard to interject consonants in his next sentence. Before he could try, he heard Cheerilee’s voice beneath him.
“I mean, you’re just mixing random animals and costumes," he heard her say. "It’s kind of getting predictable.”
As Cheerilee walked towards Discord, her face a placid smile with a disappointed cast, Red marveled at his wife. In this terrible moment, he was sure that she wore the most perfect teacher’s mask of false calm that could have ever graced a classroom. Red knew for certain that someplace far away, where it was always last hour planning and the teacher's room vending machines were always filled, the spirits of past educators applauded.
Discord gritted his teeth until one fang popped off, embedding into the wall.
“Oh, my critical little ponies.” He lowered down and flicked a claw underneath Cheerilee’s chin, her smile staying firm despite the drop of blood on his nail. “Celestia may one day make a stained glass window of what I’m going to do to you. Children will beg their parents to take them out of the room it’s in, and wake up screaming that night. Heavy metal album covers will be based on it, but they'll tone it down.” He blinked, leaning in until Cheerilee could smell breath like a decade-old bag of Nightmare Night candy. “How could you still be smiling, my dear?”
Cheerilee shrugged. “Because I’m looking behind you.”
Discord spun, seeing the familiar sight of a rainbow shooting at him from six shimmering ponies.
He rolled his eyes.“Oy, this meshugenah thing with the floating and the glowing again!”
Levitating in a warm field of energy, Applejack was the only one of her friends to feel a spike of uncertainty. She saw the grin on Discord’s face. As the Rainbow of Harmony descended on Discord, he did something that none of the world-shaking would-be-conquerors had ever done in recent history.
He reacted.
Discord snapped his fingers, teleporting right in front of the Element Bearers a second before the prismatic beam hit him. The rainbow turned in mid-air, twisting toward Discord’s new location
Twilight’s glowing eyes went wide, illuminating the room slightly more. “He dodged it! How could... ”
Discord snapped his fingers and dropped a prism half his size in front of the Bearers, then teleported right behind them.
“Uh, Twilight?” Applejack kicked out, trying to move while suspended in midair. “He’s kinda dodging right for us.”
Both Cheerilee and Red closed their eyes a second before he rainbow hit the prism. They were or had taught science, after all, and had some idea of what was about to happen. They saw the flash of light through closed eyelids just before the shattered colors of the rainbow poured out of the prism and hit the Bearers of the Elements as Discord simultaneously snapped his fingers.
Cheerilee hesitated for several seconds, hoping to hear the voice of her friends. When the silence continued, she opened her eyes on a scene that burned a permanent place in the dark memories of her mind.
Twilight Sparkle tried to blink in surprise. Two things prevented this. The first was that she was made of stone. The second was that she was no longer Twilight Sparkle; each of the Elements of Harmony had been turned into a small bear staring dumbly ahead, their cutie mark emblazoned on their tummy.
Discord flew into the air over the six petrified post-ponies, pumping his fist into the air. “Yes!” His eyes were a mad gleam of triumph. As he casts his gaze across around the room on his creations, every multicolored and misshapen knee or knee-equivalent bowed as the animals and candy-things lowered their gaze. Discord took several bows, giving kisses to his silent audience.
As then Cheerilee’s knees shook as she made eye contact with him.
Discord skated across the room as his creations threw roses, rice, toast, and socks in his direction, finally skidding to a halt in front of the terrified teacher. He spread his claws wide and smiled.
“Why, hello there Miss Book Reports! I’m sorry I couldn’t give you my full attention. I had to deal with all the important ponies first.”
Cheerilee looked at her solidified friends “You shouldn’t have…” She swallowed. “Twilight once said you bragged about not turning ponies to stone.”
The triumphant trickster lord levitated closer until he blocked out her field of view. “My dear,” Discord said with a chuckle, “you’d be surprised what a little frustration does to one’s comic repertoire.” He reached an arm around Cheerilee’s shoulder, yanking her closer as she tried to pull away. She shivered as he held her in place.
“Now, Cheerilee, there is one question you don’t want to ask. One fact is screaming in your subconscious while your higher brain sticks fingers in it’s ear, shouting ‘La la la.’ Do you want to know what that one teeny fact is?”
Hyperventilating, Cheerilee shook her head frantically.
“Good,” Discord said with a nod. “I’ll tell you, then. After all of this mayhem and madness, the defeat of the elements, a handsome young god taking you in his arms,” Discord said as he floated three feet across the floor, dragging the terrified Cheerilee along. “After all this,” he said with a grin, “why hasn’t your husband said anything.”
Cold ice poured over Cheerilee’s heart.
“All you have to do,” Discord whispered as he extricated himself from the quivering pony, “is turn around.”
Cheerilee shook on her hooves. Her head dropped toward the floor for a moment before she pulled herself up. Breathing in and out, Cheerilee started to say something before she saw Discord’s face. His eyes were looking behind her, and he clicked his tongue as he shook his head.
Cheerilee turned around, and the scream that had been suffocating inside her burst out as it broke the surface. She fainted, and the nearly-omnipotent being beside her did not a single thing to make her fall less hurtful.
“Ah well,” she heard as consciousness spiraled out, “You know what they say. Those who can’t, teach.”
___
“Dad!”
Screwball pushed her hooves up against the mirror, tears streaming as he breath made wet spots on the glass.
“Daddy,” she said in a choked whisper.
Cheerilee placed her hoof on the matching part of the mirror, pressing against it as hard as she could.
“Don’t worry. Daddy’s here. Discord wouldn’t let a plaything go so easily. I’m... slipping away, dear. The dreams are coming back. It’s like I’m a forgetful actress remembering my lines.” Pressing her face nearly against the mirror, Cheerilee wiped her streaming nose and eyes clear. “My poor baby. Listen carefully. We’re all counting on you. You know that nice farm girl I saw you with today?”
Screwball obediently nodded.
“You have to get to her,” continued Cheerilee as the lights in her bathroom flickered. “Get Apple Bloom, and have her get the Crusaders back together. One of them could speak a word and end this.”
Cheerilee turned away at the sound of a door splintering, eyes wide as she took in the gigantic sword of coral that had pierced through the wood. As it tore down through the door, Screwball could just make out a flurry of moving brown limbs like spears.
“It’s time,” Cheerilee said as she jumped onto the counter. “I can’t let him find out! Screwy, put your ear against the glass. Remember this"
As her daughter tearfully complied, Cheerilee shielded her mouth with her hooves and whispered into the mirror. She had just finished when the clacking, bipedal horseshoe crab grabbed her from behind and pulled her off the counter. It raised it’s sword as Cheerilee screamed.
"Get us out, Sc-- "
Then Screwy only looked into her own eyes, and found no comfort there.
___
Thorn Seed walked along his living room, eyeing his potted plants with the stony gaze of a drill sergeant. He knew that his success in business could have bought large, extravagant green rarities with sweet, buttery blossoms. Thorn didn’t care. Lined up along a table his wife knew better than to touch were many small ferns and flowers in unassuming pots. Individually, none of them were over six inches tall. Taken together, they were the dozen most difficult-to-grow plants in Equestria.
The spiky vine he was watering now cost as many bits as a small house. On the opposite end of the display was a light violet flower that would barely net a hoofful of coins at a swap meet. Thorn made no distinction between these two excluding their gardening requirements. He could always buy rare plants. Thorn’s joy was in practicing a skill to draw something of worth out of difficulty.
That was why he sighed when a lightning flash revealed Screwball out in the rain in the garden.
“Petal?” Thorn continued to snip at a thorn limb as he called into the kitchen. “Petal, could you deal with the kid?” No answer was forthcoming; she had most likely already left for her bridge group. Placing down his pruning shears out of irritation, (expensive ones with a tasty cork handle: some luxuries he allowed himself), he sauntered towards the door.
“Damn kid would probably drown if she looked up at the rain for too long.”
Screwy was standing in the middle of Thorn’s business experiments, head lowered nearly to the floor. She looked for all the world like she was having a staring contest with a tile. Screwball lifted her head as Thorn walked closer, her beanie propeller slowly ceasing to spin.
“Hello, Grandma,” she said.
Thorn winced as he approached. “It’s Grandpa, okay? I know your mother lets you get away with that, but let’s clear this up while she’s away. What are you doing out here in the rain?”
Screwball shrugged.
Thorn lifted a forelimb to rub the bridge of his muzzle. “Look, honey, you got to get inside. This is my business clipping lab.” He gestured widely around the garden. “I can’t have you... ”
Thorn stopped. The garden had changed.
The large fenced-in backyard had always been a mess, the tiled floor covered with dirt while pots of prospective crops spread out over every table. Tools were always out, ready for Thorn to decide to come out and tinker with the greenery. Plants came in and out so much that implementing any system of organization seemed useless.
Screwball raised her head inside her grandfather’s newly cleaned, organized, and water-proofed labeled planting yard and shrugged as he gaped in silence.
“Well,” she said. “Let’s pretend me didn’t spend a little time on it.”
Thorn sputtered, ignoring the rain. “But, they’re even organized by species! I was here fifteen minutes ago! How could you possibly do this?”
Screwball bared her teeth as she glared with one red, quickly spiraling eye.
“I’m special, Grandfather Thorn. Not an idiot.” She took an angry step towards him, sending him stumbling back in surprise. “Totally off topic, Grandfather. I’ve always been able to get your names right.” She smiled without friendliness. “Me making you uncomfortable has nothing at all to do with the way you treat Red, me promise.”
Thorn stood in silence for a while, basking in Screwy glare as the rain poured down on him. “Look,” he finally said, “maybe we should talk about this. Have you seen my daughter? Do you know where Cheerilee is?”
Screwball turned away, walking to a vase with three flowers. She sniffed them, leaving a drop of red running down a petal as she pulled her head away. “I know what’s happened to my mother. You’d never believe me, though. I’m leaving now, to do what I have to do. And if I never come back, remember that we talked here.” She walked towards the door, turning back just at the end. “I didn’t want you to think that your poor, retarded granddaughter drowned by looking up in the rain. I wanted you to know that I tried at the end.”
Thorn just stared as Screwy turned away and left.
___
Thunder sounded as Snails lifted his lantern over the crater that used to be the Ponyville library. Four pairs of eyes stared into the settled heap of sawdust, planks, and books nestled between the split halves of the local landmark.
“I’ll get the bike running,” Scootaloo whispered. As she walked away, the yellow-feathered thing that perched on the crater’s edge warbled mournfully, then turned to follow her.
Snips said nothing. It wasn’t funny anymore.
“Well,” Apple Bloom said quickly, “maybe they went somewhere! They might be hopping around in some kinda other world, or maybe... ”
“Give it a second,” Snails said. Apple Bloom followed as he walked around the rim of the crater, stopping only as his hoof finally nudged a stray copy of “The History of Unicorn Magic” toward her.
“What?” She squinted at the book. “I don’t-- ”
“Give it a second,” he chided her.
For a moment, nothing happen. Then a small sound of hope cracking sounded as the first drop of rain fell on the cover. There was an expectant moment of held breath before several of its comrades began their sky-dropped assault on the book.
“Nope,” Snails said with a shake of his head. He look up to see his girlfriend shaking, tears running down her cheeks.
“B-b-but... Twilight Sparkle wouldn’t have let that happen!” Apple Bloom poked the wet book with her hoof. “Not in a jillion years.”
Snails calmy wrapped his mouth around the book and picked into up, passing it into Apple Bloom’s saddlebags and closing them tightly. As the patter of rain picked up its voice, he stepped forward and kissed her silently and quickly, then ran his hoof down her cheek.
Moments later the sound of a motor sped away from the town as the storm pounded the library’s crater, washing ink from scattered books into running tears across the Ponyville streets.
___
Screwball walked through the darkness of Ponyville, alone except for the clatter of the rain. The streetlights were lit, but even the fireflies seemed subdued tonight. No candlelight peeked out of the houses, their windows all shuttered away.
Screwball stood in the dark for awhile before the voice called out to her. It was familiar and friendly, but unexpected. Whenever Screwball had heard it previously it was always at the edge of her vision, the family friend who visits but somehow keeps his distance at get-togethers.
“Empty, eh? Yeah, that’s the way it always gets when there’s monsters about. I always think of it like a play where the extras budget ran out.”
Down an alley a new light had turned on on top of a blue barn. Sitting in its open door was a brown earth pony in a trench coat that Screwball had seen often, but never quite gotten to know.
As she walked towards the blue barn, Screwy asked, “Uncle John?”
Inside the box was Ponyville’s eccentric brown-coated tinker, wrapped in a trench coat and worry. Heavy thoughts were visible in his eyes. Although Screwy had a talent for grasping the bizarre, most ponies distrusted the odd ex-traveller with the confusing name of “John Smith.”
Few ponies knew the reason for the odd, foreign name. It was a perfectly traditional name from where he came from, but you would have had to put away the geography books and pick out a few science ones to locate it.
Standing a few hooves away from the barn, Screwball stared into John Doo-Smith’s eyes and decided that honesty had been working fine for her so far. “Have you seen Ditzy? I don’t need help, and you like me better than she does.”
“That’s not true,” John said with his clipped Trottingham accent as he shivered, looking away. “I’ve always been quite fond of you. Love the backwards talk, by the way. Classic. Really, a big fan.”
Screwball’s eyes narrowed. “Ditzy avoids me whenever she visits. You always stay near.”
He stepped down out of the box and sighed. “Well, I admit I’ve been a bit ha... Hooves off. I can’t screw you up, Screwball.” As she cocked her head, John Doo-Smith continued. “You’re special. Wonderful. Unique. You just might have a magnificent destiny ahead of you, and I have to not meddle.” He shrugged. “If you... if everything works out, why don’t you sleep over at our house? I’ll tell stories until dawn, I promise.”
Screwball approached him, her spiraling eyes unreadable. “If everything doesn’t work out, I’d hate that. If things... ‘work out,’ it won’t matter.”
John breathed in.
“Screwball,” he said, standing to gently adjust her beanie. “Dear, little not-confused Screwball. So many would say you’re confused, but you see a lot more clearly than anyone catches on, don’t you?”
She swallowed and nodded.
John sat back down in the door of the small blue barn and offered a hoof. “It’s honestly an honor to meet you.”
Screwball shook his hoof, then let her mouth dropped as she stared past John into the impossible vastness of the room inside the blue box. Her eyes spun wildly as connection sparked in her head. “It’s smaller on the inside! You’re not the Wizard of the Travelling Box!”
The strange stallion chuckled, scratching the back of his mane uncomfortably. “They still tell that story, eh? Maybe I should have double-checked Starswirl’s notes.”
“Help me.” Screwball said as she shivered. “Oh, please help me. Something twirly-whirly crazy is going on.” She wetly coughed before continuing. “If you have the Travelling Box, if you’re really a time traveler, please help me stop this from happening.”
“Don’t strain yourself,” he said with a sigh. “If there’s a wall in your head, get around it. Screwy… Can I call you Screwy?”
She nodded. He seemed inordinately pleased with the permission, like someone who had been told they could address the Princess as Celly.
“Screwy, does your Mom take you to a lot of plays?”
The excited teen jumped up and down. “Labyrinth is the worst play ever! I haven’t seen it fifty-three times!”
He snorted. “You should meet the actual Goblin King. Not half as nice as Ziggy Stardust. Anyway, do you ever see plays where bad things happen?”
Screwball nodded.
“Screwy, what happens if you ran on stage and prevented it?”
“T-the… ” She held her nose.
John Smith waved a hoof irritated. “I don’t need to bleed you dry.” He pointed to the glowing light at the top of his strangely-placed shed. “You’ve been sitting here long enough. If I’m a wizard, then maybe my box works magic. While I’m here, just for right now, why don’t you try not forcing it? We were talking about interfering, and what would happen.”
“The play would stop, and... ” Screwball’s eyes went wide as her sentence sputtered off, slowly reforming into a toothy grin. Locking eyes with John, she loudly projected, “I’d get thrown out, and Red would complain about the ticket prices, and this doesn’t hurt!” Screwball leapt into the air spinning as she screamed.
“Mountains are tall! Ponies have hair!” As she dropped onto the ground, leaving little dust clouds. ‘I’m speaking fluent normal!”
He looked at her sternly. “You’re speaking like others. Boring, humdrum others who are not Screwball and would be jealous if they understood what that meant. Don’t ever worry about being normal. Screwy, think about what would happen if you went back in time and prevented Discord’s rampages. A lot of ponies would be happy, right?”
She nodded, thoughtfully. “But, I wouldn’t be here. Discord offered that to my Mom once. She bucked him in the face.” She smiled proudly.
“Ponyville girls.” He shook his head. “Tell me about it. Screwy, I wish I could help you, but it’s too risky. I can change a few things here and there. Little fixes in the flow of the river. Still, there are events that have to happen. I could try to stop Tirek from crafting the Bag of Darkness, prevent the rise of Nightmare Moon, or save a very dear earth pony friend of Luna and myself from a… bad day with the Smooze. I could fix everything. But if you change the most important parts of the play enough, it may stop being the play you recognize.” He shrugged. “Heck, I could bring the whole theater crashing down. The play is ‘Screwball Faces Discord,’ and its an important one. This story has to start, and I can’t rewrite it.”
She slowly nodded. “Does it have a happy ending?”
He breathed in sharply. “That I don’t know. History kind of stumbles like a blindfolded drunk sometimes. That’s not fixed. But look up at the sky. Look for just a second.”
Screwball cast two swirling eyes upward briefly, and then turned her attention back to John Doo-Smith.
“Okay, Screwball. How many stars did you see?”
“Three thousand, four hundred, and seventy-five. Two are going nova, three are actually double stars, and one looks kinda funny and suspicious, like its slowly getting farther away.” She cocked her head. “Why?”
He stepped out of the doorway and placed both hooves on her temple. “Oh, that brain!” He was almost hopping with giddiness as he spun Screwball around himself. “That amazing brain! Discord had no idea what he made here, did he? Screwball, I can’t fix this problem. I know for a fact that you can. Go out there, and have at ‘em!”
She nodded with bleary eyes. “Thank you. Can I say something? Not for you, but since I can say it now I’d like to say it even if I have to say it to you so can I… ”
He raised a hoof. “Slow down before you get a nosebleed anyway, love.” Sitting back on his haunches, he pulled a white paper bag out of his coat pocket and popped a piece of candy in his mouth. “I’m all ears.”
Screwball breathed in. “Cheerilee is the best, most wonderful and caring mother and teacher ever. Red’s always tries to cheer me up. Quest hears even the things I don’t say. I love them all very much.”
John Smith nodded with a smile, standing up. “I have to go, Screwy. I may have already affected your story too much, and I have to get Ditzy and our children to safety.” He reached over to grab the barn door, then stopped in mid-pull. John breathed in slowly as he looked at Screwball. “I’m not used to running away after hearing the phrase, ‘Help me.’ I’m sorry.”
In response, she threw her forelegs around the strange stallion. As she closed her eyes, he looked nervously in all directions and ventured a single hoofpat on her back.
“Uh… there, there.”
“Thank you,” she said as she pulled away.
As John into the doorway he returned a quizzical look. “What for?”
Screwball made eye-contact with John. Having learned over years to stare into Ditzy’s eyes, it was easier than he thought.
“Helping me,” she said. “That you for letting me talk, and thank you for listening”
He nodded, and Screwball turned and walked away. Shortly, she heard a weird rumbling sound. Turning back revealed an empty alleyway where the strange blue box had sat, and she nodded to herself.
“I… I can’t do this.” She smiled. “My name’s not Screwball, I’m not special, and I can’t do this.”
___
Snips gave a skeptical look to the darkened inside of the Cutie Mark Crusaders’ tree-house. He stepped off the gangplank onto the clubhouse floor with hesitation before quickly jumping off. Standing there shivering in terror for a second, he turned around at the sound of giggling to see Apple Bloom barely containing herself as she stepped into the gloom.
“It’s not funny,” Snips said as he uttered a phrase which has never in the history of galactic intelligence stopped someone from laughing. “Like, I weigh as much as three fillies myself. How is this place still holding up?”
Shadows around Snips fled as a lantern filled with fireflies walked into the room. Snails deposited the light in the center of the floor before turning to Snips. He punched Snips in the side in the way boys comfort each other when girls are watching.
“Because Apple Bloom built it,” Snails said with a smile on his face. “Things she touches last.”
A clattering noise stopped as Apple Bloom turned, ceasing to root around in one of many unlabeled crates of random doo-dads. “Thanks,” she said with a blush barely visible in the lantern light. “That was mighty poetic.”
“I will vomit,” Scootaloo said as she walked in and threw her biker goggles on a hat-rack made of spears.. “And I will do it in your mouths, lovebirds.”
Snips, leaning against a rusted tuba, shivered as Ponce walked in after Scootaloo. “W-w-wait, that’d take great aim. I mean, you’d only get a few seconds to-- ”
“You,” Scootaloo said with a smug smile, “have no idea how many cutie marks we practiced for.” She stepped behind an ancient podium and tapped her hoof impatiently. “So, where are we going to go now?”
Snips had been trying to pry open an old can of fruit, but dropped it at Scoot’s question. It rolled along the floor until it hit a yellow-feathered talon. Ponce leapt into the air, kicking his feet while the sound of metal buckling filled the air. As the blood drained from Snip’s face, Ponce pick up the cleanly-opened can and placed it in front of Snips with a polite chirp.
“U-u-uh. Thanks b-buddy.” He telekinetically threw a slice of peach in the air, and the bird-reptile-thing caught it in his mouth easily. “Anyway, why should we go anywhere? This is k-kind of a shelter, after all. We weather the storm.”
Apple Bloom swaggered up the the stage. Holding a hoof out, she smirked at Scootaloo. “Come on Snips. Cutie Mark Crusaders never know when... ”
Scootaloo snickered, pounded her hoof into Apple Bloom’s. “... to stay out of the rain,” she concluded.
“Among other things,” called an aggravated voice from up the gangplank. A violet-white mane that had gone from perfectly styled to dripped in an hour crowned the morose head that entered the door. “Is Sweetie Belle still slumming with you miscreants in this place?”
Scootaloo slammed her head onto the podium.
“Diamond Tiara?” Apple Bloom grinned the nervous grin of a Royal Guard watching a changeling strut around Canterlot. “Why, what a weird coinci-- ”
“Can it, Hayseed.” Diamond Tiara said as she whipped her wet mane back and forth. “Where’s Sweetie Belle? In fact, where’s every teen and kid in Ponyville except for us? Spill it.”
Apple Bloom stepped from one leg pair to the other. “Why, ah just don’t know-- ”
Diamond rolled her eyes as she climbed onto a stool. “Oh, come off of it, Hammer-butt. You and her have Elements of Harmony in your families. Anything weird in this town get discussed over your dinner tables.” She leaned in with an eager smile. “Now, your old newspaper editor wants the real story.”
Snips looked down at the can of peaches he was levitating slices out of. He then turned his gaze from the chummy grin of Diamond Tiara to Ponce’s fanged mouth, chewing on a broomstick. His head bobbed back and forth between the two. Shrugging, he scooted over and threw a forelimb around Ponce’s neck. As the primeval beast made a curious squeak, Snips tried to put on his best non-threatening smile.
“You know, considering the choices, you’re okay in my book, pal!”
“SQUUEEEONK!” Ponce drew a amused shudder from Snips as he ran a long tongue against the pony's cheek.
“Look,” Snails said with a calculating eye on Diamond Tiara. “This might sound weird, but Discord’s been kidnapping ponies in their sleep and hurting them in the dream-world.”
Diamond clicked her tongue. “And your plan would be?”
"You believed that?" Scootaloo leapt over the podium, slamming hard onto the floor and drawing a whimper from Snips. “Hold on a sec! It can’t be that easy!”
Shaking her head, Diamond shrugged. “Scoots, since we were little fillies any trouble in town has had at least one of you three running toward it.” She snorted. “If something weird is here, you’ll be in the middle. Duh.”
Wavering on her feet, Scoots leaned against Apple Bloom for support in a world gone mad.
Diamond threw an impatient hoof around Snails’ neck, pulling him closely yet not gently. “So, you were about to tell me what we’re doing to get my friend back.”
A lightning bolt illuminated the outside, and for one terrified second Snips thought that the gates of insanity had flung wide and another Diamond Tiara had arrived to torment them.
“We could go to him,” Screwball declared from the doorway “We could find him in the world of dreams, and fight him together, couldn’t we?”
Snails pushed Diamond Tiara off and trotted over, bouncing with excitement. “You made a clear statement without implying the value of truth, didn’t you?”
Screwy shrugged with a coy smile. “There may or may not be a wall in me head. Somepony might or might not have suggested I find ways around it.”
“Clever girl,” Snails replied with his eyes alight.
Scootaloo heard the click of teeth grinding. A quick glance at Apple Bloom’s jealous grimace sent a flash of pride through Scoots’ heart.
“Hey, Hayseed,” she whispered in Apple Bloom’s ear. “If that’s how eggheads flirt, you better step in.”
“Ah certainly intend to.”
Apple Bloom stepped towards the pair, heavy hoofsteps ringing throughout the tree-house. Diamond Tiara and Scootaloo shared a look of mutual anticipation for the first time. Watching the scene, Snips decided to stay safe in the corner with the vicious predator.
“Excuse me,” Apple Bloom sneered as she stepped between Screwy and Snails. “Could you stop making goo-goo eyes at my boyfriend.”
Screwy blinked, her spirals reversing in confusion. Snails stopped, his quick mind mind grinding to a halt in the face of impending relationship danger.
“She can’t,” Snips said, drawing the surprised look of the assembled teens. Shrugging away his thoughts of continued existence, Snips stood and readied for the screaming. Tartaurus, he thought, might as well go all out. “Goo-goo eyes is k-k-kinda her normal state of being, Aby.”
Diamond Tiara giggled, happy to be back in her comfort zone of laughing at people’s differences. Astonishingly for Snips, almost everyone else completely lost it as well. Even Apple Bloom had switched from anger to stark surprise. He looked from Screwy to Diamond, shivering as they snickered. It’s like taking her and making a warped, imperfect reflection of her in a twisted funhouse mirror. He shrugged. Well, a warped reflection without a beanie, anyway.
Before the confrontation could resume, Screwy bowed low to Aby. As she rose, Apple Bloom tried to interpret those spinning eyes. They were a curtain of mystery over a locked box of bouncing thoughts.
She snapped out of it when Screwy said, “You two fit.”
“Huh?”
Screwball coughed before continuing. “Me would always try to come between you two. You fit like mismatching puzzle pieces. Splitting you two up would bring chaos to the world, and me’d love to do that to friends..”
Apple Bloom quavered on her hooves for a second, the room spinning as she took in Snails’ smile. “Um,” she began, “Um.” Awkwardly returning the smile, she whispered to Scootaloo, “We don’t have any extra capes to pin on her, do we?”
“So, this is lovely,” Diamond Tiara said as she idly rapped on the podium. “I’m here because I’ve invested too much time making Sweetie Belle not a Cutie Mark Crusader to let her go. How are we going to do this?”
Throwing a hoof backwards through her hair, Scootaloo shot a gloating smile at Diamond. “By working like Cutie Mark Crusaders. Apple Bloom, you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“Ah think so, Scoots, but we never did add enough cinnamon.” Confusing even Screwball, Apple Bloom dug through a row of ancient cardboard boxes until she pulled out a stoppered flask of brown liquid, inside which green sparklers swirled.
“Ah, yeah.” Scootaloo gave a little stomp on the floor, which made Ponce’s head snap to attention. “Cutie Mark Crusader Barristas ride again.”
As Screwy and Snails looked with wide eyes at the glowing potion, Snips blinked. “All my whats.”
Scootaloo almost ran across the floor to stare at the bottle. “This, fillies and gentlecolts, is the last sealed bottle of Sweetie Belle’s cappuccino from our coffee stand. I love Sweetie, but Aby was always the group alchemist.”
“Wait,” Snips yelled indignantly, “she lets you call her Aby?” He crossed his forelimbs. “Not fair at all.”
“Anyways,” Aby said with a smile, “this here coffee drink will send you right to dreamland with one sip. It’s the best way to all go together. So, are we ready to do this?”
An expectant look spread from pony to pony. Snips breathed in. “Well, it’s go time. If anypony has to use the outhouse or make any soulful last minute confessions, now would be the time.”
Screwy bit her lip, turning to the pouring rain in the open door. A flash of lightning illuminated distant Ponyville, and Snips thought she flinched as her eyes stared above the town. She would never tell him what she saw. Aby and Snails moved closer to each other, and as Snails breathed in to speak Scootaloo totally ruined the moment as she said, “I got one.”
She threw her hoof in Diamond Tiara’s direction, drawing an amused raise of the eyebrows from the young socialite. “Okay, I’ll shoot. Why?”
Diamond pursed her lips. “More specific, please?”.
“Diamond, you had a raging wing-boner for years to tell us all what useless ponies we were. I’ve heard almost everything out of those rancid lips of yours.”
“Wow,” Dia said. “Such diplomacy... ”
Ponce lowered his head, snarling at Diamond Tiara. Snips shuddered, hoping that Scoot's tone set off the beast. He may have shared a moment with the feathered thing, but Snips didn’t want to consider that Ponce spoke Equestrian.
“No, I still don’t get you." Scootaloo bit her lip, hesistating for a second before taking a deep breath. "If I’m gonna let you have my back when it counts, you gotta answer me this. Out of everything you could have said about me, why didn’t you ever mention my wings?”
Apple Bloom drew in a sharp breath, and scanned the room to see if their old first aid kit was still here.
“Because that was the one thing that was never your choice.” Diamond Tiara stared at Scootaloo with curious eyes, waiting patiently.
Scoots nodded. “Good enough. All right, everybody get in a circle, sing “Celestia Loves the Little FIllies, and give me the bucking bottle. It’s party-time.”
___
When the serious-looking stranger walked into her class, she knew something had gone wrong.
Cheerilee’s day had already been a gauntlet of obstacles and horrors. Filing Sluice’s withdrawal papers was time-consuming enough. Combined with her meeting with Bomber’s parole agent, she had lost her entire planning period. As Cheerilee heard the stampede of her class fleeing the confines of Luna's School for Disadvantaged Youngsters, her hopes had risen that she might find a single moment of solitude and satisfaction.
After five minutes of powering through the stack of disappointment called “quizzes,” the knock sounded at her door.
“Is there a Miss Cherry Lee in there?” The voice asked.
The voice was respectful and officious, with the hint of an Appleloosan accent. Inwardly, Cheerilee groaned. Well, here comes another parent to remove their child. Another one bites the dust.
“Come in,” she called out cheerfully, her professional mask settling into place.
She would have never been able to describe the stranger who walked in. She got the vague impression of an unremarkable office drone, but her brain refused to process any further. It was currently screaming as someone magically slammed its fingers into a drawer again and again, and Cheerilee only knew that she had a headache that wouldn’t leave.
“Sit down, please,” she said as she gestured to the least rusty desk and massaged her temple. “I hope you don’t mind if I keep grading. What seems to be the problem?”
The stranger sat down, clutching his briefcase - were those polka dots, Cheerilee briefly thought before the drawer slammed with renewed force- and then sighed. “I have some bad news, Miss Cheerilee. It’s about the field trip.”
Cheerilee made eye contact, then looked away as her irises started to burn. I need more sleep. “You’re quite mistaken, sir. I didn’t go to the mine today.” Only a dentist could tell how Cheerilee ground her teeth inside her pleasant smile. “That’s why I’m the only non-sub in the jungle today. All the others teachers went.”
“Miss,” he said as he adjusted his Groucho glasses, “I regret to inform you that nopony’s coming back from that field trip. Ever.”
Cheerilee’s pencil fell out of her mouth, rolling across the desk until it fell into the trash. Something in the laws of physics conspired to make it land in the nastiest thing in the bin, despite the actual arrangement of garbage.
“Please explain.”
“There was a localized tremor. A cave-in happened.” He spread his mismatched arms. “We would have mounted a rescue, but the river got into the shaft and filled it up.”
Cheerilee’s eyes burned. “This isn’t happening,” she stammered out. Her mind agreed with her, and screamed as white hot nails pierced it. She didn’t hear. “Red, Globe, Golden, and all those children. They can’t be... ”
He suppressed a snicker. “‘Fraid so, Miss.”
Five minutes later the test papers were soggy and unreadable under Cheerilee’s spread forelimbs, her shaking head lying on top of it. He ate some popcorn.
“Wuh.” She rubbed her nose while trying to look him in the eye. “Was it over quickly?”
“Not at all, ma’am.” He saw her face crack. “We figure that they-- ”
Then he convulsed in laughter, and Cheerilee heard her brain scream.
“I swear,” Discord said as he held his head in his hands. “That absolutely never gets old. The memory-wipe is totally worth repeating.”
Cheerilee lifted herself up on the desk. “You. You tricked me.”
He flailed around wildly, kicking back in the chair as he laughed into his hands. “Yup! I did that one hundred and forty seven times, and it keeps getting funnier every time I do it!”
Letting out a scream of rage, she leapt across the desk. Cheerilee twisted in mid-air as hundreds of licorice tendrils snaked out of her desk, slamming her into the wood. Her ribs suddenly knew how her brain was feeling. A spray of water from Discord’s lapel flower kept her consciousness from sinking into the river it vainly paddled in.
“Oh, I vary it sometimes,” he continued. “I did your mother and father a few times. Actually once managed to convince you that everyone in Old Canterlot had disappeared!. Anyhoo, I’m breaking character and my vicious cycle to do more than gloat. She’s here. Look’s like someone brought your daughter to the slaughter.”
Spreading his palms on the desk, he stared directly into Cheerilee’s widening eyes.
“Let the games begin.”
___
“Is there a Miss Cherry Lee in there?” The voice asked.
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IT IS ALIVE!
JESUS CHRIST DISCORD!
Also, the scene with The Doctor. Incredible. Seriously. You are gonna have to really work at topping that one in this story.
Stop everything. Stop the Gantz, stop the Shingeki no Kyojin, stop the fanfic writing. It's time for some of this deliciousness.
Hmm. I would argue that not having a cutie mark isn't exactly a choice either.
At last! It pushes it's dusty head to the surface of the updates and sings! I will now proceed to re-read my favorite fanfic (school daze) while I wait for the next update. Make it quick!
All my Woot.
Another great chapter for this story. Plenty of great scenes here. Really have to feel for poor Screwball and the lack of love she gets at times.
Ohh, great chapter. Love the story. Can't wait for the next one.
Sorry for the delay, I was caught with an equipment failure. Still, I loved that crossover! Go for it Screwy, cave his head in!
paleo, thank you for the story, I eagerly await its conclusion
Normaly I wouldn't be reading something this....... dark. But after the first story, and seeing how good this one is, I'm afraid I can't file this one away.
So tell me, why is Discord so......... evil? In the episodes, he just loves his pranks and good laughs at other's expense. But he never really did any harm. Now, he's including torture, pain, and even bodily harm into his "fun" and laughing at it. But why?
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Two reasons.
One, when I started writing that version of Discord, it was only with Return of Harmony. For me, the moment that explained Discord was when Twilight cries and he fist-pumps in the air while shouting for joy. That was not the work of a misunderstood, Q-like trickster. That was to my mind the act of someone ultimately selfish, who views everyone else only in light of his own amusement.
Also, I figured the frustration of the stone thing might get to him.
I admit, "Keep Calm and Flutter On" took that down a notch. That Discord I write about in "Chaos and Darkness."
2977555
I have to admit, I see more Q, the wayward person who gets his kicks with harmless yet annoying (to his "victims") shenanigans, in the Episode format. Probably because it's still geared toward little kids who shouldn't be watching things with torture and mayhem...
So when I see/ read things with Discord being "evil", it's still slightly shocking to me. But I can see where that's coming from.
2977555
2977628
To be fair, this Discord was never released from stone, and never struck up an unlikely friendship with Fluttershy. Since he's never had a meaningful relationship with another being, is it any wonder he regards them as little more than playthings? Besides, his 'reformation' in 'Keep Calm and Flutter On' isn't exactly selfless, it's because he doesn't want to lose his first friend. Was he thinking about Fluttershy or himself when he turned Sweet Apple Acres back to normal?
In other news, dear Celestia this is epic! I just hopes it's not another half a year before the next update
Really enjoyed, but have one issue. You use got a little crazy with the nicknames in the scene in the CMC clubhouse, and it got kind of distracting.
Heh, I really liked the addition of you know Who. I also see you have other stories with him, preceding this one. Well now I have to read those.
Really though, great story. And just when I think I've caught up I see you have other stories. *cracks fingers* Time to get back to reading.
3164207
Glad to have you! Tell me what you think as you go through.
Eleven words, and you make me respect Diamond Tiara. You magnificent bastard, you.
Also, good to see you're still in fine form with your slipping in song titles. Wouldn't have pegged Discy as a fan of Maiden. Would have guessed Megadeth.
Is that a Progress reference I spy? If so, bravo. One of my favorite pieces of pony fic, and one that is in dire need of updating. If not... well, at least the rest of the chapter is excellent.
Finally, thank you for not having John step in and be the Deus Ex Machina. I know you wouldn't, but it's a damn hard temptation to resist, I know.
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That is definitely a Progress reference. It's such a wonderful story that I fit that into my Lina canon, whatever I write. There's a brief allusion to it in School Daze and an upcoming G1/Whooves crossover.
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Agreed. It's one of the stories that really got me into actively seeking pony fic. And one of my favorite interpretations of Luna.
A shame he hasn't updated it in forever. Hands is enjoyable, but... I miss Luna.
I love the constant song references. Each time I see one, I play the song.
3594234
Have you read the story I wrote with them as the stars?
Well you may have gone with a darker discord but it seems the show actually managed to make Diamond more evil than your one... Stupid Show-Diamond.
As a side note I recently went through all your fics after having just read the Doctor&Ditzy ones before. WRITE MOAR PLS
As much as I enjoyed the earlier stories, this one just doesn't seem as great. It jumps between place so often it's sometimes hard to tell what's real and what's a dream. A lot of the characters are suddenly extremely different with kinda forced rapid characterization to explain the age changes. One thing that really threw me, though, is that the elements of harmony are somehow capable of harming themselves? There are plenty of more believable ways you could have gotten them out of the way, especially if you hadn't changed their method of storage solely for the sake of an anime joke.