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Rainbow Dash is a Lesbian603 words
Caramel Lost the Grass Seeds Again390 words
Time Turner is a Time Lord971 words
Your Wings Burn Off 100 Feet Above Cloudsdale Coliseum293 words
There Is An Alternate Dimension446 words
A.K. Yearling Is Daring Do117 words

Time Turner is a Time Lord

“This is no laughing matter; we have a crisis on our hooves!” The purple unicorn known as Twilight Sparkle stood on the bridge post and looked down at the crowd, of which he appeared to be a member. “I’ve just been visited by my self from the future,” she declared.

Time Turner burst anew into a flight of laughter. The agitated Twilight Sparkle’s friends pushed to the front of the growing herd and did their best to assuage whatever was on the mare’s mind. He stayed long enough to satisfy his own curiosity while the rest of the ponies listened to the librarian's tirade. Time Turner’s services wouldn’t be necessary to disaster-proof Equestria, so he was free to finish his stroll and get back to work.

The earth pony (who, he would say, was ironically the color of the thing his race was named for) was one of those ponies who had a rather niche profession. In this case, it was keeping track of time. Now, while there were certainly ways to earn bits by watching a clock, those instances were, sadly, few. As a result, Time Turner’s job required an awful lot of travelling. All over Equestria he tracked ticking second hooves, eyed hourglasses, and watched sun dials.

When work of this sort was slow, Time Turner took to making and fixing clocks in his small workshop. This was one such time.

The stallion picked meticulously at a tiny object using a magnifying lens and a small screwdriver. (A fascinating contraption, really; it helped earth ponies and pegasi work on things built with unicorn magic.) An assortment of other miniature tools, cogs, and faceplates lay about the workspace, along with a set of blue and lightning-gold paints. Normally he would send completed clocks to a designer for paint and touchup, but this was a special order for a specific purpose.

Unfortunately, the blasted thing had given him plenty of trouble already. The tiny screws slipped in protest every time he tried to turn them into place. He would have to get a better screwdriver from his cabinet to finish the job.

A rapid knock on the door announced a visitor, who revealed herself to be gray pegasus mare. Time Turner looked up from his tinkering. “Why hello there Derpy! Is there something I can do for you? The new town hall clock is still working, I presume?” Not if Derpy had anything to do with it.

“Yes, oh that fine,” Derpy’s misaligned eyes jiggled as she nodded her head. Screams and frightened neighs filtered through the open door behind her. “You really need to come help with something else right now, Time Turner!”

“Please,” the aforementioned stallion waved his hoof, “as I’ve stated before, ‘Timer’ is fine.” It just never seemed to stick with the pegasus that he did not prefer his given name, as it was quite long and unseemly.

“Sure thing Timer,” Derpy said happily. She took a moment to remember what she came for originally. Her snout crinkled up and she tapped her chin. Panicked ponies fled left and right behind her. “Oh yeah, I came to get you because there’s a huge dog running around Ponyville, and Twilight says there’s a big disaster coming, and nopony can figure out what is going to happen, and everyone is talking about time travel, and you need to tell Twilight to go find the time spells in the Star Swirl The Bearded wing in Canterlot!”

“Ah, the Star Swirl The Bearded wing. I believe one of my most finely crafted hourglasses is in that wing. I’m afraid I don’t see where I fit into all of this.” Judging from the speed of the fleeing ponies and the decibels of their screaming, it was nothing that they couldn’t work out for themselves. This was Ponyville, after all.

Derpy waved her hooves in the air like the connection between Timer and the chaos outside was the most obvious thing in the world. “Because you’re a Time Lord, silly!”

“Come again?”

“A Time Lord!”

“A what now?” Perhaps he had heard her wrong. He rubbed an hear to make sure.

“For muffins’ sake! I said a Time Lord!”

“A Time Lord? Oh my, that certainly sounds interesting. It pains me to tell you, Derpy, that though I may specialize in time, I am most certainly not a Lord of any sort.” He found it quite impossible to have such a conversation and focus on the delicate clockwork before him at the same time, so he resolved to simply reorganize some of the things in the shop. Goodness knows he hardly had time for it any other day. Ha! Time.

Derpy’s confusion showed in her eyes. “But I know you are. I mean, if you’re not a Time Lord, well,” she thought for a second, “that’s like saying Rainbow Dash isn’t cool. Or Fluttershy is a tree.” The gray mare’s eyes rolled with about as much sensibility as the words flowing from her mouth.

Timer’s brows furrowed sympathetically to match his smile. “Sorry my friend, but whatever fantastic feat it is you expect me to perform, I really cannot. You know, allons-y and all, but I won’t be of any use out there, unless the big dog outside needs his clock cleaned.”

“Well okay,” Derpy said despondently. Her head drooped. “If you won’t help I’ll just deal with it myself.” She turned and walked slowly out the door.

Honestly, a Time Lord! What a ridiculous notion. It simply wouldn’t do to have ponies running around spreading such rumors about him. Timer sighed and retrieved his better screwdriver from a cabinet drawer.

Of course, it looked nothing like a screwdriver.

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