The Twist

by Crowne Prince

Rainbow Dash is a Lesbian

“Rarity, there’s something I want to talk to you about.” The rainbow-maned pegasus sat with unusual complacency on a rotating stool in the Ponyville botique. An outfit of exceptional taste was pinned loosely around her. The rhythmic whirring of a sewing machine tacked at the air.

“But you have to promise you won’t tell anypony what you’re about to hear. Not just any promise, either,” Rainbow Dash insisted with fervor. “Pinkie Promise!”

“Oh alright. Pinkie Promise.” Rarity managed to make the motions without breaking the flow of sewing. “ It must be something good if it is coming from you of all ponies, Rainbow Dash.”

No sooner had Rarity spoken than her ears were assaulted by a stream of unbelievable words from Rainbow Dash. “I can’t get a coltfriend. Every stallion I’ve ever liked – and then some – flat out reject me, or tease me, or turn away and ignore me, which I don’t get because I’m fun and I’m awesome and I’m fast, so there must be something wrong with me. It must be the way I don’t dress, or the way I look; it must be that I’m ugly, that my hair is too weird-“

“Stop right there!” Rarity’s eyes flashed through her red sewing glasses. She looked directly at her distraught friend. “You are anything but ugly, Rainbow, and any earth pony or unicorn or pegasus who tells you otherwise is quite simply atrocious, or jealous, or both. Ooo, hold still while I adjust this a bit. Anypony should be so lucky to be graced with such stunning and unique colors.

Now,” Rarity continued, regaining her composure. “You had the good taste to come see me for help.” The unicorn’s horn glowed as she lifted the ensemble from Rainbow Dash and replaced it with another. “We shall figure something out before you leave.”

Rainbow Dash held still as a translucent, sparkling purple ribbon weaved itself into the new outfit with a sewing needle hot on its trail. Rarity glanced at it with an expert eye. “Yes, I knew purple was the right choice for that color coat.” A bit of trim pulled itself from a basket and floated in line for the sewing needle.

Rarity flipped her styled mane and turned to her concept board. “Mmm. Have you tried being less forward about your intentions?”

“Yes.”

“How about taking a friendly and charming approach, rather than your usual… sportiness?”

“Yep.”

“Humility?”

Rainbow Dash’s ears drooped. “Uh-huh.” She’d even tried that.

“What we need then is some way to make these ponies realize what they’re missing. Something daring. Something bold.” Rarity’s voice escalated with anticipation. “Something that will shake them out of their hooves. Something… Oh.”

She paused. “Oh my, this is simply genius. Why did I never think of this before?”

“Think of what?” Rainbow Dash asked, somewhat apprehensively.

“Rainbow Dash, why not become a lesbian?”

“Huh? Rarity, were you listening to me at all? I said I was trying to hook up with a stal-“

“Yes, exactly! And don’t get worked up like that, or I’ll stitch you on accident. Hold still.” The needle weaved furiously at the outfit’s trim as Rarity’s mind churned. “Don’t you see, darling? Once the stallions know you are completely out of their reach, why, they’ll go mad for your affections. With your physique and roguish attitude-" Rainbow Dash complained Hey! in the background "-I daresay you will become one of the most eligible mares in all of Equestria!”

And so she did.

Comments

[Aloysius]

What... just what?

FIRST!

[MeghanMae]

why is there nothing else to it?!!

[Admiral Biscuit]

It must be the way I don’t dress

Brilliant!

[TheMareWhoSaysNi]

Ahaha

That was just perfect

[DualKitsune]

Rarity, I am glad you did not become an evil mastermind. I mean this is awfully close to the edge, but...