Page generated in 0.039 seconds
Total duration
967 users online
1,438,124 hits today, 1,938,329 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I like the theme of hiding your true identity. It seems that it was written a bit hastily
-Begin Comment-
It's Beavis and Butthead, a classic, before we know it this character will need tp for their bunghole.
-End Comment-
Alright calling him this repeatedly is annoying as fuck.
Just call him the by the name of his current identity not all of his identities...
A husk is the empty shell left behind after an insect molts or dies.
Dogs don't move both at the same time, they move the foreleg first and then start to move the hind leg as the foreleg comes down.
Says who? Why would you feel you would have to use that persona?
Again, says who? He's making a pretty big assumption about how magic works. Worse, it actually works.
Again, not only does he just assume that he's near Ponyville, he's actually right.
So, he can't get through a peaceful, non-random magic forest that neighbors a town as easily as a forest full of violent monsters and crazy magic?
These are very bad ideas. First, asking if a holiday has already taken place is not something any normal person would ask. I mean, can you imagine if someone asked you if Christmas has already happened? Then there's the part about asking if a villain has already attacked. Imagine how you would react if someone asked you if terrorists have attacked some place already.
How does he know that's what he's smelling.
Twilight was only supposed to be staying there for a few fays while she prepares for the SSC. She wasn't supposed to be the librarian.
This is a public building. You don't have to knock if it's normal operating hours.
A single cherry costs two bits. This is horrible pay.
That was established the first time you used it.
Not the worst start I've ever seen, but it has a lot of issues.
First and foremost, it's way too rushed. This should have been at least twice this length, maybe three times.
Second, the walls of text. Too many paragraphs need to be broken up.
Third, the begining is was too unrealistically easy. He accepts things way too easily and knows things he can't possibly know.
Finally, the protag has no defining personality. There's been almost no hints to his character. All we got was he made a couple jokes and he finds ponies attractive.
I'll keep reading for another chapter or two to see if it improves, but as it is I'm just not very interested.
I love the reverb.
So... Exotic.
Reading and writing is a nice thing to have.
He would use his human languages for dairys.
------
Can your character wallwalk? I remember they can...
What happens to the eaten food?
Normal body disposal or Goo production?
Might need a littel overwork after you complet the story. Seems you get some very good advices in the comment section already I wish this story the best of success Authors with good storys dont need luck
-----
Lunas dreamwalk is pretty op if its really that simpel... Than again... Alicorns are not just pimped Unicorns
Amazing start. Befriending Pinke Pie is a nice food source. She can be... A challange but her food seems to be worth it
Sooo i guess Pinkie Pie is rich to be able to affort paying for Partys without payment?
Why do so many Pony gift a newcomer something?
Pinkie Pie in general is ok. Rarity is always a clever bussness mare. RD basicly pranked only. The watch? ... Odd...
9941872
Can only improve from now on i guess
What exacly was changed?
Well that was easy. Too easy.,,
Yeah... That might need a small edit.
Lol that would be interesting, get to Equestria, Luna goes through your head, see's all the clop.. XD
Good start if abit fast, think I will follow this
Oh damn, finally. I have always wanted to read a fic about a clopper in Equestria. It seems like those never feature in HiE fics.
11399461
Eh, I feel like half of all genre savvy HiE stories feature cloppers of some kind, most just know how to keep their impulses in control, like normal human (or otherwise) beings.
Как по мне, слишком уж... пресно?
"Я жук-пони, ага, ясно" - что это за реакция?
"Минуту поразмышлял над темой бытия, и вот я уже маг на полной ставке" - как это, по вашему, должно работать?
"Хм, мне плевать как и почему я сюда попал, но мне обязательно следует отправиться в Понивиль" - даже комментировать не хочу.
"Я начну новую жизнь, за секунду забыв о старой" - автор решил собрать вообще ВСЕ клише, я правильно понял?
И по итогу имеем, что имеем: Попаданец не Попаданец, а попросту чейнждлинг без знаний о прошлом. Вся суть темы телепортации в другой мир - обзор его от нового лица и новые, необычные действия и ситуации. Здесь я ничего такого не увидел.