Chapter 1:Forgotten Filly in the Forest
Primordial Crimes:Project Helia
(Based on Past Sins by Penstroke & Helia created by SaturnStar14)
Chapter 1: Forgotten Filly in the Forest
Sunset was laying in bed groaning. Following her rescue she had been healed by Celestia and taken back to the Golden Oaks Library by the two sisters who tucked her into bed. Luna peering into her student and surrogate little sister's dreams. She could see the terror, feel her pain. Yet now was not the time to help her through it, neigh the princess of the night knew that she must wait for acting on Sunset's nightmares to soon could damage her.
Ember looked on in worry, Sunset needed her and she was not there. The young dragoness had never felt so useless, she looked at the bandages around Sunset's neck a dark glower appear in her young eyes as she balled her fists tightly, her claws cutting slightly into her scales. Yes Ember was always something of a hothead yet she had never been this angry before, no never like this.
The two princess's stood up from Sunset's bed, the duo looking to Ember as they flew down to her. Luna patting her on the shoulder. “I sense thine anger young dragon warrior, you must not blame thyself. She needs you now, tend to her in our sted for we must return to Canterlot and investigate the attacks.”
Ember felt more relieved now, she sighed now trying to reclaim her center. “Your right Princess Luna, thank you. I promise I won't let anything happen to Sunset.” She grinned now childishly, obviously still masking some of her rage. “She's my mistress after all, so I have to be there for her.”
Luna nodding to her as she and Celestia walked out of the door, though Luna was still very worried about what those cultists were upto and what they had done to her little Sunny. Yes she needed to learn why they had captured her and the purpose of that arcane ritual.
~~~~
The night went on, soon turning into day. Ember snoring as she lay half on Sunset's bed and getting drool on her bedspread. Sunset shot up from her slumber panting as she reached for her throat. She could feel the bandages, gulping now she looked around now content. “Oh good at least I'm home.”She looked down and saw Ember, Sunset deviously grinning as she levitated her up and shook her awake. “Wakey-wakey Gems and Hay-backy.” She was greeted by a leer from her young dragon companion who found that unamusing.
Sunset rolled her eyes setting her down now expecting a lecture or a famous Ember tantrum, however she was rather surprised as the azure dragon glomped onto her in a hug and she was now teary-eyed. “I-I-I-I.........You know I can't talk about my feelings.”
Sunset sighed at this, always her reply when she got emotional. She could tell Ember had really been worried though. She had to atleast try and put her mind a bit at ease. Sunset patting her on the head with a free hoof and rubbing between her horns like when she was a hatchling. “Yeah, yeah I get it. Don't worry no dumb white robe wearing delusional losers will take me out, I took down way stronger badguys before them and I'll keep doing it after.”
Ember was now pouting a bit, looking away to the side. “Yeah well dragon code yoo know? I have to serve you, your my mistress Sunset. You hatched me and I must serve and protect you with my life.” Ember having taken a knee and bowing to her as if she were a knight.
Sunset with a roll of her eyes was clearly stiffing a laugh. Whenever Ember got all serious and knightly she couldn't help but chuckle. A dragon knight, a brave warrioress protecting the bookwormish damsel. That was always how Ember played things off, it was like she never grew up from their pretend games they played with Fluer back in Canterlot. “Seriously Ember give it a rest, I'm not 8 anymore and this isn't a game, your my charge, my assistant, my kinda little sis or daughter or whatever.” Sunset patting her on both her shoulders with her hooves. “You have gotta calm down and not delve into a world of fantasy and stuff.”
Ember blushed at that, she hated not being taken seriously. She was a fierce warrior not some adorable child playing pretend like Sunset always said. “Says the mare who believes in conspiracy theories and ancient fairytales as fact.”
“Okay yeah not gonna justify that, also no gems for dessert tonight for you little dragon.”Sunset walked past Ember whose jaw had dropped and now with a pleading look to her mistress like a children trying to butter up a parent. “Okay maybe just one.” Sunset was looking around now seeming to search for something. “Um Ember did the princess's put my saddlebags somewhere?”
“Well no, I thought it was in the closet or something Sunset, honest I haven't seen it.” She was trying to give an innocent grin.
Sunset shooting a menacing leer at her dragon assistant. Ember folded fall to her knee's. “Okay, okay the princess's never brought it back, I have no clue honest.”
Sunset facehoofed, honestly what more could be said. “Ember I was returning a rare Zebafrican artifact to Zecora's in there, its a rare piece of her family history and is irreplaceable. I was just heading there after speaking with the mayor and Coco about a special cultural festival with native outfits and artifacts of Zebafrica. So that means I must have dropped it when those mares took me, or its in the forest.” Sunset walking to the door, which of course made Ember gasp she knew what Sunset planned to do.
The dragon gal sliding infront of her mistress now. “No way Sunset you are not going there by yourself, let me get my armor!”
Sunset levitated her away and sat her on her bed. “Ember the armors made of cardboard and you bought your so called spear off a royal cadet for your lunch of emerald hoagies a while back. This is serious and I don't need a kid playing pretend getting in the way, just chill here after all we gotta keep the library open from 10 to 8 on most days.”Sunset slamming the door behind her as she left.
Ember pouting as the slam made her secret cabinet of pony princess figures slide out which caused her to look around nervous and jam them back in there with her children's tea set and ballet shoes, covering them with her mantle of toy swords and axes. “Glad nopony saw that.”
~~~~
Sunset of course was going incognito, drapped in a jet black cloak as she headed to the forest. The last thing she needed was for one of her friends to find her and talk her out of going. “I have to find that artifact, it would break Zecora's heart if I lost it.” She could picture it now, telling her friend how she lost what embodied her families history, the tears, the cries, the depression at losing something so dear. As a friend Sunset promised to take care of it, yet she failed.
After a little while she came upon the road she had taken into the forest yesterday and trotted down it looking to and frow, her keen eye for detail had to find it. “Shame Trixie isn't here, she helps locate stuff for the police and catches criminals, I'm sure she could have helped.” She then shook her head at the idea, just imagining Trixie's ego inflating at that and giving such a condescending look of superiority and would of course lord this over Sunset's head. “Yeah probably better I didn't ask her.” A sweatdrop one her forehead as she figured that since it was not on the road the easiest thing to do was to try and use a spell.
Sunset of course had wished she had put a tracking rune on her bag, how could she have been so foalish as to not do that. No the spell she had in mind was to reveal the hoof prints of herself and the cult ponies, she would need to follow the prints back to the dais perhaps then she would find her bag.
As she walked into the forest proper following the prints everything began to get darker, it was only the early afternoon, perhaps around 1 to 1:30, 2 at the latest. It was obviously due to the chaotic nature of the Everfree forest. “Why is it this forest works like this? One of these days I must do a research project on the forests function.” As she wandered through the forest in deep focus of the trails to the dais, following the prints to the best of her ability. Each step led her to look to the sides of the trails to search for her bags.
~~~~~
Eventually Sunset came to a flight of spiraling stairs that led upto a cliff. The alabaster colored stairs clearly leading to the dais, to her right side was a valley of thorns. Lightning crackled and thunder roared. Sunset seemed rather shocked, sure there were some clouds outside the forest yet here they swirled all together into a purplish spiral, the dry rainless lightning and thunder very startling. Sunset backing up a bit and realizing going up the stairs may not be the best idea. Just then as she stepped back the side of the path gave way a bit and she slid down to a small ditch near the valley of thorns.
She banged her head on something, groaning she sat up then gasped seeing her bag, it had her cutiemark on it and everything. She opened the bag to check and see if her books and Zecora's keepsake were inside. “Nothing seems to damaged, infact everything is fine. Well this turned out well and no monsters either score.” she was grinning widely, mission accomplished.
However as she took the bag and placed it on her back, she heard some whining and flustered screams. Screams that sounded like a child. Sunset turned and saw a pair of crimson irises eyes with slitid gold pupils's. Sunset's horn glew bright now thinking it was some monster, yet was she looked into the thorns she saw a small form, a small white filly. The creature struggling against the thorns cutting her deep all over its tiny body.
“How did a kid get here?” Sunset mused to herself, yet it didn't matter as she blasted away the thorns.
The filly fell free, her eyes closed. She fell to Sunset's hooves, her small pale body covered in crimson red cuts and golden blond hair seeming to glow faintly just for a second. Sunset looked at the little fill in utter shock. “An alicorn?” Indeed she was, for atop her head, nearly eclipsed by her messy and natted mane was a white horn. Adorning her back a pair of small white wings. The child opening its eyes and looking right up at Sunset who saw that she had the same eyes she had just seen and thought a monster.
“What are you?” asked the mare of bacon colored hair. “Those eyes, that body, she just couldn't be could she?” Sunset's mind reeled, jumping back a bit her horn lit, a glare in her eyes at the small creature. Based on the events of the previous day, the intention of the cult, this creature it all added up way to much. “I know what you are you creature!”
The little filly seemed in utter surprise at this mare's response, she knew not what she herself was, or what this larger creature was either. She stood up and wanted to roar, to try and intimidate this much larger figure. Squeal That was all she managed was a tiny sound like the screech from a small cat, or a nail on a chalk board. Utterly ineffective as Sunset was unintimidated.
…............... “You done? I know its you so drop the act!” Sunset shouted which cause the filly's face to contort into a scowl, backing up a bit. Just then dry lightning brightly flashed followed by thunder. The filly gasped dashing into a bush. Sunset raising a brow quiziclly. “Seriously? This isn't adding up, why is she afraid of thunder and lightning?” Daybreaker was a manipulator of the weather, tornados, sandstorms, and dry lightning just like what was happening now, now to mention heatwaves, wildfires, and even solar flares.
Sunset trotted to the bush levitating the filly out, who was flailing her hooves and squeling as if in tantrum. “You know thats a thorn bush right?” The creature having gotten a gash on her muzzle from the dive into the bush, this filly utterly covered in her own blood.…..“Geez she is going to stain her coat at this rate, if she is Daybreaker why this behavior its like she is some bratty kid?”
Sunset had to examine this thing, it was just sating her curiosity to much. That and she couldn't leave a child even a weird one like this in the middle of the forest and covered in blood, it would no doubt attract timber wolves and Luna knows what else? “So you wanna come to my place and get some food?” sunset offered holding out her hoof to the floating filly.
The white alicorn filly looked at Sunset's dark yellow hoof, then looked her in the eyes. Reaching out she tapped it doing a hoof bump. The filly's stomach growling a bit which caused Sunset to flatly look at her. “Yeah figured.”
~~~~
Sunset had to roll her eyes at her actions, she had lecture the filly to stay quiet and still,wrapping her up in her cloak and walking out of the forest with the now cloaked filly. “What am I thinking? I mean what if she is Daybreaker and this is some kind of trick? But I can't leave her in the forest even if she is, who knows what she could do, Well guess the only way to know for sure is to properly examine her at my lab.” It took a lot longer then expected, nearly 3 full hours. She would have teleported but the mana flow seemed kind of off preventing that.
As they came back to the library Sunset came in on Ember who was wearing a tutu and practicing her ballet, the dragoness blushing at being seen. Sunset of course just giving a flat look at the display. “You know you have stubby legs right?”She teased trotting upto her bed and Ember leaping into the closet and ripping off her garb.
“So-so um I see you found your bag right? I guess that thing on your back wrapped up is Zecora's thingy right?” She was blushing lightly scratching the side of her head, trying to not let the whole ballet display lead to an awkward silence. Ember hated it when anypony, even Sunset saw her being girly after all she was a proud dragon warrior not some prissy princess.
“Yeah I got it and could you maybe whip up some food? A couple of sandwhich's and and some soup, maybe tomato bisque with Basil, and grilled cheese on wheat?” Sunset was secretly sushing the filly who she unwrapped on her bed. She would get her cleaned up then explain all of this to Ember.
“Fine, fine I'll get cooking, just you know be grateful and don't go off like that again kay?” Ember of course had to leave with a quip, always putting up that tough front of hers.
As Ember left to make the food Sunset plopped the filly onto her back again, then went to the bathroom. It was rather clean, and beautiful, Sunset having the bathroom totally redone when she moved in after all she was used to a certain ascetic. Twilight now locking the door as she didn't want the filly wandering off or Ember sneaking in. “Ember I'm gonna take a shower, I'll be done in a bit so keep cooking.” sunset shouted out to her assistant who shouted back that it was fine.
Sunset of course had lied again and filled the gleaming jaccuzi bathtub up with water, raising the filly off her back and dropping her in the water. “First things, first we have to clean you up and get that blood off your coat, can't put medicine on a dirty wound afterall.”
The Filly squealing, whimpering and whining, all the while fighting Sunset at every scrub. Sunset of course was growing a bit impatient, but she knew she had to keep going and yelling at the kid would not be a good idea right now. “Look it has to be done okay? Your here at my house, I your gonna be safe and your gonna get fed.”
After a bit she now was lathering in some shampoo into that dirty, matted mane, then pulled the filly out and dried her off. “Okay kid there all clean, now lets get you fixed up.” Sunset levitated a first-aid kit out from below the kitchen sink, written on it was: Sunny, always take care of yourself, Redheart. There was even a little drawing of her friends cutiemark next to the name.
Sunset of course did not care to bother thinking about how dotey Redheart could be and just opened the kit. “Okay this is gonna sting a bit.”She put some iodine on a cotton ball and began to dab the filly's wounds rather carefully. The tiny creature winching and scowling, it was obvious she was not enjoying this, even giving some full on whining again.
Eventually Sunset was done with that and bandaged the wounds, putting a band-aide on the one that adorned the filly's muzzle. “Not exactly my finest work, but its not like I can take you to see Redheart right now.” Sunset patting the filly on the head, ruffling her mane a bit. “Okay so I'm really gonna shower now, so how about this:You stay in the bathroom and sit on that rug, then I'll get you some cake after we have soup and sandwich's okay?”
The filly was thinking that over, then nodded solemnly having remembered what cake was. For some reason she knew very little about everything, yet cake. Sweet, sweet, decadent cake she knew that well the taste, the form, the texture, it all made that filly's mouth water.
Sunset scrubbed away all the grim and worry of her day, forgetting for a moment that she had found this odd creature. As she washed out her hair, opening her eyes now she peered at the creature who looked at her with impatience. Clearly she just wanted her cake, “typical” Thought Sunset, this kid was such a little brat, a real entitled sort she could just tell.
Sunset closed her eyes and was trying to relax again, but it just kept coming back to her. The events of yesterday and now finding this thing, this odd filly that defied all logic with her appearance. Sunset now running her hooves through her hair as she put on some conditioner.
“The circles, my blood, the ash's and fragments, the cultists words.........it just can't be, no pony could create something like her like this. The sheer equations and research needed for the level of alchemy is insane.” She had gone over it all and the only way the filly could be Daybreaker would be if somehow the lost art of humonculus creation had somehow been rediscovered by that cult. “But that's insane no pony, not me, not the princess's, nopony could do this.”
Now done in the tub Sunset dried herself off then looked at the filly who was marching in place desperate to get out and to the promised cake. “She's like a cat who wants out, definitely not what I'd expect from some all powerful, evil queen who wants to watch the world burn.”
The bacon haired mare unlocking the door and once more grabbing the filly with her telekinesis. “Sorry kid, first and foremost you have to be quiet.”She scoffingly stated in a hushed tone. As she went to her bed where on a dinner tray were four sandwich's and two bowls of Tomato Bisque, just how sunset liked it, a bit basic with some basil leaves in it. “Okay you get the cake once you finish with this stuff okay?”
The filly was set down onto the bed, she looked up at Sunset, then to the food. “I'm gonna go and talk with my assistant Ember, you sit here and eat. If you can eat all of it I'll give you a big slice of cake alright?”
The filly pouted, yet nodded as she leaned over chomping on a sandwich triangle. Her eyes lit up a bit, as she then began to lap at the soup somewhat reminiscent of a cat. Sunset just chuckled at that as she went downstairs. Honestly she saw this filly as such an interesting kid.
~~~~~
“WHAT!?”Shout Ember jumping up a big and her eyes as big as dinner plates. “Nuh-uh look no matter what you say Sunset I am not going to cover for you with this!” It had been a bit, Sunset having gone down there and told her dragononic companion of how she had encountered the odd white filly with the golden mane. How she appeared similar to Daybreaker yet was not.
Sunset's arguments were mostly hearsay and theories, she had no evidence to prove it wasn't Daybreaker when everything to the contrary pointed differently. “Look I-I am not exactly sure who or what she is, but maybe, just maybe we shouldn't just tell Luna and Celestia.”
“Oh yeah why not Sunset? She is a monster, a creature that wanted to burning everything down, rebuild up a solar empire and reign from on high?!” Ember of course was stubborn, and was a superstitious girl, who often paid to much attention to fairy-tales and old mares stories. “Seriously the princess's need to know and that's that!” She had pulled out a scroll and was about to burn it with her fire.
Sunset pushing Ember back with telekinesis so she would miss, however she had been so emotional that the spell was more powerful then expected, Ember being sent flying into a wall. Sunset taking the scroll and vaporizing it so it could not be sent. “No Ember, look Luna and her council sent Daybreaker to the sun for a thousand years, she only got that because Celestia was still in there. This filly if it is here doesn't deserve the no doubt much harsher punishment. Especially if she isn't even really Daybreaker!”
Ember was on her knees, raising herself back up. Ember shooting a death glare at Sunset, she had never pushed her like that before, it actually hurt. “She is a manipulative monster, look at how she has already gotten you to hurt me!”
“EMBER!”Sunset screamed, her head hung low a bit obscuring her eyes, which were teary. “I-I didn't mean to I'm sorry, but you should know what its like to be judged by your appearance better then anyone. I took you in, I showed you love, we grew up together and I never made you feel bad about the way you looked. Some even called you a monster so how can you say the same to this kid, this kid who hasn't done anything to anypony?”
Ember went silent falling to her knees on her own, looking up at the ceiling at this revelation. “I-I'm the monster, I was persecuting her because of what you said and how she looks. My entire life I've been picked on and shunned for the same reasons, Sunset..............your right.”
Sunset raised her head, a sweet and content smile on her face pulling Ember into a hug with her magic. “Yeah well you were just trying to keep me safe Emby.”
~~~~
After having a touching moment with Ember, Sunset went back up to her bedroom she seemed a bit wary though. She wondered if in the last couple of hours that the filly had grown into a full bodied Daybreaker, if so well a beast of fire inside a tree likely wouldn't bode well. However as she saw her bed, she just sighed, then giggle.
Curled up in a ball on the bed was the filly, she had fallen asleep after eating her food and Sunset's. Sunny sat on the bed watching the filly sleep now. “Hey little glutton, but hey she is cute.” Sunset couldn't explain why she was so focused on the filly, was it Curiosity? Paranoia? Arrogance? She just didn't know, yet looking at her small body it seemed as if she had known this filly for much longer then a few hours.
She then began to gently nudge the filly, she opened one of her black and gold eyes. The look of somepony a bit curious as to why she was awoken.
Sunset shrugged, levitating over a plate that had a big piece of cloud cake on it. “Hey I promised.” winking while patting the filly on the head.
The filly reaching over and nom-noming the cake, getting it smeared on her face. Sunset stifling laughter as an awkward snicker. She figured this would be the perfect chance to do some interrogation. “So do you remember how you got in that valley of thorns?” That started the line of questioning, the filly just looked curiously back at her.
Each question was met with a pondering, a tilt of the head and mostly shaking indicating no's. However the Filly seemed to get a bit agitated, feeling like Sunset was prying. When Sunset asked her her name the filly did that a gasped. She was in deep though, she then seemed to be fighting back tears and turned her back to Sunset. Plopping down in the corner of her bed on her pillow turned away from her, clearly she didn't want to even think about these questions anymore.
Sunset had been taking in every last bit of information she had gotten from the filly, like what she knew of Equestria, what she knew about how she knew what cake was. She indeed did seem to have an understanding of language, yet knew little else. Judging by all of this it must mean she was made by the spell, so she must be a humonculus. Yet what were the cult really trying to do and why did it not work like intended.
~~~~
It seemed like the filly wanted to be alone, like she wanted to think or wanted to cry. Sunset sighed and slid over, putting an arm around the kid and pulling her close. “Hey you okay? Look I'm sorry if I pried. Look if you want to cry or leave you alone just tell me.”
The filly now silently crying with a pouty face, trying to seem tough it seemed. “Drop the act and cry, if you wanna cry just cry, holding it back won't help so let it all out.” Sunset was trying to be reassuring, to make her feel safe. She could just tell that the filly was actually deeply afraid and was merely trying to help. She was used to this sort of behavior dealing with Ember and how her parents interacted with her when she was little.
The filly broke down in full sobbing tears and cries now, burying her face into Sunset's shoulder. This went on for a while now, Sunset sighing while looking up at her ceiling. “Why did I get myself into this?” That just kept hitting her mind, WHY. Why did she care, why take this filly in, why not just call in Luna and Celestia? Why be so adamant with Ember? Maybe it was because she was seeing herself in this kid? “So you feeling better now?”
The filly panting, looking into Sunset's eyes with her own odd colored ones. “Yes, yes I'm fine now......I-I just felt like everything was just crashing down on me.” That voice, it sounded a bit haughty, yet also honey sweet. A humming tone almost like a theremin or a violin. Certainly not a voice that oozed evil, total and complete madness or the vast superiority. Really it was a voice akin though sweeter to a certain tiara wearing filly that Sunset knew.
Sunset rolled her eyes at thinking all that, I mean it was kind of a cute voice. Kinda sweet, kinda sour, but whatever it just meant Sunset likely sang better then her is all.
She looked at the clock and noticed a bit of a yawn in her throat. “So hey kid its getting sorta kinda late, I'm gonna hit the hay. We can pick this up in the morning alright?”
The filly now leered at Sunset. “Well Unicorn lady I am sleeping here.”She glomped Sunset's pillow and Sunny Skies her plush doll. “I wanna sleep here and with this stuff!” She sounded like she was trying to give a demand.
Sunset now just laughing as she took her stuff back. “Yeah okay, okay I get it your embarrassed to ask if you wanna sleep here fine, fine how about this.”She shot her pillow with her magic making a copy of it, then levitated some blankets from a closet. “We both can okay?”
The filly turned her face away pouting at the suggestion. “Very well, fine, fine but only because you said I could, so you asked.”Sunset pulling the filly close and noogying her. The mare laying down and the filly curling up against her like a cat.
“Guess I'll just have to think this more through tomorrow? First things first though..........gotta think of a name.”Sunset closed her eyes while drifting off asleep with the filly.
To be Continued........
Okay so here is the next chapter, I was on a bit of a timeclock with this one so it was a tad rushed. Overall I hope its satisfactory.
I will be working on the other chapters over the weekend along with another chapter for a different story.
If anyone has any notes on this AU feel free to ask questions or critque any choices I made.
I hope those of you who enjoyed Past Sins enjoy this chapter, I tried my best to take inspiration but also make it different. 
Stats
Page generated in 0.027 seconds
Total duration
1,047 users online
2,199,449 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
This chapter might have taken a while, but was definitely well worth the wait. Once again, excellent job on the characterizations, universe info, exchanges and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I particularly liked the nods to the comics (when Sunset was thinking about Trixie), how you're playing up the differences between Ember and canon Spike as well as the similarities AND the first meeting between Sunset and Hella (as well as, coincidentally, EMBER and Hella). Also, judging by some of the info here, I'm guessing that Fleur is going to be in the role of Cadance (though I WILL admit that I COULD be wrong on that).
I'll definitely be looking forward to more, but I am also very willing to be patient.
It's good to know there will be major differences to this alt. story & past sins. Again looking forward to more chapters
I love this story so far can't wait for more of it
I think you might make a big hit with this, just saying. this story has enthralled me just as much as Past Sins had, and its just starting. It's like reading Past Sins again, yet I don't know how its gonna end. Please continue!!!
8333339
I intend too, a new chapter is in the works right now. This one will establish the other AU Six and their personalities.
Imagine ponies you knew, ponies you love re-imagined with a different life? Imagine Spitfire as a jaded but authoritarian flight team captain shooting for the stars after falling to earth like Icarus?
Imagine Redheart as a tender soul constantly pushing for perfection and doting over all over the most minor of wound, due to a tragic past? Imagine Strawberry Sunrise a recent pony who is a total unknown developed as a major rival to the Apple Empire of Apple Inc let by CEO AJ?
Imagine Coco Pommel as a quiet, reserved, theater loving apprentice to the bossy Suri...........oh wait thats just the norm.
8326511
Still iffy on the details for this AU, but Fluer being mentioned is important because in another fic I am working on, an imprint for the Freeport saga Fluer will be a childhood friend of Sunset's. She is actually the tomboyish daughter of a guard captain and joined the EUP, but eventually became Fancy Pantz bodyguard and acts like a trophy girlfriend to trick enemies of the high nobility.
Her purpose in this fic was mostly a nod to that, she may appear or she may not. Her role may even be similar in this either way she would likely be closer to Shining Armor then Cadence in that they are both soldiers.
8336782
Okay. Thanks very much for the correction. I'm freely admitting I was wrong.
8336773
Sounds like we're in for a good time then. :D!!!
how about "Sunrise" for the filly's name?
8338664
Already decided by her designer she is called Helia, also Strawberry Sunrise is the name of a member of the six.
Editor would be a good, and I suggest you find one if you haven't already. But, I like where this is going. At this point, it feels... forced, for lack of a better word. You need to let it flow freely. Keep up the good work, and don't let anything drag you down.
8403658
Well hanks for he kind words and I have an editor Chappedlippenguin bu sometimes he is a bi lax with what he finds.
Elaborate how it feels forced? I mean I tried to really make it organically flow and also be dramatic.
i know it's based off of Past Sins, and I'm not sure what exactly you have planned, but feel free to take this in a completely new direction from the original. I know there should be some similarities, but I'd find it interesting if the major plot points were completely changed, like maybe Helia(it that's going to be her name) gets kidnapped and Sunset rushes in, only to get herself hurt, or be too late. Another possibility is that Helia (as Daybreaker) has the revelation that she isn't who everyone sees her to be (or however Nyx felt in the original) more suddenly, after something serious and/or irreversible, like an execution/murder, that might have lasting consequences.
It's nice as is if it's following the Past Sins plot, but reading a duplicate wouldn't exactly be fun. No offense intended (just being cautious, you never know)
also, I know you have an editor, but do you also edit these yourself?
I feel you should consider it, just a thought
8408393
My editor is very busy and often can't help me so I do a lot of it myself and he overviews it.
The plot will differ a LOT, the issue with the earlier chapters is I need to set the stage. There will be ranching off portions and the story will go in a TOTALLY different place in the second half. The sequels will also be wholly original and not like the past sins sequels at all.
What causes these differences is Sunset and the main cast which behave far differently then the Mane Six we know because they are vastly different characters, the villains will also be vastly different and the second half will have much more action then past sins did as these cult members are not brainwashed so much as making a conscious choice to be bad and are driven mad by the powers they desired. They wanted this, they were going to rise up against Luna anyway and are just more unhinged by what is going on.
I take it that's supposed to say "Sunset" ?
Because of course she remembers cake
9146152
Yes sorry, thanks for pointing it out.
9146870
Yes because she is part Celestia, any part of Celestia loves cake.
"Twilight now locking the door as she didn't want the filly wandering off or Ember sneaking in."
what's this? forgot to change the name when it was "Ctrl V"? or do you still associate the main character as "Twilight" and misspelled her name?