Part IV: I'll Stand By You || Chapter 33: Regret From An Ancient Time
Twilight stayed in the human world for two more days, enjoying time with her friends and resting from fighting both Tirek and the Sirens. She grew even closer to Sunset, as they both realized how similar they were.
Perhaps her happiest memory from this time would be when the girls had jammed together as a band, now including Sunset, but with Principals Celestia and Luna joining in. Who knew they could be so much fun, even though they were older? Twilight had made a mental note to look into what her elder princesses did for fun – if they were anything like their counterparts, or perhaps, with a little encouragement, could become so, then there were lots of fun times to be had in the future!
The most poignant moment had been when, upon Celestia and Luna’s suggestion, the girls and the two older women had sung a special song, I’ll Stand by You, by The Pretenders, to Sunset. Twilight had not been familiar with it, but, when presented with the lyrics, had eagerly agreed. Celestia had taken the first verse and Luna the second, with Twilight taking the bridge. Needless to say, they had moved Sunset to tears, and reassured her deeply that she was completely accepted.
Now it was time to go home. She had promised to visit again soon, and asked Sunset to write to her in the journal any time she had a friendship question, or just wanted to chat. It wasn’t quite a formal teacher-student relationship, but it was close. On the other hand, Twilight knew that Sunset was learning and advancing very quickly, and it had been Sunset who’d saved the day this time around. Twilight suspected it wouldn’t be long before their relationship would be pure friendship – and she looked forward to it. But now there was another, less happy matter to attend to.
Immediately upon arriving back in Equestria, Twilight adopted a grim expression befitting her mood. She had hidden it from her friends in the human world, especially from Sunset, but now there was no reason to keep it under wraps. She had a visit to pay to her former mentor, and she was not looking forward to it.
Again, she went over the thoughts that had come to her, unbidden (and at first, unwelcome), in the dark of night during these past few evenings she had passed in the human world. Just how did that journal end up in the new collection of books for my castle? she had wondered to herself. She could think of only two reasons that it had ended up in the shipment from Canterlot Castle, and neither of them were good. The first reason was the one about which she hoped and expected she was wrong – namely that Celestia had passed the journal on to her because she no longer particularly cared about Sunset. This she did not believe because of the conversations they had already had about Sunset since Twilight had returned the first time.
This meant the second reason was more likely to be correct – that Celestia was unwilling, for some deeper reason, to deal with Sunset directly. Try as she might, Twilight could not think of a good and/or legitimate deeper reason for Celestia to avoid communicating with Sunset. Clearing the air would do them both a world of good. Why would Celestia resist this? One possibility was that she was afraid. Twilight had learned a lot in the past couple years, and one thing she had learned was that when one was motivated by fear, one rarely made good decisions. Her own mistake using the Want It Need It spell was a personal case in point. Another possibility was that Celestia was still too angry about Sunset’s behavior to want to talk to her. Twilight dismissed this option – again, their conversations about Sunset had led Twilight to believe that Celestia cared for her deeply, was worried about her, and wanted to be reconciled to her. That left fear. The only conclusion Twilight could come to was that Celestia was afraid to talk to Sunset. It’s so ironic! Twilight thought to herself. Sunset is afraid to talk to her too! What am I going to do with these two?
Well, Twilight had mused to herself, I can lead a pony to water, but I can’t make her drink. The best she could do would be to confront Celestia, as the elder pony of the two, and make her aware that she wasn’t fooling Twilight. This alone might be enough to motivate Celestia to try to heal the rift. But Twilight was no fool – confronting one’s former mentor, especially when one’s former mentor was over 50 times one’s age, was a tricky proposition at best. But Twilight felt she had the moral high ground, at least. One way or another, Celestia had put the journal in Twilight’s new collection without telling her. That, at least, gave her a legitimate bone to pick. Twilight would have been happy – no, overjoyed – to facilitate a reconciliation between Sunset and Celestia. But to be…almost hoofipulated into handling all matters Sunset…the very idea rubbed Twilight the wrong way.
She considered her options. It was early in the morning in Equestria, and Spike wasn’t up yet. She owed him, and her other friends, at least some kind of notice that she had returned safely. But she didn’t want to hang around. She had a full head of steam up regarding confronting Celestia, and she didn’t want to let it cool. She settled on a note, which she left for Spike, letting him know that she had returned, was safe, had headed to Canterlot on urgent business, and would return later that day. Then she found a window and leapt into the air.
The flight to Canterlot had taken only an hour. Twilight had flown quickly, but not at maximum speed. She had no interest in arriving exhausted. She alighted on one of the terraces in the central palace, bypassing all the gates. The Solar Guard sentry watching the terrace was quite surprised, but instantly respectful.
“Your Highness,” he said with a bow, “Uh…can I assist you with anything?”
Twilight returned his bow. “No, thank you, corporal. I can find my own way.” She trotted into the hall. After only moments she found herself at the entry to the corridor leading to Celestia’s private quarters. The two Solar Guards posted there looked as surprised as the one on the terrace had been. As Twilight moved between them, the senior of the two, a unicorn lieutenant, started to trot along next to her. He was clearly embarrassed and uncomfortable.
“Princess Twilight! This…is an unexpected pleasure. Welcome back. Uh, so…the Princess isn’t quite up yet. Would you like to meet her for breakfast, perhaps?”
Twilight had to admire the way he had respectfully yet indirectly asked her to wait until Celestia emerged from her quarters for the day. However, she was not interested in waiting.
“No, thanks. I’ll just head in.”
The lieutenant became even more uncomfortable. He was having to trot quite quickly to keep up with her, Twilight noted with grim satisfaction.
“Well, Your Highness, it’s just…she’s still getting up, and usually doesn’t want to be disturbed at this time…I mean…”
Twilight stopped. She turned and looked at the guard officer, putting on the most regal face she could muster. “Lieutenant,” she said sternly.
It was all she would need to say. They both knew he wasn’t strong enough to stop her anyway. He bowed. “I…I see, Your Highness. Please let us know if you or the Princess require anything.” He sighed and walked back down the corridor. Twilight hated acting like this, but she wanted no delay. She’d have to apologize to him later – he’d only been trying to do his job. She turned to the great doors, emblazoned with the golden-rayed sun of Celestia’s cutie mark. She took a deep breath and knocked.
There was a short delay. Then she heard, “Come in!” Twilight was relieved. It had been a possibility that Celestia would not answer the door, or would even be angry to be disturbed at so early an hour. She pushed the door open and entered the familiar bedroom. Celestia was not in the bed or in the room. Twilight spotted her on the balcony and headed out to her, dropping her saddlebags near the end of Celestia’s bed as she did so.
Celestia turned around with a pleasant expression, which changed to shock at seeing Twilight. The shock passed quickly though, and her face softened into a welcoming smile.
“Why, Twilight! How nice to see you! I didn’t know you were visiting today!”
Twilight felt a bit guilty, but decided to press ahead. She allowed her face to remain impassive. “I hadn’t planned on it, but something has come up.” She did not smile and stared unwaveringly and directly into Celestia’s eyes.
Celestia sensed her mood immediately. She was slightly abashed. “Twilight. You…are upset about something, I can see.”
Twilight only nodded slowly.
Celestia looked a bit apprehensive. She had a couple theories about what Twilight might be upset about. Neither of them were correct, but she had them nonetheless. “Why don’t we head into my room and have a seat? Have you eaten? I can have some breakfast brought in.”
“Thank you, but I find that I don’t have much of an appetite right now,” Twilight allowed herself to say coldly, though it hurt her heart a little.
Celestia seemed disappointed, but she sat down on a large pillow near a low table. Twilight took a seat on a smaller pillow across from her. Celestia decided she’d let Twilight start the discussion.
“So,” Twilight began airily, inspecting one of her forehooves, “I’ve had a little excitement lately.”
Celestia plunged in instantly, “Twilight, if this is about how I tried to handle the Tirek situation, I know that I owe you a…well that we need to talk about it…”
Twilight interrupted her tersely. “This isn’t about Tirek.”
“Oh. Well, uh…”
“Found an interesting new book in the shipment from your castle the other day,” Twilight said pointedly, as she examined one of the corners of Celestia’s room.
Celestia didn’t say anything. She now knew exactly what Twilight was talking about. Twilight stood up and started pacing. “Had your cutie mark on it. Imagine. My. Surprise.”
Celestia had the grace to look chagrined.
“But that wasn’t even the most surprising thing. As the delivery pony brought it in to my throne room, it was…buzzing and flashing. Quite insistently.”
Celestia’s eyes went very wide. Her mouth actually fell open with a gasp.
Twilight continued. “Well, it certainly got my attention. I pulled it down and took a look. The magic of the book prompted me to turn to the last page with writing on it. Guess what I found?”
“Twilight, I…” Celestia was shaking her head nervously.
“DEAR PRINCESS CELESTIA…” Twilight began loudly.
“Twilight, please!” Celestia begged. “Please. Slow down. Give me a moment.”
Twilight stopped, though she still wasn’t smiling. She raised her eyebrows, looking at Celestia appraisingly.
Celestia was breathing hard. Her eyes were filling with tears. Twilight could see she was doing some fast thinking. “Oh, what a mess!” Celestia lamented at last.
Twilight decided to allow her expression to soften slightly. Celestia sighed heavily. She put her head down on the pillow. “Twilight, you must believe me when I tell you that I did not expect Sunset to write anything new in the journal. I did not even know for sure that she still had hers, and I certainly did not think the magic in the linked journals would be able to connect while the portal was closed. I am…completely stunned, in all honesty.”
Twilight considered this. “Ok, I can believe that. But that doesn’t explain why it just showed up in the shipment to my library, without any explanation or warning. Surely you realized I’d read it.”
“Yes, I knew you would read it,” she confirmed in a small voice, avoiding Twilight’s eyes.
“WELL?”
Celestia looked defeated and ashamed. Twilight’s heart started to go out to her. There were a few moments of silence, then Celestia began. “Twilight, it is not always easy for me to talk about Sunset. I am afraid I…made a terrible error in her case. I have been more and more convinced of that with each passing day. I sent you the journal in part because, sitting here on my own bookshelf, it was a constant reminder of my mistake, and of the fact that I could no longer communicate with her. Also, I hoped you would read the journal, and learn to understand Sunset better. I am sorry. I should have just told you. I am just…so embarrassed about the whole thing.”
“The whole thing?”
“From start to finish, I have not handled Sunset well.”
“I see. Well, I have to admit I’m not happy that you sent it to me that way.” Twilight’s voice became softer still. “Celestia, you are still my ruler, and still my mentor, as far as I’m concerned. You have every right to command me and require things of me. I guess I was hoping, though, that we were past the stage where you would work through…ugh, it’s an awful word, but I almost feel…hoofipulated.”
Celestia leapt to her hooves. “No, no, Twilight! I promise it wasn’t that. I suppose I just hoped…that you would read the journal and find something I had missed. That I could have your wisdom and views on the matter. That you would read it and come to me and want to talk about it, and that then, together, we could figure something out. But I was too embarrassed and afraid to ask outright. We are past hoofipulation, Twilight! Please don’t think it was that! It was just...an old mare’s foolishness,” Celestia finished bitterly, though the bitterness was clearly directed at herself.
Twilight sighed with relief. “I’m glad to hear that. And you know I forgive you.”
“Thank you.” Celestia paused for several seconds. “Twilight, I have been alone for so long. For almost a thousand years my sister was in exile. You and Cadence have only been around for a short time, from my perspective. I am afraid I have become accustomed to being quite private. Learning to open up again has been more difficult than I anticipated.”
Twilight gave her an encouraging smile.
“Ironic, isn’t it?” Celestia continued. “I sent you off to learn the Magic of Friendship, when I am in just as much need of a friend now as you were.”
“But you do have me, now. And Cadence. And surely you can talk to Luna about anything.”
“I can – it is just a matter of remembering to do it. Old habits die hard. Twilight?” said Celestia, turning to her and looking at her very seriously.
“Yes?”
“I promise I will tell you everything about Sunset and me. Please, give me a few more days to gather my thoughts. The issues involved are more complex than you might think. Give me a little more time to…make sense of it in my own mind.”
“Of course,” said Twilight gently. “I’m not going to push. At least, not too much,” she finished with a wink.
Celestia’s eyes suddenly widened. She had momentarily forgotten that the fact that the book had been buzzing and flashing meant that Sunset had sent a new message. “Twilight! She sent a new message – what was it? What did she say?” she asked urgently.
“It’s a long story, but let me set your mind at ease at the beginning – it ends very happily.”
Celestia seemed reassured, but still extremely and understandably curious. “Perhaps we could have some breakfast brought in then? If the…tense part of our discussion is concluded?”
“Yes, it’s concluded. And some breakfast sounds wonderful.”
Celestia seemed relieved and excited. Twilight saw her horn flare briefly, which she rightly concluded was the sign that Celestia was notifying her house staff that she was ready for breakfast and that she had a guest. “Breakfast will be here shortly. Now please, tell me what has happened.”
“I think I should let you read the message yourself,” said Twilight shrewdly. She pulled the journal itself from her saddlebags and placed it in front of Celestia. Celestia looked at the journal anxiously. Twilight came and sat down next to her, pressing up against her to comfort her.
“Hey. It’s going to be ok. It’s actually a really sweet message in some ways.”
Celestia looked at her for a moment. Twilight nodded encouragingly. “Twilight…would you…read it to me?” she asked a bit shyly.
Twilight smiled. “Of course.” She opened the journal and started to read:
Dear Princess Celestia,
It’s, uh, me. It’s Sunset. I know I haven’t written in forever, but I can’t wait any longer. Let me start by saying how very sorry I am for how I’ve behaved, and how much I regret how I left your tutelage. I wouldn’t blame you if you shut this journal right now and never read from it again, but please don’t, because I’m afraid lives may be at stake.
I wish I had more time to properly apologize, and I do ask for beg your forgiveness, but I am writing to you because I am in need. I have no right to ask anything of you, so I ask on behalf of my friends. Twilight may have told you that she left me to be cared for by her friends’ counterparts in this world – we now face a threat that places them, likely their entire world, and possibly Equestria too, in grave danger.
We have encountered other magical beings here. Three of them. They take the form of girls in their late teens or early twenties, and they seem to have the capability to…sow discord and conflict using song. When they do this, I have perceived a green mist leaking out of those who are listening to their music. This green mist flows into red gems that each of these three girls have at their throats. The mist appears to make them more powerful. Worse than that, they also seem to be able to charm, even dominate and control, other beings. They have placed yours and your sister’s counterparts here under their control. I am afraid that if we are unable to stop them, they will soon have the entire school under their sway, and having such a large group to draw energy from may make them invincible.
We do not know what to do. I admit to being terrified. I would appreciate any advice you are willing to give. No, I beg you for it. Please, help us.
Your penitent former student,
Sunset Shimmer
Celestia had started to cry quietly as Twilight read the first two paragraphs. Twilight had asked her if she wanted her to slow down, but Celestia had motioned for her to continue. Now, as the letter drew to a close, Celestia became increasingly agitated. As Twilight read the closing signature, Celestia leapt to her hooves once more.
“Oh Twilight, I am in agony! We must help her! Thank you so much for coming right away!”
“Celestia, listen!” Twilight cried. “It’s over. It’s ok. We took care of it.”
Celestia froze. “You…took care of it?” she asked incredulously.
“You know me. As soon as I read her letter I knew Sunset was talking about the Sirens. And I knew it might not be enough for me to advise her via the journal. I decided I had to go to her. The problem was the portal – it wasn’t due to open for 28 more moons.”
Celestia hadn’t moved, continuing to stare at Twilight in amazement. Twilight took this as a sign that she should continue. “It was Pinkie Pie, of all ponies, who figured out that there might be a way. She pointed out that if the journals were able to communicate, even though the portal was closed, there must still be some active connection between the two worlds. Once she helped me realize that, I was able to jury-rig a device to expand the connection, forcing the portal open!”
Celestia was starting to smile in spite of herself. At first she still couldn’t say anything, but after a couple seconds, she practically shouted, “Twilight! Do you understand the magnitude of what you and Pinkie have accomplished?”
“Well that’s just the beginning,” Twilight said a bit sheepishly.
“Twilight, what in Equestria has been going on?!” Celestia cried.
The house staff chose that moment to knock on the door with breakfast. Celestia was nearly beside herself, but she took a huge breath, composed herself, and said, in a miraculously pleasant voice, “Come in!” Twilight nearly died laughing but managed to compose herself as well.
The stewards and the chamberlain entered with great dignity, setting out a fairly elaborate and scrumptious looking breakfast on the table. Once they had finished, the stewards took up serving positions, but Celestia waved them off, speaking kindly to the chamberlain. “We’ll take care of ourselves this morning, gentleponies. You have my thanks, as always.”
The chamberlain bowed and motioned to the stewards. They left in respectful silence. Instantly Celestia turned back to Twilight. It was a sign of how agitated she was that she started to use lots of contractions. “Twilight, what…I don’t even know what to ask. Wait – I thought of something! Why haven’t you told me any of this before? Did this just happen? You said you’d had ‘some excitement lately’! I mean, you just defeated Tirek and…and got your castle, and now you’re repairing portals and I guess heading off to the mirror world again to face another threat…I…aren’t you exhausted? You should have told me about this, Twilight, I…”
“Celestia, I said we took care of it. Don’t you trust me? I couldn’t have Spike get a message to you because he came with me. And what would I have said? Plus, by sending me the journal, I assumed you wanted me to deal with any situation that arose. I didn’t get upset about that until a couple days later, and we’ve just had that conversation.”
“You’re right. But I am worried about you,” Celestia insisted. “You’ve earned a break, Twilight. You’re going to burn yourself out.”
“Well, don’t worry. I do plan to take it easy the next few days. And, once the situation with the Sirens was resolved, I took a few days off in the mirror world. It was actually very relaxing, and a lot of fun.”
Celestia sat down heavily. She just shook her head at Twilight in wonder.
“I promise everything is ok. Sunset is ok.” Suddenly Celestia was very wary. Twilight had anticipated this. “I know what you’re thinking, and you can go right ahead.”
Tentatively, slowly, Celestia moved close to Twilight again. Then, very gently, she touched her horn to Twilight’s forehead. It glowed for a moment, then Celestia stepped back with an audible sigh of relief.
“Thank you, Twilight. When dealing with the Sirens, one cannot be too careful. I had to make sure you yourself were not under their control. But I sense no compulsion in you.”
“Yes, but it was a near thing. I won’t lie, Celestia, it was a fight. Things weren’t looking good until the last second.”
Celestia nodded sagely. “The Sirens are remarkably dangerous adversaries. I am deeply impressed that you overcame them.”
Twilight got a twinkle in her eye. “Actually, while I did contribute, it was one of the other girls who was really responsible for our victory. In fact, if it had been up to just me, we would have been defeated.”
“Oh. I’m sorry, Twilight. I...you are ok, aren’t you?”
“Yes, I’m fine. In fact, I’m way better than fine, mostly because of who the hero turned out to be!”
“Who was it?” Celestia asked, intensely curious.
Suddenly a broad grin spread over Twilight’s face. She looked at Celestia affectionately, knowing how happy she was about to make her. “It was Sunset, Celestia. Sunset saved the day.”
Celestia’s eyes instantly teared up. Twilight continued. “You’re going to be so proud of her, Celestia. So very, very proud.” That was all it took for Celestia. She collapsed into sobs of relief and happiness.
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THANK YOU for writing this. I get so sick of people going on about Twilight being Celestia's puppet or something.
This is, for me, a poignant reminder that the Princess of the Sun makes mistakes, and regrets them, and does not treat her student or subjects like chess pieces on a board.
"An old mare's foolishness"... makes me think a little bit of Dumbledore's regret in Order of the Phoenix. "An old man's mistake" and all that. (Another character I think gets a bum rap from fans, by the by. At least he's not a child-abusing asshole like Snape)
8772225
I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your extended comments, and especially the validation of this theory. And this chapter was intended to depict everything you mention: Twilight's independence and Celestia's imperfection (and frankly, lingering psychological damage from having to banish her sister), but also Celestia's willingness to begin to be vulnerable again. She's just getting started...
That last bit was a truly beautiful and well written moment.
8780884
Thanks! I don't know if it's improper to get choked up by your own writing, but that one does get me too, every time. I wrote it to be emotional, so if it evoked some emotion: success!
Oof! Ack! No...
That just doesn't work as a clever horse-like pun. You've used the modern Aglicized version of the latin prefix/word "mani-" (modern English "hand"), substituted the equine counterpart in modern English ("hoof") but left the second half of the word in it's latin origin ("-pulus," or the modern English "full")
The latin for "hoof" is "ungula," so if you wanted to properly horsify "manipulated" it would be "ungulated." ('course, then you'd have to define it if you weren't willing to let context define it for you)
9130100
I guess I just thought "ungulated" would be too obscure/arcane. But you're right, "hoofipulated" isn't exactly right. I think it does get the point across, though, and perhaps injects a tiny bit of humor into the situation?
9130100
Oh and I really like your avatar/image.
8781748
If you don't get emotional at the emotional scenes you write yourself, you are not doing it right.
...
I really like this chapter.
9130100
Agreed! That was a terrible terrible ponification and ponies know what hands are because of minotaurs, dragons, and gryphons.
Honestly, this is the only Sunset fanfic that's really gotten the situation with Princess Celestia right, at least so fsr. Hoping to not be disappointed.
I listened to that song and it was great.
Never thought I'd see the princess act like this.
There there celestial just let it all out, let it all out.