Full Circle

by Sotharan

Part II: The Seedling of Redemption || Chapter 22: I Always Wanted (Fluttershy)

Sunset had saved Fluttershy for last, for reasons that were abundantly clear to her. Quite simply, of all her new friends, Sunset had been by far the worst to Fluttershy. And, given how kind Fluttershy had been to her, starting on her first night up until now, Sunset’s guilt was nearly crushing her. She wasn’t even sure how she’d manage to get through it, even though she knew Fluttershy would forgive her – in fact probably already had forgiven her. This made her feel even worse, since she felt cowardly for being unable to face her, and then felt guilty about that. She had successfully tied herself into a huge knot.

Fluttershy, of course, sensed that Sunset was growing more and more apprehensive around her. She also understood part of the why. So, she started trying to be even more gentle and kind to Sunset, hoping it would encourage her enough to have the difficult but necessary discussion that would clear the air. She didn’t realize she was actually making it harder by intensifying Sunset’s guilt about being afraid to go through with it.

Fortunately for Sunset, Fluttershy was maturing. Slowly but surely, she was gaining self-confidence and assertiveness – relatively. She would probably never be a brash or forward person, but at least she was getting to the point where she could bring up challenging subjects without qualifying every statement. So, one day that week, when Fluttershy had observed Sunset actively avoiding her in the hallway with a look of terror on her face, Fluttershy decided enough was enough. She truly loved Sunset as a friend and the thought that Sunset was in torment, especially when she could help, was intolerable. She set off in pursuit, thankful she had a free period coming up.

Fluttershy was the least athletic of her friends, but that was only in terms of inclination, not ability. While she didn’t have the raw speed of Rainbow Dash, or the strength of Applejack or Pinkie Pie, or the unexpectedly intimidating game-field presence of Rarity, she was surefooted and quick. She weaved in and out of the students in the hallway, keeping Sunset’s bobbing head just in view until it turned a corner into a little-used blind side hallway. Ironically, it was the same blind hallway, complete with failing fluorescent light, in which Sunset had tried to intimidate Twilight only six weeks before.

Fluttershy was also the smallest and lightest of her friends, and her shoes were little more than canvas moccasins. She could be very quiet when she wished to be. As the hall cleared, she silently approached the side hallway Sunset had turned into and peeked around the corner. Her quarry was leaning against the lockers, holding a pile of her books and panting. Fluttershy leaned a little further around the corner and tried, as softly as she could, to get Sunset’s attention without startling her. It was a sign of just how tense Sunset truly was that even Fluttershy’s tiny voice calling out her name caused her to yelp, jump, and drop all her books on the floor.

“Oh dear!” Fluttershy cried, and darted forward to help Sunset with her books.

“FLUTTERSHY!” Sunset yelped again. “You scared the Tartarus out of me!”

“Well I certainly didn’t mean to. Here, let me get that one,” she said as she bent down to pick up Sunset’s pre-calculus text. Sunset was picking up books and continuing to pant. The intensity of her emotional state prevented her from fully appreciating the irony of being startled by Fluttershy.

Within a few seconds, all the books were picked up and they each were holding two of them. But instead of giving Sunset back her books, Fluttershy just looked at Sunset soulfully. Sunset looked back, then tried to avoid eye contact and bit her lip.

“You’ve been avoiding me, Sunset,” Fluttershy stated gently. It wasn’t an accusation, just an observation.

Sunset blushed. “No! No…I just remembered I had to get back to…to…the thing…that I…”

Fluttershy smiled fondly. “You know, you’ve become a lot worse at lying since you started to change. That’s a compliment, in case you’re wondering.”

Sunset stared at Fluttershy for a moment, then sighed and hung her head.

Fluttershy stepped closer to her. She put the books she had picked up down, then she took the books Sunset had and stacked them neatly on top of them. Then she took Sunset’s forearms lightly in her hands. “Sunset, I know why you’ve been avoiding me.”

Sunset didn’t say anything. She just looked dejected.

“I wish I could make this easier for you. I hate that you’re feeling guilty.”

Sunset gave Fluttershy an anguished look.

“Oh, Sunset,” Fluttershy said kindly. “What can I do to help?”

Sunset didn’t respond immediately. Then, she said in a small voice, “But that’s just the problem, isn’t it?”

Fluttershy looked quizzical.

Sunset started to cry, but they were tears of frustration as much as sorrow. “You shouldn’t have to help!” she wept bitterly. “After everything you’ve done to take care of me, to go out of your way, to become my friend – and I can’t even manage to apologize for how I behaved without more of your help!”

Fluttershy shook her head. “Sunset, I…”

“I was the worst to you of all, but you gave me your own bed! You sang me to sleep! Do you know how precious that memory is to me? There were some nights last month when I remembered your voice again in my mind, and it was the only way I got through the night! Did you know that? Why, why can’t I do this? I shouldn’t be afraid – I even already know what you’re going to say, but I’m just so…ashamed!” She covered her face with her hands. “I’m so sorry, Flutters! I’m sorry for everything – for hurting your relationships with Pinkie and Rarity, for bullying you, and for almost killing you, but I’m especially sorry that I can’t even face you without your help!” With that, she sank to her knees, weeping piteously.

Fluttershy looked at her newest friend with concern as she sat down next to her. Again, she tried to speak. “Sunset, that’s…”

“You don’t deserve this! You deserve so much more! I can’t…arrrghhh!” Sunset finally became inarticulate and slumped against the lockers, still sobbing.

“Breathe, Sunset. Just breathe,” Fluttershy murmured softly as she wrapped Sunset in her arms. Then she was quiet for a moment, as several things occurred to her at once. She thought for a bit as she rubbed Sunset’s shoulder, cataloguing her points so that she wouldn’t miss any of them. Finally, she figured she had things straight enough to dive in.

“Sunset, you are being too hard on yourself right now,” she said for starters.

“What? That’s not possible!”

“Yes it is. I know you left me for last, so that means you’ve apologized to the other four girls in just the last few days. And I bet those conversations were stressful and emotional for you, am I right?”

“Well, yes…” Sunset admitted shyly.

“And you’ve been fully back on your feet for what, a week and a half now?”

“Nine…days,” she bit out, her breath still hitching.

Fluttershy chuckled and gave Sunset a knowing look. “Applejack is right. That fire of yours is coming back. But you’re still recovering, Sunset. You’ve got to pace yourself. You’re exhausted, sweetheart. Maybe not physically anymore, but emotionally.”

Sunset thought for a moment. “You…you think so?”

“I know so. Don’t judge yourself too harshly right now, Sunset. The last six weeks have been the hardest of your entire life, haven’t they? I know you’re sorry. I know your heart has changed, and I even know the how and the why. And I do forgive you. Besides,” Fluttershy pointed out with an encouraging smile as she caressed Sunset’s hair, “you may not have realized it yet, but I think you just said everything that needed to be said.”

“Everything except this,” Sunset said, looking up at Fluttershy with deep sorrow. “I wish I could undo it. I wish I could go back in time and we could start over. I wish that so much!”

“I know, and thank you for saying so.” Fluttershy decided Sunset needed some encouragement. She gently rested her forehead against Sunset’s. “If it means anything, I really do think of the ‘you’ that I know now as the true Sunset. I’m glad to know you and to be your friend. You’re already showing us how honest, kind, loyal, and generous you can be. And though we haven’t seen much of your sense of humor yet, I’ll bet it’s in there too.”

Sunset looked up at Fluttershy with an expression of deep gratitude. She was too moved to speak, so Fluttershy continued. “You know what’s precious to me? Your repentance. It’s priceless too, Sunset. Not everyone regrets the bad things they’ve done, or is even willing to apologize for them, let alone try to make restitution.”

Sunset still couldn’t speak. She just looked at Fluttershy in wonder.

Fluttershy gave her another smile. “And you know what? I always wanted to be your friend.”

Sunset’s eyes widened. “What? How is that possible?” she asked, incredulous.

“I could see you were hurting inside. I knew you were lonely, and I wished I could get through to you somehow. I knew I should stand up to you and not just take it. But I was too shy and scared to try.”

Sunset just stared at Fluttershy. Finally, her head fell a bit. “Fluttershy…I’m not sure it would have made a difference. I was pretty lost. I don’t think anyone or anything would have helped short of the Rainbow Wave.”

“But we’ll never know, will we? You aren’t the only one who is learning through this thing, Sunset. You aren’t the only one with regrets. I know you blame yourself for breaking up all our friendships, but here’s what I wonder: if our friendships were all that strong, how did you break them up so easily? Not one of us tried to communicate with each other, or even tried to figure out what really happened. We just assumed that the other girl had done something mean.”

Sunset seemed to deflate. It wasn’t a happy thought. “I guess…I saw weaknesses and I went for them.”

“And you were right – there was weakness. We’re all learning, Sunset, I promise. As I said, you aren’t the only one who’s made mistakes. You aren’t the only one who’s been making apologies lately.”

Sunset tried to absorb this. She felt marginally better. “It does help a little to know that, Flutters, but what I did was way worse than what you all have done. And the whole school got to watch me…learn my lesson.”

“I can’t imagine what that’s like. But I do feel for you. I wish you hadn’t had to go through that.”

This helped a bit too. “Thanks,” Sunset whispered. “So…do you think the air is cleared?”

“Between us? Oh yes, Sunset. No more guilt. No more sorrow. Let’s start to leave it behind.”

Sunset started to smile, then frowned and facepalmed. “Dang it, Flutters! I don’t even have your gift with me!”

Fluttershy was undeterred. “Well, then let’s go get it!” She stood, and offered Sunset her hand to help her to her feet. Sunset accepted it gratefully, and the two headed toward Sunset’s locker, which was some distance away. They walked in companionable silence, as Sunset was all talked out and Fluttershy wanted to let her rest. After about three minutes they arrived and Sunset started to put in her combination. They were both gratified to see that there was no new graffiti or other ‘accoutrements’ on the locker, for a change.

Sunset opened the locker and pulled out a bulky object wrapped in festive wrapping paper. “Uh, I know it looks kind of messy. Turns out things like this are hard to wrap.” She handed the object to Fluttershy, who began to open it.

She broke into a smile and pulled free a pastel green bookbag with a pink butterfly on it. “A new backpack? It’s lovely, Sunset!”

“It’s a special backpack. Open it up.”

Fluttershy unzipped the backpack and looked into the main section. Then she looked up at Sunset quizzically.

“It’s got compartments. For your animals,” Sunset said, her voice dropping to a whisper as she looked around. “See, each one has a little spill-resistant bowl for food, and the whole thing is waterproof. I bet you could carry about five of them in there at once, as long as none of them were too big.”

Fluttershy’s grin was huge – Sunset had never seen her smile like that before. “Oh, my, Sunset, I didn’t even know they made things like this! Where on earth did you find it?”

“Well, turns out in some countries it’s really kind of a fad to carry your animals around with you. Not that it’s a fad in your case. Anyway, there are whole lines of clothing and various totes for your pets, etc.”

“Wow. I had no idea. Thank you, Sunset! What a sweetheart you’ve become!” Fluttershy stood up and hugged Sunset again. “I can’t wait to start using it. And it’s much more roomy that my current one.”

“Thank you, Fluttershy. For forgiving me, and giving me another chance.”

“You are so welcome. Come on! Let’s go show the others!” And Fluttershy set off down the hall, actually pulling Sunset behind her. Sunset laughed happily – she’d never seen Fluttershy so excited.

Author's Note:

This was a special chapter. In each of Sunset’s relationships with her friends there is something unique. In Fluttershy’s case, it’s partly the degree to which Fluttershy had to forgive her, and it’s partly the fact that Fluttershy did always want to be Sunset’s friend (in my opinion). The contrast between how the old Sunset treated Fluttershy with casual cruelty and how the new Sunset treats Fluttershy with admiration and fierce loyalty is pretty moving, I think. If anybody ever tried to hurt Flutters after Sunset’s redemption, they’d get simultaneous kicks from both Rainbow and Sunset in their – ahem – rear ends, followed shortly thereafter by the rest of the Rainbooms.

I also enjoy the idea that Fluttershy can be silent and (unintentionally) sneak up on people. I love the irony of her startling others. I know I’m not the first person to think of that.

By the way, we’re not blaming the victim(s) here. What Sunset did to Fluttershy, and to the others, was inexcusable. All Fluttershy is saying is that there are important lessons to learn for everyone involved, not just Sunset. And I think Rainbow Rocks makes it clear that the other five (six, if you include Princess Twilight) did still have some things to learn about friendship.

Comments

[Scholarly-Cimmerian]

This was very well done.

[Sotharan]

8771317
Thank you thank you! This one makes me shed a few tears every time.

[Charli13]

This chapter is so sweet like awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

[Csquared08]

but here’s what I wonder: if our friendships were all that strong, how did you break them up so easily? Not one of us tried to communicate with each other, or even tried to figure out what really happened. We just assumed that the other girl had done something mean

Fluttershy with the dagger

[GRYFFINDOR123456]

i sense a romance!!!

[ScisetShimmerEvan]

“You are so welcome. Come on! Let’s go show the others!” And Fluttershy set off down the hall, actually pulling Sunset behind her. Sunset laughed happily – she’d never seen Fluttershy so excited.

As shy as fluttersh can often be she has a wonderful carrying heart.

[Skyshy]

I also enjoy the idea that Fluttershy can be silent and (unintentionally) sneak up on people.

Honestly this is how I am with people, I'm usually so quiet and I end up startling people

[Ibliscorn]

If anybody ever tried to hurt Flutters after Sunset’s redemption, they’d get simultaneous kicks from both Rainbow and Sunset in their – ahem – rear ends, followed shortly thereafter by the rest of the Rainbooms.

My mind envisions it as that one scene of Part 5 of JoJo where the three guys are just kicking the crap out of someone as their friend just casually sips a glass elegantly before jumping in to kick as well, with Applyjack, Rainbow, and Sunset as the ones kicking the person who would dare hurt Fluttershy as Rarity sips the glass before joining in (and Pinkie Pie is just cheering everyone in the background )