Chapter 7
.XXX.
With my new goal set firmly in my RAM, my focus turned toward the room full of stunned quadrupeds looking at me like a Droideka looks at a newly installed staircase.
“Excuse me?” I turned my photoreceptors towards the voice of the quadruped designated ‘Princess’ who was apparently done with whatever grooming she had been attempting earlier. “Did I just hear you correctly? You wish for my kingdom to join your confederacy?”
Chances of State Official Rising...
“Humble Correction: I wish for your planet to join the Confederacy.” I replied... I suddenly felt the need to vibrate my frame in a manner approximating a shiver. Why did I suddenly feel so cold? Droids couldn't feel temperature outside of temperature sensors, and besides the thermal readings from my immediate surroundings matched up with ideal operating conditions. Did I perhaps trespass unknowingly on the signature style of a being far superior to myself, marking me through some sort of contrived sense of cosmic justice to be gruesomely disassembled at some point in the future?
Nah that couldn't be it...
‘Princess’ opened her mouth, likely to reject the notion I had put forward by its mere mention but I help up a manipulator arm to signal that I had one more thing to say. “I am not yet ready to make an attempt at the ‘pitch’ as many creatures call it.” The group took a small step backwards, both wary and confused. My social subroutines easily deduced that I would likely require more finesse in order to prevent the current situation from deteriorating any further.
I had just the thing...
[Execute Simulation: Bonteri.exe]
I lifted my manipulator arms and made a gesture commonly used by the late senator to calm many biological entities. “I ask only that you reserve your judgement and attempt not to form conscious or unconscious bias toward the idea so that I may gather information about your planetary culture and put forward a well researched and relevant proposal.”
I think my tactic both won and lost me some ‘points’ with the various beings present. ‘Princess’ was looking thoughtful so I assumed my tactic to have been effective. The one known as ‘Rainbow Dash, a possible relative of ‘Princess’ looked like she was going to be physically ill. Something I said however seemed to have been greatly enjoyed by the purple one, she stared up at me with a smile almost as wide and only half as deranged as ‘Pinkie Pie’s’.
“So what is it exactly you wish to do?” ‘Princess’ finally replied after several long moments of silence.
My processor raced with predictions and possible permutations of political intrigue and circumstance, the simulation of senator Bonteri was so far shaping up to be a hefty drain on my systems but it had yet to steer me wrong so I plucked the phrases with the best chances of success from the growing list of possible responses. “I simply wish to visit the various countries on your world, assuming you have yet to reach planetary unification...” I paused for a moment until a nod from ‘Princess’ confirmed that prediction. “There I will attempt to determine what those on this planet consider culturally acceptable and the limitations of your tolerance for ‘foreign normalities’. Afterwards I will return to each country and make a ‘pitch’ in an attempt to convince the local governments that membership in the Confederacy of Independant Systems is an opportunity they can scarcely afford to miss out on.”
The gathered quadrupeds again had various reactions to my words. The one known as ‘Princess was nodding along with a serene expression while the purple one seemed to be making an odd expression consisting of wide eyes, wide grin, and some sort of dance that were I anywhere else in the galaxy I would attribute to a creature badly needing to relieve itself. The white one seemed to have taken up a pad of paper and was scribbling on it while the orange one seemed to be constantly checking the clock like it really wanted to be elsewhere. As for the two I actually knew the designations for, the one known as ‘Dashy’ had procured a fluffy white hover chair from somewhere and was napping on it while the one known as ‘Pinkie’ was performing a similar ‘dance’ to the purple one but had apparently obtained some repulsors from somewhere because the amount of time it was spending in the air was impossible otherwise.
“I think that is an excellent idea.” The one known as ‘Princess’ finally spoke up. “Traveling around the world will be a great opportunity for you learn many lessons about the beings who live on our world. You may even find yourself learning a bit about Friendship.”
I could practically hear the capital F in that last sentence. I strained my processors to determine why she would have place extra emphasis on that word but came up with nothing.
What could possibly be so special about a bond of camaraderie between two organics?
‘Princess was smiling now and nodding along to her own words. “In fact perhaps my faithful student would like to assist you in this endeavor?”
It was then that I witnessed what could only be described as heartbreak come over the purple one. “I’m sorry princess.” She said with a twitch and a sad shake of her head. “I just accepted the official appointment from Mayor Mare to be Ponyville’s librarian, I can't just leave my new job without warning for so long after I just got it...”
‘Princess’ frowned and looked around the room and the rest of the ponies all responded with various forms of ‘no’. She seemed lost in thought for a moment before she spotted the bound bounty hunter behind me. “Ah, this will have to do then.” her horn glowed and she did some force things, levitating the binds off and waking him.
“Huh? No mommy I didn't eat the last bonbon...” He muttered drowsily as he was lifted into the air. He let out a loud snore and seemed to fall asleep again. Frowning ‘Princess’ gave him a shake with her force. “Huh, wassat?”
He looked up at ‘Princess and grew very still, I couldn't tell through the cloak but he had either fallen asleep again or was staring down ‘Princess’ like frightened vermin stare down a predator “Good morning My Little Pony... according to some very trustworthy testimony I have received, you have been accused of treason against the crown.”
“What?”
‘Princess” nodded gravely. “Yes, conspiring with the enemies of Equestria is a sentence punishable by imprisonment, banishment, or imprisonment in the location you have been banished to.
“What!?”
“Now...” Princess paused dramatically, “I might decide to be lenient if you could assist me in a small matter. I require an escort for the Ambassador here.” She gestured to me with the tip a wing.
“What!?”
“He will be traveling around the world in order to learn as much as possible, you will protect him and assist him in this...” Her force seemed to tighten around him as Princess’ eyes grew hard and fearsome.” and if anything happens to him, I will be quite upset with you.”
The poor bounty hunter looked as if he might decide to wet himself but on the plus side I finally think I have enough evidence to confirm ‘Princess’ is not only a princess but she is Princess Princess, princess of whatever country we happen to be in.
Just as the floating cloaked bounty hunter was about to respond the door behind the group of quadrupeds burst open and in stepped another wearing archaic looking golden armor. “Princess!” he shouted as he barged into the room. “We just received word, the Crystal Empire has returned!”
“WHAT!?”
.XXX.
I dont know about the humor this time, its a bit off I think. Also sorry for how long that took, life has decided my reproductive organs make for an excelent target for its jackhammer. 
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*Sees cover image
PAINT ME LIKE ONE OF YOUR FRENCH DROIDS
8297185
You're like the third or fourth person to make that joke... Get fresher material!
4.bp.blogspot.com/-avEkBhfEJnI/TqAbXK7pEeI/AAAAAAAAAi4/Kca7ICLckG8/w1200-h630-p-k-no-nu/kfpanda2.jpg
Not sure how H-338 is going to help beat Sombra, but okay?
8297475
Its a secret!
8297605 I also noticed the bit with the parental controls and it made me think that H-338 might be a child in an adult body.
8297630
H-883 is a battle droid... He has parental controls because... factory defaults... and kind of a play on the fact that the best battle droids are all from the cartoon.
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/da/2d/7e/da2d7e2f7044926f7bfed19488d952d1--star-wars-lockscreen-star-wars-humor-memes.jpg
Cause Star Wars is.. ya know... for kids...
Wait, I'm actually lost as to who is who.
8306036
How so?
As a quick rule of thumb, first person is from the droid's POV, third person is a MLP character.
8306927
I originally thought 'princess' was Twilight and wasn't sure who purple was, but now I think 'princess' is Celestia and purple is Twilight?
8307277
You got it, the current time in this story is right before the whole crystal empire thing. Twilight is still a regular unicorn atm so is described by her most defining physical trait. 'Purple'.
8308062
I must've gotten lost on the way, then, because I can't remember Celestia ever being mentioned until this chapter.
8308191
Really? Made the whole joke about Celestia's beard being used as a swear and her mucking about with a mirror and a pair of scissors...
8308200
Yeah, I'll have to go back.
This chapter’s amount of whats sounds like this...
8344423
LOL
I swear sometimes the comments down here are better than the actual story!
Props...
Ooh, a "A Bird in the Hoof" reference! I recognized a reference! I'm probably over-reacting, especially considering the fact that the scene in question was the kind that lasts in one's mind, but I'll celebrate internally regardless.
This comment is probably too long for what amounts to nothing more than exclaiming the fact that I found a reference, and then celebrating it...