A Battle Droid Saves Equestria

by LinktheLazy

Chapter 8

.XXX.

“Are you going to read those or just flip through them?”

I sat another book on the pile next to me much to the consternation of the purple pony designated as ‘Twilight Sparkle’. I had noticed her increasing agitation at my rate of input almost from the moment she supplied me with these incredibly inefficient data storage mediums but she had resisted mentioning it until now. Organics could be so strange sometimes...

“But I am reading them.” I replied.

Unfortunately since deactivating the Bonteri simulation my social abilities had suffered and this was easily seen in how ‘Twilight Sparkle’s’ agitation continued to grow even with my earnest attempts at defusing it. I was beginning to spend an elevated amount of processor runtime thinking about it and what I was doing wrong but continued to come up short. Reactivating the the Bonteri simulation was an option but one I was loathe to use. After the conclusion of the first successful deployment of the personality emulators the shortcomings were made obvious. Increased processor temperature beyond normal thermal dissipation capabilities, increased power cell useage, and a general confusion as the memories written to permanent storage were corrupt and fragmented resulting in only the barest understanding of my own actions.

Shifting my attention to the rest of the natives designation ‘Ponies’ all I received was helpless shrugs and amused looks. If I could not receive any aid in diffusing the situation I highly doubt ‘Twilight Sparkle’ would survive the entire remainder of the train journey to this ‘Crystal Empire’.

As I processed possible solutions Twilight floated one of the books I had piled up next to me over to her with her force...ness... “Ok, If you have read this and completely understand the information inside... what’s on page two hundred and sixty seven paragraph one, line three?” Twilight laid out simple challenge, her facial expression changing to one I could only label as ‘Pony-Smug1’.

I paused for a microsecond as my hard drive recalled the information. “The migration pattern of the northern speckled goose was highly disrupted by the disappearance of the Crystal Empire and resulted in a rapid decline in population until Pony correction in the twenty fourth year of the glorious reign of Princess Celestia afterward population numbers stabilized-”

Twilight frowned, and swapped books for another in the pile. “Page one hundred fifty two, paragraph thirteen, line one.”

My hard drive clicked again and the information was recalled. “Due to difficulty in heating crystalline dwellings Ponies of the Crystal Empire often employed magical means to-”

She swapped the books again, her expression morphing into a snarl. “Page two paragraph one, line one!”

“The FitnessGram Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progre-”

Twilight snapped the book closed and glared at me until she sighed and slumped in her seat. “Well I guess you can read that fast. I don’t know how but you can... It’s just like Pinkie sense.” She muttered massaging her temples with her hooves. “Just remember it's just like Pinkie sense and everything will be fine.”

I looked around at the other ponies present and my confusion continued to grow as I spotted their attempts to suppress laughter. Attempts that lasted for a grand total of six point three seconds before they failed and they ‘giggled’. My processor temp spiked as Twilight Sparkle joined in and dashed all of my social projections. How was laughing at her making her relax! This makes no sense!

<<Incoming Transmission>>

I jerked in my seat as the message came through my comms. It was an extremely archaic radio signal from a completely unknown source and my processor kicked into high gear as I attempted to analyze it. The language was unlike anything I recalled having been seen in my entire service history it almost appeared to be-

<<Mission Parameter Override]>>
<<Authorization: Separatist Council, Science Commission>>
<<Directive: 15,784>>
<<Recover All Working ‘Infinite Empire’ Technology And Return To Nearest CIS Held Territory>>

.XXX.

Chrysalis moaned in delight as one of her attendants dried her main with a soft and fluffy towel. Fresh from the bath she flopped onto her cozy bed and reveled in the feeling of finally being free of injuries. She felt good, better than good she felt great! In fact the only thing that could make her relaxed bliss even better would be if that pony bounty hunter walked into the room with her prey at this very moment! She turned her head toward the tunnel entrance expectantly but no pony came with her prize. She pouted and buried her head under her comforter but she wasn't too disappointed, she hadn't really expected the fanciful thought to truly come into being just because she wanted it to.

“E-excuse me, my queen?” A hesitant voice emerged from the tunnel entrance.

Chrysalis poked her head out from under the blanket cocoon she had wrapped herself in and spied a nervous looking changeling fidgeting in her doorway as her bath attendant slipped by to leave. The queen grinned, a smile full of sharp and terrible fangs. “Come in Flitter, no need to buzz around my door.”

Flitter swallowed and took a few hesitant steps into the room until she was close enough to levitate a roll of parchment that had gone unnoticed over to the queen. “News from the infiltrators you sent to tail the bounty hunter my queen.” Flitter muttered with a pronounced shiver.

Chrysalis frowned, a rolled bit of parchment was not the usual way her infiltrators sent their reports... With a flash of green magic she snatched up the parchment and opened it to read it’s contents. Flitter edged closer and closer to the door with shaking knees as Chrysalis finished her reading and incinerated the paper with a flair of magic.

Chrysalis stared at the floor with a thoughtful frown until her magic relit and snatched up the shaking Flitter. Flitter fully expected to be ripped into little chunks in a fit of pique but was surprised by being pulled into the queen’s blanket cocoon instead. Chrysalis’ forelegs wrapped around her captive as she continued to stare into the floor. Flitter began to relax as she was pressed up against the still wet Chrysalis, perhaps all her queen needed was a bit of comfort? That idea died a swift death as the queen’s grip suddenly tightened around her neck and Flitter felt the breath being choked from her lungs. “Hrk!”

“The dread king Sombra has returned.” Chrysalis muttered absentmindedly as Flitter flailed in her grasp. Her eyes looked down at her struggling subordinate and finally released her hold. Flitter fell to the bed with a deep gasp for air and lie still except for a rapid panting. Chrysalis shook her head and loomed over Flitter, stamping either hoof down on either side of Flitter’s head making the poor damp changeling shiver in fear. “Do you have any idea what this means!?”

The room shook with the force of the queen’s voice and a terrified Flitter shivered.

“My Queen! We heard you shouting, is anything wro-” The soldier that had burst into the room and froze at the sight of his Queen looming over one of her advisors on the bed, both covered in fine droplets of moisture and out of breath.

“I... I’ll... Just come back later...”

Chrysalis’ baleful glare followed him as he quickly vacated the room. With a sigh Chrysalis got up to trot back and forth as she mulled over the news.

“So... What exactly is so bad? Won't Celestia deal with the problem like she always does?” Flitter muttered as she climbed down from the too large bed and backed all the way to the corner of the room.

“Certainly.” Chrysalis answered, strangely even tempered and not looking like she was about to pull someling’s head off... for once. “But what almost nopony remembers is the huge toll in lives Sombra reaped from the changelings of his time. Oh they remember he had a huge army of enslaved ponies but of course they would forget what that army was being used on.”

And now she was right back to being angry...

If Flitter was a brave changeling she might have suggested her queen had some kind of disorder...

Flitter was not a brave changeling.

“But what do we DO?” She replied instead, that's it Flitter! Focus the anger on somepony else, you might survive this yet!

“Please take care of things here for me will you? I’m going out...”

.XXX.

Jerico held up a hoof and yawned obnoxiously loudly as the rainbow pegasus he sat across from shot him a death glare. Grinning he shot her a taunting little wink before he went back to staring out the window at the endless tracks of snow. The train ride had quickly grown boring as his target... apparently named H-883... sat surrounded by giggly young mares as they watched him read books at a speed that reminded him of when he used to draw little flip cartoons in the margins of his school books... all except for the one across from him who decided to take it upon herself to ‘make sure he didn't make trouble.’

“HI!”

“GAH!”

Jericho flopped onto the floor of the train car as he flailed uselessly used some of his super bounty hunter combat training to dive to the floor in case of surprise attack.

“What are you doing on the floor silly?” The infuriatingly sweet voice said as it’s over peered down at him.

Jericho looked around the car at the rest of the occupants all but the strange alien robot were looking at him now, the rainbow one even trying, and failing, to hide a snicker. He groaned and stood up before muttering ‘Nothing’ and moving to return to his seat.

But the Pink One was not finished with him yet.

She shoved her face into his, forcing him to take a startled step back. “Hi there! My name is Pinkie Pie and I just realized you managed to escape from Ponyville without a welcome party!” Her eyes seemed to go a little glassy and her grin hardened into something far less welcoming. “And nopony escapes from Pinkie Pie!”

Jericho backed into the seat on the opposite side of the car as the sinister creature bore down on him. His hackles rose as he contemplated which take down move to use on the crazed mare as she took slow menacing steps towards him.

Then when all seemed lost H-883 stood up, rushed heroically towards the monster with a powerful and swift stride before walking right past, opening the door at the end of the car, and jumped off the train and into a snowbank...

Everypony on the train watched the spot the strange robot had vanished from with gaping expressions. Jericho, recovering first cackled at his perfect opportunity, stood up and performed a mocking salute to the rest of the car- “Sorry girls, orders are orders!” -before repeating the crazy robots actions, landing head first in a snowbank.

.XXX.

Author's Note:

Huge delays, short chapters, and dead memes, oh my!
At least things are moving in a slightly more interesting direction plot wise. (I hope)

Comments

[LinktheLazy]

Hey guys I got featured!
I'm so proud!

[toxbox]

That Pacer test reference gave me flashbacks to highschool.

[LinktheLazy]

8344649
I'm pretty sure it gives just about everyone traumatic flashbacks.

Now to plan the next diabolical thing I'll do to dredge up everyone's shared traumas. Muah ha ha ha!

[VexEffects]

8344715
Eyy Ma Man!

[MkktBkkt]

Well, it became a nice reading binge.
First I found that story, and a little bit later in the "also liked" this one.
I didn't know I needed star wars droids in equestria in my life, but now I know.

[LinktheLazy]

8369700
Glad you liked it! Feel free to poke in to get your fix whenever. I'll try not to take too long with updates. No promises though I am Link the Lazy after all.

[NotShadowLotus488]

“The FitnessGram Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progre-”

Y-you monster!!!