"She is my best friend, the figure i look up to even more than my mother, I know her more than anyone else... how I wish I knew everything from the beginning"
ok this chapter was confusing and very rushed. Also why would Spike react that way and have sex with twilight if he knew that something was wrong with her? He turn into a horndog or something? You may wanna remake this chapter or at the very least make it a bit more clear. The dude was chewing her out a second and then grinding on her the other second
8170975 the proofreading part is still a work in progress.
8170975 actually, the fuzzy way of the chapter was something I wanted to do. the heat, revelations, and instincts rushed the arguing to the point they weren't even hearing themselves. at a certain point, I wanted the reader to feel as lost as the characters were; the fact that Twilight was in a frenzied state helped a lot in the process.
I wouldn't say Spike was a horndog, the guy is just a young adult with a lot of stress on his daily routine(plus the information given in the chapter). Even when I admire the inner will of the little dragon, perceiving him as someone that could say no to the desires of someone that he loves like a family but at the same time desires like a mate were hard for me. I just thought it would be OOC to give him that much will power.
Only twilight could get caught that getting down and dirt and feet about making a mess in her teachers room. Seriously when I read that I face palmed got a few strange looks for that but yeah only twi would do that.
8171466 This story is good, and has a lot of potential, but is at the same time very painful to read due to all of the grammar and sentence mistakes. I realize English isn't your first language and I can certainly understand the hardships of trying to write in another language. If you would like I would be happy to offer my services as a proofreader and editor for this stroy. I would also be happy to edit the existing chapters of the story as well.
Great chapter, can't wait to see more
ok this chapter was confusing and very rushed. Also why would Spike react that way and have sex with twilight if he knew that something was wrong with her? He turn into a horndog or something? You may wanna remake this chapter or at the very least make it a bit more clear. The dude was chewing her out a second and then grinding on her the other second
8170975 the proofreading part is still a work in progress.
8170975 actually, the fuzzy way of the chapter was something I wanted to do. the heat, revelations, and instincts rushed the arguing to the point they weren't even hearing themselves. at a certain point, I wanted the reader to feel as lost as the characters were; the fact that Twilight was in a frenzied state helped a lot in the process.
I wouldn't say Spike was a horndog, the guy is just a young adult with a lot of stress on his daily routine(plus the information given in the chapter). Even when I admire the inner will of the little dragon, perceiving him as someone that could say no to the desires of someone that he loves like a family but at the same time desires like a mate were hard for me. I just thought it would be OOC to give him that much will power.
Bow chicka wow wow
Great chapter can't wait to read more.
Only twilight could get caught that getting down and dirt and feet about making a mess in her teachers room. Seriously when I read that I face palmed got a few strange looks for that but yeah only twi would do that.
8176094 you can never know when the dragon's aphrodisiac will kick in
8171466 This story is good, and has a lot of potential, but is at the same time very painful to read due to all of the grammar and sentence mistakes.
I realize English isn't your first language and I can certainly understand the hardships of trying to write in another language.
If you would like I would be happy to offer my services as a proofreader and editor for this stroy. I would also be happy to edit the existing chapters of the story as well.