Caverns & Cutie Marks: High School, High Stakes

by TheColtTrio

Chapter 4: The Worst Possible Thing Happens. The WORST. POSSIBLE. THING.

The trio arrived at the lunch room just in time to see most of the students leaving the room, prompting a look of intense horror and sadness from Light Patch. “We missed lunch,” he whispered, a hand reached toward emptying room.

“Wow,” Rainbow said dryly, observing the grey skinned teen. “You’re as melodramatic as Rarity.”

“Only when he’s truly distraught,” Purple Heart mused, gazing around the swiftly emptying cafeteria. “I supposed we’ll have to feed him if we want him to be of any use in further engagements. Have you any snacks or such bite sized goodies to tide him over until a true meal can take place?” Rainbow Dash blinked at the purple teen and shivered minutely.

“You talk better than Rarity,” she said blandly. Purple Heart sniffed and looked down his nose regally.

“It’s all in the accent and posture, my dear,” he replied pompously. “Learned actors such as myself use all tools available to us to perfect our craft.”

“Perfect what craft?” a voice with a distinctly southern accent asked. “If it’s wood working, I could maybe give ya’ll a few tips. Also uh, is your friend all right?”

“Oh, oh! I know!” A cloud of pink frizz appeared before Light Patch, with a similarly pink girl attached to it. “He and his friend just transferred in and were getting a tour of the school from Principal Celestia but then she passed them off to you,” she waved a hand at Rainbow Dash, “and they wanted to get lunch but now they’re sad because they missed lunch and the kitchen’s closed and all that’s left is this apple and a couple of walnuts!” The girl held the apple out in front of Light Patch’s face. “You want it?”

“Please,” the teen said, doing his best cute face.

Purple Heart blinked. “Huh,” he grunted. “He actually retained a modicum of decorum.”

The pink girl stared at Light Patch unblinkingly. “I’ll give it to you if you stop making that face. It’s freaking me out.”

“Deal,” the teen said, standing up, dusting himself off, and acting like nothing he’d done in the last few minutes had even happened. “Thank you,” he preemptively said as he held his hand out and received the apple.

Pinkie cautiously relinquished the fruit to the starving teen and stepped away, pausing only briefly before she swung to Purple Heart. “What are you doing? Can’t you see the poor boy is starving? How dare you not help!” The purple teen smirked and folded his arms over his chest, peering down his nose at the shorter pink-haired girl.

“Being a transfer student, my relationship with this school’s cafeteria staff is rather null and void at the moment,” he replied. “Should I have gone scrounging through the refuse to feed my erstwhile company instead of counting on a beneficiary to provide him with sustenance? Perhaps I could have stolen away into the cafeteria larder to acquire victuals for a private party, hmm?”

Applejack blinked several times at the engage between the two teens and looked over her shoulder at her approaching friends. “Ah don’ know about ya’ll, but ah think he’s more wordy than Rarity,” she said.

Rainbow Dash clapped her hands and pointed at Purple Heart. “That’s what I said!” she cried.

“Well, I say,” Rarity sighed as she joined the girls. “He is rather verbose.”

“And tall… and big… and kind of, uh, imposing,” Fluttershy said, scooting behind Applejack as soon as she’d arrived. “I don’t think he’d be able to out word Twilight, though. Sorry.”

Like a bloodhound tracking a scent, Purple Heart swung to face the timid girl, eyes blazing with cobalt fire. A grin curved his lips, giving life to a devilish expression of eagerness and excitement. Fluttershy squeaked and hid behind Applejack.

“Challenge,” Purple Heart rumbled, his face lupine, “accepted.”

“Now see here,” Applejack frowned, stepping up to be chest to chest with the larger teen. “There’s no need to leer like that at Fluttershy. You could’ve been a little more restrained instead.” Immediately, Purple Heart’s countenance changed to that of benign submission. The girls were dumbstruck at the sudden change in behavior from the teen. They all looked at Light Patch, expecting an explanation from the feeding teen.

Feeling the stares of many, Light Patch looked up from the now cored apple to the staring faces around him. “I, uh...” he froze for a few seconds with a strong ‘deer in headlights’ look before he suddenly jumped and pointed behind the girls. “Oh my gosh, look, it’s the oldest trick in the book!”

Applejack turned to stare at the grey teen. “Ya’ll really think we’re gonna fall for that one?”

Pinkie whirled about in the direction Light Patch was pointing. “What? Where?”

Wits End froze, the top half of his body through one of the cafeteria windows, while the other half hung outside the building. He looked across the staring girls and boys for a full beat before raising one hand with his palm out. “Yo,” he said nonchalantly.

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “What are you, some kind of intruder?”

“Yes,” Wits said. “In tru de window.”

“How coincidental,” Purple Heart mused. “Gave the officers the slip did you? Beat a hasty retreat from the school of ponces and undergrad squinterns? Remarkable. You’re still in one piece.”

“He may actually be able to out word Twi,” Fluttershy whispered. The girls nodded in agreement.

“So you’re all really transfer students?” Pinkie Pie asked in a rare moment of true confusion.

“Not me.” Wits wriggled, unable to get the rest of the way through the window. “I’m a delinquent. Can I get a hand?” His expression fell as Rainbow Dash clapped her hands together a single time.

Light Patch tossed the apple core into a nearby can as he went to help Wits End get the rest of the way in. “Didn’t exactly think this all of the way through, huh?”

“I thought I’d have more inertia going through this window. I did not.” With a yelp, Wits slipped through, landing on his face. After a moment, he gave a thumbs up. “We’re good…”

“So,” Rarity hummed, eyeing the three boys. “From what I gather, you three are new students here, yes? Rainbow dear was showing you two around campus while you were… escaping?”

“Close enough,” Purple Heart interjected. “Yes, we are new students as Pinkie Pie originally said. We are in your care.”

“Where’s Sunset at?” Rainbow inquired. “She should be done with her class by now.” None of the girls noticed Purple Heart blanching, nor did they see Wits and Light share a meaningful glance.

“She wanted to ask Principal Celestia a question about somethin’ that happened earlier,” Applejack replied. “She should be here any moment.”

“Well, I do believe we’ve seen enough of the cafeteria,” Purple Heart boomed evasively. “Shall we press on perhaps? To the theater if possible?”

“Yeah, we are supposed to be getting to see places around the place,” Light Patch chimed in, starting to move in a direction.

Wits End picked himself up. “I don’t usually agree with these two, but there’s a first time for everything. Let’s go see what’s in places not- Uh oh.”

The three teens turned just in time to see the cafeteria door swing open, and a familiar red-haired girl walking through. “Girls, you are not going to believe what happened toda-” She froze, looking over the boys. “You three!”

Wits took a step back, pointing at Purple Heart with both hands. “Kill him first.”

“Let’s just all take a deep breath and relax,” Light Patch said, trying to defuse the situation before anything could start.

“Relax? RELAX?! How can I relax when he’s standing right there without a care in the world!” Sunset Shimmer snapped. “How come you haven’t been disciplined by Principal Celestia yet? You’re walking around unwatched, unguarded, free to do as you wish! What’s stopping you from molesting another poor, innocent girl?! Fluttershy perhaps? Or maybe Rarity? What about Twilight if she ever comes to join us?” The girls stared at Sunset in stunned silence, trying to find context to her sudden rant. They swivelled to stare at Purple Heart, who was standing stock still under Sunset’s harsh gaze and words.

After a few seconds of continued silence, Purple Heart pointed at Sunset and looked at the five girls. “Who is this small child?” The five girls winced, their attention on Sunset Shimmer as she vibrated in place with rage. She stalked forward, heading straight for the stationary purple teen. Wits and Light scrambled out of her path, wanting to avoid the crossfire. She marched right up to Purple Heart and glared at him, standing toe to toe. Her head just barely reached his chin. She raised a hand and the girls cringed, awaiting the loud smack that was to follow. Purple Heart’s cobalt blue gaze bored into Sunset’s seafoam green, challenging her. A smirk curved Sunset’s lips and she brought her hand down.

Honk.

Purple Heart balked, face pinched in a confused frown.

Light Patch and Wits End cocked their heads to one side in confused unison.

Five of the Maneless Six blinked and gaped in awe.

Sunset grinned and squeezed again. “They’ve drooped in your old age,” she commented cheekily, eyeing the hand that was clamped to the purple teen’s left pectoral.

Wits blinked slowly. “Well, there goes our ‘E for Everyone’ rating. That wasn’t very ‘Everyone’.”

Sunset shot a glare at the mint colored boy. “I’ll deal with you later.” At that, Wits covered his chest with both hands and made a noise that could have been ‘Kyaa, sempai’, if one were inclined to think so. An awkward silence fell over the group as everyone stood, not quite sure what to say. Around a minute passed before Light Patch cleared his throat.

“Well, that was a great awkward silence, but I believe that there are some introductions in order,” he said, stepping forward and clapping his hands together with a smile that clearly said he was trying to suppress memories that could never be forgotten. “I’m Light Patch, and this gentle titan is Purple Heart, and our larcenous friend over there is Wits End,” he said, gesturing to the respective teens.

“Remind me to look up what ‘larcenous’ means,” Wits muttered.

Sunset’s hand fell from Purple Heart’s chest and she folded her arms, eyeing the male trio skeptically. “And you’re here… why? Last I saw you, you three were being dragged to see Principal Celestia,” the redhead said. “Did you escape somehow?”

Rainbow Dash edged forward and lifted a hand to gain everyone’s attention. “They transferred,” she offered. She frowned. “Well, Light Patch and Purple Heart did. I have no idea what Wits End is doing.”

“I was escaping from the oppressive community of preparatory crystalline entities of a school that shall not be named,” Wits End interjected, waving a hand.

“...You went to Crystal Prep?” Applejack asked.

“Dammit,” Wits swore.

“Language,” Rarity snapped.

“Ooooooh~!” Pinkie Pie aaahed, bouncing quickly over to the mint colored teen. “You went to Crystal Prep? Do you know Sci-Twi? Did you study crystalline entities? What about androids?”

“Many question, such curious,” Purple Heart chuckled, smirking at Wits’ flapping jaw attempting to keep up with the questions en route to his brain.

“Pinkie, dear, I think the poor boy can reply if you pause for but a moment,” Rarity suggested. Immediately, the pink girl froze mid-sentence and mid-gesture, leaving her standing statue-like before a befuddled Wits End.

“I don’t think she meant literally,” Fluttershy whispered.

“Oh, well that would make a bit more sense wouldn’t it? It’d be weird to ask people to just pause reality like it was a giant TV show, wouldn’t it?” Pinkie rambled, gigging at her own suggestion and missing the half panicked glances the guys threw at each other.

“So…” Wits End said slowly. “I don’t suppose you bunch would mind if the three of us took a minute?” He shot a significant look at the other two boys. “We have some things to talk about involving certain policemen and people who may or may not look like us.”

“Oh!” Pinkie squeaked. ‘Do you mean-”

“Not today,” Wits interrupted, clamping a hand over the pink party girl’s mouth.

“Well, I guess it is only a half-day of school today. I suppose the tour could be put on hold if that's what you want,” Fluttershy quietly replied. Light Patch took that as a cue to step away.

“I think a small recess would be on the menu,” Purple Heart agreed, stepping to follow Light Patch. “I would like to see the rest of the school. Very interested thus far.”

Wits took a step back, pointing finger-guns at the assembled girls. “We’ll be back. Great school. Loving the lack of militarily enforced uniforms.” He turned back to follow the boys away.

Sunset Shimmer stepped over to the rest of the girls as the boys moved to a table and sat down. “How much of the grounds have they seen?” she asked, glancing at Rainbow Dash.

The sportsthlete shrugged. “As far as I can tell, grey and purple have seen the fields and the cafeteria. That’s all. I’m guessing some of the hallways too if they came with Principal Celestia.”

“So they ain’t deciding on whether to transfer?” Applejack hummed. “Then what could they be talkin’ ‘bout?”

“Maybe they just need to reassociate with each other,” Fluttershy offered.

“Checking their apparel?” Rarity sniffed.

“Talking smack?” Rainbow growled.

“Keeping secrets,” Sunset murmured.

“Freaking out about someone they saw and think is out to get them?” Pinkie Pie suggested. The girls blinked at the pink girl. “What?” She wordlessly pointed at the scene of Light Patch shaking Purple Heart like he was a polaroid picture.

* * *

The guys moved to a quieter area of the hallway for what little privacy they could get. Once the three had assembled, Light Patch looked at his two friends and his expression of calm indifference instantly flashed to near panic. “Am I freaking out over nothing, or did anyone else hear and realize that was JUST DUTY?” he finished a little loud.

“I figured that out when he said it,” Purple Heart replied. “Hasn’t sunk in until now… Yeh, freaking out now.”

“I kind of wondered when we first ran into him. I thought he seemed familiar but I didn’t place it until I heard his name,” Light Patch threw out, falling backwards to lean on the wall as a hand wiped the sweat from his forehead. “Should I ask the obvious question, or do one of you wanna ask?”

“Is the question ‘Hey Wits, do you feel abandoned by your two best friends who just sat there while you were taken away by someone who could snap your adolescent legs like glow sticks’?” Wits asked in a deadpan voice. “Because that’s my question. I got out alive somehow, by the way. Thanks for asking.”

“Did he take you all the way to Crystal Prep?” Purple inquired. “Did he even mention anything about recognizing us?”

Wits shook his head. “He left Private Shiny Arms to take care of me. Said he was going to let the other two schools know you guys skipped out and were transferring here.” He paused. “That might be code for ‘find Holdfast and Bael and come beat up those meddling kids sans dog’.” He turned back to Light Patch. “Anyway, what was your question?”

“Why is he even here!” the agitated teen half shouted as he threw his hands up. “I thought Bael was the only one who even had the idea of skipping out? Unless, of course, maybe he’s a native to his world, but then that starts raising all kinds of other questions.” He went a bit quiet, muttering things to himself.

“Okay guys, calm down,” Purple Heart soothed. “So we ran into Just Duty. Or someone who has the same name, features, and personality. We’re fine. He didn’t say anything obvious to us, he didn’t go ‘ACK! YOU AGAIN!’ He dealt with us like any other typical police officer did. Albeit with a bit more attitude. But we’re still alive. Still here. No portals taking us away. Though that might actually be nice...”

“Rambling.”

“Sorry. OH~! Wits. During your brief sojourn to Crystal Prep, did you catch any sight of your double? It isn’t out of the realm of possibility.”

“I didn’t see me there, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t there.” Wits thought for a moment. “Yeah, I think that’s grammatically correct. But, if there was a Twilight double here, it kinda makes sense for doubles of us to be here too.” He frowned, rubbing his chin with one hand. “Although, that would imply there’s doubles of us in regular Equestria too. Does that mean we’re canon now? Follow-up question: why are our doubles at different high schools? We all went to the same place, roughly speaking.”

“Not the whole time, eventually we all ended up at the same school, but at first we went to different ones. And did anyone else notice that they got the order of oldest to youngest wrong,” Light Patch noted quietly. “Also, while it might make sense for their to be doubles of us, why them? Weren’t they made by D-Discord for the game? Just once today, can’t something add up?” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to slow down his rapid breaths.

Wits End paused. “Yeah, good point. If anything, we should be the three people without duplicates in this world. Also, why are our relative ages reversed? It’s like someone got the rough notes for us as characters and just went off without checking the source material…”

“What were you guys even doing in high school?” Purple Heart asked. “I know I was doing baseball. It’s what I did. I’m guess you both were in some form of programming group? Cuz if so, we’ve been deaged in a sense to be our high school selves. Or at least, copies of this world’s highschool Purple Heart, Light Patch, and Wits End.”

“A little bit of everything. I was homeschooled for most of it,” Light Patch replied. “Little Spanish, little music, some programming, lots of video games...” He trailed off, going quiet as the events of the day and all of the little worries went through his head again. As it went on his, face grew more and more panicked. Suddenly, he jumped away from the wall and grabbed Purple Heart’s shoulders and began to shake him wildly as he shouted. “I am calm!”

“I. Don’t. Bel. Ieve. You. Light. Patch.” Each word was jerked from the purple teen as the smaller teen shook him. “Calm. Means. I’m. Not. Shak. Ing.”

“I am perfectly calm!” Light Patch continued. “I do not believe it’s all happening again!”

Wits End sighed, shaking his head. “This is going well,” he muttered, looking up at the two taller boys. “And I’m not exactly physically equipped to handle this alone…” He turned back to where the six girls were now sitting. He whistled and, once the girls were looking his way, jerked his head at how the gray teen was shaking the purple one like a can of very confused soda. “Could I get a hand or two with this? Maybe sportballer and the one with the hat?”

Applejack and Rainbow Dash looked at the scene and then each other before shrugging and moving in to pull the two apart. “Alright, I don’t know what's gotten into ya’ll, but I think your friend is shaken enough,” Applejack said as she grabbed Light Patch’s shoulders, while Rainbow went to try and pry his grip from Purple Heart. “Come on and let go already.”

“I. Am. Not okay,” Purple Heart grunted when the two girls finally pulled Light Patch off of him. “Could someone stop the room spinning?” Pinkie Pie darted over and smacked him in the back of the head. “Uncalled for, but thank you,” Purple Heart grumbled, rubbing the back of his head.

“No problemo,” Pinkie chirped. “You did sheem a little shaken, not shtirred.” The purple teen blinked once and looked up at the pink fuzz.

“How in the fudge do you know about Sean Connery?” he muttered. “Wait, I know the answer: ‘It’s just Pinkie Pie’.”

“What caused him to go crazy like that?” Applejack asked, jerking a thumb at the shaking Light Patch.

“Oh, just a realization that he couldn’t find his butt in the dark without a flashlight, a map, and written instructions,” Purple Heart groaned, rubbing his bruised shoulders.

“Really?” Rarity sniffed, joining the group, followed shortly by Sunset and Fluttershy. “How… enlightening.”

“Sorry,” Light Patch said once he’d finally actually calmed down. “I’ve been stressing out a lot recently, and it just kind of hit critical mass there.” He looked at Purple Heart. “Salright?”

“Salright,” was the purple teen’s gravely reply. “Senor Wenpatch.”

“Thanks for the assist,” Wits said to Rainbow Dash and Applejack, holding his hand out for a high-five.

“Ah think ya’ll can keep that hand ta yerself,” Applejack said, narrowing her eyes at the shorter teen.

Wits frowned, lowering his hand. “Great, now I’m that anime cliche…”

Sunset sighed before looking cheered up again, “Well now that all of ‘that’ has been dealt with how about we go and try to finish that tour before tomorrow's classes start?”

“Sounds planlike,” Purple Heart said. “Though I’m curious as to why the tour may take long enough to last the rest of the day and the entire night...” He grinned cheekily when the redhead gave him a deadpan glare.

“Maybe it’s the interruptions,” Rainbow wondered.

“You were the first one you know,” Purple Heart pointed out. “You went and nearly took Light’s head off with a soccer ball, and you actually managed to kill his kneecaps. Achievement Get: Sweep the Leg.” Light Patch made the whole ‘I’m watching you’ hand motions at the mention of the earlier incident, but didn’t say anything so as to not start another interruption.

With a long suffering sigh, Sunset stepped to the front of the group. “Well, let's go see if we can find Twilight over in one of the labs. That should cover a good amount of the school along the way,” she said, motioning for the rest to follow her and missing the worried look from Wits at the prospect of meeting his “fellow” former Crystal Prep student.

* * *

“And this is the Drama Department of Equestria High,” Pinkie Pie cheerily gestured, flinging open the doors to the school’s auditorium and stage. “Theater and performances and rock concerts happen here!” The rest of the group followed after the pink haired girl and the three male teens eyed their surroundings while the girls watched them expectantly.

“Decent size,” Purple Heart hummed, trotting down the steps to the stage. “Guess that means I gotta enunciate and project.” He clambered onto the stage and faced the group, inhaling a deep breath. “Who doth inhabit the primary position!”

Wits made a grand sweeping gesture at the stage with one hand. “All the stage light touches shall be your kingdom. Now, exit pursued by a bear.” He turned to Light Patch. “Go pursue him.”

“The best I could do is slowly shuffle after him with the little bit of tap I remember,” Light Patch replied, giving a brief demonstration. “I could maybe try a little ballet, but I remember even less of that than I do tap. Also, I shaved this morning, so who are you calling a bear, Mister ‘Five and a Half o’Clock Shadow’?” The girls meanwhile giggled at the exchange between the three boys.

“If anything, I’m the bear,” Purple Heart grunted as he hopped up the steps to rejoin the group. “I’ve more hair on my face then either of you combined.” He ran a hand across his stubbly chin. “I mean… I will… eventually… Anyways, what’s next, o’ fearsome red-maned lass?” Sunset arched an eyebrow at the moniker and sniffed.

“The science lab,” she replied, moving to leave the auditorium.

“The hull has been breached and the science is leaking out!” Light Patch screamed from the middle of the stage. dropping to his knees and flinging his arms at the ceiling. He pull himself up and hobbled back to the group. “Really nice acoustics in here too. Also, I’ll never walk again.”

“Not to change the subject,” Wits said, “even though it is a nice side effect, but why the science lab?”

“A friend of ours works there predominantly,” Sunset replied. “She also happens to be a transfer like you two.” She looked meaningfully at Light and Purple before switching her gaze to Wits. “She used to go to Crystal Prep. She may know you.”

Wits raised an eyebrow. “Why would she know-” He stopped, both in his speech and in his tracks. “Oh,” he said. “Ohhhh,” he said again. “Oh no,” he said, quieter this time.

“You alright there, buddy?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“Yes, but ask me again in like 10 minutes and we’ll see how that changes.”

“What are we waiting for then?” Purple Heart asked. “Let’s move on.”

“Indeed,” Rarity agreed. “Let’s find Twilight.”

“Should we disturb her?” Fluttershy asked meekly as they left the theater. “She may be in the middle of a dangerous experiment.”

“So...the science might actually leak out?” Rainbow Dash snickered. “She knows what she’s doing. With Twi working on a science experiment, nothing can go wrong.”

A dull thud echoed down the corridor, bringing the group to a sudden stop, eyes wide with surprise.

“Yer timing sucks,” Applejack sighed. Rainbow Dash winced.

“Gotta go fast!” Pinkie cried, charging down the hall towards the sound’s source.

“I take issue with that statement!” Purple Heart snapped, barreling after her. “You aren’t blue or spiky! Case and point, you can’t say that!”

“Neither are you!” Pinkie retorted.

“We should probably follow and help check for survivors,” Light Patch said thoughtfully as he stayed rooted in place. “I hope I don’t get shot at, chewed on, mauled, thrown through a window, slobbered on... ” The teen continued to list things until Sunset slapped a hand over his mouth.

“Let’s just hurry to catch up, shall we? In respectful silence to the lab equipment that may or may not have bravely given it’s life in the pursuit of science,” She suggested, prompting the group into motion. Shortly afterwards, they caught up with the early responders at the door to the main school labs which, surprisingly, was still intact.

“Not to suggest that Twilight isn’t a very careful scientist,” Rarity mused, eyeing the door skeptically, “but I’m somewhat surprised that the door is even still on it’s hinges considering the bang we heard.”

“I know, right?” Pinkie said cheerily. “I was expecting to have to help Applejack pry it outta the far wall again, but nopers! It’s still on its-” The door chose that moment to try and make Pinkie a liar by falling out of its frame to the floor.

“Well, at least the window is intac-” The window cracked and fell to pieces.

Pinkie stared at the broken door and window for a few seconds before exhaling loudly, assured that nothing further was going to happen and opened her mouth to speak just as the transom fell out of its brackets.

“Let’s just go inside and introduce them to Twilight,” She grumbled with a frown and a small ‘I’m watching you’ hand motion at the door. To which it responded by breaking into several pieces.

“I think you’ve set off all of the damage possible at this point,” Wits said. “Let’s get this over with th-” Just as his foot crossed the doorway’s threshold, a cork accelerated to approximately the speed of sound ricocheted off his forehead, causing him to flip 180 degrees and fall on his face with a squeak not unlike that of a dog toy. “Shoulda seen that coming,” he murmured.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry!” The distressed and slightly charred face of Twilight Sparkle leaned out the broken window, glasses dangling slightly askew. “Anyone who’s wounded, sound off!”

“Yo,” Light Patch said from the floor where he’d been rolling with laughter. “Though most of it is my fault and Rainbow’s.”

Twilight looked between the boys; one wounded, one incapacitated by laughter, and one standing at what appeared to be a safe distance. “So, uh,” she turned to Sunset Shimmer, “who’re these guys?”

Wits, from his place face-down on the floor, waved a hand dismissively. “I’m dead. Leave me for last.”

“He’s just a poor boy,” Light Patch half sings only to cough, cutting himself off. “Ugh. No. Still hate that song. Purple, I’ve got nothing, it’s up to you.”

The purple teen rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. “Very well,” he bemoaned theatrically. “Before you stands myself, Purple Heart, previous student and sportsthlete of Daring Do’s School for Physically Gifted Youngsters, now interested party in transferring to Equestria High.” He gestured to the grey teen sitting beside him. “This is Light Patch, a dancing, spanish speaking, falsely musicifying, programming teen. Previously of DigiQuill Magnet School. And this-” Purple Heart nudged Wits with his foot. “-is a wild Wits End that appeared outta nowhere. If this were Niantic, I’d have a ball to catch him with. But Austin wouldn’t like that. So that leaves me with only one option.”

Crouching down, Purple Heart heaved Wits End to his feet and lifted him from the floor, holding him out to a stunned Twilight. “Please accept my humble offering. Sure, he’s not housebroken, but I guarantee he’ll pee in the box. Just keep him away from the food or he’ll go into food ponce mode.” He then dropped the limp Wits back to earth and bowed.

“I swear to whatever gods you favor, I will chew your ankles off right now,” Wits growled as he picked himself up. He turned to Pinkie Pie. “Am I bleeding?”

Pinkie shrugged. “Just from the cork wound.”

“Oh good. I was worried it’d hit my pride.”

Sunset moved to stand by the wall next to what remained of the door. “Wits End here is trying to transfer in from Crystal Prep. I thought you two might know each other.”

Twilight’s eyes widened behind her now adjusted glasses. “Crystal Prep? Wait, you’re that Wits End?”

Wits’ mouth formed a thin line. “Probably? I mean, it’s not like there’s more than one of me, right? Two, tops.”

Twilight pulled away from the window, just as quickly appearing in the doorway in front of Wits End. “We had some classes together last year, like Advanced Physics for Beginners with Professor Bill Neigh! Not that we really talked that much, that is. You were in the seat in the back row near the door.” She paused for a moment to breath and readjust her glasses again. “I was in the back row by the window, so I noticed when you came in. Your final presentation was on how to apply Stephen Hitching’s theorems to Learning Machine algorithms, right?”

“That, uh… sounds like me?”

Sunset Shimmer coughed. “I’m just going to excuse myself for a minute. I need to make a note of something.”

“I remember,” Twilight said, ignoring the redhead entirely, “because for the next semester I thought that you were working on highly advanced android replicas to replace all of the staff and students at Crystal Prep so that you could take over the school.” She laughed nervously. “Man, I lost a lot of sleep memorizing logical paradoxes so that I’d be able to test whether someone had been replaced by a reploid.”

Wits End blinked slowly. “That definitely sounds like me.”

“You weren’t actually planning to take over Crystal Prep, were you?” Fluttershy asked softly, looking worriedly at the mint colored teen.

“He wouldn’t be Wits if he didn’t at least make a plan for it,” Purple Heart hummed.

Fluttershy’s eyes hardened slightly at Wits. “You weren’t actually planning to take over Crystal Prep, were you?” she asked again.

“I would be a kind and benevolent ruler,” Wits replied. “At first,” he added quietly.

Sunset snorted as the topic of him ripping off some movie called ‘Weird Science’ came up and she took the ensuing argument about the science, philosophy and morality of AIs to step away from the group to pen a quick message to Princess Twilight through the magic journal about the three newcomers to Canterlot High.

“-and so it sounds like two of them are transferring and Wits End might also transfer,” Sunset muttered quietly, finishing the last sentence. She was about to put the journal away when to her surprise on the opposite page from the one she’d been writing on suddenly appeared what could be politely called psycho killer text appeared Twilight’s reply:

“DON’T let them leave. Be there soon.”

Sunset stared at the page for a minute or two before she slowly closed the book and looked at the three colts as she considered Twilight's immediate reply. Who are these three? She thought. Whoever they are, Twilight seems to know them. Are they from Equestria? They seem too familiar with being humans for that. But at the same time, they’re awful familiar with the rest of the girls for being new to Equestria High. It’s like they’ve met them before, but the girls don’t seem to know them at all.

She frowned, rubbing her chin as she thought. Maybe there’s more dimensions that just this one and Equestria? Those three could’ve met alternate versions of Twilight and the others. Or maybe they met the actual pony versions of Twilight and her friends? Her eyes widened as a thought occurred to her. What if they’re like the Dazzlings and tried to invade Equestria? What if now they’re trying to take over this world so they can go after the Elements of Harmony? What if- Is Twilight choking that one out?

The science-inclined Twilight had Wits End in a headlock, with the mint-colored teen turning more blue than green. “You take that back, you robot imposter!”

Wits sputtered, trying desperately to tag out with literally anyone else. “I’m just saying the Voight-Kampff test only works if you assume robots don’t have emotions! And I’m not a robot, because I definitely need air to live! Would one of you get this highly intelligent psychopath off of me?!”

“He has a point there, Twi,” Applejack agreed, moving to assist the asphyxiating teen. “Robots don’t need oxygen.”

Twilight shook her head violently, tightening her grip around Wits’ throat as she pulled away from Applejack. “He could be programmed to simulate breathing in order to lull us into a false sense of security,” she countered.

“So what happens when he passes out on top of you?” Purple Heart asked. “He may be small, but he’s devious enough to fall in the right direction to inconvenience you as much as possible. And I’m not hauling him off you. Remember, he threatened to chew off my ankles.”

“We’d also have blackmail material,” Light Patch spoke up.

“So go on ahead and let him faint,” Purple Heart urged. “I wanna see his waif- ehem, everyone’s reaction.”

Twilight blinked in surprise at the two male teens, her grip on Wits loosening slightly. “But isn’t he your friend?”

“Yes, but I need some blackmail material so I can make him play Duck Game again,” Light Patch replied, fiddling with his phone’s camera settings.

Wits End took advantage of Twilight’s confusion to slip out of her arms. “Go figure,” he gasped. “The first time I get a girl to hug me, and I almost asphyxiate.”

A light blush formed on Twilight’s cheeks. “That doesn’t count as a hug.”

“And what happened with Purple Heart and Sunset in the hallway doesn’t count as first base, but we take what we can ge-” Wits was cut off by a spinning journal to the forehead, causing him to go down like a sack of bricks.

I take it back, Sunset thought, crossing back to the group and picking up her journal. These three are less of a threat than Flash Sentry.

“You aren’t getting any breaks, are you?” Rainbow Dash chortled, crouching beside the downed Wits End. “Falling through windows, corks to the forehead, dropped unceremoniously, strangled, book to the forehead? One would think you have issues.”

“Oh, he does,” Purple Heart warned. “They’re sodium based most of the time.”

Twilight frowned in confusion, eyeing the purple teen. “What has salt got to do with it?”

“Everything,” Purple Heart whispered reverently. “The Salt must flow...”

Comments

[Dravkwn]

I approve, the salt must indeed flow!

[Mix-up]

They really can get their act together if they can't even focused long enough to explain their situation to the EqG Mane sSix seven. I wonder what is Just Duty doing around and what part he is playing in all of this and if the others are hanging around somewhere somewhere, I wonder if they where just somehow added into that universe and that world adjusted the whole world to make them fit into that world to actually be part of it and sense they are also linked to the Colt Trio in their resistance they were also part of a package deal so they have to drag their counterpart in whatever world they visit in order to even exist. So there might just not be Equestrian counterpart unless these three antagonists come to Equestria, or the real Colt Trio count as their link and fill in that role of Equestrian equivalent.

[Seeking Dusk]

I think I'm going to use that sodium based issues line

[bluemoon1996]

The salt must flow 9299559! The salt must flow!