> Caverns & Cutie Marks: High School, High Stakes
>  by TheColtTrio
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Prologue
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Zero. Jan Ken Hufu: Single Overpowered Punch.”
With a single blow, the two-legged creature was defeated. The One That Watched shifted in the dark, viewing the aftermath of the battle as it appeared projected by magic on the wall of its cave. The power of these nine ponies was overwhelming, obviously, and the fact that three of their number came from beyond this world made them all the more dangerous and unpredictable.
Its main body readjusted itself. Its heads conversed. With the three great threats out of the way, the nine ponies would soon be on their way back to their own realms. Which would be a boon to it, if this world would survive their leaving. The mismatched puppet master had brought this world into being and his leaving might mean the end of it.
“It might not,” one head said.
“But it might,” another replied.
“But it might not,” a third intoned.
“It probably would,” yet another muttered.
“It is too dangerous to wait and find out.” On this, all heads could agree.
There was a way out of the possible end of everything. The heads focused, each one channeling a power. Each power was leeched from one of the nine otherworldly invaders. They wouldn’t notice, now that they were leaving.
The cavern filled with light, a window coalescing to someplace unknown. It focused more, widening the opening further and further. On the other side, strange creatures stomped about flat stone streets on their hind legs, manipulating strange devices in their forelegs.
“It will do,” one head said.
“It will have to,” said another.
They would find out.
> Chapter 1: Return to Innocence, or ‘How I Learned to Once Again Ballet Like the Pros’
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

By a strange twist of fate, the two figures at one time known as Purple Heart and Wits End had arrived for fencing at the same time. They chatted amiably as they walked up the stairs to the upper level of the garage where they practiced their poking capabilities. Passing through the door to the loft, they balked when they noticed the third and final member of their group. Rather, the lack thereof.
“Wrong side.” They turned curiously to find him cleaning the mirror wall.
“...In all our years fencing up here,” Purple Heart hummed, “you have never, not once, cleaned that wall. What gives?”
“I figured it’d be nice if we could actually use it to check our stances against,” the bespectacled figure previously known as Light Patch replied. “Also, I’ve been thinking about picking up ballet again and I’d need a clean mirror for practicing that too.”
“Important question,” Wits said in a stern tone. “Where did that other person come from?” he asked, glaring at his reflection. “Who is he?”
Purple rolled his eyes and dropped his fencing bag in its usual spot by the wall opposite the mirrors. “I’d say evil twin, but we all know you’re already evil,” he offered, dropping his water jug beside the bag.
“Probably the good twin then. Try barking at him and see if he goes away,” Light Patch replied as he continued to clean the mirror. A few moments later, he turned to look towards his 	friends who were going through pre-bout warm ups and stretches. “Do you think we should put it all up on a fanfiction website?” he finally asked.
The man formerly known as Wits looked up from checking his equipment. “Put what on the who now? What is the ‘it’? Is ‘it’ nice? Is ‘it’ juicy? Is ‘it’ scrumptiously crunchable?”
“Your diary. You know, the one you hide in my head so I can’t find it,” Light Patch dead panned. “I mean… the, you know, the ‘adventure’?” he finished quietly.
Wits raised an eyebrow. “Adventure in… babysitting?”
“Adventure in manga buying?” Purple asked. “Steam binge buying? Shirt buying? Duck game sal-” He was cut off when a wet rag smacked into his face.
“I will not allow for another SGVing up here. I’m talking about the adventure we had in… around… near.... Equestria's general location?” Light shook his head. “In the game with the Mane Six and Discord,” he finished with a huff, making a ‘gimmie’ gesture with his hand towards Purple.
Wrinkling his nose disdainfully at the dirty rag, Purple Heart poked it with his toe and flicked it back across the loft to Light. “What about the pseudo Dungeons and Dragons game with the Mane Six and Discord? Did Hasbro contact us saying they want to make it canon?”
“I believe their exact words were something like this,” Wits said. He then proceeded to say absolutely nothing for a good 10 seconds. “Yeah, I think that was it,” he finished. “To be serious for a brief moment, putting it on a fanfic site would be a good way to get it out there without looking absolutely insane.” He frowned. “We’d be crucified for having such blatant self-insert OCs, though…”
“Yeah well, it’d be weird to edit myself to not be me, but still do and say the same things I say and-” the rest of Light Patch’s sentence was cut off by an involuntary shout as he fell forward through the mirror wall.
Purple and Wits blinked at Light’s abrupt disappearance in stunned shock. A groan escaped Purple Heart as he shuffled over to the mirrors. “What in the heck?” he mumbled, poking a mirror with a finger. Just like with Light, the wall phased, letting Purple’s finger sink into the mirror. “Fudge bollocks.”
“Ooh, fancy,” Wits said, running a hand through the mirror like it was a pool of water. “Dude!” he said, raising his voice to call through the wall. “I didn’t know you got magical Through the Looking Glass mirrors installed!” There was silence for a couple of seconds. “You alright in there?”
“I don’t think he can hear us,” Purple Heart mused thoughtfully. “I mean, it is a wall, albeit very...stargate-like at the moment…” He blinked and realization dawned on his face. “Aw fudge. I think it’s happening again.”
“Looks about right… Think we should go in after him?” Wits asked.
“Well, yeh, he’s our friend,” Purple Heart said. “But should we go one at a time or at the same moment, or-” Purple Heart was cut off. Wits End clapped his hands together after shoving his large friend into the mirrors after Light Patch.
“This is what I do, my friend,” he chuckled to himself. “Say hello to the nice giant! He adores visitors.” Silence fell around the garage, save for Wits’ light breathing. After a few seconds, he frowned. “Ah bugger. I gotta go after them both now, don’t I?” He sighed and shook his head. “Well, on the plus side, no-one’s here to call me out for doing this…”
Wits took a few steps away, setting his fencing equipment down before turning back to the mirror. He shifted his stance slightly, and took a run at the wall. A running jump, and he flew feet-first at the mirror in a flying dropkick. “SUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”


* * *


It had been such a promising start to the day, Hortensia thought as she stared at the teen who’d just tumbled through the mirror of her dance studio’s main room. This used to be such a quiet town. She raised an eyebrow as the teen picked himself off the floor, after he’d mumbled to himself for a few moments.
Light Patch looked around the room he’d found himself in, noting the similarities to other dance studio rooms he’d seen. Eventually, his eyes locked on the other person in the room. More specifically the interesting shade of blue slate her skin appeared to be. His eyes shot open as he looked at his hands only to find them gray. “Oh no, not again,” he muttered.
“So, you’re here to tell me I’m a magical princess that needs to save her kingdom? Or do you just tumble through mirrors a lot?” Hortensia asked.
“No and no?” Light Patch replied; but anything further was cut off by a flash of light from behind him.
“GOSH FUDGED BOLLOCKS, WITS!” cried Purple Heart as he crashed to the hardwood dance floor, thus changing his target of swears. “GOSH DARN FLOORS! I AM… NOT OKAY!”
“Should I go get the medical kit, or?” Hortensia asked warily as she backed away from the still swearing teen. “By the way, are there gonna be more of you? Because I’d rather like to get back to what I was d-”
“-PEEEEEEEEEEEEER!” A pair of feet clad in red and white hightops flew through the mirror, followed by the small mint-colored form of Wits End. The flying kick collided with the back of Purple Heart’s head just as he picked himself up, resulting in the larger teen being knocked to the floor again, and the smaller one skidding across the polished ground like a hockey puck until he collided with the opposite wall. “Are we in Kansas anymore?”
“And there's the last one. And that medkit might be a good idea, yeah.” Light Patch said, walking over to stand closer to his downed friends. “Hey Sanka, ya dead?”
“If he were heavier,” the purple skinned teen mumbled, “I’d be in danger of dying by squishy whiplash.”
“Well, you aren’t,” Hortensia sniffed, “so would you kindly explain what you boys are doing here instead of in school? I must say, the magic trick was impressive; but you should be focusing your energies towards studying. And dance... Mostly dance.”
“And I’d just forgot that the next quarter of college was about to start.” Light Patch walked over to the wall to go back. “We’ll be outta here in a ji-” His hand meet firm resistance when it touched the mirror, causing him to finish in a squeak of fright. 
Wits picked himself up, walking back to where the other two teens were. “What’s up? Cold mirror?”
“It’s not letting me through,” Light Patch replied, trying to go through again.
“Did you try knocking politely?” Purple Heart inquired from the floor. “Or a password?” He cleared his throat and glared at the mirror, bellowing in an epic voice. “OPEN SESAME!! Any luck?”
“Nope,” replied Light Patch.
“Alohamora! How about now?”
“Fail.”
“Mellon!”
“Purple, it’s no-”
“I’m one with the Force, the Force is with me?”
“IT’S NOT WORKING!” Light Patch snapped. “It must have closed behind us. If it’s like a similar object from where I think we are, it… it might not open for a while,” he finished quietly.
Purple Heart rolled from his back up to a standing posture and looked at Hortensia. “Where’s the Dial-Home Device? And for crying out loud, where’s Daniel Jackson when you need him!”
“Probably killing Seth Peterson,” Wits muttered. “So, at least we have fingers this time?” He looked down at his hands, frowning at their greenish-blue tint. “Aaaaand apparently I’m Dr. Drakken?”
“Nah, he was way more blue gray than blue green. I wonder though,” Light Patch looked in the mirror and found that his hair was once again brown, but with the pink streak through it. “This may not be Discord's fault, but I’m gonna blame him for it anyway,” he muttered.
“Seconded,” Purple Heart chimed, glaring at his complexion. “I look like Simon’s Quest night palette. And I really want gold highlights now… At least I have my typical clothes: shorts and a t-shirt.”
“And you look good, and I’m really happy for you three,” Hortensia began sweetly. “I’ve gotta finish practicing my routine, and you three are kind of in the way. So, get out!” she finished, shoving the three towards the door.
Wits tried to stop their path outwards, but found no love on the dance floor. “Wait, you don’t understand! That mirror’s the only way for us to get-” The door slammed behind them. “...Okay, we’ll just see ourselves out then!”
“In her defense, we did throw off her groove,” Purple Heart pointed out as he shuffled over to an open patch of grass across the street. He crossed his legs and plopped to the ground, resting his elbow on his knee followed by chin on hand as his two compatriots joined him. “Anyways, thoughts? We’re pastel colored but not ponies. We have fingers and all our appliances and limbs... Equestria Girls?”
“It looks like it. The next big question would be when? Given that lady’s response to us just appearing through a wall, I kind of doubt it’s before the first one… so no evil Sunshine maybe?” Light Patch finished with a shrug.
“We have no real way of knowing until we get to Canterlot High. Speaking of which, we should head towards that way, considering it seems to be the main plot point of the movies,” Wits mused as he rubbed his chin. “Huh, smooth. I don’t remember shaving today…”
Rolling to his feet, Purple Heart shrugged his shoulders and looked down. He opened his mouth to speak but paused, considering his body for a brief moment. “Huh,” he hummed. “I’m slimmer than I was earlier. Does jumping through mystical mirror portals drop pounds? I haven’t been this fit since high school. Y’know, baseball and all that stuff.”
“You know, speaking of that, things seem a bit taller than they used to,” Light Patch chimed in, looking around.
Wits End froze. “Guys,” he said. “Guys. You know how we turned into ponies last time? Since EQG takes place in high school, you don’t think we’ve…”
“Light Patch!” an eerily familiar voice called out from down the street, prompting the boys to turn to the source. Rapidly closing the gap was an older man in what was obvious to them as a police uniform. “Hah! I thought it was you,” the older officer said, stopping in front of the gaggle of teens.
“Uh, hi.” Light Patch awkwardly replied.
“Sorry to interrupt you and your friends; just thought I’d say hi. Don’t see you without your face reflecting the computer screen and whatever you're working on at the time,” the officer said before waving to the younger officer beside him who was eyeing the group suspiciously. “I was just out on patrol. Giving my replacement a chance to have the office to herself for a change. A little trial by fire. So, workbug, I don’t have to arrest you for working without a licence or anything, do I?” the older officer asked, a knowing smile on his face.
“No, I’m just kind of taking it easy. Trying to... not burn out and whatnot.” Light Patch replied with a half hearted chuckle.
“You just don’t wanna fess up that you’re family friends with Just Duty, heroic chief of this fine city's police force.” Just Duty said, imitating a heroic narrator and missing the look of fear from the colts.
“For another month anyway,” the younger officer said, earning a small glare from Just Duty.
“Oh, let me have some fun, Officer Armor,” Just Duty muttered before looking back at Light Patch. “So, who are the friends that I have humiliated you in front of?”
Purple Heart blinked, processing bits of the short monologue in chunks. “Ehm, Purple Heart, sir,” he replied. “I’m not sure you humiliated him...” He gave the grey teen a glance. His brows furrowed upon seeing his friend frozen in place, eyes wide and mouth gaping most fish-like. “Huh, guess you did.”
“Wits End. And I think ‘broken’ is more accurate,” Wits End said, standing on his tip-toes to wave a hand in front of Light Patch’s face. “Then again, I’ve seen worse.” He turned back to the pair of officers. “Not to be too nosy, but how do you know Light Patch, mister Officer Just Duty sir?”
“I know his parents. Used to see them around town back when I was a beat cop and about forty years younger. Those two teens were always causing trouble; his mom was a real firebrand, and his dad just went along with her, more than happy to help. Got me in trouble a couple of times too,” Just Duty said, his eyes glittering as he remembered the good times. He shook his head to clear the memory. “Bah, you don’t wanna hear an old man go on about the good old days. And Armor and I should get back to our patrol. See you around, workbug, and good on ya for trying to not burn out again,” he said, starting to walk away only to be halted by Shining Armor clearing his throat.
“What is it, Armor?”
“I just wanna point out that it’s midweek.”
“So?”
“It’s midweek and a little after noon?”
“Which is why I was making patrol tracks towards Sugarcube Corner.”
“Shouldn’t these three be in school?” Shining Armor said with a frustrated sigh. Just Duty turns to look at Light Patch.
“That is a good question. What are the three of you skipping school for?” Just Duty asked, looking at the three.
The three teens were silent for a moment. “Um,” Wits muttered, his voice getting quieter as he trailed off. “Going to… the uh… pudding store. To get some… uh… pudding. For… school… things.”
“I’ve interrogated murderers. You’re gonna have to try harder than that,” Just Duty said, clearly unimpressed. “Anyone got anything better?”
“We were.. .hunting for… snipes?” Purple Heart asked. Just Duty arched an eyebrow. “Yeh, snipes. Beady eyes, loves eating azaleas… also partial to chocolate...” Shining Armor strangled a laugh and had to use a hand to hide his smile as Just Duty crossed his arms.
“Good movie, poor excuse. I’d have gone with either finding the meaning of Rosebud or discovering the ultimate question. You’re oh for two now. Care to try for three?” he said, looking at Light Patch who just shrugged. “Wise choice. Well, I know what school Light Patch goes to, but not the other two. Do either of them strike you as Crystal Prep material, Armor?”
“Crystal Prep takes all sorts, sir,” Shining Armor replied. “After all, they let me in.” The briefest of smiles flashed across his face. “Canterlot High is nearby. They should have access to the inter-school charter. I would take them there and find out where they go from there.”
“Sounds as good a plan as any. Let's try to make this quick; I don’t wanna miss lunch if we can help it,” Just Duty said, motioning to the boys to follow along.
Grumbling under his breath, Purple Heart glanced at his comrades. “Welp, I see no safe alternative,” he sighed. “I’m certain that if we ran, he’d have no qualms about tazing us. And I’d rather go without getting a warhammer’s worth of volts through my body, thank you very much.”
Shining Armor blinked. “Um, actually, Mister Heart, it’s only about one thousand volts,” he corrected.
Swinging around to glare at the younger officer, the purple teen snapped, “I. Dun. Care. Buzz off, Jingles.”
“Let’s try to not dig ourselves into too deep of a hole. If we get hauled in or something, then this world's Light Patch’s parents get called in and we’re gonna have to explain why there is two of me. Maybe two of all of us,” Light Patch whispered.
“Things are getting out of hand,” Wits grumbled. “Now there are two of them.” The group began following the officers and after a few minutes Just Duty kept looking back and Light Patch with a strange expression.
“What?”
“I can’t shake the feeling that your parents would be proud of you,” Just Duty admitted with a frown.
> Chapter 2: Principal Celestia
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Does it still count as being sent to the principal’s office if we’re brought in by cops?” Wits asked. “I mean, I feel like at this point we’ve gone so far into being in trouble that we should probably just, like, break into some kind of trophy cabinet so that we loop back around to being honor students.” He stared at the two other pony-colored teens. “That’s how high school works, right?”
“Not even remotely,” Light Patch said, having been fairly quiet for most of the walk. “Needs more unnecessary drama, and more angst.” Light Patch attempted to look angsty. “Think this is angsty enough?”
“That looks more like ‘pained gas’ than ‘angst’,” Purple Heart muttered. “Add a touch of frown and you should be set for angst. As for how high school works, don’t ask me. I never had to deal with the typical high school experience of angst, drama, and cheating people.”
“You three think you’re smart, don’t you? Do you think they’re smart, Officer Duty?” Shining Armor asked from behind them as they walked through empty hallways. Officer Duty was leading the group to the principal’s office for their disciplining.
“Yes,” Purple Heart confirmed. “I think we’re smart. I mean, Wits is into computers and coding and ‘If Else’ statements, and Light is a villain in training. As for me...I’m the funny one.”
“Indeed,” Officer Duty snorted from the front. “The face you’re doing now is hysterical.” Purple Heart pouted.
Wits End leaned over to Light Patch and lowered his voice. “Does a burn like that count as police brutality?” Light Patch shook his head.
“Nah, he’d have to do better than that,” he replied quietly. “Just how much further are we to the office anyway?” he asked, addressing the two police officers.
“We’re almost there. We’d be closer if the shortcut wasn’t so long though,” Shining Armor said with a smirk at his superior.
“I’m an officer of the law and head of the town’s police. I’m also old and haven’t been in this school for at least a good fifty to sixty years. How was I supposed to know that they’d have changed the school as much as they had?” Officer Duty grumbled.
“So Canterlot High was around when dinosaurs roamed the earth?” Purple Heart asked in mock awe. “Fascinating. A fossil such as yourself must feel right at home in the History Club methinks.”
Wits leaned across to Shining Armor. “Does a burn like that count as assaulting an officer of the law?” he asked.
Shining sighed. “I’m starting to wonder why I didn’t go into something less stressful… like Emergency Room Surgery…”
“You’d still have to treat severe burn victims,” Purple Heart pointed out gleefully. Duty sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he stopped beside a set of double doors. He turned, leveling a deadpan glare at the purple teen.
“Ha, ha. Inside,” he laughed blandly, jerking a thumb at the door. “If there is one thing I remember, it’s that we’ll want to be out of the way before it starts.” The three teens were prevented from asking for clarification when the bell rang, signaling the ending or beginning of a period. Immediately, the sound of tramping feet echoed through the halls as students set about preparing for their next class. Some even came rushing through the hall the three teens and two officers occupied, ignoring the five males as they hurried along.
Light Patch however noticed a familiar looking character as they walked through the halls and nudged Wits End with his elbow. “Hey look. There goes Fluttershy. You wanna say anything to your waifu?” He paused thoughtfully. “Or should that be crush now?”
A series of emotions passed over Wits’ face in a flash. After a moment, he reached up and tapped Officer Duty on the shoulder. “Just out of curiosity, is murder a federal crime for minors? Unrelated question: would you be willing to give me 5 minutes with your backs turned and no questions asked?” The two officers blinked at the mint-teen, their silence speaking volumes.
“Sorry, pal,” Light Patch said. “No burying us today.”
“I mean, he still could,” Purple Heart offered. “He’d need more students scrambling through the hallway. But that’s unlikely.”
As if in spite, the hallway went from being a slow, meandering scenic route to a full blown, twenty-four hours a day freeway. Students poured out of doors and from other hallways to fill the principal’s corridor almost to bursting. Miraculously, about three feet of dead space existed on either side of the massing students separating them from the walls.
“Huh,” Purple grunted. “I stand corrected. Guess burial is on the menu.”
“I forgot this sort of thing happened,” Shining Armor muttered. “It’s like a herd of wildebeest or something.”
Wits End perked up. “Wildebeest, you say?” He turned to the other two teens, a wide grin on his face. “Long. Live. The King.” With that, he gave both Light Patch and Purple Heart a hearty shove, directly into the path of the stream of students.
“Oh god! Redshirt Rule! PH, I need you to redshirt this for me!” Light Patch cried, attempting to get behind his slightly larger friend.
“ACK!” the purple teen squawked as he flailed into the students, knocking teens left and right as he stumbled through the mob. “Leggo!” He rolled Light from behind him and used the centrifugal force to fling his friend through the scrambling and screaming teens to the deadzone opposite. Light came to a sudden stop upon meeting the wall and collapsed against the vertical surface, eyes rolling from the journey.
Purple Heart wasn’t so lucky. His balance was ruined with his timely toss of his friend and he fell forward, eyes squeezed shut as the floor rushed to meet him. When he hit, the students standing around him were knocked away in the tremor that shook the floor. Silence fell on the hallway as all eyes were drawn to the fallen behemoth that was Purple Heart.
“It seems he IS the disaster zone,” Officer Duty hummed, eyeing the purple teen bemusedly.
“Sir,” Shining Armor gulped. “Shouldn’t we help him?”
Duty slung an arm around the young man’s shoulders. “Son,” he whispered. “There are times when some people shouldn’t be helped.”
Purple Heart let out a low groan as his body asked him what the hell his problem was. While his brain tried to deal with all the incoming calls by forwarding them to the back of his mind, he cracked his eyes open. Huh, he thought. Curious… Am I bleeding? Cuz that’s a lot of red. I hope I didn’t kill someone. He tensed his shoulders and flattened his hands in preparation to push himself onto his knees. All upward motion was halted when he heard a moan to his left. Frowning, Purple Heart turned his head, following the pool of red to its source. Several signals converged on his brain at once when he recognized his predicament.
The good news: nobody was dead. Yet.
The bad news: There was a person attached to the red pool. Of hair. A female person. With...parts. One of which his left hand was holding.
All color drained from Purple Heart’s face, leaving his normally purple complexion remarkably white and pale. He tried to resist. He really did. He knew what happened to ALL those boys who couldn’t help themselves. A gasp from some of the girls in the crowd caused him to instinctively cringe. Which in turn flexed his grip. Both grips. There was another moan. Purple Heart winced as the girl opened her eyes and stared up at him with surprise clear in her bright blue eyes. The surprise turned to confusion and then the eyes darkened with rage.
“Halp,” Purple Heart squeaked.
Wits End looked over the situation, his expression turning dour. “Good god, I’ve killed him.”
Before Sunset Shimmer was able to make good on the promise of death glinting in her eyes, Duty hefted Purple Heart off of her and then offered his hand to help her up while also sending a disapproving look towards Wits End. “How's the grey one?” he asked Shining Armor, completing his takeover of the situation.
“I think he might be a few IQ points lower than this morning but he’s still alive for the most part,” he replied after starting out of the stupor he’d been lost to as he’d witnessed the catastrophe play out.
“Good. How about you miss? Are you okay?” Officer Duty said, turning back to look at the girl who’d gotten to her feet by herself at this point.
Sunset Shimmer dusted herself off, keeping her eyes on Purple Heart as if to commit his face to memory. If looks could kill, Duty and Shining Armor would likely be filing a homicide case later that evening. “Fine,” she said tersely, turning her head temporarily to the officer with a charming yet thin smile on her lips. The redhead then shot another glare back at the purple teen with a ‘tsk’, and made a motion that was most likely adjusting the collar of her jacket, but may have also been the universally understood action of drawing her thumb across her throat while maintaining eye contact. “I’ve got to get to class.”
“And we’ve got to get these three to the principal,” Shining Armor said quickly, putting a hand on Wits End’s shoulder. “I think to avoid any future incidents, we should keep this one away from the other two. He seems to be quite the… instigator.”
Wits sighed. “Great. I’ve committed second-hand murder, and now I’m a high school villain trope.”
“Atlantis was not my fault, the FBI are lying through their toofs, officers,” Light Patch mumbled dazedly. He smacked himself to bring his coherency back “Thank you, Mythbusters,” he said rubbing his cheek and looking around. “What’d I miss?”
“Oh, nothing much,” Purple Heart mumbled, eyes looking everywhere but at Sunset Shimmer. “I saved your sorry butt from getting trampled at the cost of my continued existence. I’m not very well versed in teen gestures. I have no idea why she wants to put her finger on my throat.” Sunset’s eyes flared with contained rage and she unconsciously took a step towards the impertinent male to give him a piece of her mind. Only the restraining hand of Applejack prevented her from delivering Purple Heart to his swift and painful end. Officer Duty watched this byplay with mild interest and suppressed a chuckle at the girl’s fury.
“Calm down, Miss Shimmer,” he soothed. “I assure you, Principal Celestia will deal with this matter swiftly and humanely.” His eyes glanced over Wits End and Lp, “Instigators included. Now, I believe we both as mentioned earlier have places to be.” He pushed the teen still in his grasp towards the doors to the principal’s office. A loud cough from the elder officer prompted everyone to remember they had things to do and breaking up the ring of observers that had formed.


* * *


“I’m just saying,” Principal Celestia said, prodding her salad with the business end of her for, “You should consider the opportunity while it’s available.”
Vice-Principal Luna looked up from her fries. “Why would I want to oversee the drama club while Dramatis Personae is on vacation?”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Say what you said before.”
“...Pass the ketchup?”
“Nice try, but no.” The sisters were interrupted by a knock at the door. “Come in!” Celestia smiled at the appearance of Just Duty in the doorway. “Ah, Mr. Duty. Would you please help me convince my dear sister to embrace her inner thespian?”
“I’d have as much luck convincing her of doing that as I would making the line ‘halt in the name of the law’ actually work for once,” Duty said, stepping through the door and to the side as Shining Armor ushered the three teens in. “I’m sorry about what this is going to do to your lunch time, but I got three teens,” he waved at the small group, “one of which I know is playing hooky and the other two I suspect might be.”
“Aha, might, he said,” Purple Heart said thoughtfully, stroking his chin dramatically. “Hence, his proof is lacking. And based on appearance, we are not high school attending students. Therefore, hooky is not a game we play. I prefer Aging Empires. Twice.” Celestia arched an eyebrow at the purple skinned teen and looked to Luna.
“I think you’ve found an actor for your troupe,” the principal said.
Purple Heart blinked. “Wait, wat? When did this happen?! I haven’t even auditioned properly!”
“So you’re not adverse to the idea?” Officer Duty probed. “Excellent. I believe this is one of your erstwhile drama students then.”
“Fudge bollocks.”
“Oh the drama,” Wits said dryly. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. That seems to be happening a lot recently.” He took a seat in one of the chairs along the wall, crossing one leg over the other. “On the other hand, this can solve this whole thing once and for all. Just take a look in your records, and I think you’ll find that not one, not two, but a whopping NONE of us are students here, or any school.”
“He has a point, sister,” Luna said. “I have no recollection of either of these two in our school.”
Wits smiled. “Q.E.D., I believe.”
“However,” the vice-principal continued, producing a stack of documents, “registrations are still open this week, so if you really are unregistered, then we can take care of that over a few hours.”
Wits End’s smile wilted much in the same way that Celestia’s untouched salad was doing. “Are all of those the entry forms?”
“The first set, yes.”
“The first set of how many?” Wits watched as Luna frowned and set to counting on her fingers. “Oh, that’s not a good sign.” Light Patch looked towards Luna and frowned.
“You know, that's kind of a big leap in logic to assume that just because your school doesn’t have us on file as students, that none of the other colleges around here don’t,” he mentioned.
“So you admit you're in the system somewhere then?” Shining Armor chimed in with a thoughtful look. “Maybe we should be taking them into juvie after all.”
“Let’s hold off on that until we’re sure that they can’t find any files here,” Duty replied as he watched Luna finally set her lunch down and stand up to walk over to her computer.
“What are the names I should check for?” she asked once she’d opened up a database.
“Well, go on, introduce yourselves,” Just Duty said, looking at the three.
“Tom Ato, Anne Chovie, and Caesar Salad,” Wits End deadpanned.
“Big, Little, and Crazy,” Purple Heart intoned.
“Patt-” Just Duty frowned and stepped forward directly in front of Light Patch, cutting both him and Luna off. “What color is the sky?” Light Patch fish-mouthed for a few moments before Just Duty quickly asked again, “What color is the sky?”
“Why is grass green?” Duty asked, cutting off Light Patch’s answer. “What makes rain? What is two plus two? What do bees live in? What are the largest bodies of water?” He continued rapid-firing the questions, barely giving the teen a chance to finish his answer before the next question. “And your names are?”
“Light Patch, Wits End, Purple Heart,” Light Patch said, moments before a look of distrust crossed his face followed quickly by surprise as he realized he’d already answered.
A series of sounds that could have been any combination of “No”, “Stop”, and “Don’t” tumbled out of Wits End’s mouth in a rush, before settling on a groan. “You are,” he said, slumping forward in the chair dramatically, “the weakest link.”
“We’re doomed,” Purple Heart groaned, leaning against a wall and slumping to the floor. “If only we’d told him the odds.”
“I can’t believe that still works,” Just Duty said, chuckling as Luna entered the names into the Inter-School Student Registry. Seconds passed as the system searched for the three teens, during which Celestia and Luna ignored the groaning boys in favor of watching the monitor. Three names popped up on the listings, and Luna opened all three.
“First,” she started, looking at the slumped purple teen, “we have Purple Heart of Daring Do’s School for Physically Gifted Youngsters. Seventeen years old, Senior, member of the first string baseball team. Plays right field and...Dee-Aytch...” She looked expectantly at the purple teen, eyebrow arched as she waited for clarification or correct.
Purple Heart blinked. “Ehm, Dee-Aytch stands for Designated Hitter,” he said. Luna inclined her head and moved to the next name.
“Light Patch of DigiQuill Magnet School, fifteen, is the head of the UI/UX Club, and is apparently a part of their BAX team this year.”
Light Patch sighed quietly under his breath, and murmured to his friends, “I was half afraid she’d have said The Mighty Jingles Military Academy of Tankary, Shipary, and Misidentification.” Luna shrugged and moved onto the last of the three in the room,
“And finally,” Luna continued, “we have Wits End of your very own Crystal Prep Academy, Mr. Armor. No clubs, no extracurricular activities, but a 4.3 GPA. Impressive for a 16-year old.”
Wits’ mouth formed a thin line. “Ah, the Straight Home After School club. I’m an eternal member, it appears.”
Shining Armor put a hand on the mint-colored teen’s shoulder, prompting him the jump an inch off of the seat. “Well, it looks like we can take these three back to their respective schools then. Thank you, Ms. Principal, Ms. Vice Principal.”
“Ehpupuhpuhpuh!” Purple Heart waved his hands vigorously, rolling to his feet. “That shan’t be necessary! I’d actually like to transfer from Daring Do’s School for Physically Gifted Youngsters to Canterlot High! I’ve heard simply marvelous things about your Theatre Programme and would like to register poste haste!”
Celestia smiled widely and clapped once enthusiastically. “Wonderful!” she cheered. “A new student! I think you should be introduced to our Drama club!”
“Huzzah!” Luna exclaimed. “The club has been doubled!” She glanced around at the staring faces. “I mean- I am not overseeing the drama club.”
“I’m also interested in transferring,” Light Patch chimed in, ending the awkward pause caused by Luna’s statement. “DigiQuill is a great school but it’s also grueling, and the pressure to succeed can be incredibly high.”
Luna nodded. “High pressure schools can put out highly skilled graduates, but not everyone can take the pressure. We would be happy to have you transfer.” She looked between the two transfer students, and a small gleam lit her eyes up. “Let’s get the paperwork started right now, shall we?” she said, prompting a gulp from the two teens.
Wits End raised his hand. “Um, me too? You know, what with the peer pressure and the high stress and the whatnot.”
Celestia shook her head sadly. “Unfortunately, Crystal Prep’s rules are a bit more strict when it comes to transferring schools. You’ll need permission from your parents and a note from the principal.” She leaned in, lowering her voice to a faux whisper. “And between you and me, Principal Cinch isn’t really a fan of students transferring into Canterlot High in particular.”
Wits’ face fell. “Great. Once again, I have been failed by both politics and the school system. My government tax dollars at work, coming to ruin my life.”
“Yes yes, woe is me, things aren’t going the how I want them to right now. Back in my day,” Officer Duty ignored the groans of just about everyone in the room, “if you wanted something done, you had to kill a T-Rex and use its hide to fill out every a form in quadruplicate, just to get the triplicate forms you needed,” he finished, motioning for Wits End to stand up
“In this particular case, could we go with the T-Rex option?”
“Sure, we’ll just stop by the local dino reserve and use my hunting license,”
Officer Duty deadpanned before he noticed the smile on Shining Armor’s face, promptly scowling at the younger officer. 
Luna cleared her throat softly. “My apologies, but I just now realized that Officer Duty and I have never been formally introduced.” She crossed the room to where Duty was standing, holding her hand out. “I am Vice-Principal Luna. It is a pleasure to meet you.”
“Captain Just Duty, soon to be retired if I’m lucky,” Just Duty returned with a smile clasping her hand with his. Neither of them nor Celestia or Shining Armor noticed the reprise of startled glances between the three teens as they heard his name.
Celestia chuckled. “Once again,” she said with a smile, “thank you for your service, Officer Armor, Captain Duty.” She motioned, prompting them to collect Wits End and leave the room. Just Duty paused before he left the room, and looked back in at Light Patch.
“It’s good to see you caring about your health for a change,” he said, striding out into the hallway before Light Patch could look surprised at the words..
“So, dinosaurs did walk the earth when you joined the force?” Shining Armor asked when Just Duty joined them in the hall, “What was it like back then? Did you just shout ‘Oog’ and club anything nearby?” the remaining two teens heard at the end.
There was the sound of a short scuffle, and Wits’ head appeared back in the doorway. “Look to my coming, at first light on the fifth day!” he called, the hands of the two officers coming in to pry his fingers away from the doorframe. “At dawn, look to the East!” With that, he was gone.
Purple Heart growled deep in his throat. “Jerk stole my thunder,” he grumbled. “I am displeased.”
“Now now, no need to get violent,” Luna soothed. “You both need to sign here, initial here, initial here, personal information here, sign here...” As the vice-principal continued to point out the places in the paperwork requiring some form of identification, Purple Heart whispered aside to Light Patch.
“If I called her a tree killer, d’you think she’d lessen the amount of paperwork?” he asked softly.
“Unlikely. She’d probably just drop a tree on us,” Light Patch quietly responded.
Celestia giggled behind her hand and settled back into her chair to finished her salad while Luna continued transferring the two boys to Canterlot High.
> Chapter 3: Witless Wits
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You know,” Shining Armor said, “I don’t remember seeing you around Crystal Prep before. You just join up?”
Wits, having given up on his chances at freedom now that he was closely watched by the officer, shrugged nonchalantly. “I mostly keep to myself,” he said, followed by a cough that may or may not have been the word ‘probably’. “You know, keep my head down, stay out of trouble, all of that kind of good stuff.”
Shining raised an eyebrow. “Staying out of trouble, huh?”
“I never claimed to be good at it. Where’s Officer Oldman gone, anyway?”
“To let the other schools know what’s going on. It wouldn’t be good for us to get a call about your friends skipping class when they’re really at Canterlot High, right?”
“Right…” Wits frowned as he thought. If we’re in the school system in this world, that means we already existed here, right? If that’s the case, Purple Heart’s and Light Patch’s parents are going to be very confused. He paused mentally, letting his legs work on autopilot to follow Shining Armor. But if we exist here as a parallel to our own world, then why are we in different schools? We should all be in the same high school at this point in our lives. 
Wait, Luna had our ages in the wrong order too, so is this a world with the alternate versions of ourselves as they appear in Equestria proper? Wits’ mind span as his thoughts picked up speed. That would mean that there’s versions of us in the pony world as well, right? Did they exist before Discord pulled us into Caverns & Cutie Marks? Are they like ‘In a Mirror, Darkly’ versions of us? Or like an antimatter version? If I touch the Wits End in this universe, could I cause a massive explosion that takes out most of our known universe?
Shining Armor looked back at the mint-colored teen. “What’re you smiling about?”
“What? Nothing. Happy thoughts, is all.” Wits forced his expression back to normal. Note to self: being a teenager again is making chaos and wanton destruction sound like a good idea. Man, hormones are hell… Wait, if there’s a version of me here... He looked up to see a massive building made of brick and what appeared to be crystals. “You know, I’d ask if we’re there yet, but I feel like that’s a bit too obvious.”
“Good old Crystal Prep Academy.” Shining Armor sighed. “It feel like just yesterday I was here, walking the hallowed halls.”
Wits End waited a beat. “You were literally here yesterday, weren’t you.”
Shining coughed. “I had… important police business to discuss with the Dean.”
“Isn’t it against some sort of law to discuss police business with civilians?”
“Hey look! You’re just in time for third quarter!”
Wits watched a horde of well-dressed students milling about smartly. “School uniforms. Great.”
“Speaking of uniforms,” Shining Armor said, “where’s yours?”
“It’s… in my locker? Which I bet I can find my way to from here.” He gave Shining a salute as they crossed through the gates of the school. “Thank you for the escort, officer. I sure learned my lesson about whatever it was I did wrong. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go scream internally for the rest of the day while an alien presence attempts to break down my resolve.”
“You have English 201 with Burnside, huh?”
Wits paused for a moment. “Yeah, let’s go with that.”
Shining Armor rubbed his chin. “Well, I should take you straight to Principal Cinch…” He glanced around, as if checking for Just Duty watching him from around a corner, or perhaps from within a dustbin. “But I think I’ll make an exception this time, Crystal Prep pride and all.”
“You have saved my life. I am eternally grateful.” Wits End bumped his fist against Shining Armor’s. “Balalala. See ya!” With that, Wits darted away and into the mass of students, vanishing from sight.
Shining Armor smirked and shook his head. “Good kid. Weird kid, but a good kid.” Shining Armor turned back towards the gate, only to bump into a Crystal Prep student. “Whoops! Sorry about that.”
The student was dressed in the standard uniform, although it was wrinkled and creased as if it had never seen a coat hanger in its life. A long rats’ nest of cyan hair tangled its way to the student’s mid back, and was pulled into a ponytail. A pair of round glasses slid down to the end of their nose, which they pushed back up with two fingers against the bridge. “Oh, um, sorry.” Their eyes seemed glued to their feet, only occasionally making it up to Shining Armor’s chest, but not quite his face. “I-I wasn’t- Sorry.”
Shining Armor frowned, raising one eyebrow. “Hey, just out of curiosity, what’s your name, kid?”
The student pushed their glasses back up again, only for them to almost immediately slip down again. “Oh, Uh. I’m… Witstang. Witstang Endsworth. And, um, I really need to get to class. Sorry.” Witstang bowed his head quickly before darting away, joining the mass of students.
“Wi- What?” Shining Armor stood in silence for a few seconds, staring at the milling student body as his brain processed what had happened. Finally, he shook his head. “I need more sleep and less coffee.” He sighed and turned away to rejoin Just Duty on their route, not noticing a small mint-colored figure climbing over the wall a few dozen feet away.


* * *


“There now,” Luna chirped, stapling the papers together swiftly as she smiled at the slumped boys. “Welcome to Canterlot High School, gentlemen. I hope your experience here is fruitful and successful. I will just file these to make the transfer official. I am sure that Principal Celestia will give you a tour of the grounds and facilities.” The vice-principal stood and held the stack of papers under one arm as she walked briskly from the office, leaving the two suffering teens with a giggling Celestia.
“O’ poor trees,” Purple Heart sobbed dramatically, “thou hast been made squar’d paste of thineself for us foolish primates. Woe upon us. Hrooom...”
“Heh. Yeah. At least half a forest died to make those forms,” Light Patch chuckled. His bemusement morphed swiftly to a concerned thinking look when a thought crossed his mind. After a few seconds, he leaned over towards his friend and quietly asked, “How long do you think before the parents of this world’s ‘us’-” He did little air quotes as he said the word, “-are informed about this transfer, leading to our being outed as imposters?”
Purple Heart reclined in his chair, a frown creasing his brow as he considered the ceiling and his friend’s question. “Depends on how fast vice-principal Luna files the transfer. If it’s still hard copy, I’d say a week or so. Maybe longer if there’s an event that takes precedent. If they have interwebs, a few days, three tops.” His frown deepened briefly before clearing into an expression of surprise. “Fudge bollocks.”
“Language,” Celestia reprimanded, frowning at the reclining teen.
“It’s interwebs,” the purple teen continued, ignoring the principal’s interruption. “Luna searched an online database. All she has to do is fill in the blanks in a transfer page online and boom~! Notifications for everyone!” His arms were flung out to the side to visualize the expanse of how bad things were. Before he could continue, a light slap to the back of his head got him to stop.
“Calm down. Even with the internet, something like this likely needs to be reviewed on a couple of levels, and even then they likely would send out any major notifications either through the mail like most every business does or by talking to the student in person. Or, in this situation where it’s coming from the student and right outta the blue, probably a phone call to the parents,” Light Patch reasoned. “I think your initial estimate would be about right; a day to go through the system, another for review, and a final one for contact. Two or three days depending on when they get around to it. We have two to three days to figure out how to get home before we need to memorize the Twilight Zone theme.”
Celestia frowned at the two, confusion warring through her mind as she watched the two boys whisper their conversation. Shaking her head, she elected to question them and their parents when her schedule opened up a bit more. Between the Start of New School Year kerfuffle and a very reputable cake chef opening up one of their bakery chain stores in town, she had a lot on her plate.
Rising from behind her desk, Celestia rapped the surface with a knuckle to get the two boys’ attention. Purple Heart and Light Patch blinked and swiveled their heads around to look expectantly and a touch worriedly at the principal.
“Why don’t we get started on the tour?” she offered. “I’m sure you’ll want to get settled in soon. You’ll start attending formal classes tomorrow after you tell Luna what you’d like to focus on studying.” Not waiting for acknowledgement, she walked around the desk and over to the door. Opening it, she turned back to the male pair and gestured for them to follow. Purple Heart heaved himself to his feet and stuck his hands in his pockets as he sauntered out the door. Celestia arched a brow expectantly at Light Patch, waiting for him to join his friend in the hallway.
“We’re all gonna die,” he said quietly, rising from his chair to follow along. “Think we could tour the cafeteria first?” he asked after a few moments.
“I second that motion, good sir!” Purple Heart agreed, poking his head back into the office. “Sustenance is required! I haven’t eaten for two hours!”
Celestia blinked. “You had breakfast two hours ago and you’re hungry now?” she inquired confusedly as she stepped into the hallway proper to lead them to the cafeteria.
Purple Heart’s eyes widened comically at the principal. “Of course!” he cried. “I’ve had first breakfast! But not second breakfast!”
“And don’t forget brunch. Growing boys need plenty of food in man sized proportions to become grown men, you know. April showers, May flowers, pilgrims, that kind of thing,” Light Patch rambled. He paused at the skeptical look on the principal’s face.
You give me no choice, you have no one to blame but yourself, Celestia, he thought, deciding to resort to his strongest weapon... Puppy Dog Eyes.
Celestia leaned back slightly, her eyebrows raising. After a moment, she smiled and sighed. “Well, I suppose I can’t argue with that logic. The cafeteria is right this way.” She motioned down one of the hallways. “Follow me, gentlemen.”
“Food, glorious food! Hot sausage and mustard!” Light Patch began to sing. His bad singing became a garbled mess when Purple Heart slapped a hand over the gray teen’s mouth.
“Hey, if I can’t sing, you can’t either,” Purple Heart rumbled. “Hum if you have to. Just. Don’t. Sing... Please.” Light resisted the urge to lick his friend’s hand and merely pulled it away from his face.
“Fine, fine. But you owe me in duck game and- oh my gosh it’s food based heaven!” Light Patch cried as they stepped into the still active cafeteria. “I’ll have one of everything with a side of more!” he ordered, moving towards serving area.
Purple Heart blanched and stayed rooted beside Celestia. “My tab is separate, yeh?” She smiled and nodded.
“This is the cafeteria,” she called, eyes twinkling evilly. “Now, moving on to the sports fields. We have several that are a ways away from the main building.”
The gray teen whipped around to look at Celestia, tears forming in his eyes. Seeing that his plea wasn’t working, he sighed in defeat and fell back in line with Purple Heart.
“Relax,” Celestia giggled. “We can come back here after the tour is over if you want. We are really going to the sports’ fields, though. Come along.” 
The sports fields were exactly what one would expect: fields, filled with sports, sportspeople, and sports-related equipment and accessories. “The fields are open to all students,” Celestia said, “as long as you’re not interrupting PE classes or any games. Now, if you’ll follow me, the next building on our right will be the-”
A cry of ‘head’s up!’ interrupted Celestia, causing the trio looked wildly around for whatever incoming object was racing towards them. A spot appeared in the sky and fell quickly to earth, targeting directly towards Light Patch.
“MOVE YA GIT~!” Purple Heart snapped, leaping to assist. Yelping as was his wont, Light Patch jerked out of the object’s path and watched it impact the spot he’d been previously standing on. The ball spun away and bounced into the bleachers whereupon Purple Heart pounced, pursuing the ball and leaving Celestia and Light Patch alone on the path.
After a couple of seconds of stunned silence, Light checked himself for injuries before jumping into a celebratory stance, cackling madly as he shouted, “I live!!!”
Time seemed to slow down as Celestia turned to look for the source of the flying ball. There was a flash of cyan, a flurry of rainbow colors, and a war cry approaching at high speed. Before the principal could say anything, the rainbow blur dropped, sliding feet first after the ball that wasn't there. Unfortunately, that path took it through another obstacle; the legs of a grey, teenaged obstacle. There was an audible crack, a thud of cleats meeting shins, and a series of shouts containing surprise, pain, anger, and more pain, culminating into a pile of teenage limbs that lay twitching in even more pain on the ground.
“Well,” Celestia said, putting her hands on her hips, “that could have been a better introduction.”
“Medic,” the grey teenager weakly called from where he lay on the ground. He shoved the still dazed Rainbow off of himself, then slowly sat up. “Why is my right sock gone? Where did my right sock go? Also, where is my gosh darned shoe?!”
Rainbow Dash shuddered as she righted herself, sitting upright on the ground in an attempt to clear her head. “Did I get the ball?” she asked, peering at her surroundings with narrowed eyes as her head ceased ringing. Purple Heart hopped off the bleachers with ball in hand and jogged over to the group to stand by Celestia.
“You mean this ball?” the purple teen asked, twirling the soccer ball in his hand. “Not even close. Zero out of ten. No balls hit. Would not play again.”
“Light Patch, Purple Heart,” Celestia said, warding off Rainbow Dash’s attempt to grab the ball, “this is Rainbow Dash, our… star athlete. Rainbow, would you be willing to show our new students around the school?”
“I’m kinda in the middle of practice…” Rainbow Dash stopped, reading the look on the Principal’s face. “I mean, sure. I’ll round up the rest of the gang.”
“That sounds like a good plan,” Celestia said with a glowing smile. She turned back towards the two new transfer students. “I leave you gentlemen in good hands.” She gave Rainbow Dash a warning look that had the girl shivering, then she walked off back to the main building. The two boys blinked at her departing figure, then looked at Rainbow Dash expectantly. The female athlete shifted in place and cleared her throat.
“Well, uh… I guess we can start with the Arts building,” she offered. “Unless you two have a particular interest?”
“Eh...” Light Patch hummed, glancing aside at Purple Heart. The purple teen twisted his mouth as he thought, meeting his friend’s gaze.
“Cafeteria?” he asked.
“Cafeteria,” Light confirmed.
“Cafeteria,” they said.
“Cafeteria is good,” Purple Heart said to Rainbow Dash. She blinked and then sighed.
“Lucky for me, the girls should be there already,” she muttered, walking between the two boys and towards the cafeteria itself, snatching her soccer ball from Purple Heart as she passed him. “Mine.”
“Hai, hai, blue-chan,” Purple Heart chuckled, falling in behind her.
“Excuse me,” Light called as the two drew increasingly further away from him, “I was a recent unwilling crash test dummy. Slow down if you don’t mind.” Rainbow Dash growled as she swung around and tapped her foot on the grass impatiently, waiting for the grey teen to catch up.
“No need to get salty,” Purple Heart chided from farther on. “You were the crash tester. Show a little sympathy.”
“It was an impressive power slide,” Light Patch noted. “So, other than sports, what else do you focus on around here?” he asked, trying to get Rainbow to lighten up and also avoid the almost inevitable awkward silence.
“Depends,” Rainbow Dash said. “How many sports are there? ‘Cause if you can name it, I’ve tried it.” She smirked as the grey teen caught up. “I take it by your reaction time that you’re not much of a soccer player, huh? What’s your thing? Ping-pong? Maybe bowling?”
“I enjoy bowling, but I don’t really play it that much. I enjoy mini golf, but the main sport thing I do is fencing, specifically epee,” Light Patch replied, taking an ‘en garde’ stance and moving forward into a lunge only to topple over face first thanks to weakened knees.
Rainbow Dash squatted next to the prone teen. “And I’m sure you’re greaaaaaat at it,” she drawled. She stood back up, looking Purple Heart over. “And let me guess. You’re a baseball kind of guy, right? I’ve played enough to tell. You any good?”
“How astute of you,” Purple Heart grinned. “You’re the first person I’ve met who hasn’t immediately pegged me for a football lineman. Good on you.” He crouched down beside Light Patch and hefted him into a sitting position. “As for skill, I’ve been playing baseball almost my entire life. I know a thing or two. C’mon now, Light. Get up. You want food don’t you?” He patted Light’s back in an attempt to stir him into action. Light Patch immediately sprung back up to his feet, only to immediately fall back to the ground.
“That was poorly thought out,” the teen said to the blade of grass he was becoming intimately familiar with. After a couple of seconds to let the pain in his legs recede, he slowly  hoisted himself up onto his feet. “To food and glory!” he declared, striking a heroic pointing pose and limping back towards the cafeteria. A few steps later, he turned back to look at Purple and Rainbow now behind him. “You two really gonna lose to Urist McLimpy here?” That galvanized Rainbow into action and she shot forward past Light.
“This was also poorly considered!” Light cried, limping as fast as the pain would let him.
“Shouldn’t have taunted her,” Purple Heart chided, jogging after them.
> Chapter 4: The Worst Possible Thing Happens. The WORST. POSSIBLE. THING.
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The trio arrived at the lunch room just in time to see most of the students leaving the room, prompting a look of intense horror and sadness from Light Patch. “We missed lunch,” he whispered, a hand reached toward emptying room.
“Wow,” Rainbow said dryly, observing the grey skinned teen. “You’re as melodramatic as Rarity.”
“Only when he’s truly distraught,” Purple Heart mused, gazing around the swiftly emptying cafeteria. “I supposed we’ll have to feed him if we want him to be of any use in further engagements. Have you any snacks or such bite sized goodies to tide him over until a true meal can take place?” Rainbow Dash blinked at the purple teen and shivered minutely.
“You talk better than Rarity,” she said blandly. Purple Heart sniffed and looked down his nose regally.
“It’s all in the accent and posture, my dear,” he replied pompously. “Learned actors such as myself use all tools available to us to perfect our craft.”
“Perfect what craft?” a voice with a distinctly southern accent asked. “If it’s wood working, I could maybe give ya’ll a few tips. Also uh, is your friend all right?”
“Oh, oh! I know!” A cloud of pink frizz appeared before Light Patch, with a similarly pink girl attached to it. “He and his friend just transferred in and were getting a tour of the school from Principal Celestia but then she passed them off to you,” she waved a hand at Rainbow Dash, “and they wanted to get lunch but now they’re sad because they missed lunch and the kitchen’s closed and all that’s left is this apple and a couple of walnuts!” The girl held the apple out in front of Light Patch’s face. “You want it?”
“Please,” the teen said, doing his best cute face.
Purple Heart blinked. “Huh,” he grunted. “He actually retained a modicum of decorum.”
The pink girl stared at Light Patch unblinkingly. “I’ll give it to you if you stop making that face. It’s freaking me out.”
“Deal,” the teen said, standing up, dusting himself off, and acting like nothing he’d done in the last few minutes had even happened. “Thank you,” he preemptively said as he held his hand out and received the apple.
Pinkie cautiously relinquished the fruit to the starving teen and stepped away, pausing only briefly before she swung to Purple Heart. “What are you doing? Can’t you see the poor boy is starving? How dare you not help!” The purple teen smirked and folded his arms over his chest, peering down his nose at the shorter pink-haired girl.
“Being a transfer student, my relationship with this school’s cafeteria staff is rather null and void at the moment,” he replied. “Should I have gone scrounging through the refuse to feed my erstwhile company instead of counting on a beneficiary to provide him with sustenance? Perhaps I could have stolen away into the cafeteria larder to acquire victuals for a private party, hmm?”
Applejack blinked several times at the engage between the two teens and looked over her shoulder at her approaching friends. “Ah don’ know about ya’ll, but ah think he’s more wordy than Rarity,” she said.
Rainbow Dash clapped her hands and pointed at Purple Heart. “That’s what I said!” she cried.
“Well, I say,” Rarity sighed as she joined the girls. “He is rather verbose.”
“And tall… and big… and kind of, uh, imposing,” Fluttershy said, scooting behind Applejack as soon as she’d arrived. “I don’t think he’d be able to out word Twilight, though. Sorry.”
Like a bloodhound tracking a scent, Purple Heart swung to face the timid girl, eyes blazing with cobalt fire. A grin curved his lips, giving life to a devilish expression of eagerness and excitement. Fluttershy squeaked and hid behind Applejack.
“Challenge,” Purple Heart rumbled, his face lupine, “accepted.”
“Now see here,” Applejack frowned, stepping up to be chest to chest with the larger teen. “There’s no need to leer like that at Fluttershy. You could’ve been a little more restrained instead.” Immediately, Purple Heart’s countenance changed to that of benign submission. The girls were dumbstruck at the sudden change in behavior from the teen. They all looked at Light Patch, expecting an explanation from the feeding teen.
Feeling the stares of many, Light Patch looked up from the now cored apple to the staring faces around him. “I, uh...” he froze for a few seconds with a strong ‘deer in headlights’ look before he suddenly jumped and pointed behind the girls. “Oh my gosh, look, it’s the oldest trick in the book!”
Applejack turned to stare at the grey teen. “Ya’ll really think we’re gonna fall for that one?”
Pinkie whirled about in the direction Light Patch was pointing. “What? Where?”
Wits End froze, the top half of his body through one of the cafeteria windows, while the other half hung outside the building. He looked across the staring girls and boys for a full beat before raising one hand with his palm out. “Yo,” he said nonchalantly. 
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “What are you, some kind of intruder?”
“Yes,” Wits said. “In tru de window.”
“How coincidental,” Purple Heart mused. “Gave the officers the slip did you? Beat a hasty retreat from the school of ponces and undergrad squinterns? Remarkable. You’re still in one piece.”
“He may actually be able to out word Twi,” Fluttershy whispered. The girls nodded in agreement.
“So you’re all really transfer students?” Pinkie Pie asked in a rare moment of true confusion.
“Not me.” Wits wriggled, unable to get the rest of the way through the window. “I’m a delinquent. Can I get a hand?” His expression fell as Rainbow Dash clapped her hands together a single time.
Light Patch tossed the apple core into a nearby can as he went to help Wits End get the rest of the way in. “Didn’t exactly think this all of the way through, huh?”
“I thought I’d have more inertia going through this window. I did not.” With a yelp, Wits slipped through, landing on his face. After a moment, he gave a thumbs up. “We’re good…”
“So,” Rarity hummed, eyeing the three boys. “From what I gather, you three are new students here, yes? Rainbow dear was showing you two around campus while you were… escaping?”
“Close enough,” Purple Heart interjected. “Yes, we are new students as Pinkie Pie originally said. We are in your care.”
“Where’s Sunset at?” Rainbow inquired. “She should be done with her class by now.” None of the girls noticed Purple Heart blanching, nor did they see Wits and Light share a meaningful glance.
“She wanted to ask Principal Celestia a question about somethin’ that happened earlier,” Applejack replied. “She should be here any moment.”
“Well, I do believe we’ve seen enough of the cafeteria,” Purple Heart boomed evasively. “Shall we press on perhaps? To the theater if possible?”
“Yeah, we are supposed to be getting to see places around the place,” Light Patch chimed in, starting to move in a direction.
Wits End picked himself up. “I don’t usually agree with these two, but there’s a first time for everything. Let’s go see what’s in places not- Uh oh.”
The three teens turned just in time to see the cafeteria door swing open, and a familiar red-haired girl walking through. “Girls, you are not going to believe what happened toda-” She froze, looking over the boys. “You three!”
Wits took a step back, pointing at Purple Heart with both hands. “Kill him first.”
“Let’s just all take a deep breath and relax,” Light Patch said, trying to defuse the situation before anything could start.
“Relax? RELAX?! How can I relax when he’s standing right there without a care in the world!” Sunset Shimmer snapped. “How come you haven’t been disciplined by Principal Celestia yet? You’re walking around unwatched, unguarded, free to do as you wish! What’s stopping you from molesting another poor, innocent girl?! Fluttershy perhaps? Or maybe Rarity? What about Twilight if she ever comes to join us?” The girls stared at Sunset in stunned silence, trying to find context to her sudden rant. They swivelled to stare at Purple Heart, who was standing stock still under Sunset’s harsh gaze and words.
After a few seconds of continued silence, Purple Heart pointed at Sunset and looked at the five girls. “Who is this small child?” The five girls winced, their attention on Sunset Shimmer as she vibrated in place with rage. She stalked forward, heading straight for the stationary purple teen. Wits and Light scrambled out of her path, wanting to avoid the crossfire. She marched right up to Purple Heart and glared at him, standing toe to toe. Her head just barely reached his chin. She raised a hand and the girls cringed, awaiting the loud smack that was to follow. Purple Heart’s cobalt blue gaze bored into Sunset’s seafoam green, challenging her. A smirk curved Sunset’s lips and she brought her hand down.
Honk.
Purple Heart balked, face pinched in a confused frown.
Light Patch and Wits End cocked their heads to one side in confused unison.
Five of the Maneless Six blinked and gaped in awe.
Sunset grinned and squeezed again. “They’ve drooped in your old age,” she commented cheekily, eyeing the hand that was clamped to the purple teen’s left pectoral.
Wits blinked slowly. “Well, there goes our ‘E for Everyone’ rating. That wasn’t very ‘Everyone’.”
Sunset shot a glare at the mint colored boy. “I’ll deal with you later.” At that, Wits covered his chest with both hands and made a noise that could have been ‘Kyaa, sempai’, if one were inclined to think so. An awkward silence fell over the group as everyone stood, not quite sure what to say. Around a minute passed before Light Patch cleared his throat.
“Well, that was a great awkward silence, but I believe that there are some introductions in order,” he said, stepping forward and clapping his hands together with a smile that clearly said he was trying to suppress memories that could never be forgotten. “I’m Light Patch, and this gentle titan is Purple Heart, and our larcenous friend over there is Wits End,” he said, gesturing to the respective teens.
“Remind me to look up what ‘larcenous’ means,” Wits muttered.
Sunset’s hand fell from Purple Heart’s chest and she folded her arms, eyeing the male trio skeptically. “And you’re here… why? Last I saw you, you three were being dragged to see Principal Celestia,” the redhead said. “Did you escape somehow?”
Rainbow Dash edged forward and lifted a hand to gain everyone’s attention. “They transferred,” she offered. She frowned. “Well, Light Patch and Purple Heart did. I have no idea what Wits End is doing.”
“I was escaping from the oppressive community of preparatory crystalline entities of a school that shall not be named,” Wits End interjected, waving a hand.
“...You went to Crystal Prep?” Applejack asked.
“Dammit,” Wits swore.
“Language,” Rarity snapped.
“Ooooooh~!” Pinkie Pie aaahed, bouncing quickly over to the mint colored teen. “You went to Crystal Prep? Do you know Sci-Twi? Did you study crystalline entities? What about androids?”
“Many question, such curious,” Purple Heart chuckled, smirking at Wits’ flapping jaw attempting to keep up with the questions en route to his brain.
“Pinkie, dear, I think the poor boy can reply if you pause for but a moment,” Rarity suggested. Immediately, the pink girl froze mid-sentence and mid-gesture, leaving her standing statue-like before a befuddled Wits End.
“I don’t think she meant literally,” Fluttershy whispered.
“Oh, well that would make a bit more sense wouldn’t it? It’d be weird to ask people to just pause reality like it was a giant TV show, wouldn’t it?” Pinkie rambled, gigging at her own suggestion and missing the half panicked glances the guys threw at each other.
“So…” Wits End said slowly. “I don’t suppose you bunch would mind if the three of us took a minute?” He shot a significant look at the other two boys. “We have some things to talk about involving certain policemen and people who may or may not look like us.”
“Oh!” Pinkie squeaked. ‘Do you mean-”
“Not today,” Wits interrupted, clamping a hand over the pink party girl’s mouth.
“Well, I guess it is only a half-day of school today. I suppose the tour could be put on hold if that's what you want,” Fluttershy quietly replied. Light Patch took that as a cue to step away.
“I think a small recess would be on the menu,” Purple Heart agreed, stepping to follow Light Patch. “I would like to see the rest of the school. Very interested thus far.”
Wits took a step back, pointing finger-guns at the assembled girls. “We’ll be back. Great school. Loving the lack of militarily enforced uniforms.” He turned back to follow the boys away.
Sunset Shimmer stepped over to the rest of the girls as the boys moved to a table and sat down. “How much of the grounds have they seen?” she asked, glancing at Rainbow Dash.
The sportsthlete shrugged. “As far as I can tell, grey and purple have seen the fields and the cafeteria. That’s all. I’m guessing some of the hallways too if they came with Principal Celestia.”
“So they ain’t deciding on whether to transfer?” Applejack hummed. “Then what could they be talkin’ ‘bout?”
“Maybe they just need to reassociate with each other,” Fluttershy offered.
“Checking their apparel?” Rarity sniffed.
“Talking smack?” Rainbow growled.
“Keeping secrets,” Sunset murmured.
“Freaking out about someone they saw and think is out to get them?” Pinkie Pie suggested. The girls blinked at the pink girl. “What?” She wordlessly pointed at the scene of Light Patch shaking Purple Heart like he was a polaroid picture.


* * *


The guys moved to a quieter area of the hallway for what little privacy they could get. Once the three had assembled, Light Patch looked at his two friends and his expression of calm indifference instantly flashed to near panic. “Am I freaking out over nothing, or did anyone else hear and realize that was JUST DUTY?” he finished a little loud.
“I figured that out when he said it,” Purple Heart replied. “Hasn’t sunk in until now… Yeh, freaking out now.”
“I kind of wondered when we first ran into him. I thought he seemed familiar but I didn’t place it until I heard his name,” Light Patch threw out, falling backwards to lean on the wall as a hand wiped the sweat from his forehead. “Should I ask the obvious question, or do one of you wanna ask?”
“Is the question ‘Hey Wits, do you feel abandoned by your two best friends who just sat there while you were taken away by someone who could snap your adolescent legs like glow sticks’?” Wits asked in a deadpan voice. “Because that’s my question. I got out alive somehow, by the way. Thanks for asking.”
“Did he take you all the way to Crystal Prep?” Purple inquired. “Did he even mention anything about recognizing us?”
Wits shook his head. “He left Private Shiny Arms to take care of me. Said he was going to let the other two schools know you guys skipped out and were transferring here.” He paused. “That might be code for ‘find Holdfast and Bael and come beat up those meddling kids sans dog’.” He turned back to Light Patch. “Anyway, what was your question?”
“Why is he even here!” the agitated teen half shouted as he threw his hands up. “I thought Bael was the only one who even had the idea of skipping out? Unless, of course, maybe he’s a native to his world, but then that starts raising all kinds of other questions.” He went a bit quiet, muttering things to himself.
“Okay guys, calm down,” Purple Heart soothed. “So we ran into Just Duty. Or someone who has the same name, features, and personality. We’re fine. He didn’t say anything obvious to us, he didn’t go ‘ACK! YOU AGAIN!’ He dealt with us like any other typical police officer did. Albeit with a bit more attitude. But we’re still alive. Still here. No portals taking us away. Though that might actually be nice...”
“Rambling.”
“Sorry. OH~! Wits. During your brief sojourn to Crystal Prep, did you catch any sight of your double? It isn’t out of the realm of possibility.”
“I didn’t see me there, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t there.” Wits thought for a moment. “Yeah, I think that’s grammatically correct. But, if there was a Twilight double here, it kinda makes sense for doubles of us to be here too.” He frowned, rubbing his chin with one hand. “Although, that would imply there’s doubles of us in regular Equestria too. Does that mean we’re canon now? Follow-up question: why are our doubles at different high schools? We all went to the same place, roughly speaking.”
“Not the whole time, eventually we all ended up at the same school, but at first we went to different ones. And did anyone else notice that they got the order of oldest to youngest wrong,” Light Patch noted quietly. “Also, while it might make sense for their to be doubles of us, why them? Weren’t they made by D-Discord for the game? Just once today, can’t something add up?” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying to slow down his rapid breaths.
Wits End paused. “Yeah, good point. If anything, we should be the three people without duplicates in this world. Also, why are our relative ages reversed? It’s like someone got the rough notes for us as characters and just went off without checking the source material…”
“What were you guys even doing in high school?” Purple Heart asked. “I know I was doing baseball. It’s what I did. I’m guess you both were in some form of programming group? Cuz if so, we’ve been deaged in a sense to be our high school selves. Or at least, copies of this world’s highschool Purple Heart, Light Patch, and Wits End.”
“A little bit of everything. I was homeschooled for most of it,” Light Patch replied. “Little Spanish, little music, some programming, lots of video games...” He trailed off, going quiet as the events of the day and all of the little worries went through his head again. As it went on his, face grew more and more panicked. Suddenly, he jumped away from the wall and grabbed Purple Heart’s shoulders and began to shake him wildly as he shouted. “I am calm!”
“I. Don’t. Bel. Ieve. You. Light. Patch.” Each word was jerked from the purple teen as the smaller teen shook him. “Calm. Means. I’m. Not. Shak. Ing.”
“I am perfectly calm!” Light Patch continued. “I do not believe it’s all happening again!”
Wits End sighed, shaking his head. “This is going well,” he muttered, looking up at the two taller boys. “And I’m not exactly physically equipped to handle this alone…” He turned back to where the six girls were now sitting. He whistled and, once the girls were looking his way, jerked his head at how the gray teen was shaking the purple one like a can of very confused soda. “Could I get a hand or two with this? Maybe sportballer and the one with the hat?”
Applejack and Rainbow Dash looked at the scene and then each other before shrugging and moving in to pull the two apart. “Alright, I don’t know what's gotten into ya’ll, but I think your friend is shaken enough,” Applejack said as she grabbed Light Patch’s shoulders, while Rainbow went to try and pry his grip from Purple Heart. “Come on and let go already.”
“I. Am. Not okay,” Purple Heart grunted when the two girls finally pulled Light Patch off of him. “Could someone stop the room spinning?” Pinkie Pie darted over and smacked him in the back of the head. “Uncalled for, but thank you,” Purple Heart grumbled, rubbing the back of his head.
“No problemo,” Pinkie chirped. “You did sheem a little shaken, not shtirred.” The purple teen blinked once and looked up at the pink fuzz.
“How in the fudge do you know about Sean Connery?” he muttered. “Wait, I know the answer: ‘It’s just Pinkie Pie’.”
“What caused him to go crazy like that?” Applejack asked, jerking a thumb at the shaking Light Patch.
“Oh, just a realization that he couldn’t find his butt in the dark without a flashlight, a map, and written instructions,” Purple Heart groaned, rubbing his bruised shoulders.
“Really?” Rarity sniffed, joining the group, followed shortly by Sunset and Fluttershy. “How… enlightening.”
“Sorry,” Light Patch said once he’d finally actually calmed down. “I’ve been stressing out a lot recently, and it just kind of hit critical mass there.” He looked at Purple Heart. “Salright?”
“Salright,” was the purple teen’s gravely reply. “Senor Wenpatch.”
“Thanks for the assist,” Wits said to Rainbow Dash and Applejack, holding his hand out for a high-five.
“Ah think ya’ll can keep that hand ta yerself,” Applejack said, narrowing her eyes at the shorter teen.
Wits frowned, lowering his hand. “Great, now I’m that anime cliche…”
Sunset sighed before looking cheered up again, “Well now that all of ‘that’ has been dealt with how about we go and try to finish that tour before tomorrow's classes start?”
“Sounds planlike,” Purple Heart said. “Though I’m curious as to why the tour may take long enough to last the rest of the day and the entire night...” He grinned cheekily when the redhead gave him a deadpan glare.
“Maybe it’s the interruptions,” Rainbow wondered.
“You were the first one you know,” Purple Heart pointed out. “You went and nearly took Light’s head off with a soccer ball, and you actually managed to kill his kneecaps. Achievement Get: Sweep the Leg.” Light Patch made the whole ‘I’m watching you’ hand motions at the mention of the earlier incident, but didn’t say anything so as to not start another interruption. 
With a long suffering sigh, Sunset stepped to the front of the group. “Well, let's go see if we can find Twilight over in one of the labs. That should cover a good amount of the school along the way,” she said, motioning for the rest to follow her and missing the worried look from Wits at the prospect of meeting his “fellow” former Crystal Prep student.


* * *


“And this is the Drama Department of Equestria High,” Pinkie Pie cheerily gestured, flinging open the doors to the school’s auditorium and stage. “Theater and performances and rock concerts happen here!” The rest of the group followed after the pink haired girl and the three male teens eyed their surroundings while the girls watched them expectantly.
“Decent size,” Purple Heart hummed, trotting down the steps to the stage. “Guess that means I gotta enunciate and project.” He clambered onto the stage and faced the group, inhaling a deep breath. “Who doth inhabit the primary position!”
Wits made a grand sweeping gesture at the stage with one hand. “All the stage light touches shall be your kingdom. Now, exit pursued by a bear.” He turned to Light Patch. “Go pursue him.”
“The best I could do is slowly shuffle after him with the little bit of tap I remember,” Light Patch replied, giving a brief demonstration. “I could maybe try a little ballet, but I remember even less of that than I do tap. Also, I shaved this morning, so who are you calling a bear, Mister ‘Five and a Half o’Clock Shadow’?” The girls meanwhile giggled at the exchange between the three boys.
“If anything, I’m the bear,” Purple Heart grunted as he hopped up the steps to rejoin the group. “I’ve more hair on my face then either of you combined.” He ran a hand across his stubbly chin. “I mean… I will… eventually… Anyways, what’s next, o’ fearsome red-maned lass?” Sunset arched an eyebrow at the moniker and sniffed.
“The science lab,” she replied, moving to leave the auditorium.
“The hull has been breached and the science is leaking out!” Light Patch screamed from the middle of the stage. dropping to his knees and flinging his arms at the ceiling. He pull himself up and hobbled back to the group. “Really nice acoustics in here too. Also, I’ll never walk again.”
“Not to change the subject,” Wits said, “even though it is a nice side effect, but why the science lab?”
“A friend of ours works there predominantly,” Sunset replied. “She also happens to be a transfer like you two.” She looked meaningfully at Light and Purple before switching her gaze to Wits. “She used to go to Crystal Prep. She may know you.”
Wits raised an eyebrow. “Why would she know-” He stopped, both in his speech and in his tracks. “Oh,” he said. “Ohhhh,” he said again. “Oh no,” he said, quieter this time.
“You alright there, buddy?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Yes, but ask me again in like 10 minutes and we’ll see how that changes.”
“What are we waiting for then?” Purple Heart asked. “Let’s move on.”
“Indeed,” Rarity agreed. “Let’s find Twilight.”
“Should we disturb her?” Fluttershy asked meekly as they left the theater. “She may be in the middle of a dangerous experiment.”
“So...the science might actually leak out?” Rainbow Dash snickered. “She knows what she’s doing. With Twi working on a science experiment, nothing can go wrong.”
A dull thud echoed down the corridor, bringing the group to a sudden stop, eyes wide with surprise.
“Yer timing sucks,” Applejack sighed. Rainbow Dash winced.
“Gotta go fast!” Pinkie cried, charging down the hall towards the sound’s source.
“I take issue with that statement!” Purple Heart snapped, barreling after her. “You aren’t blue or spiky! Case and point, you can’t say that!”
“Neither are you!” Pinkie retorted.
“We should probably follow and help check for survivors,” Light Patch said thoughtfully as he stayed rooted in place. “I hope I don’t get shot at, chewed on, mauled, thrown through a window, slobbered on... ” The teen continued to list things until Sunset slapped a hand over his mouth.
“Let’s just hurry to catch up, shall we? In respectful silence to the lab equipment that may or may not have bravely given it’s life in the pursuit of science,” She suggested, prompting the group into motion. Shortly afterwards, they caught up with the early responders at the door to the main school labs which, surprisingly, was still intact.
“Not to suggest that Twilight isn’t a very careful scientist,” Rarity mused, eyeing the door skeptically, “but I’m somewhat surprised that the door is even still on it’s hinges considering the bang we heard.”
“I know, right?” Pinkie said cheerily. “I was expecting to have to help Applejack pry it outta the far wall again, but nopers! It’s still on its-” The door chose that moment to try and make Pinkie a liar by falling out of its frame to the floor.
“Well, at least the window is intac-” The window cracked and fell to pieces.
Pinkie stared at the broken door and window for a few seconds before exhaling loudly, assured that nothing further was going to happen and opened her mouth to speak just as the transom fell out of its brackets.
“Let’s just go inside and introduce them to Twilight,” She grumbled with a frown and a small ‘I’m watching you’ hand motion at the door. To which it responded by breaking into several pieces.
“I think you’ve set off all of the damage possible at this point,” Wits said. “Let’s get this over with th-” Just as his foot crossed the doorway’s threshold, a cork accelerated to approximately the speed of sound ricocheted off his forehead, causing him to flip 180 degrees and fall on his face with a squeak not unlike that of a dog toy. “Shoulda seen that coming,” he murmured.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry!” The distressed and slightly charred face of Twilight Sparkle leaned out the broken window, glasses dangling slightly askew. “Anyone who’s wounded, sound off!”
“Yo,” Light Patch said from the floor where he’d been rolling with laughter. “Though most of it is my fault and Rainbow’s.”
Twilight looked between the boys; one wounded, one incapacitated by laughter, and one standing at what appeared to be a safe distance. “So, uh,” she turned to Sunset Shimmer, “who’re these guys?”
Wits, from his place face-down on the floor, waved a hand dismissively. “I’m dead. Leave me for last.”
“He’s just a poor boy,” Light Patch half sings only to cough, cutting himself off. “Ugh. No. Still hate that song. Purple, I’ve got nothing, it’s up to you.”
The purple teen rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. “Very well,” he bemoaned theatrically. “Before you stands myself, Purple Heart, previous student and sportsthlete of Daring Do’s School for Physically Gifted Youngsters, now interested party in transferring to Equestria High.” He gestured to the grey teen sitting beside him. “This is Light Patch, a dancing, spanish speaking, falsely musicifying, programming teen. Previously of DigiQuill Magnet School. And this-” Purple Heart nudged Wits with his foot. “-is a wild Wits End that appeared outta nowhere. If this were Niantic, I’d have a ball to catch him with. But Austin wouldn’t like that. So that leaves me with only one option.”
Crouching down, Purple Heart heaved Wits End to his feet and lifted him from the floor, holding him out to a stunned Twilight. “Please accept my humble offering. Sure, he’s not housebroken, but I guarantee he’ll pee in the box. Just keep him away from the food or he’ll go into food ponce mode.” He then dropped the limp Wits back to earth and bowed.
“I swear to whatever gods you favor, I will chew your ankles off right now,” Wits growled as he picked himself up. He turned to Pinkie Pie. “Am I bleeding?”
Pinkie shrugged. “Just from the cork wound.”
“Oh good. I was worried it’d hit my pride.”
Sunset moved to stand by the wall next to what remained of the door. “Wits End here is trying to transfer in from Crystal Prep. I thought you two might know each other.”
Twilight’s eyes widened behind her now adjusted glasses. “Crystal Prep? Wait, you’re that Wits End?”
Wits’ mouth formed a thin line. “Probably? I mean, it’s not like there’s more than one of me, right? Two, tops.”
Twilight pulled away from the window, just as quickly appearing in the doorway in front of Wits End. “We had some classes together last year, like Advanced Physics for Beginners with Professor Bill Neigh! Not that we really talked that much, that is. You were in the seat in the back row near the door.” She paused for a moment to breath and readjust her glasses again. “I was in the back row by the window, so I noticed when you came in. Your final presentation was on how to apply Stephen Hitching’s theorems to Learning Machine algorithms, right?”
“That, uh… sounds like me?”
Sunset Shimmer coughed. “I’m just going to excuse myself for a minute. I need to make a note of something.”
“I remember,” Twilight said, ignoring the redhead entirely, “because for the next semester I thought that you were working on highly advanced android replicas to replace all of the staff and students at Crystal Prep so that you could take over the school.” She laughed nervously. “Man, I lost a lot of sleep memorizing logical paradoxes so that I’d be able to test whether someone had been replaced by a reploid.”
Wits End blinked slowly. “That definitely sounds like me.”
“You weren’t actually planning to take over Crystal Prep, were you?” Fluttershy asked softly, looking worriedly at the mint colored teen.
“He wouldn’t be Wits if he didn’t at least make a plan for it,” Purple Heart hummed.
Fluttershy’s eyes hardened slightly at Wits. “You weren’t actually planning to take over Crystal Prep, were you?” she asked again.
“I would be a kind and benevolent ruler,” Wits replied. “At first,” he added quietly.
Sunset snorted as the topic of him ripping off some movie called ‘Weird Science’ came up and she took the ensuing argument about the science, philosophy and morality of AIs to step away from the group to pen a quick message to Princess Twilight through the magic journal about the three newcomers to Canterlot High.
“-and so it sounds like two of them are transferring and Wits End might also transfer,” Sunset muttered quietly, finishing the last sentence. She was about to put the journal away when to her surprise on the opposite page from the one she’d been writing on suddenly appeared what could be politely called psycho killer text appeared Twilight’s reply:


“DON’T let them leave. Be there soon.”


Sunset stared at the page for a minute or two before she slowly closed the book and looked at the three colts as she considered Twilight's immediate reply. Who are these three? She thought. Whoever they are, Twilight seems to know them. Are they from Equestria? They seem too familiar with being humans for that. But at the same time, they’re awful familiar with the rest of the girls for being new to Equestria High. It’s like they’ve met them before, but the girls don’t seem to know them at all. 
She frowned, rubbing her chin as she thought. Maybe there’s more dimensions that just this one and Equestria? Those three could’ve met alternate versions of Twilight and the others. Or maybe they met the actual pony versions of Twilight and her friends? Her eyes widened as a thought occurred to her. What if they’re like the Dazzlings and tried to invade Equestria? What if now they’re trying to take over this world so they can go after the Elements of Harmony? What if- Is Twilight choking that one out?
The science-inclined Twilight had Wits End in a headlock, with the mint-colored teen turning more blue than green. “You take that back, you robot imposter!”
Wits sputtered, trying desperately to tag out with literally anyone else. “I’m just saying the Voight-Kampff test only works if you assume robots don’t have emotions! And I’m not a robot, because I definitely need air to live! Would one of you get this highly intelligent psychopath off of me?!”
“He has a point there, Twi,” Applejack agreed, moving to assist the asphyxiating teen. “Robots don’t need oxygen.”
Twilight shook her head violently, tightening her grip around Wits’ throat as she pulled away from Applejack. “He could be programmed to simulate breathing in order to lull us into a false sense of security,” she countered.
“So what happens when he passes out on top of you?” Purple Heart asked. “He may be small, but he’s devious enough to fall in the right direction to inconvenience you as much as possible. And I’m not hauling him off you. Remember, he threatened to chew off my ankles.”
“We’d also have blackmail material,” Light Patch spoke up.
“So go on ahead and let him faint,” Purple Heart urged. “I wanna see his waif- ehem, everyone’s reaction.”
Twilight blinked in surprise at the two male teens, her grip on Wits loosening slightly. “But isn’t he your friend?”
“Yes, but I need some blackmail material so I can make him play Duck Game again,” Light Patch replied, fiddling with his phone’s camera settings.
Wits End took advantage of Twilight’s confusion to slip out of her arms. “Go figure,” he gasped. “The first time I get a girl to hug me, and I almost asphyxiate.”
A light blush formed on Twilight’s cheeks. “That doesn’t count as a hug.”
“And what happened with Purple Heart and Sunset in the hallway doesn’t count as first base, but we take what we can ge-” Wits was cut off by a spinning journal to the forehead, causing him to go down like a sack of bricks.
I take it back, Sunset thought, crossing back to the group and picking up her journal. These three are less of a threat than Flash Sentry.
“You aren’t getting any breaks, are you?” Rainbow Dash chortled, crouching beside the downed Wits End. “Falling through windows, corks to the forehead, dropped unceremoniously, strangled, book to the forehead? One would think you have issues.”
“Oh, he does,” Purple Heart warned. “They’re sodium based most of the time.”
Twilight frowned in confusion, eyeing the purple teen. “What has salt got to do with it?”
“Everything,” Purple Heart whispered reverently. “The Salt must flow...”
> Chapter 5: The Chapter In Which A Little Salt Flows… Into Some Old Wounds
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“-and saving the best for last, the school statue,”  Sunset said, waving her hands at the statue like a game show host presenting a prize. She gave a weak smile, knowing her gesture was a cringe-worthy attempt at flair. Her smile grew even weaker when she noticed the looks of disbelief or raised eyebrows amongst the group.
“The school has some of the best classrooms I’ve ever seen,” Wits End began. “I-”
“Computer labs that would put some of the colleges I’ve seen to shame,” Light Patch threw in, ignoring the glare from Wits for having interrupted him.
“Solid theater center and well maintained sports fields,” Purple Heart added.
“Don’t forget our awesome gymnasium,” Rainbow said smugly.
“Or the marvelous science labs,” Twilight said.
“And our cafeteria who’s lunches make some local restaurants green with envy,” Applejack said with a smile.
“And yet the best part of the school is this statue?” Rarity finished, looking at the now sweating and nervously smiling Sunset.
“Well I think it’s at least a nice statue,” Fluttershy said quietly, only to jump when Pinkie’s hands grabbed her shoulders.
“And it beats the pants off the lockers!” Pinkie threw in, receiving general, yet hesitant, agreement.
“Seriously though, why save the statue for the last?” Wits End said, taking back control of the conversation with a huff.
Sunset shrugged, started and stopped her reply a couple of times before finally saying, “I don’t know. It just felt like a natural place to end. A kind of ‘end on a slightly low note to leave them wanting’?” She noticed the still disbelieving looks on most of the teens’ faces and continued. “I liked the small irony of ending the tour at what might be the first thing most people see when they come here.”
“How poetic,” Purple Heart drawled, leaning against the statue’s base, folding his arms across his chest. “The first and last thing seen when passing through the courtyard. Charming.”
“Charming as it may seem, it is still a nice sentiment,” Rarity soothed. “Though I am curious, Sunset, why end here?”
The redhead shrugged, smirking. “Oh, no reason,” she hummed as a purple hand stuck itself out of the statue’s base followed promptly by a body. Twilight Sparkle of Equestria shook her limbs out to rid them of the numbness that came with portal travel. She shook her head, hair swaying back and forth, all the while ignorant of the audience she had.
“Nope,” Wits whispered, pulling Purple Heart and Light Patch with him to hide behind the girls. “Nope nope nope soooooo much nope.”
Sci Twi and the rest of the girls blinked in surprise. “Twilight,” she greeted, stepping forward to embrace the girl. “What brings you here?”
“Colt trouble,” the other Twilight replied, accepting the hug briefly before stepping past Sci Twi.
“Colt trouble?” Applejack echoed. “You mean, these boys?” She jerked a thumb at where she thought the three boys were. Turning, the girls noticed the boys’ absence and all eight of them looked around.
“YOU~!” Twilight cried, seeing the three teenage boys scrambling back towards the main school building. Whether it was the shout itself or the body freezing quality it possessed, Light, Wits, and Purple stopped momentarily to look over their shoulders.
“CARP~!” the trio bawled, resuming their flight.
“Why are we going back to the school?!” Light asked manically. “They know this place like the backs of their hands! We’ll be found and drawn and quartered in no time!”
“Less talking! More running!” Wits snapped.
“STOP!”
The three boys froze in place, feeling a cold trickle of dread run down their spines. Slowly, they turned back to the girls, meeting the gaze of a very stern, yet unreasonably cute Fluttershy.
“We’re dead,” Purple Heart whimpered. “So very, very dead.”
“HERE! NOW!”
Like dogs on a retractable leash, the three boys scurried back to the pink haired girl, eyes down, bearing slumped, fearing retribution that would befall them should they not return immediately.
“SIT. STAY. GOOD BOYS.”
“Debatable,” Wits muttered.
“What,” Twilight asked slowly, “are you three doing here?”
Wits looked at the sorry state of himself and his companions. “Cowering, I think.”
“You. Shut up.” Twilight turned to Light Patch. “You. Explain.”
“Why me? Why is it always me?” Light Patch muttered.
Twilight narrowed her glare at the grey teen. “Because of the three of you, you break fastest.”
Light Patch looked like he was about to dispute it but then remembered past experiences.
“Fair enough I guess. This time though it’s still not our fault. We were just going to do fencing. I was cleaning the mirrors so I could start practicing ballet and just fell through them. Purple and Wits followed and the mirrors closed behind us. I swear!” He said telling the story quickly and succinctly, leaving out a few things he wasn’t sure he was ready to share.
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Did you get the mirror from Discord?”
“You do ballet?” Rarity interjected.
“That’s the one ya latch onto?” Applejack asked.
“No, no,” Pinkie said, holding up a hand. “She’s got a point.”
“Did, it’s been awhile but I’ve been thinking about kind of picking it back up for exercise,” Light Patch quickly answered before looking at Twilight. “And no, the mirror wall was built by my parents ten or twenty years or so ago for my bother to use while he practiced his dancing. Years before-” he looked out of the corner of his eye at the group around them, “-we even knew your world existed,” he finished slowly, picking his last few words very carefully.
“So your brother does ballet?” Rarity continued.
“Rarity,” Twilight said sharply. “Not the time.” She turned back to boys. “And so you what, just happened to fall through a magical mirror portal that wasn’t magical nor a portal until just a few hours ago, and just happened to end up in Canterlot High?”
“Technically, we ended up in a dance studio,” Wits End added.
“Oh!” Twilight said in mock shock. “Well that makes it alright then!”
Wits leaned over to Purple Heart. “I don’t think she’s being truthful there.”
“Y’think?” Purple Heart snarked. He looked up at Twilight. “Would my saying that I was shoved through the portal make this hurt a little less? For me?”
“No,” Twilight retorted.
“Worth a try,” he mumbled. “We are innocent though. We were just minding our own business and then the mirrors ate Light. Then Wits shoved me through. Then he landed on me on the other side. That’s the extent of my knowledge regarding our inter-dimensional travel. We suck at thinking with portals.”
“If ya were sent through by pony magic or Discord, wouldn’t ya have come out of the portal from the statue instead of a dance studio?” Applejack asked.
“Only if the portals connect to each other in the same way, I’d assume,” Wits posited. “For example, if I went through the front door of the school, I’d be in one position. I wouldn’t expect to end up in the exact same position if I try to enter the donut shop.”
“So ya’ll’re sayin’ your dimension is a donut shop?”
Wits opened his mouth before closing it again. “She’s got me there,” he said to the other boys. “I set myself up for that one.”
“In any case,” Twilight said, desperately trying to keep control of the situation, “we need to figure out how to get you three back to your weird dimension, and to keep you three from running into your counterparts in this world.”
“How bad could that be?” the science edition of Twilight asked.
“Remember what happened when you got your hands on pony magic?”
“...Good point. Let’s get these three back home ASAP.”
“And how, praytell, do you intend to do that? Storm the dance studio and throw us at the mirrors until something gives?” Purple Heart snorted sarcastically. Twilight and Sunset shared a look and they smirked. The three boys blanched.
“Aw fu-”


* * *


“GET OUT!” Hortensia screeched. “GET OUT! I’m trying to go to my happy place and you insufferable teenagers are ruining my groove! GET! OUT!”
“Well, now what, o’ fearless leader?” Purple Heart asked as they were dragged out by a fuming Twilight.
“Maybe she’ll finally let us go,” Light offered weakly. Immediately, Twilight’s grip loosened and the three boys collapsed to the ground, sprawling on the grass of the park across from the dance studio.
“There are kinder ways to let us go, you know,” Wits groaned.
“And I should care… why?” Twilight snapped. She folded her arms across her chest and tapped her foot on the ground, brow furrowed. “Well, girls, any ideas?” She looked at her double and the rest of the girls.
“Why are you so angry?” Wits End asked, picking himself up. “I thought we were friends last time we met. Did we interrupt your alone time with books and lotion?”
Pinkie Pie’s hair quivered. “Whoop, that’s gonna hurt the rating.”
A moment later, Twilight sighed, dusting her hands off after having slammed a certain mint-colored teen face-first into a wall. “I’m angry because you three could do some real damage in this world. Based on the last four times I came here, this place doesn’t do well with extra-dimensional interference.”
“I taste lime mortar,” Wits murmured, licking at the blood leaking from his lip. “And… QuickTime?”
“That might be blood, ”Light Patch replied, helping Wits off the pavement where he’d fallen to. “In any case, we seem to have really upset her, so it might be best to send the most diplomatic of us in to try and get her to calm down and let us check the mirror wall.”
“Not it.” Purple Heart backed up, finger on nose. “I have a habit of pissing her off with the smallest arguments. I’m saving my hide.”
Twilight swung around and glared at the purple teenager. “I still don’t like your logic about good and evil,” she sneered.
“Case and point,” the purple teen said.
“Okay so those two are off the list,” Light Patch said, ignoring the glare from Princess Twilight. “I was thinking Rarity, Applejack, or Fluttershy, and me or Wits End.”
Wits shook his head. “I think the coach is gonna bench me on this one. Am I still bleeding?”
Pinkie Pie shook her head. “Nope, but you should probably get checked for a concussion!”
“Actually, we should start working on a back-up plan in case we can’t solve this in one day,” Sci-Twi said. “If these three need to stay in this world for a couple of days, or possibly weeks, we’ll need to be prepared so the don’t run into our world’s version of them.”
The ex-pony Twilight crossed her arms, turning to her counterpart. “What do you suggest?”
“They’ll need a place to stay, clothes, food, and the like.” The other Twilight pushed her glasses up, writing items down on a notepad as she listed them. “Not to mention we need to finish Wits’ transfer, or at least make Canterlot High think it’s gone through. I think I can hack it so that Daring Doo’s and DigiQuill send an acknowledgement to C.H. without affecting the Purple Heart and Light Patch for our world, but I’ll need to get into a teacher’s office at Crystal Prep to spoof the message for Wits.”
“Wait, what?” Wits End blinked. “You mean I did all of that work breaking out of Crystal Prep, and now we have to walk back in? All of the blood, sweat, and tears I shed to escape, all for nothing?”
“Didn’t you say you climbed a tree to get over the wall?”
“I got a splinter.”
“... Regardless-”
“It really hurt.”
“REGARDLESS.” Sci-Twi turned back to Pony-Twi. “I can see how he gets on your nerves. I need to get into Crystal Prep, and I need a lookout who won’t raise suspicion there. Can he be sneaky?”
Twilight shrugged. “He was the closest thing we had to a Rogue, so I guess so.”
“...I’ll just take that at face value for now. If we leave now, we can sneak in while everyone’s wrapping up for the day, before campus security starts locking everything down.”
The other-world princess turned to Wits End. “Do you think you’d destroy the space-time continuum while in there?”
“Is that a question,” Wits asked, “or a challenge?”
“Considering that I’m pretty fond of living here, I’m gonna have to say it was a question,” Rainbow chimed in.
“Right. So, I guess I’ll be a part of team diplomacy,” Light Patch threw out. “Good luck to the two of you and please try to not end the world. I’m not even remotely dressed to meet the doctor today. No fezzes, or bowties, or biker leathers.”
“And not a police box in sight,” Purple Heart added. “Anyways, while Wits and Sci Twi go a stealthing, the rest of us will try to get back into the dance studio without incurring the wrath of Ol’ Iron Feet. I think we’ll be fine, so long as we don’t throw off her groove.” He looked suspiciously at Princess Twilight. “You aren’t gonna manhandle me again, are you? I like my ears close to my head, not five foot elastic bands.”
“Don’t worry,” Pinkie Pie chirped, clapping Purple Heart on the shoulder. “You don’t have gauges so you’ll be fine.” A shiver travelled up the purple teen’s body and he glared irritably at the bouncing pink hairball.
“So,” Sunset barked, commanding the group’s attention, “to recap, Wits End and Twilight are going back to Crystal Prep to confirm his transfer. Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Princess Twilight, and Light Patch will try to get permission to examine the mirrors in the dance studio. Finally, Pinkie, Purple Heart, and myself will go searching for lodging for the boys.”
The girls blinked in confusion. “Since when were we giving them a place to stay?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“It really is our answer to everything,” Light Patch muttered into his hands before Rainbow’s words registered.
“That’s a little harsh, Rainbow, ” Applejack replied. “They’re possibly stranded for who knows how long from their own homes in another world.”
“Yeh, we’re poor, lost circus performers,” Purple Heart wheedled, “Sure, there’s a town nea-”
“There’s nothing nearby,” Rainbow Dash replied. “Not for miles.” She paused, seeing the blank stares from the other ponies. “What? I like the sword fighting!”
Purple Heart’s face split into a wide grin. “She gets us,” he said happily.
“Inconceivable!” Pinkie cried.
Sunset cleared her throat, glaring down those who interrupted her. “As I was saying,” she continued, “Pinkie, Purple Heart, and I will look for lodging to put the boys in. Any more questions?”
“Why does everything we touch shatter!” Light Patch mock shouted while falling to his knees.
“Anyone got anything less potentially existential on their minds?” Sunset said, trying to not grit her teeth.
“Anyone have any requests for supplies?” Sci Twi asked.
“Well, we could probably use some spare clothes,” Wits said. “I wear men’s smalls, at this age. And I think Princess Twilight could use a dictionary and some lot-”
Applejack winced as the reverberating cracking sound that came from the wall. “Ah’m not sure which is gonna break first: the wall, or his face.”


* * *


Just Duty leaned back in his chair, away from the paperwork he’d been forced to start catching up on. He wanted to say he missed this part, but considering he was the chief, this was well over fifty percent of his job; along with meetings and hard decisions. It was the patrols that he tended to miss; least ‘til his feet began to hurt, he thought with a frown as he wiggled his toes and made a note to try and get back in shape during his retirement. He turned to look at the last report for the day. A faint smile ghosted across his face as he thought about the awkward encounter.
Few teens liked running into family friends at the best of times, let alone when they are with friends, or when the cherry on top is that the family friend is an officer. Or the chief of police as the case today was, he added mentally with a chuckle. He sat back up in his chair and looked over the sheet of the report to check for any final revisions before marking it as finished.
‘How odd for him to have been out during class time,’ a small voice in the back of his mind spoke up, causing him to frown.
“Well, he and his friends were looking to transfer,” he reasoned aloud.
‘During school hours?’
“Well, you know how Light Patch can get. When he wants something done, he does it himself and he does it right then. He was probably the one to drag those other two into the whole thing.”
‘Away from his own projects?’ the voice asked, following a different track and bringing a deeper frown to Just Duty’s lips. He hates to leave projects unfinished, even if it wasn’t his own work to begin with.
“He did say he’d burned out hard,” Just Duty reasoned weakly.
‘You’ve seen his burnouts’, the voice replied, prompting Just Duty to think back to the last burnout Light Patch had. It had taken him a couple of weeks to actually recover. And while he’d promised to do better about dealing with stress and overwork, it had only served to make him more stressed after he’d recovered. Mostly because he was trying to catch up on all of the work he’d fallen behind on. Maybe this one was bad enough to force him to change, but if it had forced him to change, how had he recovered so quickly? Just Duty sighed and marked the report as part of an ongoing investigation, as he resolved that something was going on that still merited investigating.
> Chapter 6: Here It Goes Again
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Ladies first,” Light Patch said, holding the door open for the girls; which prompted a scoff from Rainbow, who’d been playing with a hacky-sack while diplomacy strategies had been discussed.
“You’re just saying that because you’re worried that the ballet lady would throw a shoe at you if you went in again,” she scoffed.
“It’s still gentlemanly,” Rarity replied in his defense stepping through the door. “Now what I’d really like would be to get back to an earlier question of mine.”
“Does he know Kung Fu?” Rainbow jokingly threw out as she entered.
“You and your brother practice ballet?” the fashionista replied, with a small glare towards Rainbow as the last of the group entered the main room.
“Actually, now that ya bring that up, I’m a mite curious myself,” Applejack said, looking Light Patch up and down.
“Yeah, I took ballet largely, I guess, because my brother was taking it. I don’t really remember that much myself. I was five or six when I did it, along with tap and a little jazz,” He replied, showing off the little bit of tap he could remember. “I was okay at it, but never really put in the time to get really good at it. That was more my brother’s thing; he got a job being a part of the dance shows on cruise ships there for a while.” Light Patch reminisced as he thought back. “Why’d you wanna know, anyway?”
“If I was to guess, she was probably curious because it’s... kind of rare to meet a guy who takes ballet and openly admits it, considering its, ah, girlish appearance,” Fluttershy chimed in.
“Also, you don’t really look like a dancer either,” Rainbow also chipped in.
“Yeah well, it was a long time ago and I didn’t go for much of a year. Anyway, everyone ready to diplomatise?”
“That’s not a real word,” Princess Twilight said, frowning at Light Patch. “But yes, I believe I’m ready to ‘diplomatise’,” she said, stepping forward into the room where they could hear music playing from.
The moment they had opened the door and Hortensia saw them, she instantly froze and mouthed several words before her surprise wore off and her face became filled with rage. “I thought I told you to all get out, and never darken my doorway again!” she half shouted.
“The ‘darken my doorway’ bit is new,” Applejack muttered quietly.
“Yeah, but it’s a nice touch,” Light Patch replied.
“Very frightening,” Fluttershy said from where she was hiding behind the two.
“Wait, wait! Please, just hear us out,” Twilight replied, holding her hands out. “I know we’re in the way and kind of frustrating you, but please, we don’t need a super long time. We just wanna look at the mirror wall, and we’re prepared to help make it worth your while,” Twilight said, immediately jumping to her ‘Plan D’.
“How so?” Hortensia replied, crossing her arms.
“If ya’ll got any hammers, nails, and such, I can help fix up some of the smaller stuff,” Applejack volunteered, as she pointed at a few places here and there that had small minor repairs needed.
“And I’m a more than competent seamstress, and I’d be more than happy to help with any costumes, or making new curtains, or such related tasks,” Rarity said, looking pleased as she already began making plans.
“I could at least sweep up a little, or help Applejack,” Rainbow muttered.
“And what about you three?” Hortensia asked, looking at the last three.
“I’d clean the mirrors, all ov’em,” Light Patch said with a sigh as he looked around and realised that the walls of the room were all covered in mirrors, meaning the other practice rooms were likely the same.
“Considering that I’d be doing the most of the examining of the mirror, I’d help him clean them once we’re done.” Princess Twilight sighed as she not only reached the same conclusion as Light Patch had, but then also gone on and estimated the amount of mirror coverage, and calculated the odds that the other rooms would have just as much.
“I was thinking I’d help clean, if that's okay. If you’d rather, I could check the building for any animals like mice in the walls. Or something,” Fluttershy finished, finally having come out from behind Applejack and Light Patch now that Hortensia had calmed down some. The group watched the young woman as she considered the offer of the teens in front of her.
“It’d be nice not having to do all of that myself, and I have fallen behind on a lot of things...” she trailed off, looking around the room and thinking of all of the other things. “Alright, you know what? Fine. If you’re willing to help me out here and there, then sure. You two can follow me, and I’ll show you where I’ve got some tools and stuff I brought in to try and fix the place up some. The cleaning supplies, when you're ready for them, are in the door across from this room,” she said, finally motioning for Applejack and Rainbow to follow her and prompting small cheers or smiles about the success.
Twilight watched the group disperse as they either followed Hortensia to either see what she wanted them to focus on, or start on their own tasks. After a few seconds, she was alone and, with a sigh, turned to face the mirror that Light Patch had pointed out to her was where the three colts— Boys, Twilight. Come on, try to at least use the proper terminology, she chastised herself. Shaking her head, she walked up to the mirror and began to closely examine it. At first, she just looked and carefully touched the mirror to see if whatever magic there was would allow her through it. After a short while longer, and seeing no obvious magic or indications of it, she turned to her bag to collect some instruments that she always carried with her in her travels since she’d become the Element of Magic.
It was a couple of hours later and several pencils worn down to nubs, and enough pages to print at least half of Conflict and Resolution, but she was sure she had a decent answer for what happened that allowed the boys to get into this world. She smiled at her work, and then frowned when her ear twitched slightly at the sound of some soft squeaking in the room. She looked up to see Light Patch working on the mirrors on the far side of the room. She blinked as she realized she’d never even noticed that he’d re-entered the room.
“It was about half an hour ago.” Light Patch answered her thoughts. “Fluttershy and I started in another room to give you some peace and quiet while you worked. We managed to finish that room, and this was the only other one Hortensia—that’s her name by the way—wanted the mirrors cleaned. So Fluttershy started sweeping, and I started to work in here.”
“How-” She’d barely finished asking before he replied.
“You’d stopped scribbling and,” he waved into the mirror at her reflection, “I’m cleaning a mirror, and you're right behind me,” he finished, sounding like he was barely able to keep his laughter in.
Twilight flushed in embarrassment, before she looked at the final page of notes before her and gave a sardonic smile. “Well, it leaves more questions than it answers, but I think I know how you three got here. To sum it up, because I don’t feel like trying to explain it in full more than once, it looks like the same kind of magical set up like the mirror-statue magical bridge. But it’s recent and, while it’s a similar spell, there is a strong hint of Discord's magic. But it’s mostly somepony else’s work.”
“Or something,” Light Patch threw out. “You don’t think it was the Dazzlings, do you?” he continued.
“I doubt it, but I can’t… Hey wait, how do you kno-” She cut herself off and shook her head as she waved her hands to keep Light Patch quiet. “Let me guess; it’s all apart of the show, isn’t it?”
“Spin-off movie series that is-slash-was officially non-canon to the show. But yeah, I’ve seen all three of the movies that are out, and I think Purple Heart’s seen at least one. I don’t think Wits seen any of them, however,” Light Patch finished with a shrug.
Twilight sat there, quietly considering the answer before shuddering with how weird it all seemed to her. After a few seconds of allowing the thoughts to trail away, she quietly and efficiently gathered all of her stuff back into the bag, and grabbed some cleaning supplies to start on her share of the work. It was a few minutes of quiet before Light Patch finally broke it again.
“So, how’ve you and the others been since ya’ll got home?” he asked.
“Good. A little weird, but we’ve been managing to get back to our regular lives. Probably a result of all of the world-saving we’ve ended up having to do,” Twilight said as flash of the one time she’d ever really seen him bothered popped into her mind. “What about you three?”
“It’s been... good,” he said tersely, suddenly on edge before just as quickly sighing and giving himself a chiding look in the mirror that Twilight barely caught. “I don’t know about the others, but it’s been a bit shy of hell for me,” he finally admitted. “It’s weird. We had this massive adventure, turned into another species, almost died… probably. And we can’t tell anyone else about it. I’ve wanted to talk to someone, but I felt like I couldn’t even talk to the guys about it. I felt like there was some kind of...” he paused, searching for the right words, “unspoken taboo. Anytime we drifted close, something else seemed to just come up.”
“I’m sorry. I know how hard it can be. It took me a while to talk with my friends about the whole thing around my brother's wedding; assuming that was in the show.” She looked at the teen to see him give a nod of confirmation. “I figured as much. It does get better, and it’s kind of a band aid situation. You’ve just gotta rip it off.”
“It’d be easier to rip it off and actually talk about it if the first time I tried to talk about it, all of this didn’t then happen, like, immediately after I mention it,” he said, his hands waving to the room around them. “Like the universe decided that was close enough to saying ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’ and decided to punish me for it anyway,” he finished with a bitter smile and a half laugh. “At least the universe has good comedic timing, if nothing else,” he said prompting Twilight laugh along with him transforming his bitter laughter into honest.
After they’d got their laughter back under control, they’d gotten back to work until Fluttershy came into the room to help them finish up, the sound of her entering once again made Twilight’s ear do that annoying feeble twitch, which made it itch. She grunted as she scratched her ear. “No offence to either of you, but this whole unmoving ear thing is just wrong and unnatural.” No sooner had she finished than Light Patch had begun laughing so hard he ended up falling to the ground. “What’s so funny?”
“You don’t know how big my freak out was when I’d gotten back to our world and my body. All through the adventure, I’d been trying to keep from thinking about the full range of movement of my ears, or that I could move my wings like I’d had them all my life. But once we’d gotten back to our world, a sound made my ear twitch and I just freaked out, shouting about how unnatural my pony ears’ movements had been and to get them off until my friends got me calmed down.”
“You were turned into a pony?” Fluttershy asked quietly, thinking about what she’d heard from Twilight and Sunset about how ponies looked on their world. “Oh, I bet you were just adorable.” She squeed thinking about it, prompting Light Patch to once again fall to his knees with laughter, before he settled down into a slightly evil chuckle and began to wipe the tears from his eyes he finally spoke up.
“You should ask Wits End about his pony form,” he said, falling into a light Joker laugh.


* * *


“So,” Science Twilight said, “you’re from another dimension, huh?”
“Yep,” Wits replied.
“Huh.”
“You know, you’re taking this a lot better than your pony counterpart did.”
Twilight shrugged. “Once you’ve had someone from a world of magical talking horses become your friend, you kinda get use to it.”
Wits paused. “Fair enough.”
The two of them walked in silence for a few seconds. “So,” Twilight said finally, “what are you three in your world?”
“Mollusks.”
Twilight stopped walking. “Really?”
“Yep. The three of us are hyper-intelligent cuttlefish who communicate through interpretive dance.” He turned back, seeing the unamused expression on the purple girl’s face. “Not buying it, huh?”
“Not really, no.”
Wits shrugged. “Fair enough.” The two of them continued walking. “We’re humans, mostly like the ones in this world. Only with a more limited color palette, and definitely less randomly bursting into song.”
“Really? How do you deal with major personal issues, then?”
“We push them deep down inside until the fester and destroy everything we know and love.”
“...So everyone in your world is a teenage boy, then?”
Wits winced. “Ouch. But fair.”
“What year of high school are you in your world? Sophomore? Junior?”
“Graduated. College too. I’ve got a job and everything.”
Twilight looked shocked. “What are you, a genius?”
“I’m old, is what I am.” Wits ran a hand over his smooth chin with a frown. “Thanks for reminding me. In our world, we’re a good 7-8 years older than we are here.”
“You got de-aged?”
Wits sighed and shook his head. “In the weirdest possible way, maybe. In our world, Purple Heart’s a couple years younger than I am, and Patchy’s about a year and a half older than me. Here, it’s like our age order has been reversed? Ish?”
“Hmm.” The two of them stopped at a crosswalk just as the sign turned from green to red. “How does that happen?”
“Magical mirrors. Discord shenanigans. How should I know?” He scratched the back of his head. “I’m just a passenger in this crazy ride called my life.”
“What’s a ‘Discord’, anyway? The other Twilight mentioned it before.”
“You ever seen Star Trek?”
“Is that like Interstellar Odyssey?”
“Is there a character who’s a god-like entity who messes with the crew on a semi-regular basis?”
“Yes.”
“Discord is that.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah.” The walk sign switched to green, and the two teens started walking once again. “There’s no-one called Discord in this world, is there?”
Twilight thought for a moment. “Well, there’s Mr. D. the janitor.”
“That doesn’t sound like the Discord I know.”
“There’s also Professor D. the Language Arts teacher.”
“There’s two people named D.?”
“Dr. D. the dentist, Señor D. the owner of the churro cart outside of the park, M.C. D. the radio host...”
“You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Twilight shrugged. “Apparently it’s a very common name.”
Wits sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Five Discords. I don’t know if my poor heart can handle it.”
“Oh, there’s also-”
“Hey look, there’s Crystal Prep!”
“Huh?” Twilight looked up at the campus that lay before them. “Wow. I never thought I’d be back here.”
“It looks like school’s out for the day. We got here just in time.” Wits End moved over to the wall and knelt down, making a seat with his hands. “I’ll give you a boost, and then you can find a rope or a tree branch or something to help me climb back ov-”
Twilight shifted the branches of a bush a few feet away to reveal a hole in the wall. “Or we can go through this.”
Wits, still kneeling, shuffled over to the hole. “Why is there a barely hidden hole in this military compound of a school?”
“You can thank D.-san, the Crystal Prep groundskeeper,” she said while slipping through the gap.
“I hate everything about my life.”
“Some of the students needed a way to sneak out after curfew,” Twilight continued, ignoring Wits as he crawled through, “so they made a deal. As long as D.-san is supplied with weekly sushi rolls, he turns a blind eye to this hole.”
Wits End sighed, pulling himself back onto his feet. “Let’s just get this over with.”
“I should be able to get into the records using one of the computers in the teacher’s lounge.”
“Lead the way, fearless leader.”
The two of them slipped in through an open window, and snuck down the empty halls. “It’s right down here,” Twilight whispered, peeking around a corner, only to quickly pull back.
“What is it?” Wits whispered back.
“It’s you.”
“Me?” Wits leaned past her to see around the corner for himself. There was a student with long tangled hair standing at one side of the hallway, hunched over something in their hands. “That’s not me. I’m me. I should know, since I had to deal with myself back in Discord’s little game world.” He frowned. “He was a di-”
“Not you,” Twilight hissed, pulling him back. “This world’s version of you.”
“That’s me?”
“That’s you.”
“I have long hair here?”
“You don’t have long hair in your world?”
“Not since high school.”
“You are in high school.”
“My head hurts now.”
“Just be quiet!” The two teens leaned around peered around the corner to watch the alternate version of Wits. “What’s he doing?”
Wits narrowed his eyes in an attempt to see better. “Looks like he’s… on his phone? I think he’s texting someone.”
Twilight readjusted her glasses. “Is that a Blackberry?”
“Absolutely disgusting.”
“Hang on, he’s taping something to the bottom of that fire extinguisher. What is it?”
“We both wear glasses, and you think one of us will be able to see that thing from here?”
“Fair enough. Look.” The two of them watched as the Wits-alike turned and scurried down the hall away from them. “Let’s hurry before someone else shows up.”
“Right.” They moved up to a door with a sign. “Teacher’s Lounge. That’s our stop.”
Twilight nodded. “You watch the hall, and I’ll spoof the records so that Equestria High thinks you’ve transferred over. If anyone comes by, give three knocks and try to distract them.”
Wits End nodded. “Guard duty. I can do that.” He leaned through the door as Twilight slipped through. “Try to make it fast!” he whispered as loud as he could. “Guard duty never ends well in stealth missions!”
The door closed in his face. “Great,” he muttered, leaning with his back to the door. “Und now ve vait.” He looked across at what his alternate dimension counterpart had stuck to the wall. “Well, it’s not really being nosy if it’s me, right?” He crossed the hall and felt around the bottom of the fire extinguisher. “There we go,” he whispered, carefully pulling the object free so as to avoid tearing the tape.
In his hand was a smartphone, much more recent than the phone the other Wits End had been using. “Huh,” Wits muttered, leaning back against the Teacher’s Lounge door as he turned the phone over in his hand. “No brand name? I thought for sure it’d be a iPone or a Saddlesung or some other punny name. Huh?” He pushed each of the buttons in turn, but the screen remained dark. “No battery? I didn’t realize my alternate self was a creative litterbug.”
“Student?”
Wits went stiff, staring straight ahead. “Jig’s up,” he muttered under his breath. He forced a smile on his face and turned to face the source of the voice. “Yes, I-” His eyes danced over the older man in front of him. He was middle aged, with off-white skin and snow-white hair combed straight back. A pair of rectangular glasses framed his severe expression, and a quick glance down revealed a rather angry-looking scar that ran from the palm of his right hand up into the sleeve of his suit. Finally, the teen’s eyes landed on the badge pinned to the man’s coat pocket, and his eyes went wide. “Holdfast? What’re you doing here?”
“That’s Professor Holdfast,” the teacher corrected, narrowing his eyes at the much shorter teen. “I may have only joined this school recently, but that doesn’t mean you can be so informal with me. What’s your name?”
“Uh…” Wits took a step back towards the door, rapping his knuckles against it three times as his mind stumbled through a million possible answers. “It’s, uh… Stanlee. Stanlee Cameo.”
“Well then, mister Cameo. Maybe you can answer this question for me. What are you doing on school grounds after hours?”
“I, uh, well, that’s a, uh, very good question. I am…” Wits looked down at the device in his hand he had been nervously fidgeting with. “I… lost my phone, and had to come back to pick it up!” He held out the smartphone with another forced smile. “That’s all!”
“Hmm…” Holdfast’s eyes cut down to look at the phone. “And the tape?”
“The… tape…” Wits thought for a moment before deciding that the best lie would be the truth. “Someone taped it to the fire extinguisher,” he said, pointing to the same extinguisher he’d taken the phone from. “Probably one of those teenage pranksters I’ve heard so much about. Hah. Hah hah.” He knocked on the door three times again.
“And why do you keep doing that?”
“What? Oh, uh, you know. Knock on wood.”
“I see…” Holdfast bent down, inspecting Wits’ face. “Are you in one of my classes?”
“No, I just have one of those faces.”
“And what kind is that?”
“The kind where I always look guilty when talking to an authority figure?” Wits grinned for a split second before deciding that was too far. His ear perked as he heard the sound of a window sliding open through the door, then slide back shut. He sighed in relief.
Holdfast’s eyes narrowed. “And what was that, mister Cameo?”
“Oh, you know,” Wits said quickly. “Just like to keep breathing.” He pointed back towards the front of the school. “I should get going now. Teenager things to do, teenager places to be.”
“Hmmph. Fine.” Holdfast made a dismissive gesture with his scarred hand. “And mister Cameo?”
“Yessir?”
“Next time you lose your phone, don’t wait until school is over to retrieve it.”
“Oh, believe me, professor. You won’t see me in school after hours again.” Wits threw the snow-white teacher a salute as he turned and ran down the hallway.
“No running in the hall, mister Cameo.”
Wits skidded to a stop. “Heh heh, right.” He continued to the exit of the school at a moderate rate of speed, waiting until he stepped through the front doors before breaking into a run again. Once he was at the gate, he spotted Twilight. “Is it done?”
“Yep!” Twilight grinned widely, despite her heavy breathing from her own run away from the school. “According to Equestria High’s records, you’ve just transferred in.”
Wits gave the girl a thumbs up. “Excellent. Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”
“Let’s what?”
“Let’s go meet up with the rest of Mystery Inc.”
“Ah, that one I get.”


* * *


“So, you’ve met the other Pinkie, have you?” Pinkie Pie asked as she hopped from foot to foot down the sidewalk, arms out to balance herself.
“Yeh,” Purple Heart replied shortly. Sunset arched an eyebrow at his monosyllabic response.
“You met in a game?” Pinkie continued.
“Yeh.”
“Was it fun?”
“...Eh...”
“So it wasn’t fun.”
“...No...”
“Was it fun enough to want to do it again?”
“...Maybe.”
“AHA!” Pinkie cried, whirling around to point an accusing finger at the purple teen. “Two syllables! You lose!”
Purple Heart blinked at the vivacious girl. “Huh?” Pinkie shook her head and waved a finger at him, clicking her tongue in disappointment.
“You lost,” she reminded. “No take backsies.”
Sunset smirked, covering her giggle with a hand at Purple Heart’s frowning goldfish impression. “She’s got you there,” the redhead chided.
Purple Heart rolled his eyes and exhaled explosively from his nose. “Didn’t know I was playing a game,” he grumbled as they came to a crosswalk. He stopped, eyes avoiding the two girls as he focused on the crosswalk light on the opposite side of the street.
“Oh, darling,” Pinkie crooned, imitating Rarity as she reached up and petted the purple teen’s head, “everything is a game.” Another smirk passed over Sunset’s lips. Seeing the male teen’s profiled frown brought her such amusement for some reason. She turned back to the crossing light, letting a silence briefly fall around them.
“How about this,” Purple Heart said just as the light turned in their favor, “let’s play a game where you, Pinkie, ask me a question, and if I can’t answer it I’ll give you five dollars. Then, I’ll ask you a question, and if you can’t answer it, you give me five hundred dollars.”
Sunset arched an eyebrow again at the purple teen, stepping off the sidewalk to cross. “You have money on you?” she asked.
He blinked and looked uncomfortable for a moment. “Ehm...no?”
Sunset Shimmer rolled her eyes and sighed. “Then how do you expect to play?” she snarked.
“Ooh~!” Pinkie chimed, bouncing ahead of them again. “You could loan him the five dollars for the duration of the game!” Jerking in surprise, the redhead turned to her bouncing friend and stared incredulously at her.
“Don’t tell me you have five hundred dollars!” she asked, surprise suffusing her tone.
“Of course I do!” Pinkie replied cheerily. “Everyone loves sweets! And I work at the place the makes ‘em the best!” Sunset sighed and waved her hands.
“Go on then,” she said, pulling out a handful of fives from her wallet and holding it out to Purple Heart. He blinked and reached out to take it only for it to be snatched from his reach. He backed up under Sunset’s hostile glare.
“I want them back when this game is over,” she warned, “or so help me, I’ll...” She faltered for a moment, attempting to think up a viable threat to cow the taller teen. Looking up into his eyes, she saw him waiting expectantly.
“Well?” he prompted. “You’ll what? Molest me again?” His words elicited an immediate explosive reaction from the redhead.
“Don’t even go there!” she snapped, whirling on him. “I’ll think of something! Something...”
Pinkie smiled evilly as she walked beside them. “Need some time to think about your little lovers’ spat?” she said sneakily. Her smile widened upon seeing the two flush and immediately begin denying her words.
“Lovers’ spat!?” Sunset squawked. “With him?! I’d rather kiss Spike!”
“A lovers’ spat with her would leave me bleeding or otherwise injured,” Purple Heart retorted. “Thanks, Pinkie.”
“Happy to help!” the pink haired girl chortled. “Anyway, this game of yours?” Sunset gaped, darting past Purple Heart so that Pinkie was between the two of them.
“What, you still want to play that?” Sunset asked in surprise. “He could just be messing around with you!”
“So what? If it’s fun, it won’t matter as much,” Pinkie grinned, turning to address Purple Heart. “Well, who starts? You or I?”
The purple teen blinked and shook himself to answer. “Uh, you start,” he said.
“Okay then!” Pinkie fell silent for a moment as she thought. “What...is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?”
Sunset stared at Pinkie Pie incredulously. She was about to chide the pink haired girl into an asking an easier question when she remembered how much of a pain that Purple Heart was becoming. Her mouth stayed sealed as she looked past Pinkie at Purple Heart, waiting expectantly for his answer. Or lack thereof.
“African or European?” he clarified.
“African.”
“Dammit.” He looked down at Sunset and quirked his brow beseechingly. “Can haz monies?”
She tried. She really did. Those sorrowful eyes were annoyingly adept at accomplishing their task. “Ugh, fine.” She forked over five dollars which he promptly handed to Pinkie. Pinkie grinned, gesturing back at him.
“Your turn,” she prompted.
Sunset switched her gaze back to the purple teen.
“What goes uphill on four legs and down again on three?” he asked.
Sunset and Pinkie blinked, frowning at the question. Pinkie opened her mouth as if to answer but immediately shut it. This went on long enough for the trio to make it back to Equestria High.
Pinkie sighed in defeat and reached into her hair, pulling out five hundred dollars in ones and handing them to Purple Heart. He grinned and pocketed the money.
“Well, we’re back here,” Sunset gestured to the school. “Now what?”
“I’m going to ask Celestia if there are any dorms on campus,” Purple Heart said. “I don’t think the Purple Heart of here would much like me showing up at his house.”
“Understandable,” Sunset agreed. “Though I must say, during my time here, I’ve never seen a student dorm on campus.”
“It can’t hurt to ask,” Pinkie offered, brow still creased. She looked at Purple Heart. “Okay, I gotta know. What goes up hill on four legs and down again on three?”
A devilish grin crossed Purple Heart’s face and he pulled out five ones recently won from Pinkie and handed them to the pink haired girl.
“I’ll be back then,” he chortled, walking into the school and leaving the two stunned girls standing in the courtyard. After a moment, Pinkie burst into laughter. Sunset stared at her pink haired friend, a questioning look on her face. Upon noticing her friend’s incredulous look, Pinkie stopped laughing long enough to address the unspoken question.
“He may have trolled me,” she said, “but we still had fun.” Shaking her head, Sunset followed after Purple Heart into the school, followed shortly by Pinkie Pie.
“Do you suppose he misses home?” Pinkie asked softly in a moment of seriousness. “He just got pulled into another world again. Do you think he’s mad?” A sharp retort leapt to Sunset’s lips, but the frown on Pinkie’s face forestalled her scathing remark. The red haired girl considered the question carefully, thinking back to her interactions with the purple teen. Honestly, she couldn’t see him missing home. If he did, he hid it well behind his impertinence and constant puns. Therein lay the clue to his inner feelings.
“Maybe,” Sunset replied finally as they turned into the corridor leading to the principal’s office. “If he’s mad or homesick, he hides it well.”
Pinkie nodded her agreement. “He perked up when we came to the theater,” she pointed out. “We should get him to perform something… though what format it will take might be a problem...”
Sunset shrugged and held open Principal Celestia’s door. Inside was Purple Heart standing before Principal Celestia’s desk. Judging from the principal’s furrowed brow, Sunset believed that she had just been posed with Purple Heart’s question. Seconds passed, during which Pinkie and Sunset settled into the chairs flanking Purple Heart and unintentionally leaving no seat for the boy himself.
“No, there aren’t any student dorms on campus that you and your two friends could stay in,” Celestia spoke. Purple Heart sighed and his shoulders slumped. “However-” He perked up. “-there’s a small building on the north side of the campus that has been in disuse since I became principal here. I’ve no idea what its original purpose was, but I’m sure that you three boys could stay there.” A grin broke out on Purple Heart’s face. “But-” Only to fall minutely. “-it needs a severely thorough clean. Something that I think the girls can help you with.” Celestia looked past Purple Heart at Sunset Shimmer and Pinkie Pie with a kind smile.
Sunset gulped. “Oh boy.”
“Cue ‘student bonding over cleaning’ cliche,” Purple Heart hummed. “Thank you, Principal Celestia. My comrades and I greatly appreciate your offer.” Celestia inclined her head and waved the trio out.
“Off you go,” she dismissed. “I’m sure your friends are on their way back.” Pinkie hopped out of the chair, her cheer returned and she skipped out of the office followed by Sunset who set a more sedate pace. Purple Heart smiled and followed the two girls, closing the door behind him. Celestia sighed.
“Now,” she cooed, placing her hidden plate back on her desk. Atop the plate sat a piece of cake with a fork stuck haphazardly in it, as if she’d been interrupted. “Where were we?”
> Chapter 7: Just Rock-Out While You Work
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“And so, through the magical powers of texting, the Fellowship of Dusting met once again on the threshold of the greatest challenge that stood before them,” Light Patch said, doing his best impression of the narrator from the Powerpuff Girls as he stood looking up at the house that looked to be fairly old.
“I don’t think you’re allowed to make a Lord of the Rings reference,” Wits End said, frowning at Light Patch, “at least finish the first book, then we’ll see.”
“Hey, I’ve read a good chunk of the first book,” Light Patch said, turning back to face Wits End. “Besides Willow’s better.”
“Well, I haven’t seen Willow,” Wits retorted. “Maybe we need a day to watch all the movies and THEN judge them.”
“Ladies,” Rarity snapped, “you’re both...in need of serious makeovers. We’ll discuss that later. For now, we have a house to fix up. So kindly refrain from squabbling like little children.”
The two teens grumbled under their breath and crossed their arms, turning away from each other with petulant pouts on their faces.
“Judgement aside,” Purple Heart interjected, “could we perhaps get on with the cleaning? I’d like to sleep sometime before midnight.”
“And when has that ever actually happened?” Wits End threw over his shoulder.
“ENOUGH~!” Fluttershy cried. Silence and attention was immediate. “Could we please start cleaning? Sleep is important and sleeping in a clean environment is mandatory.”
“Well, it ain’t necessarily mandatory,” Applejack rebutted, “it’s a nice luxury though.”
“Who has the key?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Sunset stepped forward, pulling the key she’d gotten from Celestia out of her jacket and opened the door, giving the group their first look at the inside of the old building. “Well, she wasn’t lying when she said the building hadn’t been used for a while.” It was the politest thing she was able to think of at that moment to say.
“There are some things that were meant to remain buried, some secrets left unknown, some tombs that shouldn’t have ever been opened,” Light Patch said, having caught a glimpse from behind Sunset.
“We’re going to need the use of the bathroom to help clean everything,” Rarity said once she’d gotten over the shock of what she’d seen. “Who’s willing to start there?” She turned around to look at the rest of the group, prompting several quick ‘not its’ from everyone. One of the teens was however slower than the rest and all eyes turned to look at the unlucky teen.
“Oh, sugar honey iced tea,” Wits End muttered. “This is what I get for skipping arm day, I guess.” With a sigh, he took the grocery bag filled with bathroom cleaning supplies and set off into the house. “Remember me as I lived: in a Zero, rolling off the runway into a gunpit.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “Do ah want ta know?”
Pinkie Pie shrugged. “It’s probably a long story leading to an ultimately unsatisfying inside joke.”
“How does she do that?” Light Patch asked in his best pirate accent. “Anyway, I guess I’ll go start in the kitchen. We’ll want a place to eat and cook in the morning,” Light Patch said, grabbing some of the supplies that would be useful for working in the kitchen.
“Guess I’ll start on the living room,” Purple Heart hummed. “Gotta congregate somewhere. Most certainly not our rooms. Discuss amongst yourselves who gets to help whom. It matters not to me.” He gathered some supplies and moved on to find a vacuum cleaner.
The girls stood in the foray for a moment, thinking silently.
“Work with Purple Heart or as far away from him as possible?” Sunset murmured. “Close or far, close or far, close or far...”
“Furthest away from him would be the bathroom,” Twilight pointed out. “Are you sure you want to clean that instead of ignoring his presence for a day?” The decision was no contest.
“I’ll got get more supplies from the school janitor’s room,” Sunset decided, leaving the house entirely.
“Well, she made the most of a difficult situation,” Rainbow Dash commented. “I’ll work with Purple Heart. I wanna grill him about sports. Maybe I can get him on the baseball team… Or the football team for that matter...” She too left swiftly, following Purple Heart.
“I’ll go help Wits End. Unless one of you wanted to, that is,” Fluttershy quietly said. “There’s a question I was hoping to ask him.” She explained. Hearing no objections, she headed towards where she’d seen Wits End go, trying to think of the best way to ask her question.
“I’ll go with Light Patch. I know my way around a kitchen, so cleaning it will be a breeze,” Pinkie said with smooth confidence only shaken when her stomach growled. “I’m also kind of hoping I can mooch a bite or two from the food,” she admitted with a faint blush on her cheeks and a light chuckle as she grabbed up all of the food and skipped her way to the kitchen before any of the others could stop her.
“Well, so much for their food supplies,” Sci Twi sighed. “I was thinking I’d see about the living room. Maybe there are some interesting old books or something in here.” Her eyes glanced at every shelf and book as she passed. Princess Twilight followed her without saying anything, prompting the rest of the girls to split up and pick some other room in the house to start trying to clean up.


* * *


Sunset Shimmer pushed the door open. “I’m back! And I found a spare vacuum cleaner.” She looked about the entry hall, which was still relatively untouched. “What’ve I missed?”
“Not much to be honest,” Princess Twilight replied as she peaked into the hallway. “I mean… the house ate us and all, and now we’re just ghosts. But otherwise, it’s been fairly quiet.”
Sunset blinked owlishly at the royal Twilight and shook her head, hauling the vacuum into the foray. “Despite my short experience with them, that sounds like something one of the boys would say,” she commented dryly.
Twilight gave a light laugh and walking into the hall proper. “I unfortunately spent a great deal of time with them,” she pointed out. “Maybe I’ve picked up a little on their little ‘isms’.” Her brow furrowed and her lips tightened into a line as she thought for a moment. Then her eyes widened in shock and horror. “Ye carping heck, I’m becoming one of them!” she cried.
“Hahaha~!” A cackle echoed around the house, though its source was clearly the living room. “Our corruption is complete! Soon, Equestria will be ours, my brothers!”
Sunset frowned. “Do we need to check on them to make sure they don’t burn the house down?”
“No, no,” Twilight said with a shake of her head. She stopped, thinking for a moment. “Actually, yes. We should check on them. Let’s start with Light Patch and the kitchen.”
“Because of the oven?”
“Because of the oven.” The two girls made their way to the kitchen, moving slightly faster every few seconds as they imagined the damage that might already be done. “Light Patch?” Twilight asked. “Status report?”
“I’ve gotten the floor clean and I’m moving onto the counter tops next and Pinkie is just about finished with the oven,” Light Patch said with a mock salute before getting back to getting cleaning. “Also, Twilight. You’re smart. Tell Pinkie she’s wrong about pancakes being the inferior form of cakes.”
“Oh please,” the pink teen’s voice echoed from within the oven. “Twilight is the smartest, so of course she’d know that pancakes are inferior and it’s all about the cupcake!” she said, standing and stalking over to poke Light Patch in the chest angrily. Twilight watched and listened to the two of them argue for a minute before sighing.
“Oh no, not this again.” She muttered quietly prompting a raised eyebrow from Sunset.
“They’ve argued about this before?”
“Once from what Applejack said.” Twilight replied.
“Answer the question, Twilight,” Pinkie growled.
Twilight swallowed hard. “I abstain from this judgement, by virtue of princesshood and such like that.”
Sunset smirked; which fell apart as soon as the pink teen turned on her. “Uh, same thing, but without the princesshood excuse.”
“I can’t believe I’m friends with you two, “ Pinkie muttered, turned back to the oven.
“Yeah, they didn’t even try to establish some kind of common ground like powder cakes are the most exciting or that ‘a piece of cake’ is a weird idiom for something simple,” Light Patch muttered, shaking his head in disappointment.
“But the weirdest cake idiom is probably, ‘like piffy on a rock cake’,” Pinkie threw out.
“I have absolutely no idea what that means What the heck is ‘piffy’ anyway?”
“I know, right?”
“Ohhhhkay, sure.” Sunset hooked her thumb at the hallway. “We should check and make sure Wits hasn’t accidentally created a poisonous gas in the bathroom.”
Twilight nodded, then turned back to the two teens in the kitchen. “Carry on. Try not to set off the fire alarm.”
The two girls chatted quietly as they walked towards the bathroom, checking in with the others as they passed by them, but mostly taking the time to catch up with each other face-to-face rather than through a journal. When they neared the bathroom however, a loud thunk interrupted their talk and, with worried looks, they dashed the rest of the short distance.
Fluttershy darted out of the bathroom door, a look halfway between panic and embarrassment on her face. “I-I-I just asked him about when he was a pony, and he-”
A low moan emanated from within the bathroom. Sunset shifted past Fluttershy and stuck her head through the door. On the floor, under the sink, was Wits End; crouched into a ball and holding the top of his head. “You alright?”, she asked.
“I think by the end of this day,” Wits mumbled, “I’m going to have a very minor case of serious brain damage…”
Sunset sighed and knelt next to the collapsed teen. “What did she ask?”
“She asked if I was cute.”
The red-haired girl stared down for a few seconds. Then, a wicked smile began to cross her lips as she held her chin with one hand. “Ohhhhh, I see how this is.”
“Alright, alright.” Twilight grabbed Wits End by his collar and dragged him out to heft him onto his feet. “What’s the status?”
“This place has seen better days,” he said, straightening his clothes. “But, we’re making good progress. We took care of the shower and tiles, so next is the sink. The toilet’s for last.”
“Which one of you is doing the toilet?” Sunset asked.
“Well, I am a man, after all.”
“Fluttershy beat you at rock-paper-scissors, huh?” Twilight deadpanned.
“We started with a best of 3! How do you win 7 games in a row like that?” Wits exclaimed.
Twilight shook her head. “Honestly, I’m surprised you’re taking this so seriously.”
“I take cleaning very seriously,” Wits said, putting his hands on his hips. “I’m a regular Ryuuji Takasu all up in this.”
“At this point, I honestly don’t care.”
“Moving on then,” Sunset decided. “Let’s see what kind of catastrophe is in the living room.” The duo left the bathroom, leaving Wits End to his minor brain damage and Fluttershy to her cuteness overload.
“Well, we’ve wandered into two unusual situations, let’s see if number three is better,” Twilight said as they stepped into the living room.
“I. AM. NO OKAY.” Purple Heart boomed, rocking the two girls back on their heels. They blinked at each other once before switching their gazes to scrutinize the purple teen. He was standing on one foot, holding the other in his hands. Rainbow Dash was dusting the furniture. While on top of the furniture.
“Find another one?” she asked, not looking at the irritated boy.
“A mini this time,” he growled, flexing his foot and then apprehensively placing it back on the floor. He squatted, picking up the cause for his pain. “Stormtrooper. I swear, whoever owned this house before we came along had children or grandchildren who possessed an unhealthy amount of legos.”
Twilight and Sunset blinked again, looking at each other. They tried valiantly to stifle their laughter. Tried being the operative word.
Purple Heart’s baleful glare lifted from the lego minifigure in his palm to settle on the laughing pair, displeasure clear for all to see in his eyes. “You,” he rumbled, “have not known the true meaning of pain, suffering, and hopelessness until you’ve stepped on a lego.”
Sunset’s giggles erupted and she held her stomach, gasping for breath. Twilight caught her breath long enough to ask a question. “Why aren’t you wearing shoes?”
Incredibly, Purple Heart’s gaze became even colder. “I came to this place without shoes,” he growled, taking several steps forward. “I wear a size fifteen. Do you perchance know of anyone with shoes freakishly big enough to fit my behemoth sized- OWCH! GOSH DARN SONUVA FUDGING BOLLOCKS AND CARPING HECK!!” The sight of the massive teen hopping around on one foot whilst holding the other set a most comical image. Laughter was renewed and Purple Heart grumbled under his breath as he sunk to the floor, clearly set on not moving willingly from his spot.
“Well aside from that,” Princess Twilight said once she’d gotten her laughter back under control, “how has cleaning the room gone?”
“Well enough,” Rainbow Dash answered. “Everything’s cleaned and tidied. Floors been vacuumed.”
“Then why are there still legos to step on?”
“He was moving the couch and found a hoard of them underneath. Then he dropped them everywhere. Like I said, well enough. Only mess to deal with now is the one he made.”
“Sounds like a dangerous situation there. I’ll help,” Light Patch said, entering the room.
“Light Patch?” Twilight turned to face the grey teen. “You and Pinkie are done with the kitchen already? Did you put the food away too?”
“Mostly. I finished the countertops and Pinkie said she’d put the food away, so I figured I’d go see what I could do to help elsewhere,” Light Patch said with a shrug as he prodded the still quietly muttering Purple Heart.
The room went silent for a solid minute. Eventually, Twilight broke the silence. “Light Patch,” she said slowly. “Did you say that Pinkie said she would ‘put the food away’?”
“Yes,” he replied cautiously, sensing he was on the precipice of danger.
The room was silent again. It was at this time that Wits End and Fluttershy peeked into the living room, only to very quietly retreat from the Equestrian Standoff in action. “Light Patch,” Twilight repeated. “Do you understand what I would mean if I said that you were attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis?”
The teen looked confused as he puzzled out what she said, “Are you saying I’ve been screwed?” he finally asked after another minute.
Before Twilight could respond, she was interrupted by a bass belch coming from the direction of the kitchen. Without a word, she gestured in the direction of the burp with both hands, an expression of disappointment clear on her face.
Sunset stared at Light Patch. “You… dense bucker.”
Light Patch looked looked between Twilight and the kitchen and the burp and Sunset for a few moments before the light clicked on in his head prompting him Gibb’s Smack himself. “Consider this Boozle thoroughly bambed.”
“Bamb...boozled?” Purple Heart questioned weakly. “That...I guess...okay...”
“You seem to be a little slow now, aren’t you?” Sunset Shimmer prodded, grinning at the seated purple teen. “Is it past your bedtime?” Purple Heart rubbed his face and blinked blearily at the ceiling.
“Maybe,” he hummed. “I dunno how long you all’ve been up, but I’ve been awake for about 12 hours… I think… Not certain...” He frowned and rubbed at his eyes.
“Well, the house looks reasonably liveable now,” Applejack declared, walking into the living room, followed closely by Rarity and Fluttershy. “Ah think yeh’ll be good fer the night.”
“Indeed,” Rarity agreed. “It doesn’t look fantastic or even fashionable, but it is...satisfactory.”
“Everything in the bathroom is clean,” Fluttershy chimed in. “Wits only has to do a few more small touch ups.”
“What about food?” Pinkie asked through a mouthful of sandwich. “They need food before bed.”
“I was thinking we try shaving Pinkie’s hair and seeing what falls out,” Light Patch muttered as he glared at the girl.
“Hey, folks?” Wits leaned around the wall. “I know we’ve been cleaning this place up, but it looks like aliens abducted the contents of the kitchen. Anyone know a pizza place that delivers this late?”
“I know a good vegan place,” Fluttershy said. She looked up to see a look of disgust on Wits End’s face. “I guess that’s a no then…”
“I may have sworn off most meats, but I’m not going that far,” Purple Heart grumbled as he rolled to his feet. “Fish would be fine. Or sushi. Or pizza. Depends on your budget.”
“How’s everyone feel about cannibalism?” Light Patch asked speculatively as he continued to glare at Pinkie.
The girls all stared at the grey teen blankly and gave a resounding answer of ‘NO.’ Twilight and Sunset then swung back to Purple Heart, scrutinizing the youth. “And what,” Sunset snarled, “pray tell, do you mean when you say ‘our budget’?” The boys all shared a look, blinking rapidly at each other. Science Twilight’s eyes narrowed at their pitiful attempt to speak in morse code. Princess Twilight rolled her eyes and sighed, nodding her head at the boys.
“I understand,” she said.
“What, you’re taking their side?!” Sunset squawked. “You think we have to pay for their food?!” The other girls, save Fluttershy and Pinkie, turned their glares on the pony-turned-human Twilight.
Princess Twilight shook her head. “I didn’t say I’m taking their side or to pay for their food,” she soothed. “I just understand their situation.”
“Which is… what?” Applejack said.
“Light, get off.” Purple Heart shoved his teething friend off him and brushed his shirt. “This is serious.”
“Oh, you bet your tail it’s serious,” Rainbow Dash ground out. “Why are we paying for your food?”
The boys looked pitifully at the girls and widened their eyes to make themselves look as innocent as possible.
“We have no monies,” they chorused.
“He used it all to buy steam games,” Wits pointed at Purple Heart.
“Oi! It was only a few!”
“Unless of course they’ll take a dollar bill or two,” Light Patch said idly. looking through his wallet. “Somehow though, I don’t think our home currency is gonna be accepted here.” He held up a bill up for further emphasis. It was at that point that the two Twilights snatched the bill from his hands and set about scrutinizing the foreign currency.
“It’s not even remotely close enough to pass even a surface check,” Sci Twi said, looking it over and comparing it to a bill from their own world.
“I still can’t believe you accept paper as money,” Princess Twilight said as she observed from over Sci Twi’s shoulder. There were several more seconds of examining before the bill was snatched back by Light Patch.
“Regardless, it’s like we said: we don’t have any valid currency in this world so either ya’ll pay outta the kindness of your hearts,” Light Patch said, prompting a small eye twitch from Rarity, “or you point us to the nearest soup kitchen that's open or a forest growing some easily foraged food. Because someone who I won’t name–Pinkie–ate all of ours.”
“Regardless of the regardlessness,” Purple Heart added, “the only way we’re gonna get anything to eat at this rate is if someone makes a generous donation to our cause.”
“Hang on,” Sunset said, eyes narrowing at the purple teen. “What about you?”
Purple Heart blinked slowly. “What about me?”
“What about the money you won off of Pinkie?”
Purple Heart blinked slowly once again. He reached into his pocket, retrieving a wad of bills that still smelled faintly of bubble gum. “Oh. Well, looks like we have 495 bucks to our name.”
“And you still owe me 5 from that first question you whiffed.”
A frown passed slowly over Purple Heart’s face as he removed five bills from the wad and tossed them at Sunset. “490 bucks.”
Wits clapped his hands. “In any case, let’s get something ordered, eat it, and then sleep. I’m just about to pass out from all the excitement of sneaking through Castle Wolfenstein High School Edition and running into Holdfast again.”
Princess Twilight‘s head jerked up. “Hold-what now? What was he doing in Crystal Prep?”
“Teaching, I assume. He had a badge and everything.” A loud, synchronized stomach gurgle from the three boys cut off any future discussion. Wits chuckled. “Let’s sync up over pizza. Or Chinese food. Or anything. The bathroom cleaning supplies are starting to look awful tasty.”


* * *


Elsewhere, something stirred in the dark. Six pairs of eyes glowed in the inky blackness, each pair shifting independent of the others. In the center was a massive body, mostly unmoving aside from the slow rise and fall of breath.
One made a low growl, almost as if it was clearing its throat. “So,” it said smoothly, a pair of violet fins swaying gently behind its jaw, “they are here, yes?”
“The warriors from another world,” said another quietly, iridescent pink scales catching what little light there was. This one’s voice wavered, and the head shifted nervously. “They’ve gathered with the counterparts of their companions. Was this really the best choice?”
“It matters not,” the third head growled, red eyes glowing harshly in the cave’s blackness. “What was will be in the end. We will have our home again.”
“Whether they come at us together or alone, we will prevail,” a fourth mused softly, it's lavender horn casting a soft, iridescent glow that illuminated its face. “Their presence aside, we must continue searching for the escaped Usurper.”
“Has our agent had any information to share in the regard?” the fifth one said, its blue tusks reflecting the light from the lavender horn.
“Nothing new that would be of any use,” the sixth head answered, its orange spines rustling as it slowly shook its head. “We seem to be where we have been since the start of the search.”
“Perhaps it is time we actively take part in the search,” rumbled the third, eyes shifting to scrutinize its fellows. “With six additional minds participating, we’d cover more ground with greater speed.”
The fourth head snorted and the glow on its horn brightened for a second. “Six heads on one body. We’d cover more mental ground, but not physical ground.”
“And there is no need to risk exposure before it’s time, before we’re ready,” spoke the first head, its fins flared out resolutely. “It is best to let our agents be and to continue to act on their own.”
The second head shuddered. “Exposure is the last thing we need. The Puppet Master has his own agent searching for us. One wrong move, one slip in the wrong direction, and it could all be for nothing. No, no, we should stay here where we’re safe.”
“In the meantime,” the fifth interjected, “we should be working on the three warriors. Breaking them down so that they stay in this world by choice. Smiles and laughter are more effective measures than any lash.” It grinned, baring row upon row of sharpened teeth. “Nowhere near as fun, however.”
“At least something is moving on that front,” the first head huffed. “The small one took the bait from his counterpart. He’ll be so wrapped up in his little mystery that he’ll have no time to worry about leaving.”
“The purple one seems to have no reason to stay,” the fourth head sniffed. “Although, he has an interesting relationship with the red haired horse girl. Perhaps something could be built between them...”
“You just want to see him flail around in terror,” the third one grumbled. “His social skills are sufficient for day to day interaction. But interpersonal relationship building? He is less than adept.”
“Don’t forget his counterpart,” the fifth one pointed out. “An interaction between the two of them would be most entertaining.”
“Perhaps,” the first hummed.
“Something tells me we don’t need to worry about the grey one. If we can get his friends to stay, he’ll likely stay out of loyalty,” the sixth head observed. “If nothing else, he might even be easily bribable.”
“He also seemed strangely concerned not just about seeing his counterpart but also for his counterpart... Perhaps another reason for him to stay?” the second head noted curiously.
“Our focus should be on the princess,” the third head cut in. “She will drive them to find a way out. She should be sent back to her own world.” It snorted in anger. “Or destroyed, if need be.”
“No.” The first head spat. “Destroying her will unite them against us directly. Actions such as those have powerful consequences.”
“Agreed,” the fourth said with a nod. “For now, we observe. Only observe,” it repeated with a pointed look at the third head. “Yes?”
The third head grumbled, turning away from the others for a moment. Finally, it turned back with a sigh. “Yes, fine. We’re agreed.”
The fourth head bared its teeth in what could be considered a smile. “Good.” All six heads turned back to the wall, where an image of the 8 girls and 3 boys was projected, all talking and laughing over a shared meal. “Let them celebrate today and sleep tonight,” the head said, its horn glowing brighter as it focused. “Tomorrow, we bind them to this world all the tighter.”
A low rumble reverberated in the darkness. Five of the heads turned to focus on one. The head with tusks looked between the five pairs of eyes staring at it. “What?” It motioned to the food projected in front of them with its chin. “It does look good, doesn’t it?”
> Chapter 8: Good Mornin’! Good Mornin’! The Sun is Shining Through!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey guys! Time to wake up!” Pinkie cheered, kicking the door off its hinges to land on Purple Heart. Ignoring the grunt of pain and following crash as the door was shoved off, she hopped around the room as the other girls followed behind her at a more sedate pace.
“C’mon you three,” Applejack called, throwing open the curtains. “Rise and shine!” A resounding hiss echoed around the room as pillows were thrown at the intruders and sheets hiked over heads. The girls blinked confusedly, looking at each other in surprise.
“What’s all the fuss?” Science Twilight prodded, poking the smallest lump in the room. “It’s just a little bit of sunlight.”
“It burns us!” Purple Heart hissed from beneath the door.
“It hurts our eyes!” Light added.
“And chars our skin!” Wits cried.
“We’ll become burnt boys!” they bawled in unison.
Pinkie rolled her eyes and tugged on Purple’s sheets.
“Aw, it isn’t that bad,” she chirped. She successfully managed to pull the sheets part way off the large boy, eliciting a violent yank back to conceal his bare chest and short-clad bottom.
“Yes it is,” the boys chorused.
“C’mon, let’s go outside,” Fluttershy suggested softly.
“No.” Another chorus.
She blinked. “Why not?”
“The sun is a deadly laser.”
“Not true,” Rarity chided.
“Lies. The sun is a nuclear death orb determined to burn everything under its cruel gaze to harsh ashes. Long live the moon!” Light Patch finished with a muffled yell into his pillow. The fashionista sniffed and wagged a finger at the three lumps.
“Then why are we still here?” she asked slyly.
“Blankets,” Wits said. Rarity rolled her eyes and looked to her friends for assistance.
“Well, there is the ozone layer,” Twilight offered, bringing her Science to bear. “It prevents the Sun’s harsh ultra violet rays from getting through Earth’s atmosphere to hurt us. So, yes, a blanket is a good metaphor… somewhat...” The boys remained unmoved. The scientifically inclined student pouted and crossed her arms. Rainbow Dash groaned in annoyance.
“C’mon,” she groaned, “we’ve tried the Pleasant Method, the Science Method, and Pinkie’s Method. Time for Fluttershy’s Method.” The athlete pulled the timid girl forward and gestured at the boys. “Let ‘em have it.”
Fluttershy knotted her fingers together in agitation and glanced around the room for an escape or some form of assistance. Finding none, she sighed morosely and nudged the nearest lump gently. “Um, would you please get up, Wits End? It’s time for school.”
“Wrong one,” Purple Heart’s voice came from beneath the sheets.
“Oh. Sorry.”
“If you really want to get people out of bed, you need to be more forceful,” the large boy suggested. “Just not too forceful and definitely not threateningly. That’ll just make your target burrow even further into bed.”
Sunset arched an eyebrow at the speaking lump. “You do realize telling Fluttershy to be forceful is about as likely as Twilight turning down an internship at Crystal Labs.”
“Considering she likely needs to be a student of Crystal Prep to receive such an offer, I'm uncertain about that analogy,” Wits’ muffled voice mused. Sunset glared at the offending lump of blankets.
“I don’t think forceful is your thing, Flutters,” Rainbow said. “You’re just too… kind.”
A hand lifted up from beneath the sheets before them, index finger pointed skyward. “I beg to differ,” Purple Heart grumbled, face still in his pillow. “The kindest of people can sometimes be the most forceful. Particularly in regard to something they’re passionate about.”
“But Fluttershy is really kind to all her animal friends,” Pinkie pointed out. “No force there. Not at all. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if she had Force that surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together.”
“Okay,” Purple Heart grumbled, tossing his sheets off, “you need to lay off the blue milk, Pinkie-wan Kenobi.” He ran a hand through his tousled hair and looked up at Fluttershy. “Have you ever had to deal with a person who didn’t treat their pet properly?”
A flash of fire sparked briefly in the pink haired girl’s eyes. “Yes,” she whispered.
“Can you remember that feeling?”
“...Yes...”
“The next time you want to be forceful, remember that feeling and give it a controlled purpose and target,” Purple Heart advised. “See how that works for you.”
Fluttershy nodded meekly. She looked over at the still concealed lumps that were Light Patch and Wits End. “Is now a good time?” she asked, looking back at Purple Heart.
The purple teen stood and cracked his neck, peering at his friends. A cunning grin curved his lips. “At this moment, nah,” he replied. “I have a better idea.” He stepped around his sheets to stand above his friends. “While force can be useful just as much as cajoling is, playing dirty is just as effective and even a little more entertaining.” He looked at the bundled lump that was Wits and the partially revealed face of Light. “I’m gonna play Dark Souls now. I’m sure someone at this school has a copy and a system to play it on.” He shrugged. “Too bad you’re too tired to watch me die. Over. And over. And over...”
The change was sudden and unexpected.
The lump of blankets that contained Wits End popped up, a pair of shining eyes glinting in the shadowed indentation near what was assumedly the head. “I always have time to watch you suffer unnecessarily.”
“Ya’ll got some problems, ya know,” Applejack quipped.
“You’re gonna have to be more specific.” Wits’ head popped out of the blankets, his hair flared out in all possible directions. “I have many problems.”
Light Patch slowly rose from his bed to a sitting position. “Fine, fine. I surrender to the inevitable. Now if you girls could leave so we could get dressed...” he muttered eyes still shut.
“Unless, of course,” Wits said, dropping his voice to be more low and husky, “you’re looking forward to a show.” He let the blankets drop a few inches, revealing his bare and boney shoulders.
“Sexy,” Pinkie said. The girls blinked at the pink haired girl.
“Ehm, thank you for your analysis?” Fluttershy muttered.
“And I’m not sure that you’d define that,” Rarity grimaced, wrinkling her nose at Wits’ skinny shoulders, “as sexy...”
Wits waggled his eyebrows. “You’re just jealous because you’re missing out on all this.” He shrugged the blanket back over his shoulders. “Seriously, though. Ya’ll should probably step out before we ruin the rating again.”
“We’re getting pretty close,” Pinkie said, slowly hooking a finger around the edge of Wits’ blanket.
“Okay, we’re done now,” Sunset interrupted. She grabbed Pinkie by the back of the shirt, dragging her towards the door. “Come on, everyone without a Y chromosome out.”
“We’ll be waiting at the courtyard for you when you finish getting dressed and having breakfast,” Twilight called as the girls left the house, leaving the three boys to themselves. After a few moments of silence, Purple Heart looked aside at Wits.
“Kinda hoping it was Fluttershy instead of Pinkie who took the step, eh?” he smirked.


* * *


“So,” Sci Twi said as the three boys shuffled into the courtyard, “are you three excited for your first real day of school in Canterlot High?”
“Please tell me this isn’t leading up to a song,” Wits said dryly.
The purple girl was silent for a good couple of seconds. “Nooooooo?”
“Right. Let’s save the singing until after lunch for day one at least?” He pointed a finger at Pinkie, who had a tuba at the ready and her cheeks puffed out. “No.”
Pinkie deflated dramatically. “Fine. Spoilsport.”
“Do we have to register for classes or are we pre-shuffled into classes depending on our interests?” Purple Heart inquired.
“Principal Celestia gave you each a selection of classes to attend for the day,” Sunset replied. “You can drop any of the classes you don’t like or need, but you need a minimum of five to stay enrolled here.” She pulled three sheets of paper and passed one to each boy.
“What about after school activities?” Purple continued, skimming his sheet. “Anything about those?”
“It’s the first week of the school year and you’re also transfer students, so integrating yourselves into an after school club may be difficult,” Rarity answered. “Some clubs haven’t even met for the first time.”
Rainbow Dash immediately threw an arm around Purple Heart’s shoulders. “I need more players on the team! Any chance you want to join us?”
The purple youth blinked at the aggressive athlete. “Which team?”
“Eh… all of them?”
“Bollocks.”
“Is there a fencing team?” Light Patch asked hopefully before Rainbow shook her head, causing him to droop. “Well, what about some kind of game creation club or programming?” More shaken heads. “Is there some kind of list we could look at then?” Light Patch asked as he finished off the leftovers he’d taken for breakfast.
“Well, there is one on the school's website,” Twilight noted, “And there is usually one in the main hall. You know, the science club could use some new test subj- I mean, new members.” She blushed over her obvious slip up. “Also, I was kind of hoping to see if there were any differences I could find between you three and us, biologically or magically or in any way,” she admitted because of the raised eyebrows everyone had.
“Right. So back to more important issues, how do we find out what classes we do have?” Light Patch asked.
“Some of us will probably be having classes together,” Sunset mused, peering at the class sheets. “I’m in World History for first period. Any takers?”
“Nope,” Wits denied.
“Sorry,” Light said.
“I do,” Purple Heart replied. Sunset’s shoulders sagged ever so slightly. She dragged a hand across her face.
“Of course I’m paired with him,” she groaned. “Come on then.” She waved Purple Heart after her and made her way inside.
“Later, comrades,” Purple Heart called, striding after the red-haired teen. “If you can’t find me, I’m most likely dead. Light gets to write the eulogy.”
Light Patch watched his friend go. “I can’t believe he trusted me to not write something stupid in his eulogy.”
“It is a fairly nice honor,” Rarity mused.
“Yeah, I’d be honored if I wasn’t already thinking of dumb stuff to put into it.” He was cut off by a sharp smack to his shoulder from Rarity causing him to jump back defensively. “Oh no, no no no! That is not becoming a thing again! I refuse to let that be a thing again.” Light Patch said, stomping away from the group. “I’mma go to Celestia’s office and see if one of them can get me the list of my classes or whatever.” 
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “What’s that all ‘bout?”
“It’s a long story,” Wits sighed. “And it probably has a disappointing conclusion from your viewpoint.” He looked his paper over and frowned. “Algebra, Economics, P.E…. Is there anything on this list that isn’t going to make me want to barf?”
Pinkie jabbed a finger at a class halfway down the page. “There’s English Lit.!”
“Oh good. Reading very specific books and analyzing them in very specific ways. I can’t wait to read The Raven for the seventh time, and hear about how the raven represents the narrator’s guilt over past actions.” He looked back to see Rainbow Dash scribbling something on the palm of her hand. “What are you doing?”
“Taking notes. I’ve got Thursday night off thanks to you.”
“I take it you don’t quite approve of your schedule, then?” Rarity asked.
Wits sighed. “Listen, I got a bachelor's degree without stepping foot inside of an actual high school. Going back now feels like trying to clear out early-game side-quests after you’ve beat the final boss.”
“How did you ever manage that?”
“Clever manipulation of the rules, and a good bit of studying before taking the entrance exam.” He folded the paper in fourths and tucked it into his shirt pocket. “Whatever. I’ve got Algebra first. I passed Calc 301 already, so this should be a piece of the dessert of your choice. Anyone else got that?”
Rainbow Dash and Applejack raised their hands. “Can I borrow your notes after you write them?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I’d like to have Wednesday night off too.”
Wits’ shoulders slumped. “Fine. Lead the way.”
As the three teens headed out, Fluttershy turned to Twilight. “Um, you were kidding about the biological differences and testing, right?” She waited as the science-inclined girl avoided her eyes, and eventually turned around and started walking away. “Right?” Fluttershy repeated. “Oh… okay then.”
Pinkie Pie blinked, watching as her friends split up. “Is it just me,” she asked no-one in particular, “or did literally nothing happen between the boys waking up and now?” She paused for a moment. “Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?”
> Chapter 9: High School has an Indefinite End Date, by Golfing for Stew
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Light Patch was fairly unamused. He wasn’t sure exactly which one of them had done it, but he was sure his class schedule had at least one joke in it. “And so, that's the general plan for today. No major assignments, just work more on your projects. As for you, Light Patch, I guess you can just pick a team and see what you can do to help them. Celestia suggested that you join the cake team.” And now he knew whose joke he was the butt of. With a sigh, he started to trudge over to join team cake but, before he could ask what he could do to help, two hands grabbed him by the shoulder and, daintily but firmly, led him in a way heavily suggestive of a dragging over to a raised circular platform half surrounded by mirrors.
“While I’m sure you could make a cake of some quality, I must say I could make better use of your body,” Rarity said, pushing the teen towards the platform. Light Patch stumbled a couple of steps before regaining his balance and pivoting on his foot to face Rarity with a smirk.
“How scandalous of you to say, miss Rarity. And surprisingly forward,” Light Patch said, grinning at the small snickers from some of the closer classmates, and the glare that would have stopped armies dead in its tracks.
“And here I thought your ballet past showed that you were at least partially cultured,” Rarity said with a humph as she turned back to the wardrobe where she’d been keeping some of her recent work. “You’re lucky I don’t desperately need to make you wear the dress so I can finish it,” she muttered darkly, not having realized that he’d quietly followed her.
“So make me wear it anyway,” he whispered as if he was angry but his face showed no anger.
“But wouldn’t that embarrass you?” she whispered back, kind of surprised.
“A little, but it’d get a good laugh outta everyone and help’em relax, and work on their projects. Also, try to make it sound like we’re arguing,” he whispered back. “If you really need, later tonight I can help you with the suit.” Rarity’s eyes quickly darted to take in the groups she could see in the room, most of whom seemed tense and the chatter seemed to be much quieter and terser than normal.
“I’m afraid that the suit is meant for a one of a shorter stature. Now,” she said aloud, trying to sound annoyed, she pulled the dress out of the wardrobe and shoved it into his hands. “It’s the dress or, if you really insist, I can start on a skirt idea I’ve been meaning to begin,” she finished, giving the look of one who’d won an argument.
Light Patch slouched with mock defeat and trudged to the stand, and began to struggle to put the dress on. After a few moments of trying to hide her own mirth, Rarity walked over and helped him get the dress in place. She looked him up and down and smiled. “I don’t know why you were so resistant to put the dress on in the first place. It really suits you, dear. Now, just hold still while I get what I need to pin the dress up, so I can finally finish this,” she said, walking back to get her supplies and noticing that many of the others in the room were openly trying to hide their mirth and going after their projects with renewed vigor. She got back and got to her work on the dress; after a few minutes, sure that most of the rest of the students were focused on their own projects, she quietly spoke up. “Pinkie Pie didn’t put you up to this, did she?”
“Not really, but she wouldn’t have had to work hard to have convinced me. I was just listening to the teacher talk and noticed how tense a lot of the groups looked. During my time in college, I’ve had stressful final projects. Stressful classes too; wondering if I was even gonna pass in the end,” the teen quietly admitted. “I’ve been where they’ve been, and know how much it sucks. I also know just how nice and important it can be to laugh and relax as well. And I’ve long felt it was one of my missions in life to make people laugh.”
Rarity hummed as she concentrated on an area of the dress. “Quite a bit like Pinkie, I’d suspect,” she said offhandedly. “And it’s not exactly the final project. We’re still really only at the start of the semester, but it is a fairly important project.” She quietly continued to work on the dress, until she noticed him studying himself intently in the mirrors. She wavered over asking a question that had been on her mind since she and the other girls had heard the whole story of the three.
“You wanna know what it’s like suddenly finding myself younger, aren’t you? Or were you asking yourself just how it’s possible for me to look this good in a dress?” Light Patch asked with a grin, only to have the grin instantly erased as a needle jabbed into his side.
“I was wondering that, yes. But really, if you don’t hold still I’ll end up sticking you with a needle,” she replied, her voice sounding calm but the look on her face implying that was anything but an accidental stabbing. After a few moments of silence, Light Patch sighed.
“It’s weird. I was the oldest of the three of us, but now I’m the youngest. Also a bit shorter and lighter, like I was when I was this age the, uh, first time,” Light Patch said contemplatively, looking at his reflection in the mirror. “I wanna compare it to suddenly finding myself in someone’s body, but I’d imagine that would be a different kind of weird. This is more like looking at older pictures of myself; seeing a stranger who looks familiar?” he halfheartedly shrugged, a small frown on his face; at least until another needle jabbed his side. “Ow, you did that one on purpose,” he accused.
“I’ve told you time and time again to hold still, and yet you insist on moving. I can hardly be held responsible for the results of your actions,” Rarity replied, wearing a grin mirroring an earlier from Light Patch, as a few chuckles came from elsewhere in the classroom.
“Yeah, well, I don’t see why you’d make me wear this dress anyway. We both know I’m too sexy for it anyway,” Light Patch said, doing a few turns on the podium. “Ow!” he shouted as Rarity poked him again, prompting laughter from most of the students, and even the teacher, at the renewed act between the two.


* * *


“You don’t like me very much, do you?” Purple Heart hummed as he strode abreast of the fire-haired girl. Sunset Shimmer twisted her face into a sarcastic grimace.
“What gave you that idea?” she snarled, hanging a right and stalking down the corridor. She hoped her abrupt change of direction would leave her unwanted companion lost, but her hopes were fruitless.
“Do you want short bullet points or a list?” the purple teen offered. “I could make a powerpoint, but I need a computer for that.” Sunset rubbed the bridge of her nose and let a sigh of exasperation escape her. If she could get rid of him without resorting to unsavory tactics or methods, she’d be happy. But an offhand suggestion from Celestia was not a suggestion to be ignored or adjusted. So, toleration was the first step. Anything after that was completely coincidental.
“How about neither?” she suggested firmly in hopes that he’d take the hint and walk in silence.
“I’m guessing your first bout of hatred appeared when I accidentally fondled you,” Purple Heart mused thoughtfully.
Dammit.
“There was nothing accidental about it,” Sunset ground out, gritting her teeth in restrained rage. “Of all the people in that hallway, I was the one you had to knock over and grope.”
“Hey-” Purple Heart stepped in her path, “-it’s not like I made a decision in the heat of the moment to look at the fast moving horde of students and pick a specific target to assault. I may be quick, but I’m not that fast.” She arched an eyebrow at him and snorted.
“I’m skeptical about that, what with your size,” she scoffed, stepping around and past him to continue down the hall. His reappearance before her made her groan in frustration. “You do realize we have a class to get to? Your constant breaks to talk will make us late.” His glower of irritation stopped any further barbs from Sunset as she blinked innocently up at him.
“I think we go off on the wrong foot,” Purple Heart rumbled. “Howsabout we re-introduce ourselves and turn over a new leaf, eh? Worst comes to worst, we do our level best to not interact with or address each other. Though I’m sure Principal Celestia will greatly disapprove of that choice.”
Again, Sunset Shimmer arched an eyebrow at the large youth, mulling over his suggestion for a few moments. His idea was a good one. Put the past behind them and move on. Besides, what he’d done hadn’t been unforgivable. She did have to admit it truly was just an accident borne of shocking coincidence. If she agreed to his plan, they’d go back to being relatively normal individuals. Of course, he’d be one who’d touched something no boy had ever touched before.
A small blush illuminated her cheeks for a split second. She dropped her chin to her chest, giving her just enough time to regain enough control to look at him again with a straight face. Jaw set, she offered her hand in reconciliation. Her breath slowed as he peered down at her with cobalt blue eyes. For a second, she feared he may not complete the gesture. When he grasped her hand gently, but firmly, she exhaled a soft breath she hadn’t known she’d been holding.
“Pax,” he said.
“Pax,” she responded.
Then his posture changed completely.
He lifted her hand to his forehead and inclined his torso slightly into a small bow.
“Greetings,” he said deeply. “My name is Purple Heart, previously a student of Sportsball. It is truly a gift to be in your presence.”
The blush returned.
She snatched her hand away and crossed her arms, turning to one side, looking imperiously over her shoulder at the still bowing youth.
“I thought you’d be serious this time!” she snapped, scowling petulantly. Purple raised his head and cocked it to one side, eyes blinking widely with false innocence and pure merriment.
“You must have me confused with black dogs,” he chuckled. Sunset huffed and stalked past him. “Ah, to be ignored by the fair maiden with fiery red hair. Forsooth, I know not why I am so sad. Mayhaps her presence brings me some modicum of peace and satisfaction? T’will be a most challenging query to answer indeed.”
She whirled around, blush intensifying. “If it could please you,” she quipped, “the Lady Sunset Shimmer of Canterlot High does request your presence in World History! A prompt attendance is beyond our reach, so we must settle for tardiness and pray the learned teacher may see fit to pity my pain and suffering!”
“Tarnation?” Purple Heart grunted, trotting towards her. “Make haste we must!” Then he pelted down the hallway, leaving Sunset blinking after him with stunned surprise etched into her features.
“Huh?” she grunted intelligently. The word had nearly passed her lips when she saw him returning to her.
At the exact speed he left.
Coming directly at her.
A scream of surprise and fear echoed around the hallway when Purple Heart’s steps shortened to a shuffle and he stopped before her in a crouch. He straightened, looking her directly in the eyes.
“Apologies, lass,” he grunted, turning around to present his back to her, “but we’re on a bit of a schedule.” He squatted again, but knocked his palms against her shins, bringing her falling onto his back with a surprised squeak. Out of reflex, her hands clasped tightly across his shoulders, securing herself to him. He reached behind and hooked his elbows under her knees. Then he stood.
The first thought in Sunset's head was, ‘I can see everything!’ followed promptly by, ‘TOO HIGH!’
“Ess-capay~!” Purple Heart boomed, charging down the hallway, trailing an echoing scream behind him and his passenger.
Once she’d managed to find enough breath to speak, Sunset screamed in his ear. “Do you even know where the classroom is?!?!”
Remarkably, instead of freezing immediately, Purple Heart’s forward momentum decreased gradually. He leaned his head back and looked up at Sunset.
“Care to share then?” he asked.
Crossing Ships paused in his lecture on the Fall of the Bronze Age when a loud exclamation sounded outside his door. The tall, bespectacled man arched a thin eyebrow as the door to his classroom banged open, revealing a panting pair of students. Sunset Shimmer, he recognized, was hanging limply off the back of a large boy garbed in non-descript shorts and tee-shirt. The history teacher’s other eyebrow rose to join the other as he blinked at the panting pair. With a weary sigh, he pinched the bridge of his nose and leaned against his podium patiently, waiting for their breath to return.
“Why’d you have to run?” Sunset Shimmer gasped, sliding off the purple youth’s back to place hands on knees as she continued to gasp for precious oxygen. The boy straightened and placed his hands on his head, inhaling deeply and slowly.
“I may or may not have been trying to show off,” he admitted. Sunset turned her head to frown at the boy. “Or we were nearly late and I wanted to get here quickly.” He gave a thumbs up and a weak smile. “Gotta go fast.” Sunset rolled her eyes and stood erect, dusting down her clothes in the process.
“Sorry for being late, Mr. Ships,” the girl apologized, addressing the bemused teacher. “I had to escort Purple Heart around campus and we took a wrong turn. He’s just transferred.”
“Oh, did he now?” Crossing Ships hummed. He considered the purple teen for a moment. “Well then, why don’t you tell me one fact about ancient history.”
Purple Heart blinked, a frown creasing his brow. “Am I being singled out?” he asked, looking at Sunset. The girl shook her head, smiling softly.
“Everyone who takes a class with Mister Ships has to share a historical fact at the beginning of term, you aren’t just the exception,” she answered. “If someone can’t, they have to give five facts at the end of term to prove they learned something.”
Purple Heart grunted. “Huh. Coo. A fact about history, eh?”
“Yes,” the teacher confirmed.
The purple teen hummed to himself, scratching his chin thoughtfully. Then a wide grin split his face. “I’ve got it,” he cackled. Sunset, along with the rest of the class and Mister Ships, shivered involuntarily. Mister Ships straightened his waistcoat and gestured for Purple Heart to take his place at the podium while he himself moved to sit behind his desk, interlacing his fingers as he looked imperiously over his hands at Purple Heart.
“Share then, if you please,” he prompted. “To the class.” He followed with a gesture to the front of the room. “You may take your seat, Miss Shimmer.”
As Sunset walked past Purple Heart to her seat, she nudged the youth and whispered, ‘good luck’. In a few short strides, Purple Heart found himself at the front of the class. He took a breath and exhaled slowly through his nose.
“Mongols,” he said, lifting a finger, “are the exception.” The class was silent for a beat. Then the confused blinking began. A frown crossed Mister Ships’ face.
“Explain,” he commanded.
Purple Heart sighed dramatically. “Very well. You all know of Russia, yes?” The class as a whole nodded. “Large, expansive, absurdly difficult to invade...” More nodding. “Consider if you will, the three times in fairly recent history when Russia was invaded: One, the Germans in World War Two. Hitler wanted Russia due to its expansive supply of resources, oil, and manpower. As such, he invaded. And failed. Coincidentally, he didn’t invade during the winter. Which, of course, invading Russia in winter is the third most well known blunder any human can make; the other two being ‘never get involved in a land war in Asia’ and ‘never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line’.
“References aside, Hitler’s invasion of Russia? Borked. Now for Napoleon. Poor shnook invaded during the summer, but his campaign took too long and a Russian Winter set in. See above. Then we have the Swedes. No Russian winter here. They just got they supply lines raided liberally and never actually faced the Russians on open ground.
“Now, the Mongols. Those magnificent bas-”
“Language,” Mister Ships chided.
“Sorry. Those magnificent bleeps invaded Russia. In winter. Uphill. Both ways. With arrers. And succeeded gloriously. Thank you.”
The class was silent. Mister Ships stood. “While you lacked any specific details, which is understandable considering I put you on the spot, you did a fantastic job. The names are slightly incorrect, but otherwise, well done.” He applauded, leading the rest of the class in a storm of claps. “Now,” Mister Ships’ clapping ceased, “back to today’s lesson followed by setting up groups for this term’s project. Mister Heart, you’ll be with Ms. Shimmer, seeing as you both are already acquainted.”
As Mister Ships lay out the syllabus and goals for the course, Purple slid into a seat beside a very still Sunset Shimmer.
“If I didn’t know better,” he whispered softly to Sunset, “I’d think he was shipp-”
“Finish that sentence and I’ll kick you,” Sunset growled through her teeth. The pair fell silent, listening to Mister Ships pair off the rest of the class.


* * *


Up at the front of the classroom, an old gentleman narrated the events of Edgar Allan Poeny’s The Corvid in a tone that would make the Sahara think, “you should have a drink, mate”.
Meanwhile, at the back of the class, Wits End was face down at his desk, slowly tapping a piece of paper with the end of his pencil. A small spot of drool was forming at the corner of his mouth as he contemplated the fastest way to get out of the room. Currently, it was leaping over the boy in the row ahead of him, and use the football player near the window as a stepstool to jump out into the quad.
In short, he was not enjoying the culture.
A piece of crumpled paper landed on the desk in front of his face. Wits sat up, wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve, and un-crumbled the page.
Hey, aren’t you gonna pretend to pay attention? Signed, Pinkamena Diane Pie
Wits looked up to see Pinkie Pie looking back at him. He sighed, looked past her to see the teacher still droning on without looking up at all. With a click of the mechanical pencil, he scrawled two letters across the page under Pinkie’s note, and held it up for her to see.
NO
After a moment, he added another line underneath.
Also, you really shouldn’t sign notes that you pass in class. 
With that, he folded the paper back up and underhanded it back to the pink girl, where it landed in her hair. Wits was about to lay his head back down when the crumpled ball of paper landed in front of him again.
Good point. Also, your handwriting is terrible. Are you a doctor in your world?
Wits crumpled the paper and flung it full force across the room. It slammed into the wall with an audible thud and dropped into the recycling bin. Up at the front of the class, the teacher paused for a moment, only to clear his throat and continue. Wits End looked down at his hand is mild surprise. “I didn’t think that’d actually make it,” he muttered.
A neatly folded piece of paper landed on Wits’ desk as he settled back in his chair. Is my desk a recycling center now or what? he thought, shooting a glare at Pinkie Pie. Pinkie, however, was faced forward, and appeared to be busy folding her notes into a small origami dinosaur. He looked around for anyone else looking his way, but everyone seemed to be busy pretending to pay attention to the teacher. With a frown, Wits unfolded the paper.
You took the Interlocational Audio Communication Device, didn’t you.
Wits’ frown intensified. Interlocational Audio- Wait, the phone? He tapped his pants pocket where the smartphone was sitting. Between the cleaning, dinner, and early start, he hadn’t had the time to tell the others about it, or how his counterpart had been hiding it for some reason. His thoughts were interrupted by another piece of paper landing on his desk.
Your actions have revealed the answer. In the future, please refrain from such obvious subconscious tells. 
Wits looked up from the page again. Somehow, he thought, the way this person writes is ticking me off… Since he couldn’t see who it was who was throwing notes, he went back to to reading.
The Othersiders might be observing us. Do not alter your standard operating procedures. The Interlocational Audio Communication Device (IACD) has been cursed with a number of protective wards in order to prevent the Othersiders from intercepting any communication-
Wits sighed under his breath. Words words words, text text text, he thought. Did this person write all of this out with a thesaurus before coming to class? Back to the letter again.
-but I will assist you in circumventing these wards and imprinting the IACD with your own magical energy signature. 
First, you will need to provide the IACD with life energy. Fortunately, the Othersiders have created a standardized system to siphon life energy into such devices. I’m sure you’ve used such a system in the past, even though you didn’t know of their true purpose.
The mint-colored teen sat and stared at the page for a good minute. Did they seriously use 30+ words to say “Charge the phone”? he thought. He tore out a page of his notebook and scrawled the words ‘Can I borrow your phone charger after class?’ across it before folding it up and tossing it at Pinkie Pie. The paper landed on the floor next to her, but she picked it up and read through it, turned back to him, and gave him a thumbs up and a grin. He returned the thumbs up and went back to the mysterious letter.
Once the IACD is replenished, you will need to breach its defenses. The guardian spirits will ask you a riddle. Answer it correctly within three attempts or else entry will be forever denied to you. The answer will be known to you if you are true of heart and intention. 
It’s got a password on it then, Wits thought. And apparently I’ll know it? Well, I won’t know if I know until it’s charged. He scanned the rest of the page, and found himself almost at the end.
Once you have answered the riddle, the IACD will be at your command. Contact me via the ether once you have access. If I do not hear from you within 24 hours, I shall consider you beyond hope, and break all communication. Do not fail me in this task.
Wits tisked. They didn’t sign it, he thought, which makes them more aware than Pinkie, but it also makes it harder to get in touch with them. Whatever. This is just a distraction from getting back home. He went to crumple the page, but stopped. Something was written on the back.
If you are in some way cursed by the Othersiders and unable to answer the riddle, I give you this hint: The answer lies in your adventures on the other side.
This gave Wits pause. Other side? He thought with a deepening frown. Even if this is a distraction… They might know something. With a sigh, he folded the paper up and slid it into his pocket next to the mysterious phone. It’s not like I’ve got anything else to do. Guess I’m just a guy who’s a mystery solver for fun.
He looked up again. The teacher’s droning voice had finally petered out, and given way to the bell announcing the next period. “Finally!” Pinkie said in a sing-song voice, most likely voicing the thoughts of everyone in that room. She hopped over to Wits’ desk as he packed up his bag, dropping a charging cable in front of him. “Here ya go! You can keep that one. I always carry a bunch of them with me. What’d you need that for, anyway?”
Wits picked up the cord and tucked it into his bag as he stood up. “Oh, you know, charging stuff.” He paused for a moment on the way to the door. “Hey, how do you feel about solving mysteries?”
Pinkie raised a pink eyebrow. “If that’s a preposition, I could be convinced.”
“What would it take to convince you?”
Pinkie’s response was interrupted by her growling stomach. She chuckled. “How about a Pinkie Snack?”


* * *


“And that is why Batman and the Joker are one of the best hero-villain duos and also why a good villain is just as crucial, if not more than, a good hero,” Light Patch finished with a bite of fish to punctuate the end of his argument. “As a side note, it’s also why media that’s focused on real villains and not just anti-heroes is—pardon the pun—criminally underused.”
“Ya sure did put a… lot of thought into that,” Applejack noted with a surprised look on her face, her food mostly untouched.
“An almost scary amount,” Rainbow Dash added.
“You're not secretly a villain are you?” Applejack asked, giving the teen boy a cautious glance.
“No, but I do play one on TV,”  Light Patch replied quickly between bites.
“You could do to slow down a little,” Rarity said, leaning away from the teen. “And don’t you dare respond with your mouth open.” She hastily continued.
“So how's that sewing project of yours coming along?” Applejack asked Rarity, changing the topic.
“Well, I didn’t make as much progress on the suit as I was hoping to, but Light Patch has promised to help me with that later. The dress however, I’ve just about gotten finished. I had a very good helper with that,” Rarity said, smiling as she noticed the minute nod of thanks from Light Patch.
“I have arrived!” Wits dropped into the seat next to Light Patch with a plate of pizza while Pinkie hopped into the seat opposite. “The party may begin. What’re we talking about?”
“Something about Batman and the Joker,” Rainbow Dash said with a shrug.
“He gave you that three hour lecture, huh? I’m so sorry.” With a slice of pizza in one hand, he dropped a manila folder of lined paper in front of the rainbow-haired girl. “As promised, notes on Algebra and English Lit.”
Rainbow Dash’s face lit up. “Sweet!”
Rarity peeked at the top note. “Did you write these math notes in iambic pentameter?”
“I might have been switching between the two notes when I made copies.”
“You, my good sir, are an enabler. We both know that if you had been here, that three hour lecture would have been six and a half,” Light Patch replied, poking his friend in the elbow. “And there probably would have been a digression about ineffective villains.”
“I’m just saying, Harley Quinn deserves better.” Wits stuffed the last piece of crust into his mouth and swallowed. “Where’s the lovebirds?”
“Are ya’ll ever gonna apologize for settin’ Purple Heart up ta be an accidental perv there?” Applejack asked.
“I prefer to think of it as getting the B plot started. And where did you hear about that?”
“Ah was there. In tha background. Where ‘parently no-one sees me.”
Wits’ mouth formed a thin line. “Well, there’s no good way out of this one. Patchy, take this bullet for me.”
“Why am I always taking the bullet for everyone? I’m the healer, not the designated meat shield! Speaking of, he missed his sitcom cue!” Light Patch huffed. “And what do you mean ‘there isn’t a good way out of this’? All you gotta do is-” Light Patch turned to look Applejack directly in the eyes, “-I will always notice you, my Amazonian beauty, for how could anyone miss a statue that shines as brightly as you…” He trailed off as both he and Applejack began to blush, “Ah hah... I see,” he muttered as he glanced towards Wits End and basically anywhere but Applejack. “Considered me redshirted.”
“You’re stealing my shtick,” Wits muttered, blowing softly into the straw of his soda.
“Sunset and Purple Heart are in History class, right?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“Eeyup,” Applejack confirmed, hiding her blush behind her apple. “It goes for at least  two an’ a half hours, so they should be out in just a few mo-”
A bang interrupted Applejack as Sunset threw open the cafeteria doors and stomped in. Her eyes swung from left to right and back several times until they finally alighted upon the table her friends were occupying. Students scurried out of her path as she stalked to the table and plopped into the seat beside Applejack and snatched one of the girl’s apples from her lunch box.
“He is… insufferable,” she spat, chomping into the helpless apple.
“He’s also still late for his cue,” Light Patch chipped in. “I assume you’re talking about PH Balance. What’d he do this time?”
Sunset glared at Light Patch, a snarl curling her lips. She tore into the apple again. “He had to share the obligatory factoid about history to the class,” she growled. The rest of the girls nodded in understanding. “Then, Mr. Ships had to gall to pair us up for the term project. That alone was irritating. What drove me nuts was EVERY. SINGLE. GIRL. ASKING. TO. TRADE. PARTNERS. FOR. HIM.”
“Brainy is the new sexy, darling,” Pinkie grinned.
“So what made him insufferable?” Rarity prodded.
“He refused all of them!” Sunset snapped, tossing the apple core into Applejack’s box.
Wits and Light blinked. “Are you serious?” Wits deadpanned. “This is Purple Heart we’re talking about. He’s never had a girlfriend to my knowledge and he’s not the brightest when it comes to the fairer sex.”
“He’s also probably thinking it’d be better to stick with you because there is no telling what major differences in history between our world and your’s. And if there is a big common knowledge event difference, it’s gonna be harder to explain why the three of us don’t know about it what with the whole demon thing we’ve got going on here,” Light Patch explained logically before he saw the death glare Sunset fired at him. “I mean… he sucks and I can’t believe I was ever his friend.” He quickly backpedaled while signaling for one of the other girls at the table to jump in.
“Maybe he actually likes you?” Pinkie thought aloud, earning a quiet facepalm from everyone else, save Sunset. The red-haired girl was now trying to strangle a carrot.
“Or maybe he’s just being his usual obtuse self,” Wits offered. “Chances are he’s sticking with you because you were the first one he saw. It’s like a baby chick following a cat without knowing it’s going to become lunch.”
Sunset narrowed her eyes at the mint-colored teen. “Are you saying I’m the one going to eat Purple Heart in this situation?”
Wits went silent. “Well, would you look at that. I am outta drink.” He stood up and absconded from the table, muttering something about batting a thousand so far.
“He has a point, dearie,” Rarity said. “Purple Heart is just a young man after all. He probably doesn’t think anything is wrong. Just take it easy and try to find something to enjoy in it.”
“Or you could try to twist him around your little finger,” Pinkie mused, twirling a doughnut around her own little finger. “Use that apparent affection to your advantage.”
Rarity stared at the pink girl. “Someday, some boy is going to fall for you and not know what hit him, Pinkie,” she deadpanned.
“Get more cake that way.”
“He probably fell because she tripped him,” Light Patch quipped.
“Look who I found lurking around the cutlery!” Wits approached the table, pulling Purple Heart by the arm. The size difference between them made it seem more like a child pulling a parent along, rather than an upper-classman dragging someone younger.
“In my defense,” Purple Heart defended, “there was food. Very hungry. Much eat. Great meat. I touched it. I stretched it. Put it in my mouth and chewed. Ten ouda ten.” The girls stared blankly at the large youth, silently questioning his sanity.
“So,” Purple Heart sat beside Rainbow Dash, “what’ve ya’ll been chatting about? Anything interesting I’ve missed?”
“Light lectured us about Joker and Batman, Wits wrote notes in iambic pentameter, Light got redshirted, Sunset ranted about how you’re a nice guy, and now we’re waiting to hear your side of the story,” Rainbow rattled off. “So spill.”
“I blame the teacher,” Purple Heart declared immediately. “It’s all his fault.”
“Crossing Ships had nothing to do with it!” Sunset snapped. “You just wouldn’t trade partners!”
“The teacher that launched a thousand ships,” Light Patch said as regally as he could. “Seriously though, his name is Crossing Ships?” Light Patch paused to see all of the girls at the table nod their heads. “Lemme guess, he volunteers for school events focused on whatever holiday that focuses on ‘wuv, twu wuv’, and goes out of his way to bring up famous romances, especially where it was forbidden love and routinely goes, ‘Ahh, young love’?” he finished.
The table was silent for a second as the girls traded looks. “Now that you mention it...” Rainbow Dash mused.
“He got really into that Valentine's’ dance,” Pinkie said with a grin.
Wits’ head hit the table. “Good god, the shippers have entered the workplace.”
Rarity hummed as she thought. “I recall him bringing up the forbidden romance between the emperor of Prance and a commoner, even though we were talking about Bitton”
“And you know I recall him saying that once when I passed him in the hall.”
“By Batman’s Batboat, you two never stood a chance,” Light Patch said, looking between Sunset and Purple Heart. “Even if you had tried to trade partners, he’d probably have had a reason why you couldn’t or why you’d have had to switch back later.”
“I hereby christen this ship ‘Purple Sunsets’.” Wits thumped his fist on the table. “Changing gears to something completely unrelated,” he jerked his thumb at the flyers that papered one of the walls, “what’s up with all of the in-game advertisements?”
“The school’s having a vote for what the next school event should be,” Science Twilight said, walking over with her tray and taking a seat at the end of the table. “Everyone’s trying to get votes for their own idea.”
Wits raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t school events usually like… dances and talent shows and camping trips and such?”
“Yeaaaaah… The last couple of times we tried that, it didn’t work so well.”
“...Fair enough.”
“Hold on a minute, the winter dance was pretty good.” Rainbow chimed in gaining the ire of the girls at the table.
“You mean the one with the, living impaired theme?” Rarity asked.
“Well yeah that's what made it so much fun, who would have seen snow zombies coming.” Rainbow said as she swung her arms like she was wielding a sword.
“I’m sure the Tarponyens sent their regards,” Wits muttered.
“Lannistangs,” Purple Heart coughed. “Senseless references aside, what are the top picks so far? We must be part way through the school year already, so there must be a preliminary tally.”
“Sci Twi would know for certain,” Pinkie said. “She looooves numbers.”
“And you’re on the committee, Pinkie,” Rarity pointed out. “You’d actually have a better idea than Twilight.”
“I don’t get to choose,” Pinkie pouted, crossing her arms petulantly.
“What, was the winter dance your idea?” Purple Heart inquired. He chuckled and Pinkie’s silent nod. “Well, that makes sense. Still, what’s top pick so far?”
Twilight pushed her glasses up. “Well, based on a calculation taking into account the general views of the school body, the the climate since the last set of… failures, and some personal guesses, I’d say that-”
“It’s a tie!” Pinkie exclaimed! “Everybody wins!”
“How are ties normally settled?” Light Patch asked, leaning back in his chair. “Some kind of coin flip? Intervention from Luna or Celestia? Magic eight ball?”
“That’s a bit of an issue because as far as my research could tell me there really isn’t an official method for solving a tie.” Twilight said with a shrug.
“Usually if it’s close we settle on some kind of compromise,” Pinkie chimed in. “Like a summer event but with a winter theme or something. Personally, I’m hoping we go with some kind of formal ball event.”
“Really? I thought the last formal ball you went to you hated,” Rarity asked surprised.
“Hate is such a strong word. I prefer ‘having a strong aversion towards’. Besides, tell me you don’t wanna see Rainbow have to put up with one of those super poofy dresses.” The pink-haired teen barely finished before the image of it in her mind caused her to fall out of her chair from laughter.
“It’ll take more than some poofy dress to defeat the Dash,” Rainbow muttered as she glared at the still giggling teen.
“And I thought we agreed you’d quit using that nickname,” Sunset said as she sat back down at the table as far away from Purple Heart as she could manage.
“You mean she refers to herself in the third person?” Purple Heart asked. “The Purple Heart is mildly amused.”
“Uhm, I have a question,” Fluttershy softly spoke up. “It was never established what events tied. What are they?”
Twilight adjusted her glasses again. “Well, it’s too early to call it a tie. We still have another few days of voting,” she responded. “But from what an early tally says, school festival and competitive dance are the forerunners.”
“Pleeeeease let it be a festival,” Sunset groaned, cradling her head in her hands.
A rumbling growl settled over the table, emanating from Purple Heart. “You seem real stuck on this shipping thing,” he grumbled, eyes hard with irritation as he glared at the red haired girl. “Yes, I get that you’re not enthused about being my partner for the assignment. But for the ever loving carp, quit your whining! First few times, it was a little funny. Now? It’s become just gotten ridiculous and annoying. So would you kindly keep your pouting to yourself?” He stood, body tense with contained energy. “I’m going to bus my spot. Let me know when you’ve decided to be mature about this.” He grabbed his tray and stalked away, leaving the table silence with his sudden absence.
“Well, that’s the maddest I’ve seen him in a while,” Wits commented idly, picking at his food.
“Yeah, not even Duck Game can mine that much salt from him. Not normally anyway,” Light Patch said, watching his friend carve a swathe of stumbling students through the lunch room. He looked at Sunset. The girl was leaning back, having recoiled from the harsh words. “You two should probably sit down and figure out what and how you wanna deal with this whole shipping thing before it gets outta hand and we find you both locked in some kind of Spy vs Spy hijinks.”
“I second that,” Applejack piped up.
“Thirded!” squeaked Pinkie.
“You really should sort this out,” Rarity suggested. “I have to agree with Purple Heart’s observation.”
“She has been beating that particular horse to death,” Rainbow mused. An involuntary wince passed around the group. “No pun intended...”
“Too late,” Wits grunted.
Sunset sighed, sagging in her seat. “I guess I did get a little dramatic about all this. I still haven’t forgiven him for our first encounter.”
“You’re still sore about that?!” Applejack squawked. “Sunset, you need to let it go! You were just a victim of circumstance. And so was he. Just let bygones be bygones and forgive the guy. Besides, you did counter grope him. The score is even.”
Sunset gave a heavy exhale and nodded. Swinging her legs out from under the table, she stood. “I guess if we’re gonna work together, we shouldn’t be fighting,” she allowed.
“Didn’t stop us from bickering before the concert,” Rainbow Dash commented. “Owch!”
“Not helping,” Rarity hissed.
“I’ll go apologize,” Sunset said, leaving the table to find Purple Heart.
“Ladies and gentleman,” Wits said as he stood, “I give you the world’s fastest drama resolution.” He bowed dramatically to Sunset Shimmer. “Thank you for saving us three days of mutually assured tsundere-ness.”
“Where’re you going?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Wits held up the phone charger Pinkie had given him. “I gotta charge a thing. Remind me to tell ya’ll about it next break.” He paused. “There’s multiple breaks in high school, right?”
“Lunch is the biggest. You might get some smaller ones between classes, but usually that's more just for you to transition from one class to another with a stop at your locker,” Light Patch threw out. “But I’ll defer to the experts.” He motioned to the girls, all of whom merely nodded in affirmation.
“Lunch is also probably just about over, now that I think of it,” Rarity noted, looking around for a clock. And prompting those who’d been neglecting their food to begin scarfing it down.
“At least this makes up for the last chapter, right?” Pinkie muttered around a mouthful of salad.
Rainbow Dash blinked at the pink party planner. “What in the world are you talking about?”
> Chapter 10: Suspicions 101
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sunset Shimmer found Purple Heart loitering outside the cafeteria’s double doors, reclining against the wall beside them. She hesitated a moment as the doors swung shut. His eyes were closed and he was muttering under his breath, making his words unintelligible. A soft sigh escaped her and she moved closer to the purple teen. Her back pressed against the wall and she slid down to sit beside him. His words were clear now. Sunset turned to consider him as he spoke, watching his profile.
“High dukes, great princes, barons, lords, and knights,” he whispered. “For you great seats now quit you of great shames. Bar Harry England that sweeps through our lands with pennons painted in the blood of Harfleur. Go down upon him, you have power enough. And in a captive chariot into Rouen, bring him our prisoner!”
“I’m sorry,” Sunset said when his words finished echoing in the hall. Purple Heart jerked and turned to her, eyes wide with surprise.
“Eh?” he grunted intelligently.
Sunset frowned. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, exasperation entering her tone. “It was… immature of me to keep ragging on you for things you had no control over.” He looked like he wanted to retort, but astonishingly, he remained silent; merely listening to her.
“I got kind of… absorbed with the idea that people thought we should be shipped together,” she continued. “As you can guess, I wasn’t very happy with this standoff. And I rudely made my displeasure known by taking it out on you.”
“What bugs me the most,” Purple Heart replied, after a few seconds of silence between them, “is that we wiped the slate clean before history class. For all of a few minutes, things were fine. And then you got, ‘absorbed’ as you say, with the labels people gave to us. Of all the people in this school, you should know what it’s like to deal with labels.” Sunset winced and nodded in agreement.
“You’re right, I shouldn’t have labeled you after that first encounter,” she agreed. “I was just… uncomfortable.”
He snorted. “You’re telling me,” he chuckled. “I thought Celestia was gonna sentence me to community service in the bathrooms or some dusty attic. I hate sneezing.”
Sunset let a small giggle escape. She offered her hand. “Pax?”
The purple teen grinned and took the offered appendage. “Pax.” He let go and rolled to his feet. “Just Duty though… that was interesting. And Wits mentioned running into Holdfast...” He fell silent, eyes narrowing as his brow furrowed in concentration.
Sunset arched an eyebrow at his shift in countenance and stood as well. “Who are Just Duty and Holdfast by the way?” she queried. “Did you see them in the movies your friends spoke of?”
“Nah,” Purple Heart hummed. “Just Duty and Holdfast were characters in the game created by Discord that were based off our ideas or personal features of our favorite villains. Just Duty was Light’s while Holdfast was Wits’...” He trailed off, brow creasing.
“Sooo...who was your’s?” Sunset prompted.
Purple Heart’s face paled. “Aw fudge,” he groaned.
The red haired teen blinked. “A dessert? Your favorite villain is a dessert?”
“No,” the boy replied, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. “Bael is my villain. And I think things just got a whole lot more interesting around here...”
Sunset arched an eyebrow at Purple Heart, shaking her head at his vague statement. “Interesting how?” she asked.
“If my assumptions are correct,” Purple Heart hummed, “and I need to confirm this, Just Duty was the name of the officer who escorted us here with Shining Armor.”
Sunset furrowed her brow and plopped her chin on her knee-supported hand. “You mean the officer who dragged you and Wits away after our… first encounter?”
“Yeh,” he replied, giving no outward reaction if he noticed her relabeling of their first meeting. “At first, I thought it was just a coincidence that a character we had faced in a separate dimension just happened to have a human duplicate here. ‘Cuz, y’know, that’s a thing.” His gaze flicked to her for a brief moment and she sighed, nodding in agreement. “But he then did one very telling thing: he acknowledged Light by name. Ding-dong, sketchy things are knocking.”
Sunset considered his theory. It made sense. Recognizing someone you knew from a separate world was certainly cause for concern. The amount of shenanigans and craziness simply from Twilight and herself arriving here had been extraordinary.
Sunset blinked and looked questioningly at the purple teen. “What about the other guy? Holdfirm or Fat or whatever his name was?”
He snorted a laugh. “Don’t let Holdfast or Wits hear you say that,” he chortled. “Things’ll get messy then. Nah, Holdfast was just a teacher that Wits ran into at Crystal Prep. I don’t know if he recognized Wits because the little mint didn’t care to share much. I was too busy getting shaken by Light.”
Sunset snickered, covering her mouth with a hand. Purple Heart waved a hand dismissively, grinning.
“It’s all good, you can laugh,” he assured.
Sunset grinned, still laughing lightly. “So, what’s your theory on Bael being here?”
“Well, I know he didn’t die, that’s for certain,” Purple Heart explained. “When he fell from that balcony, he disappeared in a puff of green smoke and strings.”
“Strings?”
“Yeh, one of his abilities,” he clarified. “Strings, power, and cunning. Terrifying combination. At least he wasn’t pink.”
“...Now I’m confused.”
Again, he waved his hand dismissively. “It’s not important right now,” he said. “What matters now is finding out if Bael came here.”
“And how do we go about doing that?” Sunset inquired. “Scouring the city asking if any strange strings are hanging around green smoke clouds?”
“Nah,” Purple Heart denied. “I was thinking we go ask Principal Celestia if she’d seen anyone suspicious coming out of the portal.”
“Will Light Patch please report to the principal’s office,” Luna’s voice crackled through the intercom, “you are needed for processing. That is all.”
The pair looked at the nearby speaker blankly. “Well,” Sunset sighed, “what’s your second choice, Holmes?”
“Ehm,” Purple Heart grunted. “I unno… That was pretty much my entire plan.”
Sunset rolled her eyes and stood, looking imperiously down her nose at Purple Heart. “Then why don’t we go ask Twilight? She actually has equipment to make readings of the portal and would definitely be the first to know if any dimensional travelers arrived in the city.”
The purple youth blinked and ‘huh’d. “Didnae think o’ that,” he muttered.
“Apparently not,” she smirked.
He glared at her and stood up. “Har har,” he griped, smacking away any dust on his backside. “That means we need to find Twilight.”
“Yeah,” she confirmed. “C’mon, we haven’t got all day.” She made to step down the hall only to be stopped by Purple Heart’s restraining hand.
“Actually, we do, considering we’re late for our next class,” he informed.
Sunset blinked once. “Dammit!”


* * *


Twilight adjusted her glasses, raising an eyebrow in the process. “And the reason you’re hiding in here is…”
Wits End looked up from his place under one of the science lab’s tables, a cord running from the phone in his hands up to the outlet in the nearby wall. “Because I’m boycotting P.E.”
“Not that I appreciate the effort to prevent unnecessary expenditure of energy,” Twilight said, “but you know you’ll get us both in trouble if someone catches you playing hooky in here, right?”
“And what’s your excuse?”
“I’m setting up for science club.”
“Great. If anyone asks, I’m helping.”
“By sitting under a table playing Sucrose Smash?”
Wits looked up at the girl with her arms crossed. “First of all, if I was gonna be playing anything, it’d be Blaze Symbol Champions. Or Maidens Battlefront. I have many waifus to collect. Secondly, I’m trying unlock this.” He turned the phone towards Twilight to reveal a lock screen.
Twilight knelt down and stared at the screen. “What, you forgot your password?”
“It’s not mine. I found it while we were at Crystal Prep. It’s what my counterpart in this world taped it to the underside of that fire extinguisher.” He turned the screen back towards himself as he handed a small collection of papers over. “While I was in Lit., someone tossed those at me.”
“Wow.” Twilight flipped through the pages. “Interlocational Audio Communication Device? This person is either an alien, or in middle school.” She handed the papers back and shifted so that she was sitting cross-legged next to Wits under the table. “But you’re supposed to know that password, right? It’s gotta be something from that Caverns and Cutie Marks game you were stuck in.”
“Sure, except there’s like a billionty possible things it could be referring to.”
“That’s not a number.”
“A fragillion.”
“Also not a number, but whatever. Why not just try something so the hint pops up?”
“Mmm.” Wits was lightly biting his index finger where it met the palm. “Sure, but then I’d be down to just two guesses.”
“Two guesses with a definite direction to head is better than three with no idea. Just make the best guess you can and see what comes up.”
Wits sighed. “You’re right. Let’s see, what’s important enough to be a password…” After a moment, his thumb slid across the screen. “Gallopilli… The place where we won our last battle.”
Twilight leaned over to watch as he hit enter. “Guess not, huh?” Wits made a noise of mild irritation, and the purple girl read the now available hint. “‘Go back to the beginning. No caps, no space, no bits’. Any ideas?”
“I dunno; a reference to the American cut of Hurricane Touchdown?” Wits went back to biting his finger. “Back to the beginning probably means the beginning of the adventure, so… What happened back then? The Bandit Chief? Taxi the Timberwolf? Friendship summoning a Big Damn Heroes moment?”
Twilight shifted her gaze from the screen to the boy, seeing his teeth forming indentations of the skin of his hand. “You alright, Wits?”
“Hmm?” Wits looked down his nose at his hand. “Oh, right.” He moved his hand away from his mouth, wiping it idly on his pants. “Nervous habit I picked up after getting back to my world. When you go without hands for a while, it’s real easy to start messing with them to confirm they’re still there.” He set his hand on the floor behind him, leaning back against his arm. “I’ve been trying to break it, but I guess being back in this world got it started again.”
The two of them were silent for a few moments. In that time, the intercom crackled to life. “Will Light Patch please report to the principal’s office?” Luna’s voice crackled through the intercom. “You are needed for processing; that is all,” she finished ominously.
“Sounds like your friend is in trouble,” Twilight said.
“When is he not?” Wits muttered. After another moment, he shifted back forward. “Okay, it’s gotta be the town our first quest ended in.” His thumb sped across the screen again. “No capital letters or spaces, so… Road’s Crossed.”
The two teens watched the screen. “Nope.” Twilight sighed. “There’s got to be something before that, right? Some first sidequest, or first NPC you encountered, or first battle, or something. Right?”
“Maybe?” Wits’ jaw tightened as he glared at the phone. “It’s been a long time since the start of that ordeal.”
“Well, if someone had been watching your adventure, what would they have seen while watching you? From the beginning.”
“Uhhhhhh…” Wits closed his eyes. “I showed up near a stream of some sort, got real angry at Discord, met up with Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie…” He opened one eye to look at Twilight. “The ones who’re friends with Twilight Sparkle, Princess Edition. And then I almost got my rear end caved in by a scorpion, and-”
“Could it be the scorpion?”
“Unlikely. It wasn’t exactly memorable. The first really interesting thing that happened was that we got captured by a couple of bandits that were after our bits. I actually managed to turn it into a callback right near the end.” Wits paused. “‘No caps, no space, no bits’.”
“Does that mean something?”
“We’re gonna find out.” Wits tapped the screen to wake it up. “It explicitly said there’s no spaces, so it’s looking for more than one word in the phrase. If that last bit means what I think it does, then it should be…” His words slowed down as he typed them out. “I. Don’t. Have. Any. Bits.”
With a cheerful tone, the screen shifted to a main page with a single phone contact pinned to it. Wits punched the air with his free hand, successfully striking the underside of the table over him. “Yes! And ow!”
Twilight grinned. “Great! Now what?”
“Now we let our mystery guest know I’ve solved their little riddle.” He tapped the contact icon, bringing up its information. “Mystery Lord Kibarashi? Know anybody by that name?”
“I don’t think anyone would name their child that.”
“This from a girl named Twilight Sparkle.”
“What’s your point?”
“Nevermind.” Wits opened the text messenger and tapped out a message. “Solved your puzzle,” he said with both his voice and his thumbs, “we should meet.”
Twilight let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. “Alright, good. Now what happens?”
“Now?” Wits paused as a bell rung in the hallway, and the sound of teenagers stomping rose in volume. “Now we go to our next class.”


* * *


Light Patch sat in the front row of the math class, trying to remember anything from his college math classes as the teacher talked about the calculus subject they were covering for the rest of that week. Just as the barest slivers of information were returning to the surface of his memory the school's PA system crackled to life, dropping the slivers back to the depths of his mind from whence they’d came.
“Will Light Patch please report to the principal’s office,” Luna’s voice crackled through the intercom. “You are needed for processing; that is all,” she finished ominously, causing Light Patch to gulp as the crackle of the PA faded. He looked at the teacher, who nodded towards the door signaling the grey teen to go.
Light Patch stood up, gathered his things quickly, and left the room; and tried to ignore the whispers from everyone as he left the room. “Well, rumors are gonna fly all over the school about what I did to sound like I was being called to prison, so at least I don’t see how this could get much worse.” He muttered to himself as he began trudging towards Celestia and Luna’s offices.
Fate naturally accepted the challenge, despite the vague wording. “Just the teen I was hoping to see,” Just Duty said, hustling to catch up. “I was heading to meet Celestia and her sister for a bit of a working lunch, and I was hoping I’d run into you again. Though, after that school wide message, I suspect you’re less than thrilled to be seen near a cop. I hope you’re prepared to deal with the rumors.”
Me and my big mouth, Light Patch thought as he adjusted his pace to keep with Just Duty. “I’m not worried about the rumors. I doubt they’ll stick around long enough to be an issue,” he replied, matching pace with Just Duty.
“I guess they wouldn’t,” he replied thoughtfully. “This school does tend to attract a lot of interesting events, such as the sudden appearance of you and your friends midway through the semester. Speaking of which, what do your parents think about the transfer?” 
Light Patch’s mind whirled as he tried to come up with a response. I wish and hope all of the information on lying from Burn Notice was true, and that I can remember it all. “They’re as supportive as they’ve always been. I don’t think Mom’s super thrilled about the transfer, but I think she at least understands why I wanted to do it. If she’s got major qualms about it, she’s not telling me them,” he replied, trying to walk a fine line of specificity and also vagueness.
“They’re just concerned for you-”
“And they just want what's best for me. Yeah, I know, and I love them for it. Doesn’t mean I can’t roll my eyes after hearing that for the five hundredth time,” the teen replied, earning a short laugh from Just Duty.
“I probably heard it over a thousand times, and I’d swear under oath that I’ve heard my mom say it for a couple of years after she’d passed,” the cop said, taking a bite outta the soft pretzel he’d been holding. “What about all of the projects you were involved in back at ‘school whose name is so ridiculously long I refuse to name it’?” he asked around his pretzel.
Light Patch chuckled while his mind tried to figure out if that was an in-joke between the two or not. “At least it’s not the school whose name is so ridiculously short that you have to take even longer to explain that ‘yes, that really is the school's name’.” Light Patch replied glibly, taking in the small smile Just Duty hid with a second bite of his pretzel. “As for the projects, I’ve agreed to help them where I can, when I can, until they either get someone else to fill in, or the projects are done. But considering I’ve left, there isn’t really a whole lot I can do.”
‘To give up on a project so easily... Is that natural for him?’ the voice questioned in the back of Just Duty’s mind. Not really, he thought back, but as he mentioned, there might not be a whole lot he can do, having left the school officially. “I’m surprised you're not actually just ignoring the rules and continue working on the projects anyway,” Just Duty replied.
“I’m hurt that you’d assume I’d blab about anything like that; if I was doing it in the first place,” Light Patch replied, trying to sound as neutral as he could.
Now that is a little odd. If he felt something was a lost cause he’d just cut his losses and move on, not try to hang around doing whatever little bits he still could, Just Duty mentally noted and filed away. Just Duty suddenly snorted as a realization flashed through his mind. “I just realized this is probably one of the longest conversations we’ve ever had,” he noted chuckling.
“Well, we are both heading towards the same destination, and most of the kids are in class or too busy rumor mongering,” Light Patch replied, sighing heavily at the end.
“That helps, sure, but usually you’re way more to the point. Not a word, action, or thought wasted,” Just Duty replied chuckling thoughtfully. “I, uh, may have used police resources to check for robotics backgrounds on your parents,” he trailed off at the look Light Patch gave him. “I should probably mention I may have had you go through metal detectors a few times as well,” he finished with an apologetic smile before cramming the last bites of his pretzel into his mouth for thinking time. “Just how bad was it?” he asked quietly after swallowing.
“Was what?”
“Don’t play this game,” Just Duty said with a heavy sigh. “Your burn out. I’ve seen you after a few, and you change. But only in small amounts; ‘sufficient amounts’, you’d call it,” he said making air quotes with his fingers. “Yet here you are, acting like an almost completely different person. How long did you spend in the hospital this time?”
Light Patch began rubbing his wrists. “Just a couple of days,” he replied hesitantly, hoping his stalling would be interpreted as not wanting to share rather than stalling for time, “Mostly because it was starting to get so bad, I spotted what was going on before it got too bad. The doctor told me I was lucky I’d realized what I was doing to myself this time. If I hadn’t, I’d have, in his words, carried myself right to death’s door,” he finished, staring at the floor and trying to not look at Just Duty’s face.
“You’re still a terrible liar,” Just Duty said, his gaze locked straight ahead; looking forward again a neutral look on his face. “Still, you seem to have actually changed, so I’ll leave it alone.” For now, he added mentally, resolving to keep an eye on him for a bit longer. The two continued on in silence for a few more moments before they got to their destination. “Looks like we’re at the Principal's Office. After you, oh doomed one,” he said, holding the door to Celestia and Luna’s offices.
“Thanks,” Light Patch said, entering the door to the waiting room.
“I do hope you’ve learned your lesson, sister. Honestly, the poor teen is probably already rumored to be responsible for all of the strange things that have been happening around the school now,” Celestia said, looking annoyed at her younger sister and Vice-Principal. Luna, for her part, looked part apologetic but also annoyed; neither, however, had noticed the door open.
Light Patch quickly rushed to in front of the sisters and dropped to his knees. “I throw myself upon the mercy of the state! Please forgive the sins of a poor lost youth, and take pity upon his poor misguided soul,” he half-wailed, slight tears welling up in his eyes. Just Duty snorted and barely got a hand over his face before he could laugh too loud.
The two sisters looked at Light Patch, both having been startled by his sudden appearance in their eyes, before glancing at each other. They stood there looking at the teen for a few moments before Celestia cleared her throat and nudged her sister with her elbow. “Ah, uhm.” Luna started. “I apologise for my poor phrasing. You are not actually in trouble; we just needed you to come in. There have been a few problems getting all of the information from your old school, so until everything goes through the systems, we needed you to fill out a few things. And we also needed you to talk to the school nurse as well.” She motioned to the woman standing in another corner of the room who was trying, and failing, just as much at Just Duty at hiding her mirth.
“Ah, well, then let’s get started. I’d hate to miss lunch for the second day in a row,” Light Patch said, following Luna into her office.
> Chapter 11: Mares Nostrum
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m really starting to hate school again,” Purple Heart grumbled as he followed Sunset out of the Algebra classroom. “I’d forgotten how heavy the books were.” He shifted the bag on his shoulder into a slightly more comfortable position. Sunset snickered, rapping a knuckle against the side of his bag.
“But you’re a strapping, strong boy,” she chortled. “Surely you can manage a few textbooks?”
“Define few.”
Sunset laughed, shaking her mane of red hair in amusement.
“Where are we headed anyway?” Purple Heart asked.
“Club time,” she replied. “Two or so hours for clubs to get together for a day while school is still in session.” Purple Heart arched an eyebrow, shifting his bag again.
“And what club are you in?” he inquired. Sunset grinned.
“Our band,” she smirked. “The Rainbooms.”
The purple teen blinked and arched an eyebrow. “Really,” he hummed. “And I suppose Light, Wits, and I are gonna just sit around doing squat all while you rock away?”
She nodded. “Yes.”
He stumbled, eyes wide with surprise. “Wat?” he squawked. “You serious?” Her eyes twinkled with a mischievous glint and her lips quirked.
“No, I’m Sunset Shimmer,” she chirped. Purple Heart’s eyes narrowed.
“Aha, aha,” he grunted. “Let’s go. I feel my arm separating from my shoulder.”
Sunset shook her head again, giggling at the youth’s dramatic misfortune. “Not much further,” she assured.
“Yays,” he drawled, once again shifting his bag. They continued down the hall, moving further and further into the bowels of the school. Eventually, they reached a set of double doors that Sunset shoved open. Purple Heart darted through the doors without waiting for an invitation and immediately dropped his bag, rolling his arm and sighing with relief.
“Sweet freedom,” he groaned, massaging his abused shoulder.
“Need a massage?” Wits End asked from his place by the guitar stands. “I’ll make sure your shoulder is the least of your problems.” He made robotic chopping motions with his hands while making ‘woosh’ noises with his mouth.
“Technically you should stretch your muscles before your carry anything heavy like that,” Twilight said. “You have no-one to blame but yourself.”
“Won’t stop him from blaming someone else,” Light Patch muttered, not looking up from the notebook he’d been scribbling in since he’d entered the room. “What rhymes with solomon anyway?”
“Uncommon,” Twilight offered. “Cardamon, backgammon, demon-”
“Pokemon,” Wits added. “What you doing?”
“Got bored while I was waiting for you guys, got my hands on a new notebook for writing, and since this was a music room, I thought I’d actually go and try my hand at writing a song or two,” Light Patch replied, as he continued to scribble away on the page. “I’m still stuck on the chorus line I came up with a year or two ago,” he added with a frown.
“One, I didn’t say I was gonna blame anyone,” Purple Heart called. “I can be responsible for my own sufferings, thank you very much. Two, try curmudgeon.”
“What about bunion!” Pinkie offered.
“Ehm… no.”
“Purple Heart’s shoulder aside,” Sunset coughed. “How was class for everyone?”
Wits looked up from the guitar strap he was fiddling with. “I hate everything and everyone associated with it,” he said cheerily. “So pretty good for high school, I’d say.”
“You also cut P.E.” Twilight said.
“Sometimes self-care is not running around a track field. Sometimes it’s downing six 5-Hour energy things and vibrating into the 7th dimension.”
“...What are you talking about?”
“Do I look like I know?” Wits made a single strum on the guitar that was now slung around his neck and shoulder. “I don’t. Besides, the results of cutting class should wait until we’re having story time.”
“Huh... No, I was saying Wits would blame someone for his problems… What are we talking about?” Light asked, finally looking up from his notebook to see that the room was fully occupied.
“How did everyone’s classes go,” Rarity said, filling him in.
“Well, the tail end of Philosophy was okay. What I caught of it that is. I missed half the class and the rest of it I had a hard time listening to the teacher because of all the whispering about me generated by the awesome call to death row from our wonderful vice-principal,” Light Patch deadpanned. “So overall, it was just another Tuesday.”
“Charming,” Purple Heart drawled. “Turns out, we were a tad late for class what with my conspiracy theorizing. Class itself was okay...except for where I got homework. Ugh.”
Twilight frowned at the purple youth. “What’s wrong with homework? It helps you retain what you’ve learned in class.”
“But it’s homework,” Purple Heart whined. “I haven’t had to do homework in...a year.”
“So why are you surprised?” Applejack asked.
“It’s high school homework,” he emphasized. “It’s gonna be easy. But so mind numbingly tedious!”
Wits raised a hand. “Question: Since Scilight hacked the system so that I’m officially still at Crystal Prep, do I need to do the homework?”
“Well, no…” Fluttershy started.
“Great! I am going on break!”
“But I was hoping to check my answers against yours, since you’ve already gone through this before,” she finished. “If that’s okay, I mean.”
“I am back from my break!”
“So nice of you to rejoin us already in progress,” Light Patch said, a smirk on his face. He watched as the girls started setting up their instruments for their practice session. “Hey, would now be a good time to share some potentially vital information or do you artists need all of your attention focused on the musics?”
“Now would be the best,” Rainbow replied immediately as she played with the tuning of her guitar, “we’ve been slacking a little, so I expect us all to give a hundred and ten percent during practice so we probably won’t have the energy to care at the end of it.”
“Right. Well, in that case, I think Just Duty is investigating me. So, we’re on a timer to being outed,” Light Patch revealed.
Purple Heart blinked, dropping to sit beside the grey teen. “He might have recognized us when we ran into each other. I don’t think that’d call for investigation... much...”
“Except for one issue: I don’t think he recognized you two. I think it was only me. I’m not sure, but I suspect we’re dealing with a native Just Duty,” Light Patch said, flipping to a clean page of the notebook. “I ran into him while heading to Celestia’s office. All of his questions were focused solely on me, not even a ‘so when or where’d you meet the other two’?”
“Well, it’s not as bad as it could be,” Wits muttered. “He didn’t show any signs of recognizing me when he and Shining Armor were taking me to Crystal Prep. He pretty much just took off once we were out of Equestria High.” He slipped the guitar off his shoulder and set it back in its stand. “Same for Holdfast. It sounds like even though there’s parallels to our villains, they’re not the same as the ones we fought.”
“Coincidentally, that leads into my conspiracy theory,” Purple Heart piped up. “When I was fighting Bael, I uh… didn’t actually… defeat him.”
“What, did you two pull a nega-Scott Pilgrim and make friends or something?” Light Patch looked questioningly at his friend before his eyes suddenly bugged out and he fell over backwards, brandishing his pencil menacingly towards Purple Heart. “You aren’t Bael who actually won your fight and took Purple Heart’s place are you? Tell me something that only he’d know!”
“Duck Game,” Purple Heart deadpanned.
“That proves nothing! We played it later the same day we’d gotten home! Write our common multiplayer password down and show it to me!” Light Patch retorted.
“I’ve got one better,” Purple Heart retorted. “Led Bauncy Haus.”
“Okay, you're not Bael. But I’m still thinking about disemboweling you with this pencil for that crime against my ears,” the teen said, still holding the pencil at his friend.
“Hai, hai, sempai,” Purple Heart soothed, hands up in a defensive gesture. “As I was saying, Bael didn’t actually die or anything. He just... poofed into a cloud of green smoke.”
“Great, so he’s the Wicked Witch of the West,” Wits said. “And you were there, and you were there. In any case, he should still be in the RPG world.” His eyes narrowed at Purple Heart. “Right?”
Hands knotted together in agitation, Purple Heart shrugged. “I mean… he should still be in the RPG world,” he said. “But don’t you think it’s possible, even a little bit, for him to be here? I mean, Just Duty and Holdfast are, so why not Bael? There is one problem though. I haven’t the slightest idea who Bael could be here as...”
“Maybe Bael was the friendships you made along the way?” Pinkie offered.
Wits looked back at the pink girl who was suddenly at the drums. “When did you- Nevermind. Based on how he acted—what with the messing around with you on a laugh—chances are he’s someone who you’ve already interacted with.” He paused. “Or someone you haven’t met yet. One of those two.”
“That’s… marginally unhelpful,” Purple Heart hummed. He rubbed at his face. “I guess I’ll be skulking around for a while, paranoid of everything and everyone on the staff… Lovely.”
“You don’t think he’ll be a student?” Rarity inquired, pausing at her keyboard.
Purple Heart gaped, swinging his head to the girl. “A… student?!” he squawked. “Bael… a… student?! HA! AHAHAHAHAH~!” The girls blinked at the laughing youth, shifting in confusion.
“Bael a student!” Purple Heart chortled. “HEheheheh! That’s like Jingles landing a plane! It may be on the ground, but it's hardly in one piece!”
“Calling it now,” Wits deadpanned, “Bael will be revealed to be a student within five days.” He pulled a folding chair from its place by the wall, unfolded it, and took a seat. “As long as we’re talking about XK-class end of the world scenarios, we should talk about this.” He fished a fully-charged smartphone out of his pocket. “When Scilight and I were in Crystal Prep, my alternate passed this to me via tape and a fire extinguisher. Then, in class today, some mystery person let me know that they’d be using this to get in touch with me, and that they knew about our adventures in RPG land.”
Twilight frowned. “You left out some stuff there.”
“I’m hitting the highlights. No-one wants to read the same stuff twice.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“The point is,” Wits continued, “there’s someone out there who knows that we, or at least I, come from another world.”
“Great. We have a police officer who’s on my trail, an unknown who already does know, and one of the villains from our last major invasion of a world is possibly here and is probably already aware of us too,” Light Patch summed up. “Anyone wanna bet when Agent J or Coleson is gonna show up?”
“No bet,” Purple Heart wheezed, wiping his eyes. “I haven’t the monies. Nor do I think it’ll happen. We’ve got enough on our plate as is. We don’t need a S.H.I.E.L.D. wannabe crashing the party. However, they may have a way home for us...”
“Are we doin’ band practice are not?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I don’t know about you guys, but if I can’t show I’ve been doing actual club activities, Vice-Principal Luna’s gonna make me wear the mascot costume in our next game instead of being on the field.”
“One quick thing first.” Sunset Shimmer held up a hand. “Wits?”
“Hai hai, Wits desu,” Wits End deadpanned. “What’s up?”
“I’ve been thinking,” Sunset continued, “you were with Purple Heart when we had our first encounter yesterday, right?”
“Sure.”
“And based on what we’ve seen of how you act, it’s safe to say that you were the one who pushed him into the crowded hallway?”
“That sure sounds like me, yes.”
“So, we can then say that it’s because of you that Purple Heart and I met in the first place, right?”
“If you wanted to put it like that, then sure.”
Sunset’s expression turned accusatory. “And so it’s your fault that he knocked me down and put us both in a compromising situation?”
“I, uh… I guess?”
“And it’s your fault the two of us spent almost 24 hours trying to figure out how to be on any sort of reasonable terms again?”
“Uhhhhhhh...”
“Yes or no, mister End.”
“...yeeeeeees?”
After a minute of scrutiny, Sunset relaxed. “Okay. As long as we’re on the same page.”
Wits let out his breath. “Phew, for a moment I thought things were gonna get violent.”
“Nah, I don’t like using violence without a good reason.”
“Yeah, I guess that makes se-”
With a hearty thud, Sunset’s fist impacted the space just below Wits’ rib cage. “That, however,” Sunset said as she shrugged a guitar strap over her shoulder, “is 24 hours worth of karma for messing with my friend, paid back in full.”
After a moment to take in what had just happened, the girls started their practice. Purple Heart squatted next to where the mint-colored teen was collapsed. “You alright?”
Wits’ mouth moved silently before he could get his lungs working again. “S-sorry, dude,” he wheezed.
Purple Heart raised an eyebrow. “Sorry for what? You’re the one who got the carp knocked outta him.”
The corner of Wits’ mouth twitched upwards. “Yeah, b-but…” He pulled himself up onto his hands and knees. “You’re the one who got friendzone’d there.”
Purple Heart’s expression fell back to a neutral stare. A beat later, he slapped Wits on the back, dropping him back onto the floor. “I take back my concern. You’re fine.”
Wits, face down, gave a shaky thumbs-up. “This is but a single step on the road of a high school romantic comedy!” he called. His voice dropped back to a whisper as he pulled himself up again, holding his back as the girls played on. “This school is gonna kill me…”


	* * *


“Remind me why we’ve been wasting our time here again when we could be doing something more interesting like chemistry or hanging out with Button Mash?” Heart Burn asked as he yawned widely, interrupting the plans his companions had been making.
“I heard mah sister say that there were some guys staying in this house and that there was still a lot of cleaning left to do. With a little work, we could earn our ‘Helping Others When They Could Use A Helping Hand’ Badge,” Applebloom stated.
“So we’re gonna clean someone else’s mess up just so we can get the Helping Hobo’s badge?” Heart Burn asked, looking at the three girls. “Isn’t this like, your club? Can’t you just award it to yourselves instantly and go do something more interesting?”
“What‽” Sweetie Belle exclaimed.
“That's what Applebloom and I asked when we were starting this club. Sweetie threatened to read a book at us until we caved in,” Scootaloo replied, receiving a glare from Sweetie Belle.
“I told you two, if we’re going to earn ourselves any respect or satisfaction from our club’s endeavours, we have to do this right!” Sweetie shot back at Scootaloo.
“And by right you mean helping strangers to clean a house that’s been abandoned for who knows how long?” Heart Burn sniffed. “People are more likely to have a heart attack. Aren’t kids our age supposed to be glued to phone screens or some other device?”
“Mah sister doesn’t do electronics much,” Apple Bloom admitted.
“I prefer sewing,” Sweetie said.
“I like the outdoors,” Scootaloo shrugged.
Heart Burn nodded, purple pony tail bobbing. “My point exactly. Kids these days don’t appreciate the things they have. They prefer to spend their killing their eyeballs with screens.” The three girls shared a skeptical look.
“And are you so different?” Sweetie asked. “You spend hours on end playing video games in a basement.”
Heart Burn shrugged noncommittally. “My brother isn’t at home, so I get his room,” he replied. “I just utilize the assets available to me. Makes me smart. Not screen crazy.”
“Girls, and guy, we should get back to the topic at hand. How are we gonna go about helping them anyway?” Applebloom asked, bringing them back to the moment.
“It’d be best if we knew just what was left needing to be done,” Sweetie replied, trying to look through any of the windows. “Otherwise, we’re just gonna have to pick who does what. Dibs on dusting.”
“First we gotta get inside,” Scootaloo cut in. “I think I’ve got it, though.” With a moment to prepare, she placed a hand on the door handle and gave it a jiggle, with no results. “Well, I’m out of ideas. Girls plus one, anyone have a plan?”
“Maybe they left a key under the doormat.”
Scootaloo rolled her eyes. “Who has a doormat nowadays? We gotta put our heads together and think-” She stopped, hearing a sound behind her. She, and the other two girls, turned back to see a mint-colored boy sitting cross-legged on the grass behind them.
Wits End raised a hand in greeting. “Ya’ll trying to get your ‘Breaking and Entering’ Badge? I’ve got plenty of ideas. Who’s got a flat-head screwdriver and a hammer?”
He was interrupted by a balled fist to the back of his head. “That’s the last thing we need them to learn,” Sunset grumbled, looking back to the set of children. “What are you all doing here?”
“I think they were failing to get into our temp house,” Purple Heart hummed, stroking his chin. “While I do admit Wits’ option is stealthier, I’d suggest body checking the door… All three of you… At the same time… That should work. Not stealthy. But hilarious and flashy.”
Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo all shrunk away from the towering teens, pushing Heart Burn forward in their place.
“His idea,” they chorused. Heart Burn blinked at the teens confusedly. When his eyes found Purple Heart, he froze. Then, a smirk curved his lips. He flung his arms wide and darted forward.
“ONII-CHAN!” he cheered, cannoning into Purple Heart’s midriff and wrapping his arms around the dumbstruck purple teen. Purple Heart, having been unprepared for such an assault, let his body slacken and he fell flat on his back with the boy’s face burrowed in his chest.
Wits stared at the giant on the ground with the smaller boy grappled to him. “Part of me wants to make some sort of joke about your way not being very sportsmanlike, but I’m pretty sure watching that happen gave me diabetes.”
Light Patch finally managed to snap away from his surprise. “Hey, looks like you’re an older brother. Surprise, he’s gonna sell us all out in minutes.”
Sunset gaped. This… was not what she was expecting. Not at all. She took a hesitant step back, fighting the urge to run from the adoration this… child was showing Purple Heart. But her curiosity won out. Marginally.
The three female members of the self-created Crusaders blinked confusedly at Heart Burn. “This here,” Apple Bloom coughed, “is yer brother?”
“Huh,” Scootaloo grunted. “Didn’t see that coming. Not at all.”
“Does that mean he’s technically a Crusader?” Sweetie asked. “Considering all of us have a sibling or sibling figure?”
Heart Burn ignored them.
Purple Heart was just wondering why this was happening to him. With a grimace, he looked at the head of the boy attached to his stomach. First mistake.
Heart Burn was gazing at him with large, soulful blue eyes that could, if harnessed correctly, topple empires.
“Onii-chan!” he repeated. “I haven’t seen you in such a looooooong time! Did you get me anything?”
Purple Heart grunted intelligently. “Uh… no?”
A pout immediately appeared on Heart Burn’s face. “Mooouh,” the boy whimpered, “but you promised.”
“Not to my knowledge,” Purple Heart denied. “I can’t even remember what you wanted in the first place.”
Heart Burn grinned evilly.
“I want a booby mousepad like y-”
Purple Heart slapped a hand over the child’s mouth. But it was too late.
“Welp, I’mma gonna go soak my brain in boiling brain bleach! Anyone else want some? I won’t even charge ya the usual fifty bucks, I’ll do this one for free, pro bono… That feels like a poor choice of words at this moment,” Light Patch said, making his way up the steps.
Wits End had a very different reaction. He leaned in to Purple Heart, his eyes wide and a wild grin on his face. “You have a what now? Who is it? Nami? Robin? ...Franky?”
While Sunset fled the scene, muttering about needing to check in with one of the Twilights, the three girls just blinked. “A booby what now?” they echoed Wits.
“Mothpd,” Heart Burn mumbled around Purple Heart’s fingers. The fingers tightened.
“Well, you’ve successfully scarred me for life,” the teen groaned. “As well as my compatriots. And your little friends over there. Just perfect. Shouldn’t you be at home doing homework?”
“Nope,” Heart Burn chirped, pushing the offending hand away. “Already did that. They dragged me along to help them get a badge for their club. ‘Helping the Hobos’ or some such. They thought cleaning this place would be good enough. Didn’t think I’d find you here. You’re supposed to be at school training for the championship.”
Purple Heart swallowed thickly. “Ehm… could we discuss this later?”
Heart Burn’s grin returned full force. Purple Heart could have sworn there was a flash of Satan in that grin.
“Whenever you want, onii-chan,” Heart Burn smirked. “You may wanna keep it a secret from mom though.” Purple Heart swallowed again, glancing at the spectators.
“Right,” he agreed.
Heart Burn rolled off the still prone teen and skipped over to the three male teens’ temporary abode. “I think we should help them,” the purple haired boy declared. “I wanna help onii-chan.” The three girls arched their eyebrows speculatively at Heart Burn.
“Yer tryin’ ta bribe him, ain’t yah?” Applebloom deadpanned.
“Or more likely, Shortstock here is trying to earn some favors from his older brother to back him in some kind of cookie heist,” Light Patch muttered, opening the door to the house. “Come on in. We’ll talk in the house, out of the sun and away from my growing headache.”
Heart Burn just smiled, nodding his head vigorously. “Uun,” he agreed squeakily.
“So, uh,” Wits jerked a thumb at the small boy. “What’s with this sassy… lost child?”
Heart Burn pouted petulantly. “I’m hardly lost,” he sniffed.
“He’s got a point,” Purple Heart agreed tenuously, rolling to his feet. “He was with them.” He indicated the original Crusaders. “Also, didn’t I make that reference earlier? Zero outta ten. Would not salt again.”
Wits pouted. “I came out here to have a good time and honestly, I’m feeling so attacked right now.”
Sweetie pointed a finger at the mint-colored teen. “What’s with this guy quoting outdated memes?”
“Outda- They’re vintage memes! High quality, hand-crafted memes aged in an oaken cask!”
The mini-fashionista sniffed imperiously, making a solid imitation of her sister. She looked at Scootaloo. “Well?” she prompted. Scootaloo paged through a small notebook, scratching at her grey cap.
“It’s an older meme,” she admitted, “but it checks out. Should we let them in?”
“Aren’t we the ones who should be asking that?” Light Patch asked, leaning against the door frame. “I mean, we are the ones living in the house after all... What are ya’ll doing here anyway?”
“Badges.” Sweetie Belle replied immediately. Light Patch opened his mouth to reply but snapped it shut just as quick.
“You owe me for cutting off another outdated meme. What kind of badges?” Light Patch finally replied.
“We’re getting our ‘Help a Hobo’ badge!” Heart Burn chirped. His grin melted immediately to be replaced with a frown. “Do I need to tell mom you’re a hobo, onii-chan?” His tone was serious.
“NYET!” Purple Heart squawked. “We aren’t hobos!”
“Are you sure?” Applebloom asked, frowning skeptically at the trio. “You’re livin’ in a rundown house that looks fit to fall apart any second.”
“Hey, the house has character,” Wits corrected. “It’s has some eccentricities, but that just makes it more unique. And if we were hobos, we’d have to be unemployed, and living off of the kindness of others. Like how Sunset and the others have paid for everything so far.” He stopped, then turned to the other two teens. “They’re right. We’re hobos squatting in a health code violation. I’m under the legal drinking age and my life is already at rock bottom.”
“So we can get our badges?” Scootaloo asked eagerly.
Purple Heart gave a noncommittal shrug. “I guess,” he hummed. “I’m pretty sure Light Patch and Rarity could dirty up the house for you to clean.” He grinned evilly, stepping into the house trailed closely by Heart Burn. Light Patch glared at where Purple Heart had went.
“Wits, give me at least three reasons to not end him here and now like a sentence,” Light Patch grumbled.
Wits thought for a moment. “I got nothing. But I can give you 5 minutes with no witnesses.”
“I’ll take it,” he muttered darkly, following Purple Heart in.
“Good luck.” Wits turned back to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, taking a seat on the steps to the door. “So, as I was saying about the hammer and screwdriver...”
> Chapter 12: Everything is Wrong~!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The six girls sitting at the table in the Sweet Shoppe all jumped in their seats as the front door banged open and Sunset burst through the door cackling and giggling to herself. A small grin was trying to remove the neutral look she was fighting to hold on her face.
“Uh… Not that I don’t appreciate a really good jester impression, but you’re kind of making me wish that Owlman was real.” Rainbow said, pressing herself against Rarity in an attempt to open as much space as she could. “What’s got you so crazy?”
“Mouse pads of questionable quality,” Sunset said with a dismissive wave as she tried to suppress her laughter. “I’ll explain later. Anyone seen Princess Twilight?”
“Whoa whoa whoa!” Pinkie waved her hands at the sudden dismissal. “Back up! You gotta explain a few things! Making no sense is my job! What’s this about mouse pads of questionable quality? Is it a boob mouse pad?”
Sunset’s grin lost the war and she gave a weak nod. She grimaced at the curious and scandalized looks the other girls were giving her.
“Whose mouse pad?” Pinkie urged.
Sunset swallowed and wiped her brow. “Pu… pu… Purple Heart’s.”
The rest of the Mane Six stared at the red-haired girl.
“Say what now?” Rainbow croaked.
“Do you mean to tell me,” Rarity said, “that a fine, upstanding young gentleman like Purple Heart is the owner of a mousepad that represents such a deplorable level of debauchery?”
The redhead nodded.
“That,” Rarity mused, “might be the most hilarious thing I’ve heard all week.”
“If y'all’re done bein’ six years old-” Applejack started to say.
“AJ, you’re blushing almost as much as Fluttershy is,” Rainbow Dash interrupted.
“AS AH WAS SAYIN’! Princess Twi should be here any minute.” The sound of the cafe’s door opening acted as the perfect punctuation to her statement. “Or right now.”
“Hey, girls,” Twi greeted, joining the group at their table. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news.”
“Well, we have perverted news,” Rarity sniffed. “Who goes first?” Twi blinked several times at the fashion mistress.
“You,” she prompted. “What did they do now?”
“Purple Heart has a.... Uh… boob… mouse pad,” Fluttershy answered softly.
“Fluttershy!” Rainbow hissed. “Why’d you speak up?! I could have saved your innocence!” Twi blinked again.
“I… wasn’t expecting that...” she mused. “But… you do realize that the mouse pad most likely belongs to this world’s Purple Heart and not the one you’ve seen goofing off around us?”
The other girls were quiet for a moment, contemplating that little tidbit. Rarity shivered and shook her head.
“While that is marginally comforting,” she admitted, “I still have to interact with a version of Purple Heart.”
Rainbow Dash tapped the table. “We can still make fun of our version, right?” She leaned back as seven pairs of eyes turned on her. “What? We were all wondering it.”
“We really shouldn’t,” Science Twilight said, adjusting her glasses.
“But we’re still gonna!” Pinkie helpfully chimed in before turning to look at Princess Twilight. “So, what was your news?”
	Princess Twilight cleared her throat and tried to hide any remaining traces of mirth from her face. “I still don’t know whose magic brought those three into this world, but I’m sure it’s not the Dazzlings or my world’s Discord; the one who started the whole game thing in the first place.”
“An’ what makes you so sure it wasn’t him? From what you’ve told us, and what we know of our own, he doesn’t exactly sound like the type you trust just on word alone,” Applejack asked, prompting a sigh from Princess Twilight.
“Well, I went and talked to him...”


* * *


	“Discord, we need to talk,” Princess Twilight said, simultaneously attempting to ward off some very annoying teapots.
“Oh? About what?” Discord mused. “Is it about the hideous curb appeal of your castle? Or maybe that mop you call a haircut?”
“No, it’s about some mutual frie-... acquaintances of ours,” she corrected.
“Hmm. You likely don’t mean Fluttershy, or you wouldn’t have cut yourself off from saying friends... It’s not about Derpy is it? I mean, she does always seem to get the mail on time. Wrinkled sure, but on time.” A random hand appeared and covered Twilight’s mouth as she was about to interrupt him. “No no, I can get it! Give me a second.” The draconequus hummed in thought for a few moments before he snapped a claw. “I’ve got it! You want to talk about Royal Guard Number Forty Eight!”
“No! It’s about those three colts you pulled in for the game!” Twilight finally managed to shout.
“Ah... yes, them... I wonder what they’ve been up to?” He wondered as he set about ironing his tail.
“They’ve shown up in the world on the other side of the mirror. Was it your doing?”
“While I’d love to interact with them again, I’m afraid they wouldn’t leave me in any more than at least eighty-nine pieces. So no, I swear on my friendship with Fluttershy I haven’t even checked in on them since the game ended and they went home,” Discord swore, holding up five right paws.


* * *


Applejack narrowed her eyes as the princess finished her little story. “Why do ah’ get the feeling you’ve heavily truncated that story?”
“Because I have.”
“An why’d you do that?”
“Because I spent an hour as a sofa.”
“Ah. Fair enough.”
“So if it’s not your version of Discord,” Science Twilight mused, “then who or what brought them here?” 
“Well,” Rarity said, “who do we know who can open portals between worlds, and that we’ve had to fight in the past?”
Slowly, all heads turned in one direction
Sunset blinked. “What?”
Princess Twilight sighed. “In the interest of ruling out the obvious; Sunset, did you do anything that could have brought them here?”
“No way! If I had, I would’ve sent them back as soon as Purple Heart fell on me.”
“Good. With that out of the way, who’s left?”
“There’s th’ Sirens,” Applejack offered. “Then again, Ah dunno if they’d be be powerful enough for somethin’ like this. It ain’t exactly in their wheelhouse, either.”
Sunset frowned. “Hey, as long as we’re ruling people out, what about our Twilight?”
Science Twilight waved her hands in front of her. “Don’t look at me. I learned my lesson after last time. Besides, I was trying to go places, not bring things here.”
“Well, who else is there?” Rainbow Dash said. “Anyone on your end that could do this, Princess?”
“Sure,” Princess Twilight said with a shrug, “but I can’t think of anyone who would mess with this world besides Discord. Everypony else is either reformed, banished, or reduced to their constituent magical parts.”
Science Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Reduced to what now?”
“Sombra was a weird exception.”
“So if it’s not anyone we know,” Fluttershy said, “then who could it possibly be?”
“Not to put a damper on this,” Science Twilight cut in, “but I’m more interested in why they’re here at all, and what makes them so different from those in our world. The version of Wits End in our world seemed like a completely different person than the one from another dimension.”
“How so?” Sunset asked.
“Well, him and friends weren’t… really a thing. I never saw him with anyone else while I was at Crystal Prep. Even when I did talk to him, he didn’t talk nearly as much as our Wits.”
“Is that a good thing, or a bad thing?”
“Mmmmmm…”
“It’s a thing, that’s for certain,” Rainbow Dash commented. “But it also doesn’t mean much. They’re two different people. Of course there’s gonna be a difference.”
“But they share the same face, the same appearance,” Sci Twi pointed out. “Shouldn’t there be some similarity in terms of their personality? I mean, look at Princess Twi and I. We’re both scholars.”
“That’s just vocation, darling,” Rarity chided. “It seems to be true for all of us. I’m a fashion designer and so is the other Rarity. Rainbow Dash is an athlete both here and there. Same goes for the rest of the girls and their pony counterparts. It seems true for most individuals in both worlds: they share something, but not everything. Besides, we’ve only met the Wits End of both worlds. What about this world’s Purple Heart and Light Patch? Without having met them, we can’t fully compare the two versions.” Rarity took a sip from her cup.
The girls sat silently for a moment, blinking at the fashionista. The fashionable girl lowered her cup and finally noticed her watchers. “What?” she asked.
“I think Twilight may be rubbin’ off on ya,” Applejack wondered.
“Which one?” Sunset asked.
“Does it matter?” Rainbow snorted. “She just went all ‘scientific theory’ on us.”
“OOOH! Now I know why Light Patch is familiar to me!” Pinkie suddenly shouted, startling the other girls, but also drawing their attention.“I think I met this world's Light Patch! I helped organize a party for him and his family for when they moved in.”
“Yeah and?” Rainbow prompted skeptically.
“I only kind of met him for a little bit. I tried talking to him, but he was busy on his phone, so I figured I’d give him time and try again later, only he’d disappeared and I couldn’t find him in the party at all. I’d asked his parents and all they said was he’d only scheduled twenty minutes for the party,” Pinkie filled the others in. “I haven’t really ever seen him since.  Once or twice around town, but he always looked so busy, even when he wasn’t doing anything. So I kind of ignored him.”
“Seems we’re two for two on similarities,” Rainbow threw out, “I don’t suppose any of you have run into this world's Purple Heart huh?”
The girls all turned to look expectantly at the rainbow haired girl. Rainbow fidgeted slightly. “What?”
“Weeeeeell,” Science Twilight drew out the vowel, “considering you’re the resident athlete, I think we were all expecting you to be the one to speak up about this world’s Purple Heart. From what I heard, he’s enrolled at Daring Do’s School for Physically Gifted Youngsters. And seeing as that is primarily a physical education school, I’d have thought you’d have met him before on a sports field, if not afterwards.”
“Oh… Well, that would be true,” Rainbow Dash hummed, “if the sports teams for Canterlot High and Daring Do operated in the same district.”
There was a pause of silence as the other girls digested this factoid. Pinkie’s response was the most thought out.
“Say what now?”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “I could go into this long shpiel about the differences between sport districts, conferences, divisions, county lines, and countless other things. But the gist of it is that the only time a team from Canterlot High faces Daring Do actually play against each other is in a tournament.”
“And why haven’t you ever come face to face with this world’s Purple Heart?” Sunset asked.
Rainbow cringed. “Cuz he apparently only plays baseball.”
“So?”
“So in baseball tournaments, your opponent is usually based off of your seeding.”
“What’s seeding?” Pinkie asked.
“Basically, it’s where your team is ‘planted’ in the tournament bracket,” Rainbow Dash explained. “In tournament play, the teams with the best win/loss records are seeded higher. Since the baseball teams for Canterlot and Daring Do have the best win/loss records in each tournament we enter, we’re seeded higher. You following?”
There was a shuffle of shaking and nodding heads, all with blank eyes.
Rainbow sighed. “Seeding is a way to prevent the best teams from meeting until the championships.” She waited a beat. When none of the other girls said anything, she grimaced. “Canterlot usually gets knocked out before the championships. Meaning we’ve never played against each other. At least since I started high school...”
“And ya’ve never thought ta watch his team play? Isn’t that something ya athletes do? Scope out th’ opposition?” Applejack snorted.
It was Applejack’s turn to get stared at. She sighed. “What now?”
“I think Rainbow’s rubbing off on you,” Pinkie commented.
“I’m actually kinda embarrassed I hadn’t thought of that,” Rainbow Dash admitted, rubbing her head and grinning abashedly.
“Does our world’s Purple Heart play soon?” Science Twilight asked. “Because if he does, you may want to take her Purple Heart-” she nodded at Princess Twilight, “-and go check him out.”
“Hey, what about your versions?” Pinkie asked suddenly looking at Princess Twilight. “What are they like?” Princess Twilight looked at Pinkie in surprise for a few moments before she replied.
“I… don’t know.” Princess Twilight frowned. “Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them in Equestria before.”
“Maybe they look different?” Pinkie continued. “I mean, we don’t look exactly like our Ponyverse versions... Probably.”
“Sure, but I saw them as ponies back in Discord’s game world. They had pretty… memorable appearances.” The purple girl stroked her chin thoughtfully. “It’s possible that they’re outside of Ponyville or Canterlot…”
“THERE’S PLACES BESIDES PONYVILLE AND CANTERLOT?!”
Twilight leaned away from the shocked party girl. “...I suppose I could go looking for them back in Equestria. If anything, they should be more like the versions native to this world, rather than those three.”
“So you’re saying we need to spy on the boys in this world?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Like, super spy sneaking around?”
Science Twilight nodded. “I’d rather avoid anything that could get us in trouble for stalking, but it could help to figure out why they’re so different.”
“Then how do we wanna do this?” Rainbow Dash asked. “It’d make sense if I look into Purple Heart. Checking out the competition and all that.”
“If Light Patch is such a hard worker,” Applejack said, “then chances are he works someplace mah family supplies. Ah can look into him.” She turned to Science Twilight. “y'all wanna spah on Wits?”
Twilight shook her head. “The Wits End in this world already knows me. He’d be able to pick me out quickly.” She thought for a moment. “I should probably go with you to watch Light Patch. It’s unlikely anyone at the places he’d work would know me.”
“Fluttershy should go after Wits End,” Princess Twilight said quickly.
The pink-haired girl jumped in her seat. “Wh-why me?”
“Trust me,” the princess said with a wry grin. “If the Wits in this world is anything like the one I know, you’ll be the perfect distraction if he sees you.”
“...What?”
“Don’t worry about it.”
Rarity sighed. “I suppose I’ll go with Rainbow and look for Purple Heart.”
Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “You? You’re like the furthest from the kind of person that would go looking for sports people. Why would you want to look for him?”
The fashionista flipped her magnificent hair over one shoulder. “Well, there’s certain aesthetic aspects of his that compliment my own.”
The sportsgirl’s expression went blank. “It’s just because you’re both have purple on you, isn’t it.”
“It’s not the only reason…”
“I guess that means Pinkie’s going after Wits End,” Sunset said, leaning back in her seat.
“Oh no,” Princess Twilight said. “I’ve got a special mission for her. You’re spying on Wits with Fluttershy.”
“What?” Sunset stood up, slamming both palms on the table. “There’s no way I’m gonna deal with two of him! What could you want Pinkie to do that I can’t do?”
“I want Pinkie to keep Just Duty busy.”
Sunset paused. “What? Why?”
Both Twilights shifted forward. “It’s simple,” Princess Twilight said. “Everytime Light Patch goes out and it looks like he’s going to find something out…”
“Officer Duty shows up, thinking it’s the native version of Light Patch,” Science Twilight continued. “If Just Duty found out we were spying on Light Patch…”
“We’d be written up for stalking,” Princess Twilight said, “and he’d likely tell the native Light Patch and his family.”
“Freaky twin thing aside,” Sunset grumbled, “why have Pinkie keep Just Duty distracted?”
“Can you think of anyone better at being distracting than Pinkie Pie?” Both Twilights asked simultaneously.
Sunset Shimmer’s mouth formed a thin line as she turned to where Pinkie was sitting. The party girl was busy juggling the salt and pepper shakers, the container of napkins, and a rubber chicken that had appeared from who-knows-where. “Fine,” she sighed. “I can’t argue with that logic.” The two Twilights grinned and shared a high five.
“I’ll go back to Equestria and see if I can find the pony versions of them,” Princess Twilight said as she stood up. “When you learn about each of them, let me know via text.” She paused for a beat. “Get it? Text? Because you write in the book?”
“Yep,” Sunset deadpanned.
“Did you get it?”
“Oh, I got it alright.” Sunset stood. “I’ll go let the boys know the plan.”
The girls still at the table watched as the red-haired girl walked out the door. After a moment, Pinkie Pie piped up. “I don’t get it.”


* * *


“And that’s when I turned her into a couch!” Discord cackled loudly, the yellow and pink sock puppet on his claw joining in as well. “Ah, those were good times a couple of minutes ago.” He looked back at the puppet, which stared blankly at him with its button eyes. “What’s that, sock puppet Fluttershy? Do I actually know of anything that could be dangerous in that world?”
With an audible scoff, the Draconequus pulled the sock off and tossed it over his shoulder, walking away from the resulting explosion. “That’s ridiculous. The only threats I could possibly know about in that world would be ones that have crossed dimensions. And the only thing I know that can cross dimensions is me!” He thought for a moment. “And Twilight. And that Sunset Baconhair girl. Maybe Princess Sunbutt. And I’m willing to bet that Sunswirl guy made a spell for it too.” He frowned. “Now that I think about it, crossing dimensions is pretty popular.”
“Still!” Discord took a seat across a five-seat sofa. “Not like there’s any villainous types who’d be doing such a thing. Heck, even the villains I made can’t do that.” He stopped. “Except that one who may or may not have done that. What was his name? I forget, but he certainly Bael’d out of being a villain as soon as he could, so he’s probably no threat.” He leaned his lion’s paw against his chin, drumming his claws against the armrest. “The paladin pony’s still in that game world, and I put the other one in a pickle jar for safekeeping like a responsible adult.” He smiled, sparing a glance at the glass jar that held an angrily vibrating orb of light. “Well, with that taken care of, it’s time for a celebratory nap!” He stretched out across the couch, and proceeded to make exaggerated snoring noises.
...Until he stopped and rolled over. “Alright, fine!” he shouted at nothing. “I’ll check the other world and make sure no-pony who's supposed to be there isn’t missing! Stupid conscience....” With a snap of his fingers, Discord summoned two large tomes, and opened them to the same section: Cast and Characters.
“Let’s see,” he muttered, running a claw down the two lists. “Amber Glitter, Bugsy, Mugsy, Boomer, yadda yadda… Never did give that bandit chief a name, but whatever. There’s the alicorn princesses, who can stay in there thank you very much. Spider queen lady’s still there. The bunnies are all happy and such. That should be every-” He stopped. 
There was one name missing.
“That can’t be good,” Discord murmured. “Who even was that?” He flipped to the page number next to the name and scanned the page. “Ohhh, I remember this one!” He stopped, the gears in his brain turning. Literally perhaps.
“Uh oh.”
> Chapter 13: Patches Alive
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Okay, so I get that you wanted me as a point of reference for the comparison, but what's the plan to keep the other me from spotting me?” Light Patch asked, looking at the building across the street. As a part of the answer, Twilight suddenly shoved and wrapped things around Light Patch’s face as he flailed in surprise.
“You’ll wear those to obscure your face and hair. The story is that you’re a part of the science club with me, and while working on something it blew up in your face and discolored some of your hair,” Twilight said, trying to not look too pleased with herself.
“And as for why it’s me, and not my brother delivering these apples like normal, he had something else to do. So I offered, and I invited you guys along to help get it done quicker,” Applejack replied, picking the crate she’d been carrying back up.
“And when Just Duty shows up?”
“That's what Officer Pinkie is here for,” Pinkie suddenly chimed in from behind the apple crates she was carrying, only now wearing a police costume.
“I’m not getting out of this huh?” Light Patch sighed. “I’m afraid to ask, but what is my disguises name?”
“Containment Failure,” Twilight answered, now looking quite pleased with herself.
“That name is depressingly accurate for the guys and I. Also, please tell me I’m not in Physics or Microbiology with that name.”
“Psychology,” she replied.
“Lovely,” Light Patch said, rolling his one visible eye.
“Looks like this is my stop. Here, take these, Containment Failure!” Pinkie said, suddenly shoving her crates onto the disguised teen and ignoring his protests as she shot forward.
“Are you gonna be okay?” Twilight asked, looking at the now struggling teen.
“Just hurry. I wanna die inside, away from the sun,” the now named Containment Failure said, struggling to not drop or get crushed by the apple crates.
“Applejack, Twilight,” Just Duty said with a nod to the two before giving a sidelong glance at the pink poofy haired teen who appeared next to him. “Pinkie,” he continued in a more skeptical tone of voice as he looked at the teen. “I’m afraid to ask what you’re up to,” he said to Pinkie before turning to the fourth member of the group, “so instead, I’ll ask who your friend is.”
“My brother had something else come up, so I volunteered to take care of this shipment for him. Twilight and her friend offered to also help. As for Pinkie...” Applejack just shrugged.
“I’m supposed to do a report on following someone in a typical day of work, so I chose you for the inevitable shoot-out with the mob. That way I can become a hero when I manage to out wit them and get an A-plus on the report. Pew Pew.” Pinkie finished with a pair of finger guns.
“And the silent one is Containment Failure, who recently had a chemistry experiment go wrong and isn’t supposed to talk for a couple more days,” Twilight helpfully chimed in.
“Tell me he’s not going for physics or viruses.”
“Psychiatry.”
“Even better,” Just Duty muttered under his heavy sigh. “Well I can spare a few minutes, let me take on-”
“No, we’ve got crimes to stop and people to commit to Archanium Asylum!” Pinkie suddenly shouted, trying to drag Just Duty away.
“That isn’t how my job works, and I highly doubt there will be any shoot-outs today. Maybe you should shadow someone else,” Just Duty quickly said as he tried to pry the teen loose from his arm. He gave a look of support from Twilight and Applejack, but found no backup in their wide grins.
“I can’t change; we had to pick from a hat and I got police officer. You're the first one I’ve seen all day, and the report is due tomorrow,” Pinkie whined, still trying to drag him away. “Surely someone as just, and nice, and loyal won’t let a poor teenager down, would you?” she asked, hitting him with the best puppy dog eyes she could. Just Duty’s will crumbled in seconds.
“Alright,” he said after a sigh that sounded like a rusty door hinge. “You can shadow me; just don’t expect a gun fight to break out,” Just Duty said, starting to layout some ground rules.
“Can I at least trip a jay-walker?” The group heard Pinkie ask as she and Just Duty turned a corner and disappeared.
“Well, my heart stopped,” Light Patch said after a few moments of silence. “Also, I think my spine is collapsing in on itself. Can we hurry up and get these inside?” The remaining girls nodded and quickly moved into the small store.
“So, how do you even know where this world's version of me-”
“Local Patch,” Twilight interrupted Light Patch.
“Whua?”
“Local Patch. It’s the best distinct name I could think of for distinguishing you between our universe's version of you,” she explained. “Unique variable names are important.”
“Right. So how did you find out Local Patch was working here?” Light Patch grunted as he leaned against a nearby tree.
“Ah asked my brother, and he said he’d seen you helping out here every now and then. Then I confirmed it with the manager,” Applejack said, cutting Twilight off from explaining all of their earlier attempts.
“You can explain the math and what-not another time,” Light Patch said. “Let's do this before I become as short as Wits End,” he said, making haste towards the door. Applejack took the lead once more and pushed the door open with her foot, letting the others in.
“Hey, Full Profit! These are heavy! Where ya want them?” Applejack hollered when she’d finally entered.
“In the produce section. My daughter Perfect Profit’ll show you where,” an older man grumbled from behind the counter. The group then followed Perfect Profit to the produce area, she then turned towards the group.
“Light Patch here will show you exactly where to set those,” Perfect Profit said, waving to the grey skinned teen before locking her gaze on the so-called Containment Failure for a few moments. “Shame about those bandages,” she said finally before walking away.
“Set them there and there,” Local Patch said, briskly pointing out the places without turning away from the shelf he’d been stocking. “I’ll get them in once I’m done here.”
“An’ hi to you to,” Applejack bluntly replied, dropping her stack before turning to help “Containment Failure” before he needed some of his bandages for real.
“Sorry, but I’m being paid to work, not talk. Not that I can’t do both, but it decreases efficiency if you try to split your effort. Don’t fall into the false lie of multitasking,” Local Patch replied.
“That is fair enough,” Twilight replied, wiping her brow now that she’d set down her crate. “If you’d like, we cou-”
“No,” Local Patch said, cutting her off.
“Oh…” Twilight trailed off awkwardly, shuffling in position and exchanging glances with the other two, not sure how to get the information they were hoping to gather. “Sooo, I don’t think we’ve actually ever met before. I don’t ever remember seeing you at Canterlot High or Crystal Prep.”
“That's probably because I go to a different school. For the size of this town, there is an abnormally high number of high schools,” Local Patch replied.
“I know, right? I did the math; it’s like twenty percent higher than the national average for towns this size!” Twilight replied, feeling more comfortable on the more familiar subject. “Infact-”
“I don’t think we’ve met either,” Applejack said, cutting whatever science ramble she feared her friend was about to begin. “Mah’ names Applejack,” she said sticking her hand out for him to shake. She watched him look at her and her hand out of the corner of his eye before he made like he was going to sigh, but simply turned dusting his hands off before shaking hers. “That there is Twilight Sparkle,” she motioned towards Twilight, who stopped frowning at her and gave a small wave at Local Patch. “And finally we got Containment Failure, who’s not supposed to talk,” she said, pointing her finger and glaring at the disguised Light Patch.
“My name is Light Patch,” the native teen said, a neutral look on his face. “I go to Digital Pen’s; and please tell me he’s not in a Physics or Virology degree,” he said, pointing at the disguised Light Patch.
“Psychiatry.”
Local Patch grunted before turning back to his work. “I take it, Applejack, that you are McIntosh’s sister.”
“That’s right. Normally this is one of his deliveries, but he had something else he needed to get done. You two talk much?”
“Few words are exchanged, but I admire his work ethic. I was worried he wouldn’t be making the shipments to here any more.”
“Gee, thanks, I’m flattered,” Applejack deadpanned. “So what are you doing working here anyway?”
“I needed money to buy some supplies for another project. I found this job which fit into my schedule. I’ve since gotten the money, but decided to keep the job to cover future purchases,” he finished before quickly turning back to the shelves to finish his task. From there he wheeled around and stepped around the group to begin shifting the apple crates to where he could quickly unload them.
“What kind of project were you working on?” Twilight asked, watching him shift the crates almost as effortlessly as Applejack could.
“I had an idea for a better computer desk for my needs. My dad was willing to help me with the building, but I needed more lumber than we had to spare. I’ve also had needed of some new computer software for a couple of school projects, and a fellow student needed a new art tablet for a project we’re on the same team for. To head off further questions,” he finished, then, with a grunt, shifted some crates to make a wing stack.
“Ah, well, we should probably get going, Applejack,” Twilight said. “We’ve got other deliveries to make, right?”
“Yeah, that’s right. Well, it was... nice, to meet you,” Applejack said to Local Patch, receiving only a wave from him as he continued to work. “You two head on outside, I’ll meet ya there after I collect payment for the delivery.”
“Right. We’ll be by the bookstore,” Twilight said, earning an eye roll from Applejack before turning to leave with the disguised Light Patch. Once near the bookstore, Twilight shoved Light Patch into the nearby alley while she quickly stripped his disguise off of him.
“Oh thank god that’s done. Those bandages were really getting hot,” Light Patch said as Twilight shoved them into his pockets.
“I’m just happy I was able to come up with a track of study for you. I hadn’t thought the disguise out that far,” Twilight muttered. “I just wish I could figure out why everyone kept asking what you studied...”
“Stop and think about how on the nose y'alls names tend to be, and what the words ‘containment failure’ mean for the sciences they kept bringing up,” Light Patch said, wiping the sweat from his face as Twilight’s scrunched up in deep thought.
“Oh,” Twilight muttered with a burst of recognition blooming through her face. “Maybe he should switch to math later,” She muttered, before shaking her head. “Never mind. The fictional life of a disguise. What kind of differences could you spot?” Twilight asked him.
“Well, like I got from conversations with Just Duty, he’s a got a much stricter work ethic than me. He is still friendly, but he doesn't seem to go out of his way to keep conversations going.”
“I had noticed that. Also, he didn’t even try to get some random topic of conversation, such as what might the world look like if moss gained sentience before humans,” Twilight continued.
“I still think the moss would eventually win,” Light Patch muttered before shaking his head. “Efficient would be the best single word to describe Local Patch,” Light Patch replied. “He’s also stronger than me and looks a good few pounds lighter.”
“Imperial sucks, metric system forever,” Twilight said quickly. “But yeah, I’d noticed those too. Anything more?”
“Thinking back to what I’ve heard of Just Duty, and what I just saw, he seems to be one of those ‘if you want something done,do it yourself’ kinds, but beyond that I feel like I’d be just speculating.”
“Well, we got something, and that counts to some degree at least.” Twilight finished with a shrug as she lead the two of them out of the alley. “Honestly, at this point, I’m more worried about how Pinkie is doing right now.”
“Hah. I’m more worried about how well Just Duty is holding up.”


* * *


“And then I’d swing in on the chain, pies flying everywhere, and save grab you from the ring of fire, and we’d put sunglasses on as we slow walk from the warehouse just as it explodes behind us!” Pinkie said, miming the act of putting sunglasses on.
“And the sunglasses are for?” Just Duty asked, having long since fallen into the tone he used on long winded people.
“Eye protection? I don’t really know. They never do look back at the explosion,” she replied, her head tilted with curiosity.
“Because it’s not cool. Yes. Didn’t you say you had a report to do?” he seized on the chance to change the topic again.
“Oh yeah, the report,” she giggled. “So, you don’t really do these patrols all that much anymore. What’s your job normally like?”
“More paperwork than should ever be allowed, and keeping track of several investigations at once,” he replied as he waved at an older couple, his eyes scanning vigilantly.
“Oooooooh! Do you have any investigations you’re currently actively overseeing?” she asked, bounding around him in excitement. “That would make this report so much more interesting!”
“It’s rare for the police chief to be directly involved in only one specific case. Usually I have a part in most all of them…” he paused, considering his investigations into Light Patch. “There is one case I’m currently taking a lead in.”
“Even better! Tell me everything!” she squealed, suddenly holding a notepad and pencil; ready to write things down. She was also suddenly in what might be considered stereotypical reporter garb. Just Duty, being used to weirdness and being familiar with tales of Pinkie Pie, simply took it all in stride.
“There isn’t a whole lot I can currently say. I… actually should probably excuse myself from the case, but,” he paused, wondering why he hadn’t excused himself.
“It involves someone you know personally, and you’re worried they are starting to walk down a dark path, and you just wanna make sure they don’t make the same mistakes you’ve seen hundreds of others make?” Pinkie guessed.
“I don’t have to take you in for stalking or hacking police records do I?” Just Duty asked, an eyebrow raised as he looked at Pinkie, ‘She’s so very close. We’ll have to be careful about information with her around.’
“Nah, I was just guessing. I watched a bunch of crime dramas, and that was almost always the excuse for why the main character wouldn’t leave the case to someone not personally connected to it,” Pinkie admitted, suddenly back in her police costume.
“Yes, I am acquainted with the suspect,” he admitted, figuring she’d already guessed. “I know their parents, and by extension them. I’m worried by a sudden shift in their behavior and… that at a few times, it seems like...” He trailed off. “This may sound paranoid, but at times it seems like there are two of the suspect,” he said quietly while staring straight ahead, which caused him to miss the moment where Pinkie stood frozen in surprise. She quickly snapped herself out of it with a giggle.
“That sounds kind of silly. But what if it was? What if it’s aliens? Alien body snatchers! And they replaced their target without realizing that he’s escaped, and” her ramble was cut short by Just Duty.
“How do you know the escapee was male?” Just Duty asked. ‘Does she know?’ the voice of doubt asked.
“Because I was thinking that Ponywood should cast Strongly Handsome as the main lead,” Pinkie said, doodling in her note book now.
“He couldn’t act his way out of a paper bag,” Just Duty replied instantly.
“He couldn’t act his way out of an open field. Doesn’t make him any less Handsome,” Pinkie replied, looking around before she suddenly froze; her eyes locked on the castle.
“At least Flint Steel-Lock can act,” he said before spotting and turning to look at Pinkie when he realised she’d never responded. “Pinkie? Is something wrong?”
“Since when was there a giant castle in the middle of the suburbs?” she asked, pointing towards the castle.
“Ah, yeah, the Tarponyen’s house. They moved in a while ago. Everyone is sure they are rich, considering they had the house built in what felt like just a single night,” Just Duty said, looking at the castle with faint curiosity. “They tend to keep to themselves, and I’ve only ever really seen their daughter around. Amber, or something like that.”
“Huh, yeah. I think I remember running into her. Also I don’t tend to come out to this suburb,” Pinkie said with a shrug. “Going back to the main topic, Flint Steel-Lock is like old now, isn’t he?”
“He’s barely over fifty,” Just Duty replied, rolling his eyes.
> Chapter 14: Spahception
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You want me to what?”
“Spy,” Rainbow Dash repeated. “I want you to help Rarity and I spy on LPH.”
“...LPH?”
“Local Purple Heart.”
“Aha… Spy?! Why are we spying?!”
“Because we, as in the girls and I, want to know if the Purple Heart here is any different from you.”
“And what brought this line of thinking around?”
“Wits End is different from Witstang, according to Science Twilight.”
“...Is that some kind of Mustang pun-” Purple Heart blinked. “Ooooooh… I get it...”
“According to Sci Twi, Wits End is different from Witstang,” Rarity repeated. “Our thinking is that there are local versions of Light Patch and you as well. If Princess Twilight’s Theory of Parallel Duplication holds true. Considering there’s a version of Princess Twilight on Equestria and a version here.”
“But I’m not from Equestria. Or here in any case. Theory disproved. Moving on. SPY?!”
Rainbow Dash and Rarity shared a look. “You’re really stuck on the spying thing, aren’t you?” Rainbow Dash asked, fixing the purple teen with a deadpan stare.
“Maybe a bit,” he admitted, nodding his head.
“Well then,” Rarity sniffed, “how do you explain your ‘little brother’?” She lifted her hands and mimed air quotes.
Purple Heart lifted a finger and opened his mouth, intent on replying to the fashionista’s mocking question. A second passed and his finger drooped, his jaw clacking shut.
Rarity humphed, tossing her hair with a flounce. “As I thought,” she smirked. Purple Heart sighed, hand falling to his side while his chin dropped to his chest.
“I’m guessing,” he grumbled, voice muffled by his constricted throat, “that you want to utilize my erstwhile siblings’ assistance in this venture of spyifications?”
Rarity shrugged noncommittally. “It wouldn’t hurt to ask,” she said. Purple Heart shifted and rolled his eyes.
“I guess we could get his help,” the purple teen conceded, turning away from the pair. He walked away, heading towards the boys’ shared lodging.
Rarity and Rainbow grinned, subtly bumping fists as they moved to follow him.
The two girls were still grinning from their triumph as they followed Purple Heart up the steps and into the house on the campus. They went by room after room, stopping every time for Purple Heart to give each one a cursory glance before making a sharp sound by sucking air through his teeth and moving on.
“Your… LPH’s brother is here, right?” Rainbow asked.
“He should be,” Purple Heart replied, passing another empty bedroom. “The Cutie Mark Crusaders wanted to clean the place and he was apparently drafted into their group for some inexplicable reason.”
The two girls balked in surprise.
“Scootaloo?” Rainbow asked.
“Sweetie Belle?” Rarity asked.
“And Applebloom,” Purple Heart finished. “They roped Heart Burn into helping them get a badge.”
“What badge?”
Purple Heart mumbled, his answer unintelligible.
“Excuse me? Couldn’t hear that,” Rarity chided. “Would you speak up?”
“Hpin th Hobs,” he mumbled again.
“One more time please?” Rarity prompted.
“Helping the Hobos.”
Rainbow Dash barked a laugh and snorted. Rarity flared her nostrils, arching an eyebrow regally at the purple teen. “Really?” she drawled. “Interesting...” Purple Heart winced, looking over his shoulder at the girl.
“I’m scared now.”
Further conversation was interrupted by a young voice piping up from the room they’d stopped outside of. “Yo, onii-chan!” The trio turned around, looking into the room. The Cutie Mark Crusaders plus one were all seated around a table, cards both in their hands and in front of them. Purple Heart managed to find his voice first.
“What are you four doing?” he asked, rubbing at his eyes.
Heart Burn grinned. “Playing strip poker,” he chirped. Responses were immediate.
“WE ARE NOT!” chorused the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
“WHAT?!” cried Rarity and Rainbow Dash.
CHOP. “ITAI!”
“Bakayaro!” Purple Heart snapped, lifting his smoking hand from Heart Burn’s head. The girls all balked, staring at the brothers.
“That hurt, onii-chan!” Heart Burn whined, tears running down his face as he craned his head back to look up at Purple Heart.
“You deserved it for saying that in front of these ladies,” the purple teen snarled. “Apologize.” He grabbed the younger boy by the head and pulled him to stand before the girls.
“ACK!” Heart Burn squawked. He scrambled to follow Purple Heart’s leading hand.
“Bow!” Purple Heart ordered, bending himself as well while he put pressure on the back of Heart Burn’s Head. “Apologize!”
“Sumimasen deshita!”
“In English!”
“Please forgive my uncouth words!”
Rarity and Rainbow Dash shared a silent look and shrugged.
“You’re forgiven,” Sweetie Belle said. Eyes twitching at the young girl’s quick forgiveness, Rainbow and Rarity looked meaningfully at Purple Heart. The purple teen raised his head, meeting their combined gaze. A shudder racked his frame and elected to look everywhere but at his brother. Heart Burn’s brow furrowed, feeling the shuddering through Purple Heart’s hand. He glanced aside at the older teen.
“What’s with you?” he asked, wriggling out of Purple Heart’s grasp.
“Um...” The purple teen waffled, shaking his hands at his sides and still not looking at Heart Burn. “We were wondering… I mean, they were wondering-” he waved a hand at Rarity and Rainbow, “if they could talk to mom about… uh… what I mean is Rainbow and Rarity were wondering if...” He trailed off, looking beseechingly at the two teenage girls. “Ehm...”
Rarity sighed, rolling her eyes. “Heart Burn dear, we were wondering if we could talk to your mother about watching Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom on the weekends during school. You see, we’re all part of the committee running this year’s... event, and with our parents out of town, there’s no one to keep an eye on our siblings. Seeing as you’re a friend of theirs, we were hoping you’d be able to keep them company while we prepare for the event.”
Heart Burn scrutinized the pair, ignoring the cries of indignation from the Crusaders.
“Nah.”
“...Excuse me?”
“Onii-chan knows where home is,” Heart Burn elaborated, walking away from a severely confused Purple Heart. “He doesn’t need my permission to bring girls into our house. Though, I do think that mom should know before you waltz up the steps.”
Rainbow and Rarity flushed, throwing a glance Purple Heart’s way to see that he too was sporting a dull shade of crimson. Heart Burn took the silence as permission to continue.
“I’m almost certain you’ve forgotten your phone. So you can borrow mine to notify mom of your scheme,” Heart Burn continued, pulling his phone from a pant leg pocket. He tapped the mobile device against his chin, a thoughtful frown creasing his brow. “Now that I think about it, she’ll be pleased that you’re bringing over someone who isn’t a huge nerd or sports person. Diversity and all that tosh, eh?” He grinned at Purple Heart when the elder teen snatched the phone from his grasp.
“Little turdblossom,” swore the purple teen under his breath as he scrolled through the contacts list. After finding the right contact, he noted the address attached to it, phoned the number, and held the phone to his ear, waiting as it rung. On the third tone, the call was answered.
“Heart Burn?” came a voice. “Are you okay? You only call when there’s an emergency!”
Purple Heart blinked. Oh yeh, this is Heart Burn’s phone, not mine, he thought. Or Local Heart’s… confusing...
“Ehm, no emergency,” he assured. “And this is Purple Heart.”
“And why aren’t you using your own phone?” she snapped.
“I may have run out of battery.”
“...Really...”
“Yeh, I left an app running and it ate all my battery charge up. I just wanted to let you know that I’m bringing some friends over. They wanted some help with their homework and I offered to assist.”
“...Really…”
Crap, guess I’m not academically inclined here, Purple Heart cursed mentally.
“Well, I’m fine with your friends coming over. Make sure to remember to do your chore for today.”
“Yeh, Love you.” Shit! That slipped out! “Bye.”
“...Love you too.”
The call ended and Purple Heart’s hand dropped to his side. A frown marred his face. He returned the phone to Heart Burn. The younger teen accepted the phone without comment, much to Purple Heart’s surprise. His frown lifted long enough for him to arch a questioning eyebrow at the teen. Heart Burn, for once, looked contrite and a tad sad. The frown returned to Purple Heart’s face and he turned away.
“Let’s go,” he said stiffly, gesturing to Rarity and Rainbow Dash. “She’s expecting us.” The two girls watched him walk out, noting the stiffness in his shoulders and the frown on his face. They quickly bid goodbye to their siblings, gave Heart Burn a piercing look, then ran after Purple Heart. When they caught up with him on the sidewalk, he didn’t waste a moment.
“There’s already a difference between Local Heart and myself,” he started. “His mom seemed surprised when she answered the phone and immediately asked if anything was wrong.”
“So Local Heart doesn’t make frequent calls,” Rainbow said. “And you do?”
Purple Heart shook his head. “That’s not too concerning,” he denied. “What concerns me is what his mom said when I accidentally said ‘love you’.”
“So?” Rarity asked. “What’s so concerning about that?”
“She didn’t immediately respond,” he replied. “I don’t think Local Heart is as close to his mom as I’m close to mine...” He trailed off, eyes locked on his path. Rarity and Rainbow shared a look behind the purple youth and fell silent as the trio walked on.
“I really hope that Local Heart isn’t a jerk,” Purple Heart mumbled finally. The two girls remained silent. They continued walking as such for several blocks until Rainbow finally sighed.
“You do know where we’re going, right?” she asked.
“Home address attached to his mom’s number on Heart Burn’s phone,” Purple Heart said. “They actually live pretty close to Canterlot High.”
“That’s… a remarkable and convenient coincidence,” Rarity drawled.
Purple Heart shrugged. “Hey, you don’t have to worry about me wrecking your car getting there.” The girls grimaced.
“True,” they chorused.
It took them only several more blocks to reach the abode of the Heart Family. Purple Heart bounced up the steps of the front deck and opened the screen door, propping it open with his butt while he opened the door actual.
“Ladies first,” he prompted, gesturing the two girls inside. Rainbow snickered as she passed the threshold while Rarity sniffed.
“So you do have some manners,” she noted primly. Purple Heart allowed a snort of amusement to escape him as she shut the doors.
“I am sometimes a gentleman,” he defended. “I may not be a penguin in addition to that, but I have my moments of decorum.” He kicked his shoes off and held them in one hand as he moved further into the somewhat alien house. It bore a striking resemblance to his own, but different in some ways.
“Mom! I’m home!” he called.
“Kitchen!” came the answering reply. The trio of teens moved through the house, following the voice to its source. When they reached the kitchen, Purple Heart balked, causing the two girls to bump into his back.
“Purple Heart?” Rarity questioned, rubbing her nose. “What’s going on?” He didn’t answer. He was looking at his mother. An iteration of his mother, yes. But still his mother in some ways. She was standing at the counter with a level of poise that he hadn’t seen in a long time.
It’s before… I get it now…
He reached forward to touch her shoulder, but hesitated. Instead, he sighed. “Hi, mom,” he greeted. The woman turned, silver hair bobbing. Her purple eyes widened at the sight before her.
“Oh,” she said. “You’ve brought… girls over...”
The trio immediately flushed. “Oh, we’re just friends,” Rarity dismissed hurriedly. “Your son is amazing with words, Mrs Heart.”
The woman’s expression of confusion and surprise immediately shifted to one of bemused interest.
“Ooooh?” she elongated the vowel, looking meaningfully at Purple Heart. “In what way is my son good with words?” Rarity and Rainbow Dash blanched, jaws flapping mutely as they fumbled to save themselves.
“I’m good at language arts,” Purple Heart deadpanned. “Reading, writing, not arithmetic. Rarity and Rainbow Dash need help with an essay.”
Mrs. Heart shrugged non-committedly. “Very well,” she sighed. “Dinner will be ready in an hour or so. Make sure to clean up and do your chore before bed.”
“Yes, mom,” Purple Heart said, walking over to the silver haired woman. He gently bumped his forehead against hers and beckoned to Rarity and Rainbow Dash, leading them from the kitchen to the downstairs. They didn’t notice Local Purple Heart’s mother standing stock still, eyes wide with confusion at what her ‘son’ had just done.
Purple Heart clicked on the lights in the stairwell, illuminating the stairs themselves and the landing at the bottom just enough to traverse the stairs themselves and turn on the lights for the basement itself.  Rarity and Rainbow were still trodding down the stairs when Purple Heart reached the bottom and lit up the basement itself. He gaped, eyes wide as he stared at the illuminated room. When the pair of girls reached the landing they looked first at the purple teen, confusion clear on their faces. Then they saw the room. Understanding and surprise flooded them.
The room seemed to be split in half. On one side, there was all sorts of exercise equipment; weights, a stationary bicycle, therabands, and other such work out paraphernalia. A bag lay against one wall haphazardly as if it had been dropped there just moments before. Baseball equipment spilled from the bag in a flood of plastic, metal, and leather. There were several posters of various teams and awards tacked to the wall in addition to a small shelf lined with trophies.
That was the normal side.
On the other was the living space. Local Purple Heart’s bed, clothes dresser, and computer set up were relatively normal. Then one looked at the walls.
“So. Much. Anime,” Purple Heart said. “So. Many. Posters. And how does he even have the money for that much manga?!” An entire wall was covered with shelving for manga volumes. Scantily clad figurines, both male and female, adorned the dresser. Other such anime and manga related merchandise was scattered around that half of the room.
“Ahuh,” Rainbow grunted. “This is… interesting.” Purple Heart cringed.
“I hate it when people say that word,” he grumbled, stepping further into the room. “This is only a guess, but I’m starting to suspect that Local Heart is a weeaboo. And that doesn’t particularly thrill me.”
“What’s a weeaboo?” Rarity asked, having gathered the courage to ask.
Purple Heart shuddered. “A weeaboo,” he said, “is someone who is not a Japanese descent or ancestry that prefers the Japanese culture over one's’ indigenous culture. I sincerely hope that he just really likes anime and manga… I wasn’t this bad...”
Both girls arched an eyebrow at him. “You like this stuff?” Rarity asked. Purple Heart nodded weakly.
“I only have one shelf though,” he said. “And none of those figurines. I’m more scrupulous with my monies than Local Heart is.”
“Who?” a voice asked.
The trio turned to the voices’ source and blanched. Standing in a doorway on the sports side of the room was a partially naked figure clothed only in steam billowing from behind them and a towel.
He looked identical to the Purple Heart beside the girls.
The towel dropped.
“Carp,” the Purple Hearts chorused, one bending to cover himself and the other darting forward. The girls remained frozen in place, too stunned to do anything.
“Abort, abort, abort!” swore Purple Heart. He rushed forward, knocking Local Purple Heart over and accidentally kicking the teen across the face as he darted through the steaming doorway. Rarity and Rainbow Dash blinked at the collapsed Local Heart, dazed at the sudden encounter. They jerked when they heard a hiss from the doorway, looking up to see Purple Heart waving skittishly at them from the door.
“There’s a backdoor down the hall!” he hissed. “Time to enact the Heart Family’s Ultimate Technique passed down through GENERATIONS! BORK AWAY!” With that said, he disappeared and frantic footfalls could be heard disappearing into the distance.
Rarity shook herself and moved to go after the panicked teen. “Well,” she sniffed primly, stepping carefully over a clearly unconscious Local Heart, “that was certainly an experience.”
“Yeh,” Rainbow coughed. “I think something broke him. We should make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.”
Rarity giggled lightly. “I mean… He already has.” They both laughed, walking sedately after Purple Heart, merely following the destruction he’d left in his path of flight.
A few minutes later, Local Purple Heart awoke on the ground, wondering how he’d got there.
“Must’ve slipped on a wet spot,” he hummed, rolling to his feet. “At least I didn’t knock over Nami-swan.” His brow creased with a frown. “I could’ve sworn I saw myself… An out of body experience perhaps? Eh, probably nothing.” He toweled himself off and went about dressing in homewear. A buzzing reached his ears and he turned to where his phone lay on his bed. Local Heart draped his shirt around his neck and plucked his phone up, accepting the call.
“Moshi moshi,” he greeted.
“Onii-chan?” came Heart Burn’s voice. “You at home yet?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Meh. I wanted to play on your computer.”
Local Heart scowled. “No playing on my computer. Even if I’m not home.”
Static sounded on the other end of the line. “Damn, you’re no fun. The other one was better.” The call ended, leaving Local Heart staring at his phone. He’d never heard his brother talk like that. Ever. It really was unlike him. He shook his head, casting the strange conversation from his mind and moved over to his desk. Games wouldn’t play themselves.
> Chapter 15: A Tale of Two Witties
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Um, Sunset?”
Sunset looked back from the gap in the hedges that surrounded Crystal Prep at Fluttershy. “What’s up?”
“Well, uh, isn’t what we’re doing kind of… bad?”
“What, spying on someone?”
“Yeah.”
“Probably. But from what Scilight told us, this version of Wits could be the most dangerous of the three boys.”
“You don’t actually think he build any kind of dangerous robots, do you?”
Sunset sighed as she turned her attention back to the school. “We’ve already had one egghead try to take over-slash-destroy the world. At this point, I’d be willing to believe Witstang is a member of an underground organization fighting aliens.”
“Don’t you think that’s overreacting a bit?” Fluttershy flinched back at the look of disbelief Sunset shot her. “Right. Sometimes I forget that ridiculous is normal for us.”
The girls fell silent. Inside the school, they could hear the bell chime, signalling the end of club activities. “I thought Scilight said Witstang wasn’t in any clubs,” Sunset said. “If he’s such a shut-in, why are we here instead of wherever he lives?”
“Twilight said he uses the metal shop and computer labs until the end of club,” Fluttershy said. “Maybe he’s working on some sort of project with teachers?”
“Or building robots.”
Fluttershy opened her mouth to disagree, but closed it after realizing that this was a version of Wits End they were talking about. “Um, why isn’t Wits End here helping us? I thought the rest of the girls were going to have the boys help them check on their alternate selves.”
“He said he had something else to take care of.” Sunset sighed again, this time in irritation. “Something about getting a text on the smartphone he’s been messing with. After I helped him to clean up the gym, too.” She made a ‘tch’ noise. “It’s like he goes out of his way to be unhelpful.”
“I’m sure he’s just being shy in his own way,” Fluttershy mused. “A lot of boys have trouble talking to girls when they’re teenagers.”
Sunset stopped, and slowly turned back to Fluttershy. “Are you suggesting that Wits End is being such a pain in the flank because he’s going through puberty?”
Fluttershy made a soft ‘eep’ and blushed. “W-well, I mean…”
“...It does make sense,” Sunset grumbled. “Human teenagers are more of a pain than colts. At least with colts, you can get them paired off with a filly via a potion, and then they’re somepony else’s problem.”
“It’s a little weird to hear you talk about humans and horses like that… Weird, and a little disturbing.”
“There he is!”
The girls leaned in, keeping themselves hidden behind the hedgerow as they watched the mint-colored teenager who had just exited the school. “Wow,” Sunset whispered. “Twilight wasn’t kidding about his hair.”
“I think it’s longer than mine is,” Fluttershy whispered back. “If it was untangled, that is.”
“It’s a good thing Rarity isn’t here.”
“Yeah.” The girls darted around a corner as Witstang neared the gates, keeping the hedges between them and him. “Where do you think he’s going?” Sunset asked.
“Home?” Fluttershy answered. “Unless he has an after-school job.”
“Guess we’ll just have to follow him.” Sunset waited until he was walking away from them, then stood up.
Fluttershy balked. “O-oh, maybe you should do that alone. I-I’d probably just draw attention to us.”
“Relax. It’s easy. Just do what I do.” Sunset slid her hands into the pockets of her jacket and started walking.
Fluttershy fidget for a moment, then took a breath to calm herself. “Sunset?” she said after moment.
“Yeah?” Sunset stopped and glanced back, keeping one eye on their target.”
“I don’t have any pockets…”
Sunset sighed. “Just… Come on.” She walked back and grabbed Fluttershy by the wrist, pulling her along to follow Witstang. “Here, take out your phone and act like you’re reading texts.”
“Oh, okay.” Fluttershy did as she was told, glancing up every so often to check where she was walking, and on where Witstang was. “How do you know how to do this kind of stuff?”
“Back when I was a villain, I spent a lot of time tailing students to get blackmail material. I got pretty good at it, as you can imagine.”
“Oh. Well, at least those skills are being put to good use.” 
“At least something from back then is.” Sunset frowned as she watched Witstang make a turn around a corner. “Where’s he going? There’s no residential areas down that way. Does he have a job in some parking garage by the stadium?”
Fluttershy thought for a moment. “There’s the park down that way too.”
“Park? Isn’t the park up north from here?”
“The city park is, but there’s a smaller park down here by Crystal Prep that was funded by some of the alumni. A lot of the sculptures there were designed by alumni too.”  Fluttershy looked up from her phone to see Sunset staring at her. “The shelter I work at does some work for the animals down here too.”
“I never cease to be amazed at how coincidence works in our favor.” Sunset muttered as they rounded the corner. “Where did he go…”
Fluttershy pointed with her free hand. “There, in the playground!”
“What’s he doing by the… weird… dome thing?”
“I think it’s supposed to be a jungle gym.”
“...Really?”
“Like I said, it was designed by Crystal Prep alumni...” Fluttershy narrowed her eyes. “It looks like there’s someone else there with Witstang.”
Sunset peered harder at the structure. “You’re right,” she said. “Looks like a girl and…” Her eyes went wide at the same moment Fluttershy’s did. “Wits End?” they both exclaimed.


* * *	


Meanwhile, a few minutes ago...
Wits End found himself standing next to a hole-filled dome-like structure in the park. Earlier, he had received a text on the mysterious smartphone telling him to find the “Dome of Silence” at a street address. “‘Silence’ my rear end…” he muttered. He waited for a moment, then rapped his knuckles against the side of the dome.
“What’s the password?” The voice that came from inside wasn’t deep enough to be a grown man’s, but the reverb coming from inside of the dome was give Wits pause.
“Uh… Jeff?” he asked. “Swordfish? Jeff the Swordfish? Admin?”
“...Close enough,” the voice responded, “Come in quickly, and make sure you’re not spotted.”
Wits glanced around. The park was mostly deserted, and people walking by didn’t seem to care. The holes in the dome were big enough for him to fit through if he kept his elbows and shoulders tucked in. “Yare yare daze,” he muttered, sliding in feet first.
The inside was more cramped than Wits End had expected, so he was forced to bend over slightly. Seated cross-legged along the side across from him was a girl around his current age. Most of her face was obscured by a hoodie, but the part that was visible, along with her hands, was a light red, almost pink, color. “You are late,” she stated in a flat, emotionless voice, “Resistance Member 003.”
“I got here early,” Wits shot back.
“Any Resistance Member who arrives after the Mystery Lord is late by simple definition.”
Wits dropped into a cross-legged position as well. “Who are you?” He raised a finger. “And if you say ‘Mystery Lord Kibarashi’, I’m going straight back out that hole and back home.”
“Using our true names is dangerous-”
“Wrong answer. See ya.”
“W-wait!” The girl grabbed onto his arm with a surprising grip, her voice wavering before she coughed and recovered. “I’ll tell you, but you can’t repeat it to anyone. Millions will be in peril if the Othersiders learn of my true identity.”
Wits thought for a moment before sitting back down. “Fine. What’s your name?”
With a grin, the girl shot to her feet. “I am know in this world as Mys-” With a heavy bang, the top of her head ran into the sloped ceiling of the dome, causing her to drop back down with both hands on her head. “Ow…”
Oh no, Wits End thought, his mouth forming a thin line. She’s an idiot.
The girl’s hood had been forced back partially by her concussion, revealing short, curly red hair with a shock of white. Over her left eye, she wore a black cloth eye patch embroidered with a stylized eye. “Am I bleeding?” she asked, all pretence of emotionlessness abandoned as she parted her hair for Wits to investigate.
“Looks like your head is fine,” he said. “At least on the outside.”
She chuckled, then winced as she let her hair fall back into place. “Just as expected from the parallel version of Resistance Member 002.” She sat back down, a smug smile on her face. “While I would prefer to be called my true name, Mystery Lord Kibarashi, I will allow you to call me by my cover name, used by those in this world whose eyes are still clouded by the mists of Maya.” She placed a hand over her heart in an overly dramatic fashion, closing her eyes as she did so. “You may know me as Side Track.”
Oh no, Wits End thought, feeling a drop of sweat forming on his forehead. She’s a delusional idiot.
“Alright, Side Track,” he said. “Here’s a follow-up question. What do you know about me?”
Side Track grinned as she sat back down. “I know a great number of things about you, Wits End.”
“Like what?”
“I know that you are not from this world, and that this is not your first foray into a world not of your own.”
Wits End’s expression grew serious. “And how do you know that?”
Side Track’s grin widened. “You are not the only one cursed with knowledge. For example, I know that you come from the same world that the other version of Twilight Sparkle came from!” She placed the index finger of one hand on the side of her head, pointing at Wits End with the other. “Your next line is ‘how could she possibly know that!’!”
Oh no, Wits End though, the weight of his most recent revelation causing him to sigh. She’s a chuunibyou.
“What’s wrong?” Side Track asked. “Has your Soul Energy been sapped by Othersider agents?”
“No,” Wits said, rubbing his temples with both hands, “but my patience is being sapped.”
“By Othersider agents?”
“What the heck is this Othersider malarky you keep going on about?”
“Wait.” Side Track held up one finger. “Resistance Member 002 has arrived.”
“You know you don’t have to literally say ‘zero-zero-two’, right?”
With an audible struggle, Witstang pulled himself and a backpack through one of the holes in the dome, landing in a heap between the two teens. “Alright,” he mumbled as he pulled himself back up, “I-I brought the snacks you w-wanted, Side Track. W-why did we have to meet out he-”
Wits End found himself staring himself right in the eyes. The two of them were silent for a good minute before they both scrambled to opposite ends of the dome.
“W-w-what’s he doing here?” Witstang stammered, pointing a finger at the other mint-colored teen.
“Me?” Wits replied, leveling a finger at his mirror image. “What’re you doing here? Shouldn’t you be… anywhere but here?”
“I’m working w-with Side Track. What are you doing here?”
Before Wits End could answer, he was interrupted by a hand entering his pocket, He let out a yelp and pulled away to find Side Track holding the smartphone with a smile. “Your crazy friend’s put me on frickin’ goose chase the last couple’ve days!”
“Is that what you needed me to leave my test phone for?” Witstang asked. “I-I-I thought it was part of a secret mission!”
“The secretest of missions!” Side Track proclaimed as she unlocked the phone. “So secret that even my trusted lieutenant couldn’t be trusted with knowledge of it! Fuwa hahahah!”
“Did she seriously just say ‘fuwa hahahah’?” Wits muttered.
“I need that phone,” Witstang exclaimed. “Do you know how slow it’s been trying to test apps on an emulator?”
“A needed sacrifice for the greater good,” Side Track replied. “This is all for the good of the Resistance, after all.”
“I’ve been slowed down by a week’s worth of work! If I don’t finish this app in time, I’ll fail the extra credit assignment Mr. Ward set up!”
“Then you’ll just have to give it your 120% to make up for it! That’s what it means to be a Resistance Member, after all!”
“Someone’s gonna tell me what the hell is going on in the next 30 seconds,” Wits shouted over the two other teens, “or else I swear you’re gonna have a lot more trouble on your hands than teachers and Othersiders!” 
After a moment of stunned silence from Witstang and Side Track, the long-haired boy coughed. “There’s b-been some… weird things going on with realit-”
Side Track cut in. “We’re in the middle of an ongoing battle against the Othersiders for the fate of the wor-”
“You!” Wits pointed a finger at Side Track. “Shut up.” He ignored the pout on the girl’s lips for the time being. “You,” he turned the finger on Witstang, who jumped to attention. “Keep talking.”
Witstang gulped. “W-well, we’ve noticed some things around town that don’t seem like they fit with the rest of the world. Stuff that shouldn’t b-be there, but no-one thinks twice about.”
“Like what?” Wits asked.
“The castle on in the suburbs,” Side Track offered.
“Reports of wolves in the city park,” Witstang said.
“A secret organized nation of spiders in the sewer system,” Side Track continued.
“There’s no proof that they organized,” Witstang replied.
“You weren’t the one who got caught in their web! They were swinging around me like they were attacking some sort of titan!”
“Isn’t this just a weird city?” Wits asked. “I mean, you’ve had, what, four attacks from magical creatures in the last couple of years?”
Side Track turned back to Wits End. “Well yeah,” she said, “but the difference is that we know that’s not normal.”
Witstang nodded. “We’ve talked to plenty of people around town, and even though they agree that it’s weird that there was a demon that attacked Equestria High a couple of years ago, no-one seems all that worried about the rest of it.” He sighed, pushing his glasses up further onto the bridge of his nose. “Even for the two of us, there’s a part of our brains that feel like it’s normal.”
“Hmm.” Wits End processed what the two other teens had said. “One question: what does any of this have to do with me?”
“You’re the first person from another world we’ve been able to get a hold of,” Side Track said. “The Twilight Sparkle from Crystal Prep has never returned, and we need someone’s help to identify what’s ‘normal’ and what’s the work of an enemy Othersider.”
“So I’m spellcheck for reality?” Wits asked.
“It’s the b-best plan we’ve got so far,” Witstang offered. “I’ve been trying to compile a list, but I can’t tell what’s abnormal, and what’s just kinda weird.”
“What say you?” Side Track stood as best as she could, minding her head against the top of the dome. “Will you join us in our struggle for the reality of our world?”
Wits thought for a moment. “Alright,” he finally said. “But you two have to help me find a portal back to my world. Deal?”
“Deal!” Side Track said with a grin, Witstang smiling weakly. “Then, I officially welcome you, Resistance Member 003, to our newly christened Society for Ongoing Survival Brigade! Fuwa hahahah!”
Both of the Witses turned to stare at the girl. “...Did you seriously call us the S.O.S. Brigade?”
> Chapter 16: A Better Love Story Than Twilight’s
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spike nearly dropped his apple danish when a loud crash echoed through the castle. The little dragon jerked in surprise as he crossed the threshold, blinking curiously around in search of the crash’s source.
“Twilight?” he called, edging carefully forward. “Are you alright?”
“Gosh carp it!” a cry of frustration echoed through the castle corridors.
“Apparently not,” Spike sighed, chomping a bite from his danish. “It’s been awhile since I’ve had to dig her out from under fallen books.” He lapped at his claws, savoring the remains of his danish before he went to work. It took a bare minute for him to reach the library where he was certain Twilight lay imprisoned.
“So, what section are you buried under?” Spike asked as he entered, trying to keep a chiding tone out of his voice.
“None,” Twilight growled from her podium. A motley assortment of open books and unrolled scrolls floated lazily about the alicorn. She was rotating the mass around her, skimming over each text briefly only to discard them in a pile beside her. Spike scratched his crest in confusion.
“Either you’re too angry to be neat,” he mused, “or you’ve gone through so many of those things that your stack fell over.”
“The latter,” Twilight answered shortly, discarding a scroll that was quickly replaced by another. “This is harder than I thought.”
Spike picked up one of the texts Twilight had tossed on the pile and flipped through it swiftly, snapping it shut after a moment to read the title.
“Why are you reading stuff like ‘Uncommonly Common Names of North Western Equestria’?” he asked, placing the book gently on a table. “And what’s got you in a tiz?”
“I’m looking for anything referencing an obscure village in the North West corner of Equestria,” Twilight replied. “I have a sneaking suspicion that trouble is brewing there due to some ponies living in that region.”
Spike arched an eyebrow. “This must be a gut feeling or else the map would’ve done something,” he commented, picking up more of the discarded tomes and scrolls to return them to their proper shelving. “What will finding a name in a book do for you anyway? Why not check the map or a census?” Twilight hesitated in her reading. She blushed.
“I hadn’t thought of that,” she admitted timidly. The books and scrolls paused in their levitation only to resume it, drifting back to their proper places.
Spike allowed himself a small smug grin. “I guess not. With the state this place is in, I guess you weren’t thinking as clearly as you normally do.” Twilight’s blush intensified.
“I was in a bit of a rush,” she said, flapping down to the floor. She wrapped a leg around the little dragon and squeezed gently. “Thank you.”
Spike’s grin turned to a bright smile. “Go do whatever it was you needed,” he said, slipping from her grasp. “I’ll clean this up.” Twilight frowned slightly.
“But I made a bit of a mess,” she pointed out. Spike waved a claw dismissively.
“It isn’t that bad,” he denied. “Besides, I’m letting you off the hook. Take advantage of my good mood while it lasts. I expect more apple danishes when I finish though.”
Twilight grinned and waved as she left the library. “Thanks a bunch, Spike!” she called over her shoulder. The little dragon sighed and looked at the mess again.
“Well, here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again,” he sang to himself as he set to work.
Twilight rushed into the map room, her horn shining with magic as she summoned the latest census for Equestria’s northwestern province. The map sped to comply with her wishes for a location on where she was searching.
“Chances are,” she muttered, “if the colts live in the northwest on their own world, it should stand to reason that they live in the same area here… I hope...” A small scroll came whizzing through a doorway, stopping to hover above the map table. Twilight’s face lit briefly at the small size. She had less to go through. The map stilled, centering on the northwestern province. The province itself was actually fairly large, just a bit smaller than the Griffon’s mountain based city-state. The largest city was on the coast with the name Seabiscuit. There were several other smaller cities scattered around the province, though most tended to hug the coastline and the rivers snaking inland from the sea.
Twilight narrowed her eyes at the cities. Her best chance to was to start with the largest and go downward. A quarter hour passed and she had ruled out Seabiscuit, Olympony, and Tacoltma. Another five minutes got rid of Porterland and Vanhoover. She had to trawl through Redmane and Fillyham before finally striking gold with one of the smaller towns.
Snohomare.
All three of her suspects either lived in or in close proximity to the city at the bottom of the Castallion Mountains. She grinned.
“Got you.”


* * *


Getting to Snohomare would have been a straightforward task, aside from the multiple steps it took to get anywhere nearby. A train got Twilight as close as Seabiscuit-Tacoltma Central Station, but from there the only train line would go to Seabiscuit itself. It took her a short wagon ride to get to Bolthell, then a walk up through paths and forests to get to Snohomare proper. By the time she made it to the small town, Twilight only had one question.
“Who in Celestia’s name would live in this no-where town?”
“Those ponies, apparently,” Spike offered from his reclined position on Twilight’s back, pointing out the ponies going about their daily tasks. “And those three colts you went on adventures with.”
“Not them exactly,” Twilight corrected. “But their equivalent versions in our world. The boys we were with were humans in pony form.”
“But the ones we’re looking for are ponies, right?”
“Of course.”
“So what’s the difference between the boys in pony form, and the ponies in pony form?”
Twilight opened her mouth, but closed it after realizing that the answer would take far longer than Spike’s attention span would allow. “Just let me know if you see anypony matching the description I gave you.”
“Right.” Spike retrieved a scroll with the descriptions written on it. “A walking bruise, the most punchable face in Equestria, and a mint-color jack-”
“Spike!”
“What?” Spike held the scroll in front of Twilight. “That’s what’s written down here!”
“...Oh yeah.”
“Well, which one do you wanna investigate first?” Spike asked, looking back at the list and prompting Twilight to frown as she thought about the order for all of them.
“Let's start with the second most annoying, then deal with the worst after the warm up, and vent on the last one?”
“So bruise, mint and then punchy?” Spike asked as Twilight began trotting towards the first address.
“It’s as good as any other order…”


* * *


“According to the census, this should be where he lives,” Twilight said, checking the scroll she’d made before coming here. Her hoof froze just before she could knock on the door.
“What's wrong, Twilight?” Spike asked, surprised by her hesitation.
“I’m just... I already know one version of all of these colts, I’m likely going to meet another version eventually in the mirror world, and I’m finding myself asking if I really wanna meet a third set of them.”
“At least you're not meeting a third version of Discord,” Spike replied, causing Twilight’s mouth to form a thin line. Finally, she steeled her will and knocked on the door.
A moment passed, during which Twilight shuffled stiffly on the porch, waiting for something to happen. Another moment passed, and the door opened, revealing a small filly with purple coat and gold mane.
“Can I help you?” the filly asked.
Twilight gaped, blinking at the little pony. A deep voice prevented her from speaking.
“Who is it, Violet?”
‘Violet’ called over her shoulder. “A unicorn with fake wings… Or a pegasus with a fake horn… There’s a dragon too.”
A massive form filled the door behind the filly. Purple Heart stood there, eyes narrowed at Twilight and Spike. The alicorn could have sworn there was a spark of recognition in the purple earth pony’s eyes.
“Go back to your coloring, Vi,” the massive earth pony urged, nudging her inside. Once the filly had moved, his cobalt eyes went back to Twilight.
“Vhat is it, who are you, vhat you vant?” he asked quickly, voice changing to a nasally drawl.
Twilight blinked again.
“Huh?” Spike grunted, leaning around Twilight’s head.
“My god you’ve gotten fat,” Purple Heart continued, ignoring the confused looks. “Come in, come, come.” He beckoned them inside. Twilight and Spike shot each other a look then tentatively stepped inside of the home.
“Thank you for inviting us in, Mr. Heart,” Twilight said with a small nod. “I’m very sorry to disturb you, but I was hoping to have a quick chat with you.” 
Purple Heart grunted in response and slumped into a chair in the living room. “For a bibliophile like yourself, Princess Twilight Sparkle, I doubt this chat will be quick,” he replied, voice returning to its normal timbre. Twilight blinked and opened her mouth to speak only to snap it shut when Violet scrambled past her and clambered up to join Purple Heart in the chair.
“Well, I have a few others I need to speak to today, so I’m afraid I’ll have to keep it brief, Mr. Heart. Before we go farther, I must ask; is Violet your daughter?” Twilight asked, trying to take every detail she could in without breaking out her paper.
Purple Heart’s eyes narrowed. “I’m not entirely sure how that is any of your business,” he said, voice changing once more to adopt a low growl. “Frankly, I’d prefer you ask your pertinent questions swiftly.”
“He’s my uncle!” Violet chirped from her spot between Purple Heart’s forelegs. “But I don’t have a mommy or daddy… So I guess he is my daddy!” Purple Heart rubbed at his face wearily with a forehoof.
“Betrayed by my adopted child,” he bemoaned. “Oh, how the mighty have fallen.”
Twilight giggled at Purple’s antics before clearing her throat. “Right, well, in the interest of swiftness, if you could just tell me what your job is...” Twilight asked.
“Daddy makes funny voices and faces!” Violet said cheerfully.
“...Violet, dear, I’d be ever so grateful if you let me answer my own questions,” Purple Heart chided. “I’m a big boy and can handle my own issues.”
“You can never be too sure,” Violet replied innocently. Purple Heart rubbed at his face again.
“I’m a theater and voice actor,” he corrected, poking the filly in front of him playfully, “or as Violet says, I make funny voices and faces.”
“Do the Lorax!” Violet ordered childishly.
Twilight arched an eyebrow and shared a look with Spike. “The Lorax?” They looked back to Purple Heart when the earth pony sighed in response to Violet’s command.
“‘I am the Lorax’,” he said, voice thick with a Manehattan accent, “‘I speak for the trees. I speak for the trees, for the trees have no tongues. And I’m ask you sir, at the top of my lungs - that THING! That horrible thing that I see! What’s that thing you’ve made out of my Truffula Tree?!’”
Violet giggled happily and applauded the recitation, humming happily as she went back to her coloring. Purple Heart looked at Twilight. “Anything else?” he asked. “Or did you just come to ask about my occupation?”
“I do have one further question. Do you know or work with any ponies by the names of Light Patch or Wits End?” Twilight asked, trying to stop smiling and return to her business look.
Purple Heart’s face took on a expression of contemplation. “In a town as small as this, you can’t help but know everypony here,” he said after a few minutes of thinking. “I know I’ve seen them and interacted with them in passing, but we don’t associate on a personal level.”
“They like gathering salt together,” Violet said. Purple Heart tapped her firmly on the head. “Owchie!”
“You have a great gift of interjecting yourself into conversations that have nothing to do with you,” Purple Heart grumbled irritably. He looked back at Twilight. “We know of each other. But I wouldn’t classify us as friends.”
“Interesting. Thank you so much for the information,” Twilight said, getting up as she gave Purple Heart a small nod of thanks. “And thank you for being such a good informant,” Twilight said, giving another nod and smile to Violet.
“Bye bye!” Violet waved. Purple Heart waved as well, sliding around Violet to stand. The filly hopped onto the purple earth pony’s back and the pair led Twilight and Spike to the front door. As they left, Twilight could hear Purple Heart speaking.
“So, whadaya want for lunch?”
“Sushi!”
“It’s like she’s a smaller, female version of me. Joy.”


* * *


“Well,” Twilight muttered, “that certainly happened…”
“Aw, relax, Twilight,” Spike said. “So the alternate version of your friend from another world has a daughter-slash-sidekick in whatever acting work he’s doing.”
“The daughter is what threw me off the the most,” Twilight admitted. “I kind of expected him to be a thespian.”
“I don’t think you should be making lifestyle judgements about him like that, Twilight.”
Twilight stared at the small dragon. “No, thes- Never mind. This is where Wits End is supposed to be.” The pair looked up at the two-floor building; the first floor being a relatively small book shop. “I guess he’s the owner or something?” She looked closer at a plaque on the door. “Oooor he’s renting the loft upstairs, unless he changed his name to ‘Frank Herb’.”
Spike arched an eyebrow at the name slate. “Do you think he’d do that?” he asked.
Twilight sucked a breath through her teeth thoughtfully. “I mean… maybe?” She opened the door and stepped inside, a bell tinkling above the door jam. A grin stretched her lips and she couldn’t help but feel relaxed. There was something about the smell of books in a small space that just made everything feel right. It reminded her of her treehouse before it had been demolished rather rudely. Bookshelves lined up on either side of a pseudo-corridor leading to a circulation desk in the center of the room. She trotted forward, noting the lack of shoppers as she walked. Reaching the desk, she looked around again.
“Wonder where everypony is,” she hummed, tapping the bell with a hoof.
“Just one moment!” The voice came from what must have been a small room in the back of the shop, followed by a loud metallic banging noise. A few seconds later, an earth pony with a golden coat stumbled into view, his head rather obviously obscured by a bucket. “Yes, yes, how may I help you?” he asked, his cheerful voice echoing slightly.
“That,” Spike said, “is not the pony you’re looking for.”
“He most certainly is not,” Twilight agreed, eyeing the newcomer skeptically. She cleared her throat. “I was wondering if you have a pony by the name of Wits End working here. He’s a friend of mine from Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns.”
“Ah.” The enthusiasm in the stallion’s voice seemed to audibly deflate. “I see. Well, while he does not work here in my little shop-” he coughed in a way that might be misconstrued as the words ‘which nopony seems to want to ever buy books in’, “Mister End is currently living in the room upstairs. The stairs are just to the right there.” He ended by pointing slightly off from the actual direction to the stairs with one forehoof.
“Oh,” Twilight hummed. “Thank you then, Mister...”
“Sun!” The stallion held out a hoof to a nearby bookshelf. “Wayward Sun is the name. A pleasure to meet you, sir…”
“Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship,” the alicorn replied, grinning at the shop owner. “I may buy something on my way out.” She walked over to the stairs. Spike waved to the stallion as the pair trotted up the stairs.
“Ah, hmm.” Wayward scratched at the back of the bucket. “Well, please let me know if I can help you find anything! Nothing like a bout of jolly, book-based cooperation!” He chuckled to himself, feeling his way back through to shop to the back room.
“That was interesting,” Twilight muttered. “I wonder if Bugsy and Mugsy are around here...”
“Who now?” Spike questioned.
Twilight shook her head. “Wayward Sun was an NPC in the game. So were Bugsy and Mugsy. All three interacted primarily with Wits.”
“Ah.”
Twilight stopped in front of the only door she found after reaching the landing. The alicorn took a slow, deep breath to steel herself for what may lurk behind the door. She lifted a hoof and knocked.
Several seconds passed in silence; enough time that Twilight considered knocking again. Just as she raised her hoof, the door cracked open, revealing part of the face of a mint-colored stallion with deep bags under the eye that could be seen. He looked the alicorn and her dragon companion over for a moment before speaking. “And the Princess of Friendship is at my door because… Why, exactly?”
“Well, he’s more perceptive than whatshisbucket downstairs,” Spike drawled. Twilight cuffed her dragon passenger with a wing, silencing any further sarcastic comments. She smiled genially at the haggard looking unicorn.
“Mister Wits End,” she said, “I was wondering if you’d be able to answer a few questions in regards to next year’s census for the Pacific Northwest. Nothing personal, just your occupation and awareness of your neighborhood.”
Wits seemed to consider it for a second. “I guess princesses have to do legwork too, huh?” he said with a tired smile, opening the door the rest of the way. “Do you want to come in? You’d be saving me from reading another page of this blasted novel, if you’re willing to pardon the...” he looked back at the mixture of creatively stacked books and strategically piled accoutrements that were scattered across the loft, “well, let’s call it the ‘dust’.”
Spike snickered and Twilight couldn’t help but laugh lightly as well. “What’s the novel?” she asked, hugging her wings close to her flanks to prevent any accidental toppling.
“Terrible is what it is,” Wits said, gesturing to an empty couch as he cleared space on an armchair for himself. “The author has clearly done no research on Neighpon as his setting, and the supposedly strong female protagonist has turned into a bog-standard damsel the moment an attractive colt with a traumatic past showed up.” He cleared his throat. “Well, I guess you’ll be able to read my thoughts about it by next Wednesday. How can I help?”
Twilight twisted her lips thoughtfully. “Well, you already answered one of my questions,” she said. “I’m guessing you're a book reviewer for a magazine or something?”
“Book critic,” Wits End corrected. “The Manehatten Times doesn’t pay me to be nice. They pay me to accentuate the flaws so that other authors can learn what not to do.” He stifled a yawn. “Or because publishing my written rants gets young wannabe writers to buy the paper instead of spending that money on avocado toast and soyburgers. Either way, they get what they want, and I get to work from home.”
“Wait,” Spike piped in, “you get paid to complain about somepony else’s story? What, do you not like novels or something?”
Wits’ gaze moved slowly to the dragon. “I don’t like novels. I. Love. Novels. And if I don’t love it, I don’t. Finish.” He cleared his throat. “Regardless, it gives me a opportunity to spread my opinion to the rest of the world. Someday, somepony will recognize my obvious correctness.”
“Ah... Interesting...” Twilight coughed into a hoof. “Next question. Do you happen to know some ponies named Light Patch or Purple Heart? I’m curious to know how networking works in such a small town.”
“Hmm…” Wits shook his head. “Sorry, but the most I know is that they exist in this town. I might have run into them a couple of times, but there’s not much I can tell you about them.” He thought for a moment. “Purple Heart is purple, right?”
“Surprisingly yes,” Twilight replied with a small smile. “He’s the guardian of a rather outspoken filly.”
“No kidding,” Spike snorted. “Little thing kept talking while Purple Heart was trying to keep his answers close to the chest.”
Wits shrugged. “Huh, good for him, I guess.” He paused. “Actually, I think I read something about that Light Patch fellow. Hang on.” He stood and crossed the room to a stack of magazines. “The Times sends me copies whenever one of my pieces is published in them… Here it is.” He walked back, flipping through the pages of the magazine via magic until he found what he was looking for. “One of the editors ran a piece on the design of everyday things, and he had some example designs that were sent in… Here.” He passed the magazine over, highlighting one of the designs and the designer’s name underneath it.
Twilight took the magazine and scrutinized the cover, looking for what Wits End pointed out. Spike leaned around Twilight’s shoulder to read.
“Light Patch, Equestria’s Youngest Industrial Designer, Pops Up in Pacific Northwest,” Spike read aloud. He looked at the back of Twilight’s head. “Expecting that?”
“Nope,” Twilight replied quickly, eyes wide with surprise. She coughed again and returned the magazine. “Thank you, Mister End. I think I have all I need.”
“That’s good to hear.” Wits tossed the magazine back onto its stack as he stood and opened the door. “Oh, and if you do happen to have a book you’d like me to go over, feel free to let me know.” He thought for a moment and frowned. “Maybe not one of your top 5 favorites, ‘though. I got in enough trouble for lambasting one of Princess Cadence’s favorites last year.”
“Which one?” Twilight asked.
“Shattering Midday,” Wits said with a shudder. “It’s a mediocre continuation of a series of novels that starts with the utterly forgettable Twil-” He stopped, staring at the alicorn standing in front of him. “You know what? It’s not important. Have a nice day, Princess.”
Twilight Sparkle narrowed her eyes briefly at the mint-colored stallion, fighting to ignore the urge to smack him. She paused, snickering lightly. Smacking was Rarity’s job. She settled for inclining her head in gratitude.
“I shall,” she said, turning gracefully to avoid haphazard stacks of paper and books. Maneuvering deftly, she left the room, descended the stairs, and was two steps towards the door when she saw a book out of the corner of her eye. She swallowed thickly. Spike followed her gaze and sighed.
“Just one,” he allowed. “Mister Sun? She found a book!”


* * *


“Alright, seen as you’re not gonna say it, I will,” Spike said, breaking the silence the two had held upon finally finding Light Patch’s house. “Other than that model railway, the rest of the house is a let down. For a famous pony, this is kind of a let down,” he said, looking at the simple single level house. “I kinda expected a famous designer to be living in a house that looks like an upside-down pyramid or something.”
“He was in one magazine, Spike,” Twilight said as she walked up to the front door. “Unless he’s been swimming in job offers since that article was published, I doubt he’s living any differently than most ponies.”
Spike was silent for a moment. “Maybe the house is bigger on the inside.” Twilight simply rolled her eyes and knocked on the door.
“It’s open,” a voice shouted from deeper in the house.
After a second of hesitation, Twilight opened the door. “Mister Light Patch?” she called. “My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I’d like to ask you some questions in regards to next year's census. Is now a good time?”
A familiar head popped out of a door down a hallway to Twilight’s left. “Now’s as good as any other. Do you mind if we conduct this in my workshop? I’ve got a design I’m busy with, and I feel like I’m on to something. I hate trying to pick something up after a long distraction.”
“Of course,” Twilight said with a nod. A part of her was shuddering at the fact that she was agreeing with one of the colts on something, but she followed Light Patch in. “Might I ask what you’re working on?”
The stallion gouged some clay out of a model he had in front of him. “It’s a medical device for the home, meant to help a pony track their heart rate and a few other things by just being clipped to a leg. The team and I are all making our own mockups separately; cover more ground and all that,” he said, frowning at the gouge he’d just made. “It is amazingly hard to make something like this comfortable and have the future retro look they want. My current path is probably just gonna lead to the wall anyway,” he finished, waving his hoof at the walls covered in various sketches, sticky notes, quills, and several various sized lumps of clay.
Twilight looked between the sketches and the clay model, studying both intently. After several seconds of this, Spike rolled his eyes and cleared his throat loudly, snapping her out of her mental designing. “Right. Well. I’ll try not to take up too much of your time, then. Just to confirm, you’re working as a industrial designer, correct?”
“That’s the main job, yes. I’ve also done a few other small projects here and there, and I’ve also helped a few stores and banks redesign their layouts to be more customer friendly,” he said test fitting the model around one of his legs.
“I see…” Twilight thought for a moment. “What if you made this section conform more to the curve of the leg?”
“Twilight…” Spike growled.
“Right, sorry.” Twilight cleared her throat. “Do you know any ponies known as Purple Heart or Wits End?”
Light Patch frowned as he thought. “The names sound familiar, but I don’t think I’ve ever met them face to face.” He set the model back on the central table before scrounging around a bunch of shelves and cabinets. 
While the grey pegasus was searching, Twilight took a look at the model again. “You know, you could make this a lot easier to use if you grouped these controls together on one side. Plus, then ponies could wear this on their hind legs without worrying about triggering something by accident.”
“Twilight,” Spike said, “maybe you should let the designer do the designing?”
“I’m just saying- Never mind. What are you looking for, Mister Patch?”
“A faint memory,” he replied, pulling out a sheaf of posters. “Some old poster designs I did for the local theater. I seem to recall Purple Heart’s name being on one of them,” he said, laying them out around the model. “Also, shifting the controls might work...” He paused to glance at the model, before turning back to the posters. “Ah, as I thought, there it is,” he said, pointing it out.
Twilight looked over the poster. “Griffon MacHawk, huh? Some kind of parody to a Shakestallion piece.” She took a few steps back. “Well, that’s all of my questions answered, and quite a bit faster than I expected. I’ll let you get back to work.” She started to move towards the exit, but stopped. “Actually, if you don’t mind, can I ask you about the article the Manehatten Times wrote about you?”
Light Patch frowned as he moved the posters to the side. “Of course,” he said, sketching up the model on a piece of paper before sticking it to the wall.
“Well, I’m just a little surprised I haven’t heard more of you after that. Can you tell me a little bit about what you were working on that got you noticed?”
“It was a device meant to help him dispose of older paper documents that weren’t useful to keep anymore, and contained sensitive data. A minor noble requested it. Tt was supposed to shred the documents, mix the shredding up, and then burn them, making it hard for even a unicorn to use their magic to recreate the documents to steal the information on them,” he said, pulling a sketch of it down from the wall for Twilight to look at. “It caused a big stir, but it’s expensive to make and most settle for just simply burning documents. And I actively tried to counteract the articles attempt to make me famous.”
Twilight frowned. “Not a fan of the spotlight?”
“No,” he admitted. “I’ve never wanted to be famous. I’ve found myself very comfortable being the unsung hero. Plus, if I ever botch a design, most ponies won’t know where to send the blame to,” he said with a small smile.
“I see.” Twilight made a mental note to check on what the other versions of Light Patch thought about that subject. “Still, I’d like to do a little follow-up if you don’t mind. What was the name of the noble who made the request?” Light Patch reached over to the sketch of the device and flipped it over.
“I know I wrote it down on this somewhere,” Light Patch said, shifting through his files once more. “Ah, his name was Holdfast.”
“What kind of a name is Holdfast?” Spike asked. “Sounds like somepony on a crash course with villainy, right Twilight?” He waited for a response that didn’t come. “Twilight.”
“Thank you for your time, Mister Patch,” Twilight said quickly. “I’ll let you get back to your work now.”
“Thank you. Though with the suggestions you’ve given me,” he picked up the clay model and threw it at the one blank section of wall in the sea of sketches, “starting from scratch will likely be better.”
“Good luck!” Twilight called, already most of the way out of the house.
“Wait, Twilight!” Spike was holding on to the purple alicorn’s mane as she took off, heading straight for the train station. “What’s wrong?”
“He said he designed that thing for Holdfast,” Twilight said over the sound of the wind going past them. “Holdfast was one of the villains we fought in Discord’s game. If there’s a version of Holdfast in this world, there might be versions of the other villains as well. And if there’s anypony who’s going to hold a grudge against those Colts…”
“It’ll be the guys they beat?” Spike asked.
“Especially since one of them was a bipedal creature with incredible magical powers even without Discord’s magic.”
Spike thought for a moment. “So... that’s not good then.”
“No,” Twilight said, increasing her speed. “No it is not.”
> Chapter 17: The Canterlot House of Villains
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Is this what it’s like for you and the others all of the time?” Spike asked from where he laid on Twilight’s back. “Traveling halfway across Equestria only to learn you have to go to the other half and then come back?”
“Usually the traveling is lighter,” Twilight replied. “More of a go there, save a friendship or the world, then come home and pretend our lives are totally normal.”
“Alright. So why are we back in Canterlot again rather than Ponyville?” Spike asked as he sat up.
“For information on this world's Holdfast. If he really is a noble of any kind, we’ll likely find something about him in the archives.”
“And then confront him?”
“Considering how he was in Discord’s game, I’d rather not run into him without at least the others and maybe a legion of Royal Guard backing us u-” Her sentence was cut short as she ran into the pony who’d just come out of the archives room she’d been about to enter. “Oh! Sorry about that-”
“No harm done,” the pony said, cutting of her apology. He brushed off his snow-white coat and picked up a pair of well-worn reading glasses, tucking them back into a pocket sewn into his cloak as he looked the alicorn over. “Well, it seems that if any apology is owed, it’s by me, Princess.”
Twilight’s mouth moved silently for a moment. Eventually, she was able to force out a reply. “Chancellor Holdfast?”
“Chancellor?” Holdfast chuckled. “Are you offering me a promotion, Princess Twilight? I’m afraid my duties as a Count leave me precious little time to myself as is, so I would have to decline.” He smiled, bowing his head slightly. “Although, I must admit that I’m honored that you’ve heard of me.”
“Hey, Twilight,” Spike said, peering over her shoulder. “Isn’t that the evil guy you were-” He was silenced by a wing being shoved into his open mouth.
Twilight coughed, trying desperately to regain her composure. ‘Relax, Twilight,’ she thought, ‘there’s no guarantee that this Holdfast is evil.’
“Might I ask what business you have at the Archives?” she asked, hoping her tone was sufficiently princessy enough.
“Paperwork, if you can believe that.” Holdfast motioned with one hoof to a couple of retainers that were obviously recovering from carrying a great number of documents. “Even without worrying about the sun and the moon, the overhead to manage Equestria is simply mind-boggling. Do you know what the most commonly magically enchanted item is in our little Princessdom?”
“Weapons?”
“Farming implements. Roughly seven self-tilling hoes per Pony. Simply astounding.” The snow-colored stallion glanced about at the crowd forming around the two ponies, and one gagged baby dragon. “I certainly hope you weren’t attempting to travel unnoticed, Princess, because it seems we’ve caused quite a scene.”
“The longer you spend in the royal castle, the more you learn just how good princesses are at causing them.” Both ponies turned to look at the newest member of the conversation. The old blue grey stallion smiled as he took his helmet off to bow to Twilight. “Your highness, I understand you’re the Princess of Friendship. But perhaps the middle of an important doorway isn’t quite the place to start a new one? Friendship I mean.”
“Isn’t he the other-”
Twilight coughed loudly into a hoof, silencing Spike with a wing again. “You are absolutely right,” she agreed, smiling painfully at the newcomer. “Doors should be doors not walls, mister...”
“Just Duty, Paladin Just Duty,” the newcomer said, putting his helmet back on. 
	Spike spat out Twilight’s wing and scrambled off her back. Twilight was reeling in surprise while Spike skidded to a stop in front of Just Duty, eyes bright with awe and reverence.
“The Paladins are real?!” he cried, dancing from foot to foot with barely contained excitement. He turned to Twilight, eyes overflowing with tears. “Why didn’t you tell me the Paladins were real?!” Twilight blinked rapidly at her purple and green assistant.
“Dare I ask what the Paladins are?” she sighed, rubbing at her forehead. Spike gasped, slapping a clawed hand to his chest dramatically.
Holdfast frowned at Twilight. “You don’t actually know who the Paladins are?” he asked, surprise evident in his voice. “You’re a princess. Surely you would have at least known of their existence.”
“I feel just a little bit hurt,” Just Duty admitted, mimicking Spike’s gesture by pressing a hoof to his heart. “All the Princesses at least should know of the Paladins.” Twilight winced, rubbing her forehead again.
“I feel an unerring sense of guilt for some reason,” she whispered.
Spike clambered back to his feet and dug in his satchel for a few seconds. He gave a cry of triumph and pulled out a thin paperback book, waving it close to Twilight’s face. “The Paladins of Equestria!” he declared. “Second best-selling series in Equestria after the Adventures of Daring Do! The Paladins take on the challenges that the Royal Guard and Regular Army can’t deal with! For instance, dragon migration, superpowered bandits, or even magical enemies that aren’t enough of a problem for you and everypony else in Ponyville can’t deal with! Their operations are never released to the public though! They’re only whispered about, never truly admitting their existence! They’re the true defenders of Equestria’s public from run of the mill problems! Definitely better than Daring Do ever was!”
Twilight blinked mutely at Spike while the little dragon gasped for breath after his long expletive.
“A true fan of the comics, huh?” Just Duty asked, smiling at the fanatical dragon.
“Of course! I’ve got every issue! I’ve even got the original misprint of Issue Thirty-Two where they put the wrong cover on the comic book!” Spike said, proudly beaming.
“I’d offer to get you a signed copy from all of us, but then we’d have to lock you up for state secrets. So how about this little tidbit instead?” Just Duty asked ,looking around conspiratorially. “Most everything in the comic books is only mostly exaggerated.”
“Quite a clever bit of misdirection,” Holdfast mused. “Hide your organization as a piece of pop culture. If it’s such a secret, should you really be telling us that?”
“Most who read the comic either believe it to be totally fiction, or are aware of the rumors and assume that the comics are exaggerated to an extent. And if you did try to spread this information, most will either call you crazy, or will simply go, ‘well duh’,” Just Duty answered with a small shrug. “The comic is basically the same thing as creating a ‘secret base’ that you spread rumors has all of the alien tech, just so the real location stays secret.”
Spike leapt at Just Duty, grabbing the Paladin by his uniform lapels. “You mean there’s an actual Area 42 somewhere in Equestria?!”
A large smirk spread across. “Of course not, just like how the comics actually get one major fact about the Paladins wrong.”
Spike’s eyes widened with surprise and he leaned closer to the Paladin. “Somepony,” he croaked, “got a major fact about the Paladins wrong?! That’s sacrilege! How dare the creators at Dark Horse comics leave out a critical feature of the Paladins organization’s most secret secrets! What did they leave out?!” Spike was sobbing now, comic book lying at Just Duty’s hooves as if he expected the Paladin representative to fix the problem with the comic series directly.
Just Duty was struggling to force his face to look serious. “They got it wrong because we asked them to get it wrong.” Spike let out a huge gasp as his eyes enlarged to dinner plate proportions as he mouthed ‘no’. “It was to protect ourselves from harm. And I shouldn’t be sharing this with any of you...” His glare was heavily undercut by the mirth twinkling in his eyes. “But it’s that we have non-pony members in the force, and possibly a few changelings.”
Spike’s steady vibrating peaked and he jumped up and down gleefully. “Just like in my fanfiction!” he cried. “I knew that Conspiracy Theory seminar at Ponycon wasn’t a waste of time!” He set about the corridor, dancing with triumph around the ponies. Twilight’s flush of embarrassment decreased to manageable levels and she swallowed thickly.
“I’m sorry for my assistant’s unruly behaviour,” she apologized to Holdfast and Just Duty. “He isn’t usually like this.”
Holdfast waved a forehoof dismissively. “Exuberance is the natural state of youth. Besides, if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have learned so much today.” He turned to Just Duty with a subdued smirk. “It’s good to know that there’s ponies, and others, protecting Equestria along with the Elements of Harmony.”
A warm smile covered Just Duty’s face as he watched Spike not so secretly talk about all of the ponies he was gonna tell. “He’s like the son I never had. Let me know if you ever need a book of dad knowledge, princess.” Just Duty said. “Now though, I must be getting to the training grounds. It was good to meet both of you.” He gave the Twilight and Holdfast a nod and departed silently down the corridor.
“What an interesting stallion,” Holdfast mused. “I wonder how much of what he told us is actually true.” With a sigh, he turned back to Twilight. “I suppose I should be going as well. I hope you’re able to find what you were looking for at the Archives, Princess Twilight.”
The purple alicorn nodded. “Thank you, Mister Holdfast,” she said as the pony left. Once he was out of earshot, she sighed. “I’ve already found what I’m looking for. Only one unaccounted for is Bael. I think it’s time to head back to Canterlot High.” She took two steps away from the archive, stopping when she saw a passed out Spike.
“Well… I guess I’ll peruse the archive while he sleeps,” she mused. “See if anything jumps out at me.”


* * *


Rainbow leaned back in the booth as she, the other girls, and the three boys waited for Princess Twilight to show up with the big news she had. “Is it just me, or does it seem like we just sit here and talk about the problems rather than get out and do things about them?” She asked, interrupting the silence the group had been stewing in together.
“Oh! My! Gosh! We’ve become characters in a sitcom!” Pinkie suddenly shouted.
“What’s the deal with airline food?” Light Patch said. He paused thoughtfully. “Well, if we are, we don’t get to hear the laugh track.” He gave a shrug, returning to his milkshake.
“You gotta say something funny first,” Wits deadpanned, “or have a forced catchphrase.”
Purple Heart swallowed roughly half of his sandvich in one go. “Needs more ba-zing, ah?”
“I will cut out your tongue with one of these plastic spoons.”
Before any actual violence could take place, the purple pony princess turned human barged through the cafe’s double doors and without even looking, took her seat in the booth. “See? She didn’t even have to look for us. She just immediately sat down.”
“She’s got a point there. Maybe we should at least put up a ‘reserved for those saving the world’ sign on this booth,” Light Patch said thoughtfully as he ate a french fry.
“What are you three doing here?” Princess Twilight asked, looking at the three boys.
“They heard there’d be food and after that we couldn’t shake them,” Applejack said with a resigned shrug. “Anyway, what's this world shatterin’ knowledge you found?”
“As we expected, there were versions of the three of them on the other world. And from what Sunset passed along of your own information gathering sessions-”
“Stalking sessions,” Wits End said through fake coughs, Twilight ignored his interruption and continued.
“-They seem to be more similar to the versions of this worlds versions of you three.”
“Pod people,” Light Patch whispered to Pinkie, earning a phantom of a glare from Twilight.
“Purple Heart was a brusk secretive actor living out in the middle of nowhere,” Twilight started, taking a handful of Pinkie’s offered fries. “Him and his daughter-slash-ward.”
Three ponies spat out their drinks in unison. “I had a what?” Purple Heart exclaimed.
“He had a what?” Wits End echoed.
“He had a who?” Rarity added.
Purple Heart shot a glare back at the fashionista. “I expected that kind of thing from Wits, but what are you so shocked about?”
“Well,” she said, “based on what we saw at your alternate self’s house, he didn’t seem like the daughter-slash-warding type.” Rarity poked at her salad with the end of her fork. “Let’s say… He seemed like he’d have an issue with women that existed in more than two dimensions.”
Purple Heart cringed, sucking noisily on his drink. “But his collection was bigger than mine.” Rarity glared at him. “Can we move on?” Purple Heart urged. “I need to not be the hopeless one.”
Twilight sighed. “Wits End was a book critic-”
“Yes!” Wits pumped his fist in the air.
“-Living life secluded and alone with no friends.”
“Oh…”
“And given the fact that he talked smack about Princess Cadence’s favorite book series in a national journal, I get the sense he wasn’t the best at reading the mood either.”
Wits End’s smile twitched. “Right in the teenage memories…”
“And Light Patch...” Twilight said, turning to the grey boy. “Well, I don’t know how to put this…”
“Give it to me straight, Doc,” Light Patch said, gripping the table with both hands. “I can take it.”
“He was famous.”
Light Patch fell to the ground next to the booth, picking himself up onto his knees and holding his hands to the sky. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!”
“And you all call me dramatic,” Rarity scoffed.
“You are dramatic,” Rainbow Dash quipped.
“Which should tell you something when I say that he’s being dramatic.”
Purple Heart poked once at his dropped burger and sighed. “What was he famous for? Did he have a massive Chirp following? Did he discover some superelement? Or was he simply in the right place at the right time to be wrongfully made famous? Like King?”
“That actually leads nicely into my next piece of information,” Twilight said. “He was an engineer who designed something for a noblepony in Canterlot, and got attention for it. Guess who the noblepony was.”
Applejack raised her hand. “Can we skip t’the part where y'all blow our minds with the revelation like we were chicken eggs sittin’ out in the noonday sun in July?”
Wits End blinked, pausing in the middle of a long draw on his milkshake. “Like we were… what?”
Twilight ignored him. “Fine. The noble was Holdfast. Or at least, the Equestria version of him.”
Wits made a sound like a an engine trying to start in three feet of mud as he choked on the milkshake. “Y-you’re kidding, right?” he wheezed. “Holdfast was created by Discord for the game. There’s no way for him to…” He trailed off at the look in Twilight’s eyes, and shook his fist at the heavens. “Discord, you lazy ba-”
“What happened next?” Pinkie asked.
“I went to Canterlot to look up information in the archive about him, only to run into him, literally,” Twilight said with a faint blush of embarrassment. “The two of us ended up talking in a doorway to an archive and accidently caused a minor scene. Which was then broken up by Just Duty, who’s apparently a part of a secret group known as the Paladins.”
“Woooah, the Paladins are real on your world?!” Rainbow cut in as she leaned over the table.
Twilight groaned, rubbing her temples with her fingertips. “Please don’t start on them. I got an hour long lecture on them from Spike before coming back here.” She straightened back up and sighed. “Anyway, neither one of them seem that bad, so I’m pretty sure they’re not the ones we fought in Discord’s game. It’s more likely they’re the alternate versions of the Holdfast and Just Duty in this world.”
“If the Paladins are a secret group in Equestria,” Wits End pondered, “does that mean the Just Duty in this world is an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.?”
“I don’t know what that means, but don’t be ridiculous,” Twilight deadpanned just as a pair of adults in suits behind her shifted.
“Not to seem petulant or anything,” Purple Heart coughed, “but what about Bael?”
“Bael?” questioned Applejack.
“Purple Heart’s villain,” Twilight replied.
Rainbow Dash snorted a laugh. “Are you jealous that your villain doesn’t have a version of himself in Equestria?”
“You did sound rather put out that Twilight didn’t mention him,” Rarity added.
Fluttershy patted Purple Heart’s head gently. “Being envious isn’t a good thing,” the pink-haired girl chided.
“Maybe he’s curious because Bael is dangerous and can throw things outta wack,” Pinkie Pie offered. The group looked at her as she slurped innocently on her drink. “What?”
“You have a bad habit of stealing peoples’ lines,” Purple Heart grumbled, folding his arms over his chest.
“Now he’s petulant,” Sunlight said.
“Jerks.”
“He was also basically the ringleader of the villains,” Light Patch threw out.
“Now that you mention it, there was also his sudden departure from his battle. Holdfast and Just Duty fought till the very end, Just Duty was knocked out and Holdfast was defeated with nothing left to do,” Twilight said, staring at her stolen food in thought. “Bael fought hard but suddenly he just...” She searched for the right words.
“Peaced out?” Sunset offered.
“That's as good as any other way to describe it. We never really saw what happened to him after that,” Twilight finished.
“I should probably put a tinfoil hat on before I say this, but-” Light Patch hesitated before looking at the other three who’d been in the game with him. “-y'all don’t think he got out of the game do you?”
“That...is a terrifying thought,” Twilight said.
“I second that statement,” Purple Heart chimed. “Having something based off my favorite characters dosed with villainous motives running around is not making my day better.”
“It got bad? How?” Sunset ask.
“I dropped my sandvich,” he replied, glaring at Twilight.
“It’s just a sandwich,” Rarity sniffed. “Nothing impressive about it in a gourmet sense.”
Purple Heart’s eyes narrowed. “If this were sushi, I’d be ordering the most expensive roll on the menu and making you pay for it.”
“We aren’t Mexico,” Pinkie drawled, scooping the remnants of Purple Heart’s sandwich onto her own tray.
“Not to interrupt this fascinating discussion of sandviches,” Wits End cut in, “but can we get back to the part where a giant green demon that looks like the worst parts of Tzeentch and Hellboy got thrown in a blender might be roaming the multiverse looking for shenanigan-based revenge? I don’t think he’s gonna be satisfied with becoming King of the Pirates.”
Sunset Shimmer rolled her eyes. “I mean, he’s probably gonna end up being the one who brought you guys here, right? That’s how the dramatic irony this world runs on works.”
“Okay, assuming he did bring us here, and assuming it’s some kind of revenge thing, what can we do to sniff him out first and spoil his plan before we completely fall into it?” Light Patch asked, causing everyone present to lapse into thought.
“Well, it might be a decent idea to keep an eye on the Holdfast and Just Duty of this world,” Applejack said after a few minutes. “You said he was the leader of the villains in the game. So assumin’ he’s interested in gettin’ help in whatever his plan is, those two might have been the first he’d have looked to for help once he’d learned about them.”
“Um, are we even sure he’s after the colts?” Fluttershy asked quietly. “I mean, maybe he did bring them here but, what if it was some kind of accident?”
“Then why hasn’t he stepped forward to throw them back from whence they came?” Pinkie chimed in, bouncing around in her seat to a song only she could hear.
“Maybe he’s afraid they won’t let him stay here and try to force him to go back to Discord,” Fluttershy suggested.
“Or maybe he screwed up and doesn’t even know they’re here,” Rainbow Dash said. “It’s not like you guys have made much of a fuss since coming here.”
“You didn’t see us when we first ended up in that lady’s dance studio,” Wits muttered.
“If it is Bael,” Twilight said, “then it’s more likely he’s got some plan that requires you three to be in this world. Pinkie, did Just Duty say anything when you were distracting him about Holdfast, Bael, or anything else weird?”
“Not really. Other than the fact that he had Old Lady Stern as his elementary teacher. Most of it was him telling me I’m not allowed to help him fight off, mobsters, aliens, zombies, the undead, the re-dead, the mostly dead, vampires, mutants, or kings and their armies from the sixteenth century for fear of wotan damage to the city,” Pinkie replied cheerily. “Oh hay! Speaking of kings, I know where I’m gonna try to host my party like it’s sixteen twenty three party! In the castle out in the suburbs! You can just barely make out the tip of its center tower just between the clothesline and those two roofs there.” She pointed out the window beside their booth.
The teenagers followed the pink haired girl’s finger and saw a tall spire jutting towards the sky.
“Huh,” Sunset hummed. “That’s new.”
“Why is there a castle in the suburbs?” Purple Heart asked. “Did you steal it?”
“She couldn’t have,” Rarity dismissed.
“Whether or not Pinkie had anythin’ to do with it, there’s a castle where there once wasn’t,” Applejack said.
“But it’s been there for a while hasn’t it?” Pinkie asked. looking worried. “Just Duty talked about it like it had been there for a while. He also said he’d met the owners at one of the parties I’d held. I-” she stopped and her hair lost some of it’s curl. “I kind of remember meeting them at the party to,.” she said quietly. “Well, the daughter at least.” Pinkie furrowed her brow, trying to remember. “It’s so foggy, I can barely even remember their faces.”
“That is very odd, dear. Normally your mind is like a steel trap when it comes to parties,” Rarity said, earning a cringe from Fluttershy. “Although, now that you mention it, I kind of remember the party as well. Very faintly thou-” The rest of the fashionista's musing was cut off by an exclamation similar to ‘fudge”. Only he didn’t say ‘fudge’, and Rarity turned to glare at the source. “There is really no need for that sort of language, Light Patch.”
“I remember the party too,” Light Patch muttered, staring at his half emptied tray.
“Very funny,” Purple Heart grumbled. “We’re not from this world, in case you forgot, so we can’t remember any party that took place here before we arrived.”
“I know that, but I can remember that the cake was right over there.” The grey colt pointed at a place on the counter.
“Oh please, you gotta get up a lot earlier to pull the wool over the Dash’s eyes. Pinkie’s parties alway place the cake right over there,” Rainbow Dash shot back, smugly jerking her thumb towards a back wall.
“But not at that party,” Pinkie replied. “I placed the cake on the counter because… I think I wanted it more prominent?”
“Okay, so maybe it was a lucky guess,” Rainbow bit back. “You want me to buy this remembering something you couldn’t have been there for, prove it. What did Pinkie set up over there?” She pointed over to a corner of the store that she knew was usually where the dance floor was.
Light Patch turned to look and his face scrunched up in concentration as he fought to remember through the haze of the memory.
“Drinks table,” Wits said lazily. “She was going to have the dance floor there, but it turns out she could get more room by putting all of the drinks on either side of the room, instead of all in one spot.” He waved a hand at the opposite wall. “The other one was over there.”
“How do you know that?” Fluttershy asked.
Wits stared blankly in front of him for a moment. “I… have no idea. I’m very confused.”
“He’s also right,” Pinkie offered.
“What kind of a game are you all playing?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Is this a prank? Because this party you keep going on about did. Not. Happen.”
Science Twilight held up a hand. “Hang on. I have a hypothesis, but I need to test it.”
“Is it gonna hurt?” Wits asked.
“What is it?” Princess Twilight asked, ignoring Wits entirely.
“Both of us will close our eyes,” SciTwi said, “and point to where we were at the end of the party. Pinkie can count us down.”
Applejack raised an eyebrow. “How’s that supposed ta help?”
“Just trust me on this. Ready?”
Both Twilights nodded, closing their eyes. “One,” Pinkie counted. “Two… Three!” A pair of purple pointer fingers shot out.
Purple Heart blinked. “Why are they both pointing at my rear?”
“Not you,” Sci Twi corrected irritably. “That seat you’re in. I was there talking to Flash Sentry at the end of the party.”
“Which doesn’t work,” Princess Twilight said, “because I was there talking to Flash Sentry. Something, or someone, is messing with our memories.”
“And since we’re both technically the same person,” Science Twilight continued, “both of us are getting the same memories.”
“Wait, wait, wait.” Wits held out a hand. “Are you saying something is retconning our memories, and just did a find-and-replace based on our names?”
“Essentially, yes.”
“Welp, I’m gonna go raid the kitchen and make a tinfoil hat. Anyone else interested while I’m at it?” Light Patch said trying to get outta the booth to stand up.
“I’m not a magic expert, but I don’t think tinfoil hats will help, sorry. But I guess if it makes you feel better...” Fluttershy quietly replied.
“It’ll certainly make you look more like a dork,” Rainbow snickered at the grey teen.
“He does raise a good question though. Just how might we go about not havin’ our memories tampered with?” Applejack asked, looking between Princess Twilight and Sunset.
“I don’t know, magic that messes with memories or minds is generally banned in Equestria.” Princess Twilight said.
“For obvious reasons. But a good place to start would probably be to try and figure out how it transmits itself,” Sunset said, looking between Pinkie and Light Patch. “Which is probably gonna mean we’ll need to try some ideas to infect others.”
“Can we not make it sound like it’s a virus?” Purple Heart asked.
“Spreads then, we’ll need to test how it spreads. Which means... Hands up if you don’t have it yet,” Sunset finished, raising her own hand, followed closely by Purple Heart, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Applejack.
Purple Heart sucked air through his teeth. “This does not bode well for us, if Plague Inc. is any indication. Time to move to Madagascar and shut down all of the ports.”
“Not yet,” Princess Twilight denied. “We don’t know yet is this actually spreads or if it’s just affecting certain people. For now, we should look for the source.”
“Well, we’ve got two leads on that.” Sunset held up two fingers to highlight her point. “Just Duty was the first one to bring up the castle, so he might be patient zero.”
“Again,” Purple Heart interrupted, “not a fan of virus terminology.”
“The other possibility,” Sunset continued, “is the inhabitants of the castle. They might be some sort of extra-dimensional intruders.”
Rainbow Dash coughed. “Yeah, we don’t have enough of those in our town.”
“I’d hate to bring this up, but if it is option one, then who gave this to Just Duty? Could it be Bael? Or could we have some kind of pile up of villains going on behind the scenes?” Light Patch asked, picking idly at the food on his plate.
“You’re right. It was a terrible idea to bring it up,” Rarity agreed with a grimace. “But it is an unfortunately legitimate question. Even if Just Duty is Patient Zero-” she ignored the defeated sigh from Purple Heart. “-I highly doubt it just randomly manifested itself. What the source of this infection is is what we really need to figure out.”
“There’s a third possibility,” Wits said. “What if it’s someone completely unrelated? Some sort of Frozen-esque twist reveal where the villain was hidden in plain sight all along.”
“That’s not gonna happen,” Pinkie chastised. “This isn’t a musical cartoon, buddy. Just let it go.”
“There’s way too many references to unravel in that,” Wits grumbled. “But seriously, the way these things work is that there’s someone introduced in the first act who turns out to be the villain by the end of the second act. We should check on people we interacted with early on to see if they have these same memories.”
“Like who?” Fluttershy asked.
“Who not at this point?” Wits started counting on his fingers. “Shining Armor, Celestia and Luna, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Purple Hearts shota little brother, Holdfast from Crystal Prep…”
Applejack waited for Wits to keep going. “Well?”
“I ran out of fingers on this hand, and I don’t feel like using the other one. But seriously seriously, we should see how far this thing goes.”
“Is it still funny to make jokes outta us always splitting up, or it is just blanche or whatever the proper fashion term for something no one cares about anymore?” Light Patch asked, finding his hunger again as he attacked the remnants of his meal. “So, who’s going with who to check out who?”
“I believe you were going for blasé daring, ” Rarity replied, addressing Wits End, “and yes it probably is.”
“Well,” Twilight said, “the obvious first match up would be to have Purple Heart investigate the castle.”
Purple Heart raised an eyebrow. “How is that obvious?”
“It’s very simple, Purple,” Light Patch said slowly patting his lips with a napkin before calmly folding it and his hands in his lap. “It’s because, ‘Kiss Kiss Fall In Love’!” He cried with his best singing voice.	
Twilight watched the look of confusion make its way across the purple boy’s face. “...Right, you don’t have the rewritten memories.” She sighed and shook her head. “The family that lives in that castle is the Targponyens. Does that clear things up a bit?”
The large teen frowned, blinking rapidly. “Nooooooo… Should it?”
“It should,” Twilight said. “The Targponyens include people like Bastion. And Boomer. And Amber. Should I draw you a map at this point? Or can you put it together now?”
“I think you should draw him a relationship diagram,” Wits said around a straw. “It’s been a while, after all.”
Purple Heart choked on air. “What?!” he gasped. “You mean she- they’re here?! In this city?! Right now?!”
“No, they’ll be here in three weeks,” Twilight deadpanned. “Just Duty and Holdfast are here. Is it that hard to believe others from that game would have alternates here?”
Applejack looked between Twilight and Purple Heart. “Ah take it we’re missin’ somethin’ here. y'all owe them money or somethin’?”
“More like an apology,” Wits mused. “And maybe a ring.”
“NOPE! I REFUSE!” Purple Heart made two steps away from the table but found himself face first on the ground with a worried Fluttershy sitting square on his back. The pink haired teen scrambled to her feet, crouching down to check the prone boy.
“I’m sooooo sorry, Purple Heart!” she cried. “I didn’t mean to do that! But the situation called for it!”
“You, didn’t mean to do it and yet did it anyway,.” Light Patch said holding his head. “Nice tackle though. It was like watching a tiger pounce or something.”
“A magnificent pounce, and the Fluttershy has caught her prey.” Wits put on his best posh British accent. “She, and her young, will eat well tonight.”
“So you owe the Targponyens something,” Rarity drawled, peering down her nose at Purple Heart. “What, pray tell, do you owe them?”
“Depending on the crime, 10 years to life,” Princess Twilight replied. Purple Heart rolled his face to the side and glared at the royal Twilight.
“Minimum of 10 years? Do you have that little faith in me?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“...Roight.” He rolled onto his back and sat up, crossing his legs. “But tell me this: do you know if these versions of the Targponyens are the ones we met in the game? Or are they just returning from a year-long cruise around the pacific rim fighting monsters in their mech suits?”
Twilight blinked. “What?”
“Are they this world’s versions or were they brought from the game?” Sci Twi clarified.
Purple Heart pouted. “Massive kaiju fighting mechs are a no then.”
“Oh for the love of-” Wits End’s forehead impacted the table, rattling the assorted cutlery. “I’ll go check out the castle. There’s only so long I can take trying to get the bruise to go talk to his ex.”
Rarity’s head whipped towards Purple Heart. “You were dating someone who owns a castle? And you let them go?”
Purple Heart just stared at the fashionista. “Maybe the small fact that she was an NPC in a fake world?”
“Not so fake anymore,” Rainbow Dash pointed out.
Purple Heart sneered. “So what, I should go talk to a girl who may not even be remotely the same as another I met on another world? Bloody likely.”
“Maybe he doesn’t want to settle for a rich girl when he could have had a queen?” Pinkie suggested.
Purple Heart just stared at the pink haired girl.
“Okay, as much as I enjoy dog piling on Purple Heart, there is a limit before blood is shed. So in the interest of not being thrown out, Purple Heart can go check check on Just Duty and someone else checks the Tarponyians or whatever their name is.” Light Patch decided, trying to head off the fight he was afraid might have been coming.
“Huh. I’d have figured you’d have wanted to be on the team investigating Just Duty,” Twilight said, “considering you were basically friends with him.”
“In the game world, yes, Here, we’re acquaintances and he’s familiar with Local Patch, not me. The fewer chances I have to mess up and reveal I’m not the droid he’s looking for, the better off we probably are,” the grey teen countered.
“I’ll follow up with Just Duty then,” Purple Heart agreed.
“You just don’t want to interact with your ex,” Applejack snorted.
“Ding.” He rolled to his feet and dusted off his shorts. “We have a winner.”
“You also don’t want to take to her on the off chance she is actually the version from the game,” Pinkie added.
“If I had a button, I’d press it to give you mystery biscuits,” Purple Heart sighed.
“Alright,” Wits End cut in, “the meme is dead, folks. It’s no fun going after a target that won’t fight back.” He sat back up, rubbing the red mark where his head hit the table. “Purple Heart’ll get himself inserted into the Light Duty OT3, Light Patch can round up the usual suspects, and I’ll finally get a chance at a second-hand waifu.”
Princess Twilight raised an eyebrow at the mint-colored teen. “You’re still on about that?”
“I am, actually. Thanks for reminding me.” Wits leveled a finger at the two other boys. “These two had girls hanging off of them like saddlebags during the entire adventure, and I got stuck with a former villain and her emotionally stunted sister. If I’m gonna be stuck in a high school comedy, I at least want it to be a romantic comedy.”
“What does that even mean?”
“I’m breaking every gosh darn vase I find in that castle until someone pressgangs me into a gosh darn reverse host club.”
“Okay, ignoring you again.” Twilight turned to the rest of the group. “It’ll probably be less suspicious if we go in groups and say it’s a school project or something. Who wants to herd each of them?”
“Well obviously you should go with Wits,” Rainbow Dash said.
“How is THAT obvious?” Twilight asked, echoing the other purple teen’s previous question.
“Oh yeah, because Roads Crossed was such a well done example of their team ups,” Light Patch said before freezing. “...was that out loud?” He looked at Princess Twilight and Wits End and their glares. “That was out loud,” he confirmed, trying to lean away from them both.
Rainbow Dash stared at Light Patch for a moment. “I don’t know what that means, but based on that reaction from them, that sounds like a good argument.” She turned back to Twilight. “I was thinking more about how after your crush thing with Flash, you’d technically count as a second-ha-”
“Don’t.” Princess Twilight leveled a glare at the rainbow-haired girl. “Don’t even go there. Don’t even suggest it.”
“In any case!” Purple Heart shouted. “Wits is going to the Targponyen Estate, I am going to chat with Just Duty, and Light is running around talking to anyone who deserves talking to. Anything else? Who wants to go with whom?”
“I want to talk to the girl in the castle!” Rarity demanded.
“...It's not a castle.”
“It matters not!”
“...Fine. Rarity is going with Wits. Anyone else?”
	“If I’m getting the catch all, then I demand Pinkie and her limitless fountain of energy. And we have a debate to finish,” Light Patch chimed in. “Also, I’m assuming that Holdfast is on my list of others worth talking to so I guess that mea-”
“I’m going with you,” Rainbow Dash interrupted.
“You do realize that there probably won’t be a whole lot of drama or shouting right?” Light Patch replied, looking at the athlete skeptically.
“Yeah, but you're also going to Crystal Prep and I’m curious about how some of their sports teams are doing right now. With everything that’s been going on, I’m a little out of my normal newsloop,” she replied.
“I’ve only been in town a while, but I know a few people who might be a good measure of just how far the whole memory thing has spread,” Sunset offered.
Science Twilight, who had been writing something on a napkin, spoke up. “Actually, I think you and Fluttershy should stay behind.”
“What?” Sunset turned back towards her. “Do you think we’ll get in the way?”
“Actually, it’s a matter of logistics.” Science Twilight held up the napkin, which had 10 sets of schedules written over it. “With the exception of my princess counterpart, we all still have school tomorrow. Between you and Fluttershy, you cover most of the classes the rest of us would be missing by investigating.”
“Oh…” Sunset thought for a moment. “Wait, you have all of our class schedules memorized?”
“Don’t be silly.” Twilight held up her phone. “I have them on my calendar.”
“Even the boys?”
“I have a great deal of information available at my fingertips.”
“That bit of terrifying ‘Big Sister’-ness aside,” Applejack cut in, “Ah guess that means you and me’ll be goin’ with Purple Heart?”
Twilight nodded. “The three of us haven’t interacted with Just Duty yet, so it won’t seem too suspicious if we ask him for help with the assignment Pinkie told him about.”
“Ah suppose…”
“By the way if he asks, Containment Failure has switched majors to art,” Science Twilight quickly threw out.
“Do I want to know what his major originally was?” Rarity cautiously asked for the rest of the group.
“No,” Science Twilight and Light Patch answered at the same time.
“Right,” the fashionista lamely finished.
“So we’re all set then, yeh? Nothing else that needs discussing?” Purple Heart inquired.
“Has everyone done their homework?” Fluttershy asked softly. The entire group froze.
“Oops,” Applejack hummed.
“Darnit,” Sunset cursed.
“Whoopsie! We’re in trouble!” chirped Pinkie.
“Curses!” Rarity cried.
“My experiments!” Sci Twi groaned.
“And I have practice today!” Rainbow whined.
“Fudge bollocks!” Purple Heart moaned.
“Oh carp I knew I was forgetting to finish something,” Light Patch said, dropping his head into his hands
“Wait, that’s a thing?” Wits asked with a blank stare.
“Aw dammit,” Twilight swore. All eyes focused on the royal Twilight. She blinked confusedly around the table. “What?”
“I think you’ve been hanging around us too much,” Purple Heart mused.
“Hey, I’m not that bad,” Light Patch muttered. “If anything, it sounds more like something you’d have said.” He poked Purple Heart in the chest.
Wits made a tsking noise. “I don’t sound like that, damnit.”
> Chapter 18: Ready, Set, SPLIT!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You know,” Rarity said, looking up at the stone towers and walls that loomed over them, “when Pinkie said ‘castle’, I almost expected it to be proportioned for the other buildings nearby.”
“When Pinkie says something, she means it,” Princess Twilight muttered. The keep of an old medieval castle stood in front of them, right between two suburban 2-story houses and sitting along the sidewalk. Behind them were reasonably priced cars likely used to ferry children to and from sports meets. “You ever seen anything like this, Wits?”
“I watched a cartoon once where a millionaire put a castle on top of his house,” Wits replied, “but he owned a skyscraper in a major metropolitan area, not a suburb.” He looked back down at the two girls. “And gargoyles. Well, he didn’t own the gargoyles. They came with the castle.”
“A bit like an apartment coming with a refrigerator and stove?” Twilight asked.
“Kinda, but with more Star Trek alumni. And Johnny Bravo.”
“What are you on about?” Rarity asked.
“Don’t worry about it.” Wits End hopped up to the heavy wooden door and wrapped his fingers around a rope hanging next to it. “One, two, three, hwah!” With that, he gave the rope a tug. Through the door, they could hear a crude bell clattering in response.
Rarity wrinkled her nose. “11th century doorbells have something to be desired.”
“I know, right?” Wits replied. “You can’t even program them to take pictures of whoever rung them. What’s our cover story again?”
“Amber Glitter was about our age in the game,” Twilight explained, “so she’ll probably be our age here too. We’re representatives from the student council checking on the homelife of one of our fellow students.”
“She goes to Equestria High? That seems awful coincidental.”
“We don’t know for sure, but it’s either that or Crystal Prep.” Twilight stepped up to join Wits by the door. “Just try to keep vague until we know which school she’s at.”
Wits nodded. “I’ll give it my…” He shrugged noncommittally.
Rarity stepped behind them, looking over the two teens. “Are you sure you two will be able to work together on this? Light Patch mentioned something about Roads Crossed?”
“We’ll be fine,” Twilight said.
“We’ve grown a lot as people since then,” Wits agreed.
“Your breath stinks, by the way.”
“My breath smells fantastic, screw you.”
“Oh good grief,” Rarity muttered.
The door creaked open inwards, cutting off any further bickering. A young blue-green girl stood on the other side, dressed in the well-made, if simple, clothes of a housekeeper. She looked the three teens over for a moment. “Yes? How may I help you?”
Twilight stepped forward to just before the threshold with a smile. “Hi, we’re from the school council,” she explained, holding up a yellow legal pad with a series of scribbles across the first page.”We’re doing our annual check-up on the homelife of our fellow students, and we were hoping we could talk to you about how Amber Glitter is doing.”
“Miss Glitter?” The girl seemed confused, but moreso worried about talking to strangers. “Um, well...”
“Won’t take more than a few minutes,” Wits said, putting on his most dashing smile. “If you don’t mind me saying, I love how you’ve done your hair. Loose plaits are quite underrated compared to tight braids, in my opinion. Might I ask your name?”
The girl blushed, one hand unconsciously moving up to touch the loose braid of hair that draped over her shoulder. “Oh, um, thank you. I mean, my name is Opal.” She looked over the three teens, then down at her feet. “Um, please come in.”
Twilight glanced at Wits as Opal led them into the entry hall, with the boy waggling his eyebrows in return. “I must say,” Rarity whispered, “I never thought you for the casanova type.”
“Kasanoda?” Wits whispered back.
“Casanova. A flirt.”
“Oh, that. I had a punchcard for that sort of thing back in Discord’s game. Really, I just thought about what you’d say if she walked into your boutique.”
Rarity looked Opal over for a moment as the entered a sitting room. “A remarkably accurate impersonation,” she muttered.
“Please make yourselves comfortable,” Opal said, motioning towards an assortment of plush couches and armchairs, “and I’ll be right back with some afternoon tea.”
“Oh, that won’t really be necessary,” Twilight replied as they sat down. “We just wanted to ask a few questions about Amber’s life at home, and how that ties into her schooling.”
“Of course, miss.” Opal bowed her head slightly. “I thought it would be best for your check-up if you get your answers from Miss Glitter herself.” She flashed a helpful smile at the three teens, lingering slightly on Wits End, as she left the room.
Rarity leaned towards the other two. “What do you think she means by ‘getting our answers from Glitter herself?” she asked.
“Dunno,” Wits said, leaning back in the armchair. “Maybe she’s playing hooky?”
Twilight was about to respond when a chime came from her phone. She fished it out and flipped it open. “It’s from Sunset,” she said, scanning the message. “Oh… horsefeathers and haybales.”
“That doesn’t sound good.” Wits sat up a little straighter. “What happened?”
“She was asking around school about the castle.” A bead of sweat formed on Twilight’s brow. “The Tarponyen’s have been hiring tutors from all over this version of Equestria for years. There’s no student council; Amber Glitter is homeschooled!”
The three of them stared at each other for a moment, with only the constant ticking of a grandfather clock breaking the silence. “So now what do we do?” Rarity asked. “Abandon the plan? Use Wits End to break a window and run for it?”
“I don’t want to use my head, thank you very much,” Wits replied. “We already told Opal we’re from the student council, so let’s run with that.” He stopped as the three teens heard footsteps coming their way. “Just follow my lead,” he whispered.
Opal entered the room, stepping to one side of the doorway and bowing. “Thank you for waiting. Allow me to introduce Miss Amber Glitter.” She gestured towards the golden teenaged girl who followed her through; a redhead whose eyes were firmly set on her slippers. “Miss,” Opal continued, “if you’ll take a seat, I’ll be right back with something to drink.” She shot a look at the three teens before ducking out of the room; the universal ‘play nice or I’ll destroy you’ glare shared by all those in the role of a maternal guardian.
Amber shuffled over, taking the seat closest to the door. “Opal said you three were from a school,” she mumbled, occasionally glancing up from her lap to almost look one of them in the eyes. “Which school is it?”
“Canterlot High,” Wits replied with a smile. “As members of the student council, we like to check in with anyone who's not enrolled to see how we can help.”
“I don’t want to enroll at Canterlot,” Amber shot back. She folded one leg under her, her fingers idly twisting the ends of her red hair. “I’m fine with the tutors my parents have selected.”
“You don’t have to enroll.” Wits sat back slightly, visibly relaxing his posture. “Think of this as an outreach program, or a helping hand. Sometimes you just want help from someone other than a tutor, you know?” He shot a look at Twilight and jerked his head towards the golden girl.
Twilight nodded and turned to Amber. “We understand there’s a lot of pressure to live up to whatever your mentor’s set before you,” she said. “It’s even harder when you’re being taught by someone you look up to. And you don’t want to worry your parents in case the tutor tells them where you’re having trouble.”
“That, my dear,” Rarity jumped in, “is why the Canterlot High student council started the Mon Petit Tuteur program. It’s a sort of personalized study group for tutored students ‘on the sly’, as it were.” She gave Amber a knowing wink, which elicited a small smile. “All you’d have to tell your parents is that you’re going out with friends when you need help.”
Amber looked up at the three teens, finally making eye contact. “And what do you three get out of it?”
“School pride,” Wits said automatically. “Well, and school credit. But to be honest, the best part is knowing that we’re helping some people like us out of their shell, you know? When I was,” the mint-colored teen had to stop himself from saying ‘a kid’, “well, when I was younger, I certainly there had been something like this to help me out.”
“How does it work, though?” Amber asked. “Would I have to sign up, or…”
“Nothing that complicated,” Twilight said. “If you’re interested, we just give you our phone numbers and you can text if you want some help. Easy as pie.”
Amber thought for a few moments. “Well, I suppose it couldn’t hurt,” she said, fishing her phone out of a pocket.
After a quick round of exchanging phone numbers, Opal returned with four cups of tea and a smile as she saw Amber deep in conversation with Rarity over early Renaissance fashion, while Twilight sat off to the side pretending to know what was going on. Wits gave the maid a smile and a nod as she set a cup on the end table next to him. “I was worried at first,” she admitted, “but now I’m glad I let you three in.”
“So am I,” Wits said, keeping his voice down so as not to interrupt the talk of lace and furs happening nearby. “I have to ask, what does the Targponyen family do to afford a castle in the middle of the suburbs? Is Amber’s father like a politician or something?”
“Oh, no. Mister Bastion is king, though,” Opal replied.
Wits gave a cough, caught in mid sip of tea. “K-king?”
Opal chuckled. “That’s what most people around here call him, at least. Yes, he’s a senator up in the capital. Very busy recently, as you can imagine.” 
“I don’t even want to know,” Wits thought. 
“Mister Bastion is Miss Glitter’s uncle,” Opal explained. “He’s taking care of her while her father, Mister Glorious, is on his tour of service. Without her mother…” the maid’s expression turned grim for a moment. “It’s been difficult for her recently.”
“So it’s just you and Amber in this castle?”
“Mister Bastion has other staff on hand, and there’s the tutors, but not many people her age.” Opal looked up to see Amber and Rarity stifling chuckles, likely at Twilight’s attempt to join the conversation. “It’s been quite a while since I’ve seen her so happy.”
“Twilight and Rarity have a lot of experience with befriending people who need friends.” Wits sipped his tea. “So, no-one else, huh? Nothing like a step-mother or a second uncle or…”
“I’m not sure what you’re getting at,” Opal interrupted, her voice hardening, “but I wouldn’t mention Mister Bastion’s brother if I were you.”
“Boomer’s still a right git, then,” Wits End thought. “I’ll leave it at that, then. The tea is delicious, by the way.”
A light blush spread over Opal’s cheeks. “I’ll fetch some snacks to go with it,” she said quickly, turned back to the door.
“One last quick question,” Wits said. “This castle. How did they build it so quickly?”
Opal blinked in confusion. “The castle’s always been here, sir. They built the suburb around it.”
Wits frowned. “Really? When was it built?”
Opal opened her mouth to answer, but stopped. Her eyebrows knitted as she thought. “I’m afraid I don’t know that. I really must get those snacks.” With that, she hurried away.
Wits End watched her disappear around the doorway, then turned back to the three girls, where Amber and Rarity were explaining to Twilight the difference between Victorian and Lolita. “Curiouser and curiouser…”


* * *


Citizens going about their lives on the streets of Canterlot tried their best to ignore the slogging form of a young man in shorts and a t-shirt as he shuffled through the city. His two companions, both girls of high school age, bracketed him, trying their level best to not be embarrassed by his behaviour.
“Purple Heart, if you keep up with this, we won’t even need to get to the police station to see Officer Just Duty,” Applejack sighed. “He’ll be summoned to deal with you long before we get there.”
“You really think that the police department would send a police captain do deal with a misdemeanor such as this?” Science Twilight asked, gesturing at the purple teen between them.
“He’s disturbin’ the peace,” Applejack retorted. “Ah think a police captain would be fine.”
Twilight adjusted her glasses as she stared hard at the blonde haired girl. “You don’t believe in proportional response, do you? Besides, Just Duty may not be on duty.”
Applejack shrugged. “Worth a shot.”
“Let’s hope that the just police captain is indeed on duty,” Purple Heart said, straightening from his slogging posture. He grinned at the two girls. “See what I did there? With his name?”
The pair snorted as they stalked past him. “You ain’t Wits End,” Applejack replied. “Don’t try so hard.”
The purple teen harrumphed and shoved his hands in his pockets, striding after the pair with shoulders hunched to match the scowl on his face. “‘M funny,” he muttered petulantly.
“Of course you are, dearie,” an old woman soothed, patting his arm as she walked past. “Just keep telling yourself that.” She walked off, leaving Purple Heart balked in the middle of the sidewalk, gaping after her. Further ahead, Applejack and Twilight tried to contain their giggling.
“I do believe you just got burned by a senior citizen,” a voice chuckled. “Do you need an escort to the nearest burn trauma center?” The trio turned around to see their goal standing behind Applejack and Twilight. Just Duty grinned toothily at Purple Heart, waving with his donut as he took a sip of coffee.
“What a stroke of luck,” Purple Heart grimaced. “A wild Just Duty appears with donut and coffee in hand. Should we flee or flirt.”
“Okay, now yer definitely tryin’ to be Wits,” Applejack accused. “Are you having an identity crisis?” Purple Heart gasped dramatically and slapped his hands to the side of his face.
“Wits? Identity crisis?” he cried. “You don’t say? Well goodness gracious, whatever shall we do?” He ran past the pair and shouted into Just Duty’s face. “Sound the alarm! Call Scotland Yard!” He turned to the stunned girls, ignoring Just Duty’s twitching chin as the man looked at his dropped donut. “Applejack, of all the impossible childish fiddle-faddle, identity crisis, I ask you!” He huffed and folded his arms over his chest, looking away dramatically. Or petulantly…
“Quiet a talented boy,” Just Duty hummed, peering down at his dropped donut. “Talented enough perhaps to get me another pastry?”
The two girls rushed past Purple Heart and linked an arm with each of Just Duty’s. “Unfortunately, Purple Heart’s low on cash. He’s grounded,” Applejack said. “But we’d happily get you another pastry if you’d answer a few questions for us.”
“Indeed,” Twilight agreed. “Whatever pastry you want in exchange for answering a few questions of ours.”
Just Duty arched an eyebrow at the two teenage girls hanging off his arms and nearly spilling his coffee. “Is this bribery I smell?” he asked. The pair shook their heads vehemently in denial.
“We just want to thank you for all the work you do,” Twilight assured. She glared at where Purple Heart still stood, gazing into the distance. “And the questions aren’t personal in nature, nor are they about police business.”
Just Duty sighed. “While I’d prefer the offender of my pastry purchased a replacement, I won’t say no to a pair of earnest citizens.” As he led the girls away to his favorite pastry shop, he couldn’t help but grin at Purple Heart over his shoulder. “Care to join us? I’m sure there will be samples that even your wallet can’t say no to.”
Purple Heart broke his pose and sneered after the trio as they walked down the street. He made to follow them, only to stop when he saw a child standing near a corner looking confusedly around. Her brow was furrowed ever so slightly, as if she were trying to remember something. His gaze shifted briefly to Applejack, Science Twilight, and Just Duty’s retreating backs. Making up his mind, he walked over to the girl.
“You okay there?” he asked. The girl looked up at him, eyes widening when she saw the gargantuan purple skinned teen.
“Big,” she whispered.
Purple Heart chuckled and squatted down so that his eyes were level with hers. “Better?” She nodded shyly. “You okay?”
She frowned again. “I thought I saw a giant building over there,” she said, pointing across the street. Purple Heart’s gaze followed her finger. Across the street was a park filled with children just out of school for the day. He arched an eyebrow and glanced at the girl.
“Anything interesting about this giant building?” he inquired.
The girl nodded. “It was full of ponies. We were all looking at a pit in the center filled with sand.” She looked straight into Purple Heart’s eyes. “You were fighting a bunch of them. They had spears.”
Purple Heart blinked, brain kicking into overdrive. The Lancers fight… But how…
His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of a young woman, a haphazard ponytail flopped over her left shoulder.
“Maya, time to go home,” the woman said, taking the girl’s hand. Purple Heart was frozen in place, eyes looking at nothing as the pair left.
The girl waved. “Bye, Purple Barbarian,” she called.
...Aw noes… All noise disappeared as he recalled that battle in the Colosseum. He could hear the faintly words of the young woman scolding the girl ‘for calling the nice young man a barbarian’. He blinked rapidly, trying to fathom the girl’s words.
“How could she have memories of me when I was a pony?” he whispered, standing tall. He ignored the staring pedestrians in favor of stroking his stubbled chin with one hand and cradling his elbow with the other. Brows furrowed, he turned and started walking, deaf to the cries of irritation and outrage from fellow pedestrians as they circumnavigated his path.
“Could there have been some kind of magical backlash or something that made memories from the game world seep into the Canterlot High?” He stopped. “Well, that hurt to consider… I’m not that smart… How the hell would it even happen.” His walking resumed.
He managed to make it around the corner that Applejack and Science Twilight had taken Just Duty when he stopped, eyes wide, mouth forming an ‘O’, and tapped his fist against his palm. “The Targponyens! They must have come from the game and brought magic that started filtering memories from the game world into their equivalents!” he realized. A grin split his face only to disappear a second later. “But that doesn’t explain why or how...” He groaned, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I hate magic.”
His pondering shuffle was interrupted shortly afterwards with the return of Applejack, Sci Twi, and Just Duty, all toting pastries and hot beverages.
“You missed your chance for a hot danish, Purple Heart,” Sci Twi chortled, biting into her pastry. “Fresh from the oven.” She gave a moan of satisfaction and washed the bite down with a sip of her drink.
“The apple cider is amazing,” Applejack praised.
“I am partial to their croissants now,” Just Duty admitted. “Especially their chocolate ones.” The trio paused in their glowing reviews to look perplexedly at the silent youth before them.
“Purple Heart? Ya okay?” Applejack prodded. “You don’t seem real peeved that we left you behind.”
Purple Heart looked at them, gaze moving from one to the other. “Officer Duty,” he spoke grimly, “have there been any reports of people talking about things that make no sense? Asking about buildings where there are none or recognizing people or objects that they’ve never seen before?”
Applejack and Twilight shared a look and glanced at the police officer, waiting for his response with baited breath. The graying officer frowned and pursed his lips to take a ruminative sip of his coffee.
“As a matter of fact,” he mused, “there have been several reports of such behavior over the past few days.” He nodded, taking another sip of his drink. “A young man asked where he could find the blacksmith. A bartender asked for gold coins instead of bit bills. An old woman was rushed to the hospital after an explosion in her house. She was mixing together highly volatile chemicals with herbs and plants.”
“And there was a little girl who asked me where the Coliseum was,” Purple Heart said. He grimaced and the two girls shivered while Just Duty frowned.“It’s official. Something is going on somewhere. I have a really bad feeling about this...”


* * *


“Five minutes. Just five minutes. I need a break from being the kid who tried to hide from the tornado in the cotton candy factory,” Light Patch whined, dropping into a bench outside of Crystal Prep.
“Oh, quit whining,” Dash replied, “it’s not like-”
“You’ve dragged me across the city five times; mostly jogging the whole way to talk to fifty or so different people in order on the list Pinkie compiled in order, rather than clustering for efficiency of travel? Yeah, it’s good we didn’t do that,” the teenager wheezed as he laid down on the bench.
“Wow, that was some Grade B snark there,” Pinkie said as she leaned over the teenager, pulling a stethoscope out of her hair and putting it up to his chest.
“Everything sound good in there?” he growled between his deep breaths.
“I’dun know, not a doctor,” Pinkie replied, throwing it into her backpack. “I just wanted to make sure it was still working. I’ve been looking for it for a while and, like a lot of things I lose, they eventually show up again, just in my hair!” She finished with a shrug as she stuck her hand back into her hair. “Nope, still no music player,” she declared cheerily, missing the worried glances exchanged between Light Patch and Rainbow Dash.
“Welp, I’m ready,” he declared, pulling himself off the bench and slightly shakily to his feet.
“That was fast. it’s barely even been a minute,” Rainbow said, sliding up next to him to make sure he was steady, because there was no way she was gonna carry him let alone drag him.
“Because if I lay there for the next four minutes,” Light Patch replied, “all I’m gonna think about are the implications of what Pinkie just said. And at the end of that road is madness with a pretty pink bow.” Rainbow froze for a moment and then, eventually, shrugged.
“Right, well, Holdfast is the last on the list, and then we’re done for the day. So, anyone got an idea on how we want to approach him?”
“With a large stick and a tiger set on maul?” Light Patch suggested.
“How about with a party and cupcakes?” Pinkie suggested, rooting around in her hair again.
“Yeah, somehow I don’t think either of those ideas will work all that well,” Rainbow said. “How about we just go in ask him if he knows the Targponyens, if he remembers their welcome party, and what weird rumors he’s heard about the town?” 
“And when he asks us why the questions, and why him?”
“It’s easy. Pinkie was afraid her first welcoming party for them didn’t work, and she wants to try again. And as for the rumors, we’re doing reports on local myths and legends and how they form, and we wanted someone who felt like a more considered source who wouldn’t just accept these at face value.”
“That sounds... like a surprisingly well thought out plan,” Light Patch admitted after a few moments thought.
“I am a sports team captain. I’m allowed to do that. Also here’s our out too; I brought some math homework,” Rainbow said smugly.
“What about that makes it our out?”
“If we need to get out, I can bug him to help me with this,” she said, pulling it out to show.
“What if he does decide to help you out?”
“Then I get help with my math homework, so win win,” she said with a shrug putting her math homework back into her bag.
“Welp, here’s his office!” Pinkie cheered.
“Wait, wasn’t his office supposed to be on the third floor?” Rainbow asked, looking around the hallway.
“Yeah,” Light Patch quietly replied.
“When did we go up stairs?” Rainbow asked again before suddenly shaking her head. “No, never mind, it’s just Pinkie being Pinkie,” she said before knocking on the door, without giving either of her friends a chance to respond.
“Come in,” an older voice answered from inside of the office. The three quietly shuffled in and closed the door behind them. Light Patch was the last to enter, allowing Holdfast to miss the small shudder as he looked at a new form of one of the three bosses that gave them trouble.
“I feel it’s safe to assume that the three of you aren’t students from Crystal Prep, so you can’t be here to complain about too much homework. So, what brings the three of you to my office, then?” Holdfast asked, looking between the three of them.
“We’ve got a questions we’d like to ask you for a report,” Rainbow Dash replied.
“And I’ve got a Pinkie Party Questionnaire for you! With a coupon for a half-off cupcake!” Pinkie cheered.
“Ah hah,” the professor replied, taking the offered coupon. He glanced at it before setting it on his desk. “I can’t recall having been to any parties recently.”
“It was the welcome party for the Targponyens. It was a few months ago; I forgot to send out my usual questionnaires like normal, so I figure better late than never, right?” Pinkie declared, throwing her hands up and releasing two handfuls of confetti. The colored paper flitted about the room in silence as Holdfast and the others in the room silently observed Pinkie. After a minute or two, Pinkie opened on of her eyes and looked at the confetti now covering various surfaces of the office. “I’ll, uh, I’ll clean that up,” she said with a nervous smile.
“I should hope so,” Holdfast replied, looking as if he was just barely holding in a sigh. “Unfortunately, I doubt I’ll be of use with that... party questionnaire. I can guarantee I was never at that party at all. In fact, if it was in the time period I’m suspecting it was, I was most likely away from the city at a conference.” Holdfast pick up the coupon between his fingertips. “So you might as well take this back,” he finished, holding it out towards Pinkie.
“Nope, it’s fine! You go ahead and keep it,” she said trying to reach a piece of confetti just on the top of a bookshelf.
“If you must insist...” He set the coupon back on his desk and turned to look at Rainbow Dash and Light Patch. “I assume you two had a few questions of your own? Or are you here for party-based moral support?”
“Yeah, we’ve got a report to do on urban legends and how they start and all of that. We wanted someone with a more considered mind’s input on some of the strange local rumors we’ve been hearing about around the town,” Rainbow smoothly lied.
One eyebrow raised on Holdfast’s face. “And what are the rumors you’re focusing on?”
“Well for starters, there’s been rumors of coordinated massive spider colonies forming in the sewers,” Light Patch said, starting with Rainbow’s lead.
As he considered the rumor, Holdfast adjusted a pencil on his desk that had been knocked loose by Pinkie’s cleaning. “Likely spawned from a kernel of truth, as all rumors are. Someone encounters a large spider colony maybe—Orb-Weavers for example—and their arachnophobia and pattern recognition spun into overdrive.” The corner of his mouth twitched in a smirk. “If you’ll pardon the pun.”
“Yeah, that makes sense. I think I remember hearing about a shut down water treatment plant that had a massive spider colony move in,” Light Patch idly replied as he made a few scribbles in a notepad he had handy.
“There’s also been rumors of some pack of literal timber wolves in the park or something,” Rainbow suggested.
“I’ve heard this rumor myself.” Holdfast replied quickly. “I find it much to... punny to feel it’s anything more than a prank or an in-joke of some kind.” 
“There’s also been some suggestions that a castle appeared overnight in town. Speaking of which, have you ever meet the Targponyens?” Pinkie chimed in as she picked up the last piece of confetti.
Holdfast laughed at the last rumor. “Likely started from an inattentive homebody, or one who routinely takes long summer vacations. As for the Targponyens, I have meet them in the past, but I wouldn’t really say I know them. Passing hellos in the town at the most, I assume.”
“What about rodents of unusual size?” Light Patch asked, earning a dismissive scoff.
“An absolute fabrication,” Holdfast threw back. “Now, was there anything else you wanted to ask? Unlike my students, I have things need to get done before I leave for the day.”
“Yeah, I got a couple of questions about my math homework,” Rainbow replied, pulling the sheets out.
“You’d be better off asking a mathematician than an economist, but allow me to take an educated guess.” Holdfast made a point of not looking at Rainbow Dash’s papers. “You’ve got answers two, five and six wrong. Figuring out how is what your parent’s tax dollars and those twenty-pound book-shaped doorstops are for.” He made small shooing motions as he turned to stack of ungraded homework.
“Humph. Thanks, I guess,” Rainbow muttered as she led the group out, staring at the math homework. She looked back as Pinkie shut the door behind them. “Well, looks like we got done a little ahead of the others at least, even with you slowing us down,” she finished, looking at Light Patch.
“I guess that means we get to go to the library and work on finishing your math homework,” Light Patch said, looking at one of the sheets. “Looks like all of those math classes will finally pay off a little.”
“Oooh, I can do some research on parties in fifteen ninety-nine!” Pinkie cheered as she took off.


* * *


Princess Twilight looked at all of the teens currently back at the house the guys had set up in. Rarity currently sat, trying to not twitch as she eyed a bookshelf that had been missed in all of the recent cleaning, Fluttershy and Purple Heart appeared to be in some discussion about cats and poorly spelled food items, and Wits End appeared to currently be tearing into whatever show he had been watching with Sunset. She could hear the others around the first floor of the house, but her attention, along with that of everyone else in the house, was drawn by the sounds of the front door opening.
“I’m telling you, it’s not really that hard. Each level of math leads into the next. The first is speed, then acceleration, and finally distance,” Light Patch said, waving his hands.
“I really don’t care what integration does, I just need to know enough to get through the test!” Rainbow replied, following him in with Pinkie happily bouncing along behind her.
“We’re back! I have snacks, and we have intel!” Pinkie declared happily, holding aloft a box of various pastries.
Wits perked up, looking the pastry box over. “Which one is that? The snacks or the intel?”
“Why would you need to ask that?” Sunset asked.
“Because of all of the tropes that could happen right now, ‘character accidentally eats the MacGuffin’ is right up there for our group.”
Sunset frowned. “I mean…”
Purple Heart ambled over and peeked over Pinkie’s shoulder, eyeing the box in her hands. “Can has please?” he requested. “Applejack and Sci Twi were mean to me and didn’t share their pastries.”
“Only cuz you ruined Officer Duty’s coffee,” Applejack retorted from across the room.
The purple teen rolled his eyes. “May I point out that doing so allowed you and Sci Twi to interrogate the fine officer for a change.”
“And may I point out that we should get back to the task at hand now that Pinkie has returned?” Science Twilight butted in. “We’re all here, so let’s share our experiences. We’re burning daylight.”
“Can I have a pastry at least?”
Sci Twi rubbed the bridge of her nose and sighed. “...Fine.” While Purple Heart popped the lid and proceeded to wrestle with Pinkie Pie over the pastries, Science Twilight cleared her throat.
“I shall share first. Now, since we’re pressed for time, I won’t boot up the powerpoint presentation I prepared and shall instead settle for handing out portfolio’s of my team’s discovers,” the science inclined girl stated, passing out folders to the rest of the group. “From what Applejack and I could deduce from Just Duty’s answers, the populace of Canterlot have been suffering from memory based ailments ranging from amnesia and blackouts to straight up memories of a fantasy realm. From what Purple Heart later shared with Applejack and I, the fantasy realm in question is the game world you four-” she gestured to the three boys and Princess Twilight, “lately inhabited.” She sniffed, allowing a look of mild disdain to cross her face. “Since Purple Heart did not type up his findings, he shall have to share them verbally.”
“Our group can also offer a secondary confirmation to the memory issues,” Light Patch threw out.
Purple Heart swallowed the last bite of his pastry and stepped forward around Sci Twi, brushing his hands clean on his pants. “Mind you, this happened after Applejack and Science Twilight offered to buy Just Duty another coffee,” he prefaced. “So I was alone.”
“Lovely,” Sunset quipped.
Purple Heart ignored the interruption. “This little girl was standing on the sidewalk, looking at the park across the way and when I asked her if there was something wrong, she asked me where the Coliseum was.” He paused, looking for recognition around him. “She also mentioned ponies with spears. Only time I heard of ponies with spears was when I was fighting in the Coliseum. Then she bid me goodbye with the moniker I was given. The Purple Barbarian. The populace of Canterlot are either sharing memories or receiving memories from their counterparts in the game world for some inexplicable reason.” He looked at Wits and Light. “Either Discord is playing another joke or Bael retained some of Discord’s power.”
“Well, if Bael did retain power, he sure didn’t bring any of Holdfast’s,” Light Patch said, stepping up. “Holdfast was on the sneakier side, but he didn’t show any signs of recognizing me. At the very least, it looks like we aren’t dealing with the Holdfast from the game.” Everyone looked at Wits End at the small sigh he gave.
“Was he really that bad?” Princess Twilight asked with a concerned look.
“I didn’t really share the bad half of it, and I don’t think I even knew a quarter of it,” the mint-colored teen replied, sharing a lightning quick glance at Fluttershy.
“Well, we at least have that good news,” Light Patch said, jumping back into the conversation. “As mentioned, we can add a second source on the memory issues. We canvassed a bunch of the town, and some memory issues came up a few times. Also, it appears the closer you live or work to the castle, the more likely you are to remember the birthday party. Also, the rumors; the spiders and timber wolves and stuff.”
“The really weird thing was the results of the rumors,” Rainbow chimed in, causing Pinkie to bounce to the middle of the room.
“Yeah, all of the rumors Witty Fresh brought up for us to ask about! Other than minor variations, everyone’s details and accounting of the rumors were basically word for word!” Pinkie said. “Well, on all of the rumors related to your adventures in Discord’s game world. The generic ones I came up with usually got no knowledge or wildly different stories,” she finished.
Princess Twilight nodded. “That’s the sense I got from our survey of the castle as well. It was like a weird gestalt of this world and the game world. Amber Glitter seemed much more like a regular teenage girl than a princess.”
“I’ve got a theory on that, actually,” Wits jumped in. “From what Opal told me, it seems like what we’re dealing with is a good old CK-class restructuring scenario.” He paused for a moment, looking over the faces of the other teens. “Okay, not a lot of looks of recognition here, so short version.” He shook the papers out of one of the folders Science Twilight had handed him and clicked open a pen. “Let’s say each of these pages is a different universe. We’ve got the Equestria Girls universe we’re in now…” He drew a rough house on one page, then moved on to some of the others. “The Equestria that Horse-Light is from, Discord’s game world, aaaaaand the world the three of us are from.”
“Simple multiverse theory stuff,” SciTwi mused, gathering the remaining papers that had landed around Wits’ feet.
“Multiverse stuff is never simple,” Princess Twilight groaned.
“For Twilight’s Equestria and this world,” Wits continued, “it’s a relatively easy case of people and objects traveling between the two.” After looking around for a moment, he moved over to corkboard currently being used for various class schedules and pinned the four pages up. “This pin,” he said, holding up a purple pin before sticking it into the Equestria page, “is Twilight. You take Twilight out of one world, and move her to another.” With that, he pulled the pin and stuck it into the Equestria Girls page.
“Can I get a pass on this lecture?” Rainbow Dash asked, glaring at Light Patch. “I’ve already had one today, and I don’t feel like another one.”
“Save your questions until the end,” Wits replied, to the groan of the rainbow-haired jock. “The same case goes for the three of us; we got moved from our world,” he unstuck three pins and repinned them next to the Twilight pin, “and into this one.”
“An’ yer saying that ain’t what’s happenin’ here?” Applejack asked.
Wits shook his head. “Not exactly. What’s happening here is more like…” He tore a quarter of the house off of the game world page and stuck it over the Equestria Girls house, and secured it in place with tape provided by Pinkie. “A bit like that. Someone or something is taking pieces of the game world and writing them over this one. That’s why there’s bits that don’t make logical sense, like a castle in the suburbs.”
“So,” Science Twilight said slowly, “the data for Amber Glitter got copied over from the game world and got pasted over the data in this one. Things like her house got replaced, but her personality didn’t.”
“Exactly!” Wits paused for a moment. “Actually, using a computer analogy probably would’ve been a lot easier than paper. Darn you, visual aids.”
“Oh, the visual aids helped,” Pinkie said around her seventh pastry. “Python or ‘see sharp’ would’ve been really complicated.”
“In conclusion, the game world is being brought here along with all its individual quirks,” Sunset stated. “Great. Just great.”
“The big question is who or what is responsible,” Rarity said. “From what you three say, you seem to think it’s one of your ‘villains’. Or at least, one of them has a hand in this… copy pasting… Did I use that right?”
“You did,” Sci Twi mused. “Rather appropriately I might add.”
“Congratulations about our successful intel gathering aside,” Princess Twilight spoke loudly, “what happens now?”
Wits End straighten up. “Now we…” He trailed off, his posture deflating. “I have no idea. We’ve already had plenty of run-ins with Just Duty and Holdfast, and neither of them seem to have anything to do with this. Bael might have the power, but I don’t see why someone that wanted to escape his place in the game would want to recreate that same world. I am, officially, stumped.”
“I guess we wait and see. Maybe play around with the puzzle pieces we do have and see if we can fit more of them together, maybe?” Light Patch offered.
“Sounds plan-like,” Purple Heart said. “I need more food though...”
> Chapter 19: Cave of the Rising Sun?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Heart Burn smiled and thanked the nice young lady as he took the proffered ice cream cone. He took a lick of his treat as he stepped out of the ice cream parlor and set off down the sidewalk. As he ambled along, he smiled to himself. This world was certainly entertaining to live in. Sure, his selection of options had been rather small, but he was satisfied with his choice. The teen chuckled out loud. Messing with the purple barbarian and his compatriots had been most entertaining. It certainly made up for his current form.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his reflection in a store window. His biggest irritation was his height. Whereas he’d originally been around six feet tall, he was now only four feet six inches. Instead of towering over everything, he had to crane his neck to look at nearly everything around him. His muscles were gone too. High school freshmen seldom had muscles and with his stature, he wasn’t getting his back anytime soon. Something else that irritated him was his change in coloring. He liked being gray with that splash of green on his chest. It was impressive and mysterious. Now, he was just a little purple shrimp. On the bright side, he was a little purple shrimp that still had his power.
Heart Burn sighed, ending his reminiscing. He shook his head and resumed eating his ice cream. This was a new world and he had a new life. He really should let Bael go.
“You’ve been having flashes while you were asleep and during the day?”
“Yeah. I’m seeing things I’ve never seen before. Things that would fit better at a ren faire.”
Heart Burn blinked. Flashes? Ren Faire? He cast his eyes around the street, searching for the conversation he’d accidentally eavesdropped on. His gaze drifted briefly, only to lock onto a pair of teens loitering in an alleyway. They both wore matching uniforms that identified them as diner employees. Most likely on their break.
“A ren faire? How?” one asked.
The other teen shrugged. “I keep seeing wagons driving on a cobblestone street. Not exactly what you’d see in modern times.”
“Are you sure you weren’t at a ren faire?”
“Pretty darn. ‘Specially since the street I saw was right outside the diner. And the diner wasn’t even a diner. It was some pub filled with...” The teen stopped speaking.
“With what?”
“You’re gonna laugh.”
“Try me.”
“...Okay...” The teen swallowed and took a breath. “I saw ponies eating in there.”
Heart Burn jumped at the bark of laughter from the other teen. A smack echoed up the alley, followed promptly by a snickered apology.
“And that’s not all. I saw the diner tavern thing at night.”
“So?”
“So, I saw something walking outside.”
Another chuckle? “More ponies?”
“Naw. I saw this tall thing walking on two legs.”
“So?”
“SO?! It’s legs were backwards!”
Heart Burn didn’t stay around to listen to the other teen’s laughter. His previous good mood was gone, soured to a point that not even his ice cream could bring him back from. Pedestrians and their cries of irritation were ignored was Heart Burn strode down the street, eyes looking at nothing as he went on autopilot, his brain kicking into gear. Citizens were seeing the world he’d come from, the world where Bael was from. Why couldn’t he live in peace? He’d done is task, performed as expected, and when payment came due, he’d settled his purpose. And now, the game was pursuing him.
Heart Burn stopped on a corner, eyes acknowledging the red hand briefly before he fell back into his thoughts. No, it couldn’t be that. The game was just that, a game. It couldn’t follow him. He’d seen this world’s multiple versions of that insufferable chaos god and hadn’t been recognized. With a groan, he rubbed at his eyes, trying to think past the paranoia that struck him so suddenly.
“Are you okay, son?”
Heart Burn brought his gaze away from the pavement and looked next to him. There was a pair of legs clothed in police issue pants. The teen slowly craned his head up, taking in more of the adult. A frown tried to break out across his face but he stopped it, looking at the officer with a blank face. He recognized the officer. Of course he recognized the officer. He’d memorized the tell-tale features of his two compatriots back in the game world. Heart Burn met Just Duty’s gaze silently.
“Son?” Just Duty prompted.
Heart Burn shivered and smiled thinly.
“Hello, officer,” he greeted. “What can I do for you?”
“You looked kind of out of it. The kind of thousand yard stare I see people get after something big happens. Entire world views shaken and all that,” Just Duty replied before pointing at the ice cream Heart Burn held. “Also, the top scoop of your ice cream fell off the cone a few feet back and you didn’t react in the slightest.”
Heart Burn’s ponytail swung as he looked over his shoulder. Indeed, a scoop of ice cream lay melting on the sidewalk pavement. He looked back up at Just Duty, shrugging. “I have more important things to think about than dropped ice cream.”
“The last time I heard a kid say that, he’d just went into foster care,” Just Duty said, trying to suppress the memory to focus on the here and now. “Is there anything you need to talk to me about? Maybe I can help and if nothing else, from personal experience, I can assure you just telling someone can be a lot of help.”
Heart Burn took a breath, eyeing the officer skeptically. Perhaps he could use this chance to fish for details, possibly deduce whether or not this was just a copy of the Just Duty he’d known except native to this world or if it actually was the justice driven pony he’d known.
“Actually, there is something,” Heart Burn hummed, flexing a speck of his power. His normally blue eyes flashed green. “Have you heard anything about people complaining about things they’ve never seen before? Like buildings that don’t exist now or people they think they know?” Just Duty suddenly let a sigh burst from his lips.
“You’re the second person to ask me about those today,” he replied quietly “Bartenders asking for gold coins. One person asked which way the Colosseum was, so I’ve heard, and it seems like every other week now I get someone barging in raving about the castle that wasn’t there yesterday.” He gestured with his coffee towards the castle just visible over the buildings down the road. “I take it you had or saw one of those happen then?”
“Nah,” Heart Burn answered, shaking his head. “Just heard some people talking about seeing a tall gray figure with backwards legs.” He frowned up at Just Duty. “Doesn’t that sound strange? I mean, a tall bipedal person with backwards legs. Crazy. They must think they’re seeing something out of a fantasy novel or video game.”
“Or religious. Sounds almost demonic. I’ll give you credit though kid,” the officer said, looking down at Heart Burn, “that was a new one I haven’t heard before.”
Heart Burn looked away, frowning. So this was the local version. Whether that was good or bad, he had no idea yet. He returned his gaze to Just Duty and smiled. “Well, I should probably be getting back home. It was nice talking to you, officer.”
“Yeah you too, short stuff. Keep a better watch on your ice cream in the future or I’ll have to write you up for delicious littering and inciting the birds to riot,” Just Duty replied with a smile and a small wave with his notebook before he turned away.
Heart Burn scowled, eyes flicking to the crossing light. It turned in his favor and he crossed. It stood to reason that there’d be local versions of his compatriots here, seeing as he lived under the same roof as Purple Heart’s doppelganger. Heart Burn had even met the local versions of those six ponies that Purple Heart and his two friends had run about with. He turned a corner and looked up from his musings. Bracketing the street was a selection of townhouses. A frown creased the teen’s brow. Must’ve taken a wrong turn. He made to turn back the way he’d came only to stop upon seeing a tall man unfolding himself from his car.
Heart Burn cocked his head, scrutinizing the older male. He was of middle age with skin just a shade off of the white his hair was. Said hair was slicked back, curling at the endings. A pair of rectangle spectacles rested on the bridge of the man’s nose. The man adjusted his suit and pulled a thin case from the passenger seat before locking the car. The man turned to from his car and for the briefest of moments, as the man’s head turned, their eyes met.
Holdfast. How fortuitous.
The teen cleared his throat and approached Holdfast as the man fiddled with the keys at his door.
“Excuse me, sir,” Heart Burn addressed, “but are you a professor at Crystal Prep?”
Holdfast paused before looking down at the teen. “Either that,” he drawled, “or there are some students who are getting a very unorthodox education. Are you another student from another school looking for some random information?”
Blinking rapidly, Heart Burn shuffled his feet and rubbed at the back of his head. ‘Well, he’s haughty like Holdfast was…’
“Ehm… yes? I was wondering if you could help me with applying to Crystal Prep. I’ve heard that the school boasts a reputation built off of successful graduates doing successful things in the community. I was hoping you’d be able to write a letter of recommendation for my application.”
“Hmm.” Holdfast looked the teen over, then turned back to the door. “Schools don’t make successful graduates; studying does. Given your age, I’d recommend you spend more time on, say, math and English studies rather than accosting teachers at their homes.” A smirk flashed across his face for a moment. “And choose who you accost more carefully. I have no say in who gets accepted into Crystal Preparatory. Unless there’s something else burning a hole through your pubescent mind, I’d like to enter my house now.”
Heart Burn shrugged. “Nope, no more questions,” he replied, stepping back to the sidewalk. “Have a good day, s-” He paused, eyes widening as he looked down the street. There was a haze not unlike one induced by heat moving down the street. It shimmered and Heart Burn could see a brief glimpse of an ornate carriage pulled by two colored ponies. The passengers could be seen through the door’s window. One was a gold unicorn and the other a purple earth pony. Heart Burn shook his head and blinked at the apparition several times in disbelief. He swung around, truly confused and just a little bit scared.
“Ehm… did you happen to see that?” he asked Holdfast. The man was looking at the street.
“I did…” Holdfast tracked the carriage as is rounded a corner. “There must be some sort of event going on. An ad campaign or some such thing.” He looked back at Heart Burn for a moment. “Or perhaps a convention for young adults with a passion for cartoon horses. An odd sight, but nothing to worry about.”
“Hum...” Heart Burn’s eyes flashed green again when he looked at Holdfast. “Thank you for your time, sir.” He turned away and set off up the sidewalk, leaving Holdfast on his porch.
As he turned a corner, Bael muttered to himself, “So I am alone here...”


* * *


The door of Holdfast’s modest home swung closed behind him as he hung up his coat. “’Take a job at Crystal Prep’, they said,” he thought with a sigh. “‘It’s a good move to advance your career, and it keeps you away from Canterlot High,’ they said.” As he passed his desk, he dropped his briefcase off and loosened his tie. “Tell that to the three troublemakers who paid me a visit today,” he muttered to himself. “As if I can’t tell a Canterlot student when they walk into my office…”
One short stop at the refrigerator for an iced tea, and Holdfast set down at the desk and opened the case, retrieving several folders full of students’ research papers. He popped the cap off of one of his prefered pens and started working through the first folder, docking points and making notes as he went. “These children might be smart,” he thought, “but it would be nice to read one of these that doesn’t read like a machine wrote it. I’ll have to speak with the other teachers about encouraging creativity in the student body.”
He stopped at a particular paper, his eyes picking up on the trademark writing style of one of the few students with some character to him. Young mister Witstang’s writing might get off on tangents, and he seemed to have an tendency to use twice as many academic references as necessary, but his conclusions were sound. “If he ever learned any social skills,” he thought, “he’d show some promise.”
Holdfast frowned. Now that he was thinking about it, there was a boy who had reminded him of Witstang a few days ago. Physically, they had seemed similar, but their personalities couldn’t be any more different. He shrugged, chalking it up to one of the many strange coincidences that seemed to plague this city.
“Like those Canterlot High students coming to you, asking questions about things that obviously don’t exist or never happened?” he asked himself. After a moment of thought, he got up and retrieved the questionnaire the pink girl had given him from his coat pocket, sitting back at his desk as he looked it over. “How many parties must this girl throw to warrant this?” he mused, turning the paper over in his hand. “Seems like a lot of work for a child.”
The snow-white teacher paused. “Speaking of children,” he said, now talking aloud to the empty room. “Who asks a professor for a letter of recommendation to transfer high schools?” Between the child’s bizzare request, the strange carriage, and the reaction the former had to the latter, left Holdfast with only one reaction. “That child must be all kinds of trouble for his parents.”
“Oh, you have noooooooo idea.”
Holdfast whirled about to face the new voice, half rising from his chair. “Who-” He stopped, eyes widening as he took in the sight before him.
“Wait, wait, don’t get up!” A pair of mismatched limbs—one a lion’s paw, the other a bird’s talon—pushed him back into his chair; the creature they were attached to was a bizarre mismatch of animal parts, with a grin on the face currently inches from the teacher’s face. “Oh no, no!” it chuckled. “Do not blink for yourself! Let me help you!” The ‘hands’ came up to Holdfast’s face, pressing against his upper and lower eyelids and gently forcing them closed. “Blink.”
In spite of the absurdness of current situation, Holdfast felt a spark of irritation towards the strange creature. “Get off of me!” he snapped, slapping the hands away from him. “What are you, and what do you want from me?”
“Oh, I’m so glad you asked!” The creature seemed to slide back, giving Holdfast a chance to take in the chimera of a being before him. “I am the commander of chaos, the master of mischief, the harbinger of havoc…” It leaned in, offering a paw. “The name’s Discord. I’m your new boss.”
Holdfast stared at Discord for several seconds, his mind processing what he’d just heard. He put one finger against the artery in his neck, looking down at his watch and counting seconds. Discord blinked, his grin falling. “What are you doing?”
“One of those children must have slipped me a hallucinogenic,” Holdfast explained, not taking his eyes off his watch. “Possibly airborne and hidden in the pink one’s confetti. I’m checking to make sure I’m not in any immediate physical danger before I lay down and wait for this to wear off.” He took his finger off his neck and sighed in relief as he looked in a hallway mirror. “Heart rate seems fine, and eyes aren’t dilated. Possibly some sort of natural drug. Salvia? Psilocybin?”
Discord groaned loudly, bending over backwards. “Dear sweet Celestia’s cake-padded rump, you are a dull one, aren’t you? If I had known you were so boring, I never would have chosen you as a villain in the first place.”
“You’re giving me a headache, so this might be some form of peyote…”
“Oh for the love of-” Discord took a hold of Holdfast’s collar, lifting him off the ground and giving him a shake, which elicited a sound similar to that of a baby’s rattle. “I’m real. This is real. Now shut your pie-hole and listen to me. We’ve gotta get you back to the future, Holdy!”
“What are you even talking about?”
Discord sighed dramatically, pinching the bridge of his snout with two talons. “This is why I made those other three the heroes. They caught on so much faster than this.” He shook his head, then went back to holding Holdfast up. “Let me explain. No, that will take too long. Let me sum up. In an alternate dimension, you were a villain I created as entertainment in a role-playing game. One of your fellow villains SOMEHOW escaped into this world, and now I need you to go retrieve him for me before anyone realizes he’s here. Got it?”
Holdfast stared at Discord for several seconds. “So you created a childrens’ board game-”
“It’s not a children’s board game! It’s a highly advanced strategic combat simulation!”
“Sure it is. Essentially, you messed up, something got loose, and you want me to recover it. Is that accurate?”
“Surprisingly so. So you’ll do it?”
“Absolutely not.” Holdfast adjusted his glasses in an attempt to look dignified in spite of his current position. “Even if you were real, and not simply a hallucination, I have no interest in getting involved with extra-dimensional activities. I recommend you find someone else to do your dirty work. Perhaps some shut-in with no social skills.”
Discord glared at the teacher in his grasp, then rolled his eyes. “Fine. Okay. I see we’re gonna have to do this the hard way.” He reached behind his back, producing a small glowing ball. “Sorry, Holdfast, old boy,” he said, sliding the ball into Holdfast’s forehead, “but I’m going to have to replace you with someone a little more suited for this job.”
Holdfast’s body tensed, his eyes moving rapidly behind eyelids squeezed shut. After a moment, his body relaxed, and his eyes opened. “It took you long enough,” Holdfast sneered.
Discord tisked. “Please, have some respect for your alternate universe counterpart.”
“The fact that he couldn’t recognize you were a threat means he’s no equal to me.” Holdfast tapped Discord on the paw. “You can let me down now, like you have continued to do.”
“Ow, my quick. I have been cut to it.” Discord dropped the snow-haired teacher unceremoniously. “You know what your job is?”
“Yes, yes, I have ears. Even when reduced to an orb of magical plasma, I’m still tortured by your grating voice.” Holdfast stood, somewhat shakily on two legs. “So, this is a… what did you call them? ‘Humans’?”
“Human. Singular.” Discord dusted off his paw where Holdfast had touched it, rubbing it with a disinfecting wipe. “Try not to draw too much attention to yourself. Send a letter to Crystal Prep saying you’re taking some time off or something.”
Holdfast waved a hand dismissively. “Yes, I’ll keep suspicions off of me. You will have to excuse me if I take some time to enjoy being fully corporeal again. Though...” He looked at his hand, seeing the scar that ran from his palm up to disappear beneath his sleeve cuff with a look of disgust on his face. “Hmm. Another reminder of my failure. Lovely.”
Discord narrowed his eyebrows at Holdfast. “Don’t get any funny ideas, okay? No plans for world domination here, or else.”
“Believe me, your ‘reprogramming’,” Holdfast made air quotes with his whole hands, “was unfortunately quite effective. I shall endeavor to play nice.” He paused for a moment. “So long as the Wits Ends of this world do the same.”
“Great, good to know you’re on board.” Discord sighed and shook his head. “Listen, I have to get going. Find Bael, and contact me once you do. I’ll swoop in and take care of it, and then we all get out of here. Get it?”
“Got it.”
“Good. Ciao!” Discord snapped his talons, vanishing into a pink cloud.
Holdfast, now alone in the home of his alternate self, looked around and took a few careful steps. “Two legs,” he muttered. “What am I, a monkey?” He reached one hand out to brace himself against a wall. After a second of realization, he looked at his free hand. Slowly, he spread his fingers apart, bending each one individually. “Dear sweet Sol Eater…”


* * *


For being in the process of handing over control to my successor, I’m doing an annoying large amount of paperwork, Just Duty thought as he signed his name for the twentieth time.
‘That is because you can’t simply pass the paperwork off to someone else or somewhen else,’ the inner detective voice as he’d begun calling it-replied, prompting a sigh as he continued to fill out the needed sections of the paperwork. He glanced occasionally towards some of the pieces of paper he had related to his investigations of the weirdness of Light Patch.
The more I look into that, the more it feels like there’s actually two of them running around. Mine and someone else's,
	‘What if there was two?’
	Then the world is at the mercy of whatever greater powers be, he thought with a small smirk as he reached out to his long cold cup of coffee, bringing about a reminder of the strange encounters of the day. The first was his interesting encounter with some of the new friends of Light Patch. The encounter itself wasn’t all that strange, the loss of his beverage was annoying, but given some of the other issues he’s had to deal with, certainly more preferable. The fresh instance of the strange memory issues perturbed him, as well as the very strange way the purple half giant had acted after having been asked. He was sure he wasn’t getting the full story but didn’t think to ask anything further.
The strange memories are worrying. He pulled over some of the written statements from a couple of the reported incidents. One minute they are going about their usual business, but then like walking through a portal, they act like someone else in a different world... As if they were being replaced with someone else who looks exactly the same.
	‘I- We’ve been lucky only a few have gotten injured at all,’ the smaller voice in his head commented.
The worst part is I know most of these incidents are going unreported, making it much harder to tell when it all started,
‘Perhaps with this duplicate Light Patch-’ Just Duty immediately dismissed that idea with a shake of his head.
Nah. The first reports of the memory incidents start a few days before he started acting weird. Although… His thoughts trailed off as he stared at the file and mulled over the evidence making it seem as if there were two. The dual Light Patchs could be a longer running symptom of the memory issue, he thought, earning a surprising silence from the voice. I should try to get more details from that purple giant, or even his little brother, his thought finished, bringing up his second strange encounter of the day.
Ah, that reminds me. He pulled out a piece of paper and added the story about the strange figure to the list of other rumors. Grey, bipedal and reversed legs likely like a chicken legged mech. Sounds almost demonic, he idly thought as he wrote down what he knew.
‘Bael,’ the voice said, venom hinting it’s voice as an image of the alleged creature hazily came to Just Duty’s mind. ‘But this world holds no equivalent, and I have not yet introduced one,’ it continued, the pitch and tone of its voice gradually changing.
What? Who’s Bael? I swear I haven’t heard that name before, Just Duty thought, addressing the voice, worrying about the strange tangent it was on.
‘It’s possible memories from the lost world could have bled through, but I’m sure Bael kept itself hidden only revealing itself to the heroes and the other two of it’s little pack,’ the voice continued, ignoring Just Duty’s increasing panic. ‘The only way the short one could have known about Bael is if… it was Bael.’
	‘Why did we not connect the dots before?’ a second voice said, sounding the same as the first at the beginning, but sounding unique at the end of it’s sentence.
	‘Yes, the ease of our entrance	into this world,’ replied a third.
	‘A hole had already been torn,’ continued the second.
	‘And a bridge formed,’ finished the first.
	‘We could not locate Bael as he’d already fled. And like fools we followed him.’
	‘But did he know? Did he set a trap or was it just chance that we unknowingly followed the same path from the end?’
	You’re not my subconscious are you, Just Duty asked, his whole body shaking as he stared at the top of his desk.
‘We never were, detective. And now we need your body,’ the first voice replied, just before Just Duty felt his body begin to grow numb and tired. ‘We must find Bael. We must spring his trap before it springs on us,’ Just Duty heard before he watched his body slump onto the desk. ‘The transformation must not be interrupted now,’ Just Duty heard as he watched his body resume it’s sitting stance. He tried to call for help, but all that happened was his arm unlocking and opening a drawer on his desk and pulling out his badge and gun.
‘We shall not be forced to flee again! This time we shall stand! Our! Ground!’


* * *


“I now have control,” the pink scaled head spoke. “I still think we would have been fine with the subtle suggestions. Having taken direct control, I’ll now have to maintain constant vigilance so as to not lose it.” The head put as much distance between the others and itself as it could, “Do not bother me with minor things.”
“That is acceptable. We will try to keep the distractions to a minimum,” replied another of the hydra’s heads, its lavender horn catching just a bit light from its hiding place.
“What do we do about Bael?” asked the red-eyed head.
“First we must find him,” spoke a fourth head, idlying preening the orange spines of the currently sleeping head.
“Yes, but when we find him what do we do? Have our detached head simply kill it? Or do we wish to trap him?” questioned the third head.
“That is indeed the question,” said the horned head, sounding deep in thought.
The spined head snorted derisively, opening one eye. “Is it? It’s not as if we need his power to complete our plans. Kill him and let his body become the stuff of fairy tales and urban legends.”
“That would be unwise,” cut in the head with violet fins. “Bael is a tricky sort. He could have integrated himself with some local culture. Some family could be keeping him as a pet of some sort. Perhaps a particularly ugly canine. Outright killing him could lead to an investigation.”
“And investigation could lead to us,” the horned head finished, eliciting a nod from the finned head. “Then killing should be a last resort. Capture him alive if possible, and craft a plausible story for anyone involved with him. The detective will make an acceptable mouthpiece, so long as he doesn’t draw the ire of the populace.”
“He is well liked, and respected, as long as I do not push his actions too far we shan’t lose that.” the pink scaled head chimed in.
“Anything else then?” the head with blue tusks asked. “If not, it would be best to not cause distractions during this bout of mind control.”
The red-eyed head rolled its head from side to side. “What of that feeling earlier? Something has changed. There has been an… awakening.”
“It is nothing.” The horned head turned away, idly scratching an itch against a nearby rock. “Simply another piece of this world becoming rewritten, as is part of the plan.”
“This felt different,” the red-eyed head said, more emphatically this time. “It was familiar, and not in a good way.”
“We are the ones doing the rewriting,” the head with violet fins mused. “It would be worrying if we weren’t familiar with it.”
“If it truly is so worrisome,” the orange spined head growled, “send another pawn to investigate. Check in again in a few days, and we shall have our answer.”
The red-eyed head let out a short breath through its nose. “Fine.” It closed its eyes for a moment. “Who shall we send?”
The blue tusked head rolled its eyes. “My, my, sooooo many choices. Send the young girl meant to distract the short one. She is skilled in finding what makes them different.”
“Very well.” The red-eyed head was silent for several seconds before it opened its eyes again. “It is done.”
“Finally,” the spined head muttered, curling back in against its own neck as it fall back asleep.
> Chapter 20: Thinking With Portal Puzzles
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Well,” Wits End muttered, looking over the series of red ‘X’s that covered his biology quiz, “at least I know what mitochondria is…”
“Resistance Member 003!”
Wits froze in his seat. “Oh no,” he whispered. “I thought that was just a side adventure.”
A slender light-red hand slapped onto Wits’ desk. The girl glared at him with her one eye not hidden by an eyepatch. “Come with me.”
“Hello, Side Track,” Wits said. “Good to see you too. Haven’t seen you in a couple… Are you wearing a Neighponese schoolgirl’s uniform?”
Side Track placed a hand on her chest. “Uniforms are important for hiding the identities of resistance members like myself.” 
Wits looked around at the decidedly non-uniformed teens around them. “...Kay.”
“Now, come with me. The Society for Ongoing Survival Brigade has business to discuss.”
With a sigh, Wits stood and followed the red-haired girl into the hall. “Can’t we just call it the Resistance or Rebellion or something? It worked in Star Wars.”
Side Track turned around, leaning with her back against the wall and her arms crossed over her chest. “The Mystery Lord Kibarashi has a task for you, Resistance Member 003.”
“Hang on.” Wits held out a hand. “Before we get to your particular brand of craziness, I have a question. What are you doing here in Canterlot High? Aren’t you a Crystal Prep student with the other me?”
“Huh?” Side Track tilted her head to one side. “I’ve always been an C.H.S. student. Why else would I be-” She froze, then spun about so that her back was to Wits. “I-I mean!” She placed one hand over her eyepatch and let out a forced chuckle. “My place in this establishment of evil intent has been cultivated over many years! No-one would even suspect a drone like this would be the leader of the Resistance!”
“Oh, now we’re calling it the Resistance again…”
“Listen up!” Side Track spun about again, pointing a finger at Wits. “Otherside- woah…” She stumbled slightly, a wave of dizziness passing over her. Once it passed, she continued. “Othersider agents are in motion, and changes are occurring faster than we could have anticipated. Just yesterday, there were reports of a carriage pulled by brightly colored horses riding down main street. Things are getting out of hand.”
“Maybe it’s just a horse of a different color?” Wits waited for a moment, his smirk faltering at Side Track’s unchanging expression. “Get it? Horse of a Different Color? Like from The Wizard of Oz?”
“I’ve never seen it.”
Wits’ eyebrows almost shot into his hairline. “You’ve never seen- How have you never seen The Wizard of Oz?! It’s one of my childhood favorites!”
Side Track crossed her arms again. “Isn’t that movie, like, seventy years old?” She watched as the color drained from his face, and he slowly turned to lean his head against the wall. “Are you alright?”
“Leave this old man be. Soon the elves shall come to take him West, across the sea to Valinor.”
“Didn’t that movie come out more than a decade ago?”
Wits clutched his chest over his heart. “Are you actually trying to kill me? ‘Cause you’re doing an amazing job of it so far.”
“Resistance Mem-”
“I mean, it hurt enough to bring up how old it is, but referring specifically to the movies and not the books? I’m seein’ a dark tunnel with a light at the end here.”
Side Track pouted. “Look, this isn’t as fun if we’re both being overly dramatic for completely different reasons, so can we get back to-”
There’s something odd about main street. 
The words flitted through Side Track’s mind like an errant thought. Why would I think that? she thought. I already know there’s something going on. That’s what I’m talking to otherworld Wits about.
Isn’t it strange that the carriage would pass by so many homes? The thoughts passed through so easily, yet stuck around in a way that felt… odd. Surely if there was anything untoward going on, it would stay out of the public eye.
The red teen girl frowned, her focus now completely aimed inward. There’s a castle in the suburbs, she thought at the thoughts. We’re well past staying out of the public eye. What’s going on here?
For a moment, Side Track felt an enormous pressure on her; like something powerful was focused in on her. There was a flash of what she could only describe as two red eyes glaring at her inside her mind. Investigate the houses here. This time, the words reverberated inside her skull, along with an image of townhomes lining Main Street. It is the only reasonable thing to do.
“Yo, Dark Flame Master wannabe.” Wits End waved a hand in front of Side Track’s face. “You alright?”
Side Track blinked, and the pressure vanished. “Did you feel that?”
“Feel what?”
“I don’t know. A…” She waved her hands nonspecifically. “Like a… menacing presence or something.”
“Menacing presence?” Wits thought for a moment. “Sounds like the work of an enemy Stand. Listen, unless you’ve got something else to talk about, I gotta get to next class. I can’t be failing every quiz the teachers pass out if I’m gonna keep my… what did you call it? My place in this establishment of evil intent?”
For a while, Side Track was silent. The pressure might have passed, but the image of the townhouses remained, along with another fainter image. “I need you,” she said eventually. “Go get Witstang and check out the forest north of the park we met at.”
“Forest?” Wits End raised an eyebrow. “Now? Why? Something there?”
“I don’t know. Just…” The teenage girl looked Wits in the eye. “Trust me on this. Something’s there.”
“Something more important than my G.P.A.?” Wits held up a finger, stalling Side Track’s response. “Forget I asked. That look is enough of an answer for me.”
Side Track’s expression went blank. “That is the most dramatic and cheesy line I have ever heard in my entire life.”
“You’re the last person I want to hear that from.” The mint-colored teen ducked back into the classroom to grab his backpack, then returned. “I’ve got one condition, though. I want you and my counterpart to stop by the place we’re staying at on campus after school. And tell Twilight and her friends to meet us there too.”
“Huh? Why?”
“Because I did the whole ‘do side quests without telling the party’ thing before, and it didn’t turn out well.” He paused for a moment. “If me and myself don’t show up by 7:00, you folks should call the police and mount a search party.” With a smirk, he leaned in slightly. “Or are you afraid to meet my friends before we go on our first date?”
Wits’ question earned him a shove to the face. “Th-the Mystery Lord Kibarashi does not go on mortal d-dates!” Side Track exclaimed, turning away to hide her blush. “Such relationships are forbidden by the Twelve Edicts of Eternal Darkness! Just get to work! For the good of the Resistance!”
Wits watched as Side Track dashed away, vanishing into the crowd of students as they migrated from one classroom to another. “I miss the card that got me points for doing that,” he muttered, shrugging his backpack on as he headed for the exit. Behind him, a small paper card with several holes punched through it floated in the air. Silently, another hole was punched out of the card.


* * *


“‘Not a good monologue’ my ass,” Purple Heart grumbled as he stomped out of the theater. Nearby students scrambled out of his path, not keen on being trampled by the large teen. Purple Heart huffed and whirled to face the doors he’d just come through. “You wouldn’t know a good monologue if it fell out of the sky and hit you on the head!” He turned back to the corridor, face twisted into a dark scowl. “Now I know why that place had good acoustics. It’s for musical theater.”
His furious walking carried him a few intersections away from the theater, during which the purple teen continued to grumble under his breath.
“As if reciting the soliloquy from Shakespeare’s Richard III whilst, and at the same time, playing tuned chickens wasn’t enough, the blasted bint wanted me to do it in SONG!” Purple Heart sneered. “Yes, Shakespeare often wrote in verse, but that does not mean it should be SUNG!” His shout echoed through the halls for several seconds as he inhaled deeply and exhaled to calm himself. His stomping resumed.
Several more intersections went by along with several scurrying students. He stopped again, this time leaning against the lockers lining the wall.
“Should’ve done Dogberry,” he snorted. “That’s in prose. No way you can sing that. ‘Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my years? O that he were here to write me down an ass. But masters, remember, that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass.’ Aye?” The two students nodded vigorously, shaking like leaves under Purple Heart’s weighty glare.
“Purple Heart, please come to the Principal’s office. Purple Heart, please come to the Principal’s office.”
With a massive groan, Purple Heart eyed the ceiling. “Great. Now I’m the bad guy. I bet it’s those little jerks complaining about my less than stellar behaviour. Lovely.” More swears floated over the teenager’s shoulder as he stalked away, leaving the two students shivering against the lockers long after he’d departed.
“I claim innocence,” Purple Heart declared as he strolled into Principal Celestia’s office. “I was under the impression that I was auditioning for a theatrical piece, not a musical.”
“Then maybe you should have read the cast call correctly,” a young voice snarked.
Purple Heart frowned, looking at the chair in front of Celestia’s desk.
“It’s you,” he growled.
“It’s me,” Heart Burn grinned.
The two teens stared at each other for a few seconds only to be shortly interrupted by a throat clearing. The pair broke eye contact and blinked expectantly at Principal Celestia. Luna stood beside her. The sisters grinned at the brothers.
“Young Heart Burn was just telling us an amusing anecdote about you two in your youth,” Celestia mentioned. “Something about a pun war?”
Purple Heart arched an eyebrow, flicking his gaze to Heart Burn. “Pun war? More like a pun rout.”
Heart Burn snickered. “Yeh, that’s true,” he agreed.
“What made it a rout?” Luna inquired.
Purple Heart harrumphed and folded his arms over his chest. “His puns are better than mine,” he mumbled petulantly. Heart Burn grinned widely under the older teen’s glower.
“I’m also faster at coming up with them,” Heart Burn added. Purple Heart’s glower deepened and he muttered under his breath.
Celestia smiled at the interplay between the two teens. “Well, in any case, Purple Heart,” the principal prompted, “I called you here because your mother needs both you and Heart Burn released early today.”
Again, Purple Heart arched an eyebrow at Heart Burn. “Oho? Did she say why?”
“Dentist appointment,” Heart Burn answered. The brothers shuddered simultaneously.
“Charming,” Purple Heart sighed. “Just what I needed to endcap a ‘meh’ day.”
“Quit pouting, onii-chan,” Heart Burn chided. “I’m not exactly enthused about it either. I hate the dentist.”
“On that we can agree,” Purple Heart allowed. “Is she picking us up?”
“Nope.”
“...Then how the hell are we supposed to get to the dentist’s office? Are you driving?”
“...I’m not even 16, you expect me to drive a complicated vehicle with no experience?”
“Yes.”
“...I’ll get you for that, nii-chan.”
“You wish.”
Celestia cleared her throat to get the two teens’ attention. “If you two want to get there in time for your appointment, you might want to get going then,” she suggested. “I’m sure the bus will get you close enough.”
The brothers paused long enough to hear and process what the principal said. “Lady’s got a good idea,” Heart Burn admitted.
“She’s my sister,” Luna sniffed. “She does that rather often.”
Purple Heart shook his head bemusedly and tapped Heart Burn’s. “Let’s get going then. I’m not inclined to stay here watching egoes grow. And I’m most certainly not gonna get cast in the… production that the drama department intends to put on.”
Celestia and Luna frowned, sharing a confused look. Celestia looked back to the brothers. She spoke just as Purple Heart was opening the door to the office.
“Did something go wrong?” she asked. Purple Heart looked back at the administrative sisters and his face twisted into a scowl.
“Yeh,” he fumed. “I can’t sing.” With that, he left, letting the door click shut behind him.
Once again, the sisters frowned and shared a look. “I think we should expect a transfer form on my desk sometime soon,” Luna sighed.
Outside, the brothers were walking down the street towards the bus stop. They’d barely stepped off of Canterlot High grounds when Purple Heart stopped in his tracks and swung around to block Heart Burn’s path.
“Okay, out with it,” he ordered. “We both know that there isn’t a dentist appointment today. Hell, I don’t even know if there’s one coming up. There’s also the small fact that we both know I’m not from here. So spill. Why’d you get us out of class early?” Heart Burn’s grin faded and he exhaled a heavy breath. Right before Purple Heart’s eyes, the younger teen’s disposition seemed to change. His eyes and face went blank as he looked up at Purple Heart. When he spoke, Purple Heart shivered, remembering the last time he’d heard that voice and seen those eyes.
“I can’t take you anywhere, can I?” Bael commented, eyes turning a virulent green. Purple Heart gulped, taking an unconscious step away from the ‘teen’ before him.
“How in the hell are you here?” Purple Heart demanded, hoping that his sudden rush of fear didn’t make it into his voice. Bael rolled his eyes and shook his head at Purple Heart.
“Language,” he tsked. “I’m a young, innocent and impressionable boy. You should know better.”
A bit of starch returned to Purple Heart’s spine and he snorted. “‘Innocent and impressionable’ my ass,” he echoed. “You may be young, but you were never innocent.”
Bael’s eyes sparked. “And whose fault is that?”
“Discord’s.”
“...Okay, you got me there.”
“Would you kindly answer my question?” Purple Heart prodded. “How are you here? Last I saw you, you were a puff of smoke at the base of a tower. Did you get pulled in here thanks to the crossing of worlds?” He frowned, ruminating on their last encounter. “That means you were never beaten.”
Bael snorted and stepped past Purple Heart. “Beaten? No. I was not beaten. I simply accomplished my intended purpose.”
Purple Heart followed after the pint-sized villain. “Intended purpose?”
Bael chuckled. “Are you a parrot or something?” he chortled. “Yes, my intended purpose. The draconequus made me with the sole purpose of antagonizing you, giving you reason to grow. He didn’t plan for the possibility of me gaining self-awareness.”
Purple Heart’s brow furrowed and he paused. “He pulled a Holodeck,” he realized. Bael nodded, looking over his shoulder.
“Unlike Holdfast and Just Duty, Discord had to make me entirely from scratch,” he recounted. “Both the ponies already existed. All the draconequus had to do was jumpstart their plans. Again, he didn’t plan for me to propose an alliance between the three of us to deal with our respective adversaries.”
Purple Heart blinked several times. “So… the whole game going south was your fault?”
Bael grinned. “Eeyup.”
“...I gotta sit.” Not waiting for a response from Bael, Purple Heart shuffled over to a nearby park bench and plopped down, resting an elbow on his knee to cradle his chin in a hand. Bael snorted in amusement and stepped off the sidewalk to join the purple teen. Blue eyes watched the child-sized villain approach warily.
“Why are you so short now? And how are you even here?” Purple Heart asked heatedly, hoping to finally get an answer. Bael’s face went cloudy as he frowned.
“I haven’t the slightest idea why I got saddled with this body,” he admitted, lifting a hand to scrutinize the small palm. “I just woke up in it along with this kid’s memories.” He ignored Purple Heart stiffening at his words and continued speaking, looking skyward. “As for how I got here, I escaped.”
The purple teen arched an eyebrow. “Escaped?” he echoed.
Bael snorted again. “You really are a parrot, aren’t you?” he chortled, grinning widely at the fuming teenager. “Yes, I escaped. After I accomplished my task, I just relaxed on the highest tower of the lowest pe-”
“You aren’t Gandalf.”
“But am I a Balrog?”
“No, cuz I ‘technically’ defeated you and I didn’t get a massive level up for it.”
Bael inclined his head in acquiescence. “True. That aside, I was just relaxing on a tower, looking down at the courtyard and the aftermath of the battle when I saw the draconequus make the portal.” Bael shrugged. “So I went through. And here we are.” He looked at Purple Heart expectantly, interested in how the ex-barbarian would react.
“DAMMIT DISCORD~!”
Thunk.
Bael blinked rapidly, rubbing the side of his face. Purple Heart was kneeling on the park bench, forehead resting on the wooden seat.
“DAMN. BOLLOCKSING. IDIOT. CHAOS. GOD. BELLEND. Why you so stupid?!”
Each word was accompanied by another ‘thunk’ as Purple Heart’s head met the bench over and over. Bael let out an explosive sigh and shook his head. Poor guy needed to get himself a vacation or a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend.
“You need a vacation,” he mused aloud. Purple Heart looked up at Bael, eyes narrowed.
“Where? I don’t exactly have a wide selection of vacationing locales. Or time for that matter.”
A passerby caught the pair’s attention with his suggestion.
“I’d suggest Tahiti,” the black suited man offered.
“It’s a magical place,” Bael and Purple Heart harmonized with the passerby. The two teens blinked and the man was gone, strolling down the street as he whistled.
“Huh,” Purple Heart hummed. “Ever notice how that’s a triggered response? Like Tak-”
“-it’s a beautiful game,” the pair chorused. They shared a look and broke out laughing.
“Seriously though,” Purple Heart wheezed, still giggling, “Discord is an idiot for doing something like that out in the open.”
“Yeh, little bit,” Bael agreed. “Also helps that I still have my powers.”
Purple Heart balked. “Oh really...”
Bael grinned fiendishly. “Yes really. And you don’t. You do the math.”
Purple Heart gave a snort and he rocked to his feet. “You know I hate math,” he grumbled. “And as if I’d want to lose the moral high ground. Attempting to beat up a kid half my size would just be sad. You’d rat me out quicker than humanly possible.”
“True,” Bael allowed. “Whoever has the high ground usually wins. Case and point, 2005.”
“Indeed.” Purple Heart stretched his shoulders and arms above his head. “So, now what? You have successfully pulled me from class and there’s no dentistry to go suffer. Any ideas?”
Bael grinned.
“Actually, I do happen to have a few...”
Purple Heart groaned. Great.


* * *


The Hydra’s frustration was apparent on the face of Just Duty as it piloted him down the street, a scowl etched into the police officer’s features. Finding Bael had proved more difficult than it had expected. Lacking a name for Bael’s identity, it couldn’t track him down using police information. What was most frustrating was that the Hydra’s head hadn’t been carefully monitoring the link, and didn’t see Bael’s identity for itself. And Just Duty was doing an admittedly admirable job of keeping those memories sequestered, causing the scowl to ironically be the only consensus between Just Duty himself and the Hydra head currently in control.
This left the Hydra head with little choice but to come up with the first excuse it could to leave the office and move around town in the hopes that, if seen, something would give Bael away.
“Well, if it isn’t the honorable lawbringer himself.” Holdfast held his ground where the rest of the crowd had parted before Just Duty, a smirk on his face at the look of discontent on the policeman’s face. “What’s wrong? Someone steal a sweetroll from a child? Or perhaps you’re off to go fight for some other form of truth, justice, and so on?”
The Hydra frowned at the sudden verbal assault. “It’s been a bad day spawned from a bad night,” it spoke through Just Duty’s lips before taking a sip of the long cold coffee. It flinched from at the taste. “I don’t suppose there’s a reason you’re confronting me now, is there?”
Holdfast opened his mouth to mention their mutual past, but stopped himself. Right, right, he thought. Alternate universes, different memories. Doesn’t mean I can’t have a little fun for myself. He shook his head and grinned. “Maybe I just wanted to pay some respects to such an… important pillar of our community. Although, perhaps I could pick your brain, such as it is, for a moment?” 
The Hydra almost dismissed Holdfast but, worried that these interactions might be common, decided to humor the teacher. “Very well. But let’s keep it a short moment. As it happens, I am on the lookout for someone.”
“I shan't keep you from your appointed duties long, then.” Holdfast cleared his throat, ready to take as much time as he liked. “You see, there’s a man I know who fancies himself to be a sort of lawman himself. I’ve worked with him in the past, but…” He sighed dramatically, keeping one eye on Just Duty for any change in expression. “Well, I just find his endless moralizing and insistence on everything be for ‘justice’ and ‘the greater good’ just gets me,” he chuckled, “chomping at the bit. Tell me, how would you handle such an insufferable pain in the flank like that?”
An eyebrow rose as the Hydra listened, realizing how Holdfast’s description sounded like the version of Just Duty from the game before it quickly forced itself back into a neutral thought. “‘Shut up’ would probably be good start. Not everything is just, and the greater good can mean anything,” the Hydra replied, thinking of how its ‘greater good’ was not so good for the world it was currently on. “Pon- People,” it quickly corrected itself, “don’t like being prothletised at, especially not over such a vague idea. Define a goal, and then quietly work towards it,” it finished resolutely.
“Really?” Holdfast raised an eyebrow. “Surprising words coming from a man with a badge, considering it sounds like something I would do. I hope the sheriff doesn’t practice what he preaches when it comes to holding up the law.” Holdfast took a step closer, peering over his glasses at Just Duty. “It’s a fair sight more adventurous than I would want from a man protecting my rights.”
“Well, just because not everything is just doesn’t mean we should try to make it so,” the Hydra said, quickly backpedaling on its last statements. “And it’s not many who can effect change on their own. I was just saying that some people respond poorly to being hit over the head with the same facts every day.”
“I see…” The corners of Holdfast’s mouth turned down as he studied the policeman in front of him. This is a fair sight different than the self-righteous paladin I know, he thought. “So,” he mused, “would it be fair to, say, change the scenario around him in a way he doesn’t realize, so that he doesn’t realize that he’s changed to match it? It seems like a much easier solution than trying to face him head on.”
The Hydra paused to consider the notion presented to it. “I suppose that could work, but you would want to change the scenario slowly and incrementally. If you try to do it all at once, your friend might notice the change and resist, or call you out on it,” it said, drawing on its own recent experience with change.
“Hmm.” Holdfast was silent for a moment. “Well, I’ll be sure to keep that in mind. I feel that I’ve learned quite a bit from talking with you. I’ll let you get back to searching for… who was it again?”
The frustration immediately returned. “I’m not sure. I didn’t really see them, and I don’t have a name.” The Hydra bit back as it attempted to pry at Just Duty’s memories from the encounter once more. “The best I have is the story they told about a sighting of a digitigrade being. I was hoping to just confirm a few things with them,” it finished, jerkily looking around with Just Duty’s head.
Holdfast’s eyebrows raised. “Digitigrade? That’s awfully specific. Who told you about them?”
A growl of frustration slipped out of Just Duty’s mouth. “I just said I don’t know their name. It was in passing, and I didn’t think much of the story until I thought about it later,” the Hydra admitted truthfully.
So not only are we looking for something fitting the same description, but we’re both starting from square one, Holdfast thought. “Hopefully you find something, then,” he said, a smug grin returning to his face. “I’d offer my assistance, but, well, what good would a professor be at investigation, right?” He made a mock bow and motioned for Just Duty to continue, stepping aside but not quite out of his way.
“Thank you,” the Hydra replied as it stepped around Holdfast, currently searching what it could of Just Duty’s memories about the person it had just to deal with. “Enjoy the rest of your day,” it said with a wave, all happy intentions undercut by the jerky curtness of the wave and his tone of voice, as he half-walked, half-jerkily stomped his way down the street.
Holdfast watched Just Duty’s rocky stride away. “Well now,” he muttered once the policeman was out of earshot, “isn’t that interesting?”
“Who are you talking to?” a nearby pedestrian asked.
Holdfast shot a glare at the man, causing him to quickly walk away. “I’ve spent so much time around idiots,” the white-haired former pony sighed, “I’m starting to talk to myself like them too…”
> Chapter 21: Light Patch continues to be best (citation needed) tertiary character
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Light Patch sighed as he stared at the crowded street, watching people walk around. For once, it seemed as if everyone had forgotten he’d existed. Wits End had disappeared earlier that morning on flimsy pretenses; Purple Heart had to deal with Heart Burn, or so he said; Princess Twilight had gone somewhere again; and Science Twilight was doing... science. The rest of the girls also had their various reasons to be elsewhere, leaving him alone, caught up on homework, and board.
After cleaning around the house for a bit and trying to do a little writing, he finally gave up and decided to instead go walking around the town. Just as boring around the house, he thought, but without being at the house. Join the heroes, save the world, meet new sentient beings, and be bored in new and exciting places. Somehow he didn’t think that poster would draw many new people to the hero club.
He chuckled as he threw out some tag lines and simple sketches of the potential posters until the idea played itself out. After that he went back to writing, managing to make some amount of progress on a few fanfics that he’d found interest in working on again; at least until he felt someone’s eyes on him. He looked up to see a teen standing right in front of him. With a yelp of surprise, he tried to scoot away and ended up pushing himself over the back of the bench.
“You don’t seem too observant when your working,” the teen said in a familiar monotone.
Light Patch hauled himself back up to hang on the back of the bench and get a better look at the girl who’d surprised him. Her dark purple hair fell down just past her shoulders, with a simple straight cut and style. Her green eyes were the only other point of color; the sundress she wore matched her hair in color, and her skin was a darker grey. After a few moments, she held her hand out to the lighter grey teen.
“My name is Maud Pie. I’m one of Pinkie’s Sisters,” she said as she helped Light Patch up, her grip strong enough to mistake for a rock. “You’re Light Patch, correct?” she asked after she’d watched him gather up what had been scattered in his failed panicked flight.
“Yeah. Pinkie mentioned having sisters, but it’s never really come up the few times we’ve talked,” he said, plopping his writing notebook back into his bag.
“Pinkie has talked about you,” she replied, her monotone not changing an inch.
“Nothing too bad, I hope,” he joked back.
“She says your misguided by the false prophets of pancakes. The rest is good,” Maud replied simply.
“Yeah that... that sounds about right,” the lighter grey teen replied awkwardly, the two of them silently staring at each other. “So, what are you up to?”
“Talking to you.”
Light Patch fought to resist face palming. “I mean before you ran into me.”
“Walking.”
A deadpan expression flashed over his face. “And before that?”
“I was standing,” she replied, earning a sigh from the teen.
“Why were you standing?”
“I was watching a bird sharpen its beak.”
“That actually sounds like it would have been cool to see.”
“You still can.”
“How so?”
“I was recording the rock the bird used,” she replied, pulling out her phone. “Would you like to see the video?”
“Actually, yeah,” Light Patch said, sitting back down on the bench as Maud sat next to him and brought the video up. Maud quietly navigated through her phone’s menus in silence before pausing to look at the teen next to her.
“Aren’t you going to ask why I record rocks?” she asked.
“I wasn’t planning on it. I figure you’ve got your reasons.”
Maud turned back to her phone and continued finding the video. “What kind of reasons can you think of?”
“Well, it could be educational; for use in some sort of project or something. It could be just cuz. Maybe it’s B-roll or stock footage for something else. Or you’re going to use it as the backdrop for an animation of a stick figure or something climbing up the rock.” Light Patch finished with a shrug. Maud paused for a moment to consider his words.
“Those are all probable reasons,” she replied neutrally before looking back at her phone and pressing on a picture that brought up a video file. She held her phone in a way to allow for the both of them to watch the screen. The first couple of minutes of the video was simply of a large rock. Occasionally a bug or something else flitted past the camera. Eventually a bird flitted down, alighting on the top of the rock and hopped around a little before leaning over and starting to rub its beak on the side of the rock.
“This isn’t the first time I’ve seen this bird,” Maud said as they watched. “I record this rock often, and the bird seems to like that rock as well.” Failing to hear a response, as she’d come to expect, she looked up to find the teen.
Light Patch’s eyes were locked on a figure jerkily moving along the other side of the street. Without saying anything, he quickly stood up and quickly crossed the street. He looked around, trying to will his eyes and ears to cut through the push and noise of the rush of people going through their day. He did the only thing he could and moved to join the flow, going in the same direction he’d seen the figure he was now trying to follow heading.
After a few minutes he finally spied a glimpse of the figure and fought harder against the flow of people to get closer. He was just barely able to keep track of the person he was following thanks to the crowd parting to allow his focus to easily pass. He was not as easily able to progress through the crowd, causing him to lose sight of his focus more than once, every time it was harder to regain sight of the person he was following.
Eventually, however, his difficulty was eased greatly when the target shuffled its way into an alley. Light Patch quickly drew even with the edge and peaked in to see Just Duty in a weird slouched position half way down. Mindful of the crowd around him, he quickly slipped in, trying to not seem suspicious. Once he was sure the crowd wouldn’t care, he carefully snuck closer to his target, trying to keep objects obscuring line-of-sight. The closer he got, however, the more he ended up having to duck as Just Duty seemed to be able to hear him and would glance behind him, almost catching Light Patch more than once.
Hiding behind a dumpster, Light Patch was just able to make out that Just Duty was seemingly muttering to himself, but not what he was saying. He wanted to get close enough to hear, but just trying to move past the dumpster would leave him in the open easily long enough for Just Duty to hear him. At this point, the sheltering noise of the crowd was gone and left Light Patch high and dry.
Just as he was about steel his neve and try to move closer, a hand covered his mouth, smothering his yelp of surprise. He looked down and saw a familiar dark grey tone, and turned to find Maud behind him.
“Why were you following him?” she asked quietly.
“I noticed him moving down the sidewalk, but he was moving very weirdly and I don’t think he saw me, but he seemed to be less vigilant too,” the lighter grey teen replied.
“He was moving with a strange gait,” Maud confirmed.
“How did you-”
“I followed on the less crowded side of the road,” she quickly but still quietly replied. “Why were you sneaking up on him in the alley way?”
“His stance looked really odd and I wanted to get closer, then I realized he is muttering and I was hoping to get close enough to hear what it is that he’s saying,” Light Patch replied. “But the crowd thinned out, and I’m worried I’m gonna get caught.” Before he could say anything further, Maud reached out and started searching his pockets. Before he could object, she fished out a phone lent to him by Pinkie; it was older, but if they needed to get in touch with him it could still take calls.
Maud flipped the phone open and quickly tapped away at its buttons before pulling out her own phone. She tapped in a few more buttons on her phone and then quickly answered the call she made with the older one. She then handed the phone back to Light Patch and stood up, walking calmly towards Just Duty with her own phone held out in front of her. The teen, still hidden behind the dumpster felt his heart catch in his throat, but saw that Just Duty never even twitched as Maud closed the distance.
Finally he could hear—very faintly—Just Duty’s voice coming through the phone he held. Finally realizing Maud’s plan, he put the phone up to his ear. “The Light Patch you are concerned for is not yours,” Just Duty rasped, just barely audible. “And I understand that as a guardian of the town, you feel the need to protect any and all within its limits. But this is for the betterment of all involved.”
“We do not wish to kill them. We need them for our plan. We took your weapon simply because we know it is expected for a town guard to remain armed. We know not even how it works.” The tone of the rasp changed to a harsher whisper.
“They are as dangerous to your world as they were to ours.”
“We simply wish to have a home again,” Just Duty continued to answer the silent half of the conversation.
“They will help us. They were the heroes. They will help us. We will bring them to us, and then they will help us,” the tone of the voice changed again to a more self-assured tone.
“If they will not help willingly, then they shall help like you are helping.”
“Your body will be yours again when we have them,” it finished in a harsh whisper, causing Light Patch to finally connect the dots. Just Duty was being mind controlled by someone who was after him and his friends. This being was good enough to also start effecting everyone's minds, considering the castle and other strange things around town, as well as change the world to a scary degree. His mind took this information and began to run with it as all sorts of villainous reasons and plans for what was happening flashed through. This was enough to cause his more logical half to seize up and, with the adrenaline of pure panic, he took off, running back towards Canterlot High to try and warn the others.
His flight was not silent, however, and Just Duty whirled around to see Maud standing with a phone outstretched in her hands towards him. “Someone dropped this,” she said, shoving the phone into his hand before turning to follow the panicked teenager.
The Hydra looked at the phone through Just Duty’s eyes and, unsure about the device, simply shoved it into its pocket to return to what it had set out to do originally; ignoring the protests and questions of Just Duty’s mind.


* * *


A pair of mint-colored teens stood at the edge of the woods, the sounds of children playing in the park behind them. Aside from their hair length and clothes, the two teens were identical.
“D-do I have to do this in my school c-clothes?” Witstang stuttered, shifting uncomfortably as he looked between the roots and leaves. “I only h-have so many good clothes like this.”
“Oh relax,” Wits said, taking the first steps towards the trees. “Think of this as incentive to start doing your own laundry.” He stopped alongside one of the trees and looked back. “Are you coming, or what?”
“Huh? Oh, right.” Witstang hurried to keep up with his alternate universe counterpart. “C-can I ask you a question?”
Wits led the way into the forest, with Witstang trailing behind by a few steps. “You’ve asked two already and I’ve asked one,” he said, “so let’s assume we both have free passes for asking questions.”
“Oh, okay. Th-that works.” Witstang was silent for a moment as he searched for the words he wanted. “S-so, you’re me from another universe, right?”
Wits chuckled. “From my viewpoint, you’re the one from another universe. But semantics aside, pretty much, yeah.”
“Are you f-from the same universe as the o-other Twilight Sparkle?”
“Mmm, not quite. My world’s more like this one, what with everyone being humans and all. Definitely no magic, as far as I know.”
Witstang was silent again. “So we’re, like, the same person, right? With the same things happening? Then how come you’re not… stuttering and… messed up, like me?”
Wits End came to a stop and looked back. His counterpart had stopped a few feet back, his eyes locked on his feet. After a moment of thought, he shrugged and walked back to Witstang. “You know,” he said, taking a seat on one of the larger tree roots. “I’m gonna let you in on a secret that Side Track doesn’t know.”
“Huh?”
Wits laid a finger along the side of his nose and winked. “I’m actually halfway through my twenties.”
Witstang’s eyebrows shot into his hairline as he took a seat on the root next to Wits. “Really?”
“I’ve gone through high school kinda, college; even got myself a job.”
“In game dev?”
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.” Wits leaned in, resting his forearms on his knees. “So, as a Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come, lemme give you a hint.” He watched as Witstang leaned in as well, almost mirroring his pose. “If you think shit’s hard now, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”
Witstang’s face paled. “Wh-what?”
“Ohhhhh yeah. Trust me, you’ve got the worst years you’ve ever seen coming up. First you’re gonna go through college, and every day you’re gonna wonder how you got there without finishing high school. Then you’re gonna graduate from college, and your gonna feel like your life has come to an end. It’s gonna be tough getting out of bed in the morning, ‘cause getting up means dealing with the broken pieces of yourself in the mirror. You’re gonna think it’d be easier just giving up entirely, ‘cause you’re in a hole with no way over it.”
The blood had drained from Witstang’s face entirely now. “O-oh…”
Wits grinned. “But you know what? You get over that hole. You pick up those broken pieces, keep the bits you want, and toss the rest of them into the trash.” He balled one hand into a fist, then jerked the thumb at his chest. “You finally get to look in the mirror and say ‘yes, I can do today’. You look yourself in right in the eye and say ‘you can do this’.”
Witstang stared at his counterpart, his mind spinning. “R-really?”
“Hell yeah, you do.” Wits’ grin widened. “And I did it by dragging myself through the mud every day to get there on my own. Imagine what you’re gonna do knowing there’s another side to get to.”
Witstang, stuck somewhere between tears, terror, and relief, sniffed and dried his eyes on the back of his sleeve. “Wow…”
“...Of course, this world runs on rainbows and gumdrops, so it might end up easier for you. You’re playing on easy modo right now.”
“Wha- hey!”
“Plus you’re already in high school here. That’s a big point of difference. It’s entirely possible your divergence number is is greater than 1 compared to mine.”
“Hold on!” Witstang jumped to his feet. “You can’t dump something like that on me, then tell me it might not even happen! That’s a seriously messed up thing to do to a younger version of yourself! That’s, like, self-child-abuse!”
Wits stood himself, brushing off the seat of his pants. “But you’re not stuttering now, are you?”
Witstang stopped. “W-well…”
“Ah well, baby steps for easy modo.”
The longer-haired teen opened his mouth to retort, but decided against it. Eventually, he changed subjects. “What’re we looking f-for, anyway?”
“I was kinda hoping you knew,” Wits replied. “All Side Track told me was to go look in the forest for a mysterious something. I figure with how things work in this world, if we wander long enough we’ll find it.” He started making his way through the smaller plants in the way. “How do you know her, anyway?”
“We’re friends.” Witstang followed a few steps behind. “I mean, I guess w-we’re friends. She was my neighbor, a-and she just kinda… latched on.” He smiled. “I mean, she always h-had an active imagination, but once I got accepted to C-Crystal Prep, that’s when she g-got all weird and started the Resistance. I think s-she’s trying to make sure we stay friends.” He paused, and looked forward at Wits. “Are you not f-friends with her in your world?”
“No, and curse you and your detestable 3D life.” Wits’ expression had turned sour, his shoulders hunched as he shoved his way through ferns. “Childhood Friend Manic Pixie Dream Girl-having sonovabi-”
The mint-colored teen was cut off by a growl from the underbrush. Both of the teens froze as a dozen grey wolves moved out of the foliage, forming a semicircle in front of them. The leader, a massive specimen with a scar across its muzzle, stood in front of them with its teeth bared.
“Oh, sugar honey iced tea,” Wits muttered as he started to turn back.
“Don’t move.” Slowly, Witstang raised his arms and straightened his back. “Keep your eyes on the leader, and make yourself look as big as your can.”
“It’ll take us until we’re 20 to be taller than 5-foot 5,” Wits hissed, locking eyes with the scarred wolf and mirroring Witstang by raising his hands over his head. “Looking big is a non-starter. If things get bad, how many do you think you can take?”
Witstang resisted the urge to shoot a look at his counterpart, keeping his eyes on one of the other wolves. “In a fist fight with a wolf pack? Maybe an eighth of one. Start backing away slowly.”
“Great,” Wits muttered. The two Witses started moving back, taking each step carefully to avoid getting tripped up. “The two of us together, we can minorly inconvenience one of them as we’re eaten.”
“If we’re lucky, they’ll let us out of their territory. As long as we don’t look too aggressive or wea-”
They both froze as a howl reverberated through the trees. From the shadows of the forest, a massive canine shape pushed its way through the branches and brambles, hot wet breath coming rhythmically from its open mouth. The wolves parted to let it pass, their heads lowered in submission as its wooden, bark-like form moved closer to the two teens. Its head lowered, baring teeth made of giant thorns.
...And licked the two of them at once with a giant, wet, leaf-like tongue.
“Gah! Pbbth!” Wits stumbled backward, wiping the mixture of sap and saliva from his face. “What the- Taxi?”
“What is that?” Witstang asked, watching as the giant wooden wolf’s tail wagged happily, clearing the ground of plants and small stones. “Why isn’t it eating us? Why is it wagging its tail? What is going on?”
Wits rubbed the Timberwolf’s muzzle, grinning as it leaned into his hands. “She’s a friend from the last world we got stuck in. She’s a powerful ally to have in a pinch, and also a good doggy! Yes she is! You’re a good dog, you are!”
“Hang on.” Witstang held the bridge of his nose with two fingers, trying to process what was going on. “You’re friends with a wood dog from another dimension?”
“Timberwolf, yeah.” Wits turned back to Taxi. “What’re you doing here, though? You should be off having awesome wolf adventures back in Roania.”
“You speak Timberwolf?”
“No, that was what Fluttershy was for. I’m hoping we have a Lassie situation, where she can give us a hint that lets us work it out ourselves.” Wits stopped petting Taxi, stepping back to where Witstang was. “So, how did you get here, girl?”
With a snort, Taxi jerked her head over one haunch. After one moment, it turned its body to the left and knelt down in front of them. “Wh-what does that mean?” Witstang asked.
“I think this is where she takes us to the old well to rescue Jimmy.” Wits climbed up the Timberwolf’s side, taking a seat behind her shoulders. “Come on, let’s go!”
Gingerly, Witstang followed Wits onto the wolf’s back. “I didn’t think her name w-would be litera-AAAAAAAAAAUH!”
Taxi took off through the forest, with the rest of the wolf pack following behind. They soon arrived at their destination: a giant dome-shaped building, partially overtaken by the forest around it. Sliding to a stop in a spray of pine needles and twigs, Taxi knelt down again to let her pair of identical passengers off.
“This is just a day for callbacks,” Wits said, sliding off easily. Next to him, Witstang landed in a heap before picking himself back up. “This is that library we went to for information about the game world. Didn’t really do much good except foreshadow some stuff that happened later.”
“So th-there really are things from other worlds coming to Canterlot,” Witstang muttered. “This is…”
“Really cool, but also terrifying?”
“....Yeah.”
Wits grinned as he turned back to Taxi. “This is great, but we already figured out the game world was overwriting this one. Why bring us here?”
Taxi chuffed, and shot a look at the scarred wolf. Without another sound, the wolf entered through the partially open door. A few seconds passed before it reappeared, a massive hardcover tome in its mouth.
“What’s that?” Witstang asked.
“A book,” Wits responded as the wolf dropped the book in front of him. “‘Tomb of Horses’? Good to know the puns made it over here…” He picked up the book and started flipping through it. “Wait a minute… This is the adventure Discord was running. Roads Crossed, the bandits, Roania; it’s all here. Is this Discord’s playbook?” Taxi nodded. “This would’ve been useful a couple of years ago…”
Witstang pulled the book from his counterpart’s hands. “There’s a page tabbed near the back.”
“How could you tell?”
“I r-read a lot of books. Don’t you?”
“Well… yeah.” Wits glanced off to the side. “Manga, mostly. Recently.”
“Oh? Did Fullmetal Alchemist ever finish?”
“Oh dude, you’ve got a treat waiting for you.” 
Witstang stopped himself from asking for spoilers as he reached the tabbed page. “Here. It l-looks like some sort of optional boss. D-did you ever fight something called ‘the Hydra’?”
Wits shook his head. “Definitely not.” 
“W-well it looks like your D-Discord friend was looking forward to the fight,” Witstang mused, looking through the notes scrawled in the margins. “It looks like he b-based each head off of a different person he knew. D-do you know anyone called… Fluttershy?”
Wits End was silent for a few seconds. Eventually, he turned back to Taxi. “We’re gonna need a ride back to the park,” he said, climbing back on the Timberwolf’s back immediately. “Bring the book!” he called down to Witstang.
“What?” Witstang made his way up the side of the Timberwolf, holding on the tome in one hand. “What’s going on?”
“Discord put a bit of us into each villain he made for us to fight. Just Duty for Patchy, Bael for Purple Heart, and Holdfast for me.” Wits’ expression was uncharacteristically serious. “They were powerful enough to overthrow Discord and take over the game.”
“That… sounds bad.”
“It was. And that was with each villain taking from one person.” Wits looked back at this counterpart. “Imagine what would be possible if he did the same with six people.”
Witstang paused. “They could take over the world,” he replied.
“Or more than one. Onwards, Taxi!”


* * *


Purple Heart’s right eye twitched violently as Bael skipped cheerfully beside him, licking happily at his freshly bought ice cream cone. The older teen stuck a hand into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. A mosquito fluttered out of the folded leather opening. His eye twitched again.
“You have an unhealthy obsession with ice cream,” he stated blandly, glancing aside at the shrunken villain.
“What can I say?” Bael shrugged, grinning glibly. “Ever since I found myself in this dimension, I’ve grown attached to many things. Ice cream being one of them.”
“Anything else in particular?” Purple Heart inquired.
“Ramen, ya’know,” Bael replied, smirking, eyeing the older teen. Blue eyes twitched again.
“Seriously?” he growled. “Fishcakes?”
“Why not?” Bael replied. “It’s good. At least I’m not eating it every single day morning, noon, and night. I have standards.”
Purple Heart snorted. “For food, maybe,” he retorted, “but not puns or references.”
Bael laughed lightly. “Owch. Is that child abuse?”
“No,” Purple Heart returned. “So buck up, shortstuff, you’re fine.” The younger teen scowled and pouted petulantly.
“I’ll get bigger eventually,” he mumbled.
Chuckling, Purple Heart patted the boy’s head, earning him a green stink eye. “Keep telling yourself that, kid.”
Bael ducked out from under his companion’s massive palm and scooted several paces ahead, turning back to Purple Heart to stick out his tongue. Then he dashed down the street, cackling as he ran.
“Dammit!” Purple Heart swore, pelting off after his errant ward in hot pursuit. Every corner he turned, he just managed to catch a glimpse of Bael dashing out of view. This continued for block after block, leading them further and further towards the city’s western limits and the forest beyond.
“This kid is gonna be the death of me,” Purple Heart sighed, slowing as he finally caught up with the running youth. Bael turned to him, a wide grin on his face. Purple Heart arched an eyebrow at the cone still in the boy’s hand, sans ice cream. Either the boy had eaten the remains of his treat as he ran, which was unlikely, or he’d dropped it along the way. Lifting a hand to cover his smile, Purple Heart eyed his charge.
“What happened to your ice cream?” he asked innocently. Bael blinked and looked down at his ice creamless cone, staring at the dilapidated dessert. While the youth was staring blankly at his fallen treat, Purple Heart caught a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye. His head turned to track what he’d saw.
The foliage of the underbrush shifted to reveal a raccoon.
At first glance, the raccoon appeared normal. It’s face was wreathed in shadow from the trees. Purple Heart could hear its snarling from across the clearing. Then it stepped into the sunlight.
Purple Heart stiffened as the animal approached, leaving a trail of dead grass and leaves in its wake. Tentacle-like spores sprouted from the raccoon’s back, undulating mindlessly. Blue eyes flicked to a seething Bael, wondering if the shrunken villain had noticed the creature’s presence. The brush shifted directly behind Bael and Purple Heart sucked on air, his warning dying in his throat as a behemoth of a bear lumbered out of the trees. The beast was also covered in writhing tentacles, though the coverage was nearly total compared to the raccoon
Purple Heart looked around the clearing, hoping that they hadn’t been surrounded yet. No such luck. Birds, squirrels, chipmunks, a deer or two, more raccoons, a dozen rabbits, and even a few wolves appeared from the surrounding forest. Every one of them were infected with the deathly spores.
“If I get out of this alive, I am never telling Fluttershy about this,” Purple Heart swore, rushing over to grab the still pissed off Bael.
“WHAT?!” Bael snapped. Purple Heart jerked his hands away from the younger teen.
“Don’t look now, but we’re surrounded,” Purple Heart said. Bael frowned, looking around at the infected animals. A dark grin that had no business being on a teenagers face appeared.
“Perfect,” Bael hissed. Purple Heart blinked, eyes widening in realization.
“Aw noes,” he moaned, dropping to the ground as Bael lifted a hand towards the animals. Green threads spat from his fingertips and connected with the rabbits, bending them to the ex-villain’s will. Then he jumped, avoiding the bear’s claws. As the other animals rushed to intercept Bael, Purple Heart looked on, not noticing the green thread sneaking over to latch itself to the nape of his neck.
Bael grinned as the connection was made and he lifted Purple Heart to stand next to him on a tree limb just out of the bear’s reach. The ex-villain snorted a chuckle at the expression on his former rival’s face.
“Hey, would you rather I left you down there all alone and defenceless?” he asked gibly.
“I’d rather fight under my own power,” Purple Heart retorted.
“What power?” Bael couldn’t help the taunting tone in his voice. “You’re just a human now.” Purple Heart’s eyes narrowed.
“If you had to be human too, you’d be a hell of a lot more humble,” he sneered.
“One can wish,” Bael returned, ducking the flurry of birds that tore through the air where his head had previously occupied. He thrust a palm at the birds and more threads burst from his hand, latching onto them. The flock immediately pulled a mid-air u-turn and set about harrying the other animals. A raccoon scrabbled up the tree and was just about to take a bite out of Purple Heart’s leg when said leg suddenly jerked, kicking the infected animal across the face and off the tree.
“AUGH~!” Purple Heart cried, holding his leg. A sickly purple bruise formed on his shin where the raccoon had made contact. “If I die of infection, I’m gonna haunt your sorry ass for all time!”
“Live now, argue later,” Bael replied, commanding his threaded animals to attack the other infected creatures. Unerringly, Purple Heart was dragged from his perch and crashed onto some squirrels and chipmunks, crushing the animals under his massive weight. Bael leapt down and set about kicking and punching anything with tentacles, including his hijacked minions. Purple Heart’s body leant what support it could, sans powers. While Bael used grace and crushing blows, Purple Heart utilized his size and mass to simply outweigh the smaller opponents.
Before long, all the animals were either dead or under Bael’s control. Purple Heart felt his body released back under his control and he sagged, gasping for breath. Bael simply burst the hearts of his remaining minions and they collapsed like stringless marionettes.
“Well, that was fun,” Bael decided. “I want a new ice cream though.” He turned to leave the clearing.
“Care to explain where these came from?” Purple Heart called after the retreating teen. Bael looked over his shoulder to see his ex-rival staggering to his feet.
“They seemed rather interested in you,” the purple teen continued, eyeing Bael. “Not once did they actively attack me until I was under your control. What could possibly want to kill you in this world?”
Bael squinted his eyes as he considered the abrupt line of questioning.
“Come to think of it, I saw something just like these animals on my way to Mistakwe with Tinker Tempest,” Purple Heart added, gesturing at the defeated animals arrayed around them. “Were these animals, and that boar, perhaps your-”
“No.” Bael was standing right in front of Purple Heart, eyes bright with contained rage. “The corrupted boar was not mine, nor were these creatures. As a matter of fact, neither Holdfast nor Just Duty can claim mastery of these corrupted animals.”
“Oh. Sorry.”
“You should be. I’ve no idea where these infected beasts came from. They are most certainly part of the game the draconequus created. I guess they managed to sneak in after me,” Bael said.
“Oh,” Purple Heart repeated. “Could they have been part of some other quest? A DLC or extra module?”
Bael opened his mouth to respond, but balked, eyes narrowing in thought. “Now that you mention it, there was rumor of a beast in the mountains that held dominion of common woodland creatures,” the former villain recalled. “A beast with six voices and six heads.”
Purple Heart blanched. “Another boss villain,” he breathed. He ran forward, grabbing Bael as he went, ignoring the teen’s squawk of surprise. “Shit just got real. We need to tell the others that we may be dealing with another villain.”
“Another one?” Bael asked as he flapped along in the wind behind Purple Heart. “For whom?”
“The girls.”
Bael blinked. “Oh shi- BLEGH! Watch where you’re running! I don’t want to swallow anything unnatural!”
“Then keep your mouth shut!” was the retort as Purple Heart sped through the streets toward Canterlot High. Bad news was never the best way to end the day. No sir.
> Chapter 22: The Catch
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not ten minutes later, Purple Heart and Bael collapsed on the living room couch in the boy’s temporary quarters on the Canterlot High campus. The elder purple teen sucked air in as deeply as he could to reacquire much needed oxygen. Bael simply picked at his teeth, searching for any unwelcome insect visitors.
“You think that what’s causing all the strange shenanigans is a fourth villain suited specifically for the mares?” Bael asked, flicking a scraped bug off his fingernail.
“Yeh,” Purple Heart wheezed. “Discord wouldn’t want anyone to be left out of the chaos and madness. I think...”
Bael snorted. “How comunist of him.” The shrunken villain eased himself off the couch and meandered through to the kitchen. “Anything to eat in here?” he called.
“Seriously? You’re thinking of food now of all times?” Purple Heart groaned.
“I’m hungry!” was the petulant response. “I’m a growing boy! I need my four basic food groups!”
Purple Heart flared his nostrils and arched an eyebrow. “And what four food groups art thou referring too, o’ shrunken one?”
“Pizza, ramen, sushi, and smoothies.”
“...I mean… those kinda count.”
Bael wondered back into the living room, one hand cradling a bag of chips and the other gripping a soda bottle.
“Pizza has carbs, protein, and veggies. Ramen is carbs and sodium. Sushi is fish protein. Smoothie is fruit and natural sugars,” Bael listed.
Blue eyes narrowed. “What about those?” Purple Heart asked, indicating the chips and soda. Bael looked down, then back up.
“Elemental Artifacts of Fire and Ice.”
Purple Heart’s blinked once. “Oh.”
A series of footsteps pounded outside, followed by a muffled “Whoop!” and a heavy thud against the front door. A few seconds later, the door clicked open and a pair of Wits End’s entered the living room; the one with long hair holding a book, and the one with shorter hair holding his own nose.
“A-are you sure you’re alright?” Witstang asked.
“I’m fine,” Wits replied nasally. “My face and the door worked together to break my fall.” He shook his head and looked over the pair of brothers. “What’s the small, sassy child doing here?”
Bael reddened while Purple Heart snorted a laugh. “WHO YOU CALLING BEANSPROUT, YOU TEN INCH SACK OF MEAT?!” the teenage villain bawled. “See?! I can make references too!”
“Yeah, yeah, great.” Wits turned to Purple Heart. “Can you send him to go play outside, or whatever young people do? We’ve got some serious business to discuss involving our mutual mix-and-match friend.”
Witstang glanced between his counterpart and Bael. “Isn’t it b-bad he’s seen us both in the s-same room?”
“It’s fine,” Wits said with a dismissive wave of his hand in the direction of the youngest teen. “His generation has a short attention span. He’ll forget he was in this room in like 40 minutes.”
Purple Heart swallowed audibly and lifted a hand towards Wits End. “Ehm, I wouldn’t say that-”
“He’s gotten more poncy, hasn’t he?” Bael remarked, flicking a green thread towards the elder Wits End. Within mere seconds, Wits’ mouth was sutured shut. “Much better.”
Purple Heart sighed. “Dammit, Wits,” he groaned. “That’s Bael.”
The mint-colored teen’s initial panic, and frantic pawing at his mouth, was cut short. He paused, and looked back at Bael. His eyebrows narrowed, and he turned back to Purple Heart, one eyebrow raised in the universal gesture of ‘Really? This guy?’
“Boy, the way you described him on the r-ride back,” Witstang said, bending slightly to put himself at eye-level with Bael,” I was expecting someone more… demony. And w-with bird-legs.” He offered a hand. “It’s… interesting to m-meet you, demon-villain-person.”
Bael allowed a trace of a grin to curl his lips. He set down his soda and grasped the proffered hand. “Remarkable,” he mused, “a version of you with manners. Chip?” He offered the bag.
Purple Heart snorted. “The reason he’s pint-sized is because he’s possessing Heart Burn, Local Purple Heart’s brother.”
Wits took a moment to process the information. With a sigh through his nose, he shrugged before pointing at his mouth and raising a meaningful eyebrow.
“Ah, right.” Bael flicked his finger and the thread dissipated. “I’d ask if you had any more smart remarks, but then again, it’s you.”
“I liked you better when Purple Heart was beating the stuffing out of you,” Wits retorted. “So what, we’re friends with the ringleader of Team Horse-Rocket now?” he asked Purple Heart. “Follow-up question: where’s Patchy? I thought he’d be at home, holding down the couch to make sure it doesn’t get any funny ideas.”
Wincing, Purple Heart laughed lightly. “Considering Bael is the only one I know of that has powers and we’re possibly facing a fourth villain, I’d say having him on our side is more good than bad,” he replied. “As for Light Patch, I haven’t the fog-” the sound of the front door slamming open and the whine of its hinges cut Purple Heart off.
“WHERE'S THE TINFOIL!” a grey blur screeched as it streaked through the living room. As the sound of the kitchen being pillaged echoed around the shocked teens, a second grey figure entered the living room and quietly looked around.
“I thought that you’d said Light P-Patch was a guy?” Witstang said, looking at the female just staring at their group.
“Listen,” Wits replied flatly. “This day has been weird enough already, so Girl Patch would not be the strangest thing I’ve seen today.”
“Oh…” After a moment, Witstang offered his hand to the grey girl, doing his best to ignore the events in the kitchen. “It’s n-nice to meet you, Light P-Patch.”
“That was a joke!”
“I’m Maud,” the girl stated simply, causing the room to lapse into silence again. Or, at least as quiet as it could as the kitchen was still being raided for every scrap of tinfoil it contained.
“Yoho,” Purple Heart greeted, flinching as a cardboard tube whizzed past him. He glared at the kitchen. “Is he trying to build a moon lander or something?”
Wits watched the tube roll into a corner. “I think the moon lander would take less foil than th-” With speed that light wished it could imitate, Light Patch darted back into the room, his eyes wide and seeming to dart to every corner of the room independent of each other. He grabbed the shoulders of Witstang and began to shake him.
“We need to run or hide or do something!” he said, clearly panic stricken.
The long-haired teen’s eyes rolled about in his head at the sudden assault. “I-I-I’m not b-built for comedic slapstick!” he shouted, every few syllables being forced out harder by the shaking.
“They come to get us! It got him and we’re next! WE'RE NEXT!” Light Patch punctuated his statement by shaking the poor teen even harder. Which also drew more attention to the strange choice of headwear Light Patch was currently wearing.
Wits grabbed a hold of Light Patch by the arms, dragging him off of his dazed counterpart. “Stop shaking the alternate universe me! It’s weirding this me out!” Using his grip on the grey teen’s arm, he slapped him in the face with his own hand, setting the tin foil hat spinning. “Now chill out! There’s enough strangeness going on without you freaking out on us!”
Light Patch took a few deep breaths in and out, trying to steady himself. “Sorry. I may have worked myself up on the sprint back to here. I think we have a huge problem.”
“Yeah, add it to the pile with all the rest,” Wits replied. “We can put it next to Selim Bradley and the book talking about the great bloody lizard.” With each issue mentioned, he jerked his head first at Bael, and then at the tome in the stunned Witstang’s hands. After a moment of thought, he turned back to Maud. “You don’t have any bad news to add in, do you? This seems like a good time for it.”
“I think I forgot to feed my pet rock this morning,” she stated.
“And Just Duty’s been mind controlled, and is actively hunting Bael,” Light Patch said, adjusting his tinfoil hat so the single ear flap wasn’t covering his face anymore.
“Eeyup, figured something was hunting Bael,” Purple Heart agreed. “Turns out, those infected parasite animals from the game world? Made by the fourth villain. The one for the girls. Can I just up and say BLEEP Discord?”
“Because of course he had to pad it all out with a fourth special boss.” Light Patch collapsed into an empty chair. “So, there was a fourth boss for the girls, and it’s probably here and has some kind of mind control powers and may or may not be trying to turn this world into the game’s world. Did that just about sum it up or did I miss something?”
The two Wits’ looked at each other, sighed, and Witstang tossed the book aside. “So everyone figured that out already, huh?” Wits muttered. “Nearly got killed by wolves for a book and apparently it went out on Twitter or something…”
“At least w-we found out it’s a Hydra?” Witstang offered. “And that each head was inspired b-by one of your female friends! Six heads, six girls, and such.”
“Don’t try to make me feel better,” Wits sulked. “Does that book say anything useful that hasn’t been covered by observing local wildlife and public officials?”
Witstang picked up the book again and flipped it open to the tabbed page. “Uh… It’s got the flavor t-text for how it gets away at th-the end of the adventure?”
“That sounds mildly useful,” Light Patch commented.
“First of all,” Wits said,” you look ridiculous. I mean, one ear flap and no brim? Come on, man.” He turned back to his counterpart. “Secondly, that might give us an idea of how it got here, and if it’s possible to banish it back to the Shadow Realm. What’s it say?”
Witstang scanned the page for a few seconds before he started reading aloud. “‘After the defeat of Holdfast, Just Duty, and Bael, the Hydra becomes concerned about the possibility of the the Material Plane unraveling without the influence of the Greatest God of Chaos and Good Looks. It uses the power abandoned by the party to open a portal to another plane, where it escapes to safely. Feel free to use this as a hook for a continuation of this adventure.’” He let out the rest of his breath. “Chaos and G-good Looks?”
“Discord is an idiot,” Purple Heart swore under his breath.
“What about me?” Bael piped up. “I came to this place first.”
“It’s been a while since we got back from Roania,” Purple Heart pointed out. “Perhaps the Hydra needed time to accrue the needed mana to make the jump.”
“What about time dilation-”
“Don’t even go there. My brain hurts enough as is.”
Bael harrumphed and puffed out his cheeks, munching on a handful of chips.
“Lets keep any idea of time shenanigans outta this until we have to acknowledge them.” Light Patch said as sagely as anyone wearing a tinfoil and colander hat. “My real question is why is it trying to change this world?”
“We’d all love to change the world,” Wits mused dryly, “but let’s leave the references at the door for a moment. If it left to avoid the end of one world, it doesn’t really have much to gain by messing with this one. Especially if it’s an optional boss. They don’t usually have super complex plans, since they can’t affect the main plot.”
“Maybe it’s sharpening its beak on a rock,” Maud deadpanned. 
Wits, who had forgotten the mare was there, turned back to face her. “Maybe it’s- what?”
Maud shifted her dull stare to the mint-colored teen. “In order to be at top performance, some birds sharpen their beaks on objects such as branches and ro-”
“Yeah, I saw that episode of Doctor Who too. Was that just a non-sequitur or is there a big reveal in this?”
With a slow blink, Maud continued. “If, as you said, this Hydra doesn’t have very deep motivations, it may simply be acting on basic instincts. Since it’s a villain, those instincts may include taking over the world it was created in. It can’t do that in this world, so it might be trying to recreate its own world in order to take it over.”
Wits’ mouth moved silently for a moment. “Okay, that’s a pretty good reveal.”
“Thank you.”
“So what we’ve got is a scorned optional boss intent on re-creating this pastel human world into one it recognizes,” Purple Heart stated, “I.E, a pastel pony world.” He exhaled a massive breath. “Great. Now what? Do we wait for the girl-” He was interrupted with the front door crashing open followed promptly by Pinkie Pie dashing into the living room with Rainbow Dash in hot pursuit.
“I ordered pizza!” Pinkie declared, waving her cell phone gleefully.
“I wanted hamburgers!” Rainbow Dash snapped, grabbing for the phone clutched in Pinkie’s outstretched hand.
“Hamburger joints don’t deliver,” Applejack said as she wandered in with Rarity, Fluttershy, Sunset, Science Twilight, and Side Track. Rainbow whirled around and jabbed a thumb into her chest.
“I will make them deliver!” Rainbow decided. Side Track blinked and waved happily at Wits End and Witstang.
“Looks like you two survived the wolves,” she said cheerfully. The rest of the girls balked and turned to see the rest of the living room’s occupants.
“Oh,” Rarity coughed. “We didn’t think you’d be here.”
The three resident boys stared.
“We live here,” Purple Heart retorted.
“Ever since we were thrown out of the palace!” Bael cried, throwing his empty bag of chips away.
“We’re not Yzma, stop it,” Purple Heart ordered, pointing at the chibi villain.
“To b-be fair,” Witstang murmured, moving more towards one corner of the room, “we m-might not have been here. What with the w-wolves and everything.”
“Yeah, thanks for the warning on that by the way,” Wits said, jabbing a finger at Side Track. “It would’ve been nice to know we were walking into a pack of chainsaws with fur and teeth before they surrounded us.”
Side Track chuckled, holding her chin in the crock between her thumb and forefinger. “I knew you would be alright! This is just further proof that the Othersiders have plans for you that require your survi-”
“Don’t start on that,” Wits interrupted. “There’s enough crazy stuff going on already.”
“Crazy stuff?” Sunset latched onto the phrase. “What crazy stuff? Did you three get in trouble again?”
“No, no. Everything is fine,” Light Patch said calmly. “We were all fine here just having a nice day free of mind control, wooden wolves, and secrete dimensional travelers.” He looked around at the others. “Or demons for short,” he added as an afterthought while adjusting his hat.
Sunset’s eyes narrowed as she stared at the assembled boys. “One of you,” she stated, “is going to tell me what’s going on, starting some time in the next ten seconds.”
“Or else what?” Wits asked. He winced at the look that was shot in his direction. “That bad, huh? Yikes.”
Sunset raised a menacing eyebrow. “Eight seconds.”
Witstang broke immediately; a combination of terrible social skills and the previously unknown experience of being in close contact with multiple women being a lethal combination. “We found out that there’s a-”
The teen’s confession was cut short by the sound of the front door creaking open. Slow, methodical footfalls made their way from the hall into the living room. The group turned to see Holdfast round the corner, his eyes widening momentarily in a mixture of surprise and amusement. A wry smirk spread across his face as he leaned comfortably against the wall, meeting eyes with each teen in turn, lingering on the two Witses, before resting on Bael. His lips parted, bearing teeth in a grin as he prepared to speak.
The back door to the house banged open and everyone turned to look towards the kitchen as Just Duty barged in. “Not a step Bael, we know you’re here. We won’t let you interfere,” the possessed policeman said, pointing at Heart Burn.
“Oh for the love of every dead star in the sky!” Holdfast exclaimed, turning his glare on Just Duty. All amusement had drained from his expression. “Really? Of all possible times, the useless paladin chooses now, in the moment of my reveal, to choose to display some dramatic timing!” He turned to Wits End, gesturing towards the policeman. “Do you see what I had to deal with? This, if nothing else, would have turned me to evil just to get him out of my mane.” He shot a look back at Just Duty. “Get in line, goody horseshoes. I was here first.”
Just Duty’s eyes remained locked on Bael as the Hydra addressed Holdfast. “The paladin fell with the other world. That being has already played a part in the death of it. Do you wish for him to assist in this one’s demise?” He replied his hand twitching over his belt.
Bael blinked. “Whut?” he grunted intelligently. “World ending? Are you seriously lumping me in with things like Unicron, Father, the Yamato, Dormammu, the Friend-Zone, the Harvesters, the Drej, the CORE, the Whale Probe, the ARM, the Tyranids, broad-side battleships, the Vogons, Zeus’ Libido, Bethesda’s Playerbase, and Common Sense?”
Twilight jerked and stared at Bael. “Okay, even I don’t recognize some of those,” she muttered.
“Threats to be dealt with in due time. But first, the one before us,” Just Duty said. “We don’t know why you followed us to this world. But your reasons don’t matter. We won’t help you in your plans. And you won’t be allowed to interfere with ours,” the Hydra continued as Just Duty took a step towards Bael.
“Hey, hey, hey!” Holdfast took a step more towards Just Duty than towards Bael, putting his hand out. “What did I just say? I’m taking the little demonspawn and getting out of here. I’m not about to let that mismatched monstrosity put me back in a little glowing box again.”
“Glowing box?” Wits asked.
“The adults are talking, boy. Keep your mouth shut.” Holdfast narrowed his eyes at the creature possessing Just Duty. “I don’t know who or what you are, but I think both you and the idiot you’re borrowing know it’s a bad idea to make any sort of ruckus that can be heard on campus. Isn’t that right?”
“It’s nothing a little more mind magic won’t fix. And besides, I know little of this planet's history, but this school is not unknown for strangeness. That much I do know.”
“Don’t you just hate it when we get ignored?” Purple Heart asked, directing his gaze to his fellow male compatriots and the unusual number of girls. “Feels like we’re the side characters.”
“PH, stop breaking the fourth wall, that’s my job,” Pinkie chided, whacking the teen with a pizza box. Applejack coughed.
“So from what I can gather,” she mused, “this Hydra thing came to this world expecting to have free reign, but it turns out Bael somehow got here and now the Hydra is paranoid, so it decided to hijack the local Just Duty to hunt for Bael. How does Holdfast fit in to all this?”
“‘Mismatched monstrosity’ probably means Discord,” Sunset muttered. “He probably held on to him after the game was over, and sent him here looking for Bael.”
“Wh-what makes you say that?” Witstang asked.
Sunset looked back at him. “As a reformed villain, it’s what I would do if I had one bad guy on the loose, and another in reserve that I could control. Plus, it sounds like the sort of thing he’d do to overly complicate things here.”
“She ain’t wrong,” Wits mumbled.
“So what do we do?” Side Track asked, pulling off her eyepatch to see with both eyes. “We can’t just give this Bael kid up, right?”
“I don’t think we need to worry about Bael,” Purple Heart commented, eyeing the increasingly rowdy pair of adults. “They seem to be too busy shouting at each other to notice anything.”
“I still think we should at least get him out of here,” Fluttershy added. “He looks scared.” Bael looked anything but. He’d acquired another bag of chips and was tossing them back like popcorn as he watched Holdfast and Just Duty argue.
“If you will not stand aside we will make you!” the Hydra shouted, taking a clumsy swing at Holdfast. The white-haired man took a step back, the blow stinging against his arm.
Holdfast winced; partially in pain, but mostly in exasperation. “Really? Fighting with hoofticuffs? I’m really not at young as I use to be, you know.”
“Good,” the Hydra said, solidifying its control on Just Duty’s body. “That means you’ll be easier to clear as the obstacle you are to us.”
With a sneer, Holdfast reached into his coat. “I was hoping to need this for the daemon twerp,” he growled, “but as much as I despise taking any help from Discord, I’m going to enjoy seeing what it will do to you more.” He retrieved a long, twisted metal rod, topped with what appeared to be three screaming, smiling heads. The tip glowed with a pulsing, chaotic energy.
Upon seeing the rod, the two Witses blanched and backed away. “Unless you wanna be a sweet roll,” Wits said, “we should go.”
“Sweet rolls?!” Pinkie cried, eyes darting around the room in search of pastries. “Where?!”
“Everywhere if we don’t scoot now!” Purple Heart bellowed, dragging anyone in arms reach towards the door. “FLEE~!”
Wits grabbed Witstang and bolted after Purple Heart. “RNJesus, don’t fail us now!”
Light Patch and Maud grabbed Pinkie and followed the rest of the group. Unable to resist, Light Patch looked back just in time to see the Hydra use its magic to summon a spear to fight with.
“You fight with your own life. We merely fight with a pawns.” He just barely heard the hydra say using Just Duty’s voice before he followed through the window the rest had left by.
“Ohh, you cut me to the quick, sir!” Holdfast called back. “I suppose I’ll just have to take out some long-standing frustrations!” His last words were punctuated by a burst of light emanating from the rod, and a sound like laughing thunder.
Bael watched on raptly, chomping on chips with childish amusement clearly etched into his face as he watched the old people smackdown.
> Chapter 23: Where the Blank Hits the Fan
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Okay, while I’m all up for fleeing, I’d kind of like a place to flee too,” Light Patch shouted, looking back at the rapidly disintegrating house.
“To the statue! Princess Twilight won’t like it, but it’ll get us to safety,” Sunset shouted back, taking the lead. Trying to ignore the sounds of battle from behind them, she led them around to the front of the school.
“Are we really sure we wanna add one more being of almost immeasurable power to the list of people currently angry at us?” Light Patch huffed out from the rear of the pack.
“Unlike them, she won’t immediately tear the three of you apart,” Sunset shot back. “And pick up the pace, slowpoke!”
“That wasn’t very nice,” Fluttershy muttered.
“I’ll be nice when we’re not all in danger,” Sunset replied.
“She’s not exactly wrong either,” Rainbow muttered.
Sunset managed to reach the statue second—beaten only by Rainbow Dash—with both standing while waiting for the others. Purple Heart was third and ducked to run in through the base of the statue, only to bounce off its unexpectedly solid surface.
“I think,” the teen said raising a hand above his prone body, “that the keep is enclosed.”
“Right, well, what do we do now?” Applejack asked, resting her hand on Fluttershy’s shoulder and trying to help her stay calm-ish.
“Hang on!” Pinkie Pie shouted. “Where’s Purple Heart’s kid brother? Did he fall behind? Get distracted by a passing butterfly?” She stared at the decidedly unworried boys. “Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?”
“Given he’s a t-terrifying Selim-esque demon,” Witstang muttered, “I don’t think he’s in any d-danger…”
Twilight raised an eyebrow at Purple Heart. “You’re the last guy I’d expect to leave his brother behind. What’s this about demons?”
Purple Heart barked a sarcastic laugh, causing the girls to frown at his caustic reaction to Twilight’s question. “Heart Burn is indeed Local Purple Heart’s brother, no doubt about that,” he said, chuckling deeply. “However, during the game with your counterparts,” he waved a hand at Twilight and the core Mane Six, “Discord came up with a truly diabolically stupid idea: craft villains using themes and characteristics that us three guys find make the most interesting or scary villains. As a result, we had to deal with a chancellor who had a Mastery Degree in manipulation and blackmail,” he gestured at Wits, “a paladin who could have been a hero, but got stuck on the whole ‘Ends justify the means’ way of thinking,” he nodded at Light, “and a being with terrifying power backed by the intelligence and connections to bring civilizations to ruin.” He tapped his own chest. “Mine is named Bael. Also known as Heart Burn.”
“Discord sounds like a real di-” Rainbow was cut off by a sudden elbow jab from Rarity.
“Language, Dash, even if the statement does seem to be true.” Rarity finished with a haughty sniff.
Sunset stared at the three boys. “So what you’re saying is that all of this is your fault.” They slowly nodded, and she sighed in relief. “Wow, it feels weird to not be the one accidentally being the bad guy.”
“Agreed,” Twilight mumbled.
“In any case,” Purple Heart clapped his hands together, “weren’t we running away as if someone was driving a UAZ behind us?”
“What’s a UAZ?” Fluttershy quietly asked.
“It’s like a russian Jeep,” Pinkie answered, looking around at the confused glances, “What? I game.”
“H-how about we run h-home?” Witstang stammered, his eyes locked on the direction of the still noisy death of the house they’d just fled. “They can’t chase a-all of us, right?”
“I don’t think that’s a very good idea, Just Duty would likely be able to look us up in public records to find our houses,” Science Twilight said, wringing her hands. “Ideally, we’d have a secret place we could retreat to and rally ourselves, but that place just got outed.”
“What about her place?” Wits End asked, jerking a thumb at Side Track.
“What!” Side Track shouted back.
“Think about it; it’s secret, secluded, and none of those three will think to check it for us. It’s the perfect place for us to run awa-” Wits End faked a cough, “I mean ‘strategically withdraw’ to.”
Side Track glared back at the mint-colored teen, sliding in closer to him. “I can’t let them into the Bastille of Seclusion,” she muttered, waving at the other girls. “They’re not part of the Resistance. What if they give away it’s position?”
“Induct us then,” Purple Heart suggested, rolling to his feet. “As for revealing the presence of the rebel base, all we have to do is avoid anyone named Grand Moff or Tarkin. Easy.”
After glancing up at the purple teen, Side Track scooched in closer to Wits. “I trust him to keep his mouth shut least of all,” she whispered. “He seems like the type to reveal things in the middle of a monologue.”
“As much as I like a good roasting,” Wits said, “now really isn’t the time. We have 7 girls here who have saved the world like 4 times already, and one of them is literally a planeswalker. Do you need better qualifications than that?”
“And your two friends?” Witstang asked. 
Wits shrugged. “Meh. They keep me from getting hit. In all seriousness, we gotta get going before Professor Jekyll and Officer Hyde show up.”
Side Track looked at the other teens around them. After a moment of deliberation, and a glance at Witstang, she tossed her hands in the air. “Fine! You’re all Temporary Resistance Members. Now follow me, and don’t fall behind.”
Applejack leaned in to Wits. “What the hay is the Resist-”
“Don’t ask,” Wits interrupted. “I wish I hadn’t.”
“Fight the power~” Light Patch wheezed as he trailed behind the group. Focusing more on just trying to keep up, he failed to notice his path intersect with something else. Before he could react, something appeared in his line of vision. He had a second before it was all he could see, and then a second after that was just grass and mud.
“Well, well, well,” a voice boomed, rough like grit and hard like gravel. “What’ve we got here?” A giant of a man stood over the prone grey teen, with patchy grey-green skin and hair that clung to him like a mass of seaweed. He shifted his weight, his suit of full plate armor clanking as he wrapped his sausage-like fingers around the haft of a massive spiked club.
Off to one side, the rest of the teens could see what had distracted Light Patch initially. A grid of yard-long squares appeared on the ground around them, and a pair of bars over the heads of each of them. A list of names and numbers floated in-between them; one for each of them, and one near the top labelled “Bandit Chief”.
Purple Heart was the first to take in what was happening, and his reaction swiftly turned to that of rage. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me, you piece of sh-”
“You have encountered the Bandit Chief,” a familiar voice echoed around them. “Combat is joined.”
The girls stared on in blank disbelief as each respective heads-up-display pinged to life for them all followed by a large grid blinking into existence at their feet.
“What is this?” Side Track mumbled, eyes flicking from readout to readout, taking in the status bars of each of her companions and the turn list hovering in the center of the grid.
“Oooooooooh,” Pinkie awed. “Pretty!”
“I have a sneakin’ suspicion that we’re in some kinda game now,” Applejack drawled.
“I’m a level 17 half-human demon mancer?” Sunset asked, reading her menu listing. “What the f-”
“Please retain the PG-13 rating at all times,” the voice chided as the red-haired girl choked on air.
“Okay, this sucks,” Purple Heart grumbled, scrolling through his skill list. “I’m a newb now.”
“Really?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I’m a level 17 Sportslete. What are you three?”
“Level one plebian,” the boys chorused.
“As I am,” Side Track grouched.
“Me too,” added Witstang.
“I miss being OP,” Wits grumbled. “Alright, short version of the tutorial! You can only do stuff when your name is at the top of the list, call out the actions you want to do, and try not to get killed in the game so you’re not killed in real life.” He looked up at the list. “Looks like… Pinkie, then the Chief? How does that work?”
“Surprise round!” Pinkie replied. “Patchy did run into the bad guy, after all.”
“And you?”
“I know everything. Party Cannon!” The pink teen pulled the brightly colored cannon out from behind her back and fired it at the Bandit Chief, narrowly missing Light Patch with the cone of effect. 
The bandit chief staggered and failed to shield his eyes, his unfocused glare turned towards Light Patch. “Any last words?”
Light Patch shook from where he was laying in front of the bandit chief. “I don’t have any bits?” The bandit chief snorted and hefted his club, raising it over his head to smash down on the teen. The club fell with a roar, and Light Patch jerked to the side to dodge the attack, resulting in the club embedding itself in the mud just in front of his face, one spike barely a millimeter from the teens nose.
“The bandit chief missed,” the familiar voice narrated as the list switched to have Light Patch next.
Light Patch braced himself and began to stand up, watching the bandit chief for any sign of an attack of opportunity. The moment he’d gotten himself fully up, like clockwork the chief's club was freed from the thick mud and he swung again, just grazing light patch and tearing his shirt. Light Patch quickly back-pedaled and half-collapsed into Applejack and Fluttershy’s arms as he held his chest.
“Guys, someone turned the holodeck’s safeties off again! Why do we even have those if they keep getting disabled?” Light Patch asked, ending his turn.
“Whose turn is it now?” Side Track asked.
“Mine,” Rainbow Dash said. She turned to the three elder boys. “Well, what should I do?”
“Something sports related, I presume,” Rarity said. “You are the most active of the group. Perhaps kicking?”
“Okay… how?”
“Move to a space on the grid where you can reach him, then let fly,” Purple Heart suggested. “Or take a running leap. I dun think this’ll be done in one hit. Wits is right: I miss being OP.”
Rainbow Dash just shrugged and took his advice. “I’m going to run up and kick the Bandit Chief!” The sportslete charged forward and swung a roundhouse kick at the Bandit Chief’s midriff. What seemed like a powerful attack ended up whiffing and Rainbow landed on the ground having done no damage. “Wha?”
“High attack, low accuracy,” Wits End stated. “Doing a bunch of damage is nice and all, but is all together useless if you can’t hit worth a carp.”
“You’re one to talk,” the rainbow-haired girl sniped. “You’re level one.”
“I’m weak, I’m allowed to miss,” Wits retorted. “If we still had our powers, we could have finished this single-handedly. Purple could’ve even finished this in WAN-PAAAAAAAN-”
“SHUT UP!” Sunset snapped, eyes on their adversary. “Fight now, bicker later. I cast Lightning Bolt at the Bandit Chief.” She threw out a hand in the Chief’s direction and a gout of smoke poofed from her palm. A measly little spark arced piteously through the air and splashed harmlessly against the Bandit Chief’s breastplate.
“Okay, what was that?” Rarity sniffed.
“Sunset Shimmer is a Mage with Demon Mancer Prestige class,” the voice explained helpfully. “Lightning Magic is not her forte. Recommended course of action: using Hellblaze or Demon Aspect to supplement already prodigious aptitude for Fire Magic.”
Wits pinched the bridge of his nose. “Please tell me one of you know how to play games like this, or we’re gonna get bad-ended.”
“I think I’ve got this.” Twilight adjusted her glasses. “I use Tangleweed Flask to bind the Bandit Chief to the bench!” As if on cue, an Erlenmeyer flask filled with a roiling green liquid appeared in her hand. One toss later, the flask burst on the ground next to the Chief’s feet, exploding into sticky coils that wrapped around both his legs and the nearby iron-wrought bench.
Wits raised his hands to the sky. “Thank you!”
“Where did you learn about doing that?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“I own all of the rulebooks for Ogres & Oubliettes. Just in case someone wanted to play it.” Twilight smiled as the Bandit Chief tried fruitlessly to pull his way out of the mass of Tangleweed. “I’ve read through all of the books, and came up with strategies for each of the classes.”
“Here’s a question: got any fast leveling tips?” Light Patch asked as he shifted around in his square.
“Don’t die,” Twilight replied as she turned to Applejack. “As a desert ranger, you’ve got some close combat but most of your damage is dealt at medium ranges, and you’ll have an easier time hitting if you can get some flanking or surrounding bonus.”
The blonde-haired girl hummed in acknowledgement. “Wonder if I can get some bonus damage by using his own club against him,” she wondered, eying the discarded weapon laying by the Chief’s feet.
“If it doesn’t give bonus damage, you’ll at least get the ‘Troll in the Bathroom’ achievement,” Purple Heart commented. “I say go for it.”
Applejack nodded and strode forward, picking up the fallen club as she went. She let out of grunt of exertion as she hefted the weapon above her head and moved to stand to the bound Chief’s direct left. “I attack the Bandit Chief with his club,” she declared, letting gravity to the work. A dull thunk echoed across the grid and the Bandit chief slumped in his bonds, unconscious. A victory fanfare played and confetti burst in the air above the word ‘Victory!’ The Bandit Chief faded from sight and eleven whisps shot forth, one for each of the combatants.
“Woah!” Sunset stumbled back, attempting fruitlessly to swat the glowing wisp away as it entered her chest. “What was that?”
“His soul,” Wits said matter-of-factly.
“Seriously?” Sunset scanned the mint-colored teen’s face as he raised an eyebrow. “Dealing with you in infuriating.”
“I get that a lot.”
“Is it really his soul?” Fluttershy asked, looking a bit green.
“Nah,” Purple Heart dismissed. “It’s just some EXP from defeating him.”
“EXP?” Twilight hummed. “Ex-”
“Eeyup, Execution Points,” Purple Heart interrupted. “It lifts your LOVE.”
The girls stared blankly at the purple teen. Rarity spoke up.
“...How does execution points raise your L-”
“Level Of ViolencE?” Purple Heart interrupted again. “Ask Toby Fox.”
“It’s Experience Points.” Twilight growled glaring at the two teens before looking at the last one, “But seeing as you three tend to comment in three what was yours?”
“Twenty five,” Light Patch growled, “I only got twenty five experience points, Big group EXP splits suck.” He growled silently.
“Hang on.” Side Track pointed a finger at Maud Pie, who had been standing off to the side during the battle. “How come she didn’t get anything?”
Slowly, twelve pairs of eyes turned on the grey girl. Just as slowly, she blinked. “I was in stealth,” she stated.
“In plain sight?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Another glacially slow blink. “Yes.”
Twilight cleared her throat. “In case anyone forgot, we were running away from a crazy cop and a crazy teacher fighting over Purple Heart’s crazy little brother. Can we get going?”
“I second that,” Wits said. “Let’s get going before we trigger another random encounter.”
“With all this tall grass, I wouldn’t be surprised,” Purple Heart drawled.
“Oooooooh! Think we’d find a Pidgey?” Pinkie asked.
“I think we’d find one for each of us,” Fluttershy commented. This brought all eyes to her. “What? I like games too.”
“You apparently haven’t seen Austin’s videos then,” Twilight mused.
“Less breaking the fourth wall!” Wits shouted, having already started walking. “More moving!”
Side Track pointed down another path. “You know this way actually leads where we’re going, right?”
Wits walked back to the group with as much dignity as he could muster. “Obviously, I did not.”


* * *


Sunset looked at the split-level house in front of the group. “You know, Side Track, when you were describing this as the Resistance’s Secret Rebel Base, I kinda expected something less…”
“Ordinary?” Witstang offered. “I th-thought that too at first.”
“It’s camouflage, shut up!” Side Track shouted, unlocking the front door and pulling it open. “Just get inside! And you’d better not track dirt all over or my parents are gonna string me up as an example.”
Wits followed the line of teens entering the house, wiping his feet on a slightly over-friendly welcome mat. “And here I thought there was a rule that no-one in a children’s cartoon could have parents,” he muttered.
“Nah, you’re thinking of Disney,” Light Patch replied. “The parents are allowed to exist, just not to be seen unless necessary. Think more Peanuts.”
“I would appreciate you don’t equate my life to a cartoon,” Sunset muttered.
The group filed up the stairs to the living room, which seemed to further hammer in the normalness of Side Track’s family. Based on the pictures hanging on the walls and standing on shelves, the one word that could be used to describe the family was “average”, even when Side Track’s decorative eyepatch began popping up. The teen girl pointed at the main space, which consisted of a couch and a couple of easy chairs. 
“Make yourself comfortable,” Side Track said as she closed the window blinds, “and grab chairs from the dining room if you need them. Don’t break, scratch, or otherwise permanently malign anything in this house. If my parents get back and find out I had people over, it’s just gonna make things a lot more awkward.”
“Are they s-still in Fillydelphia?” Witstang asked, sitting on the arm of the couch.
“Yep, still moving grandma’s stuff. They won’t be back for another three days.” Side Track dropped into one of the easy chairs with a sigh. “Which is good, ‘cause I don’t wanna have to explain why the local detective is chasing teachers with a spear.”
Purple Heart moved several chairs into the room for the rest of the group not occupying the other armchairs or couches then promptly sat on the floor and interlaced his fingers with elbows resting on his knees. “So,” he said, “now what? We have a Hydra-controlled Just Duty running around, a Holdfast acting more like the game version than a teacher, a badly hidden ex-villain that still has all his power, and an angsty, butthurt Hydra that wants to recreate the world in its on Caverns and Cutie Marks DLC release. Any ideas? Other than poking you six enough to go all ‘magicky magicky Praise the Sun’ mode?” He eyed the Mane Six thoughtfully.
“Seeing that combat seems to have changed, it looks like our first step might be to get you three leveled,” Twilight said, looking between the three male teens. “I may have had a long weekend where I may or may not have charted out the fastest ways to grind levels and exp for Ogres and Oubliettes as a way to explore statistics and charts and-”
“Anyone have an idea that doesn’t involve math and spreadsheets?” Rainbow asked.
“You realize we’d have to fight a bunch of battles don’t you?” Twilight asked, glaring at the girl.
“Actually you know that doesn’t-” 
“How about an idea that won’t take weeks we probably don’t have?” Sunset asked.
“Shouldn’t we ping the Princess?” Wits asked as he took a seat on the other arm of the couch. “Aside from the three of us,” he gestured to his compatriots, “she’s the only one who comes to this world who knows the game rules.”
Sunset shook her head. “As much as I’d like to get some extra firepower, whatever’s blocking us from going through the portal is also blocking the book. All I’m getting is a busy signal.”
“What’s a busy signal look like in a book?” Wits muttered.
“The point,” Sunset said, ignoring the mint-colored teen, “is that whatever we’re gonna do, we’ve gotta do it on our own, and fast.”
Twilight nodded. “Sunset’s right. If we can’t make contact with other worlds, it’s possible that the Hydra is powerful enough to start effecting this world even faster now than it could before. Maybe there’s some sort of cascading power creep, where the more like the game world this world becomes, the more powerful the Hydra becomes...” She trailed off into mumbled theorizing.
“So there’s seven p-people who can fight,” Witstang said, “three p-people who know how to fight, and then…” He gestured to himself, Side Track, and Maud Pie. “I d-don’t want to ask a silly question, but maybe we should… talk to some adults?”
“I’m all for gathering back up, but who?” Light Patch asked.
“Well there’s me for starters,” said a new voice entering the room. The teens all turned to look at the well suited man who’d just entered the room. A small smile was on his face as he stood slightly awkwardly.
“Uncle Coltson?” Side Track asked confused.
“Yeah, you’re parents asked me to check on you while they were away, seeing as I was in the area. Then things got really interesting,” he explained, “and as far as I and some co-workers of mine could tell, it looks like a good portion of it centers on, or stems from, all of you.” He paused at that, gesturing to the two core groups: six girls, and three boys. “So I hate to break up your little resistance meeting, but you’re all gonna have to come with me,” he finished, giving an apologetic smile.
Wits End narrowed his eyebrows at the newcomer and his finely fitted black suit and tie. “What are you?” he asked. “Some sort of Hydra agent?”
This got a chuckle from the man. “Believe me, if you only knew how ironic that was, you would’ve given it a better delivery.” He gestured to the front door. “Now, if you wouldn’t mind.”
“You and what army?” Rainbow Dash asked, glaring at the man. On cue, her questioning prompted several other people in similar suits to enter the room.
“How about that one?” the man replied with a smug smile.
“I’m downgrading your cool uncle status,” Side Track replied as she stood up from where she’d sat.
“I think I can live with that,” he replied. As if as an afterthought, he reached into his coat pocket and retrieved several blindfolds. “Oh, and you’ll need these.”
> Chapter 24: Agents of What Now?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Agent Coltson quietly took a place next to the agent watching through the window at the interrogation on the other side. “How's it going?” he asked.
“Well, he had a promising start. He tried to avoid Agent Prancard’s questions and give the least useful answers as he could,” Agent Poenig began. “Like you figured though, he caved quickly and started saying everything...” The agent let his words trail off.
“I’m sensing a but here,” Coltson replied.
“He kind of got side tracked. Just listen,” the slightly rotund agent replied, leaning forward to flick a switch on the wall under the window.
“It was at that point that my comrades and I had our hands forced and we had no choice but to activate the Gamma-fourteen device,” spoke Light Patch’s voice through the speaker system.
“I thought you said it was named Gamma-thirteen?” Agent Prancard asked, looking up from the rapidly growing sheaf of notes.
“Ah. Yes. Right, sorry. I’d forgotten to mention we’d further refined the device. Anyway, we activated the device but the enemy, in an attempt to stop us, fired it and damaged the machine, throwing us through time, space, and the borders between, landing us on the outside of a small rural village wheatfield,” Light Patch said, waving his arms about to help tell his story.
“Did your Zorgs come through the rift as well?” Prancard asked.
“No. They were left behind. We can only hope that their spirit animals took control and got them to safety,” Light Patch continued.
“One can only hope,” Prancard replied, looking over his notes, “Do you mind if we go back to the battle? I’m a little confused about how you said that robots taller than the city’s tallest skyscrapers were able to ambush you in the city?”
	“Ah. Right. Well, as I’d said we were fightin-” Light Patch’s voice was cut off, leaving only his seemingly wildly flailing arms the only sign of the fantastical story being told on the other side of the window.
Coltson looked thoughtfully at the notes rapidly being scrawled out by the agent in the room. “Probably shouldn’t have put someone from the D.O.S.A. department in charge of interviews,” he finally said.
“Yeah, that might have been a small oversight. On the flipside though, we could probably sell the story to some video game or children’s tv studio,” Poenig replied, looking at Coltson.
“Yes, I’m sure he’s not related to my niece. If it was her, there'd be more aliens involved,” Coltson replied, still watching the wobbling stack of notes. “How many times has he stopped to ask for more paper and pencils?”
“None,” Poenig replied. “The bag is Agent Prancard’s. He just reaches in and pulls more out.”
“Right. Well, let me know when they’re done writing the next series of Power Scouts, I’m gonna go check in on the other interrogations,” Coltson said, turning to leave.
“You got it boss,” Poenig said, picking up a nearby bag of popcorn before turning the mic back on as Coltson left the room.


* * *


Coltson flipped idly through the pages of the portfolio already compiled by his staff as he walked over to the next interrogation chamber. His eyebrows rose every so often as he read.
“Interesting,” he hummed, opening the door to the observation room. He closed the portfolio and folded his arms as he stepped next to the agent in charge. “Any progress?”
“What kind?” Agent Poenig returned, flipping off the mics. Coltson frowned.
“What do you mean what kind?”
Poenig nodded at the one way window. “In terms of getting reliable intel, we’ve got no progress at all,” he elaborated. A crash sounded from the interrogation room, audible despite the mic silence. “In terms of progress regarding Warden’s temper, we’re getting somewhere.”
Coltson’s frown deepened. “He knows that the subject is a civilian, right?”
“Oh, he knows,” Poenig assured. “But the kid’s just pushing his buttons.”
“How?”
Poenig didn’t answer and simply turned the mics back on.
“-what do you think stops me from pulling your spleen out of your nose?!” came Warden’s crackling growl.
“Probably the fact that I’m a minor and beating me up will be seen as abuse,” Purple Heart replied nonchalantly. The teen scooched his chair back, stood, moved over to an open piece of carpet and promptly laid down on his back. “Oh, do you mind if I take a nap here? I’m a touch drowsy.”
Warden gritted his teeth and glared at Purple Heart. “Could I ask you some questions about recent events here in Canterlot?”
“I mean, you just did. But if you have more, I’ll try to answer them,” Purple Heart sighed.
Coltson thought Warden was about to snap, but remarkably, the agent managed to restrain himself.
“Have you noticed anything strange going on around Canterlot recently?”
“Define strange. There’s a lot of strange thing around here. The number of confectionary stores, the ridiculous pastel colors, Pinkie Pie, I could go on.”
Silence.
“...Why don’t you?”
“Too tired.”
Coltson winced, looking at Poenig while Warden decided on his next question. “And he hasn’t given any reliable intel during the half hour he’s been here?”
Poenig shook his head in denial. “Nothing substantial. He did mention a friend named Bael who he reconnected with a few days ago. The way he smirked when he talked about the guy made me think it’s something to look into.”
“I’ll remember that,” Coltson noted, looking back to the glass. It seemed Warden had his next question.
“What can you tell me about your two friends, Light Patch and Wits End?”
“They’re assholes,” was the prompt reply. “But we’re good friends. Most of the time we’re fairly lucid and nondescript. But during the brief spurts of irrationality, the three of us manage to concoct truly terrifying ideas or make horrifically stupid realizations. Mostly at the expense of our brains. Seriously, we do not have good ideas.”
“...What about the girls you know?”
“Fluttershy is cute, Pinkie is annoying, Rainbow is spaztastic, Applejack is suspicious, Rarity is poncy, Twilight is suspicious, Twilight is suspicious, Sunset is scary, Celestia is hot, Luna is waifu-”
Poenig cut the mic again. “He’s been spouting similar stuff for the past half hour, sir,” he sighed. “You may want to move on to the next one.”
Coltson nodded readily. “I think I will.” He patted Poenig on the shoulder and turned to leave. A slam jolted Coltson to a stop and he whirled around to see Purple Heart plastered to the window. The teen shouted, making himself heard despite the mics being off.
“HEY, COLTSON!”
Poenig stared at his SO, eyes wide with surprise as he mouth kept opening and closing silently. Coltson walked back over to Poenig and turned on the mic. “Yes?”
“TAHITI!” Colston blinked.
“It’s a Magical Place,” he said unconsciously as the teen across the glass said it at the exact same time.
Coltson blinked again. Purple Heart gave a shit-eating grin and let out a cackle. Coltson shuddered and quickly left, intent to get as far away from the strange purple kid as quickly as possible. Hopefully the next interrogatee would be more helpful.


* * *


“Let me guess,” Coltson said as he entered the next observation room. “He’s been completely unhelpful, mildly irritating, and occasionally amusing?”
“Oh, he’s been quite helpful, actually,” Poenig, the slightly rotund agent inside said, gesturing to the filled pages in this legal pad.
Coltson raised an eyebrow. “Really? That’s surprising, considering the state his friends have their respective agents.”
Poenig raised a forefinger. “Ah. Let me be more specific then. He’s been quite helpful in helping to give context to those stories you keep telling about your niece.”
“Ah. That sounds more like it.” Coltson gestured to the mint-colored teen on the other side of the two-way mirror, who was alternating between speaking rapidly and nodding in silence when the agent asked a question. “Any trouble? One’s got Agent Warden ready to chew nails and spit molten iron, and the other is working with the D.O.S.A. agent to write a new kid’s TV show.”
“Well…” Poenig flipped back to the beginning of his notes. “There was some tension at the beginning. The subject,” he motioned towards Wits End, “said, and I quote, ‘We both know how this is going to go down. You’re gonna to ask a bunch of questions, and I’m gonna give unhelpful answers. Then I’m gonna ask some questions, and you’re not gonna answer them at all. Neither of us will be happy, and we’ll have wasted several hours.’”
Coltson whistled softly. “Kid’s got a mouth on him.”
“He then said that as long as the agent inside was willing to go along with this, then he was-” Poenig made finger quotes, “-game.”
After a slow nod, Coltson pointed a finger to the other room. “Can we take a listen?” Poenig shrugged and flipped the switch, causing the speakers to come to life in the middle of Wits speaking.
“-which is why it’s really hard to give a straight answer when you ask exactly WHAT the Othersiders are. See, giving them a concrete definition using our limited human language,  which is so built on all words having mutually exclusive opposites, is nearly impossible because as soon as you try to define them as, for example, red, it instantly makes it difficult to also describe them as being blue, because our brains are not wired to comprehend those two statements being true at the same time.”
On the other side of the two-way mirror, Agent Maximillion Smart glanced back at Coltson and Poenig, as if hoping to get a hint as to whether anything the teen had said made any sense. “And what does that have to do with what happened at the Canterlot High building you and your friends were living in earlier today?”
Wits blinked. “Is that what you were asking about? I’d completely forgotten. As for what happened, I haven’t the foggiest idea. Nothing happened while I was there.”
“Do you know what the current state of that building is now?”
“I don’t even know where that building is, to be honest.”
“But you just said-”
“Sorry, did we miss something?” Wits had a look of mock worry on his face.
Agent Smart raised a hand, holding his thumb and forefinger slightly apart. “By that much.”
Wits made a beckoning motion towards the two-way mirror. “Hey, can I get something to drink in here? I can see I’m gonna have to tell this story aaaaaaall from the beginning again, and my throat is feeling mighty parched.”
Coltson leaned over and flicked the switch back, shutting off the speakers. “Has he been like that this whole time?” he asked.
Poening tapped his legal pad, now filled halfway with notes. “This is my third pad.”
Coltson let a sigh hiss out through his teeth. “Well, good luck with that. It’s about time I see if we got something resembling a straight answer out of the girls.” He turned to leave, but stopped at the door. “Agent Poenig?”
“Yes sir?”
You’ve seen the other kid who looks like that one, right?” Coltson gestured towards Wits End.
“Sure, when they were being taken for questioning.”
Coltson nodded. “Got any tips for telling them apart, aside from the hair?”
Poenig thought for a moment, then shook his head. “Sorry, sir. Can’t help there. They look identical to me.”
Coltson blinked slowly. He raised a finger and opened his mouth to respond, but decided against it. The door closed swiftly behind him.


* * *


Coltson sat, half smirking at the three teens sat across from him. They’d been like this for almost five minutes by his reckoning. Each one looked like they wanted to say something but none of them seemed willing to break the silence. All four heads turned to look at the door when it opened letting in three completely identical people each with the file held in their hands.
“Here’s the interview notes, sir,” the first one said, dropping his file followed shortly by the other two.
“Thank you, Agents Poenig,” Coltson replied, picking one of the files and paging through its contents. He repeated the action with the other two folders before stacking them in front of him and looking back at the teens. He smiled softly for a few moments before looking at Light Patch.
“I have to say, that was quite the story you told. Robots, alien invasions, ancient spirits. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were ripping off a few seasons of Power Scouts,” he said before turning to address Purple Heart.
“And you… well, you’re lucky we didn’t have to scrape you off the walls and ceiling of the interrogation room after pushing all of Warden’s buttons. That in and of itself is impressive. Warden is highly trained and doesn’t break easily. So either you knew what buttons to press or were facetious enough to make him crack.” Coltson eyed the purple teen critically, then turned his gaze on Wits End.
“And finally you. I’ve never seen anyone talk so much without saying a single thing like that before. If you weren’t blocking our investigation, I’d be impressed,” he finished, lapsing back into silence as the three teens looked at each other. He gave them a few minutes and waited until one of them looked ready to respond before cutting them off himself.
“I’m going to give you three one chance: would you like to tell me the real story now?” he asked.
Wits looked at Light Patch and Purple Heart for a moment before he turned back to the Agent. “To be honest, I’m not gonna top the B.S. I spouted back there, so I’m afraid I’m disinclined to acquiesce your request.” He waited a beat. “That means-”
“I know what it means,” Coltson said, cutting him off.
Purple Heart raised a hand. “If we tell the truth, will you give us sushi?”
Colston blinked and his mouth responded before his brain could stop him. “No.”
The purple teen shrugged, his face set in a pout. “What is the truth then.”
Coltson looked at Light Patch with the air of someone waiting to be entertained, “I got nothing,” the grey teen replied, shrugging. “I spent all of my creative juice already.”
After a moment of looking over the three of them, Agent Coltson shook his head, making a tsking sound. “Oh, boys,” he sighed. “And here I thought the youth of today was being raised better.” He reached into a drawer in his desk and pulled out another file, this one slightly thicker than the ones the Poenigs had provided. “Then again, I can’t really speak for the upbringing of you three where you come from, can I?”
He waited for a moment, as if prompting the three teens to speak. When they didn’t, he shrugged and continued. “See, fortunately for you three, your friends told us what was really going on. Their stories even match up, unlike you three.” He chuckled, opening the file to a picture from a security camera showing the group of them fleeing the battle between Just Duty and Holdfast. “I was kind of hoping you boys would want to cooperate without needing to go through this whole ‘liar revealed’ business.” He set the folder on the table and slid it over to the three boys. “So,” Coltson said with a smug smile, “anything to say now, boys?”
“Traitors,” Light Patch muttered, glancing over the picture. “Whatever they said is probably accurate as far as their parts and what they saw,” he said more audibly.
“Bollocks,” Purple Heart swore, his head thumping onto the table. “Of course they make us look like the irresponsible plebeians. Jerks.”
“I wouldn’t speak too badly of them,” Coltson warned, motioning towards the door as the rest of the teens filed in. “After all, it’s thanks to them that you three aren’t sitting in holding cells right now. Extradimensional individuals are enough of a problem without them being extradimensional smartass teenagers.” After a pause, he turned to Sunset. “No offence, miss.”
“None taken,” Sunset replied as she took a seat. “Now, what’s going on?”
Side Track nodded, crossing her arms and leveling her best glare at the older man. “You’ve got a lot of explaining to do, Uncle Phil.”
Wits End held up a hand. “Wait, hang on. Wait just a gosh darn moment!” He pointed a finger at the Agent. “You’re Agent Phil Coltson?”
“That’s what everyone keeps telling me,” Coltson replied with a smile.
“Coltson. Phil Coltso-” Wits’ forehead hit the table with a dull thud. “Now I really wish I’d given a better delivery with that ‘Hydra agent” line…”
“I told you so.”
Purple Heart rolled his head to the side to look at Wits. “You didn’t notice? I had an inkling of what we were dealing with when I got introduced to Gran Warden.”
Coltson frowned, eyeing Purple Heart. “Indeed. What do you know about T.A.H.I.T.I.?”
Purple Heart shrugged. “It’s a magical place.”
“ANYWAYS,” Sunset stressed, rapping the table to get the guys’ attention. “What’s going on?”
“I’m an agent with S.A.D.D.L.E. and you’ve all been brought to one of its facilities to try and figure out what part you all play in what has been happening all over the world,” Coltson said, cutting off the three teens sat across from him. “Parts of our world is getting replaced by another world entirely. One populated by four-legged pony-like creatures. Given Canterlot’s previous experience with strange events,” he leveled a look at Sunset and Twilight for a moment, “it was pretty easy to trace the epicenter of those changes back to this town.”
“The changes are spreading?” Twilight asked.
“And accelerating,” Coltson replied. “I don’t know what you kids did, but in the last 24 hours we’ve gotten more reports of this pony world overwriting ours than ever before.” He steepled his fingers on the table. “Can any of you think of something that might have caused that?”
Slowly, the group’s attention turned towards Purple Heart. The teen shifted unconsciously, realizing that he was now the center of attention.
“Wot?” he asked. “You all think I know?”
“Yeah. Wits End and I dealt with our villains. You and Bael still apparently have some things to finish hammering out,” Light Patch said, sitting up straighter to look over Wits End.
“And do you see anyone else volunteering?” Sunset asked. Purple Heart frowned and crossed his arms.
“Well I didn’t volunteer,” he whined.
“By majority vote, we the people have elected you as the weak link today,” Wits End intoned. “Spill.”
With much grumbling, Purple Heart unfolded his arms and leaned on the table, hands pressed together. He was silent for a few seconds, brow furrowed as he considered his words. “Bael wasn’t as dead as I thought he was when I beat him,” he started.
“He was only MOSTLY DEAD~!” Pinkie cried in realization.
“NOT THE TIME!” Fluttershy snapped. She coughed weakly when she noticed all eyes were on her. “Ehm, sorry, I mean, continue, Purple Heart.”
The purple teen snorted and a corner of his mouth quirked up. “In any case, Bael decided to suffer from ‘Genie Question’ syndrome. Tee-ell-dee-are, he found a loophole in Discord’s command of being an antagonistic force for me. Once he’d felt that those parameters were met, he borked away. Or was it bamf’d… I mean, he did poof away in a cloud of green smoke, but it was more of a ‘whumpf’ sound like artillery fire than actual-”
“Rambling,” the girls, Wits, and Light chorused.
“Ah, yeh. Bael was still around and kicking and had all his stolen power still. So when Discord opened the arch, he decided to audi five-thousand and went through the mirror in Canterlot which led him here.”
“How does that explain the changes of our world?” Coltson pressed.
Purple Heart opened his mouth to reply, hesitated, shut his mouth, opened it again, closed it, then opened it. “Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh...” Cobalt blue eyes fazed out of focus.
“Well,” Wits said, saving his companion from making a larger fool of himself than usual, “he’s not exactly the only thing to make its way into this world.” He turned to Purple Heart. “Also, are you sure Bael went through the mirror? I’m pretty sure the Hydra didn’t fit through that thing.”
Purple Heart’s eyes snapped back into focus and he blinked at Wits. “Well, yeh. He found a shortcut that didn’t expend his power. Explains why it took so much time for the Hydra to make the shift from game world to this one.”
Coltson jerked and stared hard at the purple teen. “Hydra? As in-”
“No relation,” Wits explained. “Surprisingly enough, we’re talking about a literal Hydra.”
Witstang raised a hand. “It c-came from the same place as B-Bael, and we’re pretty sure it’s trying to recreate the g-game world in this one.”
“It’s been working for a while,” Wits continued, “but if it’s sped up recently, it’s entirely possible that it’s because of something we did.”
“M-might have something to do with getting B-Bael involved,” Witstang followed on.
“And the fact that it wanted to capture Bael it further evidence to that,” Wits concurred.
“Do you have to do that?” Coltson asked.
“Do what?” both Witses asked in unison.
Coltson gestured at the two of them. “That.’
“Any more freaky twin thing from the two of you and I’m joining the Hydral’s team,” Light Patch said, switching his glare between the two.
“But why would it worry about Bael?” Sunset asked.
“Bael was one of the three who kind of ruined everything for it once and it might have been worried Bael would do it again,” Light Patch thought aloud. “Also, we don’t know exactly the order they absconded from the game’s world. So it’s possible that the Hydral might have been worried Bael followed him.”
“Sounds pretty logical. What I’d like to know is why is it terraforming this world in the first place?” Coltson said, leaning forward while shooting a questioning look between the different teens.
“Well, it’s probably safe to say it’s not looking to raise an army and re-invade and conquer it’s old home,” Sunset half heartedly said, with an apologetic smile.
“What if this world doesn’t match it’s habitat in some way?” Fluttershy quietly pondered.
Side Track cleared her throat. “I don’t think it’s thought that far.”
“What else would it do with all those heads?” Coltson asked. “I mean, what evil villain tries to take over the world without a plan?”
“Think about it.” Side Track paused for a moment to formulate her thoughts. “When you turn off a game, that game world doesn’t exist anymore. Now that it’s in our world, it seems like it’s trying to make an exact copy, rather than one with it in charge.” She paused again. “Rather than trying to conquer our world, I think it’s trying to save its own.”
“Since when do you have such a deep insight into the mind of a giant lizard?” Wits asked.
“Well… It did kinda try to make me go after something on main street…”
“What?” Wits asked.
“What?” Witstang echoed.
“What?” Coltson parroted. “Great, now you two have me doing it too. What do you mean it made you do something?!”
“It tried,” Side Track corrected. “It’s like it… put thoughts in my head to direct me towards investigating main street. It didn’t work ‘cause I’ve spent so long evaluating my own thoughts, I could tell something was off.”
Witstang blinked. “And somehow, th-that’s why you sent us into the forest?”
“I picked up something about the forest from it, yeah.” Side Track thought back to that moment. “If I was to guess, I’d say it’s scared that it might fail at this point.”
Coltson sighed. “Well, if it’s scared, that means we have a chance to reverse this. I’d say our agents will take care of it, but I get the strange feeling that you’ll all complain about that.” Light Patch smiled as he leaned over to pat Coltson on the shoulder.
“Good man. Looks like you might just be genre savvy about teen hero flics after all,” the grey skin teen said with a cheeky smile.
> Chapter 25: Central, this is Big Sky, approaching LZ
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Welp,” Coltson said, re-entering the van, “it’s gonna take us a while to dig this out of the mud. Looks like this is as far you go in comfort.” 
“Figures the road would have turned to mud just as we were trying to get somewhere,” Sunset muttered.
“Yeah, something tells me it wasn’t an accident.” Side Track replied.
“Normally I wouldn’t agree, but in this case I can’t rule it out,” Coltson said, looking at the group before his smile faded. “I know you won’t, but I don’t suppose I can talk you out of this and letting skilled and trained agents handle this one?”
“Hey, we’ve saved the world at least three times,” Rainbow shot back with an annoyed glare.
“That still probably only makes it a twenty-to-one ratio between us,” Coltson replied smugly. “But I’ll take that as a no. So, I hope you’re all careful,” he said to the group as they filed out of the van and started down the dirt road through the city. “Oh wait, I almost forgot something,” he called out to the teens. “Hey, you three,” he said, pointing at the boys. “I couldn’t help but notice you three in specific seemed to be a little...” He wavered, trying to find a way to put his next words softly. “...underpowered, as it were.”
Wits pursed his lips. “I resemble that remark.”
“Eh, if anything we can just use the ‘Get Help’ play.” Purple Heart waved a hand dismissively, though he still bristled at the comment. Light Patch bristled as well for a second, before quietly sighing in resignation.
“Heh, yeah. Well still, I hate the idea of just sending ki- I mean, teens out there without trying to prepare you in some way. So, I talked to some of the D.O.S.A. agents and had them pull up some of the more powerful artifacts they’d found from the game world,” he said, opening up the rear doors of the van, and the trunk inside. “Their scanners say this is supposed to be some fairly powerful stuff. I’ll let you three make your own picks,” he said, waving them over towards the metal trunk.
The three teens approached curiously and looked into the trunk; everyone trying to ignore the short victorious tune that played as they first looked into the metal box. As the tune hit its peak and the three teens saw what was in the box, their jaws dropped. There were three items in the box: an armored gauntlet, a large warhammer that barely fit, and an intricate sword.
“*BLEEP* yes.” Light Patch muttered, staring at the warhammer.
Wits stared at Light Patch. “How did you make that sound with your mouth?”
“Forget Light’s censor, we have our weapons back!” Purple Heart crowed, grinning widely as he grabbed the gauntlet and slid it over his right hand.
Light Patch laughed evilly as he nearly effortlessly hefted the hammer over his shoulder, noting the small sparks of electricity as he’d first touched it. “Let's go find some nails.”
“Uh, what was with that laugh?” Sunset asked, glaring at the hammer-wielding teen.
“You liked it? I’ve been practicing my evil villain laughs again,” Light Patch beamed.
“Do we wanna know why you practice them?”
“They’re fun,” he replied with a shrug, causing Sunset to look away with an annoyed look and a muttered agreement.
The sound of metal sliding into place cut off Sunset, who turned back to see Wits holding the unsheathed sword, handle extended into a spear haft. “I was gonna complain about you guys interrupting my ‘weapon-getting moment’,” he said with a spreading grin, “but that was cool enough for me to forget my snarky comment.”
“I don’t know how I feel about you three being armed,” Twilight said, “but I don’t think it’s a positive emotion.”
“If it makes you feel any better,” Coltson offered, “the D.O.S.A. folks found stuff for most of you too.” He gestured towards the items that lined the inside of the van. “Bows, staffs, lassos… A cannon. Don’t know who’d use a cannon as a personal weapon, but I suppose that’s your problem now.”
“Now I’m positive it’s not a positive emotion,” Twilight grumbled.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Wits said, sliding the handle of his blade back into place. “How much damage can a bunch of teens with extravagant weaponry do, anyway?”
The familiar sound of a party cannon going off and shattering glass caused them all to turn. A few yards away, Pinkie stood in front of a broken storefront window, and the ruined displays on the other side. “Sorry! I don’t know how this thing works.”
Coltson turned back to look at Wits. “I know, I know,” Wits muttered, sheathing his sword. “Keep my big mouth shut, don’t tempt fate.”
“I was going to ask if you three know how to use those things,” Coltson corrected, “but at this point I’m thinking I should just give up on asking about coincidences altogether.” 
“If you’re really so curious, we can tell you, y’know,” Purple Heart said, not looking up from his recently-acquired gauntlet. “These just so happened to be our weapons in the game world. Light’s war hammer, Wits’ stord, and my gauntlet. I’d demonstrate it’s abilities, but we’re unfortunately still in the city.”
“Unfortunately?” Applejack echoed.
Purple Heart winced. “Let’s just say that the last time I let loose with this thing, I re-routed a river. And a village. And did a fair bit of deforestation.”
“Let’s save the demonstration when when there’s something to demonstrate on,” Sunset said. She turned back to Coltson. “And you’re sure the others will be safe?”
Coltson nodded. “Side Track, Miss Pie, and the other Mister End will be safe back at base. If you need them or they need you, you can use the radio.” He gestured to the walkie-talkie-style radio clipped to Sunset’s belt. “Of course, if all goes well, we won’t hear from you until everything’s back to normal again.”
“Great.” Sunset turned to the three boys. “What’d you say? Once more unto the breach?”
“Certainty of death,” Wits mused. “Small chance of success… What’re we waiting for?”
“SPOOOOOOOON!” Light Patch shouted, charging down the road before tripping and face-planting into the mud.
Purple Heart gave a snorting laugh and hauled Light back to his feet by his shirt collar. “Since Light has already used the long-vowel movement battlecry, I’ll just settle for here… we… go.”


* * *


“You know,” Rainbow Dash whined as the group made their way through the mostly deserted town, “when you guys said we were gonna be doing RPG-style fights, I kinda expected some… ya’know… fighting?”
“Easy, girl,” Applejack replied. “From what we’ve heard, the fightin’ will be comin’ soon enough.”
“Or not at all,” Fluttershy muttered. “I mean, we can hope, right?”
“You guys have more experience with this,” Sunset said, turning back to the three boys. “What can we expect? Changelings? Wendigos? Princess Twilight’s judging stare?”
“Bandits,” Light Patch threw out immediately. “A whole lot of bandits. Also, there was this one time I worked with my villain to take down a Trapeze Death Barnacle and accidently may have unleashed a hidden army of undead.”
“I had to fight off a bunch of gladiators in the coliseum,” Purple Heart added. “We may also face armoroids. Honestly, the small-time mooks were forgettable. Nothing for us to worry about.”
Sunset arched a skeptical eyebrow at the purple teen, looking over her shoulder to see matching looks of disbelief on her friends’ faces.
“He’s right, you know,” Wits said. “The only things that were really a threat were the bosses. Even then, we’ve got a lot more people in our party than any time we fought them, and we’re at a high level. The only way they’d be a threat is if they came at us all at once.”
“Why would they do that?” Twilight asked, ignorant of Sunset’s frantic motions not to ask.
Wits shrugged, equally ignorant. “I dunno, some sort of boss rush or something?”
“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?” Sunset exclaimed. As if on cue, a faint grid formed around them, with a familiar list of names appearing near the entrance of one of the nearby streets. “WHY? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THA-”
The sound of pavement cracking interrupted her tirade. The group turned to see the mangled, flickering pieces of the list of names scattered about. As they faded from existence, the cause became apparent: a massive greathammer with verdant green flames licking at its head, wielded by an equally large pony in black, flaming armor.
Wits End opened his mouth, but wilted under the glare Sunset shot at him. “Points for dramatic entrance?”
Sunset opened her mouth to snap at the mint colored teen only to be interrupted by a squawk from Purple Heart.
“Fudge bollocks!” the large teen swore, his body stiffening in fear. “Not good!”
“Not good indeed,” Grim Hammer intoned, his deep voice rumbling forth from beneath his helm. “I would say it was an honor to see you again, Purple Barbarian, but last we met we did not leave on the best of terms.”
“W-what does he mean by that?” Fluttershy asked, peeking from behind Applejack.
“Last time I faced him, I blew his mane out,” Purple Heart replied.
“Oh. So nothing too bad, eh?” Rainbow Dash inquired.
“Then he stomped on me. Quiet literally.”
“...Oh.”
Light Patch stepped up beside Purple Heart, holding his hammer ready for battle. “This time, Purple’s gonna have a little help,”
“Yeah, you might find it easy to take us out one-on-one,” Rainbow Dash cockily chimed in.
“But I suspect even you’ll have an issue with all of us,” Applejack continued, prepping her rope.
“So be it. Perhaps this time, the battle shall be more interesting than a one sided brawl,” Grim Hammer replied, stepping off the sidewalk and towards the middle of the road. “There shall definitely be more fighters involved.”
“Indeed!” A stallion clad in chain and plate armor, smaller than the hulking fighter, stepped up beside Grim Hammer, sword and greatshield at the ready. The eyeslit of his helmet shone with golden light, illuminating the area around him. “Never shall it be said that Wayward Sun stands down against a valiant foe!” Sparks of yellow lightning danced across Wayward’s armor as he shifted into a battle stance.
Wits blinked, and turned back to Light Patch and Purple Heart. “Didn’t you say you beat this guy in one hit?”
“That was Pinkie,” Purple Heart said. “She One Deag’d him.”
“I did?” Pinkie asked.
“Other Pinkie.”
“Aha.”
“Are these two minibosses?” Twilight asked.
“Grim Hammer was one of my gladiator fights and he completely demolished me,” Purple Heart explained. “Wayward Sun was… less than satisfactory.”
Rainbow Dash grinned. “So between the two of them, we’ve got one normal miniboss, right?”
“That’s not how that math works at a-” Twilight was cut off by Rainbow Dash’s… well, dash into combat, aiming a kick at Grim Hammer’s helmet. The massive hammer snapped up into the girl’s path. When foot met hammer, a gong-like sound echoed along the street.
“This is the game; logic was left behind when we were kidnapped by a god of chaos and forced to play tabletop RPGs,” Light Patch replied as he moved past Twilight to take his own swing at Grim Hammer.
“He ain’t exactly wrong, sugarcube,” Applejack replied with a shrug.
“That just makes it worse,” Twilight groused back.
“Fight now, chat later,” Purple Heart ordered, blitzing over to Grim Hammer with one arm pulled back. He struck Grim Hammer’s helm and met with... no resistance. The helmet pinged away and Purple Heart whirled like a top, falling on his side in confusion. “Whuh?”
“AUGH!” Pinkie screamed, pointing at Grim Hammer’s headless body. “What happened to your body?!”
Grim Hammer sighed, the sound echoing in his torso as he swung at a startled Rainbow Dash, forcing the girl to retreat. In the brief respite, he trotted over to his helm and replaced it on his armor, giving it a sharp rap to reignite the flames.
“Aaaah,” he sighed. “Much better.”
“Piss bollocks,” Purple Heart swore.
“Would you stop swearing please?!” Rarity snapped, covering Fluttershy’s ears.
“The last thing we need is for her to pass out or freeze up!” Sunset shouted as she blocked Wayward Sun’s blows with her demon claws.
“Keep thy eyes on your foe, young one!” Wayward called, forcing her back with a swing of his sword. He slammed his shield on the ground, lightning arcing from every metal surface nearby before a bolt fired straight up. “You never know what they may do.”
“At least his aim is awful,” Rarity started to say, only to be interrupted by a half-dozen identical lightning bolts slamming into the road around them, leaving sizable craters where they landed. “Is everyone alright?”
Wits looked up from his place on the ground, having leapt away from a lamp post that had been hit by lightning and burst into metal pieces. “Outside is not a good place to be right now!” he squeaked. “Bad things, not good!”
“Then we need ta get inside!” Applejack decided, ducking behind a dustbin.
“I dunno about you, but I don’t think being inside one of these buildings will be too helpful,” Rainbow called.
“Would a warehouse work?” Fluttershy asked.
“We’d be awfully close together,” Rarity commented.
“But at least we’d have cover,” Sunset pointed out.
“ARE WE GONNA HIDE OR NOT?!” the three boys snapped, fending off both Grim Hammer and Wayward Sun while the girls chatted.
Pinkie inspected the state of the battle, thought for a moment, and then nodded. “Run away!” she screamed, firing off her party cannon to create a screen of smoke and brightly colored paper bits. “Run away!”
The ten teens took off down the street in the opposite direction of the two stunned armored ponies. “Where are we going?” Rainbow shouted.
“How should I know?” Pinkie screamed back. “I just got us out of there!”
“Someplace with a roof!” Wits called from his place towards the back. “We’ve gotta minimize Wayward’s lightning, otherwise we’re gonna get Back to the Future’d!”
“I know a place,” Twilight huffed. “There’s a warehouse… where I did a lot… of my early experiments! Make a left!”
The group scrambled down the side-street just as another volley of lightning bolts rained on the intersection. The road ended with a large warehouse covered in patches of salvaged metal. The large metal door was partially ajar, and scrawled with the letters “CMC” in white spray paint.
“How convenient,” Wits mused as the teens pelted towards the cover.
“Save your snark for when we’re not getting attacked!” Sunset snapped back, ushering everyone inside. Once the stragglers—Wits and Twilight, to be specific—made it inside, she slammed the door shut with a feat of demonically-enhanced strength. “There, that’ll buy us some time.”
A large, hammerhead-shaped dent appeared in the door next to where she was standing; a few licks of green flame visible between the gaps.
“Please never say that again,” Rarity groaned.
“Do we have everyone?” Twilight asked, scanning the group. A chorus of yes’ echoed through the empty warehouse. Nodding her head in satisfaction, Twilight led the group away from the door, wincing as a shock of static buzzed through the thick steel. “Okay, planning time. How did you beat Grim Hammer and Wayward Sun in the game?”
“We didn’t,” Purple Heart said.
The girls blinked.
“You mean you personally?” Rarity clarified.
“Well, for Wayward Sun, yes,” Light admitted. “Pinkie just kind of blew him away with her party cannon.”
“No, I didn’t,” Pinkie denied. “Oh… You mean pony me. Gotcha”
“So the party cannon does bonus damage to Wayward Sun?” Twilight asked.
“More like Discord wanted to speed things along,” Wits said. “He must have debuffed Wayward so much even Spike could have beaten him. Granted, he probably wanted to get them to rescue me so the game could end before-”
“So you got lucky,” Sunset stated.
“Eeyup,” the boys chorused.
“Great. And if I remember correctly, you didn’t actually beat Grim Hammer,” Sunset recalled, arching an eyebrow at Purple Heart. The purple teen raised his hands in a defensive gesture.
“Hold on,” he said, “I did actually beat Grim Hammer. Just not when it mattered. The bellend kept reviving himself. I got him three times before he upped the steroid intake and let Bael take over.”
The girls just stared at the three boys.
“So accordin’ ta you, we gotta get a lucky shot on Wayward and just keep batterin’ away at Grim Hammer til something breaks off,” Applejack stated.
“Uh huh.”
“Yeh.”
“Seems so.”
“...What plan did you have, Twi?”
Twilight shrugged. “I was sort of depending on there being a known way to beat these two. The good news is that they don’t seem to be fighting together so much as fighting at the same time seperately. As long as someone can keep Grim Hammer occupied, the rest of us should be able to take down Wayward Sun just by keeping him from using his lightning.”
“Sounds like a plan to me,” Rainbow Dash said. “Just one question.”
Another hammer-shaped dent appeared in the door, this one larger than the last. “Make it fast,” Applejack said.
Rainbow Dash turned to the three boys. “You said Grim Hammer was fighting you, right?” she asked Purple Heart.
“Sure,” the purple teen said. “For certain definitions of fight…”
Rainbow turned to Wits End. “And you said Wayward Sun was guarding you?”
“Not my finest moment,” Wits grumbled.
Finally, Rainbow Dash turned to Light Patch. “So where’s the guy you fought in all of this?”
Light Patch opened his mouth to say he ‘didn’t really have a fight with anything like the other two did’ when a deep growl echoed through the warehouse, cutting him off. His eyes shot open with recognition, and he spun around just in time to see a large creature smash through a stack of crates as it swung down from the ceiling. Its two, purple, bloodshot eyes opened and immediately locked onto the grey teen; one tracking him while the other glanced between the other nine.
“Right there,” Light Patch said through grit teeth. He readied his hammer as the creature unfolded its long misshapen arms and grabbed onto the heavily dented door. It growled, locking both eyes on Light Patch again.
Fluttershy swallowed. “Oh my.”
Applejack looked at the girl’s bright red face. “What?”
“You don’t want to know what it just said to Light Patch,” the shy teen stammered, and then squeaked as the beast ripped the door from the wall, half-throwing, half-sliding it towards the group and forcing them to scatter. Grim Hammer and Wayward Sun stepped through the opening and raised their weapons in open challenge.
“Now, where were we?” Grim Hammer asked.
“Your unconditional surrender?” Wits squeaked.
“Negotiations?” Purple Heart offered. 
Light Patch screamed as he ran past the group, the Crypt Pendulum chasing after him.
Grim Hammer gave a snort that intensified his flames briefly. Wayward Sun summoned a number of lightning bolts.
“The time for parley has passed for thee,” Wayward intoned. “Although, tis a great shame that fate has conspired to force the death of promiscuous maidens such as these.”
The girls in the group stiffened and glared at the white-armored pony, instantly picking their target.
“You two will be fine taking on Grim Hammer,” Rarity ordered, cracking her knuckles ominously. “This crime against fashion is due for an early demise.” Purple and Wits just watched as the seven girls converged on Wayward Sun, backing him into a corner of the warehouse. This brief interlude was promptly interrupted by Grim Hammer dashing towards them, hammer raised.
“Come, Purple Barbarian and Minty Attorney! Show me what you’re made of!” the enchanted armor demanded.
“I don’t wanna!” Wits replied, dodge-rolling out of the way of the charging armor. “What I’m made of is on the inside of my squishy, vulnerable meat-parts!”
“No time for witticisms! Fight the thing!” Purple Heart cried, juking away from a hammer strike and following with a punch. Grim Hammer merely sidestepped the punch and kicked a leg into the purple teen’s stomach, sending the unfortunate boy into a stack of crates. Wits danced around behind Grim and stabbed for a joint in the armored pony’s back leg. The strike landed and stuck firm. Grim Hammer looked over his shoulder at the offending blade and jumped away, Wits flapping haplessly along behind him.
“Just let go of the sword!” Light cried, running past the duo with the Pendulum still in hot pursuit.
“Its my stord!” Wits wailed. “Mine! My own! My-”
Wits slammed into another stack of crates and immediately went quiet, his face muffled by stuffed animals. Grim Hammer stood nearby, wincing as he attempted to unsuccessfully pull the blade from his flank. After several sharp tugs with no progress, the armored pony sighed.
“Merely a nuisance to be dealt with later,” he decided. Then he was sent flying by Purple Heart’s punch. A loud series of crashes sounded throughout the warehouse as Grim Hammer flew through a truly staggering amount of crates.
“Hey! Watch it!” Rainbow snapped as she soared past after a fleeing Wayward Sun. Purple watched silently as the other girls stampeded off in pursuit, followed promptly by Light and the Pendulum. Purple Heart snorted and turned to drag Wits out of the stuffed animals.
“All this needs now is a Benny Hill theme,” the purple teen commented.
Grim Hammer pulled himself erect and turned to face Purple Heart. “You will not find your second hit as easily scor-” He was interrupted as Light Patch ran past him, lightly smacking him in the face with his palm as he passed. 
The flaming warrior quickly moved to attack the rapidly retreating form, but before he could even finish readying his swing, the Crypt Pendulum battered its way past the armored giant, using its arms to drag its body after its target.	With a low gurgle, it spat acid towards the teen, who launched himself into the air with a hammer strike against the ground. Light Patch twisted around to strike the Crypt Pendulum, but found himself not quite fast enough, and instead being the one struck by the Pendulum’s body and thrown into the far wall.
Fluttershy helped him right himself before they both turned to use their healing abilities on the wounded Rainbow nearby. “Are you managing okay?” Fluttershy asked.
“I’m not dying,” Light Patch whispered, staying below the line of crates the three were behind. “But it remembers how Just Duty and I beat it last time. It’s being a lot more careful and in control of its momentum.”
“Can you surprise it?” Rainbow asked, using her bow to take a quick shot at Wayward.
“I’ve been trying, but it locks an eye on me as much as it can. When I do manage to break its line of sight, it immediately pulls itself close to the roof and watches for me,” Light Patch quietly said, pointing at where the beast was slowly moving itself around the roof of the warehouse’s ceiling, both eyes constantly flicking between the various sources of movement happening below it.
“Why are you whispering?” Fluttershy asked.
“Oh yeah, it hears with its eyes.”
“How?” Fluttershy prompted, looking up at the creature surprised.
“Surprisingly well,” the teen responded, looking up just as the beast finally heard him, the two locking eyes before Light Patch immediately scattered.
“Augh!” Fluttershy’s attention was drawn back to their own fight by a cry of pain, or surprise, from Wayward Sun. Rarity, who had abandoned the needles she’d gotten as a weapon from Coltson, had taken to bashing the armored knight with a mannequin she’d found in the warehouse. “Ah! Cease, my lady! Cease, I say!”
“My lady this!” Rarity swung for the fences, slamming the mannequin against Wayward’s helmet with enough force to send the mannequin’s head spiralling away. “It’s bad enough dealing with boys like you at school, but at least you are a White Knight I can deal with properly!” Her next swing ran into Wayward’s shield, splintering the mannequin into pieces and leaving her holding two lower legs. “Uh oh.”
“Incomin’!” Applejack tossed a barrel at Wayward Sun, knocking him away from the fashionista. She looked down at the lasso attached to her belt and tisked. “Who in th’ hay thought these things were practical for fightin’?” she asked, hefting another barrel.
“I guess the RPG logic hasn’t taken full effect,” Twilight said. “In Caverns and Cutie Marks, these are all standard weapons, but here they’re kinda…” She tossed a flask at Wayward, tangling his shield against the ground in a mass of Tangleweed. “Underwhelming?”
Sunset stepped up, launching a fireball at Wayward Sun’s sword. The blade twisted and melted into a useless hunk of steel in moments. “Let’s just get this over with before those boys get themselves killed,” she growled, cracking the knuckles on both fists as she approached the now unarmed knight.
Wayward Sun looked around at the 7 girls surrounding him. “I… don’t suppose we could call this your victory at first blood, perhaps?”
A short distance away, Wits End had just extracted himself from the crate of stuffed animals. “Right, hopefully no-one saw that,” he mumbled to himself, dusting himself off just in time to get hit in the chest by a flying mannequin head. “Ow! Yorick, you di-” He cut himself off as he spotted the ongoing fight between Purple Heart and Grim Hammer. “Hey,” he called, holding up the piece of mannequin, “need a head’s up?”
Purple Heart balked long enough to glance over and recognize the pun. “Haha, fun-” Grim Hammer struck him in the side and sent the teen tumbling to the concrete. Grunting in pain, Purple Heart rolled back to his feet and glared, eyes flashing.
“Okay, that’s it,” he snarled tersely, clenching his gantlet covered hand. “Whoever owns this warehouse is gonna need to rebuild.” He charged forward, dodged the overhead swing from Grim’s hammer and cocked his fist back.
“BUGGER OFF!” the purple teen roared, torquing his core and shoulders to unleash a wallop of a punch into Grim Hammer’s midriff. Grim’s eyes widened as his armor shattered, revealing his gray coat for a split second before he disappeared; along with a quarter of the warehouse’s wall and ceiling.
Wits End stared at the space where Grim Hammer had been, then up at the hole in the warehouse, then down at the mannequin head, turning the head so that the face was looking back at him. “So…” he said slowly, “that’s a no on the needing help thing?” After a moment, he tossed the head over his shoulder. “Good to know I’m just as useful as ever…”
“Maybe, maybe not,” Light Patch whispered from behind Wits End.
“Gah!” Wits spun around, holding his hands up in some semblance of a fighting pose. “Don’t DO that!” He paused for a moment. “Also, where’s the swinging whatsit?”
“Listening for me above. It’s only the noise of the girls pulping Wayward that I can still get away with this,” Light Patch whispered, pointing towards the ceiling where, again, the Crypt Pendulum was agitatedly swinging back and forth, its eyes darting around. “It’s being way too guarded and controlling of itself around me, and I doubt it’ll let us just pummel it.”
“Not that I could,” Wits grumbled. “Purple Heart just launched my sword into space with Hades from Hercules. Plus, if it’s focused on you-” He stopped, looked up at the Crypt Pendulum, and then back to Light Patch. “I have a terrible idea. If I give you an opening, can you take it out in one shot?” 
Purple Heart sidled over. “I can do it in one pun-”
“Shut up. Go find my sword, ya overpowered git.”
“Mooou… okay.”
“Yeah, I think I can go for it,” Light Patch whispered before being forced to move as the Crypt Pendulum moved closer.
Wits waited a moment for Light Patch to get some distance, and took a deep breath. “This is really gonna suck,” he muttered, focusing his attention inward. Since Purple Heart had regained the strength he had from Discord’s game world, it made sense that the rest of them would have as well. “Alter Self,” he muttered, his skin turning grey.
A few seconds later, a very concerned, resigned, and unarmed Light Patch ran out in front of the Crypt Pendulum, waving his arms and stomping his feet. “Hey, you big ugly uvula! Look at me! I’m a distraction!”
A single eye twitched in the direction of the shouts and then suddenly, with a speed and grace that seemed unnatural for the creature, it whipped around to face the unarmed Light Patch. Both eyes locked on to the grey teen, eyeing him cautiously as it took in the unarmed nature. One eye twitched to find the handle of an abandoned hammer sticking out from a pile of crushed brick and wood, well out of reach even at a sprint. The creature pulled itself towards the ceiling, acid dribbling out of its mouth in anticipation.
With a roar that shook the warehouse, it launched its gumdrop shaped body at the teen, its entire bottom opening in a massive maw full of sharp, bent needle like teeth. Its anchor tentacles let go of the ceiling beams as it committed itself to this final attack to sate its revenge.
A second shout rang through the warehouse, and a single eye twisted to face the source. The beast was confused as it saw a second Light Patch launch himself at it from behind a wall of crates. Realizing in an instant it had fallen for some kind of trap again, it lashed out with its arms and tentacles, trying to recover from its full commitment to its attack. Too late, however, as with a flash of lighting and a peal of thunder, Light Patch’s hammer struck true and launched the beast upward, crashing through the roof of the warehouse where it flew in an arc, before coming back down in the street. Bereft of anything tall enough to catch itself, it splattered on the ground.
“Cleanup on aisle 3” Light Patch said from pile of stuffed animals he’d landed in.
The other Light Patch relaxed, transforming back into Wits End and collapsing onto the ground. “I’m dead,” he said from his place on the floor. “I survived, but I’m dead.”
“At least your not all dead,” Light Patch said, trying to extract himself from the pile of stuffed animals. Overbalancing the pile, it toppled over and he fell to the ground where the word ‘Critical Hit’ appeared over his head. “Are you kidding me!” the teen shouted from where he laid, just before a small jingle played and a puff of confetti showered him at the same time as a familiar punch card appeared in his hand. “And, of course, I finished the Self Crit punch card now.”
“Perfect timing,” Sunset Shimmer said, walking over to the two prone boys. “Wayward Sun’s taking a little nap,” the sound of something metal banging against a great helm echoed in what was left of the warehouse, “so I’d say we’ve got this battle taken care of. You guys ready to get back to saving the world?”
Wits sat up. “Depends. Purp, did you find my sword you sent to the I.S.S.?”
“Eeyup,” the purple teen replied as he walked over, waving a crate over his head. Embedded in the wood was Wits’ sword.
Wits blinked and held out a hand for his weapon. “Can I have it back please?” he asked.
“Ooooh, he said please,” Pinkie whispered.
Purple Heart stood at his full height, tucking the stabbed crate under his arm as he rested his free hand on his hip. “Only the short ankle biter can pull the Sword from the Crate.” He hefted the crate into both hands again and proffered the crated sword to Wits. “Your Shortness.”
Wits glared up at the purple teen. “You’re lucky you’re still useful,” he growled as he attempted to tug the sword out of the wooden box. “Talk amongst yourselves, I’ll be ready in a minute.”
Sunset rolled her eyes and turned away. “Let’s get going. We still have a Hydra to stop.”
“I said I’ll need a minute!”
> Chapter 26: Gotta Rush ‘Em All~!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“So, are there any other mini bosses we should know about beforehand?” Sunset asked as she walked backwards to glare at the three male teens at the rear of the group.
“Well, there was a particularly ferocious cockroach that managed to steal food after putting me in a half-nelson headlock,” Light Patch admitted as he thought. “But aside from it, that’s about as far as I ever got miniboss wise. Everything else was just boss battles”
“There was also that mare Purple Heart grammar-corrected at the party,” Wits said, shooting a glare at the purple teen. “Although, that was more like a ‘Press X to Not Die’ QTE. Which you managed to fail spectacularly. Thanks for that, by the way.”
Purple Heart tripped over air and whirled around to glare at Wits, stopping the group entirely.
“YOU-” he pointed at the smug minty-haired teen, “-are completely correct!”
Wits blinked slowly. “And handsome, but thanks for the acknowledgement anyway.”
“That has nothing to do with this!” Purple Heart continued. “I let the snark take hold and got things completely borked! Seems to be in my job description! I didn’t properly pose my demand to Discord according to ‘Genie Rules of Wishes’! And another th-”
“FOCUS!” Fluttershy snapped, glaring at the purple teen. “We have places to be, a town to save, and a world to fix. Do your bromance thing later.” Purple Heart’s mouth clacked shut under the smaller teen’s cyan gaze.
“Yes, ma’am,” he replied timidly, turning around to lead again. Wits mouthed the word ‘bromance’, the color draining from his face.
“It’s clear that you three are prone to fits of emotion that ruin any forward progress of any kind,” Rarity commented. “I mean, that quite literally was out of nowhere and solved absolutely nothing.”
“What does Fluttershy’s outburst count as then?” Rainbow asked. “A small bout of endearingly cute hostility?”
“Yes!” Pinkie cheered. “My waifu is all for the stern, yet cute reprimands!” The pink-haired girl gave Fluttershy a side-embrace and Fluttershy’s stern countenance promptly vanished to be replaced by her normal timid self.
“Hey look, guess you won’t have to explain that word again,” Light Patch chuckled, nudging Wits End in the side with his elbow.
“Fphbibble,” Wits sputtered poetically.
“Ignoring Pinkie’s randomness, and dragging us back onto topic. From what you’re saying we should be fairly clear in terms of minibosses?” Sunset asked, trying to keep her annoyance out of her voice. “At least we’ll have an easier time of getting to the Hydra, then.”
“Unless it starts throwing old bosses at us. I mean, we did already see one of them earlier,” Light Patch helpfully supplied.
“Why would you even say tha-” Twilight’s shout was cut off as the sound of a nearby gate beginning to open. One of the gates to Amber’s castle was slowly opening, but easily seen through the bars of the portcullis was a squad of guards, behind whom stood a very familiar figure to the three boys.
“When we’re done with the boss rush you just began, if you aren’t already dead, I will find a way to make it so,” Wits End said flatly as he glared at Light Patch.
“Ah thought ya said the minibosses were done,” Applejack said, eying the three boys critically.
“Well, technically-” Purple Heart was forced to swallow his next words when Applejack’s fist appeared mere inches from his nose.
“Any smart mouthin’ from you, and Ah cave in yer skull until one of ya gives a straight answer,” the blonde girl snarled. The boys all gulped.
“Eh, minibosses are done for sure,” Purple Heart coughed. “However, it seems that main bosses being rolled out.” He pointed at the ash-colored earth pony backed by several dozen bandits. “Him? He got banished by his brother the king so this guy decided to take the throne for himself. Meet-”
“So, you insufferable colts, we meet again at last,” Boomer drawled, leaning on his enchanted sword. “It has been far too lo-”
“Hey,” Purple Heart snapped, “I’m providing lore and backstory for those who don’t kn-”
“I’ve waited for this moment for a very, very, very, very, very, very-”
Purple Heart picked up a nearby dustbin and hurled it into the crowd of bandits behind Boomer. “DO NOT INTERRUPT ME WHILE I’M INTERRUPTING YOU!” the Purple Barbarian bellowed. Silence fell on the block and Purple Heart sighed, turning back to the stunned girls. “In any case, Boomer was the disgraced brother of King Bastion and was banished due to being thought guilty of killing their sister-”
Once again, Purple Heart’s anecdotal lore blurb was interrupted. “Mind if I cut in?” asked a voice from a bright light behind the group. A tall, regal-looking alicorn emerged from the light, a wry smile on her face. “I do apologise,” she said, talking over the purple teen’s grumbling. “I heard you all speaking of betrayals and sisters, and simply could not help myself.”
Wits End hissed, forming a cross with his forefingers. “Back! Bad Sol Eater! No biscuit!”
“Who’s that?” Sunset asked. “Your ex?”
“Don’t. Just don’t even joke about that.”
Boomer stepped forward, a frown on his wrinkled face as he considered Sol Eater’s appearance. “Who might you be?” he sneered. “Some pegasus who thinks she’s an alicorn? Newsflash girlie, those aren’t real.”
Sol Eater shook her head, her smile never leaving her face. “Oh, my dear, sweet, ignorant child. Did you never learn to trust your eyes when they see the rays of dawn’s first light?” She spread her wings, sending the silk that covered her armor flowing. “I am your Lady of the Sun. Your queen.” She waved a forehoof dismissively. “Feel free to kneel should you feel it necessary.”
Sunset leaned over to Wits’ shoulder. “Your ex is pretty rough,” she whispered.
Wits End shot her a look back. “Shut.”
“Rulers do not kneel to another unless forced to,” Boomer declared, drawing himself up to his full height. “I will show you what an earth pony can do against a fictional being such as yourself.” He lifted his sword and pointed it at Sol Eater in challenge. “CHA-” His words were promptly silenced by a thundering crash and a massive puff of dust and debris that blanketed the street. The teens, and Sol Eater, hacked and coughed to clear their lungs of the offending cloud, waving their appendages vigorously to clear their sight. It wasn’t long before the cloud dissipated to reveal two hulking shapes instead of Boomer and his posse.
Two suits of ornate steel armor in the shape of horses loomed over the group, each one with their helms slowly turning from the ground to look at the teens. One took a shuddering step forward, armor-clad wings unfolding as it readied a sword as large as a fully grown man. The other’s horn glinted in the light as it nocked an arrow the size of a lamppost into a greatbow, taking aim at the clustered group.
Sol Eater cleared her throat, regaining some of her lost poise. “Well, it appears that I am unnecessary in this battle,” she said calmly. “I wish you all the best of luck in your imminent demise. Especially you, my little princess.” With a wink, the Lady of the Sun retreated into the light, slightly faster than she had initially exited it, and disappeared.
After a moment, Wits sighed. “Great, even the villains don’t want to deal with Ornwatcher and Smoufender. I don’t suppose saying ‘I have Bits’ will be enough for this?” He winced as the bow was drawn taut. “That’s a no then. Alrighty. SCATTER!”
The group scattered as the two bosses charged towards them, staying close to each other while working to keep the teens disorganized. They couldn’t prevent every attack, but any time one seemed to be close to defeat, the other would quickly step in and prevent it long enough for the first to recover.
“This whole ‘whaling on them till they go down’ thing isn’t working!” Rainbow Dash shouted, working around the outskirts of the battle to try and find time to take shots. “You two suck, and are the reason I quit playing that dumb game!”
“How are they able to hold out against us like this? Mathematically we should be winning by shear damage output!” Twilight shouted in frustration before having to hastily dodge an attack by the sword-wielding Moughsy.
“It’s because they cheat!” Wits End shouted, whaling away at Bugstein in frustration before retreating back to Rainbow Dash.
“How did you beat them before?” Sunset asked, holding off a hail of giant arrows with a burst of flame. “Quickly!”
“I didn’t!” Wits shouted back. “I cheesed the game by taking advantage of an callback so they switched sides! We’re gonna have to do this the old fashioned way.”
“‘Cept they keep healin’ each other!” Applejack growled, throwing an arrow back at the giant Armoroids. “That’s gotta be cheatin’, right?”
Rarity snapped her fingers. “Get them separated! Divide and conquer, ladies! ...And… you three.”
“Great idea!” Wits turned to Purple Heart, ducking to avoid a sword swing. “Think you can punch one of them on the other side of that gate?”
Purple Heart gave a shrug and charged towards the large bow-wielding unicorn. “It won’t hurt to try,” he called over his shoulder. He struck the massive unicorn in the gut, sending it flying towards the gate. The purple teen then danced around, shaking his gauntlet hand in pain. “It hurts~! Oh piss biscuits, does it hurt!”
“Open handed doesn’t hurt as much,” Rarity commented, hurling a collection of needles at the nearby sword-wielding pegasus. Purple Heart glared at the girl as he kept shaking his throbbing hand.
“Yeh, well, guys prefer to punch instead of slap,” he retorted.
“I can imagine,” Sunset mused glibly, arching a red eyebrow at Purple Heart.
“Purple Heart, just stop talking and punch Moughsy some more, please?” Wits ordered.
“Let’s see them stay together with a wall between them,” Light Patch said, stomping a foot on the ground and causing a mass of tangled vines to rapidly grow between the armored opponents.
“Oh, well done. A mass of thorny briars the likes of which only those in heavy armor could only pass through,” Rainbow snarked.
“I’m not done yet,” Light Patch shouted, pulling flint from his pack and using the steel of his war hammer to shower the vines in sparks, causing them to erupt into flames and earning a giggle from Light Patch. “I enjoy being a fire hazard.”
“That’s very dangerous,” Fluttershy noted, shying away from the fluttering sparks and laughing flames.
“That,” Applejack stated, “is a bonfire. Yer not comin’ ta my house. Ever. At all.”
“Fire fire, burns much brighter, when oxygen, is the supplier,” sang Pinkie as she fired a Party Cannon through the flames to ignite Bugstein.
“Lovely,” Purple Heart called from where he was squashed under Moughsy. “Can I get a little help, please?”
“Well done keeping the bosses apart, but you also made it harder for us to work together as well,” Twilight shouted as she threw a pair of flasks towards the sword-wielder.
“I figured at least without working on the outside circle of the fight, we’d have a much easier time keeping them on seperate sides and switching ours as needed,” Light Patch shouted back as he used his magic to patch up Purple Heart.
“Yeah, we got them separated. Anyone have any bright ideas to finish one off so we can focus the other?”
“Hit them until it stops being funny!” Wits swung his sword, making a dent in Bugstein’s helmet. “They won’t be able to heal when they’re apart, so just make sure to keep them busy!”
Sunset sent another burst of flame at Moughsy. “Anyone who cares; now would be a very good time to get angry!”
Rainbow Dash let fly a flurry of towards Bugstein, most simply pinging off the armor with only a couple striking true. Bugstein flinched and swiftly drove forward, smacking Rainbow Dash with the flat of of its sword and causing her to fly back in an arc, landing near where Fluttershy was patching up Pinkie.
“Oh my,” the yellow teen said, turning to quickly check on Rainbow Dash, but was interrupted by a cry of pain from Applejack as she took a slash from Bugstein. Fluttershy looked towards Applejack and the battle; rather than seeing that they were turning the tides, through, her eyes picked out every scratch, every little nick and wound. “My friends are being hurt. I can’t heal them fast enough. I can’t do much of-” Her thoughts were interrupted by a yelp of pain as she looked up and saw Bugstein standing over Sunset, its sword raised high. Without a thought, her hand flashed out and snagged the first weapon it found.
“Hey wait, my hammer! I still kind of need tha-” Light Patch’s shout was cut short as thunder roared through the area when Fluttershy smashed the hammer into Bugstein’s back.
“How dare you hurt my friends!” she shouted, swinging the hammer faster than even Bugstein could block, resulting in blow after blow. “Nobody hurts my friends!” she continued, her blows striking without fail now. “Not if I have anything to say about it!” she finished with a powerful overhead blow, crushing Bugstein entirely.
Wits watched the battered helmet of Bugsy roll past him. “For the record,” he whispered to Sunset, “that is both why she is the best, and why I am terrified to ask her out.”
“And you’re afraid she’ll turn you down and think of you differently, thus ruining any chance at salvaging your former friendship,” Sunset replied.
“...Well I wasn’t before...”
“Would you kindly cease you’re chattering and help me!” Purple Heart squawked angrily, shoving Moughsy off him long enough to scoot out from under the armored pony and give it an unfriendly tap that sent it flopping onto its side.
“Oh yeah, forgot about that one,” Twilight hummed.
“Is this something the captain’s gotta do on his own?” Pinkie asked.
Purple Heart whirled around and pointed a finger at Wits. “You better get your ass over here and help or I swear by Cheerilee’s floral rump I shall ask Fluttershy out before you do!”
“That’s kind of a weird threat, isn’t-” Twilight was cut off by Wits End dashing past her, dropping his sword as he lept at Mugsy. 
“Seattle Smaaaaash!” The mint-colored teen’s imitation of Purple Heart’s Jan Ken Hufu slammed into the Armoroid’s chest, sending it sliding away in a heap. “Alright, you big metal jerk! Time for you to meet my good friend, Dr. Metal Furnace, and his assistant, Mr. Jet Fuel.”
Pinkie poked at the pieces of armor that had decoupled upon hitting the ground. “I think it’s dead!”
Wits’ expression fell. “Go figure…”
“I thought you said they’d get worse when only one was left, not fold like a...” Light Patch froze. “A, uh… welp, there goes my hot streak,” he shrugged.
“I really need to pick up the Dimed Spirits games again,” Rainbow muttered, nudging around some of the armor with her foot. “So ,what horrible unspeakable things are we gonna have to fight against because of you three next?”
“It won’t be some kind of massive animal, will it?” Fluttershy asked weakly. Purple Heart winced.
“I mean, we did run into a Totoro,” he admitted. Applejack scrambled to catch Fluttershy before she collapsed.
“Was that really necessary?” she asked hotly.
“Probably not,” the purple teen grimaced, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. “Honestly, there aren’t many villains left that we could run into.”
“So we won’t get swarmed by a horde of minor characters?” Twilight asked.
“Or surprised by a bunch of rabbits?” Pinkie added.
“What about getting crushed by a love-struck minotaur?” Rarity offered.
“Or glomped by some old ex’s?” Sunset sniffed.
“Were large spiders a problem?” Rainbow asked.
“How about a bunch of pissed off nobles?” Applejack added.
“Do we run the risk of running into anything like that?” Twilight inquired, eyeing the three boys critically. They all swallowed loudly, tugging at their collars.
“Uhm,” Purple Heart coughed, looking anywhere but at the girls. “Maaaaaaaaaybe.”
Fluttershy blinked worriedly at the three boys. “Please don’t tell me that they all guessed something along the lines of what took place in the game,” she whimpered.
Wits, Light, and Purple all closed their mouths with a clack.
Applejack groaned. “Aw, fer the love of-”
“Never mind. What would you three guess for the next set of bosses we’re most likely to face?” Sunset asked, rubbing her temples.
“Well, we went through the mini and sub-bosses. The only ones I can guess to be next would be-” Light Patch was cut off by a tendril of smoke wafting past him. Not remembering anything on fire, he turned to see a cloud of smoke that was slowly moving on the group. The rest of the group quickly lined up and readied their weapons as three shades emerged from the smoke.
“The main three bosses.” Wits gulped as flashbacks of the games world ripped through his mind, just as was happening to the other two as they watched shadows of their main foes stand across from them.
“How many of them are we gonna have to fight?” Purple Heart asked solemnly.
“I’m hoping it sticks to the rule of three myself,” Light Patch stated, his eyes locked with that of the shade representing Just Duty.
“This means we’re close to the end of the boss rush at least, yes?” Rarity asked, staring at the three shades.
“With all hope,” the three guys said.
“Unless there’s a secret boss fight we’re not expecting,” Wits muttered.
Sunset shot a glare at the teen. “Do you have some deep psychological trauma that forces you to say things that’ll cause us trouble in the future?”
“Entirely possible. Holdfast’s an odd choice, considering we just fought and beat the guys I fought for his boss battle.”
“So how do we handle this one?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Is this something the captains are gonna have to handle for themselves?”
“Somehow I feel like this is-” Light Patch was cut off as a barrier formed around the teens and the shades. “Yeah, that,” he finished, deadpan. The three teens lined up across from the shade of the villain based on them before looking at each other.
“Are you getting as sick of fighting these three as I am?” Wits End asked, motioning towards the shades.
“Considering it’s getting to the point where we almost have to fight them before we can eat, yes.” Purple Heart said, glaring at the shade of Bael.
“Trade?” Light Patch asked.
“Trade...”
“Yeah, sure, trade. y'all wanna trade too?” Wits End asked the shades. Surprised, the three shades glanced amongst each other before shrugging. With that final prompt, the two groups began shuffling around before they came to a rest.
“Huh, well this should be interesting,” Purple heart said, looking at the shadow of Holdfast across from him. “Hope you have fun getting beat up by my friends hammer,” he continued, waving cheerfully at the shadow of Bael.
“You don’t mind me cutting in on your little tête-à-tête with Light Patch do you?” Wits snarked, ignoring the purple teen. To its credit, the Just Duty shadow also ignored the remark.
“Get on with it~!” the girls snapped.
Purple Heart rolled his eyes and looked over his shoulder. “Can’t you at least let us have a little pre-battle banter?”
“You just did. Now fight,” Sunset ordered. “And as far as I can tell, they can’t talk.”
The three shades nodded mutely.
“That doesn’t prove anything!” Purple Heart whined.
Wits stretched his neck and shoulders. “That just means there’s less interruptions. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a ten minute monologue about how evil cannot win in the face of light and friendshi-” The mint-colored teen darted forward, drawing and swinging with sword in one motion—an attack that the Just Duty shade was just able to catch with the shaft of its hammer.
“Oh, we’re starting? Okay then,” Purple Heart said. He took a step towards Shade Holdfast, lifting his gauntlet and splaying his fingers. “Make sure to go for the heart.” Shade Holdfast wasted no time in unsheathing a rapier from his flank and lunging at the purple teen, blade aimed for his chest.
Light Patch hefted his hammer before looking at the shadow of Bael. “Well, I do believe it’s time for us to start our dance. I hope you don’t mind if I lead this production,” he said before charging the shade, swinging the hammer low and aiming for the feet, causing the shade to jump back before stepping back in to throw its own punches. Light Patch blocked them with the shaft before kicking the shadow of Bael back, allowing him to spin around like a ballet dancer to put more speed and force on his next swing. Bael ducked under the first swing and barely managed to jump over the second, giving him time to kick Light Patch, ending the spin and throwing Light Patch away.
Shade Holdfast’s blade was batted away by Purple Heart’s gauntlet, leaving an opening for the purple teen to dash forward and grapple with the hazy pony. He latched on to the shade’s forward most leg and threw him a dozen yards away. With barely a wince, the shade jumped back to its hooves and sprinted forward to within striking distance to harry Purple Heart with a sequence of slashes and thrusts. The Purple Barbarian himself ducked and juked around each attack, avoiding the very wicked looking blade the shade wielded with its magic.
After shoving the must lighter Wits End away, the Just Duty Shade brought its hammer down in an overhead attack. The mighty blow only hit ground, while Wits dodged to the Shade’s side. He struck the Shade’s armored foreleg with the back of his blade, sending vibrations through the heavy armor. The Shade wrenched its hammer out of the ground and swung it at the teen’s head, only the find that it passed through empty air. From his duck, Wits slide under the pony and struck at the joints of his armor, rolling out the other side as the Shade reared back. The teen looked up to see Just Duty’s hammer raised and ready to strike. 
Light Patch staggered back before regaining his footing, while seeming to sway back and forth in an almost dance-like way. Bael advanced on him, every punch missing as Light Patch weaved out of the way. Suddenly, the teen ducked low before jumping back up, swinging the hammer towards Shadow Bael and forcing him back onto the defensive. Seeking to control the tempo again, the Shadow threw out a flurry of blows, only for it his hand to slam into the head of the hammer and a jolt of electricity to buzz through him. “Shocking, ain’t it?” Light Patch said with a smile, before his smile turned sinister and he jabbed the head of the hammer towards the shadow like a spear in short rapid bursts, the electricity forcing the shade to dodge rather than block before it found itself backed into the barrier. “Whup, looks like we’ve run out of stage. Guess it’s time for the lights to go out,” Light Patch said as gave one last swing, now that the shade was trapped and stunned from the electricity. With a puff of smoke, the shade vanished as the hammer slammed into it.
Purple Heart and Shade Holdfast’s bout continued with further dodging and rolling on the purple teen’s part while the shade had to skirt around heavy fists, dancing back to keep from getting pancaked. The pattern was ended with Purple Heart charging forward, closing the distance with his foe in a burst of speed. Shade Holdfast’s blade whipped up to skewer the charging teen through the chest only for Purple to slide under Shade Holdfast’s outstretched weapon and kick the shade’s legs from beneath it. With a short roll, Purple Heart was on his feet again with one of Shade Holdfast’s legs in his hand. Then he swung the hapless pony facsimile over his head and drove it into the ground. Several times.
Just Duty dropped his hammer on the still recovering Wits End, only to find one joint locked by Wits’ sword jammed into it. “Omae wa mou- Ah, whatever,” Wits said with a grin. “Powers Combined: Lucky Stars + Jan Ken Hufu.” His glowing fist impacted the Shade’s chestplate, collapsing it inwards and sending the sudo-paladin stumbling back. “And for the pièce de résistance,” he said as he snapped his fingers, “Powers Combined: Summon Familiar + Summon Greater Ponnequin.” The Just Duty Shade had just enough time to look up before a giant, wooden, Totoro-esque figure collapsed onto it, sending its smoke blasted across the ground. “I wish I had a catchphrase. Good grief.”
“That… seemed easy,” Sunset Shimmer said as the barrier dissipated. “Should we expect a second form?”
Twilight adjusted her glasses. “It seems that the three villains were specifically designed to counter a specific one of the boys. Did you see how the Holdfast shade was completely overpowered once Purple Heart closed the distance? It’s fighting style would’ve been a perfect match for Wits End’s hit-and-run tactics.”
“Tact-what?” Wits looked up from where he had been trying to get his sword unpinned from under the wooden Totoro.
“Nothing. Carry on.”
“Where you trying to make a thorough and in-depth analysis of our matchups?” Purple Heart asked as he idly whirled Shade Holdfast around and around. “Wait-” he held up his free hand to stop Twilight from answering, “-dumb question. Of course you were.”
“Can you stop spinning that around, please?” Applejack asked. “I think Pinkie’s getting dizzy.” The pink haired girl was indeed looking a little loopy as her eyes followed the spinning shade.
“Looks pretty normal to me,” Rainbow commented. Applejack glared at her and she immediately cowed. “Sorry.”
“Um, I think he’s had enough,” Rarity pointed out. Purple Heart blinked at the still spinning shade and shrugged. His arm made one more rotation and he slammed the shade into the ground one final time.
“Puny chancellor pony,” he grunted. “Don’t touch Sascha.”
“Eugh. What did I miss? I was wiping shade soot off my face.” Light Patch walked up, running his hands through his short hair. “So, think we’re finally clear of the boss rus-”
“Ah, my champion. you look good no matter what,” a voice said, cutting the teen off. Before any of the group could react, spider legs wrapped around him and yanked him around to face a large arachnid-like creature. Which kissed him immediately.
> Chapter 27: We Can Explain
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rainbow Dash stared at the vaguely spider-like creature currently mashing its mandibles against Light Patch’s lips. “What.”
“Is it eatin’ him?” Applejack asked, cocking her head to the side.
“I… think that’s the next step,” Twilight said, one eye twitching slightly. “In a metaphorical, innuendo-based manner.”
Wits threw his hands in the air. “Go figure. Even in this world, he’s the girl magnet.”
“How long do ya think they can keep going like that?” Applejack asked. “That’s gotta be a record, right?”
“They have to come up for air sometime,” Rarity commented, “else one or both of them faint. And no-” she pointed at Pinkie, “-I don’t think they need a wedding cake.” Pinkie’s face fell into a petulant pout and she threw away the four tiered cake with a huff.
“Ehm, Wits?” Purple coughed, looking over Light’s shoulder. “I think things are gonna get a little bit awkward.”
The mint colored teen frowned at Purple Heart, then his face slackened with realization. “Oh n-” the jingle of money cut the rest of Wits End’s sentence off he turned just in time to see Light Patch flying backwards from the cartoonish sack of money that had just been used to uppercut him.
“Woah, I didn’t even know I could get tan burlap sacks with dollar signs on them!” Pinkie exclaimed, looking at the sack held by an annoyed female pony colored tan and coffee with a pinto pattern.
“Kiss later, we’ve got some business to deal with,” the mare said, wiping off her sack.
Wits sighed. “Well, looks like Light Patch is gonna be busy. Let’s get going and he can meet up after they’re done with their little love triang-” A familiar bright light burst into existence next to the mint-colored teen, cutting off his snark.
“Now, now, my little princess,” Sol Eater chided, stepping out of the light. “And here I thought you were all about standing up for your friends. I’m glad I’ve rubbed off on you somewhat.”
“Nope!” Wits formed a cross with his forefingers, holding off the alicorn. “Back! Also, didn’t you run away before the last fight?!”
Sol Eater chuckled. “Hardly, little one. I simply left to retrieve… how would you put it? Backup?” As if on cue, a wave of darkness washed over the space behind Wits End. He turned to see a slightly smaller alicorn behind him, her coat the color of obsidian.
“We hath a great many things to discuss with thee, Strategos,” Princess Penumbra said, standing to put Wits End in the middle of the two royal sisters.
Wits swallowed. “Meep.”
“Who’s this?” Sunset asked. “Cheap knockoffs of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna?”
Penumbra’s eyes narrowed at the redhead. “We believe that thou wouldst find us superior to any pale imitations thou knowest,” she intoned. “However, tis understandable, as thou art clearly lacking both in courtly mannerisms, regal upbringing, and the common sense bestowed upon a common goose.”
Sunset blinked. “What did she say? It was hard to follow, but I’m pretty sure I want to beat the everloving sh-”
“Stay back,” Wits warned. “I get the feeling this is something the captain’s gotta do for himself.”
“Fantastic,” Purple Heart agreed, walking past his male compatriots briskly. “If you don’t mind, we’ll be awaiting you at the next save point.” He gestured jerkily for the girls to follow him. “We should leave these people to their respective lover’s quarrels.”
The girls shared looks with each other, but didn’t move. Applejack arched a skeptical eyebrow at the purple teen. “Something makes me think that yer tryin’ to skedaddle afore somethin’ happens to yeh. Am ah right?”
“No question at all about it,” Rarity said. “He’s trying to run.”
“What gives? Don’t you want to talk to some ex-girlfriends, Purple?” Rainbow asked.
“Nope,” Purple replied swiftly.
“Why?” Fluttershy asked, looking up from tending to the still dazed Light Patch.
“Maybe he did something phenomenally rude to them,” Sunset theorized, stroking her chin thoughtfully. Purple Heart glared at the red head.
“You aren’t gonna let that go, are you?”
She shrugged. “Maybe.”
“All in favor of watching Purple Heart get throttled say ‘aye’!” Pinkie cried.
“Aye.”
“Aye.”
“Eh?” Pinkie blinked as two ponies appeared behind Purple Heart. “Who’re you?”
Amber Glitter stepped forward, resplendent in her Queen’s regalia. “Queen Amber Glitter of Roania, 129th Monarch of the Realm, Daughter of Vale Blossom and Miles Glorious, Unifier of Phloren and Ghuilder, Hare-Friend, Queen Commander of the Emerald Legion, and skeeved out ex-girlfriend of the purplest bruise to walk the sands of the Gallopilli Coliseum.”
Silence.
“Damn, if I knew you were gonna say all that, I’d have gone first,” Navee snorted.
“You made that up!” Purple Heart squawked, briefly forgetting how much trouble he was in. Amber Glitter scowled.
“Had you remained long enough after the war concluded, you would know that it was all true,” she sneered.
“Oh.”
“Oh indeed.” Amber turned to the Mane Six and inclined her head. “I apologize for my outburst. It is unbecoming of a monarch such as myself to lapse in control.”
Sunset shrugged. “Hey, it sounds like the jerk deserved it.”
“YOU LET BAEL EAT ME!”
Again, silence.
“Okay, that literally came outta nowhere,” Pinkie commented.
“I didn’t let Bael eat you!” Purple Heart retorted. “It happened so fast I had no time to do diddly squat! And as I can see, you clearly got better! Besides, why are you even here?! I know Amber loved me or thinks she does and I know that all of them-” he gestured wildly at Wits and Light and their respective companions of the fairer sex, “-have a thing for their respective idiot! If you’re here, that means-” He balked, words escaping him as his eyes widened in realization. Navee had tears cascading down her cheeks, darkening her sky blue coat.
“Finally figured it out, have you?” she choked. Purple Heart couldn’t speak. He just stood there, eyes wide, jaw dropped.
“Well, what are you waiting for?” Sunset asked. “Go over there and suffer for your sins.”
“Wait, what?” Wits looked up from his own encounter, where he was holding his hand palm out towards each alicorn as if taming small dinosaurs. “You’re gonna help us, right?”
“Sounds to me like y'all’re getting what’s comin’ to ya.” Applejack said.
Wits pointed a finger at Sol Eater. “That one brainwashed me into fighting the rest of the group!”
“And put you in a rather stunning dress,” Sol Eater offered.
“And put me in a- YOU’RE NOT HELPING!”
“We’ll help if it looks like you’re in trouble,” Rarity offered. “Aside from that, I for one am interested to see how this turns out.”
Suddenly, Light Patch jumped back to his feet. “What hi- Oh, that was too fast.” He wavered for a few moments, cradling the bruise where the sack of money had hit him. “I wasn’t expecting to see you, Silk Trap.”
The Arachcolsid shrugged. “I could hardly resist a chance at seeing my champion at work again, especially when it is a chance to test his metal directly.” She unsheathed her blades, wielding them in a relaxed stance. “I hope you are ready,” she finished as Light Patch lived up to his name and used a quick healing spell. When its glow faded, he turned to look at Perfect Profit.
“I’m... really surprised to see you here. I thought gold was in your blood, not battle,” the grey teen said confusedly.
“Yes... Well, they offered me money to beat you up. I also blame you for my cart getting broken,” the pony replied, easily twirling her odd choice of weapon.
“Hey! I helped you get a new cart, and a whole new trading route!”
“Then maybe I have a few other reasons for wanting to beat you up!” she snapped back. “Now unless you’re gonna pay me five hundred gems to look the other way or something, I’m not being paid to stand around and talk.”
“Indeed. I believe everything to be said has been said. Let us begin the melee,” Silk Trap agreed, raising her twin rapiers into a more active stance and advancing towards Light Patch, signaling the beginning of the fight for the rest as well.
Wits’ eyes switched between the two alicorn sisters. “I don’t suppose we can talk about this like responsible adults, can we?”
Sol Eater’s grin seemed to split her face. “Now, my little princess,” she laughed, a golden corona forming around her horn. “Where would be the fun in that?”
Penumbra’s expression turned stony as shadows formed around her. “Tis most unfortunate,” she said, sinking into the shadows, “that we must retract our offer of Prince Consort. We shall attempt to leave thy appearance aesthetically pleasing.”
“Would crawling in a hole to die be good enough punishment?” Purple Heart offered weakly.
Amber Glitter shook her head resolutely, pulsing her magic to summon a squad of hares. “You must suffer at our own hooves,” she stated regally. “Self-induced punishment isn’t nearly enough recompense for us.”
Navee beat her wings, drifting off the ground as she pulled a javelin from her quiver. “Quite frankly, you deserve whatever comes to you. And we intend to dish out our retribution with extreme prejudice.”
“You know,” Amber added, cocking her head to one side, “seeing you in this form just seems… wrong.”
Purple Heart’s eyes tightened and he clenched his hands, lifting them to chest height. “I’ve nothing profound to say,” he said stiffly. “Begin.”
At that word, Light Patch and Silk Trap launched at each other. Silk Trap gracefully wove through Light Patch’s slower attacks. She was constantly throwing out web as well, causing the teen to not just focus on the Arachcolsid’s attacks, but also the ground where he stepped.
Throwing off his tempo even more was the intermittent swift assault from Perfect Profit and the bag of money she wielded. Her attempts to make Light Patch cash out would frequently get in Silk Trap’s way as well.
“Not much of a dancer are you,” Silk Trap asked from the wall. She looked down on the teen and merchant try to dance around all of the webbing she’d thrown out. “You’d think with fewer legs you’d manage better. Perhaps I just need to force your hands -or feet in this case- to perform above and beyond.” She turned to aim her thorax and launched a massive burst of web.
Amber flicked a tendril of magic towards the errant spurt of webbing, casting a glare at its creator. “Kindly keep your… white… stringy… leavings to yourself,” she sniffed primly. Not waiting for an answer, she returned her attention to the game of cats and mouse she was playing with Navee and Purple Heart. The purple teen was proving unusually difficult to knock down. More often than not, Amber’s blasts of magic would make contact with the teen’s hefty frame, a marginal advantage for herself and her comrade-in-kicking-love-interest’s-butt. It was certainly easier to hit the large teenage boy. He made quite a target. Despite this, he just wouldn’t fall down. Granted, there had been a few stumbles over the course of the short battle, most of which had been his avoidance of Navee’s javelins. Any magical blast or spell that Amber cast at him was either shrugged off or dodged.
The Princess’ thoughts were violently interrupted when Navee gasped in surprise. Purple Heart had managed to catch one of the pegasus’ javelins and promptly hurled it at Amber. With a squeak of surprise, she scrambled to avoid it. The javelin hissed past her ear, ratcheting her heart rate up to maximum panic drive.
With a yelp, Wits End threw himself backwards onto the ground to avoid the flying javelin, which embedded itself in a nearby wall. “Rule number 96!” He shouted back at the purple teen. “Aim!” He rolled onto his stomach, dodging a spear of solid shadows summoned by Penumbra’s magic. “Are you sure we can’t talk about this?”
“As much as I love hearing the sound of your voice,” Sol Eater said, putting one hoof under Wits’ legs and flipping him onto his back, “I would much rather hear you gasp in pain.” Her horn crackled, firing a bolt of lightning similar to Wayward Sun’s, and forcing Wits to scramble away on all fours. “Although, watching you go is also highly enjoyable.”
“Stop enjoying killing me!” Wits yelled back. He yanked the javelin out of the wall and tossed it at the alicorn. “Lightning Bolt!”
The bolt and javelin collided in midair, sending wood splinters flying in a flash of light. Penumbra, whose shadows had moved to guard her sister against the projectile, was forced back to the surface by the brightness. “A valiant effort,” she said, standing in front of Sol Eater as her own horn began to glow. “However, most futile in the face of power such as ours.”
Wits jumped away as more shadow spikes emerged from the ground around him. “I’m getting my rear handed to me by a dictionary and an anime trope,” he muttered. “Powers Combined: Sonic Burst + Poison Sting!” A cone of stingers launched from his outstretched palm, most of them impacting harmlessly against a shadowy wall summoned by Penumbra.
“OI!” Rainbow Dash snapped, crouching under the hail of stingers. “There are innocent bystanders here! Fluttershy is almost in tears!”
“Um, I’m actually okay,” the timid girl denied softly.
“Oh… Sorry.”
“Yeah, Rainbow! Fluttershy can take care of herself!” Pinkie cheered, picking stingers out of her hair.
“Here, darlin’ ah’ll get those for yeh,” Applejack soothed, pulling stringers from Fluttershy’s own hair.
“Thank you.” Fluttershy smiled softly.
“Aww, she is so precious!” Navee squealed. “I want on- OOF!”
“Pay attention!” Amber snapped, flinging out her magic to cradle the pegasus. Purple Heart charged forward and grabbed Amber by a hoof, startling the princess.
“Don’t you dare!” the red-maned unicorn swore.
Purple Heart’s lips turned down into a frown. “I thought we were fighting for our lives here,” he retorted. “There’s no place for witty repartee in pitched battle. No matter what Wits or Light say.” He ignored the muffled squawk from Light and Wits’ cry of ‘NOT THE FACE’ as he turned to Navee, who had regained flight, and hurled the princess at the pegasus. The two ponies collided and crashed to the ground in a tangle of limbs and heads. Any attempt to untangle was promptly thwarted by Purple Heart’s immediate appearance as he stood over them, fist gauntlet cocked back. His eyes were hard, his face grim.
“Just stay down,” he asked softly. A bolt of web shot past Purple Heart forcing him back, giving the pair enough respite to make some space between them and the Purple Barbarian.
Silk Trap turned from aiming her last shot. “I do hate to interfere with your fight, Queen, but I can’t let the barbarian interfere with mine,” she said before looking down at Light Patch. As the fight wore on his attacks grew more frantic, as had Perfect Profits. She was impressed with both, considering the flurry of blows they were both throwing out despite the heavy nature of their chosen implements.
“I’m not gonna let you get away this time!” Perfect Profit shouted swinging her bag with both front hooves, forcing Light Patch backwards where he as much tripped over his own feet as the web all around.
Light Patch quickly ripped the web away from his legs and sprang back up. He gripped his hammer and noticed some of the web still hanging from his arm. An idea sparked to life in his head. With a smile, he faced Perfect Profit. “All the money in the world and you can’t even bribe up a victory.”
“I’M TOO GOOD TO NEED TO BRIBE ANYPONY!” she shouted in rage, charging at Light Patch, intent on getting to him as fast as possible instead of avoiding the web. Again, she swung with all of her might, but this time her swing was met with the head of Light Patch’s war hammer. A peal of thunder sounded as the bag tore apart and coins flew back at her. She cried out in dismay and surprise, trying to regain her balance only to find herself being supported by Light Patch. 
“I would love to continue this dance, but I’m afraid your time has just run out,” he said. She had a moment to register his cheeky grin before she was spun away like a top, gathering the web from the ground as she moved. When her spinning was done, a large patch of ground in the middle of the webbing was now clear, leaving a small but mostly clear arena. Silk Trap jumped from the wall, landing in the webless space.
“Most excellently done, my champion. But don’t assume the same trick will work on me. You’ll find that I’m much more sure footed than she was,” Silk Trap said, raising her swords again into a combat stance.
“I wouldn’t dream of it. Now then, let us dance,” he said, moving to engage her again but this time, using everything he could from his dance classes.
Wits glanced aside at Perfect Profit struggling futilely against the webbing before turning back to his own fight. “I don’t suppose you two would be willing to take yourselves out in dramatically ironic fashions too, would you?”
“I’m afraid not,” Sol Eater chuckled. The two sisters had circled around him again, standing on either side of the mint-colored teen in a mirror of the start of their battle. “And unlike your little friends, you aren’t built for a protracted fight like this.”
“What’re you talking about?” Wits panted, shakily holding up his sword. “I can do this all day! But ya’know, I don’t feel like you two are putting your all into this.”
“And what doth thou mean by that?” Penumbra asked.
“Well, I’m a teenager facing down two physical god-like entities.” Wits shrugged and shook his head. “I should be dead, like, 27 different ways. Now, I don’t know if it’s because you like me or not, but it seems like you’re holding back.”
Sol Eater and Penumbra looked at each other momentarily. “There hath been no ‘holding back’ on our part,” Penumbra scoffed.
“I have been,” Sol Eater said.
Penumbra blinked. “What?”
“It seems a shame to destroy such a… perfect specimen. Does it not? Or am I alone in this, dear sister?”
“Well…” Penumbra sighed. “Tis truth, that. We wouldst sooner destroy a window of stained glass than a work of art such as he. However, we cannot allow him to continue unless he is truly prepared.”
Wits End raised his hand. “I’m right here, you know.”
“Quiet, dear,” Sol Eater called. “The adults are talking.”
“This is why teens have angst and rebellion,” Wits muttered.
“Mayhaps there is a clear path through this,” Penumbra mused. “A way by which he is defeated, yet not destroyed.”
Sol Eater’s eyes lit up, followed shortly by her horn. “My sentiments exactly.”
Wits looked between the two alicorns on either side of him. “I don’t like the sound of that.”
“Worry not,” Penumbra said, he own horn glowing as well. “Tis only a minor banishing. We shall be waiting for thou whenst thou return in one hundred years.”
“One hundred whats?!”
“See you soon, my little princess!” Sol Eater laughed. The two sisters cast their magic at the same time, sending grey bolts of light rocketting at their target. With Wits between the two of them, there was no way they could miss at this range.
And then Wits End stepped to the side.
Both alicorns had enough time to see the grin on the teens face before they were struck by each other’s magic. Each had enough time for a desperate cry before vanishing in a burst of light.
Wits End blew a few strands of wispy silver light from his fingertips. “You would think after getting hit with Guiding Sunlight before,” he mused, “Sol would’ve recognized a little dramatic irony.”
“So are we done yet?” Rainbow asked impatiently.
“Nope,” Pinkie chirped. She jerked a thumb at Purple Heart standing over Navee and Amber once more.
“For goodness sake, just knock out the poor girls already,” Rarity groaned, dragging a hand across her face.
“That’s the third time,” Sunset grumbled. “You’d think he’d just end it instead of dragging it out.”
“Maybe he was waiting for Light and Wits to finish,” Pinkie offered.
Twilight frowned skeptically. “Really? You think he dragged out that fight for a good five minutes just so they could get their fights over with?” She huffed. “I think he’s just playing with them now.”
“He can hear you,” Purple Heart called over his shoulder, not breaking eye contact with his two downed adversaries for fear of them getting back up.
“He was supposed to,” Twilight snipped back.
“You’re actually ready,” Navee said weakly. Purple Heart’s eyes narrowed.
“This better not be some kind of ‘antagonize me to get stronger’ bullcarp,” he growled.
Amber opened her mouth to respond only to close it with a clack. His frown deepened and he raised his gauntlet one last time.
“I’d go for the pure asshole move and just snap my fingers,” he mused softly, “but I’m not that heartless. Jan Ken Pon: Single Overpowered Punch.” He brought his fist forward and a golden light tinged with swirls of purple enveloped Purple Heart’s gauntleted hand. It coalesced into a ragged orb of light that shot forward, struck the ground directly in front of the sprawled mares. They, along with much of the landscaping, rocketed skyward.
“YOU MISSED!” came Navee’s screech of disbelief. “YOU WERE FIVE HOOVES IN FRONT OF US AND YOU MISSED!” A little sparkle ‘dinged’ in the sky and silence returned once more.
Purple Heart coughed once, blew on his fist, and turned to the rest of the party. “Now what?” A peal of thunder drew everyone’s attention to the last fight.
Light Patch spun around, swinging his hammer wide towards Silk Trap who tumbled over it. “You have more grace than I’d expected for using such a heavy weapon, but your speed is still lackluster,” Silk Trap said, emphasizing her point with a flurry of her own attacks.
“At least my hits do something when they connect,” he retorted, blocking what he could and dodging backwards from the rest. A foot caught on the web and he threw out a wild attack to buy himself the time to free his foot, just in time to roll away from a viscous jab that left one of her swords stuck in the ground.
“That was a better showing of speed, but you’ll still have to beat me to prove yourself my champion,” she said, abandoning her stuck sword. “Besides, I still have a spare weapon. Can you say the same?” She quickly spun around to web his hammer and yank it away from him. He tumbled forward and this time, her stab caught him right in the chest.
The teen held onto Silk Trap to keep himself from falling further on the sword and looked up to her face with a small smile. “Actually, yes. It’s called, Sonic Burst!” he shouted, causing a massive burst of sound to shoot out from his hands currently on her abdomen, crushing it. The sword fell from Silk Trap’s grip and clattered to the ground.
“You let me stab you?” She asked weakly, cradling her battered abdomen.
“No, that was unplanned. But it let me get close enough,” he said sinking to his knees as she too fell the ground.
“It would appear, that you are ready after all, my champion.” She looked at him for a few seconds before quietly whispering. “You’d have made a great spider.” She gave one last chittering laugh before collapsing, prompting Fluttershy to run up to check his wound.
“Oh my! Are you okay?! That looks like a lot of blood!” she squeaked, trying to shift his armor to get a better look at the injury before a flash of light came from one of the teen’s hands and the blood stopped.
“That should hold me for a bit,” he said, slowly standing with help from Fluttershy up while trying to not look at Silk Trap.
“Why do you think she was talking about you being ready?” Fluttershy asked, helping him over to the rest of the group where Pinkie presented him his hammer.
“Cryptic RPG stuff?” Light Patch shrugged, accepting his hammer back from Pinkie and immediately leaning on it for support.
“Probably just trying to get into your head,” Wits said. “I mean, why else would we all get put against the only characters who’ve shown any personal interest in us?”
“What if it’s not that?” Twilight asked. “The spider-horse said Light Patch was ‘ready’,” she made finger quotes as she said the last word, “and both of your alicorns were saying you couldn’t continue unless you were ‘prepared’,” another set of finger quotes. “What if there’s something this Hydra needs you three for?”
Applejack raised a hand. “What ‘bout those girls Purple Heart was fightin’? They weren’t exactly subtle ‘bout why they were fightin’.”
“To be fair,” Rainbow Dash cut in, “he did kinda blast them away while everyone else was being all cryptic.”
“That probably hurt the rating,” Pinkie agreed.
“What would a Hydra need us for that it’d need to throw us against a bunch of former bosses?” Wits asked.
“What would a Hydra need you for that it’d need to summon you from another world when there’s versions of you here already?” Twilight asked back.
“Maybe because we were in the game with it and it needed particular versions of us for its plan to work?” Purple Heart offered. “You also have to consider the fact that the local versions of us three are different enough for it to matter which versions of us are needed… That hurt my brain.”
“I’m surprised you have a brain after you basically vaporized those two,” Rarity commented, eyeing the smouldering swathe of destruction left by the purple teen’s attack. He gave a shrug.
“They said I was ready,” he said. “Only times I’ve heard that is from a random NPC.”
“So… love interests are just random NPC’s now, are they?” Sunset asked stiffly. Purple Heart winced.
“Nothing I say will make me less of an asshole,” he muttered. “Moving on.”
“What if the three of us were here by accident?” Light Patch thought aloud.
“I suppose that’s possible. Maybe the Hydra’s magic grabbed you or maybe there was just a natural weakness after the uh….” Sunset peered out of the corner of her eye at Twilight who was looking uncomfortable.
“Friendship Games?” Light Patch finished for Sunset. “Yeah, I could see how those events might leave a few weak points,” he muttered quietly.
“Woah woah woah! Back up a sec!” Rainbow shouted, glaring at Light Patch. “How do you know about that?” The grey teen backpedaled away from the incensed athlete and looked to his friends for help only to find a general lack of enthusiasm on their parts to help him with the mess of his making.
“I uh… saw the movie?” he said weakly.
“Oh,” Rainbow said, her anger fading. “...There’s a movie?”
Wits End clapped his hands to get the attention of the group. “Regardless of why we’re here, the answer isn’t gonna change the fact that we’re gonna be beating the living crap outta the Hydra when we find it. Let’s just get going before it starts throwing background characters at us. I for one don’t want to fight that noblelady PH ticked off with his grammaring.”
“He’s got a point,” Sunset said begrudgingly. “We do need stop the Hydra before it finishes converting the world. Let’s get going, gang.”
Light Patch watched as the rest of the group started moving. “Really?” he muttered. “Nothing? No reaction? Just, pitched it right over the plate and…” He mimed a ball flying past his head as he jogged to catch up. “I don’t know how I feel about this.”
> Chapter 28: Big Damn Heroes… Again
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Where do I go?” Wits shouted at the empty street. “What do I do?”
“Go left,” Purple Heart ordered promptly. He grinned at his friend’s unamused glare. “Turnabout’s fair play.”
“That’s another of yer inside jokes, ain’t it?” Applejack huffed.
“Eeyup,” Purple Heart grunted, still grinning. The blonde girl narrowed her eyes at the purple teen.
“You ain’t Big Mac, so shut it,” she ordered.
“Nope.”
“Weren’t you just complaining about staying on topic cuz things are getting too long?” Pinkie asked. Wits promptly slapped a hand over Pinkie’s mouth to prevent further speech.
“Nope! Enough meta for you!” he decided.
“You should really get that checked out,” Light suggested to the other girls.
“And give her a filter? Nah,” Rainbow denied. “Pinkie with a filter isn’t Pinkie.”
“Indeed,” Rarity agreed. “We like our Pinkie as is, thank you very much.”
“What’d you think would happen if we switched her from play to demo?” Purple asked.
“We tried that once,” Fluttershy spoke up. She shivered. “Too many languages...”
“Waaaay too many,” Twilight agreed. She blinked, looking at the three boys. “Weren’t we doing something?”
“Yes,” Sunset growled. “We were trying to encounter the Hydra to put an end to this ridiculous problem you three have gotten us into.”
“Hey!” Wits turned back from trying, and failing, to keep Pinkie Pie quiet. “How is this our fault? It’s not like we were sitting at home and said, ‘You know what’d be great? Going and completely screwing up another dimension!’ That didn’t happen. We were having a good time not fighting for the fate of the world, pretending like we were actually going to fence, and-”
Sunset waited for a second for the mint-colored teen to continue. “And what?”
“And… I think I found where we’re supposed to go.” Wits pointed down a sidestreet.
Twilight walked over to look down the same street. “How is there a cave in the middle of town?”
“Poor collision mapping?” Wits offered.
“That seems more like a loading glitch to me,” Twilight mused.
“Can you two stop being insufferable nerds for five seconds?” Rainbow Dash shouted from the back.
“Unlikely,” both Twilight and Wits called back. Rainbow replied with a wordless growl-slash-scream.
“Besides, that looks more like some lazy pipe shoving,” Light Patch said, peering into the entrance, eliciting another groan from Rainbow Dash. “So, how do we wanna do this? Try to blitz our way through and hope we can take the Hydra by surprise, or work cautiously and assume it knows something is coming?”
“Even if it don’t know we’re commin’ fer it, I wouldn’t be surprised if it has some kind of trap or something waiting fer us,” Applejack said, joining Light Patch in looking into the cave.
“Stealth mode it is then,” Rainbow decided.
“You know what stealth is?” Purple Heart asked. The rainbow-haired girl scowled at him.
“Of course I know what stealth is,” she retorted. “It’s walking around without being seen so you can kick the guy’s ass from behind. Duh.”
“Not the most sophisticated definition, but apt,” Twilight allowed. “Now, let’s get moving.” The group entered the cave, taking their time in making their way along the path. Pinkie immediately pasted herself to the wall, looking back and forth while whispering a little ditty to herself.
Wits stared at the pink party planner as they made their way into the darkness. “Is she doing her own theme song?”
“Don’t question it,” Applejack said. “She once did that all through a school hide’n’seek contest.”
“She won, didn’t she.”
“No-one found her for weeks. Just theme music. Everywhere.”
“Go figure.” Wits pulled out his phone, using the flash as a flashlight. “So, anyone got any big story-changing secrets to air out? We’re nearing the dramatic climax, and this is usually where we screw up the team cohesion.”
“We could revisit the big revelation I made a few minutes ago,” Light Patch said, pausing from his humming of the Mission Impossible theme.
“You had a revelation?” Rainbow Dash asked. “You?”
Light Patch stared blankly at Rainbow Dash and the other girls’ looks of general confusion. “Fine, whatever. I like cheap milk chocolate over not cheap milk or dark chocolates,” he half-heartedly confessed.
Pinkie’s theme paused as she suddenly appeared in the middle of the group. “I actually eat less sugar than Rarity does.”
“Lies!” Rarity shouted, earning a shushing from everyone else. “Ehm, Lies. I somehow doubt that,” Rarity followed up quietly.
“Nope, it’s true. I watch my sugar intake very carefully. If I’m gonna eat sugar, I wanna actually be able to taste it and make it really count!” Pinkie declared. Her declaration over, she returned to her stealth theme.
“Gotta keep the calories down so you can maximise the actual intake?” Wits asked. “Why do I bother? She’s already off in stealth-land.” He turned to Sunset and Twilight. “How about you two?”
“Why us?” Sunset asked.
“Beeeeeecause of everyone here, aside from the three of us,” he gestured to himself and the two other boys, “you two are both the most main characters, and the sources of the most drama this side of Rarity.”
“I have a very svelte figure!” the fashionista exclaimed, earning a second shushing.
“I,” Fluttershy started quietly, “I don’t actually like, um...” She wrung her hands as the rest of the group looked at her expectantly, “Idon’tactuallylikehorsesthatmuch,” she said shrinking behind her hair in an attempt to hide from the stares, “or even at all.” She squealed before her head quickly disappeared into her robe.
“Uh huh... That is...” Purple Heart paused, looking confused as he tried to find the right words.
“A shocking revelation?” Wits End offered.
“Yeh, that’ll work.”
“Still though, I believe it’s Sunset’s and Twilight’s turn,” Wits End said, turning back to look at the two girls expectantly.
Twilight thought for a moment. “You know, I actually can’t think of anything that’s happened since you three showed up that’s my fault.”
“Me neither,” Sunset mused. “It’s a kinda…”
“Nice change?” Twilight offered.
“Yeah.” Sunset smiled; an action that quickly turned into a frown as she turned on the three boys. “Hang on. What about you three?”
“What about us?” Wits asked. “We’re practically perfect in every way.”
“Nice try,” Sunset said. “Through this whole thing, you guys have known stuff that the rest of us don’t. You’ve obviously got some past with Princess Twilight, and it seemed like she was none too pleased to see you again.”
“An understandable reaction,” Wits muttered under his breath.
“So,” Sunset continued, “if there’s anyone here who should be coming clean, it really is you guys. So spill.”
“We basically got kidnapped by Discord and were forced to join his little game, had our minds invaded to basically have our worst nightmares become our enemies, and the Princess seems to blame us for it,” Light Patch bitterly replied.
“Sounds like you need to have stronger magical defenses where you come from,” Sunset shot back.
“That’s kind of hard considering the lack of magic at all back on our Earth!” Light Patch replied, getting a little louder.
Sunset scoffed. “No magic? Seriously?”
“Seriously,” Purple Heart confirmed. “The only magical things we have are either fictional or movie special effects.”
“Must be boring,” the red-head commented.
Purple Heart shrugged. “I unno. Things are getting out of hand lately. Lots of government issues within and without. And we still have the gall to think that our country is the best on the planet.” The group was silent at the purple teen’s words, save for Pinkie’s continued theme music.
“Well, that was particularly depressing,” Purple Heart declared. “I think I’ll abstain from this little game.”
“Ooooh, no you don’t,” Rarity said, grabbing the large teen by an ear. “We shared a secret of ours, now it’s your turn. Even your friends have shared.”
“Listen,” Purple Heart sighed, “the last time I gave my impression and opinion on something, Twilight got particularly upset with me. I’d rather not have a reboot. We’ve had a lot of those recently and not all of them were enjoyable.”
Twilight frowned. “Princess Twilight?” she asked. “What you discuss?” Purple Heart snorted.
“More like argued,” he corrected. “We… addressed morality and perspective. Honestly, I wasn’t even trying to tick her off. It just happened.”
“You seem to do that a lot,” Sunset mused.
“Mhmm,” the purple teen agreed.
“Lucky for me, Princess Twilight and I never fought,” Wits End declared proudly.
“More than once,” Purple Heart groused.
“Yeah, I do remember Purple and I having to save you both from the bandit leader,” Light Patch threw out, earning a glare from Wits End.
“I’m surprised Twilight didn’t have you three thrown in jail or something with how mad she gets around you,” Sunset snorted before pausing. “Then again, she did get a little snarkier than I remember a couple of weeks ago.”
“Suppose you’re gonna lay that one on us too,” Light Patch mumbled. A noise echoed up the tunnel and he twitched, blinking at the depths beyond.
“Well, I mean, if the horseshoe fits,” Sunset replied, causing Light Patch to glare at the red haired girl.
“You do know that not everything that happens around us is our fault?” the grey teen snapped, cutting off any replies from the other two boys. He eyed his fellow males. “Right, guys?” The duo winced.
“Eeeeeeeh… Sure?” Wits agreed.
“No faults here,” Purple Heart added. “Not even a line.”
Sunset groaned aloud. “Not more of your in-jokes, please.”
“Are you sure?” Wits perked up. “We have a fine selection to choose from.”
“Quite sure,” she stated. “Don’t do it.”
Purple Heart sucked in his lips in an attempt to restrain himself. Out of the corner of her eye, Sunset saw the twitching of the boy’s face and she glared.
“I said don’t do it,” she snarled, pointing a resolute finger at him.
“Cap’n!” Wits cried. “Th’ hull has been breeched, an’ the puns are leakin’ out! He cannae hold on much longer!”
“Boooooooooooys...” Sunset drew out the vowel threateningly.
“Hey, Sunset,” Purple Heart asked, his voice changing to that of a shriveled up old man. “What does it mean when someone tells you to hold your horses?”
Sunset stared blankly at the purple teen for a moment. “Excuse me?”
“They want you to be STABLE!” Purple Heart cried. “MMMMHMMMM! Funny joke!”
“...You just made a horse joke to a horse...” Wits mumbled. “You magnificent bleepster, I should read your book!”
Sunset quietly fumed, glaring at the two boys laughing in front of her. She turned to face Light Patch as if begging him to try and calm her down. Instead, the grey teen just shrugged weakly before motioning towards the other two. With that, Sunset rolled up her sleeves and turned back to glare at the still laughing boys. Wits noticed the danger first.
“Parley?” Wits offered. “Parsley? Parsnips? Uh, uh… Impartial third party! Twilight, save us!” The mint-colored teen waited for a rescue that never came. “Uh, Twilight?” He looked around for the science girl. “Where’d you- Uh oh.”
Twilight Sparkle was laying face-down a few feet back from Sunset and the boys. Wits shone his light back down the cave, revealing the other five girls similarly incapacitated. “Houston,” Wits said, “we have a problem.”
“Well... Now I know where the noises that made my ear twitch happen,” Light Patch said, kneeling down next to Rarity. He tried casting a healing spell a couple of times. “Right, I can’t fix this, so it probably wasn’t poison.”
Sunset practically dove over to Twilight and started checking her over. She pulled a compact mirror from her pocket and held it up to Twilight’s mouth, earning a small bit of fog on the mirror. “She’s still breathing. What about the others?”
“Still alive,” Purple Heart called back, having flipped over Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Fluttershy onto their backs. “They aren’t waking up though.” He leaned over Applejack and gently opened one of her eyelids. The eye beneath was blank and unseeing, no recognition of anything around.
“There wasn’t any warning,” Sunset said. “None at all.”
“I mean, if we were paying attention, we’d have probably noticed that Pinkie’s theme song stopped,” Purple pointed out, pulling the pink haired girl over to where the rest of the girls lay.
“Situational awareness?” Wits asked. “Us? Impossible.” He turned to Sunset. “This is either magic, or an enemy Stand. Can you do some sort of Detect Magic spell to tell us what’s going on?”
Sunset nodded. “It’s a simple enough spell…” She closed her eyes and passed a hand over Twilight, drawing a small amount of her purple aura in. “It’s definitely magic,” she muttered, ignoring the look of disappointment from Wits. “They’re in some sort of trance.”
“How do we untrance them?” Wits asked.
“We can’t. Whatever spell this is, it’s working from inside their subconscious.” Sunset paused for a moment, focusing on the magical signature. “If I had to guess, it’s similar enough to the magic that’s rewriting reality that…” She turned her hand towards Wits.
“Am I supposed to talk to the hand, or-”
“Shut up for once.” After a second of focus, Sunset sighed. “The spell seems like it hit all of us, but it’s only affecting them. The four of us aren’t native to this world, so there’s nothing for the magic to latch on to.”
“Okay, so the spell failed to affect us, but you're saying it’s still trying or at least lingering around us?” Light Patch asked. Sunset nodded.
“It’s a little more complex than that, but I don’t have time to explain it.”
“Can we haul them out of the range of the spell and break its hold on them that way?” he asked in return.
“I think we’d have to haul them out of range of the transformation magic. Which, at this point, could be well beyond the town’s limits,” she said with a resigned sigh.
Light Patch looked at the downed girls for a few moments before noticing the way a shadow was laying on the forehead of one of them. “Hey Sunset, you still know any of those Mind Magic spells you may or may not have been planning to use?”
“Woah woah woah! Mind magic is incredibly dangerous and I’m not going to try and mind control my friends, especially when something else is already doing it!” she shouted, standing up defiantly.
“I wasn’t thinking of mind control. I was thinking what if you used that along with bending the spell that’s currently also trying to grab us and maybe uh…” he flailed about trying to find the right words, “make like a bridge between minds kind of like there was a door we could enter to enter their minds and free them that way?” he asked hesitantly.
“You are insane! You know how risky that is right?” Sunset screamed. Light winced under the onslaught of sound.
“No no,” Wits said, “the crazy guy has a point.” He flinched at the look Sunset shot his way. “If the spell is inside their minds, the only way to help them is to go inside their minds ourselves, right? It’s either that, or wait and hope they fight it off themselves before the entire world gets borked. I for one would rather not bet my life on all 6 of them escaping from Tranquility Lane when we could be helping out.”
Sunset tried to glare the two down. When she realized they weren’t going to, she turned to the last standing member of the party for support. “Please tell me you have a better idea.”
Purple Heart opened his mouth to reply, lifting a finger to make a point. Then his mouth closed and the finger lowered.
“Well?!” the red headed girl prompted impatiently.
“I can’t tell you I have a better idea, cuz I don’t,” Purple replied. “We don’t have any other options or possible avenues of escape. We can either take a stroll down six different memory lanes or twiddle our thumbs while the captains handle it themselves.”
Sunset narrowed her eyes are the purple teen. “You made another injoke, didn’t you?”
“Is this really the time to harangue us about in-jokes?!” Purple Heart snapped. “We have six girls knocked unconscious by magical means! If we’re gonna do something, we gotta do it now!”
Sunset continued to glare between the three of them before throwing her hands up in defeat with a scream of frustration. “Once this is all done, you three are sitting down with me and Princess Twilight to learn in intricate detail just how STUPID and RISKY this plan is! Also, I’m going to punch one of you to vent my frustration at the end of all of this! Which one that’ll be I’ll save as surprise!” She vented before sitting down. “It’s gonna take me a few moments to be ready. Figure out amongst yourselves who’s helping who. Once that’s done, move them all to be around me and then take your place between the two you’ll be helping.” She sat down and promptly began to ignore them as she prepare the spell. “I have to keep the spell from trapping us like them or just outright killing us in some way.”
Light Patch looked between the girls before finally settling on Pinkie Pie. “I guess the real question is who gets to go on that little adventure through Pyroland?”
“Dibs on Fluttershy,” Wits said quickly, his mouth immediately snapping shut as the others looked at him “I mean… Shut up.”
“Well it’s my dumb, stupid, risky plan. I’ll help Pinkie,” Light Patch said, picking the limp girl up and moving her closer to Sunset.
“I’ll help Rainbow Dash,” Purple said. “And Twilight.”
“Oh really now?” Sunset asked. “What gives you the right to pick two in a row?”
“...Catan rules?”
“...Whatever. Who’s going to help Applejack and Rarity?” Sunset asked.
Wits stared at Light Patch. “In the interest of you coming out of this alive, I’ll take Rarity.” He held up a finger. “Just this once.”
Light Patch clapped his hands on Wits’ shoulders, looking relieved. “You are a god among men. Thor and Loki brag about knowing you,” he said before going to move Applejack to join the circle next to Pinkie. He then took his place between them.
“That will be useful when I’m sent to Valhalla,” Wits muttered. “So,” he said, starting to turn back to Sunset, “how does this wor-”
Sunset Shimmer sent a bolt of magic into the mint-colored teen’s forehead. His eyes rolled back into his head, and he dropped like a sack of mint-colored potatoes. “A bit like that,” she said, connecting the line of magic to Fluttershy’s and Rarity’s own heads. With that done, she turned to Purple Heart. “You might wanna sit down for this. I don’t think the cave could handle you hitting the ground.”
With a pout, Purple Heart slowly sat between Rainbow Dash and Twilight. “I resemble that remark,” he grumbled.
“Yes, you do.” Sunset flicked another bolt of magic at him, knocking him out with a still considerable thud. Once Purple Heart was connected to the two girls, she turned to Light Patch. “Well,” she glanced down at Pinkie Pie, then back to the grey teen, “good luck.”
“Pinkie’s parents aren’t butchers and/or circus performers, are they? No, nevermind. Somehow I think being surprised would make it easier,” the grey teen said, sliding a pair of goggles on. “Rah Rah Rasputin.”
Sunset knocked Light Patch out in the same way as his companions. “Finally, no more in-jokes for a while.” With everyone connected, she leaned back on her hands. “Yep. Finally some peace and quiet...” She sighed. “Well…”
> Chapter 29: An Adventure without Time and Space
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wits End opened his eyes to find himself lying on his back in the grass of a forest. “Well,” he said aloud, “I can’t say I didn’t have that one coming.”
He started to sit up, only to find himself looking at a familiar purple girl. “Oh, Twilight! You’re… uh… not supposed to be here.” Wits stood, looking the girl over. “And, uh…”
Twilight stared straight forward blankly, shifting slightly under the weight of something on her back.
“Twi?” Wits waved a hand in front of her face. “Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone-” The moment he stepped to one side, Twilight began walking. As she passed, he realized that the thing on her back was another Twilight, draped over her shoulders with the same blank look on her face.
The mint-colored teen was silent as he watched Twilight carry Twilight into a looming cave behind him. “Well,” he said eventually, “I’m sure that will be the strangest thing I see in here.” No sooner had the words left his mouth did Sunset Shimmer brush past him, a second Sunset on her back, and make her way into the same cave.
A few seconds later, another Twilight, carrying yet another Twilight, walked past him and into the cavern. Followed by a pair of Rainbows Dash, Applejacks, and so on. Numerous copies of the six girls—sans Fluttershy—walking in a daze into the darkness, and each with yet another copy slung over their back. 
Wits End’s mouth had formed into a thin line, his eyebrows narrowed. “Darn you, Schafer,” he muttered, falling in line behind a Rarity as it made its way into the cave.
The inside of the cave, despite appearing pitch black from the outside, was lit quite warmly with no obvious light source. In this light, Wits noticed a thin line wrapped around the Rarity’s wrist and extending further into the cave. “Hello, what’s this?” he muttered, picking at the line. It bent under his finger without snapping or losing its tautness, and returned to its original tension afterwards. “It’s like… Oh.”
The cave opened out into a large cavern, the walls and floor covered in massive spider webs. Each of the copies carried their duplicate to a part of the web and stuck them against it, slowly wrapping it in the webbing. Further along the wall, Wits could see even more copies fully wrapped in the web aside from their heads, all with the same dull expression. Once a copy had finished wrapping her duplicate, she picked her way through the webbing and disappeared into the darkness on the other side.
Wits’ grimace intensified. “Points for creativity, but still really, REALLY weird.”
“W-Wits?”
The mint-colored boy jerked to attention and turned towards the voice. “I’d know that stutter anywhere. Fluttershy?”
The young girl was standing where the webs converged, a nervous smile on her face. Thin lines of the web stretched up and out around her; a few wrapped around her fingers, others lightly coiled around her arms and legs. “I, um, wasn’t expecting to see you here.”
“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting to see me here either.” Wits walked over, avoiding the denser pockets of web and the occasional mindless clone. “Are you alright?” He narrowed his eyebrows. “Are you the real Fluttershy?”
“Yes!” Fluttershy hesitated for a moment. “I mean, I am alright. And I’m the real me. I mean, I think I’m the real me.” She grew flustered, looking around for something to prove her identity. “Am I the real me?”
“Yep, you’re the real Fluttershy.” Wits sighed and shook his head. “Look, as much as I would love to unpack what we’re seeing here, we’ve got a world to save, so I’m gonna need you to tell me how to break whatever mind control shenanigans are going on here so we can get back to that thing. Okay?”
“Oh, um, okay?” Fluttershy shifted slightly. “Just, uh, one question?”
“Shoot.”
“What… mind control shenanigans are you talking about?”
Wits’ shoulders slumped. “Of course,” he muttered, “we’re doing this trope.” He straightened again and turned to face Fluttershy again. “Okay, we’re gonna work you through some deep psychological issues real quick. You ready?”
“What psychological issues?”
The mint-colored teen gestured to the web-covered cavern around them, and the tangled bodies of the girls caught in them. “Take a wild freakin’ guess.”
Fluttershy’s expression brightened. “Oh! I’m helping them!”
“You’re… helping them?”
“Yes! My friends.” She waited for Wits to respond for a few beats. “M-my friends. That’s who I’m helping.”
“Yeah, I know. I know, I got the concept.” Wits looked around. “You got a chair or something? I get the feeling this is gonna take a while.”
“Oh! Okay.” Fluttershy tugged at one of the lines around her. A Twilight walking by paused, turned, and walked over to them. When it reached Wits, it dropped to its hands and knees. “Please,” Fluttershy said with a smile, “have a seat.”
“You know what?” Wits looked down at the blank expression on the Twilight’s face. “I think I’m good to stand after all.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, pretty sure. Besides, this isn’t that kind of story.” Wits stepped past the Twilight, trying to ignore it once he was past it. “So, let’s pretend I’m really dense and don’t know what’s going on here. Walk me through your process.”
Fluttershy frowned. “I’m not sure I-”
“Oh come on,” Wits whined. “You’re in a dark scary cave surrounded by mindless clones of your friends wrapped up in webs. I don’t need to be a genius to tell something’s going on, and I’m pretty sure you don’t either.” He shifted his weight, resting one hand against his hips while the other gestured. “You can tell something ain’t right, can’t you? Somewhere in that head, there’s a little voice saying this isn’t how shiii- stuff, is supposed to go down.” He raised an eyebrow. “Right?”
Fluttershy’s frown deepened as she began avoiding Wits’ eyes. “I, um, well…”
“Fluttershy.”
“I don’t, um… I don’t…”
Wits sighed. Fluttershy was drawing further and further in on herself, her voice getting quieter and quieter. “Fine,” he said. “Let’s try something different.” He walked over to one of the nearby webs, and stopped next to a wrapped up Rainbow Dash. The girl was staring blankly forward, not reacting as he put a finger in front of her face. “In five seconds, I’m going to let her out.”
“No, don’t!” Fluttershy took a step forward and held a hand out. Wits smirked as she saw several other clones turn their heads towards him.
“Now we’re getting somewhere,” he muttered, turning back to the pink-haired girl. “Why shouldn’t I?”
Fluttershy shifted uncomfortably, twirling a finger around the end of her hair. “Well, they’re… They’re safe in here.”
“Safe?”
“Yes!” Fluttershy beamed. Out of the corner of his eye, Wits noticed the other clones turning back to their duties. “No-one here will hurt them. They’ll get food, water, anything they need! Look, see how docile they are now?”
“So you’re, what, protecting them?”
“Yes, yes! Exactly!” Fluttershy nodded, a bright smile on her face.
Wits jerked a thumb at another Rainbow Dash further down the web. “And why are there so many of them?”
Fluttershy thought for a moment. “Well, there’s so many of them to protect, I guess.”
“...Go on.”
“Well, there’s the Twilight from our world, and the Princess Twilight from her pony world. There’s probably a Twilight from the world you come from too.” Fluttershy paused to think again, not noticing the look of dawning realization that passed over Wits’ face. “So, I guess, I’ve got to protect them all by bringing them here.”
“So why isn’t anyone else here?” Wits asked. “There’s no Purple Hearts, which I can’t blame you for. No Flash Sentrys- Flash Sentries? Flashes Sentry? Whatever. No me’s…” He trailed off for a moment before recovering himself. “My point is; where’s everyone else?”
“I, um…” Fluttershy frowned. “I guess… they haven’t really needed me to protect them yet. If they did, I’d bring them here.” She looked up to see Wits stroking his chin. “Wits?”
After a few minutes, the mint-colored teen snapped his fingers. “A subconscious attempt to maintain the existing worldview by keeping those closest to them even closer,” he muttered. “Essentially, overprotective parent syndrome.”
“What’s that?”
“Just a little unprofessional attempt at psychoanalysis. Nothing to worry about.” Wits stretched his arms. “Next is prescribing a treatment plan, but we’re a little short on time. Would you say everyone you bring in here is guaranteed to be safe?”
Fluttershy smiled. “Oh yes, absolutely. Nothing bad can happen to anyone once they’re here.”
“Great. I’m gonna have to shatter that a little bit.” After rolling his shoulder, Wits turned back to the Rainbow Dash in the web, curling one hand into a fist in front of him. “Sorry about this, Dashie, but also I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.” 
“No!” Fluttershy reached out, but was too late. Wits End’s fist struck the Rainbow Dash in the face, distorting it as if in slow motion before the nose broke with a sharp snap. He was winding up for round two when several clones grabbed onto him from behind. “You can’t do that!”
“Really?” Wits pointed at the red smear on his knuckles. “I think, if you look closely, you’ll see that not only can I do that, but I already did.” He smiled, jerking his head at the Rainbow Dash’s bloodied face as more clones grabbed his arms. “See, Fluttershy? You can’t protect people from everything. Especially not from inside he-”
“No, you’re wrong!” Fluttershy sobbed from behind clenched teeth. “I can protect them!” She swept her hand as if pushing Wits away, prompting the clones to push him against the web. “I can protect them from you! I can- I can protect you, too!”
Wits struggled as the clone began wrapping the web around him. “Hey, wait a min-”
“Whatever mind control you were talking about must be affecting you!” Fluttershy continued. “But don’t worry, Wits! I can keep you safe so you don’t hurt anyone else.” She smiled, despite the tears in her eyes. “I can protect you while we figure out how to make you all better. It’ll be okay, I promise.”
“As great as that sounds,” Wits muttered, only half-sarcastically, “this is not the outcome I was looking for!” He shoved one of the clones away, but his waist and left arm were already immobilized by the webbing. “I was hoping that showing harm can still come to those under her protection would do it, but we can see how that turned out.”
“Please, Wits, stop struggling.” Fluttershy stepped closer, holding a hand out to the rapidly entangled teen. The clones around him parted to let her in. “I’ll protect you. No-one will be able to hurt you now.”
Wits paused. “No-one?”
Fluttershy nodded.
“You promise?”
“You have my word, absolutely.”
“You’ll do anything to keep me safe?”
“Of cou-”
“Anything?” Wits was leaning forward as much as he could now, looking into her eyes.
Fluttershy nodded again, her smile widening. “Anything.”
After a moment, Wits smirked. “I’m gonna hold you to that one.” The teen’s fist slammed into his own face, eliciting a yelp from both Fluttershy and himself. “Shhhhhhhugar honey iced tea, that hurt!”
Fluttershy flinched as Wits punched himself again. “W-What are you doing?”
“What’s it look like?” Wits called back, socking himself in the jaw. “Can’t stop, won’t stop!” Another punch, and he paused. A moment later, he spat out a bloody tooth and grinned. “See? Boy, that one hurt.”
“Why are you doing this to yourself?”
“You want me to stop?” Wits ignored her question to give himself another blow to the nose. “You wanna protect me? You’re gonna have to break free of whatever’s making you do this!”
“Nothing’s making me do-”
“Whoop, there goes another tooth!” The mint-colored teen’s grin had a noticeable gap now. “Fluttershy, you’re the kindest person I know.” Another punch. “So if you want me to stop,” another punch, “then you’re gonna have to use that kindness,” another punch, this one with the sound of something snapping, “and get us the hell out of here!”
As if turning on a light, everything shifted. In an instant, the cavern, the webs, and the clones all vanished. The two of them were standing in the forest, with no sign of the cave to be seen. Beams of sunlight danced off of the green grass around them. In the distance, the sound of bird calls echoed slightly.
“Wits?” A faint glowing aura surrounding Fluttershy dissipated. “Oh my gosh, are you alright? Here, let me-”
“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Wits wiped his bloody nose on his sleeve. “This is some sort of mindscape. None of this is real.” He sniffed and winced. “Ow.”
“Here.” Fluttershy put a hand on Wits’ shoulder, passing the other hand over his face. As she did so, the teen’s self-inflicted wounds healed themselves, with a small pop as his nose shifted back into place.
“Huh.” Wits ran his tongue over his newly regrown teeth. “Neat trick.”
“Well, um…” Fluttershy glanced around at the trees that surrounded them. “I guess, I don’t want you to get blood all over my mindscape.”
Wits grinned. “Nice to have you back. How’re you feeling?”
“Um… I’m not really sure?” Fluttershy frowned. “What I was doing before… It felt like me, but- Wits, I-I would never hold someone- you- anyone against their will like that!”
“I know.” Wits put his own hand on her shoulder. “That’s why I bet on you breaking free to help me.”
“B-but, what if I just wrapped you up so you couldn’t move?”
Wits paused. “Um… I… did not plan on that.” He thought for a moment. “But, you didn’t either, so that worked out okay.”
Fluttershy nodded, a gentle smile spreading across her face. Suddenly, her eyes widened as she glanced at their hands on each others shoulders. “Um, W-Wits?”
“Huh?” Wits followed her gaze. After a beat, the two of them drew back as if they had been touching a hot stove. “S-sorry about that,” he stuttered, his face turning red.
After an agonizing awkward second, Fluttershy perked up. “Wait, what about the others? Are they alright?”
“For a certain definition of ‘alright’, yes. Let me explain.” Wits paused. “No, there’s too much. Let me sum up. Everyone originally from this world went into a magical trance-slash-coma, leaving Sunset, PH, Patchy, and I to figure out how to get you all out of it. Sunset hooked each of us up to two of you so we can help you break out of whatever’s going on in here. After I kill Count Rugen.”
“Who’s Count Rugen?”
“Never mind. Just wanted to bookend the reference.” Wits End sighed. “In any case, you should get back to the physical plane. Sunset’s still out there waiting for us to get back.”
Fluttershy shook her head. “I’m not going to leave my friends behind.”
“Relax, I’ve got this.”
“Any of my friends, Wits.” Fluttershy stared intently at this mint-colored teen. “That means you too.”
Several expressions shifted over Wits’ face over the next few seconds, eventually settling on a bright red blush that gave off enough heat to make steam. “Wowee,” he mumbled. “We haven’t even had our first date… And I’ve already managed to hit the friend zone!”
“Are… are you alright?”
“Are you kidding? This is definitely in the top 10 best days of my life! Number 4 will shock you!” Wits coughed. “Alright, let’s go help Rarity, then.”
“Oh, um, okay…” Fluttershy looked around the serene forest landscape that surrounded them. “How do we… get to her?”
“How should I know? This is your brain, and we’re connected via Sunset’s magic. You can probably make a door or a rainbow bridge or something into her mindscape.” Wits shrugged. “Honestly, I’m making this up as I go along. Give it a shot.”
“Okay…” Fluttershy closed her eyes and concentrated on creating a way to get to Rarity. After a moment, she felt something shift. “Did it work?” she asked, slowly opening her eyes.
“I mean…” Wits was standing next to a horse-sized version of Rarity’s cat Opal. “I guess? I’m not really sure how this is supposed to work, but maybe we can ride-” When the teen tried to grab onto the giant cat’s fur, he ended up slipping and disappearing into it.
“Wits?” Fluttershy took a few steps closer. “Are you alright?” She looked up at Opal’s blank stare. “What happened?”
The giant Opal looked down at her. “Meow.”
Fluttershy cocked her head. “Really? It’s that easy?”
“Meow.”
“Well, if you say so…” Fluttershy took a deep breath, and pushed her way into the giant cat’s fur as well.”



* * *


“Okay, so,” Wits shivered as he and Fluttershy took in their new surroundings. “I don’t know about you, but when I think of the inside of Rarity’s mind…”
“This isn’t what you imagine?” Fluttershy finished for him.
“Yeah…”
The two of them were standing on a mountain path with icy winds whipping around them. A line of wooden marionettes stretched along the path in front of them, and even more were behind them, as the path led down the mountain into the clouds below. 
“Somehow, I expected more clothes,” Wits mused.
“Maybe this is an example of her hidden depths?” Fluttershy asked. “Um, or something like that.”
“Was it an example of hidden depths when you were in a cave?”
“...Is that a joke, or an actual question?”
“It’s tough for me to tell sometimes.” The two of them were interrupted by the marionettes moving forward along the path, forcing them to move forward as well to keep their place. “At least the queue is moving,” Wits said.
Fluttershy frowned. “But where?”
It took time, but every couple of minutes the line move forward again. Fluttershy and Wits End kept their position, doing their best not to look down as the path narrowed towards the top. Eventually, they made it up to the top. “Again, points for creativity,” Wits said as they took in the sight, “but also, still really weird.”
The top of the mountain was flat, with a large stone throne carved into the center, and columns of similarly carved stone ringed the edge of the plateau’s sheer edge. The line of marionettes stretched up to the foot of the throne, with the closest one bent into a bow. Seated in the throne was Rarity, a silk blindfold over her eyes, a set of scales set to one side of the throne, and a sword leaned against the other.
“What’s going on?” Fluttershy whispered. Up ahead, Rarity seemed to be talking at the closest marionette.
“Scales, sword, blindfold…” Wits muttered. “Blindfold. Blind. Justice is blind? Some sort of courtroom? I’m just not seeing where the drama comes in with this.”
The two of them watched as Rarity stopped talking. With a sweep of her hand, the kneeling marionette was flung away, sailing off the edge of the cliff into the clouds below.
Wits blinked. “Ah.”
“Um, that’s bad, right?” Fluttershy asked.
“Only if she does that to all of them. If this is supposed to be justice, then some of them should be-” Wits was cut off as another marionette sailed away, this one hitting a column on the way and its broken pieces clattering down the mountain face. “It might be bad.”
Fluttershy frowned as the line shuffled forward, a cold breeze blowing across the plateau. “What do we do when we get up to her?” she whispered.
“We try to convince her that this isn’t right,” Wits replied.
“And if she throws us off the edge?”
“We hope there’s beds at the bottom of the mountain.”
“Wits…”
“It’ll be fine.” Wits shot her a smirk. “I got you out by putting you in a position where you had to act in your true nature. We just gotta do the same with her.”
“And how do we do that?”
“I haven’t gotten that far yet.” He glanced over and saw the look of both concern and disbelief on Fluttershy’s face. “Relax. In my experience, things like this present a solution right before things go completely wrong.”
“You say that like you live in some sort of poorly written fanfiction.”
“Oh, don’t even get me started...”
The marionette in front of them knelt in front of the stone throne. “And what do you want from me?” Rarity said, her voice hoarse as if she had been asking that question all day.
“Is she talking to us?” Fluttershy asked.
“Not yet,” Wits said. Even with the blindfold on, Rarity’s attention seemed to be on the wooden figure in front of her. “In fact, I don’t think she can hear us.” He cupped his hands around his mouth. “I don’t think you can hear us!” he called. The fashionista remained unphased. “Yeah, she can’t hear us.”
“A quest?” Rarity asked, as if ignoring him and replying to something the marionette had said. “In a distant land? Where is this city you speak of?”
Fluttershy and Wits leaned in to try and hear what was being said, but the marionette stayed completely silent.
“Gallopilli?” Rarity asked. “Sounds faintly baroque. And there’s a princess in danger, you say?”
“I’ve heard this story before,” Wits muttered.
Fluttershy turned to look at him. “Where?”
“That poorly written fanfiction.”
Rarity leaned back in her throne. “Well... it sounds like this princess of yours chose to return there of her own free will. I can’t very well be responsible for bailing out every princess who regrets her decision in hindsight. I’d never had a moment’s rest, and I’ve got enough work on my hands as it is.” She paused for a moment, cocking her head as if to listen to the marionette’s rebuttal. “Well you should have thought about that before wasting my time coming up here.” With a wave of her hand, the wooden figure sailed over the edge of the cliff, clattering against the rock face on the way down.
Wits hissed through his teeth. “Sounds like that could’ve gone better.” Fluttershy replied with a soft whimper.
Pushed forward by the marionette behind them, Wits and Fluttershy found themselves standing before the throne. “And what do you want from me?” Rarity rasped.
“For you not to throw us off the cliff?” Fluttershy offered meekly.
Rarity’s expression changed to one of surprise. “Fluttershy? Not that it’s not wonderful to hear your voice again, but what on earth are you doing here?”
“We’re here to help get you out of here!” Fluttershy took a step closer. “Both of us! Wits and I-”
Rarity’s nose wrinkled. “Eugh.”
“I heard that,” Wits complained.
“It was intended for you, dear.” Rarity turned her focus back to Fluttershy. “Now, what’s all this about getting me out of this place?”
Fluttershy looked back at Wits, who only gestured for her to take the lead. “Well, um… Do you remember what we were doing before you were… here?” She gestured at the mountaintop around them.
“Darling, I’ve been here,” Rarity mimicked Fluttershy’s gesture remarkably well despite not being able to see it, “for what feels like an eternity. You’ll have to forgive me if my memory is a bit hazy about my life before coming here.”
“Oh, well, actually,” Fluttershy said, “you haven’t really been here that long. It’s only been…” She looked back at Wits. “How long has it been?”
Wits shrugged. “I have trouble telling how long it’s been when I’m making eggs. You expect me to be able to tell in here?”
Rarity’s eyebrows narrowed. “What do you mean, ‘in here’?”
“Well, um,” Fluttershy searched for the right words for a moment. “We’re actually… kind of inside your mind? I think? It’s... a little confusing, to be honest. But all of this is like a… a dream, I guess?”
After a moment of thought, Rarity turned towards Wits End. “What did you do?”
“I ain’t done no things!” Wits shot back. “You girls got stuck in this multiplayer Psychonauts level, and I volunteered to get you and Fluttershy back out into the real world so we can go kick some Hydra butt.”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “You volunteered to help both of us?”
Wits paused. “Fluttershy first,” he admitted. He glanced up from his feet to see Rarity still staring blindly at him. “And it was a choice between you and Applejack.”
“You chose me over Applejack?”
“It would’ve meant you were stuck with Patchy.”
Rarity’s mouth curled into a grimace. “Eugh.”
Wits held his arms out at a jaunty angle. “What can I say except ‘you’re welcome’?” he sang.
“That aside,” Rarity said, “let’s say I believe you, and that the Hydra really is still out there.” She held up a finger to hold off Wits and Fluttershy’s oncoming correction. “If that really is the case, then what is it you want me to do about it?”
Fluttershy stepped up again. “Well, we-”
“Hang on.” Wits waved Fluttershy towards him. “Can we take a moment?”
Rarity raised an eyebrow behind her blindfold. “Why? Is there something I should be aware of?”
“That’s what I want to check in on.” Wits tilted his head to the side. “Fluttershy?”
Fluttershy looked between the two teens. “Um, well…” She looked back to Rarity. “We’ll just be a minute, Rarity.”
After a moment of thought, Rarity shrugged. “Go ahead. I’m certainly not going anywhere.”
Wits gave her a thumbs up. “Cheers.” The mint-colored teen guided Fluttershy to one side, stopping next to one of the columns that ringed the plateau. One they were there, he turned back to her with his hands together. “This feels like a trap.”
“Huh?” Fluttershy looked back at Rarity, who was checking her nails in spite of her blindfold. “W-what do you mean?”
“I don’t know, it just…” Wits End hissed through his teeth. “She asked that last puppet what it wanted before turning it down and flinging it away, right?”
Fluttershy looked over the edge of the cliff. The arm of one of the marionettes was stuck between two rocks below them, disconnected from the rest of the body. She let out a soft squeak and backed away. “Y-yes?”
“Well, what if asking is some sort of test? If they fail,” he jerked his head towards the cliff. “We really don’t want that to happen to us.”
“Why would she do that to us?”
Wits scratched the back of his head. “I’ve been trying to figure that out ever since I landed in your mindscape. The Hydra’s obviously having some sort of influence, but it’s not affecting your personalities in any really significant way. It’s more like it’s taking some aspect of your personalities and twisting them.” He switched over to stroking his jaw, then frowned. “Doesn’t work so well without the beard.”
“It’s like, um,” Fluttershy searched for the right words. “When you say ‘aspect’ of our personalities, could that, maybe, be like the Elements that Princess Twilight has in her world?”
“The Elements of Harmony?”
“Yes! You said before that the Hydra is trying to make our world like that game world, right?” Wits nodded, prompting Fluttershy to continue. “And that world was based on Princess Twilight’s world, right? What if the Hydra is doing something based on the Elements that our alternate universe selves represent?”
“If it is the Elements…” Wits thought for a moment. “The pony-verse’s version of Fluttershy’s Element is Kindness. And you were saying that you were saving those copies of your friends when you were under the Hydra’s influence. That’s like Kindness, or like… coddling, I suppose.”
“And to break me out of it, you had to force me to use real kindness,” Fluttershy continued. “So if we want to save Rarity…”
“We need to get her to display true generosity,” Wits finished for her. “It’s not gonna be like with you where I could shock you out of it. We need to convince her to come with us, not because it’s best for her, but because it’s best for us.”
“But how do we do that?”
“I dunno, I was hoping this’d be easy. I only took Psych 101 as an elective, and they never covered emotional manipulation.”
“What in the world were they teaching you at your school?”
“Computer Science,” Wits replied. “Which, I gotta say, is so far 0-for-2 in applicability to our adventures.”
“If you don’t mind,” Rarity called to them, “but could we wrap this up? Not that I don’t enjoy having you two here, but I still have a few people to get to.” She motioned to the seemingly endless line of marionettes that stretched down the mountain path. “Quite a few, actually.”
Wits and Fluttershy looked at each other. “Just keep her talking for a while,” Wits said as he turned back to the throne. “I’ll try to come up with something.”
“Um, actually…” Fluttershy grabbed his coat sleeve to hold him back. “Could you, maybe, keep her talking instead?”
Wits blinked. “You have an idea?”
“Just the start of one, really. If you want, you could-”
“No, no, go for it!” Wits held his hands up slightly. “You know her better than I do. I’ll keep her busy, and you can give me a signal when you’re ready.” He grinned and gave her a thumbs-up. “Teamwork!”
Fluttershy smiled as she started walking back to Rarity. “Friendship.”
Wits End waited a moment as she walked past him, before doubling over and clutching his heart. “You’d think I’d be getting too old for this,” he wheezed under his breath. After taking an extra second to recover, he trotted back over to the throne.
“Well?” Rarity asked. “Have you two finished figuring out what you want me to do to help you?”
After a quick glance at Fluttershy, Wits cleared his throat. “So, uh,” he said, “what’s the deal with eggplants? I mean, they’re not eggs, they’re not plants…”
Rarity stared at him from behind her blindfold. “What on earth are you talking about?”
“I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know that myself half of the time.” Wits shrugged. “Look, the truth is that we’re not really sure what we want from you. The whole mindscape thing makes it tough to tell what are powers you actually have in the real world, and what powers are the ones you have in here.”
“You keep going on about mindscapes,” Rarity said. “What makes you think we’re in such as thing in the first place, anyway?”
“I mean, last time I checked, Canterlot isn’t near any giant icy mountains.” Wits paused. “It isn’t, is it? My grasp on the geography of Canterlot High and its environs is hazy at best. There’s no mountains in Canterlot, is there?”
Rarity leaned back in her throne, crossing one leg over the other. “Look, I’ve been here long enough that it’s entirely possible you came from the other side of the world to visit me. Why do you think this is near Canterlot at all?”
“Because we,” Wits gestured to himself, Rarity, and Fluttershy, “just came from Canterlot like less than half an hour ago. We were in a cave going to fight the Hydra-”
“There’s no caves in Canterlot,” Rarity interrupted. “Are you sure you’re quite alright, darling?”
“Yes! No! Wait, hang on.” Wits pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yes, I’m sure I’m alright. We were in a cave because the Hydra put it there, because it’s trying to rewrite your world with its world instead. This is a mindscape, so it can look like whatever you want.”
“Let me stop you there and ask a hypothetical question.” Rarity learned forward, resting her arm against her thigh and her chin against her knuckles. “You seem quite set on this being a mindscape of some sort, so let me ask you this: who’s to say this isn’t your mindscape instead of mine?”
“Hey, if this was my mindscape, I think I’d be the first one to know.”
“And how would you know that?”
Wits paused, clearing thinking about how to articulate his answer. “Well, there would be more cute girls for one thing.”
“Two isn’t enough for you? Oh my...”
“Hey, don’t put words in my mouth! The rating is fragile enough right now as it is!”
Rarity grinned. “And what type of cute girls would there be in your mind, Wits? Given what I’ve seen of you, I imagine a lot of them would look like Flut-”
“I’ve got it!” Fluttershy’s exclamation interrupted the rapid-fire back-and-forth already in progress. She looked between the two other teens, who were staring at her in stunned silence. “Um, th-that was the signal, by the way.”
“Yeah, I got that,” Wits muttered. “It was very subtle, but I got it.”
Fluttershy’s gaze panned towards the ground. “S-sorry. Did I interrupt you two? I can wait if you want.”
“Nope! Go ahead!” Wits took a step back and gestured to the pink-haired girl to take over. “There was no way I was gonna walk away from that conversation as the winner anyway.”
Rarity chuckled as she turned her blindfolded gaze back to Fluttershy. “What is it, darling? Have you decided what you want from me?”
Fluttershy nodded, taking a few timid steps forward. “Yes. What I-” She glanced over at Wits, who gave her a thumbs up. “What we want from you,” she continued, “is for you to send us back home.”
“What?” Rarity asked.
“What?” Wits echoed, but his question was quickly cut off as Fluttershy continued.
“We can both see that you’re really quite busy,” she said, gesturing to the line of marionettes, “and we can’t exactly help you to finish it any faster, so-” she glanced at Wits again, “so the best thing for us to do is to just get out of your hair and let you get back to work.”
Rarity tilted her head slightly. “Really? That’s all?”
Fluttershy nodded. “That’s it. If this is a mindscape, you can just send us out of it. And if this is the real world, you can send us back to Canterlot. Seems like it would be easy, to me at least.”
After a moment of thought, Rarity shrugged. “Well, if that’s all you really want-”
“And we’ll just let you get back to work on your own.”
Rarity paused. “What?”
Fluttershy’s eyes were locked firmly on her shoes; only glancing up for a moment. “S-sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you. It’s just… with us out of the way, you won’t have anyone to... to distract you from your work. You can, um, just keep working your way through the line.” She made a half-hearted gesture towards the line of marionettes.
Wits blinked, suddenly getting where Fluttershy was going with this. “Yep!” he said, stepping up to stand next to her. “You can just send us back home, and we’ll get out of your hair. You can get back to asking them what they want and flinging them off of cliffs all you want.”
“On your own,” Fluttershy added.
“Forever,” Wits added as well.
“If that’s okay with you,” Fluttershy muttered.
“Geh…” Rarity frowned as she thought about their request. “Are you sure that’s what you really want? I mean, it could take a some time before we see each other again.” Her blindfolded gaze shifted to the line again. “A very, very long time…”
“Oh, we wouldn’t want to impose on your time,” Wits said. “We still have a Hydra to beat, and with you busy here it’s gonna be all hands on deck to beat it. I mean, just think of who’s waiting for us back there? There’s Sunset and SciTwi, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash…”
“Light Patch and Purple Heart,” Fluttershy offered. “And Applejack too.”
“Side Track and Witstang are waiting too,” Wits mused. “Not to mention the rest of the school.”
“Don’t forget about Agent Coltson and his team.”
“Good point. I’m sure he’s very eager for the Hydra to be taken care of.” Wits clapped his hands together. “Well, we really should be going, so just go ahead and give us like a door or a magic carpet or something, and we’ll get out of your way.”
As if on cue, a large, intricately detailed golden door appeared next to them. “Oh,” Rarity said, as if she was surprised at how easy it had been. “Well then. I suppose that will take you back home, if that’s really what you want.”
“Great!” Wits gave her a wink. “Good luck with the forever.”
Fluttershy gave a small smile as Wits put his hands on the door handle. “It was great to see you again, Rarity.”
“Yes,” the blindfolded girl said slowly. “You too…” She bit her lower lip as Wits turned the handle. Just as she heard the mechanism click, she couldn’t take it anymore. “Wait!”
Slowly, Wits craned his head around to look at her. “Yeeeeeeees?” he asked.
“Well, um…” Rarity shifted in her seat, as if the stone had suddenly become uncomfortable under her. “What if… I don’t want you to leave yet?”
“Are you forcing us to stay here?” Wits asked.
“No, no! Of course not! I wouldn’t want to take that choice away from you, but…”
Fluttershy turned around to face her friend. “Rarity?”
“It’s just…” Rarity fought with herself, torn between speaking her mind and leaving them to do what they had wanted. “I mean, you only just got here, and I’m sure we have so much to catch up on. It’s not like my work here can’t wait for a little bit, and… and…” Her voice trailed off until her last words were little more than a whisper. “I really don’t want to be left alone here.”
“And there,” Wits said smugly, “as I believe the youth put it, is the tea.”
“Rarity,” Fluttershy said, walking back to stand in front of her throne, “I think you have a choice to make.” The blindfolded girl perked up slightly. “Wits and I have to go back, or else the rest of our friends will be in trouble. You can either stay here, and it will be as if we never came,” she held a hand out to Rarity, “you can come with us.”
Rarity’s covered gaze moved between Fluttershy’s open hand and the line of marionettes. “I…”
“What do you want to do, Rarity?” Fluttershy asked.
Rarity was shivering now, her hands balled into fists. “I…”
“Rarity?”
Suddenly, Rarity tore the blindfold from her face, flinging it away from her as she took Fluttershy’s hand. “I want to get out of this awful place!” she shouted. “It’s cold and it’s hard and there’s only stupid dolls to talk to and I’m so incredibly bored with it all!” She practically leapt off of the throne and wrapped her arms around Fluttershy in a hug.
Wits grinned as he watched a breeze carry the blindfold over the edge of the cliff. “Nice to have you back, Rares.”
“You,” the fashionista said, pointing a finger at him without letting go of Fluttershy, “shut up and don’t ruin the moment.”
“You got it.”
After a new more moments, Rarity released Fluttershy from the hug. “Fluttershy, darling,” she said, dabbing at her eyes with the back of her sleeve. “What on earth am I doing here?”
“Some sort of spell the Hydra put on us,” Fluttershy explained. “According to Wits, all of us were under it except for Sunset and the boys.”
Rarity raised an eyebrow. “I understand Sunset not being effected, but what makes those boys so special?”
“How long have you got?” Wits asked.
“The point is,” Fluttershy continued, “Wits came to help us break out of the spell, and the other two are helping the rest. We really do need to get back soon to stop that Hydra, though.”
“Right,” Rarity straightened her clothes and brushed her hair back into its impeccable place. “We’d better get through that door then.”
“Yeah, about that,” Wits opened the door, revealing that it didn’t actually lead anywhere. “Door machine broke.”
Rarity blinked. “What? Why?”
“You’re not linked to the outside world,” Wits End explained. “Fluttershy was able to get us here because you were both connected by the spell, but there’s no direct route from you to the real world.”
“And how do you know that?”
“I kinda just put it together when I realized the door didn’t go anywhere. It’s entirely possible I’m wrong, and you just suck at magical doors.”
Rarity glared at him. “Just this once, we’ll assume your theory is correct. How do we get out of here, then?”
Wits grinned. “It means I get to use this again.” He snapped his fingers, which seemed to echo on the mountaintop.
The girls waited for several seconds before Rarity spoke. “Was that supposed to do-”
Her question was cut off by the sound of the wind whistling around them. A surprisingly loud wind, almost like a loud, cyclical wail.
Just behind Wits End, a faint blue shape behind to materialize. It appeared to be the source of the wail, with the sound growing in intensity as the shape became more opaque. Finally, an old-fashioned blue box came into focus, with the wail ending with an audible thud. Across the top of the box read the word “Police”.
Rarity blinked. ‘What.”
“Never gets old.” Wits’ grin widened as he opened the door to the police box, revealing a room that was far bigger than seemed to fit inside. “Allons-y?”
> Chapter 30: You’ve Got A Friend In Me
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Okaaaay,” Purple Heart drawled, blinking at the screaming people surrounding him on all sides, “can’t say I was expecting this.” The purple teen’s words were drowned out by the roar of the crowd, stamping their feet on the stadium bleachers. At the bottom of the sports amphitheater was an occupied soccer field with players running towards one of the goals. Squinting, Purple Heart scrutinized the players. However, the distance was too great for him to make out any defining features. His view was suddenly blocked when the crowd surged to their feet, cheering madly as a voice echoed around the stadium.
“GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL! Rainbow Dash scores once more, hiking the score up to three-nil in favor of the Wondercolts! With 35 minutes left on the clock, the Paladins have only five minutes left to make up a three goal difference or it’s bye-bye to their chance at Nationals!”
Purple Heart arched an eyebrow at the screens hanging from the roof of the stadium, stroking his chin thoughtfully as he watched Rainbow Dash standing in the center of the field. The rainbow haired girl was mopping at her forehead with the hem of her shirt, cleary antsy to continue the game.
“Hmm.” Heaving himself to his feet, Purple Heart excused himself past his neighbors to reach the steps. He slowly descended, eyes not leaving Rainbow Dash. What kind of vision was this? All it showed was Rainbow doing something she enjoyed. And she clearly was, if the crowd’s approval was anything to go by.
A whistle blew and the game resumed, the Paladins charging forward. Several players bunched up on Rainbow Dash, screening the girl from the ball as a forward dribbled it past her and most of her fellow defenders. Within seconds, the desperate player was at scoring range. Then Rainbow Dash broke free.
“Idiots!” she snapped. The crowd’s noise level dipped briefly as Rainbow’s curse echoed faintly throughout the stadium. The girl flew across the field in hot pursuit of the ball. The player in possession took a moment to glance over his shoulder and promptly blanched. He wasted no time in snapping off a kick that sent the ball towards the goal. Purple Heart couldn’t stop his jaw from dropping as Rainbow Dash blocked the ball with her forehead and sent it out of bounds. It truly was an example of stellar athletics for the rainbow haired girl to outpace the opposing player and block his shot before it got to the goalie.
“Incredible athletics from Rainbow Dash to block the ball!” the announcer applauded as the crowd roared its approval. “But, it’s still in the Paladins possession!” Purple Heart ignored the commentary and focused on Rainbow Dash. The girl was yelling heatedly at her coach and the poor man looked baffled at whatever she was saying. He was shaking his head and hands, trying to placate the girl when she turned around, grabbed a fellow player from the bench, and stormed over to the referees’ table.
“Now subbing number 20 for number 7. Now subbing number 7 for number 13,” a referee called.
“Oh, it looks like Rainbow Dash has been pulled from forward only to be placed at goalie. Interesting choice by the Wonderbolts coach,” the announcer mused. Purple Heart’s eyes narrowed, flicking his gaze to the big screen. Rainbow Dash stormed over to the goalie and held out a hand for their gloves. The goalie scowled and tore the gloves off, slamming them into Rainbow’s chest. The girl turned, presenting her face to the camera. Her lips moved.
‘Fine. I’ll do it myself.’
Purple Heart groaned. “Seriously?” he sighed. “Seriously?! You’re not enough shades of purple to pull that line off!” He ignored the confused looks he got from the crowd near him.
Play resumed and the ball was promptly thrown in. Rainbow’s teammates put up a valiant effort to keep the ball away from the goal, but to be perfectly honest, they did a terrible job of it. Within seconds, the ball was careening towards the goal, only to be saved by Rainbow Dash. She drop-kicked the ball, sending it across the field in a lazy arc. It didn’t take long for the ball to return to the Wondercolts’ side of the field. Once more the ball flew towards the goal and once more Rainbow Dash prevented the Paladins from scoring.
“She doesn’t trust her teammates,” Purple Heart mused, watching as the ball continued to fly across the field only to come back into Wondercolt territory where it was blocked and sent back across the field in an endless cycle. Despite this rote method of play, the clock reached 40 minutes and the game ended. Purple Heart scowled and left the stands for the concessions ring, leaving the cheering crowd behind him. He descended to the ground level to stand by the locker rooms. He couldn’t waste time waiting for her to come out on her own. It took mere moments for him to come up with a scheme that would most certainly earn him a bruise or two, but it would work.
He rapped his knuckles on the locker room door for the Wondercolts and stepped back. Footsteps sounded and the door opened to reveal a girl in a Wondercolts uniform.
“Can I help you?” she asked, eyeing the large teen before her skeptically. Purple Heart gave a mechanical grin.
“My name is Purple Heart,” he introduced himself. “I’m a scout with Daring Do’s School for Physically Gifted Youngsters. I have a proposition for one Rainbow Dash?” Immediately, the girl’s expression soured and she nodded curtly.
“She’ll be right out,” she snarled, slamming the door. Purple Heart winced as the girl’s cleats clacked painfully on the floor as she strode away.
“Oh yeh,” he sighed, “Rainbow really isn’t a teamplayer...” He didn’t have to wait long. Seems his plan worked. Cleats sounded up the hall and the door flew open to reveal a panting Rainbow Dash.
“You’re the scout wi-” she balked. “Purple Heart? What are you doing here? How did you get here? Why-” The blue girl squawked in surprise when Purple Heart grabbed her by her uniform and dragged her out of the doorway.
“I’m the one asking the questions,” he growled, pinning her to the wall. “What in the ever-loving biscuit was that performance I just watched?” Rainbow blinked at him in confusion.
“What?” she asked. “Subbing in and out? I didn’t want us to lose.” Purple Heart’s left eye twitched. His hand dropped from her uniform and he stepped back.
“Us?” he echoed. “‘I didn’t want us to lose’? Really? Cuz from where I was standing, what happened out there-” he jabbed a finger at the stadium, “-looked a bit more like you didn’t want you to lose.”
Rainbow Dash scoffed. “Well, yeah, obviously,” she retorted. “That was my last chance to go to Nationals.”
Purple Heart arched an eyebrow. “Really?” he queried. “You’re a senior?”
“No.”
“Then what’s stopping you from going to Nationals next year?”
“I can’t play with teammates that don’t pull their own weight.”
Purple Heart couldn’t help it. He laughed. Loudly. He staggered over to the wall and leaned against it as great, wracking snorts shook his body. Scowling, Rainbow Dash folded her arms and settled for waiting out Purple Heart’s fit of explosive laughter. It didn’t take long once he started gasping for breath.
“You don’t think,” he panted, “your own teammates...can pull their weight? That is… by far… one of the stupidest things… I’ve ever heard. And I’ve played… World of Tanking Ships.”
Rainbow shrugged. “It’s the truth,” she stated. “Every game this season I’ve had to carry hard. I can only trust myself.”
“So, selfish desire,” Purple Heart hummed. “No loyalty whatsoever to your teammates or your coach for that matter. I saw you browbeat him into subbing the goalie out only to have yourself placed there after another substitution.”
“Like I said, I can only trust myself,” Rainbow reiterated.
“Hmm...”
Rainbow sighed, looking at Purple Heart irritably as he just stood there, head resting on the wall as he gazed upwards.
“Well, this has been most enlightening,” Rainbow said sarcastically. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get showered and changed before the bus leaves,” Rainbow turned and opened the locker room door.
“What happens when your trust in yourself fails?” Purple Heart asked as she stepped into the hall. She hesitated, frowning at the concrete before her.
“Excuse me?” she questioned, stepping back outside to look at the large purple teenager..
“What happens,” Purple Heart repeated, “when you lose your trust in yourself and the only thing saving you from defeat is your teammates that aren’t loyal to you? Just as you aren’t loyal to them?”
Rainbow Dash was silent, standing with a foot inside the door while a pensive expression crossed her face. A moment passed and she scoffed. “You’re not making any sense,” she said. She moved to enter the locker room again, but was stopped by Purple Heart’s hand. “Let go.” She turned and wrenched her arm in an attempt to get out of his grip.
“Where are your friends, hm?” he asked, blue eyes freezing her in place. “Where are Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy? You’d think your friends would be here to watch you play for a spot at Nationals, wouldn’t you? You’d think they’d be here to support you.” Rainbow Dash stopped struggling as Purple Heart’s words washed over her. “You broke your friendship with them, didn’t you.” His words were a statement, not a question. The rainbow haired girl could hear the accusation in his voice. “You decided that all you needed was yourself to accomplish your dreams. You betrayed their trust in you for your own selfish desires. Some friend you are.” He let go of her arm and stepped back, eyes still transfixing her in place.
Rainbow found her voice then. “I don’t need their support,” she snarled. “I don’t need my teammates either. I’ll win. I’ll show you. I’ll win it all, all of it! By myself if I have to!”
Purple Heart barked a laugh. “You will!” he cried, eyes tearing up as he looked at the ceiling. “You most certainly will have to do it yourself!” Rainbow couldn’t help but balk at Purple Heart’s tears. She made to speak, but was stopped before she could take a breath.
“You think doing it on your own will be so easy!” Purple Heart glared at her. “Doing everything by yourself! No one to rely on, but also no one to blame but yourself if you fail! Being the best at something is great and all, but being alone? That’s a special brand of hell, one that’s self-inflicted! You go there along with child molesters and people who talk at the theater! When you’re alone, it hurts! So bad!” He stood there for a moment, panting as he just looked at nothing. Then he spoke again, softer.
“You ever have a joke you made up,” he asked, his powerful voice now weak with emotion, “that gets you laughing so hard you think you’ll pass out? If you haven’t got any friends to share it with, what can you do? Keep telling yourself that same joke until you cry instead of laugh? Bottle it up inside, wishing you could tell it to someone other than yourself? It’s awful.” Cobalt eyes focused on Rainbow Dash and hardened. “What do you think it’ll feel like if you actually win at Nationals? What’ll it feel like when there’s no one to share it with? All you’ll feel is an empty feeling right here.” He held a clenched fist to his diaphragm. “Just… nothing.” There was silence between the two for a few minutes as she digested what he said while he regained his breath.
“What you’ve just said,” Rainbow Dash finally spoke, “makes… a great deal of sense… like you’ve had time to think about it. This feeling of nothing… now that you mention it… I can feel it… right now… and I don’t want it. I don’t like this feeling. Not at all!” She folded her arms protectively over her chest and hunched her shoulders. “Now that I think about it… this doesn’t feel right. I shouldn’t be selfish! I shouldn’t be like this! I love sports and winning, but not at the cost of my friends and teammates! I don’t want to be selfish! I don’t want to feel like this ever again!” Any further words were muffled due to Purple Heart embracing Rainbow Dash tightly and holding her to his chest.
“There are times,” he said gently, “when making the selfish choice is the best choice for you. The trick though is to know when those choices are.” He squeezed her gently, rubbing her back as he rocked gently from side to side.
“How will I know those choices?” she asked, her voice still muffled by his chest. The large teen laughed, his frame shaking.
“Trial and error,” he said. “Making selfish choices isn’t always bad.” He pulled away and rested his hands on her shoulders so he could look her in the eyes. “But you shouldn’t make them at the cost of your friends.” The girl nodded and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. She sniffed and smiled. Then her brow furrowed. She shook her head and blinked several times.
“What happened?” she asked. “I felt… not like myself...”
“Welcome back, Rainbow,” Purple Heart grinned. “How do you feel?”
“Like I just played a game of soccer by myself,” she groaned, palming her face as a wave of exhaustion hit her. “What happened? We were walking down the tunnel and you three were yapping away to piss off Sunset when I blacked out.” She looked around, eyes widening in surprise. “Where are we?”
“Your mind,” Purple Heart replied. “From what us guys and Sunset could discover, you, Rarity, Twi, AJ, Fluttershy, and Pinkie all got hit with something from the Hydra. Whatever you just experienced was caused by an illusion the Hydra made.”
“Illusion?” she questioned. “You mean we didn’t stand here while you yelled at me about selfishness and betrayal of friendship and trust?”
The purple teen snorted. “Mhm, that happened,” he confirmed. “And you were a right bitch about it.” Rainbow Dash opened her mouth to refute his words but stopped as her memory kicked in. She shuddered.
“Eugh, yeah, I was,” she agreed. “Sorry.”
He shrugged. “No harm, no foul,” he waved away. “Now, we gotta kick Twilight out of whatever hell she’s gotten in to.” He stepped away from the stadium towards the street. He waved down a taxi and one screeched to a stop at the curb.
“Wait, I’m coming with you?” Rainbow asked. “Why?”
“See any exits?” Purple asked.
She gave a swift glance around. “No, and I don’t see any taxis or bus stops for inter-brain travel.”
“Cheeky git,” Purple muttered. “I’m sure Sunset knows we need to move on. So get in.” The two clambered into the backseat. Before a word could be said, the taxi pulled away from the curb, drove a few yards and then warped away.


* * *


The taxi warped back into existence and screeched onto the curb, sending Rainbow Dash and Purple Heart tumbling out when the door flapped open. The taxi promptly left, leaving the pair groaning on the sidewalk.
“That,” Rainbow Dash gasped, “sucked.”
“No disagreement here,” Purple Heart groaned, rolling onto his back. “That indeed was decidedly unpleasant.”
Rainbow stood, dusting off her uniform and looking around. “Um, did we get out?” she asked.
Purple Heart blinked and peered around. They were on the grass outside the perimeter walls of Crystal Prep. “I dun think so,” he mused. “This is must be what Twilight is experiencing.”
“Huh,” the athlete hummed. “...I don’t get it.”
“Get what?” Purple asked as he rolled to his feet.
“What has Crystal Prep got to do with this?”
Purple Heart shrugged, stepping over the gate and onto Crystal Prep grounds. “Maybe it has something to do with the Hydra’s inverted perception of the Element of Friendship.”
Rainbow stopped walking and just looked confusedly at the purple teen. “Wha?” she asked eloquently.
With a sigh, Purple Heart walked back to where the girl had stopped and gently dragged her along. “Think about it,” he prompted. “I find you playing soccer basically by yourself. What is Pony Rainbow’s Element of Harmony? I’m sure Princess Twilight has informed you all of this at some point.”
“Loyalty,” Rainbow answered.
“And the inverse of loyalty is?” he prompted.
“...Betrayal?”
“Correct.” He held open the door to the school. “You were playing soccer alone. You weren’t letting your teammates help or support you. You had left your friends because you perceived them as betrayers.”
Rainbow couldn’t help wincing as he spoke. “Okay, I get it,” she interrupted tersely. “What’s this got to do with Elements of Harmony?”
“Princess Twilight’s Elements is Friendship,” Purple Heart continued, ignoring the interruption. “What do you think is the inverse of Friendship?”
Rainbow frowned, thinking. “Being alone? Isolation?”
“I think so,” Purple Heart agreed. “Which leads into why we’re here. This is a mindscape. They can be, quite literally, anything you want. So, what is a place where Sci Twi can be alone? Without friendship?”
The rainbow haired girl was silent as she ruminated on her companion’s words. “In her lab? Before she met us?”
Purple Heart shrugged. “Makes sense to me,” he said. Rainbow’s eyes narrowed.
“Do you not believe me? You started this theorizing,” she snapped.
“Didn’t want to come off as too smart,” the purple teen replied.
“So you made me do all the work?” Rainbow’s temper was flaring. And Purple Heart could see it was about to bust.
“More like I wanted to know what you thought,” he defended lightly, hoping to take the edge off her fury. “I already had an inkling of an idea, but I also wanted a second opinion.”
“Then why didn’t you just start off with what you thought?”
“And run the risk of being as smart as Wits?” He shivered. “Too many puns to know what to do with await that fate.”
Rainbow just scrutinized the purple teen skeptically as they made their way up stairs and through hallways towards the Science Bloc. It didn’t take them long to find the room that Twilight was operating in. Countless cords and wires were strung along the floor and ceiling through the open door. Even from several doors away, the pair could see light flickering from within, the clicking and whirring of machines drowning out all noise as they drew closer. They peered around the door frame, blinking as light flooded their vision. In the center of the room was a table covered with papers, pencils, open and closed books, rulers, a microscope or three, and a slumped form.
“...Is she asleep?” Rainbow deadpanned.
“Looks to be,” Purple Heart replied, stepping over cords and crumpled papers to reach the snoozing girl. He gently prodded Twilight and received no reaction. He made a second attempt. Nothing again. A grumble rose from his chest to escape his throat in a low growl.
“Twilight.”
Snore.
“Twilight, wake up.”
Snooore.
“Twi-”
SNOOORE.
“...Okay then. How about this.” He reached over the girl’s back towards the composition book she must have been writing in before losing her battle with remaining awake. He barely placed a finger on the book when she tugged it towards herself and out of his reach. Rainbow didn’t try to stifle her snicker of amusement. Her laughter intensified under Purple Heart’s deadpan stare.
With an explosive sigh, the purple teen cast around the space, looking for a book or something similar to the composition book. It wasn’t long till he had a suitable replacement in hand. He shifted around to stand in front of Twilight. Giving his fingers a quick blow of breath, he wiggled them once, gently grasped Twilight’s trapped book, pulled it away, and swiftly replaced it with the false book in his other hand. Only when he’d taken a step or two away from Twilight did he actually breathe again.
“Damn,” he muttered, “Harrison Ford makes that look so much easier in the movie...”
“Daring Do does it better,” Rainbow quipped.
“...Huh?”
“What, you thought that Daring Do just adventures in the wilderness and has a school named after her?”
“...Yes?”
“Plebeian.”
“...I don’t even right now,” Purple muttered, shaking his head as he thumbed open the comp book. Rainbow huffed at her ignored barb, stepping over some cords to stand beside the purple teen as he skimmed Twilight’s recent notes.

Progress has been raised by an astonishing 133% in the last week. I’ve managed to line up several more thesis’ and projects I want to complete alongside my current workload. I estimate an additional two and a quarter hours will allow enough time to keep up this rate of production.

“Hmm,” Purple Heart mused, backtracking through the notebook. “Interesting.”
“You understand this jargon?” Rainbow asked, surprise evident in her voice. “Looks like one of those reports you get from a factory or something.”
“Or something,” Purple muttered, eyes scanning an earlier entry.

I’m having second thoughts about my decision. Trading relationships for time seems a callous thing to do, but sacrifices must be made. For science.

“So it was isolation,” Rainbow realized. “She did the same thing I did, but for a different reason.”
“I think that there may be another reason.” Purple frowned. “Maaaybe.”
“Oh?” the rainbow haired girl prompted. “What might that be?”
Twilight chose that moment to wake up and interrupt.
“Computer! Open up a new project titled ‘Analytic and Algebraic Topology of Locally Euclidean Metrization of Infinitely Differentiable Riemannian Manifold’!” the frazzled girl cried. Immediately, Purple Heart gave the book back and stepped away.
“Bozhe moi,” he muttered, eyes wide with surprise. “Where’d that come from?” Rainbow didn’t answer, rubbing her hands along her arms as cold adrenaline pumped through her veins. They stood there, watching Twilight shake the last remnants of sleep from her body. The scientist looked up, squinting her eyes at the pair of visitors and frowned.
“What the… Rainbow Dash? Purple Heart?” Her face cleared, taking on an expression of surprise. “How did you get in here?!”
“Through the door,” Rainbow answered simply.
Twilight’s eyes narrowed and she brushed a lock of hair away from her face. “Well, obviously,” she scoffed, “but I close my door every time I enter my lab.”
“Well, this time you didn’t,” Rainbow pointed out, jerking a thumb at the open door. “Guess you were too tired to remember to close it.” Twilight’s frown deepened.
“I always close my door,” she emphasized.
“Maybe you just wanted to let friends into your life,” Purple Heart offered. “Theoretically.”
Twilight eyed the purple teen skeptically. “Really?” she drawled, leaning back in her chair.
“Really really,” the purple teen confirmed. “At least, that’s what I want to believe. Could be something else entirely.”
“Ahuh...” Twilight stood, pushing her chair away as she stepped around her desk and shuffled over to a wall monitor. She tapped the interface with rapid precision and turned back to the pair of teens, arms folded under her chest. Several seconds passed, during which nothing was said. Twilight just stared at Rainbow and Purple blankly, as if waiting for something. The silence got to the athlete first.
“What’d you do?” she asked. “That tapping on the screen.”
“I called campus security,” Twilight answered blandly. “You two have invaded my workspace and I will not tolerate distractions or trespassers.”
Purple Heart laughed. “We’re distractions before trespassers,” he chuckled. “Funny.”
“I wasn’t attempting to be funny,” Twilight retorted, scowling at the chuckling teen.
He grinned. “Right,” he said, stepping over to the door. “The face you’re making right now is hilarious though.” Twilight puffed out her cheeks and opened her mouth to riposte again, but stopped.
“What are you doing?” she demanded.
“Sitting,” Purple replied, grinning up at the science nerd. Twilight groaned, adjusting her glasses.
“I can see that,” she ground out. “I mean, what are you doing sitting in front of my door?”
“I thought that was obvious,” the purple teen said. “You’re a smart girl, you figure it out. Put that extra 133 percent production value to use.”
Twilight’s face grew thunderous. “You read my notebook!” she screeched, pointing accusingly at Purple Heart.
“Well of course,” he snorted, rolling his eyes. “You weren’t waking up. I had to do something.”
“Could’ve put more effort into waking her up,” Rainbow commented.
Purple Heart shrugged. “Coulda, woulda, shoulda.” His cobalt eyes settled on Twilight, gaze sharpening. “Now, why would I be sitting in front of your door? Other than the fact that this is a very comfortable rug.” He pointed at the rug beneath him. One of Twi’s eyes twitched.
“My lab was constructed with very specific parameters,” she said hotly, “the primary one being the absence of windows and having a singular door so that I could prevent others from interrupting me.”
Purple Heart shrugged. “Seems reasonable enough,” he agreed. “Anything else?”
The girl scientist squinted at the seated boy for a moment. Then her eyes widened in realization. “You’re preventing campus security from getting in,” she breathed.
“And you from getting out,” he added. “So, time for talking.”
“What do you mean?” Twilight asked.
“He means he’s gonna shout at you,” Rainbow piped up.
“I won’t shout at her!” Purple Heart denied, scandalized.
“Aha,” Rainbow scoffed. “Riiiiight...”
“What could you possibly have to talk about with me?” Twilight asked.
“The fact that you’re making a terrible mistake by cutting off all your friends and relationships,” the purple teen said. Twilight frowned, eyes flicking to the door.
“You aren’t going anywhere until I’m satisfied with what your answer is,” Purple Heart continued. “It’s not like you’re losing anything.”
“Except for time,” the student scientist grumbled. She shuffled back to her desk and sat down. Leaning forward, she laced her fingers together, and peered over them at Purple Heart expectantly, waiting for the teen to begin.
He opened his mouth to speak. “What-”
“Happens when your trust in yourself fails?” Rainbow Dash interrupted.
“...Huh?” Twilight asked eloquently.
“That’s what he asked me first when he talked to me,” the athlete explained. “I thought it would work for y- OWCH!” Rainbow glared at the sitting boy, rubbing her backside. Purple Heart met her gaze with an arched eyebrow. He spun the cord around lazily, the end whipping past his head.
“I wasn’t going to ask her that,” he said. His gaze shifted from Rainbow to Twilight. “I have a feeling there’s something more to your bid for isolation beyond freedom from distraction.”
Twilight didn’t say anything. She just looked at him apprehensively. Purple Heart returned her gaze in silence. Again, Rainbow broke the muted air.
“What reason other than not being distracted could she possibly have for breaking off relationships with other people?!” she snapped.
“Fear of losing those people,” Purple Heart answered. If Twilight’s muted gasp was anything to go by, his assumption was correct. “No one to save means no one to lose.”
Twilight stared hard at the purple teen sitting between her and escape. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she scoffed. “If you would please move out of the way, I’m sure that campus security will be only too happy to escort you off the premises.” She folded her arms under her chest and eyed Purple haughtily.
“I can see the appeal,” the male teen admitted, ignoring the student scientist. If anything, he got more comfortable in his spot in front of the door. “No one to worry about hurting you, no one to leave you, no one to distract you from your greatest ambitions and goals in life, no one to keep track of.” He gave a small half smile. “Sounds simple and easy.” Twilight opened her mouth to retort, but Purple Heart spoke faster. “I can understand that pursuing a career in science can be demanding and time-consuming. You want to push yourself to be the best you can be and make fantastic realizations about the universe. It can be amazing.” He paused, gazing at Twilight.
“But, where do you see yourself thirty years from now?”
Twilight frowned. “What? What has thirty years got to do with anything?”
Purple Heart waved her question away. “Humor me. Where do you see yourself thirty years from now?”
It took Twilight a bare second to think of her answer.
“Renowned,” she said. “Respected. Awarded. Satisfied with my contributions to society. Probably a professor at a high class university or college that travels the world giving lectures on my discoveries.”
“You think that’s what you’d be if you kept yourself isolated for the next thirty years to pursue scientific discovery?” Purple Heart prodded.
Twilight balked in her response. The boy sounded like he was giving her a chance to change her answer. She nodded hesitantly.
Purple Heart sighed.
“Try thinking a little harder. Use that extra 133 percent production value.”
Twilight restrained the urge to punch the irritating purple thing in front of her door. She sat on her desk and closed her eyes to think.
“How come you’re being more patient with her?” Rainbow whispered, sitting beside Purple.
“She’s a smart girl,” he replied. “She can think for herself.”
“And I couldn’t?” Rainbow asked heatedly. The purple teen looked aside at her.
“You,” he said, “are stubborn as hell. And very emotional.”
“So your tactic for me was guilt-tripping?!” she hissed.
“Ehm… no? To be honest, I was flying by the seat of my pants,” he elaborated. “If I were a psychologist, I’d say what broke you out of your magic-induced stupor was the heightened emotional state your subconscious was in long enough for your brain to kick the illusion in the metaphorical junk to get out of it.”
“...Okay, fair enough.”
“You didn’t understand a word I said.”
“Nope.”
“Fantastic.” Purple Heart stood, placing himself firmly in front of Twilight. “Done thinking, Twi?”
The purple haired girl opened her eyes and stared at Purple Heart. She gave a slow nod.
“What do you see?”
“Loneliness,” she choked. “Paranoia. Fear. Hate.” She looked at Rainbow Dash. “Sadness.”
“Isolation can be good once in a while,” Purple Heart said soothingly, wrapping Twilight in a gentle embrace. “But you also need relationships to keep you grounded. Whether its a spouse, a mentor, a colleague, or a friend, you need some kind of connection to other people.” Twilight nodded into his chest.
“You good now?”
Another nod.
“...You can let go.”
Twilight squeaked and jumped back, her face flushed with embarrassment.
“Feeling better?” Rainbow asked, peeking around Purple Heart. Twilight nodded.
“Much,” she said. “That was… an experience. The Hydra made all this?” She gestured at the room. “Nice setup.”
“Yes, Hydra, the one we need to deal with before your world becomes nicer Game of Thrones,” Purple Heart urged.
“Right,” Rainbow agreed. “How do we get out?”
The three balked.
“Uhm...” Purple Heart rubbed his chin. “Hail Hydra?” With a flash, the trio vanished.
> Chapter 31: Patchsputian earns his basic braining merit badge
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Light Patch blinked and looked around the mindscape as he raised his goggles, and the first thing that struck him was how cluttered it appeared. A massive cupcake sat, literally squished between what he assumed was her home in the town, and the bakery in which she worked. Other large objects sat, or even edged themselves into, the simplified map of the city in which he sat. Of course, when he looked up he could see the glass case in which the whole city sat; the outside of the case showing a large bakery.
“Well, at least I have a good guess as to whose mind I’ve found myself in first,” he muttered, trying to get his bearings from what he’d seen of the city at this point. “Now to just find the girl in question.” He began wandering around, seeing a weird mix of familiar faces, mostly other students of the high school, as well as figures walking around in full suits and hats but with their heads replaced by some kind of object. He was busy trying to figure out if these were shorthands for people not known on a personal level, or objects with a different sense of interaction with than the ones dotting the model of the town.
He turned a corner, still pondering the mental landscape he was in, and failed to notice the obvious shoe that jumped into his path. With a whoop of surprise, Light Patch face-planted into the cartoonishly rendered, but still very solid, sidewalk pavement. Peals of laughter rang out from beside him as two sets of hands helped him to his feet.
Twilight and Fluttershy quickly fell back to the rest of the group gathered around their still laughing friend, the six girls switching between worried and concerned looks at him, and slightly annoyed looks at Pinkie, who was busy trying to wipe the tears of laughter from her face.
“You should have seen your face! You were all-” Pinkie mimicked a ‘deep in thought’ face, “but then you tripped on my foot and went all-” she waved her body around, arms failing and face mimicking a cartoonish face of surprise. “It was so hilarious!” she finished, done with her reenactment and wiping a final tear from her face. “So, what’cha doing kicking around the ninth level of my mind? Ooh, oooh, is there some kind of evil dentist going around making other kids sneeze their brains out to be used in weapons of mass mayhem, and we’re the only who can stop him?” She grabbed him by the shoulders.
“Um, spoilers?” Light Patch replied, shaken by the fact that Pinkie somehow knew they were in her mind. With a shrug, Pinkie started to bound along, followed by the figments of her six friends, and Light Patch playing catch up.
“OH!” the pink teenager said, suddenly snapping her fingers before turning to Light Patch. “There’s an interdimensional highway running through my head, and it saves you like a minute fifty-three seconds, isn’t there?”
“Uh, more spoilers?” Light Patch replied, catching up to the group again.
“Oh, what abou-” Pinkie froze mid sentence, her eyes locking onto something behind the grey teen. “Hold that thought,” she said, before vanishing in a puff of clouds. Light Patch turned just in time to watch Pinkie push one of the cupcake-headed figures just enough for it to topple down stairs. The grey teen stood stunned as the other six girls, with varying noises of anger and surprise, rushed down the stairs to help the cupcake.
“Classic,” Pinkie said, pulling herself away from the wall she had been using to keep from falling down while laughing. “Come on, Light Patch, smile! Or chuckle, or something.”
“Seemed a little harsh to be funny,” the teen replied, looking at the figure now dusting its suit off as the rest of the girls helped try to put some of its lost frosting back.
“Oh come on, it’s classic slapstick! The only way you can get more classic would be if I did this.” The pink teen promptly pulled a board out from behind her and smacked another one of the suited objects, causing it to also tumble down the stairs and knock over the cupcake again. This earned a small snort of amusement from Light Patch, and the ire of the six girls at the bottom of the stairs.
“See? Funny.” Pinkie put an arm over the grey teen’s shoulder and pulled him in. “Now come on, I got an epic idea we can do for some super-laughs.”
“I’m not saying there wasn’t a little humor in it,” he replied. “It was, after all, the Greeks back home who are credited with the phrase ‘tragedy plus time equals humor’, but it still seems kind of mean.”
“Oh come on, it’s just some laughs!”
“They aren’t laughing,” he said, pointing down the steps to the girls and two object headed suits, busy trying to disentangle themselves from each other. Pinkie looked down and observed the beings, her cotton-candy-like hair deflating slightly as she observed the scene and the looks of her friends.
“Yeah, well… I am! And that’s what counts, right?” Pinkie said hesitantly, almost like she wasn’t sure it was a question.
“Isn’t laughter meant to be shared, not hoarded?” Light Patch asked. “Sure, you can find a large amount on your own, but don’t you get even more out of a tiny amount if shared with friends?”
“Well yeah, but that just means I gotta try harder to find what makes them laugh.”
“They’re your friends. You already know what makes them laugh. So why are you trying to make them laugh this way?”
“Because I’m trying to help them!” Pinkie retorted, her hair returning to its usual state. “It’s my thing, my job, my...” She paused, searching for the right word.
“Element?” Light Patch helpfully replied, despite his frustration at the progress slipping away.
“Yeah, Element! I help others find the humor in everything ,or help to make humor where none might exist!”
“By finding it in someone else’s pain or misery?”
“That is mostly slapstick and you know it. Besides, why else does something like Amareica’s Funniest Home Videos exist if there isn’t humor there?” Pinkie shot back, earning a baffled look from Light Patch. “Don’t gimme that look. We’re basically Vulcan mind-melding, and as my friends are so fond of reminding the universe, I am Pinkie Pie.” She finished with fists resting on her hips as she shot him a slightly exasperated look.
“Okay, point,” Light Patch managed to stammer once his surprise finally wore off.
“But there’s a difference between finding the humor in something, and causing that situation. You might chuckle at someone who trips on the sidewalk, but would you really laugh at someone falling down the stairs?” Pinkie’s hair deflated a little again before bouncing back.
“I just did, and I find it funny,” Pinkie stated matter of factly. She blinked, and suddenly felt Light Patch right next to her, pressing his cheek to hers and looking into her eye.
“Yeah, but is that really you, or some evil mind control spell?” he asked as she pushed him away with a glare.
“Hey, the blink and you miss me thing is my shtick! Don’t-”
“What is the reason for laughter?” Light Patch asked as he pulled out a file and began to work on his nails.
“What?”
“Laughter, humor, what are they all about?” Light Patch asked again. Without giving her a chance to reply, he continued. “Why do we have them? Why do we even care about them?”
“It’s important for several things. It can help build social links, defuse tense situations, or most commonly it can help you relax after stressful situations. And some studies have shown it to be even more effective if shared with friends” she rambled, her hair deflating more as she went along.
“Laughter is meant to be shared,” Light Patch picked up. “It’s strong alone, but more powerful if shared by everyone.” Pinkie’s hair had lost all of its characteristic curliness, causing Light Patch to face Pinkie and give her a small grin. “It’s not meant to be used all of the time, but when it’s time for laughter to shine...” He gestured towards Pinkie with a larger smile before moving his hand towards the cupcake besuited-being at the bottom of the stairs.
Pinkie’s eyes followed the gesture, her eyes locked on the cupcake her friends had helped up and the hopeful looks of said friends. She turned back to Light Patch, her hair regaining some of its curliness. She reached out to grasp his offered hand, and the moment they touched an electrical noise caused her to recoil with a look of surprise on her face and a noise of shock.
Light Patch held up his hand to reveal a joy buzzer in his palm. “What's a small harmless prank between friends every now and then?” 
Pinkie stared at the teen with a look of surprise before morphing into humor, and she burst out laughing. Her hair returned to its curly state, and the world around them literally brightened. “Thanks Light Patch, I needed a reminder of that,” she said after finally calming down.
“And a little taste of your own medicine?” the teen replied.
“Yeah, I guess. Anyway, thanks for helping break me from whatever all of this was,” Pinkie said, waving her hand and clearing up the last small bit of messiness that the Hydra’s spell had caused in her mental landscape as her friends came back to her side.
“I just gave you the small nudge you needed. You seemed to already have been fighting hard,” he said, waving towards the images of their mutual friends around them.
“Hey, yeah! I’d dare most anything to come and have a fair fight against me in my head,” Pinkie said, suddenly in full boxing gear.
“Yeah, I’m just glad I didn’t have to do any big boss fights against you, or your Censors, or something like that. Or worse, that you’d have gone and went all Charnel on me.”
“Charnel?” Pinkie asked, looking at Light Patch quizzically.
“Where there is pain, I am there. Where there is strife, I am there. Where there is suffering, I am there. Where there is laughter…” Light Patch paused his best impression of the character. “Yes, well, you can’t spell slaughter without laughter now, can you?” he finished.
“Wow, he sounds like a real barrel of laughs.” Pinkie deadpanned.
“He actually is one of the funnier characters of the game,” Light Patch said, earning a small questioning look from Pinkie. “What? I’m allowed to enjoy a little dark humor every now and then. Besides, we have another friend of yours to rescue, and honestly I could probably use a little help.”
“Cool! Who are we helping next?” Pinkie said enthusiastically, bouncing as she pulled on goggles similar to those Light Patch had.
“Applejack,” Light Patch said, turning to the representation of said teen in Pinkie’s mind.
“Ooh, this could be a lot of fun.” She paused for a moment before her hand shot up. “Question: how do we get from me to her?”
“I assume Sunset will be able to tell when we’re ready to transfer, and give us some kind of wa-” Light Patch was cut off by a sudden weight in one of his many pockets. He started patting his pants before finding the right one and quickly pulled out a small door with an orange and blue diamond pattern on it. “Yeah, this’ll work.”
“That looks a little sma-” Pinkie cut herself off when the male teen suddenly threw the door square at Applejack’s forehead, where it landed flat and, rather than bounce off, simply stayed there before opening to show a white light.
“Shall we?” he said, offering his hand out to Pinkie. She started to reach out to grasp it, but suddenly pulled back and held her palm up, pointing at it with a look of distrust. With a sigh, he held his up to reveal the joy buzzer still in place. He made a theatrical note of clearly removing the buzzer and putting it away before holding his hand out again. She looked at the hand quizzically for a few seconds before deeming it safe, and grasped it. Light Patch used his free hand to lower his goggles, and faced the door. “Please don’t let this Meat Circus us,” he quietly mumbled before jumping into the door.
“Wait, what!” Pinkie cried out before she was dragged along as well, and the door snapped shut behind them. The figments of Pinkie’s various friends looked at each other, and the weird face that the Applejack figment was making, before suddenly smiling and taking out pens.
“No!” a short suited woman cried, holding a stamp with the word ‘yes’ circled and crossed out.


* * *


Light Patch and Pinkie Pie landed amidst a vast, seemingly never-ending, field of apple trees. Light Patch opened his eyes, took his goggles off, and looked around before looking at Pinkie, who had yet to remove her eyewear. “You can take the goggles off now.”
“Nuts to that! Not until you tell me if we’ve been Meat Circus’d or not,” the teen replied, her eyes still clamped shut under the goggles.
“We seem to be fine,” he said, watching as Pinkie took the goggles off and looked around.
“So, do I wanna know how these goggles protect me from being you-know-what’s?” Pinkie said, looking at the goggles.
“No, I- It’s not that. Meat Circus was a level in a game where two characters nightma-” Light Patch paused. “You know what? I’ll ‘splain later. We got stuff to get done.” He waved it off and looked around.
“Well, why do we have the goggles then?” she asked, stowing hers back in her hair.
“Uh… Well, mostly because the main character in the game had them.”
“Well, why’d he put them on, then?”
“To take them off again?”
“Oh great, so they’re the flippy eye piece from the science fiction movies,” Pinkie said, rolling her eyes.
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Alright, so what do we do now?”
Light patch dramatically looked towards Pinkie Pie, and swiftly lowered his goggles back over his eyes before, in his best deep alien commander voice, he replied. “We die,” he said, earning a glare from Pinkie.
“I think I get why Rarity kept kicking you now,” she replied coolly.
“Right, poor timing, got it. I guess now we go and try to find Applejack until we find her or something else catches our intere-” Light Patch was cut off by a the sound of something shouting ‘no’. He turned to find several short flannel-clad and cowboy-hatted people surrounding them, each one menacingly wielding a stamp with a crossed out circle.
“Uh, what are these?” Pinkie said, looking at the ranch-hand-themed agents around them.
“Well, if we were playing by the games rule’s, they’d be known as Censors; whose jobs are to weed out thoughts and ideas that don’t belong in your head. I suspect that these might be representations of the Applejack’s mind and-or subconscious trying to fight the spell,” he replied, looking at the circle of them closing in.
“Why don’t they look like me and Applejack’s other friends and family? Like mine did?”
“Maybe the spell has a stronger hold over Applejack than it did you?” Light Patch guessed. “So maybe it’s drawing inspiration from our minds somehow.”
“I’m gonna try something,” Pinkie said as she stepped forward. “You know us. You know me. I’m Pinkie Pie. I’m your friend, and I’m here to help you.” She looked at the Censor that most resembled Applejack’s older brother. “You know something that doesn’t belong here is trying to control you. That’s why you took your inspiration from those Censor things Light Patch knows of. That's why you came after us; because we’re not from here. But I promise, we’re here to help. But we can’t help if you don’t let us.”
The figment of Applejack’s mind still looked skeptical of Pinkie Pie, but seemed to be listening, prompting her to continue. “I know this is something you can do on your own, but please, we’re here and we wish to help. Don’t let your pride turn down help when it’s offered to you. Not again.” Pinkie finished by extending her hand towards the figment. All of the figments began to look conflicted, and glanced with more and more varied expressions before finally some decision seemed to have been reached. Just as a barking sound broke the silence and a figment of the Apple family pet appeared.
The dog happily scrambled up to them and slobbered over Pinkie’s extended hand before excitedly running around the two teens twice, when it suddenly bolted in a direction, barking at them to try and get them to follow it. Without worrying about it too much, they quickly sprinted after the dog, following its trail through the apple orchard.
After a while, the two teens were able to make out the low murmur of a large crowd ahead of them, and soon after they saw the crowd come into sight, as well as a representation of one of the Apple family barns; but twisted in the way only a dream can twist a familiar building.
The two slowed down and carefully exited the orchard to find themselves at the back of a gathering of people in suits. “Guess we found her an- Pinkie, what are you wearing?” Light Patch asked when he had turned to face the girl.
“A disguise,” she replied, slapping a fake moustache onto Light Patch’s face.
“Why?”
“So we can blend in and get to Applejack!” she answered, using a pink marker to draw a tie on her shirt. Light Patch rolled his eyes and took the fake moustache off of his face, stepping forward to get closer to the front of the crowd, only for it to suddenly thicken in front of him. He moved some to the side, and the blockage shifted with him. Getting mad, he tried to force his way through, only for them to push him back with various small glares. He was about to try forcing his way through even harder when he felt Pinkie push him aside, and walk right into the group without a problem.
Light Patch looked at the fake moustache still in his hand, and sighed before slapping it back on his face and pushing through the crowd. There was still resistance, but the moustache seemed to be enough for him to get through. As he moved closer, the sound of Applejack talking got louder, but still was garbled by the murmur of the crowd. It wasn’t until he reached the front, next to Pinkie, when Applejack’s speech finally cleared enough for him to make sense of it.
“It seems like the spell is fighting. I’m going to assume that it means the others are making good progress,” Light Patch carefully whispered to Pinkie, earning a small nod from her, but her focus was still on Applejack.
“So then, like I said, we make all our deliveries on time. And not just that, but we got them even more apples than they were expecting. Mah family and I have been doing good business with them since,” Applejack said proudly, preening at the sound of the impressed business people around her.
“We’ll invest fifteen percent more,” one shouted. 
“We’ll invest an extra thirty!” came another voice.
“This doesn’t seem as bad as I was expecting it to be. I figured we’d have to fight some kind of giant apple-monster or something,” Light Patch said before looking at the concerned and hurt look on Pinkie Pie
“That's not true,” Pinkie said, turning to look at Light Patch.
“What's not true?”
“They did deliver more than ordered to that store, but that's because they accidently gave them the order meant for another place. They had to turn back and pick up the extra crates. They were lucky both orders were for the same apples, or they wouldn’t have made their deliveries on time.”
“Okay, credit where credit is due, spell. That’s devilishly clever; lying by telling the truth,” Light Patch muttered quietly.
“It’s called paltering.” Pinkie supplied.
“Whatever it’s called, it’s a clever twisting of the element that pony Applejack represents,” Light Patch replied.
“I guess,” Pinkie said, glaring at Applejack as she continued, unaware of their conversation.
“Discord seems to enjoy doing things like that. Forcing us see things differently, like looking at ourselves through a funhouse mirror,” Light Patch idly noted as he rubbed his chin. “It’s a clever way for him to force the chaos of change on those around him.” Light Patch looked over at Pinkie Pie to find her glaring at him now.
“Can we stop admiring the god-like being of power who’s indirectly messing with me and my friends right now?” she menacingly asked.
“Uh, yeah, sorry. I was just trying to figure out how this spell was supposed to work. It seems to be based on twisting the elements that the Elements of Harmony are based on. Make them act counter to their elements to better understand the dangers of over exemplifying it, perhaps,” Light Patch said.
“But she’s not being overly truthful. She’s using partial truths to lie.”
“Okay, so maybe Discord forgot halfway through and got lazy, or went a different direction.”
“So how do we break Applejack out from the spell?” Pinkie asked. Light Patch shrugged.
“If they were over exemplifying, I’d say make them act counter to the element. As it is, maybe just forcing her to tell the truth about something would work?” Light Patch replied.
“Right,” Pinkie said, rolling up the sleeves of the business suit she was suddenly wearing. “Lemme at her!” she cried before bursting forward from the crowd. “Excuse me, miss Applejack? I’m from Buisness Buisness Inc.”
“Ah bet you wanna hear about the time I managed to bake four times as many pies when I only had the time to make a quarter of them, right?” Applejack asked.
“I’ve only heard it twenty-three times~!” shouted a voice from the back rows, who Pinkie waved off absently.
“Actually, I was hoping to hear about the first time you tried to make an Æblekage?” Pinkie asked, being one of the events she was more familiar with, and being one of Applejack’s failures that would be hard to palter about.
“Oh, ah, you mean when we expanded our offerings to cultural dishes from around the world?” Applejack said, bouncing back with some ease.
“I’ve heard you swore off ever making Æblekage again, though.”
“Erm, well...” Applejack hesitated.
“What is a aebl ekage?” one of the business people whispered to Light Patch.
“Danish Apple Cake.” the teen replied eliciting look of understanding.
Pinkie continued. “Is it true you spent an entire day failing to not burn the Rusk?”
“It is true that Ah spent an entire day perfecting my recipe,” Applejack replied, a small bead of sweat working its way down her forehead.
“I thought you just went and bought some from the store at the end?” Pinkie asked.
“Ah...” Applejack began to sweat.
“Also, what about the fact that you kept having to redo the apple filling because you kept picking the wrong type of apples?”
“Ah was testing various flavor profiles,” Applejack said, now sweating heavily at the looks of the business people.
“And what about the flavorings? Or that you’d overcook it?” Pinkie continued.
Applejack was stammering and sweating heavily as she looked around at the hard stares from the various business people around her. “Why did you keep making mistakes?” Pinkie pressed, looking at Applejack. “Why couldn’t you keep the recipe straight?” Applejack began to shake and look distressed before she suddenly calmed down, her fist unclenching.
“Ah couldn’t keep the recipe straight cause some relatives from outside the country were coming, an’ Ah wanted to make something for’em from their home. But I got so nervous because I was focused on trying to make it right, and I just couldn’t get any of it right. I ended up having to go to my friend Pinkie Pie to get it done.” Applejack pulled her hat down to cover her face.
“You still make the best apple pies I’ve ever had,” Pinkie said, having removed her disguise.
“Yeah, but Ah ain’t a baker like you when it comes to breads,” Applejack said, closing the distance and hugging her friend. “So, where are we?”
“Light Patch and I are in your mind!” Pinkie said, suddenly next to Light Patch with an arm around his shoulder.
“And here I was afraid I was becoming a secondary character in what would be one of my chapters in a fanfic,” Light Patch muttered before Pinkie, still smiling cheekily, tightened her grip on him, causing the teen to flail.
“So yeah, apparently the Hydra used some kind of trap spell on us, and the guys had to enter our minds to help us break free,” Pinkie said, seemingly ignoring the struggling teen in her grasp.
“Ah. So, uh, now that we’ve got that all sorted, how do we get out?” Applejack said, hoping it wasn’t one of those ‘die in here, die in real life’ situations as she observed the shades of blue Light Patch was turning. Suddenly, Pinkie let go of the teen and he stumbled away, taking deep breaths to catch his breath before pulling a weird capsule out of his pocket.
“I figured this would show up when it’s time to leave,” he said, pulling it open.
“What is it?” Applejack said, looking at it closer.
“Smelling salts. One whiff, and even the dead should arise,” Light Patch said, just before shoving it right under Pinkie’s nose, causing the pink-skinned teen to reel back in disgust before suddenly disappearing.
“Guess it’s my turn, since I’m the other intruder.” Light Patch said, gagging slightly as he caught a half-wiff, then pulling it close enough for a half-decent sniff before he retched and disappeared as well.
Applejack looked around at the barn and apple fields that stretched on seemingly forever. “Ah’ll bet this still don’t smell as bad as the time the pig slop got mixed up with the fish trimmings.” She found that she was sorely mistaken, and then suddenly her vision swam as the landscape around her began to fade away to black.
> Chapter 32: Where Were We Again?
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Thirty-eight.” Sunset picked up a small pebble and held it between her thumb and forefinger. After shifting it slightly in her grasp, she flicked the stone, sending it skittering into the darkness. She drew a breath through her teeth and pick up another pebble, aimed, and fired. This stone bounced once off the cave floor before hitting the unconscious Wits End’s nose with a dull thud. “Thirty-nine.”
Suddenly, Wits’ eyes snapped open, and he jerked up into a sitting position. “What year is it?!” he shouted.
“I miss the mountaintop already,” Rarity muttered, dusting off her jacket.
“Are we the first ones back?” Fluttershy asked.
Sunset, who was recovering from the sudden burst of activity, picked herself up off the ground. “It’s only been a couple of minutes, and yes you are. What happened in there?”
“Long story,” Wits said as he stood. “We can share when the world isn’t in imminent peril.” He paused, his nose twitching. “Were you-”
“No,” Sunset replied. Before she could bolster her argument, the sounds of retching came from the next three to wake up.
“If I ever smell something like that again, I’m burning my nose off,” Light Patch gasped after the wave of nausea had passed.
“Ah don’t even wanna know if ye’ve ever smelled something that bad, or if yer mind is just that good, or ask for an explanation,” Applejack said before she took a drink from an on hand water bottle.
“I’ve smelled smelling salts and they weren’t ever that bad,” Pinkie gasped. rubbing her nose. The recently awakened trio looked around. “Aww. We weren’t the first to wake up.”
“Weren’t the last to either,” Applejack said, reseating her hat only to have a few pebbles pour out of it. “Wut the...” she muttered
“Welcome back,” Sunset greeted. She looked over to where Purple Heart sat between Twilight and Rainbow. “Now to wait for-”
Purple Heart’s eyes snapped open and he jerked, rocking onto his feet. While the purple teen fought to keep his balance, Twilight and Rainbow both inhaled deeply and awoke. Purple Heart lost his battle with gravity and collapsed onto his back, gasping for breath.
“That wasn’t fun,” Twilight choked.
“All in favor of not doing that again, say ‘aye’,” Rainbow called. Weak ‘aye’s echoed down the tunnel.
Purple Heart groaned, stretching his tingling limbs. “Gosh dangit,” he panted, “I have eternal injuries.”
The girls stared blankly at the prone purple teen. “Um,” Fluttershy said, “don’t you mean ‘internal’?”
“No, ‘Eternal’,” he stated. “I’m always getting hurt. Owch! Case and point!” Rarity rubbed her smarting fist and sniffed at Purple Heart in disdain.
“You utter moron,” Sunset groaned.
“On another note, I was not expecting that to work,” the purple teen continued.
“What to work?” Applejack asked.
“Hail Hydra.”
Wits End made a face of disgust towards his purple companion. “Thanks, Grant Warden.” He turned to face the group as a whole. “That’s everyone, right? Let’s get going.”
“Let me close the connection first,” Sunset said, focusing her power.
“No time,” Wits replied quickly. “We’ve spent enough time laying around, and there’s a giant lizard waiting for a delivery of justice.”
“Are you completely insane?!” Sunset shouted. “It’s bad enough you three convinced me to use this kind of magic in the first place, but now you want to leave it open?! Anything could happen with that connection! You could end up falling into each other's mindscapes! Or even worse, something else could get in!”
“I’d hate to agree with Wits when it comes to leaving a back door to my mind, but we are lucky that the Hydra hadn’t noticed it’s trap worked and sent some goons to finish us off or whatever while we were down,” Light Patch added.
“But with this spell still active, if another trap hits us again, it could hit us all this time. Not just the ones it was targeted for,” Sunset replied heatedly.
Twilight cleared her throat. “Actually, if this is really working off of the rules of the game, then whatever hit was was only so effective because we were unaware.” She waited a beat for someone to back her up, only to get looks of confusion in response. “Remember back when we fought the bandit chief? The seven of us are far high leveled than the boys are.”
“Thanks for reminding me,” Wits muttered.
“So,” Twilight continued regardless, “it stands to reason that our stats are higher as well. The only reason that spell works on us is because it got us by surprise, which gives us a penalty to everything. Now that we know that can happen, we should be safe.”
“And the three of us have resistance,” Wits added. “Thanks to having the Outsider subtype and all.”
Sunset was stunned, mainly from Twilight agreeing with them. In a last ditch effort, she turned to Purple Heart. “Please tell me you think this is as crazy as I do.”
The purple teen groaned and got to his feet. “I say the link stays,” he said. “If the Hydra tries to Jedi Mind Trick us again, we’ll be ready. And besides, having a private channel to talk on will make strategizing a helluva lot easier without the Hydra listening.”
“What if it decides to channel surf?” Pinkie asked.
“Don’t think then,” Purple suggested. “Just be.”
“So, your existence in a nutshell?” Sunset sniped.
Purple Heart hung his head and gazed with feigned petulance at the other girls. “I say again,” he said, “she speaks poniards. And every word stabs.”
“Sparring aside,” Twilight interjected, “we should get moving. The quicker we deal with the Hydra, the quicker we can get things back to normal. And you three home.” She pointed at the three boys.
Sunset stared at them in silence for a moment. “Fine. Fine!” She tossed her hands in the air and started walking. “But if you all turn into brain-dead radishes, I’m not coming to visit you in the hospital!”
Applejack blinked. “Radishes?”
“I think she means like vegetables,” Pinkie explained. “But the whole anger thing is making her very specific, so she had to choose a specific vegetable.”
“Thanks for explaining the joke, Pinkie Pie,” Rainbow Dash groaned.
“Yooooooou’re welcome!”
“Start walking, y’all,” Applejack ordered. “We ain’t got a clue how long this tunnel is.”
“If it’s just a few more steps til we get to the Hydra, can we still blame Discord for ruining the immersion?” Rainbow asked.
“I don’t think that’s fair,” Fluttershy said. “He isn’t really responsible for what’s happening… Uhm...”
“You might want to reconsider that, dear,” Rarity suggested.
“Just a bit,” Twilight added. Fluttershy bowed her head slightly in agreement.
“Finally!” Light Patch shouted, startling the whole group. “Finally my friends and I don’t get the blame for Discord’s poor decision making!” He pats his chest. “I just... I feel so good right now… hugs?” He held his arms out, only to find no takers. “Right. No hugs. Which way were we going? That way? Okay.” The grey teen set off down one of the ends of the tunnel.
“Hold up the-” Sunset said as she tried to stop the teen. She reached out to grab Light Patch, only to miss when he tripped and face planted into a hidden switch on a wall. A section of the tunnel slide away, revealing an offshooting tunnel.
Rainbow Dash stared at the new passageway. “How did he even do that?”
“You don’t know him the way we do,” Wits replied. “It’s a skill that he’s honed for years.”
“I’m okay!” the grey boy wheezed, cradling his bruised nose.
“Uh, fellas?” Applejack had peered through the gap. “It’s a little more complicated than bein’ ‘okay’.”
Twilight groaned and stomped over to the gap. “What could be more complicated than face planting into a hidden switch that opens a door that leads to a cavern that has… a… Hydra… in it...”
The rest of the party filed carefully through the opening and into the cavern, painfully aware of the slumbering Hydra that dominated an entire third of the available space.
“Wooee,” Pinkie breathed, quiet for once. “Looks like luck’s on our side.”
“In my experience,” Purple Heart snorted softly, “there’s no such thing as luck.”
“We do not have time for movie references,” Twilight hissed. “Fan out and surround it.”
“Why are we whispering?” Rainbow asked.
“What?” Wits asked.
“Why are we whispering?”
“Oh… the link… forgot that...”
“Alright, what’s the plan?” Rarity asked.
“Focus fire one head at a time,” Purple Heart suggested.
“No, each of us will take one head and we take them all out at the same time,” Twilight ordered. “I’ll take the one with the lavender horn, Rarity will take the head with violet fins, Pinkie will take the one with blue tusks, Rainbow’ll take the one with orange crest, Shy will take the pink scales, and AJ will take the last one.”
“Two questions,” Light piped up. “How’d you come up with that set up?”
“Do we really have time for an in-depth conversation about who gets to hit which head?” Twilight snapped.
“Talking is a free action though,” Light said. “Anyways, second question: what about us guys?”
“You’re the cheer team,” Sunset decided.
“Really? We’re relegated to the sidelines?” Wits groaned. “All this amazing OPness and we can’t put it to use?”
One of the Hydra’s heads shifted and red eyes snapped open.
“Well, well, well,” the Hydra murmured, its voice echoing around the cavern. “What do we have here.”
“Why couldn’t you have just stayed quiet?!” Twilight snapped. “You just had to tempt fate, didn’t you?”
“No, please,” the Hydra said, “continue your little secret conversation. It gives me time to summon my pawns to the board.” The wall to the Hydra’s left crumbled to reveal Officer Just Duty standing guard over Holdfast and Bael, the latter pair being bound together with magical restraints. “Well, ‘pawn’. One. Singular. But powerful.” Magic danced across Just Duty’s body, like sparks of a power surge.
“Remember complaining about not having anything to do?” Twilight said, looking at Wits. “There you go.”
“Okay... So, we try to hold off Magically-Super-Powered Just Duty while you six deal with the Hydra?” Light Patch asked, hefting his warhammer as Just Duty turned his attention from the prisoners to the group.
“That was my general plan. Thank you for stating it outloud for the enemy to hear,” Twilight replied with a look of disappointment at Light Patch.
“To be fair,” Wits said, “I think they would have figured it out around the time we started,” he raised his voice, “punching him in the face!” He turned back to the group, dropping his voice again. “See? Clever ploy. They’ll expect us to punch him in the face, when really I’m gonna punch him in the bal-”
“Language!” Fluttershy squeaked. Before Wits could formulate a response, a yelp from Light Patch drew everyone’s focus back onto the coming battle and the fact that both Just Duty and the Hydra ignored the free action of talking that the group was making liberal use of.
“Looks like they ascribe to the ‘less conversation, more action’ table top,” Light Patch grunted as he blocked and dodged the flurry of blows from the possessed Just Duty.
Wits swiped at Just Duty with his blade, forcing him back for a moment. “Go figure, huh?” He jerked his head towards the Hydra. “That’s your cue, girls. We’ll-” He was cut off by a spear flying at his face, forcing him to disappear and reappear a few feet away. “Good thing I have Hunter’s Step,” he muttered. “He’s a bit dangerous.” The girls took Wits’ suggestion at face value, and promptly engaged the Hydra while the boys contained Just Duty.
“Once more unto the breach dear friends, once more!” Purple Heart swore, dashing at Just Duty. “Fury.” Purple sparks erupted across the teen’s body as he leapt at the possessed officer, legs cocking to deliver his attack. “Nail Kick!” The shotgun pattern attack sped towards Just Duty, leaving him little room to escape. Blank faced, the officer took two hits and remained standing.
Purple Heart’s eyes widened, as he was still sailing towards the newly minted miniboss. With a casual flick of his wrist, Just Duty flung the purple teen back the way he’d come, sending him skidding across the cavern floor.
“I’m getting a sinking feeling that for us three,” Light Patch said as he hoisted Purple Heart off the floor with a healing spell-charged hand, “the boss rush ain’t exactly done yet.”
Wits blinked as Just Duty turned back to face him. “Ah,” he said softly. “Shi-” Another magic spear forced him to dodge away, coming to a stop next to the other two boys. “Okay, so a head-on fight is probably out of the question. Any ideas?”
“Hit and Run?” Purple Heart suggested. “One of us could keep up the pressure with ranged attacks while the other two take attacks of opportunity.” He ducked a light spear. “I don’t want to use the gauntlet. It’d blow away everything. I’m not up for collateral damage.”
Light Patch swung his hammer in a wide arc in an attempt to try to force Just Duty to dodge away or at least parry the blow. Instead, the possessed officer simply took the blow and continued his own attacks without batting an eyelash. “I think we’re gonna need a lot of beat picks for that to work. We might wanna tack on ‘watch for the weak point’ to that plan!” Light Patch shouted, trying hard to keep the super powered Just Duty’s hits from landing on him.
Sunset Shimmer grit her teeth as she overheard that the boys were having just as hard of a time as the girls were. They didn’t quite have the same kind of numbers advantage thanks to the Hydra’s multiple heads, but at the very least they should have managed to do something to the massive beast by now. Instead, their every attack was blocked or shrugged off by it.
“How have we not even damaged it yet?!” Rainbow Dash shouted, echoing Sunsets thoughts.
“It would seem that it’s magic is extremely well practiced. A frustrating, but not terribly surprising truth,” Rarity returned, throwing a shower of needles at the Hydra in an attempt at distraction. Every one bounced off the shield it quickly erected.
“Rarity can you do that again?” Twilight suddenly asked.
“I can try, but it’s a little tiring for how ineffective it is right now.”
“I know, but I thought I saw something about the shield. I think it’s got some kind of connection to something,” Twilight replied, falling back from the battle to watch carefully as Rarity threw another hail of needles at the Hydra. The piercing ring of two warhammers colliding didn’t even breaking her concentration. The flash of grey as a teen flew past her vision was admittedly a small hindrance.
“I’m okay,” Light Patch said, peeling himself off the floor. “I arrested the momentum with my face.” He wobbly got back to his feet before healing himself, and charged back to help his friends engaged with Just Duty. Once close enough, the teen stopped and put all of his magic effort into his next spell. “If three versus one isn’t enough, lets try three hundred versus one!” he said just as his spell finished casting. For a few seconds, nothing happened. Then several skeletal hands wrapped with vines brust from the ground and a number of Blooming Skeletons emerged from the ground, turning to face Just Duty. The officer in question simply blew away a large chunk of them in a single blow.
“Uh, next!” Light screamed, finding himself once again the focus of Just Duty who was busy bashing his way through the Blooming Skeletons towards him.
Just as the possessed officer raised his hammer, a bolt of lightning forced him to move back or be struck in the chest. Wits summoned another bolt, holding it in his off hand like a javelin. “Those knights were right; this is pretty great without the nerfs,” he quipped, hurling the second bolt at Just Duty. “We can’t let him get focused on any one of us,” he called, readying more lightning as the officer bashed a vine-covered skeleton out of his way. “Heart, can you get on the other side of him? We might need to go all Bloat-Herder on this guy.”
The purple teen nodded. “Aye aye, sah~” He dashed at Just Duty’s side. “Sailing broadside to a battleship? Now that’s a paddlin’.” He punched the possessed officer in the hip just hard enough for the man to fold over his hand. The teen continued past, hurling insults over his shoulder. Just Duty straightened silently and turned to face the new threat, flinging light spears at Purple Heart.
“I should have put more points into dexterity,” Purple Heart wheezed. “Another thing: a battleship sailing in a straight line is a stupidly dead battleship.”
“Don’t worry, Jingles. I’ve got an idea.” Wits turned to Light Patch. “You remember how we beat the Bandit Chief back in Roads Crossed? Let’s try that with your boney friends here.”
“Right! Guess I’m on summoner duty,” Light Patch replied before falling back and focusing his efforts on trying to summon as many of his vine covered skeletons as he could. More clawed their way up from the ground or pick themselves back up from where they’d been bashed away. Eventually, a large pile of them began to form as they dragged themselves together. “I don’t know how many more I can summon without exhausting all of my magic,” Light Patch shouted to Wits End. “I hope this is enough,” he finished quietly to himself, as he ordered the skeletons to prepare.
“That’ll have to do it, then,” Wits called back. “Hey Heart!” The mint-colored teen waited until the purple barbarian had time to look over, then jerked his head towards the growing bone pile. “Herd the Bloat to the objective, then get out of the way. Got it?”
“Gotcha, Cap’n!” Purple Heart rolled under a slew of spears and rushed Just Duty. A light spear erupted from the officer’s hand just as the teen reached him, scorching Purple’s shoulder as it flew by. Gritting his teeth, Purple set about shoving the older male back towards the bone pile, avoiding erratic spears as best he could. Several nicked him, eliciting hisses of pain from the purple youth. Purple Heart grabbed Just Duty around the chest. He ignored his adversary’s sparking hands that grabbed his shoulders, sending jolts of pain through his body. In retaliation, Purple Heart squeezed as hard as he could, taking one step after another towards the bone pile.
“Gotosleepgotosleepgotosleepgotosleepgotosleep,” he swore, his grip tightening with each step.
Suddenly, the clattering of the bones as they worked to keep from falling over early stopped and Purple Heart looked up to find himself closer to the pile than he thought he’d been. His gaze was drawn to the rapidly closing in top of the pile where a single skeleton stood saluting as the pile folded over on itself to crash down like a wave onto Just Duty. With a yelp of surprise, he released his grasp on the old man and bolted away from the slightly dazed super powered officer. The clattering returned tenfold as the pile lost cohesion and crashed down, burying Just Duty beneath a mound of repurposed bones.
“Well, at least you didn’t suffer from Battleship accuracy that time, Light,” Purple Heart said, looking towards the pile.
“Yeah. I didn’t miss, but was it a citadel or just a blow he can shake off?” the grey teen replied, helping his purple skinned friend back to his feet.
Wits crossed over to his friends. “Hopefully Lazarus stays down a bit longer this time.”
Light Patch lightly Gibbs-smacked Wits. “That should probably be my line. I think I’ve listened to them more than you,” the teen said, not noticing the slight shimmering tendril extending from the pile of bones for just a moment.
Twilight, however, hadn’t missed the tendril. She’d been refining a spell to let her see the Hydra’s shield as it took hits to try and trace its power, so when the other end of of that shield took a hit large enough to effect the barrier, it lit up like a light bulb for her.
“Of course! Why didn’t we think of that sooner?!” Twilight shouted in frustration as she bolted back to join her six friends in their fight with the Hydra. “It’s pulling an Endor with its shields!” she shouted excitedly when she drew even with Sunset.
“It’s doing whut?” Applejack shouted as she tangled with the head she’d chosen to focus on.
“The source of its shield doesn’t come from the Hydra! It’s coming from an outside source!”
“What source?”
“I think it's anchored a lot of its power to Just Duty and maybe the other two,” Twilight said, pointing over to where the boys were taking a moment to get themselves back into fighting shape.
“What do we have to do?” Fluttershy asked as she summoned vines to try to entangle the Hydra’s heads.
“If we can disrupt its hold on the two locals, that might disrupt all of the power it’s gaining as it changes this world. Maybe they could even turn that power against it. They could at least drop its shield for us,” Twilight explained quickly before turning to rush over to the guys.
Wits looked up from watching the bone pile for any signs of movement. His eyes widened slightly as he saw Twilight approaching. “Don’t you have a Hydra to fight? We were just taking ten while the world’s greatest detective works his way out of the graveyard shift.”
“Not the time, Wits!” Twilight reprimanded, coming to a stop in front of the three boys. “The Hydra’s got a shield up, and we can’t get through it. Somehow, Just Duty and your two extradimensional pals are the source of it.”
“I’m not saying that’s the craziest thing I’ve heard today,” Wits said, “but you’re probably right anyway. How do we-” He paused when the bone pile clattered ominously. “How do we stop it when we can’t even keep Patchy’s love interest at bay?”
Twilight raised an eyebrow, but carried on regardless. “There must be some sort of connection between Bael, Holdfast, and Just Duty that’s powering all of this. If you can interrupt that connection, you might be able to take down Just Duty and disconnect the Hydra for us.”
“How do we do-”
“Do I look like a video game tutorial?! We’ll keep the Hydra busy so it doesn’t see you guys! Figure it out!” With her task finished, Twilight ran back to the fight in progress, moving to each of the girls in turn to spread the word.
Wits turned back to Light Patch and Purple Heart. “So, who’s gonna stay here with the most powerful beat cop in the world, and who’s gonna try to shut down the shield generator for the fully armed and op-” He was cut off by another clatter from the bone pile. The teen frowned and jabbed the shaft of his extended sword at it. “We are having a conversation!”
“I’ll stay on the beat; what's left of my magic will keep me alive. But I don’t know if what I’ve got left will support two people for long. So unless if it’s only you, make it quick,” Light Patch said, using his hammer to support himself.
“I nominate Wits for sabotaging,” Purple decided. “I can watch Light’s back and make sure he doesn’t fizzle. Quick question though: how we gonna disconnect the Hydra from them?” He jerked a thumb at the still unconscious Holdfast and Bael. The bones rattled and Purple Heart stomped on them. “Oh yeh, and him too. We gonna brute force it or use the telepathy link to Legilimens the poor buggers?”
“Blunt force trauma applied directly to the face?” Light Patch half-heartedly suggested. “I don’t know. I blew most of my magic on the skeletons thing. What have you got in your bag of tricks, Wits?”
“I’ve got a plan,” Wits replied. “I definitely have a plan. It’s the best plan.” He glanced over where Holdfast and Bael were. “I just have to think of it before I get over there.” With a weak smile, Wits gave the other two teens a thumbs up. “Yay~?”
> Chapter 33: Don’t Clear Your Mind!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

As he jogged to where Bael and Holdfast were bound, Wits End muttered a prayer under his breath. “Oh sweet Celestia, please don’t let me die today. Tomorrow would be so much better.” Once he got closer, he found two things that put dents in the beginnings of his plan.
One, both of the villains appeared to be unconscious.
And two, they were bound together by the same magical energy that was protecting the Hydra.
“Why doesn’t anyone just use rope anymore?” he grumbled. “Good old-fashioned rope that can be cut with a swo-” He was cut off by a jolt of energy jumping his way, preventing him from getting any closer. “Really? Man, this lizard put a lot of thought into this plot.” With a sigh, Wits turned back to where his companions were standing guard. “Hey, how do you wake up someone you can’t touch?”
Light Patch tilted his head to the side but didn’t dare to take his eyes away from the pile of bones and vines. “Sound maybe?” Any further remarks were cut off as Just Duty launched himself from the bone pile towards the grey teenager. “Ask Purple Heart! I seem to suddenly be a little busy at the moment!”
“Keep at it Barbossa, you got him on the ropes now!” Purple Heart encouraged, picking up a skull as he walked the perimeter of the bone pile, eyeing the grappling pair. “Here, Wits! Throw this at it!” He tossed the skull at Wits. With a sidestep and a glare at the purple teen, Wits picked up the fallen skull and dusted it off.
“Alas, poor Yorick,” he recited. After a moment of thought, the mint-colored teen turned back to the bound villains. “I mean, worst case scenario is that it’s just funny…” Wits reeled back and pitched the skull at Bael’s head. Bone met flesh-covered bone with a crack, and the tossed skull rolled away with a large split across the forehead. Wits clapped his hands together loudly. “Wake up, Bael-er! We’re going to the zoo!”
The pint-sized ex-villain groaned, rolling his head to the side and cracked an eye open. “Wha? Whut happened?” His head rolled forward, both eyes opening. “I’m tied up. Why am I-” He looked up, eyes locking on the Hydra. “Oh. Fantastic.”
“Thanks for joining the party.” Wits jerked a thumb at the Hydra just as one of Sunset’s fireballs impacted fruitlessly against its shield. “That’s the cheeky blighter who’s been messing with this world. Somehow, you and Holdfast are being used as the Endor shield generator, and somehow I doubt you want us to set up explosive charges in and around your personage. So, got any ideas?”
Bael blinked up at Wits, processing what the teen had said. “Uuuuum,” he grunted intelligently. “Any idea how it’s siphoning the power from us? You could find a way to disrupt the connection. While explosives are a viable option, I’d rather not be kaploded.”
“Tried disrupting it,” Wits replied. “But hitting you with a skull just got us here.” He ignored Bael’s perplexed look and continued. “Detective-turned-midboss Just Duty’s acting as the power converter. We tried bringing him down, but…” He looked back at the fight in progress. “How’re you guys doing?” he called. “Good?”
“Not bad,” Purple Heart called back. “I think he’s getting angry though.” Bones were flying every which way while Light wrestled Just Duty back into the bone pile. Every time the suped-up officer managed to take a few steps out of the pile, either Light’s vines or a punch to the adult’s solar plexus from Purple forced the man back in.
“This whole blunt force trauma plan isn’t working,” Light Patch chimed in, using what little control he had left over the vines growing through the bone pile to constrict Just Duty. “I’m trying to find some other solution with the magic I got left.” He yelped as Just Duty used a kick to shotgun several bones at the teen.
“I will not stand for this impunity,” Just Duty droned, speaking for the first time since entering the cavern. Purple Heart’s eyes flashed.
“Then sit-” the teen leapt up, spreading arms and legs wide to maximize area of effect, “-DOWN!” He landed on Just Duty, casting bones and Light Patch into the air.
“I’m not Team Rocket!” Light Patch shouted at his compatriot as he flew through the air, only to slam back into the ground. He shakily pulled himself off the ground and stepped up to Purple Heart to slap him with a healing spell. “I really hope I have something really clever up my sleeves,” he said quietly. “That was my last healing spell.” He watched Just Duty pull himself back to his feet.
“Don’t get hit anymore, then!” Wits shouted. He turned back to Bael and shrugged. “So yeah, that’s where we are now. The defective detective isn’t cooperating with the disrupting, so we’re gonna have to do it over here. Can you, like, turn it off or something?”
Bael furrowed his brow in concentration. “Ehm...” he muttered. “No. Considering the fact that I was unconscious when this siphon was emplaced, I doubt merely knocking me unconscious again will do the trick of severing the link. Only way we’re disrupting this thing is if we get drained of energy. And unfortunately for us, I have quite the reserves. Only other option would be to pull a Doc Brown.”
Wits frowned. “I don’t like that plan. That plan sucks. I wanna replace that plan with a better plan.” He paused for a minute, hoping something better would come to him. Eventually, he sighed. “Fine. We’ll pull a Doc Brown.” The mint-colored teen turned back to where his comrades were fighting. “In about thirty seconds,” he yelled, “you’re gonna see some serious shit!” 
He turned back to Bael and cracked his knuckles. “Powers Combined: Diehard and Lightning Bolt.” The teen cleared his throat loudly. “CRAZY WITTY PLAYS WITH ELECTRICITY!” With that, Wits grabbed on to Bael’s shoulders. Wisps of energy that had been going to Just Duty suddenly reversed direction, flowing into the teen like atmospheric discharge to a lightning rod. Arcs of energy — both Bael’s green and Wits’ blue — jumped like ball lightning, and shone out from Wits’ eyes. “Unlimited... power!” he cried, firing off the energy in one continuous bolt into the roof of the cave.
“Do it!” Pinkie cheered.
The cavern rumbled as the continuous bolt of lightning crashed into the ceiling. The energy that once powered Just Duty was swiftly sapped from the old officer. The man attempted to heave Purple Heart off of him, but only accomplished a weak shove. The purple teen in question frowned, glancing down at his prisoner. Upon seeing the man’s current state, his eyes widened.
“He’s weakening!” Purple cried, looking at Light. “We just gotta keep him contained until Wits either brings down the cave or burns out.” Light Patch limped over, favoring his leg from his unneeded flight and peered down at the squished Just Duty.
“So what, you’re just gonna sit on him until something happens?” he asked drolly.
Purple Heart rolled his eyes. “Got any better ideas?” he retorted.
“No. Like I said, I’m out of magic other than some cantrips and whatever my doma-” Light balked. “Yes. I think I do,” he said, pulling his gloves off and kneeling down next to Just Duty. “I just hope this doesn’t make things worse,” he said before placing his hands on Just Duty’s shoulders and looking, causing the mind-snared officer to look him in the eyes. “Bless the good fortune of the Text Beast,” the teen said, prompting the sound of rolling dice to echo through the cavern. 
Seconds passed, and nothing happened. Then, Just Duty’s eyes lost their dilated look and focused on Light Patch before the sounds of battle drew his focus to the Hydra, and the girls battle with the creature. “That was the thing… in my head?” he hesitantly asked.
“That was mind controlling you? Yeah, that's it,” Light Patch said, motioning for Purple Heart to allow the freed Just Duty up.
“How’d you pull this one off?” Purple Heart asked, getting off the officer.
“One of my natural inclinations when it comes to D&D clerics,” Light Patch explained, helping Just Duty to his feet. “Dice are mean to me, so I find ways to try and be mean back. Like forcing them to roll my Will save again.”
“Ahuh.” 
“Mom always said Ogres and Oubliettes wouldn’t do anybody any good, and now I’m fighting for the world,” Just Duty simply replied.  “Okay, so I’m kind of tuning into to this fight a little late. So, uh, are we winning?”
“Well, I wouldn’t say we’re losing…” Light Patch replied hesitantly before his face soured at the smell of burnt hair.
“But we aren’t exactly winning now, are we?” Wits said as he approached, a few errant arcs of lightning still jumping between staticky spikes of hair.
“Thought you were busy doing your best impression of lightning rod?” Purple Heart said to the just appeared Wits End, who was about to reply when Light Patch pulled something from his webbing of pouches and offered to his mint skinned friend.
“I thought you might like some burn ointment,” the grey skin teen replied, before Wits End slapped it out of his hands.
“Ah hah, ah hah. Jokes later. Finishing the fight now,” he snapped before looking at Just Duty. “You have a shield to break.”
“Your personality has gotten a little sparky there.” Purple Heart noted.
“It is quite the shocking change,” Light Patch quipped, unable to help himself.
“I’ve been electrocuted for thirty minutes!” Wits shouted at his friends, mumbling something that could have been “ish” before turning to look at Just Duty again. “You. Shield. Break. Now.” 
“I’d love to, but how?” Just Duty said, looking at the Hydra and how the attacks aimed at it stopped short.
“Get its attention,” Purple Heart suggested. The other three males looked at him skeptically.
“That’s your plan?” Wits deadpanned. “What, pray tell, will getting its attention do?”
“A brain can only keep track of so many things,” the purple teen defended. “So far, the Hydra is trying to use Bael’s energy to power a shield that, in my humble opinion, is taking more than a little amount of abuse.” The four of them looked at the Hydra and its shield, watching as the six girls flung attack after attack at the shimmering dome.
“But it has six heads,” Just Duty pointed out, “and so far, it only has two tasks it need worry about.”
“Well, if you really want to get nitpicky, it could also be keeping Holdfast and Bael asleep,” Purple sniffed. They looked at where the two ex-villains sat bound.
“Oh, he got knocked out again,” Wits hummed. “What a shame. What a dang shame.”
“Probably the billions and billions of volts going through him,” Light drawled.
“Fair enough,” Wits agreed. “Now, you,” he pointed at Just Duty. “Shield. Down. Quickfast. Chop chop.”
The old police officer sighed, rubbing at his head. “Very well,” he said. He walked several steps towards the Hydra, muttering under his breath all the while. “Just another week. That’s all I asked for. Just one more week before retirement, and then this all happens.” He cleared his throat and looked up at the Hydra, ignoring the cries of rage and pain coming from the girls as they did battle with the shield.
“Pardon me, sir!” Just Duty called. “I am afraid you’re trespassing on private property. I kindly request that you leave the premises post haste.” One of the heads broke its gaze with the girls and swung around to peer at Just Duty. Its violet fins flattened in anger and confusion.
“How did you break the control?” it hissed. “We had absolute power over you!” The other heads turned to stare at the officer, their concentration dipping long enough for the shield to lose some of its cohesion. Twilight spotted the minor flicker, and juiced up a spell to full capacity to punch through the wavering shield. The Hydra loomed over Just Duty, its heads weaving to and fro over the freed police officer.
“How did you do it?” Red Eyes demanded.
Just Duty shrugged. “Luck.”
“What?” the heads spat. “There’s no such thing as lu-” The Hydra gave a piercing shriek, its heads waving in pain. A hole in its flank billowed smoke. Six heads glared at the source of their misery and Twilight grinned.
“Got ya,” she smirked. “Fire everything!” A hail of attacks shot forward, impacting the Hydra’s fractured shield and shattering it completely. Six roars of pain echoed around the cavern as the Hydra flailed about in an attempt to escape. It backed into a corner, throwing up shield after shield to replace each one destroyed by one of the six girls’ attacks.
“Game set and match,” Purple Heart chuckled.
“WAIT!” the Hydra bellowed. The attacks ceased.
“Goddammit,” Purple swore.
“Oh for the love of...” Wits groaned. “You had ONE JOB. Just keep your big mouth SHUT!”
“Shhh!” Fluttershy hissed.
“All we wanted to do,” the Hydra panted, “was recreate the world we knew.”
“Well, you’re mucking up this one in the process,” Rainbow snapped. “I don’t like that trade off.”
“My world was set to end. The nine’s quest was finished. Soon they would return to their world. And the Creator would have no reason to continue our world,” Orange Spines stated.
“And no time to save anything,” Pink Scales continued.
“So you come to our world and twist it into your’s?” Sunset demanded.
“Our escape was made easy by unknowingly following through the path Bael had made,” Lavender Horn answered. “Our magic was limited, and we were afraid it would run out. We did not think we had much of an opportunity to find a new world.”
“And we thought, given the similarities, that this was a world created and then forgotten by the Creator,” Red Eye’s stated. “It was only after having access to the magic and thoughts of Bael that we realized our mistake, but to stop our plan or reverse it… It was too late by then.”
“So why not stop?” Just Duty asked, his hand hovering instinctively over his empty holster.
“We had no pattern to use to return the world to what it once had been,” Blue Tusks sadly stated. “So we figured better to restore our world to life, than devastate yours in a failed attempt to fix it.”
“That would be an excellent backup plan.” Several pairs of eyes turned to see Holdfast, standing and brushing dust from his clothes. “Inspired, really,” he drawled, “if not for the simple fact that your entire plot is based on a false premise that, honestly, at least one of the six of you morons should have considered.”
The Red Eyed head hissed. “And what would that be?”
Holdfast stared at Hydra, then shifted his gaze to the various teens waiting on his response. “Wonderful,” he muttered, “I’ve upgraded from dealing with 9 idiots to dealing with 16.” He sighed heavily as he walked closer. “Whether the mismatched monstrocity ever planned to destroy our world or not, he tied the very fabric of our existence to it. If our world had been eliminated, neither you,” he pointed his finger at each of the Hydra’s heads in turn, then back towards Bael, “nor he would be standing here at all.”
“Wow, professor,” Wits droned. “It almost sounds like you care.”
“Of course I care.” Holdfast sneered at the mint-colored teen. “Why destroy a perfectly good world when you can exploit them?”
“Aaaaand there it is...”
With a growl, the Orange Spined head leaned in towards Holdfast. “And how would you know this?”
“I’ve been trapped, incorporeal, with Discord for months,” the villain replied. “Stuck in a parallel dimension of his own creation where time moves exactly as fast or as slow as he ordains.” He waited in silence for a moment to make sure his words sunk in. “Do you know how much he monologues? It seems since his ‘reformation’, he missed having a captive audience to share his plans with.” Holdfast spat the word ‘reformation’, as if using that term to refer to Discord left a sour taste in his mouth. “I’m not sure whether he sees me as a captive or a therapist.”
“I’ll try to feel sorry for you,” Wits muttered.
“And I’ll try to care about what you think of me,” Holdfast replied, shooting the teen a glare over his shoulder. “How do you feel that will work out?”
In response, Wits turned to the closest Hydra head. “If I let you rebuild Roads Crossed in the forest, will you eat him?”
“Wits!” Sunset shouted.
“What? It’s a hypothetical question!” Wits winked unsubtly towards the Hydra.
The Lavender Horned head pondered his question. “Well…”
“Do not give him the courtesy of an answer!” the Blue Tusked head hissed.
The horned head looked back at the teen. “He said it was hypothetical…”
“How bout just nibbling the evil out of hi-” Light Patch began before Just Duty smacked him upside the back of the head.
“Let the evil ghost possessed teacher finish saving my world. I’m one week from retirement, and would prefer to spend said retirement in a world with indoor plumbing,” the policeman replied before motioning for Holdfast to continue.
“My point,” Holdfast said, “is that if anypony would know if our world is still intact, it’s Discord. And if anypony would know what Discord knows, it’s me.”
“You can say anybod-” Wits was cut off by Holdfast holding up a single finger.
“Don’t. Start.” He turned his attention back to the Hydra, which was looking amongst itself as it processed this new information. “So, as I understand it, you have two options. Either you return to our world and do… whatever you want, as I could not care less at this point. Or, you can continue to live down here and leave the rest of this world alone, and its surface inhabitants will likely do the same.”
“Or,” the Red Eyed head said, “we could continue with our plan to-”
“Don’t. Start.” Holdfast repeated. “Believe me, you will not succeed. I have dealt with these troublemakers enough to know that anything you think you’ll win in this is not worth it.”
Twilight raised an eyebrow. “Is that your way of saying you’re a good guy now?”
“All I’m saying,” Holdfast replied, “is not to be so obvious that you draw the attention of would-be heroes with far too much time on their hands. The headache is insufferable.”
The Hydra appeared to be pondering the villain’s words. As it did, Holdfast returned to where Just Duty, Bael, and the rest of the ‘heroes’ were gathered. “Do you think you convinced them?” Wits asked.
“Convinced?” Holdfast raised an eyebrow. “I thought I was buying you lot time to club them all in the back of the heads. Isn’t that what you do with your… what’s the word? ‘Big bads’?”
Wits blinked. “Are you freakin’ serious.”
“I figure we have about thirty seconds until the Hydra decides to eliminate us all right here,” Holdfast continued. “I do hope you’ve come up with a suitable plan by then.”
“Suitable plan?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “Dude, you WERE the suitable plan!”
Holdfast went silent for several seconds as he looked at each of the teens in turn. Finally, he turned his focus to his fellow villains. “It appears that once again, I have overestimated the mental capacity of our antagonists.”
“Oi,” Purple Heart growled. “Let’s get clear with the terminology here. YOU lot are the antagonists. WE’re the protagonists.”
“Hey, I’m just the mind controled schlub who got caught up in the machinations of the actual antagonist and the protagonist,” Just Duty objected before covering his face and muttering ‘one week’ under his breath a couple of times. “Okay, focus. The three of us have some kind of magical power or connection. How do we use that if it...” he frowned for a moment, “they don’t decide to go peacefully?”
“Use our mana batteries to do more smashing?” Light Patch offered, earning a facepalm from Sunset.
“NO SMASHING!” Sunset yelled at the grey teen.
“We’ve got two goals here,” Twilight said cutting Light Patch off before he could offer any more dumb ideas. “Put our world back to the way it was before, and stop the Hydra. Do you think we could send it back to-”
“SCATTER!” Applejack barreled through the group, knocking everyone out of the way of a column of flame that burst their way. “Why am I the only one watchin’ the big lizard here?”
The Hydra’s tusked head blew smoke from its mouth. “We have decided…”
“You cannot be trusted,” the horned head finished. A shimmering shield formed around the Hydra as it faced down the group. “And are unnecessary.”
Wits groaned as he picked himself up. “They didn’t choose tea and cake,” he muttered.
“This is starting to get reaaally old,” Purple Heart snarled, cracking his neck as he faced the Hydra.
“Q'all couldn’t have at least kept one eye on the big lizard?” Applejack snapped.
“We were preoccupied,” Rarity retorted.
“Enough! We have bigger problems!” Twilight interrupted, pointing at the Hydra. A beam lanced out from one of the heads, scything across the wall above the group.
“Wuh woh,” Rainbow muttered.
> Chapter 34: The Part Where They Kill You
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The group scattered, fanning themselves out to make it hard for the Hydra to keep all of them in sight at once, let alone focus on more than one or two at a time. Each head would swing every which way, trying to keep track of the various attacks and movements of the now larger and more dangerous group facing it. The Pink Scaled head however, left the attacking to the other heads as it was trying to quietly re-establish its control over Just Duty. It had also noticed something else leftover from the trap it had laid earlier to protect themselves. It just needed the fight to creep on long enough to slip in through the gates they had left unbarred and unguarded.
“Let us hope you are successful in the short amount of time we have left,” whispered the orange spined head.
“Hey! I don’t care how many heads you have, only the heroes are allowed to have secret whispered battle plans in the middle of a battle!” Rainbow Dash shouted, her bow flinging arrows at the two heads.
“Let us see you whisper anything when your lungs ar-” The orange spined head was cut off as a cannonball of streamers and confetti bashed into its cheek.
“The guys have already stretched the rating as far as it can go, don’t ruin it now!” Pinkie shouted, firing off another round from her party cannon.
Light Patch stood in front of Wits End, blocking blows as the mint-colored teen returned the favor. “Speaking of whispered battleplans, I hope you or Sunset have something because I’m running on empty.”
“And I’m running by!” Pinkie interrupted as she did as she said.
“This is a battle of attrition that we are likely to lose,” Rarity said. “Perhaps we could spend more time beating this thing instead of chatting?”
“Why not use the super weapon?” Purple Heart suggested.
“The what now?” Sunset asked.
“We have a super weapon? Since when?” Rainbow Dash snapped. “And why haven’t we used it earlier?!”
“Cuz Fluttershy isn’t a frontline fighter?” Purple Heart offered, firing off a barrage of kicks.
The girls looked at the purple teen with confusion. “Care to explain that?” Sunset prompted.
Purple Heart groaned and pointed. “Hydra. Beast.” He pointed at Fluttershy. “Fluttershy. Stare. Capisce?”
“I don’t think that will work,” Fluttershy said from where she hid behind Sunset. “It has too many eyes to look at.”
Purple Heart pursed his lips. “Welp, that’s my plan borked,” he declared. “You have thirty seconds to think of something before I just One-Punch Man this thing. So start thinking.” He then darted behind a rock and set about powering up his gauntlet for one colossal strike.
“Wait!” Wits shouted, swapping places with Light Patch to summon an Oaken Shield for a moment of respite. “Just this once, don’t smash! We have no way to tell what’ll happen to the parts of the world that’ve been overwritten when this guy goes down!” He paused. “These guys? This guys? These gu-” He was cut off by a lavender horn piercing through his barrier. “Back! Back, you savage!”
“He’s right!” Twilight called, hiding behind a rocky outcropping to search her bag for more flasks. “Without the Hydra, the changes it’s made already will likely become permanent. Even with the Power of Friendship, I don’t think we can fix that once this is over.”
“And I thought friendship fixed everything,” Holdfast droned from a position of relative safety behind one of the larger stalagmites.”
Wits appeared next to him, avoiding another pillar of flame. “If you’re not helping, then shaddup old man!”
Applejack spared a glance over her shoulder as she tried to hold down one of the Hydra’s heads. “Hey, Purple Heart? Think ya can wake up your demon lil’ brother? We need all the help we can geeeEEAAAH!” She trailed off as the Hydra overpowered her, bucking her off its neck and into the path of Rainbow Dash. The pair collided and pinwheeled towards the ground.
“Better plan coming up!” Purple Heart called, cancelling his power up. He dashed out of cover and dove to catch Applejack and Rainbow Dash.
“Yo, Bael!” he called, placing both girls on terra firma and marching over to where the pint-sized demon lay on the ground. “Up and at ‘em sonny boy! We gotta banish Bavmorda to the Nether Realm!” He grabbed Bael and hauled the limp boy to his feet. “Wakey wakey!” Purple knocked Bael on the crown of his head and shook the boy.
“Huh!? What the carp in a biscuit!” The boy rubbed at his pulsing scalp. “I was having a wonderful dream about girls and boo-”
“NOPE!” Purple Heart decided, slapping a hand over Bael’s mouth. “Listen you little bleep, we are gonna get rid of that thing with all haste and you’re gonna help me, got it?”
Bael nodded, rolling his eyes. Purple released the boy and clenched a fist wreathed in purple light whereas green sparks arced from Bael’s fingertips. “Ready when you are!” they called to Wits and Twilight.
Twilight sighed. “This is getting out of hand…”
Wits nodded. “Now there are two of them. How’d you wanna handle this?”
“Split them up?” Twilight replied, hefting a couple of flasks. “Tangleweed and Oaken Shields?”
“You got it.” The pair of them gave a silent nod, and fired off their respective abilities. The combination of alchemical tangles and magical vines formed tall, solid walls, separating the six heads of the Hydra into relatively narrow corridors. “Pick a target,” Wits shouted to the group, “and keep hitting them until it stops being funny!”
“Aye sah!” Purple Heart declared. “I got Red Eyes!”
“I’ll take Blue Tusks!” Bael called. The pair thundered forward, skirting around lunging heads and powdered debris. Their intended targets hung back, glaring hatefully at the approaching boys. Purple Heart slid under one of the striking heads and planted himself with is back to the Hydra. Bael wasted no time in leaping at the purple teen’s head only to be caught and hurled at Blue Tusks’ eyes with impressive speed. The head cried in rage and pain upon being hit and shook from side to side to dislodge Bael who had latched on to its forehead and proceeded to poke each eye over and over. Red Eyes snaked its head towards Purple Heart, ramming into the teen. With a grunt, Purple Heart caught the forehead in his hands and hefted the head above himself only to snap it back down to the ground, sending the neck undulating like a wave back to the Hydra’s body.
“NEXT UP PLEASE!” Purple Heart roared, running with the head back to the body as Bael hammered Blue Tusks down to meet him. The pair collided, knocking the heads against each other and promptly rendered them unconscious.
“Of course those two are enjoying this fight,” Rarity remarked, glancing in the direction of Purple Heart’s shout before she turned back to focus on her own battle.
“Don’t worry Rarity, between me and Applejack-” Rainbow said, only to be interrupted.
“Applejack and I,” Pinkie corrected, her head appearing out of one of the thick vine walls before disappearing just as fast.
“Between the two of us,” Rainbow started again, “I bet we could show that walking bruise up and beat our head and three others just as efficiently.”
“Ah’m more worried about dealing with the head we have right now. So if’n you could focus on it, Rainbow, ah’d appreciate it,” Applejack grunted as she yanked on her lasso, slamming the head it was wrapped around into the ground.
“I second Applejack. Let us focus on the task at hand. We shall do one thing and do it well. Then, and only then, shall we move on. Like a surgeon,” Rarity said, pouring power into summoning a swarm of needles larger than she’d ever summoned before. The head’s violet fins flattened against its neck as its eyes shrank in fear.
“Cutting for the very first time?” Wits asked, squaring off with the lavender horned head.
“Do you have a reference for everything?” Sunset Shimmer asked.
“Almost everything, yes.”
“Do you ever find that causes any issues?” Twilight followed up, taking a place next to the two teens.
“I heard that one guy asked for less references at one point,” Wits mused. “He’s gotta be disappointed.”
Sunset rolled her eyes. “Let’s just get this over with.” She snapped her fingers, summoning a flame the size of a softball. “Twilight?”
“Right.” The purple teen hurled a pair of flasks filled with a dark grey liquid towards the Hydra’s head, which splattered their contents on the ground around and behind its jaw. “Light it up!”
“Hah!” Sunset hurled the fireball, striking the point where the two pools of liquid met. Instantly, they burst into flames, forming a wall of fire between the lavender horned head and the rest of its body. “Make it count, Wits!”
“No pressure, huh?” Wits took a few steps back, judged his distance, and took off at a run towards the Hydra. Once a few feet away, he coiled his legs and leaped onto its face, grasping hold of its scales with one hand as he formed a fist with his other. “Jan…” He brought his fist back, and swung at the Hydra. “Ken…”
At the last moment, he slowed his blow and extended one finger, gently touching the Hydra’s head with one finger. “Sleep,” he said, his eyes glowing with the pale glow of Guiding Sunlight.
The lavender horned head’s eyes rolled back into its skull, and it dropped to the ground. After a moment, a soft snore could be heard. “Victory by boop,” Wits said with a grin.
“You and your sleep spell,” Purple Heart grumbled from his seat upon Red Eyes’ unconscious head. “So, who gets the last two?” He eyed the yet to be defeated Hydra Heads. Pink Scales twisted around Orange Spines, the pair staring apprehensively at their adversaries below.
“Dibs on the orange one!” Pinkie exclaimed. “‘Shy, ‘Fast, gimme a hand here?”
“What?” Fluttershy found herself suddenly dragged by the collar towards the orange spined head, which was moving back into position. “What are you doi-” Her words devolved into a terrified shriek as she was flung into the air.
“I don’t thi-” Holdfast was cut off by the pink-haired party professional grabbing him by the collar. “Unhoof me, you maniac!”
“Boy, you sure do pitch those right across the plate, huh?” Pinkie swung the former professor around her, letting go after two rotations to send him stumbling away, falling backwards just in front of the Hydra’s head.
Holdfast, flat on his back, looked up as the head’s spine flared in excitement. “I don’t suppose I could interest you in a change of heart on my part?”
“If nothing else,” the orange spined head growled, “you will make an adequate last meal.” Its mouth opened, jaw unhinging as it’s forked tongue snaked towards the prone man.
“Cover your ears!” Pinkie slid in front of the Hydra’s open mouth, party cannon primed and ready. “For those about to rock!” She pulled the cannon’s cord, firing a mass of confetti, streamers, and assorted rubber poultry into the gaping maw. “Tag for a tactical Flutter-strike!”
What had been distant screaming got louder as Fluttershy completed her arc, and sailed back to earth on a collision course with the extremely confused orange head. The girl landed with a squeak, grabbing onto a pair of spines directly in front of its eyes. With a hiss, the Hydra’s head spat out the party supplies. “Get off, you little-”
“KNOCK IT OFF!” Fluttershy locked eyes with the head, fixing it with what would be considered on others a death stare. “I’ve had enough with all of this fighting and yelling and flying and growling, so you can just SIT. DOWN.”
The head hesitated, spines folding back like a cat’s ears after being sprayed. After a moment, its neck lowered, ending with its chin gently resting against the ground.
Fluttershy breathed out in a huff, feeling the stone beneath her feet. “Good,” she said, never taking her eyes off of the Hydra. “Now. STAY.”
Just Duty glanced at the wall of vines he’d heard Fluttershy's shout come from behind. “Never knew she had it in her.”
“It’s the quiet ones you gotta watch out for. Speaking of which...” Light Patch paused, motioning towards the pink scaled head which had only dodged their attacks.
“Right, this would be easier if I knew how to use this,” Just Duty said hefting his hammer. “How do you want to do this?”
Light Patch pointed at himself. “Anvil-” then pointed at Just Duty, “-hammer. I set it up and you knock it out,” Light Patch said before shouting as he charged at the pink scaled head. He jumped at the head and gave a quick half hearted swing forcing the head to dodge towards one of the walls. The teen pivoted in the air to throw a wild attack at the pink scaled head’s neck which missed as it thudded into the ground. The head’s eyes squinted at the impact.
Just Duty rushed forward and put all of his power into an overhead swing that went wild and slammed into the ground next to the head whose eyes opened glowing as pink as its scales.
“You missed,” it said looking up at Just Duty “Now it’s my turn. Our time as puppeteer and puppet may be over, but don’t worry. I found a whole host of new marionettes,” it said just as Light Patch dropped to his knees.
“What happened?” Just Duty said rushing over to guard Light Patch.
“Sunset was right.” Light Patch said, trying to steady his breathing. “This must have been the head mind controlling you and now it’s trying to control the nine… ten. Us teens with attitude. And we left it the perfect avenue open to allow it an easy victory.”
“So I’ll just flatten its head a little,” Just Duty said.
“Can you hit it?” the grey teen asked, looking up and trying to act glib despite the sweat rolling down his face.
Just Duty gripped his hammer a moment before dropping ii. “Probably not. The Hydra knew how to use the hammer, not me. It was in control in those- Oh… That might work,” Just Duty said before holding his hands to his head. “I think I have a plan. I hate it but I have one. You hold it off as long as you can from your friends and I’ll try to salvage that link it had to me to figuratively hit it while it’s not looking.”
The grey skinned teen just held a thumbs up while he mostly focused on sucking in breath and keeping the Hydra’s head from taking his over.
Just Duty focused on his leftover magic, trying to grasp at it and use it to salvage the remains of the link he could feel lingering in his head. It failed to work. He calmed himself down, focused, and tried again. This time the magic worked and he felt the link open and immediately pictured himself sailing through the air to strike the Hydra like his favorite superhero.
“Not bad. But you’re not nearly as accomplished as I am,” the pink scaled head replied before turning to look at the grey skinned teen. “And do not think that your bastion will hold. You’re tired, weak, depleted. Wouldn’t you prefer rest rather than the struggle you will only lose?”
“I will not let the Creep flood another world, people are counting on me,” Light Patch murmurd through his clenched teeth, completely lost in the mind scape he’d been using to hold the Hydra back.
“I think we’re going to need more help here!” Just Duty shouted, unable to move as he focused himself on distracting the Hydra and keeping it from overpowering the link.
“Well,” Bael sighed, hopping off his perch on the head with Blue Tusks, “if I must, I must.”
“You’re not Mary Poppins!” Pinkie cried irritably, popping balloon after balloon on the Orange Spines.
Bael rolled his eyes and strolled over to Just Duty. “Need a little help there, old man?”
“Just help, you brat,” the aged police officer ground out.
Bael huffed irritably and flicked his wrist, sending a cascade of green lightning arcing across the Pink Scaled head. With a roar, the head recoiled, its neck seizing up as sparks danced across its scales. Pink Scales flailed, crashing through the walls separating it from its fellow heads and in turn rousing them from whatever stupor they lay in.
“Greaaaat!” Sunset drawled loudly. “Now we’re back to stage one!”
“This isn’t even it’s final fo-” Purple Heart squawked in surprise as Red Eyes awoke and flung him away, eyes gleaming with rage and power.
“You insufferable children have stood in our way for too long!” the Hydra snarled.
“It’s his fault!” Rainbow cried, pointing at Bael.
“Getting tired of being called a child,” Wits muttered. “We need a new plan.”
Twilight winced, holding her hand to the side of her head. “And fast. I think it’s trying to get back into our heads.”
“We wouldn’t have had this problem,” Sunset called, “if you had let me close the link in the first place!”
“Link…” Wits paused for a moment, staring at Light Patch and Just Duty. “The link works both ways. The link works both ways!”
Just Duty raised an eyebrow at the mint-colored teen. “Your friend’s not the brightest,” he said to Light Patch, “in spite of going to Crystal Prep.”
“No, he’s right,” Twilight agreed. “If the mental link goes both ways, it means we can influence the Hydra as well! We just need enough power to break through its mental blocks.” She winced again. “The same way it’s trying to do to us.”
“We don’t have that kind of power!” Rainbow Dash shouted. “The entire group’s set up to fight this thing head on!”
Wits shook his head. “We do have that kind of power. It’s just a pain in the rear to deal with.” He jerked a thumb at Bael. “We gotta Doc Brown it.”
“In case you suffered brain damage from it,” Bael said with a sneer, “trying that before turned you into a light show. I don’t think you wanna try it again without putting some more ranks in HP.”
“We’ve already got that covered. We just need to pick up some power converters.” Wits turned to Purple Heart with a half-hearted grin. “Hello, power converters.”
The purple teen stared at his friend for a full second. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”
“It’s not the dumbest thing he’s come up with,” Sunset said. “Light Patch proved that the Hydra’s power can be redirected. All you’d have to do it take Bael’s power and send it to him and Just Duty.” 
“And do what?” Purple Heart exclaimed.
“Rewrite the world back to normal?” Applejack offered. “Once that’s done, we can always beat it the old-fashioned way. You can do your One Punch Whatever and we’ll be right as rain.”
Purple Heart stared at the rest of the group for a moment. “I want you all the know,” he said eventually, “that this is a terrible plan and I hate it.”
“When do we ever have good plans?” Wits asked. “Now go get electrocuted by your brother and mentally send it to the old policeman.”
“It comes again!” Light Patch half shouted. “The head’s trying to establish the connection again! It… it comes in waves, but we push it back,” Light Patch finished, losing himself in another mental construct to hold the Hydra back.
Purple Heart’s eyes narrowed and he looked at Bael. “You charge Just Duty,” he ordered, “I’ll charge Light.”
Bael gave a cheeky salute and stepped over to the officer. “Aye, sah,” he replied, lifting his hand to rest on Just Duty’s back. “On your count.” Purple Heart nodded. He gripped Light’s shoulder.
“Three.”
Power coalesced around the two of them, one green and one purple.
“Two.”
The power raced to bunch at the contact points on Just Duty and Light Patch.
“One.”
It flowed into the pair and the cave trembled.
“Now.”
For a few moments, nothing appeared to be happening. Those not actively involved in the plan were ready to call it off, but soon noticed the pink scaled Hydra head begin to shudder. Suddenly, it cried out in pain and, seconds later, it and the other heads all slumped to the floor and its body slumped to the ground.
“Bet you didn’t see that one coming, did you?” Just Duty wryly remarked. “Keep it there. I’m going to see about fixing the world,” Just Duty told the grey teen still kneeling on the ground next to him.
“The beast shall not be allowed to rise and threaten the galaxy again. As a Kiith Somtaaw, you can be assured of that,” Light Patch replied.
“Right,” Just Duty responded before turning back to the Hydra. He closed his eyes and focused on the Hydra and the powers it used to change the world. After a moment, he found the power and, not knowing how to use it, simply began to think about the world as it once had been. The magic began to work from there. He then drew on the connection Light Patch had to the girls from this world and their memories of the world to strengthen his mental image, and forced that into the magic as well.
The cavern shook sporadically. Ever so often, one of the Hydra’s heads would struggle, only to fall to the ground again when Light Patch’s closed eyes focused on it. Finally, Just Duty sighed. “I think that should do it. All that’s left now is to send this thing home.”
“An excellent idea,” Wits drawled. “How exactly are we supposed to do that? Good wishes and pixie dust?”
“I think I can be of assistance here,” Holdfast replied.
Wits raised an eyebrow. “What, are you gonna lecture them until they run away?’
“Ah hah. Ah hah. Very funny.” Holdfast turned to face the mint-colored teen. “When Discord sent me here, he left a contingency spell tied into my connection with this world’s counterpart. Something he could activate in case I… shall we say, went rogue.”
“Wait,” Twilight interrupted, “so you’re possessing Professor Holdfast?”
“Please focus. The spell is a cross-dimensional transportation spell designed to bring me back to its source of origin. I my case, this would be Discord’s little sub-plane of Chaos. With some modification, this spell could be used on the Hydra to send it back to the same realm as Roania.”
“And how do we take a contingency spell that’s already affecting you and cast it on the Hydra?” Wits asked.
“We can’t.” Holdfast hesitated for a moment. “But during one of his many rants, Discord explained that the spell technically counts as one in my ‘spellbook’, despite the fact that I myself cannot use it. I do truly hate to say this, but you could use your powers as a Mimic to imitate that spell and cast it that way.”
Wits frowned. “But that would require cooperating with you,” he said, giving voice to Holdfast’s implied objections.
“Hence why I hate saying it.”
“I would recommend that you go with that plan,” Light Patch replied, looking over his shoulder as a small rivulet of blood leaked from his nose. “It’s rallying and starting to put up a fight.”
Wits End sighed, shook his head, and sighed again. “Alright, fine. Come on, old man. Everyone else is getting over their hang-ups. Let’s join the club.” He held out an open hand. “Truce?”
Holdfast looked down at the offered hand, a sneer forming on his face. “A temporary truce,” he clarified, grasping the teen’s hand with his own. “Just get this over with.”
With a grin, Wits sent his magic through their touch; his blue-green energy searching out the pale white orb that housed Holdfast’s power. “Then let’s jam,” the teen said, turning to face the Hydra.
Wits took a deep breath, focusing the power of Holdfast’s spell on the Hydra. Finally, he spoke.
“Yeet.”
One of the Hydra’s heads opened an eye, the red orb glinting in the light of the magic in use. Slowly, its iris shrunk to a pinpoint as the spell formed, and its other heads awoke to their peril. A massive portal, black as the void of space yet shining with a light like that of moonlight off the water, and as large as the Hydra itself seemed to phase into existence behind it. Black tendrils of nothingness reached out from the portal’s edge, wrapping gently around the Hydra’s necks and limbs. It struggled futilely, moving easily but never breaking free of the portal’s grip as it was lifted from the ground. Each mouth opened, but whether to scream, plead, or curse, they were all silenced as they passed the threshold of the portal.
There was no trace of the Hydra left. Everyone watched the portal in silence for a short eternity as if unsure that it truly was done, and like they were expecting it to emerge from the portal for one last attempt. Finally, the expectation passed, and everyone breathed a sigh of relief.
Purple Heart and Bael let go of Light and Just Duty and sat heavily on the ground in exhaustion, something everyone shared. “So where's the victory music? The theme of triumph?” the purple skinned teen asked, a small smile breaking through the weariness on his face. His words prompted the others to smile.
“I think I have a trombone in here somewhere. I just gotta...” Pinkie trailed off, both hands searching through her hair.
“I would offer the use of my phone, but I think I dropped it somewhere,” Twilight replied, giving a weak chuckle.
“Yes, yes, that’s all very well and good,” Holdfast grumbled. In a flash, he slapped Wits End’s hand away. “The truce is over,” the villain replied to the glare the teen sent his way. The rest of the group chuckled at the sudden spat the two started. Their attention was pulled from the pair when the sound of footsteps reached them and a brighter source of light than what was present in the caverns despite all sources having gone with the Hydra. They all looked up to find Coltson at the head of a small group.
“We noticed things started to return to normal, so we thought we’d see if there was anything we could do to help,” he said, cutting off the questions he knew were coming.
Sidetrack appeared behind him. “He was worried about all of you and it was eating him alive not bein-” She was cut off from her sentence by Coltson’s hand covering her mouth.
“Seriously though, is there anything I can do to help? how about clo-”
“Asprin and sushi.” Light Patch moaned from where he was on the ground, holding his head.
“Sorry, what was that?” Coltson asked, stepping closer to stand over the prone teen.
Light Patch grabbed Coltson’s suit and hauled himself to his feet to look Coltson in the face. “I said you can get me a fuuuhh...” The grey skinned teen was distracted by the water pattern of light that shone onto the man’s face. “What's with the? Shouldn’t that have closed by now?” he said, turning to face the portal. His question prompted the rest of the group to face it.
“What did you screw up this tim-” Sunset began to gripe before Light Patch suddenly flopped forward.
“It’s pulling me in!” the teen shouted in fear, trying to grab something. Just Duty sprinted over and managed to catch the teen’s hands then slammed his warhammer handle first into the ground to try holding them in place. Once the teen’s hands were both on the hammer, Duty stood  free of the pull from the portal and put his weight on the hammer to sink it further to the ground.
“Why is it effecting him and not you?” Rainbow shouted, having run over to help hold the grey skinned teen in place.
“I’m not sur-” The sudden increase in strength of the portal’s pull overpowered the hammer’s handle and with a crack, it snapped. The sudden jerk caused Rainbow Dash to lose her grip. Light scrabbled for purchase on the ground as he was dragged back. Just Duty dove towards the teen again and managed to get a hold, but was still sliding towards the portal. “I need help! I can’t hold him in place and the closer he gets the harder it pulls!” Just Duty shouted.
Purple Heart stood, feeling the pull of the portal. Letting his body go slack, he drifted over to Just Duty and Light Patch. Grabbing the latter by the arm, he dug in his heels and snapped out a hand to catch Bael as the young teen ‘wheee’d’ by.
“What the hell is going on?!” Purple Heart roared.
“The spell must still sense that there are foreign entities here that don’t belong,” Twilight explained, rushing forward to support the flailing males. Holdfast and Wits sailed by them, fighting helplessly against the portal’s pull. Rainbow and Fluttershy flew over to catch them, struggling to keep the two males from being pulled in.
Holdfast’s grip on Fluttershy tightened. “This is not good!” he shouted. “The spell was only supposed to target the Hydra! There’s no way for us to tell where we would end up!”
Sunset gave a squeak of surprise as she slid across the floor. Her eyes widened in realization and fear.
“It’s pulling me too!” she cried.
“FURY!” Purple Heart bellowed,shifting his grip on Light Patch and Bael to one arm as he reached out to catch Sunset. “Will this thing run outta juice any time soon!? Or do we gotta close the Iris!?”
“It might keep going until everything not native is gone!” Wits called back. “The rest of us could end up flying right through a star, or bounce too close to a super-” He was cut off by the pull intensifying on him, bringing both him and Rainbow Dash dangerously close to the portal. “We need to get rid of its targets!”
“And how do you plan on doing that?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Sunset comes from another world, same as the rest of you!”
Wits paused for a moment, looking back at the portal. “With a terrible plan, as always! Sorry ‘bout this!” The teen twisted out of Rainbow’s grip, kicking off of her to half jump, half fall and grab onto Holdfast. “Truce’s back on, buddy!” he shouted, reaching out with his magic again.
Sunset Shimmer, still in Purple Heart’s grip, could feel the portal’s pull strengthening with every second. Her mind raced with possibilities as to where she would go if she fell in. The game world? Equestria? Or some space between dimensions, like trash left at the side of the road? Regardless, the combined pull of all of them was beginning to prove overwhelming, even for the superpowered teen. “Purple Heart, you-”
A small, swirling blackness seemed to emerge from her chest, quickly growing to a few feet across. Sunset had just enough time to open her mouth , but before her scream could begin she was pulled bodily into the miniature portal. A moment later, the shimmering darkness collapsed on itself and vanished.
Purple Heart stared at his now empty hand. “Waddafrack? Where’d she go?!”
“Where she belongs: Equestria!” Wits replied. “Second verse, same as the first but smaller! Just hang on, and I’ll-”
Fluttershy whined, straining against the pull the portal had on both Holdfast and now Wits. “I... I can’t-” Her grip slipped, suddenly leaving her holding empty air.
Holdfast stared at the rapidly receding rest of the cave. “What?”
Wits End, still holding on to the white-haired professor’s leg, looked back at the approaching portal. “Oh fu-” The two crossed the threshold, and vanished.
With three of the six entities the portal was targeting down, its power focused on the remaining trio. With a jerk that caused Purple Heart to lose the solid footing he’d established, the pull on him and the two he was holding onto increased to near unbearable levels. “Now would be a very good time to put that rope to use, Applejack!” the purple teen shouted.
Just Duty quickly moved in front of the three and dug his heels into the ground and tried to help hold them in place, but just as he was starting to push back to gain some distance back, Purple Heart’s feet slipped forward. The loss of footing forced him to lean backwards because of how Just Duty was bracing him, also causing Applejack’s lasso to miss the purple teen. This gave the portal’s pull the leverage it needed and Purple Heart completely lost his footing. He slid back, knocking Just Duty over and tangling him up with the three of them, dragging him along with them as the portal finally pulled them in.
With a pop as the last one disappeared through the portal, it closed itself and flooded the cave with shadow aside from the small amount of light Coltson and his team were generating. Coltson stood looking at the dark spot where the portal had been before finally uttering the only words that seemed to form.
“Damn it.”
> Chapter 35: That part of the story where the story is over but for some reason there’s still some pages left at the end so it just keeps going...
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three days had passed since the Hydra was banished. 
Three days since Sunset Shimmer had been sent away.
Three days since the boys and their respective villains had disappeared into the portal.
Three days in which the six remaining girls had spent doing one thing.
Waiting.
Agent Coltson looked at the girls, waiting around the statue in front of Canterlot High School. The school had been closed, thanks to S.A.D.D.L.E.’s connections, and a story to explain the strange events over the last few weeks had been spread. One involving gaseous fumes coming off of a nearby swampy area, and the reflection of light from high-altitude weather observation balloons.
“So,” Coltson said, attracting the attention of the girls. “Do you want the news now? Or do we just… keep waiting?”
“Give it another minute,” Twilight replied. “Sunset’s book said they’d be coming around now.”
“Sure, sure. The book.” Coltson was silent for a few seconds. “So, how does that work, anyway? The book has interdimensional wifi? Is it 5G? What’s the roaming cha-”
The agent’s questions were cut short by by a pair of figures emerging from the statue’s base: two very familiar young girls. “Sunset!” Twilight shouted. “And Twilight! Er, other Twilight, I mean.”
Princess Twilight nodded. “Sunset suddenly appeared in my my castle a few days ago shouting about a portal. Sounds like you all had quite the adventure…” She trailed off as she saw Coltson standing nearby. “I… don’t think we’ve been introduced.”
“Phil. Phil Coltson.” The agent reached out and shook her hand. “Agent of S.A.D.D.L.E. Trust me, young girls walking out of statues is not the strangest thing I’ve seen this week.”
“He’s one of the good guys,” Rainbow Dash explained. “Big, secret, government agency type good guys.”
Princess Twilight smiled. “Well, I guess we should get more acquainted someday. Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship.”
Coltson was silent for a moment, his smile frozen as he nodded and processed her words. “Sure, okay. I’ll take that at face value for now.” Once everyone was gathered around, he clapped his hands together. “Okay, so, good news first. All of our readings show that the world is back to normal. No giant wooden wolves, no castles in the suburbs, not even a single bandit. We’ve back to our world of sleepy little towns where definitely nothing weird happens.”
That got a chuckle out of the girls. “Good news usually means there’s bad news coming too,” Sunset said. “Where’re the boys?”
“Ah…” Coltson’s smile fell slightly. “Well, you weren’t there for that part.” He cleared his throat. “Mr. Purple Heart, Mr. Light Patch, Mr. Wits End, and Chief Just Duty have all gone missing in action, as far as we can tell. Mr. Heart Burn and Professor Holdfast were picked up a few days ago, but neither of them have any memory of anything having to do with the Hydra. It’s like that part of them was just… gone, I guess.”
Sunset and Princess Twilight gasped, exchanging glances. “What?” Sunset asked. “How?”
“Pulled into the portal,” Applejack said. “Just after Wits ported you outta there.”
“I’m kind of surprised your friends didn’t tell you that through that magic book of yours there…” Coltson said, before suddenly looking thoughtful. “What do you do if you run out of pages? Does it generate more? Or clear the oldest pages?” The looks of anger quickly stopped his sidetrack. “Right, sorry, not the time.”
“We were hoping they might show up with you,” Sci-Twi explained. “Maybe some sort of sympathetic magical connection or something like that.”
“Sunset was the only one to show up,” Princess Twilight replied. “I don’t recall any reports of anything showing up in Equestria over the last few days; pony, person, or otherwise. Although, this does explain why Discord asked if I had heard anything from you all the other day…”
Coltson cleared his throat. “Sorry. Pony?”
“I’ll explain later,” both Twilights said at once.
A shiver ran down the agent’s spine. “Ohhhhkay then.”
“The fact that the two possessed villainous counterparts were spit back out means the portal only took the outsiders, but that doesn’t explain why Just Duty’s still missing. Maybe some sort of external influence...” Princess Twilight turned to Sunset Shimmer. “I’ll get back to my castle and see if there’s anything we can use to find them. Maybe there’s a book in the Canterlot Library on interdimensional travel.”
Sunset nodded. “I’ll go with you-”
“No, you should stay here in-case they show up again.” The princess turned back to the statue, one foot already through it. “There might still be some clues as to where they went. If anypony- anybody can find them, I’m sure you seven can do it. I’ll let you know what I find.” With that, Princess Twilight stepped through the statue and disappeared.
The remained girls and Agent Coltson stood in silence for several moments. “So,” Rainbow Dash said. “Now what do we do?”
“I…” Sunset looked down at the ground. “I don’t know.”
“Fence?” Coltson offered. Seven pairs of eyes turned on him with nearly identical quizzical expressions. “You know, like fencing? With swords and…” He trailed off. “Honestly, I’m not sure why I said that.”
The girls turned to look at each other. Eventually, Sunset took a seat on the school stairs. “Well...”
> Chapter 36: The Note
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

The girls turned to look at each other. Eventually, Sunset took a seat on the school stairs. “Well...”
You scroll down, only to find a banner ad for some pony-related service. Confusion washes over you like a wave of moderately cool water as you scroll back up. Surely, surely, you’ve missed the conclusion to this story.
Stubbornly, the conclusion remains absent. 
In irritation, you step away from your preferred fanfiction-reading-device. They can’t have done it again. They can’t have ended on a cliffhanger again. They can’t keep getting away with this, damnit! You consider punching a wall, but decide against it. It’s a bit extreme of a reaction for a fanfiction, after all.
You do settle for a deep breath in and out through your nose, though. That gesture of disappointment and anger makes you feel a little better, as you imagine how the authors would feel if they only knew how disappointed you were in them. After all, it was bad enough that the previous chapter ended on a cliffhanger, but to follow up with a chapter in which nothing happens? Un. Believable.
Hang on. You look back at the glow of your screen. This is obviously setting up for something. They wouldn’t intentionally end on a cliffhanger if they didn’t intend to resolve it with a third story, right? It’s not like this is a movie franchise or moderately successful anime series. They must already be writing the conclusion, even as you’re standing there!
A smirk crosses your face. They’re not gonna pull a fast one over you this time. In fact, you’re gonna tell them so. You’re gonna leave a comment on that last chapter! Maybe “Can’t wait until Caverns & Cutie Marks: the Return of the Kings”! Or “Gosh, I wonder how our heroes will get out of this one in C&CM 3: the Search for More Plotlines”. You take a seat, hands hovering over the keyboard.
You hesitate. There’s another chapter already? Was that just a bluff from the authors? You hesitate before opening the link to the new chapter. Maybe the smug comment can wait. After scrolling past another pony-related ad, you start reading.
“The girls turned to look at each other,” the voice in your head that sounds an awful lot like Ryan Reynolds today reads for you. “Eventually, Sunset took a seat on the school stairs.”
Hang on. Didn’t you read that in the last chapter? And what’s this next part about you scrolling past a banner ad? You skim through the short set of nine paragraphs to find the current one, which is talking about how you skimmed nine paragraphs to find the current one. As you read it, it becomes more and more obvious that this chapter isn’t about the three self-insert colts, or the girls of the Mane Six, but that it’s about you, and what you’re doing right now.
And then, because you read it on the next paragraph, you become aware that yes, the authors are working on a threequel. You, like the authors, have no idea when it’ll be finished, but it is in-progress, and that’s what matters.
You step away from the screen again. On the one hand, it’s nice to know that you’ll be getting a conclusion to the cliffhanger. On the other, what the FUCK was it you just read? Are they just writing what you’re doing? Or are you actually a metafictional construct meant to represent the viewing audience? Do you have free will? Or is it all just the whims of three authors who think they’re way cleverer than they actually are? What happens when this chapter ends? Will you cease to exist? Or will you be free to live your own life?
Slowly, you lie down on the floor on your back, and stare up at the ceiling light. It doesn’t matter what time it is; it’s too early in the day to deal with this right now.
As suddenly as the chapter began, it ends.