Caverns & Cutie Marks: High School, High Stakes

by TheColtTrio

Chapter 23: Where the Blank Hits the Fan

“Okay, while I’m all up for fleeing, I’d kind of like a place to flee too,” Light Patch shouted, looking back at the rapidly disintegrating house.

“To the statue! Princess Twilight won’t like it, but it’ll get us to safety,” Sunset shouted back, taking the lead. Trying to ignore the sounds of battle from behind them, she led them around to the front of the school.

“Are we really sure we wanna add one more being of almost immeasurable power to the list of people currently angry at us?” Light Patch huffed out from the rear of the pack.

“Unlike them, she won’t immediately tear the three of you apart,” Sunset shot back. “And pick up the pace, slowpoke!”

“That wasn’t very nice,” Fluttershy muttered.

“I’ll be nice when we’re not all in danger,” Sunset replied.

“She’s not exactly wrong either,” Rainbow muttered.

Sunset managed to reach the statue second—beaten only by Rainbow Dash—with both standing while waiting for the others. Purple Heart was third and ducked to run in through the base of the statue, only to bounce off its unexpectedly solid surface.

“I think,” the teen said raising a hand above his prone body, “that the keep is enclosed.”

“Right, well, what do we do now?” Applejack asked, resting her hand on Fluttershy’s shoulder and trying to help her stay calm-ish.

“Hang on!” Pinkie Pie shouted. “Where’s Purple Heart’s kid brother? Did he fall behind? Get distracted by a passing butterfly?” She stared at the decidedly unworried boys. “Anyone? Anyone? ...Bueller?”

“Given he’s a t-terrifying Selim-esque demon,” Witstang muttered, “I don’t think he’s in any d-danger…”

Twilight raised an eyebrow at Purple Heart. “You’re the last guy I’d expect to leave his brother behind. What’s this about demons?”

Purple Heart barked a sarcastic laugh, causing the girls to frown at his caustic reaction to Twilight’s question. “Heart Burn is indeed Local Purple Heart’s brother, no doubt about that,” he said, chuckling deeply. “However, during the game with your counterparts,” he waved a hand at Twilight and the core Mane Six, “Discord came up with a truly diabolically stupid idea: craft villains using themes and characteristics that us three guys find make the most interesting or scary villains. As a result, we had to deal with a chancellor who had a Mastery Degree in manipulation and blackmail,” he gestured at Wits, “a paladin who could have been a hero, but got stuck on the whole ‘Ends justify the means’ way of thinking,” he nodded at Light, “and a being with terrifying power backed by the intelligence and connections to bring civilizations to ruin.” He tapped his own chest. “Mine is named Bael. Also known as Heart Burn.”

“Discord sounds like a real di-” Rainbow was cut off by a sudden elbow jab from Rarity.

“Language, Dash, even if the statement does seem to be true.” Rarity finished with a haughty sniff.

Sunset stared at the three boys. “So what you’re saying is that all of this is your fault.” They slowly nodded, and she sighed in relief. “Wow, it feels weird to not be the one accidentally being the bad guy.”

“Agreed,” Twilight mumbled.

“In any case,” Purple Heart clapped his hands together, “weren’t we running away as if someone was driving a UAZ behind us?”

“What’s a UAZ?” Fluttershy quietly asked.

“It’s like a russian Jeep,” Pinkie answered, looking around at the confused glances, “What? I game.”

“H-how about we run h-home?” Witstang stammered, his eyes locked on the direction of the still noisy death of the house they’d just fled. “They can’t chase a-all of us, right?”

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea, Just Duty would likely be able to look us up in public records to find our houses,” Science Twilight said, wringing her hands. “Ideally, we’d have a secret place we could retreat to and rally ourselves, but that place just got outed.”

“What about her place?” Wits End asked, jerking a thumb at Side Track.

“What!” Side Track shouted back.

“Think about it; it’s secret, secluded, and none of those three will think to check it for us. It’s the perfect place for us to run awa-” Wits End faked a cough, “I mean ‘strategically withdraw’ to.”

Side Track glared back at the mint-colored teen, sliding in closer to him. “I can’t let them into the Bastille of Seclusion,” she muttered, waving at the other girls. “They’re not part of the Resistance. What if they give away it’s position?”

“Induct us then,” Purple Heart suggested, rolling to his feet. “As for revealing the presence of the rebel base, all we have to do is avoid anyone named Grand Moff or Tarkin. Easy.”

After glancing up at the purple teen, Side Track scooched in closer to Wits. “I trust him to keep his mouth shut least of all,” she whispered. “He seems like the type to reveal things in the middle of a monologue.”

“As much as I like a good roasting,” Wits said, “now really isn’t the time. We have 7 girls here who have saved the world like 4 times already, and one of them is literally a planeswalker. Do you need better qualifications than that?”

“And your two friends?” Witstang asked.

Wits shrugged. “Meh. They keep me from getting hit. In all seriousness, we gotta get going before Professor Jekyll and Officer Hyde show up.”

Side Track looked at the other teens around them. After a moment of deliberation, and a glance at Witstang, she tossed her hands in the air. “Fine! You’re all Temporary Resistance Members. Now follow me, and don’t fall behind.”

Applejack leaned in to Wits. “What the hay is the Resist-”

“Don’t ask,” Wits interrupted. “I wish I hadn’t.”

“Fight the power~” Light Patch wheezed as he trailed behind the group. Focusing more on just trying to keep up, he failed to notice his path intersect with something else. Before he could react, something appeared in his line of vision. He had a second before it was all he could see, and then a second after that was just grass and mud.

“Well, well, well,” a voice boomed, rough like grit and hard like gravel. “What’ve we got here?” A giant of a man stood over the prone grey teen, with patchy grey-green skin and hair that clung to him like a mass of seaweed. He shifted his weight, his suit of full plate armor clanking as he wrapped his sausage-like fingers around the haft of a massive spiked club.

Off to one side, the rest of the teens could see what had distracted Light Patch initially. A grid of yard-long squares appeared on the ground around them, and a pair of bars over the heads of each of them. A list of names and numbers floated in-between them; one for each of them, and one near the top labelled “Bandit Chief”.

Purple Heart was the first to take in what was happening, and his reaction swiftly turned to that of rage. “Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me, you piece of sh-”

“You have encountered the Bandit Chief,” a familiar voice echoed around them. “Combat is joined.”

The girls stared on in blank disbelief as each respective heads-up-display pinged to life for them all followed by a large grid blinking into existence at their feet.

“What is this?” Side Track mumbled, eyes flicking from readout to readout, taking in the status bars of each of her companions and the turn list hovering in the center of the grid.

“Oooooooooh,” Pinkie awed. “Pretty!”

“I have a sneakin’ suspicion that we’re in some kinda game now,” Applejack drawled.

“I’m a level 17 half-human demon mancer?” Sunset asked, reading her menu listing. “What the f-”

“Please retain the PG-13 rating at all times,” the voice chided as the red-haired girl choked on air.

“Okay, this sucks,” Purple Heart grumbled, scrolling through his skill list. “I’m a newb now.”

“Really?” Rainbow Dash asked. “I’m a level 17 Sportslete. What are you three?”

“Level one plebian,” the boys chorused.

“As I am,” Side Track grouched.

“Me too,” added Witstang.

“I miss being OP,” Wits grumbled. “Alright, short version of the tutorial! You can only do stuff when your name is at the top of the list, call out the actions you want to do, and try not to get killed in the game so you’re not killed in real life.” He looked up at the list. “Looks like… Pinkie, then the Chief? How does that work?”

“Surprise round!” Pinkie replied. “Patchy did run into the bad guy, after all.”

“And you?”

“I know everything. Party Cannon!” The pink teen pulled the brightly colored cannon out from behind her back and fired it at the Bandit Chief, narrowly missing Light Patch with the cone of effect.

The bandit chief staggered and failed to shield his eyes, his unfocused glare turned towards Light Patch. “Any last words?”

Light Patch shook from where he was laying in front of the bandit chief. “I don’t have any bits?” The bandit chief snorted and hefted his club, raising it over his head to smash down on the teen. The club fell with a roar, and Light Patch jerked to the side to dodge the attack, resulting in the club embedding itself in the mud just in front of his face, one spike barely a millimeter from the teens nose.

“The bandit chief missed,” the familiar voice narrated as the list switched to have Light Patch next.

Light Patch braced himself and began to stand up, watching the bandit chief for any sign of an attack of opportunity. The moment he’d gotten himself fully up, like clockwork the chief's club was freed from the thick mud and he swung again, just grazing light patch and tearing his shirt. Light Patch quickly back-pedaled and half-collapsed into Applejack and Fluttershy’s arms as he held his chest.

“Guys, someone turned the holodeck’s safeties off again! Why do we even have those if they keep getting disabled?” Light Patch asked, ending his turn.

“Whose turn is it now?” Side Track asked.

“Mine,” Rainbow Dash said. She turned to the three elder boys. “Well, what should I do?”

“Something sports related, I presume,” Rarity said. “You are the most active of the group. Perhaps kicking?”

“Okay… how?”

“Move to a space on the grid where you can reach him, then let fly,” Purple Heart suggested. “Or take a running leap. I dun think this’ll be done in one hit. Wits is right: I miss being OP.”

Rainbow Dash just shrugged and took his advice. “I’m going to run up and kick the Bandit Chief!” The sportslete charged forward and swung a roundhouse kick at the Bandit Chief’s midriff. What seemed like a powerful attack ended up whiffing and Rainbow landed on the ground having done no damage. “Wha?”

“High attack, low accuracy,” Wits End stated. “Doing a bunch of damage is nice and all, but is all together useless if you can’t hit worth a carp.”

“You’re one to talk,” the rainbow-haired girl sniped. “You’re level one.”

“I’m weak, I’m allowed to miss,” Wits retorted. “If we still had our powers, we could have finished this single-handedly. Purple could’ve even finished this in WAN-PAAAAAAAN-”

“SHUT UP!” Sunset snapped, eyes on their adversary. “Fight now, bicker later. I cast Lightning Bolt at the Bandit Chief.” She threw out a hand in the Chief’s direction and a gout of smoke poofed from her palm. A measly little spark arced piteously through the air and splashed harmlessly against the Bandit Chief’s breastplate.

“Okay, what was that?” Rarity sniffed.

“Sunset Shimmer is a Mage with Demon Mancer Prestige class,” the voice explained helpfully. “Lightning Magic is not her forte. Recommended course of action: using Hellblaze or Demon Aspect to supplement already prodigious aptitude for Fire Magic.”

Wits pinched the bridge of his nose. “Please tell me one of you know how to play games like this, or we’re gonna get bad-ended.”

“I think I’ve got this.” Twilight adjusted her glasses. “I use Tangleweed Flask to bind the Bandit Chief to the bench!” As if on cue, an Erlenmeyer flask filled with a roiling green liquid appeared in her hand. One toss later, the flask burst on the ground next to the Chief’s feet, exploding into sticky coils that wrapped around both his legs and the nearby iron-wrought bench.

Wits raised his hands to the sky. “Thank you!”

“Where did you learn about doing that?” Rainbow Dash asked.

“I own all of the rulebooks for Ogres & Oubliettes. Just in case someone wanted to play it.” Twilight smiled as the Bandit Chief tried fruitlessly to pull his way out of the mass of Tangleweed. “I’ve read through all of the books, and came up with strategies for each of the classes.”

“Here’s a question: got any fast leveling tips?” Light Patch asked as he shifted around in his square.

“Don’t die,” Twilight replied as she turned to Applejack. “As a desert ranger, you’ve got some close combat but most of your damage is dealt at medium ranges, and you’ll have an easier time hitting if you can get some flanking or surrounding bonus.”

The blonde-haired girl hummed in acknowledgement. “Wonder if I can get some bonus damage by using his own club against him,” she wondered, eying the discarded weapon laying by the Chief’s feet.

“If it doesn’t give bonus damage, you’ll at least get the ‘Troll in the Bathroom’ achievement,” Purple Heart commented. “I say go for it.”

Applejack nodded and strode forward, picking up the fallen club as she went. She let out of grunt of exertion as she hefted the weapon above her head and moved to stand to the bound Chief’s direct left. “I attack the Bandit Chief with his club,” she declared, letting gravity to the work. A dull thunk echoed across the grid and the Bandit chief slumped in his bonds, unconscious. A victory fanfare played and confetti burst in the air above the word ‘Victory!’ The Bandit Chief faded from sight and eleven whisps shot forth, one for each of the combatants.

“Woah!” Sunset stumbled back, attempting fruitlessly to swat the glowing wisp away as it entered her chest. “What was that?”

“His soul,” Wits said matter-of-factly.

“Seriously?” Sunset scanned the mint-colored teen’s face as he raised an eyebrow. “Dealing with you in infuriating.”

“I get that a lot.”

“Is it really his soul?” Fluttershy asked, looking a bit green.

“Nah,” Purple Heart dismissed. “It’s just some EXP from defeating him.”

“EXP?” Twilight hummed. “Ex-”

“Eeyup, Execution Points,” Purple Heart interrupted. “It lifts your LOVE.”

The girls stared blankly at the purple teen. Rarity spoke up.

“...How does execution points raise your L-”

“Level Of ViolencE?” Purple Heart interrupted again. “Ask Toby Fox.”

“It’s Experience Points.” Twilight growled glaring at the two teens before looking at the last one, “But seeing as you three tend to comment in three what was yours?”

“Twenty five,” Light Patch growled, “I only got twenty five experience points, Big group EXP splits suck.” He growled silently.

“Hang on.” Side Track pointed a finger at Maud Pie, who had been standing off to the side during the battle. “How come she didn’t get anything?”

Slowly, twelve pairs of eyes turned on the grey girl. Just as slowly, she blinked. “I was in stealth,” she stated.

“In plain sight?” Rainbow Dash asked.

Another glacially slow blink. “Yes.”

Twilight cleared her throat. “In case anyone forgot, we were running away from a crazy cop and a crazy teacher fighting over Purple Heart’s crazy little brother. Can we get going?”

“I second that,” Wits said. “Let’s get going before we trigger another random encounter.”

“With all this tall grass, I wouldn’t be surprised,” Purple Heart drawled.

“Oooooooh! Think we’d find a Pidgey?” Pinkie asked.

“I think we’d find one for each of us,” Fluttershy commented. This brought all eyes to her. “What? I like games too.”

“You apparently haven’t seen Austin’s videos then,” Twilight mused.

“Less breaking the fourth wall!” Wits shouted, having already started walking. “More moving!”

Side Track pointed down another path. “You know this way actually leads where we’re going, right?”

Wits walked back to the group with as much dignity as he could muster. “Obviously, I did not.”

* * *

Sunset looked at the split-level house in front of the group. “You know, Side Track, when you were describing this as the Resistance’s Secret Rebel Base, I kinda expected something less…”

“Ordinary?” Witstang offered. “I th-thought that too at first.”

“It’s camouflage, shut up!” Side Track shouted, unlocking the front door and pulling it open. “Just get inside! And you’d better not track dirt all over or my parents are gonna string me up as an example.”

Wits followed the line of teens entering the house, wiping his feet on a slightly over-friendly welcome mat. “And here I thought there was a rule that no-one in a children’s cartoon could have parents,” he muttered.

“Nah, you’re thinking of Disney,” Light Patch replied. “The parents are allowed to exist, just not to be seen unless necessary. Think more Peanuts.”

“I would appreciate you don’t equate my life to a cartoon,” Sunset muttered.

The group filed up the stairs to the living room, which seemed to further hammer in the normalness of Side Track’s family. Based on the pictures hanging on the walls and standing on shelves, the one word that could be used to describe the family was “average”, even when Side Track’s decorative eyepatch began popping up. The teen girl pointed at the main space, which consisted of a couch and a couple of easy chairs.

“Make yourself comfortable,” Side Track said as she closed the window blinds, “and grab chairs from the dining room if you need them. Don’t break, scratch, or otherwise permanently malign anything in this house. If my parents get back and find out I had people over, it’s just gonna make things a lot more awkward.”

“Are they s-still in Fillydelphia?” Witstang asked, sitting on the arm of the couch.

“Yep, still moving grandma’s stuff. They won’t be back for another three days.” Side Track dropped into one of the easy chairs with a sigh. “Which is good, ‘cause I don’t wanna have to explain why the local detective is chasing teachers with a spear.”

Purple Heart moved several chairs into the room for the rest of the group not occupying the other armchairs or couches then promptly sat on the floor and interlaced his fingers with elbows resting on his knees. “So,” he said, “now what? We have a Hydra-controlled Just Duty running around, a Holdfast acting more like the game version than a teacher, a badly hidden ex-villain that still has all his power, and an angsty, butthurt Hydra that wants to recreate the world in its on Caverns and Cutie Marks DLC release. Any ideas? Other than poking you six enough to go all ‘magicky magicky Praise the Sun’ mode?” He eyed the Mane Six thoughtfully.

“Seeing that combat seems to have changed, it looks like our first step might be to get you three leveled,” Twilight said, looking between the three male teens. “I may have had a long weekend where I may or may not have charted out the fastest ways to grind levels and exp for Ogres and Oubliettes as a way to explore statistics and charts and-”

“Anyone have an idea that doesn’t involve math and spreadsheets?” Rainbow asked.

“You realize we’d have to fight a bunch of battles don’t you?” Twilight asked, glaring at the girl.

“Actually you know that doesn’t-”

“How about an idea that won’t take weeks we probably don’t have?” Sunset asked.

“Shouldn’t we ping the Princess?” Wits asked as he took a seat on the other arm of the couch. “Aside from the three of us,” he gestured to his compatriots, “she’s the only one who comes to this world who knows the game rules.”

Sunset shook her head. “As much as I’d like to get some extra firepower, whatever’s blocking us from going through the portal is also blocking the book. All I’m getting is a busy signal.”

“What’s a busy signal look like in a book?” Wits muttered.

“The point,” Sunset said, ignoring the mint-colored teen, “is that whatever we’re gonna do, we’ve gotta do it on our own, and fast.”

Twilight nodded. “Sunset’s right. If we can’t make contact with other worlds, it’s possible that the Hydra is powerful enough to start effecting this world even faster now than it could before. Maybe there’s some sort of cascading power creep, where the more like the game world this world becomes, the more powerful the Hydra becomes...” She trailed off into mumbled theorizing.

“So there’s seven p-people who can fight,” Witstang said, “three p-people who know how to fight, and then…” He gestured to himself, Side Track, and Maud Pie. “I d-don’t want to ask a silly question, but maybe we should… talk to some adults?”

“I’m all for gathering back up, but who?” Light Patch asked.

“Well there’s me for starters,” said a new voice entering the room. The teens all turned to look at the well suited man who’d just entered the room. A small smile was on his face as he stood slightly awkwardly.

“Uncle Coltson?” Side Track asked confused.

“Yeah, you’re parents asked me to check on you while they were away, seeing as I was in the area. Then things got really interesting,” he explained, “and as far as I and some co-workers of mine could tell, it looks like a good portion of it centers on, or stems from, all of you.” He paused at that, gesturing to the two core groups: six girls, and three boys. “So I hate to break up your little resistance meeting, but you’re all gonna have to come with me,” he finished, giving an apologetic smile.

Wits End narrowed his eyebrows at the newcomer and his finely fitted black suit and tie. “What are you?” he asked. “Some sort of Hydra agent?”

This got a chuckle from the man. “Believe me, if you only knew how ironic that was, you would’ve given it a better delivery.” He gestured to the front door. “Now, if you wouldn’t mind.”

“You and what army?” Rainbow Dash asked, glaring at the man. On cue, her questioning prompted several other people in similar suits to enter the room.

“How about that one?” the man replied with a smug smile.

“I’m downgrading your cool uncle status,” Side Track replied as she stood up from where she’d sat.

“I think I can live with that,” he replied. As if as an afterthought, he reached into his coat pocket and retrieved several blindfolds. “Oh, and you’ll need these.”

Comments

[Valiant Knight]

Uncle Coltson, huh?

I’ll bet a fiver his first name is Agent.

[Mix-up]

I wonder of EqG Wits has a twin sister at Crystal Prep, like when Human Wits had the doppelganger, unless he has a transvestite alternate persona?
Nice to see that the get their weapons back, but I wonder how they will use it without going to prison after killing their foes? Also what was Sunselt weapon in this case?
I wonder how the Spider people Queen will make a cameo?