Caverns & Cutie Marks: High School, High Stakes

by TheColtTrio

Chapter 17: The Canterlot House of Villains

“Is this what it’s like for you and the others all of the time?” Spike asked from where he laid on Twilight’s back. “Traveling halfway across Equestria only to learn you have to go to the other half and then come back?”

“Usually the traveling is lighter,” Twilight replied. “More of a go there, save a friendship or the world, then come home and pretend our lives are totally normal.”

“Alright. So why are we back in Canterlot again rather than Ponyville?” Spike asked as he sat up.

“For information on this world's Holdfast. If he really is a noble of any kind, we’ll likely find something about him in the archives.”

“And then confront him?”

“Considering how he was in Discord’s game, I’d rather not run into him without at least the others and maybe a legion of Royal Guard backing us u-” Her sentence was cut short as she ran into the pony who’d just come out of the archives room she’d been about to enter. “Oh! Sorry about that-”

“No harm done,” the pony said, cutting of her apology. He brushed off his snow-white coat and picked up a pair of well-worn reading glasses, tucking them back into a pocket sewn into his cloak as he looked the alicorn over. “Well, it seems that if any apology is owed, it’s by me, Princess.”

Twilight’s mouth moved silently for a moment. Eventually, she was able to force out a reply. “Chancellor Holdfast?”

“Chancellor?” Holdfast chuckled. “Are you offering me a promotion, Princess Twilight? I’m afraid my duties as a Count leave me precious little time to myself as is, so I would have to decline.” He smiled, bowing his head slightly. “Although, I must admit that I’m honored that you’ve heard of me.”

“Hey, Twilight,” Spike said, peering over her shoulder. “Isn’t that the evil guy you were-” He was silenced by a wing being shoved into his open mouth.

Twilight coughed, trying desperately to regain her composure. ‘Relax, Twilight,’ she thought, ‘there’s no guarantee that this Holdfast is evil.’

“Might I ask what business you have at the Archives?” she asked, hoping her tone was sufficiently princessy enough.

“Paperwork, if you can believe that.” Holdfast motioned with one hoof to a couple of retainers that were obviously recovering from carrying a great number of documents. “Even without worrying about the sun and the moon, the overhead to manage Equestria is simply mind-boggling. Do you know what the most commonly magically enchanted item is in our little Princessdom?”

“Weapons?”

“Farming implements. Roughly seven self-tilling hoes per Pony. Simply astounding.” The snow-colored stallion glanced about at the crowd forming around the two ponies, and one gagged baby dragon. “I certainly hope you weren’t attempting to travel unnoticed, Princess, because it seems we’ve caused quite a scene.”

“The longer you spend in the royal castle, the more you learn just how good princesses are at causing them.” Both ponies turned to look at the newest member of the conversation. The old blue grey stallion smiled as he took his helmet off to bow to Twilight. “Your highness, I understand you’re the Princess of Friendship. But perhaps the middle of an important doorway isn’t quite the place to start a new one? Friendship I mean.”

“Isn’t he the other-”

Twilight coughed loudly into a hoof, silencing Spike with a wing again. “You are absolutely right,” she agreed, smiling painfully at the newcomer. “Doors should be doors not walls, mister...”

“Just Duty, Paladin Just Duty,” the newcomer said, putting his helmet back on.
Spike spat out Twilight’s wing and scrambled off her back. Twilight was reeling in surprise while Spike skidded to a stop in front of Just Duty, eyes bright with awe and reverence.

“The Paladins are real?!” he cried, dancing from foot to foot with barely contained excitement. He turned to Twilight, eyes overflowing with tears. “Why didn’t you tell me the Paladins were real?!” Twilight blinked rapidly at her purple and green assistant.

“Dare I ask what the Paladins are?” she sighed, rubbing at her forehead. Spike gasped, slapping a clawed hand to his chest dramatically.

Holdfast frowned at Twilight. “You don’t actually know who the Paladins are?” he asked, surprise evident in his voice. “You’re a princess. Surely you would have at least known of their existence.”

“I feel just a little bit hurt,” Just Duty admitted, mimicking Spike’s gesture by pressing a hoof to his heart. “All the Princesses at least should know of the Paladins.” Twilight winced, rubbing her forehead again.

“I feel an unerring sense of guilt for some reason,” she whispered.

Spike clambered back to his feet and dug in his satchel for a few seconds. He gave a cry of triumph and pulled out a thin paperback book, waving it close to Twilight’s face. “The Paladins of Equestria!” he declared. “Second best-selling series in Equestria after the Adventures of Daring Do! The Paladins take on the challenges that the Royal Guard and Regular Army can’t deal with! For instance, dragon migration, superpowered bandits, or even magical enemies that aren’t enough of a problem for you and everypony else in Ponyville can’t deal with! Their operations are never released to the public though! They’re only whispered about, never truly admitting their existence! They’re the true defenders of Equestria’s public from run of the mill problems! Definitely better than Daring Do ever was!”

Twilight blinked mutely at Spike while the little dragon gasped for breath after his long expletive.

“A true fan of the comics, huh?” Just Duty asked, smiling at the fanatical dragon.

“Of course! I’ve got every issue! I’ve even got the original misprint of Issue Thirty-Two where they put the wrong cover on the comic book!” Spike said, proudly beaming.

“I’d offer to get you a signed copy from all of us, but then we’d have to lock you up for state secrets. So how about this little tidbit instead?” Just Duty asked ,looking around conspiratorially. “Most everything in the comic books is only mostly exaggerated.”

“Quite a clever bit of misdirection,” Holdfast mused. “Hide your organization as a piece of pop culture. If it’s such a secret, should you really be telling us that?”

“Most who read the comic either believe it to be totally fiction, or are aware of the rumors and assume that the comics are exaggerated to an extent. And if you did try to spread this information, most will either call you crazy, or will simply go, ‘well duh’,” Just Duty answered with a small shrug. “The comic is basically the same thing as creating a ‘secret base’ that you spread rumors has all of the alien tech, just so the real location stays secret.”

Spike leapt at Just Duty, grabbing the Paladin by his uniform lapels. “You mean there’s an actual Area 42 somewhere in Equestria?!”

A large smirk spread across. “Of course not, just like how the comics actually get one major fact about the Paladins wrong.”

Spike’s eyes widened with surprise and he leaned closer to the Paladin. “Somepony,” he croaked, “got a major fact about the Paladins wrong?! That’s sacrilege! How dare the creators at Dark Horse comics leave out a critical feature of the Paladins organization’s most secret secrets! What did they leave out?!” Spike was sobbing now, comic book lying at Just Duty’s hooves as if he expected the Paladin representative to fix the problem with the comic series directly.

Just Duty was struggling to force his face to look serious. “They got it wrong because we asked them to get it wrong.” Spike let out a huge gasp as his eyes enlarged to dinner plate proportions as he mouthed ‘no’. “It was to protect ourselves from harm. And I shouldn’t be sharing this with any of you...” His glare was heavily undercut by the mirth twinkling in his eyes. “But it’s that we have non-pony members in the force, and possibly a few changelings.”

Spike’s steady vibrating peaked and he jumped up and down gleefully. “Just like in my fanfiction!” he cried. “I knew that Conspiracy Theory seminar at Ponycon wasn’t a waste of time!” He set about the corridor, dancing with triumph around the ponies. Twilight’s flush of embarrassment decreased to manageable levels and she swallowed thickly.

“I’m sorry for my assistant’s unruly behaviour,” she apologized to Holdfast and Just Duty. “He isn’t usually like this.”

Holdfast waved a forehoof dismissively. “Exuberance is the natural state of youth. Besides, if it wasn’t for him, I wouldn’t have learned so much today.” He turned to Just Duty with a subdued smirk. “It’s good to know that there’s ponies, and others, protecting Equestria along with the Elements of Harmony.”

A warm smile covered Just Duty’s face as he watched Spike not so secretly talk about all of the ponies he was gonna tell. “He’s like the son I never had. Let me know if you ever need a book of dad knowledge, princess.” Just Duty said. “Now though, I must be getting to the training grounds. It was good to meet both of you.” He gave the Twilight and Holdfast a nod and departed silently down the corridor.

“What an interesting stallion,” Holdfast mused. “I wonder how much of what he told us is actually true.” With a sigh, he turned back to Twilight. “I suppose I should be going as well. I hope you’re able to find what you were looking for at the Archives, Princess Twilight.”

The purple alicorn nodded. “Thank you, Mister Holdfast,” she said as the pony left. Once he was out of earshot, she sighed. “I’ve already found what I’m looking for. Only one unaccounted for is Bael. I think it’s time to head back to Canterlot High.” She took two steps away from the archive, stopping when she saw a passed out Spike.

“Well… I guess I’ll peruse the archive while he sleeps,” she mused. “See if anything jumps out at me.”

* * *

Rainbow leaned back in the booth as she, the other girls, and the three boys waited for Princess Twilight to show up with the big news she had. “Is it just me, or does it seem like we just sit here and talk about the problems rather than get out and do things about them?” She asked, interrupting the silence the group had been stewing in together.

“Oh! My! Gosh! We’ve become characters in a sitcom!” Pinkie suddenly shouted.

“What’s the deal with airline food?” Light Patch said. He paused thoughtfully. “Well, if we are, we don’t get to hear the laugh track.” He gave a shrug, returning to his milkshake.

“You gotta say something funny first,” Wits deadpanned, “or have a forced catchphrase.”

Purple Heart swallowed roughly half of his sandvich in one go. “Needs more ba-zing, ah?”

“I will cut out your tongue with one of these plastic spoons.”

Before any actual violence could take place, the purple pony princess turned human barged through the cafe’s double doors and without even looking, took her seat in the booth. “See? She didn’t even have to look for us. She just immediately sat down.”

“She’s got a point there. Maybe we should at least put up a ‘reserved for those saving the world’ sign on this booth,” Light Patch said thoughtfully as he ate a french fry.

“What are you three doing here?” Princess Twilight asked, looking at the three boys.

“They heard there’d be food and after that we couldn’t shake them,” Applejack said with a resigned shrug. “Anyway, what's this world shatterin’ knowledge you found?”

“As we expected, there were versions of the three of them on the other world. And from what Sunset passed along of your own information gathering sessions-”

“Stalking sessions,” Wits End said through fake coughs, Twilight ignored his interruption and continued.

“-They seem to be more similar to the versions of this worlds versions of you three.”

“Pod people,” Light Patch whispered to Pinkie, earning a phantom of a glare from Twilight.

“Purple Heart was a brusk secretive actor living out in the middle of nowhere,” Twilight started, taking a handful of Pinkie’s offered fries. “Him and his daughter-slash-ward.”

Three ponies spat out their drinks in unison. “I had a what?” Purple Heart exclaimed.

“He had a what?” Wits End echoed.

“He had a who?” Rarity added.

Purple Heart shot a glare back at the fashionista. “I expected that kind of thing from Wits, but what are you so shocked about?”

“Well,” she said, “based on what we saw at your alternate self’s house, he didn’t seem like the daughter-slash-warding type.” Rarity poked at her salad with the end of her fork. “Let’s say… He seemed like he’d have an issue with women that existed in more than two dimensions.”

Purple Heart cringed, sucking noisily on his drink. “But his collection was bigger than mine.” Rarity glared at him. “Can we move on?” Purple Heart urged. “I need to not be the hopeless one.”

Twilight sighed. “Wits End was a book critic-”

“Yes!” Wits pumped his fist in the air.

“-Living life secluded and alone with no friends.”

“Oh…”

“And given the fact that he talked smack about Princess Cadence’s favorite book series in a national journal, I get the sense he wasn’t the best at reading the mood either.”

Wits End’s smile twitched. “Right in the teenage memories…”

“And Light Patch...” Twilight said, turning to the grey boy. “Well, I don’t know how to put this…”

“Give it to me straight, Doc,” Light Patch said, gripping the table with both hands. “I can take it.”

“He was famous.”

Light Patch fell to the ground next to the booth, picking himself up onto his knees and holding his hands to the sky. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!”

“And you all call me dramatic,” Rarity scoffed.

“You are dramatic,” Rainbow Dash quipped.

“Which should tell you something when I say that he’s being dramatic.”

Purple Heart poked once at his dropped burger and sighed. “What was he famous for? Did he have a massive Chirp following? Did he discover some superelement? Or was he simply in the right place at the right time to be wrongfully made famous? Like King?”

“That actually leads nicely into my next piece of information,” Twilight said. “He was an engineer who designed something for a noblepony in Canterlot, and got attention for it. Guess who the noblepony was.”

Applejack raised her hand. “Can we skip t’the part where y'all blow our minds with the revelation like we were chicken eggs sittin’ out in the noonday sun in July?”

Wits End blinked, pausing in the middle of a long draw on his milkshake. “Like we were… what?”

Twilight ignored him. “Fine. The noble was Holdfast. Or at least, the Equestria version of him.”

Wits made a sound like a an engine trying to start in three feet of mud as he choked on the milkshake. “Y-you’re kidding, right?” he wheezed. “Holdfast was created by Discord for the game. There’s no way for him to…” He trailed off at the look in Twilight’s eyes, and shook his fist at the heavens. “Discord, you lazy ba-”

“What happened next?” Pinkie asked.

“I went to Canterlot to look up information in the archive about him, only to run into him, literally,” Twilight said with a faint blush of embarrassment. “The two of us ended up talking in a doorway to an archive and accidently caused a minor scene. Which was then broken up by Just Duty, who’s apparently a part of a secret group known as the Paladins.”

“Woooah, the Paladins are real on your world?!” Rainbow cut in as she leaned over the table.

Twilight groaned, rubbing her temples with her fingertips. “Please don’t start on them. I got an hour long lecture on them from Spike before coming back here.” She straightened back up and sighed. “Anyway, neither one of them seem that bad, so I’m pretty sure they’re not the ones we fought in Discord’s game. It’s more likely they’re the alternate versions of the Holdfast and Just Duty in this world.”

“If the Paladins are a secret group in Equestria,” Wits End pondered, “does that mean the Just Duty in this world is an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.?”

“I don’t know what that means, but don’t be ridiculous,” Twilight deadpanned just as a pair of adults in suits behind her shifted.

“Not to seem petulant or anything,” Purple Heart coughed, “but what about Bael?”

“Bael?” questioned Applejack.

“Purple Heart’s villain,” Twilight replied.

Rainbow Dash snorted a laugh. “Are you jealous that your villain doesn’t have a version of himself in Equestria?”

“You did sound rather put out that Twilight didn’t mention him,” Rarity added.

Fluttershy patted Purple Heart’s head gently. “Being envious isn’t a good thing,” the pink-haired girl chided.

“Maybe he’s curious because Bael is dangerous and can throw things outta wack,” Pinkie Pie offered. The group looked at her as she slurped innocently on her drink. “What?”

“You have a bad habit of stealing peoples’ lines,” Purple Heart grumbled, folding his arms over his chest.

“Now he’s petulant,” Sunlight said.

“Jerks.”

“He was also basically the ringleader of the villains,” Light Patch threw out.

“Now that you mention it, there was also his sudden departure from his battle. Holdfast and Just Duty fought till the very end, Just Duty was knocked out and Holdfast was defeated with nothing left to do,” Twilight said, staring at her stolen food in thought. “Bael fought hard but suddenly he just...” She searched for the right words.

“Peaced out?” Sunset offered.

“That's as good as any other way to describe it. We never really saw what happened to him after that,” Twilight finished.

“I should probably put a tinfoil hat on before I say this, but-” Light Patch hesitated before looking at the other three who’d been in the game with him. “-y'all don’t think he got out of the game do you?”

“That...is a terrifying thought,” Twilight said.

“I second that statement,” Purple Heart chimed. “Having something based off my favorite characters dosed with villainous motives running around is not making my day better.”

“It got bad? How?” Sunset ask.

“I dropped my sandvich,” he replied, glaring at Twilight.

“It’s just a sandwich,” Rarity sniffed. “Nothing impressive about it in a gourmet sense.”

Purple Heart’s eyes narrowed. “If this were sushi, I’d be ordering the most expensive roll on the menu and making you pay for it.”

“We aren’t Mexico,” Pinkie drawled, scooping the remnants of Purple Heart’s sandwich onto her own tray.

“Not to interrupt this fascinating discussion of sandviches,” Wits End cut in, “but can we get back to the part where a giant green demon that looks like the worst parts of Tzeentch and Hellboy got thrown in a blender might be roaming the multiverse looking for shenanigan-based revenge? I don’t think he’s gonna be satisfied with becoming King of the Pirates.”

Sunset Shimmer rolled her eyes. “I mean, he’s probably gonna end up being the one who brought you guys here, right? That’s how the dramatic irony this world runs on works.”

“Okay, assuming he did bring us here, and assuming it’s some kind of revenge thing, what can we do to sniff him out first and spoil his plan before we completely fall into it?” Light Patch asked, causing everyone present to lapse into thought.

“Well, it might be a decent idea to keep an eye on the Holdfast and Just Duty of this world,” Applejack said after a few minutes. “You said he was the leader of the villains in the game. So assumin’ he’s interested in gettin’ help in whatever his plan is, those two might have been the first he’d have looked to for help once he’d learned about them.”

“Um, are we even sure he’s after the colts?” Fluttershy asked quietly. “I mean, maybe he did bring them here but, what if it was some kind of accident?”

“Then why hasn’t he stepped forward to throw them back from whence they came?” Pinkie chimed in, bouncing around in her seat to a song only she could hear.

“Maybe he’s afraid they won’t let him stay here and try to force him to go back to Discord,” Fluttershy suggested.

“Or maybe he screwed up and doesn’t even know they’re here,” Rainbow Dash said. “It’s not like you guys have made much of a fuss since coming here.”

“You didn’t see us when we first ended up in that lady’s dance studio,” Wits muttered.

“If it is Bael,” Twilight said, “then it’s more likely he’s got some plan that requires you three to be in this world. Pinkie, did Just Duty say anything when you were distracting him about Holdfast, Bael, or anything else weird?”

“Not really. Other than the fact that he had Old Lady Stern as his elementary teacher. Most of it was him telling me I’m not allowed to help him fight off, mobsters, aliens, zombies, the undead, the re-dead, the mostly dead, vampires, mutants, or kings and their armies from the sixteenth century for fear of wotan damage to the city,” Pinkie replied cheerily. “Oh hay! Speaking of kings, I know where I’m gonna try to host my party like it’s sixteen twenty three party! In the castle out in the suburbs! You can just barely make out the tip of its center tower just between the clothesline and those two roofs there.” She pointed out the window beside their booth.

The teenagers followed the pink haired girl’s finger and saw a tall spire jutting towards the sky.

“Huh,” Sunset hummed. “That’s new.”

“Why is there a castle in the suburbs?” Purple Heart asked. “Did you steal it?”

“She couldn’t have,” Rarity dismissed.

“Whether or not Pinkie had anythin’ to do with it, there’s a castle where there once wasn’t,” Applejack said.

“But it’s been there for a while hasn’t it?” Pinkie asked. looking worried. “Just Duty talked about it like it had been there for a while. He also said he’d met the owners at one of the parties I’d held. I-” she stopped and her hair lost some of it’s curl. “I kind of remember meeting them at the party to,.” she said quietly. “Well, the daughter at least.” Pinkie furrowed her brow, trying to remember. “It’s so foggy, I can barely even remember their faces.”

“That is very odd, dear. Normally your mind is like a steel trap when it comes to parties,” Rarity said, earning a cringe from Fluttershy. “Although, now that you mention it, I kind of remember the party as well. Very faintly thou-” The rest of the fashionista's musing was cut off by an exclamation similar to ‘fudge”. Only he didn’t say ‘fudge’, and Rarity turned to glare at the source. “There is really no need for that sort of language, Light Patch.”
“I remember the party too,” Light Patch muttered, staring at his half emptied tray.

“Very funny,” Purple Heart grumbled. “We’re not from this world, in case you forgot, so we can’t remember any party that took place here before we arrived.”

“I know that, but I can remember that the cake was right over there.” The grey colt pointed at a place on the counter.

“Oh please, you gotta get up a lot earlier to pull the wool over the Dash’s eyes. Pinkie’s parties alway place the cake right over there,” Rainbow Dash shot back, smugly jerking her thumb towards a back wall.

“But not at that party,” Pinkie replied. “I placed the cake on the counter because… I think I wanted it more prominent?”

“Okay, so maybe it was a lucky guess,” Rainbow bit back. “You want me to buy this remembering something you couldn’t have been there for, prove it. What did Pinkie set up over there?” She pointed over to a corner of the store that she knew was usually where the dance floor was.

Light Patch turned to look and his face scrunched up in concentration as he fought to remember through the haze of the memory.

“Drinks table,” Wits said lazily. “She was going to have the dance floor there, but it turns out she could get more room by putting all of the drinks on either side of the room, instead of all in one spot.” He waved a hand at the opposite wall. “The other one was over there.”

“How do you know that?” Fluttershy asked.

Wits stared blankly in front of him for a moment. “I… have no idea. I’m very confused.”

“He’s also right,” Pinkie offered.

“What kind of a game are you all playing?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Is this a prank? Because this party you keep going on about did. Not. Happen.”

Science Twilight held up a hand. “Hang on. I have a hypothesis, but I need to test it.”

“Is it gonna hurt?” Wits asked.

“What is it?” Princess Twilight asked, ignoring Wits entirely.

“Both of us will close our eyes,” SciTwi said, “and point to where we were at the end of the party. Pinkie can count us down.”

Applejack raised an eyebrow. “How’s that supposed ta help?”

“Just trust me on this. Ready?”

Both Twilights nodded, closing their eyes. “One,” Pinkie counted. “Two… Three!” A pair of purple pointer fingers shot out.

Purple Heart blinked. “Why are they both pointing at my rear?”

“Not you,” Sci Twi corrected irritably. “That seat you’re in. I was there talking to Flash Sentry at the end of the party.”

“Which doesn’t work,” Princess Twilight said, “because I was there talking to Flash Sentry. Something, or someone, is messing with our memories.”

“And since we’re both technically the same person,” Science Twilight continued, “both of us are getting the same memories.”

“Wait, wait, wait.” Wits held out a hand. “Are you saying something is retconning our memories, and just did a find-and-replace based on our names?”

“Essentially, yes.”

“Welp, I’m gonna go raid the kitchen and make a tinfoil hat. Anyone else interested while I’m at it?” Light Patch said trying to get outta the booth to stand up.

“I’m not a magic expert, but I don’t think tinfoil hats will help, sorry. But I guess if it makes you feel better...” Fluttershy quietly replied.

“It’ll certainly make you look more like a dork,” Rainbow snickered at the grey teen.

“He does raise a good question though. Just how might we go about not havin’ our memories tampered with?” Applejack asked, looking between Princess Twilight and Sunset.

“I don’t know, magic that messes with memories or minds is generally banned in Equestria.” Princess Twilight said.

“For obvious reasons. But a good place to start would probably be to try and figure out how it transmits itself,” Sunset said, looking between Pinkie and Light Patch. “Which is probably gonna mean we’ll need to try some ideas to infect others.”

“Can we not make it sound like it’s a virus?” Purple Heart asked.

“Spreads then, we’ll need to test how it spreads. Which means... Hands up if you don’t have it yet,” Sunset finished, raising her own hand, followed closely by Purple Heart, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Applejack.

Purple Heart sucked air through his teeth. “This does not bode well for us, if Plague Inc. is any indication. Time to move to Madagascar and shut down all of the ports.”

“Not yet,” Princess Twilight denied. “We don’t know yet is this actually spreads or if it’s just affecting certain people. For now, we should look for the source.”

“Well, we’ve got two leads on that.” Sunset held up two fingers to highlight her point. “Just Duty was the first one to bring up the castle, so he might be patient zero.”

“Again,” Purple Heart interrupted, “not a fan of virus terminology.”

“The other possibility,” Sunset continued, “is the inhabitants of the castle. They might be some sort of extra-dimensional intruders.”

Rainbow Dash coughed. “Yeah, we don’t have enough of those in our town.”

“I’d hate to bring this up, but if it is option one, then who gave this to Just Duty? Could it be Bael? Or could we have some kind of pile up of villains going on behind the scenes?” Light Patch asked, picking idly at the food on his plate.

“You’re right. It was a terrible idea to bring it up,” Rarity agreed with a grimace. “But it is an unfortunately legitimate question. Even if Just Duty is Patient Zero-” she ignored the defeated sigh from Purple Heart. “-I highly doubt it just randomly manifested itself. What the source of this infection is is what we really need to figure out.”

“There’s a third possibility,” Wits said. “What if it’s someone completely unrelated? Some sort of Frozen-esque twist reveal where the villain was hidden in plain sight all along.”

“That’s not gonna happen,” Pinkie chastised. “This isn’t a musical cartoon, buddy. Just let it go.”

“There’s way too many references to unravel in that,” Wits grumbled. “But seriously, the way these things work is that there’s someone introduced in the first act who turns out to be the villain by the end of the second act. We should check on people we interacted with early on to see if they have these same memories.”

“Like who?” Fluttershy asked.

“Who not at this point?” Wits started counting on his fingers. “Shining Armor, Celestia and Luna, the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Purple Hearts shota little brother, Holdfast from Crystal Prep…”

Applejack waited for Wits to keep going. “Well?”

“I ran out of fingers on this hand, and I don’t feel like using the other one. But seriously seriously, we should see how far this thing goes.”

“Is it still funny to make jokes outta us always splitting up, or it is just blanche or whatever the proper fashion term for something no one cares about anymore?” Light Patch asked, finding his hunger again as he attacked the remnants of his meal. “So, who’s going with who to check out who?”

“I believe you were going for blasé daring, ” Rarity replied, addressing Wits End, “and yes it probably is.”

“Well,” Twilight said, “the obvious first match up would be to have Purple Heart investigate the castle.”

Purple Heart raised an eyebrow. “How is that obvious?”

“It’s very simple, Purple,” Light Patch said slowly patting his lips with a napkin before calmly folding it and his hands in his lap. “It’s because, ‘Kiss Kiss Fall In Love’!” He cried with his best singing voice.

Twilight watched the look of confusion make its way across the purple boy’s face. “...Right, you don’t have the rewritten memories.” She sighed and shook her head. “The family that lives in that castle is the Targponyens. Does that clear things up a bit?”

The large teen frowned, blinking rapidly. “Nooooooo… Should it?”

“It should,” Twilight said. “The Targponyens include people like Bastion. And Boomer. And Amber. Should I draw you a map at this point? Or can you put it together now?”

“I think you should draw him a relationship diagram,” Wits said around a straw. “It’s been a while, after all.”

Purple Heart choked on air. “What?!” he gasped. “You mean she- they’re here?! In this city?! Right now?!”

“No, they’ll be here in three weeks,” Twilight deadpanned. “Just Duty and Holdfast are here. Is it that hard to believe others from that game would have alternates here?”

Applejack looked between Twilight and Purple Heart. “Ah take it we’re missin’ somethin’ here. y'all owe them money or somethin’?”

“More like an apology,” Wits mused. “And maybe a ring.”

“NOPE! I REFUSE!” Purple Heart made two steps away from the table but found himself face first on the ground with a worried Fluttershy sitting square on his back. The pink haired teen scrambled to her feet, crouching down to check the prone boy.

“I’m sooooo sorry, Purple Heart!” she cried. “I didn’t mean to do that! But the situation called for it!”

“You, didn’t mean to do it and yet did it anyway,.” Light Patch said holding his head. “Nice tackle though. It was like watching a tiger pounce or something.”

“A magnificent pounce, and the Fluttershy has caught her prey.” Wits put on his best posh British accent. “She, and her young, will eat well tonight.”

“So you owe the Targponyens something,” Rarity drawled, peering down her nose at Purple Heart. “What, pray tell, do you owe them?”

“Depending on the crime, 10 years to life,” Princess Twilight replied. Purple Heart rolled his face to the side and glared at the royal Twilight.

“Minimum of 10 years? Do you have that little faith in me?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“...Roight.” He rolled onto his back and sat up, crossing his legs. “But tell me this: do you know if these versions of the Targponyens are the ones we met in the game? Or are they just returning from a year-long cruise around the pacific rim fighting monsters in their mech suits?”

Twilight blinked. “What?”

“Are they this world’s versions or were they brought from the game?” Sci Twi clarified.

Purple Heart pouted. “Massive kaiju fighting mechs are a no then.”

“Oh for the love of-” Wits End’s forehead impacted the table, rattling the assorted cutlery. “I’ll go check out the castle. There’s only so long I can take trying to get the bruise to go talk to his ex.”

Rarity’s head whipped towards Purple Heart. “You were dating someone who owns a castle? And you let them go?”

Purple Heart just stared at the fashionista. “Maybe the small fact that she was an NPC in a fake world?”

“Not so fake anymore,” Rainbow Dash pointed out.

Purple Heart sneered. “So what, I should go talk to a girl who may not even be remotely the same as another I met on another world? Bloody likely.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want to settle for a rich girl when he could have had a queen?” Pinkie suggested.

Purple Heart just stared at the pink haired girl.

“Okay, as much as I enjoy dog piling on Purple Heart, there is a limit before blood is shed. So in the interest of not being thrown out, Purple Heart can go check check on Just Duty and someone else checks the Tarponyians or whatever their name is.” Light Patch decided, trying to head off the fight he was afraid might have been coming.

“Huh. I’d have figured you’d have wanted to be on the team investigating Just Duty,” Twilight said, “considering you were basically friends with him.”

“In the game world, yes, Here, we’re acquaintances and he’s familiar with Local Patch, not me. The fewer chances I have to mess up and reveal I’m not the droid he’s looking for, the better off we probably are,” the grey teen countered.

“I’ll follow up with Just Duty then,” Purple Heart agreed.

“You just don’t want to interact with your ex,” Applejack snorted.

“Ding.” He rolled to his feet and dusted off his shorts. “We have a winner.”

“You also don’t want to take to her on the off chance she is actually the version from the game,” Pinkie added.

“If I had a button, I’d press it to give you mystery biscuits,” Purple Heart sighed.

“Alright,” Wits End cut in, “the meme is dead, folks. It’s no fun going after a target that won’t fight back.” He sat back up, rubbing the red mark where his head hit the table. “Purple Heart’ll get himself inserted into the Light Duty OT3, Light Patch can round up the usual suspects, and I’ll finally get a chance at a second-hand waifu.”

Princess Twilight raised an eyebrow at the mint-colored teen. “You’re still on about that?”

“I am, actually. Thanks for reminding me.” Wits leveled a finger at the two other boys. “These two had girls hanging off of them like saddlebags during the entire adventure, and I got stuck with a former villain and her emotionally stunted sister. If I’m gonna be stuck in a high school comedy, I at least want it to be a romantic comedy.”

“What does that even mean?”

“I’m breaking every gosh darn vase I find in that castle until someone pressgangs me into a gosh darn reverse host club.”

“Okay, ignoring you again.” Twilight turned to the rest of the group. “It’ll probably be less suspicious if we go in groups and say it’s a school project or something. Who wants to herd each of them?”

“Well obviously you should go with Wits,” Rainbow Dash said.

“How is THAT obvious?” Twilight asked, echoing the other purple teen’s previous question.

“Oh yeah, because Roads Crossed was such a well done example of their team ups,” Light Patch said before freezing. “...was that out loud?” He looked at Princess Twilight and Wits End and their glares. “That was out loud,” he confirmed, trying to lean away from them both.

Rainbow Dash stared at Light Patch for a moment. “I don’t know what that means, but based on that reaction from them, that sounds like a good argument.” She turned back to Twilight. “I was thinking more about how after your crush thing with Flash, you’d technically count as a second-ha-”

“Don’t.” Princess Twilight leveled a glare at the rainbow-haired girl. “Don’t even go there. Don’t even suggest it.”

“In any case!” Purple Heart shouted. “Wits is going to the Targponyen Estate, I am going to chat with Just Duty, and Light is running around talking to anyone who deserves talking to. Anything else? Who wants to go with whom?”

“I want to talk to the girl in the castle!” Rarity demanded.

“...It's not a castle.”

“It matters not!”

“...Fine. Rarity is going with Wits. Anyone else?”
“If I’m getting the catch all, then I demand Pinkie and her limitless fountain of energy. And we have a debate to finish,” Light Patch chimed in. “Also, I’m assuming that Holdfast is on my list of others worth talking to so I guess that mea-”

“I’m going with you,” Rainbow Dash interrupted.

“You do realize that there probably won’t be a whole lot of drama or shouting right?” Light Patch replied, looking at the athlete skeptically.

“Yeah, but you're also going to Crystal Prep and I’m curious about how some of their sports teams are doing right now. With everything that’s been going on, I’m a little out of my normal newsloop,” she replied.

“I’ve only been in town a while, but I know a few people who might be a good measure of just how far the whole memory thing has spread,” Sunset offered.

Science Twilight, who had been writing something on a napkin, spoke up. “Actually, I think you and Fluttershy should stay behind.”

“What?” Sunset turned back towards her. “Do you think we’ll get in the way?”

“Actually, it’s a matter of logistics.” Science Twilight held up the napkin, which had 10 sets of schedules written over it. “With the exception of my princess counterpart, we all still have school tomorrow. Between you and Fluttershy, you cover most of the classes the rest of us would be missing by investigating.”

“Oh…” Sunset thought for a moment. “Wait, you have all of our class schedules memorized?”

“Don’t be silly.” Twilight held up her phone. “I have them on my calendar.”

“Even the boys?”

“I have a great deal of information available at my fingertips.”

“That bit of terrifying ‘Big Sister’-ness aside,” Applejack cut in, “Ah guess that means you and me’ll be goin’ with Purple Heart?”

Twilight nodded. “The three of us haven’t interacted with Just Duty yet, so it won’t seem too suspicious if we ask him for help with the assignment Pinkie told him about.”

“Ah suppose…”

“By the way if he asks, Containment Failure has switched majors to art,” Science Twilight quickly threw out.

“Do I want to know what his major originally was?” Rarity cautiously asked for the rest of the group.

“No,” Science Twilight and Light Patch answered at the same time.

“Right,” the fashionista lamely finished.

“So we’re all set then, yeh? Nothing else that needs discussing?” Purple Heart inquired.

“Has everyone done their homework?” Fluttershy asked softly. The entire group froze.

“Oops,” Applejack hummed.

“Darnit,” Sunset cursed.

“Whoopsie! We’re in trouble!” chirped Pinkie.

“Curses!” Rarity cried.

“My experiments!” Sci Twi groaned.

“And I have practice today!” Rainbow whined.

“Fudge bollocks!” Purple Heart moaned.

“Oh carp I knew I was forgetting to finish something,” Light Patch said, dropping his head into his hands

“Wait, that’s a thing?” Wits asked with a blank stare.

“Aw dammit,” Twilight swore. All eyes focused on the royal Twilight. She blinked confusedly around the table. “What?”

“I think you’ve been hanging around us too much,” Purple Heart mused.

“Hey, I’m not that bad,” Light Patch muttered. “If anything, it sounds more like something you’d have said.” He poked Purple Heart in the chest.

Wits made a tsking noise. “I don’t sound like that, damnit.”

Comments

[Mix-up]

Are you just following my previous comments I did on this?

[TheColtTrio]

9462250
Nope. You're just good at guessing. [PH]

[bluemoon1996]

“Not to interrupt this fascinating discussion of sandviches,” Wits End cut in, “but can we get back to the part where a giant green demon that looks like the worst parts of Tzeentch and Hellboy got thrown in a blender might be roaming the multiverse looking for shenanigan-based revenge? I don’t think he’s gonna be satisfied with becoming King of the Pirates.”

Well least it isn't Slaneesh