A Fancy Duel
“I must say, Luna, I am very grateful for Twinkle’s intervention.”
Princess Celestia sat on the dais beside her sister, watching the young ponies celebrate Jewel’s release. Zany had conjured a platter of cupcakes and a party cannon that looked suspiciously a lot like Pinkie Pie's. The four were taking turns firing it.
“I almost let that horrid stallion take Jewel away.” The princess of the sun shook her head in disgust. “I just assumed the contract was legal. It was stupid of me not to question it.”
Luna laid a comforting wing over her sister’s back.
“It was an honest mistake, Sister,” she murmured. “And one, I’m sure, you will never make again. Do not worry yourself about what might have been. Just be glad that all is well.”
“You’re right,” Celestia conceded, nuzzling her sister’s cheek. “Thank you, Luna.”
“You are welcome,” the dark alicorn replied. She watched the little white unicorn take her turn at the cannon and frowned. “Still, I believe the stallion should have been made to pay a penalty, especially after the terrible way he treated the poor child.”
“I agree,” Celestia nodded. “And if he had not willingly surrendered like he did, I certainly would have penalized him. Unfortunately, we lack the proof to proceed any further. For now, I will leave it to Jewel and her family to decide what to do.”
“Very well,” Luna grumbled. She hated seeing justice only half served. “But, you may be sure that I will share any information I have with her fam—"
BOOM!
The Royal Sisters shrieked and hugged each other as an explosion rocked the throne room. The Royal Guards ran in, spears at the ready, to defend their princesses. A crystal chandelier rattled and tinkled overhead as confetti and streamers rained down on everything. Zany stood next to the cannon, his face covered in soot.
“Oops! Too much powder in that one.”
“We’re all right, thank you,” Celestia called to the guards. “You may return to your posts.” She turned to Zany reproachfully. “I believe it would be safer if you moved your celebration to the garden.”
“Of course, Princess,” replied Zany, giving her an exaggerated bow. “Come on, everypony! Let’s get outta here and see what this puppy can really do!”
The princesses helped themselves to the cupcakes as the four ponies filed out with the party cannon. Luna shook her head.
“Think we should alert the guards?” she asked.
“It would be best,” Celestia agreed. She bit into a cupcake with vanilla icing and purple sprinkles. “I’d hate for them to declare another state of emergency. Mmmm! This is good cake!”
“Okay, Applespike, let ‘er rip!”
The dragon-pony pulled the cannon’s trigger.
BOOM! They all watched in awe as a glittery ball flew into the air and exploded like a supernova. The glitter sparked and crackled like tiny colored fireworks while apple scented confetti and balloons snowed down on the revelers.
“Yeehaw!” Applespike cheered. He swept Jewel up in his arms and spun her around before planting a big kiss on her lips. The little unicorn giggled in delight. It felt so good to be free! Not having to worry about what anypony thought. Not having to hide her feelings. Not having to hide her love. She slipped a hoof around Applespike’s neck and brought him in for a softer, more intimate kiss. The dragon-pony sighed as he melted into it.
“I love you, Applespike,” she breathed as they parted for breath.
“And I love you, Jewel,” he whispered.
Zany watched them, a stab of envy pricking his heart. He did not begrudge Applespike having Jewel’s love. He had never loved her that way. But he did envy their happiness. When would it be his turn? Who would ever give him, the Crown Prince of Chaos, a chance at love?
A soft sigh caught his attention. Turning, he saw Twinkle watching the couple with a soft, far-away look. Her eyes were lidded and a sweet smile played on her lips as her hoof softly, slowly stroked the fur on her chest. Zany stared. Twinkle had never looked so vulnerable. So... alluring.
Twinkle slowly looked away, her face hardening when she noticed Zany watching her.
“So, is it my turn to fire this thing?” she asked, brusquely.
“Yeah,” replied Zany, frowning at her rudeness. “Just give me a minute to conjure up some more ammo.”
“Cinnamon scented confetti, if you got it,” said Twinkle. “With lots of sparkles.”
“Right. Lots of spiders coming right up!”
“WHAT?” The little alicorn cried, giving him a shove. “I said sparkles and you know it! Don’t you even pretend to misunderstand—AAAAH!”
A vicious gray-green beam of magic struck Twinkle, knocking her to the ground. The little alicorn groaned as a sickening dizziness filled her head. Zany lay next to her, his eyes squeezed shut, his mouth opened slackly as he whimpered in pain.
“Two birds with one stone. How convenient!”
Twinkle weakly rolled her head to see Goodnight standing over them, a fierce grin lighting his face. He lifted his hoof and for a frightened moment, she thought he was going to bring it down on her. However, he was only stepping over them. He had another target in mind.
Jewel screamed and Applespike shouted.
“Get behind me!”
The dragon-pony took a deep breath and let loose a sheet of green flame. Goodnight didn’t even pause as he erected a heat resistant shield. Applespike charged, then spun around to deliver a debilitating buck to the enemy.
“Oh, no you don’t!”
Applespike’s eyes bugged out as the unicorn’s magic grabbed him and tossed him high in the air. The dragon-pony flailed as his body plummeted back to earth, landing in a freshly tilled and fertilized rose bed.
“Manure pile,” he croaked. “Ugh! Literally.”
“APPLESPIKE!” Jewel screamed, running to help him. Goodnight fired his Tatzlworm spell, striking her in the side. The little filly cried out as she collapsed weakly to the ground. Her body shivered. She felt cold, painfully cold, and her stomach churned sickeningly.
“Aw! Is the precious, little filly feeling ill?” Goodnight taunted. Jewel whimpered as he lifted her up, holding her upside down with all four hooves in the air.
“I have been thinking, my dear,” he continued. “And I believe I have made a grave miscalculation in how to get my revenge on your pathetic friends.” The black unicorn circled her prone body like a predator preparing to strike. “You see, I was trying to inflict pain on THEM. But, after seeing how much they care for you…how much you mean to them…”
Jewel squeaked in fear as a blazing orange ball of flame appeared directly above her. Goodnight chuckled darkly. “I believe I have come up with a much more effective method of punishment.”
“N-n-no!” cried Zany and Twinkle, desperately trying to rise, only to fall back weakly. Applespike staggered to his feet but the fall had knocked the breath out of him. The stallion laughed at their helplessness and brought the flame closer to Jewel’s defenseless hooves.
ZAP!
The young ponies stared in shock as a blast of light-yellow magic slammed into Goodnight, knocking him backwards. Jewel landed on the ground with a whimpering groan.
“I do believe I told you once that no pony marehandles my daughter!”
Jewel turned her head in the direction of the voice.
“DADDY!”
Fancy Pants strode regally into the garden, his aristocratic face hard as stone. He was followed closely by Rarity and Gemstone. Rarity stared wide-eyed at her husband.
“My goodness, Fancy…” she gasped.
“Jewel!” Gemstone brushed past her mother to kneel at her sister’s side. “Oh, Jewel, darling! Are you all right?”
Jewel smiled weakly. “I am now.”
“Well, T.C.I.F!” cried Zany, drunkenly waving his hoof. “Thank Celestia It’s Fancy!”
“Good Heavens!” cried Rarity, noticing them for the first time. “You poor darlings! Here, let me make you more comfortable.” She pulled a blanket from her saddlebag and tucked it still folded under Zany and Twinkle’s heads. “There, just lay still until you feel better. We shall take care of matters here.”
Meanwhile, Fancy Pants strode up to the where the black unicorn lay. His blue eyes, so jolly and kind, were now cold and piercing.
“Get up!” he snapped, as if he were ordering a dog.
Goodnight glared back, but slowly rose to his feet. The enormous stallion towered over Fancy Pants, the aristocratic pony’s horn barely reached his jaw. The white unicorn was unimpressed.
“I distrusted you the moment I met you,” he said coldly. “You were rude and very unkind. But, I never thought even you would stoop so low as to hurt a defenseless filly!”
“Defenseless?” Goodnight snorted. “I still have a knot on the back of my head where that little hussy hit me with a frying pan! Perhaps, if her mother were a proper lady instead of…”
“ENOUGH!” Fancy bellowed. All heads turned as the urbane unicorn jabbed a hoof at the offending stallion. “I challenge!”
Goodnight looked surprised then grinned. “I accept.”
“W-what are they doing?” asked Gemstone, gathering Jewel closer to her.
Twinkle craned her neck to look at the posturing stallions.
“Oh, my gosh!” she gasped. “I can’t believe it! Uncle Fancy just challenged that jerk to a duel!”
“What?” Zany crawled over the little alicorn to see what was going on. “Has Uncle Fancy flipped his lid? Now, that is the definition of loco parentis!”
Applespike cautiously approached Fancy Pants.
“S-Sir?”
“Stay back, my boy,” said Fancy Pants, not taking his eyes off his enemy for a second. “This is just between us. You cannot interfere.”
“But, I needed to warn you. He’s got a spell that makes magic users sick and…”
“Thank you for the warning. Now, please step back.”
Applespike opened his mouth to protest, but the determined look on Fancy’s face kept him silent. It wasn’t fair! Goodnight was bigger and so much stronger! But, this was his uncle’s fight. Reluctantly, he backed away and joined the others.
Slowly, the two stallions walked in a counter clockwise circle, neither taking their eyes off the other. Gradually, the circle increased in size, until they were at least ten paces apart. Goodnight shook his silver mane and pawed the ground eagerly. Fancy Pants did not move but remained focused on his opponent.
Twinkle grunted as Zany leaned into her side.
“Shouldn’t someone say ‘Go’?” he whispered.
“No,” replied Twinkle, giving the draconequess a nudge in the ribs. “One of them has to make the first move, then…”
Goodnight struck first, a golden beam aimed at disabling Fancy’s horn. The white unicorn quickly dodged and shot a spell at the enemy’s unprotected legs. The dark stallion blocked with a shield. He fired another spell and vine-like tentacles erupted from the ground to wrap around Fancy’s ankles. Fancy Pants did not struggle but magicked a thorny rosebush to smack Goodnight on the flank. The dark unicorn bit his lip to keep from yelping in pain. He incinerated the thorny bushes with a fire spell then turned to Fancy, who had managed to escape the vines.
“Playtime’s over, runt!” Goodnight snorted. His horn glowed and a wave of scorching golden fire descended on Fancy Pants.
“Great Celestia!” cried Rarity, burying her face in her hooves.
Fancy simply lit his horn. A geyser of water shot from the ground, turning the fiery tsunami into steam. The dapper unicorn calmly cleaned the moisture from his monocle.
“Is that the best you can do, old chap?” he asked.
Snarling, Goodnight fired another disabling spell which Fancy Pants again dodged. The white stallion parried with a boxing spell that delivered a solid upper cut to Goodnight’s chin. The dark stallion shook off the blow then retaliated with a vicious swinging punch. Fancy blocked but grunted at the force of the blow. Goodnight continued to pummel him with blasts of magic, keeping the smaller unicorn on the defensive.
“Using brute strength,” Twinkle harrumphed in disgust. “How gauche.”
“Well, it seems to be working for him,” snapped Zany in frustration. “Man, I wish I had my magic!”
Twinkle shook her head. “You can’t interfere, Zany. Uncle Fancy won’t thank you if you do. Besides,” she added, studying their uncle. “I wouldn’t count him out just yet. Look!”
Despite the magical barrage, Fancy Pants had not lost his focus. When Goodnight paused for a moment, the white unicorn made his move. The dark stallion grunted in surprise as a light-yellow blast of magic struck him in the chest, flipping him onto his back. He laid there for a moment, catching his breath. Fancy Pants, politely waited for him to recover.
“Oh, why does Daddy have to be such a gentlecolt?” fretted Jewel. “That brute wouldn’t have done the same for him.”
As if to prove the point, Goodnight tossed his horn, slinging pebbles into Fancy’s face. The regal pony just barely managed to block in time.
“I think that’s the point,” said Applespike, his respect for the former Canterlot socialite growing by the moment. “He’s too good a stallion to stoop that low.”
Goodnight blasted another spell, trying to hit his opponent in the chest. Fancy blocked but stumbled slightly under the violent assault. Sensing weakness, the big stallion struck again. The white unicorn grunted, digging in his heels as the impact pushed him back. Another violent blast struck home and Fancy staggered, his shield weakening. One more blow. The dapper unicorn cried out as the blast struck his shield, shattering it like glass.
“No!” cried Rarity.
Goodnight laughed in triumph. He rose up on his hind legs, towering over the aristocratic stallion as his horn lit up with a gray-green aura. Fancy Pants raised his head... and smirked.
BOOM!
Goodnight whinnied in shock as a thundering wall of sound struck his body with the force of a wrecking ball. It sent the dark unicorn flying, tumbling end over end until slamming him into the garden wall. For moment he stuck there, splayed out like a bug on a windshield, then he peeled off, face-planting into the grass. A trio of blue birds circled and tweeted around his head.
“Where did those birds come from?” asked Gemstone.
Zany shrugged. “I thought it would be a nice touch.”
Fancy Pants smoothed back his hair and primly adjusted his waistcoat before trotting back to the group. He looked tenderly down at Jewel who was staring at him with diamond tears in her eyes.
“Are you all right, my dear?” he asked.
Jewel threw her arms around his neck and sobbed happily.
“Oh, Daddy!” she whispered.
“You were wonderful, Daddy!” praised Gemstone.
“Thank you, my dear.”
“Good job, sir,” said Applespike. “Good job.”
“I second that!” cried Twinkle.
“I third it!” Zany added.
“Thank you, all,” replied Fancy Pants smiling demurely. He looked to his wife and noticed the fashionista staring at him with wide eyes. A blush spread across his muzzle.
“I am sorry you had to witness that, my dear,” he apologized. “But, this was a grave affront and had to be address—MMPH!”
His words were lost as Rarity wrapped her arms around his neck and hungrily pressed her lips to his. Fancy’s eyes dilated in surprise, then slowly closed as he eagerly returned the kiss. The youngsters stared at the couple in surprise.
“Have you ever seen them kiss like that?” Jewel whispered to her sister.
“Never,” Gemstone whispered back, her cheeks turning red. “But, I’m glad that they are.”
“—and since the cows refused to leave the tracks, we had no choice but to abandon the train and make our way on hoof.”
“Fortunately, a cart happened to be passing on its way to Canterlot and the driver asked us if we needed a ride. Once we explained our predicament, he brought us here posthaste and dropped us off at the palace gates.”
“A wonderful chap,” said Fancy Pants. “A miller, I believe. Refused any payment. He just said he was happy to help.”
“Then, the guards told us you were in the garden with a party cannon…and, well, you know the rest,” said Rarity as she softly nuzzled her little daughter.
The unicorn family stood in the grand foyer of the palace, waiting for their ride home. Princess Celestia had generously offered to have them flown back to Ponyville in her own personal chariot. Applespike was going with them but Zany opted to stay and, in his own words, “help clean up”. Twinkle promised to make sure he did.
“I’m so glad you came when you did,” said the little alicorn. “That Goodnight had us all in a bad way.” She shuddered at the memory. “I hope I never get struck with a spell like that again.”
“I do not believe he will be casting any more spells where he’s going,” replied Fancy Pants with an uncharacteristic smirk. After the duel, the Royal Guards had come and taken Goodnight away to the dungeon. Applespike, remembering the dark unicorn’s threat at the Gala, couldn’t help but smile.
I sure hope he likes his hay and water, he thought.
“Where did you learn to fight like that, Uncle Fancy?” asked Zany.
“Well, I was a member of the dueling team in school,” the unicorn stallion replied demurely. “We weren’t permitted to use such violent spells during competition, though some of us did practice them in secret.”
“Too bad Ponyville doesn’t have a dueling team,” mused Zany. A wicked grin scrawled across his face as he imagined the spells he could use on unwitting opponents. “That would be fun.”
“Until they made you follow the rules,” Twinkle snorted. “You’ve never liked any organized sport.”
“I still say hockey sticks and croquet mallets bring something to Buck Ball,” muttered Zany.
Meanwhile, Applespike was glancing at Fancy Pants, steeling himself for what he knew he had to do. Slowly, he stepped up to the urbane stallion and nervously cleared his throat. Fancy Pants looked down at him curiously.
“Yes, my boy?” he asked kindly.
Applespike nervously licked his lips. “Sir…I…I just want to ask you--” His voice faltered. He cleared his throat and tried again. “I want to ask you, sir… if I may, please... date Jewel?”
“W-what?” asked Fancy Pants with an incredulous laugh.
“I am in love with Jewel!” Applespike blurted. “She is the most wonderful filly I have ever known and I would do anything for her! I know I ain’t a well-to-do gentlecolt, sir, but I love her and that should matter more than all the bits in—”
“Applespike, please!” Fancy Pants interrupted, holding up a hoof. “I understand what you are trying to say. I am just surprised that you thought you had to ask!”
Applespike stood in stunned silence as the stallion placed a kindly hoof on his shoulder. “I would be more than happy to give you permission to court my daughter. If she is willing, that is.”
“I am,” said Jewel, blushing happily. “Perhaps, we could go up to the hill with the lone apple tree and watch the stars.”
“Bring the blanket and I’ll bring the refreshments,” replied Applespike, a blush crossing his own muzzle. “Apple dumplings and plenty of cold, sweet milk.”
Further discussion ended as a large Pegasus guard entered the foyer and announced that the chariot was ready. Rarity, Gemstone, and Jewel all kissed Twinkle and Zany ‘Good-bye’ while Fancy Pants gave them each a grateful, heartfelt hug. They watched as the unicorn family plus Applespike disappeared through the enormous arched doorway that led to the chariot yard.
“Well, that’s the end of another whirlwind adventure,” Zany sighed deeply as the heavy door closed behind them. “I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the end of the Chaotic Three.”
“They’re still your best friends, Zany,” said Twinkle comfortingly. “You three might not pal around like you once did, but I know they’d never desert you.”
Zany shrugged. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. After all, your moms didn’t stop being friends with my mom just because she married the Lord of Chaos.”
Twinkle raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “So, what are you saying? You think those two are gonna get married some day?”
“Hey, I ship it!”
Twinkle looked at him strangely, then decided to change the subject.
“I guess we better get started cleaning up,” she said. “It shouldn’t take long to tidy up the throne room and the garden.”
“And your tower,” Zany added.
“And my t—WHAT?”
“Yeah,” said Zany, airily waving a hoof. “We kinda made an eensy, teensy mess in the tower when we escaped and…”
“ZANY DRACONEQUESS! WHAT IN CELESTIA’S NAME DID YOU DO TO MY LOFT?”
“Wow!” Zany muttered, waggling a hoof in his ear. “You’ve certainly got the Canterlot Voice down pat. Now, if you could make it thunder and lightning—”
“Oh, for crying out loud!” cried Twinkle in exasperation. She teleported them both to her tower loft.
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