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Chapter 3

You turn to see who called out to you. Some sort of quadruped… blue with a black mane and tail and also facial hair, pointed horn on its forehead, and also wings. It appears to be some sort of… small horse of some—

“Oh my God, just say pony!”

You gasp. “You can talk?!”

“I spoke to you like two seconds ago, nimrod!” the blue ‘pony’ says irately.

“Oh… right… You can read my mind?!” You are in shock. What is this strange creature? Had it brought you here? Will you ever see home again?

Please stop asking questions!”

“I only asked one!”

“Then you thought of three more.”

“So you can read my mind!” you accuse.

“Well, sort of… More I’m completely omniscient and omnipotent in this world.”

“So you’re… God?”

Uh… Kind of? I mean… That’s a little tricky to define given that this world already existed and I’m basically just adding to it.”

“Yeah, I don’t actually care,” you quip, your good ol’ honey badger instincts kicking in.

The pony’s face twitches in irritation. “Then why even ask?!”

“So, what is this world?”

“What?! Don’t pretend you don’t know!”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You wouldn’t be here unless you knew about Equestria?”

“E-QUEST-ria? Never heard of—”

“Stop lying… Pretending about not knowing about My Little Pony is not going to make you cool, especially with you looking like that. Come on, spill it. Who’s your favorite pony?”

“… Sunset Shimmer…” you mutter.

“Huh, me too… Wait a minute… Are you hoping to come here, have some sort of weird, convoluted adventure, and eventually win her heart?!”

“Well… I am now.”

“Well, you can’t have her! She’s mine… Also, the Dazzlings while I’m at it.”

You roll your eyes. “Why not just claim all the mane six while you’re at it?”

The other pony shakes his head. “No way. At the very least Dan would kill me if I claimed Pinkie Pie as my own.”

“Who the fuck is Dan?!”

The pony narrows his eyes with clear, killing intent. “That’s it. I’m doing everypony a favor and murdering the heck out of you.”

“So it’s a fight you want?!”

“I just… I literally just said I was going to murder you…”

“FINE! Winner becomes the new ruler of this strange horse land.”

“I don’t see how you could possibly manage that with just the powers of a honey badger—”

“I’M COVERED IN FUCKING BEES!”

The pony rolls his eyes. “Right, sure… whatever… Winner take all.”