The Most Beautiful Creature to Ever Sear Your Eyeballs
Chapter 5
The creature above is unlike anything you’ve seen before. Anything you’ve dreamed before. It is more radiant and beautiful than you could possibly imagine. You’d don’t even think your thoughts describing what she looks like would do this being of ephemeral beauty justice so you just think really hard about the hyperlink you want to post and also a picture of her.
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-~-ooo-~-
-~-ooo-~-
-~-ooooooo-~-
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It is so beautiful you can’t help but suffer a severe seizure that has your entire body thrashing despite its severed spine.
The blue pony looks up in surprise and the most eye-twitchiest awe you’ve ever seen. “Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants?!” he cries.
“Yes, Justice,” Princess Changeling Rainbow Magic Pants says in her soothing and alluring voice. “You have fought well.”
“… No?” ‘Justice’ answers quizzically, but also villianically. "I mean… I just wrote in that I had an extremely OP weapon and claimed victory.”
“Nevertheless, your prize awaits,” Magic Changeling Rai—
“For goddsake, sir-and-or-madam, just think of her as ‘Magic Pants’!”
Magic Pants says in her delightfully musical—
‘BAM!’
“OW!” you exclaim from the fresh kick to your head.
“Alright, stop thinking, I need to find out why Magic Pants is here.”
“I am your prize, Justice!” Magic Pants announces… gracefully.
“Stop it,” Justice growls out as he looks down at you. He looks back up at Magic Pant’s radiant splen--
‘PAFT’
“OUCH!”
He looks back up at Magic Pants. “… Wat? I thought the prize was Sunset Shimmer.”
“No, for you said that ‘winner take all’, and I am quite literally ‘all’ conveniently in the form of a single being, near perfect except for my one tragic flaw.”
“Not going to ask…” Justice replies.
“For you see, I care too much!”
Justice takes a deep breath then lets it out.
“Now! We must away to my magic land of stars and magic and also World of Warcraft crossovers!” Magic Pants says.
“… Yeah…” Justice replies. “I’m going to take a hard ‘no’ on tha—”
With a delightfully majestic and magical sneeze, Magic Pants lets loose a spray of what could only be the most powerful and mystic phlegm in all of creation. This phlegm immediately tears open a hole in space-time that begins to draw in both Magic Pants and Justice.
“AWAY!” Magic Pants cries majestically.
“Oh God, why did I write the ending like this?!” Justice cries far less majestically as he feebly digs his hooves into the ground before he is taken into Magic Pants whimsical and mysterious hole.
With Magic Pants gone, you stop your joyous seizure of joyousness. You try to ponder the last few minutes but find you are still quite unable to give any fucks. Still, you can’t help but wonder what the future will bri—
“Twilight?!” a feminine voice calls out. “I checked out that weird portal that surprisingly neither you nor I am responsible for and I found this weird creature that also surprisingly neither you nor I am responsible for.”
A purple pony face with a horn protruding from its forehead pops up over you. This pony has a purple mane with a single, light blue stripe in it and she’s staring down at you as if wondering what to do with you.
If you could give any fucks, you would hope that she decides ‘nurse you back to health and also cuddles’.
“Just get rid of it!” the voice you recognize as ‘Twilight’s’ calls out.
“Okay!” the purple pony says.
The last thing you see is the back of a shovel coming directly for your face.
The End
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...the fuck did I just read?
Seriously. The fuck I just read?
7859073
I decided to take the huge list of tags as a personal challenge. I dare say I'm "winning".
7859077
Wait, do you mean to write at least one story that covers every existent tag?
...In alphabetical order?...
7859090
Well, maybe I'm not THAT ambitious, but this at least rounds out the story tags for me.
NOW ON TO THE CHARACTER TAGS!
i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/964/358/cab.png
Were you waiting for the new tags to go up before you posted this? Or did you just see the tags and think "fuck it, let's do a thing"
Either way, I chuckled
7859126
The latter. I honestly had no idea the new tags were going to hit.
Lol! Got your 2nd person and Anthro tags out of the way eh, bud?
7859186
You know it.
AND I got to use both the "Anon" and "Self Insert" character tags!
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/9/27/108075__safe_rainbow+dash_photo_dashface_navy_mission+accomplished.jpg
After reading this, I have to say. I have many regrets.
But yet, I'm still laughing.
Nope.
It is possible to write palatable Anon, self-insert, Displaced, Mary Sue and a half-dozen other deplorable fanfic things. Rare as hen's teeth, mind you, but not actually impossible.
But it is structurally impossible to wring joy out of second-person omniscient.
Kill it with fire!
Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Srsly though, why are there so many of these??
7859073
Today, you have read... *Checks the title* Anon Vs. Justice A Not So Epic Showdown Told Mercifully Quick! Oh, and it was also pinkfluffyunicornsdancingonrainbowspinkfluffyunicornsweighingatonusingmybackasrainbows! a fun read for me!
Not sure what I just read. Grammar flubs, shifting perspective, and totally unlikeable Sue characters. All in service of a gleeful poke at the new tags. Because why not?
You made me bust a gut, you glorious bastard.
Yeah OK so, uhh, Justice? Buddy? Gonna need to confiscate your crack pipe. And your weed. And any alcohol you may have lying around.
Yikes.
I r8 8/8. Must of been f8, it was so gr8 you could say you used some b8. I wish we lived in the same st8, and maybe go on a d8. (Not really. Please don't h8)
NOR SHOULD YOU
This is horrifically meta...
COVERART IS AMAZING THOUGH
7859313
Before I made a half-thought reply to this comment, I decided to actually research second person omniscient instead of assuming it was basically just second person point of view. I'm glad I didn't assume. That does sound really hard to do without screwing up the overall pacing of the story, if not impossible.
There was someone who was writing a story from a second person omniscient (only hinting at the omniscient as they declared), but I don't know how far they actually got into their book. At the very least, they stopped updating their blog about a decade ago. Mayhap they scrapped their piece.
Despite this, I did find some joy from this piece, if only for the random one liners.
7863330 On a quick re-read, I concede that this isn't actually omniscient-viewpoint. So it isn't absolutely irredeemable.
Only mostly so. Still loathe second person perspective.
7863372
That was what I was thinking after I researched it, but I wasn't going to nitpick over the word. I was just making a broad response about my thought on second-person omniscient point of view in general.
I'm not a big fan of them either, to be honest. However, I do have to say that I have enjoyed the Choose-Your-Own-Adventure book series. Being given choices at the end of each of those chapters gave me a sense that I was in the driver's seat rather than being in the passenger seat. I think if a work was serious in trying to capture your attention in this way, it would have to give you some sense of authority in what's happening, even if there are constraints.
7888239
I don't even know what to say in response. I just don't.
I must ask, what drunken brawl bet caused this spawn of Lucifer to come into being?
Nice shitpost m80
You know what, 10/10 for the cover art alone.
You see this shit? You see all of this shit?
This right here is why I'm relatively certain Justice is some sort of chaos god.