And Carry a Big Torch (2)
7
“Golf jokes,” the Thing rumbled. “Ya can’t go wrong with golf jokes.”
“I can’t?” Pinkie Pie blinked. The law of big-tiny had placed them next to each other in the line-up.
“Trust me kiddo, if in doubt, play it borin’.”
“Play? Boring?” Pinkie leaned around Rarity and Fluttershy to stare pleadingly at Rainbow Dash. “Help?”
“Grim…” Sue warned from next to Reed.
“C’mon, sis,” Johnny grinned, “he’s just trying to help.”
“You be quiet,” Sue said, looking him up and down again.
The Fantastic Family, and similar groups classified as ‘voluntary specialists’ in certain documents, didn’t have to abide by dress codes for functions like this. The Elements were well groomed but just as they were, as was she with only the addition of her dark blue FF utility collar.
Reed always looked good to her, even after almost two days in his lab without sleep, but there was something so (she hated the word because it made anypony who used it sound like a pampered eight year old, but) spiffy in his own collar and the sky blue team vest that only he really wore anymore.
The Thing looked much as he always did, solid and solemn, wearing boxer like trunks to cover what the transformation had done to his cutie mark and his two utility wristbands making each foreleg look nicely dynamic, not that they needed the help.
And then there was her little brother.
Johnny was wearing a t-shirt and blazer so casually he looked like all that was needed to complete the effect was a lopsided trilby whirling into his outstretched hoof. Maybe a couple of exotic medallions as conversation pieces. It felt like this antechamber should’ve been in a club so he could saunter onto the tables and start crooning funcktronica power ballads. If he didn’t sound so much like the older brother from Colt Meets World, you’d swear he was Troy Baker announcing which of the seven billion projects he’d be doing this week.
Twilight shook her head to get rid of the little Spider-Pony telling her all this from her shoulder. Sue and Rarity exchanged glances, confirming that yes, they had seen the guest list and agreed that upon Johnny’s own head be it.
“And I’m telling you it’s this one!” one of the walls said.
A tapestry flapped indignantly a few times before pulling itself down sharply and rolling into the rafters. Princess Celestia trotted through trying to look self-satisfied and dignified at the same time. Princess Luna trotted out behind her, noticed the eleven witnesses and made her face carefully neutral. She’d just put something in her sister’s pillow tonight instead.
“Good evening everypony, thank you for coming,” Celestia smiled as the tapestry unfurled back into place. “We are honoured to perform the setting of the sun and the rising of the moon in front of you as well as our guests.”
“Indeed, if anything we thank you for the privilege!” Luna let a little enthusiasm through the regally pleasant smile. “Even with the Summer Sun Celebration it’s rare that we can share this experience. It’s almost like a dance! The colours, the serenity, the Great Pony’s name are you wearing?”
“Mmm?” Celestia blinked at her sister then followed her gaze to Johnny instead of just looking pleasantly around the room at everypony. If she could properly blanch she would have. “Oh.”
“What?” Johnny blinked, then rounded on Sue. “What?”
“Sorry, Princess,” Sue and Twilight said simultaneously, the sister resignedly, the student desperately. They blinked at each other.
“Don’t get me wrong, Johnnycake, that’s a very you look, it suits you, it’s just…” Celestia’s neck was craning from side to side like an uncertain jumbo jet debating which crash site would be less awful, an orphanage or a retirement community. “Is that really what you’re going with? Tonight?”
“Is there a dress code now, your highness?” Mr. Fantastic blinked, almost going cross-eyed looking down at his 4 emblem. “Oh dear. Should I have worn my bowtie?”
“Ooh, that would make you look quite spiffy!” Rarity beamed.
“What?” Johnny insisted again, defensively adjusting the lapels of his blazer.
“…Princess Crystal is coming,” Celestia realised with self-chastising slowness.
“Yes?” Luna looked between her and Johnny until it clicked. “…you’re not serious.”
“It’s Johnny, Princess,” Dash patiently cut in, like she was explaining how to properly bandage an embarrassing workplace accident.
“Thanks!” Johnny grinned.
“I mean they’ve known him for years. This is totally not even in the top ten worst they’d be expecting!”
Johnny’s grin wavered only slightly as Rarity gave him a hang-in-there nod.
“Kid’s got a point,” the Thing rumbled in agreement. Dash grinned at Pinkie who gave her an enthusiastic tail tip up. The Thing thought she had a point!
“Had to happen sooner or later.”
***
The assembly either rounded on or flinched away from the aloof voice.
The mare perched on a windowsill scoffed, silver and blue swirls still dancing around her from a silent rush up the side of the building. Then she was relaxing against a pillar, the swirls from her custom hoof shoes tracing back to the already fading afterimage springing from her perch.
She gave Rainbow Dash, halfway through trying to assume a combat stance without elbowing Fluttershy in the throat, a curt nod of her aristocratic muzzle, then bowed to the sisters. “Princess Celestia. And Princess Luna. I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure.”
Luna nodded. “Your reputation precedes you, acting ambassador Quicksilver. We presume it is one of the few things that can?”
“Just gimme enough build up,” Dash half sneered, though the smirks she and the lean, silver and blue maned Earth Pony were shooting each other were a certain kind of gratifyingly rivalrous. The Thing raised an almost paternal eyebrow as he heard the silent revving of the two speedsters’ engines.
“Rainbow Dash,” Silver casually sniffed. Her eyes fell on who was peeking out over Dash’s shoulder and thawed. “Fluttershy.”
“Hello again,” Fluttershy said politely. “Are you first then?”
“Did anypony see you enter?” Luna asked as the Pegasus tried not to blush at how obvious the question had been.
“Princess, with all due respect: please.”
Silver ran a hoof through her mane, shimmering in the reddening evening light. Three medallions on her kerchief clinked softly from the gesture. Twilight recognised the foremost one as a symbol from a study she’d made of Roma iconography. Perhaps from Silver’s tribe? Or something even more personal? The others were the stylised B of the Befrienders and the Genoshian flag.
She wondered if there was any significance attached to the fact it hung the lowest on the only other item of clothing Magnate’s daughter was wearing.
“You two’ve teamed up?” Johnny asked, eyes flicking between both speedsters. “Guess we shouldn’t be surprised.”
“Quick as ever, Storm,” Silver languidly shot back. Ah, yeah, Johnny remembered. She and Crystal had developed a gal pal thing, hadn’t they? Greeeeaaaat…
“Maybe I’ll tell ya about it sometime,” Dash said, which made him feel better even though she wasn’t looking at him.
“Have you come ahead of Minister Magnate?” Celestia asked with practised professional courtesy. “We can fetch some refreshment if you’d like.”
“Thank you, no,” Silver said with a polite but still curt nod. “And yes, Father is only a few minutes behind. Well, a few for your majesties. He probably assumes I ran on ahead to announce him. Really though I just thought I’d make a search of the grounds to make sure no Hex-Ponies were keeping an eye on him. You know what Timberwolf’s like. I commend your choice of diplomats, as well.”
“Thank you,” Celestia said, looking amused. “We were hoping to meet everyone and enter the suites together, but I appreciate how much of a wait that must be to your perception. If you’d enjoy exploring the passageways or the grounds or even the city itself, please, feel free to do so.”
“Uh, no, th-thank you.” Silver blinked, still managing to sound clipped even with the surprise of someone not used to being caught off guard. By actual consideration, no less! “To tell the truth I’m surprised the Panther Prince’s entourage didn’t beat me here.”
“They’ll be about, I’m sure,” Celestia chuckled.
“Always such a wonderfully stealthy people,” Luna nodded approvingly.
“Thank you, Princess Luna,” said a rich voiced patch of shadow.
***
The Elements were too shocked to cry out this time. The Fantastic Family had heard that voice often enough to not instinctively spring into action when a group of Amazonian creatures carrying high-tech spears dropped from the ceiling, forming a ring for a lithe, obsidian form to somersault into.
“Cooooool…” Rainbow Dash half whispered over Rarity’s subtle “Oh my…”
“Aww for the love of my sweet aunt Petunia,” the Thing grumbled, “does everypony in the biz have to showoff? Door’s right there.”
The zebra nodded, shadows dancing across his suit to describe the motion. “My apologies for both the apparently ostentatious entrance and such a large Dora Milaje presence, but it is not only their prince they shepherd tonight.”
“Way to overdo it, bro,” sighed a younger zebra, somehow trotting out from behind him. Her mane was styled more for a runway, matching her choice of dress and jewellery.
“Prince T’Challa, Princess Shuri,” Celestia smiled as the four royals perfectly matched each other’s bows. Twilight felt her own knees twitch belatedly. This was kind of her job too now…
“Wait, that’s Shuri?” Johnny blinked, grinning. “Wow! You’ve grown!”
“H-h-h-hi, Johnnycake,” Shrui simpered back, her face glowing red across her coco brown coat and the amber stripes around her muzzle. A slight tremor shook her smile and rattled her jewellery, her dress looking like it was being swept into a tornado. Rarity silently vowed to rescue the poor girl at the earliest opportunity.
“Yes,” T’Challa deadpanned. “Hello.” His eyes didn’t narrow, if anything the shape of his mask lent them a half lidded, calm quality. But they did glow briefly.
“I take it you had no trouble getting here?” Luna tried, eyeing the nearest impala and griffin Milaje. “Assuming you arrived via the Niche.”
“Luna,” Celestia smiled, trying not to make it sound like too much of a warning.
“Your directions allowed my sister’s craft to navigate caves and rivers undetected with time to spare, yes,” the Panther said. “Captain Aneka is, ah, downstairs as it were, going over things with Captain Shining Armor. She can be most…thorough and would not allow us to simply present ourselves without an escort. Naturally, while your Niche is—”
“Awesome!” Shuri butted in. “How long did it take you to set up all those cranes?! Do you use the streams for power?! If I could have some blueprints, I’m sure could find you some great ways to--”
“—a grand example of Equestrian architectural ingenuity,” T’Challa resumed seamlessly but firmly, “I felt it would be rude to both be late and to simply make our way through your home with an armoured cadre. Hence our stealth.”
“You never get to make fun of how I enter a room ever again,” Dash grinned ferally at Applejack.
“May we introduce you to our friends the Elements of Harmony?” Celestia asked, indicating the group with a wing. “I’m not sure you’ve met before, though of course it would be remiss of me not to remember your friendship with Dr. River’s and his family.”
“It’s good to see our old friends again, yes,” the Panther said warmly, trotting over to shake Reed and Sue’s hooves.
“Yeah it is,” Shuri beamed at Johnny.
“As well as my fellow Befriender,” her brother said less warmly, his eyes glowing again as he clasped foreleg with the amused Quicksilver. “But I’ve not had the pleasure of the bearers of Harmony. Yet.”
He turned to Twilight and bowed. “Princess Twilight. It is a pleasure.”
“Uh…y-you too, Prince Pant’Challa?” Twilight tried, her voice creaking slightly from a hasty return bow. She’d done this with Celestia since she was eight, sun and moon please don’t let him think it’s a race thing, what if it is thought, like subconsciously, no you and Zecora have made crazy good progress, stop it.
“’Sup,” Rainbow Dash said, and casually saluted in a way Twilight hoped was just to embarrass her, because the last thing this evening needed was a disrespectful Wonderbolt starting a war with maybe the most advanced nation on Earth.
“Howdy!” Applejack contributed, at least bowing.
“Charmed,” Rarity said, extending a curved hoof and making Johnny smirk and shake his head with his eyes shut. He opened them to see the glory of Rarity’s nonplussed face as the Panther simply shook it. Without looking Sue formed an invisible hoof and clamped it over his delighted mouth.
“Hiya!” Pinkie grinned, grabbing the Panther’s hoof glove and shaking it vigorously. Shrui cracked up. “I’m Pinkie Pie! And this is Fluttershy!”
She twitched her tail aside, leaving the still bowing Pegasus exposed. She opened one eye, realising they hadn’t needed permission to rise and blinked up at the living shadow looking down at her.
“Um, hello.”
“Hello.”
“I’m Flu…Pinkie told you. I’m the Element of Kindness?”
“I am the prince of a small African nation.”
“Oh.”
“Indeed.”
“Who are we still waiting on?” Luna asked. The air behind her and Celestia began to ripple with lightning and Krackle, which grew lager.
“It’s alright, we know what this is!” Mr. Fantastic assured Twilight as she and Applejack started towards the princesses.
“We do?” The Thing squinted, then his eyes widened. “Awww crud…”
The Krackle became four figures, although everyone’s attention was naturally drawn to the largest shape. Which let out an excited bark and lumbered towards the Thing like a runaway roller coaster car, rattling lamps and tapestries. The collision almost knocked them all off their hooves and sent the Thing swaying.
The Elements of Harmony saw a lot of things on even an average day protecting Ponyville. None of them had any idea how exactly to classify a giant bulldog with a tuning fork in it’s forehead.
“Awright, awright, heel already!” the Thing cried, trying to turn his right cheek towards the creature’s lapping tongue as it pawed at his mantle. “I’m happy to see ya too, ya oversized hydrant chaser!”
“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry Grim Skies!” moaned one of the new arrivals. “Lockjaw! Down, boy!”
She was the youngest of the trio. She was an orange and red haired, golden furred Unknown with strange black patterns woven through her sunset hair, a multifaceted crystalline brand crowning her forehead almost like a Unicorn’s horn. She wore a yellow vest almost like a Winter Wrap Up suit with black diamond and lightning patterns to match the one’s in her hair. Like her elders she wore a silver collar around her neck, a medallion with an ornate lightning pattern marking her station.
***
And to Johnny she was sunshine and water and oxygen and everything right with the world. She had a pair of eyes so perfect crystal blue she’d been named after them and he realised the memory of them would never be enough.
“Lockjaw!” Crystal snapped, practically smacking him out of the stupor. “You’re embarrassing us in front of the avatars!”
“Doggy…” Fluttershy said distantly.
Lockjaw’s ears perked up and he spun away from the sopping wet Thing to see where the voice had come from. They locked eyes. It was love at first sight.
“Stampede!” Applejack hollered as everypony dived out of Lockjaw’s way. The Panther simply took a casual but still catlike step to the left as an entranced Fluttershy raised her forelegs for an embrace. The Thing wiped some slobber out of his eyes and blinked as Lockjaw’s muzzle collided with Fluttershy’s upper body, each lick half lifting her off the floor as she cooed and rubbed every inch of face she could reach.
“Lockjaw!” Crystal whined. A pair of tendrils made of red hair gently settled on her shoulders and she glanced irritably at her older sister.
“I’m sure Princess Celestia is more than glad to see you trying to take responsibility for your charge, sister,” Medusa soothed as she and Black Bolt stepped forward. “Though perhaps you should have been paying attention when she specified a covert entry.”
“Maybe you should have told me who was going to be in the room,” Crystal muttered. She smiled awkwardly at the Thing. “Sorry, Grim.”
“Eh, he needs sluicing down at least once a month,” Johnny quipped. He fought not to burst into flames as Crystal turned to him for the first time. “I mean…hey.”
“Hey,” Crystal smiled. Her eyes drifted over his ensemble and her smile became subtly more approving.
“King Black Bolt, Queen Medusa,” Princess Celestia said through the glorious tunnel Johnny had felt forming between them and forcing his eyes to drag themselves out of Crystal’s orbit to take in the sight of the other four royals bowing to each other. She smiled fondly at Crystal. “And Princess Crystal! It’s wonderful to see you again!”
“Thank you, your majesty.” Crystal bowed.
“It is also a pleasure to meet you all for the first time,” Luna contributed, nodding at Black Bolt. “I’m afraid I was…away when our people made contact again. I’m glad you have found friends among us and we hope this night will add to those bonds.”
“Black Bolt thanks you, Princess,” Medusa said as her husband held out a hoof, the rune on his forehead glowing softly. “We’ve been hoping to meet for quite some time! The moon is a very important symbol in Unknown culture.”
“Really?” Luna blinked. Celestia winked at her.
“Are they superheroes too?” Rainbow Dash whispered to the Thing as he thumped some drool out of his ear.
Medusa was giving her a weird vibe, like a restrained Maneiac, even though her jumpsuit was a softer shade of purple. Her big thing seemed to be her waterfall of hair, putting every photo Dash had seen of her mother in the 80’s to shame, but she didn’t seem to have little fork thingy like her husband and sister. The closest thing seemed to be a tuning fork icon on the forehead of the mask she was wearing.
Black Bolt looked like a Wonderbolt action figure Rainbow would have wanted when she was thirteen, an almost Panther black jumpsuit wrapped around his Shining-esque body and head, adorned with elaborate metallic lightning patterns. She wondered if the silver wings tucked to his sides were just for show, but they adjusted themselves slightly with an undeniably organic quality. They shimmered slightly as the silver rune rising out of his forehead flickered with strange light.
“Sometimes,” the Thing grunted back.
“Is it true the big guy can clobber ya with just his voice?!”
“Trust me kid, ya don’t wanna find out.”
Dash took the hint and clammed up. She glanced at Rarity who was alternating between glaring (in concern) at Johnny, who was watching Crystal trying to reign Lockjaw in, and staring nervously at the giant creature from her perch on a table as it panted at her, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie.
“It’s been a long time!” Sue smiled as she and Medusa embraced.
“You’re always welcome in Attlian,” Medusa said, squeezing hooves with Blackbolt.
“We’re hoping we can offer you all more than just the Baxter Barn after this,” Reed said solemnly as Black Bolt and T’Challa shook. “The Princess has some interesting plans in that direction.”
“Which I will go into as soon as our other guests arrive,” Celestia agreed.
“Then let’s hear them.”
All eyes turned to the passageway as two figures floated out of its shadows. The one who’d spoken used fin-like wings on his ankles to keep himself above the floor, the other seemed to be standing on nothing.
The Sub-Marnier and the Magneto Mage.
Lockjaw sank low and snarled at Magnate. The stately Unicorn lifted a silver eyebrow in the shadows of his signature helmet, but his purple cape didn’t so much as ruffle. Black Bolt trotted in front of the dog and narrowed his eyes as his horn crackled. With a reluctant grunt, Lockjaw sat on his haunches.
“Thank you,” Magnate said languidly. Black Bolt gave him a curt nod.
The master of magnetism’s eyes drifted impassively over the heroes surrounding him. Twilight was glaring at him. Magnate held her gaze for a beat then focused on Johnny. Or more accurately Johnny’s ensemble. He raised the other eyebrow this time.
“You were supposed to wait for me,” he said without looking at his daughter.
“And I didn’t,” Quicksilver parried with the same aloofness. Her expression became warmer as she trotted up to Crystal for a hug. “It’s good to see you again, Crystal.”
“You too, Silver. We should do something in Canterlot sometime!”
“After we’ve discussed it,” Medusa said sharply. Crystal rolled her eyes.
“May we proceed?” Namor cut in, landing to emphasis the point. He smiled, eyes flashing darkly as he looked to Luna and bowed. “Princess Luna!”
“Prince Namor,” Luna smiled back, eyes half-lidded. Sue Storm squinted.
“Princess Celestia,” Namor almost grunted, nodding at her. “You wish to actually discuss Aquarian-Surface relations?”
“Indeed,” Celestia replied, bowing. She looked over at Magnate, who simply looked back impassively. Rainbow Dash almost flapped into his face, roiling at the blatant disrespect, but the Thing gently placed a rocky hoof on her back.
“Let’s get this over with,” Magnate said, floating over the assembly. The handles of the double doors loudly turned themselves and swung open, allowing him to seamlessly drift into a small (for Canterlot castle) dining/drawing room.
The Panther’s eyes narrowed and glowed this time, while Medusa’s hair lashed slightly, but Celestia gave them a tired look, then smiled and nodded to them all.
“If you would follow me, please,” she enthused, trotting in the lead, “we’d be delighted to offer you some Canterlot hospitality before we begin.”
Crystal was laughing with Quicksilver, who seemed content to go at somepony else’s pace for once, but did look around and smile at Johnny. He smiled back and stopped himself before walking into Rainbow Dash.
“Uh, after you!”
“Thanks!” Dash blinked, and trotted after Sue and Reed, talking to Twilight.
“Doggy,” Fluttershy said happily, nuzzling Lockjaw’s back as she rode on it.
Rarity gave Johnny a helpless look as she trotted past. He felt a strange distance behind him and turned to see he was about to be alone in the antechamber with Princess Luna. Who was smiling in a way that reminded him of Namor.
“Just wanted a quick word with you before the fireworks begin,” she said with poisonous cheerfulness.
“There’s gonna be fireworks?”
“Mmm, potentially.” She vanished in a blur of blue mist and Johnny’s pupils shrank as her voice whispered in his ear. “What with three of your old flames in the same room tonight.”
Johnny didn’t even have to turn around to know she was floating away from him. He’d forgotten how to walk. Why was he not a pile of collapsed mannequin limbs on the floor? Maybe if he reached the right temperature he could melt through the floor. The caves. The Earth’s crust. He’d always been vaguely curious about life as Thestralian goat herder.
“After you,” Luna shark grinned, politely holding the door open for him.
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The Sisters are lowkey the best characters here. I think I'm just starved for seeing them just being people without some kind of drama.
By the Great Horn Spoon is one of my favorite books, but I'm not sure that's a reference or not.
Oh! I haven't actually read very much of the 'real' Defenders— I read the crossover this year, and Bendis's version made to correspond with the Netflix series. Which come to think of it, means I haven't read a Defenders book where all of the Defenders are in the same room together... Anyways, while I really liked the street superhero team Bendis made, I should check them out too. They're probably one of the most overpowered superhero teams in the Marvel universe.
Will Friedle has to play the Human Torch. I'm not sure who Troy Baker is supposed to be... is that the actual Troy Baker?
Oh Johnny.
Okay, that is not a great diplomatic move, there. Very Batman. "Being a superhero is all about subtly. Has everyone noticed that I can disappear at will without superpowers? I'm not saying that makes me better than you, I'm just implying it. Because Batman is subtle. Also, I'm smarter than everyone else, to the degree that I'll constantly complain about people who don't follow my lead even though I barely show them my lead."
Shuri and T'challa have a much better rapport here than they did in the movie, I didn't like how everyone constantly bagged on T'challa.
ooOOOoo
10002685
Nope, happy coincidence! The expression is an old timey exclamation, so the sort of thing Luna would still say causally.
Right? My head voice for Sue is Kath Soucie. Spidey's Josh Keaton.
Yeah, it was impossible to find a way to ponyfy his name and make it clear what I was talking about. Like, Troy is a nice guy and all but if you've ever seen how he dresses in con footage you get a pretty good idea of the kind of look Johnny's going for. He looks the most professional guy who sells tapes of his band out the back of a van.
I kinda like the Christopher Priest take on T'Challa, that's he's everything you'd want in a handsome prince but also that he's still very much a politician. So, y'know, he apologises for the elaborate subtlety he broke into this place with (which itself is a form of politeness) but also he...still did it.
Yep. Luna's one to talk to Johnny when Namor's about to be stuck between her and Sue.