> Super Pony Roomies
>  by TheManehattanite
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Pilot Light, Hearth’s Warming Night
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


1

Winter in Manehattan. Only one more night till Hearth's Warming. The night. The night they’d planned for since last Winter Wrap Up, the night that had to go perfectly otherwise it would in an almost literal sense spell their doom. 

But nopony said he couldn’t have a little fun first! 

And even if they had, Johnnycake would just have ignored them. 

Too bad the last ferry had come and gone hours ago. Always nice to have an audience, especially tourists who hadn’t become jaded to the whole super scene, but hay, not like there was a shortage of ponies on the island who’d be out and about to see it. 

The Horseshoe Torch reached inside and gunned whatever strange engine the cosmic rays had built there, putting on a last burst of speed to cover the distance between the edge of the city and the Statue of Destiny. Busy shoppers took a second to point hooves, talons, and other appendages at the fiery streak, burning in defiance of the falling snow. 

Which promptly went out. With less than half a mile to go to Lady Destiny, Johnny cut the engine, momentum carrying him a little bit before he actually slowed, like a cartoon or something. Then gravity woke up and began to pull him towards the icy, somewhat rusty water like the world’s most boyishly good looking anvil. 

“Aaand…flame on!”

His flame form snapped back on, a spine-searing six feet above oblivion. It would have been four for the sake of the brand, but he needed the room to manoeuvre. He took a second, enjoying the sensation of speed and the streaks of mist the heat, his heat, was causing to rise off the surface of the water. 

Arcing up, the Torch course corrected back towards the landmark, shooting out two streams of flame from his outstretched hooves, and a third from his mouth for good measure. They continued to burn independently and followed him like a flock of nepotistic streamers. Once the loop-de-loop was complete, Johnny gesticulated like a conductor, directing each stream to stretch and curve juuust right. Completing the picture. But it still needed something.

Like the cartoon delinquent everypony assumed he’d been at childhood, (as if one could not develop stylish penponyship for the sheer joy of it!) Johnny sprouted a tiny flame in one hoof and scrawled a message of fire on the air. In a society that was part Pegasus sky writing was not new, but he’d actually gotten the idea for this specific use of his powers out of a comic book. 

He squeezed the message between both blazing hooves, smearing the letters together, then spread them suddenly to send it up and out, until it was visible enough to be seen from the city.

HAVE A HAPPY ONE declared the haloed-smiling-under-the-mistletoe-and-oh-yeah-on-fire caricature of Princess Celestia. The shoppers broke into applause on pure joyous instinct. 

It was winking. Of course. 


***


“Show off,” the Spectacular Spider-Pony muttered, trying to keep his balance on the tip of the statue’s crown and stamp his hooves for warmth at the same time. 

More out of habit than necessity. A thermal spell woven into the enchanted scarf Gem had given him back in the day still spread pleasantly through the fibres of one of the most (in)famous costumes in the city. But being 50% spider, as it had with so many things in his life, ruined winter forever.

Not that he was a humbug or anything, but it’s hard to stay in the Hearth’s Warming spirit all the time when your genetically altered instincts are screaming at you to find a nice, dark crack in a wall to hide in. On the other hoof, sun bathing was a delight. Speaking of.

“Y’know I actually sort of know her now?” he called as the Torch came in for a landing. “When she comes for you, and if she won’t her sister will, and you run away to become a hermit in Wakanda or wherever, who do you think she’ll set her sights on next?”

“What? She doesn’t have any problem being on money or postage stamps.” Now normal, relatively speaking, Johnny shook himself like a dog to blow out a few remaining sparks. “The twin roots of all evil! And it’s her student you’d have to watch out for. Which you won’t, because it is an excellent, like all things I do, likeness.”

“Evil stamps?”

“The Mad Thinker collects them, Pete. Mad. It’s like right there in his name, what does that tell you, man?” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Spidey groused. “We doing this or what, Flame Brain?”

“Soon as you unclench, Web-Head.” Johnny lounged casually against one of the crevices that made up the statue’s mane, idly wishing he had a scarf to flap in the wind and make him look even more casual. But such was the price of perfectly regulated body temperature at will. 

“Still can’t believe I let you talk me into this.” 

“Please, like this isn’t the best idea.”

“Not that, this! Standing on solid stone! In the wind! And the snow!” Spidey jumped up and down a little to emphasise each point but stopped at a stronger blast of wind. Typical Manehattan weather patrol. They always said they were going to fix the shifting pressure that caused this sort of thing but they never did. “In spandex!” 

“Don’t forget the oh-so-fashionable accoutrement,” Johnny smirked, gesturing to the grumbling Web-Slinger’s back as he hefted the Santa sack full of The Plan.

“Like you even know what that word means.” 

Johnny frowned.

“What was the big delay anyway?” Spidey asked over the subtle thwip thwip thwip of his web shooters. “This was your idea.”

“I got...distracted.” The Torch scratched absently at where he was pretty sure that one filly at Spark Tower had left a lipstick mark. He dimly recalled said lips being the same shade of blue as this one poison Diablo had whipped up once. Clearly he'd had no choice but to risk it all for the hopes and dreams of all mistletoe meeters everywhere! 

His face wrinkled, still managing to look cover photo worthy even as he looked on in disgust at what Peter was weaving. “Do you have to do that in front of people?” 

“Oooh, what’re they gonna do, ban me from the cartoon?” Spidey jumped in place again to test the sturdiness of his web-skis, and tossed his collaborator a web-harness. “Do me a favour and get un-distracted? The job you wanna pull, we’re gonna need some of that Fantastic Focus you’re so renowned for.”

Johnny harrumphed, shooting twin bursts of flame out his nose as a prelude to igniting. He took to the air, towing the Web-Slinger behind him back to the city like a holiday themed cover for a heavy metal album. Under the mask, Peter Trotter actually smiled, partly from the welcome warmth but mostly the mental image of Ferocious Flattop’s face if he could see this. Eat your heart out, Father Hearth’s Warming. 

Then they were racing among the towers of Manehattan. It was like they’d passed through a wave and suddenly found a whole different universe on the other side. A universe of golden windows in dark concrete and looming, half glimpsed billboards, the colours of Hearths Warming strewn between ledges. And all of it set against the streaming snow. 

It was breath taking. But the two ponies had been running their mouths almost longer than they’d had super powers. The moment didn’t last. 

“Nopony appreciates genius anymore!” the Torch called over the wind, blasting synchronised flames out his hooves for ad hoc retro thrusters. Not to rip off Iron Mage’s shtick, but so he could tow his buddy and not, y’know, burn him alive with his usual contrail at the same time. “Where’s that Hearth’s Warming spider-spirit?”

“Left it back at the Barn half an hour ago.” Spidey reflexively twisted gently in the wind now and again, the proportionate agility of a spider syncing him up with the Torch’s movements as they began to turn into the big arc that would take them towards Embassy Row.

Johnny had to focus on quite a bit to keep his passenger airborne and both thrusters perfectly equal, but couldn’t resist a cocky, anime over the shoulder glance to flash his trademark grin. While aflame, it was like a small sun starring in its own toothpaste commercial.  “So why’re you still here?”

“...just drive. If we pull this off, it’ll be a miracle.”


2


“A furshlugginer miracle I tells ya!” Grim Skies announced to no one. “Busiest night of the year and I gots the place all to myself!”

The retro modern penthouse of the Baxter Barn should have been lonely, what with only his faithful (super-sized and re-enforced) Barcalounger for company by the fire, but leave it to Susie to make the joint look good just in time for the holidays. 

She’d convinced Stretch to gussy up some of his whatchamacallits in Hearth’s Warming colours. The result was the place looked mostly the same, but in the rich greens, golds and reds of the holiday. A cheerful but still classy version of itself that managed to feel homey and warm, even with the king-sized windows out onto the dark and cold of the city. Its lights added to the effect, even! 

The ever lovin’ blue eyed Thing, the size of a runaway bus and with hooves like an avalanche of cinder blocks each, honest to goodness spun in place like some Bridleway musical to take it all in.

“No pandemonium, no punks and no pranks!”

The sounds of the fire and his favourite jazz records agreed by subtly becoming even more soothing. Paradise. This was almost better than what he’d spent the months since Nightmare Night dreaming of. An honest to gosh break. 

H.E.R.B.I.E. had long since finished sprucing up for and after various visitors bearing gifts, and tucked himself away for the night. If the little floating trash can could see what Grim had done to the kitchen, while preparing a sandwich with the ingredients of a hundred gift baskets, he would have stayed there forever or self-destructed. Either thought brought a smile to the Thing’s craggy features.

“Let the Bic-head and the bug run around in the snow!” he told the sandwich, lowering himself into the chair. “It’s just you ’n' me, gorgeous. Nothin’ and nopony’s gonna ruin this night.”

If the Barcalounger had lungs to warn its rocky owner of the glitter bomb, treacherously hidden under its cushion a few hours ago, it would have been screaming. 


3


Somewhere dank and medieval, heavy on the evil. Lots of shades of green, particularly the story high stained glass windows. Each pane distorted the cityscape outside into something else. Here, an evil forest of angry fist drunkenly thrust to the sky. There, the jaws of some grotesque sea monster. You really didn’t want to see what they did to Coney Island.

Spider-Pony wondered idly if what the place really needed was some plants. Then again, given the owner, what kind of plants? Everfree-esque, probably. Something pony-eating and cliché.

He may only have been contemplating something so…avant-garde because the low, constant buzz of his Spider-Sense was gradually vibrating his brain to pulp. His instincts were just trying to cope with the feeling of said owner’s magic etched into every surface, like an office kleptophobic given a label maker.

Usefully so, though! All he had to do was crawl along the ceiling, guide the Torch around the areas that made his head scream, and voilà! Useful for avoiding security spells, or knowing when a fun sized metal monster is about to turn the corner, like right now.

The Gloam Golem marched along its beat, green energy swirling inside its skull and out through its hoof print eyes, illuminating the badge carved into its chassis, the face of its owner. Johnny enjoyed undermining the effect by burning smiley faces or rude messages into them. But tonight, he was taking the subtler approach and pacing himself.

Which tonight meant, yeah, okay, hiding in a broom closet. As if he actually had to change into costume! Like some sort of Peter! What kind of self-respecting evil overlord didn’t deck his halls with suits of armour you could hide in?! That was cool. That was cool. He would pay.

For his part, Peter was splitting his focus between his Spidey-Sense and wondering just what an evil overlord used to polish all that stone and steel anyway. Since this closet was evil by association, was there an evil linen cupboard somewhere? Did he have fabric softener for the cape? 

After a beat, the pressure in his brain eased up as the Golem trotted off to make like an abstract conversation piece and lower the tone in a different corridor. Spidey did that quick little move on hoof wave he’d seen in the movies, and they slunk out into the relatively less musty open air. 

“Well getting in sure was easy enough,” he whispered dryly, suppressing a shiver at the memory of all those other green glows moving in the dark as they’d made their way through the halls. “Now we just have to stay in one piece long enough to get out...”

He silently sprang to another wall. Crawling was a comfort thing sometimes. He looked back to make sure Johnny was doing what he’d thought he was doing but still had to ask. “What’re you doing?”

“Hmm?” The Torch glanced up from a fancy 4 emblazoned pocket watch and took advantage of the lighting to make his grin that little bit more sinister. “Checking on a special delivery.” 


4


The Thing just sat there. In his chair. With his sandwich. Still half way to his mouth. 

Around him, a typhoon of confetti settled into slow swirls from inside a snow globe. One of them wafted down like a cinder from a jovial volcano eruption, and draped itself lazily on his nose. Stony blue eyes crossed to take it in: a flaming chibi pony head, wearing a Santa hat, and its tongue out to razz all the world. 

“I hate that kid so much I scare myself sometimes,” he told the sandwich. 


5


They knew they were getting close when things became more industrial. A sign of the enemy showing off his genius. And, according to Spider-Sense, when the security spells started to become even more terrifying. A sure sign of somepony with an image to protect. 

At last, they emerged from a sewer like tunnel into a cathedral like chamber and beheld the target.

“See?” Johnny whispered, raising one flaming hoof higher to better illuminate their quarry. “Horrifying!”

“It’s worse than you described!” Dangling upside down from a web-line, the Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Pony dramatically punched a clenched hoof into the pad of his open one. “It’s going to take the two of us to expunge this evil, old chum!”

“What,” the Torch grumbled, “you can use expunge but I can’t know accoutrement?”

“Hush, I’m speechifying.” Spidey flipped to the floor, all the better for shaking a hoof at the statue looming over them. “It’s a threat! It’s a menace!”

As one they tugged the sack open, The Plan glinting within. A determined Spidey shared a glance with a mischievous Torch. 

“It’s gotta go.”

“Dang, Pete, you’re so punk, I love it.”


Steps One through Two of The Plan 
Step One: break into the Lashverian embassy undetected. 
Step Two: Muahahaha!



6


“Sorry ’bout the impromptu mess, doll face.” the Thing said. He was gesturing for the late guest to come in, honest, but it looked more like he’d buzzed her up and thrown the door wide to display the confetti mountain that had become of his sanctuary. “Though to be honest, I’d almost forgotten anypony was comin’ over.”

After all these years as a pile of fossilised cookies his first instinct was still to offer a wing to take her coat. But that wasn’t an option. Dad-blasted cosmic rays. Still, it hadn’t been all bad. Sometimes, after all the fights and flights (often happening at the same time) to far off lands and other planes of existence, they occasionally got visited by a class act like the web-head’s aunt. 

May Reilly bustled her way into the penthouse as though she were at least two decades younger. Her old fur overcoat didn’t have a hope of slowing her down and, even though he tried to keep up so he could at least help with the mountain of packages on her back, the Thing would’ve been almost scared to try. Maybe it was the fact she reminded him of his sweet aunt Petunia. 

“Honestly Grim Skies, how many years does an old mare have to make the rounds before it sinks in: the best gifts are those given in person.” May had the coat in his hooves and the gifts neatly arranged on the table faster than any of Reed’s gizmos could ever hope to. Her eyes drifted over to the parade float that had been his chair. “The place looks...festive but lonely. Is it just you tonight?”

“Ah Stretch ’n' Susie had some fancy schamncy shindig to sit in on.” Grim waved it off, his hoof making a scraping sound like pebbles falling down some stairs. “And the matchstick’s probably playin’ walkin’ nightlight for your nephew somewhere.”

“Such good boys!” May said, beaming. 

The Thing had gone hoof to hoof with heavy weights like the Shy-Hulk (nopony ever let him forget about the freakin’ Shy-Hulk), the Dragoon, and Mr. hoity toity Imperious Rex himself. Those were all pillow fights compared to how much effort it took him not to laugh at that.

“Eh, good at makin’ a mess, maybe.” He at least managed to pull a chair out for her. “I gotta lot to be thankful for May, don’t get me wrong, but I like to take a holiday on the holidays. Let the youngsters have their holly ’n' jolly.”

“So you won’t be wanting a little company and comestibles while cleaning up?”

She unsealed the tupperware lid on top of the pile. Cookies. 

“Well. Might be nice to break out the old Parcheesi set...”

He took a bite. Sold immediately. 

“Mmm, mandelbrodt!”


7


“Victory never tasted so sweet.”

Johnny realised he was doing the hooves on hips thing, like he was Reed’s age or something, and immediately adopted a smug folded forelegs pose to continue admiring their handiwork. Foregoing the giant novelty antlers had been the right move, but he’d adamantly (and, security conscious, quietly) put his hoof down about the red nose.  

Spidey nodded, decoration lights and the macabre shadows of the embassy playing over his mask. “And to think I almost didn’t come.” 

“How come?” Johnny turned to look at his bud as they came out of the tunnel—

Spider-Sense!

—which meant he didn’t see the rapidly approaching green light from above.

Spider-Pony went from tensing up to springing towards his pal like uncoiling steel in seconds, Spider-Speed’s usual disregard for physics. The impact sent them both spinning down the hall in a rolling bundle like something out of Discord’s idea of a pin ball game, only their tails telling which blurring tangle of limbs belonged to which. 

On the plus side, they went rolling out of the descending Gloam Golem’s impact range. On the down side, they only stopped because they struck the hooves of another Golem. With more and more green eyes flickering out of the shadows, as if they’d been surrounded by a ring of malevolent trick birthday candles. 

“Because I was expecting something like this to happen,” Spidey muttered as they took up a back to back position. “Something like this always happens.”

“Ah c’mon,” Johnny grinned as he reignited, “you know it’s just not Hearth's Warming without that one last thing you remember you just have to take care of!” 


8


It wasn’t even a block to the closest subway, but Grim still insisted on walking May out of the Baxter Barn. It seemed a crummy thing to do to just use his 4 crest whatchamacallit to activate the penthouse lift and send her down all those floors alone. 

“Take care, doll face!” he rumbled cheerfully as they reached the entrance. “I’d escort ya home as is benefitin’ of a gentleman of my breedin’ but...”

“But anypony who can whoop you good at that many rounds of parcheesi can look after herself, yes?” Sometimes it wasn’t so hard to believe she was related to that wall crawling clown. But that twinkle in her eye really could’ve come from his own sweet aunt Petunia. 

“We’ll see ’bout that next year’s rematch!” That trademark faux bravado was flattened out of his smile by something more genuine. “But seriously, doll, thanks. It was a pleasure.”

May’s eyes twinkled some more, and the Thing felt the atmospheric charge that meant she was gearing up for one of those Trotter family soliloquies. All the fault of her late husband, apparently, but in her defence, he’d swear her nephew’s had become even more cornball since he’d started mixing with that Ponyville crowd. 

“Well, Grimwald, we’ve both been around for a while now.”

“And don’t the squirts like remindin’ me...”

“But that means we both know that, even if you’re not all that lonely, sometimes the best gift a pony can give is their company.”

Okay, that one actually wasn’t so bad. Then she gave the big galoot a kiss on the cheek. His rocky hide even flushed a little! 

“Ah, go on an’ get outta here with that talk before somepony sees. I got’s me a reputation to maintain!” Although. It had been an awful lot of floors for him to cover as well. Perhaps he’d had more to say than just goodbye. 

“Then I suppose there’s nothing left to say except have a happy Hearth’s Warming!” May chuckled as she waved goodbye and began the climb down to the ocean of late party goers, shoppers and street performers. 

“You too, doll face, and don’t worry, I will!” His wave was heartfelt and cheerful and his grin was heartfelt, tombstone like, and malevolent. “The kid doesn’t know what I planted in his room.”


9


Eight whole city blocks. That was how long it took them to lose the herd of weapons grade junk. The Horseshoe Torch half glided, half wobbled through the air, his flames rapidly growing and shrinking in time with his laboured breathing.

“Well...well that was...” a blur that looked like Peter was trying to say, as it sprawled on top of a HVAC unit. 

“Engaging?” Jonny wheezed. “Gratifying? Dare we say…woo...fun?” A lot more articulate than his lungs were capable of at this point, and yeah, nerdy, but that accoutrement crack had really stung. 

“I was...gonna go with...disastrous…” Spidey realised cold metal was not the best place to collapse and managed to force himself to all fours. “And a border line...ngh…act of war, but what’s the difference?”

“And here comes the soliloquy.” Johnny rolled his eyes, floating casually in mid-air as though resting on an inflatable pool chair. With his breathing now under control he could feel that tell tale atmospheric charge. “Seriously, what is it with your family?” 

Spidey’s chest puffed out a little, although maybe that was just from all the hard breathing.

“I’m just saying, this is the season where everypony gets to have a little me time.” He honestly looked down at his hooves, contemplatively. “If we’re gonna pull on the union suits, it’d be nice if we could at least try and make the world a better place for a change.”

The two casually tossed each other gifts without much change in demeanour.

“And that’s why we’ll be doing the same thing next year.”

“Of course,” Spidey said without missing a beat. “Darksied?”

“Oooh, a challenge!”

They dove off the roof in opposite directions, Johnny flaming on and heading for uptown, Spidey swinging for the low roofs of Chelsea. The crowds below only saw multi-coloured blurs but heard the twin cries.

“Happy Hearths Warming, Flame-Brain!”

“Happy Hearths Warming, Web-Head!”

It didn’t matter that Johnny knew that Peter’s gift would be a fire extinguisher. It didn’t matter that Peter knew that Jonny’s gift would be a can of bug spray. The fact both still smelt like they’d just come from a Home Depot added to it if anything. Sometimes the best gift two super powered misfits like them could give each other was just their company. 


10

The lights were still on in the penthouse. Johnny had been expecting to have to use the bay doors of the weird silo thing River had bolted onto the side of the building when they moved in, but he wasn’t about to complain. He flamed off and tapped his emblem to the matching sigil etched into the glass patio doors. 

“Aw man,” he pouted as they slid open, “you cleaned up already?” 

“Yup.” Grim Skies, clad in bathrobe and bunny slippers as if to rub it in, glanced up from his paper and over his tiny reading glasses, which were very definitely meant to rub it in. “Had a helpin’ hoof. Yer coco was all me though, not that I’m expectin’ so much as a thank you.”

“Uh huh.” Johnny squinted as he hung his 4 emblem and yoke on the coat rack. “What’d you put in it?”

The Thing snorted with a force that could have driven twin holes in a wall, and went back to his paper. After several pokes satisfying him it wasn’t going to explode, Johnny took a nonplussed sniff. 

“Huh,” he concluded, “this is coco.”

“Still had some of them fancy Wakandan beans,” Grim rumbled. “It’ll be cold now, though.”

“Oh no,” Johnny deadpanned, holding a hoof to the bottom of the mug and filling the room with another wonderful holiday aroma, “whatever shall I do.”

The penthouse was full of nothing but the mellow sounds of the Thing’s old man music as he took an appreciative sip. “You know that little surprise wasn’t anything personal, right? Y’know, this time. Every year you just seem so determined to sit around here and, I dunno, grow moss or whatever it is you do. Figured you could use something festive.” 

“An’ for this you think I would do a thing like ruin your coco?” 

“It’s what I would do,” Johnny called back as he crossed the hall to his room. 

The Thing shook his head ruefully. “Happy Hearth’s Warming, ya little punk.”

“Happy Hearth’s Warming, you big stiff.”

The high flying Horseshoe Torch lounged contentedly on his king sized bed, completely unaware of the glitter bomb hidden inside his alarm clock, set to go off tomorrow twenty minutes early. 

And the one in his shower head. And his shaving foam. And most of his favourite mane and tail products. 


11

The lights were on in his apartment. Spidey felt an odd mixture of ice cold shock and that holiday night exhaustion. He alighted on the fire escape railing, hefting the somehow always paint-stuck living room window open, and clambered inside. 

“Poison Pony, I swear if this is you trying to be subtle again...” he called slipping off his scarf, and immediately shut up. 

“Hello, dear,” his aunt and his girlfriend said in near perfect unison from his couch. 

“Aunt May? Twilight?” Spider-Pony reached up and peeled off the mask to reveal the surprised, smiling face of Peter Trotter. “Can I get you...well, you’ve already made yourselves coffee, your gifts are just down the hall? Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting--”

“Neither was I!” Twilight Sparkle trotted over to give him a hug, then fussed over his scarf, her horn glowing and restoring some of the fading thermal magic. “But I wanted to surprise you anyway and bumped into your aunt on the subway, and, well, ooh, who enchanted this, Gem Stone? This is some nice spell weaving.”

“Twilight and her friends want to invite us to a little shindig,” Aunt May explained. 

“In Ponyville?” Peter squinted as he shucked out of the rest of the costume “I was going to bug someone in the business to fly or teleport me over tomorrow…”

“At the library, yes!” Twilight beamed. “Pinkie Pie said she’d be ‘super duper Jupiter trooper prepared’ to fetch you herself but I figured it’d be, um, easier on everypony if I just set up a teleportation tunnel between here and town! What?”

Peter was looking at her as he threw his scarf back around his neck.  “You can do that?”

“Oh sure! Like this!” Both Earth Ponies jumped slightly as the unicorn’s horn tore a gaping purple hole in reality. Spike looked up guiltily from where he’d been smuggling excess tiny hay dogs. “Sorry, it is a little loud isn’t it? But as long as one of our belongings is in either of our homes I can create a simple lay line to teleport myself along to either location…”

“And the larger, more visible tunnel is so you can carry passengers or larger loads?” Peter finished, waving at a distant Derpy Hooves. “You’re amazing! I totally need to take readings when we go through! Maybe some of our mane samples! Did you whip this up by yourself?” 

Twilight blushed and kicked at the floor with one hoof. “Oh, you know, just spoke to Cadence about…stuff and the princess had these notes on a kind of glass that could be enchanted to bend between realities and, well, we’re always going to be so busy. You have your responsibilities and all…”

Peter was startled by a sudden weight on his back. He turned to find Aunt May loading him up with their gifts, and giving him a meaningful look. He smiled and took Twilight’s hoof. “I’m never too busy to spend time with you, Twilight. Especially not tonight. And how could we say no to something this thoughtful?” 

“Yes, it’s not like you want to prove that Grinch you work for right, is it?”

He smiled as she leaned against his chest.

“Also, please do not tell Rainbow Dash I set up a teleportation tunnel between here and town, I really, really don’t want to race her, or make her think she can tap into this speed force nonsense she keeps going on about, and also what if we fall out of the tunnel and get swept away into the Bleed...”

“No problem, hon.” Peter just patted her shoulder.

“I also might be saving it to wreak my grim vengeance for that time she pranked me into thinking I accidentally loaned out all my books.” 

“Lie to your friends and love ones on your behalf. Got it.”

Aunt May elbowed him in the ribs as the violet radiance and smell of hot coco enveloped them all.


12


Hearth’s Warming morning. The light of the rising sun did not reach the Lashverian embassy’s windows, and its warmth wouldn’t have reached the Baroness Von Bardas’ heart even if she hadn’t been stone cold terrified. You didn’t become the last holdout of Lashverian aristocracy by frolicking in the woods with bunnies and grandmothers. You also didn’t stay alive by failing the will of Gloam. Like, say, allowing two intruders to do…this. 

She turned, ready to screech at the Golems again, and froze. The metal face of Dr. Gloam was right behind her. 

“My lord...” Von Bardas began.

The doctor glided past her like she wasn’t even there, stopping at the base of the target. It had been a statue of Gloam himself, the centre piece of the chamber intersecting all public parts of the embassy, built to let everypony of this backwater know just who’s domain they were entering. 

Now, with the application of a small fortune in Hearth’s Warming decorations and red paint, it looked like a king-sized Father Hearth’s Warming decoration. The defilers had even ringed the upper levels of the chamber with tinsel and wrapping paper, but the stand out was easily the plate of cookies and note left at the base.

With the hum of servos in Gloam’s armour, almost as cold and serpentine as it’s owner’s rage, a green glow levitated the note up to eye level. 

Dear Gloomy, 

Didn’t see you at the last super party. (ending with a sad face.) So we decided to bring the party to you! (ending with a smiley face!) Who knows, maybe a little cheer will make a big difference in you.

Enjoy the cookies! 

A gauntlet slammed down on the plate, the sound of steel on mere porcelain echoing like a cannon shot. The Baroness was too terrified to even flinch. 

“Burn it,” the dictator said simply.

“At once, lord!” the Baroness squeaked, trying not to shuffle away too quickly. 

Gloam simply stood there, the iron clad embodiment of a bitterness that would grind Equestria and everywhere like it to the same grey ash as its own heart. Then lifted something up into the darkness of his hood. There was the sound of chewing.

“Mmm. Mandelbrodt.”
> Sense and Flammability (1)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


1


“So pizza face is the Spider-Pony?” 

Twilight Sparkle looked up from Ridcully the Brown’s A Hundred and One Uses for a Pocket Dimension Inside Yer Hat and pouted at Rainbow Dash, sprawled upside down on one of the library’s bean bag chairs because reading like a normal pony was for squares. 

“Rainbow! Don’t call him that!”

“Okay, okay, your colt friend…is the Spider-Pony?”

“He doesn’t like the ‘The” Spike said, looking up from dusting a horsehead bust, “says without a prefix it looks like he’s trying to make a big deal out of it.” 

“Okay. Cool. Did he have that thing on his face before or after he got all spidery?” 

“Before,” Twilight said primly. “I happen to think it makes him look rather distinguished. And yes, Peter is Spider-Pony. This is why I invited him and his aunt over for Hearth's Warming, so I could tell everypony at once! Well, in private of course, but you and Applejack were busy trying to see who could balance on top of the tree the longest.” 

“Too busy having fun at a party.” Rainbow flipped a page, probably for the appearance of nonchalance. “Only in your universe, Twilight. Though, ya landed not just a coltfriend but a super pony at that, so props I guess.” 

“Thanks. There’s honestly only so many times you can team up, that’s the costumed communities term for it I believe, before you realise you have more in common than just stopping a necronuclear reactor from melting down.” Twilight was slightly proud of herself for not blushing. Much. “You’re taking it pretty well. Not so much as a wing flap!”

“Eh. I mean sure, the web-head was cooler back when he was a mystery and all, but Pete’s a good dude. If he’s helpin’ ponies in his free time it just means he’s an even better dude.” 

Twilight smiled at that. 

“And if things get too boring,” Rainbow continued, “we can spice 'em up betting on what kinda drama the two of you'll get yourselves into!”

Twilight stopped smiling. “Drama? What drama, there’s no drama, why does there have to be drama, who said there’d be drama?!” 

“Uh, the universe?” Dash rolled her eyes. She was never going to find out who cut Daring’s rope in chapter twelve at this rate! “You’re a couple of dorks with magic powers, one of you has a rogues gallery, the other prevents the apocalypse, like, every other Tuesday. Stuff’s gonna happen.”

“Is not!” Twilight countered, drawing on everything her mentor had taught her since she was eight years old. “And besides Zecora has this one text that leads me to believe Peter’s abilities may be more totemistic in nature than regularly mystic, bu-but that is beside the point! I—We are simply a couple of regular ponies surrounded by extraordinary events and stuff is most certainly not going to happen to us! I find your assertions presumptuous and slapdash at best, Rainbow Dash!”

“I think I’m gonna barf,” Spike said simply.

“Indeed, Spike! Indeed!” 

“No, I mean we’ve got inco--” Both girls flinched as he spontaneously hacked the royal scroll out of a burst of emerald flame. Twilight got to enjoy the karma of it bouncing off Rainbow’s face before catching it in her telekinesis.

“It’s from Princess Celestia!” 

“No foolin’,” Dash muttered, rubbing her forehead. 

“To my faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight read, “I hope this letter finds you and your friends well, especially after helping restore the Crystal Empire. Yes Spike, the crown is still aware of the vital role you played, and we are still very proud of you. That is why we built you that window.”

Spike’s fins blushed.

“‘Once again you have all honoured Equestria through the magic of Friendship, but events have made me nostalgic for simpler, though no less interesting, times before you set off into the world. While I couldn’t be prouder of the way you’ve made for yourself I would be honoured if you could join me tomorrow in the royal gardens for a spot of tea and catching up.’ Gosh!” 

“I’ll grab our rail passes!” Spike beamed. “Uh…Twilight? You okay?”

“Oh PS;” Twilight croaked, “I hope you don’t mind if I take the liberty of inviting your young colt along. Cadence told me about him when we shared a copy of the Derby Bugle and it would be wonderful to hear how the two of you found the Magic of Friendship with each other…and perhaps more!”

“Okay, why the shellshock?” Rainbow asked. “Is Pete allergic to tea or something.”

“My mentor wants to meet my boyfriend.” Twilight’s purple pupils were tiny now. “The pony who taught me everything I know wants to meet my boyfriend. My mentor. Who is the government. My boyfriend. Who is a vigilante.”

“So?”

“I haven’t even told my parents about Peter yet!”

“And so, it begins,” Dash leered, closing her book.


2


“So Princess Girlfriend enslaved a dragon? Because not gonna lie, that’s pretty metal.” 

The Horseshoe Torch barrel rolled lazily in mid-air as a wrecking ball bludgeoned the airspace he’d been occupying seconds earlier. 

“He’s more like a…little brother/butler?” Spider-Pony mulled Spike over as he fired off a web-line from his tail, yanking away a manhole cover and leaving a charging Bulldozer a nice long plummet into the sewers. “I dunno man, there’s a lot going on there. Also, could we maybe not have this private conversation in the middle of a public brawl?” 

“Oh yeah, because if anyone’s gonna pay attention it’s the Wrecking Crew.” Johnny took a second out of lobbing fireballs to wave to the leader, resplendent in his purple sock mask and angrily waving his crowbar. “Hey Wrecker, what were we just talking about?”

“WE’RE GONNA PULVERISE YOUSE!” 

“See?”

“Hey, credit where it’s due,” Spidey pointed out, “Thunderball’s got a PhD.” 

“Indeed, fools!” the villain bellowed as he whipped his wrecking ball around for another swing. “A PhD in pain!”

The two heroes pulled the fastest limbo poses of their lives to avoid the shot. Piledriver, still trapped in a flash-melted section of street, yelped as the chain yanked taut, the ball stopping inches from his face.

“Though it makes you wonder,” Spidey mused, flipping over the chain as it rewound, “what kind of pain precisely?” 

Thunderball stopped winding up, squinting. “What…?”

“Oh y’know, just what kind of pain.” The Torch shrugged, casually hovering in mid-air. “Like, sure, the giant namesake packs a mean wallop but is physical pain the most nuance a bull of your calibre is capable of?” 

“What about emotional?” Spidey concurred. 

“Spiritual?” 

“Dental?” 

“Ocular?”

“Ocular?!” Thunderball repeated. 

“Ocular,” the Torch said and flared white hot. Thunderball cried out, recoiling from the strobe effect. Blinded and enraged he charged at where he remembered the two pests had been. And vanished down the still open manhole. 

“And she’s not a princess,” Spidey said as though nothing had happened. He looked askance at a bent lamp post. “Yet. Her mentor on the other hoof…”

“Are you sure that invite came from her?”

“It was sitting on my kitchen table in a beam of sunlight. With sparkles and tiny birds.”

“Oof,” Johnny winced, sending a puff of sparks from between his teeth. “Bluebirds?” 

“They actually cleaned the kitchen!”

“Yeah, that’s her alright. Sue tried to find out if she could get a tiny legion to vacuum the house, because she can’t admit H.E.R.B.I.E. creeps her out like the rest of us, but he found out and ran to Reed and cried. It was great.”

“So what happened to them?”

“Dunno. Our pigeons probably ate them or something. Anyway, what’s the deal? Your every third pity party is about how you could get a little more recognition. Princess Celestia’s, like, the definition of recognition.” 

“Right, but she didn’t ask for her Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Pony.” Spidey demonstrably tugged his mask’s muzzle as far as it would go before letting it snap back into place. “She asked for me. For the real guy. I haven’t even met Twilight’s actual parents yet!”

“Okay, not touching that one,” the Torch said calmly holding up a hoof. “So you’re looking for what? A pep talk? A wing pony? Somepony with experience in royalty mingling and medal acceptance?” 

“A new suit.” Peter actually rubbed the back of his neck like something out of Sue’s Neighponese anime. “Like a for real suit for grown up pony things.”

Johnny raised one perfect golden eyebrow. “Go on…”

Peter shrugged. “The All-Mother asked me over for tea, I need to make a good first impression. You’re you and so have, in this order, the ego, connections, and fashion sense I need to do it in like a day. Begging is optional.”

“You’re right,” Johnny agreed, admiring his flaming reflection in the puddle from a smashed hydrant, “I am me.”

“Johnny!”

“Sure, sure. Ugh, you second tier heroes and your ‘real world problems’. We’ll swing by Saddle Row when we’re done here.” He frowned. “I feel like we’re forgetting something.” 

“Spider-Sense! Ting—!” 

Too late! The force of the Wrecker bursting out the bank’s remaining wall sent them both tumbling down the street like leaves in a gale. An abandoned delivery cart helpfully let them stop by smacking into it.

“Are you two twerps still here?!” The Wrecker irritably released the pallets of gold bars he’d been carrying on his back and put a hoof to his mouth for a sharp whistle. 

An annoyed looking Piledriver burst up through his prison, standing on the shoulders of the equally irritated Thunderball and Bulldozer. The Wrecker sat on his haunches, doing the old pat-the-crowbar-into-your-hoof routine as they advanced on the heroes. 

Spider-Pony sprung back up into one of those creepy signature crouches, ready for the next round, but shot the still recovering Johnny a look nervous about prospects beyond just going hoof-to-hoof with four bulls strong enough to fight the Mighty Sleipnir to a standstill.

“After the other thing?”

“Right,” Johnny muttered, cracking his neck and reigniting, “after the other thing.”


3


Rarity flung herself behind the overturned fainting couch and quickly smoothed down her mane. Behind her the sound of extra-large Milliners needles clashing off each other intensified, as animated captain dress uniforms attempted to capture more of the boutique’s floor space from insolent lieutenant dress uniforms.  

“How are we doing? It’s just that Fluttershy bought me those to make up for that Iron Will incident and I’d hate for them to get all scratched.” 

“Still warming up, sorry.” Twilight’s eyes were only ever-so-slightly glowing as she glanced up from the sewing machine. “It’s not this tea thing, I swear I’m focused, it’s just the sounds of battle are really loud and I’m channelling a lot of not-exactly-life force here, you know?” 

“Oh no, no, take your time Twilight,” Rarity soothed “We wouldn’t want to cast an imperfect spell and turn my entire shop into a smoking crater!”

“Yes! I’m absolutely not now thinking about that in addition to how to contain and counteract an ancient animation spell, which is still like juggling nitroglycerine by the way, keeping this infernal machine still so I can examine it, and remaining neutral in the middle of this war zone!”

Overhead one of the needles pinwheeled into the wall with a ruler-on-school-desk juddering sound. Twilight yelped at the noise then at the sewing machine’s latest bid for freedom! Rarity wrapped her telekinesis around both, a helpful gesture that turned out to be as useful as trying to stop a runaway freight train with a strip of flypaper. 

Fortunately, she’d ordered some Yakyakistanian cotton and hadn’t accounted for the size difference in species. The entire boutique reverberated as they ploughed into the bridge pylon sized rolls, the air almost rippling with sudden inertia.  

“Why can’t I just set them on fire and be done with it again?” Twilight mumbled out the side of her mouth that wasn’t face down in the (admittedly quite cosy) debris. 

“Twilight, no!” Rarity cried as she surfaced, clutching the dazed sewing machine “I tried to take the easy way out with your brother’s order and look what happened! If I’d just had the courage to say no to him! And all my other customers! But mostly? That frightful Mr. Curio when he offered me this blasted thing!”

Her heart skipped slightly as the sewing machine rounded on her, almost sending its needle up her nose. Twilight pulled herself to all fours, but hesitated. Maybe it was proximity after running their magic through it but they could almost feel something approaching an emotion, swirling inside it like smoke. 

“I think it heard you…” Twilight murmured, sealing them off from the sound and danger of the battle inside a force field. 

“I think it recognised the name,” Rarity agreed, never taking her eyes off the screws that, if one squinted, almost functioned as the machine’s own. “Curio?” she repeated “Uncle Curio? Oh! Once for yes, twice for no! Do you recognise that name? Can you understand us?” 

They instinctively flinched as the machine’s needle clattered out a quick, hard clack.

“It’s alive!” cried Twilight. “Well, okay, yes, we knew that and that it brings clothes to life, hence our current predicament, but gosh, I didn’t know it was sapient! No wonder it put up such a fight! We haven’t been trying to shut off its magic, we’ve been trying to shut off its mind!” 

“Poor thing!” Rarity cooed, giving the machine’s surface a stroke. Somewhere Opal snarled deep within her tiny shrivelled soul. “I’ve been horrible to you, haven’t I? Dumping all that work on you and blaming you for it going wrong…”

One somehow emphatic clack. 

“Hmph! Well I certainly didn’t tell you to bring them alive and start this, this, this…”

“Donnybrook?” Twilight suggested. 

“Hmm, yes, that sounds about right. How very dare you suggest—!” 

“Actually,” Twilight cut in quickly, “that’s a good point. Rarity put you to work on Shining Armour’s commission. They’re supposed to be for the new Crystal Guard, right?”

One curious clack. 

“Well their captain wouldn’t want the ranks rioting like this! Unless he wasn’t joking about that hoofball team idea…Did you intend for this to happen?”

Two clacks. 

“I don’t think it…um…they? Can help it,” Rarity mused. 

One clack.

“I mean, it’s a magic sewing machine,” she continued. “Why build something this elegantly simple unless you intended to make magical clothing and bring it to life?”

Two clacks. The girls exchanged looks. 

“Not alive,” Twilight ventured, “or not magic clothing?” 

One clack.

“Ooh, magic embroidery!” Rarity declared, her entire face lighting up with delight. “I know what we’re dealing with now! You remember all those stories about moving tapestries or floating carpets? Well, they had to come from somewhere! And to think! Such a historical artefact in my shop!” 

The machine’s screws proudly spun in place to several satisfied clacks. 

“Tapestries…” Twilight murmured, then comprehension dawned so powerfully on her face Rarity and the machine were surprised it didn’t come shooting out of her horn. “Of course! That’s why they’re fighting! They’ve been enchanted by the same magic that brings motion to the motionless like a magic tapestry, which yes, thank you Rarity, I have heard of, in fact my junior thesis was on—No Twilight, focus! Whatever you say, Twilight! Uh, like a magic tapestry! Tapestries tell stories! Soldiers only really have one role in stories!” 

“That still doesn’t explain why they’re fighting though,” Rarity mused. 

Twilight rubbed the magical equivalent of fog off the force field to make a porthole and squinted at a nearby lieutenant, pointlessly trying to choke out its also-neckless adversary captain. “Alright, I’m not blaming anypony, but these uniforms have completely different emblems.” 

“Creative differences,” Rarity said primly as she blushed.  The sewing machine clacked to itself quietly in embarrassment. 

“So we know what we’re dealing with,” Twilight diplomatically surmised, “we just don’t know how to stop it. Yet. Our options are either draining the magic out, which leaves us with the problem of where to put it, or try and get them to do something else that will, um, end their story. Also not to alarm anypony but it would probably be a good idea to lower this field soon because I maaay have lost track of how much oxygen is left. I really don’t know what to do.”

“I do!” Rarity tried to strike a dignified pose of triumph, made difficult by standing atop the shifting bales and holding the sowing machine under one foreleg. “We’re dealing with military men! Uh, suits! And there’s one order every military knows how to follow!”


***


Half an hour later they were sitting on the boutique’s stoop, watching the marching uniforms’ second circuit around the park. Their sleeves rose and fell sharply in time with Pinkie Pie’s obo/accordion/drum/kazoo rendition of Radetzky March Party Remix ft. DJPON3, the Cutie Mark Crusaders bouncing alongside like a candy coloured dolphin pod. 

“Well this will make for an interesting letter to Princess Celestia,” Rarity said as one of the lieutenants at the back mimicked the little skip in Sweetie Belle’s step. 

“I could drop it off for you tomorrow,” Twilight muttered gloomily. “It may get a little scorched when both my worlds collide and self-destruct, though.”

“You know I hate to pry,” Rarity half lied, “but is everything alright? Solving problems with fire isn’t the Twilight Sparkle approach we’ve come to know and love. Is it the, as you put it, ‘tea thing?’” 

“You and your detective novels,” Twilight smiled. “It’s silly, I’ve been having these meet ups with her since I was a little filly, but I’ve…”

“You’ve never had a Peter Trotter before,” Rarity kindly surmised. 

“Yes! It’s been wonderful but has it been too fast? Or-or-or has it been too long? Did I leave too much time to tell her? Does she feel like spending so much time with him means I’m shutting her out? How could I do that to her after everything she’s done for me, Rarity?!”

“Do what? Be her student and then graduate? Have your own life?” Rarity put a gentle hoof on her friend’s shoulder. “Twilight, after what happened today, trust me when I say that it doesn’t pay to rush something, or put pressure on yourself to do too much at once. You’ve been Princess Celestia’s faithful student for almost your entire life. Dating is very new. It makes sense you’d be a little nervous.” 

“Last time I was nervous about her it led to the whole Smarty Pants disaster,” Twilight mumbled.

“Oh shush, this isn’t nearly that bad!” Rarity gave her a supportive smile, though admittedly she did have to turn Twilight’s chin so they could make eye contact. “You’re just worried because you don’t know how it'll turn out, but these two ponies in your life have to meet sometime. If you feel the need to put it off until you’re more confident the princess will understand, but wouldn’t it also be better to go through with tomorrow and have it all be over with? At least you’ll know where you all stand.” 

Twilight didn’t say anything, but she was at least smiling back.

“Besides,” Rarity teased now she felt it was appropriate, “what’s the poor boy going to do, take an unflattering photo of her?” 

“That’s one advantage,” Twilight chuckled. “She already knows he’s with the press and wants to meet him anyway! Thanks Rarity. You’re right, best hoof forward!” 

Rarity nodded, smiling and silently counting to three. 

“I just worry about him as well,” Twilight said at two. “I get so wrapped up in trying to make things perfect for her I forget how much pressure other ponies are putting on themselves to measure up. Peter doesn’t need that! He forgets my favourite filing method sometimes and gets this adorable, sad look on his face…” 

“He did seem a smidge agitated about describing Spike’s position to his aunt,” Rarity agreed, “but she’s a lovely down to earth sort and she and the princess lived through the same era. I’m sure he’s got some mannerisms she’ll find charming! Though he seems like one of those stallions who’s cute when they’re flustered.” 

“Sometimes,” Twilight grinned, trying not to giggle. “I think it’s why we meet in town so much. Getting out of the city does him some good. But one minute we’ll be talking and then he’ll compare himself to one of his friends in the business, and his ears droop a little and I’m not crying, I just still have some magic in my eye.” 

“Darling, even I know there’s worse things in life than being a simply-okay photojournalist.” Rarity fought the urge to roll her eyes at being back to square one. “Besides, that’s his job, not his passion! The two of you are so adorable when you’re talking about gibberish from some textbook, and the princess taught you everything you know! A born teacher and a born teacher’s pet, you’ll probably have to let off fireworks to get their attention again!” 

“Is that what you’re counting on for this pool Rainbow’s running?” Twilight asked dryly. She’d appreciated the sentiment, but not ‘gibberish’.

“I’m saving my bits for juicier options,” Rarity teased. “But you sound like you’re feeling better, all things considered. Perhaps because you’ve stopped over-considering them?” 

“Your creative differences did wind up helping in the long view, yes.”  

“Oh right,” Rarity frowned as the procession marched past on its fourth circuit, citizens still peering at it in terror from behind trays and stalls, “what happens to the sewing machine now? It’d feel too much like slavery to keep using it.”

“I wrote to some contacts in Canterlot,” Twilight assured. “They’ll take it to one of the university’s island research facilities. They’ll run tests but let it mingle with other enchanted items, make friends, maybe even some new tapestries for the palace walls. That kind of thing.”

“So a happy ending leads to a new beginning,” Rarity beamed. 

“Hopefully. But you’re right, I should go ahead with it,” Twilight sighed. “Good thing Canterlot is the most heavily guarded city in Equestria, it’ll be so embarrassing if he guilts himself into swinging after a pickpocket like Deerdevil or something.”

“Is that the one who bursts into flames…?” Rarity ventured. 

“No, that’s his other friend, the Horseshoe Torch? The one on all the magazine covers? One of the Fantastic Family?”

“Oh darling, I don’t pay much attention to even the best dressed of super ponies,” Rarity said as she waved her hoof dismissively. “I have a life.” 

“That’s one of the great things about this relationship,” Twilight beamed. “After all the adventures we’ve had, how could dating the Spectacular Spider-Pony phase any of you guys?”

“PETER TROTTER IS SPIDER-PONY?!”


4


“So how come I haven’t met her before now?”

“You have,” Peter said patiently. “She and her friends were part of the last two big crises.”

“Pete,” Johnny countered, “those were two whole summers ago. Do you remember even half of everything that happens to you in a month?”

“Eidetic memory, so yes!” 

“Yeah, well my days alone are more interesting than yours, and I don’t even have a luchador costume. Yet.” Johnny noticed a passing pony wondering why he was leaning against a wall talking to an apparently empty alleyway, and erased the gaffe from existence by flashing her a gentlemanly smile and a roguish wink. “Would you hurry up! Did you web yourself to the thing?”

“Name me one pony in the business who hasn’t mastered the quick change,” came Peter’s voice from somewhere up the wall, muffled by Manehattan’s constant background cacophony. “Just gotta smooth my tail back into shape.”

“Hey, if anypony respects proper tail maintenance it’s me,” Johnny called back, idly drumming a hoof on the sidewalk and sending up sparks, just because he could, “but you dress as a faceless nightmare covered in webs and the blood of your enemies. Your tail is the last thing ponies are thinkin’ about.”

Peter’s unmasked and unamused face appeared around the corner, now at street level but sideways from crawling into position to give Johnny a deadpan look. “The blood of my enemies.” 

“Is what the tabloids think the red parts are,” Johnny said, nodding. “See, this is why I say get your own marketing department, workshop your image a little, but you’re always like ‘But responsibility, though!’, and this is how the Crime King winds up with all your merchandising rights or whatever.”

“Like he wouldn’t just buy the marketing department anyway.” Peter sprang off, twisting right side up in mere seconds of mid-air so he could ricochet off a paper vendor and join his bud’s leisurely stroll. “Besides, the city’s institutionalised the lesser known and not-at-all great power of Spider-Scapegoatitude, and what the hay, it seems to make people happy. It’s Peter Trotter, lovable freelance shutterbug, who’s grooming in no way resembles that of a certain wondrous web-spinner, that's in need of a makeover!”

“So you want people to like you in and out of costume, but you talk about it using the third person like a supervillain.”

“I did it with my real name too!”  

“Healthy. And the fact you wanna introduce yourself to the original fairy godmother but rocking a style that is blatantly not yours?” 

“I referred to myself as a lovable freelance shutterbug. Clearly in need of all the help I can get.” 

“Your funeral, man.”

“…do they make that kind of suit? Morbid and actual curiosity.” 

“Their motto is Look like death: sleek yet serine.”  

“It’s not but should be?”

“See, you can be taught! Next item on the agenda; that thing on your face.” 

“Weren’t you just busting on me, in your signature twisted style of affection, to be myself?”

“Go shallow or go home, Pete.”

“Twilight happens to think it makes me look distinguished.”

“Twilight Happens would be a great name for a band.”

“We turn 25 next year, Johnny. It’s time to let the dream go.” 

This entire exchange took the time to enter the minimalist lobby and the somehow even more so elevator. Peter looked at himself in the mirror-like walls, wondering if making his reflection look Dalíesque and bored was intentional, magical, or janitorial. 


***


Johnny let out a satisfied sigh as the doors slid open onto the temple like floor space. “Ah, chicness! Isn’t it just the best thing you ever smelt?”

“Nooo…?” Peter hated himself a little for actually sniffing. “This place doesn’t smell like…anything.”

“Exactly.” 

Customers roamed from displays to stalls to seats, mingled with staff wearing simple vest saddles that reminded the heroes of various futuristic dimensions they’d blundered into at one time or another, more the Torch’s beat than Spidey’s. Both often wondered why the multiverse’s idea of the future looked like it came from the set of a 60’s sci-fi show. Only Peter did it out loud. Johnny was too cool for that. 

Despite that trademark Manehattan bustle, the scale and aesthetics of the place seemed to blanket everything in a respectful libraryesque hush, so the boys drew all eyes when a Unicorn shot up from behind the front desk and made them yelp. 

“Greetings, shoppers! So sorry, dropped my pen and it rolled under this tight bit in the corner, but we would like to assure you that such shenanigans are in no way indicative of Sleek yet Serine's commitment to—oh tribulations and taffeta, it’s you.” 

“Hi, Sassy,” Johnny grinned. “Miss me?” 

“Only because you were running away.” Sassy Saddle’s posture somehow drooped, as she dropped her professional persona, and simultaneously straightened, as she focused her ice-cold annoyance on the Torch. “What do you want, Johnnycake? Some of us have to work in between making sure we don’t have hair as silly as yours.” 

“Still taking six months ago this hard doesn’t become you, Sassy,” Johnny teased, leaning casually on the desk and then knitting that perfect brow. “Though speaking of work, quipping aside, I’ve seen yours. This place is ridiculously slow by comparison, what’re you doing here?”

“Slumming it,” Sassy sighed. “Things are slower in Canterlot and I was the only game in town in Trottingham. Poor place needed some fresh blood. And it was four months, you beast!”

“Huh. You sure? See, now I’m wondering if I might’ve done it unconsciously for the sake of the brand. Whoa, whoa, kidding, I was kidding!”

“Hi,” Peter cut in, moving between Johnny and a stapler snatched up by Sassy’s telekinesis, “Peter Trotter, lovable freelance shutterbug. The implication here is you work fast? You’re only dealing with the scent and sound of too much hair gel because he’s doing me a favour. I need a suit for literally tomorrow, so if you could find it in your heart to help me out here the sooner you’re rid of the not-so-perfect-Storm.”

“You had me at ‘too much hair gel’, darling.” Sassy beckoned as she led them to a curtained corner. Both their spines shivered as the stapler dropped onto the desk with a sound like a redwood crushing a bowling ball full of fine china. 

“Good reflexes!” she noted as Peter sprang leisurely onto an offered stool. 

“Um...”

“Taught him everything he knows!” Johnny covered, turning up the smarm as he flopped down on a couch and flipped through a copy of Under the Sun. At least Peter assumed he was covering. Sassy was soon lost in a world of levitating tape measure and fabric swatches at any rate. 

“So where would I know you from?” she asked eventually on the third measuring of Peter’s spine. “Photography,” she clarified at his confused expression. 

“Uh...”

“Lovable freelance shutterbug,” Johnny said idly, too wrapped up in a spread on Fancy Pants’ new line of luxury airships to add in the snark. 

“Oh! Ah, you wouldn’t have seen any of my stuff. Not in fashion, anyway. I’m in newspapers, mostly.”

“Oh?” Sassy’s eyes glistened with interest and potential reviews.

“Usually The Derby Bugle!” Peter beamed proudly. 

“Oh.” Sassy’s tape measure drooped ever so slightly as she finished measuring his tail. “Still, you must meet some interesting ponies! Famous, even?”

“Ahem!” Johnny fumed. 

“If by meet you mean photographed at a distance, sure.” Pete stood on his hind legs, forelegs outstretched as Sassy’s magic wove fabric around them. “I’m usually on the crime beat, but every now and then there’s a big name. Sometimes they even cross over, mostly Tony Spark. Whose name is not supposed to be brought up, because every time he moves down here from the coast he supplants Johnny as Manehattan’s most eligible bachelor.” 

“Hmph,” Johnny scoffed over the whomph of an igniting flame goatee. “Ooh, lookit me, I’m the third richest pony in the world, my tower’s pointier, park my chopper on the beach!” 

“Put that out!” Sassy hissed. “Anyway, there we go! You’ll be the belle of whatever ball you feel like gate crashing for, oh, about three months. How’s it feel?”

“Great!” Peter selected a matching tie from the row she floated in front of him. “Could use some of my, ah, nice reflexes to make it less stiff but there’s still nothing like a new suit. Johnny, are you messing with the temperature?”

“Who, me?” Johnny batted his eyelids adorably. “But for real, no, Sassy yelled at me.”

“Hmm. A…friend enchanted a scarf for me once? It could spread heat through fibres, do you guys offer that? Or rather the reverse?”

“A cooling enchantment,” Sassy mused. “We doooo, buuut they take time for something with as many fibres as this bad boy. We’d have to send it away for about a hoof-full of working days for something that ambitious, and you did say you needed it for tomorrow…”

“Then it’s as good as it’s gonna get,” Peter smiled understandingly, finishing the tie. “Hay, probably knock the price down too, right?”

“I’d like to thank the academy for the opportunity to say one of my favourite things in the world!” Johnny cast Under the Sun aside and hem-hemed with relish. “Ms. Saddles, put it on my tab!”

“No," Sassy said flatly. “Store policy. One tab per customer and the suit is for Peter, not you. Either pony up, close yours, or surprise me by doing the gentlepony thing and doing both.”

“Surprise you like when we went to Prance just to get away from it all?” Johnny grinned. “Or the top of the Mephistopheles mountains? Personally, I was surprised when we got that legit Guoxianese food from Guoxia and you almost choked on—Hey!”

“Oops, my tie!” Peter declared dramatically, hurriedly unravelling it as he used his forehead to push Johnny flank first into a corner. “Johnny be a pal and help a pony out, huh?”

“What’s up?” Johnny whispered, pushing back to stop Peter making him physically one with the chosen corner. “Spider-Sense?”

“I looked at the price tags on Sassy’s fabrics, right, and I’ve done the math in my head and--”

“What, you can do higher math in your head but you can’t tie a tie?” 

“Johnny, I don’t know what to do! If I had as many gems as stars in the sky I couldn’t afford this thing.”

“Who said you had to?” Johnny turned away as he finished knotting. “Hey Sassy, you adorable ice cream cake you, my tab; that’d be with Pete’s purchase included, yeah?”

“Yes…” Sassy said wearily. 

“Then prepare to be surprised!” The Horseshoe Torch beamed. 

He didn’t see the brief hollowness in Peter’s eyes.


5


The sun set. 

The sun rose. 

Stuff was about to happen.


6


The ever lovin’ blue eyed Thing yawned as he stomped out of the silo elevator. Nothing like a second breakfast after your morning workout. After that, a diagnostic on the family ship for this week’s mission, a light snack and, assuming some yahoo didn’t try to conquer the world, a quick nap before lunch with Armilla. 

He frowned, sniffing at a familiar burning smell coming from the living room. “Matchstick? What’re you doin’ up? Before noon, no less!”

He squinted, temporarily half blinded by Manehattan morning as his voice inadvertently triggered a spell to raise the blinds. The limp form floating a few inches above the carpet remained silent, it’s flames briefly seeming to grow brighter as fresh sunlight filled the room. Didn’t even turn around for their usual morning insult contest. Kids! 

“You have too much sugar or somethin’?” Grim asked, still squinting as he trotted around to the Torch’s face. Same adventurous smile Johnny used for all their merchandise at least, but it looked…well, like merchandise. Like the replicas of that smile modelled onto action figures, baseball caps, novelty mugs, and other such curios down in the giftshop. Plastic and static, though also actually on fire.

H.E.R.B.I.E. floated into the room, anticipating the mess Grim would’ve made of the kitchen by now, and chirruped curiously at the sight of one of the family peering at the other. He began to circle the Thing as the Thing circled the Torch, a strange domestic solar system. 

“You’re hoverin’ around and he ain’t even made a face,” Grim muttered. “Somethin’s up, shrimp.”

H.E.R.B.I.E. beep booped in agreement. Driven by some primal curiosity, the Thing reached out a tentative hoof and gave his partner in in-fighting a nudge on the shoulder. 

His resultant scream of horror shook the top four floors of the Baxter Barn and sent cats, dogs and pigeons scattering for the entire block. 


***


“Grim?!” 

Sand Sousaphone Storm burst out of her office, her image blurring as the Phantasmal Pony summoned one force field to meet the latest unnamed horror to invade her living room, and another under her hooves, surfing into battle! 

Even after all these years of teaching herself to shape the building blocks of light itself to her will, though, the Earth Pony was still trying to use a free hoof to pull on her team collar and pull off the business suit she’d started with. “Grim Skies, what is it?! Just tell me it’s not the Pop-Up Pony again, I am in no mood--”

She yelped as her field-platform bounced off the Thing’s back, the impact sending her shirt over her eyes, then let out a louder one when she pulled it off to come face to face with H.E.R.B.I.E. Following his programming, the little automaton blared a klaxon and hid behind the couch. 

Sue took the advice of her therapist (technically her lawyer but same difference) and began to count to ten. It was difficult, what with the Thing’s sobs shaking the floor and making her lose count. “Grim, what in Equestria’s the matter?! Did the Knicks lose? Is it one of those stupid Yancy Street pranks? You’re not having another ‘Am I a Mustang or a Monster?’ episode are you, our insurance won’t cover those anymore.”

He turned around, those famous blue eyes brimming with tears under that craggy brow and melting her heart. “Aw Suzie, I’m-I’m-I’m so sorry! I did it! I finally went and did it! Aww cripes! I broke yer brother!”

“Get in line,” Sousa muttered. “He didn’t check in last night and this morning in the mail… Gugh, when I find that colt I’m going to give him a piece of my mind! The part that lets me make invisible hammers.” 

H.E.R.B.I.E. risked peeking out from behind his comfy barricade and chirruped hopefully. With a sigh, Sue raised her forelegs, not even budging as the grateful Helpful-Experimental-whatever-he-was-supposed-to-be zipped across the room and into her reluctant embrace. She squinted as H.E.R.B.I.E. deployed his vacuum cleaner attachment, beeping at her curiously. 

She looked down and a pile of ceramic looking chips, one of them sporting her brother’s smirking lips, looked back at her. “Oh wonderful, foreign substances. Part of a balanced breakfast. River! Reed?” 

“Y’ph, dr’gh?” The head and elongated neck of Dr. River Reeds, one of Manehattan’s most pioneering intellects, appeared in the doorway with the sound of a hoof sliding over a balloon. He still had a toothbrush in his mouth and his body, when it cantered in after him, was wearing a bathrobe with the edge of what Sue just knew would be the Why Yes, I Am a Rocket Sorcerer t-shirt Johnny had gotten him for Hearth's Warming. Not dramatic but certainly an entrance. 

“Yes, dear?” Reed clarified, using his telekinesis to remove the toothbrush. “Sorry, I was in the middle of decontaminating a case of lab breath when Grim shook the building and I got tangled in the…facilities. Oooh, foreign substances!” 

Sue had to cough twice, the first having been drowned out by the sound of her husband’s neck stretching for an enthusiastic close-up of whatever was littering the carpet, nudging her head in the direction of his bawling best friend. 

“Ah!” Mr. Fantastic acknowledged, straightening up to take charge with all the prestige a pony could in his bathrobe. The movement unravelled his belt, spoiling the effect by exposing the Rocket Sorcerer t-shirt. “There, there old friend, let’s calm down, shall we?”

“Aww Stretch, I really put my hoof in it this time!”

“What, this?” Reed levitated a hoof-full of fragments for a curious glance. “Hmm, normally not advisable even with your protective hide, but unless I miss my guess…” 

And to their mind-numbing disgust, the smartest pony they knew licked one of them.

“Cripes, Stretcho, show some respect! That’s Johnny you’re tastin’!” 

“What,” Sue said with the monotone of the truly nonplussed, a statement, not a question.

“Aww Susie, I’m so sorry! All these years and I still dunno my own ever lovin’ strength!” That rocky lower lip began to tremble. “He was just hoverin’ there when I came in! I gave ‘im a lil’ nudge and he…he plain crumbled to dust right in front of me, an-an-an’ I’m no good bum is what I am!” 

He dissolved into fresh wails. The air shimmered like a heat haze as Sue shot out force field tendrils, trying to keep trophies and furniture steady as Grim shook the room again. What wasn’t still potentially explosive she’d only recently gotten just the way she liked it!

“Hmm,” Reed ruminated, “yes, as I suspected. Oh Grim Skies, you’re still crying! Buck up, old fellow! Please!” He elongated his torso, wrapping around the wailing Thing in a half hold, half hug. “I assure everypony there’s a perfectly logical explanation, but I can’t deliver it if the building comes down. And you’re scaring poor H.E.R.B.I.E.!”

“Yes,” Sue deadpanned as the droid tried to untangle the vacuum cable from her hair, “poor H.E.R.B.I.E.” 

“My little pal!” The Thing blubbered. “We’ll never see his smug face ever again! When I think of all the crud he pulled, and what a crumb I’ve been to him for it! I did some things in the big one I ain’t proud of, but who’d-a-thought peace would come at an even greater price!”

“Would you mind…?” Sousa gestured to the pile of brick red dust getting further and further into her Nouveau Urban. H.E.R.B.I.E. began to happily vacuum up the apparent remains of her brother. “Grim, wonderful a sentiment as that is, come on, it’s Johnny. No way we’re that lucky. Reed, you were saying?” 

“Thank you, dear,” Reed smiled as he unwound from his still quaking best friend. “Now, ah, I’m afraid this might partially be my fault. Sousaphone asked me to have a word with Johnnycake about missing power practice--”

“I already don’t like where this is going,” The Thing sniffled. 

“Yes, that’s the, ah, thing. To get him to pay attention, I began to speculate about his powers and, well, you remember that one trick he figured out in high school? Use some of his flames to create a decoy Torch? Well, when he flames on his body produces a thermal sheath, which I suspect either protects it from or in some way generates his fire.” 

Sue put a hoof to each temple to ease the sheer inevitability. 

“On closer examination, over the years it’s evolved into a similar epidermis to yours, old friend, so if it functions along with his fire then hypothetically he could break bits of it off, enough to, say, mould a more convincing form of decoy and Grim, Grim, Thing wait, come back!” 

“WHERE IS THAT NO GOOD, LOW DOWN—?!” the Thing bellowed, stamping out into the hall in search-and-destroy mode. He whipped around as the floor filled with the revolving wail of H.E.R.B.I.E.’s personnel-down-in-need-of-assistance siren. (Reed had a gift for names but had struggled with that one, and the others’ suggestions after hearing it had been too rude.) 

He was floating back and forth excitedly in front of a closet door, quest for a fresh vacuum bag forgotten after the discovery of the Horseshoe Torch, sprawled semiconsciously on top of a pile of paper towel rolls, even using one as a pillow, covered in confetti string and tenderly hugging a traffic cone. 

Johnny stirred, squinting up at them all through his obligatory pink rimmed, star shaped sunglasses. “What’s up gang? Have we split up to search for clues yet, or am I just seeing double?”

“Cripes kid, ya look half like death.” The Thing’s face looked even more like an avalanche than normal as he reached down. “Let me HELP YA WITH THAT!”

“Oh cool, it worked!” Johnny beamed, then yelped as he was hoisted up by his somehow still immaculate tail. He thrashed, suspended upside down almost a foot off the ground in the Thing’s one hoofed grip. “Let go, you over grown gargoyle!” 

“What, and miss my chance to finally feed ya that toxic waste dump you call a haircut, ya product usin’ putz!” 

“Bring it, fugly!” 

They both blinked as Grim’s hoof popped open, as if a basketball had inflated itself inside his grip, and Johnny found his svelte 170 lbs floating inside the physics of a soap bubble with the density of marble. Despite flaming on from instinct, he felt that familiar chill in his blood as he turned to meet Sue’s gaze. “Would you gentlecolts excuse us? I need to talk to my brother.” 

“Grim Skies old buddy,” Johnny pleaded, forehooves clasped and going down on still floating knees, “clobber me, please, hard as you can right between the eyes! Even you can’t let me suffer like this!”

“Um,” said Mr. Fantastic, genius, as Sue’s gaze snapped on him like twin sniper scopes. “Come on H.E.R.B.I.E., let’s…get you…”

“Some of that fancy fruit smellin’ cleaning stuff Susie likes so much!” the Thing rallied. H.E.R.B.I.E. gave a tinny squeal of glee and shot off down the hall, the brains and brawn of super heroism’s first family stoically following in his wake, so as not to look like they were running away. 

“Cowards,” muttered the Torch as his sister levitated him over to the couch. He extinguished himself and sighed, terror submersed (for now) by irritation. “Okay, there’s a 50/50 chance I did whatever it is, so fine, let’s play the odds.”

“Let’s not.” Sue’s hard expression didn’t change as she produced a sheet of paper. “This bill was in the mail this morning. What in Equestria did you do yesterday?”

Johnny shrugged. “Went shopping.”

“For what, a weekend in Las Pegasus?! You’re only supposed to see this kind of number when you’ve come out of traction! And this bit here, this is only half of what they’re charging you?!” 

“That’s why I figured it wouldn’t be a big deal!” Johnny insisted “Look, it’s a tab. Weekly payments. So I closed it because we can handle it!” 

“That’s not the point!” Sousa managed, struggling not to shout “How did you run up a tab this big? You’re supposed to keep us up to date on your spending!” 

“Oh sure, even though it’s my money! Excuse me if I get a little caught up in this thing we do, y’know, saving the world?!” 

“No, I won’t excuse you! That is absolutely not an excuse!” 

“I’m not making excuses!” They were standing face to face now. Johnny hated this. Sue’s mom-itude, the way he’d regress back to high school as if to compliment it. He took the advice of his lawyer and took a deep breath. “Okay, look. If it’s this big a deal, isn’t it better I shut it down now?” 

“You still put it on the company card,” Sue said in words of stone. Their impact sent Johnny’s universe rippling from the sheer size of his screw up. 

“Oh.” He backed off, ears lowering. “Oh man, sis, sorry! I just put down the first piece of plastic I found in my wallet, I legit thought it was mine. I’ll fly by right now and change the details, promise.”

“That’s not better!” Sue put a hoof on his shoulder. “Johnny, no matter who’s paying for it, this bill…it’ll wipe out your savings this first week alone, and those come from what we pay you!” 

“Right, but the Horseshoe Torch royalties--”

“Depends on how well your specific merchandise is doing. It’s not a reliable source of income! And all those gems and bits come from the same place. We make a lot of money, and I try to keep it all flowing fairly, but it’s a new financial quarter. We’ve got gosh knows how many contracts up for renewal, and we could lose who knows how many of them. I don’t need to be blindsided by stuff like this!” 

“Contracts like Damage Control?” Johnny asked, trying not to throw himself too hard on this potential life raft in case he capsized it. “Because that’s already taken care of!” 

Sue blinked. “How?” 

“Did I wind up in the closet? Well, after this little dust up with the Wrecking Crew I took old Web-Head shopping then decided to double back, y’know, help melt down some rubble, weld some support beams back into place, that kinda thing.”

Sue sighed, but smiled and shook her head at the same time. Johnny pressed on, taking what he could get. 

“So when their crews showed up, I got to talking with this overseer, Jasmine Shine, and one thing led to another down at the Cottonmouth Club. For the price of going halfsies on a bill in a place with free refills I cemented their decision to retain us, well, Reed really, as a consultant! Once Jasmine woke up of course.” He loftily flopped down on the couch, hooves triumphantly behind his head. “It’s kinda fuzzy after that, but either I set up the decoy for Grim and he never showed up…or I just forgot where my room was. Dunno where the traffic cone came from.”

Sue didn’t look mad but definitely wasn’t thrilled either. “That’s not a great way to do business, and it’s not just the tab…” She blinked. “What does Peter need a new suit for?”

“He’s having tea with Princess Celestia!” 

“No. Really. What does Peter need a new suit for?”

“It would actually be less awkward if you went back to being mad at me right now.”

“I’m not mad, I’m worried about you.” Sue flopped down next to him on the couch with a sigh like an ancient civilisation finally collapsing. “It’s not the money, Johnny, it’s…everything. First I didn’t say anything, then I tried to find the right way to say it, but this has been going on ever since you left school. You run up huge tabs, you’re out all night, you skip power practice--”

“Y’know, the name’s not suddenly going to sound cooler if you just say it more.” 

“I know, but it is important! What we do is dangerous! There are things out there it takes all four of us to handle! I didn’t know where you were last night, what if something had happened to you?!”

Without hesitation Johnny put his forelegs around his sister in a hug. Sousa slumped against him slightly, feeling exhausted. 

“And what you did to Grim was kind of mean,” she muttered into his shoulder. 

“Think of it as power practice.” 

Sue smiled despite herself, taking one of his hooves in hers. “Just do me a favour and hold off on any big spending, okay? I can make this weekly thing work, but no more tabs!”

“Scouts honour, sis.” 

“And at least carry your signal flare for my peace of mind, please?”

“I’ll go pick up a fresh one from the doc right now. We cool?”

“Working on it.” The Phantasmal Pony smiled, nuzzling her little brother, and trotted off in search of her business suit. Johnny waited until she was out of sight (as in down the hall, not her invisible shtick) before flaming on and floating into the lab.


7


Twilight Sparkle stared up at the writhing, wild-eyed cat creature wearing…a vest with a lion face on it? (Oh gosh, that wasn’t an actual lion’s face was it!?) …suspended upside down in a web strung between the spires of Canterlot central station.

“Impudent welp! No prey escapes the world’s greatest hunter!” 

“Really? Should I wait here while you go get them?” Spider-Pony, still upside down, finished weaving a final strand, folding his forelegs and swinging back a little on the web-line from his tail to admire his handiwork. “Like, I have plans, but leaving is kind of escaping if you think about it. Far be it from me to contradict the reputation of the world’s greatest hunter!” 

Not his best work, but Twilight couldn’t help a snicker. Trying to suppress it so as not to attract attention actually drew a few looks from nearby ponies, worried she was either choking or perhaps having some kind of psychotic fit. There was nothing funny to her about the arrival of a fully armed E.U.P. squad. 

“The guys in gold!” Spidey announced, flipping right side up to perch on a ledge, and Twilight couldn’t help wondering if this was a super pony thing or just Peter feeling the need to mug to the crowd. “Now it may seem a little ostentatious, but I simply couldn’t drop by unannounced like this and not bring you a token of my esteem! Careful though, he’s a biter!” 

“Hilarious,” deadpanned the Pegasus captain, readying her pump action crossbow with a gratuitous click-snap. “Off the architecture, hooves behind your head. You’ve still got some questions to answer from the last time you rampaged through town!”

“Admittedly mistakes were made but ‘rampaged’ is such a harsh word, don’tcha think?” Spidey spread a foreleg to trace an imaginary headline. “How about ‘Prevented mad scientist from turning Mt. Canterlot into a volcano to power their death ray’?”

The guards responded by brandishing more weaponry. Twilight Sparkle responded by simply teleporting herself and her loquacious leman out of the area. The captain blinked, remaining in the air because she was so surprised by the vigilante’s instantaneous disappearance her brain hadn’t even register it enough to throw off her wing beats.  

“Lieutenant, did you see that?!”

“Er, yes Captain! Is that one of his powers? Can he do that? I didn’t know he could do that!”

“Spiders can’t just disintegrate, Lieutenant. Don’t be silly.”

“They don’t dress in red and blue and walks as ponies either, Captain! You don’t know everything!”

“Um,” came a hesitant Stalliongrad accent from on high, “if I give you my word as Equestria’s greatest hunter not to bite anypony, could you maybe get me down?”


***


Spider-Pony blinked as he materialised on top of a gazebo in a quiet section of a city park. “Oh. Hi, honey!” 

“Hello, dear,” Twilight beamed. “How was your trip?” 

“Honestly fine for the first couple of hundred miles,” Spidey admitted as he casually slipped off the tiled roof, removing his mask as he landed, “but then Kraken the Hunter got on at Whineyapolis. Think he recognised my scent or something. And riding inside a train for once was such a novelty too.”

“Aww, poor baby!” Twilight gave him a peck on the cheek. “Spike was so worried.” 

“Only Spike huh?”

“I think he’s still hoping you’ll make him your sidekick someday,” Twilight teased. “But he was pretty overwrought when he showed up, poor thing. I had to ask him to repeat himself a few times, he was going so fast, but he said you tricked that brute into following you onto another train?” 

“Well, even Kraken doesn’t deserve the kind of fate you’d visit upon anypony or anything that mussed Spike’s fins.” 

“I would’ve turned his bones to glass, yes,” Twilight admitted with a shrug. “But he was carrying your saddlebag, and there’s another bag in there or something?” 

“His secret weapon!” Spike announced, startling them both as he sprouted out of some bushes. “Sorry guys, had to duck the fuzz, but yeah, Spider-Peter entrusted me with his secret weapon!” 

He held a garment bag aloft like it was one of the Elements of Harmony. 

“The fuzz,” Twilight said flatly. 

“I may have lent him some of Uncle Glen’s old paperbacks.”

Twilight squinted at the logo on the bag as Peter gingerly took it from between Spike’s talons. “Sleek yet Sereine? Gosh, they’re expensive enough already, I hadn’t heard they were branching out into munitions! That can’t be legal!” 

“Only if you think being dressed to kill is a crime!” Peter grinned. It faltered a little at Twilight and Spike’s uncomprehending expressions. “Well, it’s Princess Celestia and all so I brought a…y’know, it’ll be better once you see it, just, ah, just gotta switch places with you Spike, so if we could…”

Twilight sat on her haunches and watched the awkward dance of both men in her life trying to simultaneously enter and exit the bushes in a park she’d walked through and played in since childhood. This. This is my life now. 

“Y’know,” Spike mused, brushing stray leaves off his scales as he finally extracted himself, “maybe that’s not the best place to change, dude. There’s a music festival being set up a few miles away. Probably a few porta potties…”

“Spiiiike, don’t be gross!” Twilight squealed. “Change? Oh, you brought some special costume? That’s…I won’t lie, it’s sudden, but that’s wonderful, Peter! I wasn’t sure if you wanted to tell her this early, but it’ll make everything so simple--”

“Sorry Twilight, there’s some sort of nest in my ear.” Peter thumped the side of his head a few times and emerged, throwing on the jacket of his new suit and trying not to stagger under the sudden stuffy weight. He spread his forelegs demonstrably. “Anyway. Ta-da!” 

“Oh, wow.” She blinked. “You…got all dressed up.”

“I went through all that just to carry your laundry?!” Spike fumed.  

“Nooo, you went through all that to carry my new Reins Bond cosplay.” Peter mimed that famous tomato throwing pose from all the posters. He was starting to acclimate to the suit but there was still a certain amount of stiffness. “Whaddaya think? Very Grand Galloping Gala, right? ...Twilight? You okay, honey? You’re kind of thousand-yard staring.”

“Just…trying to remember it all ended with doughnuts.” Twilight shook her head to rid herself of visions of that night in some alternate universe where today also had to happen. “Reins Bond? So this is some kind of undercover thing! Is danger afoot?! Do we need to warn the princess?! Assemble the Befrienders?!” 

“No, no, no and wha—? I’m not even wearing the costume under the new number. It was just a nod to how stylin’ I am right now!”

“Nopony says stylin’ anymore,” Spike grumped. “And why do you need to be stylin’ without a g? It’s Canterlot, only the toffs wear suits when they don’t have to.”

“The Torch says styling without a g,” Peter said, surprised at how meek he felt.

“Spike,” Twilight said gently. “It’s Peter’s secret to keep. If he doesn’t want the princess to know then--”

Spike blinked at both of them. “How do we know she doesn’t already?”  

“Okay, how did we get on this subject, and would it be okay if we dropped it?” Peter asked, tugging at his collar. He’d expected the mountain air up here to take some of the edge off but the suit was starting to feel uncomfortably warm. Yeah. The suit. That was it.

“Well, don’t you wanna be honest with her?”

“Yeah, which is why she’ll be meeting…me. Not the wall-crawler.” Peter tried a smile “No need for a dramatic revelation if there doesn’t have to be. I’m only a super hero half the time, Spike.”

The dragon blinked. “So, what, you’re only honest half the time?”

Peter blinked. Spike sighed. 

“Uh…y’know what Twilight, I changed my mind. Think I’ll hit the movies and swing by to say hi to the princess when it’s all over.” 

“If that’s what you think is best.” Twilight passed him a pouch of bits from her saddlebag. Spike waddled off, looking over his shoulder with a pensive smile. 

“Good luck, guys. You might need it.”


***


“What was that supposed to mean?” Peter asked as they began to mingle with the crowds of tourists, merchants and citizens trotting in and out of the park. The fact that the few of them that were wearing a suit carried briefcases (or had somepony else in a suit to carry it for them) made him feel self-conscious. “Am I supposed to feel like I did something wrong?”

“No,” Twilight assured, still looking over her shoulder to keep a maternal eye on Spike until he was totally out of view. “Spike acts like one of the gang but he’s still very young. And he’s seen the kind of damage keeping a secret can do.”

“Twilight, my identity--”

“I understand,” Twilight cut in, glancing around to make sure they wouldn’t be overheard. “You’ve carried that secret since you were fifteen years old. But Spike’s identity…he’s also seen the damage some dragons can do if they put their minds to it. Being a pony, raised here in the capital of Equestria? That’s important to him. The princess is as important to him as she is to me. It makes sense he’d be a little…touchy about keeping something from her.” 

“And it’s important to me that this goes well. Spider-Pony’s given me a lot, but it’s taken a lot away. I don’t want it to sink this.” Peter gave her a nuzzle. “You’re both important to me as well.”

“That’s good to hear.”  

“Well, yeah. Can’t do without my faithful sidekick.” 

Twilight giggled, grateful for the change in direction. Peter grinned and decided to press his luck. “So okay, Spike’s not a fan, but what’s your opinion of the swanky new duds?” 

“Not as…flexible as your costume.” Peter’s heart skipped a little as Twilight batted her eyelashes the way she’d practised in the mirror for months. “But it shows off your calves quite nicely. And you know I like a stallion who can tie a mean Grantchester Knot…” 

“You should see me unravel it,” Peter breezed in his best Bond brogue. 

“Peeeeter, behave, there’s people!” Twilight hissed through grinning teeth as she blushed. “But yeah, I don’t know how necessary it was, but I approve. What about you?” 

“After spandex, nothing can ever be too itchy,” Peter admitted, “but the fabric’s a bit heavier than what I’m used to. Which is ironic, since the entire reason I didn’t just go with my old one is it’s been dry cleaned stiffer than the Thing’s ear hair.” 

“Does it breathe okay?” Twilight asked as they climbed into the waiting chariot. “It’s just you’re wearing a black jacket and tie. And carrying your saddlebag. And we’re going to be sitting out in the open, in the land the sun is raised directly over every day.” 

“Hey, long as I can bow in it, right?”  

“As long as you’re happy, dear,” Twilight beamed, returning the drivers’ bows and leaning against Peter’s shoulder as they began to pull their ride. “Now however will we endure this romantic carriage ride through one of the most beautiful cities in Equestria?” 

“Could be our most harrowing team up yet,” Peter teased.

‘Endure’ turned out to be the strangely appropriate word, though. The air of the mountain road leading up to the castle was actually quite pleasant after years in Manehattan’s thickness, but the prospect of what Peter was riding towards began to set in. The castle didn’t look like any of the thousands of evil lairs he’d infiltrated before with Spider-Sense on full alert, but none of them had housed his wizard girlfriend’s wizard mom. 

In addition, the weight of his bag, the rocking of the chariot, and even the warmth of Twilight’s body against his combined to make his new suit feel like it was heating up whenever the chariot was directly in the sunlight. Once outside the castle courtyard he checked to make sure Twilight was preoccupied with thanking and tipping the drivers, then checked his brow with a hoof. Not damp, but he could probably do to loosen his tie soon. 

“Everything alright?” Twilight asked. Peter quickly turned the gesture into shielding his eyes as he took in the beautiful castle…parking lot. 

“Fine, fine!” he covered. “So it’s been ages since The Bugle last sent me here. Do we wait for a guard or a butler or something to show us in?”

“Or something,” said a gracious voice from on high. 

Both ponies turned to see the icon of Equestria itself circling overhead as she came in for a landing. Princess Celestia smiled down at the two of them, the perfect Canterlot spring afternoon seeming to become that much brighter for her presence. 

“Princess Celestia!” Twilight cried with childlike glee, drowning out Peter’s terrified wheeze of “…hi,” as she galloped over to her mentor for one of those famous neck hugs. 

Even though he was now standing at ground zero, and starting to feel the combo of the new suit and his saddlebag had been a mistake, making him look less like a suitor come-a-courtin’ and more like an overgrown school foal, he couldn’t help but smile at how natural the moment between them was. 

“Twilight Sparkle! Thank you for accepting an old mare’s invitation.” 

Twilight hopped back to Peter’s side and cleared her throat before bowing respectfully. “That is…hello, Princess. It’s wonderful to see you again. Spike will be by later but this is…this is my coltfriend, Peter Trotter.”

She only squeaked ‘coltfriend’ a little. Peter followed her bow, hoping it didn’t look forced. With his luck, he’d been expecting the suit jacket to fall over his head, or the sleeves to rip from prostrating his legs, but it was his faithful saddlebag that betrayed him. The bow sent it sliding down his back, over his head and to the ground, rattling with the sound of his camera, change, and keys. He instinctively straightened up, only tangling his forelegs in the strap and making it more difficult for an aid who’d materialised from nowhere to pick it up.

“Sorry, thanks!” he blurted, not sure who he was apologising to. His focus swung to Celestia with the inevitability of gravity, the scale of the amused but kind eyes baring down on him wiping out every hastily prepared statement. 

Twilight had already made the introductions, hadn’t she? What exactly was he supposed to say to the mare who’d seen civilisation rise and fall thousands of times before his aunt and uncle had been born? It would’ve been easier if she’d been one of the pompous cosmic entities or power mad sorcerers who sometimes fetched up in Manehattan. He could have cracked wise at her. He’d always known what to say to Kulan Gath!

“The Horseshoe Torch said to say hi,” his mouth said on autopilot. 

“Oh, you know Johnnycake? How nice of him.” Celestia trotted closer, making his hind legs quiver with repressing the urge to back away. “But I’m far more interested in getting to know you. Cadence’s description of Twilight’s descriptions was quite...”

She tilted her head as if appraising him, never stopped smiling but something did make her frown slightly. “Pardon me dear, you’ve got a little schmutz.” 

And then the Princess of the Sun licked one of her wingtips and rubbed it against his cheek. Peter got the impression that, in just his coat, being this close to the alicorn’s constantly radiating magical field would’ve felt as satisfying as a sunbeam to a cat. In his suit, everything just got hotter. 

Also the embodiment of ponyhood herself was spit polishing him. Twilight's face when.

“Hmm,” Celestia muttered. “It’s more stubborn than Luna, I swear…”

“What?” Peter put a hoof to the black dot under his right eye, tiny sparkles still twinkling around it. “Oh! My mole! Uh, no your highness, I…I’ve had that all my life…”

“Ah,” the one thousand and change year old sorceress and diplomat managed. Awkward silence reigned. The sound of the approaching aid’s hooves echoed off the castle’s stone path, bouncing around the three of them like the embarrassing aftersounds of dropping a family heirloom down a flight of stairs. 

“Ladies? Sir?” she asked from a garden door. “Is everypony ready?” 


To be continued

> Sense and Flammability (2)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


8


“Hey Reed, you in here?”

“Trick question, Johnny! You know I’m always here by my giant something-or-other-colliders! What can I do for you to make up for totally abandoning you to your sister’s wrath because she could literally wrap me around her little hoof if she wanted?” 

“Astute as ever, fearless leader! Long story short, for reasons my natural yet carefully cultivated machismo prevents me from admitting to, I feel the need to make my sister’s life easier by making some quick scratch. Any ideas?” 

“Well, there is this one thing with a volcano!”

“A volcano, you say? This calls for some contemplative flame-goatee stroking!”

Okay, the conversation hadn’t gone exactly like that, but re-imagining it was one of a couple of ways Johnny had to kill time on the flight to…he checked the navigation instruments; Griffin Rock. Oh right, the testing town! 





Even with the admittedly killer speeds of the Fanstichariots™ orbital flight mode, Manehattan to this far out in New Wingland took hoooourrsssss, oh my gooooooooosh! Way less than flying under his own power would have, but still! 

Johnny had gunned the engines as hard as they’d go, and pulled as many insane mid-air stunts as he could before having to throttle back, at least five times over the course of the trip. He’d even managed a nap. Maybe he was just cranky because of the remaining bruises from that thing with the Wrecking Crew. 

His mood lightened at the thought of the best chowder and seafood in Equestria. He’d even make sure to bring back too much salt water taffy so he’d have to share with Grim, without looking like he was trying to make up for the (totally awesome) decoy prank.  

Finally, the hills and distinctive mountain of the island came into view through the chariot’s cockpit. Johnny picked up the magical shortwave speaker, and glanced at his foreleg for the umpteenth time to make sure he had the mission (well, errand really) right. 

Dr. Greene, Griff Rock, Mt. Magma readings/geo-thermal, ask about …and here River had been running out of leg and settle for a doodle. A…circle? With another tiny circle on top? Did Mr. Fantastic want the secret ingredient to this island’s sundaes or something? Eh. Science. 

“Griffin Rock, this is FC-26913 requesting clearance to land, repeat, this is FC-26913 requesting clearance to land. Call back for a hoofshake, Griffin Rock, over!” 

“Say again, FC?” crackled the speaker “There might be something wrong with your radio.”

You try and bring a little swagger into people’s lives… “Listen, this is Tropical Storm from Fantastic Inc.? Dr River Reeds sent me? Over.” 

“Ah, okay FC, we’ve got your details from Doc Green right here. Clearance granted, repeat, you have clearance to land at Griffin labs airstrip. Need an escort?”

“Nah,” Johnny grinned, checking the coordinates, “had a long flight in this tin can. Gotta feel the wind running through your mane sometimes, know what I mean?”

“I copy, FC,” the radio chuckled. “Should I let the doc know you’re gonna be a little late?”

“Oh, I won’t be late.” Johnny had already unstrapped, and was activating the auto-pilot rune on the dashboard. “The ship may be a few minutes behind, but no biggie. The doc’ll see me coming.”

“Say again FC?” the tower asked like a responsible air traffic controller, but Johnny was already sliding the canopy open, his only regret that he couldn’t start off with the roller coaster thrill of the ejector seat. He’d need the pilot’s seat (and, in the event he couldn’t fly for some reason, the parachute attached to it) for the trip back. 

Still, he was bailing out of a space age airship so he could burst into flames a couple of feet above a spectacular ocean view, and rocket towards the island without wings, leaving the Fantastichariot to contentedly float miles behind him like a piece of paper on a summer breeze. That was still a pretty cool entrance. 

He slowed to a deferential 50 mph once within island airspace. Couldn’t very well salute the local flyers if he burned their wings off, now could he? 

Photo op done, he began turning in a lazy circle to take in Griffon Rock. He was a born city pony, despite being raised in various small towns like this on the Manehattan periphery, but the woods and mountains were easily the equal of any of the various alien worlds and alternate dimensional landscapes he’d visited. Plus, that namesake griffon shaped mountain peak was just stylin’!

Even as he began to complete his circle, drifting back into his flight path, he caught and squinted at the sight of a plume of smoke rising on the western horizon. The volcano maybe? Looked too lazily to be dangerous, but still. 


***

It wasn’t hard to find the lab, sticking out of a mountain overseeing the town. Johnny admired the way it wound in and out of the stone, easily the superior of most of its evil counterparts with their bolted on and oversized aesthetics. He drifted down, following the runway outside some large hanger-like buildings at a gradual pace, so as not to freak out the lab coated pony waiting for him. People always reacted better to a burning earth pony coming in for a landing if they behaved like an airship. 

“Hi,” he called as he cut his flames, completely slowed now to a gradual trot, “Dr. Greene Eraser?” 

“Indeed.” The older pony shook his offered hoof with one of those big old school mad scientist gloves. “And you must be the Torch. Remarkable!” 

“I get that a lot,” Johnny said, nodding modestly. 

“No, really! You are astoundingly life like! Apart from that hair of course, but my compliments to your manufacturer none the less.” 

Johnny could do the Peter thing and correct the doc, diving into the short but also not simple history of his android predecessor, or he could do the cool thing and roll with it. Like he’d ever do the Peter thing. “Reed mentioned you folks needed a hoof with Mt. Magma?” 

“Our geo-thermal experiment, yes!” Greene led the way into a workshop big enough for a fire truck to stand up in, indicating a desk laden with honest-to-gosh schematics for a giant volcano. “As you know our fair city is a, heh-heh, hotbed for in progress innovations.”

“Must take an awful lot of power to keep it all running,” Johnny noted, taking in more of the designs. He was (sort of) used to Reed’s almost art deco style of engineering, but this had a different texture. He could almost see how the faux volcano would work, but it couldn’t hurt to ask. “So you guys wanna tap into this thing and save some on your next thaumaturgy bill?” 

“We get warm fuzzies at the very thought!” Green agreed “Mt. Magma was built for the World’s Fair, before being moved here to channel the power of nature itself. It was all the rage back then, I understand. With our trademark zeal, the council ordered a pipe to be sunk deep beneath the surface to access real lava, sort of like a reverse chocolate sauce dispenser. Though the engineering involved led to many innovations and gainful employment, there just weren’t that many uses for a full scale artificial volcano, and more potential safety hazards than one could count.” 

“Then why turn it back on?”

“We don’t let anything go to waste here, Mr. Storm!” the doc beamed. “We also keep in touch with other island research facilities because you never known when one pony’s dud could be another griffin’s working prototype. Why, just yesterday one of our neighbours received delivery of a living sewing machine! Now my daughter simply has to have one! Good thing she doesn’t know about this particular trinket.”

He pulled on a pair of thick gloves over the one’s he was already wearing, which was the sort of ominous overkill Johnny could respect, using them to operate the mechanisms of a vault like contraption bolted to the wall. 

Johnny squinted through the reinforced glass. The chamber inside was wall-to-wall scrying stones to take readings, and bare of much else besides two large waldos Greene was manipulating through his gloves, and a wire covered plinth they were pulling out of the floor. He held up his foreleg to check…

“Oh, it’s a ring!” He nodded at the small band of steel nestled in the middle of all those wires like it would nod back or something. 

“Not just any ring!” Greene indicated the reams of ticker tape paper spooling from what the Torch had initially assumed was a new age filing cabinet. “We have a strict policy against trying on magical jewellery (I mean you don’t know where it’s been!),  but this little fella does astonishing things with heat!” 

“And goes great with your eyes.”

“You flatter me, Mr. Storm!” Greene finished pulling off the larger gloves and tapped one of the schematics. “We were hoping, with some fine tuning, that the ring could be used to control the heat of the volcano for easier construction. If nothing else, lava that isn’t molten is hard to see as a bad thing! But not only is the little devil hard to get a read on, Mt. Magma itself has been behaving oddly.”

“Like turning itself off and on?” Johnny asked “Because Reed’s our technical specialist and while I know my way around a filter system something this complex is in ‘kick it an’ prey’ territory, and it’s kinda big for that. Though I know a few metas back home if you’re interested.” 

“It hopefully won’t come to that, we get enough drama around these parts as it is. In fact, normally a job like this would be handled by our local emergency services but they’re indisposed on the mainland.” Doc Greene looked directly into the camera. “What a shame you came alone, too, and so this won’t be a meeting of two families of heroes!” 

“Is that a…?” Johnny blinked. “Have you been recording this entire conversation?” 

“Part of my contract, young Storm! I must keep the town appraised of all scientific progress and calamity. So far, this case falls somewhere in the middle. Every time we’ve conducted tests on the ring Mt. Magma has displayed some kind of activity. Subterranean tremors, smoke from cave openings, that kind of thing. No eruptions or lava, which itself is odd.”

“Could the ring have busted it or something?”

“Anything’s possible! Except getting down into the tunnels that honeycomb our humble island and investigating why there’s smoke but no fire...uh, lava while the mount is active, never mind when we’ve shut it down out of frustration.” The doc’s brow was creased with concern now, making him look as old as the grey streak in his mane suggested. “You saw that plume when you arrived, yes? Something seems to be making it from the inside, and if it doesn’t come out through the crater it may make a way out somewhere populated.” 

“There’s a seismology kit in the trunk,” Johnny assured, turning towards the soft drone of the chariot finally touching down. “And don’t worry, all the Fab Four may not be here but the Fire-proof One is.”

“You’re a credit to your science-adjacent profession!” Greene called over the still slowing turbines, passing Johnny an instruction manual once he’d retrieved and fastened the kit bag. 

“No problem, Doc! I’ll be back quicker than you can say Cave Carson has a Cybernetic Eye!” 

And with a burst of flame and a wink, the High-Flying Horseshoe Torch was air-borne and racing towards smoke for not even the thousandth time in his life. This time he had in-flight entertainment, one hoof unlit to hold onto the Mt. Magma manual. In one of those moments that made him love his life, the leather-bound booklet honestly had a little picture of a volcano on it. 


9


When he’d been, like, eleven and leaning towards ‘edgier’ humour, one of Peter’s favourite Uncle Glen jokes had been the one about the optimist who jumps off the Equestrian Sate building. Every floor he passes, ponies hear him be all like, “So far so good, so far so good…”

In that spirit he’d decided the best possible course of action, now that he was in the tastefully decorated manticore’s jaws, was to keep moving. It wasn’t the fall he had to worry about, it was how he was going to land. Osthorn had thrown him off the Equestrian State building that one time, but unless he got particularly creative a tea party wasn’t going to be salvaged by a web-parachute. Same principle, though: slow the fall. 

Thanks to the mutual mortification at the door the princess already knew he was a complete and utter dork. There’d never been any hope of hiding that, but he could lean into it! Give enough dorky answers and, more importantly, ask enough dorky questions to keep the conversation focused on the other two ponies and he could last through the party as just Twilight’s endearing dork, until Princess-freakin’-Celestia realised she had better things to do than holding a tea party for said dork. 

Better that than she come to the inevitable conclusion. 

“—and so after that first sip we agreed we simply had to bring it over,” Celestia was explaining. “I’ve always suspected the ambassador’s wife was the better negotiator and had us all in the pad of her hoof, since it was her idea to host the trade talks during a traditional Muleroccan tea ceremony.”

“That’s amazing!” Peter said with sincerity, completely failing to struggle with playing the part of dork. “I mean, the change you must have had to make for the economics alone…” 

“No economic talk at the table,” Twilight said in her quoting-from-academic-history voice, “because the princess spends all day looking at tax thingies and they do her head in.” 

“I’ve laid down several rules during a century of teaching young magicians,” the princess smiled, “but that was the very first one I decreed after my coronation. Though there was  once an attempt to subvert it concerning a certain filly’s allowance.”

“Mummy and Daddy said no,” Twilight mumbled, ears lowering slightly, “and that digest version of the Grimorum Arcanorum looked so lonely.”

“You should’ve seen her when her oven got possessed,” Peter chuckled. “First D.I.Y. I ever did with Spike because Twilight didn’t want to get confrontational.” 

“Emotional, I said I didn’t want to get emotional! It was so mean but it still smelt of muffins! Pinkie Pie made my first Ponyville birthday cake in it!”

“Honey, we were happy to do it but I smelt like incense and baking soda for a week.”

They looked up at a sound like being suplexed by a beanbag chair or taking an explosion full of kittens to the face. Princess Celestia was chuckling. “Do excuse me! Do you often do work around the library?” 

“Oh yes, of course Princess, plenty of work! Faithfulness hasn’t gotten in the way of being of your friendship student, I-I mean friendship hasn’t gotten in the way of being your faithful student, but I’m still beavering away at both your assignments like you wouldn’t believe, b-but I’m still letting my hair down like I promised, I-I-I swear, but I’ll have that new case study in on time and, oh, you were talking to Peter…”

“Breathe, sweetheart.” Peter gently patted her heaving shoulder, sincere but also taking a beat to admire how well he’d managed to roll up the sleeves of his suit shirt. Not buttoned up and impersonal, not too loose and seditious. Perfect business casual! He’d been amazed at how easy the balance had happened after instinctively handing the jacket to the aid. 

He could probably do with loosening that blasted tie at some point, though. How did Flattop stand this?!  “Um, sometimes, your highness. Just domestic stuff to give Spike a hoof, or...whatever those things he has are, not magic. Not my forte, obviously.” 

“And that would be?” 

“Hard sciences. What Twilight insist on calling ‘Everfree think’.” 

“I’m just saying! You have your point of view and I have mine…informed by over a hundred years of magical research and, you know, reality.” Their tea hadn’t arrived yet so Twilight took a victory sip from the milk jug. 

“Because being compared to the one area of Equestria you can’t understand is so respectful.” 

“I understand your ‘science’ just fine, dear.”

“Oh, so it’s not that you can’t, it’s that you won’t.” 

“Peter! Not in front of my mentor!” 

“You think that’s bad, you just called it science.” Peter looked casually at one of the dancing satyr statues to add that extra layer of gravitas to his own victory sip. 

“I’m so sorry, Princess, he’s like this all the time,” Twilight sighed at Celestia’s amused expression, “despite being born and raised in a magic kingdom. Even Applejack isn’t this stubborn.”

“Now see, being compared to one of the Apple family, that there is respectful. Thanks, honey!”

“I’m having too much fun to correct either of you,” Celestia smiled, “but I would like to thank the both of you for letting an old mare know courting hasn’t changed much in even the 21st century of her reign.” 

Twilight tittered nervously while Peter fought the instinct to toast her with the milk jug with every ounce of his spider-strength. 

“Though on that subject, how did you two meet? I’m sure it’s a wonderful story!”

The couple’s eyes met in a silent moment of ‘Ah.’ There was a version of the truth minus any Spider-related details in there somewhere, it would just take some gymnastics to find it. Applejack would’ve raised an eyebrow no matter which they went with, so better to dive right in. 

“Manehattan?” Twilight squeaked uncertainly. 

“I, ah, we were both there for that thing with Dr. Gloam?” Peter suddenly felt like he had a microphone and horde of rabid ethics committee members in front of him. 

Princess Celestia blinked at them. It was like somepony had just casually told her their hobby was using live kittens as sock puppets. Peter’s coat began to smoulder from what he was certain was the friction of her brain racing towards the obvious question: what the hay had he been doing letting her student within spitting distance of ambiguously European dictators?!

“Not to talk to him!” Twilight reassuringly floundered. “He just sort of…descended through the symposium’s dome. Or rather one of his robotic doppelgangers did!”

“He says it was a robot,” Peter muttered. “He always says it was a robot.”

“I’ve noticed.” Celestia looked between them. “A symposium, you say.” 

Twilight nodded, gratefully ploughing into this haystack of the familiar. “It was after Discord’s escape! Some of his horsing around messed with some things in Maneahattan, well, this universe’s Manehattan at least, and a ton of events got held up--”

“Fashion week,” Peter chimed in. “My friend MJ was complaining about that one all month. Anyway, this wasn’t one of them and I managed to convince The Bugle to let me atten—that is, take some photos!”

“And we were there because Rarity wanted to get in on the ground floor for next Fashion Week before the dust settled! She suggested we turn it into a little vacation. Even Rainbow Dash came along, because she heard there might be actual arena combat…”

“Luna, after her reorientation, did have a word with me about how the coliseums of old were more honest than boardrooms,” Princess Celestia agreed. She smiled as Peter, imagining the image of the moon sister spinning on an office chair out of Flattop-meeting-induced boredom, tried not to crack up. 

“Well we all got a work out after Dr Gloam showed up,” Twilight resumed. “He... His ‘robot’ claimed some long lost Lashverian artefact, and even though they’d only come along to keep me company the girls, even Fluttershy, well, we just…went!”

“It was amazing,” Peter picked up, “because, see, a ton of our heroes showed up when he lost control of it, and in the middle of it all were just these six friends!”

Twilight lowered her gaze to the sugar bowl, blushing. “We just did our part.”

“Your part was getting like three Manehattan super teams and a bunch of loners to actually sit down and work together.” Peter took her hoof, their eyes meeting. “That’s beyond any of their adjectives!”

“You all wanted the same thing,” Twilight said gently. “You just needed a little help to realise it.” 

They smiled at each other. Then simultaneously snapped out of it and swivelled to see the Alicorn smiling at them. 

“Anyway!” Peter quickly resumed. “I, uh, I took a bunch of shots of everypony working together and then we…” His brow wrinkled with the effort of summarising. “…bumped into each other. After that we stayed in touch, and eventually...”

“We came to our senses,” Twilight finished, still speaking and smiling as though from somewhere far away.

“Congratulations to you both!” Princess Celestia nodded in approval “I would propose a toast, but I asked the kitchen to take a little bit longer preparing our tea for more than adequate catch up time.” 

The rose and lilac fog inside Peter’s head turned to glass and shattered. The tea hadn’t even arrived yet and, even Spidey-free, recounting how they’d met had felt like sharing a large part of his soul. What in the hay was he supposed to talk about now? With, again, Princess-freakin’-Celestia?!

It was also starting to dawn on him that the sun would soon be more or less directly over them. Warm suit, tight tie, hot drink. Images of gagging on his own burning, constricting throat as a merciful escape from embarrassing pit stains ran through his mind. 

Wait, no, you blow on it, you fool. Oh sun and moon, I’m forgetting how to be an adult! 

“Beg pardon?” he asked the distant waffling.

“Oh, just remarking on the kind of company you both keep,” the princess said as her voice came back into his focus. “The Element bearers have always struck me as a more modern incarnation of the eternal spirit of friendship and adventure dating back, well, more ages ago than I care to recall. Tea hadn’t been brought over yet, at least. But while I’ve had the pleasure of Captain Adventure’s company on various occasions, Manehattan’s protectors embody your city’s trademark…let’s call it uniqueness.”

“You’re being kind, your highness,” the wise guy side of Peter’s brain made him say before he’d thought it through. He felt a momentary burst of panic, like opening your washing machine and finding a nuclear bomb detonating inside, but Twilight and the princess both chuckled. Maybe he could pull this off! 

“I just find it curious, but unsurprising, that the two niches could stand side by side.” 

“I covered that in my report!” Twilight perked up. “There’s been so many, hasn’t there, but it concluded that even in a crowd, the real power is the individuals who can find common ground, so the crowd can work towards as many goals as possible?”

“Was it the scorched, ozone smelling one?”

“That’s the one!” Twilight beamed, a little too much.

“I’ve seen some brave ponies in my time as a lovable freelance shutterbug,” Peter smiled, overcome by the sentiment enough to put a foreleg around Twilight without sweating the PDA, “but six ponies with just their friendship and their hearts getting Timberwolf and Arrowhead to pay attention…and actually get along for more than a second! I couldn’t help but fall hard.” 

Twilight blushed. “That was more down to Fluttershy…”  

“That explains quite a bit,” the princess said fondly, making Peter wonder just how many varieties of gentle smile she had. Did she pass the centuries practising them in the mirror? “Oh! Here comes the main event. A Neighpponese blend the ambassador got me hooked on fifty years ago, and a selection of cakes from this family bakery on Oxon street.”

“Ooh, the ones you have on your cheat day?” Twilight asked, eyeing the trolley the aid was rolling in.

“Yes! Been here since the ’30s I believe, well before cheat days were a thing at any rate.” She nodded to the aid as her cup was filled. “Thank you very much. I think you’ll really like this Twilight, but if you prefer Peter, we do have other selections.”

“The gentleman would prefer…coffee?” the aid asked, the flash of a gathering storm in her eyes as she filled Twilight’s cup. 

“Tea’s fine.” Peter nodded in vigorous self-defence. Annoyed Deerdevil was no longer the look that would keep him up at night, and he felt it prudent to blow twice on his own cup before taking a sip, just in case the drink had been superheated by her quiet fury. It actually soothed his throat in spite of the tie. “Mmm! Do they sell this over here? Aunt May would love it.” 

“It costs a little more than most domestic brands, but yes.” Princess Celestia used her telekinesis, powerful enough to hold back raging flood waters, to dab at her lips with a napkin. “She should try it with sugar. Twilight’s mentioned your aunt to Cadence a few times. I’d be delighted to hear more about her!”

“Well, she--” 

“But this is about you,” Celestia continued “The Derby Bugle, isn’t it? How is Ferocious Flattop doing these days?”

“Uh…he’s kinda mellowed out since switching to bubble pipes?” Peter blinked. He’d been so focused on slowing the fall he hadn’t accounted for swerves. 

“Good for him! I was there the first time he picked up a cigar, you know. It would have been, hmm, about forty years ago. After he first brought the paper. He invited me to the grand opening, since he was planning on The Bugle interviewing me sooner or later. He was so refreshingly candid I said yes.”

“Really?” Peter perked up, trying to lean into the skid. “It’s just a freelance thing, but you must have some stories about--”

“Oh yes, he makes…quite the impression. So a photographer, hmm?”

“He’s better at it than he gives himself credit for,” Twilight smiled. “I think it’s part of his special talent.”

“Uh, honey--”

“Pattern recognition! Highly advanced, too! I mean, his real area of expertise is science, what he defines as science anyway, but it could be giving him enough insight for an interesting composition! You should see some of his notes!”

“Perhaps someday, but one thing at a time.” It was still so weird to see the same smile you’d seen on money all your life vaguely directed at you. “Cameras have always intrigued me. It’s probably all those decades of having to sit still for portraits, but Manehattan must be an interesting city to photograph! Do you enjoy it?”

“It pays the bills. Mostly,” Peter admitted. 

“Good, good. You’ll think I’m a vain old mare but have you ever photographed me? The press is just one huge crowd behind the podium, and it rather tickles me that we may have met before now, in a sense.”

“Yeah! Uh, n-not that you’re a vein ol—I mean, a few times at conferences, not--”

“She’s just teasing, dear,” Twilight assured before casually biting into a mouthful of cake. 

“I do that sometimes. Sorry, holistic connections just fascinate me.” Celestia took another sip, giving his heart rate the chance to climb down from the ceiling. “You also mentioned Johnnycake before and we were just talking about the Elements’…encounter with his circle. They must make for interesting front pages?”

“When I can catch them, yes.” That was innocuous enough. All he had to do was not mention Iderspay-Onypay, and she might buy this photojournalist bit. “If you can convince ol’ pickle puss—ah, Mr. Flattop that it’s news and not just another headbutting contest he’ll even pay you a little extra for ducking all that debris.” 

Again, that twin chuckle, followed by student and mentor adding sugar to their drinks almost in sync. “Johnny is a nice lad. Buuut knowing him the way I do I suspect you two met in a professional capacity?”

“Ah…”

“For him.”

“Oh yeah.” Peter couldn’t help smiling. Even in the face of whatever consequences revealing his secret identity to her would have, he liked the old immortal. Maybe it was the generation thing, but he could see something of Uncle Glen and Aunt May in her eyes. “We were barely out of high school.”

Twilight mock pouted. “You never told me this!”

“I might have been too embarrassed,” Peter grinned.

“Sounds about right,” Twilight said, the casualness making the princess chuckle again. 

“He was going through one of his ‘I’m my own pony!’ phases and noticed my work about…another guy in The Bugle. His retaining fee was good and I only ever took the job to help Aunt May, so…” Peter shrugged. He’d have to thank Johnny for helping pad this whole thing out later. 

“I won’t ask for any stories,” Celestia said, blowing the stall tactic out of the water. “But do you still keep in touch? He makes, pause, ‘an impression’ too, doesn’t he?”

Peter matched her smile this time. “I’d never tell him this, his ego doesn’t need the boost, but it is pretty cool to talk to a guy who’s probably done a ton of heroic things before lunch!” 


10


“Chowder?” the Horseshoe Torch tried. “Chow-dah. What if I say it like that? Y’know; howzabout’ summa’ that there chow-dah?”

“We only serve that for special occasions, hon,” the griffin waitress replied patiently. 

“But you’re a New Wingland diner!” Johnny protested, looking at the menu for the fourth time in a row to make sure they hadn’t hidden it for whatever reason. The booth seat was really comfortable and he didn’t want to get up and go somewhere else. “You sure you don’t have it? Like, you have sections for both species!”

“And you’re an herbivore, hon.”

“I like you! In that case, house veggie stew with an ice water, please. No salt, I’m flying.”

That got a smile, though he wasn’t 100% sure she recognised him. Other than a few locals giving him a cursory once over from the counter before digging in, nopony seemed to. A few of the mixed pony/griffin populous outside had applauded when he’d landed in the street and sauntered into the diner, and even now he was casually not noticing some of them pointing at him through the window, but no requests for autographs or flame shapes. Not even a ‘Do deformed rabbit, Mr. Storm, it’s my favourite!’ 

Maybe they just didn’t read the right magazines, but here he was maybe a flaming curiosity. In this diner, he could’ve easily been any one of the people living on this little patch of paradise. Doing a job instead of having an adventure, heading back to a house instead of a penthouse in a high-tech skyscraper. 

It was actually kind of nice. Put a smile on his face as he flipped through the manual.

“You new here?” the pony at the next table asked. She had the look of a freight airship captain, sitting with a group of similarly gruff but lovable griffins. She indicated the fancy gizmos poking out of his field kit on the opposite seat. 

“Just passing through.” Johnny saluted her with his spoon. “Gonna take some readings for a friend of the family, probably be back to Manehattan before today’s over.”

“Flying?” one of the griffins asked. “Couldn’t help overhearing with Betsy, your little gag. And that’s a long way back by boat.”

“It was a long flight, too,” Johnny grinned. “Looking forward to it, though! Just me and a ton of saltwater taffy, maybe some tunes.” 

“Yeah? What kinda rig you driving that’s that fast?”

“Company custom.” Johnny shrugged, tapping his kit bag with one hoof and snagging a baby carrot with the other. “The business takes us…a lotta places, so my brother in law wanted something that could take or do basically anything. Which meant a custom system for some serious mileage. Not to brag, but I had a hoof in the design.” 

“So what’d you base it off?” grinned the captain. 

“The Kite Brothers three-deuces injector.” He took a casual bite of carrot, basking in the appreciative murmurs and whistles. “Mostly just for an excuse to have those sweet tailpipes, y’know?”

“I hear that!” another griffon called, saluting with her tankard. 

“Your brother in law must have serious connections to score fuel for that set up,” the captain noted. “Before we switched to this gig the geniuses we were working for still had us trying to stay up with coal furnaces.” 

“Ouch,” Johnny winced in motorhead sympathy, “and I say brother in law, but he and my sister’ve been doing that dance for years now. Took almost the end of the world just to get them to admit they liked each other.”

The crew chuckled appreciatively as he bit into an onion ring. 

“I’m not joking. Best thing Galactaurus ever did besides, y’know, leave.” 

They stopped smiling as he sipped his ice water. He let out a satisfied sigh at the coolness spreading through his throat. He could taste the soup just fine, but heat, naturally, had been lost or at least blunted for him for years now. The soup could’ve been scalding enough to eat through to bone and would still feel no warmer than a pleasant afternoon, so cold and chill were how he added a little extra kick. 

“Anyway, what about you guys?”

“Delivering gizmos from the mainland.” The captain turned the lapel of her bomber jacket slightly so he could appreciate the specialised badge pinned beneath her stripes. “Risks are high but the pay's great, and the rides are even better.”

“Risks?” Johnny couldn’t help a snicker, hoping it didn’t devolve him into a punk in the crew’s eyes. “What, here?”

“We’re not saying everything they build goes nuts, but there’s a reason we aren’t locals. And why we have twice the standard issue of parachutes on board.” 

“I dunno.” Johnny glanced out the window at the lush pine trees on the horizon. Even at it’s most eco-conscious, Manehattan would never have anything like those. “Seems like a great town to take five.”

“Oh yeah, no question. Friendly locals, good prices, always some festival or other. When they do have chowder?” The captain doffed her hat. “Oh mamma! But they test some far out stuff over here.”

“I hear they got an entire warehouse for the worst ones,” chimed in one of the crew, enunciating each word in time to the chicken bone he bobbed like a conductor’s baton, “the Best Left Forgotten Shelf.” 

“I’m with Fantastic Inc.,” Johnny breezed, leaning back in his booth, “I’ve been pretty far out.” 

Okay, that was a Peter-tier line, but it had the desired effect. The crew’s eyes were starting to bug from comprehension. “No way… You’re not one of…?”

Johnny held up a hoof for a silent shh. Pure pantomime, the rest of the diner was engrossed in their own stuff and didn’t recognise him anyway, but he just couldn’t help it.  

“Which one?” the captain asked. “The rock guy?”

“You have gorgeous eyes so I’m gonna let that one go.” Johnny leaned over the booth, shaking hooves and talons. He’d shaken weirder appendages living the life fantastic, and kept meaning to ask griffins how they got their chicken leg hands so silky smooth. “Tropical Johnnycake Storm, Horseshoe Torch of the high-flying persuasion. How you all doin’?”

The captain squinted. “Tropical Johnnycake?”

“No, it’s my middle name. Mom was a Pegasus, Dad loved his sweets.” 

“Right, right, look is something going to blow up?” Chicken Bone asked. The rest of the crew either flinched back as though Johnny himself was about to explode or leaned as far into his personal space as they could to scrutinise his face. 

“Of course not!” he assured, hoping those guys couldn’t see him crossing the tips of his tail behind his back because common sense said ‘possibly’ but also ‘don’t start a riot.’ “Just a quick peek at Mt. Magma, honest!” 

“Mt. Magma’s going to blow up?!” another diner asked. “I knew it!” shrieked another.  

Johnny took a big gulp of ice water and super-heated himself, spraying it out as a jet of steam complete with piercing whistle. The panicking diners skidded into stunned silence. They flinched as he held up one of Reed’s magi-tech doodads from the kit, softly pulsing green. 

“Easy folks, this whatever-it-is was built by one of the biggest geek—geniuses in Equestria and every school foal knows rule one of magic metal shop; if it ain’t glowing red then nothing need be said! Just came in to grab a bite, didn’t mean to spook anyone. I’m real proud of us and the rapport we’ve managed to develop here today, which should help put your minds at ease so…questions?”

He pointed at the nearest hoof in the forest of raised hooves and talons. 

“You’re a superhero, right?” 

“You bet!” 

“Doesn’t that mean the volcano is going to blow up then?”

“Why, because I’m a superhero?” Johnny shook his head. “Don’t be that guy, sir. Nopony likes that guy. Yes ma’am?”

“Are you here because something’s gonna blow up?” asked the griffon in a suit that just screamed off duty insurance salesperson. 

“This isn’t a Missile Bay movie! Rest assured, I’m just your run-of-the-mill talented and handsome faux volcanologist. It’s just like getting your copier checked by a run-of-the-mill talented and handsome handi-pony.”

Some of the patrons, even the crew, laughed. Johnny winked at the captain, who was smiling despite herself. 

“How do you get your hair like that?” shouted a wise guy, though Johnny did see some flattering interest in the eyes of a few mares and griffinesses. 

“Cosmic rays!” he called back, which got a round of applause. 

Things settled down after that. Other than having to reheat his meal Johnny’s dining experience continued uninterrupted as the regulars returned to their routines, and was actually enhanced by Betsy offering him dessert on the house. That did momentarily twang his conscience about the whole mess with Sue, but he felt she’d approve as he finally convinced her to accept payment. 

His own card this time.  


***


He enjoyed the fresh mountain air and aftertaste of cherry pie as he neared Mt. Magma, not even the roiling column of smoke able to dampen his mood. 

He did a lazy loop-de-loop just for funsies, catching an upside-down view of similar plumes wafting out of caves along the mountains. Close to, the main column (probably the source?) was actually seeping between the seams of the interlocking hatch covering the mountain’s mouth. All those details in the manual and the solution to Griffin Rock’s problems was the simplest part of it. 

“Pull the lever, open her up, burn out whatever’s blocked inside,” Johnny mused to himself as he landed on the small operation platform bolted onto the rim of the crater. “Make a cool couple mil, hope Grimm doesn’t overdose on taffy. No biggie!” 

He casually flipped the lever. Smoke hurtled out of the opening hatch as if he’d struck oil, tainting the air with a taste of charring and something unidentifiable as it dispersed. Even the Torch, who could eat smoke like bubble gum, had a brief coughing fit. Surprised, he wondered if that was what was making the mountain shake.

The platform lurched, hurling a nonplussed Torch into the air. He hovered a few miles back from where he started, trying to get his bearings as the doodad in the kit bag started to squeal. He craned his neck to try and take in a full view of the titanic green shadow rising out of the smoke. 





Fin Fang Foom let out a sound that could either have been a roar or a yawn, spreading a set of wings so big the force pushed Johnny a few more feet back, giving him a complete view of the monster. That nose alone felt like it took up half the sky and all he’d seen so far was the thing’s torso.  

Foom only seemed to be taking stock, frantically looking around as he hauled more of himself out of Mt. Magma. One of those king sizes legs worked its way free and scrabbled for purchase as that snake-like neck darted to and fro. Johnny froze as bulbous yellow cat’s eyes settled on the distant lab, narrowing. Fortunately, he’d been using his natural peskiness to get people out of jams since he hit puberty. 

“Yo, fun size!” he barked, conjuring the flame goatee as Foom’s fish-dog face swivelled towards him “Don’t get any ideas! Last I heard, you got your purple shorts handed to you by a pony who thinks this is a good look!”

“You are not Spark.” Even the creature’s bemused inside voice rumbled deep in the bones. 

“Yeah. I’m the only super pony you have to worry about!” 

Johnny’s only regret was that he’d still had the goatee on when he delivered the line. He drew back both forelegs, cranking open some internal faucet, and brought them swinging around to deliver twice the power of a jet thruster right between his opponent’s eyes.

The flame sluiced off those green scales like a sad and lonely custard pie sliding down a bulletproof window pane. The dragon was not amused. 

Whatever you do, do not say “Ah.” 

Before he could say anything, Foom unleashed his own howling torrent of fire. It was at least equal to his own effort but the Torch just floated there in the middle of it, feeling like he was being attacked by a disconcertingly large hair dryer. The worst part was easily the realisation that the enemy had breathed on him! 

Fin Fang Foom snarled, unfurling from his crouch over the volcano. It was like watching the Equestrian State Building stand up straight.  

“Okay,” Johnny admitted, “biggie…” 


11


“It’s the little things really,” Twilight explained. “The way we could talk about Fourier's law and Daring Do at the same time.”

“The way you just get in your balloon and go when you want to think about something,” Peter smiled. 

“The way you’ve always got something to say even when you’re surprised…”

“The way you brush Spike’s fins sometimes even after he’s clean…”

“He does most of the house work, dust is insidious! Um, the way you always remember how everypony takes their coffee.”

“Eh, it gives me something to do with my hooves. The way you get as happy as a kid on Hearth’s Warming whenever you’ve solved something.” 

“The way you dive in and out of your own head when you’re thinking about something.”

“The way you always smile whenever you’re somewhere new.”

“The way your mole glows in the moonlight.”

Peter’s head whipped back to Celestia. “Just to be clear that’s aesthetic, not a glandular thing.”

“How nice,” the princess chuckled. “I’m glad you hold each other in such esteem. It’s like watching Shining and Cadence all over again, it really is.”

Peter’s grin was strained from memories of a certain young lieutenant dropping a net on him back when Captain Stone went missing. Twilight’s expression was distant and unreadable because she’d just been compared to her brother and sister-in-law in a highly specific context. She nodded stiffly as the aid offered her a refill. 

“Regarding academia,” Celestia beamed as Peter subtly slipped his hoof over Twilight’s to prevent her from throwing back hot tea, “have the two of you ever considered publishing a paper together?”

“Oh, we’ve thrown the idea around now and then,” Twilight agreed, putting her other hoof over Peter’s, “but we only really talk shop when we’re talking about everything and anything, or when I’m trying to expand Peter’s Everfree obsessed horizons--”

“Thanks, honey.”

“Always a pleasure, dear. We’ve never seriously discussed it because, well, I have my own studies, then we’d need to negotiate a grant, figure out who’d get what equipment, if we’d be able to move it by train, you should see the cost of air-shipping these days, I mean really, and the biggest issue…we really wouldn’t know what to make it about!”

“You also never know when King Sombra will rise again and you’ll have to go on a quest to save the world.” 

“Oh that’s just adventures,” Twilight waved a dismissive hoof. “And really Peter, Sombra? Spike beat him.” 

“As he is fond of reminding us,” Princess Celestia said with an affectionate roll of her eyes. 

“Spike’s told us we should collaborate too,” Peter admitted, “at least that’s what we assume he means anytime he tells us to get a room! But yeah, what Twilight said. Plus, I haven’t written one since the Thaumaturgic Field Activity in Exquestrian Physiology study. Might be a bit, y’know, rusty.” 

The princess looked up from chomping on her slab of marjolaine, wings flapping slightly. “The Hex-Factor study, eh?” 

“Oh, I-I was just lucky to be recommended, the Hex-Ponies deserve all the credit for encouraging Exquestrians to come forward for the study in the first place! Professor Endeavour took us all to school!” 

“He’s an insightful stallion, yes, but it’s no less impressive to work in such company. Those studies continue to help medicine understand a whole new paradigm of ponies who need help.” Celestia nodded as though some kind of point had been proven. “I see you live up to that microscope cutie mark!”

“What, this old thing?” Peter simpered, hoping the feigned humility would mask how humbled he really felt. 

“You took part in that study as well, Twilight. Perhaps we should dig around in the royal archives, see if you overlap at all!”

“I’ve always wondered if those magic bursts might have had anything to do with…you know.” Twilight was smiling but moving her plate around with a hoof as her eyes flitted nervously between Peter and Celestia. “But after you see the conditions some of these ponies live with, it stops being about you. You appreciate how lucky you are for who you have.”

“Like Spike,” the princess said, one of those enormous wings reaching along the side of the table and gently resting on Twilight’s shoulder. Twilight’s smile became more genuine. 

Peter felt like a heel. He’d volunteered for the study to see if the spider-bite was an ongoing process. He understood! But he couldn’t look Twilight in the eyes and tell her that because of this stupid roleplay his secret had tangled him in. Because he was afraid of giving the kind old mare comforting her any reason to disapprove of him.

 You coward, Trotter. You utter coward.

“On the other hoof, Rainbow Dash would think it was pretty cool if I suddenly grew claws and sideburns,” Twilight smirked as she picked up her fork again. 

“Don’t even joke, honey,” Peter smiled gratefully, then registered the princess’s raised eyebrow. “Uh, somepony I knew from school…?”

“Oh, I see! Where did you study?”

“M³! Ah, Midtown Manehattan Magnet high--”

“She means college, dear,” Twilight cut in. “Peter won a scholarship to Equestrian State university! We have our back and forth about Everfree thinking but you should see some of the sorcerers and scientists who came out of there! Wisenheimer! Nutcase! That mare who invented duct tape!”

“We had her declared a hero of the realm on the spot.” Celestia levitated and stirred some sugar into her tea even as those soft mauve eyes turned back to Peter. “It seems our young Mr. Trotter follows in the hoofsteps of greatness.”

“Oh, I-I dunno about that your highness, I-I get pretty busy, I’m just a pony--”

“Everypony in this city is ‘just’ a pony,” Twilight said, putting her hoof on his again, “and every one of them has something special. Is something special to someone else.”

Peter looked into her eyes. Twilight’s voice was calm but her expression was concerned. She was looking between him and something in front of him. His eyes drifted down to the table. His tea and cake. Completely untouched. 

“Well said Twilight.” Princess Celestia nodded proudly and turned to the trolley. She blinked. “Oh, we’re out of cake. Where does the time go?”

She raised a wing and waggled it at one of the countless windows in some sort of signal. Peter took the opportunity to squeeze Twilight’s hoof as he gently lifted it off, giving her his I’m Fine smile. It had never worked with Gem or MJ either. At least it was almost over and they could--

“I’m sure we can squeeze in some more catching up while they fetch a refill,” he heard Celestia say over the sudden piercing sound of terror in his ears, “especially since we have a clearer picture of our lovable freelance shutterbug.”

“We do?” The only thing worse than the squeak in his voice would be clearing his throat and trying again. 

“It’s a very flattering one!” Twilight said hurriedly.

“Indeed,” the princess agreed, “a good school, a good job, excellent manners. A very comfortable life, all things considered.”

“Comfortable?” Peter repeated in consternation. He was too stunned to worry about the Manehattanite twang of his voice leading it into ‘ey-yo-whatchu-talkin’-‘bout?! range. 

“Oh dear. I’ve insulted you.” 

“No! No, nononono,no, nooooo!” Peter grinned nervously at Twilight, who was looking at him like he was a briefcase that had started ticking. “My life…my life is a lot better than it was before. I mean that.”

“What was wrong before?” she asked. He’d rather have tried reading Deadfoal’s little yellow boxes than endure the sincerity in her voice. 

“Nothing! Nothing big! It’s just...” He shrugged haplessly in the face of the universe. “Well, I haven’t done a paper in years, I’ve been at the Bugle since I was 16-years-old. I’ve got a degree in thaumaturgical physics and the most complex equations I’ve done since college are taxes and the rent.”

“But you wouldn’t say you were unhappy?” Celestia wasn’t smiling anymore. She seemed a polite kind of confused, the way you would be if someone tried to explain how being unable to find matching socks was a bigger problem than withering away from a flesh-eating virus right in front of you.

“Yes! I mean, no! I mean…”

“You would like to make some changes to your current situation?” she supplied in an act of supreme grace and mercy. Peter nodded gratefully. “Well then why not?” 

“…I’ve…been…busy?”

“And?” Princess Celestia asked simply. 

Peter felt himself accelerating towards the pavement, the force magnified by his stupefied silence. Slow the fall. Yeah. Right. Might as well have tried to slow the planet’s rotation by firing webs at the Misty Mountains and pulling real hard. 

There was a flash of violet and green in the sky, descending lazily but surely towards them, and for a surreal couple of seconds he wondered if Norman had come out of forced retirement to put him out of his misery. “Spike?!” everypony exclaimed in unison as he landed in the middle of the table. 

“Hey Princess, great to see you again, I was taking this shortcut after the movies, right, and there was this thing with a cabbage vendor and mistakes were made--” Spike was cut off by his parachute being blown over his head, slapping Peter’s face. 

Everyone flinched as the wind suddenly hammered the world around them. Needles of light sprouted erratically from the mountains as the clouds around them turned dark. Twilight squinted through the sudden rain, spotting the contrails of the Canterlot weather team streaking towards the chaos. 

“Blasted death ray!” Princess Celestia muttered as they all galloped to the shelter of an archway, wings spread to shield them from the sheeting rain. “Blasted military industrial complex! ‘Oh, but it’s there Princess, might as well scare the changelings, eh, what-what?’ Twilight, can you do me a favour and make sure the emergency bulletin gets out? Luna’s on her way back from Calisota but the sooner she hears of this the better.”

“You can count on me, Princess!” 

“I know. Spike, wipe your feet before you go inside.” She reached a wing around with amazing dexterity and shook Peter’s hoof. “And it was lovely to meet you, Mr. Trotter.”

He stared as she rose in a field of golden sparks, shooting towards the storm, then looked at himself in one of the innumerable polished surfaces that decorated the palace walls. Twilight and Spike looked like they’d been standing next to a puddle when a cart wheel ran through it. His now sodden new suit looked like so much damp tissue paper, as did he by extension. 

His shoulders weren’t slumping but the way the now itching and clammy shirt slumped towards the ground, they may as well have been. A sodden lock of his mane drooped right between his eyes, matching the way the tie now trailed along the floor like a noose that just couldn’t be bothered. 

And he’d been worried about sweating. He looked like he’d crash landed. Only standing here because the remains had been swept away and washed up somewhere. And at the end of the day, when he’d been looking the princess right in the eye, even when the suit was brand new, wasn’t this exactly what she’d been looking at?

“Come on,” Twilight said, using her magic to ring water out of Spike’s fins as though Peter hadn’t completely failed her, “let’s get warm.”


12


Barrel rolling to avoid a swiping claw, Johnny frantically considered his options. He couldn’t burn the dragon and had no way to outmuscle it. The dragon couldn’t burn him, but could hug him and squeeze him and crush him and squash him and so on. Hay, even just a brush from the tip of those giant bat wings could probably fracture his adorable neck. 

“No place on Earth will give you safety, mortal,” the dragon boomed, “when Fin Fang Foom strikes!”

“You’re a people person, I can tell.” 

He peppered the creature’s underbelly with rapid-fire streams of fireballs, channelling fragments of his epidermis into them hopefully for some extra oomph. Foom snarled, the sound starting in his bank vault chest and amplified as it rushed through the subway tunnel of his neck. Johnny may as well have been hurling popcorn at him. 

“Away, child! I spent too much time looking for a way out of those caverns to tarry with a dust mite like you!” 

“And I’ve been frying bigger fish than you and sending them back to the Mole Maestro’s basement since high school, scaly!” the Torch sneered. Although never without the backup of the whole team. And none of old beady eyes’ menagerie were smart enough to use Sub Mariner level dialogue. Or fire proof. “So how about instead of literally blowing smoke at each other, we go our separate ways? You put your new free time to use flying yourself back to scenic Monster Island and I don’t have to waste mine dragging you to Tartarus.”

“You think anything on this puny planet can contain me?!” Fin Fang Foom bellowed. “Me?! He Whose Limbs Shatter Mountains and Whose Back Scrapes the Sun?! He who’s claws cannot be stayed by time itself, much less the treachery of Iron Mage and the accursed Mandarin?!” 

“You must spend a fortune on business cards,” Johnny quipped, because words were basically the only weapon he had in this fight. Also to cover the gnawing suspicion growing in his gut. “But let’s stay on point! You wanted out? You’re out. You don’t wanna be here? I’m sure the feeling’s mutual, so how about you take off and--”

Another roaring blast of fire breath. The Torch squinted through the flames, going limp and working with the force this time, letting it carry him quickly towards the edge of the stream so he could focus all of his own flames into a burst from his left hoof, pushing himself out and into the air again. 

“Stop doing that!” 

“I will do infinitely worse!” The dragon flapped his wings and rose over the volcano with surprising agility. “None command Fin Fang Foom! And once I have what was stolen, none shall try again! You mortals only think you’ve seen Makluan fire!” 

Johnny glanced towards the lab. 

“Yes!” Foom barked. “I know one of the ten rings is here! That long haired oaf dared to steal them from my horde, decades ago! And then he put them all on his legs! Who does that?! After our last encounter I was buried deep beneath the earth itself, but I could sense at least one of them as I clawed my way back to the surface! It was the only thing that kept me sane as I sought a way out!”

“The…thought of getting your bling back…?”

“THE THOUGHT OF VENGEANCE!” 

“Loud,” the Torch winced, taking flaming hooves off his ears. “But listen, ol’ Shellhead’s Fu Manechu knock off has been MIA for as long as you have! Name a time and place, I’m sure Tony’ll be happy to slap the scales off you again, but the people on this island--”

“Dared to keep that which was stolen! Do you dare stand in my way, boy? When your one talent is useless against me?!” 

If he bailed now, left the single-minded monster to his trinkets, the Torch might be able to get the islanders underground if not evacuated. Then he could get to the mainland, get the word out to the other big leaguers or at least a couple of E.U.P. battalions, bring Foom down before his rampage cost too many lives. But that would mean leaving all the lives on the island at the monster’s mercy. 

Johnny glanced down at the town of Griffin Rock…

Now my daughter simply has to have one!

…and knew he couldn’t. 

“I’ve got a lot of talents,” he grinned brazenly at the dragon, and levelled his signal flare gun, retrieved from one of the many convenient hidden pouches in his FF-issue utility collar. The shot whistled into the air over Fin Fang Foom’s head, bursting and showering the dragon with magic mist. 

The giant 4 now floating above Griffin Rock was impressive enough, but it was the magical signal pulse it was sending out that Johnny was counting on. Even if nopony was keeping an eye on a test bed like Griffin Rock and relaying its appearance to all emergency services, the pulse would show up on instruments all over the coast complete with coordinates, relayed all the way back to Manehattan. 

“Was that supposed to distract me?” Foom sneered. 

“Nope. This is,” the Torch said and flared white hot. 


***


Fin Fang screamed, his neck almost bunching up on its self like a python crashing a car into a wall as he recoiled, pawing at his eyes and trying to get his entire head as far away from the searing light as possible. He stopped beating his wings, feet slamming into and sliding down the side of Mt. Magma and into the ground below as he curled his wings over his head, almost hiding in his own shadow as his vision cleared. 

He snarled. The pony’s light had made him cry out and cower like the simple beasts of this planet and his pride would never forgive that. He focused on the call of the ring and the satisfying vision of the Torch being ground between his teeth as he took to the air again. 

“Yes, yes,” he muttered as he floated over the town, which erupted into the screams of crowds and griffins and pegasi thrown off course by his passing, “grr, roar, skreeonk and so forth.” 

He crossed the distance between the volcano and the lab in the time it took most people to use a crosswalk, slapping the parked Fantastichariot into the side of a crane with his tail as he landed to make himself feel better. Nodding at the satisfying sound of crunching metal Fin Fang reached down and sliced a line into a hanger roof with a single claw, then tore back the entire thing, rafters and even some support beams, by a corner as if flipping the page of a book. 

Dr Greene Eraser looked up from one of the now diorama like labs, where he was using millions of gems worth of magi-tech lab equipment to make himself a sandwich. “Oh my.”

“The ring!” Foom thundered “NOW!”

“♪Love!” crooned a voice in the monster’s shadow. “♪Is a burning thing!” 

The air rippled as Foom’s serpentine neck swivelled towards the wreckage of the chariot. Tropical Johnnycake Storm lounged casually against it, tossing something from hoof to hoof. The dragon’s gimlet pupils dilated with apprehension. 

“♪Hmm-hmm-hmm, na-na-naaa!” Johnny continued “♪And it makes a fiery…”

He flamed on suddenly. One of Foom’s massive paws had been reaching towards him but backed off instinctively as the Torch casually rose into the air, still tossing the treasure from hoof to hoof as he reached the beast’s eye level. 

He raised his flaming face as he curled his right hoof closed on the last toss, grinning. Something about the impishness swimming in those glowing eyes dropped a terrible certainty into the dragon’s mind. 

“No,” Fin Fang Foom said in a voice almost too small for him. “No. Don’t you dare. Don’t you…oooh, don’t you dare!” 

The Horseshoe Torch dared. In a move almost too fast to follow he threw his head back and tossed the ring into the air. It was spiralling through the air one moment, gone the next. He actually masticated, the dragons screamingly empty eyes tracking from cheek to swelling cheek. 

Then he gulped loudly, patting his chest with a hoof and a satisfied sigh that released small tendrils of smoke from his mouth. They wove together as Johnny smiled, showing off the new golden sheen to his teeth. 

Oh no he didn’t! the smoke message read. 

Foom didn’t even bother roaring. His eyes, nostrils, fangs, claws, wings, tail, everything swelled with furious, blinding instinct. Out of the corner of his eye Johnny saw one of Doc Greene’s gloves pulling a steel trap door shut, which saved him the trouble of a warning one liner like it’s about to get hot up in here or something. Instead he focused on raising his own temperature as high and as fast as possible without going totally nova, detaching the 4 sigil from his collar and slotting the small rebreather hidden there into his mouth. 

The dragon’s flame was almost white hot this time. Good. Johnny stretched out both hooves as far as they would go and began pulling the roaring tunnel into himself. Fin Fang’s eyes narrowed as his breath became a thinner, more concentrated beam and poured on even more to compensate. Johnny just kept pulling, absorbing, waiting. 

The pressure eased off suddenly as Foom gasped, his fire breath flickering out. Maybe he was recharging for another blast, maybe he’d figured out what Johnny was doing and switching tactics, but this was it. 

Gotcha! 

The Horseshoe Torch instantly unloaded everything he’d just absorbed, engulfing the startled dragon’s upper body in a perpetual, unending explosion hot enough to melt steel before he could finish inhaling. Through the sheeting orange and blue tint, Johnny could swear some of the lab girders were starting to ripple. He hoped Doc Green’s trapdoor was far enough away not to be welded shut. It’d be a real drag to go to all this effort and accidentally trap the guy underground with no way out and maybe no air. 

As if on cue the rebreather began to rattle in his mouth; the collar’s hour and a half of oxygen eaten away by the heat in minutes and leaving the device to struggle with Johnny’s own breathing, which was only going to struggle harder for less. The good news? So was Fin Fang Foom. 

The dragon swayed drunkenly in the blazing cloud world of Johnny’s inferno, eyes popping and mouth gaping as his upper body began to turn red. He lunged suddenly, and Johnny bit back a yell as both giant hands squeezed shut around him, trying to crush him. Black smoke streamed off their scales like water in time with the waves of pain shooting through his body. The air felt like it was filling with concrete. But Johnny didn’t let up and wasn’t sure he could stop now even if his life didn’t depend on it. 

He felt it beating inside and all around. This was fire. He was fire. He was an unfolding storm. He was unending force. He was…he was about to…to pass…


13


“I should be out there,” Peter said again, still glaring down at the wet lump of his suit things. 

“Dude, chill,” Spike said between mouthfuls of cake. “They built the city on the side of a hill, there’s loads of drains and tunnels and stuff to take care of flooding.”

“Still.” Peter ran a hoof through his still drying mane. “The winds back to normal, but that was almost an hour ago and it’s still raining. What if somepony…slips or gets trapped or something?” 

“Then the guards and rescue workers can handle it.” Twilight’s horn glowed as her magic guided multiple combs and towels all around herself, erasing almost all signs that she’d been directing things in the windswept courtyard. “It’s only the mountains up to New Town, dear. That’s not even half their response force.”

“Yeah, but--”

“But you want to help and that’s brave, but they’ve probably been ready for worse than this ever since you stopped Dr. Argonaut from finishing that blasted thing. And you know your powers aren’t at their best in the rain, how would it look if Spider-Pony showed up to help and just got in everypony’s way because he couldn’t stick to anything?” 

“Can we at least agree I should have made sure old monkey paws’ gizmo was out of commission instead of just leaving it there?” 

“No, you’re going to stop being silly, lay the blame at the hooves of the overeager generals who tried to turn it into something Canterlot and the rest of the kingdom would never need, where it belongs, and have some cake.” Twilight squinted at the devastated tray. “Spike! They sent that up for us to share!” 

“You were out!” Spike protested. “And Peter was brooding!”

“You take that back!” Peter instantly regretted the prissy quality to his voice, often reserved for ‘debating’ with the Torch. “What do I look like, a Shadow Spade poster? I don’t brood! I…meditate!” 

“And what do you have to ‘meditate’ about?” Twilight was using her diplomatic voice but whenever she used it in Peter’s presence it morphed into a maternal ‘why would you stick that up your nose?’. Everypony else noticed. They didn’t. 

“That…I’m sorry today didn’t go better?” 

Spike stopped chewing as the texture of the room changed, silent except for the sound of rain against the windows and the silent hum of Twilight’s mind pulling fragments of the day together to form a picture she hadn’t known she’d been looking at. 

“You’re not talking about the weather or your suit, are you?” she asked gently, stepping closer to him. 

“Well, it’s weird, it’s like I should be but Johnny paid for it, but my instinct is still that I should feel something, frustration, regret, and it’s weird I don’t?” 

“Stop stalling.” Same tone but she may as well have delivered it with a Rainbow Dashian shoulder punch. 

“Sorry.” He fought the urge to flinch. The drumming sound of the rain made it feel even more important to fill even the briefest beat of silence. It outlined how small the castle suite was while she was looking right at him with that unreadable look that meant she could either be about to cry or as far away as Saturn. “I just wanted to make a good impression for you, y’know?” 

“What are you talking about? She loved you!” 

“I wouldn’t say--”

“You were smart, funny, adorably nervous, what more could she want? You even brought up the Hex-Factor thing and it wasn’t a brag!” 

“Look, don’t be mad--”

“I’m not mad!”

“She’s not,” Spike said in a shower of cake crumbs. “If she were mad she’d be listing things you did and probably some of your faults, it’s just she’s using her heroic monologue voice. She thinks you’re the coolest.”

“Thank you, Spike!” Twilight enunciated “But don’t talk with your mouthful!” 

“Seriously big guy,” Peter agreed, “I did not understand any of that even though it seemed pretty sweet.”

“Sorry,” Spike said after swallowing with a sound like a hot air balloon being turned inside out in the middle of inflating. “Just sayin’. I bailed early because I figured it wasn’t gonna be worth it if you weren’t gonna tell the princess you’re Spider-Po--”

“Keep your voice down!” Peter hissed “I’ve seen soap operas! The maids always hear something!” 

“This is what I’m talking about!” Spike brandished the remains of a lemon cake. “First you’re worried ‘cause you think she won’t like you for being a super hero, now you’re worried she doesn’t like you for being a normal guy! Twilight would be so over this by now!” 

“Well I guess I’m just not as like Twilight as you all seem to think!” 

They both turned to Twilight as if she’d caught them doing something illegal. The sentiment wasn’t untrue but it felt like it should be crossing some kind of line. They’d expected her to be rising into the air on orchid coloured fury, eyes seething white if not aflame with Kirby Krackle dots. They hadn’t expected her to be laughing. 

“Um,” Peter tried, pressing his luck, “should we be in on the joke or making for the border?”

“No, no!” Twilight managed, almost doubling over. “No, it’s just…I’m picturing everypony back home, just in Applejack’s barn falling over each other to make odds for Rainbow Dash’s smarmy pool, and watching you two I just realised they could never dream of something like this and it’s all rather wonderful…” 

She dissolved into fresh spasms of laughter, infectious grins spreading across Spike and Peter’s faces. Outside the rain began to slow to a drizzle as Twilight caught her breath back. 

“Okay. Here’s what we’re going to do. The city’s halted all trains just in case there has to be an emergency evacuation, which there won’t be. The initial energy wave from the, ahem, death ray, even though it’s more of a weather-inducing-ray than specifically--...anyway, its stopped. Now it’s just a matter of waiting for the weather team’s magic to retake control, which is better done indoors. The staff have set up a little party in the Royal Sister’s personal indoor cinema for visiting dignitaries, and if we’re too full of tea and cake we can at least sit back and enjoy something classic. Spike, why don’t you go on ahead to make the case for Plan 9 while I finish fixing Peter’s mane?” 

“Sure, but just so you know that’s not how you spell Smash Fortune meets the Golden Fleece.”

“Traitor!” Twilight called as he scampered off. “Alright, we may have to stay the night so let’s get this over with.”

“You silver tongued temptress,” Peter muttered petulantly. 

“If anypony should be apologising, it’s me.” Peter blinked as Twilight put a hoof on his shoulder. “You were fine today, please believe that, but I get it. I mean, it’s Princess-freaking-Celestia! It probably wouldn’t have made much difference but I should have asked her to give us a week or something. Just so it wouldn’t be that much more overwhelming.” 

“It had to happen.” He wrapped his own forelegs around her and they just gently rocked in the hug. “Like the stars burning out. Or the oceans evaporating. Or Spike discovering cider.”

“Don’t you even joke about that, banish you to the Phantom Pasture, swear to gosh.” 

Peter chuckled. “I was so busy trying not to let the business get into my life again I…didn’t actually plan on her asking about my life. Not even Spidey-Sense saw that coming, y’know?” 

“Parent teacher conferences,” Twilight said simply. 

“Okay, you win.”

“Just answer me this. If anypony understands not feeling good enough for Princess Celestia it’s me. If anypony understands why this is a silly thing to think, also me. But the way you talked about yourself today…do you think you’re not good enough for me?”

Silence, made more oppressive by the rain finally stopping. 

“Sometimes,” Peter admitted. He couldn’t lie or bluff. It would have been like trying to pull the moon out of orbit. “In my defence though? You’re perfect.”

“Oh for the Great Pony's sake!” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Is this about worrying I come second to Spider-Ponying? We already had this conversation. You’re not the only one with a calling!”

“We had a whispered argument with ourselves in a diner and then we just started making out. Not that I’m complaining, but the Third Philippic it was not.”

“Because it didn’t have to be! I like you, you like me…”

“♪Spike is Barney and it’s really freak-y imager-y…?” 

It was the deliberately clumsy sing song he said it in that made Twilight giggle a little too hard. She sighed, giving him a nuzzle. “If nothing else? You can always make me laugh. That counts for a lot.”

“It’s pretty much the only thing I understand about Pinkie Pie,” Peter smiled. “And like I said…it’s only sometimes. Even if my life was perfect? It wouldn’t be without you in it.”

“Smooth.” Twilight took his hoof in a squeeze, looking directly into his eyes. “Peter. Neither of us is slumming it. Do you understand?”

“Yeah.” That was lame and needed a follow up. The universe was screaming at him to kiss her so he did. “So. Impromptu stay in your hometown. What you say goes?” 

“As if you had a choice.” She nuzzled him again. “Let’s eat all the cake before Spike comes back and work on our argument for a decent movie.” 

“Ghostrustlers. Nopony will wanna be the guy who said no to Ghostrustlers.”

“And you wonder why I keep you around.”	


14


Johnny felt himself rushing up out of the blackness. 

“Crystal?!” 

At least that was what he tried to say, but it sounded wrong even to his still buzzing ears. He realised this was because someone had placed an oxygen mask over his muzzle and started pawing at it. 

“Easy, shrimp,” the Thing rumbled, placing a steadying stone hoof on Johnny’s chest. “You’re just gonna be a lil’ light headed at first, is all.” 

“Grim,” Johnny rasped as the mask was gently removed, “was gonna getcha…saltwater taffy…”

“I hate salt water taffy. Gives me the hiccups.”

“Aww man, that’ve been even better than the decoy…”

“He’s fine!” Grim called out the opening of what turned out to be some sort of tent. Johnny tried sitting up, squinting at the sight of Pegasi in guard uniform bustling from side to side through the gap in the soothing shade. His eyes popped as Sue galloped through and flung her forelegs around him. 

“I can’t leave you alone for a minute,” she croaked in a red eyed voice.

“On the other hoof, I’m totally off the hook for the card thing, right?” Johnny’s own voice felt a little stale from who-knew-how-long of disuse and tried to inject a little more swagger and volume into the quip so the atmosphere would feel less heavy.

“50/50.”

“I can roll with that.” Johnny used her shoulders to pull himself up a little straighter. “When did you guys get here? What happened to Fin Fan Finkile?” His eyes widened in sudden horror. “How’s my hair?!”

“Still utterly unconvincing!” Doc Greene announced cheerfully as he and River entered. “Our sincerest thanks should hopefully sound authentic! Your associates arrived almost an hour after you passed out, that, what did you call it Dr River, Fantasti-ship? Really is a marvel!”

“All down to our expert pilot.” Reed nodded in Grim’s direction then frowned with concern stretching his neck forward to get a better look at Johnny. “Though I’m more worried about our mechanic and feel we should be thanking you folks for getting him air as quickly as you did. How are you feeling, champ?” 

“Like a used wad of bubble gum, boss man. Sure you can relate.” Johnny tried to shoot to all fours with the weight of his sister still around his neck. “An hour?! Tell me I didn’t go through all that just so you guys could lose lava breath!”

“We know how to take care of ourselves around these parts, my dear Torch,” Greene smiled, pulling one of the medi-tent flaps back. Johnny squinted through the sunlight as Sue helped him hobble out into the mercifully plentiful open air. His refuge had been built a few miles from a crater sprawling at the foot of the mountain side Greene’s lab overlooked. 

E.U.P. guards ringed the crooked edges of the depression like grim faced Stalliongrad tchotchkes, each armed with an old timey bellows like device. The star attraction, though, was clearly the green legs and tail sprawled awkwardly over the edge, tangled together like sullen garden hoses. More guards toiled away with mining tools and unicorn beams to carve a weird join-the-dots guide around the snoring lips and nose sticking out of the pockmarked and blackened rock. 

“You both took quite the nasty tumble off the side of the lab when you lost consciousness,” Green explained. “You were lucky enough to become tangled in some branches, whereas our dragon was so hot he melted straight into the ground when he hit, poor devil! A freight crew showed up and managed to both pull you to safety and concoct as much sleeping potion for our large friend here as we could, with use of all the pots and pans in Betsy’s diner. Their ship will join the E.U.P.’s in helping haul our somnambulistic salamander to Tartarus.”

“That’s me,” Johnny smirked, mostly to let Sue know he really was okay, “makin’ friends wherever I go.” 

“The only part I can’t figure out is why the ring is still in its casing when I could have sworn I saw you--”

“You saw a ring,” Johnny cut in quickly as Sue raised an eyebrow, “not the Mandarin’s. It was one of the decoder variety. Y’know, for the kids! We keep a bunch of souvenirs in one of the chariot’s utility compartments, just in case. I just needed a way to get him mad.”

“What’d ya do to the big lug anyway?” the Thing asked, leaning on tippy toes that could crush a boxcar like a cardboard box to get a better view of those flaring cavernous nostrils. “Play Stretcho’s biography on tape at him?”

“Manehattan Times best seller list,” the genius muttered. 

“Oxygen supply,” Johnny grinned weakly. “Fire breath, right? Figured even if his lungs were as big as Gloam’s ego he’d still need to fill them. More fire, less oxygen. It was the only thing my powers could really do to him.” 

“Quick thinking!” Mr Fantastic beamed. 

“Not bad,” the Thing agreed. 

“Both the bravest and stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” Sue smiled as she hugged him again, “very you.”

“I’ll fire up the ship and see if the jarheads need a hoof,” Grim announced, patting Johnny on the shoulder with surprising gentleness, “get us home before ya figure out what you’re gonna do for an encore.” 

“I was going to give the two of you space to talk anyway,” Reed smiled, “but Dr. Green informs me the mayor would like a word, probably a photo op too once he’s retrieved his hair piece. And we did perform the job we were hired to do, in a roundabout way, and are in need of a new chariot…”

“Tell him we won’t charge for getting the ring to a Canterlot vault if he agrees to add 20% to our fee!” Sue called after him. She formed a force field couch under her and her brother as the guards unloaded a fresh burst of sleeping potion fog into the dragon’s makeshift prison. “I know you’ll say you’re okay, but…”

“Don’t tell Badrock’s ugly stepbrother, because I hate to see an old stallion cry, but it’s always great to be reminded you guys have my back.” Johnny nuzzled his sister. “If I’m any kind of hero, it’s because all of you are mine. Especially you, Sue.”

“That means a lot, little brother. Now, you were out cold and strapped to an oxygen tank for longer than I will ever be comfortable with, so I know you’re not trying to charm your way out of something.” She stopped nuzzling back so they could talk face to face. Her smile was sincere and a little sad and for years after Johnny would always wonder if she’d known what was coming somehow. “Do you want to say what you’re building up to now or wait until we get home?”

“I could take more shots at Grim if it’d make it easier?” 

“Tropical Johnnycake Storm!”

“Okay, okay! I just…you should know that I do appreciate what’s important.” Johnny watched, unsmiling at the scene of the Thing helping lift Fin Fang Foom’s tail into an airship harness. “And that’s why I have to leave.” 


15


What are you even doing here? 

Spider-Pony watched from his perch as the last gaggle of maintenance ponies trotted off in separate directions. Too many for him to keep track of even if there was the slightest potential of their being mugged. The streets were mostly deserted and well lit by streetlamps and the moon. Puddles from the artificial storm glinted in its light, the suddenness and unnaturalness of it still keeping people out of this district. 

The rest of night time Canterlot continued on as though nothing ever happened, and he knew there were enough guards out to keep its peace because he’d had to duck into the shadows to avoid them seeing him at least five times tonight. A lot more difficult than it should have been, because the storm had soaked the walls and oh-so charmingly slanted roofs of downtown. 

Midtown Canterlot was a free-running web-swinger’s dream. Downtown? More the romantic shimmy-up-the-drain-pipe, swing-from-the-chandelier-dive-out-the-window-into-a-waiting-hay-cart sort of affair but still easy enough to get around even if he felt like a Shy-Hulk wannabe from hopping around everywhere. After the rain? Fuggedaboutit. 

If nothing else he was cold, homesick for Celestial Park from the distant smell of damp forest grass, and his hooves were soaked and muddy from crouching and slipping on the damp architecture. He should have just stayed in the suite and borrowed one of Twilight’s books, but he’d needed to clear his head. 

Or you wanted to stop thinking. Face it, Trotter. Osthorn and Argo WISH they could shake you like the princess did today. And even if she hadn’t, instead of a chaste snuggle with the girl you’re crazy about, you’d probably still be out here in the dark because you haven’t slept like a normal pony since freshman year!

He sprang off the roof, firing a web-line at the next building before he remembered why that wasn’t a good idea. His trailing tail slashed through the puddles as he swung way too low way too fast, drenching his costume in muddy water. He yelped in shock, involuntarily letting go of the line and sending himself rolling along the narrow street and crashing down some areaway steps. 

Dogs started barking blocks away and lights snapped on in neighbourhood windows. Ignoring the still smarting pain, Spidey sprang out of the areaway and almost overshot the next building’s roof. And now I’ll have to come clean to Twilight about why my costume’s filthy. Like the entire city isn’t going to be wondering why there’s muddy hoofprints halfway up their walls! Two suits in one day! Brilliant! 


***


He bounced from roof to roof for a while until he found a likely looking set of spires on Walkway Street, using them to web-slingshot himself back towards the castle. He made it as far as a tree halfway up the mountain pass, which was probably just as well. Leaving the castle had been a simple matter of crawling out the bathroom window, making his way across the roof to one of the outer towers and jumping with a web-glider. Getting back in without alerting the most alert security force in the kingdom would require some delicacy. 

In the end, he decided to cut through the woods, where could at least jump from branch to branch and feel spidery, circumventing the climb by reaching the river. Web some sturdy logs together for a makeshift raft, use Spidey-Strength and well-aimed web lines to the trees lining the river bank, and voilà! Drifting lazily in the lake under the castle’s waterfall before you knew it. 

He jumped onto an outcrop six stories up, leaving the raft to the river current. It would dissolve and come apart in an hour anyway. He took in the view of the forest and the distant lights of the city, serine even with the accompanying roar of the waterfall, then began the climb. He was crouched on the edge of one of the lower terraces, wondering what to do if any guards came along, when the golden field enveloped him. 

The entirety of the castle raced past like a tower of paperwork bursting out of a cartoon briefcase and just like that Spidey found himself floating outside Princess Celestia’s open study window, that billowing ethereal hair framed in the warm glow.

“Hope you don’t mind,” she said, glancing up from some paperwork and over her shoulder at him. “Just thought I’d save you the trouble. You adventurer types always have to do things the hard way. I’m convinced Doc Savage would still have taken that route even if we installed an escalator.” 

Spider-Pony could only stare at her. He should have been running through possible reasons for being there (The death ray? How would he have known? The Kraken thing? Wouldn’t she know about that, then?) or at least snazzy but respectful one liners, but his brain had frozen up in principal’s office terror. 

“Peter,” Princess Celestia said patiently over the scribble of her levitated quill, “it’s late and I am over a thousand years old. We don’t have to pretend. Now please come out of the cold.” 

The grandfather clock by the (now) antique armchairs continued to tick away long enough for Peter to realise…why the hay not? He looked down at his boots, but the golden glow had already washed away the mud so he stepped inside. The princess sized windows silently swung shut behind him but he didn’t feel trapped like he had at the table.

“Don’t mind me,” Celestia said, back still to him. “You may or may not have some questions. I completely understand. Or maybe you’ve seen the error of your ways and just want to go back to bed. Third tower on the right, eighth floor. I’ll just be finishing up this…well it’s classified, actually. You understand. And then off to the kitchens for some coco and pie! Would you like some?”

“Uh, no, thank you.” 

He wondered if he should take off his mask and settled for just easing himself into one of the armchairs. Celestia just kept writing away, hair flowing. 

“…do you know why?” 

“Ah, a question that is all questions.” Celestia smiled as she turned to him, the papers in her telekinetic grip organising themselves into various envelopes. “It’s clear why Twilight would be taken with you.” 

She took a seat in the armchair next to him, still managing to look like a work of art. “I am aware of certain things, yes. A pony’s destiny is theirs to discover, which is why, beyond the occasional pat on a Befrienders’ shoulder, I leave you and your colleagues to it. And why I never told you. From what I’ve seen, there was no need to. Beyond quietly making sure all those murder accusations went nowhere, of course.”

“I don’t know what would be different if you had,” Peter admitted with a slight, exhausted chuckle. He couldn’t believe he was having this conversation. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything. Y’know. Today.”

“I understand why you wouldn’t.” Celestia’s telekinesis picked up a poker and poked at the fire. It felt good on his cold costume. “It can be difficult to let anypony into a part of your life. I was quite prepared to wait until you were ready, if you felt the need to tell me at all. Today was truly just about seeing Twilight and Spike again, and I’m always one to take advantage of the chance to meet a new pony.”

“And, ah…since we’re speaking plainly now I guess…what did you think?”

Another one of those smiles. “I think you’re a lot like Twilight. Different, but alike.” 

“My mane’s prettier. You can say it.” He hoped she could tell he was smiling through the mask as she laughed. “Aunt May loves her. Uncle Glen would’ve liked her.”

The room grew quiet except for the crackle of the fire and the ticking of the clock. He felt her put a wing around his shoulders, like being in the patch of shade under your favourite tree on a perfect spring morning, but he kept looking at the small, modern table neatly arranged with anachronistic bric-a-brac, not really seeing it. 

“I miss him so much,” Peter said quietly. Since they were speaking plainly now.

“He’d be proud of you.” The princess’s voice was gentle but there was a strange authority to it he’d never be sure he wanted context for. 

“I’m not sure he should be.” 

“That is…part of the reason I wanted to speak to you tonight.” He looked up into her now concerned face. “The way you spoke about yourself today. Twilight seemed surprised. Do you share these feelings with her?”

“Well, I grumble, sure. Who doesn’t?” 

“Peter.” 

He sighed, feeling like more and more of a doofus having this conversation in full costume. “She spoke to me this afternoon. I think it was supposed to be our first fight, but that’d imply I had a side. She told me neither of us was slumming it.” 

“Do you feel that way?” 

“No! I just…” He looked up at her trying to push the sincerity through his mask lenses. “Twilight was trying to save the world before she discovered the magic of friendship. Because that’s who she is. Me? All my accomplishments are Spider-Pony’s.”

“So, you have these feeling in spite of Twilight, because you feel you have nothing to be proud of in your real identity and so she must have no reason to feel proud of you, despite knowing your secret identity.” 

Peter blinked. “Has anypony told you you’d make a good shrink?” 

“I prefer to think of myself as a teacher.” Celestia withdrew her wing and stood up. He could have been the size of Galactaurus and she’d still have made him feel three apples tall. “And I believe most ponies learn by doing. You asked me what I thought of you. I think, in either identity, you are very much like Twilight. And that you’re both too hard on yourselves. However, I still stand by my question: and? You would like to make changes to your situation. You would like to give yourself something besides Spider-Pony to be proud of.”

“So, I should…do it?”

“Good lad.” Celestia still wasn’t smiling. “I don’t know what these changes will be. But I do know that if you feel you can say these things in spite of Twilight…I do not mean to be harsh, but perhaps your conscience is telling you something.” 

A beat. Then Peter Trotter the Spectacular Spider-Pony nodded. “Thank you, Princess. Really. I needed that.”

“I try,” Celestia smiled again and stifled a yawn. “Oh, do excuse me! Are you sure you won’t have any coco?”

“If it’s all the same with you your highness, I was kinda planning on staring at the ceiling, contemplate those changes. Maybe listen to Twilight recite old friendship letters in her sleep to help me doze off.”

“Do not let me detain you, then.” Her horn glowed, dousing the lamps until only the light of the fire remained as he hopped up onto the window sill. “If you don’t mind me asking. Which of those changes?”

Peter looked back at her, then reached up and pulled off the mask so she could see his face this time. 

“Being better.” 

“Well then. Goodnight and good luck.”

He sprang into the night in a blur of red and blue. Princess Celestia continued to tidy away some things on her desk until Peter sheepishly poked his head back in.  “Uh, sorry ma’am, which tow—?” 

“Third on the right, eighth floor. You left the bathroom window open I think.” 

“Right, right. Thanks. Uh, goodnight!”

“Goodnight.”


16


“In a world!” the Horseshoe Torch pronounced from the diaphragm. “Where mediocrity runs rampant! One Spider-Pony dares to be…Better ™!”

“Ah, go climb up your tail,” Spider-Pony muttered, rolling a dumpling into some sauce and then into some rice so it stuck. “Anyway, who’re you to talk? ‘Oh Sue! I…need you to know I…understand what’s…important! That is why I…have to leave!’”

“What under Celestia’s blazing sun was that supposed to be?” 

“The Star Trot guy.”

“Don’t pretend you don’t know all their names, Pete.”

“Don’t pretend you didn’t get that out of one of the Thing’s soaps.” Spidey shifted on his web-line so he could take a better upside down view of his bud. “Speaking of. You gonna be okay this season?” 

“Are we about to upside down kiss?” Johnny rolled his eyes as he rolled some noodles around his hoof for slurping. “Because for real, I know a couple of girls on the weather team that’ll make it nice and rainy.” 

“You’re being very Namorish right now,” Peter said in a prim voice, stealing some of his chow mein. 

“How dare you,” Johnny mock huffed then looked out at the city from their perch on one of the Chrysler Building’s gargoyles. “It’ll be fine. I’ll still be on the team, it’s not like I’m gonna be all Timberwolf about it.”

“See, then I’d be worried.” Peter took a swig of soda. “How’s Sue taking it?”

“I honest to gosh have no idea. She just said ‘alright.’ Reed said there’d probably be a bunch of paperwork to do and then began talking about maybe designing a Torch specific signal flare, which would rock, and Grim just started doing this little dance and singing What a Wonderful World.”

“Aww, see, he does care!” Peter chewed on another dumpling. “Did he beat me to all the good Manehattan real estate jokes?”

“Reed made a chart and it kinda took the fun out of it for him.” Johnny shrugged. “I’ll still be staying at the Baxter Barn until I find a place. I mean, who’s gonna leave the living room window open and listen to your tales of woe, H.E.R.B.I.E?” 

“At least he’d--it’s male, right?”

“Reed says so.”

“Well at least he’d remember my girlfriend’s name.” 

Johnny bugged his eyes as much as possible. 

“Twilight Sparkle!”

“That’s not a real person name, Peter.”

“I will stick this takeout so far into your ear.” 

“Did Princess Celestia tell you to do that too? Pass the sauce.” 

“So that’s how you get your mane like that!” Peter snagged the packet from the little web sack he’d spun to hold everything. “And no, but she was…honest with me and I’m not sure I’d have been honest with her if she hadn’t got the drop on me like that. Seems the least I could do is follow through on something for once.” 

“You’ll do fine.” Johnny saluted with his energy drink. “I mean, you get up wearing a costume that looks like that every morning.” 

“Can’t be harder than looking for a Manehattan apartment when you’re your own fire hazard.” Peter clinked his water bottle off the can. “You sure you wanna do this? It’s not chic but Aunt May’d be happy to make up the guest room.”

“Thanks, but I beat a dragon.” Johnny moved some noodles around with a chopstick. “I could do that anytime if I’d really thought about it, but now I can’t think of any reason not to at least try to make something just…mine, y’know?” 

“I know, man,” Peter said quietly. 

They looked at the city again. 

“Look at us!” Johnny grinned suddenly. “Two little ponies, all grown up and galloping out into the world!”

“Gonna be as fantastic, as amazing, as spectacular, as awesome and as many prefixes as we wanna be!”

“Old ponies do this stuff every day, we do the impossible all the time!”

“If dragons and mad scientists and gangsters can’t stop us, what chance does romance and real responsibility have!”

“Gonna be out greatest adventure ever!”

“Starting…now!”

They resumed looking at the city, takeout cooling in their laps. A storefront on the edge of the block below them exploded suddenly in a shower of masonry and alarm bells. A pony with a glue gun and funky helmet and another in a quilt suit were trying to heft bags into a waiting cart. 

“Oh look, crime.”

“Oh, thank gosh.”


To be Continued

> Line of Ire (1)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


1 


The lights go up.

A study in a Manehattan penthouse. An Earth Pony reclines on a Chesterfield, idly swirling the contents of a wine glass as his brow knits appreciatively over whatever book he’s reading. A burgundy smoking jacket combines with his chocolate coloured coat and blonde hair to make him look like some illicit mix of Turkish delight and a vanilla swirl. 

It compensates for the fact the wine glass is full of chocolate milk and his copy of ǝƃɐɹǝǝԀ s,dɹnʍ┴ is upside down. His crystal blue eyes flick to the camera. 

“Oh, hello there! I’m Tropical Johnnycake Storm, but you can call me Johnny. You may remember me from such feats of bravery as a little thing I like to call ‘The Last Ten Years!” 

A montage of news photos, the Horseshoe Torch (and the occasional other member of the Fantastic Family) in action against assorted mad scientists, evil wizards, robots, kaiju and apes with super powers. The last one is Johnnycake straight up taking a selfie with Galactaurus, Devourer of Worlds. 

“Been an adventure, hasn’t it?” Johnny says, now standing by a globe with a hoof on it, as if patting some sort of exotic pet. “And now we have the chance at a new one…together!” 

Panoramic shot of the Manehattan skyline, the majesty, the energy, the character. All ruined by the Horseshoe Torch flying into frame, one hoof raised to his brow to pantomime looking back and forth. “They say there’s a million stories in the coated city, and half as many apartments. Guess who’s looking for one? If your answer was the high-flying Horseshoe Torch, go to the head of the class!” 

A montage of various scenes across the city. A couple on a bench. A mixed species basketball game. Pigeons on a roof for some reason. 

“Somewhere out there in this beautiful city is the perfect place to hang the many stylish hats and similar accessories I wear in my role not just as hero, engineer, sky diver, race kart driver and cordon bleu chef, but as a fellow Manehattanite! If you know of a happy home in need of a hero, let me know!”

The typical Equestrian nuclear family around the dinner table. Though, judging from the way Father’s pipe bubbles over and Mother starts taking aim with her book, not one who was expecting or asked to be filmed. 

“Don’t do it for me. Do it for yourself. Do it for Mom, Dad and starshroom pie.”

Johnny now stands in front of an abstract portrait of Princess Celestia, solemn gaze levelled at the camera like a descending warhead telling you this is for your own good. “Do it for Equestria.”

“H.E.R.B.I.E?” comes an affable baritone. “What are you doing in my study?” 

Eagle eyed viewers might just have the chance to register Johnny rapidly slicing his hoof under his chin for cut!cut!cut! before the camera blurs to River Reeds’ upper torso stretching around the half open door. 

“Johnny?”

“Hey, Doc! Before you ask any questions I just wanna assure you the lil’ sputnik takes full responsibility and you should be proud of him for it.” 

The camera squeals in protest as River’s brow creases, either from his powers or realisation. “Is that my robe?!”

The world judders into static and clears in the shadow of a silver colossus striding down Canal Street. The sickly yellow equine face inside its helmet shrivels with revulsion at the strands dangling from its mighty power lance. 

“INSECTS OF EQUESTRIA! YOUR WORLD IS NOW THAT OF TERMINUS THE TERRI—shoo, shoo! Go on, get out of it!”

It swings the weapon to and fro, more like a pair of tweezers holding something bacterial than the nightmare of a thousand solar systems. The camera chirrups in terror as a sudden lash sends a screaming Johnny and Spider-Pony hurtling straight towards it--

Static.


2


“Of course that’s just the first cut,” Johnnycake Storm said, timing his most disarming grin with the parting curtains for maximum disarming sparkle. 

“Uh huh,” grunted Juniper Waters, super pony lawyer to the stars. “And I advise you to make it the last.”

“As my lawyer or as my friend?” 

“The former since there’s an outside chance you’ll listen to me.” Juniper reached out to stop him playing with her Starswirl cradle. “This isn’t a good look, Johnny.” 

“I’m just doing what all truly great Equestrian artists have done since time immemorial: trying to cash in on my talent and good looks to score an apartment! This is Manehattan, June! The most enterprising city on Earth!” He side-eyed a wall of photos, where she posed identically with varied famous clients. “Also, according to focus testing, the one major conurbation where Grim isn’t more popular than me.” 

“Popularity depends on perception.” June settled back in her chair, sighing. “I see this, I see your way of reaching out and, even though this hurts a little, it’s actually pretty creative.” 

Johnny leaned back in his own chair, satisfied hooves behind his head and taking advantage of the sunlight to make his mane shimmer. 

“Everypony else? They’re going to see one of those high and mighty super ponies trying to muscle their way into a home as payment for services rendered. And if you don’t, nice place you got here, be a shame and all that.”

“You cannot think that little of me!”

“Of course I don’t, you goober, but I know better because we’re friends.”

“That an invitation to crash on your couch?” Johnny muttered as he fumbled the film out of the projector. “Least you could do after torpedoing my big idea.” 

Despite his powers he still felt the heat of her gamma irradiated gaze on his neck. 

He turned as slowly as possible with ears lowered and an innocent smile like a good boy as the office, despite now being fully illuminated, seemed to plunge into the same emerald darkness as June’s eyes. “Kidding!” 

“Good,” June said with a quiet firmness as the glow faded. “Shy-Hulk doesn’t need to be that strong.”

“I don’t really wanna hit up anypony in the business anyway.” Johnny resumed packing up his wears as if the great green apocalypse hadn’t been narrowly averted. “Last thing I need is the tabloids running another ‘Super pony nepotism?!’ scandal and Sue nagging me for it.” 

“Try being the shoulder she’ll cry on if you actually pull this off,” June muttered, arranging some papers on her desk. It wasn’t quite noon yet but any time of day was usually too early for Tropical Johnnycake Storm. “How’s that going by the way? And, more pertinently, why bring this to me?”

“Because every photo of me is gorgeous but like 40% of them are on fire, every landlord’s nightmare.” Johnny stared up at the ceiling fan, wishing June’s visitor chair was the swivelling variety so he could at least mildly entertain himself. “Maybe I could work out some kind of deal with the city, like you had with Las Pegasus?”

“Shy-Hulk was going through a phase, okay?” June cocked her head to the side, scrutinising him. “Has anypony actually refused you residence because of your powers?”

Johnny’s slump became rigid. 

“You haven’t even applied anywhere, have you.” It wasn’t a question. Not from the way her nostrils flared but her poker face stayed. “You’re trying to get out in front of any potential problems. You’re here because you need a licencing lawyer.”

“Do I get smashed if I say yes…?” Johnny was smart enough to not try the smile this time. “I mean, there is this specific film score I wanna set it to--” 

“You might if you waste any more of my time! I have clients with real problems, kid. Not all of them have superpowers.” 

“But I mean…is it a good idea? Pitching myself? Just in case somepony wants my expertly quaffed goodness but not my fiery hot treats?” 

“Gross.”

June put a hoof on his shoulder. Her eyes were still regular magical species green, not atomic emerald, but he felt a little bit of Thing-esque weight to the hoof, as if even her alter-ego was reaching out to him. 

“And the only way to find out is to put yourself out there. Maybe they’ll say no, maybe they’ll have the right. I’ll still go to bat for you if I have to, but you have to make the first move here.”

“Are you talking like a wingman so I’ll think about this like wooing a filly and it’ll be less intimidating?”

“If it’ll get you out of my office, yeah.”

“You’re the best, June,” Johnny grinned and vaulted out of the chair with the same enthusiasm urchins in a musical showed for drain pipes and rickety fences. “Give ya a hug but you have other cases and that suit looks expensive!” 

“You’re learning,” June smirked. She walked him out into the lobby as the projector folded up into a slim saddlebag, another River Reeds marvel. 

She side-eyed him expectantly as he fidgeted with it under the pretence of deciding which shoulder would be the cooler to sling over. “Last chance to unload.”

“Just a feeling I’ve had ever since I took down Fin Fang Foom—”   

“Oh, right. That happened,” June said with the leaden weight of three weeks worth of his bringing it up. 

“—but just looking for one tiny, preferably authentically hard wood floored, apartment feels so much…bigger. More--” He tried to keep walking and wave a divining hoof at the same time. 

“If you say ‘real’ I will Hulk-out and punt you all the way back to first grade.”

“Okay, okay, but you get what I mean, right? Those days when you wake up from a dream but somehow you feel like everything you know was unreal all along? Like, I dunno, a fairy tale. Oh, excuse me sir!” 

“Quite alright!” The dwarven warrior tipped his helmet as if Johnny hadn’t almost collided with his hefty battle axe and continued on to the front desk with the gallant knight, elfin archer princess and obligatory hooded pony of mystery. The party wizard, a unicorn in a hat that must once have been pointy but had seen some things, man, gave June and Johnny a nervous look as he hurried to keep up, followed by a box with lots and lots of little legs. 

“That’s my two o‘ clock.” June put a companionable hoof on his shoulder as he hauled open one of the glass front doors. “But yeah, I know what you mean. Felt the same way looking for my first place. Hay, when I got my degree!”

“Yeah?”

“That feeling of knowing so much but just having more questions you don’t know how to ask, nopony telling you the answers. And this was before I had to share a brain with the Anti-Social-est One There Is! There was something my mom told when we met for coffee on campus once. Put everything in perspective. Wanna know what it was?” 

Johnny tried to keep any and all pleading out of his eyes as he did the old cocky raise of the eyebrow routine. 

“Welcome to adulthood, kiddo, you’ve got real problems now,” his lawyer said and pushed him out into the big wide world of Equestria.  


3


“Not to be a downer, but one day we’re gonna feel like we’re just too old for this.”

The Spectacular Spider-Pony was in freefall, which wasn’t unusual. He fired a fresh web-line, now being trailed by the tail of the pony in the chicken-snake costume, which was, sadly, also not unusual. 

“Get off!” the Basilisk snarled, corkscrewing in an attempt to either dislodge Spidey or dash him against one of the passing skyscrapers. The move was familiar and easily countered with Spider-Sense, but something was off about the voice. 

Spidey released the line, firing two more. The startled not-Basilisk hadn’t been prepared for the sudden release of weight and was even less prepared for its sudden return, braking and sagging with equal violence. The sudden stop sent Spidey careering up like a pendulum, somersaulting onto the villain’s back. He peered upside down at the still recovering face in the beak/mouth of the cowl. 

“Well if it isn’t Dark ‘Blackie’ Deco, my favourite also-ran!” 

“Yeah?! We’ll see after this also-ran runs ya through!” 

Spider-Sense made him turn and shield his eyes, but the Basilisk Beam still stung. The strike from the suit’s tail was sharper. 

Spidey chastised himself as he toppled through the air. The Basilisk suit: not bad for what technically amounted to a rubber monster costume with a souped-up flashlight attached. It never paid to underestimate outfit or wearer. 

He snagged one of the trailing web-lines, now dangling back at square one, to mix terminologies. The real deal Basilisk would probably have been out of range in the seconds it would take his eyes to adjust, but Dark Deco had been out of the game for a long time. He could work that. 

“So you thought, what, you’d get all dressed up, take in the sights, maybe the museum district, blow your parole to the bottom of Horseshoe Bay foooooor…?”

“Haw! Nice try, Web-Slinger! Keepin’ this suit is almost worth a hundred times what I’ll get paid for running this little errand! Wouldn’t tell you who left it on my doorstep even if I knew!” 

“Aww! In that case how about a sneak peek at what’s in the mystery box?” 

He snagged the other web-line, taking advantage of the Basilisk’s attempt to slam him into a semaphore tower to anchor the still sticky strands against its gantry beams. Blackie squawked as his momentum pulled them taut as bridge cables, almost sending him bungeeing backwards into the shutters. 

Wasting no time, Spider-Pony galloped along the impromptu tightrope and sprang for the satchel, which Tombs would have been smart enough to trust to the grasp of the suit’s tail, but that Deco had been carrying in his hooves the entire chase. “Yoink!”

“NO!” Blackie howled, eyes popping as he slashed both batwings as forward as they’d go. Peter winced as one sliced across the front of his costume, the other batting him clean over the opposite skyscraper and through the roof of a clock tower. 


***


He let out a groan, swallowed by the rumble of gears as the world shuddered back into focus. “Don’t suppose you got a spare set of ribs in here…?”

The satchel had only stayed with him because his wall-crawling kept it practically magnetised to his hooves. Which meant Basilisk would be coming after it, hard and fast. Which meant it’d be real great for the pounding headache and spots in his eyes to ease up right about—Spidey-Sense! 

He managed to perch on a walkway railing, still holding the bag, as the Basilisk torpedoed through the adorable little hatch doors, decapitating the adorable little wooden personality-rights-safe Princess Celestia with those furiously flapping wings. 

Peter had spent his entire career avoiding their designer, who could wield them with expert precision, but they were sharp and strong enough that they didn’t need to be. The only reason Blackie hadn’t taken a leg off with the frenzy he had them in was because they were mounted on his back. 

“Get your filthy mitts off my payday, you little punk!” he shrieked, whip cracking that industrial strength tail after the somersaulting Web-Slinger, leaving mangled railings and cannon ball like dents all along the walkway. 

“Y’know what, why not?” Spidey mused, weighing the prize in one of said mitts as he leapt onto a rotating gear. “Doesn’t go with my outfit anyway!”

He coiled on his perch, getting a good wind up as the deranged Deco lunged for him, recoiling halfway through as Spider-Pony cannoned forward suddenly. He took advantage of the Spider-reflex induced hangtime, making sure he had the perfect bead on that faux-scaly underbelly as the satchel came up from its latest spin. 

He released the strap, sending the heavy cargo hurtling into the wannabe Basilisk’s gut. The impact knocked the wind right out of Blackie, and Blackie right out of the suit. Peter could still hear the champagne cork POP noise of all 200 lbs of pony shooting out through the mouth, even over the deafening chime of the catapulted Deco slamming into the tower bell. 

Not that he had time to gloat. He was too busy becoming tangled in the limp Basilisk suit, losing control and tumbling to the hard floor. The satchel smacked into a space way too close to his head for comfort, spilling its cargo. Looked like…rocks?

Blackie moaned, peeling his face off the bell like removing old tape, then squealed as he began the perilous tip backwards into freefall, only making it halfway as web strands looped around the rafters to cocoon his hind legs. 

“Iiit’s Echo with Deco,” Spidey drawled in his best Morning AFM voice, dangling upside down in front of his captive, “Manehattan’s most underrated and frankly underwhelming insight into the mind of the underworld with your host: Dark Deco! Whatcha been up to, Blackie?”

“Dreamin’ of wrappin’ my hooves around your scrawny neck, you...!” 

“Really? I was gonna go with zen garden.” Spidey snagged one of the stones with a web-line, waggling in front of Deco’s flaring nostrils. “Seems like you could use it. Whatever could these be for if not personal use? Is it supposed to represent the kinda mindset that’d actually pay you to steal a bunch of rocks?”

The feel of the one in his hoof made him take a closer look. Engravings, stylised, maybe a language? 

“Didn’t ask questions,” Deco snarled, drawing his attention. “Not for the kinda incentives we’re talkin’ about here!”

“And those would be?”

“Among other things, another shot at you!” 

Deco’s sneer made him spin around before his Spider-Sense kicked in, still too late to do anything. 

Something hard and fast smacked into his back, sending him sprawling to the floor almost halfway across the room. He moaned, forcing himself up on one leg, trying to discern if he was seeing what he was seeing or if it was just his vision blurring: the Basilisk, tail still lashing, floating there besides Blackie. 

The empty Basilisk suit.

What in the whole wide world of Equestria..?! How hard did he hit me? How DID he hit me?

Spidey struggled to clear his aching head and process the image. The apparently alive costume wrapped its tail around the satchel, slicing through Deco’s bonds with one wing and unnervingly opening its own headpiece as wide as possible to allow him to slide back in. 

“Nifty, ain’t it?” the now re-ensconced hood chuckled, flashing him a mocking salute with a scaly hoof. “It’s been fun whipping your tail again Webs, but I got a delivery to make. Let’s do it again real soon.” 

Spidey at least managed to gleam some satisfaction from the villain’s escape as Blackie banged his head off the hatch, trying to vamoose the same way he broke in. 

By the time he managed to stagger into daylight the wannabe-Basalisk was long gone. Pedestrians far below peered up at him as he peered down from the ledge. Good thing Deco hadn’t tried going through the clock face, he wasn’t sure he’d have been in shape to stop any falling glass. 

Okay, that was new. And if it’s not how come Tombs never used it before? Summoning spells, sure, and Spark was talking about upgrading with all that fancy new stuff from the Crystal Empire but…remote control? Okay Trotter, focus. How’d he do it? 

He flipped the rune stone he’d somehow been able to hang onto up and down in his hoof, lenses narrowing in concentration. Who hired him and what did they want these for?

Then he turned around and saw the giant clock face. 

…is that the time?!


***

Ten minutes later (three of which he wasted in a nearby alley trying to pull off his mask and pants at the same time) Peter Trotter was galloping down Fulton Street at practically full Spider-speed, scattering what pedestrians he wasn’t weaving around. “Sorry! Incoming! Gangway! Yeah, same to you buddy!” 

He skidded along the asphalt as he realised he’d overshot the doors under a beakers and test tube logo, snagging his saddlebag strap in his teeth as it almost shot off his body and scaring the living daylights out of the poor ponies behind the reception desk as he bounded to a stop in front of them. 

“Hugh…hugh…hi!” he gasped “Uh, P-Peter Trotter for the interview?”

“I’ll see to this.” He fought the urge to peel up the floor tiles and hide underneath as the minotaur supervisor glared down at him, flipping through her notebook. “Ah, yes, here you are Mr. Trotter. You’re early!” 

He beamed hopefully. “Oh?!”

“Yes, we rescheduled for tomorrow. I’m surprised the paper didn’t tell you.”

“Why would The Bugle…?” 

Oh. Oh no. Oh noooo. 

He’d been needling Rocky for weeks about it, hadn’t he, letting him try out as The Bugle’s scientific consultant for some extra cash. It had been at the back of his mind when was trying to get the lab interview, only then Spellectro and the Shaker had gotten into that power measuring contest in the middle of Mason Square Garden, so he must've still been reeling from that when marking the calendar. 

He was at the wrong lab for the wrong kind of interview!!!

Okay, focus. The clock behind the reception desk was obscured by one of the supervisor’s horns, but his chance with the real lab was shot. Send them a polite apology later, right now? Why not? 

“Ah, never mind. This is unorthodox, I know, but since I’m here, would you happen to be hiring?” 

“As a matter of fact…”


4


“The math doesn’t lie,” Reed reiterated patiently. “Every few hours a pony somewhere in this city is moving out of or into a two-person lease. You’ll find a needing roommate a lot faster than you’ll find a waiting apartment.” 

“Hear what you’re laying down, Doc,” Johnny replied, back pointedly turned to the chalkboards the older Unicorn was levitating, “but won’t it be kind of cramped in there?”

“Oh, come now John, you of all ponies worried about somepony else cramping your—?”

“As if! It just seems unfair to ask them to make room for all this style!” 

Johnny whipped around, clad in the latest casual Istallion wear and forcing H.E.R.B.I.E. to float backwards in case of getting lashed by his tail, or worse, being berated for allowing hair to besmirch the racks of Johnny’s wardrobe hanging from his waldos. 

“What do you think?” Johnny asked, dawning shades and completing the Never-Actually-Played-Polo-I-Just-Like-The-Shirts look. 

“I like them,” Reed said, because he knew how the lad worked at this stage. “Listen, if storage is a concern I have some helpful mass shifting furniture left over from that one expedition--”

“We’ll see what kind of place I can score first,” Johnny said a bit too quickly.

“Alright. Sure you don’t want one of us to come with you?”

“Sue’s out with Armilla, you’ve got like a thousand new discoveries cooking, and somehow I don’t think a pile of rocks in a trench coat is gonna help make a good first impression.” Johnny was already sliding the terrace windows open for take-off. “Besides I already guilt tripped him into covering monitor duty for me.”

“Oh, more like a hundred, really,” Reed corrected, even now making multiple notes on one of his ever-present clipboards. He frowned. “Monitor duty is more a Befrienders thing, isn’t it? We don’t do it.” 

The building shook to a furious bellow of “WAIT A COTTON PICKIN’ MINUTE!” several floors down. H.E.R.B.I.E. wobbled in mid-air in a flurry of velvet and cashmere. 

“See?” the now aflame Torch grinned, forelegs spread demonstratively as he prepared to lazily tumble backwards off the balcony. “If I can pull that off what’s charming my way into a hearth and home?” 

Famous last words. 


***

The charm offensive actually worked perfectly during the first attempt. Kind of?

“Any particularly loud habits we should know about, Mr. Storm?”

“I prefer to attend rather than host.” The mare he was facing was older, but it was the 21st reign of Celestia and he’d pranced around with one of the Eternals for a bit, so he was mixing a fair bit of respect into his coyness. “The read sheet of music is more divine than the loudest symphony, my grandmamare used to say!”

“Mmhm. So no parties?”

“No ma’am!” That she’d know about. 

“I see.” Not scribbling on her clipboard but running a hoof down it. He so had this! “No visitors of a…questionable nature?”

“Perhaps, if the question is where they learnt such manners!” Like he’d dance with anypony who couldn’t think quickly on their hooves. 

She made a humourless sound. “And it says here you offered to pay a few weeks’ worth of rent in advance?”

“I’m sure there’ll be something to spare after all the charity work,” Johnny beamed, mixing in a little technical truth.

“I’m sure there would.” She smiled politely. Like a rock to the head with a complimentary note. “If your application met our standards.” 

“You’re turning me down…?”

“This is an off-Bridleway property Mr. Storm,” the landlord said sternly, looking at him over the horn-rimmed spectacles he now realised were meant to be quirky. “We cater to character around here.”

“I’m a super pony!” Johnny sputtered “Look!” He ignited his head. She didn’t even adjust her glasses. “What tenant could be more, uh…c-charateristic than that?!” 

“It is Manehattan,” she said flatly. 

The sheer logic of it was so close to a physical force he flamed off, feeling like a helpless watermelon who’d made the mistake of wandering into a dark alley in mallet territory. 

“I…you…that… But my application?! I was so charming you could offer me as a main course at the Regis! What could I have possibly done wrong?!” 

“I’m afraid, as the foals say, ya boring.” 

“That went out of style two apocalypses ago, you hag!” Johnny screeched. In his head. Half an hour later. He didn’t even remember getting into the cab. If the universe had had any decency the driver would’ve turned out to be the Wingless Warlock in disguise, but he was so rattled he forgot to make a pass at her. 


***

There wasn’t technically a second attempt, not because of any unforeseen faux pas but the more mundane fact the East Side place he’d had his eye on had been sold by the time he arrived. While he was reeling the universe decided to spring Manehattan’s legendary Never Aroundness of cabs on him. It took a few minutes huffily wandering the streets and almost getting run down by a furniture truck to remember he could fly. 

“Comin’ through folks,” he called as he passed through the civilian airspace over Celestial Park, not so frazzled he couldn’t remember to avoid accidentally sending flocks of Pegasi, griffons and medium sized dragons spiralling to the ground in a blaze of fiery death. 

“Nice contrail!” a weather pony called. 

Johnny glanced over his shoulder to give her a patented smile, but it was flattened and distorted by the glass pane of what she really meant: the change in background magical frequency had turned his trailing flames into a shower of candy coloured, abstract shapes. Flowers and squiggles mostly. He looked like he was pulling the opening titles of Saved By The Bell behind him. 

“Ley lines,” he hissed, clenching chagrined teeth as he put on a burst of speed to get out of there.  


***

The third attempt was the first to honestly hurt. 

“Nice!” He stepped into the studio/loft/almost-out-of-a-movie space with the same delight Reed usually showed for the discovery of a new class of pony eating bacteria. “Is this early 50’s Stallifornian architecture? On this coast?”

“Excellent eyes, Mr. Storm,” the younger landlord beamed. She was dressed in professional business wear that only matched her charmingly lowkey energy if you imagined her working somewhere fun, like a Las Pegasus casino. One of Johnny’s favourites. 

“Eh, work takes me a lot of places. You recognise certain things.”

“I wasn’t referring to your gift for architecture.” 

Johnny gently released enough of his powers to make it look like he was blushing, both because endearing himself would help with the sale and because the only thing the ladies loved more than a cultured stallion was a humble one. It faded as she led him through to the Canterlot ballroom sized living room and broke his concentration with the best feature. 

“Holy cow,” he gasped, eyes flashing with the sunset glowing behind the elephant sized bay windows, “what a view!”

“Oh, I agree,” she breezed following in after him. 

He’d have added his own line to let her know he was receiving loud and clear, but the spectacular panorama of towers and parks was overriding all other signals. “And you want how much for this place?”

“Can you really put a price on something this good for the mind and soul?” she asked. 

He was seriously going to have ask her name at some point so he could add her to his Hearth's Warming card list. 

“Can’t believe I missed seeing something this amazing on the way in!”

“Well, we have only just met.” 

Scratch that, so he could invite her over for Hearth’s Warming. 

“Does your je ne sais quoi come with the place too?” he asked casually taking full advantage of her own coyness.

“I’ll certainly be…around.” There was something about her smile that got to him. Not like that, like…hadn’t her lipstick been green when she’d opened the door? Maybe it was the light in here, the view was the meteorological equivalent of a roaring fireplace. “But you’ll have plenty of company.” 

“No kidding, check out all those clubs down there! And the signs! This street has so much nightlife you could use it as an emergency runway in a blackout!”

“Funny you should mention that, because I was trying to engineer an opening to mention your neighbours.” 

The landlord clapped her hooves together with the military precision of a Bridleway cue. 

The front door glided open through some unseen method, which Johnny would’ve thought was odd, given he didn’t remember closing it, but didn’t because of the murders’ row of ambiguously 20-something mares that parade marched through it. The windows bounced the radiance of their vivacious smiles around the room and straight into Johnny’s brain.

“How’s it going everypony?” he would have said, but the looks they were giving him and the sheer radioactive luck pouring out of this walk-in miracle’s walls made him feel like he was drowning even as his throat went dry. He trotted backwards and only landed in the sinfully heavenly embrace of one of the many recliners because he bumped into it and tipped himself over. 

“Is something wrong, Johnnycake?” the landlord cooed, lashes fluttering as she placed a hoof to his brow, practically buoyed up there as the wave of oh-so-concerned neighbours flooded around the chair. 

Surrounding him his inner explorer cautioned, shrugging off his inner playboy, inner rockstar and inner Formula One champion’s attempts to dogpile it. It managed a lot more easily than most of his colleagues would have thought. 

“Wrong?! Sun and country, no! Heck, that view…”   

He paused, Johnny-Sense tingling. 

“Yes! Sunset's are practically mesmerising, aren't they?!”There was a hint of desperation in her tantalising voice now, her hoof switching to his chest as if trying to shove him into the recliner like a bag of incriminating evidence into a peat bog. 

“Yeah, but…can I—? Thanks.” She squeaked as Johnny took her pressing leg to examine her watch, politely but firmly sliding one of the encroaching neighbours backwards as a bulwark against the rest with an outstretched hind leg. 

“Yeah, it’s only 2:30,” he said, half noting on adventure honed instinct that the watch was more of a high-tech communicator type of deal, a slight extra-terrestrial slant to the digits. 

“But it’s awesome, right?” She grinned disarmingly even as she yanked her foreleg out of his grip with more combat hold breaking experience than a real estate agent should have, even in Manehattan. 

“Oh, absolutely,” Johnny agreed, nodding contemplatively, almost there. “The whole place is perfect! In fact, it’s almost like it coulda…” 

He trailed off, staring vaguely into the middle distance as his eyes focused sharply as Timberwolf’s claws unsheathing.

“Could have what?” the landlord asked, adjusting her lapels almost as if she were a gunslinger limbering up for high noon. 

“Could have been made…for me…” 

Johnny gave the apartment another look, the same slow kind sunlight gives to bombed out ruins in a war movie. 

“Aww crap,” he said dejectedly, “this is a Skrull honeytrap, isn’t it?”

“What?!” the landlord chuckled “Whaaaat? Nooo-ho-ho-oh, what? Ahaha, that would beSEIZE HIM!”

Johnny used a quick but low level thermal burst to shoot himself towards the kitchen island before the ring of beguiling danger could close. His would-be captors crashed into each other in a synchronised jump, styled manes and tails billowing like parade balloons in the world’s saddest crash landing. 

“Ladies! Ah, ponies? People? People! Let’s not be hasty!” He scrambled for purchase, trying simultaneously to climb down, stay atop, and not mar the immaculate marble counter as angry, yellowing eyes began to rise out of the tangle. “This place isn’t rent controlled, right? Technically you’d be inflicting all sorts of harm on me every day! They say stress is the greatest cause of hair loss, and as I’m sure you know I love my hair! Financial, follicle! Double the emotional damage!”

He sprang to the piano in the upper right corner of the room as another neighbour lunged for him, the discordant ♪pldingtwang♪ of his hooves striking the keys perfectly timed with her face slamming into the marble top. He hauled the top board up, creating a barrier for a war crying Skrull, swinging herself towards him with the chandelier, to bounce off and crash land on a trio that had been trying to sneak up on him. 

“Well, I’ve had a wonderful time,” he called, slamming the board down and balancing on it as he took aim with a foreleg, “ but this wasn’t it!” 

With an almost turbine like roar a jet of flame burst from his hoof, propelling the entire piano towards the windows like a battering ram made of class, demolishing and bowling aside lesser items of furniture. The squealing of the frenzied castors was almost drowned out by shrieking Skulls as they dived out of his way. 

All except his would-be landlord, who he barely had time to register was homicidally galloping towards him! No, wait. The last coffee table between them. 

Nonplussed, Johnny watched as the Skrull commander leapt onto the table, hurling herself into the air with the same in-equine grace. The front of the piano ploughed it into expensive dust as she thrust hooves towards him glowing with the same violet energy that flooded her eyes, bowling him off the runaway instrument and effortlessly landing in his place. 

He tried to roll with the impacts of the familiar laser blast and hitting the floor, but he still felt the breath rushing out of him as he landed. Purple dots of energy and disoriented vision flashed all around him as he stared up at the still careening piano. 

“Yes!” the commander cried, thrusting clenched, violet pulsing hooves. “Oh yes, yes, yes!” 

Then she looked behind her. “Oh no.” 

She managed to hurl herself into one of the plush chairs just in time. The piano rammed into the glorious faux sunrise with an appropriately vaudevillian sounds of torment, shattering itself…and the sky? 

Through the multiple shocks his system had taken in the last few seconds, Johnny watched as cracks and static lanced across the magnificent view, muddying orange and gold with pale electric green. Even as the shattered piano rolled back from the impact, the entire wall began to tip forward after it. The commander yelped, still glowing hooves scrabbling in place for a few precious seconds before she managed to bolt out of range of the collapsing screens. 

“A hologram,” Johnny said hollowly. “It’s a hologram.” 

It was the revelation not the blast that kept him stunned in place as the Skrulls swarmed over him, holding him down. 

“Honestly? I thought it was a little much.” The commander brushed herself down, smirking in triumph. “But it did the job, didn’t it?”

“Uh, I dunno, Commander,” piped up an underling holding down Johnny’s left hind leg, “he did notice the time difference.” 

“You know what the royalty won’t notice, Private?” she replied sweetly. “Your name! When I leave it out of my report! The report that tells the tale of how my brilliant scheme captured the legendary Horseshoe Torch, one of the four greatest enemies of the empire!” 

“Not to risk being written out, ma’am,” the Skrull who’d faceplanted into the countertop pointed out nasally, snout still accordioning in that gross shapeshifter way, “but protocol says he’s not officially captured until his powers are neutralised, and realistically speaking how could we hold him if they weren’t?” 

“I’d have ordered you to get the stasis cuffs on him by now if you didn’t keep interrupting!” the commander snapped. “Where are the cuffs anyway?”

“In the piano like you ordered, ma’am!” 

“Yes, the clearly totalled piano. Fools! I meant where are the other stasis cuffs?”

“Other stasis cuffs, ma’am?”

“The other stasis cuffs,” she said with the calm of someone who could laser blast your head off your shoulders and was trying not to. “The ones I told you all to hide around the apartment.” 

“You, uh, specified the--” Accordion Face began. 

“Yes,” she snapped, violet energy flaring out of her eyes, “to agent 2162! Which one of you is 2162?! Hurry up, he’s coming ‘round!” 

The energy in her eyes flared brighter as every hoof, some of them going green and scaly, went up. “What?! You can’t all be… What?!”

“You did ask for us, ma’am,” Accordion Face pointed out, a note of reproach in her voice audible even as she began trying to stretch her snout back into shape. 

“No, I asked for the best agents from the best seduction departments in the empire!” 

“Right,” Accordion Face winced as she released her nose, now straight but still wobbling. “That’s us. Department 2162.”

“And you’re agent 2162.” Johnny and his captors looked back and forth between them as the commander began trying to force a problem into a solution. “The one I ordered to hide stasis cuffs in the piano. That’s clearly not going to work. So where are the rest of them?”

“We’re Department 2162.” Accordion Face sounded worried now. “We’re agents of the twenty thousandth, one hundredth and sixty second infiltration department. So, see, we’re all agent 2162.” 

“What.” The room flared purple as the commander’s eyes widened. “All sixteen of you?! How would that…what kind of…So where did all those other orders I sent out go?!” 

“Did you check if they were, like, received?” asked the woozy chandelier Skrull as her squashed comrades carried her over. 

“No! When I give an order I expect it to be obeyed! I shouldn’t need to--”

“Well if you had,” the deleted left leg Skrull said, not un-bitterly, “you’d probably have found a bunch of messages from high command asking what the ☊⟒⋏⌇⍜⍀⟒⎅ you were talking about.” 

“What kind of asinine system is this?!” the commander practically shrieked, staring from underling to underling. “How in the ten dimensions does that make sense as a naming convention?!” 

“Well it sort of saves time, if you think about it,” one of Chandelier’s supporters pointed out. 

“How?!” 

“I mean, there’s twenty thousand, one hundred and sixty one departments before us. And besides the fact this is, like, spy ops and junk so anonymity is the point, we’re all in the army. It’s not like anyone cares about our names.”

“Some of us don’t even get into the reports,” Left Leg muttered. 

“YOU SHUT UP!” The energy frothing in the commander’s hooves winked out as she clasped them to her temples, her popping eyes still glowing. “This is why this empire is collapsing!”

“So, okay, since we’re all agent 2162,” Accordion Face interjected, in the tone of someone sliding towards the end of a greased ledge, “and you told agent 2162 to hide the stasis cuffs in the piano…and we’re all agent 2162…”

In near perfect sync all their reptilian gazes shot to the wreckage. The mountain of mahogany rubble was a lot more metallic than it should have been, broken sea shells of high tech cuffs sparking in a pitiful pile where they’d poured out of cracks in what must have been a very hollow piano. 

All eyes shot back to the blinking Johnnycake.

“Where’s the Super Skrull?” the commander wheezed. “Oh ⎅⟒⏃⍀ ⋔⟒, where’s the Super Skrull?”

“We thought you were the Super Skrull, Acting Commander,” Accordion Face gulped. 

“I’m a Super Skrull, you lummox!” 

“Lyja.” They froze at the ice in the pinned Torch’s voice. “Is that you, Lyja?”

“Yyyyyynnnnnnnn?” the commander managed, ears lengthening and chin segmenting as she struggled not to shift back to her ponytail. Unfortunately, even though they were vibrating from the effort of non-committance, she’d let her vocal cords revert. 

The Skrulls pinning Johnny shot away from him like a splash mark on concrete, just in time to avoid being cooked alive by an angry blast of flame that punched a hole in the ceiling. Hot dust and cold daylight poured into the devastated space.

“I told you what would happen if you came back,” Johnny hissed, fully alight with his eyes glowing a deeper, seething orange. 

“What can I say?” Lyja smirked as they circled each other, glowing violet eyes matching his as she rippled back to her true green form. “You’re just so easy, Johnny!” 

She elongated her foreleg to put more speed into her blasts. Her still mostly disguised troopers dived for cover behind the remains of the furniture as the Torch countered each shot with his own savage bursts of flame. 

“Give me a break,” Johnny spat as he forced her to back up. “Lyja the Laser Lasher! Man, what happened to you? You were always the absolute worst, but you used to be better than…whatever this is!” 

“So I’m a little rusty,” she panted as her purple jumpsuited back met the wall. “But I’m sure it’ll be just like the old days. After a lot of practice.” 

Johnny hated the way she was smiling. Hated the sadism in it. Hated the thrill it still gave him. 

“Even if you weren’t booked for a one-way trip to the Stockade, did you seriously think you’d take me down with…?” He waved a blazing hoof vaguely in the direction of the peeping green minion heads. 

She actually shrugged. “Can’t blame a girl for trying.”  

“Watch me. I know you, Lyja. You might be almost unluckier than a certain web-slinger I know, but you’re twice as creepy crawly. The only reason you’d slither out from under your rock is if you had a big time plan. You’re such a schemer you make Gloam sick!” 

“Flatterer!” She winked, sending out violet sparks. She knew he hated that too. 

“I’m not playing around, Lyja.” Some of the cold fury left his voice as he sincerely asked the question. “Why did you come back?”

“Well, lover, the answer to your question is: SMOKE BOMB!”

The space filled with righteous flames almost the exact same instant it was flooded with the choking green mist. 

Johnny snarled, sparks shooting from between his teeth as the hacking Skrulls tried to rally around him. Okay, she was back, which automatically made everything terrible, and she’d gotten away, which was worse because who knew what she was up to this time. But sixteen Skrull infiltrators and a heads up wasn’t chicken feed. Once clean up had finished and the rights were sorted out maybe he could still use the space. Like, sure, two holes in the roof and the view had been a lie, but…

Then he saw what the collapsing screen had done to the hardwood floor, put back his head and blasted another hole in the ceiling with a column of flames that emerged from his mouth along with the desolate scream. 

“You monsters!” he was yelling as the M.E.U.P. galloped into the chokingly smoke filled room, repeatedly banging one of the 2162 agents’ multi chinned face off the now irreparably scuffed kitchen counter. “It could have been beautiful! IT COULD HAVE BEEN BEAUTIFUL!” 


5


“So what went wrong?” Applejack asked as they hefted a bale of mildew smelling wreckage onto a cart. The other was starting to fill up with salvaged crates and barrels as she cleared it of wooden posts, two of which she slipped onto her back as she trotted past.

“I’m not joking,” Peter insisted as they headed back to the jagged gashes in the mud, “the suit moved all on its own!”

“Nah, that sounds…well, weird but that’s just, whadda you folks call it, the business!” 

Applejack placed another post and deftly tapped it straight into the soil, completing a task that would have taken a stallion twice her size ten minutes of sweaty, jaw numbing labour with a hammer. “You get a new gig yet? You don’t sound so sure. If ya don’t mind me sayin’.”

“It’s cool. They said they’d think about it,” Peter sighed. He cast a web-lasso around another pile of wreckage. It was lucky the strands were adhesive enough, still allowing him to reel the timber in, as his unenthusiastic yank didn’t pull it all the way closed. 

“That doesn’t sound so bad.” Applejack trotted over, satisfied for now with the two neat(ish) rows she’d set up along the riverbank, and began hefting barrels onto her back, placing her hooves against another to roll it. “They know your name now, right? And hey, you applied somewhere!”

“I guess.” Peter gave a smile that was transparently for her benefit. “Felt more like they were seeing how far I was pushing it or something. Or sizing me up for a straitjacket.” 

“Now there’s an idea. Your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Shrink!” Applejack gave him one of her nudges that would’ve sent an un-enhanced pony vibrating like fine china in an earthquake. Peter sometimes got the feeling she liked not having to hold back around him. “You could make sure some of the nuts ya tango with stay in the packet! Wouldn’t even need to ditch the costume. Whip yourself up a moustache an‘ clown ‘do, a pair of tiny specs an‘ a bad accent…”

Peter couldn’t hold back a burst of laughter, forcing him to readjust his aim to snag more floating debris. “Ja, ask them why zhey hate zeir mutha…” 

“Oh gosh, they don’t do they?” Applejack shook her head as she organised some of his bundles closer together. “Don’t get me wrong, we’ve gone up against some weirdos, heck, even before Twilight showed up, but these fellas sound like they either got too much spankin’ as foals or not enough!” 

“No comment.” Peter checked a crate he’d reeled in wasn’t too waterlogged and passed it to her. “Looks like we’re about to wrap up, boss. Wanna try for the grand prize?”

“Uuuh...” 

Applejack cocked her head, considering the scarred caboose jutting out of the river like a cubist’s impression of a cheeky wooden duck and nodded. “Sure, gimme a minute to grab the spare wheels.” 

“Hey, one pony wrecking and construction crew up in here,” Peter offered, “you already did the work of an entire salvage crew and even brought emergency cart wheels! What’s the point of bringing a grade-A genetic misfit like me along if you’re not gonna let me lighten the load?” 

Applejack’s look could have sandblasted a Canterlot Castle wall, but she was smiling. “What, ‘cause this is stallion’s work and I should be a good lil’ filly and sip cider on the veranda?” 

“I-I didn’t--” Peter stuttered, dropping the crate he was carrying and only managing to catch it with the proportionate hasty juggle-grab of a spider “Anypony could get bitten by a… Some of my best…”

“Buddy, you are way too easy!” She gave him another nudge, this time startling him into tumbling the crate into the damp but neat pile. “Look, you got the big city; my family has this town. Savvy?”

“Definitely.” Peter bumped her proffered hoof. “But my friends tell me to stop trying to do everything at once all the time even on my day off, and that thing had to be four or five tons before taking on water.”

“What do I look like, Rainbow Dash? Just ’cause I got a rep to maintain doesn’t mean I’m gonna rope burn my teeth out an‘ maybe drown myself. But this baby was carryin’ fertilizers, paints, some construction stuff…weather team’ll filter the worst out, but we can’t just leave it there leakin’ who knows what.” 

“Least it’s not one of the town’s sources,” Peter said, raising his voice over the web-lines his tail was weaving together, “and I’m sure the apothecary’ll whip up something to help the fish.”

“Yeah, it’s the other wildlife we were worried about,” Applejack replied clearly, even though she should have been distracted with the windup she was taking with her lasso. Mare had Matt tier game! “Especially Fluttershy, naturally. Fence oughta keep ‘em out so they can find a better drinkin’ spot.” 

She let fly, perfectly nailing the wagon’s rear spoiler. 

“Okay, wheels are probably gonna go and if it’s in the mud we’ll be here all dang day, so hard an‘ fast, yeah?”

“On your mark,” Peter monotoned back in his best Ground Control voice. 

“You’re learnin’,” Applejack smirked, taking a firm grip between her teeth and pulling her line taut. 


***


After a muffled countdown the splintered remains of one of Ponyville’s supply wagons was splashing backwards through the water bleeding from its multiple gouges, making the mud it had churned up that morning even swampier. 

With a synchronised yank both ponies sent it shooting forward, knifing new lines through the remains of its chaotic tracks. One of the rear wheels, now technically the front, did shatter, pitching the wreck down and jolting the devastated actual front into the air, landing completely clear of the mud. 

Nevertheless, Applejack insisted on replacing all the wheels. Herself. 

“Gonna be enough hassle gettin’ this convoy back to Ponyville as is, can’t have this overgrown bath toy collapsin’ in the middle of the road.”

“See what you mean,” Peter agreed, peering into the damp darkness of the shattered sides. “Hey, there’s some more loot in here if--”

Applejack made a number of strangely articulate noises from where she was tightening a bolt. With her mouth. 

“…sorry?”

“Anythin’ that wasn’t watertight’ll be mulch by now,” Applejack repeated, then spat to the side to get the taste of metal out of her mouth. “It’s these holes I’m worried about. She looks like one bump and she’ll split like Rarity’s brain that time we opened a Shears next to the new all stallions gym.” 

“Or,” Peter offered, taking a few steps back. 

Applejack watched, begrudgingly impressed as he fired his webs into the wagon’s eviscerated sections with crossbow precision, weaving lattices that pulled themselves tight together and slammed the dangling segments back into place. The wagon now looked like it had been caught between a rock and another rock, but also compacted instead of gutted. All the webbing was internal, no visible reason to think the wreck had held together long enough to be brought back than sheer dumb luck.

“I won’t tell if you won’t.” Peter winked as he attached the debris wagon’s rear winch to the remains of the wreck’s front spoiler before she could try to prove something. As if he wasn’t. 

“Ya get all kinds of weird fish in Equestrian waters these days is what folks'll say,” Applejack agreed, taking advantage of his unsolicited gallantry to yolk herself to the salvage cart, putting herself at the front of the convoy.

“Oh, come on! You can’t seriously expect me to let you pull this monstrosity yourself.”

“Hay nah, why do ya think I brought ya along in the first place? Your good looks?” She indicated the other yolk with her head and a very Manehattanite impetuosity. “And once we’re on the main road you’re outta those reins and trottin’ ‘longside. There’s three of the biggest mouths this side of the Dragon Lands packin’ Elements of Harmony and it ain’t gonna be Honesty’s fault Spider-Pony’s secret gets spread all over town.” 

“Oddly flattering.” 

Peter slotted the large wooden ‘DANGER: DONE OUR BEST BUT WHY TAKE CHANCES’ board into place, completing Applejack’s fence. 

“Nice calligraphy by the way! Isn’t this the kind you use for your stalls?”

“Best lesson trade school ever teaches ya is the importance of makin’ an impression! I never did ask what of.”

Peter was laughing so much he almost didn’t manage to harness himself properly, but in no time at all they were trotting briskly along one of Ponyville’s well-worn trade roads, a boxcar and a half’s worth of salvage and debris rattling complacently behind them. 

Peter idly wondered if this was the road he’d chased the pain-in-the-tail white collar crook he’d come to think of as The Commuter!© down. He’d come to think of it as his first official Ponyville adventure. 

Technically he’d passed through once on an adventure to the Everfree Forest, which he…might tell the friends about if he and Timber could ever agree on what happened in there. But it'd been interesting to come back out of costume once Twilight piqued his interest. 

While a generous slice of Canterlot could be glimpsed between mountaintops, the town had been built up out of many travelling farmers, explorers and traders from all over the kingdom, a hub of activity even before Equestrian Express ran one of its major lines through it. Almost every major business or travel route weaved through the place, which was probably why the proximity of one of the few unexplainable phenomena in Equestria was conspicuously absent from the tourist board’s literature. 

He smiled ruefully, wondering what the locals had made of that weirdo luchador from the Big Apple showing up, chasing a thief who looked sort of like the bum from Married with Foals and getting into a spat with four of the local celebrities while Twilight and Fluttershy were out of town. Thank the stars above Flattop hadn’t been there…

“Don’t forget the dog,” he mumbled distractedly in response, then shook his head. “Sorry, you say something?”

“I was tryin’ to say thanks,” Applejack grumbled, but not as much as he’d seen her do with ponies who deserved it. “Coulda handled it but it was good of you to lend a hoof on your downtime. And can’t say I was lookin’ forward to all that work without Big Macintosh around.”

“Oh no, happy to,” Peter assured as they navigated one of the turns. “And I’m sorry about your brother. Falling into poison joke sounds bad enough, but being allergic…yikes!” 

“Ah, Zecora and the others are all over it.” She was trying to sound unconcerned and he wasn’t going to stop her. “Have the big lug up an‘ fitter than a new pair of spats in no time. But the town needs this stuff, even with a replacement on the way tonight.”

“Lived through enough blizzards back home to know what you mean,” Peter agreed gravely. “Hay, I was there for the one where they turned the Good Spell blimp into a dropship, the roads were so bad.”

“Oh gosh!” Applejack laughed “Not the same thing, but after Winter Wrap Up our school, we must’ve been a year younger than Apple Bloom, but they took us to see some documentary or whatever at the theatre and that was in the news reel! It was like, I dunno, like watchin’ aliens droppin’ a circus on a city for Hearth's Warmin’!” 

“That’s the best way I’ve ever heard it put!” Peter felt a web-swing like rush of nostalgia. “Our whole neighbourhood turned out to help, right, it’s me, my aunt and uncle, we can see the bridge and this…waterfall of parachutes and boxes is just spraying down onto the island out of this-this-this sky whale! Only they weren’t colour coded, it’s the ley lines acting up between districts, so they’re bursting into any random colour! Like watching the sky drop a paint jug! And I’m scrabbling at Uncle Glen in my snowsuit, begging him to put me on his shoulders so I can get a better look!” 

Their laughter carried over the rattle of the wagons, which lowered as they were forced to slow down to catch their breath. 

“Guess I still think of him that way,” Peter mused, not really looking at his hooves on the road.

“In your snowsuit...?”

“A giant.” 

Nothing but hooves and cart wheels on packed earth for a few beats.

“He sounds like he’d still give ya a boost today,” Applejack said with the warmth she usually reserved for Twilight. 

She rolled her eyes as Peter stopped dead to look at her and was bumped back into trotting by the momentum of the convoy. “Please, I come from a family who doesn’t say nothin’ ‘less there’s somethin’ to say an’ run with a herd of fillies younger’n me who don’t say nothin’ until everything’s gone wahoonie shaped. Gotta be good at readin’ ponies.” 

Peter frowned, looking at his hooves again so he’d hopefully sound less defensive. “It’s not your problem.”

“You’re datin’ the girl who turned me into one of them, ah whaddayacallsit, anthropomorphic personifications of the concept of truth.” 

He was half convinced she’d phrased it that way so he’d stare at her again. 

“We may as well be friends,” she smiled, shrugging. “Besides you’ll just wind up havin’ the same conversation with Twi anyway. Practice’ll do ya good!” 

“Yeah, like trimming my web-shooters from the inside,” Peter muttered. “Ah, it’s dumb, but the fact I haven’t written anything in a while came up. No major research papers, not even The Bugle’s science section, but…”

“Buuuut?” 

He couldn’t stop heaving the sigh. “Technically? I should’ve been overqualified.” 

“Over—? You’re pullin’ my leg!”

“Would this face lie to you?” 

“Buddy, Rainbow Dash doesn’t lie to me.” She looked to the sky contemplatively. “Much. Anymore. Makes April Foals day ‘bout as much fun as gettin’ an all over massage from a porcupine. So, what, you should’ve been too good for ‘em but you also couldn’t prove it even though they knew it?” 

“Uh…basically.” 

“Dang, Spike wasn’t kiddin’ about your luck!” She shook her head, chuckling as he frowned. He’d have to have A Chat with the dragon later. “Mind if somepony else has a take?”

“May as well be friends.” He gave her a smile as the rooftops of Ponyville came into view. He felt her slowing to a stop and matched her pace to avoid dragging the entire convoy over her.

“They didn’t say no. Even if they did, you still took an accident and tried to make it into somethin' else.” 

She tapped the front of the cart behind them with a hind leg. “Like what we did today! Wasn’t those couriers fault their rattlin’ and bangin’ woke that hibernatin’ manticore up, and it wasn’t its fault it was scared and jumped the first thing that moved. So sure, I’m gonna miss out on a lil’ sleep tonight to make sure my neighbours get the supplies they need, but at least now we can all tide over ‘til then. Plus, since Fluttershy helped the poor beastie back to sleep, we know where an innocent creature’s den is and can set up the right cautions, like we did at the lake.” 

She smiled, putting a hoof on his shoulder. “An’ the crown agreed to give the town a salvage fee, which gets split with my farm. And even though I totally coulda pulled it off without ya, I got to help my home and learn something about a friend at the same time. Today coulda been worse. All we can do is do good where we can.”

Peter smirked to show he was feeling better. “You’re as bad as Twilight, you know that?” 

“Don’t make me toss ya in that junk pile.” She gave him another hardy nudge. “Speakin’ of. Homestretch buster, outta those reins! Time to lie by omission!” 

“You’ve changed since you started hanging out with those no-good city ponies.” 

He ducked her swipe, shrugging his way out of the reins and adopting a nonchalant air as they began the journey towards the town square. If Applejack missed Spider-strength taking the brunt of the convoy she didn’t let it show. 

“Gotta dump this at the depot before I pass ’round what we saved an’ tell everypony you’re more help than ya look. I’ll try an’ swing by when you grab your train.” 

“Sure you don’t need any more…?”

“Go do your real responsibility and see your girlfriend, ya busybody!” 

“Love you too!” Peter called over the rattle of the convoy, but still hung around for a bit watching her recede, making sure the wreck didn’t come apart, until he realised he was attracting attention for scrutinising the back of a waterlogged wagon.


***


He cantered casually across the plaza with the rest of the hoof traffic. No festival on today it looked like, but he still smiled at the energy, the flow of ponies going in and out of shops, houses and restaurants. It was like a condensed version of Forest Hills. More carnival atmosphere, less tennis and decent(ish) pizza! Less things to swing from admittedly, and it had taken practice to avoid sending a hoof through someone’s straw roof, but that felt…right. 

Spider-Pony had to adjust to the place. Peter Trotter? Peter Trotter got to be…anypony. 

Business and pleasure, though. He had to pick up his saddlebag from the station locker he’d started renting, Blackie’s mystery rock nestled in the same secret pocket he kept the mask in. Hope it hadn’t scratched the lenses during the train ride, he’d hate to dump this on Twilight and then hit her up for a quick repair spell too. 

To ease his conscience, he decided to stop by those flower ponies the girls were always grumbling about (apart from Fluttershy, who just mumbled) and pick up the ultimate romantic token: an optional snack. 

“One heather and hydrangea bouquet please, ladies!” he beamed. “Oh what the hay, throw in some magnolia, mix it up a little.”

“Heather and hydrangea with a magnolia chaser?!” one of them cooed and swooned simultaneously “It’s Twilight Sparkle’s mystery stallion!” 

“Daisy!” Lily snapped, practically strangling the bouquet as she wrapped it “Read the situation! We talked about this! Will that be all, sir?”

“...eyup,” Peter squeaked, hastily nosing the bits across the counter and snagging it in his mouth before she turned out to be Mystique or something. 

Tucking it into his saddlebag he tried to straighten up and almost collided with a camera lens. “Wh—?!”

“Sorry Mr. Trotter!” Featherweight said, managing to bounce up and down despite his rig. “Just wanted to let you know! I got into that contest! They’re gonna see my stuff!”

“You did? Nice!” He grinned, holding out his hooves to the little guy. “Down low!” 

It was so cheesy his esteemed publisher’s lactose intolerance was probably flaring up all the way back home, but so what, the little guy’s genuine enthusiasm for the craft deserved a doofy big brother pony boosting. 

“And the golden rule?” 

“Safe is close enough,” Featherweight repeated with rote weariness, “everything else is why Celestia invented telephoto lenses.” 

“Like, sh’aaay, ’ese?!”

Featherweight blinked. “Your keys?”

Peter crossed his eyes to take them in. He’d wondered why they tasted more metallic than usual. He slipped them back in, turning broadside to the colt. “Darn pockets! Okay, it was supposed to be a surprise, but lower left one. Modified ‘em so they should fit with your rig.”

“Oh wow!” Featherwight's eyes were almost as wide as the caps clenched in his widdle buck teeth. “Th’nks sh’oh m’ch!” 

“Keep it up, kid!” Peter called as the colt bolted off to geek out somewhere. 

Licking his chops to try and get the taste of plastic out, he looked up and saluted an approaching shadow. “Hey, Rainbow!”

“Hey, homewrecker!” Dash called back. 

“Still doing the girlfriend’s faux-abrasive best friend routine?” Peter smirked back. “Because pretty sure that went out of style two apocalypses ago.” 

“What routine, I’m like this with everypony.” She winked at the apex of her lazy loop-de-loop. “Watch out for runaway mail ponies!” 

“Huh?” 

And then that mail pony, you know the one, cannoned into him because, for some Pinkie Pie-esque reason, she didn’t set off his Spider-Sense. 


***


“So since she was going your way anyway…” he was explaining ruefully a few minutes later, passing Twilight her small parcel. 

“You know, I really need to sit down and figure out how that particular gift of yours works,” Twilight said, gently checking his head with a hoof. “I mean the symbiote makes sense, but why does Owlacious set it off and Derpy doesn’t?”

“Maybe because owls eat spiders, honey.” Peter’s eyes pinballed back and forth as he checked the cornices. “Where is he anyway? Torturing some field mice, perhaps?”

“My owl does not torture field mice!” 

“That you know of.” 

“I’m the one who cleans out his cage! I’d have noticed, wouldn’t I Spike?”

“Only because I clean everything else around here and he’s your gross bird.” Spike emerged from the closet, lining up supplies on the counter. “Hey, Pete.”

“Hey, big guy. Wanna hoof?” 

“Nah, it’s cool. Make with the mushy mushy!” 

“You surround them with books…” Twilight muttered, straining with the box’s tab, magically sealed to prevent telekinetic shoplifting, “you share your notes…do they repay you with a vocabulary? Nooo…” 

“Maybe this will be more intellectually stimulating!” 

Peter nosed open his bag and searched it, temporarily panicking that he may have lost the specimen. Thankfully it hadn’t scratched his mask’s lenses but fallen inside it. 

“Oooh, my favourite flowers and an object of unknown origin!” Twilight snatched it up in her telekinesis, inquisitive eyes roaming all over it even as she quipped. “Keep this up and I’ll start to think you’re sweet on me, Mr. Trotter.” 

Her eyes narrowed, her grip on the tab loosening. “Hmm…strong vibrational frequency…engraved, stylised, maybe a language? Where did you get this again?”

“A scaly little bird dropped it in my lap after trying to kill me.” 

He went on to explain Arcadian Tombs’ career as a golden age adventuring inventor, the decades of frustration as he was always overshadowed by more dynamic colleagues. 

How the bitterness had driven him to go corporate, snapping when a certain family business tried to swindle him out of his greatest invention, a mysti-kenetic harness that would allow non-Pegasi to fly! The predilection for the basilisk species’ venomousness that had driven Tomb’s to model his spare prototype on them, allowing him to match Peter’s youth, strength and agility in mid-air. 

And how a low level smuggler had managed to get his greasy hooves on a version of the suit, almost as dangerous as the old lunatic because of his lack of finesse. 

“But Mr. Tombs never manipulated it before?” Twilight mused “Hmm. Could they be working together? Tombs somehow piloting the costume in case something happens to Dark Deco?”

“A remote controller sounds like a distinct possibility,” Peter said as he finished an oatcake, “but Tombs is the last pony who’d do Blackie a favour. They despise each other.” 

“Wasn’t he a for real basilisk-pony at some point?” Spike asked, wiping a window. “I remember seeing some photos in Twilight’s scrapbook.”

“Oh man, yeah, that was weird.” Peter shook his head. “Back in my senior year he had some kind of midlife plus crisis and hooked up with an underworld lab, custom super soldiers kinda stuff. It was like fighting a crocodile skin sofa! His metabolism couldn’t handle it, though, so it wore off after a while. Put him out of commission until a few years ago.” 

He blinked, looking at Twilight as she floated the stone and multiple tomes in front of her, still wrestling with the tab. “You keep a scrapbook? On me?”

“…I like research,” Twilight said diplomatically, blushing. 

She sighed and put the books down and the stone on a table. “Sorry Peter, I’m trying, but if it’s ancient it’ll be buried deep. The downside to the princess letting me study the Elements some more and drip feeding the Canterlot archives is it feels like my brain has more flight paths than Rainbow Dash on mushrooms. And! This! Stupid! Tab!” 

“It’s cool!” Peter smiled. “Whenever you can get around to it! Want me to…?”

“I faced down Nightmare Moon fresh out of grad school, I’m not going to be beaten by a piece of plastic!” Her expression softened into one of sympathy as she took a break from trying to wrench her forelegs out of their sockets. “I feel sorry for your rogues sometimes. The minds it must take to build those devices! What would Mr. Tomes or Dr. Octavius do if they’d turned to magic instead of Everfree think?”

“Pontificate even more?”

“♪I’m feeling too good to fight with you today!♪” Twilight sang, nuzzling him as she gave up on being one of the common people and levitated a protractor from a nearby pen mug to stab the box open. “Shining’s going to host the Equestria Games, I’m drowning in delicious research, there hasn’t been a crisis since last November and Spike’s thingy finally arrived!” 

Spike hopped off the windowsill he’d been cleaning as she floated a small crystal something or other with earphones and a belt-like strap. “My what now?” 

“Oh sweet, a Spark Enterprises MAGiPod,” Peter cooed. “Gosh hon, that must have set you back a bit! Tony only let them on the street after spinning them out of all those crystal communications upgrades he made for the crown.”

“It was pre-ordering the songs that really hiked things up,” Twilight beamed, passing it to Spike, “but the girls all chipped in when I explained it was a present for Spike.”

“Present?!” Spike practically hurled the thing back at her, backing away as though burned. “B-but I didn’t do anything to…” 

“Everything okay?” Peter asked, taking a cautious step forward. 

The problem (“problem”) with their relationship was he and Twilight were so simpatico it felt like they’d been officially together longer than they had. There was a lot between her and her friends he wasn’t privy to. Yet. 

Then again, he still hadn’t told her about that night with Uncle Glen. What really happened. 

Yet. 

Maybe Spike deserved his secrets. They couldn’t be worse. 

“It’s fine!” Spike said with an embarrassed desperation Peter knew a little too well. 

“It is,” Twilight reassured, using her telekinesis to fasten the cord around his waist and her hooves to place the earphones around his neck. “You were fine at Hearth's Warming, and I’ll always trust you. And have a lot of birthdays to make up to you. But if it helps, think of it as a work present!” 

Spike weighed the phones cautiously. “Work present, huh?”  

“Well you were saying yesterday how nice it’d be to have some real music while you worked!”

“Yeah, and then you said it’d be nice if I could actually carry a tune or remember the words.” Spike gave her an impish smirk. “That was last month.” 

“Put on your dragon metal, dear.”

“Dragon—?” Spike’s eyes went wide with awe, joyfully snapping the headphones into place. “Thanks Twilight!” 

He almost bowled her over with the hug. Peter presumed she winced from the button jamming into her side and the proximity of the now playing earphones to her face rather than the affection. He could feel the tinny blasts of industrial sounds from here. They both backed up in bemusement as Spike dropped away and began swaying and humming, his tail wrapped around his duster.

“That was nice of you,” Peter chuckled as the dragon began to dance-dust his way across the room, impressed the little guy actually could do it with his eyes closed. 

“Nice nothing, that was all for me.” She sprang at him suddenly! Spike continued to head-bop obliviously as a startled Peter reared up to catch Twilight in his forelegs. The last of the soreness from Basilisk’s tail and the convoy melted away as she planted a kiss. “I’ve had it with his unsolicited commentary when I’m in the middle of having woo pitched to me.” 

She teleported both of them suddenly, Peter blinking away purple sparks as he found himself back on all fours and facing the main staircase. He felt the reassuring weight as she materialised on his back, draping herself and gently wrapping her forelegs around his neck. 

“Up those stairs, gorgeous! I want you to tell me how perfect my coat looks at sunset again!” She playfully dug her hooves into his sides like spurs. “Chop, chop!”

“Looking to kill a few hours until then, huh?” he smirked, getting into a starting crouch.

“You’re the improvisational sort, I’m sure you’ll come up with something.”

Spike, lost in a world of power cords, completely failed to register her giggle as Peter made a mock macho whinny and galloped up her bedroom stairs two at a time. 


***

Okay, so it was only weekends, the odd early weekday, and more often some primal magic brouhaha. Okay, so the pizza was decentish at best. Ponyville wasn’t perfect. But just to get away from it all and feel like a normal pony was rarer than gold to a grade-A genetic misfit. With Twilight? It could have been on fire and still been paradise. 

But even as the door slammed shut and the curtains were drawn, he could almost feel Manhattan thousands of miles away, waiting and generating twice as many reasons to put the mask back on. 

Manehattan needed the Spectacular Spider-Pony, but Peter Trotter was no longer sure he wanted to live in a world without this girl and her town. 


To be Continued.

> Line of Ire (2)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


6


After…all that (and a few hours of debriefing, bad coffee and insisting he didn’t need a blanket, suggesting the officer in charge as an alternative so she’d get mad and expedite his dismissal, though he’d meant it, she really did have a showpony lovely coat) the intrepid Horseshoe Torch tried going further afield. 

“How do you feel about wharfs, Mr. Storm?” the white suited landlord asked, making him regret the idea immediately even though nothing had happened yet. 

“…how do…you feel about wharfs?” 

“Please Mr. Storm, neither of us is on trial here! It’s not the 60’s anymore, am I right?”

“Yes,” Johnny said simply, trying not to wonder what the random decade had to do with anything because it clearly couldn’t go anywhere good. 

“I only ask because Storm is a good strong name, distinct as hoofprints, but storms, wharfs, you know, there’s connotations.” 

“There don’t have to be!” 

“Oh, I like that!” the old pony chuckled, Mozart mane wobbling slightly. Johnny was convinced his eyepatch had changed places at least twice since they began the conversation. 

He tried to supply his older family members’ style deficiencies by a wrapping a mix of impishness and swagger around his natural talents, but had the uncomfortable feeling this Mr. Fishodour (that name!) was either better at stringing ponies along, operating on a different plane of reality, or both. 

The Baxter Barn (technically the Baxter Building on paper, but named after the founder’s farm styled laboratory that gave the building it’s distinctive place in the Manehattan skyline, neat trivia if you wanted to appear worldly on a date) had gone through several landlords before Sue had finally been able to help Reed fully claim the property, and Johnny wouldn’t have trusted some of them with her old Princess Playset dollhouse let alone somepony’s home and future. 

Fishodour made those guys look like lemonade stand foals with delusions of grandeur just by standing there. 

“We have a thriving little community here,” he explained continuing the tour, or at least leading Johnny around the apartment a lot, “ well, little. Always up to something! Got to keep your eye on them!”   

“I’m big on socialising!” Johnny tried smiling. “What do folks around here do for fun?”

“There’s a certain amount of running around, they must enjoy some of it.” Mr. Fishodour was randomly open doors now. “What line do you want to go with, Mr. Storm?”

“Sorry?”

“Ahaha, no it’s me who should apologise! Old habit I picked up from my days running a Las Pegasus legal firm.”

“Oh, you were a lawyer?” The Las Pegasus and legal hooks gave him an opportunity to bring up June and hopefully make him feel like he had his hooves on solid ground for the first time in this conversation. 

“No, just owned a lot. Ah, here we are!” The all white colour scheme was the only reason Johnny could buy this crank wasn’t a disguise for the Pop-Up Pony as he wearily followed him into the living room. “I meant to ask what line you’re in?”

“Explorative research,” Johnny said carefully, giving the old weirdo a once-over and deciding to play to the cut of his suit. 

“Explorative! Sounds profitable!” Fishodour smiled wistfully. “One of my many great, great grandfathers was an explorer, you know. Or at least he dealt in international waters a lot.” 

“Isn’t this a little much for one pony?” Johnny asked. “I mean, you haven’t let me get a good look at any of the other rooms, but this seems more family sized.” 

“Now don’t be greedy Mr. Storm.” Fishodour wagged a hoof. “You already saw the restaurant downstairs, despite my best efforts!”

“Yeah, I…did wonder why you asked to meet around the back.” 

“Oh, because that door is so much easier to open! Besides, if it’s restaurants you want, you’ve got a view of a much more successful one from this window.” 

“Not especially!” Johnny looked through the open window anyway. “I’d probably fix that backdoor, too. No offence, but it’d be kinda hard to sleep in any of these bedrooms if your thriving little community could run in and out whenever they want.” 

“Fair point,” Fishodour consented. “We’re quite energetic for such an out of the way place. Why, I recently took up tumbling! It’s important to have skills to…fall back on! Eh? Eh?”

“Mmm,” Johnny agreed, idly looking the place over and vowing never to pick potential housing via flame dart to a map ever again. 

Not because this was where fate had driven him, but because the dart had naturally burnt a hole in the place name and this wherever-the-hay had been next to it. 

“This place seriously feels bigger than I’ll need, what kind of price were you thinking?”

“We already agreed on one,” Fishodour beamed. “And you did say you wanted somewhere nopony would ever think to look.”  

He held that pleasantly disposed smile though an entire beat of the super pony staring at him. 

“No I didn’t,” Johnny said eventually. “I think you’ve mistaken me for somepony else. Maybe you get a lot of ponies who drop out of the sky on fire and make appointments at the last minute, but…”

“Oh no, easy mistake, could happen to anypony,” Mr. Fishodour assured. “My real 3:30 and I have never met face to face. Don’t even know if they’re a pony!” 

“And, ah, the current owners?” 

“Don’t deal in…well, I really shouldn’t say. But even if these were the proceedings I thought they were they’d have no bearing on them.” 

“Yeah, but it’s just that all their stuff’s still here.” Johnny picked up and examined a framed photo of three foals, feeling like their eyes were going to follow him all the way back home. “These people know you’re trying to sell their house, right?” 

“No, you’re running an illegal panda gland harvesting lab in the basement!”

Johnny recoiled, both from the accusatory hoof and the bomb burst sound of the dropped photo smacking the floor. “What?!” 

“See? Accusations aren’t fun, Mr. Storm.” 

“Mr. Fishodour?” came a deadpan voice that dragged Johnny to the centre of the earth with how exhausted it was “Are you up here? Because I don’t wanna complain but there’s this thing I found in the basement that we should probably talk abou--Oh, uh, hi.”

“Hey,” Johnny said, trying to keep his voice as un-incriminating as possible. “Um.”

“Bob! You’re--”

“Back, yeah. Left, ah, left something in the basement, which I kinda feel we--”

“I was going to say alive! Remarkable.”

They all stood there looking between each other, until Fishodour smiled and shrugged. “Well, can’t hoof-stand around here all day. Hup!” 

He hurled himself backwards out the window with the grace of an Equestria Games competitor. Johnny and Bob almost knocked each other over racing to it to see…Fishodour landing perfectly in his open roofed carriage, which rattled off around a corner and out of sight. 

Only the sea breeze and sound of distant hoofbeats indicated the old stallion had ever existed, and Johnny wasn’t sure the experience would ever leave him no matter how hard he tried. 

After fixing up the family’s door and accepting one of their burgers to go (least he could do), he was touching down on the terrace, feeling every mile of today’s insane journey slapping into him like waves. The hardest part? He had to tell Sue. 


***

“Lyja?!” 

Sue threw off her work glasses, almost scattering the papers she’d been studying as she bounded from the kitchen table to embrace him. 

“Oh Johnny, I’m so sorry! How’d she even know where to lay that trap?”

“She’s always been good at picking her moments.” Johnny flopped down onto one of the couches, staring at the actual sunset out the magically tinting windows. “Other places I had lined up were probably cool, but it’s not like the E.U.P.’ll let me near them. Afraid you guys are still stuck with me.” 

“I’ve had you kicking my hooves out from under me since before you could walk,” Sue smiled, sitting next to him. “I can wait a little longer.” 

Despite himself (or maybe that burger) Johnny smiled. 

“It’s a big city. You’ll find somewhere.”

“Maybe. I could talk to Skrull engineering, find out where they took that hologram.” 

Sue laughed then stopped at the contemplative look on his face. “You’re serious.” 

“Hey, if I can’t have hardwood floors—!”

“Well if ya ain’t got nothin’ better to do,” the Thing rumbled, snagging his tail in his teeth as he walked past, “you can make yourself useful for once an’ help me sort out some Yancy Street business.” 

Johnny’s protests were cut short as he flopped to the penthouse floor, adopting a resigned pose as he was dragged along. 

“Why not? A warm cup of your dignity would hit the spot right about now…”

“Don’t stay out too late!” Sue laughed as they turned the hall corner leading to the hanger. “You’ve got plenty more home hunting left to do!” 

“Could I proofread Web-Head’s jokes first?” the Torch muttered into the carpet. “Throw myself down some stairs, maybe.” 

It did feel good to be out in the darkening city air, though. Maybe because instead of the long flight of shame back to the penthouse he was on a mission. 

Okay, that was Peter think, time to shake it off. 


7

“So wait,” Spike blinked as Peter suited up in the middle of the library floor, “why’d you take the train if you were just gonna use Twilight’s set up to go back all along?”

“Peanuts and the fact I had only one more ride for enough miles to redeem on my rail pass.” Peter winked, pulling the mask halfway over his face to cover his eyes but not his snout. 

“I’ll keep digging around for this,” Twilight promised, levitating Deco’s stone back into his saddle bag. 

“It’s cool. I’ll hunt down Tombs and see what I can find out. Doubt it’s anything big, that’s not his forte and it sure isn’t Blackie’s.” They shared a last kiss before he pulled the mask down fully. “And don’t stay up too late! You’ve already got a lot going on.”

“Maybe it’s your fault for wearing me out,” she teased, horn glowing. The floor beneath him filled with warm light and cool, stale smelling city air as she backed away. 

“Same time next weekend?” 

“Maybe earlier if the fate of the world’s at risk!” she called, the light shimmering off the Elements display behind her. 

“Hey, Discord’s a good guy now.” He shrugged as space began to waver around him. “Anything could happen!” 

Her laughter was swallowed by his apartment blooming into existence around him. 

Sunset. The underworld watering holes he knew about should be starting to fill up. He tossed his saddlebag onto the couch, checked his mail (no response from the lab but he hadn’t seriously expected any), and launched himself out the living room window. 

Despite his constant internal carping, going straight from Twilight Time to web-swinging was actually bolstering! Maybe it was just refreshing that for once in his adult life he wasn’t choosing to put a relationship to the side to focus on the business. 

Then again, going from the most engaging and intelligent pony he’d ever met to the more primal feeling of galloping across the sides of buildings and swinging past towers, billboards, and rooftop gardens: what wasn’t to like? 

In a montage of shady taprooms, alleyways, and an unobtrusive visit to The Bugle’s archives, he confirmed that Tombs had been granted early parole into a work release program. All in a little under two hours. Hadn’t even had to hang Turk off a fire escape or anything!

“Huh. Damage Control.” 

A consult position, which made him smile grimly under the mask. Old man had certainly caused enough damage. But where was the connection? Spare parts for Basilisk suits? Then how’d Blackie fit in? How’d that stone?

Ears not being pointy enough to qualify for World’s Greatest Detective, he decided for a more direct approach: trying to annoy it out of the old buzzard. 


8


Arcadian Tombs arrived in his musty rooms in what had, in his day, been one of the finest explorers guild halls in the city to find his nemesis perched on the head of his favourite gothic reading chair, pretending to flip through one of the yellowing tomes that filled every corner. 

“So how was your day?” Spidey cooed, making a show of neatly closing the book, then dumping it like a brick into a tower of them, collapsing it. 

“What do you want, arachnid?” 

Even without being framed by the Basilisk cowl, Tombs eyes always unsettled Peter. One sharp and bird like, the other languid and reptilian. 

“Magical jewellery and horseshoes to match, but it looks prettier on the Elements.” He hopped off the head of the chair, landing in the seat with his forelegs behind his head and one hind leg crossed over the other. “Speaking of! Can’t be doing your entitlement complex any good knowing there’s a younger, sleeker Basilisk model out there.”

“Believe it or not, I care even less about that fool Deco than I do you.” 

“You could tell me what Princess Celestia’s hair is made out of and I still wouldn’t believe you.” Spidey sprang to the ceiling, lenses neutral as he stared the old man (upside)down. “Come up with any cruel and unusual ways to make your baby more versatile lately? I know how you like to tinker.” 

“No longer, I’m afraid.” He hadn’t missed the old man’s reptilian smile. “You see before you a reformed stallion.” 

“Cade, old buddy, old pal, we’ve talked about this! If you wanna make me laugh just be yourself!” 

“Rest assured, this whole affair is most amusing.” Tombs finished removing his hat and coat. His remaining hair seemed to be peeling itself away from his balding dome in a wing like shape, not helping with the whole evil genius thing. “You have no evidence to connect me to whatever you’re accusing me of, and even less right to invade my lodgings like this.”

“Evil-bird-suit-mastermind-says-what.”

“What?!” Tombs snapped. 

Spidey pointed a hoof in triumph. “Ah-ha!”  

“I haven’t missed these inane games, I really haven’t.” 

Tombs picked up an old teapot and started to water a small bonsai tree. Peter half suspected the old man was filling his mouth as a stall tactic. After this long it couldn’t be because he actually thought it’d make the Web-Head stop talking. 

“Deco swiped a bag of ancient stones from the Magical History Museum.” Spidey dropped to perch on a suit of armour, keeping Tombs in view. “That’s your game, not his.” 

“You flatter me,” Tombs smirked again, using a small trowel to stir the gravel of his little zen garden. “But then my expertise is far more considerable than you and that lout’s combined.”

“Never kept you out of the Stockade though, did it?” Spidey tried. 

There was a flair of those strangely beak like nostrils, but you had to know Tombs to recognise it.  

“The Stockade never held me for very long.” That reptilian curve of the mouth again as Tombs lowered himself onto the mat next to the bonsai table, making sure the Web-Slinger got a good view of a small metal band around his ankle. “And since then I’ve been under constant surveillance. As you can see, my gift from the state here is still the obnoxious yellow of my allowed radius, rather than any of the random colours crossing into another district would generate.” 

“Please,” Spidey scoffed as he fired a tail-web to the ceiling and dangled around Tombs in a slow orbit. “The stones in those things are so basic they freeze up by rubbing some tinfoil into a local ley line and wrapping them in it!”

Then again, he only knew that because Fera had told him. Ley lines were also the reason adding alarm spells to these bracelets had been abandoned, helpful as that would have been, because crossing one could short the stone out before they even went off. 

Hay, just wrapping a thick enough bandage around your hoof and faking a limp could buy an offender a few hours of freedom. The only reason you never heard of anypony trying the old paint-it-yellow trick anymore was because the crown had seen through that immediately, and started casting them with non-stick spells.

“Even if you didn’t pawn the suit off to Blackie, you’d never sit still working a nine-to-five while he was flying around. The bitterness would break you in half.”

“If you’ll ask local law enforcement or the good people at Damage Control, you’ll find I’ve been doing just that!” Tombs said jovially, eyes closed now to rub the meditation image in. 

“So the only real question is what you’ve got in here that they don’t know about.”

“Ah, a locked room mystery, is it? Haven’t had the pleasure of one of those since I had to help figure out who built the first death traps inside the pyramids…after they were built.”

Spidey stopped circling. “…that actually does sound kinda cool.”

“One tries one’s best.” Tombs opened his reptilian eye. “You realise, of course, that I’m only waiting for the M.E.U.P. to arrive?”

“What?” 

Spidey turned towards the door, wondering how he’d missed the sounds of hoofbeats on stairs or why there’d been no Spider-Sense blast. And got his answer as a green Unicorn with a blonde mane and a badge rammed her way inside. 

“Back away from him!” she barked. 

“Gem?!” Spidey’s lenses widened, distorting their twin reflections of her irritated expression. “I-I mean…Officer Stone?”

“That’s Detective Stone to you, Web-Head. Let’s go for a walk.”


To be Continued 

> Line of Ire (3)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


9


“So gimme a clue!” the Horseshoe Torch called over the hum of engines, hovering as close to the Thing’s chariot as was safe. Didn’t wanna set fire to his hat and coat after all. “What’d they do this time? Glue your hooves to a pedestal again? Sneezing powder in your fancy custom skin cream? One of Lockjaw’s doggy bags on your porch?

“Said it was Yancy Street business,” the Thing said, pulling off a hoof-into-shoe smooth landing in a carriage bay without even looking at his controls, “’nothin’ about the Yancy Street Gang.”

“…are you dying or something?”

“Yeah, the thought of doin’ this for ya is killin’ me.” 

Grim Skies led him around a corner into the street proper, adjusting his king-sized fedora brim. Johnny flamed off, striding as hard as possible so he could pull alongside the mass of trench coat and adopt a more casual canter.  

He searched each alleyway and storefront for signs of…he wasn’t sure. Yancy Street was as personal to Grim as Hob’s Garden was to Deerdevil or Haven to Cage. Others in the business weren’t unwelcome, but there were nuances that needed to be carefully navigated and were almost impossible to articulate. 

For example, how Grim would rage against the place and everypony in it one moment (which to be fair could be applied to Manehattan in general) and then bellow his pride in it as he headbutted Terrax the next, for as long as Johnny had known him. 

“Place looks better than you made it sound,” he noted as they passed the local synagogue. “Then again I always thought Reed found you in the Savage Land or something. Y’know, flossin’ with fossils, making loincloths out of velociraptors, licking volcanoes for sustenance, that kinda thing.” 

“Wasn’t that different back in the day,” the Thing said without irony, “and even then? Beats whatever Ken Doll factory you escaped from.” 

"Yeah, okay that was pretty good. Whoa!” Johnny ignited on instinct as a frog leapt out of a nearby park pond, bursting briefly into showtunes before it landed on the sidewalk and resumed it’s normal bland staring. None of the pedestrians seemed phased. 

“Just ley lines, squirt,” the Thing rumbled with a roll of those ever lovin’ blue eyes. “We’re practically a beeline for the Kingdomsburg Bridge, whaddaya want?” 

“Got one of those crazy long scrolls on you?” The Torch doused himself. “Where are we going anyway? You’re being weirdly subtle. I don’t like it. Feels like you’re trying to lure me into a subway kiosk so you can make like a Daring Do book and roll over me.” 

“Classy.” 

Grim waited for a passing carriage to finish crossing and trotted across the road. Johnny almost walked into him, expecting the journey to wind up in an alley or the Phantom Pasture or something. “Well. Here ya go, matchstick.” 

“Here I go what?” Johnny squinted, trotting around the Thing and squinting into the deepening shadows. “What am I supposed to be looking at?” 

“I look like a guide book to you?” Twin jets of something that smelled of brick dust snorted from the Thing’s nose as he harrumphed. “Guess lightin’ up don’t mean you’re all that bright!” 

The comeback died in Johnny’s throat as he began to slowly turn, actually taking in their surroundings. He’d assumed Grim had just been crossing into another part of the block, but the big galoot and his noir cosplay had been blocking the revelation. 

They were standing in the middle of what might once have been a park, some new looking playground equipment in each corner next to lines of picnic benches, but now encircled by low, new stone walls, making it more like a secluded garden. 

The place looked strangely serene in the setting sun, like they’d stepped into a tranquil alien world in the middle of Manehattan’s constant background noise…which Johnny now realised was slightly muffled by the walls. 

Remodelled tenements on either side of each wall linked up with the one glinting at them in the setting light now, overseeing the park. All three formed one big complex, the park building as the centre. The park entrance and front doors were designed to mimic a brownstone setup, combining to give the whole thing equal feelings of accessibility and privacy. 

“Not bad,” Johnny smiled, craning to take the whole thing in. The sun was giving the building a sort of halo thanks to strategically placed abstract Pegasus statues on the roof. “Armilla?” 

“Yep! We just finished a few days ago.” 

Johnny blinked at the proud smile on that stony mug. “You built this?” 

“Commissioned,” the Thing clarified. “You might remember my lil’ windfall!”

“Ugh, seeing you that happy was so weird,” Johnny groaned with a roll of the eyes. 

Technically he was a financial non-entity, what with being 15 when he stowed away on that fateful airship test. When Reed, Sue and Grimm all clubbed together to found the company, he legally couldn’t have been a part of it if he wanted to. Through Fantastic Inc.’s finances his money was Reed and Sue’s, a salary paid for serving on expeditions and supplemented by his percentage of his own merchandising rights. 

Which was how Grim was paid too, leaving that money he’d paid in untouched and to grow with basic compound interest. Johnny still wasn’t sure that wasn’t a mix of Reed’s guilt and Sue playing some kind of long game. She’d been the one to break the news to the big lug after all: he wasn’t on Tony Spark’s level, but now had enough that he could build his own custom airship armada if he wanted to. 

Or apartment buildings, apparently? 

“Good looking place, gruesome,” Johnny smirked in pretend-begrudging admission, patting a stony foreleg. “And here I’d have thought you’d have made a Thing Museum and traumatise innocent tourists.” 

“Project much?” the Thing smirked back down at him, craning with him to take in the statues again. “Wakin’ up with my own lil’ dragon horde…I dunno, felt this itch to get back in touch with the old neighbourhood. Fix it up before somepony finally bulldozed it. Maybe make ‘em feel like they don’t have to fight back as much.”

He proudly gestured up to the central statue, a rearing Pegasus. “This place was one of the first on my list.”

“Yeah?” Johnny looked over his shoulder to take in the street behind them, full of various breeds and creatures. “Looks like the neighbourhood’s in good shape, but what’s so special about this place?”

“I was born here.” 

Johnny looked up into those big blue eyes, trying not to laugh as he pictured an adorable little rock baby! “Tell me your Aunt Petunia has photos.”

“Like anypony in this neighbourhood could afford a camera back then!” 

Johnny thought the Thing was about to pull one of his stomping off routines, but he was only making his way over to a small plaque by some of the bushes. 

Johnny peered around him as he heaved trench coated shoulders and respectfully removed his hat. At first he thought it was some weird post-modern thing, but realised he was looking at a cutie mark carved into the stone: a pair of wings framing a cracked circle. 

“Hey, Slammy,” Grim said softly. 

Johnny felt like the big guy had almost forgotten he was there, and that it might have been better if he wasn’t. 

“Your brother?” he asked carefully, remembering fragments of his teammate’s bio from various editions of their press release. 

“Yeah. Strider 'Slam' Skies. High an‘ mighty leader of the Yancy Street Gang.” The Thing smiled ruefully. “’Course he probably wouldn’t have been if the place hadn’t been such a dump. When I say we were born here I really mean we was dragged up where that coffee house is. But there’s only so many times ya can mosey past the ol’ place an‘ stare at the lot where his last big rumble went down. Think he’d like the place. Not too fancy.” 

“Grimm, I…I didn’t know.” Johnny backed up uncertainly. He was pretty sure any display of sympathy would wind up a clobberin’ offence. “You never said anything.”

“On account of it not being any of your business.” Those blue eyes were back under the shadow of a hat brim and looking down at him now. “Only told you so you understand I want you to treat the place right!”

Something cold churned inside Johnny even as indignant steam began to rise off his back. 

“You’re…giving me this place?”

“Whadda I look like to you, an Element of Harmony?” The Thing huffed. “I’m the one comin’ out ahead here once you sign the paperwork. May as well fork over half your action figure dough for the next couple of--”

“I see!” Johnny’s eyes were orange and venting flame now. “You’re not condescending to me, you’re just humiliating me!” 

“Humi...? Ah, I shoulda know you’d take it like this,” Grim muttered, making the mistake of waving a dismissive hoof. 

“Did Sue put you up to this?!” Johnny snapped, taking a furious step forward and rising to the Thing’s eye level as he flamed on.

“No, and y'know what? She ain’t said word one!” The old goon actually had the audacity to jab a condemnatory hoof against his 4 crest. “For some crazy reason she actually wants to see ya get somewhere, so watch the mouth or I’ll lose my famously amiable temper!” 

“You fraud!” Johnny laughed furiously. Pedestrians were staring in through the gate at the two elementals staring each other down. “Oh boo hoo, I’m 400 lbs and my wings don’t work no more! But I’ve heard your trash talk! You can’t stand the idea of anypony managing to climb out of your shadow!” 

“For the love of my sweet Aunt Petunia, boy, willya stop lookin’ a gift horse in the mouth and take the blasted keys?!”

“Oh what, because little Johnnycake can’t do it on his own?!” 

“Kid,” the Thing said simply, “ if you think that’s what any of this is about then you got bigger problems than just finding a roof over your head.”

The Torch seethed, flames flaring in and out like a revving engine. 

Then he launched himself into the air so hard the Thing had to cover his eyes from the light, as the backdraft sliced his street clothes to embers. 

Grim Skies watched the furious comet climb, arching directionlessly away from the city. He coughed, squinting at his brother’s memorial through the smoke curling off his uninjured shoulders. 

“Yeah,” he sighed. "I dunno what I’m gonna do with that kid either.” 


10


By the time Johnny had calmed down Luna’s moon had risen, and he could feel the near stratospheric cold even through his flames. 

Stupid, he berated himself as he began the loop back to Earth, stupid, stupid, stupid! What was THAT?

That had been him acting like a total cliché because a kind gesture from a friend made him feel inadequate. That was him acting like Dr. Gloam because somepony dropped paradise in his lap. Flaming on like that! What if somepony had been close by? 

He let out a long sigh, a pony of fire incongruously breathing out cold mist, and altered his course to head for the lights of Midtown. He needed to get lost for a while. He needed to think up an apology to Grim and Sue. He also still needed his own space but…

He hit the brakes, squinting in the constantly flashing brilliance of Times Square as his ears pricked up. “Huh?”

Yeah, he hadn’t imagined it. Burglar alarm, heavy duty! 

He soared over the rooftops, switching his eyes to infrared, a trick Reed had taught him a few years ago after theorising about similarities between his and Sue’s powers. The crowds and steam ducts below became one big throbbing swamp of rainbow colours, but he was guessing something he could hear all the way up here had to be coming from a rooftop setup. 

And…bingo, warm bodies diving for cover from cold shapes. 

Blinking back to normal, Johnny realised he’d been looking down through the shattered dome of the Blue’s Birds airship dock. 

Gratuitous heroism and daring violence, that’s what he needed!


***

“Airport’s the other side of town, fellas!” he called as he arched through the gap, hovering above the floor to take stock of the situation. 

After years of watching civilians scatter and panic he’d learned to assess quickly. Security guards desperately trying to take control of the situation, maintenance and business ponies rushing for the stairwells. And writhing from parked ship to parked ship, a team of…flying snakes? 

He hurled a fireball at the one racing for a cornered senior maintenance pony, knocking it away from her in a shower of harmless sparks. 

“Anypony hurt?”

“Not yet! They just came out of nowhere! They’re so fast! They’re taking everything apart! Look out!” 

Johnny lowered his temperature so he could bowl her to the floor, one of the bat winged shapes darting over them. A few deflated balloons hanging from winches suggested the site was safe, but he’d have to watch it anyway. The amount of hydrogen in here could probably take out the entire block and leave only the ley lines. 

Not that he needed to act right this second, it seemed. The hanger was clearing quickly because the invaders didn’t seem to care about witnesses, simply bowling them over if they happened to be in the way. 

And they weren’t trying to take the parked gondolas apart either…their tails snapped at panelling too precisely, pulling out…he couldn’t see what, too much movement. It didn’t help that these things were ridiculously skinny. 

“Hydrogen tanks are…?” 

“Other side of the room and sealed,” the maintenance pony managed as he led her to a stairwell. “Standard procedure. Provided you don’t aim right at ‘em…”

“Sure,” the Torch agreed and winked, passing her the wrench she’d been using, “but only because you’re cute.” 

Launching himself through the open windows of a luxury gondola, he arced around the room in a circle, trailing a wall of flame between the seven invaders and their targets. He blinked as they finally stopped moving and came into focus: empty Basilisk costumes. 

“Y’know, I wish I could say this was the first time the bad guys didn’t have the decency to show up, but…” 

He squinted, trying to focus on what they clutched in their tails. One lunged at him, empty cowl yawning wide like a maw. One of his new epidermis enhanced flame-shields easily bounced it to the floor, but it had been a diversion for the rest, swooping through the shattered dome. 

The suit he’d just deflected hadn’t been carrying anything, but there was some kind of stone poking through the peeled lining of its cowl. He’d check on that later. 

Giving chase, he braked in mid-air as he realised the other suits hadn’t gone far, whipping in a circle around a hovering figure. 

“The Horseshoe Torch?” the apparently real deal Basilisk sneered. “Man, takin’ you out’ll do more for my rep than just the Spider!” 

“It’s important to have goals.” 

Johnny squinted. This guy was, like, Grim old, not Basilisk old. 

“Since we’re just floating a couple hundred feet above the greatest city on Earth, don’t suppose you’d answer a quick question? Your crew here ripped off one component of millions of gems worth of hardware. Everything from even just one of those ships would’ve gotten a decent price on the black market. Why only go halfway?”

“My client was specific,” the Basilisk replied as the empty suits dropped streams of whatever they’d stolen into the sack he was holding open. “Y’know, there’s something I’ve been dying to try since I got this gig!” 

“Make real friends?” Johnny quipped, preparing twin flame jets for the left and right suits. “Because I know a guy who’s dating--”

“Nah! This!” 

Johnny had just enough time to register that bruise of a face rearing back as the empty costumes shot forward, the slits on their foreheads bursting into a chaotic lightshow that he could feel through his hastily shut eyes. 

What felt like a rubber tube made of titanium lashed into his sternum, and he felt panic and vertigo as he fell through pulsing darkness before he ploughed into something coarse and spongy…

Wheezing and groaning, he blinked back the blinding spots, realising he’d been saved from slamming into the hanger floor like a cake dropped from the top of Canterlot Castle by one of the emptied ship balloons, stopped a few feet above at least a few broken bones. 

“And that’s why I’m the Horseshoe Torch…” he wheezed as he got his breath back. 


***

Once his vision had cleared he slid down the canvas, using a thermal pulse to slow his drop to the floor. He’d have to hang around to explain things to the M.E.U.P. (again) so he may as well take a look around. 

Whoever had been taking those Basilisk costumes for a joyride was long gone and had taken their plunder with them, but he still had that weird stone, which the FF could ask the guard for access to, and the eyes of a mechanic. 

He squinted into one of the gutted panels, trying to see if he could spot the missing component by its absence. It took a couple of trots down the row before he realised. 

“Huh…now what’d somepony want those for?” 


11


“So…” Peter Trotter said. 

Gem Stone looked up from her drink. They were at their usual table at MJ’s, the early night crowd just starting to warm up on the dance floor. Compare notes, she’d said. As if they hadn’t been out of each other’s lives for months. 

“You got promoted!” Peter tried to smile, knowing from the way it felt he must look like a symbiote trying not to dry heave. 

“I did,” Gem smiled, humouring him. “How about you? May said you were looking for work.” 

“Still got a roof over my head,” Peter managed eventually, looking down into his untouched cider. 

He couldn’t do this. It was Gem! First kiss Gem. Never give up Gem. 

You looked me in the eyes every time you told me you loved me and held back your biggest secret Gem. 

“What were you doing under the Basilisk’s?” Her tone didn’t sound accusatory. That was something! 

“Trying to figure out this Dark Deco thing.” He shrugged, making professional eye contact now. “That’s who was driving the suit this morning.” 

“Think he’s got accomplices?” Gem asked. “Because the station’s been swamped with multiple reports of Basilisk attacks. Faceless Basilisks!”

“Faceless?” Peter blinked. “So Blackie is the one with the remote control?” 

“The what?” 

“Right, right!” He hastily explained the out of bodysuit experience back at the clocktower. “But I still have no clue how he did it. There’s no way he’d have found something to add to Tomb’s design on his own. He even mentioned he was working for somepony.” 

“And you were going to pass this along when?” Gem frowned. “These things have been hitting the city all day! We even doubled surveillance on Tombs just in case. You’re lucky it was me passing by between shift changes.” 

“I didn’t even know there were that many suits! I was…out of town.” 

Why couldn’t the club lights be going off to hide his blush? Why couldn’t the plush booth be made of quicksand and mercifully swallowing him?  

“For the whole day?” She raised an eyebrow, almost giving him The Look. Then smiled softly in realisation. “You were visiting Princess Celestia’s student.” 

“You…looked her up!” Peter said, trying not to sound too cheerfully panicked. 

“We’ve met, remember?” She bumped his shoulder with hers. “That Sanctum Sanctorum case? We all went out for coffee afterwards? She was trying not to bring it up, but it slipped out when we were talking about Daring Do and the incredible accuracy to arcane history? MJ was fangirling over her fashion friend!” 

“Oh man, I forgot!” Peter felt his entire body shaking with laughter and spontaneously released tension. “And Fluttershy too! And then Pinkie Pie got into the club sound system and…” 

They dissolved into laughter, muffled by the sounds of the club. Peter finally took a sip of his cider to re-hydrate as comfortable silence settled over the booth, a little pocket in the dimming lights and moving bodies. 

“Feel better?” the Unicorn smiled. 

“Yeah. Sorry.” He let out a fortifying sigh. “You and Twilight…I shouldn’t worry but I do. You’re…you, I could never forget that. And she’s…she’s…” 

She’s one of the few people who makes me feel like a whole person. And I can never thank her enough. WORDS aren’t enough. 

“She’s good people,” Gem said, taking pity on him. “I like her.”

“Thanks. That means a lot. I know it shouldn’t but…you were that important too. You still are. Not that way! Just…”

“I get it.” Gem eased back into her side of the booth. “We have history, but I’m happy for you and Twilight. We’re not what we were but I know we have each other’s backs.” 

She conjured a folder and slid it across to him. “Which is why I’ll always kick your tail to make sure you’re on the job.” 

“The M.E.U.P.’s wanted my tail for worse,” he quipped to let her know he was okay now, and flipped through the files. “Huh. These are all mechanical robberies. Blackie Basilisk’s heist was artefacts. Well, a bag of rocks.”

“Huh.” Gem frowned. “Maybe that’s why museum staff are still trying to find out what’s missing. All they know is the theft took place in the archives. Lots to comb through. But maybe if we focus on geology we can—Agh!”

She almost spilled her drink as a piece of parchment plumed out of the air in green fire, bouncing off the rim of Peter’s glass and into his lap.He hastily checked to make sure none of the other patrons had noticed, but special guest DJ PON3 had switched tracks just in time to drown the fwoosh of Spike’s breath. 

“It’s from Twilight!” he assured, unfurling it. Gem illuminated her horn so they could make out the cursive in the changing club lights. 


Peter,



Finally found your rock!



 Northern. Pre-Sisters old. Possibly pre-three tribes old.



Not saying it’s Asgardian, but it wouldn’t surprise me. Had to go that far back.



Main rune is a language. Closest I can translate is “Will across distance”.



Best I can do right now. Super tired. So tired I cast a spell and nothing happened. Try and follow up in the morning.



Love you, tilde left arrow three!



What? Agh, Spike, no, not like that! Uuugh! 



—Twilight ~<3 


“At least he put it in,” Gem murmured, bemused. 

“And Twilight’s given us a link in the chain,” Peter smirked with Rainbow Dashian pride. “Will across distance. Deco’s piloting an army of Basilisks through Asgardian rune stones. One pony crimewave!” 

“Also explains why the museum hasn’t come forward.” Gem Stone’s grim face had become even grimmer since college. “Active Asgardian artefacts are heavy duty contraband. But my question is where’d Deco get the idea?” 

“Whoever hired him hooked him up with the costume.”

“Which still doesn’t explain the M.O. here.” Gem’s shoulder was pressing against his as they both leaned in to study the reports, but they were both too in the crime solving zone to notice. “From artefacts to random machines. Dark Deco was a Manehattan crime throwback when we were kids. There’s been no bank jobs, no jewellery stores! Putting together his own army once he knew he could, sure. But leaving the financial district untouched?” 

“Random.”

“Sorry?” 

“You said random machines. Maybe not.” Peter began flipping through the reports even as he asked the question. “Was anything stolen from Damage Control?”

“No, first lead I checked.” He smiled, feeling proud of her. “Stop that. Where are you going with this? Still Tombs?” 

“Maybe. I do know better than to underestimate him by now. What I’m wondering is, what’s he after? He had to know Damage Control wouldn’t let him near anything he could weaponize…”

“I can look up the victims for connections to Damage Control,” Gem said, catching a still glowing new folder she’d conjured “They work with hundreds of smaller salvage and disposal companies all over the kingdom, he’d be able to look up what they deal with and when to go for it.” 

“Okay, so what we’re going with is…” Peter spread the file’s small map over the table, adding blurry photos of Basilisks and damaged airships and boats. “Tombs is locked down: work, then right back home. He finds out about these Asgardian control stones. Sets up Blackie, anonymously, with another suit to draw suspicion. It couldn’t be me officer, why, I’m still watering my pretentious Neighponese shrubbery! Check out my stinky tracking bracelet!” 

“And Blackie, desperate to get back in the game, agrees with his mystery partner’s orders to rip off these other scrap dealers because he gets to keep all the suits,” Gem Stone followed, flipping through the new files. “Or so Tombs lets him think.” 

“And that leaves us…right back at square one.” 

Peter’s ears folded, the rush abating. All these years and he was still an armchair detective at best. Twilight had mentioned wanting to try out one of those mystery dinners, but it wasn’t like the city would be on the line from cosplay.

More than it usually was. 

“Think so?”

“We know Tombs is probably using Blackie for something, we just don’t know what.” Peter’s eyes narrowed. “All these thefts. He’s building something and for all this effort it’s gonna be big!”

“Then he’d probably need a big place to put it together.” Something in Gem’s voice made him turn to her. Even after so long she still looked so right to him pouring over data. Textbooks. Police records. The girl he’d loved and so much more now. “What if you were right? What if Damage Control is the link?” 

“You said--”  

“That they didn’t lose anything, yeah. But their subcontractors did.” There was that triumphant smirk. He couldn’t believe he’d forgotten it. All that was missing was her glasses. “And one of them has a disused plant…” 

She jabbed a hoof to the map. 

“Right here, a few blocks from Tombs’ lodgings.”

“I should ask Twilight to wear glasses…”

“What?” 

“I mean, I’ll swing by the station if I find anything!” 


12


“Ley re-aligners?” Mr. Fantastic finished zipping up the blue unstable molecular fabric vest that only he really wore anymore. Johnny figured Sue only kept her white one so they’d be their own little duo within the team. To him it always just made them look like their own winter wrap up variants. “Interesting.” 

“Maybe,” the un-ignited Torch agreed, following his field leader into the depths of the lab. “Dunno what a D-lister like Not-Basilisk would want them for, but it’s a lead.”

“Perhaps more than you know.” 

Reed’s horn glowed with that distinctive Krackle of his magic that pumped its way through so many of his designs, sliding back an equipment rack. 

“I agree it’s not our usual sort of case, but between this and the rash of thefts I presume our scaly suspect is constructing something. And to take precautions against lay line magic suggests it’s something that depends on precision. Deadly precision.” 

All these years on the job and Johnny still got a little tingle whenever Reed accidentally talked like a ’60s movie trailer! 

“Any luck with that weird stone?” 

“Yes, the police helpfully confirmed my suspicions a few minutes ago,” Reed beamed, ruining the previous effect by turning back into a ’50s dad. “An Asgardian rune stone! Most likely loaded with a powerful animation spell judging by your encounter at Blue’s Birds. How are you feeling by the way? That sounded like a nasty lash.” 

“Well enough to step up!” Johnny smirked, flaming on just to show off and sending the shadows of the lab wild. “Especially if we’re going up against Asgardian action. Even the standard stuff up there can be weapons grade down here!”

“Indeed, and the Princess will most likely be expecting a full report from all parties involved to find out how so much outlawed magic was allowed into the city.” Reed turned away from whatever gizmos he was tinkering with, horn still orbited by pulsating dots. “Are you sure you’re up for this? It doesn’t sound like you had the best time of it with your…uh…errands today.” 

“Grim Skies tattled, huh?”

“It was his coat, really.” Reed gave an understanding smile. “Or what was left of it.” 

“I’ll work with the shrimp if he’ll work with me,” the Thing rumbled, striding into the lab alongside Sousaphone in full Phantasmal Pony mode. 

Floating inches off the lab floor the Torch held his gaze for a few seconds, then nodded. 

“What are you thinking, dear?” Sue asked Reed. 

No mention of his treatment of Grim. Johnny wasn’t sure what to do with that. He’d been chewed out for way less. Even deserved some of it. It was why he had to at least try to get out of here. Stop being the little brother. 

“The proverbial splitting up in search of clues,” Mr. Fantastic smiled as he levitated a small hoof compact device to each of them. They looked like one of the dozens of variations of an overgrown compass he’d made over the years. 

“I’ve enchanted these to pick up the Asgardian runes Basilisk is using…and a secondary feature that should spot if lay line energy is being countered. It should show up as a dark distortion. Our quarry wants lots of re-aligners for some probably nefarious purpose.” 


13


The Baxter Barn’s rooftop garden glowed under the moonlight, some strange plant specimens in neat rows glowing fluorescent colours, giving the space a cheerful air in addition to the lights of skyscrapers and billboards. Johnny had been tempted to throw a rave up here as a kid, but Reed and Sue guilting him with the potential loss to thuamic-botany had been surprisingly effective. 

The glass doors of the actual barn shaped main building whooshed open, the Phantasmal Pony and the Horseshoe Torch galloping past odd specimens and stranger equipment to the barrier at the edge of the roof. They waited for the sound of the silo opening and the Thing’s chariot fans. 

“Remember, standard search procedure,” Sue said as the glass partition began to sink into it’s grove. “Search your area, ping us to let us know you’re moving on and--”

“Send a flare up if I’m in trouble. We’ve been doing this a while, sis.” The Torch smirked at her as he flamed on. “And Reed said this literally four minutes ago.”

“I’m thorough! Sue me!” 

“Conflict of interest! We have the same lawyer!”

“Good luck everypony!” Mr. Fantastic called, bounding towards them and stretching his springy forelegs for more speed. His particular method of roof travel needed an extra wind up, turning himself into a glider as he launched himself off the roof and soaring over the city. 

The Phantasmal Pony galloped onto what seemed to be open air, creating an invisible force field platform to ride. Johnny always half wondered if she allowed ponies to (sort of) see it for reassurance or if he could pick it up due to some weird sibling thing. 

He took the long way around to his search pattern, drawing alongside the Thing’s Fantasti-Chariot. 

“Somethin’ on your mind, junior?” 

“Grim, look, about this evening…I’m sorry.” 

“I figured.” Grim wasn’t looking at him. But. “Offer’s still on the table if you want it.”

“Rein check?” Johnny tried not to sound too relieved. “I need to see how far I can get on my own, otherwise--”

“I hear ya, squirt.” The Thing nodded. “Just don’t go growin’ up too fast. Can’t do without my favourite punchin’ bag!”

“Aww that’s okay, my little Thingy!” the Torch smirked as he began to pull away. “I already planted an extra special gag inside it! Shouldn’t stain too much!”

“Wh...oh, you fryin’ pan faced lil’—!” The rest was lost over the sounds of wind and traffic, but the epidermis covered hairs on the back of Johnny’s neck could feel the old man’s clenched hoof waving as he curved back into position. 

If it had been the jungles of some uncharted island or the weird dreamscapes of the Negative Zone he’d have felt totally fine, but there was something exciting about being on the job in night time Manehattan! Maybe it was the fact it never really stopped either. 


14


The tedium of sector clearing did set in pretty soon, though. Clear an area. Ping the others. Clear another area. Ping the others. Checking the small clock face built into the compact, he groaned at the hour and a half that’d gone by, and began to debate the merits of a quick shawarma break. He was technically already drifting towards street level…

Something whipped past his snout and began circling his head. 

Johnny squawked, covering his precious hair, his flames glowing brighter on instinct and illuminating the area. It was…an origami web-swan. 

“Never gets old!” Spider-Pony crowed from his perch behind a chimney. “What’s up, gack face?”

“Got a bone to pick with you, hose brain,” the Torch groused, gliding over, “about your peanut gallery.”

“You mean my rogues gallery.”

“I meant what I said.”

“Wait, the FF’s on this Basilisk thing?” Spidey squinted at him in that weird one tiny eye, one big eye way his mask did. “It’s that serious?”

“Reed thinks it could be. Maybe he’s ripping off junk to fence, pay for that facelift.”

“Different guy, though we’ve got a pretty substantial hunch the original Mr. Personality’s got him wrapped around his hoof.” 

“…has there been a bad guy called Mr. Personality yet?” 

“Careful, the universe’ll hear you and make him an Elements of Harmony thing.” Peter cocked his head at the compact. “Need laser tracking to do your hair now?”

“A) I would love that.”  

“Yeah…”, Spidey conceded. 

“And B) your guy stepped up enough that he’s using Asgardian stuff. That leaves a pretty distinct energy signature, ditto if he’s using lay re-aligners.” 

The mask’s lenses narrowed as Peter did that contemplative hoof to the chin thing. “Lay re-aligners…” 

“It’s fun to say.” Johnny swept the compact around the area, getting nothing but the stable glow of centuries of magical trails and the odd stay radio signal. “Taking forever to pin either of them down, though.” 

“Maybe not.” They leaned close together, tourists craning up to gawk as natives rolled their eyes. “Can that thing check ahead? I was heading for the old Tinker’s Class factory.” 

“You want hay-fries with that?” Johnny muttered as he began scrolling. 

Blocks of magi-mapped Manehattan sped by until they finally reached an industrial section. A back spot flecked with golden light churned in the centre of a large building, a swarm of small white letter 'A's drifting across it. 

“Rune stones and chickens and snakes, oh my. I’ll ping the team.”

“What’s that, go on ahead and steal all the credit?” Spidey raised a hoof to his cocked ear as he fired a web-line at the nearest building. “Well okay, if you say so!” 

“That’s kind of you citizen, but a professional hero could never allow an armature to risk letting the bad guys get away like that!” The Torch put on an extra burst of speed. “Just to be clear, we both know what a ley re-aligner is, right?” 

“I’m the one with the thaumaturgical physics degree, Mr. Gap Year.” 

“And I’m the one who’s been building flying bathtubs since he was 16,” Johnny smirked back. 

He counted down until the mid-swing web-spinner let out a groan. No matter how much smack he talked, he could never resist a nerd challenge. 

“It’s a small engine like device that generates randomised signals to protect sensitive mechanical systems from high or sudden changes in background magical frequency, such as between nations with different magical natures or more often ley lines in large concentrated centres, like our very own Big Apple.” 

“A+.” The Torch doused his flame, skidding slightly across a nearby roof as the shadow of Tinker’s Class loomed over them. “Pop quiz: what’d one of your peanut gallery want them for?” 

“Let’s ask him,” Spidey whispered, doing that creepy melt into the shadows thing. 

Rolling his eyes Johnny galloped across the roofs, managing each jump with the bare minimum of noise until he landed on the edge of the factory. Peter was already perched by a skylight, wiping away grime. 

The lights were low, strategically lit lamps placed along scaffolding lending just enough light to make everything into silhouettes and highlights. From what they could make out most of the Basilisk costumes were just…hanging there. Others flitted around something under a tarp, or hauled carts full of metal towards it. 

“An airship?” Johnny guessed. “Like, a basilisk shaped one?”

“They do both have a serious need to advertise,” Spider-Pony murmured. 

They both flinched back from their porthole as a door slammed open, pouring light into the room. Creeping back up in boy detective sync, they looked down as Dark Deco hovered from a foreman’s office across the central catwalk, cowl pulled back and eating a sandwich. 

“It can’t be this easy,” Johnny muttered, raising an eyebrow as they looked at each other. Mainly so he could see two of his own reflection in Spidey’s lenses. 

“On the other hoof, you’re supposed to be the Horseshoe Torch,” Peter countered as he began fiddling with the lock on an ancient roof hatch. “And some of us have to go job hunting tomorrow.”

“Oh hey, how’s that going?”   

Spider-Pony yanked the bolt free, taking the splintering door with it, and dived into the shadows.

“Good talk,” the Horseshoe Torch muttered, lighting up and diving in after him.

“What the—?!” Blackie spat as his flames lit the room in violent oranges. He began scrabbling, trying to pull the cowl on…with the hoof holding the sandwich. The hovering Basilisk outfits shook in mid-air but didn’t move. The others working below ground to a halt.

With almost a decade and a half of practice each, the super ponies fired a thin beam of flame at the lining of the faux-Basilisk’s cowl and a wad of webbing at his hooves. The mouth, and the rune stone sewn into it, whipped into the air as Deco crashed to the floor. 

“Aww man, my stone!” he cried. Then looked down at his now pinned, sticky hoofs. “Aww man, my sandwich!” 

“I’d make a prison food joke but this whole thing is sad enough already,” the Torch said over the sound of leathery suits hitting the ground, shaking his head. 

“Maybe we can still get a happy ending.” Spider-Pony waited until the air was totally clear of suits before flipping off a gantry rail to land on the edge of an empty cart, weight and momentum rolling it up to the tarp. “Gonna take a look at what they were working on, maybe we can find a link to Tombs.” 

He reached out, tugged. 

“Tombs?!” Blackie spat. 

“The real Basilisk?” Johnny asked, flaming off. Then he saw what was under the tarp, freezing up exactly like his partner had. 

“Indeed!” a withering voice cried triumphantly from the shadows. 

Spidey’s Spider-Sense had kicked in seconds before the sound, but he’d been too stunned by the rough mechanical body staring back at him to react in time as the Basilisk suits sprang back to life, a torrent of tails and wings slamming him into the air. Deco squawked as his own costume tail whipped up, cracking against Johnny and pitching him over the railing to crash onto a lower catwalk, stunned.

Groaning, Spider-Pony forced himself up on one leg from where he’d landed, looking up at the smirking Arcadian Tombs as a Basilisk costume pulled its mouth wide to admit him. 

“I was hoping for a few more uninterrupted hours to put on the finishing touches,” the real Basilisk called loftily as four of his empty minions wrapped their tails around his creation and began to haul it into the air, “but then you showed up. Ah well, I was going to make Deco’s suit spit him out somewhere over the East River.”

Deco sputtered indignantly. 

“This way I shall have the pleasure of doing it…” Tombs smiled with those crooked yellow teeth. “In spirit!” 

Deco went dead silent. 

“How...?” Spidey croaked. 

“Oh, live long enough you pick up all sorts of things.” Tombs examined his tail like Rarity would a fresh pony-pedi. “Such as enough Asgardian rune stones to construct a fake zen garden, allowing one to pilot a few of one’s spare costumes under the authorities’ noses. Of course, there’s the small matter of the item the stones were forged to control not being on this plane of existence…but I’m the industrious sort! Good evening, gentlecolts! See you all tomorrow…perhaps for the last time!” 

With that wheezing cackle of his, the old man soared out through the shattering roof after his prize. 

He sighed contentedly at the feel of the wind on his face, admiring his half-completed creation in the moonlight. Then turned, snarling with frustration at a glow behind him.

“Fastball special!” a still woozy Torch called, using a jet of flame from one hoof to pour on the speed as he began to wind up with the web clutched in the other. 

Spider-Pony went from trailing behind his partner to rocketing past him, eyes narrowed with determination as he levelled both web-shooters at the old pony’s startled—

The familiar thwip was muffled by a sound almost like Unicorn magic as the heads of the shooting web-lines morphed into two enormous dandelions. 

“Oh, you have got to be kidding!” Peter snapped as they caught the wind and began to drag his forelegs back. “Ley li-iiiiii-nyaaagh!” 

A startled Torch had just enough presence of mind to flame off as Spider-Pony crashed into him, sending both of them tumbling end over end back to earth. The spinning streets rushed up to meet them…and something caught Johnny just in time for him to feel his spirit launch out of his body and snap back in inches from the pavement. 

“I gotcha roomie!” came a familiar and ridiculously soothing voice.

“Soarin’?!” Johnny croaked as his college roommate drifted carefully down to the street. “What’re you doing here?!” 

“Investigating an aerial crime wave.” Spitfire hovered above them, holding a dangling Spider-Pony by the tail. She didn’t look pleased with either of them. “And catching amateurs while the real threat gets away!”

“Amateurs?!” Johnny snapped back, trying to wriggle free of Soarin’s grasp. 

“At least you’ve got the decency to be registered with the crown!” Spitfire’s golden eyes flashed darkly between the eyeholes of her mask as she released Spidey’s tail, letting him flip down onto a street sign. “I swear Web-Slinger, if I didn’t owe you one your vigilante butt would be halfway to the Stockade right now. Either of you want to explain what the hay just happened?” 

“The Basilisk, captain.” Spider-Pony glared up at the moon. “He’s building his own Destroyer.” 


To be Continued 

> Line of Ire (4)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


15


“The Destroyer,” Detective Gem Stone said, staring at the curled ball Blackie Deco had become. 

“I mean, wouldn’t that be a Destroyer?” Soarin’ flinched as Stone and Spitfire rounded on him. “Y’know, ’cause now there’s…two of ‘em.” 

“Thanks,” Spitfire said dryly before turning her scowl on the morning edition of The Derby Bugle, with a blurred photo of both Wonderbolts diving for the tumbling super ponies. “We’re lucky whoever snapped this didn’t catch the knock-off, or the city would be in even more of a panic than that time Discord crashed the Today Show.”

“Sure we don’t wanna try for an evacuation though?” Soarin’ asked. “It’s the Destroyer, Spits. Even Princess Celestia couldn’t take that thing without help!” 

Spitfire kneaded the space between her eyes, grateful that the mask wasn’t in the way. “And she would be busy.” 

“I’m sorry, what?” Gem snapped, eyes going wide. 

“She had one of her visions,” Spitfire sighed. “Official word is she’s ‘somewhere else’, waiting for something. For all we know she may not even be on this planet right now.”

“Princess Luna’s on stand-by!” Soarin’ assured. 

“And was probably the help her sister had last time, if that legend’s even true.” Gem frowned at the documents spread over the table. “Even if the Befrienders weren’t helping out with that flood in Gemina and could back her up, none of them could do anything without serious damage to the city.” 

“That’s why we have to find the Basilisk.” Spitfire had been up all night running down as many dead ends as any of her colleagues and still sounded determined. “Nopony ever beat the Destroyer by fighting it. If we can find his body, we can stop him projecting his mind into it! Then it’ll be just so much scrap metal!” 

“I know!” Gem snapped again “You think we haven’t been trying? He’s been alive almost as long as the city itself. He could have millions of hiding places we don’t even know exist. Hay, if the magic works the way the legends say it does, he wouldn’t even have to be in the city!”

She shot a furious look to the cell across from them. “And even if our only witness knew anything, he’s practically catatonic.” 

“Well wouldn’t you be?” Soarin’ asked as his office chair completed its latest rotation. “They have a serious grudge, right? Tombs probably doesn’t even care about the loose end. Just wants to crush something ‘cause he can.”

There was a whimper from the cell as Deco’s shoulders convulsed. 

“Uh…sorry!” Soarin’ called sheepishly. 

“You might have more than that to apologise for.” Spitfire was smiling in a way that made the hairs on the back of Gem Stone’s neck stand up. “You just gave me an idea.”

“Oh man,” Soarin’ sighed. “Am I gonna have to go on the stand again?”

“Maybe. It can wait until you find your old roommate.” 

“Johnnycake?!” Soarin’ sat up quickly. “Look, if this is about eating everypony’s shamrock sandwiches, the fridge lighting was super bad and those labels are tiny--”

“What are you thinking?” Gem cut in. “Something with Deco? This isn’t the Bone Dry Desert, Spitfire. Prisoners have rights.”

“Yeah,” Spitfire smiled, “like the right to protective custody. Got a free semaphore rig? There’s some notes I wanna send while Soarin’s out.” 

“Mind telling me what they are?” Gem trotted out after her as she headed for the stairs to the communications wing. “It sounds like you want to bring super ponies in on this.”

“No,” the Wonderbolt said flatly. “But I’ve had my big idea. I’m hoping they can come up with a better one.” 


16


Johnny blinked. “She said what?” 

“Not in so many words.” Soarin’ shrugged “You gonna eat that?” 

They were sitting in one of the cafés outside the Baxter Building, an out of the way one where a Wonderbolt and member of the Fantastic Family could talk without drawing attention, or give you the impression giant metal hooves would soon be stomping their way up 4th Avenue. Again. 

“Watching my weight anyway.” Johnny nosed the croissant plate across to his old friend. “She’s seriously going to use Blackie as bait?” 

“Sounds like the lovable Spitfire I know.” 

Soarin’ almost jumped out of his seat, craning back to see Spider-Pony perched on one of the columns of the café’s façade, sipping a cup of coffee and hidden from view by the shadows of the column and their table umbrella. From this angle he couldn’t even make out what colour Spidey’s exposed muzzle was. 

“Fake out, right?” 

“…right.” Soarin’ glanced at Johnny. He’d had his own minor encounters with the vigilante, but. 

The Torch rolled his eyes. “He’d just swing into the middle of whatever we did anyway. Don’t give him anything to eat, he’ll think we’re keeping him.” 

“We could use all the help we can get,” Soarin’ sighed. “Spitfire’s announcing Deco’s transfer through a warehouse district to try and minimise any damage, but even with Princess Luna and the rest of the squad inbound we’re gonna be hard pressed to contain it.” 

“Hey, what’re we, tourists?” Johnny smirked.   

“Well you haven’t had any more luck finding him than we have!” Soarin’ shot back. “Don’t get me wrong man, I’d be thrilled to take the old buzzard out early! As is, baiting him out into the open this afternoon is the best we can do.” 

“What happens to Blackie?” Spidey asked suddenly, as if emerging from thought. 

“Huh? Uh, the transfer in the papers is a decoy. He’ll be shipped out to Raider’s Island after the fake convoy takes off. Why?” 

“Because that’s probably where Tombs is gonna actually hit,” Spider-Pony said, sounding a little too casual as he pulled down the mask. “Think about it: guy had the idea to build his own Asgardian death mech using a bunch of rocks and rubber suits. You really think he’d go to lengths this ridiculous, bring Blackie in at all, if he didn’t have a way to track him down?” 

“We locked the rune stone Deco had on him in a Canterlot grade vault,” Soarin’ pointed out. 

“He was wearing it in his hair for Great Pony knows how long!” Spidey snapped. “He’s probably sweating a magic trail!” 

Johnny coughed loudly as the other diners’ heads turned towards the column, then lowered his voice. “What my not-so-learned colleague is trying to say is super villains are a bitter and ostentatious lot. The Basilisk only exists because he never got the attention he always wanted. What better way to prove he’s the star than take out the understudy?” 

“I hate these guys.” Soarin’ shook his head. “Man, a storm? Counter with enough centrifugal force! Monster attack? Herd it back where it came from! How do you keep up with the kinda guy whose solution to a tracking anklet is…mythology?!” 

“Preach,” Johnny and Spidey said in sullen unison. 

“Look guys, Spitfire’s got her issues with your…business. But she wouldn’t be turning this over to you if she didn’t know you could follow through.” 

“We will,” Johnny promised grimly. 

“Follow through…” Spidey mused. He leaned out into the light a little to address Soarin’ better. “Did Detective Stone manage to find out what he wanted the airship re-aligners for?” 

“Because it’s gonna be big and he doesn’t want the lines to mess with the spell, probably.” The Wonderbolt swallowed his fortifying mouthful of croissant. “Y’know, hit the Diamond District then cross into Tortoise Bay and suddenly find out he’s an action figure, that kinda thing. Plus, moving something that big’s gonna take a boatload of magic! We saw it almost blotting out the moon when we caught you guys, and it didn’t even have hind legs yet!” 

“Why would it?” Spider-Pony mused to himself. He finished his coffee and attempted to Bankshot the cup into a nearby trashcan, forced to catch it with his webs when it almost tipped over. “Um. I will. Be in touch!”

Johnny shook his head as Soarin’ tried to follow the web-slinger’s hasty scrabble out of sight. 

“You work with some weird ponies, man.”   

“Didn’t complain when you were tagging along for explorative research bits to pay for flight school,” Johnny smirked. 

“Yeah I did, you just didn’t listen,” Soarin’ smiled back. 

“Couldn’t hear you over all the adventure,” Johnny chuckled. They chinked styrofoam cups. “So how’s it been going, mister bigshot Wonderbolt?” 

“Eh, the odd storm here, the occasional monster there. Mostly we’ve been clearing King Sombra’s old stuff out of the Crystal Empire. Guy had a lot of caves. Anyway, we want the whole region to be safe as possible for when we get into the Games. What about you?”

“I beat a dragon from outer space and now I’m looking for an apartment.” 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.”  


17


Princess Luna glared over her billowing mane at H.E.R.B.I.E. The automaton immediately tried to hide the brushes he’d been carrying. “So this is your plan, Dr. Rivers?”

“Best I could do, yes,” Reed said, gathering up the parchments and tomes strew across his work table. “I’m sorry it’s not more proactive, but--"

“Nonsense,” Luna assured. “Banishing this false Destroyer to another dimension is very likely the only way we can assure this city will be left standing. We were forced to use similar methods against the genuine article centuries ago, even with the mighty Sleipnir’s help. You should be proud in coming up with a solution this quickly!” 

“That’s my boy,” Sue smiled as River Reeds coloured. “Tea or coffee, your highness?”

“Tea, please Ms. Storm. No milk. Thank you.” Luna accepted the cup, gazing out at the skyscrapers through the lab window. “In what my sister insists I should stop thinking of as ‘my time’, this island was a small collection of colonies forging bonds through favours. I refuse to let an upstart astral projector like this ‘Basilisk’ ruin what it has become! Two sugars, please.” 

“What I think River means is we should consider a contingency plan,” Sue pointed out, trying not to look like she was trying to impress the Princess of the Moon by using her own brand of telekinesis to float her condiments over. 

“We got one,” the Thing rumbled, holding out his extra sized cup. “If he doesn’t leave, we clobber him, right Princess?”

“Indeed!” He blinked as Luna chinked her tea cup against his so hard his stony foreleg shook a little. “But we have an opportunity to plan ahead here, Mr. Grim. I understand you are allies with the Panther Prince and the Sub Mariner? Their own kingdoms’ magic may--”

“I was thinking of something a little closer to home.” They all looked up as Spider-Pony finished crawling across the library ceiling, dropping to perch on the Thing’s shoulders. 

“I look like a throw rug to you, shrimp?” 

“You really want an answer to that?” Spidey leaned over to wink upside down at the Thing before hopping off and trotting up to Luna. “Your, uh, highness. Sorry to butt in, but--”

“We know of you.” Luna’s face was impassive as her eyes seemed to look straight through his mask, then began following the web pattern of his costume. “You are one of those who goes into the dark places and makes the night safe for others. And yet for as much of it is in you, you laugh. This is admirable.” 

“…thank…you?” What was it with him and princesses lately? 

“Whatever happens from hereon in, know that we expect great things. From both of you.” 

Peter blinked under the mask, suddenly feeling like he was on a very small island in the middle of the ocean. He had no idea who else she could be talking about. 

“Yeah, see, this is why our friendship is founded on lovable sniping.” Heat on his back as the Torch drifted in behind him, lowering his hooves temperature to give him a noogie. “Too scrappy to take a compliment, this one! It’s sad.” 

He shoved past Spidey, still burning but at his lowest temperature to avoid ruining the floor, and trailed streamers of flame behind him as he executed a ballerina worthy bow. Sue didn’t roll her eyes because he knew that was what he wanted.

“Your majesty! Tropical Johnnycake Storm, high-flying Horseshoe Torch.” He straightened up, holding out a glowing hoof. “It is an honour.”

“We are sure,” Luna smiled ruefully, handing him her cup. Johnny blinked, then grinned as he turned to Reed. He liked her! 

“Before we all shoot down Paste Pot Pete’s homelier cousin’s idea,” he told his three teammates, “Soarin’ wants you to know Spitfire’s deigned to work with us. She’s gonna leak the timetable for the accomplice’s transfer, send the Destroyer on a wild goose chase. The fake convoy heads off at 2:30 through the old industrial district of Hobbs Garden. Ten minutes later they’ll cart the real one off to Raiders through the Upper East Side in an unmarked wagon.” 

“Risky, but not bad,” Mr. Fantastic said, securing his saddlebag. “I suggest we split up. Three of us tail the fake, three of us stay with the real deal. Unfortunately, for our banishing spell to work the princess and I will need to be in the same location.” 

“The Destroyer, no matter the mind that wields it, is not a subtle instrument,” Luna said grimly. “Even if we chose the wrong one, doctor, I’m sure we’ll know when he strikes. A simple teleport should suffice.” 

“He’ll go after the fake!” Spidey insisted. He tried not to flinch as those cyan eyes flashed to him. “I’ve been fighting this guy practically all my life. No way he wouldn’t make sure he could find Blackie, stones or not. He’ll wait until we think we’ve pulled it off and then he’ll show up in his fancy new suit to rub it in.”

“And you had a plan for this?” she asked. Peter swallowed. 

“Yeah. See, anypony can pilot the Destroyer but Tombs will need the city, the world, to know it’s him! He mentioned finishing touches back at the plant. I think I know what they’ll be, and--”

“Then you’ll have to hurry.” Mr. Fantastic’s horn glowed, a bookcase opening onto one of the entrances to his lab. “I take it you’ll want to make use of the facilities here.” 

“Just like that?” Spidey blinked. “I didn’t even say what--” 

“You don’t need to, son. Not after this long.” 

Luna scanned the Four’s faces. The Torch winked at her. “You are clearly trusted. Please hurry. It is almost noon.” 


18


The Golden Oaks Library was quiet. Until the floor glowed purple and a superhero jumped out of the living room floor. 

“Twilight?” Spider-Pony called. He trotted around in a circle, mindful of the lengths of metal cord wrapped over his shoulders. He wondered if he should call out again but there was something in the air. Something he felt like he shouldn’t disturb. 

He nudged open the main library door. No sign of anything…except that blasted owl in the corner. 

“Hoo.”

“Not in the mood,” Peter muttered. “Have you seen her? I need…” 

He’d come over to run the plan by her and get a magical boost, but not really. 

He’d had paradise with her yesterday and now he was about to swing off with a hastily assembled doodad (though it wasn’t bad for a rush job if he said so himself!) to face an unrelenting sociopath armed with a homebrew Asgardian weapon of mass destruction. 

And something else. Something Luna had said. Something in the air. 

“Hoo.”

“Yeah, exactly.” Spidey’s ears perked up. He twitched one of the foyer curtains open. Looked like half of Ponyville out there! 

“♪A True, True Friend—♪”

“Aww, she’s busy,” he smiled. 

“Hoo.”

“Somepony worth more than both of us, pal.” 

He didn’t even flinch as Owloysius swivelled to follow him with those unreadable eyes. Something in her voice, Harmony maybe, comforted him. Made him feel all Bring It On, Universe. 

The light of Twilight’s living room ley line flashed off the Elements of Harmony display case, which he’d completely failed to register was empty. 


***

“That was fast,” Johnny observed from the couch as he materialised back in his apartment. 

“She was busy,” Spidey shrugged. 

“You sound way too happy about it,” Johnny teased. “C’mon, let’s go make an old pony cry!” 

“Race ya!” 

They both leapt for the living room window at the same time, slap fighting over it until they tumbled out and began swinging and blazing for the Hobbs Garden precinct. 

The Torch raised an eyebrow as the device his partner was carrying flashed slightly every time they crossed districts. “Sure that thing’ll work without your girl’s special touch?” 

“Hey, there’s Mr. Fantastic and princess magic in here!” Spidey shrugged in between firing web-lines. “If that’s not a guarantee then what is?”

“Counterpoint: you built it.” 

“You never said word one about the Spider-Mobile.” 

“Y’know one of these days I should fish that thing out of the river and rebuild it out of spite.” 

“Please, Twilight would love it.” 

“Are you sure she isn’t a Skrull?” 

“Get out of my head, Storm.” 


19


“So many bakeries...” Soarin’ sighed as the streets swept by beneath them. 

“We’ll load up before we go home,” Spitfire assured. “This is Manehattan. He can’t blow up all the bakeries.” 

Luna coughed loudly, making Mr. Fantastic and the Thing swap knowing looks as they hovered beside her in a Fantasti-Chariot. The Wonderbolts straightened up, though you could feel Spitfire’s eyeroll through her goggles. 

“Halfway there,” Reed noted as the wagon below them turned a corner. The blue-grey paint job helped it to stand out from the riot of taxis, delivery carts, moving food stalls and some of those fancy new automobiles down below. The decoy would be the standard M.E.U.P. black and gold, perfectly visible from the air even if it didn’t have the rest of the Wonderbolts and half the Manehattan press trailing behind it. 

“You’re sure he’s going to hit?” Spitfire scanned the rooftops. “Maybe we should’ve used the stone as bait instead. Threatened to take his control away somehow.” 

“Do not second guess yourself, captain. The day’s still young,” Luna assured “And besides, one stone against the number needed to enchant and control even a facsimile Destroyer would be no threat. This pony may dress funny, but he knows what he’s doing.” 

“Maybe I’d feel better if our tip-off didn’t come from a vigilante,” Spitfire huffed. “Surprised you brought him in on this, Princess. As is, I’m just grateful we have a pro like Grim Skies along!” 

“For real!” Soarin’ used a roll to flash the Thing two wingtips up. 

“Ah, you’ll make me blush, cap.”

“Champions, as you should know captain, come in all shapes and sizes,” Luna smiled. 

“Speakin’ of size,” the Thing growled, pointing, “Radar’s pickin’ up somethin’ bigger than the chip on Namor’s shoulder comin’ up through the water! There!” 

The wagon was on a riverside road now, a frothing mound in the water sending small waves splashing into the lanes. The two out of uniform guards at the reins struggled for control but were swept halfway to the curb, the wagon almost tipping over as its front half was demolished. 

The escort began to dive towards the 10-foot-tall shadow hauling itself onto solid ground, the shrieks of panicked civilians almost drowning out the sound of its hooves crashing into the concrete. The Destroyer! Kind of. 

The torso was a decent enough approximation of the bull like original, but large metal bat wings lanced out of the shoulders. The masterpiece was easily the almost mile long metal snake tail, lashing with unsettlingly organic movements. The metal was darker, cruder, but just as solid looking as the original. 

“Behold!” an amplified voice boomed from the shadows of the grate-like helmet. “The Basilisk Maximus!!!” 

“Behold this!” 

“Eh?” The Destroyer titled its head back as the ever lovin’ blue eyed Thing crashed down onto it from thirty feet up. The impact cracked storefronts and shattered street lamp bulbs along the block, everything but the Basilisk tail vanishing in dust from the resultant crater.

As the others tried to touch down the tail coiled suddenly, whipping into the dust cloud. Fleeing pedestrians fled even harder as a cursing Thing was sent rolling down the street, demolishing a park and the lobby of an office building before he stopped. 

The Destroyer launched itself after him, managing to soar almost an entire block before sapphire magic wrapped around its tail. A fire hydrant ruptured as its torso crashed into the road with a startled yelp. 

“You have one chance to surrender!” Princess Luna snapped, eyes narrowed from strain and concentration, her horn almost invisible from its own glow as she tried to telekinetically reel the behemoth towards her. 

“I’d think someone of your age would know better than to face the Destroyer, Princess!” 

“The only thing this monstrosity has in common with the Destroyer is they’re both the toys of sad old men!” 

“Ah, but it’s close enough for the stones!” The Destroyer reared up, slamming its hooves together. Glass shattered and concrete fractured from the shockwave, bowling the princess and the charging Wonderbolts over. 

Satisfied the Destroyer stomped and slithered its way towards the overturned wagon, ignoring the krackling magic bolts Mr. Fantastic fired at it. “Please Dr. Rivers! These parlour tricks are beneath you!” 

“You want to see a trick?” the genius smirked as the metal shadow fell over him “Very well! I shall make your target…disappear!” 

And he did, taking himself along with it. 

“What?!” The Basilisk Maximus froze, startled. “How… The Phantasmal Pony, of course! Very clever, Rivers! You’re even broadcasting magical waves to mask the tracking spell Deco picked up from the rune stones!” 

The tail raised to begin striking random buildings in a bid to draw the heroes out of hiding, but the first blow never landed. Instead, in a sapphire flash the Destroyer found its own momentum turned against it as it re-materialised in mid-air, sending itself spinning into an evacuated construction site.

As it scrabbled to regain its footing a levitated crane hook spiked into the joints between its tail, pinning it. 

“We are not done,” three Princess Lunas snarled from their perches in the girders in front of it. 

The Destroyer strained to use its tail, succeeding only in pulling the crane down on top of itself. With a snarl it settled for driving a hoof into the nearest Luna. She smirked at it as it drew back, totally unscathed despite the buckled girders behind her. The staggering Destroyer found itself surrounded by blurs of navy blue, a small army of Lunas swirling around it like bats. The occasional magic bolt flashed off its hide.

“Illusions!” Tombs’ voice spat as his creation thrashed at the fluttering shapes. “Is this really the best you have?!” 

The helm, crudely hammered to resemble an amalgamation of the Destroyer’s head and the Basilisk’s cowl, lowered contemplatively. “No, perhaps not. You’re stalling for something else!” 

It lunged out of the swarm, the crane cable finally snapping as it crashed into daylight and onto the street. “And with a simple adjustment of the runes so I can perceive different kinds of magical energy…yes!” 

Through the haze over his mind’s eye, Arcadian Tombs’ consciousness could now perceive energy wavelengths. The world was a pulsing violet glow, shapes becoming abstract. And there: the glowing bodies of Mr. Fantastic and the Phantasmal Pony, shielding the cowering Blackie Deco, throbbing in blue as they used their powers from a nearby alleyway! 

Whirling the Basilisk finally saw the real Luna, perched on a gargoyle and the magic around her horn dancing in rhythm with River’s. Looking down, he could now see the circle of energy gradually forming around him. “A portal?! I think not! This city is mine now!” 

The tail whipped up, slamming down in front of the Fantastic Family’s power couple. It probably wouldn’t have squashed them even if it had made contact, but it didn’t need to. The impact rattled both ponies, Sue and Deco flickering back into existence and the aura around Reed’s horn evaporating. 

“Reed!” Sue cried as a wing sliced into him. Reed’s face contorted as his body strained to absorb the blow. The wing swept him into the wall, crashing him through it. She furiously wrapped a force field around it, hurling it into the air and pitching the startled Destroyer over and onto its back.

She let out a relieved gasp to see Reed curled in the wreckage of an office like an abandoned hose, but his body pulling itself back into shape. If he could instinctively take control like that then he was alive. But clearly unconscious. The Destroyer had managed to take their plan off the table. 

“I’m gettin’—!” Blackie began, turning to bolt. 

“No,” Princess Luna said, landing in front of him and slapping a specific spot on his neck with a wing. Deco’s eyes rolled back and he collapsed with a dreamy smile. “Is your, uh, partner…?”

“He’s fine,” Sue breathed as they began slowly trotting towards the rolling Destroyer. “But he’s out of the game for now.” 

“Nothing’s ever simple,” Luna muttered. “Force field battering ram, d’you think?” 

“Ready when you are.” 

As the Destroyer finally righted itself a shimmering mass crashed into it so hard one side of its helm almost caved in. It just made it look annoyed. The next two assaults sent it skidding backwards down the wrecked street. It met the third attempt with its hooves and wings, its tail throwing out sparks and a horrendous screeching as it resisted. 

With a violent shove it punched through the translucent barrier. Sue cried out from the mental feedback, collapsing into Luna’s grasp. Luna’s expression shifted instantly from concern to fury, glaring up at the advancing Destroyer with her eyes and horn glowing. 

“I would have settled for simply robbing this city blind and retiring to an island somewhere,” Tombs voice rumbled out of the helm. “But crushing a princess? That needs a much grander follow through…” 

It raised a hoof. 

“Now there’s the fickle old bird I know and revile!” 

The Destroyer whirled to find Spider-Pony balanced on its tail, snapping a metallic brace shut around the appendage. 

“Did you just…try to clamp me?” 

“Looks like it! Did it work?”

“NO!” The Destroyer lashed its tail, sending the pest sky high.

“Pity.” Spidey shrugged as he began to descend, then cupped his hooves to his muzzle. “’EY TAX-AY!” 

He fired a web-line, the Horseshoe Torch snagging it and whipping them around the Destroyer’s head. 

“C’mon Cade-i-kins, who d’ya really wanna make an impression on? Me, or some patsy who couldn’t find his Asgard with a map?” 

“Don’t mind us!” the Torch called, racing towards Midtown. “We’ll just be sightseeing while you make up your mind!” 

Luna watched nonplussed as the Destroyer howled with fury, launching itself after them.


***

“Okay, we need to cross as many ley lines as possible,” Spidey called, looking over his shoulder thirty tons of thrashing metal behind them, “so as many neighbourhoods as you can!” 

“All part of the service,” the Torch called back, blazing down a side street. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what’re you doing?” 

“I’m heading for Antlersona! It’s closest!” 

“Then what’re we doing on 101st?” 

“Going to Antlersona.” 

“On what planet do you get to Antlersona via 101st?” 

“The one where Gracie Mansion doesn’t get demolished?”

“That’s on 88th!” 

“Right, which is why I take the turning on 93rd. Wide berth!” 

“That’s way too close to Museum Mile! Twilight loves it!” 

“So,” The Torch looked over his shoulder, raising his hooves like scales, “seat of government, your boring date night. Real neat to know where your priorities lie, Pete!” 

“Oh, like you ever went to a museum without your teachers strapping you and the other back row kids to gurneys.” 

“I’m an explorer, I hunt down ghosts and cultists through museums more than you poke your mole!” 

“Yeah? Ever look up this thing called a compass? Because we’re on Park Avenue now, genius!” 

“You were just whining about Museum Mile.” 

“You just missed our turning!” 

“Our? Who’s doing all the flying here?!”

“Somepony who thinks he owns turnings, apparently.” Spidey’s eyes almost burst through the lenses as they whipped around a corner. “Ack! Where’re you going now?!”

“Celestial Park! You want ley lines!” 

“I want to be in one piece! Know what else’d be nice?! A pilot with a sense of direction!” 

“You wanna swing it, you go right ahead!” 

“Maybe I—Spider-Sense! Low!” 

Johnny dived, the shadow of the Destroyer’s tail whip cracking the empty air where they’d just been! He banked as wide as possible, trying to put distance between the giant and cross as many of the park’s different sections as possible. One of the biggest clusters of ley lines in town. 

“Too low!” Spidey cried, streamlining his hind legs so he could ski across the surface of the reservoir, water sheeting into the gaining Destroyer’s face. “Too low!” 

“There is no pleasing you today!” 

“There’s the Planetarium!” 

“I already let whatshername have the museums!” 

“No, stir-fry head, Bridleway!” 

“You wanna take her to a show now? How do you have the budget for this filly?” 

“MJ knows somepony. I mean—!” 

“One of the biggest ley lines in the city, I know.” Johnny put on an extra burst of speed to avoid blazing into civilian airspace. “I’m messing with you.” 

“By scraping me to a smear on 76th street for some reason?!” 

“Shortcut! Gonna take the turning at 73rd to get on 71st! Make him cross the line twice!” 

“Why skip 72nd?” 

“73rd’s closer to 71st!” 

“That is not how that works!” 

“I’M GOING TO DESTROY YOU BOTH!” the Basilisk howled through the Destroyer’s grill.

“AH, SHADDUP!” both ponies shot back. 

“Will you just admit we’re lost and ask somepony?!” Spidey snapped, twisting to avoid a billboard. 

“Oh yeah, at fifteen stories up and near 200mph! I’ll just flag down a passing airship!” Johnny’s eyes darted earthward, Spidey yelping as his body followed. “Hel-LO!” 

The swiping Destroyer overbalanced in mid-air as its razor tipped wing completely missed Spidey’s tail, sending itself tumbling into the river. 

The candy coloured mare with the chrysanthemum cutie mark blinked at it, then the molten stallion drifting a few feet above the pavement in front of her in One-Of-Your-French-Girls pose. The weirdo luchador she sometimes saw in the newspapers dangled upside down from the street light his line had wrapped around, trying to count the stars whistling around his head. 

“Excuse me, ma’am! First, just wanna say that is a delightful shade of eyeshadow. Second, could you possibly tell a lost and lonely colt what part of this great metropolis he happens to be in?” 

“Hobs Garden,” she croaked.

“Really!” Johnny smirked up at the woozy Spider-Pony. “I do believe to get all the way here from the Upper East Side, one would have to pass through Antlersona.” 

“You don’t wanna know what’s about to pass through me…” Spidey groaned. The sound of the Destroyer bursting out of the river rocked the air. “Oh no.” 

He let out a wail as the Torch took off again, spinning around the street light like an unwinding fishing lure before finally coming loose. “Where are you taking me now, you lunatic?!” 

“Chelsea! Now who needs a compass! Wanna swing by your place and get yours?” 

Spidey squinted as light began to flash along the clamp he’d placed on the Destroyer’s tail. It sparked aggressively as the behemoth’s torso rushed over the neighbourhood ley line, flicking briefly into visibility in its shadow. “Actually, I think we’re done...”


***

Manehattan was relatively young as Equestrian cities went. It had been cobbled together out of various settlements grown around the promising island before they all banded together to reach it. But many things had happened since then. The island had its own paths, centuries old, older than the two sisters who’d one day rule over it, and the inhabitants just added more. 

Left alone, Manehattan Island would probably have been a smorgasbord of different magical environments just due to sheer geography. It was too big and varied, part of a planet evolved from magic. Forests and hills and rivers. Eventually trade roads. Sewers. Streets. New streets. Train lines. Subways. Basements. And underneath, the older lines. The older histories. New layers being added decades at a time. 

Each species brought something of their heritage and magic with them, tracing more and more. Neighbourhoods and parks replaced swamps and glens and hills, all different but part of the whole. Under the right lens, the City that Never Slept would look like a brain scan, different neurons constantly firing. Sometimes things sparked, a burst of random magic. And the city’s attitude had tamed even that, turning it into a minor annoyance, a more carnivalesque version of static shock. 

And it was this constantly shifting background magic Peter had been counting on. That the giant-sized anklet he’d thrown together had been absorbing as Tombs chased them from district to district. 


***

“What?!” the Destroyer bellowed as crackling ley line energy raced from the anklet through its tail and all over its torso. It juddered to a halt, slamming into the street, fighting to move. “A…paralysis spell?!” 

“Ley line powered!” Spidey crowed, dropping from the hovering Torch’s grip onto a nearby fire escape. “Just had to alter the re-aligners to pick up ley energy and BAM!” 

“Webs figured you’d use bigger versions of your old tricks,” the Torch smirked. “Especially the one where you pack the tail of your outfit with ley re-aligners, so nothing happens to it in mid-flight. And that’s not even how he beat you the first time he figured it out. Check your six.” 

Straining, the Destroyer’s helm turned to see a glimmering, static-like thread trailing from the bracelet around its tail. “That accursed ley tracking trick?!” 

“The absence of ley energy thanks to the vibrations of your re-aligners, but yeah. I’m flattered you remember!” Johnny could hear the grin under Spidey’s mask. “Not only is your new suit so much junk right now, every Wonderbolt and M.E.U.P. officer is following that trail right back to whatever rock you're hiding under.”  

“They’ll find your remains first!” Tombs shrieked through the helm “This thing is powered by my will! And my hate! And I DESPISE YOU!” 

Both ponies dived aside as the engine of destruction launched itself at them out of sheer hatred, ploughing right through the building. Cowering civilians looked up, finding the crushing rubble super-heated together and caught in a straining web-net. 

“He’s still moving!” Johnny half sang desperately as he amped up his flames, for all the good they’d do. 

“I know!” Peter shot-sang back, wondering if it was worth snagging some of the rubble to use as a flail and trying to buy some distance. 

The Destroyer’s torso loomed out of the shattered façade of the building, looking even angrier for the manically sparking ley energy dancing all over it. “And now—!” 

It froze. “Wait! No! NO!” 

The helm juddered as if struck like a gong, sagging into its chest. The super ponies looked at each other, then flinched as the Destroyer reared up again…somehow more gracefully. It gently pulled itself out of the building, managing to land on the sidewalk with incredible dignity despite most of its tail still being half way up the wall and indoors. 

“Gentlecolts. This is Princess Luna. Well done.” 

The crowds and rescue workers broke into wild, relieved applause. The sky filled with Wonderbolts and Johnny let out a relieved puff of flame to see Sue, Reed and the Thing hovering towards them on one of her invisible platforms. He glanced at Spider-Pony, blinking at the sight of Peter’s masked ears folding. 

“What’s with you? Your gizmo worked! We won!” 

“That’s my apartment building.” 

“Oh.”

“My apartment specifically.” 

“…oh.” 

They watched in silence as Luna irritably yanked the Destroyer’s tail free, eviscerating Peter’s ceiling and obscuring the wreckage in a cloud of dust. As if the place had just freshly exploded. 


To be Continued

> Line of Ire (5)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


20


“Ms. Grace?” the intercom squawked in a bored monotone. “That rando you asked to come by randomly came by.”

“Thank you, Anne,” Mrs. Grace said with the same patience she used on everypony who worked on this floor. “I take it you mean Mr. Trotter.” 

“You know I don’t look at names past noon Ms. Grace, nopony worth knowing shows up past then. Grey coat? Microscope cutie mark? Kinda frazzled? Got a birth defect?” 

“Hey!” another voice squawked indignantly. 

“Sorry, birthmark. I get the two mixed up.”

“I’m coming out now, Anne,” Ms. Grace said firmly, needlessly straightening her suit as she took her hoof off the button. 

“Listen lady,” she heard the young stallion snapping to Anne’s ever unimpressed face as she swung the office door open, “I’ve put up with way too much today, no, this century, to be treated like a doormat right now!”

“Well sir, since your hooves are on my desk maybe you’d like to help yourself to my appointment book and we’ll sort something out. You’re not married, right?” 

Ms. Grace smiled and shook her head as Peter flushed with mortification and Manehattanite fury. All these years and customising her door to open soundlessly was still paying off in new and interesting ways. “You...I’m gonna—!”

“Shake my hoof like a gentlecolt, I hope,” she smiled as he spun around. 

“Uh, that…Yes! Hi! Hello!” She raised an eyebrow as he clasped it in both and frantically shook as if trying to unfurl a parachute in mid-descent. The boy had quite a grip. That he was clearly tempering. “Uh, sorry it’s so late, I only got your letter a few minutes ago. My apartment kinda…”

“Ah, I was wondering.” Ms. Grace led him out into the hall. “I’m afraid it will be at least a day before we manage to complete repairs on your building. How’s your situation right now? We work with organisations that deal in temporary accommodations…”

“A friend made me a surprising offer, so that’s actually okay.” Peter ran a hoof through his mane as if trying to comb the entire day out of it. “Dunno how I’ll be able to chip in, but…”

“Mmm. We’ll see.” He really wasn’t thinking about this as the opportunity it was. Either shellshock or a good heart. Possibly both. He’d need focus either way, and how hard could he be to steer compared to the rest of her employees. “Mr. Trotter, do you know why you’re here?”

“Ah, no. Your letter was kinda charred but it sounded like you just wanted to meet? Listen if this is an insurance thing, I can promise you now I don’t have the bits to--”

“Our service is to Equestria in general.” Ms. Grace gestured to the offices they were passing through. “It’s my responsibility to make money back so these ponies can live of course, but that’s what we are. A service, not a business. Or a charity.” 

“I see?” He really hadn’t figured it out yet. 

“Mr. Trotter, I understand that coming home to find yourself homeless is quite the shock, but do you remember what you did yesterday?” 

“Got hit by a mail pony…?”

“How you spend your free time is between you and the Great Pony in the Sky, dear,” she smiled. “But I was referring to a rather impromptu interview at one of our recently purchased labs.”

“That was you guys?” Peter blinked, then stared out of the large window that gave visitors a generous view of the rows of construction vehicles. His own startled reflection helped him focus and he turned back to her. “What is this?” 

“An investment, I suppose.” Ms. Grace took her own look at the lifeblood of her company. “You may not have impressed them, but you made enough of an impression that they told me about you. A young pony with what should be fine credentials and next to no relevant research. He even came to the wrong sort of lab for the wrong sort of interview.” 

Peter’s ears drooped. He looked at her curiously as she put a gentle hoof on his shoulder. “And what did he do? Try to make it work. That was interesting.” 

“Oh?”

“What’s even more interesting is the copy of Dr. River Reeds’ report on the whole Destroyer incident I received an hour ago. He didn’t make that anklet, and while I’ve had the pleasure of Spider-Pony’s company a few times over the years he never struck me as the scientific sort. It makes more sense if you look at the credit for all those photos old Ferocious Flattop likes to use, and have a copy of their resume.” 

He was trying to facially stonewall her, for reasons she honestly didn’t care to speculate about, but couldn’t keep the curiosity out of his eyes. He was getting the idea but still not the reasoning. 

“Do you know that little toy has revolutionised magical detainment in only three hours? Of course, there’s issues with the idea of paralysing a wearer, so it’s a good thing you’d need far more magic than is practical to make it a permanent feature. But a visible trail when they try to go somewhere they shouldn’t? You can practically hear the thundering of hooves as the industry races to reverse-engineer the concept. Quite the pretty penny for the pony who had the idea.” 

“Wait, really?!” He looked shocked, as if money was as alien a concept as the Planet Krypton and he was vaguely terrified of it. Oh, he did show promise. 

“Or it would if he could stake any claim to it.” Ms. Grace shrugged. “The anklet concept technically belongs to the crown, so he’d need to lodge a request to build any to begin with, and magical examination would confirm the spells and materials used as property of Fantastic Inc. even if Dr. Rivers hadn’t said so in his report. Very messy.”

“Uh…yeah.” He followed her to the real showpiece, the rows of cubicles and lockers in the large office at the end of the hall. “So, if this pony is such a mess…why does this feel like another interview?”

“Oh, it isn’t.” Ms. Grace smiled at him but her eyes were determined as ever. “It’s an offer.”

“But anything I could show you is hopelessly out of date! A-and the anklet--”

“Who said anything about that?” She raised an eyebrow. She hoped covering like this wasn’t going to be a habit with him. “You want something more to show potential employers? I’m sure a few years in the exciting world of high-concept construction will pad your resume.” 

Peter blinked at her. “This is…I don’t know what to…”

“Say yes, I hope!” Ms. Grace beamed. “If you think we’ll take it easy on you, don’t worry. The job’s demanding enough as it is, but I lost a quite talented consultant to his own ego today and am taking a flyer on a nice young stallion, who clearly needs something to pull himself together. Shake my hoof and you become an investment. And for the amount of training and responsibility I’m investing in you, I will expect you to make good.” 

He blinked at her. Looked at the vacant cubicle they were standing in front of. Watched as a janitor slipped Arcadian Tombs’ nameplate into a push-bin. 

Smiled and held out his hoof.   

“Welcome to Damage Control, Peter Trotter. Hope you survive the experience.” 


21


“Not gonna lie,” Johnnycake said, dusting his finally free hooves down as he surveyed the living room, “thought it’d be bigger.” 

“That a crack?” the Thing rumbled, carefully trying to navigate around the boxes filling the space.

“No, that thing right over where you keep your brain, that’s a crack.” Johnny traced it with a line of fire. “Anyway, not the apartment, Pete’s check. I mean, getting money out of Amazing Grace? That’s supposed to be Hearth’s Warming come early! I don’t even spend that ‘starter salary’ on mane and tail products!”

“I’m starting out.” Peter shrugged. “This was as much as they could give me in advance. Felt lousy asking, but I wanted to show I’m good for this place.” 

He held the check out to the Thing, involuntarily waving his undamaged hoof as those massive stone jaws took the corner and tucked it into his new landlord’s bomber jacket. 

“Ain’t you I’m worried about, webs.”

“Hey, have you met him?” Johnny was pushing a last box into his bedroom. “Guy’s even more likely to burn the place down than I am.” 

“That why you told me about it?” Peter smirked back. “Plausible deniability?”

“Deny this.” Johnny made a rude gesture with his tail. “Like I’m not gonna spend every party explaining away your sad existence in the corner zone.”

Grim Skies scowled. “I didn’t say nothin’ about no parties.” 

“So you must’ve said somethin’!” Johnny called back. “Like oh yeah, that’s who I’m renting too! Jazz! Clobbering! Penny-farthings!”

“Regret anythin’ yet?” the Thing asked Peter as they shifted the last of his smoky, dented, but still intact possessions into his new bedroom. 

“New job comes with insurance, so.” Peter shrugged. “Have I said thank you too much yet?” 

“I’m an idol o’ millions shrimp, good etiquette forbids me from puttin’ a limit on how much tearful thanks I get, no matter how humble a stallion I may be.” He looked around what was going to be a guest bedroom until Johnny had shown the kid around. Plenty of boxes. “Looks like ya made out okay. Considerin’.” 

“Yeah, the Basilisk only took out my living room.” Peter smiled to himself as he gently placed a family photo of Aunt May and Uncle Glen, already in the new frame Sue had lent him, onto his new bedside table. “All the important stuff was in the bedroom.” 

“Maybe ya ain’t as unlucky as ya think.”

“Maybe.” 

“You two done making out yet?” Johnny asked poking his head through the door. “Because this next part is gonna be hard enough as it is.” 

“Admitting you’re just a really, really light brunette?” 

“Finally acceptin’ polo shirts are dead and nothin’ ya do is gonna bring ‘em back?” 

“I c’ld br'n th’s y’know,” Johnny smirked (or at least curled the corners of his lips) as he lifted his own deposit check in his mouth. 

“You could also go jump in the East River but there’s laws about pollutin’.” The Thing snatched the check and stuffed it in his other pocket. 616B Yancy Street was officially theirs. Just like that. 

“Well squirts, if ya ever need anythin’ don’t hesitate.” The Thing waited until he was halfway out the door. “To ask somepony else.” 

“Sure you won’t stay for coffee?” Peter asked en-route to the kitchen. “Actually, it’s dented but I got a box of this really cool Neighponese tea Princess Celestia got me hooked on around here somewhere. Dust adds flavour, right?”

“Please Pete, as if a pony with taste dresses like Grim does.” Johnny stuck his hoof in the door to stop the Thing closing it, making to follow him out onto the landing. “Be right back, real hero talk. You understand.” 

“Understand this!” Peter called back without turning around, making an equally rude gesture with his tail. 


***

“Somethin’ on your mind, matchstick?” the Thing asked, looking over his shoulder as he navigated the stairwell. Johnny noted it was just big enough to accommodate that hulking frame and half wondered what plans Grim had been brewing for the apartment before now. 

“Just wanted to know why.” 

Grim paused, managing to half turn to get a better look at him. 

“I’m not ungrateful but you put work into this. You wouldn’t hoof it over to just anypony.”

“Nah. I hoofed it over to family.” Two sets of blue eyes. Not staring each other down, but locked. This was important. “Back in the day, I didn’t do much right by the old neighbourhood. Since sayin’ thank you would probably turn ya back into a pumpkin, maybe you could pay this forward an’ keep an eye on the place for me.” 

“Friendly neighbourhood Horseshoe Torch, huh?” Johnny smirked. “I do enjoy a challenge.” 

“You’re on Yancy Street now, kid. You don’t know from challenge.” 

Johnny watched him plod out of sight then headed back inside before he lost his machismo and said something affectionate. He considered the new digs again, still not sure how to feel now he was here but riding the slight buzz. 

Still a lot to unpack, but they’d got the couch and entertainment system set up. An airy living room he half suspected had been designed for a Thing sized occupant, two spacious windows filling the room with light. At nigh the glow of the skyscrapers would light the place up just right. Bathroom door on the left (which he was already planning to save up to turn spa-grade, no matter what Pete said) next to the front door, dining nook and kitchen on the right. 

And that was just the living room. He considered the wall facing the windows, almost glowing in the evening light. His bedroom on the left, Peter’s on the right, with plenty of wall space to stick whatever dumb trophies and kick knacks they wanted in between. They’d already stuck up a poster, and it helped. 

He could almost see it, a few days from now. When the buzz would just fade out. Home. 

“So we should probably make a start on our rooms,” Peter said, nosing an extra coffee cup across the counter. 

“That’d be the responsible thing.” Johnny took a sip. “Or.”

They locked eyes and counted down to three in near perfect sync. “Hook the radio into the LCD-ball and binge watch 30 Rock.”


22


A couple of wires, some minor electrical burns and several hundred network jokes later Peter rubbed his eyes, realising that slight buzzing sensation was coming from the glow of the crystal ball being the only light in the room. Luna’s moon and the lights of the city glowed beyond it. 

“Man, I gotta be in for orientation at 9:00 tomorrow. Ugh. Didn’t even tell The Bugle I got the job yet. That’s gonna be a fun conversation. You want anything to eat?” 

“Sure,” Johnny yawned, stretching. “Man, we should celebrate but nowhere trendy’ll be open yet. Kinda late to book a table too.” 

“Could try Ponyville,” Peter mused as Lemon Swiss cried out her mouth. “They do these great potlucks.” 

“Wouldn’t it be way past their bedtime even if we could grab a train?” Johnny smirked, clapping his hooves. 

“What’re you doing?” 

“The more important question is why do we not have a clapper?” 

“Good taste?” Peter was in his room now, hunting through some boxes. “Train, schmain. Twilight set up a ley line spell that opens a portal between our living rooms. After today we may as well put one to use.” 

“Y’know what? Despite the taste of mildly irradiated saliva in my mouth, I’m feeling too good to shoot you down.” Johnny hopped off the sofa, muting the radio and getting the lights so Peter could search his boxes properly. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t also professionally curious to see just what kind of cryptid your girlfriend in Vanhoofer is.” 

“Play nice or I won’t introduce you to Rarity and Fluttershy.” 

“The model?” Johnny squinted. “It’s not 2010 anymore, Pete. Everypony should be old enough to admit Flüttershy is just a fairy tale designers tell divas so they’ll eat their diet pills.” 

“Aqualusia. Wakanda. The Crystal Empire. El Dorado. Asgard. You got blown off by Nightmare Moon right in front of me.” 

“Alright, alright. So what’s the deal? We’re not gonna have to chalk one up, are we? I mean, the floors not authentic hardwood but that’s no reason to draw on it.”

“As long as there’s something of ours in each other’s homes, we’ll always find each other,” Peter smiled. He’d cleared some boxes away. Johnny hung back but craned to see what he was looking all schmaltzy over. It was a hairbrush. He smiled despite himself. 

Peter pressed a hoof to it, eyes closed. Something happened to the air. For a second the world around them was all sorts of purple.

Johnny felt like Crystal had been standing next to him all this time, as if the last few years had never happened. The image of Blackjack Mahogany on the globe twitched. Boxes were suddenly not where he remembered them and then were back again. And a violet aura pulsed gently around Peter’s body, leaking through his hooves in strands that spread across the floor. Johnny’s ears were full of a silence like a choir. 

And then it was over. The apartment felt mercifully solid and there was a strange relief for the sounds of belligerent taxi drivers outside the windows. 

“What was that?” 

“What was what?” Peter looked up, the violet glow fading from his eyes. 

“Forget it. So, do we, like, knock, or…?” 

He yelped as Peter vanished in a purple flash. And again, as Peter reappeared mid eyeroll, grabbed his shoulder and tugged him through what felt like molasses made of light. He almost chocked on the sudden change to the air. 


23


Johnny tried to blink spots out of his eyes until he realised he was actually looking at bunting and streamers. Peter grinned abashed at the startled Elements. “Sorry, girls! Had to pick up some baggage.” 

“Like you don’t have enough of your own,” Johnny smirked, looking around the cosy space. “Huh. Nice! Are we inside a tree or one of those tavern chains?” 

“Oooh gosh.” Applejack looked between them. “We completely forgot. Okay, Pete, you’re maybe gonna wanna sit down, get a glass of cider…”

“What’s the occasion?” Peter beamed, checking out the loaded table. “Johnny here and I were actually hoping to rustle up a little celebration.” 

One of Rainbow Dash’s ‘ironic, I swear,’ soft rock ballad CDs was crooning away on the stereo. Kind of late for a Ponyville party, but he wasn’t about to pass up what looked like Apple family shepherd’s pie with a Cloudsdale casserole! 

“Um...” Fluttershy said. 

“Were you now?” Rarity had materialised between him and Johnny. Peter took one look at her face and wondered why he’d been surprised. “And what is, ah, Johnny celebrating?”

“Well I have made an interesting new acquaintance.” The unlit Torch flashed her his own dental work. They both liked what they saw. “Hi, Tropical Johnnycake Storm. My friends call me Johnny.”

“Rarity Belle. Charmed!”

“Very!” 

“I’m in the friendship business, myself. Perhaps I could tell you about it sometime.” 

“I’d be delighted. When are you free?” 

“Oh brother.” Applejack took another swig of cider. “I just ate, people!” 

“Rarity?” Everypony looked up at Spike scowling from Twilight’s room. “Is this guy bothering you?”

“Oh wow, there really is a dragon!” Johnny beamed. “Cool, I thought you just made that up!”

“Why would I make that up? Exsqueeze me.” Peter sprang from the huddle, ricocheting off the wall so he could crouch on the staircase. “Hey, Spike. Is Twilight in? Got big news!”

“Uh, yeah, I mean, no, I mean…” Spike scratched his fins awkwardly. “Oh boy. Look man, you’ve gotta promise not to freak out?”

“Why would I—?” Peter flinched as the door was kicked open by what looked like a phalanx of cake boxes.

“Heads up, everypony!” Rainbow Dash announced, Pinkie Pie bouncing in behind her with her own load. “Dessert has officially arrived! Oh hey, Pete! Man, do we have a treat for…”

She caught Johnny’s hair out of the corner of her eye and lunged like an enraged jaguar, Fluttershy just managing to catch the cakes before they stopped hovering in mid-air. “YOU!” 

“You?!” Johnny leapt back, igniting and hovering almost a foot in the air from shock as Applejack managed to throw herself between them. “Oh hay, you’re that Rainbow Dash?!” 

“It’s not exactly a common name...” Peter blinked. “Wait, wait, you two know each other?” 

The Torch shrugged. “I’ve broken up with at least three Rainbow Dashes.” 

“Well I’m the only one you have to worry about!” 

“Down, girl!” Applejack snapped, turning her face to the side to avoid furiously thrashing wings. “Wait, you’re Tropical Storm? From flight school? Dang, I’m half tempted to let ‘er--”

There was a flash of sunlight outside and the halfway closed door was barged open again. A frantic looking Princess Celestia stared around the room. “Excuse me girls, I’m sorry to intrude but I was just in Manehattan, and…Johnnycake?” 

She caught sight of Peter. “Peter Trotter! Oh, thank goodness! I thought something dreadful had happened! It occurred to me that I really should visit to make sure you were prepared, and I saw your home had been demolished, but if you’re already here—”

“Princess? Yeah, the Destroyer…” Peter frowned. “Prepare me for what?” 

“The Destroyer?!” 

“Hey your highness!” Johnny waved around the struggling Elements of Honesty and Loyalty. 

Celestial turned to them, looking even more startled. “Rainbow Dash! Whatever are you doing?!” 

“I’ll show you if AJ’ll just let go!” 

“Do not let go!” Johnny urged, conjuring a flame shield and football helmet. 

“Spike?” Twilight’s voice came from the kitchen. 

“Twilight!” Peter grinned. He somersaulted down onto the floor, trying to get around the tangle of bodies to see her. “Man, you will not believe the day I’ve had!” 

He finally managed to shove Rainbow and Applejack apart with half his spidey-strength. “It’s been…”

And then he saw her. “…crazy.” 

His mind tried to superheat even as it melted, running through every dribbling scenario his career could suggest. Clone? Long lost twin? Mutant growth hormone? Other reality? Marediaga costume? But her eyes. Nopony could fake those. It was her. 

“Oh,” Princess Twilight Sparkle said with an awkward rustle of her new wings. “Um. Hi?”


How is this not To be Continued

> Match Making–Prologue: Fancy Meeting You Here
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


1


Dead silence. Even the stereo had gone quiet as it changed tracks. The only sound was the flickering of the Torch’s flames. 

And then Twilight was squawking with laughter as Peter darted forward to hug her, new wings and all, just in time for the next song to kick in. 

“Peter!”  

“Holy cow!” He couldn’t stop smiling. He felt as if he’d been launched into orbit. He could feel her wings fluttering against him. “You…you’re beautiful!” 

“What?! No, I’m not!” She was grinning back. “Come on!” 

“You come on! What happened? I don’t care! You’re beautiful!” 

Cheers and applause behind them, Pinkie Pie blowing a kazoo, Rarity bursting into tears in order to get a smidge of attention, the feel of Princess Celestia’s wings draping over them both. 

The sound of Rainbow Dash tackling the doused Johnny to the floor and trying to reap some sort of revenge, which should have dampened the mood but eh, it was Johnny. 

They’d been young and happy and flying high. 

That had been almost a week ago. He’d had time to think since then.


2


And now he was fighting a mud-monster. 

“Can’t you just bake them solid together?” Spider-Pony called, ducking behind a hanging bakery sign as a mudball cannoned into it. “We’re gonna be late!” 

“Can’t crank it up that high with this many people around,” the Horseshoe Torch called back, swerving around a globular hoof morphed into a hammer. “And I get the feeling they kinda…want that?”

The Sandpony/Watermane abomination squelching towards them let out a gurgling noise that sounded uncomfortably like two voices howling down the same drain at once. 

“Webbing’s useless!” Spidey grunted as he ducked the swinging hammer. “Never a cement mixer around when you need one!” 

“wUuUuUgGgHhHhNnNn!” the Mudslinger moaned. 

“Creepy.” Johnny conjured a small, literal firewall to buy them some breathing space. “Okay, are you guys in there? Can you understand us?” 

The Mudslinger paused, swaying and dripping in front of the flames, then began to morph its misshapen head back and forth between it’s two creators. Eventually it let out another gurgle, Sandpony and Watermane’s heads growing out of the streaming mess that constituted its shoulders. 

“Technically not a no,” the Torch concluded, flaring brighter as a warning. “So what’s the deal, guys? You can’t stand each other! Not unless the Warlock’s paying you to be on the same team. Is that what this is?” 

“wUnNgH…” the Watermane head moaned. 

“Huuuuuulp…” the Sandpony groaned. 

“NUGH! wUunGh…” 

“Today did not have to start like this,” Spidey muttered. The street was clearing of pedestrians, but it was only a matter of time before the authorities arrived and gave the creature even more targets. Which would eat up even more time. Also, taint the memory of this day even more. 

This day was going to be PERFECT.

“No plan survives first contact with the enemy,” the Torch muttered. “Whoa!” 

The entire right side of the Mudslinger’s body, the Watermane side, lunged at them through the firewall, howling either from the steam blooming from its mud or the solid spikes lancing out of it. The concrete the heroes had been standing on shattered as they leapt clear. 

The Torch retaliated with a round of fireballs but the sludge the combined villains had turned themselves into was so sodden they were extinguished practically on contact, only succeeding in surrounding the Mudslinger with a swampy mist. “Do you have one yet?” 

“One what?” Spidey called, sliding under an abandoned hay dog cart as the creature’s tail whipped into a street light, buckling it. 

“A plan!” For his part Johnny began to whip around the Mudslinger as fast as he could given the confines of the street, trying to keep it distracted with his flaming contrail. “Y’know, our thing? Bounce one-liners off each other, suss the problem out? You do nerd stuff, I execute with flawless precision and take all the well-deserved credit?” 

“I don’t know!” Spidey yelped as rock hard tipped mud-spears lanced into the wall he’d been perched on. He’d stuck there almost too long, given it a target.

“Say what?” Johnny skidded to a stop, his shock barely preventing him from missing a barrage of mudballs fired from the Watermane's side with hydraulic force. Glass and timber shattered somewhere offscreen. 

“I said I don’t know!” Peter swung from a line, trying to stay off the ground as the creature flailed for both of them. “Man, last time Rarity and Pinkie Pie used the force of cleaning spells and making a mud pie out of it until Sandy and Maney just kinda…burst! The time before that, I was just lucky there was a tilt-a-whirl around!” 

“Rarity, huh?” The Torch’s grin glowed with his flames as he superheated a nearby steam vent, managing to stall the composite creature by blowing it and the manhole it had been standing on about fifty feet up. “Yeah, she seems like she’s into…cleaning.” 

“Focus!” 

“Right back at ya!” Johnny drifted over to his roommate, putting a cooled hoof on his shoulder. “She’s gonna be happy to see you no matter what, Pete.” 

The spider logo on his chest swelled as Peter sighed. “Today is maybe the biggest day of her life, man. And I’m out here doing…this!” 

“Yeah. So do it.” Serious Johnny face. “Help me work this out. Sandy doesn’t want to be here almost as badly as you do, right? We can work that.” 

“Augh!” Spidey kneaded the space between his lenses, pinched almost shut. Johnny was seriously going to have to ask how he got his mask to do that sometime without sounding like a dork. “I don’t…I don’t know. There’s nothing here my talent can see to improvise with.”

They both looked up as a shadow whipped past them, crashing down practically at the other end of the block. The erupting mudpile froze halfway through tossing itself into the air and over the walls, beginning to pull itself back in a slow but determined reverse explosion. 

“sKwWwUuUuUgHsSsHhAaGh!” 

“HUUUUULP MUUUUGH!” 

Spider-Pony flinched at the sound of one of his oldest enemies desperate gurgling. “You’re…you’re right, Mane’s doing all the work here…” 

“Can we use Sandy to separate them? From the inside?” 

“I don’t… Ugh, if we had some equipment, maybe. The problem is both their elements, they’re making one now, so it’s the two of them rattling around in there. If we could just isolate their soul molecules…” 

“That’s their minds, right?” Johnny’s eyes narrowed as they raced towards the almost reformed monstrosity. “There’s like a grain or a…puddle or whatever, but that’s them? And the rest is just sand or water?”

“Yeah!” Spidey was weaving a web-net over the creature from his perch on a street light, for all the good it’d do. “What’re you thinking?” 

“Tug of war,” the Torch smirked. “Three against one. Flint! Flint Heart! You in there?!” 

The Mudslinger growled, pouring its way out between the micro-thin strands in the webbing, a bubble with desperate features growing out of its forehead. “hUuUuLlLlPpPp…”

“We will!” Johnny coaxed. “Just a hoof and a head will do! Try!” 

“Think I’m gonna hurl…” Spidey groaned as the Mudslinger crammed a furious hoof against the side of its head, trying to shove its better half back into the torture pit of its consciousness. 

Like some gruesome parody of a centaur a sodden, familiar torso mushroomed out of the creature’s back, its rippling head tightening into the snarling features of Moor Brush as Flint Heart’s prominent brow and cornrow mane began to take shape. Even his trademark green hoodie began to melt it’s way free. “H-help me…he’s outta his mind! I think she mixed somethin’ into him! Some kinda love potion! He’s tryin’ to pull me back in!”

“WUUUUUUN!” Watermane bellowed through the Mudsligner’s mouth. Something pink did seem to be glinting in one misshapen eye…

“Hang on!” Johnny called, firing a stream of flame into that hideous face. Even with the street clear he still couldn’t raise his temperature to the levels needed to insta-bake something as wet as this monstrosity into pottery with any kind of precision. But that wasn’t what he was trying to do. 

Firstly, no matter what you’re made of, having your face bubbling at the same time it’s hardening to the consistency of freshly poured tire rubber is, to put it mildly, distracting. Secondly, Sandpony only needed to be cooked solid enough from the backwash for the dented manhole cover Peter had tossed to embed itself in his chest, complete with a couple hundred web-strands. 

Sneering in vicious satisfaction even as the Mudslinger threw up a leg morphed into a mud-shield, the Sandpony enlarged his hooves into inflated crab claws and grabbed hold of the lifeline. 

The Mudslinger reared up furiously as Spider-Pony tossed a spaghetti tangle of webs up to the Torch, who rocketed backwards with as much jet force as he could muster without frying his partner. Spidey looped his own lines around his adhesive tail and spun, galloping in place for all he was worth. 

Now running on only Moor Brush’s befuddled instincts as half its intelligence began to literally claw his way to freedom, the Mudslinger howled and thrashed, trying to hit three targets at once. Inch by inch, biting down on a primal scream, Flint Heart began to pull his rapidly cooling silicates free of his captor.

“NUUUUUUGH! WUUUUUUUN!” 

“Against…three!” the Torch grunted, air shimmering around him as he forced his internal needle to climb even higher. 

“Think…I’m gonna…pop somethin’…” Spider-Pony winced as he slammed an adhesive hoof into the concrete, trying to drag another after it as his teeth gritted under his mask. 

“WUUUUUUUUN!” 

“Yeah!” the Sandpony snarled. “ME!” 

Sudden release that would have been sweet if it hadn’t happened too fast to register! Johnny spun end over end almost the entire block as Spidey’s forehead almost collided with the road. He looked over his shoulder, then up at the trailing comet of wet sand as it arched overhead, splattering into an abandoned intersection. 

As he limped over the Torch was already hovering close as possible, carefully using thermal pulses to heat the sodden mass enough for it to better pull itself together. Steaming and half sunk into Manehattan tarmac, the Sandpony slithered back into existence. 

“Thanks…” Flint Heart wheezed. 

“Easy, man,” Spidey said gently. “We’ll explain to the M.E.U.P., but you need to tell us what happened.” 

“Moor…somethin’…” The Sandpony coughed, spraying wet sand. They hadn’t known he could still do something that mortal. “She put somethin’…in ‘is…in ‘is head…”

The Sandpony had proven even more complicated beyond just being almost impossible to stop, but even if he’d still been on the wrong side of the tracks instead of just his own ambiguous and temperamental part of the business nopony deserved what he’d just gone through. Satisfied that he was as stable as a discombobulated shapeshifter was going to get, Johnny floated over to the stain that had been their other long-time beach nightmare. He felt a strange sense of ownership over Watermane even if he was a bottom of the barrel bush leaguer. Maybe it was just their contradicting elements. 

Enough of Moor Brush’s water had cleared for him to also half-form back, that infamous muscle shirt and the now constantly soaked looking mullet he’d derived his dumb name from surfacing out of the mud like a lazy kaiju. 

“She said…only love…one…” Brush’s muscle head voice sounded strangely heartbroken. Johnny was used to his obnoxious dude-bro twang. “She promised…”

He lapsed into a silence so heavy Johnny instantly knew there was no point asking who. Something in shimmering shades of pink slid languidly out of the Watermane’s ear with a fresh stream of mud. The Torch snagged a sample tube from a compartment in his utility collar and carefully scooped it up, trying to avoid possibly infecting himself and also getting his money-making muzzle dirty. 

“Any ideas?” he asked, shifting it to his hoof as Spidey trotted over. 

“Love potion, probably. He was so crazy it could’ve been a love poison. I can have Twilight take a look.” Spidey blinked. “Oh man, Twilight!” 

He shot a guilty look to the unconscious Sandpony. 

“On it,” Johnny assured, lighting up a hoof and approaching a building corner. 

By the time the M.E.U.P. arrived all they found was two puddles of unconscious shapeshifter, a pink glowing evidence bag hung from a street lamp by a web-line, and a message burned into a wall so skilfully the charcoal looked like the ink of Princess Celestia’s very own quill. 

Esteemed officers of the M.E.U.P.,

One of those days, huh? Please find enclosed one possible love potion! Open with care.



Ask the Watermane about it, but go easy on Sandpony. Would have been worse without his help. 



Swing by for a report later! On royal business right now! Please tell the owner of this building to talk to Damage Control or Fantastic Inc! 



Yours, the High-Flying Horseshoe Torch



3


Lilly and the girls were halfway through discussing the horror du jour when a handsome chocolate coloured stallion kicked the library door open. 

“And THEY’RE OFF!” 

“Waitwaitwait--” somepony on the end of the strange lines wrapped around his waist began but was drowned out by the whoomf of the Torch igniting. He winked at Lilly then blasted off, somehow not setting the treehouse on fire as he dragged a screaming Spider-Pony after him. 

Lilly wasn’t sure if she should faint, but did anyway. 

“Trainline…” Johnny muttered, whipping a ring of fire in the skies over the terrified town as he scanned the ground. “Trainline, trainline. Aha! Trainline!” 

“Other way!” Spidey hollered as they arched towards the White Tail Woods. “See the mountains?! Canterlot Castle is right over there!” 

“On it!” Johnny’s retro-thruster hooves glowed almost white hot as he course corrected and poured on the speed. “You okay back there?”

“No! Floor it!” 

Miles of woodland and forest and pitstops were blinking by under them in minutes. Squinting, Johnny could make out floating parade balloons and modified party clouds spraying confetti between the tips of one of Equestria’s most iconic mountain ranges. He could practically hear the roaring crowds already. 

“You bring your camera?” he called over his shoulder. 

“No!” Spidey twisted into the swerve as they whipped around the peak that would let them sneak up on the specific castle tower. As much as a blazing comet could sneak. “It’s just a family and friends thing! Oh man, should I have worn a suit?!” 

“If you have to ask you probably shouldn’t!” Johnny assured. “Wow. What a view.” 


***


Canterlot was celebrating. 

Banners with Twilight Sparkle’s cutie-mark flapped from practically every battlement. It was a good thing they’d decided not to trust the train as from the air the Knight’s Cross and Pilgrimage stations looked like a child’s model of clogged arteries. 
Airships hovered carefully in holding circles over New and Old town to avoid all the bobbing hot air balloons, because the three major docks were all flashing their max capacity signals. Downtown was blaring one of Twilight’s favourite Sapphire Shores numbers while Protector’s Square a few blocks from the palace was halfway through a Neigh Orleans-esque May the Saints Go Marching. Even the graffiti in the Cauldron featured the occasional respectful Twilight mark next to the less vitriolic messages. 

Say what you would about the pony species, they knew how celebrate a once in a lifetime miracle. Technically the fifth this generation. Princess Cadence’s own promotion should probably also count but that was so late ’90s. 

The streets were so packed the Wonderbolt and C.E.U.P. forces hadn’t even noticed the meteorite trying to scooch in between the balloons. Peter had the disconcerting feeling the one of Discord was following them with its eyes, but he was doing almost 300mph over the capital with a cosmically irradiated hairspray enthusiast for a driver. Not a lot to be concerted about. 

“Nice day for it,” Johnny called as he angled for the woods behind the castle’s lower levels. 

“No kidding. My costume’s gonna have confetti in new and interesting places for weeks, and I’m not even mad.” Peter stuck out a hindleg to send a rainbow spray shooting up from the river as they shot past. Then blinked. “Oh man, my costume!” 

“Been waiting for you to say something for years,” Johnny agreed, nodding solemnly as he skidded to a halt, allowing his partner to lower himself onto one of the more secluded balconies. “Seriously, you just now realised you know two fashion designers?” 

“I left my saddlebag all the way back in the city,” Peter moaned even as he pulled off his mask and began wrestling his way out of the shirt. “Where can I stash it? What if something happens?!” 

“In Princess Central? Please.” Johnny looked around then smirked as he spotted an empty decorative vase. A surreptitiously borrowed tree branch stuffed in over the wadded-up costume and voilà! 


4


The guard on duty outside the presentation tower was humming idly along to the conflicting tunes of the city when he spotted the swaying foliage. 

At first he thought some kind of Everfree monster was trying to climb the stairs, but two voices helped resolve the front and back as two different ponies gingerly but hurriedly trying to climb the stairs without letting one of the palace vases, the uninspired kind the princesses always got from the aristocracy and stuck out back to forget about, slip off their backs.

The grey and brown one was glancing around nervously. “You’re sure this is it?” 

“This is the way Lady Candelabra showed me, and you do not forget something a lady like that shows you.” The blonde and chocolate one smelled strangely like the barracks hearths after they’d been put out. 

“Now-then-now-then-now-then,” the guard announced in the tone he’d been practising for years. “Hwhat do we ‘ave here?” 

“This, officer?” Johnny automatically adopted a showpony’s body language, Peter yelping and managing to stop the vase tipping over by reaching up to adhere his forehooves to it and desperately sticking one of his hind ones to the stairs. “This is love’s true course, which never--”

“We’re with the press,” Peter cut in quickly. “I am! I’m with the press.”

“Indeed, sir?” The guard looked him up and down. “They make fountain pens big nowadays, is that it?”

“Look,” Peter said patiently. 

A beat went by. The background music changed to Equestrian Splendour and what Johnny could have sworn was the Fraggle Rock theme. “Yeah?”

“That’s as far as I got.” Peter shrugged and almost went tumbling to his death. “Give me a hoof here?!” 

“I should point out, gentlemen,” the guard said carefully as Johnny tried to wrap his forelegs around the vase, “that even if I didn’t know better than to think you were approaching the most important building in Canterlot with a battering ram, I couldn’t--”

Johnny frowned. “Why not?”

“You’re too…normal.” The guard shrugged, shouldering his spear. “All things considered.”

“Consider it, buddy!” Johnny snapped “Normal?! Ha! That breakup between Ice Crystal and Honey Tea? I did that!” 

The guard’s nostrils flared so wide Peter was surprised his Spider-Sense wasn’t going off. “Really.”

“Yeah! So obviously one of us runs in some pretty big circles and should be allowed in to the event of the season! Thanks!” 

“Well, sir,” the guard said, in the sort of voice both ponies had heard evil mastermind’s use as the death trap started up, “even if I could verify that, I happen to be a big Ice/Tea fan.” 

“Of course you are,” Peter deadpanned. “Look, her brother’s here somewhere. Shining Armor? Looks kinda like he escaped from the Sgt. Pepper cover? Uh, the album, not the war hero! He’s expecting us.” He looked askance at Johnny. “Well, he’s expecting me, Johnny kinda just…happens to people.” 

“Can’t leave my post, sir. Sorry. But if you could show me a press pass I’d be fine taking you as far as the lounge.” 

Johnny raised an eyebrow. “I thought this was a friends and family thing?” 

“It is! I just mentioned The Bugle because I left our invites back in the city!” Peter smiled at the squinting guard then, expression unchanging, squeezed his eyes tight shut. “Along. With. My press pass.” 

"And you quit, anyway, right?"

"And I quit anyway." 

“She’s gonna fly, sir,” the guard said. “The whole city’s going to see it. They’re filming it, even! She’s going to be in newsreels in every nation on the planet. So why don’t you just, y’know, take your…shrubbery and find a spot? You found your way up here, I’m sure you could find a good view. You’re not gonna be stuck out the back on the fifth greatest event in 21st century Equestrian history because you drew the short straw! Not that you’re bitter.” 

Silence, except for Equestrian Splendour changing to Wanna Know What Love Is while Fraggle Rock kept going. Johnny and the guard looked into the corner of the archway to see what Peter’s eyes were fixed on. 

“Nice vase,”  Peter said with a careful lack of emotion as he shifted his own onto Johnny’s back. Johnny squawked as he realised how much of the work the proportionate strength of a spider had been doing. 

“No it isn’t,” the guard said too quickly, fumbling for his spear. “AWK!” 



***



“Okay, problem solved!” Peter grinned, showing too much teeth as the guard’s legs and tail thrashed around the mouth like a surrealist’s rendering of a flower. He gripped the door handle. “…except for the door being locked!”

“You’re doin’ your really high panicky voice thing…” Johnny wheezed, legs trembling.

“I! Am not! Missing this! Because! Of! A door!” Peter was sticking to it now, shifting through three positions per minute as he hauled at the handle. “Gaaagh, it’s like a Canterlot vault! Of course it is, we’re in freakin’ Canterlot!”

“Take the vase,” Johnny grunted. Peter hefted the guard’s, which squealed in panic. “No, not that one!” 

Once free, he rolled his neck and shoulders to try and work feeling back into them, gaining some comfort from the happy accident of making it look like he was casually limbering up. Igniting a hoof, he heated the space between the edge of the door and the frame, turning the stone and steel soft enough to swing open. 

They darted inside, Peter hefting the costume vase along with them. Johnny squeezed around it, using his still molten hoof to both smooth the melted mess back into shape and allow the high-end locks to snap back into place. There was a crackling hiss. 

“…did you just weld us in?!” 

“Of course not,” Johnny lied, hefting his end of the vase so they could start climbing the staircase and force Peter not to ask anymore questions. “You should’ve left this thing outside! Or back in the city! With our invites!” 

“Should’ve taken Aunt May,” Peter muttered. 

“Yeah, probably.” 

“Do you think that guy’s okay?”

“He’s an Ice/Tea fan, Pete, he’s getting everything he deserves.” 

They lapsed into the silence of Peter’s guilt and worrying about guard shift changes and Johnny’s trying to climb all these typical Canterlot stairs with what felt like half a Grim Skies on his back and guilt that he maybe kinda sorta locked them in. 

Peter looked around nervously as they entered a hallway. “You’re sure this is it?” 

“Nowhere else to go,” Johnny sighed with relief as they slid the vase to the floor as gently as they could, trying to drag it into a corner where it wouldn’t look weird. “This is where the team got our first ever medals! They always have the big stuff at the very top. Listen, you can hear the music.” 

“Right, right.” Peter took a deep breath as they headed for it. “Okay. Everything’s gonna be just fine. That’s what she said. Just fine. Just all of us celebrating the biggest moment of Twilight’s life! No bad guys! No masks! No death rays! No web--”

“Web?” Spitfire asked as he almost walked into her. He’d been too busy psyching himself up to realise he was about to walk into the door she was opening. 

“…weeeeeeeeehere are my manners?!” Peter grabbed her and Johnny’s hooves and forced them into an awkward shake. “Captain Spitfire! You must know the Horseshoe Torch? Say, weren’t you roommates?” 

“No, by the grace of Celestia.” She squinted at him, yanking her hoof back. “And you are?” 

“With me,” Johnny smiled, even as he remembered that would be a mistake. 

“Uh huh. And what’re you doing here, Storm? Got an invite in that collar?” 

“Would I be all the way up here if I didn’t?” Agh, putting on his charming city colt voice, yeah, that was another no-no. 

“They’re with us, darling.” Rarity breezed into the space between them, somehow managing to give him a full profile view of her dress and not dent the feather in her hat. “Hello, Peter!” 

“Rarity!” Peter tried not to sound too relieved, then frowned. “Should I, ah—?” 

“No suit. She wouldn’t have wanted you any way other than you are, dear.” Rarity winked, then hooded her eyes as she glanced to the side. “Oh, Johnnycake! Sorry, didn’t see you there.” 

“Well, we’ve both been pretty busy,” Johnny smarmed back. It had been a few days since they’d last spoken but he liked how instantly it felt like they’d fallen back into playing the game. And guessed she did, too. 

“This true, uh, Twilight?” Spitfire was glancing over her shoulder, then shook her head. “Sorry, sorry! Princess!” 

“It’s alright, it’s alright!” Twilight blustered out of what Peter now realised was a bathroom. But her dress, her hair, her wings, just…her. It could’ve been the mouth of Tartarus, which he’d admittedly stared directly into a few times, and he would’ve felt like he was watching an angel step out of a stained-glass window. 

“H-hi,” Twilight grinned, her face reddening almost to match her dress. “I, um, I was washing my hooves, but you know, dress shoes take forever to get back on, and I forgot I’m telekinetic and I-I don’t know why I had to tell you about my hooves…”

“Hi.” Peter felt like he’d never stop smiling. 

“Hi,” Twilight smiled back. 

“I’m convinced,” Spitfire smirked. “Gonna meet everypony on the roof for the big flyover. We’ve made sure the skies are clear Princess, you’re gonna love it up there! Never gets old. Behave yourself, Storm.” 


***


“Somepony’s got a reputation,” Rarity smiled, moving to block the exiting Wonderbolt from view and take up Johnny’s vision. “I wonder what I’d find if I cared enough to dig. 

“Nothing but scurrilous rumours!” he grinned, loving any opportunity to use the word scurrilous. Wait for it, wait for it. “Unless it’s true, of course.” 

“Fascinating.” She turned on her heel and began heading to the party up front, almost hitting him with her tail in a move he would bet the Thing’s weight in bits she planned. “But I’m a busy pony, you know!” 

“Oh, tell me about it!” Johnny trotted alongside her partly to keep the game going, partly because being stuck with the lovebirds back there would probably make him want to shove his own flaming hoof in one ear and out the other. “Gonna be all over Equestria myself. Probably beyond. If there’s any beyond left to discover. But I just couldn’t set hoof on an airship without making sure Pete got here!”

“A great responsibility, you might say,” Rarity said coolly, but he could tell by her smile how much effort it was taking to keep her eyes casually dead ahead. 

“The word right from my mouth!” Don’t Flame On, you hardly know her. Don’t Flame On, you hardly know her. Don’t Flame On, get to know her. “I take responsibility about as seriously as I take matters of the heart.”

“Well, you’re not the only one with responsibilities.” She still wasn’t looking at him. “And I’m afraid I simply don’t have the time to play games with you for the foreseeable future. Since I can’t set myself on fire to get attention, I have to actively promote my business. Of course, I’m delighted to take time out for Twilight’s coronation, but I’ll be just buried in paperwork trying to catch up on new store locations!” 

Johnny blinked. “Oh?” 

“Yes, weeks I’m afraid. No, romance is quite off the table, into the wastepaper basket! You won’t believe how far the place I’ve got my eye on is! Dreadfully time consuming!” 

“Where?” Johnny tried, desperate to buy time. Sue would see through any excuse but if he could catch Reed when he had a clipboard in front of him then he could get away with practically anything. 

“Yancy Street,” Rarity said casually, adjusting her hat. 

Johnny knew better than to say anything. He just let the gravity of their mutual Uh Huh smirks drag their eyes towards each other. 

“Well this is me,” Rarity beamed as they reached the presentation room. “I’m up front with the others. Family and friends only, you know.” 

“Of course.” Johnny bowed. “Ms. Belle.” 

“Mr. Storm.” She didn’t bow back. She was good. “Oh, and keep an eye on those two, could you? Make sure they don’t stay lost in each other’s eyes or we’ll be here all day. Bye!”

Johnny half tuned to see Peter and Twilight half talking, half nuzzling in the corridor and looked back just in time to see her casually trotting into the crowd of courtiers as if she’d never even noticed him. She was good. 


5


“So glad you’re here!” Twilight was saying for the fifth time in a row. 

“I really like your mane,” Peter said. His smile faltered a little. “I’m so sorry I’m late. If not for Johnny I’d probably be sticking to the roof of a train right now, and you should see the mess Knight’s Cross is in right now…” 

“Is this a business thing?” Twilight asked, still smiling. 

“It’s always going to be,” Peter sighed. “That’s what I’m worried about. I want to be here for the big stuff, but…”

“You are!” 

“But you should be my biggest responsibility!” He was holding her hoof now. 

“Did Johnny give you that line?” She smiled, raising an eyebrow like Dash and Rarity had taught her to. “Because that sounds like a Johnny line.” 

Peter struggled to keep from bursting into relieved laughter, the last thing he needed was everypony in the room stopping to stare at the new princess’ weird boyfriend. 

Princess. He was still getting used to it, but at the same time it felt right. 

“Biggest responsibility!” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Actually, you know what? That sounds like me. Remember when I missed your birthday? You remember how long that took to clean up?”

“We still went out!” 

“And I still had all my molecules, but that’s not the point.” She squeezed his hoof. “We manage. That’s what we do. If only one of us had to drop the other to help somepony that’d be one thing, but we both manage.”

“Yeah, but there’s always another birthday.” He nuzzled her neck. “Twilight, you’re a princess now! You can fly! I just…I want you to know I’ll always be here for once in a lifetime stuff like this, but all I can do is promise to try.”

“And that’ll always be enough for me.” 

“It shouldn’t have to be,” he sighed, head half resting on her shoulders.

“Peter.” She was still smiling but her voice made him look up and pay attention. “I’m still your girlfriend. You’re not winning this or any other argument. You want to know what settling is here? Alright. Who was it this time?”

“Uh, the Mudslinger.” He shook his head. “You remember, that thing Sandpony and the Watermane turn into…?”

“Was anypony hurt?”

“No.”

“There you go.”

He pulled her into a hug, since he couldn’t afford to toss her into the air right now. “You are spectacular.” 

“I am going to be late.” They kissed, Twilight blushing as her wings flared. “Sorry, sorry! They have a mind of their own!” 

“It’s fine!” 

“Yes.” That smile. What would he do without that smile? “Everything’s going to be just fine.” 

He believed her. 


***

He and Johnny settled into a secluded enough spot by the buffet table, watching things play out. Shining Armor and Cadence turned up a couple of minutes before everything kicked off, Cadence waving at him a little too enthusiastically. 

Peter waved back, still not sure what exactly to make of being this close to the Equestrian expert on love. He tried not to dwell on the fact this was the sort of thing he couldn’t stand about higher-tier magic. How did you become an expert on something as…esoteric as love? How was that a talent? How could you make energy out of that? Did she have a degree in the biology too, or…?

He shook himself out of the spiral because Cadence and Shining had been perfectly decent to him in the short time they’d known him, and settled back into smiling. Johnny helped himself to an early plate of everything, knowing from years of practice the scowling servants would be too busy trying not to break the cathedral like hush of the event to say anything. He spotted Rainbow Dash glaring daggers at him from up front. 

‘Nice hat,’ he mouthed, but she ruined it by mouthing, ‘I know’ back. It was, blast it. It was a great hat. Applejack turned around to see what Rainbow was trying to eyeball to death and he took a few prudent steps behind a plant. Peter met AJ’s gaze and rolled his eyes. She winked at him, tipped her own hat, and went back to talking to Fluttershy. 

“Did I miss anything?” A blue Unicorn had come up alongside him. He seemed to be trying to figure out how forward he should be standing. 

“Nah, they’re about to speak. It’s fine.” He couldn’t stop smiling. Neither could the older pony. It was just that kind of day. 

“Look at her,” his new table companion said fondly. “I worry about her sometimes, but I really shouldn’t.”

“That’s still very kind of you!” Peter knew he’d appreciate it if the city ever spared any kind of thought for it’s resident web-head. 

“It’s my responsibility.” The older stallion shook his head, smiling. “Ah, but listen to me go on! Where are those legendary Canterlot manners? Night Light.” 

“Peter Trotter.” Peter accepted the hoofshake. “It can just be one or the other. Full name’s fine, but it’s a Manehattan thing.” 

“The big smoke, eh?” Night Light raised an impressed eyebrow. “This was going to be a small thing, well, relatively speaking, but you must be pretty important to be up here. Are you a friend?” 

“Uh...” Peter considered the girls as they group hugged, smiling. “I think so. They treat me like one. We’re kinda in the same line of work, but I’d like to think it’s that they’re just that…friendly.”

“I know what you mean. They’re all so different but it’s impossible to imagine them without each other.” 

“Really is.” 


***

They listened to the rest of the speeches, both pretending they weren’t on the verge of tears. Something was nagging at Peter. Night Light wasn’t even remotely Spider-Sense worthy, hay, he reminded Peter of some of the veteran Damage Control personnel he’d met over the last few days, but there was something familiar. It was Canterlot, maybe he’d heard him on the radio or something? 

“This is gonna sound weird, but have we met?”

“Not as far as I know.” Night Light craned his neck, spotting something in the throng. “Ah, that’s me. Nice to meet you! Have a good time.”

“I will, you too,” Peter agreed as Night Light trotted towards Cadence for some reason. He focused back on the Elements, just enjoying the haze of the celebration atmosphere. And just like that it was over. Nothing left but Twilight’s inaugural flight. 

“I flew out that window when we first announced ourselves.” Johnny deposited his crumb covered plate back on the table, smiling more genuinely than usual. “She’s a lucky girl, Pete.”

“Yeah,” Peter said vaguely. 

“You two have a lot to look forward to.”

“Careful, or I’ll start to think you’re under Queen Chrysalis’ spell again.” 

“Okay, that was one time.” Johnny’s smirk was back. “Oh, and tell the princess and her merry mares that Chrysalis was the designated FF monster queen for years. We saw her first.”

“What am I, your mailman? Or are you still scared to go near Rainbow Dash?” 

“I’m not taking that from somepony who breaks out in a cold sweat at the sight of Pinkie Pie.”

“You’d not be so hot to visit your princess if Karnack was in charge of laughter.” Peter blinked then turned guiltily to Johnny, who was trying to look as if he was looking at Rarity. “I’m sorry, man! I didn’t think. It’s this mountain air…”

“It’s cool.” Johnny smirked at something internal, blue eyes strangely steady. “Banter’s what we do. Don’t go soft on me.”

“No, I know, I just…I know Crystal was…important. I shouldn’t have…”

“Yeah, she is.” Johnny glanced at Rarity for real. “You really want to make today count, Peter? Make every day after this one count too.” 

A beat, something private between them even as the hall broke into applause. 

“Soooo, the Psycho-Pony?” Peter smirked. 

“You’re lucky there’s too many classy people around for me to make tail gestures.” 

Twilight looked over her shoulder at him as she spread her wings. He winked. She giggled, turned, and launched herself into the sky in a sapphire blur. The crowd below went wild. He felt Johnny pat him brotherly on the back. 

“So,” the Horseshoe Torch said, using a toothpick probably just for the causal look, “Chinese tonight?” 

“We’re doing that lunch thing in Ponyville in a bit.” Peter glanced at the remains of the buffet. “Talking about dinner already! How much did you eat anyway?”

“Enough to make sure Dash probably runs out of whatever her favourite stuff is way too soon.”

“Still waiting to hear what the story is there.”

“Keep waiting,” Johnny beamed. “Hello?” 

“Hello,” Night Light smiled trotting over. “I’m sorry, have we met? You have one of those faces.” He turned to Peter before Johnny could answer. “Listen, Princess Celestia’s booked a tavern in Ponyville, it’s for friends and family. Just doing a quick headcount before we set off. If you’re not coming, I’m sure the buffet will do.”

“Oh, wouldn’t miss it,” Peter assured. “Got a place at the head table, even!”

Night Light was looking at him differently now. Trying to figure something out. “Really?”

“There you are!” Princess Cadence was practically galloping over to them. “Oh, this is perfect! It’s so good to see you getting along! I had a good feeling about today!” 

“Oh?” Peter and Night Light said together, then looked at each other uncertainly. 

“Princess Cadence!” Johnny bowed. “Wonderful to see you again! Say, could you tell your Element friends, just Rainbow Dash really, that Chry--”

“Hello Johnnycake,” Cadence said, smiling wryly. “I didn’t know you knew Peter!”

“We’re roommates.” Johnny put a foreleg around Peter and pulled a solemn face. “I’m doing my best with what little I have.” 

“And you don’t have a lot,” Peter deadpanned. 

“Now now, today is a happy day.” Cadence beamed. “Shiny! There you are! Come see how well Peter’s getting on with your father.” 

“Who?” said a strangely familiar voice from behind Shining, who was reading Peter and Night Light’s confused faces a lot faster than his wife was. Johnny did his own calculations and carefully unwrapped his foreleg from around Peter’s neck. 

“Peter!” Cadence said, replacing it with her own. “You know, Twilight’s special somepony! I’m so glad you’re getting on, sometimes it’s so awkward when the parents and the boyfriend meet like this!” 

Peter felt his pupils shrinking almost all the way to the back of his head. The Unicorn she was addressing was nigh identical to Twilight. 

“Boyfriend?” Night Light said. He sounded like he was being strangled. Peter wished he was. 

“Uh, honey...” Shining said hopelessly but valiantly. 

His mother trotted past him and stared at Peter. Who couldn’t believe he’d failed to notice her until she was literally right in front of him. The resemblance was uncannier than any of the Hex-Ponies could hope to be. 

“Boyfriend,” Night Light said, now sounding like he was coming from the centre of the earth. 

“Yes, dear,” Twilight’s mother smiled. It was only a smidge hysterical. “Apparently.”

“Um,” Cadence said, looking between them. 

“Hello,” Twilight’s mother said carefully. “I’m Twilight Velvet. Family name, obviously.”

Seeing that Cadence was equally frozen, Johnny gently reached over and nudged Peter. 

“Hello,” Peter managed. He tried to smile. It did not work.

“Boyfriend,” Night Light said too loudly for the nearby crowd to ignore. 

“Yeah.” Peter licked his lips. “I. Yes. Yeah.” 

“Yes,” Velvet said. 

She turned, prompting them all to follow her gaze. The Elements and the royal sisters had stopped a little short of walking up to them, and the crowd was starting to notice. Johnny and Rarity looked at each other and knew they were both trying equally hard not to laugh. 

Pinkie Pie waved, either not tuned into the show being broadcast or maybe just not caring. “Hi, Peter! Having fun?” 

“Uh.” Peter looked at Cadence, who still hadn’t taken her leg off him, and at Twilight’s parents. Night Light’s eyes were unfocused as ponies tried to get around him to get at the buffet and Twilight Velvet was looking right at him, which was worse. “Ask again later?” 

“Mom, we can explain,” Shining sighed. 

“Oh, you will,” Velvet said quietly. Not angrily, but. 

“It’s okay, Mrs. T,” Dash assured. “He’s cool!” 

“Thanks, Dash.” Peter tried to smile again. “Nice hat.”

“I know!”

“Perhaps,” Princess Celestia said diplomatically, “it would be better if we were to continue this at the Carrot and Stick. In private. Where we can all have good memories, too.” 

“Private sounds like a good idea to me,” Twilight Velvet said, glancing from Peter to Cadence to Shining like a warhead deciding just where to land.

Luna cleared her throat. “Rainbow Dash. You will accompany me in making sure nothing goes awry for the princess’ inaugural flight.” 

“Awww, but this show’s live!” Dash whined. She rolled her eyes as Luna’s glowed. “Awright, awright.” 

“You still clean up nice!” Johnny called as she and Luna galloped for the archway. 

“Drop dead!” Dash called, clamping her hat down as she leapt into the air after Luna. 

“They’ll make sure Twilight has plenty of fun and time to catch us up.” Celestia considered the six ponies holding up the buffet table and sighed. “I know today probably isn’t what you were expecting Velvet, Night Light, but for what it’s worth I agree with Twilight’s friends about--”

“TROTTER!” 

“No way,” Peter said without thinking, almost breaking his own neck as he twisted in Cadence’s rigid grasp to stare at the walking aneurysm pushing its way through the crowd towards them. 

“Don’t you move, traitor!” Ferocious Flattop bellowed, almost sending Fluttershy under Rarity’s skirts. “Why, after all the things I’ve done for you!”

“Can we help you?” Shining snapped. 

“Do you validate parking? No? Then beat it!” Flattop shoved past him, practically knocking Johnny backwards into the buffet. “You’ve been canoodling with the story of THE CENTURY, AND NOT ONCE DID YOU THINK TO--”

“I think, Ferocious,” Princess Celestia said, “that you should lower your voice.” 

The publisher looked up at her without a trace of intimidation, snorting whatever he was suffusing his lungs with these days out through his nose in fury. “I want the first interview!” he said simply. 

“I can’t give you that,” Celestia replied calmly. “Princess Twilight is her own pony.”

“Worth a shot.” Flattop shrugged, then glared at Peter, who was glaring back so hard Cadence had finally let go and backed away. “This isn’t over.”

“Yeah it is,” Peter said, trying not raise his own voice. “I quit, remember?” 

“Oh, I will.” He’d never heard the old crank this quiet. Flattop spun on his heel, gave a sort of bow-nod to the princess, and harrumphed his way back into the throng. 

“If you would follow me,” Celestia sighed, forcing a smile. The strange procession set off down the staircase, trying not to trample each other as they fought to be anywhere but here. 


***

“Cannot believe that old fraud!” Peter half spat, trying not to stomp hoofprints into the old wood. 

“I know,” Shining Armor sighed. “But hey, you quit? Good for you. You ever feel like doing any forensics work just send a letter.”

“Thanks.” Peter sighed, then tried what felt like a real smile. “Hey. Your sister's a princess.”

“You get used to it,” Shining smiled back. Peter liked little moments like this, mostly because his first instinct when meeting one of Equestria’s top cops was still half to spray webbing and hightail it. “So if you want to write about that, too...”

“Might take you up on that.”

“So, so sorry!” Cadence was trying to say to Twilight Velvet and Night Light at the same time, forcing Applejack to duck. “Just so sorry! He ticked so many boxes I just assumed you’d know!” 

“I’d like to see those boxes,” Velvet said calmly. “Since I assume you made one of your reports on him. I would very much like to see that.” 

Cadence went quiet. 

“Boyfriend,” Night Light whispered to himself. 

“Applejack, don’t shuffle your hooves like that, you’ll trip.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

“So,” Johnny smirked, “fancy meeting you here.” 

“Fancy?” Pinkie Pie looked down at her dress. “You know what, yes, this dress is pretty fancy! Nice to meet you, I’m Pinkie Pie! I like your mane, is it real?” 

“Um…”

“He was talking to me, dear,” Rarity insisted gently, trying to get her position back from the bouncing pony. 

“Oh, sorry!” Pinkie beamed. “Can you ask your friend if his mane is real?” 

“Just a little farther now!” Celestia called over her shoulder, trying not to sound too relieved. “We use this way to be discreet. There’s a carriage bay in the next tower, so if everypony could partner up we’ll be to the Carrot and Stick in no time. Give the press the slip. No offence, Peter!” 

“None taken, Princess! I quit, remember?” Everypony chuckled. 

“At least he’s got a sense of humour,” Velvet smiled. Everypony chuckled again but not as heartily. 

“Ah, here we are!” Celestia paused on the lower stairs, the group trying not to pile into each other, though Fluttershy did blush a little when she bumped into Johnny at the back. 

“Um, hello.”

“Hello.” Johnny gave her a patented smile, then whipped around to get a better look at the former fashion sensation of Equestria. “You’re real.”

“Oh.” Fluttershy blinked and looked down at herself. “Well, I-I like to think so.” 

“Carrot and Stick…here we come!” Princess Celestia’s horn glowed. The door handle rattled. “Here we come!” Rattle. “Here we…” Rattle. “Here…we…” Rattle-rattle-rattle. “Oh dear.” 

Johnny peered over Peter, who was peering around Cadence. Rarity raised an eyebrow as they shot guilty looks at each other. This was the way they’d snuck in. Where they’d melted the door shut. With a guard stuffed in a vase right outside. 

“Boyfriend,” Night Light said one last time, turning to stare at Peter as Celestia, apparently forgetting she could teleport and lift boulders with her mind, began to pound on the door and call for help. 


To be Continued 

> Match Making (1)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


1


“I say it’s a spaceship,” Rainbow Dash said weeks later, lounging in the rafters of the Castle of the Two Sisters. 

“A spaceship.” Rarity rolled her eyes as she played with Twilight’s mane. 

“Yeah! Think about it. We get, like, everywhere. Soon we’re gonna run out of everywhere. Solution? A kick butt spaceship!” 

“It’s a bit small for that, dear,” Rarity said patiently. “Would you like me to do your wings as well, Twilight?” 

“Um, if you like.” Twilight smiled at her and went back to the manuscript she’d been studying. “And not to take sides—”

“Because mine’s the best,” Dash agreed, playing with a low hanging drape like a cat because of her complete inability to stay still, even when relaxing. 

“—but if you get the magical geometry right it is possible to alter the scale and mass of something to be contained in a space far smaller than intended. It’s getting things bigger on the inside than the outside that’s the problem. If you’re not careful you wind up with a lot of space that doesn’t know where to go, so it tries to be everywhere! Um, not that I’m…speaking from experience.”

Dash squinted. “What?” 

“I don’t have a scar that exists in three planes at once, who told you that? What is this, the Andalusian Inquisition?!” 

“That’s nice, dear,” Rarity said absently, levitating a copy of Under the Sun over as well as finer brushes for feather work. “Personally, whatever’s in there I hope we get to keep the box!”

“You would,” Dash muttered. 

“Hmm.” Rarity raised a brow “This article says they’re still digging up plunder seeds in the Manehattan region. Strange, they’re usually so efficient. Or at least they rush everything.”

“It’ll be the geology,” Twilight sighed. “Even beyond Manehattan’s complex magical background variations, we’re talking about acres of vastly different land that was co-opted for different uses before being built over. The island itself is some of the most solid bedrock in all of Equestria, that’s why they can afford to build skyscrapers so tall they technically have three resident airspaces.” 

“Four,” Dash said, trying to make shadow puppets with her wingtips. “They designated an extra emergency services one in the ’70s. Your colt and his buddies cut through it all the time.” She snickered. “Drives Spitfire nuts!”

“Would you like me to do your wings too, Rainbow?” Rarity offered as she examined the glossy new sheen to Twilight’s. 

“Uh, got any of that Istallion stuff? Fleetfoot swears by it.” 

“Let’s see…” Rarity probed with her telekinesis, scanning Under the Sun as Twilight continued to happily babble about the Manhattan Prong psychoiographic region. “Hmm. I hope they didn’t hit Yancy Street.” 

“It should only take a few days,” Twilight said without pausing for breath, “the problem is some of them may have latched onto the ley magic, probably entirely at random, but off the top of my head that’s most likely why they won’t have retracted with the rest. Signal suddenly cuts out but you’re stuck in the shifting spectrum of two neighbourhoods, and the rest of you is held in place by unchangeable minerals. Baltimare and Chicloudgo have had similar problems. Removing inert vines won’t be so hard, though!” 

“Let’s hope so. Fashion Week cost enough as it is. Aha!” Rarity waved the correct tube in the air, then remembered which Pegasus she was dealing with and just tossed it. “Here we go!” 

“You’re a gem.” Dash caught it without looking, reminding the two magicians that most of that ego was earned. “Wait, back up. Yancy Street? That’s the Lower East Side, right? Figured you for an avenue girl.” 

“Flatterer!” Rarity chuckled, tidying away her things and deliberately not looking as Twilight admired her touch ups. “It’s not that downmarket, really. Quite a few hotspots.” 

She eyed Dash carefully as she put her makeup bag away, but the Pegasus didn’t seem to have noticed the little slip. 

“It’s a lot like the cloud bank you were raised on, Rainbow,” Twilight smiled, though naturally there were certain parts of Dash’s stories she suspected of being either exaggerated or totally made up. “Oh, and Grim Skies was born there! In fact, a lot of the recent renovations are all him.” 

“Grim Skies?!” Dash sat up, almost squeezing all the balm out of the tube in her hoof. “Rarity, are you gonna team up with Grim Skies? Because you need to tell me if you’re gonna team up with Grim Skies. I need to team up with Grim Skies!” 

“I could…make him a very large suit?” Rarity looked at Twilight for help. And got none as the princess shrugged helplessly. “Anyway, it’s just a possibility! I’m still scouting. Don’t even have a partner yet.” She smiled to herself. “Although, things change.” 

“You’d know, huh Twilight?” Dash grinned, rubbing her wings together to work the stuff in. “Just add a crazy seed attack and a magic mirror, not necessarily in that order, and bam!” 

“You’re leaving out a mis-cast spell and the Elements achieving a one in a million sense of harmony,” Twilight smiled, glancing down at where she estimated the chamber they’d found would be, relative to their position in the lounge. “But yeah, I would. Things are stable enough for everypony now though, I’d say.” 

“Speak for yourself,” Dash quipped, completely ignoring the fact she had. “This Wonderbolt’s ready to take off and she’s never comin’ back down!” 

“Wonderbolt cadet,” Rarity teased sweetly. Dash threw her imported balm back a little harder than was necessary. “I echo both sentiments, honestly. Things are good and there’s room for them to improve.”

“Yeah, like getting a spaceship.” 

“Is she still goin’ on about spaceships?” Applejack called from the upper levels. 

“Yes,” Twilight and Rarity called back, now sharing Under the Sun. 

“Beats a really big weed whacker,” Dash retorted.

“What?” AJ called. 

“Weed! Whacker!” Dash enunciated. 

“It makes sense! Ya got a bunch of weeds with attitude? Whack ‘em! We probably just turned up too early or somethin’!”

“You’re too early,” Dash muttered. 

“I heard that!” 

“Oh sure, that!” 

“The valiant efforts of Damage Control,” Rarity mused, turning a page. “Bit on the nose, although it sounds familiar. Ugh! That logo, though.”





“That’s Peter’s new job!” Twilight said, though she was now engrossed in what Sapphire Shores had to say about her new arts program. “They clean up after ponies like him. Well, us. The Magic of Friendship might restore a lot of things in a flash, but it’s murder on windows and delicate masonry.”

“Well I hope they get rid of those nasty things for everypony’s sake,” Rarity said idly, “since someone conveniently decided snapping those greasy fingers of his was cheating for once.” 

“Yeah,” Dash grunted, slipping onto her front to let the balm dry and examining one of her spread wings to admire the effect, “those things were such a pain. Y’know, normally I’d find something with that many spikes cool.”

“Somepony say my name?” the dragon asked, bouncing a ball down the stairs as he went. He stumbled half way, Twilight and Rarity yelping as they ducked the renegade ball. Dash caught it in her wing, again without looking. “Uh, thanks for the ball, Rainbow Dash.”

“De nada.” Dash shifted it to her hooves yawning. “You’ve gotta figure the princesses did the same thing way back when. All those hallways!” 

“Are we done for the day?” Spike asked hopefully, watching Rarity turn another page. 

“Probably,” Twilight said vaguely. “It’s going to take a while before the Historical Preservation Society can raise funds for a proper construction crew to—Ooh, Ice Crystals is putting out a new book! ♪I know what I want for Memorial Day!♪”

“Poor Honey Tea,” Fluttershy said in perfect sync with Rarity as she and Applejack made their way down the stairs, Pinkie Pie sliding down the banister after them. “I packed some sandwiches unless everypony would like to eat in town?” 

“Walk’ll work up an appetite,” Applejack yawned. “Where’re we thinkin’?” 

“You guys know Sugar Cube Corner’s happy to give free treats to extended family, right?” Pinkie smiled. 

“Yeah, which is why we don’t take ya up on it.” Applejack’s own smile withered as she glared at Dash’s perch. “Most of us.” 

Dash chucked the ball at her, but she caught it just as effortlessly. 

“Burger Princess then?” Pinkie asked, bouncing in a circle to take them all in. “Twilight and I have enough points between us for a serious discount!” 

“I’m, ah, actually trying to take a break from there.” Twilight fought not to blush, because even though her back was to Dash Rarity’s smirk was mere inches away. “Even before my wings they knew me on sight.” 

“Town is only so big and you were the new girl, darling,” Rarity said mercilessly. “I, for one, would prefer a meal that has this daring new ingredient known as actual flavour.” 

“Seconded,” Applejack agreed. “Everypony’s out or I’d invite ya’ll over for lunch. Don’t mind cookin’ if we pick somepony else’s place though!”

“Got some cloud casserole you could heat up,” Dash offered. “I mean, I’d have to pick the care package up from the post office first.” 

“You know you’re not supposed to store food in those lockers, right?” Twilight turned to squint up at her. “Don’t your parents know your address, anyway?” 

“Oh what, you gonna tattle on me?”

“…no,” Twilight admitted, falling into the trap of enjoying being a fellow bad girl like Dash had planned.

“What about that sushi place on Market Street?” Spike asked. “You guys can eat that, right? I mean, it’ll probably be mostly griffons in there, but they have veggie options too. Salads and stuff.”

“Now there’s an idea!” Rarity beamed at him, accelerating his pulse rate. 

“Too fancy!” Pinkie and Rainbow said in a perfect combination of enthusiasm and lack thereof.

“Oh, you two think lapels just because I feel like it sometimes is too fancy,” Rarity muttered.  

“They are!” Again in perfect synch. Pinkie bounced up to Dash’s perch so they could high hoof without looking. 

“What about that one place, ah, what’s it called,” Applejack pretended to struggle. “Oh yeah, Ambience!”

“Seconded,” Dash said, sitting up a little too quickly.

“Oh yes, that place.” Rarity’s smile stopped just shy of a timber wolf’s only because her mouth couldn’t open that wide. “Next to Dream Searcher’s office.”

“The Olive Branch,” Twilight said loudly and only to stop AJ and Dash saying anything. 

Fluttershy scowled. “Not until they change their environmental policies.” 

“Ooh, ooh, Sunny D’s!” 

“You’re 22 now, Pinkie,” Rarity said not unkindly but firmly. “Raison D'etre.”

“That’s in Canterlot,” Applejack countered.  

“And expensive!” Dash agreed. “Might as well just clean out the Equestrian Express snack car on the way up.”

“They do good coffee, you have to give them that,” Twilight said half-heartedly. “Do we feel like going further afield, though?”

“Further Afield?” Applejack squinted. “Ya wanna grab lunch in a department store?”

“No, but what’s wrong with that? My mother and I used to eat in those when I was a little filly!” 

“Oh yeah, the age when you’ll stick anythin’ in your mouth, that’s a real recommendation, Twi.” 

“Is this because they wouldn’t write back about your invention?”

“Maybe.” AJ was trying to avoid eye contact now. 

“Darling,” Rarity said carefully, levitating her saddlebags on so she could start backing everypony into making some kind of decision, preferably hers, “don’t take this the wrong way, but maybe the world just isn’t ready for what is basically, let’s be honest here, a waffle iron that forces everything to taste like apples.” 

Dash used her left wingtips to mime gagging. Applejack snorted steam jets and took a stomp towards her perch. 

“Okay, okay, what about pizza?” Spike tried, raising his claws for calm. “Who doesn’t like pizza?”

Twilight’s face scrunched. “I don’t know, other than Salernitano’s nowhere really does it for me lately.”

Spike folded his arms. “You’ve become so spoiled since you started getting Manehattan style straight from the source, y'know that?” 

“I don’t see you complaining!” 

“What about somewhere local?” Fluttershy tried not to flinch as everypony turned to blink at her at once. “It’s just that you’re all talking about chain franchises, not that there’s anything wrong with that! Although I have some leaflets about the Olive Branch’s connections to big oil if anypony’s interested.” 

“Local doesn’t sound too bad,” Rarity agreed, then smirked at Dash. They’d had the luck to be sat closest to the family and the boyfriend a few days ago. “Like, say, the Carrot and Stick?”

“Ooh-hoo-hoo, maybe that’s what’s in the box!” Rainbow cackled, forcing Twilight to dilute her glare by splitting it between them. “The letter she shoulda written last year! Dearest, darlingest Momsie and Popsicle: so, a funny thing happened to me on the way to the symposium…”

“I was busy!” Twilight snapped. 

“Twilight, please!” Dash leered in her best Rarity impression. “Not in front of Spike and Pinkie Pie!” 

“Busy doing what?” Pinkie asked, now balanced one legged zen master style on one of the recently repaired banisters. 

“Pulling Rainbow Dash out of all those craters mostly,” Twilight smirked, managing to high hoof Rarity on her second attempt. 

“Pffft! Okay, yeah, that was pretty good,” Dash grinned, now draping herself upside down on the beam she was using. “Guuuys, come ooon! I’ve only got an hour and a half of putting off my shift left!” 

“Fine,” Twilight huffed, conjuring everypony’s saddlebags on, enjoying the fact she could now do this and also that the sudden weight made Dash fall off and just manage to catch herself. “The Carrot and Stick it is! Just to show everypony!” 


***


“So what do you think is in the box, darling?” Rarity asked Fluttershy as Twilight teleported them outside to save time. 

“She thinks it’s a spaceship.” Dash swooped low, narrowly missing Twilight’s head with her saddlebags for revenge. 

“I…hope it’s something nice,” Fluttershy smiled. 

“Maybe it’s snacks,” Spike groused, stomach gurgling as Twilight levitated him onto her back. 

Applejack shared rueful smiles with Twilight as they trotted after everypony. “It’s probably gonna be big.” 

“It’s us,” Twilight said simply. 

They navigated the trail Zecora had shown them, taking a strange kind of comfort from walking backwards through the path they’d followed Nightmare Moon down almost four years ago. 

Twilight blinked when she realised Applejack wasn’t following her and that the airborne Rainbow Dash had frozen in almost perfect sync. Both ponies' heads whipped to the left, glaring into the underbrush. 

“Girls?” 

“…nothing,” Dash muttered as the other’s stopped to look up at her. 

“Nothin’ we can see, anyway.” Applejack‘s eyes narrowed with years of experience living with the Everfree Forest right next door.

“It’s not an animal.” Fluttershy hugged her knapsack a little. “At least I don’t think it is.” 

“Then it ain’t our problem.” 

“Yet,” Twilight and Rainbow muttered. 

“Pass me one of those sandwiches, Shy,” Applejack decided. “Chewin’ ‘ill work off some of the aggression. RD?” 

“What kinda sandwiches?”

“Um. Grilled margherita.”  

“Awesome!” Dash was almost on top of Fluttershy, but hesitated. “Sauce?”

“Well, I didn’t know what everypony would want so…ketchup.”

“Aaand?”

“Mayo.”

“I’ll take point,” Dash said, voice bitter from crushed expectations instead of trying too hard. 

“More for me.” Applejack’s smirk lasted until halfway through her first bite as they set off. “Aww, crusts!” 

“I’ll have them,” Spike said hurriedly. 

“AJ, wait, my mane!” Twilight ducked as torn bread crusts whipped into Spike’s clutches. 

They’d feel better once they got back to civilisation and could have the typical power playing over who paid. And would remain completely oblivious of H.E.R.B.I.E. cowering behind a tree for the rest of the journey. 

Trying to beep quietly, the automaton extended his telescopic eyes, zooming in on the dog eared Under the Sun feature on Yancy Street sticking out of Rarity’s saddlebag. “Ask P,” was written across the corner in eye liner, “, can delay but Sat would be perfect!!!”


2


“Attaboy!” Johnnycake crowed into his collar mic, lounging on a cloud as the snapshot resolved and magically flipped the message on his compact. 

He didn’t indulge this particular oddity his powers allowed him that often, and if he didn’t pay attention he could still sink halfway through, but it was smart to keep his distance. For starters, where was the fun in letting Rarity know he was still playing too? And then there was the matter of Rainbow ‘Fun Police’ Dash. 

The Crown also hadn’t officially said the FF couldn’t take a couple of readings of the Tree of Whatever It Was, but if River Reeds had been good at waiting for paperwork to clear the Excelsior would never have been in position for that cosmic storm. 

…Cosmic Storm would be an awesome code-name. 

Anyway! Technically he and the Herbster were out here in the sticks to figure out what kind of signals the crystal shrubbery was putting out, since Reed knew by now that asking for a sample would be time consuming and probably impossible to take. 

As a potential contingency against any more floral related crises, of course. He totally didn’t want to find a polite way to ask the Elements for samples of their blood. 

Just like he hadn’t asked Johnny to be the one to scope it out because he knew the Torch had experience getting into places he really shouldn’t. 

“This weekend,” Johnny mused, sliding lazily off his cloud and flaming on. “What’ve we got this weekend?” 

Now that he and the web-slinger were ensconced in 616B Yancy Street, or at least too lazy to unpack those remaining boxes they’d crammed into the closet, Sue had decided the policy should be that he technically had weekends off like a normal job, but the whole team had known that was an impossible idea going in. Even if Blastaar and Annihilus didn’t have another spat, they were all born adventurers. One glint out of the corner of Reed’s telescope and they’d be tripping over each other to clamber into a ship. 

It was a shame Soarin’ had been serious about graduating from the Wonderbolt reserves back in the day. Johnny could’ve swapped with him like they had when Crystal really wanted to see the outside world. Maybe he could trick Soarin’ into coming along to distract Dash? What Pegasus mare didn’t want to get distracted by the most promising stallion member the line-up had recruited since the ’88 Equestria Games? Rarity deserved more attention than that, though. 

And there was still the fact Rainbow Dash had his scent. She and the blonde with the other cool hat had picked up H.E.R.B.I.E. like a pair of timberwolves, and you could feel the interest in the air between him and Rarity. The second she suspected they were making a move she’d come gunning for him, hence the Soarin’ idea. But asking them or Twilight and Peter along would be babysitting their friends, and they clearly both wanted some adult time. 

It was a shame this wasn’t a super thing, since swapping in B-listers to cover for a missing family member had worked out in the past, even accounting for Spidey’s hilarious stint on the so called New Fantastic Four. Maybe he could call in sick and they could rustle the Horsepower Torch out of retirement? 

…or. 

“Oh yeah!” Johnny cooed, loop-de-looping with delight as the idea solidified and he reached the mouth of the cave under the Two Sisters. “H.E.R.B.I.E.? Playback!” 

“♪I know what I want for Memorial Day!♪” Twilight’s voice crackled out of his collar. 

…did the tree flash from his flames or her voice? 

“No.” Johnny rolled his glowing eyes. “And don’t even think of doing that restaurant bit again! Isolate Rainbow Dash.” He squinted at the confused chirruping. “What do you mean who?! Who do you think?” 

The Tree of Harmony’s branches seemed to twinkle almost fondly at the sound of Dash’s fake gagging. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think I was rubbing off on you. Uh…search: Grim.”

“—ed to tell me if you’re gonna team up with Grim Skies. I need to team up with Grim Skies!”

“Yes, you do,” Johnny grinned, extra flames shooting out his eyes as he adjusted his compact’s settings. 

H.E.R.B.I.E. finally floated into the cave, chirruping and gesturing inquisitively as the device’s screen glowed, bombarding the Tree with every kind of scanning spell Reed knew, had invented and had come up with that morning. 

“Basically,” the Torch agreed. “I mean, what could possibly go wrong?” 

Hero and robot’s heads turned to the suddenly shuddering compact, following it as it shook out of Johnny’s grasp and vibrated into the air. He couldn’t tell if the rising pitch was coming from the compact or the Tree. 

Finally, the device just…stopped and dropped. Johnny barely managed to catch it, blinking at his and H.E.R.B.I.E’s reflections in the blank mirror surface. The cave had gone so quiet, almost smugly so, he could just make out the  strange, grating sound the magically overloaded machine was making. 

“Yeah?” Johnny glared at his distorted, flaming image in the crystals. “Whadda you know?” 

The Tree of Harmony only glinted in response. 


3


Being a Damage Control consultant, Peter was learning, really came down less to how much you knew and more how good you were at standing around waiting for things to happen. 

He was trying to pull his weight, though. He’d never make it as a certified construction worker unless he took the right courses, though the company did offer them, but it also provided the latest science and magic literature to keep everypony up to date. He was getting the twin benefits of realising how up to date he actually was and covering whatever he hadn’t known, not having to spend a bit to do it! 

The actual money wasn’t high for a freshly certified consultant but it was consistent, which was key. He felt like he was doing his bit there too, not just because he’d been focusing on the Bleecker Street vine site he’d been assigned to for three days running, but also the unpaid time he was putting in. Getting to know his crewmates, double checking their readings, asking about what exactly went into the reconstruction process, lending a friendly ear to the shell-shocked residents and coordinating with Aunt May at F.E.A.S.T. to make sure they were taken care of. 

And, naturally, swinging around all night as Spider-Pony to make sure no one made off with the giant spike covered vines he’d been trying to help clear out of Bleecker Street. 

Anything that could paralyse and kidnap not one but two Alicorns, the city’s villains figured, had to be worth either a mint on the black market or its weight in gold as a weapon. Peter had run his own tests, thankfully spared having to come up with an excuse because Ms. Grace wanted to know what she was sending her crews in to remove, and whether they’d need more than just heavy padding. They didn’t, but even technically dead the vines were still potential weapons. With enough work you could make some nasty potions out of the sap and some decent armour out of the thorns. 

Although it was deteriorating over time, the thorns sent out a weird kind of vibration that knifed through most test magic, which was probably why they’d punched through so much of the Equestrian landscape. If not for the pain in the tail of the city’s ley line frequencies they’d probably have overrun the entire East Coast in a matter of days. 

The window for that work was closing fast too! Cut off from their seeds the vines just sat there, their magic being steadily eaten away by the city’s own, and rotting. Unfortunately, they just sat there, big, still relatively fresh and a juicy target. 

Which was why Peter Trotter, rookie Damage Control consultant, had been dressed in a spider-costume and in the middle of a fight between the Enforcers and the Circus of Crime last night. He’d been half tempted to let them take their samples just to minimise his workload but the thought of someone like Thunderhead or Bonestone with that kind of weapons grade material…

He’d also have been lying if he said this all hadn’t presented a welcome distraction. There was a conversation he was probably going to have to have with Twilight at some point. 


***


“You get used to them,” smiled Upside, his current cubical neighbour as he entered his own. 

Her out tray was full, meaning the company wouldn’t need her to do anything unless the construction crew she was assigned to needed to solve a problem. He still had a lot to prove but once he did, he’d have that kind of free time, convenient for sneaking off to Spidey. Right now, he was here to catch up on his own paperwork and cool his heels until his late afternoon shift. 

“Thanks.” Peter tried to stifle a yawn and pop a crick in his neck from where Sinker had landed a lucky shot at the same time. “Used to what?”

“The late nights. Did you hear about that thing on Bleeker? It’s Bleeker, right?”

“Yeah, that’s me!” Peter slipped on his orange Damage Control vest, thicker than the fabric of his costume but becoming that little bit more familiar every day. “And yeah, I heard. Good thing Spidey showed up. Maybe he isn’t such a menace after all.”

“It’s weird!” Upside leaned over the partition. “I’ve lived in the city practically my whole life and I’ve never seen one of, you know, them!”

“A super hero?” Peter blinked as he sorted some papers. “What, not even a Befrienders parade?”

“Oh, eveypony goes to those,” Upside smiled, waving a hoof dismissively. “Those creepy vines are the first time I’ve been in the middle of something like that! I mean, we get dumb ley line stuff here, not Guardians of Harmony tier events!” 

“Is that what everypony’s calling the Elements now?” 

“Sometimes,” she shrugged. “You know how horse whispering works in this town. Anyway, only bringing it up because we’re almost done over on Barrow. Could send some equipment you guys’ way the day after tomorrow if you’d like.” 

“Oh wow, really? That’d be sweet! I’ll have to check with Load Bearer, but I doubt she’ll mind. How’d you get done so fast?”

“The thorns don’t like river water,” Upside beamed. “The ponies working the graveyard shift found out some vines were rotting faster than others and looked into why.”

“That sounds so very Manehattan,” Peter chuckled as he finished his paperwork. “So, what, the gunk in the river messes with them?”

“It messes with everything,” Upside said, affirming her Manehattanite credentials. “I was telling my botanist roommate about it, and she thinks coming up through the riverbed didn’t do them any favours. But yeah, enough solvent in the right place and some of their thorns break off, but! They’re still big, sharp and putting out that weird field.”

“…so you could use them to cut the vines up.” Peter sat back heavily in his chair, trying to work through the shock of the simplicity and do the math in his head. “That, yeah, that would speed things way up, especially if you were smart about segmenting them.” 

“Ms. Grace is sending out a memo once they’ve done more lab work, but yeah! We tried it out and now we’re onto actual reconstruction work, finally! But we won’t need removal equipment, might even be able to spare a crane.” 

“You’re a lifesaver, Upside.” Peter fumbled for a pen rig so he could start filling out requisition forms and talk at the same time. “Hey, who needs super ponies!” 

“Are you drawing a giant buzzsaw?” she snickered incredulously. 

“What, Load Bearer’ll love it. Ooh! Or!” Peter’s eyes were wide and unfocused now. “Or! Hoses! Straight from the river! She was trying to figure out why it was so hard to get the roots out of the pipes, but there’s tons of filtration magic in those! If we could pump enough fresh—no, raw, raw water down there we could, yeah, we could haul out the big ones, recycle the thorns for the saw…”

“Or, uh, we could just have Princess Twilight zap them all away?” Upside sounded a little nonplussed. 

“I wish it was that easy.” Soft violet darkness shooting over his eyes! “Guess who!” 

She yelped a second after he did as he jolted backwards almost into her nose, her wings still wrapped over his face. 

“Sorry, sorry, sorry!” Twilight was trying to remove her wings which were now fluttering nervously. “Rainbow Dash told me to do that, I should’ve known better!” 

“Toldja,” Spike said as Ms. Grace raised an eyebrow. “Hey, Pete.”

“Oh that’s okay, I’ll just put webbi--” Peter tried not to do a double take at his boss’s presence. “Uh, water balloons in her…Hi honey! Hey, Spike.”

“Princess Celestia mentioned you two were an item,” Ms. Grace smiled. “The young filly is here to check on our progress.” 

“It’s not that we don’t believe in what you do here, Ms. Grace!” Twilight assured, managing to turn the wing that wouldn’t fold off Peter into a shoulder hug. “If anything, I’m the one taking responsibility. We just assumed we’d solved everypony’s problems when we used the Elements on the seeds. We should’ve been helping long before now.”  

“Oh, live as long as I do and you’ll learn you can rarely solve everypony’s problems all at once, dear.” The old mare looked between the trio. “But with a little time, eventually you can mend just about anything! What was that about hoses, Mr. Trotter?”

“It was Upside’s idea, really.” Peter jerked his head to the cubicle partition. 

“Not really!” the Pegasus smiled nervously as their employer’s eyes fell on her. “We just tried out chopping them up with their own thorns on Barrow Street. I mentioned we’re ahead of schedule and was wondering it Trotter would like some help, but since the princess is here…”

“Oh no, you guys are actually way ahead of me! I wish I’d thought of that thorn thing. Hello!” Twilight stood up on tippy hooves to reach up and shake Upside’s hoof. “I’m Twili...uh, Princess Twilight! …which you know. Sorry.” 

“Uh, Upside! Nice to meet you! You’re together?” 

Upside stared between her and Peter, lingering on Spike. Peter could see her wheels turning as she tried to figure out where a dragon fitted in, probably wondering if it was some kind of…unionised chivalry thing? Like was Spike an intern monster and Twilight had to rescue Peter from him, or what? 

“Twilight wasn’t a princess when we met,” Peter explained, hoping he didn’t sound guilty or something. 

How to explain this to other people was one of the many things he should probably have devoted some time to thinking about, but, in his defence, he was still reeling from trying to explain everything to her parents. He also had the guilty suspicion that, beyond her own hectic adventures, Twilight had neglected to mention their relationship because thwip thwip had to be kept hush hush. 

“It’s okay, I’m still getting used to it too,” Twilight flustered. “And, well, it sounds like you have everything under control really, because, ha, y’know, Damage Control, so now I, ah, don’t really know how much use I’ll be…” 

“Well, moving faster means we’ll need faster access to Canterlot disposal and security.” Ms. Grace smiled as Spike expertly whipped out a quill and started writing down what she was saying. “And there’s been some bad business with underworld factions trying to steal the wretched things, so anything that gets them out of the city is fine by us.”

She glanced at Peter and Upside, who’d trotted around from her own cubicle to get a better look at the princess and the dragon. “You two were saying something about hoses?”

“It was Trotter’s idea,” Upside said just in case. “But water from the river already made them sick, so if it doesn’t get rid of them it’ll at least make them useless, right?”

“Long as you don’t try setting fire to them,” Spike winced, then realised he should have saved it for the looks everypony except an abashed Twilight was giving him. “That’s what I heard, anyway.”

“I think there’s something to that," Twilight mused. “The water, not the fire!” she hastily clarified. “I was wondering about teleporting them away, but that could do even more damage to the buildings they’re embedded in and, well, I’m not a structural engineer. Could you treat water damage if we tried controlled teleporting into the spaces? Even if some of the roots stay behind, the bedrock and the…well, it’s arguably not water, but it’ll turn them to mulch and leave them to rot in the darkness beneath the city forever, is my point.” 

Silence except for office chatter. A few passers-by slowed to confirm there was an Alicorn in the building and hastily moved on, sensing the awkwardness. 

Twilight blushed, glancing nervously between Peter and Ms. Grace. “Too mystic?” 

“We can treat water damage, yes dear,” Ms. Grace smiled. “We’ll just have to check which sites can afford controlled flooding and which can’t. Could take a while.”

She nodded to herself, coming to a decision. Twilight was not remotely surprised she knew Princes Celestia. She suspected this was one of those A-Thing-Or-Two stories she’d marvelled at in her junior year.

“Trotter, you’re her majesty’s liaison. Take her along with you when your shift starts, show her how things are done. Upside, tell Highrise to start collecting thorns and pass that onto the other sites. Might as well make them even less dangerous.” 

“Wait, what does that mean?” Peter half ran after her as she turned. “I’m Twilight’s liaison, you said, but you just told us everything you’re gonna do. What does that mean?”

“It means take your girlfriend and her assistant out on the town, you silly foal.” 


***


“Hey, we’ve got even more in common now,” Spike beamed as they watched her leave. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, both our bosses are kooks.”

“Hatched him myself, you know,” Twilight smiled at Upside as the Pegasus fought down startled laughter. “I know you guys are in security too but if it would help, I could seal those thorns in this faux crystal stuff I’ve been working on?”

“Oh, that’d be cool!” Upside beamed. “We’ve been lucky random heroes have been showing up to stop those guys.” 

“Really,” Twilight smirked, side eyeing Peter. “Gosh, I wonder if they ever sleep.” 

He shrugged all like I’m-50%-Spider-24/7-, Whadda-Ya-Want?

“Oh hey, there’s Load Bearer.” Peter reared up slightly to make sure he’d seen that distinctive brick coloured mane as she removed her hardhat. “Gotta bring her up to speed, meet you upstairs? There’s this place the crew goes to in Midtown, we can wander around for a bit and grab a bite, maybe meet everypony? If she finds out we’re together and I haven’t made the offer, she’ll be all pouty and put me on drainage inspection.” 

“We’ll be down there anyway if Ms. Grace gives us the go-ahead,” Twilight smiled. “But yes, that sounds lovely. See you upstairs.” 

“You mean downstairs?” Upside frowned as they smooched. The couple froze mid lip-lock.

“It’s a Canterlot thing,” Spike said quickly, in the middle of playing with Peter’s complimentary DC-Bulldog bobblehead. “Balconies and spiral staircases, y’know.”

“Oh, right.” Upside used her wings to slip some paperwork into a saddlebag with that same bulldog logo. “Well, I better go see Highrise and get things moving on our end, but that spell’d be great. Not even the added security, she just likes shiny stuff. Uh, would it be rude if I asked you to sign my saddlebag? The others’ll never believe me otherwise!” 

“Oh, no problem!” Twilight still wasn’t quite used to this part of her…promotion yet, but this was a lot tamer than the post Nightmare/Discord signing frenzies the Elements had endured a few years ago. Rarity and Rainbow Dash had been the only ones in their element. Uh, the self esteem kind, not the Harmony…yeah. At least Sweet Apple Acres had a small side line in shipping goods to grateful enthusiasts. 

She teleported Peter’s pen out of its rig, frowning at the doodle of a giant buzzsaw, and scribbled her signature. “There we are! Sorry it’s not in purple or anything!” 

“It’s fine! Great to meet you! Hope the princess thing works out!” 

“Thanks, me too!” Twilight waved as she flapped off. 

“Is that a giant buzzsaw?” Spike squinted at Peter’s desk. 

“Yes. Stop playing with that thing, you’ll catch your fingers!” 

“What do you need a giant buzzsaw for?” the dragon asked as Peter trotted up. 

“Gotta get my hair ready for the Grand Galloping Gala somehow.” He smiled at Twilight. “We’re on. Have I said it’s great to see you yet?” 

“No, but you can make it up to me upstairs.” 


***


A few flights of stairs (and Twilight getting winded and just teleporting them) later they were on the roof of the office block, the Flatiron District and practically the entire city spread out below them as Peter adjusted the web-shooter nozzles on the underside of his gloves. 

“Last chance to back out, you two.” 

“I’ve been practising with these wings for weeks. I earned this!” Twilight rolled her eyes. Peter blinked at the purple flash as she teleported herself onto his back, pulling his mask down over his head. “And I’m in the market for a living sedan chair.” 

“Everypony warned me about you Canterlot fillies.” Peter adjusted Spider-Pony’s mask, chuckling as Twilight slapped the back of his head. “Spike?”

“Let’s do this,” the dragon rumbled in his best movie trailer impression, snapping on a pair of goggles. “Ow!” 

“…are those swimming goggles?” Spidey was doing that signature squint. 

“Rainbow Dash wouldn’t let me borrow hers.”

“And you’re surprised?” Twilight muttered as Peter helped secure the harness they insisted Spike use if he was going to do this. 

In addition to her wings she didn’t have to worry as much thanks to Peter’s wall-crawling powers, adhering her to him even through the fabric of his costume. He most often used the technique to carry accident victims to safety, and she still blushed a little remembering the time he’d used it to help sneak her into that changeling fort. 

“Actually,” Spidey mused as he made sure Spike was firmly strapped to his chest, “it’s kinda bright out today. My lenses are polarised, but maybe we should grab you guys some sunglasses?”

“Peter,” Twilight warned in the voice it hadn’t taken her long to perfect. 

“Alright, alright, I get concerned, sue me!” He pawed the ground, Spike tucking his feet up in anticipation. 

“They warned me about you Manehattan colts.” 

“Will you two stop flirting and gYAGH—WHOA-HO!” Spike erupted into hysterical laughter as Spider-Pony sprang, dragon strapped to his chest, princess stuck to his back, to the edge of the roof. 

He teased them with the view, letting them think he’d stopped before realising he was balanced only on his hind legs, lazily letting the momentum of the jump and their weight tiiiip them precariously…

And just as Twilight and Spike realised how high they really were, they were falling.


***


Teleport, Twilight’s mind jabbered as Peter made a show of lazily stream-lining his body, Spike’s desperately scrabbling legs reflected in accelerating office windows, remember you can teleport, he’s not really going to do it, you can fly, you can teleport, he’s milking this, you CAN MAKE HIM PAY, Y’O C’N TE’LAAAGH--

“T’ch!” Peter had to make sure the sound carried over the wind, which ruined the effect, but the exaggerated nonchalance was part of the act anyway. “Did I leave the stove on?”

“Peter.” 

The problem with a slightly lengthened Alicorn neck: that bilious feeling came just as quickly but had further to travel. The sudden tingling feeling in her legs as he feigned a yawn and used it to slowly flip them up and over, so they were now vertical while plummeting straight down while he assumed a ‘Hmm’ pose, did nothing to help. 

“Now is it West 25th or West 27th?”

“PETER GLEANN TROTTER.”

“Yes dear.” 

He fired two web-lines straight up, slowing their fall to a leisurely Alpine descent rather than a heart stopping death dive. But only, Twilight realised, wings flaring, so he could build up torque to bungee them back into the air, the beautiful, conniving little…

“Sorry!” Spidey beamed at the startled pedestrians they were sagging in front of, hooves only a foot above the sidewalk. “Wrong floor.” 

“I’m going to make him pay for this,” Twilight confided to them.

And then they were ascending, Spike’s one liner strangled in his throat by the primal whooping. 


***


Spider-Pony fired another line, penduluming them towards 7th Avenue. Teasing aside, he was careful with passengers. No stunts, no hard landings, simple A to B stuff. 

But who said he couldn’t mess with them a little?

“You’re enjoying this way too much!” Spike guffawed as Peter leaned forward at the zenith of one swing, almost slapping the dragon in the face with his own tail.

“The pleasure of your company?” Peter used the hang time to snag the edge of a building and reassure himself the little guy’s straps were still biting tightly into his shoulders. “Not at all.” 

“Help, help!” Twilight called playfully as ponies boggled at them from a rooftop garden. “That wicked Spider-Pony has kidnapped me! He wants me to do his math homework!” 

“It’s Manehattan honey,” Peter grinned under the mask. “With my luck another hero’s gonna hear you and believe it.”

Okay, the cover of Amazing Fantasy#15 it was not. Okay, they probably looked like an 8th grade play centaur costume designed by somepony who’d never seen one. But fun as web-swinging was, genuinely, after all these years, it was a part of himself he could never really share with anyone else. Not…fully. 

One more way his powers cut him off from the world. Or the world off from him. 

Whatever. He was in love, was quite fond of the pre-adolescent dragon strapped to his chest, and now he had somepony to share one of the innermost parts of himself with. And nothing waiting for him on the ground was going to stop him enjoying it.


To be Continued

> Match Making (2)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


4


“Thank Sun it’s Friday,” Rainbow Dash muttered, banking to home in on some low hanging clouds. 

“Everyday is like your favourite day if you want it badly enough,” Pinkie Pie called, voice wavering only slightly as she tried to stuff her anti-parasprite instruments into her party cannon. 

“That’s not bad. You should put that on a t-shirt.” 

“Aww, Dashie! But would anypony wear it?”

“I would!” 

“I might,” Fluttershy smiled as she floated towards them, surrounded by a choir of birds. “It’d be great for gardening. Oh, and Discord might like one! He enjoys little slogans on things.”

Dash squinted. “For real?” 

“Yes. He says they make almost less sense than he does.” Fluttershy spread a wing, allowing some of her choir to rest on it. “We’re ready, by the way!”

“Same here!” Dash smirked in satisfaction as she surfed her cloud creation to a few feet above the ground. They glanced at each other as Pinkie bounced up and down on her cannon, trying to force her tuba inside. “We’re sure this is gonna work, right?” 

“We…woke them…up this…way!” Pinkie grunted, finally managing to cram the tuba in with a depressing blast of notes. “Phew! So, why wouldn’t it?”

“The sad thing is, we’ve run under worse logic.” Dash looked nervously over her shoulder as a shadow fell over them. “Is your, uh…”

“She’s a friend,” Fluttershy said simply, smiling up at the circus tent coloured dinosaur glaring down at them. Dash focused on admiring its rainbow patterned batwings to drown out the fight/flight reflex. 

“Can we all take a moment to appreciate Partyerodactyls are real?” Pinkie grinned, rolling her cannon over. 

She followed the others gazes to the distant Ponyville, where three multicoloured blurs shot from street to street. Ponies who weren’t screaming in terror of three psychedelic Everfree monsters were screaming from the area around them randomly morphing into a multi-coloured bubble of different kinds of party music: orange classical, red accordion and blue rave. 

“I mean, there’s nuance,” Pinkie amended, ”but still.”

“Can't Mama Bird here just go in and clip their wings?” Rainbow tried again. “How much worse could she do than we have? You’d think they’d be happy to see her.” 

Mama growled at her then let out a series of wheezing coughs. Fluttershy’s birds scattered, but not very far, as she fluttered up to pat the poor thing on her shoulders. 

“Um, they can’t, not with their current eyesight. And she’s still not feeling very well. Without her roar they won’t identify her. That’s why the poor things are running around town! When we woke them up they thought they were being called home, but she’s not there so they’re just flailing around. If something as big as her goes in, you know how everypony will react!” 

“Hey, hey, watch it sister!” Dash snapped, backing across her cloud as Mama’s serpentine neck loomed towards her for better glaring. “It was Pinkie’s idea to try and make a cloud-power cord mix for her party album!” 

“Technically it was my fault for booking Fluttershy’s choir on the same day.” Pinkie blushed, sounding a little like the other Pegasus as Mama’s eyes rolled to her. “I should’ve had the courage to ask you both to reschedule, and I really should’ve checked to make sure there was no one around we’d disturb. I’m really sorry!” 

Mama coughed noncommittally.

“Fine,” Dash harrumphed, “we’re really sorry. But since actions speak louder than words…”

She raised her forehooves. Pinkie hefted her cannon. Fluttershy drew in a breath, raising two wingtips as her birds’ chests inflated…

“Don’t panic, ladies!” A squadron of blazing toy sized biplanes dived out of the sun, whirling around the Everfree creature and scattering the startled Elements. “I got this!” 

“Whadda you think you’re doing?!” Rainbow Dash practically spat, shielding her furious eyes from the glare of the Horseshoe Torch hovering in front of the panicking Partyerodactyl, jabbing with a flame constructed chair and sporting a constructed top hat. 

“The Fantastic Family special!” Johnny winked at her. “Saving rookies and stopping monsters!” 

“Don’t!” He blinked, the chair and squadron evaporating into embers as Fluttershy desperately flung herself between him and the creature, forelegs spread almost as wide as her flapping wings. “Please, you’re scaring her!” 

“I’m scaring her?!” Johnny had just enough presence of mind to hold his hooves out placatingly but not to shut off his hat. “She’s the size of two buses standing on each other’s shoulders!”

“She’s with us!” Rainbow Dash snapped, zooming up to his glowing eye level. 

“Um, not to put pressure on you guys,” Pinkie cut in, “but that thing Zecora said not to let happen looks like it’s happening!” 

Dash and Johnny stopped glaring at each other to turn and wince from the shimmering town, three bubbles cycling through shades of their respective primary colours as they came closer and closer to merging into one. The Torch’s flames rippled in time with the grass as the discordant sound waves began to screech into a single pitch. 

“I’ll deal with you later!” Dash snarled, flapping back to her cloud construct. “Just do what you do best and float there uselessly, we don’t have time to waste on you right now!” 

“Plenty of time to take your shot, apparently!” Johnny called back. 

The intense light dimmed in a scalloped shadow and he looked behind him, wondering if Mama had blocked it for both of them or if he’d just happened to be in the way when she stretched her wings.  He raised his voice over the cacophony again.  “What’re you even gonna do?” 

“Finish it the way we started!” Through the gaps in Mama’s wings he could just make out their silhouettes, coming together, Dash in the lead. “Simulate a roar! Fluttershy?” 

“Okay…a-one, a-two, a-one-two-three!” 

Johnny had been at close range for several monster roars during his career, usually closer to their ravening maws than anypony (or their eardrums) should come. This was the first time he’d been technically behind one and it felt like it should be somehow worse. 

Dash’s cloud produced a bone jarring electric bass as she rammed her hooves into strategic spots. Fluttershy’s perfect pitch climbed higher and higher, becoming a whirlwind funnel of sound with her birds’ songs wrapping around it. Pinkie’s thing felt like the world’s most jovial war crime. 

The Torch could almost see the combined effect, the air blurring with different textures and combining into cheesy 60’s laser beam rings racing straight for Ponyville. Even with his eyes straining from the light and the noise.

The hurricane roar sliced clean through the blazing disco inferno that was becoming Ponyville…and snuffed it out. 

Pulsing silence as the spires and thatch of the town settled back into focus, the only movement grass blades and flower petals that had been blasted into the air floating back to earth. 

Then three snake-like streaks, speckled with pastel patterns over a base colour, danced their way into the air towards them. 

“Incoming!” Rainbow yelped, hitting the deck as a blue blur almost shaved her trademark mane off. 

Pinkie squealed, leaping onto her party cannon like a startled house cat as a red one looped around and around her before darting to it’s mother. Fluttershy blinked, then slowly eased herself to the side to allow a trembling orange one to waver past. 

Johnny stared down at the reunited family, the hoarsely croaking Mama flapping her wings in joy as three smaller, snake-like Partyerodactyls fluttered and bounced around her, signature coloured sparks sheeting off their wings and filling the air with tinny, discordant genre notes. 

“What just happened?” 

“The Elements of Harmony special,” Dash sneered. 

“We accidentally woke this family from hibernation,” Fluttershy explained. “But now that they’re all together they can go home!” 

“And the light show?” 

“Their music magic building to a crescendo that would’ve destroyed Ponyville and everything all the way up to Canterlot.” Pinkie’s smile wavered slightly as she glanced at the rooftops, some of which were still smoking. “Which wouldn’t have happened if I’d just been happy with my good old-fashioned party mix.”

“Hey, nothin' wrong with tryin’ new things, pink stuff!” Rainbow Dash’s own grin faltered as she turned to see the blue baby mimicking her Encouraging Cool One pose. 

The Torch tried to smile. “So, you…had everything under control?”

He’d been working on how to put his plan into effect all last night and had been delighted at what looked like a chance for a classic team up to endear himself to his old flight school…friend. Instead, he’d menaced a distraught mother with a bad case of laryngitis and almost thrown off the split-second timing needed to stop most of central Equestria being flattened by a soundwave that’d make Klaw cry from the craftsmanship. 

Is this…is this what being Peter is like?

“Um,” said Fluttershy.

“Yeah!” Dash shot back into the stare down space, ignoring the heat from his flames. “Even after you butted in!” 

“Okay, okay.” Johnny waved his hooves in supplication, floating backwards to give her some personal space. Because he was a respectful, enlightened 21st century stallion. Not because those intense magenta eyes still felt like they could dissect him and make a couple of artful salads out of his innards. 

“It worked out, though!” Pinkie was having a bouncing contest with the ecstatic red baby while its sisters nuzzled their mother. “We’ll just leave you out of the diary.” 

“…thanks?” 

“You’re welcome!” 

“No he’s not,” Dash hissed.

“Rainbow,” Fluttershy said gently. 

Rainbow glared down at her then they all followed her gaze, watching the reunited Partyerodactyl family as Mama embraced her children with her wings one final time. Blue fought her way out, flapping abashed wings. Red waved a wing at Pinkie as Mama gently wrapped her foot around her, Orange snuggling happily into the other’s grip, sharing a reptilian smile with Fluttershy. Blue looked at Dash with begrudging respect as Mama gently but firmly clamped her tail in her mouth, nodded gratefully to the Elements and took to the air in a riot of carnival colours. 

“Yeah, okay,” Dash muttered. 

Summer peace gently rolled  over them as they watched the colourful shadow recede, Johnny feeling out of place. He’d never have imagined Rainbow Dash chilling out over something so simple, not the same way as the two radically different mares she was somehow rolling with. But their muscles seemed to be relaxing identically, their breathing slowing to the same pace. 

Also, he was still on fire. Not really going with the vibe. 

“Is it too soon for a Yay-We-Didn’t-Break-Everything party?” Pinkie Pie asked. 

“Maybe we can talk about it at our next recording session?” Fluttershy suggested. Pinkie smiled back gratefully. 

“Count on it. Just gotta put these clouds back first.” Dash gave her a wingtip up, then whip cracked her glare back on the Torch, who’d folded his arms for something to do. “And take care of some air pollution.” 

“Y’know, I actually miss that caustic Cloudsdale sarcasm.” Johnny chanced a smile. “Was hoping we could catch up! Talk about the good ol’ days!” 

Rainbow Dash let out a snarl that reminded him of a timberwolf, both the animal and the Hex-Pony, and blasted off so hard she almost whipped out his flames.

Johnny shared a few awkward seconds blinking with Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie before she swooped back down, her muttering muffled by the cloud corner she had clamped in her mouth and jetted back into the sky, dragging the entire thing behind her like Father Hearth’s Warming’s sack. 

“Huh. She has mellowed.” Johnny blinked at the furious rainbow contrail then smiled at the other Elements. “Well, wish me luck. Nice to see you both…again.”

He’d leaned in slightly as he was talking and terrified Fluttershy’s birds with his flame form, sending them racing from her shoulders in a torrent of feathers. She looked as if she was about to cry. 

“You too!” Pinkie Pie, now somehow wearing oven mitts, clasped his hoof and shook it vigorously, almost dragging him out of the air and setting fire to the grass she was standing on. “And good luck, I guess!”

She sighed to herself as the Torch recovered, winked at them and took off in a jet of flame. 

“She only growled a little bit,” Fluttershy assured, putting a wing around her shoulders. 

“Oh, it’s not that. It’s just…” Pinkie scuffed the ground a little. “Following Rainbow Dash where other ponies dare not tread used to be my thing.”


5


“I can smell you back there,” Rainbow snapped into the wind, 300ft above Ponyville’s fields and climbing, pushing her cloud construct ahead of her with both hooves. 

“Did you get faster?” Johnny pushed down on his internal accelerator, trying to pull alongside her. “Swear that’s not a come on, genuinely asking.”

“Go. Away. Storm!” 

Still so mad that not even flattery worked. He was going to have to go Nova Flame with the charm here. Assuming he didn’t run out of breath first, he was channelling half an exploding zeppelin into his thrust and she was still accelerating!

“Look, don’t you want to know why I came all the way out here?” 

“The Great Pony in the Sky is punishing me?” 

“Ha! Your banter’s really gotten better!” He was grinning in spite of the tension, which did make her finally look at him but did not make anything better. 

She braked suddenly. He shot past her, twisting upside down as he tried to slow himself. He hung there until the upside down construct came back into focus then executed a loop to come back up alongside her. 

“Y’know I’m a Wonderbolt now?” Her glare only wavered as she glanced at the specific knots of cloudstuff she was kneading with her hooves. “Well. Wonderbolt cadet.”

“Wait, for real?” He had a sudden impulse to hug her. It was all she’d talked about back at flight school. Well, okay, all he clearly remembered her talking about, but to be fair his immediate memories of Rainbow Dash included a lot of swearing. “Oh man, congrats!” 

“I’m only telling you so you understand somethin’.” She leaned towards him in a very Fin Fang Foom kind of way. “I’m getting even better at busting up jerks like you than I already was. HYUGH!” 

She executed a near perfect Krav Maga kick, the cloud construct bursting into plumes that shot back for miles, some of them almost reaching Ponyville. She’d just restored an entire section of sky in seconds. Only one was left in front of her, and it had a horseshoe and lightning bolt impression stamped into it. 

Johnny had been intimidated by the best of the best for almost a decade of super heroism now and had foolishly spurned women far more skilled in the art of vengeance than Rainbow. This helped, but also some cavepony instinct told him not making any sudden moves right now would be a good idea. 

“You’re still in my airspace,” Dash muttered. It had been kinda better when she was refusing to look at him, but at least he had her attention now.

“I thought about writing but...” Johnny shrugged. “Well, figured you’d either burn it or worse, return it.” He smiled. “Man, remember that epic reverse letter bomb you pulled on, what was his name, Turnbuckle? With the…” 

He pantomimed, because that thing had been a crime and he wasn’t going to use his flames to recreate it. 

“The mohawk and the widows peak? Oh yeah, that was epic!” That grin was nice to see again. He’d moved on, but still. And she was taking the bait. “I had this griffon friend in freshman lag displacement, it’s where I got all the meat for…No, nope, not happening!”

“What’s not happening?” Johnny grinned. All he’d needed was a crack. Flames were good at finding holes in defences. 

“We’re not bonding!” Rainbow Dash snapped. If she’d been on the ground or a cloud she could’ve stamped her hoof the way she really wanted to. “You blew all those good times away. If there even were any!” 

“That’s what I wanted to talk about.” Johnny chanced drifting closer, altering his flames and temperature for better mood lighting and atmosphere. “Rainbow, we haven’t seen each other in years! You won Best Young Flier and I didn’t even know until I asked Soarin’ about it!” 

“You always did take it for granted,” she muttered, folding her forelegs. 

“What?”

“Flying!” He almost flinched at how high the indignation in her voice was. “The only reason you were even there was ‘cause somepony decided you need to re-certify your flight certificate every few years. And you’d missed the class the year before.” 

“You know how it is when you’re saving Equestria!”

“Yeah, goin’ on three years now. Four next Summer Sun Celebration.” How did somepony this passionate manage to make her eyes glint that metallically? “This one guy still thinks we’re just rookies, though.”

...whoops.

“That guy sounds like he, ah, has a lot to make up for.”

“He could start by turning around and going back to Manehattan.” She jerked her head over her shoulder towards the mountains. “On the other hoof, Tartarus is over that-a-way. Leave now, there might be a good cell left by the time you get there.” 

Johnny fought down the grin and the impulse to shoot back, even though that was a good one, and heaved a sigh. 

“You’re right, Dannii--Whoa, whoa, whoa, put down the cloud!”

It was less the cloud, more the spikes of flash-frozen moisture she’d punched out of it and was taking aim with. Like a mace. 

“Don’t. You. EVER. Call me that.”

He’d been gambling on the confidence entrusted pet name, derived from her full one, conjuring Fall/Spring memories of dorm rooms, the cloud campus, that thing with the sky pirates, and malt shops. He must’ve really blown it, but in his defence even back then it had never taken much to set off Mt. Rainbow. 

“Iwassayingyou’reright!”

“…go on.” She let the cloud drift back into its orbit but didn’t take her hooves off the makeshift chain. 

“Well, you are!” Johnny shrugged, knowing another sigh would break the illusion she was only marginally buying into now. “I could feed you a line about how I’ve changed, but please believe I was a different pony when you knew me. I was so wrapped up in trying to be my own pony, away from the team, that it never even occurred to me to ask you to come along.”

“You were condescending a lot, too,” Dash said, voice cold but warming to this Johnnycake-Is-Wrong topic. 

“I was?” Oh, right. They’d been the fun, getaway-from-it-all dynamic duo of Cloudsdale campus, but the FF, he’d argued, had been seriously major league for a freshman flier. He’d meant major league dangerous but there was the distinct possibility he hadn’t actually phrased it that way? They’d been arguing a lot by this point. “I mean, yes, I was!” 

“But not to Soarin’.” She was doing the foreleg folding thing now, which was promising. She wanted him to try harder, which meant she was drawing him in, which meant he could go with the flow. 

And Peter said this stuff was complicated! 

“Soarin’ was just kinda, y’know, around.” He began to slowly circle her as she half turned away, trying to make it look like he was trying to keep control and that she had all of it. Even though she was now having to work a little harder to pay attention to him.  “We were roomies! Sue liked him! Like she liked you, remember?” 

“I don’t remember you mentioning you went to college with a Wonderbolt all-star reserve.” She glared over her shoulder, unable to stop herself following him. “Woulda been a nice contact to have.” 

“Yeah, but it’s not like you needed it!” Because game should respect game, he let a little actual admiration into the Whatever-Did-I-Do-To-Deserve-You? face. The one he used for the delusion of grandeur cases when he was stalling so Reed could free the hostages. “You’re a Wonderbolt cadet now and you didn’t even need flight school!” 

“Yeah, and even if I wasn’t part of the sisterhood on Princess Celestia’s speed dial?” She waited until he was floating back in front of her so he could see her eyes. “I still wouldn’t need you.” 

“And why would you?” He stopped circling because she’d been foolish enough to make actual eye contact. “We were so good together, y’know, as partners, and I never really let you spread those wings.”

Rainbow Dash demonstrated how much her prowess with her wings had increased since he’d last seen her by holding herself aloft with one and pointing the other’s wingtip at her mouth for Gag Me, complete with sound effects. It sounded distressingly more organic than it had on H.E.R.B.I.E.’s recording. 

“Gag you may, Rainbow, gag you may! It’s not even a fraction of what I deserve!” Hanging your head in mid-air was hard if you didn’t mean it, so he tried to make his puppy dog eyes glow more. “I was a heel! A jerk! A veritable scoundrel!” 

“Are you seriously tryin’ that three times for emphasis trick on me?”

“I’m trying to make amends!” Johnny clasped his hooves over his 4 logo, great heart substitute. “Look, we’ve always been on the same level and we’ve only gotten better with age. We’re part of the first line of defence and your friend is dating my Spider-Pony! Big stuff, little stuff, we’re gonna run into each other.” 

“So obviously I should cut out the middle pony and just run you over, is what I’m hearing.” Dash smirked. How had it taken this long for the armed forces to notice her?

“No jury in the land would convict you! But just because we can’t be what we were doesn’t mean we can’t try to make something new!” 

“Oh what, we’ll be our own lil’ spin-off?” Dash scoffed. “Flames and Feathers! Because of course the guy has to get top billing!”

“We don’t have to put labels on it,” Johnny assured, filing Flames and Feathers away for trademarking once he got back to the city, possibly a mini-series, studios loved those. “Although if we had to? I’d like to think of it as a new friendsh--”

“Do not finish that sentence,” Dash warned. 

He felt a strange note in her voice knife through his epidermis and deep into his bones. A wine glass fragility to the air between them. Had sparks come out of her cutie mark or had the sun gotten in his eye? 

She sighed through her nose, her wing beats slowing slightly. She suddenly looked like she’d been awake for all the years since the breakup. “Johnny, man…what’re you doing? We said what we said. Sorry isn’t nearly enough.”

“You don’t have to apologise,” Johnny insisted and felt his brain trying to roll over since it didn’t have its own eyes. 

“I didn’t say I did!” Theeere was the Rainbow he’d been expecting, like she’d never left. Like somepony like her would ever want to look vulnerable.  

“You just said it wasn’t enough if I did!” He quickly turned the protesting spread forelegs into a penitent hoof clasp. “…and you’re so right! But there must be something that comes close? A trip! An adventure! An all you can eat on my bit at A Lume di Candela, Cloudsdale’s best old-world restaurant!” 

…actually he hoped she didn’t take him up on that, she had a nigh-Giganto appetite and he had to pay rent now. 

“Pfft, that place?” Dash was trying not to laugh. “It’s been gone for years, you poser.” 

“Wait, really? What happened?”

“Burned down.” She enjoyed that, he could tell. “Troppa luce di candela!”

“Huh.” 

Johnny blinked as he tried to process, then felt the slot machine part of his brain click. Jackpot. The perfect opening. 

He risked heaving another sigh, sparks trailing out with his breath and mournfully turned away like a depressed birthday balloon. “Guess that’s a sign then. Guess neither you nor the universe want this. Guess I’ll have to tell Grim and the gang to cancel the reservation…”

He hung his head this time because his back was to her and it helped him bob forward miserably, a flaming lost little puppy. Who could feel her starting to vibrate behind him. Wait for it, wait for it…

“Grim?” Dash’s voice said in his ear suddenly, over the rush of air that almost blew his flames out. “You mean Grim Skies? Captain Grim Skies? Saved The Dawn Treader Grim Skies? Pink heart for courage and compassion Grim Skies? Four consecutive buckball touchdowns Grim Skies?”

“Oh, you know Grim?” Johnny made sure the smirk was off his face when he turned to blink innocently at her. 

“Did you not see the poster on my dorm wall?!” There was a strange squeal he didn’t remember ever hearing in her voice but that manic smile felt like the dental equivalent of a pair of favourite slippers. He remembered it from a few concerts and mostly A.I.M. brawls. 

“Which one? You had like a million, and the lights were off most of the time.”

“The Grim Skies one, dummy!” She grabbed his shoulders, mercifully spared hospitalisation as he rapidly lowered his temperature. “The stallion for all seasons!”

“All seasons? Grim?” He shook his head. Right, right, Pegasus mare and, incredible as it seemed, the old crank had lived a whole other life before the Life Fantastic. “That is…not how I’d describe him.”

Sparks burst from his eyes as the grip on his shoulders tightened suddenly. 

“But then,” Johnny wheezed through his constricting chest, “can mere words really do him justice?” 

“A lot, but I’m too excited to say all of ‘em!” If they’d been on the ground, she’d be jumping up and down. “Are you for real? You can introduce me to Grim Skies?!”

“Sure, if you want!”

“Want,” Dash hissed through teeth clenched shut by fangirl grinning. It was worse than that time Annihilus had tried to swallow Johnny’s head. 

“Well, there’s this thing on Saturday…” He looked her up and down as if inspecting an airship component and nodded. “You know what? Yes.”

“Yes what?” Dash whispered, pupils too tiny to allow suspicion in. 

“Rainbow, not only am I going to introduce you to the Idol of Millions himself, I’m going to make up our entire career to you.” He let his right hoof glow more warmly as he placed it on her shoulder. “Daniella Sacharissa Rainbow. Will you do me the honour of taking my place on a Fantastic Family mission this weekend?” 

He’d expected her to eye him with that Cloudsdale back-stratus-streets suspicion that she’d always displayed whenever spare change, other fillies, or forgotten birthdays had come up. Spinning him around by his forelegs while somehow also holding him close enough to fuse his ribs together not so much, although he was familiar with this part of her. But the noisecoming out of her mouth! Like Peter’s face sliding slowly down a window pane! 

“OmigoshomigoshomigoshI’mgonnameetGrimSkiesI’mgonnameetGrimSkiesWe’regonnabebestfriendsomigosh--”

“Yes, you are!” Johnny winced, trying to keep smiling even if it felt like his one still open eye was about to be popped right out of his head. “Just show ‘em this tomorrow.”

He managed to produce the fire-proofed messenger tube, containing proper documentation and pass, with a magician’s flourish, despite the agonising pressure. And bonus, the fact she was a legit Wonderbolt (cadet) now meant she had her own paperwork that’d skate her past almost everything, including Sue’s glare.

She almost sliced his leg off snatching it, clutching it to her chest like Annihilus’s Cosmic Control Rod. “This doesn’t make up for everything.” 

“Yeah?” 

“But…” She stopped fighting her smile. “It’s a start.” 

“I’ll take what I can get,” he smiled back, massaging his sides. She’d almost cracked his epidermis open like a lobster shell! “So, friends again?”

“No,” Dash said bluntly. “But maybe if the princess sends a scroll and you happen to be in the same airspace, I wouldn’t mind being paired up with you. Much.”

“As long as we don’t get stuck Spider-sitting.” He held out a hoof for a shake. 

“Tell me about it.” She didn’t take it, instead clutching the tube even tighter. “And, y’know, if Mr. Grim isn’t too busy helpin’ the stretchy dude out, I could. Maybe. Sorta. Y’know.”

Her eyes darted back and forth. 

“Become his official Elements/Fantastic team buddy.” 

“You can ask him Saturday?” Johnny tried, sensing this might be the only way he got out of this conversation alive. 

“Oh yeah!” Dash beamed, practically squeezing the tube open. “’Cause I’m gonna meet him!” 

She hovered there for a beat, her whole body shaking almost faster than her wings then squealed again, looping around the startled Torch from so many different directions it was almost as if he was being attacked by the Planet of the Rainbows before shooting off in a crazed zigzag pattern back to Ponyville. 

“I’m gonna meet Grim Skies! I’m gonna meet Grim Skies!” she chanted so hard Johnny was surprised the words weren’t following her in a receding cartoon trail. “I’mgonnameetGrimSkiesI’mgonnameetGrimSkies!”

Johnny waved after her as he floated back to earth, mostly so the echoes would fade away faster. 

So that’s what somepony else having fangirls was like. Sweet Celestia. But it had been worth it. Rainbow Dash was off the board. His plan could begin. 

After he relished things a little, of course. 

Making sure nopony was around he reignited his top hat construct. “Hahahaha,” he said softly to nopony. 

He began rubbing his hooves together, dancing flames becoming sharper. “Mwuhahaha!”

A flaming monocle burst into existence over his right eye as he threw back his head. “BWAHAHAH--”

“Excuse us!” 

Johnny almost broke his neck whirling around. He’d been so focused on Rainbow he hadn’t paid attention to the landscape beneath and it turned out he was now floating only a few feet above one of the town’s main roads. 

The orange Pegasus who’d called for his attention was at the handles of a well maintained scooter, her friends sharing space in the cart behind it with what he would’ve sworn was a sarcophagus. 

“Um. Yeah?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah?” Johnny tried. 

“Only you were sorta rubbin’ your hooves and laughin’,” the one with the bow said. 

“Yeah?”

“Do you know you’re on fire?” the Unicorn with curls asked. 

“Yeah?” He had to take control back somehow. He let his gaze drift back to the sarcophagus, prompting them to follow it. “What’s that for?”

“We’re not supposed to talk to strangers,” the Earth Pony said a little too quickly. 

“I won’t tell if you won’t,” the Horseshoe Torch said diplomatically. 

“What’s there to tell?” the Pegasus agreed, pawing the ground. “See ya, mister fire monster!”

“Stay in school!” Johnny called, waving after them. 

“C’mon girls!” They took off down the nearby hill, hooves thrust to the sky for the group chant. “Cutie Mark Crusaders Archaeologists, Yay!”

“Where does Peter find these people?” Johnny stared after the dust cloud. He looked over his shoulder at the distant town. “Oh. Right.”


6


“So, how’s the new job?” Twilight asked as they trotted up a Midtown street. 

“Should be asking you!” Peter nuzzled her. “Been a while since, uh--”

“Since Night Light rushed out to borrow a copy of Fantastic Beasts so he could make sure you weren’t an Everfree monster wearing the guise of a pony to lure Twi to her doom?” Spike asked, lagging behind and engrossed in a trade paperback. 

“Thank you, Spike. Honestly though, can’t blame him.”

“I can.” Twilight scowled as Peter blinked at her. “Well, we were at lunch! It was rude! And he used my copy!”

“The library’s copy,” Spike said, a talon raised over the fold.

“…so he used Ponyville’s copy. We were at lunch! Thank gosh May showed up.”

“Your mother wasn’t being that bad, hon,” Peter lied. 

It hadn’t been the honestly innocuous questions, it’d been Velvet's eyes. Watching everything he did. Assessing for weaknesses. 

“Only because there were witnesses,” Twilight muttered, rearranging their levitated shopping bags. “I’m glad they bonded though! Our families should get on.” 

“Aunt May said she’s meeting your mother for tea up in Canterlot next week, even!” 

“Twilight knows!” Spike smirked. “Velvet put it in their new weekly letter, which I’m to make sure Twilight sends on time from now on.” 

“We’ll talk about saving the world and boundaries in the next one,” Twilight muttered as Peter got the restaurant door for her. “And put that thing down, you’ll walk into something!” 

“Look who’s talkin’,” Spike muttered, then flinched as he trod in something cold and purple that hadn’t been there before. “Yeek!” 

“Oh, did I say walk into?” Twilight smirked over her shoulder now that the cover of Jack Staff wasn’t between them anymore, horn glow fading. “I meant step in.”

“Play nice, dear,” Peter said, holding her chair out for her because Aunt May instilled habits died hard, and also, yeah, they both loved it. 

“Represent, bro.” Spike hopped up onto his own as Peter took his. 

“No, I just meant that’s an omnibus edition. We should treat it with respect.” Peter craned over as the dragon spread two almost Pegasus wing sized pages. “Ooh, see, this is what I was telling you about, isn’t that the best spread?” 

“Yes, a Caesar salad burger, easy on the tofu, and a diet hay-shake, please,” Twilight told their waitress. “Oh, and two sunny meals for the children.”

“Sweet potato steak, side of hay-fries and onion rings, glass of mango juice, please,” Peter said and smirked at her. Twilight, not the waitress, that would’ve been creepy. “Spike?”

The drake unenthusiastically poked his head over the omnibus. “Uh, you guys do fish?” 

“Yes sir, if you’d like,” the waitress said kindly, “but it’s just one of the options on our dragon menu.”

Peter winked at Twilight. He’d told her about this option when they’d been looking for something to keep the kid occupied in Midtown Comics and it was worth the wait. Spike blinked, looking around the room to realise there were dragons, just…sitting there. A lot of mixed species tables, actually.

“Spike?” Twilight smiled. 

“Uh, r-right!” Spike looked around, unable to keep the smile off his face or put his oversized paperback down so Peter mercifully nosed his own menu over. “Uh, uh, does the ruby special come with, y’know, actual…?”

“Oh, afraid not, sir! We keep meaning to change the name. Sanitary concerns, y’see. It’s the geology around here.” 

“Then two double baconators, extra cheese and bacon, please!” Spike grinned as the two (relative) adults fought to keep their faces from turning green. Twilight glanced at her menu and went a little white at the price, though. 

“He’ll have a Sunflower soda. Um, a small one.”

“We could hit Dragon Town again?” Peter offered as Spike kept glancing between the dragoness in the business suit on the left and the dragon family on the right. “Y’know, out of costume and when whatshername with the hat hasn’t been conned into opening a doorway to the Dark Dimension through fireworks of dubious origin.”

“You guys’ll have work, but thanks,” Spike smiled, fins colouring as he went back to Jack Staff. The dragoness about his own age at the family table had been looking back at him. 

“There’s always another time,” Twilight tried. “And that antique store we managed to banish the Mindless Ones back through had some good looking pieces!” 

“Sure,” Spike smiled genuinely this time as the waitress brought their drinks. “And hey, they won’t have a festival every night, right?”

“Y’know, as much as that was so typical of Trixie, you really do have to admire the mastery of pyromagikinetics and gravithuamic geometry it took to pull that off.” Twilight put her hoof on Peter’s. “Ooh, listen, are you free this weekend? Rarity was angling to use our portal, and I thought, well…” 

She shrugged, wings moving more easily with her shoulders than they had the last time they’d seen each other.

“I might be working,” Peter said, ears flattening. “Uh, like, actually working not, y’know, the business. If not for the Plunder Seeds they wouldn’t even put me on a site this early. Paperwork to make up. Sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Twilight smiled reassuringly, giving his hoof a squeeze. “She says she’s coming up for business and pleasure, and I’m not sure I want to be involved in that either.” 

“I could--” Spike began. 

“No you couldn’t.” 

“Uh, could leave her a key?” Peter suggested. “Y’know, let her get in and out. Or! You guys could stay over!” 

“Oh! That would be fun!” Twilight’s smile wavered slightly as she looked at Spike. She could send him home through the line, but what’d be her excuse? “Would, uh, would your roommate mind?” 

“Pfft, Johnny?” Peter struggled not to squeeze her hoof into putty from the suppressed laughter. He was honestly surprised one of his web-shooters hadn’t gone off. 

“Who’s Johnny?” Spike said suspiciously. 

“Now there’s an idea!” Twilight’s wings fluttered slightly in excitement. “Maybe he could, what’s his thing, flame on and cover for you?”

“No.” Peter tried to smile but it felt like stirring molasses. “Johnny’s responsibilities aren’t mine. I can’t just pawn them off on him.”

“You use that word an awful lot, man.”

“Spike,” Twilight warned gently. 

“No, I just mean…! It’s like you’ve gotta quota to fill or something.”

Not wrong, Peter thought, it’s just that I never will. 

A thousand lives. A million. They’d never balance. Not when there’d always be that unforgivable one. 

“Sorry to bring down the mood,” he sighed. 

“You’re not!” Twilight assured. “Look, we knew there’d be difficulties on both sides when we went into this. But we knew what we wanted.”

“And I’ve wanted to be there,” Peter smiled. “But before the Carrot and Stick--”

“That place is going to haunt me forever, isn’t it?” Twilight fumed. “Maybe I should tell the princess it’s actually haunted. Well, occupied by outside entities, hauntings aren’t--no, Spike, hauntings are not real. Banish it to the Phantom Pasture is my point.” 

“Is this about the prep week?” Spike asked Peter. “’Cause you know you only missed a fake murder mystery, right?”

“A what,” Peter said flatly, as if a brick wall had decided to cut out the middle man and just get in the car with him. 

“Pinkie and Rarity convinced themselves the staff were out to get me.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “They were my old classmates and teachers in disguise! They were acting all weird because they wanted to throw a little surprise party for me. Mind you, Mrs. Final Act did always have a thing for steepling her hooves and chuckling in the shade.”

“The point is,” Peter tried again, thankful the table was isolated enough that other diners didn’t turn around at the emphasis, “that it’s been a while since I’ve seen you. And I’m sorry we might have to lose this weekend too.”

“We both have responsibilities.” 

“I know, but all that time with the new job…you and Spike had to do that mirror universe thing all alone!” 

“I had to anyway! It was my Element, Peter!” She glanced at her wings. “And it…helped. In its own way. I know Spider-Pony will always be just as big a part of your life. I’ve accepted it.”

“And that’s why I don’t deserve you.” It was so much easier to smile this time. 

Before they could smooch and wipe the whole thing away, there was a scraping sound. Twilight blinked to suddenly find the space behind her filled with another table, ponies and griffins practically clambering over it to stare at her. 

“Load Bearer?” Peter blinked. “I mean, uh, Load Bearer! Guys. This is Twilight and Spike.” 

“Oh, your work friends?” Twilight face lit up with delight as she turned around to shake Load Bearer’s hoof. “So nice to meet you! I’ve wanted to do a study on friendship in the work place for forever!” 

“Nice to meet you too, your, uh…” Load Barer glanced between her, Peter and Spike. 

“Oh, just Twilight. We’re all off duty, right? Where are those legendary Canterlot manners? Sit down, sit down!” 

She used magic to better organise the tables, Peter sharing a smirk with her as he noted the telekinetic dance allowed them to sit closer together, while safely depositing everyone else in positions that would let them see Twilight but have to go one at a time to ask questions. 

“So,” Twilight beamed. “Damage Control. Can I just say what you do is inspiring? So many species working together!” 

“We like to keep it tight,” Load Bearer smiled, buoyed by the enthusiasm, which Peter half suspected was Twilight’s method of getting around her still fresh title. “Right, Pete?”

“We’ll always have our mutual fear and loathing of Anne at least.”

Twilight and Spike blinked as the entire company, Peter included, shuddered in nigh-Wendigo dread. “Anne?” they asked in unison. 

“Aniseed,” Pathfinder, the crew’s griffon excavator explained, trying not to claw her menu in half from trepidation. “She works on the 21st floor. They’re all nuts up there. We think it’s the high altitude. But Anne...!”

“Wait,” Spike frowned, “Ms. Grace’s assistant? Yeah, she’s pure evil!”

“Spike!” Twilight scolded. 

“What? We’ve been face to face with nightmares and ghost kings!” 

“No, that filly is absolutely evil, it’s just the word choice. Implications of the word pure aside, evil, by definition, cannot be pure.” 

“Love it when she does this,” Peter leaned over to whisper to Load Bearer. 

“I heard that, buster.” Twilight smiled at Load Bearer. “I hope it’s okay we sort of attached ourselves to your work today…Bleecker street, right?”

“Yeah, Ms. Grace said. It’s fine! If this water idea works, think you could help clear out a few other places? Hate to ask, but we’ve been hauling these things out for weeks. It’ll be good to finally start fixing the city!” 

“No problem, as long as it takes,” Twilight agreed. “If I pace myself, I could probably help you guys clean out the whole Village. Between you and me, I’m just trying to nab a free invitation to the Sanctum Santorum.” 

The tables laughed and Peter felt the easing of a weight he hadn’t realised he’d been gathering. This wasn’t going to be so bad. He liked the new job, he really did. Helping without the mask, and with Twilight along, if just for today? That was fair compensation for a lost weekend. 

The conversation flowed from what Controlling Damage actually entailed to the Mets' chances to Spike’s own adventures to what Sapphire Shores was wearing this month to poor Honey Tea and Ice Crystals. It was like sinking into warm water, like when he and the gang had carved out their own little niche in the Coffee Bean back in the day. 

Which was why it took him a while to notice the reflection of a camera flash in Spike’s fork. 

“Dude!” Spike yelped as Peter sprang from his chair and bounded to the door, part rottweiler, part enraged komdodragon. 

“Pete?!” he heard Load Barer, pretty sure it was only audible over the pounding in his ears because she’d spent years yelling over construction equipment. 

The air of the city slowed him down a little, making him take stock. Manehattan was that kinda town so pedestrians only gave him a once over before going about their business. Crowded. Alleyway a few blocks up. But a subway kiosk right across the street. Nuts.

He blinked, turning to see Twilight’s startled face, frozen in half turning to follow him and gave her a weak grin. “Uh,” he called, not even sure she could hear him, “thought I saw somepony I know!” 

And if it’s who I think it is, his inner spider hissed, I’m gonna go WAY further than just webbing the old hack to his office chair! 


To be Continued 

> Match Making (3)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


7


Night oozed its way over Equestria. 

A grateful Partyerodactyl family slept in their refortified hollow, dreaming of music and their new friends. 

Twilight managed to clear out the Village. No invite to the Sanctum Sanctorum, but lots of coupons in the mail from local businesses and an invite to Damage Control’s next summer barbecue! She dreamed of crystal trees and abandoned subway tunnels and cities made of the words of books. And barbecue. 

Rainbow Dash was too excited to drift off (Grim Skies!!!), but wore herself out trying to pack as much as she could into her saddlebags. She dreamed of bomber jackets and ropes and old timey wooden crates and limitless skies, slumped over clutter she’d abandon in the morning. 

Rarity made one or two enquiries about what had happened while she’d been with Applejack in Canterlot and scared Fluttershy a little with her ‘oh did he now,’ smile. She dreamed of an old house, furniture and doorways covered by beautiful drapes and curtains that wouldn’t part and of the excitement of going to see her father play at Canterlot colosseum and of candlelight in the daytime. 

Now that most of the Plunder Seed sites were free, Spider-Pony spent the night stopping that new Inner Demons gang from trying to raid Damage Control’s storage vaults and fuming. And worrying. When he finally collapsed into bed, he dreamed of his uncle. And running. 

Johnnycake helped weld a damaged bridge back together and solve an elaborate mystery where three seemingly identical ponies appeared to be murdered on three different airships. He slept like a log, custom hairnet perfectly secured, and had an interesting dream about the centennial episode of Flames and Feathers, unaware that his sleeping mind was inadvertently intercepting events from the Equestria of Universe Theta 629 ½. 


***

“Hmm,” said Princess Luna, because she’d used What Fools These Mortals Be to death and ‘Hmm’ was timeless. 

What an interesting little tangle. No wonder the night had drawn her in this direction. She would be mildly interested to see how it all wound out, but it wasn’t the sort of thing that usually required her intervention. Well, three Elements were involved, but still. 

Then again, the young colt. There’d been love there. And guilt. She knew quite a bit about that, mostly that you couldn’t erase it just like that. 

Love, on the other hoof…yes, that ought to do. 

In her private study untold miles from where she hovered now, a quill pen, one of those useful modern ones that used cartridges and didn’t have to be dipped every few minutes, was surrounded by a sapphire glow and began to scribble. 

Dawn began to slither across Equestria. 


8


“He what,” the Phantasmal Pony said coldly.

“He said I’m awesome enough to downgrade to fantastic!” Rainbow Dash bobbed back and forth in the air, her smile the only part of her that wasn’t shaking with excitement. “No offence.” 

“I didn’t know there was any to take,” Sue sighed. “It’s nice to see you again too, Rainbow.”

“If it helps Ms. Storm, the paperwork does check out?” Twilight tried, looking up from the documents she was levitating. “And I can assure you that once Rainbow Dash has a mission she never--”

“We’ve teamed up before!” Dash cut in impatiently. 

“I helped you sort out your student loans, hon,” Sue corrected gently. “Listen, you were together long enough to realise Johnny just set this up as part of some scheme.”

“Totally, but it’s a scheme where I get to go on an adventure with Grim Skies!” 

“Did you know anything about this?” Sue asked, rounding on Spider-Pony.

“Sue, c’mon!” The Web-Slinger waved desperate hooves, leaning back in his crouch on the ledge as if hoping the thirty five story fall would save him. “The only ponies I’m more terrified of than you are my aunt, Twilight, and my boss’ secretary!”

“Aww sweetie,” Twilight cooed. 

“Wh-tssh!” Dash hissed out the corner of her mouth with a chopping wing gesture, making Sue smile. 

“Yeah, and?” 

“At least you own it, man!” Dash winked, then fluttered in front of the Phantasmal Pony, hooves clasped. “Pleeease, Sue? I’m a Wonderbolt cadet now! Soarin’ was only a reserve when you took him along and he didn’t even have awesome laser necklaces!”

“He did have Adventurer’s Insurance, Dash,” Sue chuckled half turning to avoid the excitedly flapping wings. “Though if Johnny went anywhere near paperwork for this, he must’ve known exactly what to fill out, and you girls are covered by the Sisters Sanction…”

“Adventurer’s Insurance?” Spidey’s ears perked up.

“Adventurer’s, not vigilante’s, dear. The crown can’t give it out to just anypony. Oh, Twilight Sparkle, I’m sorry! Congratulations!”

“Thank you?” Twilight said automatically, then her wings fluttered as it registered. “Oh, I mean…thank you! I just came along to make sure Rainbow had the right authorisations, please don’t think this is some sort of royal decree to take her along!” 

“Wait, you can do that?” Those rose-coloured eyes, alight with the possibilities. 

“You’re too cool to need it?” Twilight tried hurriedly for the fate of the Pony Nation. 

“You’re getting faster!” That feral grin. 

“You must both be thrilled,” Sue smiled at Spidey and Twilight, managing to convey the warmth even though she had to crane around Rainbow Dash to do it. 

“Uh, Mr. Spider-Pony has been as supportive as any citizen of Equestria!” Twilight reared on her hind legs slightly to prevent her briefly panicked telekinesis from scattering Dash’s levitated papers. “For which I am deeply grateful! So grateful I asked him along as a fellow defender of their majesties’ peace, which totally explains why an anonymous vigilante arrived with--”

“She knows, sweetie,” Spidey chuckled, crawling a little closer. 

“He follows me around like a little radioactive puppy dog!” Twilight blushed but still nuzzled him shamelessly. “It’s adorable!” 

“That airship come with barf bags?” Dash muttered. 

“You’re assuming we’re going to let you on,” said Sue Storm, romantic and responsible adult. “Johnny used paperwork, Rainbow. He’s planning something.”

“Oh yeah, he’s totally making sure I’m off the board so he can put the moves on our friend Rarity.” 

“…the party one?”

“The fancy one,” Twilight and Rainbow said in unison.

“And you’re okay with this?” 

“She’ll eat him alive, Sue,” Spidey assured. “Hay, the only reason I’m not going along is I have work and also Rarity’s about, like, number seven on my scare-mare-o-meter!”

“And I’m sure that’s very flattering on some planet Peter, but--”

“The filly who almost fed Prince Blueblood his bowtie?” Dash gambled. “That was her!”

“Oh, that’s different.” Sue used her own powers to accept Twilight’s reorganised Rainbow papers, raising her voice vaguely in the direction of one of the futuristic structures ringing the roof garden. “Reeeed! We’re having a team up!” 

The pneumatic doors glowed with Kirby Krackle, sliding open a crack. “That’s nice, dear! Who with?”

“What’s your name, girls?” Sue asked. They blinked at her. “You know, your team name.” 

Twilight squinted. “We don’t…really have one?” 

“Hey, I showed ya my list.” Dash shrugged. “Could just steal from your beau and tack on a buncha adjectives.”  

“Yeah,” Spidey said frostily. “That’s an option.” 

“So’s borrowin’ a common phrase from the public domain.” Dash winked at him again as he blinked. Twilight bit her lip, trying not to laugh or take a side. 

“Ah, Ms. Sparkle.” Mr. Fantastic’s torso stretched towards them, levitated stationary trailing behind it as he gave Sue a hug. “Sorry, Princess Sparkle! You and your friends continue to astound! Only the two of you today, is it?” 

“Just my friend Rainbow Dash, Dr. Rivers.” Twilight blushed, still unable to handle the near meteoric impact of being complimented by one of Equestria’s foremost explorative researchers. And those dashing grey temples! 

“Rainbow…?” Reed’s neck squeaked a little as he turned to blink at Sue’s resigned smile. “You know, Johnnycake mentioned a--”

“Hiya, doc!” Dash seized one of his hooves in a vigorous shake that turned his torso into a renegade garden hose. “Nice to finally meet you. I might not be Soarin’, but once ya see me in action you’ll wonder what ya ever did without me. And I’ll do a way better job meeting your team’s Awesome Hair quota than Johnnyflake ever did!”

“Oh,” said Mr. Fantastic, genius extraordinaire. 

“Soooo, since we’re Earth’s Actual Mightiest now ‘n‘ all where’d you say the hanger was again?”

“There’s several ways down as a matter of fact. Our silo serves as the major exit but is only accessible to authorised personnel.” Reed chuckled. “Unless somepony was determined enough to squeeze through the vents over there!”

“Mistake,” Spider-Pony managed to get out before a rainbow contrail burst into existence, the slipstream so powerful he had to cling to his perch to keep from being dragged into the air. Twilight flapped her wings to steady herself, Reed’s python body swaying like a hammock as Sue stumbled back into it. 

Rainbow’s frantic squealing was muffled by the clattering of the vents as her tail finally pulled itself all the way through. 

“…sure you won’t be coming, Twilight? Peter?” Reed summoned as much cosmic ray power as possible to keep his smile steady and his face panic free. 

“Work,” Peter said quickly.

“Magic lessons,” Twilight said just as quickly. 

“Wait, really?” Spidey turned to her. “But you’re a princess now?”

“That doesn’t mean I know everything, honey.” 

“D'fhoghlaim tú an Gaeilge go tapa!” 

“You always know just what to say.” She nuzzled his nose, enjoying how instinctual it was even with the mask on. “But I shouldn’t keep Zecora waiting and Dash is going to—”

“STRETCH.” They all flinched at the Thing’s voice over the roof’s magi-P.A. “There’s some kinda ice cream coloured gremlin tryin’ to breach the hatch, Stretch. It knows my name, Stretch.” 

“—enjoy. Herself,” Twilight sighed in resignation. “Um, I understand these excursions rip any kind of scheduling to shreds, but if you can have her back by evening I can pick Rarity and Dash up?”

“You’re sure?” Sue asked as she accepted and secured the saddlebags Reed had retrieved for her, the rest of his body sauntering up to fold his torso back to normal. “The batteries in our ships and skimmers are designed for cross-country flights. Almost halfway to Canterlot and back would be no problem.”

“Oh no, don’t go to the trouble! I set up a personal teleportal spell in Yancy Street powered by the love Peter and I have for each other.”

“Ah, to be young again,” River Reed sighed nostalgically as he and Sue headed for the elevator. “Oh, Peter. I almost forgot; do you still follow The Bugle? You might both be interested in this morning’s edition.”

“Huh?” Peter blinked but reached up to take the levitated copy anyway, realised the mask was in the way of his mouth, and took it by hoof. And felt like he was about to flame on.

“Is that…us?” Twilight squeaked uncertainly, craning for a better look. 

So it was! Not a headline, but an 8x10 of their lunch with the Damage Control crew, Twilight in mid-chat but exchanging a look with Peter, Spike’s cheeks bulging from half a double baconator. 

“Princess of the People,” Twilight read. “Oh. Wow. That’s…actually kind of flattering!” 

“For a total invasion of privacy!” 

“Now honey…”

“Stretch, it’s in the co-pilot’s seat. It’s lookin’ right at me, Stretch.” 

“OmigoshomigoshomigoshcanItouchyourbricks?!”

The PA howled from the pitch of her voice and died. Sue gave Twilight a ‘teammates’ look before the elevator pad descended into the roof. Reed was trying to secure what looked like a crash helmet over his mane. “See you kids later!” 

“We hope.” They heard one of the greatest minds of their time wince over the purr of advanced hydraulics and the thump of his special somepony elbowing him extra hard to make sure he didn’t just absorb it. 


***


“Rainbow Dash on a Fantastic Family mission.” Spidey tossed The Bugle into the air. “Feels oddly heart-warming. Like watching your daughter head off to bomb disposal college.”

“I’m sure there’s a Wonderbolt class for that.” Twilight caught it in her telekinesis. “Can I keep this? ...For. Spike. Obviously.” 

“Maybe you should ask him,” Peter snorted angrily, managing to send the jets through the mask. “More than that jerk with the camera did.” 

“Is everything okay?” He turned at the concern in her voice. “Shining told me about Mr. Flattop. I know you two have a history.”

“He turned a sociopathic swordpony for hire into a scorpion to try and arrest me because, and this is the funny part, he objects to me taking the law into my own hooves.”

“But you’ve always said you try to understand what it’s like for somepony outside the mask. Even him.” 

“It was a private moment, Twilight. You and Spike are right there. Whoever took those photos, he signed off on using them!”

“Well, yeah, it’s weird that she didn’t come up and ask us if she could take our picture but, I don’t know, maybe she didn’t want to disturb us. We don’t have the relationship with the press Ponies in your circle do!” Twilight coloured a little. “In fact, um, Cadence thinks the buzz around my…ascension died down as quickly as it did because we’d already saved the world. Four times.”

She’d sounded like using the word was a stitch she’d been trying to pull out for a while now and it made him angrier. Not at the Bugle. Deep down he knew this probably didn’t have anything to do with the old rag. Angrier with himself. Because she was the best thing to ever happen to him and he was still holding back so much. 

But how could he even begin? 

“Peter?”

“Sorry.” He’d been too quiet, the mask too impassive. Sometimes it spooked people, even those who liked him in-costume. “I just…I don’t want people doing that to you. You girls are the reason we’re not all trying to grow crops in darkness or shackled in mines. You should get to just…go to lunch!”

“We do! We spent like twenty minutes arguing about where to eat only yesterday!” She put a hoof to the side of his face gently. It tore through every defence. “Look, you don’t have to tell me what this is really about. Not yet. You deserve your privacy too. Just promise me you won’t do anything rash.”

“Hey on that note, if you want to do something for Spike could you help me pick out a thank you card? That brand of baby powder he recommended works wonders on the outfit!” 

“There’s my funny, evasive colt.” A purple glow lifted the mask as she leaned in for a kiss. “Since I’ll be here to sift through the wreckage of whatever those two are planning anyway…want to come back to Ponyville this evening? Just for a bit? You were worrying about missing this weekend, is all.”

Or was I feeling guilty because part of me doesn’t want to be close to you? Because the most responsible thing I can do is tell you WHY. He forced a smile because she could see his mouth now. Sun and Moon, speaking of Escorpión my life’s basically an Andalusian soap opera!

“Would that be okay?” 

“Of course! I need a fallback since that Sanctum Sanctorum ploy didn’t pan out.”

“Ray’s?” Peter smirked. 

“Don’t insult me. That place next to MJ’s. Uh, her club not her apartment.” 

“Jalapeño ‘n‘ magnolia toppings on a bed of greasy cheese and Manehattan tap water dough. Meat Lovers for Spike. Got it.” One last cuddle and smooch before she headed for the elevator. (She’d grown more and more used to her wings over the weeks, but the Baxter Barn was on the 35th floor. What was she, Rainbow Dash?) “Wait, her?”

“Merry Jane?” Twilight squinted. “I guess she could come too, Pinkie liked her!”

“No, her. Uh, she! You said she? The pony who took that photo.”

“Oh right!” She levitated the paper over to him, the creases just happening to magically smooth themselves and the image becoming a tad sharper. “The byline, that’s what you guys call it right?”

“Status Quo?” Peter scanned the name. “Huh, she’s still working for Ferocious. Figured they’d have disappeared in the same mysterious boat explosion by now. She’s great at her society stuff, but she doesn’t do photos!”

“Ooh, Fluttershy and I used to read her hit pieces on the nobility in Hoofbeats!” Twilight shook her head, the paper rustling with it. “Anyway, that’s not it. The little…thing under the photo! I look at those all the time now even though you’re not in that line anymore.”

“Aww, sweetie!” Spidey scrutinised it through narrowing lenses as the tiny name glowed a little more magenta for emphasis. “…Snappy Scoop?” 

Twilight levitated the paper to her side, realised she wasn’t wearing a saddlebag, prepared to teleport it to a temporary holding dimension (another benefit of her ascension, she could do that now without anything coming back…different) and then remembered she had wings now and just slipped it into a slight pocket between her feathers her Pegasus friends had shown her how to make. “Haven’t you mentioned her? She sounds familiar. Are you friends?”

“Yeah, I’ve mentioned her,” Peter said carefully, trying to throw her off the scent. 

“Peter.” No dice. 

“Nothing! Just curious!” 

“Mmmhmm, and if I get curious and turn on the radio?”

“There’ll be no trace of Spider-Pony Savages Bugle Buttinski!” The Spectacular Spider-Pony, icon of Manehattan, sat back on his haunches and solemnly dragged a hoof over the spider on his chest. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my--”

“Your eyes are covered, but that’ll do.” Twilight smiled ruefully as the mounting glow of her teleportation sheeted off her mane and coat. “And don’t skimp on the Gruyere! Just because Spike’ll eat practically anything doesn’t mean I can’t have standards.” 

“Yes dear!” 

He waved, waiting until the last sparkles had faded away and the traffic noises had come back. 

“…as in yes dear, not only are my eyes covered but you won’t hear anything about Spider-Pony feeding Snappy that pretentious hat of hers.” 

He back-flipped onto the ledge, using it to springboard into web-swinging, lenses narrowing as he curved towards the East Side. 

“Peter Trotter on the other hoof!”


9


“Bwahahaha,” the Horseshoe Torch said quietly to himself from his perch on a Diamond District roof, watching his roommate fling himself past Rockhoof Plaza through a pair of binoculars. 

Pity they couldn’t be a flame construct, but a) he’d tried that, and it had never worked b) he had to stay unlit to avoid detection anyway. He wouldn’t even have checked on the old place if that thing with Volcana and Titania hadn’t gone down during his morning jog and he’d wound up in the neighbourhood. 

Good to know how the day was shaping up though! Sue and Dash out of his hair, Peter on some self-righteous crusade, Twilight Sparkle off the roof…presumably headed back to the apartment to ‘port back to her admittedly cool treehouse. 

That was the only real wrinkle in Johnny’s plan so far (the only one he’d acknowledge anyway): he wasn’t certain he could use that portal the lovebirds had set up. Even if he could, he’d be leaping into her living room. Hard to surprise Rarity if he surprised Twilight first. Also, she was dating Peter, stars only knew what she got up to in her downtime!

One of the cruisers, a mini, stream-lined version of the Excelsior Reed had developed for the more far out expeditions, was drifting over the city. Tentatively Johnny adjusted the signal-sorcery settings in his utility collar, trying to tune into the cruiser’s private channels without hailing them. 

“...as that time Princess Celestia stuck us foalsittin’ her niece!” Grim was rumbling. “No offence, kid!” 

“It’s totally cool, Mr. Grim!” Man, he could see the grin on Dash’s face through the radio waves. “You’re a veteran of the Corentine Crisis! Everypony’s a newbie compared to you!” 

“They still talk about that?” The old man actually sounded nonplussed. 

“It’s been part of the history curriculum in most of Equestria for a while now, old friend.” Reed’s voice. “Seems like only yesterday we were shipping out, eh?” 

“You were there too, doc? Cool!” 

“First time I’d ever set hoof on an explorer-class airship. Would have been the last too if not for our pilot here.” 

“Rainbow,” Sue said in that firm tone that made Johnny want to rebel and apologise all at once, “, seatbelt. In fact, Reed, should she be up front?” 

“Ah, I’ll keep an eye on her Susie, no problem!” Why did Grim sound tolerant? Happy? “Right, squirt?”

…he’d given her a nickname? Already? A plucky but cutsie wootsie one? And did that clicking sound mean Rainbow Dash was strapping in? Rainbow Dash?

“No promises Mr. Skies, I’m too in awe of you to lie. Can I put the radio on?”

Johnny flinched so hard from the burst of NO! SLEEP! TIL BROOKLYN!he flamed on. And that sound. Like one of those Father Hearth’s Warming toys with the annoying ‘Ho-Ho-Ho!’ recording, falling through every floor of a condemned building and sped up. 

That was the Thing’s Ponyacci Live at the Applewood Bowl laugh.

“He let her touch the radio,” Johnny said hollowly, watching the cruiser arc towards the city limits, where it would really open up for its journey into the beyond. “What have I done?” 

Oh, right. Removed every potential obstacle and obligation that would get in the way of a fun day with the most beguiling Pony he’d met in a while! 

And if Peter ‘n‘ the Princess’ portal (good title, not Flames and Feathers good, but put that on the back burner, maybe a kid’s book) didn’t work for him then what the hay, the flight over would give him plenty of time to work on conversation. The last thing he wanted to look like was some condescending big city pony. 

He glanced over his blazing shoulder as the rooftops of the Lower East Side grew closer, trying to make out the glint of the cruiser’s thrusters igniting. Dash would love that, he was surprised her whooping didn’t carry over the traffic.


***

Halfway through preparing a series of questions about Rarity's music preferences, since he could absolutely engage about fashion but that felt more like something she should bring up, he realised he was over Yancy Street and whipped around back towards the apartment. 

Not the most discreet way to begin and end the day, admittedly, leaving a blazing contrail from your roof, but it was honestly weirder to Johnny that the neighbourhood had immediately accepted this. Peter had, typically, nagged him about it, honest to Celestia taping up a map of the area to try and find “alternate approach avenues”. As if a) the old Bugle gig wouldn’t have explained anything even if he hadn’t landed the Damage Control one, or b) anypony was going to notice him with Johnny around. 

Pete’s paranoia also hadn’t stopped him enjoying a little moonlit perch time on the roof’s Pegasus statues and the few Spidey-sightings this must’ve generated had yet to bring the Stampede Six or Frightful Four knocking. 

…so far. The balcony doors were wide open. Both sets. 

Johnny never locked them, but always made sure to shut them if he was using that way for take-off. Kept the street smells and pigeons out. He’d done it this morning. Peter was headed for Flatiron and Princess Girlfriend and her Dragon (‘nother great title) would have no reason to touch them at all. 

The next few minutes were spent trying to conjure a cool flame weapon for the occasion, but he kept defaulting to the cliched baseball bat and decided being on fire was enough. 

He drifted inside, chastising himself for not checking the place out with his thermal vision first, even if it wasn’t quite as effective during daylight, and looked around. The intruder had done…something to the living room, he just wasn’t sure what.

“Cleaned it,” said a lyrical, dignified voice from the kitchen. 

Johnny whirled, one blazing hoof raised to conjure a fireball, the other embarrassingly flung up in a pointless attempt to defend himself. There was a startled squeal to compliment his startled yelp. He was under attack by…a coffee cup? 

“What?!” he demanded of the universe in general. 

“I cleaned it!” The same cyan glow around the floating cup surrounded a box of kitchen wipes he didn’t remember buying and levitated one into the air as a white flag. “And helped myself to some of your Neighponese blend, which is the bigger liberty if you ask me!”

“Rarity?” 

“You were expecting maybe the Grundle King?” 

Rarity smoothed her mane back into shape, not that it needed it, rising from behind the counter like a kaiju who thought it had missed its cue. 

“No wonder there’s so many Starbits in this city if this is what homebrewing gets you!”

“Uh…” Johnny looked at the pulsing fireball in his hoof and hid it behind his back like he used to do with Sue in childhood winters. “Mind if we start over?”

“Should I?” But she was smiling.

“Ms. Belle!” Johnny spread his blazing hooves in greeting, still glowing and hovering inches off the floor. “Welcome to my humble (co-rented) abode! This is the best kind of surprise, the unexpected! I was just about--”

“To give me the third degree and take my eyebrows off in the process?” She raised one as she sat on the couch. Still smiling! Like an alligator playing with its food. 

“I was gonna say offer you some coffee, but somepony seems to have taken the liberty of helping themselves to the pantry.” He smiled back, forelegs folded. “For real though, I’m sorry. For what it’s worth I was startled, couldn’t get much temperature together. That thing would’ve felt like a ball of lukewarm bathwater.” 

“Assuming it even landed.”

“I have impeccable aim and indubitable modesty.” The Horseshoe Torch morphed back to Johnny Storm, dropping to the floor. Even though Rarity had dealt with talking to a burning pony with considerable cool, there was a point where it just wasn’t polite to be on fire in front of a guest. 

“Impressive taste in tea, too.” She took a sip. “Mmm, thought so, this is the brand Princess Celestia uses! Makes those after-crisis stayovers in Canterlot just melt away.”

“I know, right?” Johnny beamed. “And those en-suites! Just the thing when you’re trying to wash battle dust out. Been saving up to re-do our bathroom just like them.”

“Oh, so that’s why your living room was such a shambles.” She could tease for Equestria, they should make it a Games category just for ponies like her. “I mean what you two have done to that poor wall alone!” 

He stared at it, ice suddenly in his veins. “You touched the trophy wall?” 

“No, I just cleaned these hooves.” Rarity raised her other eyebrow. “Trophy wall?”

“Peter calls it the knick knack wall.”

“Trophy wall it is.” She took another sip. “I’m only playing, Johnny! I had to do something to pass the time while you were ‘burning out’ or whatever.” 

“About that, how…?”

“Twilight said it wouldn’t be a good idea to use her personal portal spell without her.” Rarity’s smile became a little more of a smirk. “But she was using her ‘Don’t do that, you’ll crease the spine!’ voice and not her ‘Don’t do that, you’ll rupture the space time continuum!’ one, so it didn’t take too much convincing to let me come along, while she tried to soften the impact of Rainbow foisting herself on your family.”

“Rainbow?” Johnny went for casual more than confusion before letting his eyes bug, it was always more convincing. “Rainbow Dash? Here? In Manehattan?”

“Yes, just like you planned.” 

She put the cup down on the table. It was empty and Johnny couldn’t help but wonder if that was the universe’s timing or all hers. 

A beat of nothing but traffic noise. 

“So, after this you were going to…?” Rarity prompted. She was still smiling but there was a target locking quality to it. What the hay, Johnny decided. 

“Drop by and see if you’d like to come up today. You name-dropped the street a few weeks back, so.” He shrugged. “Was hoping it’d be a surprise. If it’s any conciliation, not a Unicorn and complex magic can get weird around us cosmically irradiated types, so the surprise probably would’ve been me arriving with my mane and tail back to front or something.”

“I’m sure you could’ve made it work,” Rarity said, sitting up and walking over to him like an expertly coiffured gunslinger. “It’s not that I don’t want to play Johnny, it’s just that this little game of ours clearly needs to have some rules. And boundaries.” 

“Got it,” Johnny agreed. “I’ll make sure to drop you a line before just blazing into Ponyville airspace. If you still want me to set hoof there.”

“You costumed types do have an odd habit of passing through and overstaying your welcome at the same time. At least the parasprites couldn’t make bad jokes.”

“…parasprites are real?”

“Oh, don’t tell me the Element of Generosity has more experience than the renowned Horsepower Torch!” She pantomimed a shocked hoof to her chest. A whole array of smiles and excellent teeth into the bargain. 

“Can one of the rules be you ‘confuse’ us only once?” He was using the standard smirk he saved for fellow Attitudes like Peter and Bobby, but it fit. 

“Per day,” Rarity said with knife thrower speed and precision. 

“As in you think there’ll be more than one?” Johnny said as he felt the smile on his face become a little more genuine. 

“Darling, you almost let my home and at least half the capital become a smoking crater just to trick your ex…classmate into a playdate with your family, all so you could make sure there’d be nopony around to tell me this would be a bad idea.” Rarity smiled, conjuring a wide brim hat and sunglasses for herself. “I’m dying to see where this goes, aren’t you?”

“Little bit.” He took her hoof. “Ms. Belle.”

“Mr. Storm.”

“Will you let a foolish, overbearing—”

“Overconfident. Overly glossy. Over his head.”

“—stallion take you out for a day in this, the greatest city in Celestia’s kingdom?”

“Hmm,” she pantomimed, cocking her head and her eyes flitting to the side under the dark lenses. “Say something nice about Princess Luna and I’ll think about it.” 

“Her mane’s almost as fabulous as yours?”  

“That might have done it!” Her telekinesis gently but firmly removed his hoof as she headed for the door, swinging that open with her mind too. “In another life. Some of us have work to do.”

“Oh come on!” Johnny laughed, injecting just enough mock-whine. “You come all this way just to mess with me?” 

“Nooo,” Rarity smirked, half turning and letting her shades lower just right. “I came all this way to tell you that I will let you come along with me to look at potential sites for my new store.” 

“Oh, you’re good.”

“Provided.” She held up a hoof in perfect time with her rising pitch. “You tell me what it is you did to poor Rainbow Dash to make her attack you on sight. Total honesty!” 

“You mean the scandalous stuff so you can gasp a lot, then hold them over everypony’s head forever.” 

“Oh, absolutely, what am I, a monk?”

“You’re certainly divine.” 

“Bit too hard there, darling.” She’d clearly loved it.

“Then this is just gonna be obnoxious.” Johnny smirked, Flaming On and holding out a hoof. Rarity took her shades off to quirk a brow at him. “C’mon, a pony like you? Stairs and sidewalks?” 

“You’re serious.”

“Rainbow’s taken you flying, right?”

“A few times.” A fond smile. “Sometimes I’ve even been able to make out the scenery. Did you know once there was even no falling wreckage?” 

“If it’s about the flames I’ve got total control.” It was strange to see a genuine, reassuring expression through the Torch’s brick like skin and sheeting flames. Rarity understood why he action-smirked so much. It suited the effect, made it more of a cartoon. “It’ll be like being carried by a seat warmer.” 

“Tempting, buuut…” She was trailing off because there were no real reasons to say no. Even this close she could feel his flames as more the reassuring warmth of a radiator than the searing her instincts expected. 

“Okay, picture this. In a few months when business is booming, you’ve made your mark and everypony knows it’s you in the photos I guarantee are gonna be taken, what do you think Under the Sun’s gonna say? That Johnnycake was carrying just another girl, or that Rarity can make a super pony do whatever she wants?”

“And it’ll save on cab fare.” She slid the shades back into place.

She held out a foreleg as if asking him to dance. He took it, gently cradling her in both his own Lois ‘n' Clark style and put on just enough speed to make her spontaneously laugh as they shot out the still open balcony doors.

What the hay. Let Pete clean up after the pigeons. 

“East Bridleway and don’t spare the horses, Jeeves!” Rarity called loudly enough to make the pedestrians and civilian fliers notice them and pay attention to her.

“They warned me about you Canterlot fillies.” 

“I’m from Ponyville, darling.”

“Coulda fooled me.” 

“Keep it up, Storm.” He could see his own smile reflected in her sunglasses. “See what happens.”


To be Continued

> Match Making (4)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


10


It'd gone something like this: he’d crisscrossed over The Bugle building a few times, it must have been more than once because he’d noticed he was going to be late on a nearby clock tower, and had wound up being late because he’d been so worked up he almost walked into Damage Control in full costume. 

Did you know Damage Control let you take paperwork home? The domestic kind anyway. He did! Because what he’d been working on was unusable! A cell wall carving of ink blots from where he’d pressed the pen too hard, crossed out sections because he’d started writing Snappy Scoop’s name, and actual tares in the paper. 

Also, and he didn’t remember doing this, he’d drawn the buzz saw again for some reason.

So yeah, Employee Resources had taken one look at the three do-overs they’d had to give him, another at his face which must’ve been twitchy, it felt like it was being twitchy, super twitchy, and decided yeah, sure man, next week, whatever’s good for you, please don’t stand so close to the fire axe. 

He’d tried to calm down after that but not very hard. Suiting up and trawling Little Mogadishu was the definition of counterproductive, he’d be the first to admit. 

A waste of a suddenly free weekend too. Why bust up cart jackings and general store robberies when he could just take a breath, go home, run a hot bath?


***

“SNAPPY SCOOP,” Peter bellowed. 

It was a trick he’d learned from years of watching Flattop in action. The genius was that the Bugle’s entire bullpen would instinctively freeze except the unfortunate pony you were looking for. Her hat helped, and there it was, trying to float unobtrusively above her desk.

“Hey-hey-hey!” Snappy grinned in that kinda sorta New Wingland drawl of hers. “It’s our Pete, back on the beat!” 

Peter leaned low to the floor like a round locking into a chamber, one pawing hoof practically splintering the floor underneath the savaged carpet. It was this instinctive windup that probably saved Scoop’s life. Also, the look on his face. 

“Ruh roh.” 

She sprang with Hogan’s Alley cat grace a little ahead of Peter’s own launch, clamping her hat down with one hoof and pedalling her hind legs to build up momentum, inadvertently pausing his rampage as they juddered into his face with speed-bag sounds. 

Snappy shot off, over, and under every obstacle between the bullpen and the stairwell, a snarling Peter almost taking the still swinging doors off as he burst through after her.

“Listen!” Snappy panted as she tried to lose him in the insurance agency that rented the 43rd and 42nd floors “If it’s about the other day, surely we can resolve this with the minimum of hay! Whaddaya say?!” 

“I say no way!” Peter grunted as he slammed into the railing, forced to use wall-crawling to adhere to the floor and not tip over into the stairwell. “Gyagh, now ya got me doing it!” 

“Whatever keeps you at bay, mi compadre!” Snappy tipped her hat as she surfed down the railings, springing off at whatever random floor as he started the gallop after her. “’Scuse me folks! Just another day in the big city!” 

No elevator, if she could find a bank she could ride all the way down to the loading dock, hide out in one of the disused trucks until the coast was clear, but this was hardly the first time she’d had to evade pursuit, and the odds were in her favour now! 

This was the accounting firm on 33rd, so duck into that supply closet over there, wait for the angry grey blur to shoot past and double back, hop the steps down into the gym on 32nd, cut through the sauna to the other stairwell and she’d have a straight down shot to the mail room on 24th with the express elevator, how did he get in front of the stairs to 25th so fast?

“Dang!” Snappy skidded to a halt halfway between the 27th and 26th. “Wish my dating life had ponies this determined!”

A silent jaguar roar in Trotter’s bugging eyes. 

“…oh, right.” 

Peter made the mistake of freezing up at the sight of her hat rapidly spinning in mid-air. A grey foreleg, not his, telescoped from out of the corner of his eye to snag it, vanishing through the swaying double doors. 


***

The yak teaching the yoga class glared at him as he barged in but continued to seamlessly transition from Virabhadrasana pose to Hanumanasana, her class doing their best to keep up. 

Snappy could worm her way into almost any position, he almost admired the talent, but would she seriously go for this? There was her colour scheme for starters, even if the class did feature the standard carnival riot of coats. 

The floor was ringed by exercise equipment pushed to the side for now, maybe behind one of those pommel horses? He started poking/stalking. 

Maybe it was the soothing music on the stereo or just the general vibe of the class, but he felt an involuntary calming sigh spread through his body. How blatantly had he just shown off his powers? And for what, a flattering article on Twilight he hadn’t even read yet? 

Was it really the intrusion or the fact Snappy was a better shutterbug than he was? Okay, that had felt like the time Timber had gotten frisky during a “friendly” sparring match, but even as he tried to hold onto the anger it began to slowly dissolve to Twilight’s mildly puzzled face. You don’t have to tell me what this is really about. Not Yet. 

Ah, there it was! The reason. His choices now were either telling her and destroying everything they’d built together or putting it off long enough she’d forget, and he could go back to that classic Spider-Dating move: lying by omission while she told him everything. 

As reasons to stave off a decision by drowning himself in apoplectic denial went that wasn’t half bad, even if the anger pounding in his ears felt like a ticking clock counting down. But did good old unctuous, self-satisfied, probably-sold-somepony’s-kidney-at-least-once Snappy Scoop deserve to be the watermelon to his descending F-16?

The stereo switched to Walk Like a Neighgyptain, making Peter jump almost in sync with the class as they assumed the appropriate pose. The instructor sank back on her haunches to clasp her hooves over her head, swaying her hips left to right for a few seconds before spinning around, revealing a blinking Snappy stuck to her back in the same pose. 

Was that a question?


***

Snappy gave Peter an abashed grin before disappearing in a cloud of dust. He rebounded off the nearby wall to boost after her so fast his bounce sound effect drowned out her gun shot. 

Their chase whipped through the building like a single camera shot flying around an exterior to save money. At least there were many amusing sound effects. 

“Okay, there’s only so much attention a mare can take before this gets creepy!”

“You wanna talk about creepy? You snuck up on us at lunch!” 

“C’mon Pete, you were in the game! The best shots are the one’s you regret not taking, or somethin' like that!” 

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll make sure you regret this!”

“You’re being a real Princess Luna right now!” 

“Nah, you managed to outrun her!”

“Doesn’t say much for your chances of catchin’ me then, huh?” 

“Believe me, when I do…!”

“Wait, is this a princess thing? Is that what this is? You’re mad at me ‘cause I caught you hobnobbin’?”

“It was a private moment!”

“Really? Well, well, well! Guess you had to find somethin’ to pass the time once you were out of the Spider-racket!”

“Her bro—…assis—…her friend is in there too!”

“The dragon? Neat! Only had to run from one of those once! Maybe take a second to ask yourself why this isn’t fire drill number two?” 

“I’m the only thing you’ve got to worry about right now!” 

“Don’t suppose I could convince ya to carry this all the way back up to the bullpen, maybe call Status Quo, talk things out? Into a dictaphone, say! Equine Interest!” 

“Keep talking Scoop, it just makes me wanna run you down even more!” 

“Y’know if you’d shown this much dogged perseverance for a story back in the day ya might’ve been up for a Pulitzer!” 

“We all know what happened to your nomination!”

“Hey, what can I say! It looked like Iron Will at the time! Aren’t you outta breath yet?” 

“Could do this all day!” 

“Yeah, well, y’know what they say about ventin’! And on that note!” 

Snappy jumped off a desk, grabbing a light fixture as he made another lunge for her. The wall of whatever office they’d just careened through shook as Peter crashed through a panel and halfway into the duct, hind legs and tail thrashing furiously. 

“Welp!” Snappy saluted. “It’s been a merry dance, but by chance I must away to the south of Prance!” 



***

She doubled back a few floors before continuing her journey down to the loading bays. Prance wasn’t really in her budget but anypony who could keep up with her this long would probably be crazy enough to go through the parked trucks, so snag an outgoing one, maybe see if they swung by that place on 2nd street, running for her life kept her in shape but burned a lot of calories--

Her jaunty whistling ground to a halt as the vent just in front of the corner to salvation slammed open, Trotter stalking out of it towards her through a swarm of dust.

“Man, you’re limber!” Snappy backed up as he shook himself like a dog, scattering cobwebs. And grinned even more as she felt nothing but wall behind her. “A-heh, ever, uh, ever think of tryin’ out for the Equestria games?”

“No, but I’m just flexible enough for a nice, high stakes game of Operation, you smarmy little--”

“Game’s over!”

Editor in chief Rocky Roads, big as life and almost as wizened, loomed out of the stairwell. Both ponies were suddenly dangling off the floor, their back fur clamped scruff-like in the Diamond Dog’s cinder block sized paws. 

“Rocky!” Snappy wheezed in relief “Oh, thank Celestia!”

Then she saw his face and clammed up. Peter’s rage sputtered as it whipped to him. Rocky might not be anywhere as dangerous as his childhood friend turned psycho Bonestone, but that look. More powerful than any of Bonestone’s punches. And aimed directly at him. 

Ruh roh, Peter thought as Robby hauled them back through the first office on what he now realised was going to be a shame-walk. 

…shame-dangle? Whatever. 


11


“And that was it, really.” Rarity glanced at her map. “Flash of light and there she was! Sorry, just trying to make sure we’re on the right street.”

“It’s fine,” Johnny smiled. 

Rarity raised a brow as she telekinetically tucked the map away. “What?”  

“No, you’re just…it’s cute that you can talk about saving us all from freezing to death and giving a princess her soul back like you sorted out getting the wrong package in the mail.” 

“Cute.” A slight challenge. 

“Yeah!” He nodded. Anything else would tip over into the condescension she was trying to make sure wasn’t there. 

“One tries one’s best.” Rarity’s eyes settled into a slightly half lidded position; relaxing Johnny assumed. Not that she’d been tense before, he was just enjoying trying to figure out her body language. “And the post analogy is a little apt, given what poor Princess Luna went through. Imagine, hundreds of years as the wrong person. Sorry if I seemed a little blasé, I’m just in professional mode right now, not pizzazz mode!”

“It’s your story! Tell it however you like. And think of it this way...” He gestured to the nearby park, overflowing with street performers, tourists and foals at play. Thank you, universe. “Everypony gets to enjoy the happy ending.” 

“Ooh, I’ll have to tell Twilight and Fluttershy that one, they’ll love it!” Rarity paused to telekinetically stop a filly’s balloon drifting away, tying it back around her hoof with stylish (but reliable) knots. “Of course, I suppose your lot would’ve been champing at the bit if we hadn’t gotten there first. A chance to clobber the legendary Nightmare Moon, hmm?”

There was something about that word in her accent that…warmed Johnny. Maybe the crossing wires fusing in his brain. 

“What, bring the sun back? Man, I dunno. If anypony could do it Reed absolutely could, but the amount of magic and math…The stuff in the atmosphere is one of his biggest obsessions.” 

“Star gazing type, is he? Twilight’s the same way. Stars aren’t really my forte but they’re such a part of thaumaturgic heritage. When you’re a kid everypony tells you about this huge thing in the sky, and then you get a real job and it sneaks up on you around the holidays. Bit like going to church, really.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Johnny said far more politely than he ever had to any of the geniuses and spell-casters who’d given him similar (and longer) insights. “Diamonds must have a lot of applications as well though!” 

“Beg pardon?” 

“Diamonds. Your cutie mark?” Maintain eye contact, that’s what a proper stallion does, don’t nod at her flank, that’s what a cattle rancher does. “Magic. Crystals. Diamonds!” 

“Sometimes!” Rarity beamed. “Crystals are a more sure-fire thing, but diamonds take a certain amount of finesse. Of course, we’re talking about dipping a hoof into the great mystic waters or whatever, not sailing into a hundred year…thing. Mind you, magic is art, not just a big light! What’s magic if not reaching inside yourself, and what’s fashion if not finding the best way to be yourself?”

“I hear what you’re saying, but you’ve seen how people in my line of work dress, right?” 

“Yes, but I was trying to be generous and not bring it up.” 

They shared a laugh as they crossed the street, Johnny enjoying how unforced it was. “Not to make this all about work, but I’d be up to hear any insights a pro like you would have. ”

“You want me to knock anypony you don’t like.” 

“Oh yeah, but I figure that’s, what, date four, five?”

“Say what you will about that Horseshoe Torch, he’s ambitious.” Rarity dissipated her hat but left her shades as they trotted into a small plaza. “I wasn’t aware this was a first date! Why, just because we talked about our cutie marks? Already?”

“First, didn’t say it was a date.” Had they stopped smiling at each other the whole time they’d been doing this? Not that Johnny wanted to stop. “Second, I complemented your mark. Without asking for one back, you’ll note.” 

He was enjoying this. A lot of the fun came from getting to know someone, but she was that kind of girl who turned it into more like…fencing? Yeah. She seemed like she’d be into fencing. 

“Noted and shoved behind my ear for the moment…” 

Rarity timed removing her shades with stepping through the double doors. 

“Hello? Rarity Belle! Delighted. Oh, ignore him, picked him up in the street.” 

Johnny found an appropriate corner to lounge in (lots of light, caught his mane just right) while she and the estate pony trotted around the space. It was interesting. Nothing about Rarity changed but she was asking practical, very up-front questions, scrutinising things. Business mode, he assumed. 

“So, what do we think?” the agent asked. 

“Plenty of space and the ceilings are excellent!” Rarity looked around the display floor. “Can I ask, what’s that over there? The other counter. It looks a bit like a café.” 

“The previous owners had a thing for in-door dining, yes,” the other mare explained, “but don’t worry, we can have it out no problem!”

“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that, seems a bit of a waste! But, well, that’s the thing. That’s more of a department store idea? And I’m just starting out. This place is lovely, but it’s a bit…cornery, isn’t it? The big chains can afford to be just off to the side like that because everypony looks for them automatically, but I don’t even have a logo or anything.”

“No problem.” Professional smile. Johnny sat up, preparing to get the door for her.

“I’ll tell you what though,” Rarity said, surprising both natives as she conjured her hat and levitated a pen out of the brim, “ this place shouldn’t go to waste and I’ve just the thing! The Cakes have been looking to expand, do you know the Cakes? Oh, you must meet them! Anyway, here’s what we’ll do, do you have an envelope or something? Thank you. What I’m going to do is give you their address, they’ve got some cousins around here, family business you know, bring a bit of charm into the area, here you go!” 

Johnny held the door open for her. “That was generous of you.” 

“Thank you,” Rarity said absently, checking her map again. “Really? It is Manehattan. Favours and all that. They can’t be that rare, even in these jaded modern times.” 

“Yeah, but it’s…” She glanced at him as he swirled a hoof, like a cooling fan or a struggling cement mixer. “Usually it’s little stuff, y’know? Cabs and umbrellas, all that musical junk. That was an entire building!” 

“You’re exaggerating!” Traces of a giggle. 

“I’m trying to give you your due! A building as a favour! Now that’s a Manehattan rarity!” 

“Manehattan Rarity…” Rarity said distantly, lowering her shades for better staring into nothing. “Hmm. Seaddle Rarity. Cloudsdale Rarity. San Foalsisco Rarity. No. Rarity’s! Rarity’s of Manehattan?” 

“Sounds like an antiques chain, but you’re thinking big and that’s the important thing.” 

“Appreciated. Giddy up!” She pointed to the sky like a bored polymathic amateur sleuth identifying a murder at a debutante ball. 

“This relationship's hit a real exploitative patch.” Johnny flamed on, partly because he needed to build up thrust in his hind legs for actual take off and lower his temperature enough to carry her at the same time, partly to make sure everypony on the street saw them doing this. 

“Well, it is more of a patch than a relationship right now.” Rarity was prepared for the launch and city wind this time, or at least better at feigning nonchalance, unfolding her map and indicating their next stop. Johnny tilted his head back a little to avoid setting it on fire with his chin. “But since you’ve been a lamb: it’s very distinct!”

“Huh?”

“Your cutie mark,” she smiled, turning to properly face him, trying to keep her mane from being whipped into his shoulder flames. “There’s something nicely energetic about a wheel cutie mark. Comes in handy for explorative research, I’m sure. All that rushing about. And on fire too, lucky you!” 

“Yeah…” Johnny agreed tentatively. “Just not quite that way?” 

“Oh?” She blinked at him. “Oh. Was it…not…before?”

Before. 


***


Tac

Tac Tac

Tac Tac Tac Tac TacTacTacTACTACTAC 

“I warned ya about ‘em, egghead! I warned ya!” 

Light. Air thickening in his throat. Glass breaking somewhere. An odd euphoria. Even as the lurch creeps over all of them, as the old man hauls helplessly at the controls, as the Excelsior, now so much sparking, shuddering junk, begins to tumble helplessly down, down, down--


***

“…Johnny?” She sounded like she was worried he’d crumble to shards if she touched him. 

“It wasn’t like that before.” He couldn’t stop himself. “After the crash we just woke up with these cool rings around our marks. Reed thinks it’s our bodies way of coping with the change. Making it more…ours. You have to squint to see Sue’s. Her ring I mean, not her mark. That’s fine. Grimm’s is on one of his plates. What’s left of it anyway.” 

Nothing but lower rooftops and something-teen story windows sluicing past them. The city sounds helped but their flight meant they happened in pockets, never entirely drowning out the silence between them. 

“There’s a box.” 

He blinked at her. She must have been looking right into his face the whole time. “What?” 

“There’s a box in the woods.” Big blue eyes. Looking right at him. “In a cave under the castle where we saved Princess Luna. It’s made of whatever our Elements are made of. We don’t know what’s in it and we can’t open it. We don’t even really know if it’s for us. It’s just there.”

Oh. Yeah. He’d known that. Just hadn’t thought about it. What it’d be like for someone else to have this stuff just happen to them. And that made him feel deeply grateful to her for knowing how to reach out. 

“Could ask the Thing to open it for you.” He held her gaze until he could work up enough insouciance for a smile. “No, really, he’s pretty dainty once you get to know him.”

“You like that pony a lot,” Rarity managed through the chuckles. 

“Don’t tell him!” He bugged his golden eyes at her. “Seriously, I’ll give you anything. En. Eeeth. Ing.” 

“Then stop bringing him up!” She swatted at him playfully, either ignoring the potential of burning or being dropped or, hopefully, trusting him. “And you really shouldn’t give me advantages like that. Not before the first date.”

“Y’know, that’s another thing. You have no way of knowing anything I tell you about flight school is true.” 

“Ah, but Rainbow will have told Applejack or Fluttershy if she’s told anypony and neither of them are comfortable with lying. Unlike you, apparently.” 

“So when you hold something over a date’s head it’s cute?”

“Didn’t say you were a date.” A twinkle in her eye. Maybe just sunlight bouncing off her lashes, but still.

“Bet you’ll still want me to chauffeur you around when it’s official too then!”

“As if you’ll have anything better to do!” Rarity’s grin faltered as she glanced from him to the park below them. “Chauffeur? Oh bollocks! The appointment! Where’s my map?”

The Torch put the breaks on as she conjured and fumbled, craning over his shoulder to make sure they were high enough out of the civilian airspace. 

“Um…” Rarity mumbled, eyes darting from red crosses and timestamps. “Do you know what time it is?”

“Gimme a minute, just gotta…” Johnny tried to keep her supported and tap into his utility collar’s comms with his shoulder. “Hang on. H.E.R.B.I.E! Yeah, beep boop to you too, listen, what’s the time? Half noon? Thanks.” He nodded his flaming head at the 1:10 cross. “Half noon.” 

“Herbie,” Rarity said, trying to keep the question out of her voice. 

“He‘s sort of like your dragon?” Johnny explained reluctantly, turning towards the correct neighbourhood. 

“Spike? He’s his own dragon!”

“His name’s seriously Spike?” Johnny blinked. “Cool!” 

“It suits him!” Rarity said, defensiveness and affection vying for space in her voice. “Down there, down there!” 


***

They were honestly too early, but it took a while to calm the startled seller down. Once more the space wasn’t quite what Rarity was looking for, even though she’d been interested in the built-in entertainment system for floorshows. 

“But we’d need a serious overhaul for fitting and tailoring, which would cut into the storage space. More of a club set up, isn’t it? Listen, I feel terrible for wasting your time like this, no, I simply must make it up to you, especially after my driver scared you half to death like that, do you know Vinyl Scratch? Haha, yes, that one! Got her card here somewhere, let me see…”

“You’re good with people,” Johnny smiled as they left. 

“It’s not that hard, really.” She shrugged, conjuring a different hat. “You know what you want, so why not think of what they might want?” 

“Very zen.” 

“Mmm, sort of. Tapping into the flow of the universe and all that. Or our Elements do. Something like that, at least. It really is just a bigger, louder way of being…nice.” 

“You girls ever been to K'un-Lun? Because that sounded like it.”

“Don’t think so, how are their facials?”  

“Where to next?” Johnny said brightly but quickly, his inner gentlecolt burying his inner frat bro’s head deep into subconscious water to drown out the laughter that was trying to creep up his throat. 

“Um, somewhere in the Village.” Rarity glanced up and down the street while she tucked the map away, as if trying to catch a scent. “Back end of 2.00, though. I didn’t count on having a living sedan chair carrying me around the city.”

“Hope I wasn’t going too fast or anything. It’s a lot asking you to be this close to flames to begin with.”

“Oh no, it’s been fine!” She hadn’t put her shades back on, so he got the full benefit of that sincere, smiling face. “What’s the point of a mane regime that falls apart under a little wind anyway?”

“Right? Good holding should be foal’s stuff!” Johnny felt genuine enthusiasm he normally didn’t associate with, well, normal stuff like walking. All it ever took was the right pony. “And probably mandatory for anypony in this business.” 

“This country you mean, given the last few years!” Rarity chuckled. “I almost miss the days when all we had to worry about was something erupting from the Everfree Forest!”

“Oh man!” Johnny almost bristled. “Sue and I got up to a lot before we met Reed ‘n‘ Grim but I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like.”

“Not quite as storybook as you probably think.” Rueful smile that made him wonder what kind of storybook. “We did a bit of travelling when I was a little filly though! Papa’s work, you see. Exciting but with all sorts of warnings about the big cities, so I might have an inkling as to what you and your sister got up to.”

“Doubt it,” Johnny smirked. “Since we’re not from Manehattan.” 

Rarity blinked but managed to keep her stride from faltering. “Oh? Well, there goes my ‘Are you from X originally’ quip. Though wherever you’re from I must admit your accent’s charming!”

“Charming,” Johnny deadpanned in mock-challenge.  

“Yes. The accent, at least.” Perfectly timed eyelash flutter. “So, did you move here for school or, um…after your…airship?” 

She looked embarrassed at the phrasing, how obvious it was she didn’t know how to put the question or if she’d had the right to ask. He instinctively hated the idea that something could make her regret that expert flippancy. It wasn’t like he was going to go fetal. They aired Sci-Fi Channel Original tier re-stages of the crash in every company presentation, for pity’s sake!

“Lil’ of both!” He tried not to sound too Please-Don’t-Cry boisterous. “Reed needed somewhere with lots of space and connections, and the quaint town of Glenville, Long Island wasn’t going to cut it. Our folks were doctors, so we got away a lot in the Summers. Part of what got me into machines, actually! All those zeppelins and liners that could carry you away!” 

“I know what you mean,” Rarity smiled enthusiastically. “I love Ponyville with all my heart, but flipping through all those magazines, seeing all the places fashion could go, knowing it could carry you there if you just tried! Though if I ever did go through with moving to Canterlot or, well, here, I know I’d just wind up living in the suburbs if I couldn’t get somewhere in the country.” 

“Hey, look at that.” Johnny kept the relief out of his smile with practised ease. “One more thing we have in common.”

“If you’re about to say ‘Adven-ture!’ but husky and a bit too fast like in those stupid Smash Fortune pictures I shan’t be held responsible for my actions.” Rarity’s smile was wryly intrigued, but her eyebrow was raised like a readying javelin.

“He hasn’t made a good one since Princess Cadence had a ponytail.” 

“Proceed.” 

“I was gonna go with small towns and big dreams, but honestly it’s nice to meet somepony who has what you do with fashion. I have fun with it when I can, but somehow I almost always wind up talking about it with mares who have to write about it or something. It’s cool hearing stuff from somepony who actually makes things!”

“Bit like machines I suppose.” She nodded at his flank like a cattle rancher. 

“Generous of you.” A fountain they were passing caught his eye and he suddenly realised: “Uh, sorry, where are we going?”

“I’m going to get something to eat.” Rarity pointed at a nearby hay dog stand under a park tree. “We’ve got a bit of time to kill, might do some window shopping. I assume your forelegs aren’t tired, you pat yourself on the back more than Rainbow, but you should probably take the chance to cool all four heels.”

Johnny raised a brow. “Something to eat?”  

“Yes,” Rarity said, patience creeping into her accent. “Fuel for my own fire, you might say.”

“I’m sorry, no.” Johnny folded his forelegs sternly. “A pony of your calibre, in my city, right in front of me, settling for hay dogs. Not happening.” 

“This isn’t a date,” she reminded singsong sweetly. 

“No, this is an intervention.” He pointed at a row of trees like he was psyching her up for a brisk jog through Skull Island. “Somewhere on the other side of these is this place I saved a few months back. Always a table waiting if I want it, and I want you to have it.”

“Well…” 

Rarity fidgeted her hooves a little as he ignited, offering his own. The stand was right there, and she’d had some of that stew the Apple family always had around, designed to keep you going during, say, a trek all over Manehattan and every inch of empty storefronts.

“Pranceisian/Istallian fusion!” the Torch wheedled. 

“Oh my.” 

“And.” That flaming face, leaning in conspiratorially. “This means when it’s official you get to pick the venue.” 

Rarity’s hat almost fell off as she clambered into his grip. Johnny arced them over the trees and streets, ignoring the fact his forelegs were starting to cramp a little.

“They even do hay dogs if you like.” 

Rarity swatted at the 4 logo on his chest.


To be Continued 

> Match Making (5)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


12


“—and then the archbishops says to Princess Celestia, that’s alright, in fact I thought it was the chimp!” Snappy Scoop said and reared back on her haunches with laughter. 

Peter and Rocky didn’t move. Snappy wiped her eyes and took a few deep breaths. 

“First time I’ve heard that version,” Rocky said eventually, carefully. 

“What,” Peter tried not to growl as he gripped the seat to keep from launching himself at her, “did that have to do with anything?”

“Maybe Flash Powder tells it better.” Snappy shrugged. “Oh, whoops, shouldn’t’ve said her name, huh? There’s this guy chasin’ real photojournalists around.”

“Snappy Scoop, journalist,” Peter sneered. “Congrats, you just told a joke that’s actually funny.”

“Knock it off,” Rocky said. It might’ve been better if he’d shouted. Like it’d make Peter feel he was worth getting angry at instead of whatever this was. 

This was him and good old Snappy sat in front of Rocky’s desk going through what happened, a scene that’d played out with different variations across their careers. Rocky had always been patient, but mostly because he didn’t care what either of them did as long as it didn’t come back to the office. Peter suspected the technique was mostly to get the defendant to embarrass themselves to death, which depended on ponies like Snappy having shame. 

She was looking between them awkwardly, though. This felt different to her too. 

“Flash Powder,” Rocky prompted. 

Snappy shrugged. “Sold me some stuff for Quo’s new series.”  

“What kind of stuff?” Rocky almost sounded bored. 

“Magic, long range stuff.” Snappy was pretending to play with her hat brim now. 

“Oh for—!” Peter sprang to all fours, almost toppling his own chair over. “You see what this is, right? She’s flat out spying!” 

“That’s one interpretation.” Impassive canine face. 

“You’re taking her side?!” 

“Didn’t say that,” Rocky said, his calm blasting the satisfaction off Snappy’s face like chalk dust. 

“Rocky, c’mon! The toffs Stats wants to go after? They might pack a bunch’a funny chins, but they’ve also got serious poker faces! The Bugle wants to know what Prince Blueblood’s up to, it’s gonna have to dig through Celestia, probably literally, knows how much security! Through walls, Rocky!” 

“Wait...” Peter squinted, thrown by the rare and elusive passionate Snappy. “What’s Blueblood up to?”

“You don’t work here anymore.” 

It was a perfectly reasonable position. Like a  textbook golf stroke. And Rocky saying it may as well have been a 9-wood upside his head. Peter tried not to squirm in his seat. 

“Yeah, well, some of us’ve still gotta make a living.” Snappy folded her forelegs sullenly. 

“Butting into other ponies’ private lives?” 

“That’s not what The Bugle does,” Rocky rumbled.

C’mon man! Peter was convinced the windows should have blown out from the sound in his head. Yell at me! Bark! Growl! Chew me out! This Mount Lavan routine has to be some kinda Genieghva convention violation! 

“Snappy on the other paw.” Rocky swivelled to her, making her flinch so hard her hat almost fell off. “So, Flash Powder sets you up with some equipment and one of the filthiest jokes I’ve heard in almost three decades on this job. Then what?”

“I kinda. Sorta. Just.” 

Rocky exhaled through his nose to make his granite features soften into something almost like their usual imperturbable lines. Snappy swallowed as the pressure of his gaze lightened just enough for her to pick up the pace. 

“Well. Like. Saw Princess Twilight?”

“Having lunch.” A paw almost the size of Peter’s head went up, a sudden wall in the path of the accelerating soap box derby cart of his anger. It was weird, knowing he was in one piece and yet like fragments of him were scattered all over El Camino Royal. 

“Yep.” Snappy couldn’t break eye contact if she’d tried. 

“Did you notice Trotter was there?”

“Nope.” Snappy shook her head to try and get those brown blackholes out of her soul. Didn’t work. “Not until I developed the shots.”

Peter tried to read what was in the diamond dog’s eyes, but it was like he was a dust particle trying to attract the attention of a planet. Trotter? Rocky only ever used his surname when he was putting professional distance between them to protect him from the Crime King’s goons or something. 

“Let me put it another way. Would you still have taken the shots if you’d known?”

“This is stupid!” 

“Would you?” 

“Yeah, alright?!” Snappy rocked forward, almost sending her seat through the floor. Peter was too stunned to flinch. “A princess! Right there! In a diner! Pure Manehattan!” 

She rounded on Peter, almost decapitating him with her hat brim. He flinched. 

“And y’know what? Even if it ain’t news I’d still’ve done it,  ‘cause I don’t care what you think! One of us is a photographer and it ain’t you!”

It wasn’t the first time she’d used that kind of line but usually it was an insinuation, one more wisecrack in a nonstop stream that made Spider-banter look like amateur hour. Ponies with marks in specific fields could be kinda primal about it. As much as he’d like to believe this was just one more way Snappy was trying to shed responsibility like dead skin… 

“A photographer who could have potentially opened us up to a suit by the crown.” 

“Oh, come on! Luna threatened to launch us into orbit ‘til she saw the copy, you seriously think we wouldn’t know if Twilight was mad?! She’s got a dragon, Rocky!” 

“Did you ask if you could take those photos?” It wasn’t really a question. 

“No!” Snappy folded her forelegs petulantly. “Didn’t ask to get hunted down for ‘em either.”

Peter began to reach for her. “You—!”

“Sit,” Rocky said so sharply he could practically taste metal in the air as he obeyed. “The Bugle doesn’t invade people’s private lives. But it’s employees have rules to follow.”

“razafraza y’gh w’ll,” Snappy muttered, hat brim conspicuously covering her eyes, “, frikafraka rules.”

“Did you identify yourself to the party in the photos?” 

“No!” Snappy scowled, though it was wobbling. “And I’ve done this enough to know I don’t gotta!” She pulled her brim back down. “Technically.”

“Technically if the lady wants to press charges, she can.” Rocky pointedly pushed a Canterlot cake tier sized manual towards her. But was now looking at Peter. “It’d be as flimsy as someone’s case to chase you through the building, but she’d be within her rights.” 

Maybe I’ll get lucky and Poison Pony’ll break out of the Stockade today, Peter thought. Karma, but with enough head trauma I’ll forget this nightmare. 

“Man,” Snappy tried to rally, “when was the last time Princess Celestia—?”

“1952,” Rocky said as promptly as a bullet to the head. “So, you just saw her, grabbed some shots and trotted off. Without saying anything.” 

“What’s to say?!” Snappy almost whined. 

Peter tried not to suck his lips all the way into his face as Rocky’s glance snapped to him, confirming this was not going to be the universe where he pounced on that opening. 

“Hi folks, I work for The Derby Bugle!” Both ponies almost leapt into each other’s laps at the sudden faux brightness in the editor’s voice. “Mind if I take your picture? It’s for Status Quo, haha, yeah, that Status Quo! Sun upon you all!” 

He sat back, paws spread. “How hard would it really have been, Snappy?”

The paparazzo mumbled something Peter couldn’t quite make out, not that he could blame her. That canine smile was still burned into his brain, welding his own jaw Canterlot vault grade shut. 

“Would it be easier if you had to say it to the whole bullpen?” 

Oh sun and moon, he’d do it. He totally would. 

“They were…y’know.” Snappy was trying to get the brim and a lock of her hair in the way now. “At lunch. Relaxing an‘ stuff. Woulda thrown off the composition.”

All Peter could do was blink. Snappy Scoop wasn’t contrite. Snappy Scoop didn’t try and bury sentimentality in mercenary logic. Stones did not bleed. The moon was not made of cheese. The C-train did not run on time. What was this? 

“But you took it anyway.” 

“Yeah,” Snappy sighed. “But you ran it.” 

“Of course we did, it’s a good picture.” Rocky sat up. “You’re a good photog Snappy, that’s why we ran it. But a good photojournalist would’ve asked. Okay?”

Snappy managed a smile even though she looked like she was half on the verge of tears. “Okay.” 

“Back to work,” Rocky said. 

Snappy glanced at Peter uncertainly, the unspoken apology wavering in the air between before she realised there was no real point, hopping off the chair and trying not to gallop full tilt out of the office. He got it, he didn’t want to be around for this either. 

“We—?” he started and coughed because his voice was raspy from disuse. “Well?”

“Well what?” Rocky asked, gathering up some of the papers he was always carrying around. 

“It’s my turn, right?” Peter blinked, since moistening his eyeballs felt like the only real preparation he could do. “I mean, I chased her through the whole building. Made a lot of threats. I crawled through the vents to get to her, Rocky.”

“Yeah, there might be a bill at some point.” Rocky stood up, strolling to the door as he flipped through his latest papers. He paused at the door, half turned politely to Peter, waiting. 

“That’s it?” Peter snapped incredulously. “You’re not gonna…? Flattop would’ve been lecturing me about back in his day by now!” 

“Ferocious knows you’re in the building,” Rocky said, unsmiling. “The entire building knows you’re in the building. And I don’t doubt he’ll have the usual lectures cued up for Snappy and Status Quo for neglecting to mention Ms. Sparkle didn’t know she’d be on page ten today.”

“But I almost bring the building down on everypony and he lets me just trot off into the sunset?! Are we talking about the same guy?” 

“Yes,” Rocky sighed. “It’s just that you don’t work here anymore.”

He doesn’t think your pettiness is WORTH getting angry about. 

And Rocky guilts Snappy Scoop, SNAPPY SCOOP, into admitting she knows better, but doesn’t have to care if you do or not. Not anymore. 

Without a word, shame weighing each step, Peter clambered off his seat and made for the door. Maybe he’d get lucky and it’d be so heavy he snapped the elevator cable when he got on. 

“Peter,” Rocky said reluctantly, startling him. “Look, whatever this is…I don’t want to hear it, but have you tried talking to Twilight about it? She’s good people. She’ll understand.” 

“Yeah,” Peter managed, sounding as jaunty as someone in the middle of being stabbed. “Maybe. Um. Bye.”

“Take care.” The worst part was even after everything he’d just done the old dog meant it.

Talk to her. Right. He liked talking to Twilight. Loved talking to Twilight. So just talk to her. 


***


Talk to her about how he loved what they had so much he’d hunted down Snappy Scoop for mildly intruding on it. Talk about how this was really just because the intrusion had reminded him how fragile he was making it. Talk about how this was because the more their relationship went on, the more he had to tell her. 

Tell her. Tell her. 

Just talk to her. She’d understand, right? 

He’d left the costume on that recording studio’s air conditioner, right? Right. 


13


“—and then Princess Celestia s-says…sorry!” Rarity wheezed, lifting the glass to her lips because she was too shaky to trust her telekinesis. “She, oooh, she says oh, that’s quite alright, your grace! In fact, I thought it was the orangutan!” 

Her laughter spiked from the shock of Johnnycake’s head briefly bursting into flame. He waved apologetically at the other diners, breath hitching through the hoof clamped over his mouth. 

“Awwww man! I’m starting to understand why you and Rainbow are friends!” 

“Mmm, doubt it.” Rarity sat back in her seat, frowning slightly. It had felt a little stiff for a moment and the way her chest was still pulsing she could use a little flexibility. “Can’t say Peter’s particular brand of repartee is for me--”

“It’s not for anypony,” Johnny agreed, nodding sombrely. 

“Oh behave! But you two have even more history than we do by the sound of it. Surely you must have more in common then just…ah, what was the term he keeps using?” 

“The business?” 

“That was it.”

“Because after a while it’s more like a job, in case you were wondering.”

“I wasn’t, but I can relate,” Rarity smiled ruefully. “It’s honestly like those nature retreats they used to force us on back in 6th grade. Not that I mind, nothing gets the creativity flowing like a good adventure! It’s just that it was nice to get invited to a national holiday and not wonder if it’s going to bring the sky down on our heads.” 

“We tend to have guys in power armour come through the wall. Breaks up symposiums, though.” He gestured to her plate. “Everything okay?”

“Mmm?” She looked down at her half-eaten meal. “Oh, no, this place is divine, just got side-tracked.” 

“Could reheat that if you like?” 

A flash in her eye he instantly wanted to see more of. “…go on then.” 

Suffusing low level thermal energy into the ceramics of the plate didn’t really have much of a visual effect beyond maybe a slight haze, but what was the point of a life without sometime literal flare? Johnny’s hoof glowed golden as he reached over, gently touching the tip of her plate. Rarity smiled at the smells wafting up into her face. 

Johnny returned to his own meal, smugness shimmering off him in time with slight steam from her plate. “Sorry, where were we?”

“You and Peter.” Rarity enjoyed a nicely warm zucchini. “You must be more than work friends if you’re living together now.” 

“Well, guy did lose his apartment to a giant robot attack.” 

“♪That’s not an answer!♪” One of his kabobs levitated off his plate to hover in front of his face like a wagging finger before Rarity took a bite. 

“Yeah, but is it date talk?” He raised a brow even though he was kinda asking for real. 

“You brought up my friends first.”

“Fair!” He contemplated the ceiling for a bit, pushing through the mental paperwork for why the sky was blue. “Pete’s been round almost since the beginning, I guess. Like, we totally broke and set the mould on day one, but you can’t think Manehattan without your friendly neighbourhood you know who!” 

She raised a brow. “So it’s a territorial thing?” 

“It used to be. Y’know we only met because he tried to get a job?”

“With your…organisation?” Rarity looked a little nonplussed. 

“Family,” Johnny said automatically but not defensively. “And by try, I mean he broke into our penthouse and tried to prove we should hire him by beating us up.” 

“No!” Rarity’s levitated fork jolted in mid-air, accidentally flinging its morsel across the room and out an open window, sending up the screeching of tires and breaking metal. “Are we talking about the same pony?”  

“Yeah, but this is way back when,” Johnny grinned. “You’ve gotta understand, this was all new. Absolutely no rules! Well, apart from don’t break into my house and demand I pay you for it.”

“Well, you’ve met Rainbow Dash but perhaps I should introduce you to Pinkie Pie sometime.” A bit of snake in her smile there. He liked that. “So, then you butted heads in a pointless game of one-upmanship until you realised you actually liked each other, yes?”

“See, I would’ve told you but since you’re all presumptuous right now I think I’ll drag it out until date 100.” 

“Well you’ll have to keep things lively somehow.” Rarity winked. “I do enjoy a good puzzle though. I’m sure Twilight’s worn a groove in the library floor wondering how to ask you two for a friendship study.” 

“A what study?” Johnny said like a cartographer who’s just been told they’ve been drawing mountains back to front for years. 

“It’s her speciality,” Rarity beamed. “Oh, don’t look like that, it’s how she earned her wings! She just looks at how ponies work together and jots it all down. I admit I’ve skimmed but it’s fascinating stuff!” 

“Looks at them doing what?”

“The clue is in the name, darling.” 

“Oh yeah?” Johnny smirked back. “Wonder what River Reeds thinks of your friend’s speciality.” 

“Does it really matter?” Rarity cocked her head sweetly. “He doesn’t have wings.”

“Eh, he could probably grow ‘em.”

“Oh right, he’s the rubber one isn’t he? Sorry, I don’t really keep up with your, uh, business.”

“No that’s healthy, trust me. You should see the kind of people who do!”

“Oh?” She raised an eyebrow. “Not a fan of your own fanbase then?”

“You’re telling me there aren’t ponies who’re way too into your whole Elements…thing?”

“Um…” Rarity also contemplated the ceiling for a beat. There had been that delicious autograph phase after Discord, and she could still summon the thrill of declining offers of free food and products after the defeat of Nightmare Moon if she really tried. Maybe it was how often their adventures were followed by parties, blurring everything together. “Not that I know of, really.” 

“Seriously? They’re sleeping on you girls?” Johnny shook his head. “Man, gratitude in this kingdom, I’m tellin’ ya!” 

“Stop!” Rarity chuckled, waving a dismissive hoof as a reverse Keep Going signal. “You were just telling me disinterest is healthy!” 

“Well yeah, but once you get past me, the rest of the family, who’ve you really got? Arrowhead? Iron Hoof? Pete?” 

No mention of the Elements Rarity noted, despite the previous flattery. 

“Captain Adventure,” she said with the power and precision of a blow dart. 

She tried not to grin like Chrysalis at the Without-a-Parachute expression on Johnny’s face, then remembered who they both were and stopped trying. 

“Well that’s…Cap, she’s…the thing about Cap is…that is to say…” He snatched up his glass for a delaying sip, which was as good a surrender as anything else. She could afford to take a little pity. 

“We’ve both got a lot to be grateful for.” Rarity let more warmth into her softening expression, taking his hoof. 

“We do?” Johnny blinked. He was touching back but she could see it in those rather spiffy blue eyes, an almost Twilightesque blankness. 

“I’d like to think so! Destiny might spring out of the bushes at us a lot, but we’ve both gotten to see generous slices of the world, we know what we’re good at and we have so much more than just the, uh, business!”

Johnny blinked again. It was like that one time during Twilight’s first few weeks, when they’d turned up at the library to invite her along shopping and she’d just stood there for almost five minutes, until a Spike nudge prompted her to ask “So you…don’t want any…books, then?” Like she’d been skipping along until the question created a spontaneous canyon across her personal yellow brick road. 

“Our friends and families?” Rarity prompted, feeling her face redden on his behalf. 

“Right. Right!” Johnny sounded so relieved at the sight of this life raft she felt a bit like he ought to be physically throwing himself across the table towards her. She felt a pulse of warmth in his hoof like a spike in heartbeat. “Family.” 

“And friends,” Rarity tried before she could stop herself. 

“Absolutely!” Johnny said, reminding her of Spike assuring her he was 100% certain he hadn’t mixed Opalescence’s deworming medication into Photo Finish’s tea instead of those marvellous herbal tablets Zecora made. 

“Although I suppose that’s more of a first, second date kind of topic?” She gave his hoof a little squeeze to stop it feeling strange they were still holding each other’s. “That’s way it usually goes, isn’t it? Who’re your friends, how’d you get your cutie mark, where were you the night that one old mares tail turned out to be real?”

“Wakanda, actually,” Johnny smiled, the self-assurance in it making her feel alright letting go of his hoof. “Long story.” 

“For another, perhaps more official time then.” Rarity took a sip of her own drink, grateful that she could now frown because of the distracting niggle in her brain. “Wakanda? The cat place?”

“Panthers,” Johnny corrected distractedly through a mouthful of panzanella-pistou fusion. “We’re friends with their royal family.” 

“The Panther Prince?!” Rarity felt the volume of her voice almost lift her out of her seat, only held in place by that infernal stiffness. She blushed at the diners turning to stare but focused on Johnny’s bemusement. “Sorry! Well, no, you want to talk about a costume? All that black! Elegance and simplicity! Like a tuxedo made flesh!” 

“Flesh. Right,” Johnny smirked. “Could introduce you if you like.” 

“Mmm, Applejack was talking about starting a royalty bucket list.” She’d already taken his hoof hadn’t she, drat it all. “But I think one super pony at a time is a better idea.” 

“Technically he’s not a super pony.” Johnny was smiling but there was a bit of Rainbow Dash when she talked about the Wonderbolts. Now that she (sometimes) went out for drink with them, not the early race play-by-play stuff when she’d been the new girl. Genuine respect. “It’s more a habit than a costume.”

“Darling trust me, if I could pull off that look as well as he does I’d make it a habit too.”

“Nice!” Johnny laughed. 

“Thank you. So! How did you meet the royal family of one of the most mysterious nations on the planet?” To Tartarus with the game. Enjoy a story, enjoy each other. 

“Kind of a…reverse Spidey.” Johnny frowned, the way they all did when having to explain a Pinkie party. Both having to be there and also just now realising how this sounded out loud to normal people. 

“I’m sorry?”

“I mean, he invited us over to his house so he could beat us up.” 

Rarity didn’t blink because it would have been rude but also because her entire body was too nonplussed to move for a few beats. “I see,” she lied. 

Johnny shrugged. Not like he didn’t get this was weird, just like when they gave up trying to explain Harmony to everypony else. Better to just says what you were going to and let the other party walk it off. “It was sort of a vengeance thing.”

“Before you’d met?!” 

“Oh, not against us! He’d gotten his crown, powers, whatever his deal is, like…a couple of months ago? And wanted to see if he really had what it took to keep the homeland safe! The jerk who took down his dad was back and look, I get how this sounds but when you think about it from the point of view of a guy who can enter a coma to talk to the ghosts of his forefathers…”

“No, but it helps that I met most of my friends in some kind of rubble or another.” Rarity smiled fondly. “And at least one near apocalypse!” 

“And we both know you get used to those,” Johnny smiled, but it was a little distant. “Sorry.”

Rarity blinked. “For?” 

“This is turning into kind of a work thing. It’s sort of my policy to wait a lot longer than this before, y’know, talking about how I had to look up Galactaurus’ nose before I went to college.”

“No, no, it’s quite alright,” Rarity said a little too quickly, feeling like she was sliding off a rolling log even though the infernal chair was still so stiff! “It’s a big part of your life! I…that is…well, I’m sort of in the same line myself. I know what it’s like to have to, you know, adapt.”

“Adapt?” Johnny repeated. 

Not angrily, which she was grateful for, patronising him was the last thing she’d want to do. But he genuinely didn’t know what she meant. Which was a problem. 

“Uh, you need me to…?” He was gesturing at her plate again. 

Rarity look down at her still unfinished (though scrummy!) ratatouille and risotto. Decimated food. How this was going. Shame this wasn’t a book and that Twilight had gone home, they could’ve kvetched over the cliché together. 

“Once was fine, thank you. It’s fine.” 

“So.” Johnny searched her eyes, trying to buy time. She knew that trick a little too well. “How about them Wonderbolts, huh?”

Okay, that wasn’t bad.

“Oh who knows, it’s like are you a rescue force or a sports team?” Rarity made a show of rolling her eyes, both to break eye contact and to show them off. “Although that’s unfair, Rainbow has explained how that works quite succinctly.”

“She’ll probably skin me for this but what the hay, there’s a long line.” 

Johnny leaned in, grinning again. Rarity enjoyed the little thrill of the closeness and the still warmth of the bite she’d taken. 

“History was her best subject.”

“In flight school?” Rarity swallowed perfectly but felt oddly like she’d been punched in the ear. “Hmm. That...I will admit, that does make a certain amount of sense, yes. She knows a fair bit about military history, actually.”

“I mean, her papers were never great but if you need to know which ‘Bolt had to go to the Hauge for Totally Awesome weather war crimes…” Johnny shrugged fondly. “She just soaks that stuff up, but if you put a textbook in front of her she’d start to get this look on her face. Like somepony told her breezies caused the Hindenburg.” 

Rarity clamped her pony-pedi over her lips to stop spraying the table with half chewed salad. “Ahem! Are you interested in flying at all? I know that sounds silly but your, uh, gifts…?”

“I believe the expression is It’s the Coolest.” Genuine grin and a warmth to it she felt more than his actual flames. “Maybe it was just being that young but that first lift off… Didn’t even matter when I crash landed! Still never gets old. Even having to renew my licence every couple of years is great. You know that feeling you get, when you know you shouldn’t be doing something?”

“Maybe,” Rarity smiled. 

“Imagine being able to carry that in your pocket.”  Flashing in those blue eyes. Not aimed at her but also fully addressing her. “All the time.” 

“I know there’s other people in your pretentious quote business pretentious unquote who can do it without wings…actually, you know, Twilight was talking about amplifying levitation magic just before…Anyway, do you talk to anypony about it? Flying.” She let a bit of her mother into her smirk. “Because it’s adorable how into it you are!”

“Sometimes!” Johnny nodded, smiling but looking contemplatively at his own meal. “Man, lemme think. There’s the old gang at flight school, obviously. Does, ah, does Dash ever talk about them?”

“She doesn’t tend to.” Rarity waved her fork in a demonstrative circle. “About flight school in general, I mean. You know, dropping out and all.”

“She did?” Johnny blinked. He looked like the floor under him and the rest all the way to the subway had vanished and left a polite note to just hang there until they got back. “That year? Like, I heard she’d left but I thought… Really? She never said anything!” 

“Why would she?” Rarity shrugged and took a sip of cucumber water. “But you were saying?”

“Huh? Oh!” Johnny shook his head as if trying to shake off a slap. Rarity could swear sparks came out his ears. “Ah, yeah, it’s neat to talk about flying with them, other folks in the business. The Falcon’s got some amazing tips! Always been really together, for a stallion sharing his brain with a bird.” 

“I won’t ask,” Rarity smiled. “I refuse to.”

“Spoilsport. Oh! And then there’s my old college roomie.” He held her gaze for just the right amount of time to make her wonder if it had been a causal thing before playing his card. “Soarin’.”

“No!” Rarity’s fork missed her plate and almost slashed open the tablecloth. “You’re not going to tell me he tried to beat you up first too, are you?”

“Nah, we had to get to know each other.” Johnny leaned back casually but fondly. Rarity envied how much more co-operative his chair seemed. “Lotta good times! Dash and I had some adventures, but even back then Soarin’ was good enough to tag along with us on stuff.”

“Oh?”

“He needed the money for school, you see.”

“Ah.”

“And the on the job danger probably didn’t hurt his résumé for the ‘Bolts either. It’s weird, we don’t run into each other as often as we should. His boss doesn’t like us, guys like Pete even less, but the last time I saw him was a few weeks ago, when we were talking about how to take down a fake Asgardian death-robot, and he spent most of the time unconscious.” 

He took a bite of a panzanella stuffed bread roll, as if he considered his oldest friend’s possible concussion the same thing as an irritating whistling habit. Rarity got the feeling he probably did. 

“So outside of other people in the business…”

“Pretentious unquote.” Johnny dabbed at his mouth with a napkin, throwing her off her game a little with the grace. 

“Ah-ha, yes, quite, outside of the business is there…anypony…?” Rarity hesitated, unsure if she should even ask. Partly because she had an unsettling feeling she knew what the answer was. 

“Anypony who…?” Johnny prompted with a politeness that was worse. It was like ‘Adapt?’ but strapped to a precarious bolder. 

Suddenly his 4 crest flashed staccato blue with almost visible radio signals, like an action figure toppling off a bedside table and onto that one button.  They both flinched, Rarity turning to glare at her chair as she felt the start of a stabbing crick in her neck.

“Sorry!” Johnny called, slapping a hoof over the thing to muffle the light and sound, his voice addressing her but raised for the whole room. “That’ll be my sister. She has this weird thing about taking time out of active war zones to see if I’m looking both ways before I cross the street.”

“Can you blame her?” Rarity flashed a smile to let him know it was alright. “No, go on, maybe fetch me a refill while you’re up?”

“No problem,” Johnny agreed, sliding out of his chair. She tried leaning back a little to get a look at his…tail. 

“Oh, for heaven’s sake!” she practically spat. Who’d carved this torture device, Tirek?! She gave it a slap just for something to do. 

Johnny froze at the click and spun to lock eyes with her. She could feel momentum creeping up through the chair legs and burying itself in the hairs at the back of her neck. 

“Oh dear,” Rarity said simply as a seatbelt snapped into existence around her waist. 

And then her chair was suddenly so flexible it flipped halfway upside down as it sprang autonomously across the room, crashing through a kitchen door and--


***


Down, air, darkness, flashing lights of a shining surface, a metal tunnel? So fast the air forced the scream back down her throat. 

The judder of the legs against the sides, a needle of horror of what the wind would be doing to her mane stabbing her brain over and over until the sudden stop half flung her out into open air. 

The seat belt un-clicked itself, allowing her to finally squeal, hooves pedalling at nothing as she toppled onto an actually quite effective padded surface. A mite sticky for her taste, but at least she only felt a sort of all over ripple as opposed to the bone jarring she realised she should have expected. 

Underground. Again. Joy. 

Rarity glanced around, trying to get her vision back so she could assess more than just that distinct tunnel quality to the air. The important thing she’d learned was not to try not to panic, that was like trying not to think about a pink elephant. No, what you did was you sort of panicked in showers, little tweaks of your internal faucet to let it disperse itself instead of building up and bursting. 

“Hello?” she tried, mostly to see if her vocal cords still worked. “♪Excuuuse me?♪” 

She remembered she was a Unicorn and illuminated her horn. Some kind of space a bit like a sewer chamber, although magnificently clean! Very neat in an industrial sort of way. 

A hoof on chalkboard noise that made her jump! “Y’re n’t tugh H’r’soo T’ch!”

“I beg your pardon?” Rarity asked, too stunned to be scared. 

“Y’re n’t…!” Some kind of sound system of course, but the voice had a metallic, warped quality like those action movies Applejack and Rainbow insisted on dragging everypony to when it was their turn, those ones with the mystery callers. This effect muffled more than intimidated. 

“No, sorry, didn’t catch a word of that!” 

“…ph’rry!”

A pause. 

A series of submarine hatch squeaking noises. 

“I’ph th’ph b’tt’ugh?”

“Sorry?”

More hatch squeaks then a metallic BWUNG that made her shut one eye, wincing. 

“The hay with it, is that better?”

“Oh much, thank you! Now if you would be so kind—” Rarity tilted her head back. “What the hay is going on?!”

“You’re not the Horseshoe Torch is what’s going on!” The voice had the effrontery to sound…affronted. 

“No, I should think not,” Rarity sighed. “This is a business thing, is it?”

“Yes!” An incongruous note of cheerful inquisition. “You’re in the business, are you? I mean, I sort of saw you were together on the periscope…?”

“Oh no!” Rarity blinked, horn light flickering. “Ah, that is, no I’m not in the business, a bit adjacent you might say? And it’s more of a work lunch than a date?”

“Oh.” Another pause. She listened and…yes, dripping pipe water somewhere. But did that mean a utility tunnel back to safety or deeper into whatever this was? Also, ugh, rats! “But Storm’ll come for you, right?”

“Johnnycake? I’d dashed well hope so! He promised to split the check, and I’ll wear socks with sandals before I let him use this to slide his way out of paying next time!”

“He would too!” the kidnapper said bitterly. “But when the Torch comes for you, he shall find you in…”

Rarity’s eyes froze mid roll as the tunnels before her began to rumble.

“THE TRAPSTER’S TUNNELS!” 

A minicanal laugh that was a little too weedy to work and lost over the sounds of an industrial strength buzzsaw anyway.

“Oh dear,” Rarity said again as ominous light began to creep up her legs to fall over her face. 


14


And then: 

“Just talk to her,” Spider-Pony growled to himself. “That’s what everypony’ll say, right?”

“You talkin’ to me?!” Thunderhead demanded, rearing his forehooves back to bring them slamming down on…nothing. 

“No.” 

The centaur gangster looked up, snarling at the sight of the Web-Slinger suspended in the air for a beat before he fired two web-lines, reeling both his hindlegs into his opponent’s gut with the speed of a bean bag round. The guards and goons, tied up with cords and webbed to the walls respectively, winced. 

“You lil’—!” Thunderhead wheezed, swiping for the blur so savagely he almost ripped the sleeves of his blue suit jacket. His ball bearing eyes flashed like a spontaneous grease fire at the feeling of weight shooting up his spine. The bug had had the nerve to use his back as a pommel horse!

“Because that’s so easy,” Spider-Pony was muttering as the furious crime boss spun round, just standing there in front of the open vault. “Biggest conversation of my life!” 

“I got the biggest thing in what’s left ‘a your life right here!” Thunderhead bellowed, not even bothering to paw the ground for a windup. He was too steamed, that mild lightning effect sparking around his horns. Bellowing, he lowered his oversized, slab like forehead and charged! 

Again, at nothing. His eyes bulged as, his face angled at the floor the way it was, he managed to see Spidey sliding front first under him. The twin surprises of this and the slap of that freakin’ webbing against his fetlocks made him lose control of his momentum, meaning instead of ramming the wall, which wouldn’t have even tickled, he tripped and slammed it into the vault floor, which did. 

To add insult to injury he realised the booming he’d heard hadn’t just been the fall but that the Spider had webbed his legs to the vault door, making him drag it shut on himself! 

“Biggest conversation of my life,” Spidey muttered, galloping out the door and vaulting over the startled M.E.U.P officers. “, for the best thing in my life! That fits, right?”

And then: 


***


“Hey!” Spellectro’s face bellowed from multiple neon signs. “Are you paying attention?!” 

“Only then she won’t want to be part of my life anymore,” Spider-Pony muttered under his breath, dodging yellow and green lightning as he hopped from perch point to perch point across Times Square. “That fits! Who’d blame her?”

“Awright, that’s it!” The signs that weren’t webbed over spat green and gold sparks, coalescing into a Hulk sized electric abstract of the villain hovering over the statue of the two sisters in the centre of the square. “I don’t even care if ya figured out my plan…and apparently neither do you! Prepare to feel the power of advertisin’!” 

“What’s to figure out?” Spidey spat, ricocheting off a marquee. The king-sized tunnel of green and yellow thunderbolts didn’t even singe his tail. 

The rapidly shrinking Spellectro abstract’s expression flickered into panic as he realised he’d just discharged most of the power he’d spent the last few hours building up into empty air, and the not even winded Web-Slinger wasn’t about to crash down on him, but…

“Oh right!” Peter snarled as if he’d barley noticed his shoulder’s collision with the maintenance hatch, furiously bouncing off the floor of the jumbotron’s underground junction tunnel. “How to talk to her!” 

“Um…” Spellectro grinned feebly, trying to untangle himself from the cables suctioned all over his body. “W-wouldja like a moment to think it over? Because I could no, don’t touch those!” 

“The sad thing?” Spidey sighed as he whipped two important but oppositely charged cables into each other’s ports. “This’d be so much easier if it was just a case of crossed wires.”

He didn’t even look at his handiwork, turning away obliviously from the blinding eruption of Spellectro’s spasming body. The villain let out a juddering whoop, the greens and yellows of his mutated coat rapidly switching places until his star mask burst into sparks, leaving his grinning, smoking remains to slump almost serenely, half suspended off the floor by the cables. 

“But this isn’t a bug.” Spidey walked down the tunnel, green and gold smoke washing over him. “It should be a feature.” 

And then:

“What are you babbling about?!” the Wingless Warlock roared. Or tried to. As much of a gifted orator as the once renowned (within city limits) inventor was, he’d just never really had the voice for the furious arch villain. Certainly braying but too Drones Club. 

“Trying to work something out,” Spidey sighed despondently, weaving a web cushion just in time to save an Elephant customer from slamming into the restaurant wall. 

“How to defeat me?!” the Warlock sneered, using his gravity gauntlets to launch one of the façade’s trees at his target roots first like a snatching claw! “Me, the stallion who mastered gravity itself?!”

“Nope.” Spidey twisted almost bonelessly in mid-air, surfing down the trunk and giving it a powerful kick in the middle so it spun, stopping more helpless customers from being sent into orbit with its foliage. 

“Yes…” the Warlock blinked, hovering over the seething pockets of anti-gravity he’d scattered across the floor. “Well. Not that you could hope to! I am glad we see eye to on that!”

“That’s kinda the problem.” Why did the blasted B-rater sound so…so…not here?! “I can see how it’s gonna go.” 

“As can I!” The Warlock twisted his glowing gauntlets in a spiral pattern, distorting the web-lines racing towards them so they looped back on the arachnid. “In fact, perhaps it’s fitting you intruded upon my valuable time like this! Your juvenile concoction makes you a fitting substitute for that benighted Trapster!”

“Nice try, Wings,” Spidey chuckled dryly, using a floating chair to block the webs. “But even being considered for one of your Frightful Bores couldn’t make me feel any worse!” 

“Don’t flatter yourself, you pusillanimous parvenu! The Wingless Warlock only works with the very best!” 

“Like the Trapster?” Spidey asked snidely, hopping onto a floating table. And off again as levitated cutlery embedded itself where he’d been standing. 

“I was referring to my intention to practice his punishment upon you!” the Warlock snarled, magnifying the weight of individual crystals in the chandelier so they launched themselves after the bounding Web-Slinger like bullets with the density of canon balls. “Give me directions to the wrong restaurant indeed!” 

“Yeah, we’ve all got problems.” Spidey ducked the last crystal, bounding onto the web-net he’d been weaving above the physicless floor the entire fight. “Yours is vanity. Smile!” 

Maybe it was how busy Damage Control had kept him, maybe it was just nostalgia, maybe he’d forgotten about it until now, but he still hadn’t gotten around to removing the customised camera kept in the suit belt. 

The press of a button, and then: 

The Warlock let out a still way too posh howl at the sudden light, throwing up his gauntlets to protect his eyes! And accidentally pulling every object he’d been levitating towards himself. His armour, designed to stand up to punches from the Thing, protected him from the worst of it but a stray chair took his helmet off, setting him up to take a serving tray right to the face. 

Patrons, furniture and concussed villain toppled into Spidey’s pre-prepared net as gravity flicked itself back on. The Warlock’s admittedly pretty clever shitchk was using customised tech disks to channel his other big claim to fame, a spell to alter localised gravity beyond mere Unicorn levitation. Without his consciousness to keep it flowing the disks scattered all over the walls and floor were now so much loose change. 

“Is..is it over?” a waiter gasped. 

“Probably.” Spider-Pony looked up from weaving a cocoon around the groaning Warlock to check everyone was okay, then bounded across a few strands, using the last one to launch himself straight through the kitchen and ricochet out into the alley. 

And then: 


***


“I mean, who’s gonna blame her?” he asked the city as he webbed himself higher, faster. “Because I have to tell her, right? I have to ruin everything!” 

His eyes felt hot under the lenses, but then his whole face was suddenly furiously hot. The ledge of one building cracked slightly as he launched off it. 

“But everything’s fine, right?” Spidey snapped as he swung towards the Chrysler building. “That’s what she said!” 

Office workers blinked as he swung and scampered higher and higher up the tower. “Yeah, everything’s going so fine I have to ruin it forever!” 

He looped angrily around one of the gargoyles, letting go of the line to swing all the way up to the tip of the tower, hooves shrieking metallically as he gripped it. 

“Everything’s! Just! FINE!” 

Fine! the city bellowed back. Fine! Fine! Fine!

That shocked him into silence, flash cooling the rage and leaving only the bubbling dread that had been there since…since he’d realised he had to tell Twilight. Had to. How could he love her and not? 

And after he did, how could she possibly love him? How would the sight of him not make her sick? 

Ears dropping, Peter slid down the spire, seemingly oblivious to his hooves juddering over the rest of the architecture until he came loose. A web-line lashed out from his tail to snag the gargoyle he’d used for the launch, curling him around it until he finally slowed to a stop. He crawled over the beak and onto the top like a shipwreck survivor making it to shore and flopped onto his back. 

“She’s gonna hate me,” he whispered. The sky was incongruously beautiful for the worst day of his life. He could hardly hear himself over the wind and traffic. 

“What am I gonna do?” he asked nobody. 

“Wow,” the sky said perkily, “that’s a loaded question, but--”

Spider-Pony yelped, bolting upright and sliding halfway off the polished surface. A second of open air and waiting sidewalks beneath him and then:

Pale pink forelegs snatching his tail between a pinch that just had to be Canterlot horseshoes. 

“Whoa, colt! I mean, I get this is a conversation you don’t want to have but it can happen at ground level if you want! Just, y’know, maybe pace ourselves!” 

“Cadence?!” Spidey tried to curl himself around for a better upside down look at her, wings flapping steadily to keep them both aloft as he dangled from his tail in her grip. “I mean, Princess?! I mean…” 

“Oh, I think I can guess what you mean.” She smiled at him like he was the adult embodiment of an Ursa Minor guiltily standing next to something that only looked like a meteorite. She’d used that smile on him and Twilight a lot before they’d made things official. “It’s probably for the best if I hold onto you like this, really. I’ve been trying to catch up to you all day. You’re a quick little bouncing bundle of nerves!” 

Spidey blinked as the rooftops gradually past the upper rooftops. “You’ve been looking for me?” 

“Yep. Though I might have come anyway, the state you’re in!” Cadence’s smile became slightly slyer, made worse by still being upside down. “I mean, I’m no Princess Celestia but each troubled heart has its own distinctive beat. Sometimes you just can’t help hearing it.”

Spidey was too busy trying to get over the shock and hoping she didn’t recognise his voice through the mask to say anything for a bit. 

“Just looking for a place to land,” Cadence said distractedly as she looked down at him again. “Sorry, was that too mystic? Princess lines like that, sometimes they just sort of slip out and they make you look all mysterious and obtuse. I really am here for both of you, promise!” 

“Both of who?” Spidey asked, trying to twist right side up. 

“You and your special somepony, obviously!” She dangled him over a streetlight it took him a few seconds to realise she meant as a perch. “Which brings me back to what I was saying before. It’s not all about you.” 

“I…what?” Peter got a steady grip to stare up at her still flapping in mid-air, feeling a little like he should be backing away. 

“The answer to your question. Well, most questions of the heart. It’s not all about you!” Cadence readjusted her tiara as pedestrians either stared at them or trotted on ‘cause what were they, tourists? “Sorry, you’d think I’d be better at saving ponies from sudden falls and talking about love at the same time, it happens often enough. Anyway, the other answer to this question is pizza, I’ll explain how as we go. You feel like pizza? I feel like pizza.”

All enveloping pink glow from her horn. A feeling in his chest like a big sister he’d never had putting an affectionate but restraining arm around his shoulders. 

And then: 


To be Continued

> Match Making (6)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


15


“What do you mean she’s not moving?” the Trapster’s companion asked in the background. 

“I mean she’s…not moving!” the villain whined, amplifying the speaker’s own slightly. “Obviously!” 

“Huh.” 

There was a note of admiration in the mare’s (well, she was some type of lady at least) voice that made Rarity smile a little. She adjusted herself on the chaise longue she’d sculpted out of the Trapster’s landing pad and made a show of admiring her pedicure. She had to admit the throbbing light of the Trapster Tunnels was good for the job. 

There was bumping and protesting coming from the shadows she figured the speaker and/or scrying camera set up was mounted to. 

“Hello,” the lady said after a definite thump and distinct lack of Trapster. 

“Hello?” Rarity tried, hoping the casualness in her voice kept up. It might not be the best thing for the immediate situation if whoever this was started taking an interest in her. 

“How are you doing down there?”

“In a sewer?” Rarity raised a brow. “Full of deathtraps?”

“Considering.” She could practically see the shrug. Almost one professional to another. 

“Bored to tears but given the alternative…” She gestured to the one tunnel entrance she was fairly sure was full of some kind of pylons. The kind Twilight had in her basement and kept assuring everypony were ‘purely recreational!’ 

“Yes, I’d apologize but y’know. Maniacal laughter, moustache twirling, all that.” 

“Oh, I’m sure your moustache is lovely, whoever you are!” 

“Careful!” She could hear fangs in the smile now. “Wouldn’t want to wind up friends, now would we?”

“You’d be surprised.” Rarity kneaded her headrest. 

“Mmm. Are you going to stick it out all day? Because my would-be colleague here considered a lot of possibilities when we set these things up but not a hostage situation.” 

“Ah,” Rarity said carefully. “Well, I’m rather hoping Johnnycake, uh, Tropical Storm…”

“I know who Johnny is. Obviously.” 

“Obviously!” Rarity smiled, loading her tone slightly to let them know she’d noticed the careful neutrality in theirs. “Anyway yes, my plan is to wait here until he comes and finds me. It’s hardly my fault Mr. Trapster went to all this effort and then rigged the wrong chair! And frankly why, exactly, should a kidnap victim go along with the intentions of somepony nefarious enough to steal the money to build all this but not to invest any of it? Somepony’s got to be sensible here, assuming Mr. Trapster is a pony that is, and it may as well be me.”

A not so maniacal laugh drowning out the Trapster’s protests. “Ah sit down Traps, she’s got you there! You’re a canny one Ms. Rarity!” 

“You know who I am.” 

Unicorns had rules about names because magic, the stuff beyond the kind you used every day in your tame, centrally heated life, sometimes had rules of its own. 

Don’t give your real name unless you’re absolutely certain. Or it might remember. Like a scent. 

Not that this felt like one of those, and she’d been born within a couple of minutes’ walk of the Everfree forest so she knew a thing or two, but there was something about that voice knowing who she was. Potentially where she lived. About Sweetie Belle. 

“What, the pony everypony should know? Only what I need to. Didn’t know you were this good though, this’s far above what most super ponies would’ve done.” 

“I’ll take that as a compliment.” Rarity looked around absently, casting the light of her horn over pipes and bricks. 

“You should! It’s just that if the Torch hasn’t blundered down here by now it’s because he’s caught in the backup Traps threw together just in case. He might be a while.”

“So your colleague had the foresight to prepare for what might happen if his plan failed…but not if the wrong pony sat in it?”

“Margin of error!” the speaker sputtered, practically rattling from indignation. “Every plan in the history of Equestria has come with a margin of--”

He was cut off by a slicing, reverberating sound a bit like a magic discharge but not quite, which almost unsettled Rarity more than the sudden violence of it. She wasn’t sure if that was the speaker hissing or a body. 

“In which case,” the voice resumed as if discussing a hilarious typo in a will, “what would you like us to do if this drags on? Food, water, maybe something to read?”

“Uh…” The civility caught her off guard more than the blast. “No thank you? That is, I ate before I…arrived. Should last me.”

“If you’re sure. It’s just that your horn keeps flickering.”

“Just because I’m down here doesn’t mean I have to sit in the dark!” 

“Suit yourself.” A slight hum like the equipment winding down. 

“Uh, excuse me!” Why the hay not? What were they going to do, kidnap her more? 

A pause, the sounds of the idling machines in the tunnels rushing in. Then the speaker starting up washing over them.

“…yeah?” 

“Who am I talking to, please?” Rarity sat up on her padding throne, making a show of looking around for the speaker, throwing the light of her magic around the space. Just as planned. 

“Don’t Unicorns have rules about names?”

“Oh please, what is this, the middle ages?” She smiled despite herself. The whole situation was basically a priceless vase balanced on a plinth in Pinkie Pie’s trajectory, but she was still keeping some kind of control. “Besides, you know mine.”

“Well yeah, but I’m not number 10 on Sweet and Elite’s independents to watch list.”

“Oh my goodness!” Rarity put an abashed hoof to her mouth. “The Fall thing?”

“Yeah!” The speaker almost rattled from sudden enthusiasm. “Don’t get me wrong, they quoted your prices and that seriously helps--”

“Well, you know, it’s the Fall! Ponies need to wrap up, even if they don’t get a complete set you’ll still make a fair bit back, so…” Rarity shrugged. “I mean, maybe it’s just small town naivete, but--”

“No, no, trust me, that’s just charming. Where I come from, we’re all about taking suckers for everything they’ve got so we appreciate when someone actually plays fair like that!”

“Um,” Rarity said, Fluttershyesque. “Thank you.”

A pause, like the speaker had realised it was awkward too. 

“…so.” Rarity looked between different menacing shadows in the tunnels before grinning up at the patch the voice had come from. “Can I ask which was your favourite?!”

“Oh, that one, you know, in the blue and the purple? The different shades? We’re big into purple back home, a lot of the ponies I have to work with are, dunno why, but it’s like purple, purple, purple, I get it, either tape over one eye and start eating people or--”

“Ah! You know, everypony back home teases I must’ve based it on my own hair but I had it in my head for years, ever since I first saw Twilight, that’d be Princess Twilight but she wasn’t at the time, but it was her first Winter Wrap Up you see, and--”

“Have you ever thought about it?”

The sincerity was the mental equivalent of those cartoons she and Sweetie used to watch, where the adorable fuzzy thing opens a door and a freight train runs them over. 

“About what, sorry?”

“Your hair!” 

“My hair?!”

“What are you turning this operation into?!” the Trapseter’s voice demanded. There was another discharge noise.

“Less of a disaster. Anyway, yeah! You’ve got great hair!”

“One tries one’s best!” Rarity preened with practised ease. “I’m sorry about that moustache dig earlier by the way. Like I was telling Mr. Traspter I’m more business adjacent and I can’t say I follow the rules of this banter at all, so if I was rude--”

“Most of it IS just being rude.” She imagined the speaker shrugging. “Like, they try and talk it up but it’s just making fun of who has the least powerful death ray or the weirdest facial hair. You get used to it, is the sad thing. But anyway! No offence taken, you’re in a weird situation and allowed to let off steam, and yes, have you ever considered making a line based on that expert coiffure of yours?”

“Not mine, exactly!” Rarity admitted. “But I’ve often considered basing thing’s around my friends’! They’re all so distinct you know, even if it would be totally obvious who’s who! I mean, you don’t exactly need a degree from Politecnico de Muleano to figure out when something’s been made with Rainbow Dash in mind!” 

“Oh her,” the Trapster said sourly. “The one from college. I hate her!”

“Feelings probably mutual.”

“She bit me!” 

“And just like that I have even more begrudging respect for the forces of Harmony.”

“Watch it Skrull! The Warlock--”

“Isn’t here.” 

Oh, there was a warlock now. How very old school. With her luck right now they’d either be some terrible legend made real or wouldn’t even have the decency to be in any of the orders, just somepony calling themselves that and dressed in a racially insensitive costume. 

“It’s not my fault!” the Trapster howled with expert self-pity that grated up Rarity’s spine, into her skull and instantly made her want to find out what his face looked like. So she’d know what she’d be ramming both hind legs into. “Do you know how many fusion restaurants there are in this town?! There’s four on this block alone!”

“Skrull?” Rarity called up, horn light flaring. “Is that your name?” 

“Species.” Casual but matter of fact. Because of course, what exactly could she do with that information? It didn’t even particularly mean anything to her beyond the fact it probably ought to.  

“Can’t say I’m, ah, familiar.”

“You wouldn’t be,” the Skrull said cheerfully. “Anyway, hope you’ve enjoyed stalling for whatever you’re planning as much as I have but I’ve got a silent alarm to see to.”

The solidity and temperature of the bricks melted, flowing into a freezing, yawning chasm under her hooves. Then again, she’d been falling for it the whole time. How much of that conversation had been to get her off guard? How much had been real? And how much had she given away without meaning to?

“Oh, before I go?”

“Yes?” Rarity sighed. 

“Not that I’ll see you again, or, heh, not that you’ll see me but do me a favour.”

“No promises, Ms. Skrull.”

“So polite! Love it! But it’s more doing yourself a favour, really.”

“You know, people in your business should appreciate that it’s honestly pretty rude to drag gloating out this mu--”

“Johnnycake is fun and all.” It was delivered with perfect calm and may as well have been an open palm strike to her nose. “But a pony like you? C’mon. You can do way better than the Horseshoe Torch.”

The speaker lapsed into a silence that filled Rarity’s brain like flood water. It took her a few minutes to realise she’d let the light of her horn die out, but it wasn’t like she needed it anymore. Besides, being on the same wavelength as a Skrull, whoever that was…perhaps that was a Sit-In-the-Dark kind of thing. 


***


A burst of light and noise from one of the tunnels that made her gag on the startled shriek! 

“Ow! Sun and moon!”

“Johnny?!”

“Rarity?” His voice was almost drowned out by the echoes of crashing metal and a series of clicks. Like back in the restaurant. “Uh oh…”

“Are, ah…” Her horn’s light illuminated the walls until she managed to get herself un-turned around and face the tunnels, trying to home in on his voice. “Are you in one of these?”

“One of what? Hang on.” A series of fwoomfs like when her stove wouldn’t quite ignite, and the light of a fireball crept towards her. From the tunnel full of electrodes. “Can you see that?”

“If that’s you, yes!”

“Yeah!” He sounded cheerful. “Sorry that took so long, an Awesome Android was waiting for me.”

“A what?” Rarity chuckled, creeping towards the tunnel.

“It’s a whole thing. Big thing. Anyway, danced around with that for a while until I noticed this periscope. Figured it was related and melted my way under the street. Damage Control’s probably gonna take me off their Hearth’s Warming card list, but…”

“Can you move? That sounded like a nasty fall.”

“Yeah?”

“Well don’t!”

“What?” The light of his flames had been steadily creeping closer along the tunnel wall but was drowned out by a sudden thrum and flash. Rarity flinched as Johnny cried out in pain.

“Don’t move!” she called. 

A beat, the sounds of hissing and burning, but that could mean anything. 

“Johnny?”

“Yeah.” Gritted teeth, she was sure of it. “Not moving.” 

A beat she suspected was more to get his breath back. 

“Did I just walk into a death trap the wrong way round?”

“You think that’s bad, I’m only here because I sat in the wrong chair.”

Pinging metal and dripping water in the shocked silence, then they both burst out laughing. 

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourselves,” the Trapster’s voice snapped sullenly. 

“Oh for…” Johnny snarled then winced at another electrical burst. “Trapster, Rarity. Rarity, the appendix of my rouges gallery.”

“HEY!”

“We’ve met,” Rarity smiled, gingerly craning her neck into the tunnel. 

The Torch hovered a few inches off the floor, trapped between a series of Tesla coil like rings. If she had to guess he’d probably been supposed to fly through them from the entrance, not the opposite way. The ones in front and behind him sparked in time with his bobbing, meaning he couldn’t go forward or back. 

“I’m so sorry,” Johnny said gravely. 

“Meh. Remind me to tell you about the Great and Powerful Trixie sometime.”

“The what?” Johnny chuckled. 

“Take me seriously!” the Trapster screeched. “I mean, take this seriously! Yes, this, the deadliest trap of all, these, the TRAPSTER TUNNE--”

“Seriously, he’s like this all the time.” Johnny jerked his head at the ceiling, wincing as it inadvertently brushed his flaming tail against the rear coil ring. “Ngh! Dunno where he gets the money.”

“Oh, why should I expect anything from you, Storm? You didn’t even have the decency to fall into my trap the right way ‘round!”

“Kind of a moot point,” Rarity beamed. “We’ll be leaving now, if you’ll just melt that panel on the right, Mr. Storm.”

“If you say so, Ms. Belle.” The Torch raised an eyebrow but got to work.

“What?!” the Trapster spluttered. “No, you won’t! Even if you somehow survive all the traps in one tunnel, and the next and the next, the sheer number shall drive you--”

“Or you could just keep talkin’, that’d do it.” Johnny called as a neatly carved hole spread its glowing edges across the tunnel wall, filling the air with the scent of burning crystal mechanisms. “Rarity, you’ve got a plan here, right?”

“Oh yes. Um, would you mind…?” 

Rarity almost crawled onto her belly, accepting his unignited hoof as he helped her slip under the ring, wincing as her horn passed through the static. 

“Thank you! Anyway, had some time to kill while you were chasing periscopes, so I mapped out the space.”

“You WHAT?!” the Trapster squawked. “When?!”

“Pretty much since you started talking.” Rarity briskly stepped through the hole into the next tunnel, the walls lined with odd plant like machines. “It’s a little known but essential spell for any Unicorn working underground. Give it enough time and you can have an entire sonographic picture of, oh, say, a few miles of utility tunnel sitting nice and comfortably in your head. It’s very through!”

“So you knew how to get out of here the entire time.” Johnny’s smirk was buoyed up by honest admiration. 

“Oh yes.” Rarity hooded her eyes at him as he carefully melted another panel open for her like a department store door. “Just waiting for my chauffeur to turn up.”

“This is cheating!” the Trapster whined. “You two, you deserve each other! She’s worse than the rainbow one, I’ll bet that forked tongue comes with even bigger teeth! When I get you two in my sights I’m gonna–!”

“I’m assuming you pinged his control room too?” the Torch asked, carefully drifting under some buzzsaws as the Trapster’s ranting reverberated off the pipes. “Not that I wanna, but it’d be irresponsible not to at least try to find the greasy jerk.”

“Oh absolutely, take a right here.” Rarity nodded at another wall, then shuffled her hooves a little. “Um, there’s, ah, there’s somepony else with him. She spoke to me. Oh, uh, she mentioned something about a warlock?”

“Tch,” Johnny muttered, sending out irritated sparks. “Probably means this is a Frightful Four audition. Guess we owe you one for throwing a wrench into it! Sure you won’t let me pick up the check when we hit topside?”

“Don’t tempt me.” Rarity managed a smile, eyes un-focusing to better follow the pulsing lines of the map in her head. “And about that, once we’ve handed Mr. Not That Good at Traps Actually to the police…”

“He actually is, that’s the sad part.” Johnny looked over his shoulder as he melted some crushing walls into place. “Wait, you said there was another one?”

“Mmm, she strikes me as the type who’ll be long gone by now.”

“Gotcha.”

“Anyway,” Rarity sighed in time with the sounds of the sheeting smoke from the next panel. “When we get back to civilisation, we need to talk.”

“Ah,” Johnny said. His back was to her as he worked a grating loose. 

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“There’s a reason and I really want you to hear it.” 

Rarity hesitated as she reached out a hoof, but the light around his shoulders still felt like a radiator so she chanced it. Touching the Torch was like touching a ceramic hot water bottle as he turned to blink at her. 

“Hey!” the Trapster’s voice blustered suddenly. “Who’s…Aww no, not you, no, get away from me, I know how to use this thing, ow, OW, OW!”

The two stared up the trapdoor above them as the speaker’s rocked to the villain’s yelps and what sounded like a rabid timberwolf. Johnny burst through it in an eruption of instantly liquefied steel, levelling a fireball at—

Rarity blinked, clambering up behind him. “Rainbow?”

—standing over the Trapster, pinned to the floor by his own glue-gun, cocked over the smirking Pegasus’ shoulder as she half turned towards them.

“Hey guys.” Johnny’s flames danced in those rose-coloured eyes. “Miss me?”


16


“We shall begin once more, when you’re ready. Deep breath and hold her steady.”

“Steady,” Twilight said, eyes fixed dead ahead and fading to purple like ink in water. “Right.”

“Deep breath,” Zecora repeated. “Hold her steady.”

“Steady,” Twilight repeated, nodding slightly as the magic began to wind it’s way through her. 

“Deep breath,” Zecora said gently. 

Twilight smiled a little and took one in through her nose. There was a nice familiarity to the insistence that brought back Canterlot classrooms. 

Remember to breathe, remember to eat, remember to sleep, remember to wash your hooves. Just because magic is energy doesn’t mean you are. Even magic is alive. 

Magic doesn’t have to go to the bathroom though. Although…no, focus! Ack, no! Don’t! Or rather…oh forget it. 

The purple corona building around her horn flicked with her irritation and perhaps fittingly it was that which kept everything together. She’d messed this up so much by overthinking it, the failures and near successes piling up so much that she just couldn’t care anymore. And that absence was important, something she needed to pave over the constant froth of her own curiosity to dive into…well, herself. 

She really was better off just not thinking about this. 

About trying to send her consciousness back through millennia of evolution and into her body’s own magical field. Or it’s new one. Or, it was still hers? But if she’d always been able to access all three types of magic at once and…eh, too hard. She was starting to understand why Celestia had kept this a secret for so long. Students driven to cross-dimensional power madness was one thing, explaining all this was another. 

And even that frustration had its place! It was the grey, almost thermal winds of UUUGH, whatever that was floating her where she needed to be. Into and out through her body’s magic field, finding paths that had been inherited but never there, not until now. 

Almost like when they were all together, bearing the Elements, like when they’d faced Nightmare Moon…

The sense memory finished the job and Twilight’s…impression found itself sliding into the place it had wasted so much time trying to force itself into. Thanks girls, she smiled. 

“Are you where you need to be?” Zecora asked gently. “The place between pony, root and tree?”

“Yes.” Twilight took another breath, in, out, still smiling. “I’m where I need to be. When I pull back I’ll probably remember it as light, if I remember it at all, but I know it’s just where Applejack lives all the time. And that it’s just like where every Unicorn and I live all the time. Every Pegasus. Everything in Equestria. Sorry, don’t mean to ramble but saying what’s passing through my head keeps it out of my head, if that makes sense.” 

“Do whatever works for you,” Zecora smiled, watching the rocks around her drifting into the air like soap bubbles. “And then do what you came here to do.”

“And what I came here to do…is tap into Earth Pony magic…like…this!” Twilight grinned, eyes and horn flaring. 

Zecora took an instinctive step back from the sudden light, then craned her neck to take in the sudden beauty in the air, pink and purple wafting down to reform the circle her friend had been standing in. 

Twilight’s pupils faded back into sight through the violet haze of her magic, locking with the shaman’s raised eyebrow. “Magnolias, huh?”

“I’m hungry.” Twilight shrugged, leaving her wings flared out because this was go with the flow time and fighting them back into place would bring everything splashing down on her. Besides, she felt way too good to care. It was working! 

“We can grab something after the job’s done,” Zecora grinned, that challenge Celestia had never shown her and she sort of liked. “And that’s not gonna happen until you’ve finished what you’ve begun.”

“Oh, you mean like this?” 

The spell had been held in her mind like a ball. Going against her nature, it didn’t really matter where it landed. That was something she was starting to suspect about this Alicorn stuff. What mattered was that she threw. Not that she would ever actually throw magic around without caring what it did or throw balls around willy nilly, it might hit a window, what would the neighbours say, anyway! She’d known what she wanted the spell to do and she just let it happen. 

The circle sprang from beautiful flowers to just plain rocks. Like, actually sprang. Twilight’s telekinesis pulled it back into order, less to look cool and more because it was just her personality to instinctively tidy things up like that. And even then, less your fussy aunt and more guilt at being the one to make the mess in the first place. Accepting these self-realities had been vital to her new life since even before her ascension. 

Besides she still felt just too good. It had worked! 

“It worked!” Twilight skipped out of the circle, letting her wings dance for joy as she bounced around Zecora. “It worked, it worked, it worked!” 

“Eyup,” Zecora smiled because they knew each other well enough by now to mess with each other a little.

Twilight let out another spontaneous laugh and flung her forelegs around the shaman. Zecora was so surprised she hugged back slightly. 

“I dispersed it!” Twilight grinned, pumping a hoof while still hanging off the older equine’s neck with the other. “I tapped into one of the most fundamental magics there is, I transmogrified an entire circle of solid rocks, and then I changed them back!”

“This is why I agreed to help you train, Twilight, because of how you wished it to be applied,” Zecora chuckled, nudging one of the stones with her hoof. “And now I take it you’re satisfied?”

“Very!” Twilight flapped her wings a few times to tuck them back in. Maybe it was the buzz, but it didn’t feel like as much of an effort this time. “Thank you so much, Zecora! I felt bad asking because I owe you a lot already, but…”

“No, it’s a compliment,” the Zebra smirked as they started to walk down the path from Twilight’s training fields (or the fields she’d just sort of wound up training in, rather) to Ponyville. “I am the best there is at what I do, it’s true. Besides, who could say no to the chance to teach a princess a thing or two?”

“Way more than two,” Twilight smiled. “You’re the one who saved us from Poison Joke and Trixie…well, that amulet but you know what I mean. You know so much!”

“And the world and I owe you and your friends much more when all’s said and done,” Zecora smiled maternally as the princess blushed. “Honestly, sharing these teachings is much like today: too much fun!” 

“Wares on a mare, though,” Twilight sighed. “Will you at least let me pay for lunch? You helped me take my dispersal magic to a whole new level!”

“A kind offer I must sadly decline.” Zecora indicated something with her head. “Look like we’ve both found an interesting way to spend our lunch time.” 

Twilight followed her gaze and blinked. Her startled wings flapped so hard she almost knocked an ornamental fountain over. 


***


Her balloon was hovering a little behind the library, ready for take-off. She saw Spike jogging around from the side, presumably from getting it ready. He slowed to a trot as he met her gaze, weighing the odds of explaining or fleeing. Twilight had a very Velvet look in her eye. Because of what was standing in the doorway. Or who and swaying. 

“I can explain?” Spike tried. 

“Is that—?” Twilight began.

“Cadence?!” They blinked at Zecora, registering her just before she bolted for the Princess of Love.

“Cora?!” Cadence’s own wings flared in shock, almost toppling the stack of pizza boxes swaying next to her before she flung herself halfway across the square to collide with the Zebra in a hug. “Oh gosh, what are you doing here?!” 

“Studying the Everfree, like you do! But enough about me, how about you?!” 

“The Everfree? The Everfree Forest?! Oh gosh, you took my advice?”

“In a trice!” 

“I was joking!” 

“Yeah? Jokes on you, it’s the perfect zone! So full of killer plants and monsters and bugs…” 

“You must be right at home!” 

The two pointed at each other, laughing so hard a passing Pinkie Pie slooowly backed up and turned around. 

Twilight waved a hoof to get their attention. “You two know each other?”

“The Princess of Love and I? We go back a-ways!” Zecora roped a foreleg around the laughing Cadence. “Though I take it you’re not here to tell Twilight about our younger days?”

“Oh, I don’t think talking about my gap year would interest anypony.” Cadence wrapped a sisterly wing around her shoulders. “Now, meeting the apprentice shaman who helped me bring peace to two warring manticore tribes, on the other hoof!”

“I’d settle,” Twilight said with the slow weight of her dispersal rocks preparing to land on someone, “for knowing what you’ve done to Peter.”

Cadence glanced guiltily at the swaying, smiling figure in the doorway. “Ah.”

“I wanna go for a balloon ride…” Peter said happily, eyes full of pink spirals. 

The tower of pizza boxes on his back made him look like some strange species of concussed turtle. Zecora took one look and burst out laughing, Cadence swatting at her chest to get her to shut up. 

Twilight stomped a hoof. “It’s not funny!”

“I wanna go for a balloon ride…” 

“Oh geez, my sides!” Zecora wheezed. “Totem, I beg of you, no more, please!”

“Aaghshhhh!” Twilight screech-hissed, waving her hooves frantically at Cadence before getting a good look at her face. “Wait…you know?”

“Why he keeps saying that? I wish.”

“I wanna go for a balloon ride…”

“We get it!” Cadence snapped brightly with a smile that showed too much teeth.

“See, that’s why I filled ‘er up,” Spike said quickly, thumbing at the purple dome bobbing over the foliage. “’Cause he just keeps saying that and Cadence did this to him, so I was just following orders if you think about it.” 

“I wanna go for a balloon ride...” 

Twilight waved a hoof in front of Peter’s swirling eyes. No dice. “You used your visual aids again, didn’t you?” 

“Maybe.” Cadence was trying not to look as if she was trying to hide behind her tiara. 

“You gave him the spiralling talk,” Twilight sighed as she gently levitated Peter and the pizzas in doors. “And then you drew one with your horn.”

“The heart wants what it wants!” Cadence insisted as they followed her. “It’s not my fault ponies can be…susceptible!” 

“With your horn, Cadence!”

Cadence stamped one of her shoes defensively. “I can be all mysterious and obtuse too if I want!” 

“She’s done this before?!” Zecora laughed, now leaning on Spike. “Oh wow, I gotta hear more!” 

“Coraaaaaaa!” Cadence pouted. 

“I wanna go for a balloon ride…”

“Yes, dear.” Twilight sniffed the pile on Peter’s back. “Hmmm. What’s in these?”

“Good stuff!” Cadence beamed.

“Health stuff,” Twilight frowned, levitating one box open.

“Yes, hence good. I’m looking out for you, Twilight!”

“By accidentally hypnotising my boyfriend into wanting to go for a balloon ride?!”

“I wanna go for a balloon ride…” Peter said with slightly more emphasis as Twilight gestured at him. 

“We were just sitting in the pizzeria and he was being all blegh, no, this mask is to hide my inner pain, that’s why I’m being all huffy about every creature staring at us even though I insisted you let me keep it on--”

Twilight blinked, steadying Peter. “So you do know?” 

“Princess Celestia told me.” Cadence shrugged. “I was trying to figure out why he kept vanishing all the time. I wondered if maybe taking photos had something to do with it and she just looked at my paper and went ‘Oh, they’re seeing each other?! Good for them!’ and I was like uh, yeah, the guy who took the photo, and she just did that nod, you know the one, and I was like ooooh!” 

“So you gave him one of your talks, he wasn’t responding and you tried getting visual,” Twilight said, sorting the boxes into a neat floating stack. “And then you forgot you were the Princess of Love and drew a spiral with your magical horn.”

“Spiralling is a serious problem, Twilight.” Cadence put a hoof on her shoulder to get her attention. “I use whatever I can to stress that. And I’m sorry, but I didn’t always have a horn! I was just trying to get through to Peter.”

Twilight blinked. “About what?” 

Cadence shook her head solemnly. “Spiralling. It’s not my place to say about what, and if he can’t talk to you about it then neither of you can do anything. Hay, I only know because Princess Luna sensed something. I had another appointment today, but it looks like that’s going to take care of itself.” 

“Spiralling…” Twilight repeated, considering the floor. 

“I wanna go for a balloon ride…” 

“That’s all him,” Cadence muttered, waving a frustrated hoof as she collapsed into an armchair. “His eyes went all wooo-oooo-oooh and he started repeating. It’s something close to his heart the magic’s bringing out. I have no idea where all that pizza fits in, it was enough getting him out of the outfit and transmogrify all that gluten away! Should count ourselves lucky he didn’t look at the star…”

“I wanna go for a balloon ride…”

“Me too,” Twilight smiled slightly, levitating the boxes. 

“Uh, not gonna be much of a ride if he’s still talking about it every ten seconds,” Spike pointed out. 

“We need some kind of stimulus to bring him out of--” Cadence began. 

Twilight did something with her hoof that made Peter yelp, spirals shooting out of his eyes like dissolving fireworks trails as Spike and Cadence blushed. Zecora toppled into the seat next to her, clutching herself from the laughter that threatened to punch her ribs to splinters. 

“Hello, dear,” Twilight beamed, waving the pizza boxes. “We’re going for a balloon ride.”

“Can I kill you sister in law first?” Peter asked sourly.

“She was only trying to help,” Twilight said gently. 

“Yeah, and you owe me 20-gems for all those pizzas!” Cadence called after them. 

“Besides, she’s family, I have first dibs.” 

“Can I watch?” Peter muttered, shooting Cadence a look as they clambered into the gondola.

“You’ll thank me for this someday!” Cadence called then realised she was shaking her hoof at them like an old mare and hid it behind her back. “And I’m serious about that pizza, you shouldn’t eat so much anyway!”

“♪Can’t hear you! ♪” Twilight sang, suffusing the balloon with some magic to send it higher faster. “♪We’re going on a balloon ride!♪”

“Remember back in our day?” Cadence muttered ruefully as she and Zecora followed Spike to the kitchen. “When heroes had manners?”  

“No,” Zecora smiled. “But you know what they used to say back in the day, specifically about us two: eh, kids. Whatcha gonna do?” 


To be Continued

> Match Making (7)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


17


“So I talked to the M.E.U.P.,” Johnnycake was explaining. “Just signing some stuff. They’re escorting the Warlock to the Stockade…”

Rarity blinked uncomprehendingly, but politely. They’d surfaced from the hole the Torch had burnt into the plaza, almost in front of the fusion place. She was going to have to remember the name, it had been delicious! Anyway, there’d been a lot of wreckage from the robot or whatever Johnny had bumped into before spotting a now embarrassingly obvious periscope poking out of the bushes, being swept into neat piles by the police and Damage Control. 

“Raiders Island’s fancy schmancy super jail,” Rainbow Dash cut in, casually brushing tunnel dust out of her folded wings. “It’s where they dump all the bad guys until the ‘good guys’ get bored and need something to beat up.”

“Ah,” Rarity agreed, understanding. 

A little. After Johnny’s hurried conversation with the M.E.U.P. they’d shuffled over to the gates and a heavy-duty metal wagon, one of those automobiles, had trundled up. She’d been worried it had been for them. They still hadn’t paid for their meal! 

“Projecting a little there, Dash?” Johnny smirked ruefully. “But yeah, it’s a big box we can toss these pests into. Until the Crown can find a way to get rid of their powers at least. Guys like the Wingless Dingus--”

“This is the Warlock, I take it.” She wondered if she should be worried by how well she was keeping up now. 

“Yeah, sorry. Anyway, he only calls himself that because he’s supposed to be all controversial and new wave of sorcery and science and blah blah blah, but he’s just a really smart Unicorn. We only dump him in the Stock because he could trick his way out of regular Raiders the second the cell door closed. Trapster’s nowhere near as much of a threat, but the Warlock’s ride was scheduled to pass through here anyway, so once he’s picked up he’ll be gen pop…That’s--”

“General population, yes. Rainbow has explained this kind of thing when we watch her movies.”

“Right,” Dash said simply, glancing at the wagon idling up the street. Guards were carrying a wriggling Trapster towards the shadows inside the open steel doors. 

She turned back to meet Rarity’s gaze and quirked a brow under her bangs. “Everything okay Rarity?”

“I was going to ask you, dear.” Rarity looked her up and down again. “There’s something different…did Johnny’s family convince you to visit a salon while you were in the Big Apple?”

“Does that sound like me?” Dash cocked her head to one side. Her smile lengthened slightly as Johnny struggled not to laugh. “Anyway, I was just on a mission with the Fantastic Family. Maybe I picked somethin' up.” Her eyes widened with mock-horror. “You don’t think it’s what Johnny’s got, do ya?” 

That was certainly a Rainbow Dash line, so Rarity relaxed, joining in Johnny’s laughter. “Sounds like we’ve both had quite the adventure!” 

Dash rolled her neck. “I’ll tell you all about it back home.”

“You must be tired!” Rarity reached out, smoothing down that magnificent mane. She appreciated and respected the younger pony’s proclivities, but it seemed scruffier somehow, lacking that aerodynamic Pegasus look. “You’re standing!”

“Surprised?” Dash glanced between them, smirking. “I came straight from an adventure with a buncha superheroes and then I had to go looking for you two in who knows how many Manehattan tunnels!” 

“How’d you find us anyway?” Johnny asked, leaning against a streetlight. 

“Glue-boy left a message with your floating trash can.” Dash rolled her eyes. “Had the whole spiel. Even an address! The Fam didn’t think it was a three-alarm fire, but I couldn’t leave my friend hangin’ now could I?”

“They blew him off?” Johnny squinted as a touched Rarity looped a foreleg around Dash’s shoulders, seeming to surprise her. “Sue and Reed blew off saving somepony? Grim Skies I get, Trapsy couldn’t take a paper ball to the head, but…” 

“I told ‘em I was going no matter what.” Dash looped her own foreleg around Rarity. “And anyway, they knew you were there.”

“Fair,” Johnny smirked again. 

“So obviously I had to race over to save her as soon as possible.”

“One day I really am going to have to hear why you two didn’t work out,” Rarity beamed. “You’d either have been the greatest comedy duo in Manehattan or burnt it to the ground.”

“Eh, Johnny’s got more self control than folks give him credit for.” The pony in question blinked. A compliment? Dash was still smirking, messing with him, but the way her eyes were half lidded. Something didn’t belong there. “It’s cute really.” 

“Tell me about it.” A similar expression on Rarity’s face, but a little sadder. 

“Maybe someday. Right now, I’m gonna go talk to the guards. Make sure those two in the truck don’t try anything. I mean, if this guy can do it…”

“I suppose that’s the responsible Element thing to do,” Rarity agreed. “Make sure the princess hears about all this. She’ll probably get a good laugh out of it if nothing else! I’ll come with you.”

“’Kay,” Dash said noncommittally. The cat like quality had gone out of her eyes and she’d stopped smiling. 

Johnny was trying to decide which would get him punched harder, asking what was with her right now or if she’d done something with her hair, because that was starting to bug him too, when his collar mic flashed again. Rarity jumped slightly, Dash sinking into almost a combat crouch beside her. Johnny fumbled with the 4 logo as it flashed and squawked like a bird getting dragged backwards through an airship’s turbines. 

“Sorry, ladies,” he grinned, covering the mic stalk as it slid up to his mouth. “Gotta take this.”

“The other woman already, hmm?” Rarity smiled. 

“Uh,” said Johnny Storm, black belt in the ancient art of witty repartee. 

“Your sister,” she grinned, the way arrows do when they nail important people in the eye just right.

Dash jerked her head at the truck with sudden impatience.  “C’mon.” 


***


Johnny didn’t want to be caught between the mare who was about to dump him and his like 6th most savage ex. He trotted around to an alley off the plaza, because the last thing this day needed was crowds of pedestrians staring at him as he was mothered/chewed out/same difference by his big sister, and released the mic. 

“Go ahead.”

“Johnny?” Sue. It sounded like that Keep-Calm tone she used whenever the water was rising or the breaks were out. “H.E.R.B.I.E. found a package…Johnny, it’s the Trapster! Is Rarity with you?”

“It’s fine!” Johnny sighed. “She’s a little punch drunk maybe, but she whooped him good.”

“She hit him?” Sue said, incredulity adding distance to the speaker’s tone. 

“No, that’s the great thing! Dannii actually took care of--”

“Rainbow Dash?” Something in her voice made him stop dead. “She’s there already?”

“Already?” Johnny repeated. He could feel something rushing to the surface. 

“She just took off a few minutes ago! She was frantic, worried about her friend. I know she’s fast but--”

“Irving Place,” Johnny said sharply. “16th street, that Pranceisian/Istallion fusion joint.” 

Standing. Dash had been standing. He’d teased her about it, she’d eaten it up. Rainbow Dash hovered at absolute best.  She didn’t stand unless she had to. Tired out from a mission, that was smart. A smart ab lib, because they couldn’t hover. They could grow wings, but reptilian ones, out of their forelegs like Reed. Because they couldn’t imitate Pegasus musculature for the real deal. 

And her hair! He’d admired it yesterday in Ponyville. The way she’d actually managed to streamline it, all the little ways it was different from before but still so her. That was what was getting at Rarity. Her bangs had been longer, more spaced out, the back almost as long as her tail. And that was the reason he hadn’t noticed, because, even though he’d seen her yesterday with his own fool eyes, that was the way he still thought of her. Dannii, not Dash. 

Rainbow Dash, whatever else you could say about her, was a full-grown woman now. The girl they’d just been talking to looked like she had in flight school. 

And Rarity had said there’d been a woman with Trapster. In the booth with him. Where they’d found Dash. 

All this passed through Johnny’s head in the second it took him to reach down inside himself and ignite, launching into the air and around the corner.


***


“What on Earth?!” Rarity asked, spinning towards him. And freezing at the violet light suddenly leaking behind her. 

“Tarnax, actually.” 

Rainbow Dash’s eyebrows waggled playfully as her eyes filled with the same energy pulsing in her outstretched hoof, a snarling hound kept at bay from the nape of Rarity’s neck only by her will. The Torch froze so suddenly furious flames shot off his shoulders before twisting back towards him. 

“Now don’t you wish you had him that well trained?” 

Rarity gulped as the Not-Dash’s wings curled around her. They were still that delightful cyan but now scalloped, bat-like. And strong, holding her in place. Hooking together with little claw thingies on the tips that sent an uncomfortable tingling down her throat and into her spine. 

“What are you doing?” she asked, instinctively trying to push her head as far forward as it could go as she felt this thing start to gently pull her backwards, step by step. 

She was trying to keep her head away from the billowing force behind her, stuck staring at the blazing Torch as the violet energy, so much…colder than Twilight’s, edged her vision. It was vertiginous and almost blinding. 

“We’re all backing up!” A sharp step to drag her backwards and an obvious order to Johnny. The creature was smiling, she knew it. Fangs in her voice. Her friend’s voice, stolen like dropped change. 

The Torch hovered lower, almost touching the asphalt. “Let her go and I’ll give you a free shot.”

“Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.” The pressure eased suddenly as the hoof behind Rarity seemed to lower. “Take for free what I can have for fun? You should know me so much better than that by now.”

The Torch crouched as if to spring then froze the exact same second Rarity felt an intense almost-not heat burrowing into her neck.

“Including the fact I can send it out through my eyes! If you really cared for Rarity here, you’d have flamed off by now.”

“Johnny, wait--” Rarity began, but he’d already snuffed his flames out like a conjuring trick. The determined Horseshoe Torch one minute, a handsome, quietly seething little pony the next. 

“Hey!” a voice barked. Rarity had just enough time to remember the guards were there before that cold light exploded behind her and she knew that wasn’t a factor anymore. She was almost certain the thing with Dash’s face hadn’t even turned to look at them. 

“The Warlock and Trapster for Ra…for my friend,” Johnny said coldly. “That’s what this is, yeah?”

“You have no idea what this is,” the Skrull said then let out an elegant laugh that was nothing like Rainbow and made Rarity feel so much worse for using her voice to do it. “Don’t you just love this business?! Where else are you going to get to use lines like that with a straight face? Whooo…”

“I meant it.” Her voice trembled but she was letting the anger wash over it. If this was all she could do, then she’d do it. 

“Sorry?”

“In the tunnels,” Rarity smiled grimly. “You really shouldn’t drag gloating out so much.” 

She stomped down. The creature yelped, wings shrivelling into her sides as she clutched her hoof. Rarity kicked backwards as Johnny sprang forward, igniting. She spun just in time to see the thing with Dash’s shape rolling with the blow, eyes wide, violet, furious--

Cold light. Impact! 

The stinging almost drowned out the screaming, until she realised it was real. 

The streets were rapidly clearing now that laser beams had sent her and Johnny skidding down one. Dazed, she registered Johnny’s body sprawled a few feet from her, strange brick red splotches creeping back into his skin. 

She struggled up to face the creature, even less like Dash without wings and its hair shimmering green, her horn frantically trying to conjure. Those glowing eyes blinked at her, then the creature smirked, her hair somehow rearranging itself into a ponytail, bangs receding like claws. 

“Relax, you’re not my priority. In fact, you girls aren’t even really on the Empire’s map. Yet!” 

She shoved the prone guard in her way aside, swinging the door of the wagon open. She glanced back at Rarity, making the Unicorn blink at the serious expression on her face. “I meant it too. You can do better.”

“Lyja…” Johnny was trying to force himself to his hooves. “Get…get away…” 

“If you insist!” the creature beamed with Dash’s face. “Hope you don’t mind if I take the gruesome twosome with me. Need all the help I can get, you see. I’d have the Sandpony too, if you and the Spider-Pony hadn’t mucked up everything I had going with the Watermane.”

The Horseshoe Torch burst back into existence from the sheer, startled anger in his voice. “That was you?!” 

“And don’t worry about your little tailor friend! It’s like the old sage said!” Lyja said cheerfully with Rainbow Dash’s voice. Johnny’s teeth clenched as she seamlessly switched to her own. “⌇⊑⟒ ☊⏃⋏'⏁ ⌿⌰⏃⊬⏁⊑⟒ ☌⏃⋔⟒ ⌰⟟☍⟒ ⍙⟒ ☊⏃⋏.” 

Rarity blinked at the utterly alien language as Lyja closed the door, Rainbow’s face sprouting back into her own as she winked at her through the window. She could swear a purple jumpsuit was spreading over the beastly mare-lizard-thing’s forelegs as she did something to the panel and took the wheel, backing over some news vendors as the wagon thundered to life. 

“Are you alright?” The Torch was hovering over her as the behemoth lurched into out into traffic. Backwards. “Dash, the real Dash and the others, they’ll be here any second. I promise.”

“What was she?” Rarity asked, not really addressing him. 

It wasn’t the asphalt that was making her feel bruised. The way that thing had stolen her friend’s face and talked to her. The arrogance. The unforgivable composure. 

“A Skrull. Shapeshifters. We were--” He cut himself off. “Are you alright?”

“I will be when you get her.”

“We need to get you to a hospital! I can’t just leave you in the street!” 

“Johnny.” The firmness in her eyes almost blew his flames out. “Get. Her.”


***


The Torch nodded, blazing into the air over Lexington Avenue and gunning it after the trail of swerving carts. Even though he knew that if he found the wagon, he probably wouldn’t find Lyja. Or knew what he’d do if he even did. How much he’d burn. 

Because even though his Skrullian was a little rusty, he’d got the gist. 

⌇⊑⟒☊⏃⋏'⏁ ⌿⌰⏃⊬⏁⊑⟒ ☌⏃⋔⟒⌰⟟☍⟒ ⍙⟒☊⏃⋏

She can’t play the game like we can. 


18


“Sun, that smells good,” Peter sighed with sauna bliss as they drifted over the fields.  

“Want some?” Twilight smiled, looking up from the box in her hooves as the last of the purple light turned kale and salad back into delicious bread and grease. “Hope so, it looks like we could feed the entire Yakistanian Legion in here.”

They were huddled against each other out of affection, sure, but also just the sheer number of pizza boxes. Twilight levitated some as she spread her dispersal spell over them. Normally she got antsy about this much magic on food, but technically she was using it to undo the magic that’d changed it, so they’d take the risk because who in the hay ate Manehattan pizza for their health, Cadence? 

“Being turned into a sock puppet by the Princess of Love gives a fella an appetite, I won’t lie,” Peter smiled back, accepting his own glowing box. He grinned as Twilight folded her slice with telekinesis. 

“What?”

“Nothing. You just look very Manehattan right now.”

“Yeah?” She took a mock-defiant bite. “Ya wants I should tell youse where t’ getcha own furshlugginer balloon ride?”

“How do you feel about baseball caps and hockey jerseys?” 

“You mean how do you feel about baseball caps and hockey jerseys right now?” She did that slowly pull off a string of cheese and half lid the eyes bit, until she winced and let it flop down her front. “Agh! Tongue! Hot!”

She pulled open one of the velcro pockets in the side of the gondola, scrabbling for a magically chilled soda. 

She managed to stare him down with a decent amount of dignity as she chugged it so hard the bottle flexed as if having a cardiac arrest. “You try flying this thing with a snacky dragon in the high summer. Also at least we’ve got something to wash this all down!” 

“Actually, always did kinda wonder what you kept in there,” Peter said through his own mouthful. He also had to admit it made his accent sound a lot like Twilight’s impression. 

“Uh, this other one’s for snacks, that one’s for notes and books, and that one is a mini fire extinguisher disguised as a seltzer bottle so it doesn’t hurt Spike’s feelings.” Twilight pointed then went back to her pizza, using the pile to support her shoulders. 

She briefly thought about how this would make her wings smell but then saw no downside. Rainbow would follow her contrail for the scent, maybe? “I haven’t had you up here much! You know, for non-business reasons.” 

“It’s fun!” Peter wiped his mouth with a hoof. Cadence had included napkins. That was hilarious. “Anyway, I said I wanted to go, so.” 

“I like having you up here,” Twilight smiled, rubbing her hooves with one of the napkins because what was she, a barbarian? “It’s not web-swinging but the old girl’s got her charms.”

“She takes after her mother.” Peter saluted with his lemonade before taking a pull. “Ahhh! So. Should probably explain.” 

“About what?” Twilight said carefully. She was starting to relax. To try and ease any tension she made her eyes swirl. “Wanting to go for a balloon ride?”

She felt relief as he laughed and started on another slice. “Actually, I can guess.”

“Mphm?”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full!” 

“I’mma Ma’ngh’hat’nghite!” Peter protested through bulging cheeks and waving a greasy hoof.

“You’re getting crumbs all over my gondola! Here!” She stuffed a napkin into his lap. He boggled at it like some undiscovered species was trying to use him as a nest. “Anyway, remember…gosh, it must have been two years ago by now? I think of it as our first meeting. You know, socially.”

“Yeah?” Peter blinked. “You’re talking about when you drifted into the city?”

“Yep!” Twilight beamed. “It was after the whole Smarty Pants mess.”

“Your doll?” Peter blinked again then put a hoof on her shoulder as comprehension dawned. “Aww, honey…”

“No, no, it’s fi…I’ve made peace with it.” Twilight took it in her own, one of her wings sliding into place around his shoulders. She resisted the urge to fist pump at pulling it off. “And you’re a big part of why. I was just drifting along, wallowing in my own guilt…”

“All the way to Manehattan,” Peter pointed out, unable to keep the chuckle out of his voice.

“It gets old after a while.” Twilight shrugged. “So I started teleporting the whole thing for something to do. Maybe I was just trying to put as much distance between me and Ponyville for everypony’s sake. I don’t know. But there I was, so into myself I didn’t even notice my last jump had brought me into the second greatest city in Equestria.”

“You Canterlot fillies,” Peter smirked, happily taking the bait. 

“And then this medium sized, primary coloured but handsome stranger in a mask was waving at me from a chimney.” 

“How’d you know he was handsome if he was wearing a mask?” 

“The Great Pony in the Sky had to give him something to make up for that sense of humour.” Twilight tickled his chin. “And I thought, oh good, a crime! Perhaps an elaborate conspiracy I can bury myself in, you know, to put off dealing with driving everypony who’s shared the greatest magic of all with me insane.”

“Twilight…” Peter began gently. 

“But no.” She switched her hoof to his cheek. “He just wanted to say hello. And when he got closer, he wanted to know what was wrong. If he could help. And it would be a few years before I could tell him how much, but he did. Because he talked to me.” 

She was thankful he had the sense to stay quiet because this was looking into each other’s eyes time. 

“He just perched on the edge of my gondola and let me babble. And it felt better. It really did. And it made me realise I should turn around and tell my friends how I felt even if I knew they’d forgive me. Because the fairest thing was to let them know. Because you talked to me. Listened to me.” 

“Yeah. Well.” Peter took her hoof gently. “You returned the favour a million times over.”

“Sweetie, please, you know how I feel about exaggerated percentages.” Twilight nuzzled him as he laughed. “But I get it. This balloon’s important to me too. I’m glad we can share that moment.” 

“It was nice.” His tone made it sound like he felt he had to explain. 

“Yeah?” 

“Actually helping somepony.”

“You help ponies all the time!” 

“I hit people, Twilight,” Peter smiled, nuzzling her this time. “That’s not why I got into the business. I…”

He trailed off, stopping the nuzzling too. Twilight wondered if she should stroke his head or something but was worried any kind of touch might throw him off. 

“It was just nice to feel like I actually helped somepony. The way you guys do. That’s why I went on about a balloon ride, I think. The association.” 

Twilight tried a reassuring smile. “At least it’s a good one.” 

“Yeah, and this time there’s pizza.” He winked and took a cheeky bite to let her know he was doing better. 

They lapsed into silence for a bit after that, watching the clouds and trees glacially sliding around them, enjoying the closeness of each other and the food, spiced with the slight glee of two teacher’s pets defying Big Sister. 

“This is from that place next to MJ’s,” Twilight murmured, impressed as she finally examined the lid of her second pie. 

Peter shrugged. “You’re that in my head." 

“Good,” Twilight said with enough bluntness that he almost choked on his bite from laughter. She casually floated over another lemonade. “Sorry there’s not a bigger selection, this is more for when Spike’s body temperature, ah, spikes like it does in the summer sometimes and I need a relief, not romantic cruising.” 

“No, it’s great.” Peter took a swig, testing his mouth a little. “So’s the pizza. Think your magic adds something, even. It’s kinda…”

“Lighter?” Twilight agreed. “That can happen! Energy.”

“Zesty, yeah. Goes great with the lemonade.” 

“I’m thinking of making it my focus,” Twilight said, halfway through another slice. 

“Lemonade?”

“Dispersal magic.” She dabbed at her lips with a napkin and swatted at his chest with her free hoof. 

“Yeah?” Peter chuckled. “Any reason? I thought magic itself was your focus.” 

“Still is!” Twilight beamed. “Can’t let you Everfree thinkers undermine the entire foundation of Equestrian society.” 

“Do we really need to try that hard given how quickly it’s outpacing magic’s antiquated monopoly on academia?” She gave him another swat knowing full well he enjoyed it. “But is it just to keep Cadence out of your diet, or did something happen?”

“Nothing bad. Well, more nothing straight forward.” Twilight put her half-finished box aside but didn’t look at him. “It’s a lot of things. Becoming a princess partly, but Smarty Pants is in there too.”

“Twilight, if you don’t wanna talk about it…”

“No, I do,” she smiled. “It’s really not a bad thing. It was the way Princess Celestia restored Ponyville after my Want-It-Need-It spell.”

“Huh.” Peter said after a while. He nodded. “That sounds…very you.”

“Thank you.” Twilight rested against his body. “It’s like how you feel about that first ride. There’s a lot of what I want to be in that moment. As a princess. As a person.”

“You want to fix things.” Peter said carefully. “You know you already do, right?”

Twilight peered up at him under the rim of her bangs. 

“Nightm--ah, Princess Luna.”

“Smooth,” Twilight chuckled, making herself comfortable again. “And, yes, I suppose we do. And it’s certainly a practical decision. There’s other…powers out there. Part of our destiny is to face them. To undo what they do. I hope we get to help them, too. That sounds so much better than just fighting all the time.”

“I hear you.” 

“You fight to help people too.” She gave her lamest swat of the afternoon to let him know she wasn’t going to brook any argument. “And we can hold our own. We have Rainbow Dash and Applejack for Celestia’s sake, and have you seen Rarity when somepony doesn’t use a coaster?”

“I’ve seen what happens when you make Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie mad too,” Peter agreed, nodding gravely. “Some dynamite you just don’t play with.” 

“See, this is why we work, you know your place,” Twilight beamed. Her expression sobered almost instantly. “But I meant it. There has to be something else. Not to brag, but I was three time runner up and two time winner of Gifted Unicorns’ magical duelling club.”

“I believe it.” She shared the smile with him, knowing they were both remembering that business with Mysterio and Calypso. 

“I know you do. But what that taught me was that fighting with magic comes down to two things. Not even necessarily who’s more powerful! It comes down to emotion and—and you’ll like this, Peter—imagination.” 

“I love it when you talk dirty.”

“Down boy, this gondola isn’t structured for that kind of thing. But the reason so many fights turn into just throwing lasers at each other is, well, you’re panicking, the other pony’s panicking, you both have to think quickly and complexly at the same time…” Twilight sighed. “Even becoming an…an Alicorn doesn’t change the fact an experienced, determined or just plain terrified practitioner of sufficient ability could take down Princess Celestia. Or me.”

She felt him holding her a little closer and stroked his foreleg reassuringly. 

“So, yes. All these experiences, my ascension, it seems like the best I could do as a bearer, a sorceress, is to try and at least…mitigate the damage magic can do. Even to its caster. Because yes, that’s an enormous part of what we do. Fixing. Helping.”

“Great responsibility,” Peter said quietly. 

“Yes,” Twilight sighed, closing her eyes briefly. 

A beat.

“People think I can do so much now Peter, but ascending, whatever you want to call it, all it did was expand my abilities. Alright, I can draw on more power more quickly, can maintain effects longer, hay when I get out of my own head I even get to fly! But much as I want to, I can’t just strut into the middle of the Saddle Arabian desert and turn it into an oasis. Even if I could pull it off at most it would be dead within weeks, if it didn’t explode first.”

She sat up furiously, glaring into nothing. “If Trixie hadn’t been using that stupid amulet, if she hadn’t been obsessed with how everything looked, if it hadn’t been constantly powering everything...her remodelling of Ponyville could have triggered a meltdown at the molecular level! You can’t use energy to change something and not expect it to hang around! That’s one of the first rules! Without that amulet keeping it together that dome could have shattered. Magic debris, hundreds of shards with thousands of unpredictable effects, raining down on my home. My home!” 

She felt a reassuring touch stroking her shoulders down to her wings, calming the terrified breath heaving in her throat. She swallowed, breathed out and sunk back into Peter’s gentle embrace. 

“Sorry. This is…this is a lot. I’m going all over the place.”

“Do whatever works for you,” Peter said gently, kissing her horn. Twilight smiled a little at the serendipity. 

“What I’m trying to say is this…upgrade, that’s what people think it is. And it’s not that they’re wrong, it’s that I’m on the bottom rung of a whole new ladder here. I’m not invincible. Not immortal. I can’t do whatever I want. But I can filter through three different types of pony magic! I’ve levelled off!”

Peter blinked. “Levelled off?”

“I haven’t had a magic burst in almost a month.” Twilight turned slightly in his grip to smile up at him. “Like when I was a filly. When I’d get startled or angry. I can feel it inside. My magic hasn’t peaked, it’s just…it’s where it needs to be. And I think I know why.”

“Your friends,” Peter said after a pause, and she could tell even though he’d been struggling to keep up something was finally clicking.  

“Yes,” Twilight sat up some more, on the verge of joyful tears. “They healed me, Peter. Steadied me. You all do. And I’m so lucky.”

He held her close, letting her slump over his shoulders. She needed a few minutes because this was the hard part and she already felt completely spent. 

“Because part of me thinks I don’t deserve any of you.” 

“…what?” Peter lurched back as if she’d slapped him, staring at her. It made her feel ashamed. Now he was looking at her like she’d been hit by a bus right in front of him. “Twilight, no. You’re one of the best ponies I’ve ever met! Deserve? You deserve more than I could ever--”

“I’m soliloquising now, thank you dear,” Twilight smiled, placing a hoof on his lips. “Because see…this is the other part. Why I want to fix things. People! Because all those things we’re going to have to…to fight. I could have been any of them.”

“No,” Peter said vehemently, taking her hoof. 

“King Sombra.” 

“Was insane!” Peter protested. “I’ve seen your research, Twilight! The things he did to himself, you’d never--”

“Sunset Shimmer. Princess Luna.” 

“They didn’t have—!”

“Friends?” Twilight’s smile was sardonic now. “Neither did I, once upon a time. Oh, I had Ponies who loved me, sure. So did they. And just like all of them, I had talent. I had power.” 

That word made him go quiet. Twilight swallowed, her eyes burning. Why was the sky still so gorgeous? Why were birds still singing somewhere?

“Can you believe that? I had the luck to be born into one of the most peaceful kingdoms on Earth, to be taken under the wing of one of its kindest ponies and to be surrounded almost every day by ponies who loved me. Who forgave me for never spreading it outside myself. I devoted my life to the magic that makes this country so blessed and I never noticed that I was closing myself off to it. Because I didn’t think I needed anyone.”

She swallowed again. 

“And I was rewarded for it.”  

“No.” Peter shook his head furiously. “Look, I don’t have a clue what happened that night but that’s not it. You earned this, Twilight. You love your friends, you love your family, you love your home--”

“I know that too!” She winced. That had been louder than it should have been. “I know. But there’s always going to be this…this little bit of me that feels that way. That remembers who I used to be. I think…I think it’s just part of what’s propping up who I am now.” 

Peter was quiet for a while. Then he reached out slowly. Twilight half flung herself into his embrace, knowing she was supporting him as much as he was cradling her. 

“Anyway.” She sniffed, rubbing fiercely at her nose and blinking quickly. “That, ah, that’s why I’m so good at making pizza taste like it’s supposed to! Because, y’know. Wanting to fix things. Self-awareness.” 

They held each other for a few more minutes. 

“Thank you for telling me this,” Peter croaked eventually. 

“It, ah, it ran away from me a bit there,” Twilight giggled drunkenly. Emotional exhaustion on top of the sheer relief at his acceptance. Peter joined in but she could see the question in his eyes.

“It’s just…Cadence said spiralling and I thought about it. That’s the thing, I always have to take so long to notice when everything’s…! Anyway, even though it feels so good to get all this out it’s because I’m worried you feel left out. And I want you to know. I’m so lucky to have Spike and everypony around me, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need you. Of course I do! I love you!” 

The air froze. Civilisation crumbed and rebuilt itself a thousand times between their stunned heartbeats. 

“Oh,” Peter said because the silence was going to push him straight through the wicker if he didn’t liquefy first. 

“I love you,” Twilight repeated as if trying to dislodge something. “Have I said that before? I love you? I love you!” 

The grin on her face guttered as quickly as it ignited from the way he was looking at her. “Oh. Oh no. I’ve, I’ve ruined everything haven’t I? Have I? Peter?” 

“No,” Peter said quietly and the sad smile on his face almost broke her heart. “It’s just. I…”

“You don’t have to…” Twilight began, trying not to skid on a discarded pizza box as she stepped towards him. 

“Yeah, I do.” Peter shook his head. “You can’t tell me all…all that, and then I keep it from you. It’s not fair.”

“Keep what?” Twilight’s voice was very small now. 

“The truth. Why I do what I do.” 

“Your responsibility?” She blinked incredulously. “Your uncle?”

“No.” Peter sank to his haunches, slumping slowly against the side of the gondola and burring his head in his hooves. “Aww Twilight…”

So she sat down next to him. And held him.

And he told her everything.

Everything. 

“Oh Peter,” Twilight whispered. 

All he could do was look at her. The tears rolled down his face, unashamed. That broke her, starting her own.

“This…Oh sun and moon, that’s why you’re sometimes…why you…” She wrapped her foreleg and wings around him, cradling his entire head. “I’m so sorry! I shouldn’t have started digging!” 

“It’s okay,” Peter croaked. They were both slumped against the side now, utterly spent, the pile of still uneaten pizzas incongruously in the corner. Eventually, without moving her head, Twilight telekinetically removed some drinks from the pocket. Peter took his but didn’t move. 

“Hydration,” Twilight said limply, undoing both caps with her telekinesis. 

“Yeah.” Peter still didn’t move. 

Twilight watched him carefully through blurry vision as she took a long pull, sniffing and rubbing her nose. “Are you al—?”

“Yeah. Actually…” He seemed mildly surprised. “Yeah.”

“Why did you…” Twilight bit her lip. Everything she’d just learned about Glen Trotter’s death was swelling at the front of her brain, blotting everything else out. She was surprised her horn was still in the same place. “I mean, I-I know I unloaded first but if it’s okay, why did you tell me?” 

“Because I love you too!” Peter took her hoof suddenly. “It…I couldn’t keep it from you, Twilight. It would have been wrong. But I didn’t know how to…to start…”

“Of course you didn’t!” Twilight gripped his shoulders. “Peter. It’s okay. I love you. You don’t even have to tell me why--”

“Because I was afraid.”

Twilight blinked incredulously. “Of me?”

“That you’d hate me.” He said it far too calmly for someone who looked like they were about to collapse. 

“No.” Twilight cupped his head between both hooves, locking eyes with him even though she felt like she was about to burst into fresh, angrier tears. “No. The man you described. Your aunt. They could never hate you, so how could I?”

She kissed him, catching him completely off guard. He stared at her, eyes almost wide and face almost as blank as Spider-Pony’s mask. 

“I love you,” Twilight said simply. 

“I love you too.” Peter’s shoulders were trembling as he embraced her. “Oh stars above, I love you so much.” 

A beat of utter exhaustion. 

Then Twilight cleared her throat. “Um. Did that kiss taste weird to you too?”

“Maybe, uh…” Peter rubbed his eyes. “Maybe eating all that pizza was a little…”

“Yeah.” Twilight smacked her lips. “Not as, ah, zesty as before.”

They held it for as long as they could before bursting into paralysing laughter, the gondola shuddering slightly under them as they slumped together. 

Twilight wrapped her wings around Peter’s shoulders as he placed his head on her chest, both of them waiting until their breathing slowed. She burped on her still digesting and disturbed pizza at one point, which made them laugh more and the process take longer. 

“Y’know,” she said eventually when her throat stopped feeling like it had been sandblasted and filled with wet cement at the same time. “Still a lot of those. The pizzas, I mean.”

“If Cadence thinks she’s getting 20-gems out of me after tampering with them…”

“No, I mean.” Twilight’s wings flicked slightly but she was an adult now. Well. She was too old to be scared of this prospect anymore. “Gonna have to swing by to pick up Rainbow and Rarity anyway.” 

“And it’s not Manehattan style if you don’t microwave it and spend the rest of the night wondering if you’re chewing the same thing…” Peter nodded comprehendingly. 

“We were talking about sleeping over.” 

“There’s paperwork in my saddlebag,” Peter said slowly. 

Twilight’s pupils shrank.

“Insurance stuff.”

“Oh my.”

“Could take all weekend,” Peter smiled slyly.

“We’re going to Manehattan!” Twilight yelled to the mountains, sitting bolt upright, Peter’s laughter mixing with her echo as purple light consumed the balloon. 

It re-materialised almost 200 miles away, over the railway tracks, so Twilight could lean over the side and throw up because turning yourself into light while still digesting, yeah, that was a bad idea. 


19


“Knew I shoulda stuck with you two!” Rainbow Dash muttered, trotting back and forth. 

“You had adventures to go on.” Rarity rolled her eyes, keeping her needles moving by sheer instinct. “Besides you know I love you to bits darling, but the last thing my dating life needs is you leaning over my shoulder.”

“So it was a date.” The sister was sitting against the office wall, looking up from the paperwork she’d been filling out. Dash had stopped pacing to stare at her. 

“Ah…” Rarity blinked, needles mercifully frozen in her hooves before she could jab them into her legs. “Well, that is to say…you see Ms. Sousaphone…uh, Ms. Sand?”

“It’s Ms. Storm when I’m on business usually, Ms. Belle,” the other pony smiled, and Rarity could make out just a bit of her brother in it. More I Know What You Did than Who, Me? “But my friends call me Sue.” 

“Ah,” Rarity said again, smiling shakily. 

Sand Sousaphone Storm and Tropical Johnnycake Storm. She really was going to have to find a polite way to find out how Earth Pony naming conventions worked one day, though Manehattanites had always been a bit, you know…a bit you know. 

“My grandmother was a tubist with the Fillyharmonic. She really made her name going on the road, but I think Mom was kind of banking on a reverse legacy. My brother got stuck with our father’s penchant for Breyhamian desserts,” Sue said, immediately endearing herself to Rarity with the older sister telepathy. Then again, she didn’t have to live with Sweetie Belle. 

“Ah.”

“Also Pegasus mother, so elemental names, and Earth Pony father, so three part names to link us back to our ancestors and also make it more difficult for any magicians of wicked intent to trap us in their heathen magic, which as every Sunday school foal knows is most dangerous when it tries to use your name.” Sue sorted her report into a neat stack and began to bundle it with the Thing’s and Mr. Fantastic’s. “You know, the usual cross breed compromise.”

“I was named for my coat and mane combination,” Rarity said brightly, because given the choice between shooting herself and going ‘Ah.’ again she’d take shooting herself. “Something we have in common, hmm Rainbow Dash?”

“That and thrashin’ Changelings.” Dash shook her head, unable to smile yet. “I can’t believe you thought that thing was me!” 

“It also raises some concerns about how long Lyja was watching you and Johnny at the time.” Sue looked grim. “I know you girls have dealt with Chrysalis, but be careful.” 

“Mmm.” Rarity went back to her knitting. “Not that I have any reason to believe her, but she did say we weren’t a priority.”

“Then we should find her and prove her wrong,” Dash snorted. 

“Dash,” Sue said, making the younger mare look at her. “If Lyja could mimic you well enough to fool one of your best friends it means she was planning to replace you at some point. I’m serious. You should all be careful.” 

“Hey, handled myself well enough on the ride along!” Dash snapped, stepping up to her. Sue realised she still wasn’t used to how much taller she’d gotten. 

“Yeah, you did,” she admitted. “And it was good for Grim.”

“Really?!” And just like that the peppy 18-year-old she remembered was practically bouncing up and down in front of her. “Do-do-do ya think he’ll wanna work together again?!” 

“I think he’d like to,” Sue smiled, resisting the urge to tousle her hair. “Once he’s got all the dents out of the hull, anyway. Speaking of, I know you’re eager to get out of here…”

“Hey, if it was a Canterlot precinct you couldn’t get rid of us!” Dash looked over her shoulder at Rarity, sitting on the interview room table because she’d taken one look at the couch and felt like her coat was dissolving. “What was that one where they served the princess-tea?”

“Her Neighponese stuff? Oh gosh, it’s on the tip of my horn!” Rarity twirled her free needle as she stared into the distance. “Oooh, what was that thing outside? Abstract, gothic thing on the lawn! Looked like it escaped from bad award show prison!” 

“The Incitement street place?” Sue joined in, unable to stop herself.  

“Yeah!” Dash nodded. “The one street in Canterlot where nothing ever happens!” 

“…then what were you doing there?”

“Double parked a parade float,” the two Elements said with twin shrugs. 

“Hey, you try doing a musical number to stop the deed for all of Canterlot falling into the wrong hooves/talons and keep track of everything,” Dash muttered because even she realised that probably needed a follow up. 

“They were lovely though, weren’t they?” Rarity beamed. “We were in there for a while because they had to look up how much the fine was, it had been so long, but I think they really just wanted an excuse to show off the station.” 

“And their awesome beverage selection!” Dash agreed. 

“Speaking of,” Sue cut in because there wasn’t going to be a better thematic chance to jam her offer into the spokes of this insane conversation wheel. “Sometimes me and the other fillies in the business like to go out. Cap, the Daughters of the Dragon, the Wisp, whoever’s up for it. I know you girls all have each other to lean on but if you’d ever need to just get away for a little…well, we’ve all been there.” 

“Oh, that’s so kind of you!” Rarity resisted the impulse to hug her because they barely knew each other, and also she was dealing with a particularly delicate cross stitch. “We’ll absolutely think about it, won’t we Rainbow?”

“Are…are you talking about taking us to Plucky’s?” Dash was hovering off the floor, leaning in so close she was almost forcing Sue’s neck to become one with her tail. “It’s real? Johnny wouldn’t shut up about it!” 

“If you’d like!” Sue used a force field to gently back her up. “We like to try different places, sometimes just get out of the city if we can, but we can absolutely hit up the bar.” 

“And we’d be delighted to have you in Ponyville,” Rarity smiled. “We may be small but we’re honestly quite spoiled for choice when it comes to dining out. And we do enjoy a good festival!” 

“And if anypony needs to let off a little steam we gotcha covered there too,” Dash grinned. “Can you say Everfree forest?”

“Unfortunately," Sue smiled wryly. “Should give any villains second thoughts about following us I suppose.” 

“Aww!” Dash pouted. 

“There, there, dear.” Rarity reached over to pat her wings. “It’s fine that you can’t have a normal reaction to the prospect of peril, it’s adorable.” 

“Me?! You were just at ground zero of a hostage situation and you’re knitting!” 

“Well if they’re going to insist on giving me blankets…!”

“That would be for shock,” Sue pointed out. 

“Hmm?” Rarity looked down at her creation. “I suppose I could sow in some…lightning bolts?” 

“Picked the right moment to trot in on!” All three turned to see Johnnycake leaning in the doorway. 

The roguish smile was on his face and his forelegs folded, all totally failing to disguise that he was exhausted and slumping. “Hey sis, Rarity. Rainbow! Glad to see you survived the experience!” 

“What experience, your personality?” Dash muttered, though she did glance guiltily at Sue. The older mare shrugged diplomatically. 

“Hello,” Rarity said softly, neatly folding away her creation. 

“Hi.” Johnny took a tentative step. Rainbow Dash was immediately between them, eyes like stone. “I swear I didn’t know this would happen.”

“And that makes it better?” 

“Did you round up the new Frightful Four?” Sue asked. “Grim and Reed got back a while ago.”

“Just got out of the captain’s office.” Johnny rolled his neck. Shame flaming on couldn’t solve cricks. If anything, it sometimes felt like it…baked them in. “Had a fun conversation about how we lost them a high security wagon. By the way, we owe them a high security wagon.”

“Sign.” Sue levitated a sheaf of pre-typed papers. 

Both knew exactly who she’d really been asking about, and that it had really been to gauge his emotional state by how exactly he ducked the unspoken question. If Lyja was in the building, or no longer on this mortal coil, it would be impossible not to know.

“Caaan Ms. Belle and I have a sec?” Johnny managed to scoot past Dash without loosing any vital organs. “It’s just that’s a lotta paper and we need to talk.”

Dash hovered in front of him, forelegs folded. “Managed to file it quickly enough when you wanted me out of the way.” 

How could he have ever fallen for Lyja’s disguise? Rainbow Dash never hid when she wanted to pummel somepony. Or when she was restraining herself and having to settle for just words.  

Crazy thing? Pete, Soarin’, Rocky Cake, all the best there was. But it’d be nice if they could be Just Friends. He’d…like having a pony who felt on his behalf what Dash clearly did on Rarity’s. 

“Rainbow, I sat in the wrong chair for Celestia’s sake!” Rarity tucked her needles into her tail in a manner that conveyed she was irritated enough to hurl them like javelins. “And I knew if Johnnycake didn’t come for me you girls would. Alright?”

“’Kay,” Dash muttered. In a pig’s eye Johnny knew, but if it had been one of his team…

“Oh Dash, Grim Skies is in the squad room sharing war stories,” Sue said casually. “Want to hear the one about Istanbull before we say goodbye?”

She shook her head, using her powers to smooth her mane back into shape as the slipstream faded away, looked at the other two in a way that made it clear she was trying not to shake it even harder, and trotted out into the corridor to wait for Dash to come zipping back to ask for directions.


*** 


“I’m sorry,” they both said as soon as the door was half closed. “What? Why?” 

“Me first!” Johnny put a hoof to his nose. “Called it!” 

“That’s not…I wasn’t re--Ugh, fine!” Rarity sat on her haunches, trying not to grin. 

“You’re going to be a lady and say what happened today wasn’t a big deal--”

“Oh, am I?” She stopped trying.

“Was about to say but you’re well within your rights!” Johnny smiled tiredly. “And yeah, you handled it like a pro, but you shouldn’t have had to. And I, ah, need you to know that I know and--”

Rarity raised a hoof. “Is this going to be a multi-know speech? Because even if it wasn’t sunset, I don’t think I could take that.”

“You’ll be wanting to get home,” Johnny agreed, nodding. 

“Eventually, but there’re some things I want to get off my chest first. It’s only fair.”

“To who?” He blinked. “You’re the one who got caught up in all this. That trap was for me!” 

“And even though it was murder on my coat, it at least put me in a position to help you out,” Rarity said, smiling but putting natural authority into her voice. 

“Huh. Didn’t think of it like that.” 

“Yes, and I think I know why,” Rarity sighed. She felt like she’d sooner pull her own horn out. “You call it the business but it’s your life really, isn’t it?” 

Johnny blinked again. 

“Not that that’s a bad thing!” Rarity waved a hoof hastily. “Oh dear, I’m making a Diamond Dog’s breakfast of this, I swear I’m not trying to insult you, you must think I’m as tactless as a pair of monogrammed Ugg boots!” 

“After what you went through today you can say pretty much whatever you like,” he smiled encouragingly. 

“You’re a very kind colt.” Her smile wavered as she held his gaze, working up to something. “I have a confession to make.” 

“Okay…?” He sat down on the ghastly couch and promptly sat up again, which made her smile. 

“I have a place lined up.” She tried not to gulp. “A store, I mean.”

“Hey, congrats!” She was getting good at telling when he actually meant something. Maybe it wasn’t so hard to believe a younger Rainbow would have drifted so close to somepony like him. “Want a celebrity endorsement?”

“I’ve had it since after last Fashion Week.” 

To Johnny’s credit he didn’t get angry, burst into flames or die of a heart attack, but she could tell it was that stupid, stupid, so terribly wonderful, almost foal like inability to understand. ‘Adapt?’ again. If Princess Luna could kindly just quickly nip in and banish her to the moon that would be lovely, thanks. 

“I didn’t have to check out those other places,” Rarity sighed, looking at her hooves. Why couldn’t her fringe be Fluttershy sized? “In fact, they gave me so much paperwork I was able to go through them and find deliberate reasons I couldn’t lease them. Besides, um, already arranging with my partner to get the place we have our eye on. It’s why that stupid trap business doesn’t really get to me. It was just an excuse to go touring the city together.”

“Did you…think you needed one?” Johnny asked uncertainly, sounding like a propeller trying to wind itself in three different directions at once. 

“No, it was just…” Rarity shrugged. “I don’t know, it’s been a long time since I had somepony to…play with, I guess. Oh gosh, how that must sound!” 

“Grim Skies has saved my life and the free world more times than I’ve flamed on,” Johnny reassured. “Once I glued a false beard to his face, dressed up like a grandpa, and changed all our living room furniture around so I could pretend he’d been asleep for forty years. Trust me, you’re the only pony in this room who probably shouldn’t worry about impulse control.” 

“Well, when you put it like that,” Rarity smiled, accepting the round about compliment with a nod. “But still, I should have been honest with you! Just because we enjoy playing games with each other doesn’t mean we should! Who are we kidding, today was a first date. All that official talk was just…just…”

“Fun?” Johnny tried. 

“Yes,” Rarity admitted. Sun and moon, there must be something wrong with her. How had Rainbow Dash lost it with this Happy Days runaway and she hadn’t? “But if not for Mr. Trapster’s interruption perhaps one of us would have said something that hurt the other. As is, oh, don’t get me wrong, I still like you, you’re the most entertaining stallion I’ve met in a long time, but our conversation…it concerns me as much as it fascinated me.” 

“Okay,” Johnny said in that same uncertain if he’d missed some kind of run up voice. “And what concerns you exactly?”

“You were describing your friends…”

“Oh, if this is about beating each other up—!”

“Little bit.” Rarity tried not to cringe or burst out laughing, teeth grinding slightly trying to contain both. “But the only normal sounding fellows in the bunch were friends you made at flight school! Friends you had with your ex-girlfriend.”

“Soarin’s kinda normal,” Johnny said quickly and looked puzzled at the defensiveness in his voice. 

“Yes, but he’s a Wonderbolt. So’s Rainbow Dash! If they’re normal it’s really only compared to, well, heroes like you.”

“Like us,” Johnny insisted. 

“Not quite, although thank you,” Rarity smiled sadly. “Because even Rainbow Dash turns it off when we get home. I like you a lot Johnny, but my impression is while we’d have a lot of fun together…I couldn’t see anything past that conversation being different. This wasn’t even supposed to be ‘Ho-ffical’ and we practically told each other our cutie mark stories!” 

Johnny’s tail flicked slightly as he tried to stop it flying to his mark as if to cover it in shame. She reached out and took his hoof because she felt like she’d just tied a puppy to some railroad tracks. 

“All your friends, they’re wonderful people. To know you at all they’d have to be.”

“I’m roommates with Spider-Pony.”

“Not helping your case,” Rarity smiled then frowned. “Anyway, don’t interrupt! I’m getting my hooves here!” 

“Sorry,” Johnny said, voice carefully devoid of his internal monologue's sardonic “Mystics.” 

“You have a lot of friends Johnny Storm. But they’re all heroes.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. That’s not a problem but…perhaps a difficulty? As far as I can tell the only ponies you talk to are also answering a calling. Or to put it another way, the only people you talk to are people who do what you do."

Nothing but the chatter and bustle of a Manehattan precinct at sunset around them. Rarity fervently wished the spare office this was taking place in didn’t look so 70’s, because with the goldening light coming through the windows it looked a bit like the set of one of her Latin soap operas, and she kind of loved that. 

She searched Johnny’s eyes and still found no anger, but a distinct processing look. 

She chanced another smile. “Well, without your distinctive flair.”

“Thanks for that.”

“I am speaking rather bluntly here, so--” Rarity began, trying not to scuff her hoof like a school filly. 

“That was what I meant,” Johnny smiled. Now she was trying not to sigh from relief.

It wasn’t remotely the threat of angering someone who could literally explode. Even if she hadn’t grown up with Applejack and met Rainbow Dash, she worked in fashion for heaven’s sake! But necessary words could hurt too, even with care. 

“What I’m saying is, I think you need a friend. An outside one.” She took a step away from but only to hold out a hopeful hoof. “And I’d very much like it to be me.”

A beat.

“I’d like that too.” 

His smile hadn’t changed, which she chose to interpret as a good sign. She could feel his surprise as she hugged him though. 

“You’re a very sweet pony,” Rarity said sincerely. “I like talking to you. And you’re going to love all my advice, soon you’ll wonder how you ever got along without my endorsement!”

“Other way around,” Johnny grinned with a raised brow. 

“Whatever helps you sleep tonight, darling.” She loosened the embrace and give him a deadly serious smile. “And I’m still going to get those delicious school Dash stories if it kills you.” 

“Oh hey, meant to say before, could you tell her the FF had a blood feud with Chrysalis first? This has been bugging me since the royal wedding.” 

“Oh what, not enough of your friends beat you up as is?” 

“This is gonna be fun, isn’t it?”

“Absolutely, darling.”

Understanding. Tenderness. Iris out. 


***


Just kidding. Magenta flash! 

“Why are you in jail?!” an aghast Twilight Sparkle demanded. 

“What are you wearing?!” Rarity practically shrieked, looking the rumpled ESU t-shirt she was wearing up and down with scandalised delight and germaphobe horror.  

“It’s romantic!” Twilight shot back. “Hello, Johnnycake. I’m staying over tonight and my balloon’s sort of parked on your roof, hope that’s okay.” 

“I can find something to do, Princess,” Johnny assured, casually waving the foreleg Rarity wasn’t death gripping. 

“Twilight, please! Do I want to know where Rainbow Dash is?” 


20


Hugging a rock monster in the shadow of a compact space age jet, as it turned out. 

“Geez kid,” the abashed Thing rumbled, “it’s alright. Don’t call myself an idol of millions for nothin’!” 

“I know, I’m one of ‘em.” Dash rubbed her eyes as everypony hovered awkwardly in the doorway of the landing pad’s stairwell. “It’s just…you’re not too ugly and stupid to quit. Okay? You just don’t quit.”

“Preachin’ to the choir, shrimp.” Johnny could swear the old man’s lip (well, the tortoise-esque lower jaw thing that had replaced it) was wobbling as he delicately raised a stone hoof to pat Dash’s back without altering the shape of her spine. “Now, great as it is to meet somepony who’s into my good old days as well, time you was all gettin’ home, yeah? Got me a rep to maintain, can’t have a rookie tailin’ me around all the time. Folks’ll think I hired ya to boost my image!” 

“Not that it needs it!” Dash grinned. 


***


Another flash of Twilight’s magic and Johnny was standing in his and Peter’s living room, blinking at the number of pizza boxes on the table and kitchen counter. 

The pulsing purple doorway of love that connected said living room to the one inside a tree, back in a small town on the doorstep of perhaps the most savage zone of inland Equestria, didn’t really phase him anymore. 

“Johnny?” Peter was on the couch, surprise languidly bubbling under the relaxation he was still enjoying. Twilight had materialised herself on the other side of the couch and was nuzzling her way back under his foreleg. 

“Yeah, I’m surprised we’re back this early too.” 

“I meant more you’re still alive.” Peter nodded at the two bearers on either side of him. “No offence ladies, it’s just the E.U.P. band said you were both at the local precinct and, well, it’s Johnny, sooo…” 

“Good evening Peter,” Rarity said brightly as Dash gave him a double wing tip gun for a good line. “We’ll just be off to Ponyville then! Do you still have your camera?” 

“Uh, yeah, think it’s in the closet with the outfit. Need it?”

“Stat.” Rarity nodded severely, framing them between her hooves with the same energy as a dictator moving figurines around a map. “Because remove those ghastly boxes of cellulite and heart disease and this scene is precious.”

“Touch my pizza and die,” Twilight said contentedly, head against Peter’s chest and levitating a pen to fill out another form. 

“Which one’s your least favourite toppings?” Dash shoved past Johnny. “All I’ve had since breakfast is explorer stuff. Fun fact: food comin’ in tubes stops being cool sooner than you’d think.” 

“Ugh, and Sue keeps stocking health stuff,” Johnny rolled his eyes. “And it’s like, sis, seriously, it’s just mustard without any of the fun!”

Dash acted like she hadn’t heard him. 

“Uh, that one over there’s got onions on it and I feel like I’m about to explode as is?” Twilight shrugged, indicating. “You’ll have to microwave it!” 

“So real Manehattan style!” Dash scooped it up then sniffed the air, frowning. “Why do your wings smell delicious?”

“Mine,” Peter said without looking up from his own paperwork but tightening his foreleg around Twilight. 

“Relax man, neither of you could afford me.” Dash flipped her prize open, waving a wing vaguely at the couple. “G’night, Egghead. Sayonara, Spidey.” 

“Dosvedanya, Dash.” 

“It was good to see you again,” Johnny tried. 

“Kiss my wingtips,” Dash said, mouth already full as she hopped into the light. She hadn’t even been looking at him. 

“She needs time,” Rarity assured, giving him a frustratingly platonic nuzzle. She yawned. “And I need to turn in. Today was lovely. Thanks ever so!” 

She gave him a peck on the cheek which actually did make him feel better. “Ms. Belle.” 

“Mr. Storm.” She winked as she was swallowed by the portal light, which evaporated in just the right way for her. 

“What happened between you two?” Peter smirked, hugging Twilight a little closer.  

Johnny shrugged. “Think I made a friend.” 

“Really?!” Twilight sat up ecstatically in Peter’s grasp, almost knocking over pizza and papers. “I was just in it for the schadenfreude and gossip before, but if you’re serious I have notes I could lend you! In fact, did Peter tell you, we’ve started a journal, hmm, although you’re sort of a celebrity so maybe we’d have to sign something before we could add you?” 

“Sort of?!” Johnny spluttered. 

“Did Twilight mention she’s staying over?” Peter asked pointedly. 

“It came up.” Johnny trotted for his room. “I’ve got a Trapster plan to make up for, so I’m just gonna grab a fresh collar and go rustle up some night life while all the good spots are opening. I assume you guys’ll be in bed before I get home, probably midnight because you’re both adorably basic like that.” 

“Sweet Celestia,” Twilight whispered in awe. “Near complete overlap of Rarity and Rainbow. I’d theorised but I didn’t think it was possible!” 

“Johnny’s one of a kind, thank her for small mercies,” Peter said loudly enough to be heard. Johnny swiped a slice out of the box by his hooves as retaliation. “By the way, what’d you do to 16th street?”

“Guaranteed your half of the rent,” Johnny called as he swung the balcony doors open.

“Fair.” Peter went back to his girlfriend, papers and pizza. “Good night, man.”

“Night.” 

The Horseshoe Torch’s slipstream pulled the doors closed for the happy couple. He did it well enough that Twilight would think it had been an accident. He needed a few more months to figure out quite what he thought of Peter’s weird Not Technically in the Business But girlfriend. 

And he had other priorities. Rarity’s talk had been appreciated and he was glad to have her in his life now, but it had got him thinking. Or not. Not exactly. He hadn’t just been getting a fresh utility collar and if he had been thinking he’d probably admit what he was about to do was a bad idea. 


21


To be fair he managed to put it off for a while. A few interrupted muggings, one cart chase, Whirlwind and Blizzard having a team up which was adorable, really. 

Eventually though, well, that broadcast tower was right there, too above the civilian airspaces to be interrupted by anypony other than maintenance workers, and it was after 5:00. 

Casualness pouring out of him like his flames, the Torch lowered the temperature of one hoof, running it along the rim of his collar like any stallion out on the town would until he’d leisurely slipped out the communicator hidden there. The one the tower’s systems, designed to send, receive and boost even through Equestria’s background magic, would sync up with and boost all the way back to the land of its origin. 

In case you need to talk, she’d said. Which was why he hadn’t talked to her outside of the business for...he didn’t like to think how long. Because if he did, he’d probably admit what he was doing was a bad idea. 

Not a crisis. In case he needed to talk. 

He looked at it in the sunset, a peaceful black against the glow of his flames. It looked like her headband. 

The hay with it. It’s my life. He nudged the tip with his nose. 

A slight pulse and hum as a connection was established. 

“Hey, it’s me,” Johnny said trying not to bite his own tongue to stop himself from going too quickly. “Sorry to just spring up like this after so long, I needed to think. I do that now! I think I didn’t before because life without you…it hasn’t been bad, but it’s been pretty samey. Our fault for being so great at the job, I guess! But things have been happening in my life lately! Moved out! Got a roommate! Made friends with an Element of Harmony! Beat a dragon from outer space and I’ve been dying to tell you how, I think you’d love it. But listen, I’ve been changing, and I’d like to see how you have too, y’know, as friends and adults. Man, can you believe we’re technically adults now? And instead of waiting for your brother-in-law, you know, the crazy one, to put both our worlds in danger would you like to do it on our terms and just pick a place and sit down and talk? I’d like that. Unless you don’t, then it’s dumb and I hate it. Sitting down I mean, we can both fly. Man, can you fly. But we should talk. I’ll shut up now.” 

Nothing on the other end for a while. Traffic noises. The crackle of his flames. The windchime sound of her communicator. 

“Tropical Storm?” asked a languid voice that perfectly embodied the moustache and dorky headgear that came with it. 

Sisters, this was a bad idea. 

“Karnack!” Johnny said as suddenly and brightly as the oncoming headlamp of a runaway train. 

At least it wasn’t Medusa. 

“Is Crystal around?”

Such a bad idea. 


To be Continued

> Slight Learning Sensation-Prologue: Guess Blue's Back
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


1


“So how’s your awful plan going?” Rarity asked as the Horseshoe Torch, one of Manehattan’s greatest living icons, descended in an arrowhead of flames before winking into Johnnycake Storm, wearing a stylish suit jacket and trotting towards her. The crowd ate it up. 

“Rarity, darling! Pulse poundingly great to see you too! Kiss-kiss!” 

“That bad, eh?” she smirked as they flawlessly went through the pantomime, purely for the cameras. 

“And are those Farriers™?! Finally came to their senses and asked the perfect pony to embody them, huh?”

“You devious little worm!” Rarity beamed, admiring her new shoes with absolutely no regret. “At least I’m getting so many compliments out of your desperate avoidance.” 

“As if I need an excuse to compliment your choices,” Johnny smirked, linking forelegs with her as they made their way down the not red but at least gold trimmed carpet and into the Canterlot Palladium. “How’ve you been?”

“Concerned and a little exasperated!” She deliberately bumped him with her shoulder as she effortlessly swept through the door he was holding open for her. The crowd was too busy looking at her to notice his slight wince. “We’re supposed to be friends. You should talk with me about stuff like this. And even if we weren’t? Darling, your ex? Come on!”

The upside to not dating Rarity Belle: near constant fun, intrigue and cutting-edge gossip, all tempered like high quality steel by a heart that genuinely cared about you as a friend. The downside: no, really, she cared. 

“Peter,” Johnny hissed through his now slightly glassy smile. 

“Oh, don’t pout. You’re just lucky he told me instead of Rainbow Dash.”

“Was that revenge for using your ensemble to duck this topic the last couple weeks?”

“You’ll know when I’m taking revenge, darling.” 

“Yeah, just schedule something with H.E.R.B.I.E., I’m sure there’ll be space after ol’ Vic blows it this year. For real, you’re brighter than any of the bulbs on Bridleway tonight.” He gave her a platonic cheek kiss. 

“Well, to be fair, half of them are in Damage Control bins right now.” Rarity glanced over her shoulder at him as they joined the ticket line. “Was that you? I distinctly remember hearing about something with a dinosaur on the radio.”

“Lyja,” Johnny muttered. “She’s been upping her game.”

“…with time travel?” 

“Don’t give her any ideas,” Johnny sighed. “Animatronic museum exhibit. Sue dragged me along to a board meeting for some reason and, well…” Hapless shrug. 

Rarity stifled a laugh at how well haplessness did and did not suit her new friend of a month and a half. “You’ll have her in the Stockade in no time, I’m sure.”

“Your artfully done lips to Celestia’s ears,” Johnny said without so much as a soupçon of enthusiasm. “It wouldn’t be so bad if she wasn’t so…so…”

“Evil?” Rarity asked. The clerk blinked at her as she accepted their tickets. 

Rarity smiled back sweetly, because between Sassy Saddles, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle and now Johnnycake Storm she’d learned it was far easier to just act natural. Made it easier for other ponies to walk moments like this off. 

“Bipolar?” Johnny tried. 

“Well, she is your other ex, darling.” Rarity shoulder bumped him lightly but more sincerely. “Are you sure you want to talk about this? I don’t want to dredge up any bad memories, and from what I’ve been able to piece together that hag put you through the wringer.” 

“It’s okay, pretty sure I’ve got down which break ups were her fault and which were, y’know, mine.” He smiled at her expression as they were led through to the atrium. “No, it’s healthy, trust me.” 

“Crystal clarity you might say,” Rarity said with that merciless nuance and timing he’d come to (platonically!) love her for. “It’s not funny! Ugh, fine! Lyja’s bipolar. What does that mean exactly?”

“It’s like she’s picking her moments, but they never land,” Johnny said, frowning. Describing bad guys’ M.O was more Peter’s thing, but that was because his rogues were so basic. Watch;

I’m going to graft pipe cleaners to my back and name myself after an octopus!
I’m going to fall asleep in a cave on a magic beach like an idiot and name myself after what it turns me into! 
I’m going to make a chicken-snake suit and name myself after the other chicken-snake, because I have no friends to tell me people will still laugh at me! 

Say what you would about Mysterio, at least that guy had imagination. 

“Which is good because they don’t land on you, yes?” Her tone made it sound like he was a five year old who hadn’t grasped the concept of not sticking toy soldiers up his nose. 

“Almost wish they would.” 

“Ah,” Rarity said as she levitated her coat to the check girl. “The frequency, or as much frequency as you can have with constant surprise attacks.” 

“See, this is why we work! But, well, yeah. Back in the day she was all head games. Now it’s all cages and dynamite and rigged hair styling conventions. Like she took a seminar from that one coyote.”

“Please don’t compare yourself to that most distinguished of birds,” Rarity smiled, but was soon lost admiring the display cases full of legendary Royal Variety Performance outfits, including a few iconic skating outfits from that one phase. “Oooh, can you believe it, Johnny? One of my designs! In the first Pegasi of Paradise dance in over a decade! I feel like…oh, I simply must…I could honestly…!”

“Burst into flame?” Johnny grinned, sliding a foreleg around her shoulders. “Promise me you’re not going to go all Twilight Sparkle and start worrying about it. That curtain goes up and everypony in those seats is gonna wonder how this show ever took off without a Rarity original in there.” 

“You’d like it if I was a touch more Rainbow Dash, eh?” 

“You’re a sick animal, Belle.” 

The best part about sort of limping back towards Crystal? This nuzzle was purely platonic. The pitch perfect sardonic quality to his friendship with Rarity helped because otherwise, yeah, he’d probably be making actual horseshoe shapes torches to kick himself for not taking it further with an amazing mare like this…

Huh. Although! Since he was away from the FF more, working cases with Spidey or just keeping an eye on Yancy Street like he’d promised the Thing, he’d scheduled more power practice sessions at the Baxter Barn to keep his skills honed. Totally not to spend some (kind of) quality time with his big sister now that he was (kind of) living alone, whatever gave you that idea, no you’re in denial. 

Point being his flame constructs were taking off in interesting directions, especially his decoys! He could even now make two (kind of, if you didn’t look too closely) fully detailed Fake Torches. Maybe if he worked hard enough, he could make them do things!

Things like kicking him for settling for being Just Friends with his opposite number in the Elements of Harmony and possibly life itself, and for thinking about this when he was committing to kinda sorta thinking about maybe possibly winning back the only girl he’d ever really loved, because Sisters forbid he be satisfied with anything, and, wow, maybe living with Pete was starting to do something to his brain…

“Are you proposing or just trying to take my cheek off?” Rarity asked through the side of her mouth that still worked. 

Some ponies in the crowd were starting to notice them, or more accurately Johnny nuzzling her while staring into the distance with wide open but unseeing eyes. “…is it my fault that new scent is so addictive?” He paused to genuinely sniff the air. “Wow, what is that?”

“Perfectly legal!” Rarity’s eyes darted around the room like moths trapped in a Faraday cage. “I’ve never even heard of the Cauldron! Test ban treaty violation?! Pshaw, the very idea! Don’t tell Fluttershy.” 

Johnny shook his head. “Still can’t believe Flüttershy is real.” 

“You’re going to have to sit down with her one of these days!” Her smile could have been used in place of danger signs on an electric fence. “Careful though, Discord’s possessive.” 

“Uh, you stole one of my enemies already,” Johnny countered. “Turnabout: noun, fairness of play.”

Rarity rolled her eyes. “Oh, for pity’s sake, not this again.” 

“Yes! This again!” Johnny huffed, adjusting his jacket lapels to avoid becoming the fire in this crowded theatre. “Do you know how hard it is to find high quality rogues in the third most peaceful nation on the continent?! She and Namor teaming up was practically an FF Thanksgiving tradition! You don’t just horn in on that kind of hate!” 

“You’re more than welcome to take her back!” Rarity fumed. “I hope you and that slimy mane of hers are very happy comparing tips together!” 

“Y’know what, you’re right,” Johnny said, nodding solemnly. 

“Mmm hmm?” Rarity hummed patiently, because she knew him by now.

“Technically I should be mad at Princess Cadence,” Johnny grinned. “After all, you guys didn’t beat her.”

“Never change, Johnny,” Rarity smiled, fondly adjusting his lapels. Her eyes widened at something coming through the crowd towards them and her hooves began flapping all over his torso for hasty grooming, like a swarm of image conscious bats. “Except right now, because my partner is coming this way. My plus one needs to make an extra strong impression!” 

“I can set myself on fire,” Johnny pointed out to compensate for obediently lowering his head for her stylising hooves. 

“And if that was all it took, I’d have stepped out with the Great and Powerful Trixie.” Rarity spun him around so hard she almost broke his neck, casually draping his right foreleg around her shoulders like a phoenix-imitation stole. “I work with this mare and we’ve somehow managed to forge a mutual respect instead of destroying each other, so promise me you won’t cause a scene.” 

“Part of our mutual respect is you can see straight through pretty much any lie I tell you.”

“Right, right. Do your best?”

“For you.”

“You’re a gent.” 

Rarity used a hasty spell to polish the utility collar poking between his lapels, then mimed a double-take with the casualness of a cat pressing the nuclear launch button just to see what would happen. “Sassy! There you are! Excited?”

“Sassy Saddles!” Johnny said cheerfully, trying to maintain eye contact and scan the room for all possible escape routes at the same time. 

“Rarity! Visions and velour, a helpless Johnnycake Storm! And I didn’t bring you anything.” 

“You know each other,” Rarity sighed. 

“Relax, I’m paralysed with terror and Sassy’s too famous even if there weren’t so many witnesses.” Johnny’s face brightened slightly from the realisation. “Although the real crime would be not noticing that Mulelan/Cloudsdale combo halter! An original?” 

“Oh, sure, now you’re taking notice.”

“Sassy, please?” Johnny almost flopped to the floor as Rarity clasped her hooves together, desperate eyes as wide as she could make them under her tiara. “Please, please, please, please--”

“Relax!” Sassy held up a hoof. “I’ve settled for spearing him with glances and well-chosen words this long, why sully my horn now?” 

“You almost used a stapler once,” Johnny protested. 

“Yes, but you didn’t have the best partner I’ve ever had to hide behind then, did you?” 

“The Magic of Friendship!” Rarity sighed with relief. “And listen, I’m obligated by Harmony or some such to play peace maker between you two eventually, but let’s just have tonight, yes? We’re in Pegasi of Paradise! Surely it’s better if that’s the only memorable thing?”

“Of course, darling, of course.” Sassy embraced her, really more to hold her confidentially close. “Just promise me you two aren’t…you know…!”

“Purely her plus one,” Johnny assured. “Wouldn’t risk cutting myself off from Rarity’s advice for anything.”

“Praise Celestia!” Sassy smiled. “And in the spirit of the armistice, that’s a nice jacket for you, Johnny. Did you pick it out for him, Rarity, or…?”

“No, he’s proven surprisingly reliable in that regard,” the Element of Generosity beamed. “We’re quite the team. Speaking of, we’ve been having a go at my plus one all night, but Sassy Saddles…stag? Here?” 

“You know me too well,” Sassy grinned. “It’s interesting you’d bring Johnny out tonight, because I must confess to having a side project of my own.”

“Expanding our brand isn’t enough?” Rarity smiled back. “Confound it, woman, don’t you ever sleep?”

“A few chapters of Diamond Teal’s latest and a glass of aguardiente are all I need, thank you for asking.” 

Sassy fluttered a hoof towards a crowd admiring a case full of costumes inspired by Princess Celestia. A figure dethatched itself, heading for them. 

“I can’t believe it’s taken so long to get you two in the same room actually, Rarity, but I’m positive you’ll have a lot in common with--”

“Him,” Johnny squeaked, bubbles and mist erupting from his fruit juice glass as his temperature spiked. Both at the sight of who was coming towards them and what Rarity would do. 

The waiter just managed to catch it on the tray because it spun in the air for a few seconds as he whipped his hooves around her torso, trying to haul her into the shadows of a nearby alcove. 

“Him?!” Rarity roared, almost kicking the Torch backwards through the wall as she tried to lunge for--

“Haha, yes, yes, it’s me!” Prince Blueblood said, flicking his fringe to send theatre lights flashing between each expertly combed blade of hair and perfectly accent his horn. “No autographs, please. You can fulfil all your Blueblood needs via my personal catalogue, owning any number of merchandises bearing my distinctive signature for the low, low price of 99-gems-99!”

“Now Princey…” Sassy cooed. “We talked about this.”

“Ah, so we did.“ Blueblood nodded, completely oblivious to Johnny trying to keep Rarity in place and his forelegs in their sockets at the same time. A beat went by. “Remind me, old ice cream cake?” 

“There’re other brands you can plug,” Sassy beamed. 

“Really? Eh, taps a glass, Sassy dearest, but the tune is sadly a mite hazy.” 

“He’s a work in progress,” Sassy simpered. 

“I’ll show you progress!!!” 

“You don’t say!” Johnny wheezed, managing to spin Rarity’s enraged jaguar lunge back into the alcove with a technique Shang Chi had shown him. “Sassy, uh, quick conference before the show?!” 

“It’s Canterlot, Johnny, everypony here is fashionably early,” Sassy tutted. “Princey, sweetie? Show them your trick.”

“Hmm? Don’t have enough peaches and cream and there are more witnesses around than is strictly sanitary, but if you insist!” Blueblood reached for his bowtie. 

“No!” Sassy’s smile was scythe thin as she clapped her horseshoe’s in front of his face, eyes wide. Blueblood stopped blinking to admire his reflection in them. “Your other trick.”

“Ehrm, the one with the handkerchiefs and the parakeets d’you mean?”

“Rarity, c’mon!” Johnny hissed urgently, taking advantage of Sassy shooting down Blueblood’s list to loop his forelegs around hers, hauling her up to take away her leverage, hopefully without looking like he was doing something else. “Pegasi of Paradise! Reviews! Lucrative offers! Critical acclaim! No assault charges!” 

“Charges?!” Rarity almost sent one of her shoes spinning into the chandeliers as she peddled the air with her hind legs. “Bah! Accolades! The world’ll thank me for it! Celestia herself will give me a medal!” 

“She will give you pride of place on an E.U.P. watchlist!” 

Johnny’s ears lowered as he spotted a party coming down the nearby staircase staring at them, trying to spare muscle that wasn’t keeping Rarity in the lock to make his smile more charming. “Hi! Stuck canape! You know how it is! Sensitive disposition, the poor thing!” 

“Did you just call me sensitive?!” 

“You haven’t even touched him and you’re making more of a scene than I would, for Celestia’s sake!”

“But it’s him, Johnny!” 

“I know!”

“Good, so let me enlighten everypony!”

“Oh, that trick!” Blueblood cleared his throat, smile dazzling as cathedral marble even with his reading-off-cards voice. “Ahem! Who. Are. Your friends, Sassy?” 

“There we go,” Sassy sighed. 

Johnny and Rarity had frozen, the fashionista halfway out of the explorer’s grip and mouth agape from both the shock of Blueblood, Blueblood, acknowledging other entities and midway through her attempt to bite his leg. 

“This is my partner Rarity,“ Sassy continued, indicating them, “and that is Johnny Storm, one of my greatest regrets.” 

“The honour is entirely yours,” the prince said and nodded with terrible benevolence, made worse by the fact he meant it. 

“We’ve met,” Johnny said before he could fully appreciate the freedom and possibilities of a universe where this guy didn’t know his name. “You’re our landlord.”

“Minutiae and migraines!” Sassy moaned, hoof flying to her forehead. “Look, it’s a night in Canterlot, intrigue should abound, yes, but how many connections and coincidences is a pony supposed to take?”

“Well, he’s not my landlord,” Johnny corrected himself.  

Sassy accusingly pointed her hoof with enough force that he was pretty sure she’d meant to stamp it. “You just said he was!” 

“He’s the FF’s!” Johnny rallied, glaring from behind Rarity’s stunned head. “His granddad brought the Baxter Building before that water polo accident, or whatever it was.”

“I thought your nice doctor friend did?” Sassy asked, blinking. “Can’t see somepony as capable as your sister living in a piece of unreal estate that good and not being in the game herself, honestly.”

“She finds megalomaniacal dictators from other dimensions more personable, I guess.” Johnny shrugged but made sure he still had a good grip on Rarity’s shoulders. “Anyway, she and Reed own the Baxter Barn. Couple of floors under it, not the whole building. There’s still costs.”

“Ah,” Sassy said with that Don’t-Get-It, Don’t-Really-Care tone he’d gotten used to when he explained this. Sometimes it felt like the closest he’d get to being Reed outside of trying to explain buck ball to Pete.  

“Right. His family’s big into the explorer market too, entire linage running through the guild’s history like, well, veins! It’s impossible to get good supplies or aviation material without at least brushing up against his companies, so every couple of months he shows up outside the Barn and drops giant slabs of Totally-Not-Bribes about what he’d like from where to keep the rent down.” 

“Oh, it’s you Johnnycake, old petrol cap!” Blueblood said cheerfully. “I thought that hair looked familiar, didn’t recognise you without your rock monster.”

“National hero,” Johnny corrected sharply. He drove Grim Skies around the bend because it was easy and the bonds of family were just too strong, his antics bouncing off or dissipating like frost. But he’d bow to Gloam before letting an overgrown boarding school escapee in a pair of lapels diminish the old coot like that. 

“Oh-ho-ho-ho, please!” Ugh, that laugh. Like being run over by a bicycle made of livery, country estates and peacocks. It didn’t matter how many years, you’d never really forget. “Anypony could have opened that jar for her highness!” 

“What did we say about bragging, sweetie?” Sassy asked sweetly but pointedly. 

“Ah, hang on, I know this one, tip of my tongue.” 

Johnny stared as those unfairly blue eyes crossed in concentration then rounded on Sassy with ‘Seriously?!’ silently screaming out of every pore in his face. She gave an abashed but still rather giddy schoolgirl shrug. 

“You don’t remember,” Rarity said with the concussed hollowness of a collision survivor. 

“No, no, no, give me a minute, it’s coming!” 

“You don’t remember me.” Johnny tried to find a safe way to redouble his grip without the tectonic fury building inside Rarity liquefying his bones. 

“Oh, I assure you you’d certainly remember meeting me,” Blueblood grinned. “I’m a once in a lifetime experience.”

“Sassy!” Johnny called as Rarity’s horn sparked furiously. “Fire exit! Clear route! Please?!” 

“Don’t tell me they’ve met too,” Sassy groaned. “For Celestia’s sake, what’s even the point of watching the play then?” 

“Making sure everypony sees me seeing it,” Blueblood smiled. The smile and simplicity itself tone of voice reminded Johnny of that time he’d asked Rarity’s little sister why she always seemed to have matches. ‘Can’t do it with my horn yet!’ 

“Well…yeah,” he admitted. “And the girls are here on business too, I guess. Agh! That was my hoof! Nyagh! That was my other hoof!” 

“I! Know!” Rarity’s shoes almost struck sparks from the floor as he struggled to keep his hindlegs out from under them. “Let! Go!”

“This does seem a litre of Winkle’s Old Familiar.” Blueblood put a hoof to his chin. “At first I thought I was confusing it for Auntie’s dashed firebird, but no, there is something about that ferocity… Your partner you say?” 

“Yes!” Sassy called over her shoulder, holding onto the front of Rarity’s writhing shoulders while Johnny hung helplessly off her thrashing hind legs. “My, ahaha, highly sophisticated and reserved partner! Waugh! Rarity, for the love of lace!”

“Rarity? Hmm.” Blueblood’s eyes crossed again. “Blueblood, dearest, you know I love you but why can’t you…be…more…like…Twi…light…spark…no, thought I had it there! Ah well.”

“Grand! Galloping! GALA!” Rarity snarled, Sassy yanking her head to the side just in time to avoid getting poked in the eye. 

Blueblood reared back as if a meteorite had crash landed in front of him, almost knocking over a shelf of theatrical awards. ““Sun and moon! You?!” 

“Oh, give me a running start and I’ll show you exactly who I am!”

“Hey, who wants a nice cool refreshing glass of fruit juice!?” Johnny tried, half climbing onto her back to weigh her down. “Sassy, you still carry those sleeping tablets?!”

“Keep her away from my royal personage!” Blueblood squealed. He spun in place, trying to see a clear path through the crowd before lunging for Sassy’s skirts. “Sassy! Hide me!”

“Get out of there!” Sassy brayed, forced into Rarity’s face as she was shoved forward. Johnny took advantage of the avalanche crashing down on him to get an even firmer grip around Rarity’s torso.

The weight released as Sassy sprang to her hooves, rearing up and running in a frantic circle, Blueblood’s hind legs and thrashing tail poking out of the back of her dress like a mis-matched centaur. Somehow, holding onto a homicidal Element of Generosity didn’t seem so bad by comparison.  

“Bad canape,” he grinned weakly at the few flabbergasted ponies in the crowd who were staring at him and Rarity, instead of the rampaging Saddle-Blood 

Sassy’s runaway train weaving took her towards an indoor marque for the production, celebrities and journalists of various highs and lows scattering before her rearing forelegs. Rarity gasped and Johnny winced as her torso smacked into King Orion’s wing, leaving her dangling off the floor a little, while momentum sent her jewellery swaying and Blueblood skidding out from the shadows of her skirts to slam into a kiosk. Fliers for West Side Wings and The Last Matterhorn bloomed into the air. 

“Sassy!” Rarity cried, she and Johnny galloping over as the Oxford graduate with an MBA in management and design flopped to the floor like a used towel. “Are you alright?” 

Blueblood burst out of the debris, a Celestia plushie impaled on his horn. “After a fresh victim already, eh?! By my aunt, you’re insatiable! Somepony stop her!”

“Would you mind setting fire to some drapes?” Rarity muttered to Johnny as they helped Sassy into a woozy sitting position. “It’ll distract everypony while I change my name and run away to Vanhoofer.” 

He felt like he should have a hoof on her shoulder but Sassy’s head needed supporting, so he settled for a sympathetic smile. “I could set fire to his fringe instead?” 

“A true, true friend,” Rarity smiled. 

Then blinked. 

“Oh my. Isn’t that…?”

“The Masked Healer?” Johnny and Sassy joined in, squinting. Well, Johnny was, one of Sassy’s pupils was still the size of a bit and spinning. 

“Prince Blueblood?” asked the totem headed mentor character from the classic tale of ponies putting aside their differences to find and (spoiler alert) create paradise together that had warmed the hearts of generations since the 100th Celestial year.

“Indubitably,” the prince beamed perfectly, eyebrows waggling. 

“DESTROY!”

“Pleased to meet you. Exotic name! French?” Blueblood asked with Sassy Saddles instilled politeness and possibly hereditary obliviousness. 

Snikt. Then: “WUAGH!” 


***


Johnny, survivor of hundreds of sword and spear fights, flinched in psychosomatic sympathy as a scythe like blade sprouted from the beak of the Healer’s mask. The Prince only avoided a lethal third nostril between both eyes because the tip struck his horn, bowling 200 pounds of vanity muscle head over heels.

The Healer staggered away, mask vibrating. The startled crowd backed up uncertainly as he shook his head, instinctively trying to avoid that blade. 

Crowded, Johnny thought, and that thing’s got a long reach. Even the ponies near the exits’ll be crushed if there’s a panic. 

“DESTROY!” the Healer bellowed again, charging after the still rolling Blueblood, his green and gold snakeskin like robes billowing behind him and golden theatre lights flashing off his weapon.

…was that a glint of pink? 

“DESTROY!” 

“Diplomatic immunity!” Blueblood yelped, managing to finish his roll in a gallop, lunging for the lobby’s extra long front desk to avoid another swish. “I have diplomatic immunity! And influence! Money?! No, wait, not money. Several country estates? Perhaps an autographed collection of memorabilia for 99-gems-99?!”

He’d vaunted onto the top and was scuttling backwards to avoid the constantly pecking blade, staff tumbling from their swivel chairs as sparks rose from the ruined marble top, tickets and receipts flung almost to the chandeliers. 

“DESTROY!” 

“My proje-woggy-gect!” Sassy cried, clasping distraught hooves to the sides of her face. “Rarity, do something!”

“Me?” the other Unicorn said distantly, watching Blueblood desperately levitate an elderly Earth Pony’s walking stick into the path of the Healer’s blade, his Pegasus wife and granddaughter grabbing him before he collapsed. 

“You save people, don’t you?!” 

“DESTROY!” 

“Ah, right. Right.” Rarity’s blue eyes slowly drifted to track Blueblood’s progress as, walking stick now in bite sized pieces on the floor, he began snatching up random stationary to hurl at his attacker. “People.” 

What didn’t miss the Healer’s head entirely bounced uselessly off the glamorous wooden mask. Not to be deterred, even as he reached the end of the desk and toppled off, Blueblood began grabbing random items from stunned patrons still too close to the action, lobbing jewellery, drinks, hors d'oeuvres and pocket watches. 

“DESTROY!” 

“Je ne parle pas Français!” Blueblood squealed as a top hat became two perfect pieces. “So long! Farewell! Auf Wiedersehen! Adieu!”

The chase was circling back towards them. Johnny glanced at a nearby waiter, drinks tray held perfectly still from shock. “Hey, you bussing those?”

“No?!”

“Sweet, thanks.” He handed the kid a voucher for 50 gems, since the drinks would probably still be taken out of the poor guy’s paycheck, and grabbed the tray. 

“DESTROY!” the Healer roared triumphantly as his latest stab managed to strike the floor inches from Blueblood’s hooves, forcing him to trip onto his back like a helpless turtle facing an oncoming asteroid. 

“I NEED AN ADULT!” Prince Blueblood screamed to the ceiling. 

The beak swung down! And clanged off a serving tray so hard it almost forced itself back in. 

“DESTROY?!” the Healer howled, staggering. 

“Inside voice,” Johnnycake smirked, standing over Blueblood and trying to ignore the vibrations still shooting up and down his forelegs. 

“DESTROY!” 

The Healer lunged again. Johnny swung the tray to the side as hard as he could, smacking the blade off course and shoulder charging into the attacker’s suddenly exposed side to force him back. If he could get this guy off his hooves…the problem was the length of that blade…

“Johnnycake!” Blueblood cried in delight, throwing his quivering forelegs around his saviours’ closest hind leg. “I knew you had to be good for something, you glorious mutant freak!” 

Scratch that, the problem was motivation. 

“Get off!” Johnny wobbled from the sudden weight as the Healer shook his head, slicing a lobby plant to ribbons. “I’m trying to save you here!” 

“Trying?!” Blueblood fumed. “I don’t pay you for trying Storm, I pay you for doing!” 

“You’re not paying me!”

“Not with that attitude I’m not!” 

“For Celestia’s—” Johnny realised glaring at the fop was a bad idea when a single minded lunatic, with a knife for a nose, only needed seconds to recover and come charging at them like now! “—SAKE!”

It was actually pretty clever on paper. First thing that popped into his head, from years of having to handle a superpower that was more versatile than most ponies assumed, but also just as dangerous as they instinctively suspected. Super heat the middle of the tray so that it became molten or, another way of looking at it, soft. 

Okay, maybe not the most obvious thing for blocking an attack, but think of it like jamming a knife into molasses. Even the sharpest one would get stuck, right? Even thrust with the proportionate strength of a spider. So what they wound up with was the tip of the blade poking out the glowing centre of the tray, inches from Johnny’s face, and mercifully robbed of momentum as the molten mess glooped itself closed. 

Unfortunately, what they also ended up with, as the Healer reared back, was an only slightly shorter blade which was now sort of on fire and had a hammer of almost liquid hot steel on the end. 

“DESTR--”

“Pardon me!” 

The Healer whirled then toppled to the floor as a cyan corona yanked the piece of robe he’d been standing on out from under him. 

“I hate to do this to an Esperia original, but needs must!” 

Rarity half danced around the stunned figure, horn glowing as the other ends stylishly snaked around the Healer’s body, his sleeves wrapping his forelegs around his chest like a straitjacket. For good measure she levitated the blade into the air and rammed it into the floor, sending a not entirely unpleasant coldness shooting down Johnny’s spine. 

The Healer’s head flopped free of his mask and bounced off the carpet. His eyes were blinking, unfocused and seemed to be tinged pink. “De…stroy…?”

Rarity blinked down at the homicidal actor then up at Johnny, who could only blink back. They both looked down at the quivering Blueblood, trying to hide behind Johnny’s tail. Sassy trotted over and put a hoof on his back but could only stare at the other two. 

They all looked at the crowd, which was unfortunately looking back. 


***

The polite cough was like a gentle gunshot. All eyes jumped to Princess Luna, resplendent in a silvery evening ensemble and trotting up to the group around the downed Healer. 

“Filles and Gentlecolts, please give a round of applause for the Royal Amateur Dramatic Society’s pre-show entertainment!”

The crowd broke into relieved hoof clapping and stamping. Luna’s magic levitated the elderly Earth Pony’s repaired walking stick back to him and began rearranging the kiosks, as well as strategically re-positioning furniture to hide all the blade marks in the walls. Johnny hoof gunned and winked to add to the effect and for the sheer fun of it. 

“Oh, a pre-show!” Blueblood sprang back up as if somepony had pressed a button, beaming and using Johnny’s tail to wipe his hooves. “How very abstract! Marvellous!”

“Yes, precious,” Sassy mumbled uncertainly. She looked at Luna and gave a shaky bow. “Um, your highness.”

“Ms. Saddles. We adore your Sleek Yet Serine line. It really spoke to us.” Luna’s face was completely stoic as she levitated a small key with a pass dangling from it into Sassy’s grip. The pass had her cutie mark on it. 

“Perhaps you would be so good as to join me and my—” She made a face. “—nephew in my private box while I inform Board Treader’s understudy they’ll have to step up tonight. It’s the one with the guards. And large seats one can have a nice lie down on.” 

Sassy smiled queasily but gratefully, lashed the end of her tail slightly to get Blueblood’s attention, and joined the throng streaming into the now open main doors. 

“Ms. Rarity,” Luna smiled as the Element bowed, eyes sliding ruefully to Johnny. “Ms. Rarity’s plus one.” 

“Always a pleasure, your highness.” 

They hadn’t had this Mmmm,-Yes,-You routine long, but Johnny meant it. Sure, he could  be the cheeky as a button fire imp with Princess Celestia but wouldn’t have as much fun with it. It’d be kinda like having an insult contest with your mom. 

“Yes, he’s a wag.” Rarity self-consciously readjusted her tiara as Luna examined the semi-conscious Board Treader. “Um, your highness, if you don’t mind me asking. What was…all that?”

“Not at all, Miss Rarity,” Luna smiled. “It was unexpected. And is royal business.” 

“Ah.” 

“Yes. We are sorry for any inconvenience. Please take your seats and enjoy the rest of the night.” 

Johnny squinted. “This rando freaked out and tried to perforate that big—your nephew, and you’re just blowing off the ponies who saved him and snatching the case?” 

“Yes. We are.” Luna’s magic topped off Rarity’s knots with a larger one so she could haul the actor into the air with her like a stork delivery, taking flight over the crowd. “Goodnight.” 

“Hold on a minute!” 

“Johnny.” Rarity put a hoof to his chest, forcing him to both stop stomping after Luna and Flaming On in case he burned her. “I know, but if it was your family you’d get a tad…territorial too, right?” 

“Fair,” Johnny sighed. 

A beat as the crowd streamed around them, occasionally offering them a passing compliment for the most convincing fake struggle to the death they’d ever seen. 

“Plus, it’s Blueblood, right?” Johnny smirked. 

“There is that.” Rarity tried to hold in her giggles, partly from the adrenaline comedown, and offered her foreleg. “Mr. Storm.” 

“Ms. Belle.”

He took it and led her into the comfortable dimmed lights of the stage, looking for her seats.

But even if there hadn’t been something familiar about that pink sheen in the actor’s eyes, the supine expression on his face, whatever this was had butted in on his time with Rarity. Brought a blade into the same room as one of the best friends he’d ever make. 

Royal business. Okay. But he was going to find a way to make it Storm business as soon as he got back home. 

…man, why did Sue keep not letting him into the ad department? Storm Business. That was gold.


To be Continued

> Slight Learning Sensation (1)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


1


Weeks went by. Lessons were learned, keys were unknowingly acquired and problems were solved, soooort ooof….? Sue Storm did take the Elements out for ladies night like they’d talked about, which is too involved a story to tell here, but the one thing they didn’t do was visit a certain bar in Manehattan for a certain class of clientele. 

Well, that and avoid bruising or keeping their dignity but like we said, involved. 


***

“I’m lookin’ forward to this,” Applejack smiled as they trotted towards the Golden Oaks. 

“Why wouldja not?” Rainbow Dash grinned, hovering to her eye level. “It’s Plucky’s! The watering hole for Equestria’s greatest heroes! Or it will be once we get there!”

“Hay yeah!” Applejack shared the hoofbump without even looking or breaking stride. “Rarity, quit laughin’.” 

“Stop s-saying that name th-heh-heh-en,” the Unicorn snickered. “It’s ridiculous.” 

“It’s a hero bar!” Dash protested. 

“Pretty sure that’s what she means,” Applejack clarified. 

“Well, I mean! ‘Plucky’s’! It’s so…crass sounding!”

“It’s named after Captain Adventure’s sidekick!” Dash whined, realising too late she sounded like Twilight Sparkle, which was probably what made Rarity burst out laughing. She unclenched her hooves and flapped further up front where nopony could see her blush. 

“It could be called The Sandal and Sock and I’d at least give it a looksie,” Rarity chuckled, somewhat under control now. “Any excuse to visit the big apple.” 

“For free, y’mean.” Applejack winked. 

“Oh, play nice!” Rarity nudged her, setting off a twin bout of giggling. “It’s not like you ever pass up an excuse to visit the old stomping grounds. How are your aunt and uncle, by the way? It’s been ages!” 

“Doin’ fine since Tangerine finally made up her mind an‘ moved out to South Equestria to study temples ‘n‘ junk with Clementine! I’ll tell ‘em ya asked after ‘em.”

“What, little Tangie? At university?!” Rarity boggled, one hoof flying to her mane as if to conceal greying streaks. 

“Lil’ Tangie’s a sophomore, Grandma, calm down.” 

“Hmph! I suppose that makes you the class clown.” 

“Drama queen!”

“Oik!”

“Snob!”

“Pistachio!” They flinched as Pinkie Pie bounced in between them, looking side to side excitedly. “This game is fun. What’s it called?”

“It’s an Equestrian childhood classic: Hurry it the Hay Up,” Dash called, completing three lazy laps around a fountain. 

“It’s still daylight RD, take your hoof off the peddle.” 

“’Least I got peddles!”

“The game is actually called free associating, Pinkie dear,” Rarity said wryly. “Do you remember our talk about openings and what to do?”

“Ooh, ooh, uh…” Pinkie clapped her hooves to her temples, eyes squeezed shut but still bouncing. “Don’t jump on a really easy one ‘cause that’s not lady like?”

“That’s my girl.” Rarity patted the party pony’s head, making her fringe bob like a wagging tail. 

“Do you think they’ll play games like that at this joint?” Pinkie asked the group. 

“The way Spider-Boytoy talks, probably.” Rainbow shared rueful smiles with Applejack, then they both blinked. “Joint?”

“I’m trying to sound all Manehattany,” Pinkie clarified. “Did you know an old timey word for drinks over there used to be giggle water? Isn’t that great?!”

“The world is a rich an’ fascinatin’ place,” Applejack said gently, shooting razor sharp warning glances at the other two.

“Twilight did say Peter would be picking us up, right?” Rarity asked so the sheer tedium would hopefully drown out eye contact induced laughter.

Applejack nodded. “Yeah, smart since he’s the one who knows where this place is.” She tried to hold back a grin. “Gotta admit, I still ain’t sure how to feel about his crowd, but it’s real nice of ‘em to invite us along to their lil’ exclusive club. I mean, a secret bar? That’s classic stuff! Mighty nice of Pete to take us all too, tonight’s probably gonna blow the poor guy’s rail pass.”

“Rail pass?” Dash glanced over her shoulder. “What, you think we’re taking the train?”

“Uh, yeah?” Applejack quirked a brow. “We take the train, like…everywhere.” 

It always set her own Pinkie-Sense tingling a little when Rainbow Dash acted like she was the one working under an odd assumption. It was a slight insecurity she’d developed from those early days, when Dash was new to a ground town and didn’t understand the concept of walls you couldn’t walk through or windows you weren’t supposed to treat like doors. 

Rainbow had struggled with this seemingly straight forward concept so much a small part of AJ’s brain had started to wonder what if the Pegasus was right and she’d been out of touch with reality for years? 

“When we don’t use Twilight’s balloon,” Pinkie pointed out.

“Our balloon,” Dash and Rarity said a touch defensively, because their adventurer sides liked the idea of just having one even if they knew it wasn’t really theirs. 

“Well what’re we doin’ exactly?” Applejack asked as they approached the library, waving back at Spike from the half open front door. “Hoofin’ it? Hitchin’ a chariot to RD’s back an' prayin’?”

“I’d make it look good,” Dash said, completely serious. “Hey, Spike.”

“Hey, Dash, everypony.”

“Stickin’ our legs out into the road an' hopin’ some coach ponies slow down?”

“Rarity says that’s not lady like either.” Pinkie bounced over their heads, grabbing the doorframe to swing herself in after Dash monkey bars style. “Hey, Spike!”

“Hey, Pinkie. What’s not lady like and why?”

“Never you mind, young drake,” Rarity said with a Twilight-esque maternal sharpness, made sharper by her accent. “You don’t know, Jackie? Gosh, I thought the whole group was in on it by now!” 

“In on what?” Applejack fought the urge to stomp. It would send some of the library’s books tumbling to the floor after just closing and it was what a grumpy bumpkin would do. 

“How we’re gettin’ to the big smoke in style!” Dash was perching on one of the upper windowsills with needlessly near perfect balance. 

If she hadn’t grown used to her friend’s need to elevate when excited or relaxing, AJ would’ve thought Peter was rubbing off on her. Well, Spider-Pony. The Web-Head had an even weirder need to avoid just standing around like a normal person. 

It had creeped her out a time or two, walking in on Twilight talking to him while dangling like something in a trap, or crouching like a cat halfway up in the shadows. Like he had to watch everything but wasn’t like anything else. Then again, this was before she knew for sure there was a pony under that mask, a few years back when he used to come to Twi for a consult on magical cases he was working. 

(A consultation. On an urgent case. Couple hours away from the city with the dang Sanctum Sanctorum. Uh-huh.) 

Ugh. She was really just following this uncomfortable line of thinking because nopony telling her what-was-what was messing with her excitement for the trip. She was going to be drinking cider in the same bar as Captain Adventure and Eye Shadow and the Twister Sisters and pretty much every legend she’d ever had as a filly for crying out loud! 

“Would somepony just tell me already?”

“Tell you what?” Twilight called from the living room. “Hi, everypony! Just finishing up.”

“Hello!” came Fluttershy’s voice as well. 

“♪Why does the rain fall from up ab-ugh-ugh-ve?♪” Rainbow crooned, Rarity’s eyes reflecting the mischievous glint in her own as they locked. Applejack’s eyes narrowed. That was one of her favourite songs.  

“♪Why do foo-oo-ools fall in lu-ugh-ugh-ve?♪” the two chorused in a near perfect duet before she could decide which one to go after.

“Hey, it’s hard entertaining and challenging the capricious mind of a supreme ruler,” Pinkie Pie said solemnly. “Fools need love too.” 

Applejack smirked as the momentum drained out of the other two’s faces. “Hey, Twi! Just wonderin’ about this evenin’. When’s Pete gettin’ in?” 

“Oh, he should be on his way straight home from work,” Twilight called. “Assuming one of his rouges doesn’t try something.”

“His rouges,” AJ and Rarity said flatly. 

“That’s the agreed upon term, yes.” They could hear the Don’t undertone in Twilight’s smile. 

“It’s totally not,” Spike whispered.

“Man, we should get some, whatever they’re called,” Dash muttered, tail flicking with even more impatience now that they were almost ready. 

“S-super villains?” Fluttershy asked, poking her head around the door. 

“Yeah!” 

“No,” Applejack said firmly. 

Then she got a better look at Fluttershy and felt white noise fill every radio station in her brain. 

Pinkie froze mid bounce, saved a sprained ankle by the fortunate positioning of a bean bag chair. Dash went rigid, almost falling off her perch. Rarity’s gaping face was ecstatic. 

“Um, it’s not quite finished but…we just…I-I finished with Zecora and that nice chimerachilla early, so we thought…um, you know…” 

“That we’d try something…” It turned out Fluttershy couldn’t back up because Twilight had been behind her, now throwing the living room door wide with her telekinesis so she could toss her new mane. “Different.” 

The effect was a little off because her new Fluttershy length fringe hit her on the nose but she rolled with it, smiling with her eyes shut and waiting for a reaction. Fluttershy’s eyes were wide with the realisation that her Twilight style bangs were too short to hide behind. 

Twilight opened one eye to see why everypony was being deathly silent. 

“So! What do we think?” 

“I’m scared,” Dash said distantly. 

“Did it hurt?” Pinkie asked, cocking her head to the side to try and follow Twi-shy’s slow scuttle behind Fl-ilight. 

“Pinkie, manners!” Applejack snapped then locked eyes with Twilight. “But no, seriously, did it hurt?” 

“Ignore these fillyilistines, darlings!” Twilight and Fluttershy let out the same startled squeak as Rarity materialised between them, forelegs thrown around both of them and her smile almost blinding. “I love it so much I could just pour you both into a bowl and eat it all up!”

“Don’t defy the natural order, got it,” Twilight sighed, restoring their normal hairstyles in a violet flash. “Stop looking at me like that, Spike.”

“Hey, I toldja not to.”

“Yeah, which is why I did it.” 

“And I’m delighted you’re feeling experimental!” Rarity beamed, Twilight’s smile wavering as she realised the fashionista was looking at Dash. “I’m sure Peter would just adore it for his birthday!”

Dash crashed down into the beanbags, catapulting Pinkie Pie into the air as she hugged her sides from unrelenting laughter, too busy howling at an expert shot to process her inner ‘Ew, Cuties!’ reaction. 

“Speakin’ of!” Applejack said, pointedly raising her voice and kicking at the almost popped bean bags to get the Pegasus to shut up. “These two’ve been hintin’ at the travel arrangements for less than five minutes and I’m already as sick of it the idea of a tufahija made outta peaches. If ain’t the train what is it?”

“Oh, my portal!” Twilight said, putting a hoof to her forehead. “Ugh, I’ve gotten so used to it I keep forgetting to let everypony know. Sorry.” 

“Why?” Applejack asked, already weary from her ‘butterhooves!’ cheeriness. “What portal?”

“The one I conjured out of the love Peter and I have for each other so there’ll always be a link across time and space to our homes the way there is in each other’s hearts.” Twilight beamed. “You know, this one.” 

Horn flash. The bright sky outside flickering like Celestia had sneezed or it had just been turned off. A silently screaming purple whirlpool made of light spiralling in the gap between them like a sawblade underwater. 

“Oooh!” Pinkie leaned over to dip her head in.

Applejack grabbed her tail. “Nope.” 

“What?! I’m just looking!” Pinkie whined, then sniffed at one of the spiral galaxy like tendrils circling the pulsating maw of the portal. Her eyes narrowed. “Smells like…wuvy dovey.”

Fluttershy gulped, peeking from behind Twilight’s tail. “It’s very…bright.” 

“Love is in bloom!” Twilight grinned. 

“A bloomin’ great hole in the universe, apparently!” Applejack snapped. “Are those stars at the edges?!”

“No!” Twilight said defensively, then contemplated the tip of her horn. “Well, not as we’d define the term. It’s kind of what you see when you teleport, although of course you’re a cloud of atoms condensed into a wavelength not visible to the naked eye until re-assimilation but one school of thought suggests that if, as another does, a mage in fact travels through another universe during the act of teleportation then these lattices you sort of have an impression of may indeed be constellations from--"

“You are not scared!” Rainbow Dash sneered. 

“Dash, old gal, ya’ll should know by now that I’m pony enough to admit to my fears.” Applejack took a solemn hoof off her heart to point at the dancing radiance. “An’ I’m afraid the trip’s off, ‘cause that right there scares the ever lovin’ road apples right outta me!”

“It’s perfectly safe,” Dash snapped, hovering to her eye level, flapping wings throwing shadows and portal light around the library like a disco simulation of a heart attack. “Rarity and I’ve used it.” 

“An’ that’s your big endorsement, huh?” 

“Twilight and Pete hop in and out of it all the time, AJ,” Spike assured. “They’re kinda like the batteries or something. The point is it works! If it can take pizza and shirts it’ll take all of us.”

“Do I really have to explain why that didn’t make anythin’ sound better, Spike?”

“Well, those are inorganic matter,” Twilight said, “but Spike’s right, she’ll handle a bulk teleportation. Uh, although I miiiight ask everypony to try the buddy system. We’ve only done groups of three so far, and Peter was with me both times, so six at once might be pushing it. Might, ah, switch more than just our mane styles, if you get my meaning.” 

“Unfortunately!” Applejack tried to make a break for the door but there was a rainbow blur in the way. 

“C’mon, it’s Plucky’s! You’re not gonna miss out on a piece of Element history just ‘cause of one more lightshow!”

“You a bettin’ pony?”

“Don’t make me do a chicken impression just to goad you AJ, there’s certain implications for my people in there.” 

“Dash, it’s singin’ at us.”

“Actually, no it’s not!” Twilight was hovering in front of her now, forcing Fluttershy to use one of the horsehead busts for cover. “Technically a portal is an energised void and sound can’t travel in a vacuum, or at least not our vacuum. So yeah, there’s a sound, it’s just in our minds, maybe also our bones.” 

“Aha!” Applejack’s accusatory hoof almost forced her horn down her nose. “What’d we say about spells involin’ the B-word?!” 

“Ugh, we’re burnin’ so much daylight,” Dash groaned, rolling up non-existent sleeves. “That’s it! Twilight, you hold her down, I’m gonna go for her rope.” 

“What if we draw straws?” Pinkie was frantically rummaging in her mane. “I know I’ve got an emergency sundae kit in here somewhere. Aw nuts, no scissors!” 

“That’s why the Great Pony gave us horns, dear.” Rarity held hers at Applejack’s nose level, helping Dash hem her in as the workhorse cantered in place, looking for a way out. “Really Applejack, you’re being ridiculous! Would it help if we let you leave your hat behind?”

“Have we met?” Applejack gripped the brim defensively. “Why that specifically?”

“One does hear things about gateways. A slip of the horn and you’re plunging into a universe with the wrong dimensions or a, let’s say, disagreeable atmosphere, or arriving with a different head than the one you left with…”

Dash rolled her eyes. “Helpful!”  

“Oh, come now, this is a thing of love! Whoever lost their head to love?” 

Peter Trotter’s face sprouted out of the floor like a mountain in the path of a low flying aircraft. “Hello?” 

Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash shrieked, clinging to each other as Twilight blinked, looking down between her legs as she still flapped over her creation. “Oh, hello dear!” 

“Hi, honey.” Peter’s smile was amiable enough, even as he side-eyed the still hugging trio. “Thought that might be you girls! Everypony ready to go?”

Spike slapped his hands together and rubbed them. “We are if you are!”

“Uh, excuse me?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. 

Spike scowled back.  “Wait, did you think I wasn’t coming?” 

“Of course! Why would I take you to a tavern?”

“Junior year,” Spike said with the calm, cautionary tone of missile silo doors sliding open. 

“That was different,” Twilight hissed, voice rising as her pupils shrank. 

“Wait, what?” Dash blinked. Twilight has a…past? A capital P, Rarity-tier supercilious emphasis past? Moon is…cheese? Error: Up/Down not found. 

“C’mon, Twilight,” Peter cajoled. “The boy’s got to have a taste of the real world sometime.” 

Twilight’s flaring nostrils were suddenly aimed at him, portal light dancing like tiny planetary eruptions in her narrowing eyes. “And when is that time going to be, pray?”

“Whenever you say, dear,” squeaked the unyielding hero who had managed to beat a herald of Galactaurus.

“I’ve followed you guys into way worse places than some dive!” Spike actually stamped a foot. 

“Hey!” Dash and Peter protested. 

“Guuugh!” Twilight dragged her hooves down her face. “Spike, listen. Yes, we should have talked it over, I’m sorry, but none of those places were exactly fit for a growing dragon either.”

Spike grumpily folded his arms. “Is this a Dragon Lands thing?” 

“No, this is an You’re-11-Years-Old-,Spike thing.” 

“And as precious as a solid gold button on a Canterlot clutch,” Rarity cooed, brushing Spike’s fins and almost melting him into a puddle. “I’m sure our little gentleman won’t get up to anything untoward, Twilight! I’ll even keep an eye on him for you.” 

“Very generous of you Rarity, but you won’t need to because our little gentleman isn’t going.”

“He can take my spot,” Applejack said, trying to scrutinise the portal and lean as far away from it as possible at the same time. “On the other hoof, maybe I’m being irresponsible! How do we know this opens where ya want it to? Hay, how’re we even sure that’s Peter? Ya think Shuma-Gorath’d flinch at copyin’ that mole the way he looks?”

“Thanks a bunch, freckles,” Peter muttered. It felt a little odd to everypony but Twilight to hear that much Spider-Pony in his voice without the slight muffling of the mask. 

“I could stay behind and watch Spike,” Fluttershy said, trying to keep the hope out of her voice. 

“Aww, not you too!” Dash groaned. “You’ll be surrounded by super ponies!”

“And most of the rogues are banged up in the Stockade right now!” Peter’s head swivelled to beam reassuringly at Fluttershy, then scrunched with intellectual honesty. “Not that it’ll last, but…” 

“So what if they aren’t?” Dash flexed. “The Elements of Harmony’ll be waiting for ‘em!” 

“Half the Elements of Harmony and maybe a dragon,” Applejack snapped. “My great responsibility is being honest, an’ if you think anythin’ in the last couple minutes convinced me into takin’ this cockamamie plunge, then I’m honest to sun gonna take those wings and—!”

“AJ if this is how you feel nopony’s going to force you,” Twilight smiled sadly. “But it would mean a lot to all of us if you did. All of us who are going.” 

Spike stuck his tongue out at her. She returned fire. 

“Um, I might.” 

Fluttershy scuffed the floor but managed to maintain eye contact with Applejack. 

“I mean, yes, Twilight’s, um, hole is a bit…unconventional, but, well, this isn’t really any different from any other time we’ve gone out, r-right?”

“Still not a ringin’ endorsement,” Applejack huffed, but she could feel the tension fluctuating in those big ‘ol cyan eyes. 

“It’s just…you girls are some of the bravest ponies I know, and Peter’s been a wonderful friend all this time, and it sounds like we’ll run into his friends in less, uh…conventional situations, so we might as well?” Fluttershy tried a smile. “Also, heh heh, I’ve got to admit, it sounds like a bit of a thrill, talking to those Befrienders over drinks!”

“Ah…” Peter said, like he’d rehearsed for weeks in the mirror and then wound up subpoenaing the wrong person. “Right, you guys wouldn’t have… Spark would’ve kept the press out as long as…see, the thing is, the Befrienders, the team’s sort of... There was this thing with Iron Mage…um…”

“Wait, are you saying there’s a spot open?” Dash’s eyes glistened hungrily. “Like a spot spot or that reserve roster they stashed you on?”

“No,” Peter deadpanned. “Which means I’ve still got a Befrienders card and you don’t.”

“Yet!” Dash grinned with arsenic sweetness. 

“You’re finally a Wonderbolt,” Applejack pointed out flatly. 

“Girl’s gotta have a hobby.” Dash shrugged. “Might as well be one that comes with a secret headquarters.”

“Is it really a secret if they have a big ‘ol B on it?” Pinkie asked, stroking her chin then gasping. “Oh man, what if it’s a double bluff? Hmmm, but it’s probably expensive to install that thing so you may as well use it. A triple bluff? How far down does this thing go?!” 

“Come back to the light, Pinkie dear,” Rarity said patiently, waving a hoof in front of her eyes. “Girls, boys, it’s getting late. We want good seats, Mr. Trotter!” 

“There may be more than normal,” Peter sighed, looking as despondent as if he’d been genuinely decapitated and just after he finally paid off his student loans. 

“Was anypony hurt?” Applejack asked, concern overriding her fear and making her take a step towards the portal. 

“Nothing the Night Nurse couldn’t patch up, but spiritually…” Peter hesitated. “Man, even if I knew what fully happened I dunno that it’d be my place to--GYAGH!” 

Applejack’s startled head almost took Twilight chin off and crushed Pinkie and Rarity as she shot back, Peter’s head shooting in and out of the glowing floor like a buoy in a temperamental ship’s wake.

“What was that for?!” Peter snapped, glaring down into the purple light. 

“Just checking it was still you, man,” came an affable hairspray commercial voice from out of the swirling love. Johnnycake Storm’s head slid seamlessly into place next to his roommate’s. “Oh, hey ladies! Dragon!” His eyes popped slightly with sudden awareness of how vulnerable his position was. “Rainbow Dash.” 

“Slime,” Dash said coolly. 

“I thought we were past that,” Johnny muttered, trying to keep his ears from folding. 

“Past what?” Dash glared, daring him to put it into words. A beat. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

“Hello, Johnny,” Rarity said kindly. 

“Hey, girl,” Johnny smiled back. 

Spike suddenly had a very Rainbow Dash expression. 

“We’re just deciding who’s stepping out tonight,” Twilight said, smiling feebly. “Ah, sorry about the glowing hole in your ceiling.” 

“Ceiling?” Peter exchanged confused blinks with Johnny. “It’s in our floor, sweetheart.”

“You’re proooobably going to want to back out of it slowly, then.” 

“Don’t wait up,” Applejack said. 

“Wait, you’re not coming?” Peter looked between her and Twilight. 

“You’ll be okay, Apple…one!” Johnny assured in his best insurance salespony voice. “Technically me and the web-slinger here have more to worry about with this thing than you do, the amount of extra-equestrian energy that’s in our systems. You guys are Harmony personified or whatever, that’s basically magic! Should be like dipping a hoof into a warm bath, except Spider-Pony’s in it.”

“Yeah? So’s your hair.” 

“Buster, you could not get me to set hoof in that thing if there was a bazillion gems and the cure for athlete’s hoof on the other side.” 

“I do have a very large cream collection…” Johnny mused. 

“Indeed, he does.” Rarity fluttered her eyelashes. 

“Everypony stop!” All eyes turned to the sudden blanching Pinkie Pie. “You! Horseshoe Torch!” 

“The Horseshoe Torch, yeah,” Johnny grinned. “Hello again!” 

“That’s right!” Pinkie gasped, shooting nose to nose with him so fast those blue eyes watered. “You’ve been here a couple of times! It’s worse than I thought!” 

“Tell me about it,” Dash muttered. 

“I haven’t thrown you a single welcoming party!” Pinkie looked so disappointed in herself you'd think she and Peter were long lost cousins or something. “And you’re only kinda sorta here now! Oh gosh, I must be slipping! When’s your birthday, I’ll totally make it up to you! I’d throw them back to back, but my budget couldn’t take it.” 

“She has a budget,” Rarity said with depressed resignation. 

Johnny hefted himself through/into/out of the portal slightly, forcing Peter to strain his neck away as the Torch put a reassuring hoof on Pinkie’s shoulders. ““Tell you what: how about you come to Plucky’s tonight and we’ll count that as my welcome party for you. Fair?”

“Aww!” Pinkie simpered. Peter rolled his eyes but was smiling. 

“Nice,” Rainbow Dash said. “More than you ever gave me. Then again, I helped you take down MODOK twice and I didn’t rate an invite to your fancy barn, let alone Plucky’s.” 

“You were afraid of running into Exquestrians!” Johnny protested. 

“What?!” Twilight and Applejack squawked. 

“Did you just call me a bigot?!” Rainbow’s eyes flashed violently. “Do you know what they used to say about me in high school just because I scored so many touchdowns? Do you know what those dirtbag isolationists used to ask my mom?!” 

“Wait, no, no, sorry!” Johnny waved his hooves desperately. “I’m getting you mixed up with somepony else! So sorry! Totally my bad!”

“No kidding!” 

“I just…Dash, you were so…unique! I didn’t know if it’d be your scene.” 

“I’m just gonna…” Peter said hurriedly, trying to figure out which way was down so he could escape what was about to become a ground zero. 

“You thought the place where Grim Skies grabs a cider wouldn’t be my scene?” Sparks were practically flying from between Dash's clenching teeth. 

“I was barely legal myself! Listen, I’m so sorry about the Exquestrian thing…”

“We helped that little filly together!” 

“I know,” Johnny sighed. “I just got it mixed up with somepony else.”

“Who?” Dash said dangerously. Spike and the rest of the Elements waved their hooves and heads desperately. 

“It was the hair, is the thing,” Johnny said way too casually. “She changed it! Thaaat’s why I’m mixing you up! Yeah, this was after we broke up and you wanted nothing to do with me. I only even took her because we had that pedestrian airspace test the same day. What was her name, you hated her guts…”

“Vapour Trail?” One of Rainbow Dash’s eyes was twitching almost in time with Peter’s spider-sense. Her wings were making turbine noises. 

“That was it!”  

“Dash, wait—!” Peter began and took a furious wing to the face as a roaring rainbow streak cannoned into the squawking Torch. 

“Agh! Peter!” Twilight yelped, then yelped again as a scaly ball, legs tucking in and pinching it’s nose, leapt over her. “Agh! Spike?! Spike D. Sparkle, you come back here this instant!”

“And big sister makes three,” Rarity smirked as Twilight’s own contrail dived into the swirling radiance. “Shall we?” 

“I might need a little incentive…” Fluttershy mumbled. 

“Gotcha covered, hold this!” Pinkie chirruped. 

“A streamer?” Fluttershy blinked, then smiled and took a gentle grip. “No problem Pinkie P--”

She didn’t even have time to squeak as Pinkie “BANNA PIE BANSI!”ed into the portal, dragging her behind. 

“Don’t even think about it,” Applejack warned. 

“Now Jackie, darling…”

“And don’t try that, either! I know ya only bust that name out when ya want somethin’!” 

“I simply want what’s best for you,” Rarity assured, hoof on heart. “And while I think a night out with a colourful crowd is right up your orchard, I’ve also known you long enough to know that sometimes you need a short, sharp shock.”

“Ya wanna know what an Apple does for a short, sharp shock?” AJ growled, pawing the floor. 

“Oh, I’m fully aware darling, which is why I’ve also learned to respect your boundaries and…” Rarity peered around her Stetson, eyes popping. “Great suns, Spikey-wikey! What have they done to you?!” 

Applejack spun towards the glow, heart in her throat. Nothing but the still glowing portal. Then a short, sharp shock just above her tail. 

Howling, she half sprang, half tumbled into the light. Rarity smirked, blew out her horn and gracefully pirouetted in after her. 

The library floor continued to seethe with extra dimensional energy under the impassive gaze of Owlicious for a few minutes until Twilight Sparkle’s muttering head rose out of it, firing a magical tether from her horn to one of the edges and sank back in, pulling the whole thing shut like a child sullenly pulling a blanket over themselves.


2


“And that, my little ponies, is how you reshape the very elements themselves,” Princess Celestia said, smiling at the row of awed classroom faces. The pile of swirling confetti and streamers on her desk had been a bundle of sticks and some lint seconds ago. She winked. “And have fun doing it too.” 

Her telekinesis took control of the swirls, forming them into the abstract shape of a dancing pony. The kids ate it up. 

“But can anypony tell me the real trick? Anypony at all?”

A few raised hooves. 

“Turning lead into gold!” 

“Bringing them alive!” 

“Making a party dance army!”

“Difficult, inadvisable and very outré!” Celestia chuckled. “Calm down Snapbang, I see you.”

“Ma’am, ma’am!” The filly was still waving a foreleg, pointing to the next desk with the other. “Softie knows, Softie knows, it’s just everypony is talking, ma’am!” 

“Thank you, Snapbang,” the princess said firmly but kindly as all heads swivelled to the blushing and huddling filly with glasses. “What do you think it is, Soft Touch?”

“Um.” 

It did occasionally cross her mind what it would have been like if she’d been in a position to teach the other future Elements, or if they’d been in a position to be taught at a magic school, she supposed, given how Twilight had always risen above this kind of introversion by sheer academic enthusiasm. She had a feeling Rarity Belle and Rainbow Dash in the same room would be a bad idea, and that she wouldn’t have been able to resist the temptation. 

It would be unfair to say Soft Touch was a Fluttershy, categorising both of them like mere archetypes, but there were the makings of that same kindness, confidence and appreciation in there, which Celestia hoped to see in all practitioners. Even at her most anti-social, Twilight had always had that too. Fortunately Celestia had taught a vast array of children over the last century or two and had ways of helping them help themselves. 

“Would you perhaps like to tell just me?” she asked, already trotting up to Soft Touch’s desk, which was a tad unfair but usually worked. 

Soft Touch gulped but smiled and nodded. Celestia had read somewhere that when you’ve decided to speak up it’s nice to know you can do it in a whisper. Something like that. The point was to give the child a confidante. She mimed pricking up one ear and leaning that long neck down to the child’s level. It never hurt to elicit a few giggles from the class either. It might be their secret but everypony would be in on the joke. 

“Well, dear?”

“Change them back?” 

“Excellent!” Celestia winked and nodded. “Did anypony hear that? Apart from you of course, Snapbang. Nooo? Good! Let’s see if you can solve the mystery next week!” 

Groans and mutters went up. 

“Uh-bup-bup! No grumbling. You’ll find several clues in chapter 15, which... Now, now! Which is only four pages long, so it shouldn’t take too long to fill out this week’s essay question: five ways you would use transfiguration to help somepony. Yes, I thought that would be fun. No, the answer stays between Soft Touch and myself…yes, and you, Snapbang, it stays between us for the moment. Three, two, one…”

Centuries of teaching and she was still always off by a few seconds. The bell finally rang. 

“There we go. Soft Touch, well done for your insight, Snapbang, well done on your choice of neighbour. Off to the park with all of you until your parents come. I look forward to your answers—Here now! Single file please, this is a school, not a racecourse! Yes, goodbye everypony!” 

She sighed with contentment and relief, sinking into her chair which went unused most lessons. She really just kept it around for the slump. 

Change them back. Fantastic! Twilight’s letters had been full of excitement at the progress of her own dispersal magic, and a tad more exciting now that they were actual letters, not friendship reports. It meant she sincerely wanted Celestia to know something. 

She wondered what both students would bring to the art and made a note to leave it a bit, say five years, before asking Twilight to share her findings. Give the girl time to build up a repertoire and some confidence in it. And the children had loved the odd visit from the Element of Magic, so the Princess of Friendship (not that Twilight knew that was where she was going, and it was presumptuous to assume at destiny but come on) should be a real treat! 

…was that expression still in use? The world seemed to move faster every year. 


***


She sipped her coffee, popped her neck, teleported to the teacher’s lounge and said her goodbyes before taking the leisurely flight home, wondering what everypony was doing. The Elements never seemed to take a lazy day, but there’d be a report if it was worth one and she knew what most of her operatives were up to. 

Hmm. On that note, Luna was still handling the Blueblood attack. It had been weeks since the incident at the Palladium, but that word. ‘Handling’. She’d let her big sister know if anything else was happening, right? Perhaps she should talk to Blueblood. Goodness, it’d been a while, hadn’t it? 

His current, ahem, friend, that wonderfully sassy mare, was good for him but part of Celestia was still a little disappointed Rarity hadn’t toughed it out and made another go at him, even during her brief stay in the capital. Not disappointed in the filly herself, of course, the boy had used her as a shield, but they could have learnt so much together. Ah well. 

She circled the Platinum memorial gardens a few times. She enjoyed this when she could, the period between the end of a school day and the hours before she had to prepare for sunset. Her responsibilities would still be waiting for her but there was a span between them that allowed her mind to wander. 

“Change them back,” she muttered to herself. “Fantastic!” 

She noticed a Pegasus mother and filly staring at her from a nearby cloud and gave them a wave. The filly waved back, the mother smiling in slight relief. 

Not that they’d actually been intruding on anything exactly, but it was Princess Celestia. Maybe they were from out of town, Canterlot citizens were nicely inured unless she landed directly in front of them. And had been tempted to in her younger days, which was part of why she was visiting the gardens. 

Celestia wasn’t sure a world where Twilight never achieved the balance Cadence had would have been that different from this one, though it was still early days. Not even a year since her coronation. But she’d had a sister in all but blood to grow up with, to take the world’s expectations off slightly, as Cadence had had her aunt. And her aunt hadn’t always been a princess. 

Once, Alicorns were just Alicorns. Once, there were just two sisters. Once, there had been an impetus but growing young (well, immortal and biologically 27) mage. And the most amazing, patient pony she’d ever met. 

Who, among other things, had gotten her out of the habit of startling her subjects for fun.  

She drifted slowly through an archway protecting one monument, sheltering it from the elements and providing some privacy. Nothing too elaborate, her visitee wouldn’t have liked that. A few Corinthian designs and some alstroemeria. The statue of Queen Palladium smiled at her as she landed. 

“Hello, my love,” Celestia said softly. 


***

She sat a while. Talked. Remembered. 

She’d taken a few students up here in their childhood, Sunset and Twilight even, but that wasn’t this. This was hers. Theirs. 

Although she’d have been lying if she said she wasn’t showing the children off in hopes of Palladium’s approval. At least it wasn’t for mother’s. Imagine her delight, little Celeie following in her hoofsteps! 

“I can hear the row we’d have even now,” she chuckled, ten minutes into an anecdote about Sunset’s first fire spell and lecture on fire safety. “Um, advanced psychedigitation is a smidge more complicated than Equestrian lit, Mother! Oooh dear…”

Palladium smiled. 

“Twilight would’ve liked her, I think. Once she got past the awe of meeting Celestia’s mom!” She rolled her eyes at herself. “And I know I always say this but I think she’d have liked you too. You were always an excellent judge of character. Luna and I can still spark off each other but I’ll always be so grateful she introduced us. She’s ‘handling’ this Blueblood business. Oh, that’s, hmm, let’s see, yooour…sixth grandson on Silverware’s side. Silverware the 9th, naturally. There’s been rumours of attacks, but Luna was there first. I should have a word with her about that, though.” 

She looked up into eyes that were all she had to make do with outside of a few portraits and sighed, lowering her head. 

“And I should speak to him more. He’s a grown stallion, appearances to the contrary, but he’s family. Your family. There’s a lot of it in him. Sometimes I wonder if everything else is his parents or, well, me. Stars above, you remember what I was like!”

She shook her head laughing, shimmering mane filling the small chamber with rainbow patinas. 

“You know, I still remember Silverware the 1st and Margarite’s wedding? It was the first one I’d had to do without you.” 

She was quiet for a while. The sound of Canterlot bustle lapped at the edges of the garden slightly as she adjusted to the sudden weight. 

“I’ve had to do so much without you,” Celestia whispered finally.

She rubbed at her eyes, smiling again. 

“Listen to me, you’d think I was Peter Trotter! That’s Twilight Sparkle’s young stallion, I may have mentioned them. He’s one of those Manehattenites with the odd dress sense and odder approach to civic duty, but I think you’d like him too. All the children, really. Children! What am I saying? They’ve all grown to make this country something beyond my wildest dreams. And I had visions of Las Pegasus back when we thought Stallifornia was a questionable real estate investment by the Andalusians, so as you know I had some fairly wild dreams!”

She chuckled, stood and stretched. “Still some time before sunset. Miles to go and all that. But I’ll check in with Luna, even though I’m hoping she’s been quiet because these attacks on Blueblood have sto--"

“DÉTRUIRE!” 

Celestia spun, staring into the daylight and greenery in the mouth of the monument as a rattle of out of control cartwheels, breaking scenery and screaming ponies blasted up from the ledge of the roof garden. She flexed her wings, preparing for take-off.

“What was that line Sharpe Script stole off you, dear?” Celestia smiled wryly. “Once more unto the breach!”  

Palladium smiled as her princess blasted into the air. 


***

Celestia swooped over the trail of carnage on the street below, shattered stalls and railings, panicking pedestrians and an obligatory smashed and spraying fire hydrant. Carnage on Canyon Street, she thought, then chided herself because this was no time to be thinking of one of her favourite B-movies and powered on after the streaks of dust her Pegasus eyesight could make out in the distance. 

And a certain royal blue contrail. 

“Luna.” She put a pinch of Canterlot Voice into it, partly from the remaining distance and rushing wind, partly from stirring temper. 

Luna glanced over her shoulder, her “Not now!” almost lost over the rush and clamouring below. Celestia could hear a grating buzzing and howling of engines as she began to draw alongside the younger Alicorn, and her nasty suspicion about those tracks was confirmed as they both drew nearer their quarry. 

“DÉTRUIRE!”

One of those confounded motorised carriages…auto-wheels? Auto-ships? Auto-bots? Ugh, one of those was swerving through the rapidly clearing streets and gouging filthy great scars into the odd garden. Some magenta lunatic in an orange cowl and hoof guards was riding on the hood, kicking at the windscreen.  

“DÉTRUIRE!”

The glass seemed to be holding up. The whole contraption was where much of the city wouldn’t, that was the problem, but it was dented and filthy in places, several spears driven into the rear and roof. Those belonged to one of the two pursuers on those…motivated bikes? The kind Evening Rose was so fond of these days! 

The minimised combustion engine and the crystal batteries that were gradually replacing it had a lot to answer for. 

A blue lunatic with a crimson mohawk was already preparing another spear from the quiver on his back. His companion, with a black and kaki streaked mane and olive-green coat, favoured crossed bandoleers loaded with a preposterous number of knives. The fool even had one between his teeth, risking more than just shaving off his unkempt beard if his bike hit a hard enough bump.

“DÉTRUIRE!”

“DESTROY!” 

“D’NYGH’OY!”

Celestia’s eyes narrowed then widened when she saw the licence plate. 2BLU4SK00L

“This is handling things is it?” she called. 

“There’s only three of them!” Luna called back, scowling. “Do these things have to be so loud?!”

“What?!”

“Never! Mind!” Luna pointed to herself then Blueblood’s ride, then at Celestia and waved at the two riders just below them. 

Celestia nodded and proceeded to teleport herself at the same instant she powered forward. Luna’s curse was lost over the gnawing of the bike motors. 


***


“DÉTRUIRE!” 

The goat balanced on the hood delivered a savage kick to the roof of the vehicle, as if trying to hammer a way in. The machine swerved violently as the desperate chauffer ducked to avoid the buckling metal, roaring into the path of a tour group just exiting the locomotive museum. 

Screams became more confused as the limo dissolved in golden sparks, re-materialising behind them in time for the fender to dent itself decapitating a bronze statue of a city founder. Then more urgent as the two riders snaked around them and the Princess of the Night swooped inches above their heads. 

“Ah, apologies!” Luna called back as her ethereal tail inadvertently knocked off somepony’s fishing hat. 

The limo finally hit the cobblestones, the jolt hurling the masked goat into the air, but he turned it into a spin that brought him back onto the hood with astonishing agility. 

“DÉTRUIRE!” he bellowed at the terrified chauffeur through the tinted glass, eyes flashing pink, moustache billowing in the wind. 

He glanced up as four horseshoes landed firmly on the roof. 

“Mais non,” Princess Celestia said. 

She’d been expecting another ‘DÉTRUIRE!‘. Not a mawashi geri kick that almost knocked her crown off. 


***

Luna winced and put more Pegasus magic into her wings to stay with the bizarre convoy as the limo swerved onto a park road to avoid winding up in the wrong traffic lane. 

Picnickers and yoga classes stared as some kind of silver tank roared past with the supreme ruler trying to keep her balance on top while using her wings to fend off a barrage of goat legs. They wondered what movie this was for as two armed lunatics with bad haircuts raced seconds behind, towing a quite realistic looking Nightmare Moon puppet. They couldn’t even see the strings! 

“D’NYGH’OY!” The unimaginatively named hit-pony pulled his machete out of his mouth, tipping his bike to the side as he made for the limo’s closest tire. “DESTROY!” 

An azure glow surrounded the blade and Machete blinked as he found himself suddenly holding a banana. The skin unpeeled itself and darted under his front tire, sending the whole machine sliding in the opposite direction with enough force to hurl the mercenary into a tree, stunned as he slammed against the sturdy trunk and dangling from the branches by his bandoleers. 

Shame about his mount, Luna thought idly, watching it skid to a crumpled heap inches from crashing into a fountain. A Discord move that, but it had been all she could come up with and in her defence, she was still in the middle of being attacked.

“DESTROY!” Zaran the Weapons Master screamed in annoyance, half turned in his seat to jab at her with a spear. 

“Yes, I get it, thank you!” Luna snarled back, twisting to avoid taking a shot through the ribs. “Agh! Eyes on the road for heaven’s sake! Eyes on the road!” 


***

Celestia was having similar thoughts and about as much luck. Even an ascended Pegasus had to struggle to keep her footing on this constantly bucking death trap, and the magenta blur she was just managing to block was either insanely agile or just too insane to care if he fell under the wheels. 

The park was still crowded and if the ride didn’t mow somepony down here it was only a matter of time before it made it out onto the even more crowded street. 

“DÉTRUIRE!” The attacker, who she now recognised as infamous mercenary Batroc the Leaper, hurled himself at her again. 

Celestia hit the deck, feeling how close he’d come to her horn, turning to stare in horror as Batroc flung himself to certain doom…and boggling as the goat grabbed one of the spears embedded behind them, twisting himself around and landing right back on the hood. A hastily formed golden shield just managed to block his next near instantaneous kick.

“DÉTRUIRE!” He flipped onto the roof with her, forcing her back with both cloven hooves.

“Votre réputation décrit un goat d'honneur, monsieur Batroc!” Celestia pleaded, staring at him over her smarting wing. “Arrête cette folie!”

His eyes flickered pink behind the mask. “H…honneur…?”

Celestia, who’d lived through several evolutions of honour in various contexts over decades, rabbit punched him in the face so hard his body spun all the way around and clasped his neck in a wing nerve strike she’d learned from the first Wonderbolts. Batroc the Leaper folded over her shoulder like a childhood toy. 

“Please stop this confounded thing,” Celestia screamed into the fractured left side window. The park exit onto Hillside Street was looming before them like a dragon’s jaws. 

“Ma’am,” the chauffeur squeaked and nearly stomped the peddle through the floor. 

Celestia’s wings flared, almost tossing the unconscious Batroc as the momentum shuddered out of the abused machine, fighting inertia like a wounded buffalo. She just managed to grip one of the spears to keep them both from being thrown backwards as the limo performed a Twilight on ice skates graceful spin, twisting to a stunned stop inches from mounting the curb. 

The unexpected stillness sent Celestia flopping onto her back in the most un-princess like fashion. She groaned, hearing the voices of terrified pedestrians drilling their way in through the ringing in her skull. And something else…

“DESTROY!” Zaran screamed over the roar of his motor. The spear he was hefting morphed into a rope, lashing itself around him. 

Celestia flinched, instinctively shielding Batroc as the out of control bike bellowed towards them and suddenly Luna was there, forelegs wrapped around the engine and teeth gritted as sparks flew from her horseshoes. The wheels glowed with her magic, grinding to a foul-smelling halt.

“And that’s…that!” Luna grunted as the weapons master toppled into the street. Her magic flashed again, dropping Machete on top of him. 

She sighed in relief, mopping her brow as she turned to admire the machine, slumped against a lamppost. “Not bad, that!” 

Batroc was dropped unceremoniously on top of his men. Hardly his Brigade’s finest hour but par for their personal course. Luna looked up at her older sister with a hoof in the cookie jar expression. 

“Luna,” Princess Celestia said pleasantly, nodding at the heap. “What am I standing in?” 

“A long story,” Luna sighed. “And before you start I would have told you if I knew it was going to happen, but…well.” She gestured at the clamour behind them then down at the circus coloured pile up at their hooves. “Who could have seen this coming?”

“Fair enough,” Celestia sighed. Then gasped. “Blueblood!” 

Forgetting herself, she used her telekinesis to wrench the entire door out of the frame, terrified of what she might find. Which was her nephew curled up on the luxurious backseat like a satisfied housecat, the tip of one of Zaran’s spears a whisker from his head, fast asleep. 

“Oh, thank sun and moon…” Celestia breathed out gratefully, slumping drunkenly against the side. “Luna, what the flying feather has been going on?”

“I wish I knew,” Luna sighed, then squinted. “Here! He’s not… Is he…?!”

Blueblood snorted and rose, champing as his eyes forced themselves open, and yawned. 

“Ah, here we are. Oh, hello there, auntie! And auntie Lulu too! Door knockingly good of you to splash by, but no fillies allowed I’m afraid. Unless it’s one of the lad’s birthdays of course, but oh-ho-ho, I’ve said too much! See you next Memorial Day!” 

Humming, the prince stepped out of the remains of his automobile and trotted up the steps of the fifth club he’d been to today. His aunts watched him, Celestia with relief, Luna with incredulity. 

“That’s Margarite’s grandson.” 

“You should meet his parents.” Celestia turned to help open the driver’s side door. “Are you alright, Chicane? Nothing broken?”

“No ma’am.” The Pegasus wobbled in her grip before taking in the abstract art piece that had once been a car and wobbling some more. 

“I’ll handle it,” Celestia assured. “You just come along with us to, what’s that over there, the Trough and Barrel and catch your breath. Luna, pick those…gentlemen up for the guards, please. And Chicane, don’t worry about Blueblood’s whatever-it-is, you just come ‘round the castle if he gives you any grief for the state it’s in. Gosh, he was asleep while you did all that work to try and save the pair of you! We’ll see if there’s a medal or two in there for you…”

“Ma’am,” Chicane said, because it was the only word her brain could form at the moment. 

“You’ll find the time to lower the sun while arranging all this, I hope,” Luna muttered, using Machete’s bandoleers to wrap the Brigade together like a bouquet of questionable hair choices. She frowned, telekinetically pulling Batroc’s mask off and trying to open one of his eyes. 

“They were pink if that’s what you’re wondering.” Celestia glanced over her shoulder. “Relevant?” 

“Just about the only thing that is,” Luna sighed, floating the Brigade behind her. “You’re probably wondering why there haven’t been more reports.”

“Possibly.” Celestia forced a smile as they entered the tavern, one wing wrapped around Chicane to keep the poor girl upright as they walked past stunned patrons. “Hello, forgive the intrusion, I was wondering if we could have a booth? At the back, if that wouldn’t be too much trouble.”

Luna tried not to cringe as the silenced drinkers’ eyes drifted from Celestia to her and her captives. The jukebox faintly playing in the background did nothing to help. 


***

Soon they were indeed set up in a nice cosy spot in the back, the concussed mercenaries shoved in a corner and Chicane staring at nothing as her wings hugged her knees. 

“Well?” Celestia said leadenly as excited whispering rose in the front of the bar. 

“I’ve been doing my best!” Luna shut her eyes, biting down on the defensiveness. “What was the last one I sent you? The barber?” 

“Yes,” Celestia agreed. “Is he still in custody? Perhaps I should…”

“No, and you wouldn’t learn any more than I did,” Luna sighed, sipping from her water. “He didn’t even know where he was, same as Board Treader and the rest. The best they can give us is their average day followed by pink. None of them even have a memory of Blueblood! It’s just ‘The one who tried to turn that orphanage into a hairspray plant?’ and this terrified Please-Don’t-Gobble-Me-Up,-Nightmare-Moon expression.”

Celestia put a hoof on her shoulder. 

“It helps.” Luna shrugged. “Sometimes. If they could tell me anything they would have, but our only certainty is that it’s not magic.”

Celestia frowned. “A potion?”

“First thing we checked for, and I’m still not ruling that out. I thought it might be Chrysalis or the Sirens, but they could never resit taking credit. But even then…credit for what? From what I can tell victims just get zapped with whatever it is, see that parody of Silverware and they try to wipe him off the map!” 

“Who’s they?” 

“That’s the other thing! There’s no connection between any of them! If it was somepony snapping after meeting him--”

“Luna,” Celestia said pointedly. 

“I know, I know! But it’s anypony in Canterlot, apparently! And even then, Board Treader was only down here for the play. The waiter at Raison d'être was only there because somepony was sick. And there’s even less of a connection as you go down the list. I thought it might be somepony enchanting castle staff at first, but it’s waiters, gardeners, street sweepers, clowns, origami teachers, yoga instructors—!”

Celestia squinted. “Blueblood takes yoga?” 

“No! At least that would be something!” Luna downed her water and turned to a waitress who’d been trying to make it past unnoticed. “Excuse me, could I have a glass of Stormspirit, please? Leave the bottle.”  

“Same for me, thanks,” Chicane said distantly. 

“Has this been going on since the Palladium?” Celestia asked. 

“Yes,” Luna sighed. “It’s not that the kingdom has finally snapped and decided to come after Blueblood—”

“Luna.”

“—it’s that somepony is making them.” Luna grimly held up Bartoc’s mask. “The only thing I can tell you for certain? They’ve moved from random civilians to professional mercenaries. And they may be prepared to go considerably further than that.” 


3


“♪Why are we waaaaiting?♪” Rainbow Dash sang irritably. 

“Peter’s city, Peter’s rules,” Twilight said defensively, trying to ignore how long they’d been standing in this vacant lot. 

“Oh please.” 

“What?”

“First off, his city?” Dash held up a feather as she raised a brow. “What, he’s crawled over everything so its got his name on it?” 

“Rainbow! Don’t be disgusting!”

“Don’t pretend you haven’t heard me say way grosser.” She held up two feathers. “Second, show me in writing where it says we’ve gotta stand here curling our tails just ‘cause somepony needs his all over security blanket?”

Twilight frowned. “So he has to change! Not everypony in the business knows who Spider-Pony is.” 

“Wait, really?” Applejack blinked, looking away from a wall of outdated posters and flyers she’d been using to pass the time. “Why? I thought all these super types knew each other.”

“Um…” Fluttershy began. 

“Without his costume,” Twilight clarified.

“Oh.”

“Right, but why?” Applejack frowned. “They work together, hay, they drink together, that’s why we’re even here. But, what, they don’t trust each other?”  

“Some like Peter prefer to keep their circle tight.“ Twilight shrugged. “Less risk of something slipping out, I suppose.” 

“Tight,” Rarity said flatly. 

“What,” Twilight replied flatly. 

“Well, let’s consider who was in that circle before it grew by six…sorry Spike, seven. His aunt. Johnny. Johnny’s family. Princess Celestia, because come on. His three former special someponies.”

Twilight smiled grimly. “You were saving that one, weren’t you?” 

“Perhaps,” Rarity smiled back. 

“She’s punishing you for making us wait ‘cause he’s not here.”

“Yes, thank you, Spike, I got that.”  

“I don’t mind waiting,” Fluttershy said. She was rather enjoying listening to the different dog barks from blocks away. Such a rich tapestry! 

“Well I do,” Dash snapped, hopping off her perch on the chain link fence. “Coulda drunk half my weight in mead by now!” 

“It’s the 21st century of Celestia’s reign, Dash,” Applejack chuckled, “pretty sure nopony drinks mead anymore.”

“They’ve got an Asgardian, AJ, there’s totally mead.”   

“Maybe we could play a waiting game?” Pinkie suggested, holding up a deck of cards from nowhere. She’d have suggested I-spy, but even if Dashie wasn’t starting to get that very, very frightening thunderbolt and lightning look in her eye she’d have to admit the lot of a disused garage didn’t give them much to work with. 

“We already are,” Dash muttered. “Seriously, the subway alone took forever!” 

“For somepony fussier than a five-star pig in a fifth-rate poke maybe,” Applejack teased. 

“Did you just call me a pig?”  

“Nah, I called ya fussy.”

“Okay fair, but creature of the sky in a metal tube, underground, that stops at random.” 

“Actually, the Manehattan subway planning and ordinance commission favours a station distance of about--” Twilight began. 

“I take the point,” Applejack said loudly, and kind of regretted it. This Lower East Side cul-de-sac or whatever it was acted like a weird kinda pocket in the city, reachable through twisting alleyways that bounced a raised voice around like shrapnel. They could hear the bustle of the city all around them but distantly, as if from the bottom of a well, and hidden by differently sized buildings. She fought the urge to shudder.

“Maybe we should look for the entrance ourselves?” Spike suggested from Twilight’s back. “Or ask somepony?”  

“Plucky’s is supposed to be a secret…” Twilight said uncertainly, but they could tell by her tone she was starting to get listless waiting for Peter to show up as well. 

“So how’d you girls hear about it, Princess?” said someone behind them.  

The Elements of Harmony, vanquishers of Chaos and Shadow, jumped into each other’s hooves like the proverbial meddling kids in a burst of gasps and yelps. Spike was jostled from Twilight’s back to Fluttershy’s, his fall cushioned by Pinkie Pie’s hair. 

The almost Luna blue and purple maned Unicorn with a strange, crystal-like right foreleg shook her head.

“Smooth, Misty,” her red and white trimmed Pegasus friend scolded. “You scared them.” 

“No she didn’t!” Rainbow protested from between Rarity’s forelegs. 

“Detective Night! Ms. Crimson Wings!” Twilight grinned tremulously. “So, ah, nice to see you again.” 

“Interesting choice of words,” Night smiled thinly, evening light glinting off the badge around her neck. “Thought the deal was you were supposed to check in with your M.E.U.P. liaison before you started operating in the city. Y’know: me.” 

“…in an unofficial capacity?” Twilight tried. 

Crimson nudged her friend without dislodging the sheathed katana in her belt. “Leave them alone Misty, you’re off duty too. You guys said Plucky’s? We’ll show you the way…is your dragon coming?”

“Yeah, he is,” Spike said pointedly as he scowled between her and Twilight. 

“Spike, don’t cause a scene!” 

“We’d appreciate it,” Applejack took over, tipping her hat at the duo. “'Specially since our tour guide seems to’ve gone an' got himself lost.”

“Tour guide?” Misty looked at Crimson. 

Sudden light above! “Twilight?!” 

The Daughters of the Dragon yelped, managing to roll aside and into combat positions as a red and blue blur ricocheted off a rusting fire escape to smack down between them. An amused Horseshoe Torch, source of the light, hovered above them, forelegs folded. 

“What do you think you’re doing, Web-Slinger?!” Misty snapped. 

“Night and Wings?” Spidey’s lenses blinked, glancing from them to the Torch to the Elements. “I, ah, thought I heard screaming?”

“I didn’t scream!” Rainbow Dash snapped, shooting into his masked face then glaring up at the Torch. “And what’re you doin’ here?” 

Johnny shrugged. “Hero bar.”

“Yeah, so what’re you doin’ here?”

“…they used to date.” Misty slowly grinned at a blinking Crimson. 

“Oh.” The Pegasus tried not to laugh. 

“Good eyes, detective,” Rarity simpered. “Love your hair by the way! Very urban amazon!” 

“Relax Rarity, I’m in too good a mood to need buttering up," Night assured, winking. “So. Tour guide, huh?”

“I was in the neighbourhood?” Spidey tried, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“He needed a place to suit up, then decided to circle a few streets to make sure nopony would remember him coming out of the same alley some random pony walked into.” The Torch rolled his golden plasma sheathed eyes. “On his way to the secret bar.” 

“Says the guy who flew here in a streak of fire,” Dash retorted.  

The Torch’s crimson cheeks glowed a little brighter. 

“Shall we be on our way then?” Fluttershy tried to smile as everyone turned to her. “Well, it’s only an hour or so to sunset and everypony is going the same way and…everything.” 

“You guys did pick up the tab for lunch after that last case,” Night conceded. She’d always shown a gentler side to the Element of Kindness, naturally. 

“C’mon,” Dash grinned ferally, “you know you wanna press these six buttons just to see what happens.” 

“I was on clean-up for ladies night,” Misty pointed out. 

“Think of it as dinner and a show, then!”

“At least it’ll get you off the streets, Rainbow Dash.” Night shook her head and rolled her eyes at Crimson Wings smirk as she trotted towards the darkened office of the garage. “You coming, Torch? Amazing Tour Guide-Pony?”

“How many team ups’ll it take to make up for butting in?” Spidey groaned, bounding over the group’s heads to perch on the ledge over the shuttered doors. 

“Buy a round of Ultimate Nullifiers and Misty’ll think about it,” Crimson smiled. 

“I thought the point was there was only one Nullifier?” Twilight frowned. “Ultimate’s right there in the name…ooooh, I see.” 

“Not after a round of them you won’t.” Crimson shared knowing smiles with Rarity and Rainbow Dash. “Good to see you again, Princess. The museum appreciated your contributions from the Crystal Empire.”

“You too, Crimson Wings! Just Twilight tonight, please, we’re all off duty, right?” Twilight looked up and smiled at Spidey. The Web-Slinger winked back when he was sure the Daughters weren’t looking. 

Spike squinted, trying to make out the torn and faded rooftop sign. “So’s whoever runs this place.”

“Or maybe that’s what she wants everypony to think.” Johnny winked at him, drifting up to the sign and changing the light of his flames juuuust right. The weathered paper glowed softly, a stylised name fading into view: PLUCKY’S RESTORATION STATION. The out-of-towners realised the only visible part of the sign had been the cartoon of an oil can dabbing at a wheel. 

“You folks sure love your drama,” Applejack smiled wryly. 

“Hey, not all of us luck into rainbow laser necklaces.” Crimson shrugged as her partner turned a padlock. “Some of us have to make do with crystal legs and expert swordsmareship.” 

“Your wing work’s not too shabby either.” Dash flapped over their heads, smile shifting seamlessly from respectful to malevolent. “And don’t worry, Night, if I hadn’t managed to memorize the code Rarity woulda.” 

“Oh, was that supposed to be a secret?” Rarity batted her eyelashes. “Terribly sorry.” 

Misty stopped dead, shut her eyes for a beat, and shook her head. “Said it before and I’ll say it again: at least you fillies are on our side.” 

And at least she was smiling. Her crystal leg slid the unlocked shutter up. 

“Ladies first,” Johnny smarmed, hovering in the right of the doorway while Spidey crouched on the wall to the left, both of them pulling sweeping overdone bows. 

“Don’t suppose we could lock them out?” Dash asked, flapping indoors because quip priorities aside the hay she wasn’t going to be the first Element inside. 

“Would if we could.” Misty ran her normal hoof through her dreads irritably as the Torch drifted a little too close. For a pony so into his own hair he didn’t always think about what he did to the humidity. 


***


“Is, uh, is this it?” Spike asked.

He quirked a brow, looking over the tool racks and half disassembled carriages and chariots (even what looked like half a locomotive!) illuminated by the Torch’s flames. It didn’t get more impressive when Crimson pulled a cord and turned on an overhead bulb to compensate for the fading daylight. (Well, okay, the locomotive was still pretty cool.) 

“Wait for it,” Spider-Pony assured, dropping from the rafters to perch on an under-construction automobile's chassis. 

“Fine by me,” Pinkie Pie grinned, turning in place to take in the floorspace, “this place is cool. We could shoot a music video in here, Rainbow! Some bunting, a little smoke, maybe a disco ball…” 

She stiffened and sniffed, her smile widening. “I can smell good times.” 

“What?” Crimson asked pointedly as Night shot her a look.

“Come on.”

“What?”

“It sounds exactly like the chi stuff you and Dandy talk about all the time.”

“Shut up.”

“All the time.”

Pinkie bounced over to them. “Who’s Dandy? Does he like parties too?”

“Yeah, he does,” Misty smiled, half fondly. The rest was a lioness watching a cub bring down something smaller and fuzzier. “Wanna meet him?”

“Totally!” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Rainbow Dash waved a hoof at the lemons. “Cool fake front, snappy patter, bonds forged. Bar! Mead! Now!” 

“Mead?” Crimson asked. 

“Better do what she says,“ Johnny quipped, “the city’s chance of survival lowers with her blood sugar.” He finally flamed off, dropping next to Applejack, who flinched instinctively. “See that wrench by Mr. Threat or Menace’s tail?”

“Another lock?” Twilight guessed. 

“Kinda,” Johnny grinned at her. “Code’s the same as the one out front, start at the left, then right and back again for each number. We’re old hooves at it, but since you’re guests to our fair city, who’d like to go first? Anypony?”

“I thought Twilight, agh, that is the, uh, princess might like to…” Spidey mumbled. 

Twilight blushed and prayed the Daughters were too busy squinting at him for being weird to notice. “Oh, I don’t know, I’m still not sure about Spike being here at all!”

“It’ll be fine, Twilight,” Johnny breezed then turned to Spike. “Trust me kid, you and me aren’t even gonna be the craziest metabolisms in there tonight.”

“Good to know.” Spike managed a grateful smile despite the fact Rarity was giving the admittedly helpful Torch her ‘How Ga-llant!’ face. 

“Wait.” Crimson pointed at Twilight with a wing. “You scored the combination too?”

“Elements of a feather?” Twilight chuckled awkwardly as Misty turned to stare at her. 

“Mead,” Rainbow growled. 

“Fine, fine!” 

The now glowing wrench turned its bolt left and right, Twilight unknowingly working her way through one of the most important dates in the Equestrian age of heroes, until finally: a click. 

A pneumatic hiss whistled through the garage. Fluttershy squeaked, backing away as a carriage next to her unfolded and reshaped itself with a bizarrely satisfying sound. Panels and wheels slid and telescoped as the entire frame glided seamlessly backwards to, no, into the wall behind it. 

“Whoa,” Rainbow Dash and Spike said simultaneously. 

The plush carriage seats, way more than even a luxury model like that should have, now formed what looked like the seating and padding of an elevator, its ornate doors wide and inviting. The rest had become a four wheeled ramp, the folding roof now serving as a jaunty awning. 

Applejack let out an appreciative whistle. “Now that there is a fine piece of engineerin’! Magic?” 

“Pine Particles.” Spidey’s grin was audible through his mask. “It’s the coolest.” 

“Still say it’s cheating,” Johnny said, enjoying the fact Rarity still hadn’t let go of his foreleg from when she’d gripped it in surprise. Everypony turned to him. “Well! The secret should be in how you conceal the entrance! What’s the point if you’ve gotta defy space and time to do it? Where’s the craftsmanship?!” 

“You always did love showin’ off how many gizmos you could cram into that air-kart of yours,” Dash said. She didn’t give him time for a follow up, pouncing catlike into the plush red interior and fiddling with the straps. “Let’s get this party started! If the door’s this awesome I can’t wait to see what’s on the other side! Where’s the warp drive on this thing?!” 

“Will it take us all?” Twilight asked, trying and failing to stop Spike’s sprinting after Pinkie Pie with a wing. 

“I know what you mean,” Spider-Pony said gravely. “Johnny and Rainbow’s egos in that small a space at the same time? The seismic implications when we hit the ground alone…!”

He chuckled and flinched as she used the failed wing to swat at him. Maybe Night piecing it together wouldn’t be so bad. 

“Watch it Webs, she’s got a coltfriend.” Crimson wagged a mock admonitory wingtip as she followed Applejack and Misty down the ramp. 

Twilight mimicked the gesture, trying not to crack up. “Yes Mr. Spider-Pony, and I’ll have you know he’s a very important Damage Control consultant.” 

“Hmph! I’ll bet he can’t spin a web any size.” 

“Damage Control?” Applejack blinked as she helped strap Spike in. “The place that cleans up after we save Canterlot an' such? Pete works there?”

“Yes,” Twilight said. ”I’ve told you guys a hundred times.”

“Huh. Good on ya, dude.” Dash gave Spidey a wingtip up, then registered his bugging mask eyes and the confused looks on Night and Wings faces. “For…loosin’ to the better pony! We always said Twilight could do better. Which she has. Because her actual beau is nothing like you.” Her impish smirk arrived as she got her stride. “For starters, his jokes are actually funny!”  

The Daughters of the Dragon nodded at each other. 

“Not one word,” Spider-Pony muttered as Johnny burst out laughing, springing off the chassis so hard it rocked slightly and slouching down the ramp. 

Rarity glanced over her shoulder. “Coming, darling?”

“Is it safe?” Fluttershy was still hovering in place. “I mean, I know I always ask that question but in my defence, when was the last time we were in a trick carriage that was?” 

“It’s an elevator now, Ms. Flüttershy!” Johnny cajoled encouragingly. 

“I appreciate that Mr. Storm but, um, same question.” 

Johnny blinked at Rarity. 

“Maybe she needs a short, sharp shock,” Applejack muttered loud enough for the fashionista to hear and blush over. 

Pinkie had somehow strapped herself in upside down. “There was that one in the theme park with the jets!” 

“Pinkie, darlin’, that was Murderworld.” 

Twilight and Spidey shared looks. The Ant-Pony transformed space could easily fit all eleven of them, but it was still going to be tight. And then there was the matter of getting the Pegasus on board to begin with. Maybe a group should stay behind to ride down with her? It’d be a shame to bring her all this way and then miss out, but forcing her would feel wrong. 

“Our place is only a couple of blocks,” Crimson suggested, looking awkwardly between Elements. 

“Oh, no, that won’t be, I mean, that’s very generous of you, but…” Fluttershy landed and took a few tentative steps, pausing with a hoof raised over the ramp. 

“Pass me the keys.” All eyes turned at Rainbow’s sigh as she began unclipping her harness. 

Johnny blinked. “What’re you doing?”  

“Being a friend,” Pinkie smiled, still upside down, and slapped her own buckle, dropping headfirst to the padded floor. Misty and Spidey flinched aside as her hind legs and torso smacked down between them so hard she flopped right side up. 

“Seriously?” Night’s head turned to each of them. “You came Sisters knows how far for this!”

Twilight tried to maintain eye contact with Spider-Pony as she slowly let go of her strap. He nodded, which made her feel better and worse. 

“And if one of us can’t go then none of us do.” Dash shrugged free of her harness and stood up. 

She caught Johnny’s eye and pretended she hadn’t. He turned to Rarity who nodded, smiling apologetically. He smiled back, feeling strangely impressed. 

There was some kind of soft gale force behind him, and Dash was suddenly pushed back into her seat by the embrace of both Fluttershy’s forelegs and wings. Pinkie dropped to her belly and somehow slithered back into the upside down sitting position to bump the smirking Dash’s hoof. 

Every time the Torch would think back to this moment, he still wouldn’t be sure if they’d planned that. And whether he should be impressed or terrified of the cunning.

Misty was giving Spike that What-Just-Happened look. Peter sympathised with both.


***

“So how’d ya’ll say this works again?” Applejack smiled, adjusting her hat to avoid poking Night in the eye as Johnny helped Rarity buckle in next to Spike. 

“Just flick the switches under the arm rests,” Johnny smirked, gripping a strap in anticipation. “Any one’ll do.” 

“Oh, I see!” Fluttershy nodded as her probing hoof found the small nodule on the underside of her armrest. 

She pressed it one way then realised it was supposed to be the other and felt a mounting, almost pleasurable mechanical pressure building up in the walls behind her seat. 

“Um, what now?” 

“Doors are gonna close as we lock into position,” Johnny explained, partly to sooth her nerves (good luck) but mostly out of motor head euphoria as the ramp rolled itself in, the doors gliding seamlessly together as it folded up. 

Soft lamps lit up as the last segment folded upwards, covering the carriage windows, though it featured a small window that allowed them to see out into the garage, which was dimming. 

“Are we…?” Rarity looked around. 

“Moving, yeah.” Johnny’s teeth shone bright enough to light up the whole compartment. “Or we will in a bit, but first we’ve gotta cover our tracks!” 

“There’s a--” Spidey began but was drowned out by the involuntary gasps and yelps as a full-sized replica carriage mushroomed into view through the pane. “It’s okay! It was shrunk down!” 

“Now we’re moving,” Johnny intoned as the replacement backed towards them…or rather they moved back from it as it slid into where theirs had been. It felt like they should have been grinding but the sensation was like being on oiled castors. “Mechanisms in the wall are slowly positioning us inside a disused chimney. Then they’re gonna rotate us. Don’t worry, this next bit is pure art, watch!” 

Spike and the Elements couldn’t take their eyes off the windows as the garage, precious portal back to the real world, blurred into bricks and shadows almost faster than they could register. Twilight huddled closer to Spider-Pony, marvelling at the way the now vertical ramp wheels swung forward to click into almost invisible grooves in the wall, before she could remember to be embarrassed. 

“Magnetism!” Johnny breathed as though inhaling an intoxicating scent. “We’re now perfectly secured in this shaft while winches fold out of the roof, reeling in the belts above us. You can only even hear it if you’re trying.” 

Twilight slightly undermined the moment by giggling hysterically, scrambling to lock herself into one of the free harnesses. Applejack wished she wasn’t made of sterner stuff and gripped her strap more tightly. 

“And now…” Johnny gestured out the doors. 

The ramp wheels began to rotate leisurely then accelerated into blurs at almost Rainbow Dash speed. A purring filled the compartment as a strange simultaneous weightlessness and firmness crept up on all of them. 

They were moving. 


***

The Elements, even Fluttershy, were still giggling when the elevator eventually slowed to a crawl, set off again by the slight bobbing sensation as tons of metal and re-enforced wood rose a little before finally slotting into satisfyingly heavy sounding clamps. A chime sounded as the ramp and canopy unfolded again, the doors gliding open congenially. All that was missing was a robot voice wishing them a nice day. 

“Awesome!” Rainbow Dash grinned, trying for the light beyond the doors, forgetting her harness and slamming back into her seat. 

Misty shrugged. “You get used to it.” 

“Spoilsport,” Crimson smirked, unstrapping herself. 

Spidey helped a still sniggering Twilight out of her seat, Spike instinctively drifting towards them, tiff forgotten in the excitement of elevators and passageways and secrets. “Whoever’s on the door tonight’ll probably have questions,“  the Web-Slinger explained, “but you’re with us, so.” 

“Mmm hmm!” Twilight nodded, biting her irrepressibly smiling lip as he gave her a steadying pat on the shoulder, rolled his neck and leapt to the passageway ceiling. She felt the reassuring weight of Spike clambering onto her back. 

The party set off, the Pegasi and the wall-crawler preferring to stay off the ground even after the quick ride down in a spiffy cramped box. Cat’s-eye lights in the floor lit their way, giving the feel of trotting (and hovering and wall crawling) on the way to a movie premiere. Even Rainbow Dash was too busy being a tourist to shoot off ahead, drinking in every detail. 

Industrial? Twilight thought, noting sturdy pipes lining the sides of the tunnel. They’d need power, especially for that elevator, but it doesn’t look like they’ve tapped into the city’s grid…would that even be legal? Of course not, half of them are vigilantes, don’t be silly. 

But Johnnycake said chimney. Most flumes in Manehattan tend to extend all the way to basement level, even further since it’s easier to just keep adding new ones onto old foundations…so did they take over an existing space or was all this here when they arrived? 

And if so, what for? 

She shook her head, smile more under control now. She still had her…concerns about binding her friends’ destinies to the Elements of Harmony but Sisters, sometimes it was worth it just to run into stuff like this. 

“Halt intruders!” commanded a Dr. Claw style voice from up ahead. 

The Elements piled into each other, half stopping from shock, half trying to adopt combat stances but the Manehattanites kept right on moving. 

“Hardy har har,” Night muttered to the grinning mare in front of a curtained archway. “One day kid, I’m gonna finally get your name out of the old woman and then we’ll see what other sounds you make.”

“Just trying to pass the time, Ms. Night,” the mare grinned. She was wearing a domino mask over both her face and cutie mark. A sticker, Twilight supposed. The eyes behind the mask went a little gooey. “H-hello Mr. Storm!” 

“Hey.” Johnny flashed a half eye lidded smile. Rainbow rolled her eyes and swatted the back of his head.  

“Is that a dragon?” the doorpony asked. 

“He’s with us,” Twilight said sharply. Spike smiled. 

“The princess and all her friends are with us,” Misty said, keeping the relish of a good title drop out of her voice. 

“No, I understand,” the mare agreed hurriedly. “Um, your highness. Highnesses? Ah, it’s just we have to let every creature know there’s no aggressive power use in the establishment and sidek—” She saw Spike’s narrowing eyes and stood aside even faster than she’d intended. “—young partners must be accompanied by a mentor, guardian or some kind of adult at all times.” 

Johnny winked at the group. “We like to pretend we have standards, you see.”

“And yet they let you in.” Dash took a step back then sprang forward, using him as a pommel horse to shoot herself through the curtain, Pinkie sliding under him and between his legs seconds after her. “Heads up everypony, the party has officially started!” 

“Rainbow! Pinkie!” Applejack snapped with Applebloomian frustration and galloped in after them. 


***

She froze as the curtain parting around her reminded her of what was on the other side, seconds before she found the eyes of other heroes on her. 

“Um. Howdy?” 

A few of the (literally) colourful crowd gave her nods and a few raised glasses before going back to whatever they’d been doing. 

See weirder‘n us in their line of work, I guess. She looked around for the two hyperactive Elements. Well, weirder than the rest of us at any rate. An’ they ain’t even met Rarity yet. 

Pinkie was popping up from behind seats and out of ceiling fans to make introductions, currently shaking the hoof of a serine looking martial arts type in a red headband and silver foreleg braces. Dash was already at the bar, shifting through cool poses as she discussed menu options with a masked bartender. 

“Shang Chi!” Johnnycake called, inadvertently pushing past Applejack and catching her hat before it tipped over. “Sorry. Hey man, I owe you one for that hold! You’re not gonna believe how I had to break it out.” 

“No problem,” Applejack muttered sarcastically as she adjusted her Stetson back into the proper position. She looked around to get her bearings as the others trotted up to her, doing likewise. 

Plucky’s was a pro basketball court sized space, which seemed to have been built out of either a collapsed theatre or hotel lobby. Most of the space was naturally given over to tables, a few booths and gaming corners, though the crowd, a mix of ponies and other creatures, seemed equally comfortable standing. 

Or leaning against pillars, or the slightly elevated bar where a stage would have been. If the place had been a theatre then the box seats above the entrance behind them must’ve been modified, since they looked more like Canterlot café terraces. 

Twilight tapped AJ’s shoulder and pointed excitedly to one corner, where generators were fenced off. “Look, see that big one in the middle? That’s a miniature version of the sort they use in the dam back home. They must be using run-off from the East River tunnels to start with, get everything running, and those smaller generators take care of the rest. Isn’t that amazing?!” 

“It’s impressive,” Applejack allowed as she watched Rainbow Dash bouncing excitedly around a surprised looking rock monster in a quintuple-XXL bomber jacket. 

The walls were decorated with strategically placed posters and photos to add a bit of variety to their slightly faded velvet wallpaper, but the patrons seemed to cover that all by themselves. Applejack was aware and a little proud of how their group’s coats and manes all looked next to each other, but even the folks in regular(ish) clothes looked like they’d just come from a freak paint factory explosion in a Las Pegasus parade float museum. 

Not that that’s a bad thing. 

She’d caught sight of a zebra in a yellow hoodie with a burnished cobalt and amber coat, smiling beyond just politeness as she made her way up those tree trunk forelegs to fix on his brown eyes. 

“He’s spoken for,” Night said, making AJ jump slightly as she made her way past and towards the hunk, who seemed to know her. “Relax, not by me, but she’s got a mouth on her even you and Rainbow couldn’t outrun. Where’s Pinkie Pie? I want Cage over there to tell me where my colt is so I can sic ‘er on him. Wanna watch?”

“Gotta lot to take in as is,” Applejack chuckled, indicating one of the wall posters above the bar. 

It was almost billboard sized, a photo of that masked merc who’s costume sort of looked like Trotter’s (even though he always complained it didn’t, but he always had nothing except complaints about that guy), waving happily into the camera while screaming ponies fled a burning church behind him. 

NO ADMITTENCE WITHOUT SUPERVISION, twin captions above and below it commanded. 

“I hear ya,” Misty said and trotted towards the zebra, who’d been joined by a lanky green Earth Pony in a yellow high collar and head mask. 

A yellow sash hid his cutie mark and AJ couldn’t help but wonder if it was the dragon looking thing tattooed on his chest and if that made it redundant. She blinked as the detective shared a smooch with the hippie. The powerful looking Zebra winked at her. 

“Dandy?” she asked as Crimson stepped up to her. 

“Iron Hoof when the mask’s on, but yeah.” 

“Ah.”

“He’s not too worried about keeping secrets,” the swordpony assured. 

“Oh, good! Sooo…” She felt a Rainbow Dashian grin coming on. “Him ‘n‘ her, right?”

“Yep.” Crimson smirked back. 

“Poor fella.”

“Because they’re in love or because she wants to see if his zen can take Pinkie Pie?” 

“Both.” 

“Not to break up the new Masters of Disaster,” Spider-Pony cut in, pointing to the rafters, “but wouldja mind showing the girls around, Wings? Gotta speak to a deer about a devil.” 

“If it’s that time of year when the stars align and he does more than grunt.” Crimson rolled her eyes. “Sure. See ya next crisis, Webs.” 

“I owe you some fancy butter knives.” Spidey saluted them. “Back in a bit, gang!” 

Twilight tried not to look too concerned as he ricocheted between pillars and into the shadows. Applejack craned her head back and squinted. She could just make out a horned shadow crouched sullenly on a beam, cocking its head slightly in Peter’s direction as he trotted along its perch easily as other ponies used a crosswalk. 

“Oh my,” Rarity murmured, also looking up. 

Applejack wondered if she meant the deer in the devil outfit or the other figures she could make out in the crisscrossing shadows. Some of them seemed to be looking back at her, and those were just the ones she could see. 

Granny always said just ‘cause a branch doesn’t have any apples on it doesn’t mean it’s outta tricks. 

Applejack shook her head at reality and trotted up to the bar before Rainbow said or ordered something that’d get them all thrown out. 

Then again, she also says the simplest trick you can do with a branch is put out your eye.


To be Continued 

> Slight Learning Sensation (2)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


4


“Dr. Drum?” Twilight was blinking at a booth, three of the seats occupied. “Dr. Voodoo Drum? I thought that was you! It’s Twilight Sparkle, from Gifted Unicorns? How have you been?” 

“Oh, you know.” The dreadlocked Wildebeest shrugged, rustling his cape and skulls. “Trying to keep busy. Have you met Whisper and Vision?”

“Not socially. Hello.” Twilight smiled as she took the couple’s hooves. The other mage’s felt perfectly normal even if her magic wasn’t, her Synthezoid’s felt kind of plasticky but not in a bad way. “My sister-in-law couldn’t stop talking about the ceremony. Congratulations to you both!” 

“Thank you, Princess,” the Vision smiled, the edge of that V shaped ruby section which broke up his mint green face curling up pleasantly. Even the royal yellow of his cape and the fin that acted as his mane seemed to become a little brighter. 

“We’ve been trying to think of a way to thank her,” the Scarlet Whisperer said, gently placing her hoof in the Vision’s. “Since you’re so close…?”

“She really like tiaras?” Twilight smiled apologetically. “Still, it’s a lovely thought. Helping you two find the magic of love together is reward enough for Cadence! Oh, do excuse me if I’m interrupting everypony. Are you waiting for somepony?”

“No, it’s fine,” Dr. Drum replied with a smile. It became a little more fixed as his head whipped to the other seat. “Just fine. It is. Yes, it is.”

“I’ll…leave you to it then!” Twilight grinned, backing up. She wondered if she should ask how the Vision drank, since the glass in front of him was empty, but Dr. Drum’s eyes were starting to glow white, so she picked up the pace. 


***


“Of course, one never knows just what kind of poison you’ll find in a Manticore’s tail,” the long-coated heir to the Bloodstone monster hunter legacy was explaining to Fluttershy, showing her the contents of a case on her table. “Always pays to have a little bit of every antidote on hoof, y’know.” 

“Oh yes, their poison manufacturing capabilities are very impressive, aren’t they?” Fluttershy said. “Gosh, that must be awfully expensive though.” 

“It’s only money!” Erica waved a dismissive hoof. “Tastes like a Wonderbolt’s armpits in high summer, though. And you’re out a couple of gems on crossbow bolts keeping the blasted things at bay so you can inject yourself!” She took an aggressive swig of Stormspirit. 

“Oh yes, establishing proper boundaries is so important,” Fluttershy agreed, nodding thoughtfully. “I find a firm but fair tap on the nose usually does the trick.”

Bloodstone blinked. “Without special gauntlets?”

“What would they need them for?” Fluttershy blinked back. “Well, they do have very sensitive paws. You know when Nightmare Moon came back, she just stuck a thorn right in one’s paw so it would get mad at us?”

“Nooo!” Erica put a hoof that had decked Living Vampires and Things from Planet X to her mouth in horror. “Oh, the poor thing! That’s as ghastly as my anti-toxins!” 

“Have you tried adding cinnamon?” 

“…hmmm.” 


***


“Can you believe these drink names?” Rarity shook her head. “Ultimatum. Armor Wars. Fear Itself. Journey into Mystery. Alright, that one’s not bad…” 

“What’s a ‘What If…’?”  Spike asked. 

“Probably a bad idea.” Johnny glanced over his shoulder as something Pinkie Pie said to Iron Hoof made Cage burst out laughing. “What’s wrong with the names?”

“Apart from feeling like I’m in a Planet Applewood?” Rarity returned his challenging smile. 

“Good one!” Spike over-enthused.  

“It’s part of a long, rich tradition of heroism,” Johnny said, purely to see what she’d do. 

“So’s wearing open toed sandals.” Rarity turned to an approaching masked staffer. “Hello, could I have a Savage Sword to start. And some breadsticks?” 

“Uh, one Monster Island Iced Tea, please,” Spike decided. 

“And I’ll have the usual,” Johnny concluded. 

“Twilight!” Rarity waved her over. “Having fun?” 

“It’s an interesting place,” Twilight beamed, taking the seat next to Spike. “This is a slow night, is it?” 

“Well, the Befrienders are kinda whatever right now but it’s not just superheroes in the business,” Johnny explained. “Saw you talking to Doc Drum! You should try and swing by for Waxing Gibbous, way more of a mystic crowd comes in to celebrate.”

“Don’t give her any ideas,” Spike warned, “she’ll try and start a coven. Again.”

“What?” Twilight protested. “I’m sociable now!”

“Twilight, you were considering asking Trixie.”

“Everypony at school moved and got real jobs! I was desperate!” Twilight stopped scowling indignantly to get a proper look at the menu. “Oooh, Journey into Mystery, that sounds fun. Does it come with lemon?” 


***


It took a while for the rest of the group to make their way to the table and for everypony’s orders to come through. Most of the patrons seemed to at least know of each other and kept to themselves or similar cliques, but the odd hero occasionally came by to say hello to the relative newbies. 

Applejack bumped into Captain Adventure coming out of the little filly’s room and spent some time chatting by the bar after the embarrassment and hero worship died down. 

“Ponyville?” Evening Rose began flipping through the sketchbook she’d placed on the bar. “Hang on a sec, passed through there a time or two, think I’ve got…Yeah, here we go.”

“Gosh, that’s Dovetail park!” Applejack couldn’t stop grinning. “And my brother an‘ I used to play by that patch of trees after school, practically every day. These’re great! When’d ya make ‘em?” 

“Oh, must’ve been a few years ago,” Eve smiled. “You girls would’ve been in the business by then, I figure. If I’d known it was your home turf I’d have tried to say hi, but you must’ve been off on the job and I like to keep a low profile when I’m on the road.” 

“I can respect that. Pretty sure I’d remember a livin’ legend motorin’ into my lil’ ol’ town on one of them sweet bikes, though!” 

“Names like that’re why I like to keep a low profile.” Eve looked a little abashed. There was some colour in the cheeks under that golden coat. “Put my Vibranium re-enforced chainmail vest on one leg at a time like anypony else, that kind of thing.”

“Your call,” Applejack hastily amended, feeling her own face flush a little at making a livin’…another person feel awkward. “Must be hard though. I mean, every history syllabus in the kingdom drops your real name at least once.”

“Mmm, think so?” A mischievous sparkle in those blue eyes.

“Well, no offence or nothin’ but even with the mask an’ all your cutie mark’s, y’know, right there.” 

“Nopony aims for my cutie mark. Well, usually.” 

“Never thought about a pair ‘a pants or somethin’? Even back in the day?”

Eve shrugged. “Weren’t as many photographs back when my identity was classified. Besides, between my mail and shield I have to push hard to move as fast as I need to. Leg protection would be nice, but it’d also probably be too constricting. Armouring my front’s worked so far and, y’know, big honking shield.” 

“Right, right,” Applejack agreed, wondering why in Equestria she was still on this topic or arguing with one of the mares who could probably replace Celestia herself without anypony noticing. “But isn’t it a bit…y’know? Folks must notice all the time.” 

“Alright,” Eve smirked and held her sketchbook in front of AJ‘s eyes. “Describe me from memory. Me, not Cap.” 

“…right,” Applejack said slowly. She grinned as Eve lowered the obstruction. “Can’t think’a one without the other an’ the other’s got a lot goin’ on at the front an’ a big ol’ A on her head. Aww, that’s clever!” 

“Simple,” Eve clarified. “Besides, a medal cutie mark? And a hopelessly out of date one at that. Who’s going to notice?” 

“Don’t sell yourself short, old girl.” They turned as an elderly but still in good form Pegasus plodded into position behind the bar, the smirk of a much younger pony on her face. “We’ve talked about it. The humility. It’s insufferable.” 

“You’re one to talk, Pluck,” Eve grinned fiercely and leaned over to hug her tenderly. The newcomer patted her friend’s shoulders with the metal prosthesis that had replaced her left leg. 

Do not say anythin’, hissed the part of AJ’s brain that wasn’t rapid processing. What are ya, Rainbow Dash?  


5


“—and that’s how (with Spike’s help) we saved the Crystal Empire,” the Rainboom maker was saying casually as she readied a pool shot. “Now, when Sombra’s twin from the anti-matter universe showed up to ask us for help liberatin’ Conquestria from the Elements of Tyranny, that was a trip!” 

“Yeah, yeah, we’ve all got the evil universe story,” Arrowhead smirked, hawk eyes scrutinizing her line up. “Still haven’t beat my record yet.” 

“Yet.” Dash closed one eye and stuck her tongue out, mostly to keep her cue straight because she was having so much fun she was totally wigging out and she could just explode right now!

“I’ll give you double the bet if you finally shut him up about that stupid 9-ball streak,” Mockingbird urged, grinning over her shoulder. 

Dash winked at her. Arrow-boy claimed to have sunk nine perfect 9-ball shots in a row. 9x9=81-bits and instant style points with the hero community. C’mon baby, momma needs a whole new set of bragging rights...

The archer smiled at his partner. “Thanks, honey.”

Pinkie held up an arrow from the Avenging Archer’s quiver, placed by the wall as he leaned on his own cue. “What’s this one do?” 

“Flashbang arrow,” Arrowhead said without taking his eyes off the table as Dash banked her fourth win. 

“This one?” 

“Bola arrow.” 

“This one?”

“Regular arrow but there’s a little groove for Ant-Pony to hold onto.”

“And this one?”

“Glue arrow.”

Pinkie dropped it back in and held her hooves up as if trying to distance them from a war crime. 


***


“So this is nice,” Fluttershy said. 

She'd somehow found herself alone at the table with Spike and the lovers. Although Peter, um, Spider-Pony was doing that thing where he pretended to just be in Twilight’s space by coincidence. And where he hung from the ceiling. 

“Isn’t it?” Twilight beamed, looking up from one of the magazines she’d borrowed from the lounge. “I think this is good for everypony, helps us get more used to the life a little, you know? And there’s so much history! Do you think Ms. Stars would mind if I asked her to fill in some blanks in the history books?” 

“I mean, a lot of those missions are classified for a reason but probably not.” Spidey leaned back on his line a little to get her into better upside-down view. “You could probably also just talk to the princess sometime. If you guys don’t have clearance who does? Anypony need a refill?” 

“Right here,” Spike said, despondently holding up his glass, watching Johnny show off, ahem, introduce Rarity to the Wisp. Totally not point scoring. 


***


“Oh, oh, and not to gush, well not more, but your Palladium tribute line?!” Rarity wasn’t quite Pinkie bouncing but there were some Dash-esque vibrations in there. “Changed my life, Ms. Garnet. Changed. My. Life!” 

“Then I’d hate to see what the rest did,” the grande dame of the Manehattan super scene chuckled, making herself bob on her miniature wings a little more. “You hear that, Hill? Somepony who appreciates me for my art!” 

“Yes, well…” the helmeted scientist flustered, tail either growing and shrinking or lashing from being put on the spot. “I suppose I just…appreciate everything else about you, dear?”

“Nice, doc,” Johnny said, nodding sincerely. “Sorry to spring an Element of such and such on you like this, especially after what Misty did to Iron Hoof, but she mentioned she was a fan. Repeatedly.” 

“Oh, play nice, Johnnycake!” Garnet Grande Dame chided sweetly, sprouting back to regular size as Rarity shot him a very Hulk like glare. “Coco Pommel’s told me good things about you too Ms. Belle, so don’t let him goad you like that.” 

“Thank you!” Rarity gushed, trying not to dance in place. “My life!!! Sorry!” 

“No, no, I’m sure it will be a very interesting one,” Garnet smiled kindly. “Both in the business and your actual job.” 

“And who knows,” Hill Pine said, taking a flyer on socialising, “maybe you’ll actually make something of Johnny here!” 

“Oh, we’re not together,” Rarity hurriedly clarified. 

“…yeah!” Johnny forced a chirpy attitude to try and paper over the spontaneous chasm of regret. “Yeah. We are not.” 

“Hey, nice wings. They suite you!” Rainbow Dash glided past the Wisp to hover in front of Rarity. “I need 81-bits. Like exactly.” 

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “And you came to me?” 

“I lost a bet!” 

“Cliff Bastion!” the Wisp snapped at the gaming corner. 

“Filly’s gotta learn somehow, Wispy!” Arrowhead called back, spinning his cue with his telekinesis before insufferably blowing the chalk off for full effect. 

“You won’t learn anything if I do!” Rarity was hissing. “It’s the principle of the thing!” 

“The principle is you’re the embodiment of generosity!” 

“I got it.” Johnny’s smile melted in the furious flash of Rainbow’s expression. “I mean, if that’d be okay!” 

“…can pay ya back next week,” Dash said distantly but firmly. Her teeth weren’t gritted but may as well have been. 

“Spidey could fetch it,” Johnny tried diplomatically, head already psychosomatically ringing from what she’d have done to it if he’d chivalrously insisted she didn’t need to. 

“Nah, it’s cool.” 

Rarity smiled as Dash carefully kept her face neutral. 

“How close did you come, dear?” the Wisp asked, shrinking down and flittering up to eye level to make sure she got Dash’s attention and alright, maybe she’d like the wing compliment. 

Rainbow flinched slightly at the sudden tiny pony but was overwhelmed by defeat, and glumly held up eight feathers. 

“Let me buy you a drink,” Ant-Pony and the Wisp said simultaneously. 


***


Fluttershy stroked her chin thoughtfully. “So it’s not that nightingales can’t sing in Berkley Square…it’s that they choose not to?” 

“Pretty much.” The Falcon took a sip of his drink. “They’re reticent like that.”

“I know, right?” Fluttershy beamed then realised how familiar she was being and went back to staring into her own glass. “Um, I like them all really, though. Birds, that is.” 

“I’m sure they like you too,” Samaritan Willow smiled through his mask. 

“Oh, I do hope so! But I don’t have your, um, y-you know, uh...”

“I like to think of it as a connection,” Falcon said, nodding understandingly, used to explaining. “We’re talking about my ability to communicate with birds, right?” 

“Well yes, but it seemed a bit, you know, personal and everypony says I should be more, um, personable but also more, um, open, but like, at the same time, and that’s, um, w-well, it’s not that it’s wrong, o-or that they’re particularly pushy, but, um…”

Spider-Pony bailed her out, leaning in from his perch with his mask rolled up for his own drink. “Say, Falc, where’s Redwing? Thought Fluttershy might like to meet her!” 

“We’re not speaking right now,” the (other) Hero of Haven said coldly, one of his strangely avian eyes twitching through his mask slits. 

Spidey wouldn’t have been able to hide his smile even fully masked. “Leaving fresh kills on your bed again, huh?”

“It’s not funny! She knows it annoys me!” 

“Oh dear, that’s a shame. Have you tried, um, connecting with her?”

“I’m in her head for work all the time,” Falcon pointed out, clearly trying to avoid sounding defensive. 

“Well that’s good since you help so many ponies and birds…”

“When I can,” Sam admitted, looking abashed. 

“Oh, I understand, I’m sure you do everything you can, but do you think, Redwing was it? Do you think it’s possible she may feel less like a partner and more like a, well, employee? What I mean is your bond is very admirable, but if you’re only using it for work isn’t that a bit like you’re in her head a lot and she maybe…well, I don’t know, wants to assert her independence? That’s usually what fresh, um, items are when they aren’t tokens. Hear me roar and all that. Screech. Am I making any sense?”

“Yeah, yeah!” the Falcon nodded assuringly, putting a wing to his chin. “You know, it has been a while since we just went for a flight. And somepony wasn’t shooting at us.” 

“I couldn’t help but notice the, um, falconer quality of your, um, hoof glove…thingies,” Fluttershy mumbled. “Does she like to sit there? It looks very comfortable! But I mean, are there any parks or anything you both like to go to? Maybe make a day of it and just, you know, toddle around.” 

Falcon smiled sentimentally. “She likes to ride on my shoulder most of the time.”

“Oh, that’s lovely! Does she grip your shoulder at all?” 

“Costume sleeves have a little extra padding in case she forgets herself. Tip from Cap.” 

“That’s very helpful of her!” 

“Speaking of,” Spidey cut in, still a little dizzy from his head turning back and forth between them for that whole conversation, “is she doing okay? She and ol’ Plucky Stars usually only hug it out when…y’know.”

“This Befrienders thing.” Falcon nodded gravely. “Eve’s filled me in. She’s trying to handle it like she does an incoming artillery barrage. Stoically. Problem is she isn’t friends with an artillery barrage.” 

“Fitting choice of words, way Arrowhead’s been talking.” Spidey looked over at the archer, being chewed out by the Wisp while a fuming Twilight and Applejack double teamed an equally fuming Rainbow Dash on the dangers of betting against one of the world’s greatest marks-mages because he couldn’t be that great, right?

“Arrowhead talks almost as much as you do, Webs.” 

“But I’m prettier, right?” Spidey smirked then turned to Fluttershy. “Sorry, didn’t mean to make this all about work.” 

“Oh, it’s alright!” Fluttershy assured hurriedly. “If it was my friends I’d be concerned too, whatever it was.”

“More…colleagues.” It was strange how even more expressive Spidey’s lenses were with his mouth visible. His awkwardness would have been entirely self-evident though. “Cap and Falc here’re two of the best friends in the business, though. Surprised you haven’t signed up with the team even if there’s not gonna be a big reshuffle, actually.” 

“There’s been talk. I’m just trying to have my partner’s back.”

“Hear that,” Spidey said and toasted with his pitcher. 

“Speaking of.” The Falcon’s bird eyes narrowed. “Here comes the artillery barrage.” 

“Hmm?” Fluttershy followed his gaze to the archway and felt several stabs of panic at the sight of so much metal. “Oh my…”

The Invincible Iron Mage’s armour was a lot more intimidating in person. The impassive face plate. The unmoving eye slits. The way it was turning this way and that. 

Not like a predator. No animal moved like that. 

Fluttershy felt herself trying to sink further into her seat as those slits turned to their table. And began to softly click towards them. 


To be Continued 

> Slight Learning Sensation (3)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


6


“Aww noooo…” Applejack heard Johnnycake moan. “Tony, man, what’re you doing?” 

They were making their way back towards the table, some fella in a spiffy looking red and grey flight suit talking to Fluttershy and Trotter. Johnny had slowed slightly, as if rubbernecking at a Maredi Gras parade collision into the Canterlot Hearth’s Warming tree. 

An armoured figure was approaching their friends’ table. Applejack had heard of ol’ Shell Head since high school, naturally, but like most folks her age hadn’t had any idea who Antimony Spark was supposed to be until he’d ‘fessed up to building the thing. 

“Trouble?” she asked. 

“Probably,” Johnny sighed, looking at the corner they’d just left. The Unicorn in the violet mask and vest Rainbow had been trash talking, specifically. Guy looked mad enough to hurl his cue across the room at Spark like a hunting spear. Probably could if his rep with that bow was as good as she’d picked up. 

“Is everything okay?” Twilight had realised they weren’t following her. “Oh gosh, does Mr. Spark want to talk to Peter?”

“Where’s Cap?” Johnny said hurriedly. 

Arrowhead was coming towards them, ignoring the Befrienders who were trying to catch up and shoving past the detectives, hunters, mystics and assorted others who were in his way. 

“What’d we just get dropped in the middle of?” Applejack sighed. 

“Uh oh.” Pinkie had spotted Fluttershy’s response to the Mage’s presence, thankfully before Rainbow Dash had, and was bouncing across tables. “Sorry, ‘scuse me, pardon me, nice cape ya got there! Sorry!” 

“Cliff!” A gal in some kinda bird costume with billy clubs was trying to get in front of the archer. “Cliff, get back here you pig-headed—!”

“I don’t wanna hear it, Codi!” 

Applejack sized the approaching Arrowhead up and pulled her hat down more firmly, squaring her shoulders. The archer braked hard when he reached them and realised they were staying put. “Move it, Storm!” 

“He’s not worth it, ‘Row.”

She looked at the unlit Torch. Holding up both hooves was still a mite condescending but at least he was keeping a cool head. 

“What’d you know about it?” Arrowhead turned to glare at her. “I don’t have a problem with you.”

“Glad to hear it. Thing is, I got friends at that table.”

She’d been around enough to know when a Unicorn was going to try to charge or throw a punch and he wasn’t there yet, but she felt what Pinkie did and what Rainbow probably would’ve if she wasn’t too busy talking to the lady with the tiger stripes to notice. That Fluttershy didn’t need to be caught between two other ponies’ spat. She got caught between her friends’ often enough. 

“As do you.” She jumped back as a green and yellow something floated through the pillar next to them and put a suddenly solid hoof on the hothead’s shoulder. “You were one of the first to try and make me feel a part of this world, Cliff Bastion. One of the first I could truly call a friend. Please, even with what has happened, do not make war with Iron Mage in our place of peace. Do not say something you may not be able to take back.” 

Applejack enjoyed a good western at movie night as much as the next mare, but they never really got the feeling of a standoff right. This one had a tinge of surreality, given what the participants were wearing. 

She felt Twilight and Rarity taking positions beside her for whatever happened and felt slightly better. She glanced to the side and saw Rainbow Dash sitting up to come over, the Thing dwarfing her and felt the same gratitude you’d feel seeing a tank coming to save you from an impending bomb. 

Arrowhead smiled gravely, eyes and horn flashing, then breathed out and nodded. “Cap and Slipper worthy speech, Vis. Wisper’s lucky.”

“The other way around, I assure you.” The Vision’s ruby face segment curved upward again. “And friends like you.”

“Yeah, yeah, alright,” Arrowhead snorted, nuzzling Mockingbird as she leaned calmingly against him. “I’ll settle the tab instead of Spark’s hash. This time.”

“C’mon,” Morse Code said gently. “They’ll have finished tuning up your sky-cycle by now.” 

“Sky-what?” Rainbow Dash had finally showed up. 

“Tell ya some other time, squirt,” the Thing rumbled. He and Johnny nodded at each other before he looked down at the archer. “Everythin’ good, Bastion?”

“Just peachy, rocky.” Arrowhead rolled his eyes as he and Mockingbird headed for the exit. He looked over his quiver at Applejack. “Hope you and your friends have a nice night. Sorry to get in your face.”

“Well, we don’t got a problem, so.” She tipped her hat but didn’t smile. She and the Thing kept their eyes on him until he was passing through the curtain. “Mr. Grim. Mr., uh…”

“I am known as the Vision.” 

“Well, thanks for steppin’ in.” She managed a smile. She felt the strength that had taken draining away as she turned to see Pinkie doing one of her Distraction?-Haha-That’s-Silly-Hey,-Lookit-Me-Be-Everywhere-At-Once routines. 

“Would it be rude to ask what in eight circles of Tartarus was that?” Rarity asked as they hurriedly resumed their course. 

“Word in the business is…” Johnny weighed the issue for a few seconds and sighed. “Word is Tony Spark put the Befrienders together to save the world. By keeping an eye on them.”


***


“I beg your pardon?” asked the wineglass hum laced voice under the helmet.

“It’s a simple enough question,” Pinkie Pie smiled. 

“A whipped cream gun.” 

“In your lil’ hoof thingies, yeah!” 

“My repulsor rays.”

“Are you married to that name?” Pinkie blinked, her blue eyes flickering on and off in the shiny, shiny faceplate. “How about, and I’m just spit balling here, Cream-A-Rays? That way you could cream and whip the competition! The banter writes itself!” 

“A-Rays?” 

“Arrays are important…somehow. See, it sounds fancy and technical, but with a hint of whimsy!” 

“…ever thought of going into advertising?” Iron Mage sounded impressed. 

“I was asked not to, actually. Now therein lies a tale! It was a mild, cloudy day with highs in the mid 60’s and a pink, precocious pony--”

“Who is enchanting,” Iron Mage cut in, the joviality of his voice at odds with his unmoving faceplate, “but will have to tell me the gory details some other time! Afraid I have pressing business with these two gentlecolts.”

“Do you now.” The Falcon stood up. Not aggressively, and yet...

“Yeah.” Iron Mage looked between him and Spider-Pony before lifting his hooves up to his temples. The faceplate and horn covering dissolved in a reverse waterfall of golden sparks and the candy apple red housing slid apart to allow Tony Spark to lift it off, cradling it like a hoofball. “In private, actually.”

“Oh, w-we can…” Fluttershy mumbled, courage peeking out from behind cover now that the scary metal man had a real face. What was it with superheroes and not having real faces?

“You don’t have to go anywhere. Right, Webs?” The Falcon nodded at Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy before looking at Spidey, who was pulling his mask down. 

“We’re probably gonna say no, Tony,” Peter said carefully. 

He didn’t know why he felt the need to keep his tone careful and his face hidden. It was the Iron Mage! You couldn’t think superpony without Iron Mage! But if those rumours were true…

“Say no to what?” The group turned as Twilight trotted hurriedly past Spark, trying to squeeze into a space that let her be between him and all three of the ponies she cared about. Um, all at once. She looked like she’d put on the wrong size of dancing shoes. 

“Ms. Sparkle!” Tony looked genuinely, pleasantly surprised to see her. “Ah, forgive me. Princess Twilight. I thought these two were familiar. Glad to see you’re all getting settled into the community.” 

He bowed with the grace new money learns to quietly annoy the aristocracy, but the respect old money shows to up and coming talent. “Buy you a round?” 

“There’s, um, really no need for that Mr. Spark.” 

Twilight’s wings flapped slightly. He’d been somewhere in the crowd at her coronation, hadn’t he? Spitfire had wanted to quarantine him as a walking security risk or something. 

Not that that was where her head was at but, well, Peter had mentioned the times he’d teamed up with the other magician fondly and was now doing that thing where he put the mask between him and another pony. And didn’t Spark Inspirations own stock in Damage Control? 

What she was really asking herself was did this nice stallion, who’d been sort of lying to his friends for years, know Peter’s secret…and did he know about them? 

The Falcon’s forelegs were folded. He wasn’t glaring but his avian eyes looked sharper. ““I’m with Cap. Just getting that out of the way right now.”

“I’d hope so.” Spark hadn’t stopped smiling. “You see, fellas, what with…everything lately…”

“Spying on your friends?” Johnny Storm snapped. There was a slight haze about his head and shoulders and the air around the table felt thicker suddenly. “Just because I tried to stop Arrowhead taking half the place out with you doesn’t mean I think he shouldn’t!”

“Hello, Johnny.” Spark wasn’t smiling now. “In the middle of something. Befrienders business.” 

“Oh, here we go!” The Torch ignited suddenly, hovering off the floor and right into the inventor’s face. Spark didn’t even blink. “Let me guess, the greater good? Man, at least T’Challa was threat assessing! All those lectures you used to trot out about how the FF should take more of a role in the community or whatever! Wanted us under glass too, was that it?” 

“No,” Spark said as if explaining why he’d brought a particular pair of slippers, “I felt you’d be better at it and had more right to than I did. Considering.” 

The Torch, who’d stared into the face of cosmic extinction before his first homecoming dance and smiled, blinked like he’d just walked into one of his sister’s invisible walls. “Oh.”

“Since everypony’s probably heard a version of what went on…” Spark’s smile was back, wry and very, very tired as he looked among the Elements. “Yes, one of the reasons I founded the Befrienders was because I was worried about so much unchecked power just wandering around Equestria. One of my reasons. And I could not have been happier to be wrong.”

“That’s nice an’ all,” Applejack said carefully, “but you’ll excuse me for sayin’ so, it sounds like the real problem is ya didn’t tell ‘em.” 

“Yeah, and now there’s a lotta questions about trust out there,” Rainbow Dash joined in. “Johnny’s right (and that kills me, you’ve got no idea) but of course everypony’s head’s gonna go there! For instance, one of your fancy factories is just a couple miles between Canterlot and Ponyville. How hard would it really be for you to keep track of us if you wanted to?”

“Those are good questions, actually,” Spark sighed. “I don’t pretend to understand what you six do, but you’ve always impressed. Just be careful those questions don’t dictate your thought process too much, okay? I’m a walking billboard for why that’s a bad idea. Which is why I’m stepping off the bench.”

The Elements and three supers alternated between staring at him and each other. 

“You’re quitting?” Spidey asked. “Iron Mage no more?” 

“Oh, I didn’t say that!” Spark chuckled. He looked wistfully into the empty space where the helmet’s plate would be. “But the ladies are right. I made a mistake, it hurt ponies I care about, and the best thing I can do is get out of the way so everypony can start healing.” 

“I don’t know if that’s a solution, Mr. Spark…” Twilight began. 

“Tony, please!” 

“What I mean Mr. Spark,” Twilight said firmly, “is that you’re talking like your friends need Iron Mage. They don’t need a suit. They need you!”

“I’m not so sure about that but you have the right idea,” Spark said, nodding and stepping pointedly past the still flaming Torch to address Spider-Pony and the Falcon. “The team’s going to need something, someone new for the void I’m about to leave. And I’m hoping one or both of you will fill it.” 

Everypony stared from him to the two heroes. The Falcon kept his eyes locked impassively on Spark’s tired, earnest face. Spidey looked at the Falcon, found no help there, then at Twilight and Johnny. Twilight managed an uncertain smile. Johnny just shrugged then nodded like ‘why not?’ 

“Thanks, but I’m with Cap.” The Falcon turned his wings on the scene and headed for the bar. “No matter what.” 

Plucky smirked and pulled something presumably important from a tap as he landed by the bar. Evening Rose smiled at Samaritan Willow as he put a quick wing on her shoulder and accepted his pitcher. Her expression tuned sombre as she looked directly at Spark and just nodded in acknowledgement. 

Spark nodded back, sighed through his nose then smiled brightly at Spider-Pony, still crouched on the wall above Fluttershy. 

He looked around the room, taking in the confusion on everypony’s faces. Well, bemusement on Johnny and Rarity’s, ‘standin’ right here!’ indignation on Rainbow Dash’s and Pinkie just always seemed to have that default Equestrian smile.

“What’s everypony looking at me for?” 

“Dude!” Spike held up a paw for a hoof bump. “You’re in the big leagues now!”

“Well. The Befrienders,” Johnny said not entirely mock-dismissively. Rarity nudged him sternly. 

“No I’m not,” Spidey said simply.

“Now hold on, sport,” Spark began, “let’s think about this--”

“I’ve thought about it. No.” 

“Seriously?” Dash squinted at him like he’d just walked into a French bistro and asked if they served horseshoes. Raw. “You’ve teamed up with, like…everybody!” 

“That’s a great point, Rainbow,” Spidey agreed, nodding. “So it’s like what’s the point?” 

“The point is you could live up to a lot more responsibility.” There was an airy infomercial Come-On-Now quality to Spark’s voice. “And with a lot more power in your corner. No more calling the hotline in a tight fix and finding out we’re on the other side of the planet. If anything, once your card’s been upgraded, we…they’ll come running to you.”

“Which’d be nice, but it won’t because I’m not joining.” Spidey looked around the table. “Anypony want more hay fries? Ooh, Johnny, what was that stuff Pluck had last Winter Wrap Up? The little Stalliongrad ball stuff? She flies it in special.” 

“Piroshki.” 

“Pirrrrrosh-keeee. Isn’t that fun to say?” 

“So’s a big ol’ ‘Befrienders Together!’” Spark winked. “Come on, you know you want to.”

“What am I, eight years old?” Spidey held a hoof up in front of Johnny’s face without looking. “Don’t answer that.” 

“No, but you’re gifted,” Tony persisted. “You and the team could do a lot for each other.” 

“Tony, I’ve got work tomorrow. And for the duration.”

“Shouldja really’ve taken us out then?” Applejack raised an eyebrow at his half full pitcher. “You’ve been puttin’ ‘em away more than the fire hazard.” 

“This?” Spidey toasted her with the pitcher and winked. “Root beer.” 

“Mostly ice water for me, since we’re on the subject, but you’re thinking along the right lines,” Johnny said, also winking at her. “It’d take way more than could possibly be safe to register with my highly fuel-efficient metabolism.”

He ruffled Spike’s fins. “In fact, young Spike and I have been sneaking the group’s excesses to make sure you girls keep clear heads for all those fascinating conversations you’ve been having, and also, sure, to see what would happen!” 

“♪A, B, C, D, E, F, G, ♪” Spike chanted hurriedly in the face of Twilight’s appalled fury, “, ♪H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O--♪”

“Not the point!” Twilight hissed between clenched teeth.

“Thanks.” Spidey glared at Johnny, as Twilight glared up at him because who’s big idea was going to Plucky’s again? “Tony, we’ve had this conversation Celestia knows how many times. It’s never been a good fit.”

Spark couldn’t keep a hint of disappointment out of his smile anymore. “We’ve never seriously tried, Peter.”

Twilight took a step towards him. “He says no, Mr. Spark.”

The other Elements looked at each other uncertainly. Harmony vs Shadow and Chaos, sure, but Harmony vs…one goateed wizard in a tin can? One smart goateed wizard who had his magic jewellery wrapped around him while theirs were a couple thousand miles back in a crystal tree. 

“I see.” 

Spark nodded at Twilight and Spidey, vanquished smile reflected in impassive lenses. He slid the helmet back into place, the seemingly simple metal performing a mechanical ballet as it ratcheted and sealed itself back into his neck brace and covered his face and horn in gold all at the same time. Like a phalanx of shields being pulled tight. 

“Johnnycake is spoken for, thank the Great Pony in the Sky, but I don’t suppose any of you…?”

“You probably know where to find us,” Rainbow Dash said, forelegs folded. 

“You can make an appointment,” Twilight added, making Dash smile. Sometimes lines just went together like that. 

“I might.” Iron Mage nodded at all of them. “Enjoy your evening.” 

With a disturbing amount of dignity his gauntlets sprouted tiny roller skate wheels, spinning him around and coasting to the exit. 


***


“Um, Mr. Spark?” wheezed a voice behind him. 

In the shadows of his helmet Tony Spark blinked as he paused before the curtain, turning to see Spike huffing up behind him. He gave the little fellow a bit to get his breath back, noting that, despite everything, Twilight Sparkle was smiling in their direction. Spider-Pony, it seemed, rather pointedly had his back to Spark. 

“Uh…I know this is probably kinda tacky, but, well, you never know when you’ll get a chance like this…do you think, I mean, would it be okay if…?” 

The youngster looked at his purple feet as he held up a notebook. Tony squinted through the slits, smiling at seeing the (code) names of so many friends he’d collected. 

“My pleasure.” 

He popped the visor and used his telekinesis to manipulate the quill tipped shoulder waldo he’d installed for just such occasions. 

“Wow! Thanks!”

“No, thank you,” Tony corrected, sealing the faceplate again and gliding into the darkness of the tunnel. “I needed that.” 


7


“Still fun,” Rarity said.

“Hmm?” Johnny looked over as the masked staffer on the bar moved off to take their last orders of the night. “Sorry?”

“Tonight has still been fun in spite of…all that,” Rarity smiled. “I knew you were worrying.”

“The only thing I’m worried about is you guys taking Shellhead up on the offer.” Johnny smirked to let her know he was alright.

“Scared of the competition, eh?”

“No, you can just do way better than the B-Team. Seriously, they call themselves that sometimes, it’s sad.” 

“Mmm. Good enough for your flatmate, apparently.” 

Rarity smiled over at the corner where Pinkie and Spidey were having an upside-down contest, both balancing a little too perfectly on a table Duke Cage was bouncing with his shoulders. Rainbow had encouraged it as a quick way to cover her pool loss. 

“Surprised he turned it down, though!” 

“Spark’s scraps aren’t as appetising as they used to be, I guess.” Johnny shrugged. “Surprise is Pete’s as openly with you guys as he is, honestly. Dude’s always had this need to assert his independence.” 

“You have that in common.” Rarity smiled as he blinked. “You know, moving in together and everything. I’m a tad jealous, actually. I went through quite a few roommates in college, then when I got back I had to bunk at Sweet Apple Acres for a bit until I could find my own place. And that certainly wasn’t in the heart of Manehattan!”

“Yancy Street.” Johnny raised an eyebrow. “The heart of Manehattan.”

“You know what I mean!” She prodded his 4 logo. “Anyway, as I was trying to say tonight has been lovely. We should try again sometime when there’s less resentment and posturing.” 

“Good luck,” Johnny chuckled, turning to accept the first of the two trays waitresses were bringing over. “Y’know, if you want somewhere more lowkey I know a couple places. The best aren’t even in Equestria so it might be just the two of us, but if you have some free time maybe we could--”

He turned, tray firmly balanced on his back, to blink at the empty space where Rarity had been standing. Teleportation accident? Elaborate illusion? Kidnapping to the Microverse?!

…no, there she was. By the Hex-Ponies’ table. 

Talking to Nightcharger. 

“Sorry Mr. Storm, just checking.” A waitress had her pad out, which also had a little mask logo on the back. “That was...four super hay fry baskets, seven hay burgers with the works, one meat lovers platter, one plate of piroshki to share and a Celestia-salad?”

“Yeah,” Johnny muttered, feeling as hungry as a used tire that had been dragged behind a semi for half of El Camino Royale. “It’s her favourite.” 


***


“Of course I remember you, fräulein!” the elfin Hex-Pony said. His strangely elegant cloven hooves made Rarity feel all tingly as he gracefully took her own, and that was before he kissed it. “A pleasure to see you again!” 

“Well, saw you chaps over here,” she grinned, feeling her slightly Canterlotian accent playing up as if to compliment his own, “and one likes to be friendly, you know.”

“Ah, would that every creature was as lucky to have friends such as you,” Nightcharger agreed, nodding solemnly. 

“O брат,” an un-armoured Colossus muttered, wings twitching in sync with his rolling eyes. 

“C’mon, tin woodsman,” Timberwolf smirked, hefting his personal drinks tray onto the Pegasus’ back. “Let’s go whip Night an‘ Wings at pinball again. Don’t pout, I’ll rustle ya up some piroshki.”

‘Thaaank yoooou!’ Rarity mouthed silently at that wolf masked enigma as the elf like goat-pony waved farewell to his friends. One of Timberwolf's strange ear-eyes or whatever they were supposed to be winked at her, or more probably at his teammate. 

“So how have you been?” she simpered as Nightcharger turned to face her, admiring the short, neat horns curving oh so nicely out of that dishy mane.

“Ah, you know, fighting to protect a world that hates and fears us.” Nightcharger casually wrapped his tail around his Perrier water to take a sip. “That sort of thing. I daren’t bore a cultured mare with such trifles. I would much rather hear what you’ve been up to!”

“Mmm, not a lot of hating and fearing.” Rarity admired those deliciously smouldering yellow eyes, her chin on her hoof. “Been thinking of expanding my horizons, actually. You know I was this close to being offered a spot on the Befrienders?” 

“Ach! A loss to the world that cuts me to the quick!” Nightcharger placed one of those tingle inducing hooves over his heart. “Such an inspiration to ponies everywhere, and when I think of what you could bring to my own humble comrades…”

“I’m not an Hexquestrian though,” Rarity purred and winked. 

“Indeed, and yet I cannot help perceiving an unearthly beauty about you.” He leaned closer, mirroring her Thinker pose and roguish smile. Somewhere, Spike’s blood went cold. “It would take some time to discern precisely why, I suspect.”

“I may have some time.” Were her cheeks flushing? That wouldn’t matter if she could keep her tone consistent though. 

“Didn’t you say you were travelling?” Oh yes, raise that eyebrow darling, dear me. 

“Mmm, didn’t say where.” Now for a good lash flutter. 

She wasn’t thinking long term, but this dark and handsome stranger had been a distinct bright spot in his team’s hectic visit to Ponyville and she could at least try to get past the smell of his…unique brand of teleporting to become more familiar.

…a familiar smell. A nice rainwater scent with a hint of athleticism that gave just the right amount of character without being overwhelming. Familiar presence behind her too. 

“I’m not giving you 81-bits.” She tried not to clench her teeth. 

“Nah, it’s all good,” Rainbow smiled, perching behind her like an albatross that was trying an innovative approach. “The web-head sneezed and fell off, so Pinkie won by default. And so did I!” 

Nightcharger was smiling at Rarity but not for the reason she wanted him to. “How nice.” 

“Yeah, he put up a fuss, but his lawyer set him straight.” Something in Dash’s tone made her look up at her. She was languidly admiring a wing, the cheeky thing. “He’s the tall, dark and red one over there.”

Rarity followed the pointing wingtip. The stag in the devil costume had his back to them, talking to a grouchy Spider-Pony, but oh goodness, those shoulders, those antlers… 


***


“So!” Nighcharger blinked as Rainbow Dash seamlessly lowered herself into the suddenly unoccupied chair, stamping down a small lilac scented dust cloud Rarity had left behind. “Where were we?” 

“In the middle of discussing fencing lessons as I recall,” Nightcharger chuckled. “Greetings Ms. Rainbow. Congratulations on your success at the Equestria Games!” 

“It was a group effort.” Dash shrugged, mostly to show off her shoulders and her totally awesome humility. “Luckily I was part of the group.” 

“Oh, I’m sure. I’m surprised the Befrienders haven’t considered you during this recent unpleasantness!”  

“Y’know, funny story! Iron Mage was just here…But I can fill ya in over dance classes.” 

“You mean fencing lessons.” 

“I said what I meant.” 

“What have you done?” Spider-Pony was hanging from the ceiling and into her face, pointing irritably in Rarity and Deerdevil’s direction. 

“Played Cadence,” Dash muttered, flapping a wing to make him back off. “Speaking of, in the middle of something here!” 

“Would Cadence have started a dread pact that could potentially destroy or conquer Equestria?” Spidey alternated between glaring at her and the Deer Without Fear. “No, don’t you smile at that, you—!” 

Deerdevil said something that made Rarity laugh. 

“Guten aben, Spinnenpony.” Nightcharger relaxed back in his seat, balancing it on his tail as he enjoyed the show. “Something to drink, perhaps?”

Dash smiled, or at least bared her teeth. “He was just leaving!“

“Hey, ‘Charger.” Spidey waved vaguely at one of the few Hex-Ponies with any chill, focusing on Dash. “When you’re busy not plunging us into a thousand years of flirty darkness, grubs up in ten minutes.”

“I’ll make the most of it,” Dash said firmly, tugging on his gross line so he bungeed up into the rafters and resumed leaning on her table. “Y’know, my wings, your tail, there’s a lot of dexterity in here tonight. A mare could get ideas!”

“Your version of a Fastball Special did show a distinct creativity.” 

“Flattery will get you almost everywhere!” 

“By the way,” Spidey said as he swung down, buzzing the table, “Sleipnir’s looking for you. She's over there with the Warrior's Three, by the jukebox.” 

“Great, now Asgard off!” Dash snapped, waving irritated hoofs and wings. Then blinked. “Huh. Wonder why?” 

“Perhaps we can ask her.” Nightcharger held out a hoof. 

Rainbow sensed she probably shouldn’t, but that smile, that raised eyebrow, those horns. His grip was pretty cool too, maybe something about cloven hooves and those evening gloves…

BA—

An instant sorta all over ripple. Purple smoke and rushing darkness. Aw man, that smell. Thank sun he was pretty because seriously, that smell! 

—MF!

“Guten aben, Mighty One!” Nightcharger’s voice was perfectly clear as Dash felt the world around her solidify, background noise still watery. “I believe you have business with my dear friend here?” 

“Ah, the thanks of the Golden Realm to you, elfin one!” A leg with Rarity’s grace and the size of Big Mac’s gripped Rainbow’s in a wing juddering shake as the Shining Steed herself grinned at her. “Greetings young quickster, we meet again! Now, it has reached our ears--Fandral, stop laughing! We believe there has been talk of mead…?”


8


“That cannot be legal,” Applejack said again. 

“I know!” Rainbow Dash grinned at the Celestia sized keg lashed to her back. “Bet that’ll make it taste even more awesome!” 

They were drawing the odd looks from the ponies of mystery and action at other tables because the keg being from Asgard meant that, overly ornate as it was, it was also king sized and aggressively decorated, making it look like an explosive simply biding its time. Dash’s enthusiasm added to the effect somehow. 

Fluttershy was craning to take the whole thing in, trying to resist the urge to sink and shimmy under the table. “That was very…nice of Ms. Slepnir.”

“Perfect way to wash all this down.” Dash patted her stomach as staff tried to manoeuvre around the keg to clear away their decimated plates. “Hey, great spread you guys put on here. Tell Ms. Stars compliments to the chef!” 

“You might wanna go easy,” Spidey chuckled, pulling down his mask as he handed over his last pitcher of the night. “I mean, Asgardian anything after that many hay fries?” 

“Some of us only indulge the vice of a pinch too much salad dressing,” Rarity said, preening, “so they shall be just fine.” 

“I’ll take that action.” Dash grinned at the Unicorn's smirk. “Oh, speakin’ of. Here.”

Johnny blinked but held out a hoof as she rustled a bag out of her wings, emptying most of it into his pad. “Uh…”

“’Ay,b,k!” 

“What?”

“Payback!” Dash smacked her lips slightly after returning the bag to her feather pocket. “For covering me with Mr. Big Shot! The guy who looks like he couldn’t decide if he was goin’ to Comic Con or a renaissance fair?” 

Johnny blinked. “Oh! Right!” 

He gingerly stashed the tower of cash in his collar, aware of the bulk of his still full wallet next to it as the magic compressed them. Dash had never been happy about money around him. He wondered if she was just glad to be rid of him now or if the prospect of mead had her in that good a mood. 

“Still say I would’ve nailed it if the underside of that table wasn’t so dusty,” Spidey muttered.

“Yeah, well, ya didn’t.” Pinkie held out a hoof to effortlessly accept a cackling Dash’s hoof slap. 

“I’m not sure we should be throwing money around just like that,” Twilight gulped. She was looking at the bill and wondering how, with her Bachelors, she’d missed all those hay fries and root beers adding up. “Um, let’s see…I’ve got 10-gems on me left over from my stipend…” 

“I can--” Spike began.

“No, that’s okay Spike,” Twilight and Spidey said at once. Spike fumed with impotence and pre-adolescent irritation as they looked into each other’s eyes, swept away on a tide of maternal Harmony. 

“I can cover everypony,” Johnny offered. 

“Thanks, but no thanks,” Applejack said, fishing her wallet out of her hat brim. “We Ponyvilleians like to show our respect for hospitality like this.”

“Well said, Jackie!” Rarity conjured her current clutch. “Know I’ve got a juicy 20-piece gem in here somewhere…”

“I can chip in 19-bits.” Dash spread both wings, trying to remember where she’d stashed the remains of her winnings. “Unless you wanna hang onto your share, Pinkie? Wouldn’t have ‘em without you!” 

“Aw Dashie, but that’s fine! In fact, put me down for 19-bits too.” Pinkie shook her tail over the table, everypony flinching as bric-a-brac cascaded onto the wood. “Uh, well, a 10-piece gem, nine bits, some streamers and an emergency sundae kit, I guess. Wondered where that got to. Oh hey, my samoflange!”

“Is that…” Johnny squinted. “Is that a fake Princess Celestia head?”

“Yep.”

“…why?”

“Just in case!” 

“Here!” Fluttershy nosed over some bits. Twilight looked back and forth between the bill and the growing pile, looking relieved  as she conjured her own contribution. And bundled up Pinkie’s excess stuff. 

“This oughta do it.” Spidey pulled a voucher out of one of his gloves. “20-gems, courtesy of Damage Control!”

“Oh, no!” Twilight insisted, reaching for it and he slid it next to her neat rows of change. “You two have been wonderful this evening and you have rent--”

“Tip,” Spidey explained, tapping to indicate the distance he’d left between them. 

“Oh, I see. But I insist on splitting the change!” 

“No need, but your call,” Johnny said and smiled as he and Rarity finished combining their own contribution. Spike watched with envy as their hooves brushed against each other when Johnny slid the roll of gems over to Twilight. “So, what’s next? Manehattan Mall’s on the way home if you guys’d like any souvenirs. Or Dragon Town’s just a few blocks from here.”

“You’re kiddin’!” Applejack stifled a yawn. “It’s the back‘a ten. I thought Webs had work like the rest of us and you’d…uh, whatever it is you do.” 

“Live the life fantastic.” Johnny flashed her a tropical getaway smile. 

“Sure.” 

Applejack’s complete lack of susceptibility left him pouring all that charm into a void, where it froze and drifted away into hopeless oblivion. He got a weird Sue vibe off her for some reason. 

“He means it,” Dash muttered, adjusting her keg straps. “I got tomorrow off but even then, we score this baby and we’re not gonna have a nightcap?” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Twilight said. “After I put Spike to bed. No, don’t look at me like that. You’ve gotten away with enough tonight.” 

“Like looking after you in the morning isn’t gonna be punishment enough.” Spike folded his arms and looked up at Spidey. “Seriously, eleven outta ten times I’m the one making sure she gets at least five hours sleep. And that’s without the hard stuff!” 

“On that note,” Spidey cut in quickly before Twilight could say anything, and loudly to carry over Rarity and Rainbow’s laughter, “love to say goodbye back at the apartment, but I’ve gotta check out Dragon Town.”

Fluttershy blinked. “For souvenirs?” 

“I wish! Somepony at F.E.A.S.T. mentioned Mr. Leaf’s opening some new properties in the area and that probably means the Inner Demons’ll be skulking around. They’ve really got it in for that guy for some reason! Wanna make sure they don’t leave any boobytraps in his construction sites, or worse.”

“Want any back up?” Rainbow and Johnny asked simultaneously. They blinked at each other then quickly looked away.

Spidey’s mask and lenses wrinkled slightly in a way Johnny and Twilight had come to know meant he was smirking. “Flames and rainbows? Just the thing for an evening of stealthy reconnoitring!” 

Dash turned around, almost biffing Applejack’s nose with the keg to make sure it didn’t obscure her rude tail gesture. 

“There’s a 50/50 chance they won’t even show up, Dash,” Peter chuckled. “Besides, already talked to Misty and Crimson. They’ll call it in to the M.E.U.P. and check out some of the other places themselves.” 

“Eh, guess there’s no point then,” Dash decided, nodding since her bounty made shrugging impossible, “and they're just minions. You even meet their boss yet?”

Spidey’s lenses narrowed. “Not yet.” 

“But there’s a reckoning on the horizon.” Johnny formed a flaming Spidey mask, complete with a Viking helmet. “And when that day comes…!” 

The Elements laughed. Even Spike did, begrudgingly. Spidey cocked his head to take in the horns. “…that’s actually not a bad look for me.” 

“You’re welcome.” Johnny extinguished the mask and beamed at the Elements. “Don’t worry Twilight, I’ll make sure he doesn’t web himself to anything embarrassing.

“I appreciate it,” Twilight chuckled. “Thank you both, this has been...um...”

“Awesome!” Rainbow Dash supplied. 

“Delightful," Rarity said primly, stepping up to shake Johnny’s hoof. “Tonight has been delightful. Perhaps we’ll pop in again sometime.”

“Right,” Johnny smiled, even though she kept glancing at the corner where Nightcharger was chatting about sword techniques with Blade and Crimson Wings. 

“Do you guys do holidays down here?” Pinkie asked. “Are there superhero holidays?!”

“Not everyone here is a superhe--” Spidey began. 

“Multiple options? I like it. Does Ms. Star’s need help event planning?” 

“Pinkie, wait!” Applejack and Twilight reached for Pinkie but only wound up conking heads as she dived into a pot plant and sprouted next to a startled Plucky behind the bar. “Consarn it!” 


***


“Are you sure?” Twilight asked as everypony except Rainbow and Spike hurried off to try and rescue Plucky. 

“Mmm?”

“That you don’t want any help with these…Demon thingies.” Twilight fought down a yawn. Flying was becoming less new and more comfortable every day but, the way her meal was settling, she wasn’t sure she was going to be able to crawl for the subway ride back to Yancy Street. “It wouldn’t be any trouble…” 

“You left your Mare Do Well costume back in Ponyville.” 

“Who said I needed it?” Twilight smirked into the lenses. “And besides, did we ever really need an excuse for Princess Celesta’s faithful student to be seen next to that menace?” 

“Point,” Peter chuckled. 

It had been nice just broadsiding the Maggia and the Tracksuit Draculas then ordering out like that. He still smiled at the memory of Silver Scream’s face. And Twilight wasn’t even an Alicorn at the time! 

“What happened to your hat again?”

“Gave it to Rarity for a custom Waxing Gibbous outfit.”

“Aww!”

“But AJ lent me hers. The purple wide brim thing, I mean. Ponyville doesn’t really need a hero--”

“Not since I started taking the job more seriously,” Dash said as she nodded gravely. 

“You just needed a little…perspective.” Twilight smiled gently at her before turning back to Spidey. “Anyway, I kind of like having the outfit around. Just in case I ever need to go off the grid!” 

“Off the grid,” Peter repeated flatly. 

“That’s the term, shut up.” She swatted at his spider logo. “But fine, I won’t cramp your style. Just promise me you’ll at least take Johnnycake along? For my peace of mind?”

Dash quirked a brow. “I thought you wanted to protect the guy, Twilight.”

“Nicely timed!” Spidey chuckled. 

“Cheers! And don’t you worry about her showing ya up, Webs. This stuff on my back will probably put her outta commission for the rest of the night. Probably the week.” 

Twilight scowled. “You know I’ve technically got the metabolism of all three tribes now, right?” 

“Yeah, but you don’t have mine. Face down, in your tankard, murmuring constellations in your sleep, just like Luna’s last jubilee! A hundred bits!” 

“What is it with you and gambling tonight?!” Twilight waved irritably at the bar. “And will you put them out of their misery and get Pinkie already?”

“Surprised they never remember this,” Dash sneered, then stuck two wingtips in her mouth, startling the bar with a short but piercing whistle. A startled Spidey leapt onto the wall, next to a print of a tired looking Celestia in armour alongside the troops at the liberation of Somnambula.

“What’s up?” Pinkie beamed, leaning upside down into Dash's face as she balanced on the tip of the keg. 

“Us!” Dash grinned. “Gotta get a taste of that sweet, sweet mead!”

“Hay yeah!” Spike rubbed his paws together, slowing when he saw Twilight’s face, any protests sandblasted back down his throat. 


9


It took two trips back up the elevator carriage to get the keg and everypony back to street level. Rainbow Dash enlisted the Daughters of the Dragon and Fluttershy in getting her trophy into the space, arguing with Misty Knight about how technically only Asgardian magic counted as contraband. 

“So Asgardian liquor is what, a chemical weapon?” Night muttered, wiping her brow with her crystal leg. “Sounds right.”

“Oh for…” Dash rolled her eyes as she took a strap, squeezing into the space the keg had barely left between itself and the seats. “Look, either bust me or drop it!”

“Way I figure whatever that stuff does to you is more punishment than I could ever dish out!” 

“That’s her way of saying she had fun tonight,” Crimson Wings smiled, leaning against the un-shuttered doorway. “See you on top of the theatre on Grand Street, Spidey. If we don’t, we probably found something.” 

“Ditto,” Spidey agreed, nodding at her. “Thanks, Wings. Johnny, if I promise to buy you a shiny new train set will you puh-LEEZ make sure the Elements make it back home in one piece?” 

“You know about the magic princess-portal in my apartment?!” The Daughters turned from arguing with Dash to blink at Johnny, his expression stunned but his eyes flashing with the joy of revenge. “Goodness gracious Twilight, we really must have a talk with that coltfriend of yours! Look at the sort of ragamuffin he’s entrusting with your arcane secrets! I must apologise for my choice in roommates, I really must!” 

“Portal, huh?” Night’s eyes narrowed. “And you were going to mention that when…?”

“When it came up, Detective,” Twilight smiled thinly. “Because it’s my business, not the city’s.”

“Fair.” Night shrugged. Twilight blinked as she held out her flesh and blood foreleg for a shake. “Hope we have more nights like this.”

“Uh…?”

“Quiet ones. You fillies are fun when the sky’s not turning blood red.” 

“You ain’t so bad when you’re not blamin’ Tambulon cultists on us, Detective,” Applejack said with a wink and tipped her hat. “Take care. These Demon fellas sound like a pain.”

“Can I assume their choice means all the good nom de gurres have been taken?” Rarity asked, waving as the Daughters of the Dragon vanished into the maze of alleys back to the real world. “You alright over there, Rainbow?”

“Don’t think I tied this thing back on properly!” 

Dash was staggering back and forth across the lot, trying not to rear as the keg swung precariously, dragging her with it. The loose cord whipped into the air suddenly. “Agh! Look out!” 

“I gotcha!” Spider-Pony’s hooves blurred, Dash blinking at the sudden stability. He hadn’t even used his webs. 

“Huh. Sturdy. Thanks!” 

“Just don’t drown anypony with that stuff and we’ll call it even.”

“Nice work.” Applejack admired the knot he’d used to secure the loose cord and a tighter one he’d managed around Rainbow’s waist to secure the whole thing. “Where’d ya pick that up? Web-slingin’?” 

“One of the most important skill of the Lad Pioneers.” Spidey gave Twilight her goodbye peck on the cheek and hopped onto the chain link fence. 

“Huh!” Applejack beamed pointing to herself, Dash and Rarity. “Filly Scouts all! Didn’t know you were in the competition!” 

“Never said I was!” Spidey called back, springing to the lowest rooftop. They heard the thwip and rush of wind as he swung into the night. 

“I don’t get that guy.” Dash shook her head. Then grinned. “So, who wants the next taste after mine?” 


10


“I’m just saying!” Rarity protested the next morning, as she and Applejack made their way down Market Street. “Sweet Water Spa was right on the other side of the woods! The amount of skill with the compass it took to chart the course should have gotten me a badge all on its own!” 

“Y’ever think maybe the reason there’s no rule against redirectin’ your troupe route is ’cause they figured it was such an obvious thing not to do?” Applejack smirked. 

“Well, if they hadn’t left the map unattended like that...” 

“You’d probably still’ve been caught. Not that many fillies at camp with Istallion mascara.”

“Was it my fault youth organisational cartography in the ’90s was so bland?” Rarity huffed, almost aristocratically tossing her sun hat off. “I was trying to match the lines.” 

“Rares, it glowed in the dark.” 

“It was through some particularly dense foliage! I wanted to make sure they could see it! You know, for the good of the troupe.” 

“Sometimes I wonder if you were tryin’ to get kicked out or somethin’,” Applejack grinned. “I mean, it didn’t even occur to ya the evidence was all over your face the next mornin’?” 

“Mother said it’d build character,” Rarity beamed back. “When that mare from camp came around to tell her everything she said yes, that was quite enough thank you, and cancelled my membership right there on the doorstep.”

They laughed as they turned onto Ponyville Plaza, heading for the library. 

“I love that story.”

“I know.” Rarity winced and held out a hoof. “Mmph. Hit me.”

“Creeps up on ya, don’t it?” Applejack passed her an apple from the satchel at her side and took one for herself. “Tasted great though, I thought!”

“A mite metallic for my liking but not bad, yes.” 

Rarity felt better for the sweetness of her bite. She’d gone through an entire bunch of bananas this morning and that feeling of a honey laced hammer still kept coming back. 

“It’s a bit like your first pies, actually. You’re not sure what you’ve just taken so you take some more. Too bad you never wrote those recipes down, you could’ve patented them. Started a chain.” 

“Eh, I’d have to be honest about what went into ‘em.” Applejack winked then looked up at the sky. Some of the weather team were trying to haul clouds across town to the fields. “Takin’ a while up there, aren’t they? Rainbow’s usually woken up from oversleepin’ and whipped the sky into shape by now.” 

“And I have a sneaking suspicion why not,” Rarity leered, beckoning her to one of the treehouse’s windows. 

Applejack blinked at the still uncollected mail then trotted up to join her.

Most of the curtains were drawn, the closed sign hung from one of the branches but with Twilight that could mean anything:

‘I’m trying to paint over some burn marks, haha, no, don’t look too closely at them, they’ll see you. Magic.’
‘Princess Celestia finally gave in and let me have a sensory deprivation tank! The system works!’ 
‘Help, help, I’ve accidentally given my boyfriend four extra legs! Again!’

On the other hoof, last night Applejack had watched Fluttershy cheer Twilight on as she tried to balance upside down on her wings and drink the homebrew of the Gods through a straw, so it didn’t take Rarity’s amateur detective skills to put it together. 

The warm, earthy dimness of the Golden Oak’s living room. Shapes slumped over couches. Spike made his way over, carrying cleaning supplies on tip toes and saw them. He shook his head hurriedly, expression pleading. 

“Don’t,” Applejack said with no sincerity and a grin on her face. 

Rarity gleefully slammed the kitchen’s back door open as if delivering a jaunty murder accusation. “Gooood morning everypony! Gracious, almost noon now! Lovely, sunny day outside! Who fancies a picnic?” 

“Overdoing it,” Twilight muttered blearily into her pillow. 

“That’s what ponies would probably say if they could see you now, yes dear.” 

Rarity skipped merrily into the disturbed shadows of the living room to get a better view of the devastation. She wasn’t disappointed. 

“Twilight I get, but what’re you girls doing here? I distinctly remember Applejack having to tie you together to get you back home.” 

“It’s supposed to be quiet in here,” Dash snarled under her breath, readjusting the cloud stuff she’d torn off to use as an ice pack. 

“Aunty Posy…?” Fluttershy asked groggily, head wobbling out from under a blanket. 

“Still in jail, darling. Go back to sleep.”

“’Kay.” 

“What do you want.” Twilight opened one eye to frown lopsidedly at Rarity. She hadn't had the energy for a question mark. 

“Why, only the best for you Twilight!” Rarity skipped over, readjusting the blanket she’d managed to pull over her ruffled wings. “Make sure you’re properly hydrated, caught up on your mail, that sort of thing. ♪Oh, Applejack! ♪”

“Yeah, yeah…” There was the rustling of paper outside. “Spike, they had anythin’ to eat yet?”

“We’re waiting on it,” the dragon said, and shrugged helplessly at the glares Twilight and Dash were giving him. Loyalty and sympathy were one thing, but they seriously expected him to stand up to Rarity? Alone? 

Applejack walked in, dumping Twilight and Spike’s mail on a table but hanging onto Twilight’s copy of The Derby Bugle. “Somethin’ sweet, that’s what you’ll need. Got some apples right here for jucin’ if you’ll fire up some coffee. Got any peanut butter?” 

“There,” Rarity cooed, tucking a helpless Twilight in, “isn’t that sweet of her?”

“And what’ll you be doin’?” Dash muttered, straining to reach her shades from where they’d fallen. 

“Marvelling at the fortitude of the Pegasus metabolism, naturally.” Rarity’s leering teeth glowed ethereally as she telekinetically snatched them up and slowly lowered them over her victim’s hate filled red(der) eyes. 

“That’s a nice hat,” Dash said simply. “Andelusian?” 

Rarity adjusted it proudly. “Oh, how nice of you to notice.”  

“Yeah, I’m gonna throw up in it at the first opportunity.” 

“You beast!” Rarity flung herself backwards, almost tripping over Spike as she clutched the brim protectively. 

“I’ll cast whatever spell you like on you if you make sure her head’s still in the way when you do,” Twilight grumbled, pulling the blanket tighter around herself. She winced at the sound of squelching apples from the kitchen. 

“You know exactly what spell I want,” Dash muttered. 

“No.”

“Twilight, for the love of Celestia…”

“Okay, you know how you feel now?” Twilight sat up to glare properly. “I feel the exact same, and you want me to shoot the fundamental force of our reality into your bloodstream?”

“What’s this about blood now?” Applejack emerged with a tray of peanut butter and jelly covered toast while Spike hurried behind her with a pitcher of fresh apple juice. They could smell coffee brewing. 

Twilight smiled grimly, accepting a cup. “Rainbow Dash wants me to magically remove her sun blasted mead from our systems. Which, for the record, would not be enjoyable even if I was 50% sure I could cast it properly.” She took a sip and leaned over venomously. “You hear that, Dannii? I threw in a percentage!” 

“Throw this,” Dash muttered. Her wing twitched and went limp. 

Twilight sat up a little to take some toast. “What was that supposed to be?” 

“Rude wing gesture. Did it work?”

“No.” 

“Blegh.” Dash’s shades slipped down slightly, allowing her to glare better as Applejack leaned over her. “You’re lovin’ this.” 

“I cannot tell a lie,” Applejack smirked and waved some toast inches from her snout. 

Dash held out for two heartbeats and then lunged, jaws clamping furiously around sweet, crusty salvation. 

“Oh-ho, she lives! Where’s Ms. Mead anyway? She was the belle of the ball the last we saw ya’ll.” 

“Dispersed it,” Twilight said thickly. “It had to pay.”

“Uh huh. Say, where’s Pinkie?” 

“M’gm’ph.” Dash waved sadly at the pile of what they realised was soft toys in the corner. 

“Aunt Posy, no…” Fluttershy mumbled, “she’s a cabinet minister…Oh dear…” 

“Pinkie? Darling?” Rarity made to prod the pile. She realised what she was doing, conjured a handkerchief, wrapped it tight around her hoof and prodded. 

An incongruously happy Luna plushie tumbled off, revealing a pink mane. “b’d.”

“Huh?” Applejack leaned closer. 

Pinkie opened one watery blue eye. “Bad!” 

Rarity and Applejack flinched as they caught sight of her tongue. It wasn’t Poison Joke bad, but not by much.

“I got her,” Rainbow winced, taking a glass and gesturing at the still open jar of peanut butter on Applejack’s tray. “You got another jar of this stuff, yeah? Fantastic.” 

Rarity watched in fascinated horror as Dash tipped the juice into the peanut butter and swirled it around. She leaned down to Pinkie’s grateful lips, stroking her mane. “Theeere we go, babe. That’s it.”

“Aunt Posy, no!” Fluttershy sat up frantically. “It’s just a clerical error! Ow! Oh…um…Morning everypony…” 

“So, ah, now that the gang’s all up and…well, up,” Spike said gingerly, “what, uh, what do you wanna do if the princess sends something this morning?”

Twilight muttered something darkly through her second mouthful of toast. 

“Sorry?”

“Tell her an ursa major sat on us, I don’t know.” Twilight ran a hoof through her mane. “Ugh, I wouldn’t even be moving if I didn’t need a shower. No wonder those Asgardians are so happy half the time and dour the rest. Where’d you put the mail, AJ? I really only want the paper.”

“You, uh, sure about that?” Applejack’s look had nothing to do with the guilt of having started reading it. 

“Brain needs stimulation,” Twilight said, managing to fully stand. “Besides Status Quo’s new feature’s just been getting better and better!” 

“Okay, but…” Applejack looked around, scowling and swatting as Rarity tried to lean in for a peek. “Ya gotta brace yourself an’ not overreact, alright?” 

“Why would I?” Twilight asked, scrunching her eyes shut at the fact she even asked. 

Applejack led her over to a nice, quiet corner. Showed her the headline. It took a few attempts because the photo wasn’t in colour and Twilight’s vision still wasn’t great. 

When it cleared, she screamed. Everypony jumped as she rose into the air glowing purple, screaming now gargled and hacking. She dropped to the floor and rounded on them, eyes still glowing. The still recovering Elements shuddered and gibbered as their own eyes and mouths lit up with her light. 

“SUN BLAST IT!” Rainbow Dash flapped in a hysterical circle, clawing at her temples. “What the hay was that?!” 

“You wanted an instant cure!” Twilight’s smile was as in control as a nosediving zeppelin. “Welcome to the fast-paced world of Magically Accelerated Healing Doesn’t Solve Anything! I need everypony in fighting form! Not fighting! The other thing! It’s soft! I don’t care! Be ready!”

Dash covered her eyes as Twilight flung herself into her own floor, vanishing in a splash of love magic. “Ready for what?!” 

“I think we’re about to have company,” Applejack said, sheepishly holding up the front page. “And he, ah, mighta had a rougher night than you guys.”

The other four Elements and Spike clustered around to get a better view. Even with better vision it took a while and a few head turns to make out what they were supposed to be looking at. They all winced simultaneously. 


11


“Honestly, it’s not as bad as it looks,” somepony was saying through the pulsing darkness. 

“He looks like…well, what happened to him happened to him!” Twilight’s voice. A beat. “What happened to him?!” 

“Well he took off last night--”

“Did those Demon people do this?!” Purple light through slits. Were his eyes closed? 

“No, we creamed them, actually. Things didn’t get too hairy until whatshisface showed up.”

“Whatshisface?” Twilight asked in sync with his own question. “Oh, the master of disguise!”

“No! You know! The guy who hates him!” 

“Uh…” Twilight let the obvious need for clarification hang in the air. 

Peter Trotter (Right, that was his name! That had been driving him nuts.) felt his eyes fighting to open so he could start rebooting and ask these questions himself, but there was a strange, numb flaring with his slightest movement. Even existing felt painful and oddly…musical. 

“He wears his old costume! The living one!”

“The symbiote?” Twilight gasped and it felt like someone had lowered him a cord made of the worst sound he’d ever heard. He began to climb it, desperate to get rid of the panic in her voice. “Baroque Edifice! What did that monster do?!” 

“He’s gotten it into his head that he needs to…replace Pete or something, I don’t know. The guy has an actual voice in his head!” 

“He’s a hero now?!” 

“No,” Johnnycake’s voice said as vehemently as Peter himself would have. The gratitude buoyed him up through the fog. “Poison Pony’s started going after the Demons because they’re the new big noise in town and he thinks it’ll help prove something.”

He sighed, making Peter’s world shudder slightly. “I’m sorry, Twilight. That thing’s vulnerable to heat, I should’ve tired harder. I was only even in the area because I was following Crimson for something to do.”

“No, it’s okay Johnny.” He could hear her smile and began climbing harder, faster to see it again. “I know you did everything you could.” 

“If I had then this wouldn’t have…” Johnny sighed again. “Though in a weird way, I guess it’s Mr. Leaf’s fault? I mean, a piano emporium’s one thing but you’d think they’d be secured better! There’s codes!”

“Pianos?” Twilight was swimming into his vision now, her head turning on and off. No, no, she was blinking. “That’s what those were in The Bugle? But surely Peter’s spider-sense…oooh.”

“Right.” Johnny had an apologetic smile on behalf of either Peter or the universe. “Symbiote doesn’t set it off.” 

“So…are…are you saying…?”

“Yeah.” Johnny came into focus as he nodded. “Poison Pony dropped a bunch of pianos on him.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Peter said, sitting upright in bed, consciousness restored from sheer indignation. And stifling a scream from just how many bandages he’d just pulled against.


To be Continued

> Slight Learning Sensation (4)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


12


Last night I talked to the Sentinel of Fairness herself an’ drank mead from the realm of the Valkyries, Applejack mused, portal light dancing across her face. Now, I’m doin’ whatever this is. Where was all this when Mac was the big colt on campus, huh? 

She was hovering by the portal’s edge, waiting with Rainbow Dash for Twilight to levitate her boyfriend’s bed through the hole carved in space between his bedroom and her living room. 

“But Twilight, my responsibility!” Peter whined, gripping the headboard with the foreleg that wasn’t in a sling. 

“Is to stay right here where I can keep an eye on you!” Twilight’s eyes were glowing purple as she rose smiling out of the swirling radiance. You got used to it. “I mean, look after you!” 

“Have I mentioned my accelerated healing yet?” 

“Yep! Not accelerating enough as far as I’m concerned!” 

“Accelerated healing.” 

Peter tried to turn to get Dash into view as she took the weight of the back while AJ managed the foot. “What?”

“How is that whatever a spider can?” 

“Proportionate strength and speed mean I’ve gotta have equalised systems to handle them, so…” Peter tried to shrug and clenched his teeth at silent klaxons blaring up and down his legs. 

“So ya reckon you can go galivantin’ around on the roofs like a jackrabbit after four courses of jumpin’ beans ’cause if you rip your stitches, what, you’ll only be back to square two ‘n‘ a half instead of one?” Applejack asked wryly. “Land sakes, Pete!” 

“What she said,” Johnny grunted by Peter’s right ear, positioned next to Dash. Which just made this whole climbing stairs manoeuvre even more precarious to him. Then again if they did get into a shouting match and drop him at least he’d run them over instantly… 

“Besides, if it’s so great you won’t have to stay long,” Twilight trilled, magically rearranging every item of furniture in the guest room. “Until then, you’ll be nice and cosy in here and not doing something foolish like, oh I don’t know, trying to catch falling helicopters with only one working foreleg.”

“Honey, I appreciate it but the city--” 

“Will be fine, right gentlemen?” 

“We’ll cope, Ms. Twilight,” Deerdevil grunted as he helped Applejack turn the foot of the bed sideways so they could start gently lowering it. “I’ve been meaning to give Iron Hoof a, uh, hoof with these Inner Demons anyway.”

“But Aunt May--” 

“Told us to make sure you didn’t try anything dumb like going after Poison Pony. Well, she didn’t use the word dumb but seriously, it’d be dumb.” Johnny peered around the headboard to see what was holding AJ and DD up. “Uh, there’s already a bed in here…?”

“Not anymore!” Twilight beamed, nostrils flaring like a wave of anti-matter consuming a helpless universe and banishing the bed in a blast of purple. 


***


Miles away, Big Mac looked up from the instructions he wasn’t sure weren’t upside down to see a perfectly fine bed had materialised over the mess he’d made of that Gotland kit, shrugged, and tossed the manual out the window.


***


Peter petulantly folded his forelegs as he finally came to rest. “You guys wouldn’t let this stop you!” 

“Maybe, but nopony dumped a buttload of abstract art on us.” Dash wiped her brow. 

“They were pianos,” Peter said before he could stop himself. 

Deerdevil winced as Dash collapsed to the floor, pounding it with laughter. He raised a brow as he sensed Johnny’s biorhythms reacting to the sound. Almost like he’d missed it. 

“Maybe I should ward the doors and windows,” Twilight murmured to herself, “make sure you don’t try and trot back to the city…”

“I’m fine!” Peter protested, then doubled over gagging. They all stared at his lap. The three piano keys sitting in it. “…alright, alright!” 

He flopped back on the pillow, sighing. 

“I’d still keep an eye on him, Princess,” Deerdevil smiled, putting a hoof on her shoulder. Peter’s eyes narrowed as Matt turned to smirk at him. “But don’t worry, I’ll put the word out. Recently upgraded the grapnels in my clubs, so I can drag him back here myself if that’s what it’ll take.”

“Oh, thank you Mr…Devil! That’s very considerate.” 

“Hey everypony,” Peter said coldly, “guess what: my lawyer is Deerdevil.” 

“Stone cold.” Johnny leaned fondly against the headboard. “I’m almost proud!” 

“Mr. Maplewood?!” Twilight boggled as the Guardian Devil’s eyes seemed to glow even redder. “But, but, but…but you had that shirt!” 

“What’d I tell ya?!” Applejack glared around the room. “Didn’t I say? Ya can’t trust those things!” 

Rainbow’s face scrunched with insatiable curiosity and unaccustomed tact. “Uh, no offence man, but aren’t you…y’know…?”

“Magic tree sap in the eyes when I was a kid.” Deerdevil gestured to the living room floor. “Would you mind, Princess?” 

“Hmm? Oh, certainly!” Twilight’s horn flashed, opening the portal. “I can’t think of any way to say this politely that won’t sound worse than the actual question, so…could I scan your brain? Sometime?” 

“At least you’re honest,” Deerdevil chuckled. “Hello Ms. Belle, how long were you listening?”

“Depends on what I wasn’t supposed to hear.” 

Twilight’s head snapped to the staircase the same instant Johnny half lunged out of the doorway. Rarity had recovered from the shock of being (somehow) spotted and was lounging cat-like on the landing. 

“Hey, been looking for you!” Johnny announced, pointedly dropping next to her. “Since my poor, poor roommate was so cruelly struck down by fate, I consider it my duty to swing by as much as possible. But! We must give Twilight space to administer to her patient, so perhaps you could squire me about town for a change?”

“Show you where all the unattached fillies hang out, you mean,” Rarity chuckled. 

“Uuuuh…” Johnny’s brain sparked as the twin realities of No and Absolutely accidentally initiated at once and crashed his operating system.

“It’ll keep you out of trouble if I take this trip I’m planning.” Rarity’s eyes sparkled in the portal light. “You see, what with my brand expanding I’ve been wondering if I shouldn’t seek out more…experienced legal counsel. You wouldn’t happen to know anyone, Devil Dear?” 

“You’re the resourceful sort, I’m sure you’ll find the right firm for you.” That crooked smile. “Gotta admit though, I’m really only waiting on your friends so I can make a dramatic exit.” 

Rarity blinked. “Beg pardon?” 

The door swung open. 

“Hey, sorry we’re late! Had to convince Nurse Redheart you weren’t self-medicating again, but we got Peter’s…stuff…” Spike finally managed to peer over his bags. “Oh wow!” 

Fluttershy flapped in carrying some of her mother’s famous Hepius Hurricane soup, took one look at Twilight standing by a hole in reality, backlighting a Deer wearing the Devil’s skin, and screamed. Johnny smirked as Matt clapped his hooves to his ears. 

“’Shy, it’s okay, it’s okay!” Pinkie somersaulted over the Pegasus to land in front of her, carrying her (prop comedy) medical bag. “He’s one of the good guys! Mr. Red! The one I told you about!” 

“Oh! You must be one of Trotter and Johnnycake’s friends!” Fluttershy blushed. “Um. Sorry. I hope I didn’t startle you.” 

“Likewise,” Deerdevil grunted. 

“Heya Mr. Red!” Pinkie bounced up. “How’s tricks ‘n‘ sticks?” 

“Good, Pinkie Pie,” Deerdevil smiled, holding out a foreleg strong enough to bounce a billy club off multiple opponents’ skulls from five yards away to accept Pinkie’s rapid shaking. “Was hoping to catch you before I left. The Gladia...Melvin says hi.”

“Aww, that’s cool!” Pinkie smiled, then darted her eyes side to side, leaning in conspiratorially. “Is he taking his…custom party mix?”

“Every day. Can I count on you to make sure our other mutual friend takes his?”

Pinkie’s eyes blink-blink-blinked.

“He means Peter’s medicine, darling,” Rarity said as she cocked her head slightly to get a better view of the Deer without Fear. Spike and Johnny fumed over which specific part. 

“Oh. Well if ya mean laughter, the greatest medicine of all, then absolutely-positootly!” Pinkie popped her bag open, oblivious to the fact Matt already had an idea of the contents. “Gonna make him pop a stitch, as we say on the ICU circuit.” 

“That’s a bad thing, Pinkie,” Twilight said sternly. “And I’m sure Ma—agh! My, uh, guest has a busy day in Hobbs Garden ahead, so we shouldn’t keep him. Actually, would you like me to alter the ley line so it drops you a little closer to home? It wouldn’t be any trouble.” 

“Very kind of you but I’d honestly enjoy the exercise,” Deerdevil smiled and nodded. “Besides, I believe I promised a dramatic exit. What’s a devil if he doesn’t keep his bargains?” 

“Oh brother,” Johnny muttered under his breath, loud enough for Matt and Rarity to hear. He caught Rainbow Dash smirking up at him and hurriedly glared at the wall. 

Matt took a few seconds warming up as payback, showing off those muscular forelegs to a rapt Rarity before launching himself into a Cirque du Soleil worthy aerial display he should not have been able to pull off in a crowded, two floor library. He winked at her upside down as he vanished into the portal. 


***


“Thought he’d never leave!” Johnny smiled, clapping and rubbing his hooves together. 

“He’s technically still in your apartment,” Dash said, pointing curtly over her shoulder. “Y’know, like you should be?”

“Without my dearest, closest friend in the business?!” Johnny placed a hoof over his 4 logo in ‘shock’. “Would it even be a hovel then? It certainly wouldn’t be a home! How could I live with myself and a fully stocked fridge knowing there was nopony here to make sure his soup was warm?!” 

“Hi,” Spike deadpanned, waving, “dragon.” 

He coughed suddenly, instinctively throwing his hand up so the tongue of flame could drop a scroll right into it. 

“What was that?” Peter called from the guest room. 

“Johnny farted!” Dash called back. Applejack and Rarity tried not laugh at the Torch’s expression. 

“Just a second, dear!” Twilight looked nervously over Spike’s shoulder. “Is the princess in trouble? Has Luna had another Canterlot Voice accident? It’s not that I don’t want to help, it’s just Peter’s sick and I’m not sure anything shy of Lavan being real and using Mount Destiny to cover us in a thousand years of ash could get me out there.” 

“I’m not sick!” Peter protested, limping onto the landing. “Okay, I’m banged up but I’m not s…I’m not si–s-s-s-sii-CHOO!” 

Fluttershy dived behind Pinkie, who managed to catch her Tupperware in her open medical bag, as another piano key ricocheted off a horse head bust behind her, sliding across the floor to Twilight’s hooves. 

She looked up at Peter dispassionately. He sighed and sat down heavily, startling everypony with the sound his butt made.

“What’s the hubbub, Spike?” Applejack asked quickly. 

“Uh…everypony might wanna take turns reading this.” Spike passed it to Twilight, a wary eye on Rarity. “I’m…not sure it’ll sound believable if I read it out loud.”


13


To my faithf

To Princess Twilight Sparkle, 

Apologies if this letter seems more hurried than most. I don’t know if you’ve all been keeping up with news in Canterlot but it’s been hectic lately. Thank goodness my mane moves so much or I’m sure it would be in a right state. Do ponies still say that? Irrelevant, forgive me for allowing my mind and quill to wander so much. Goodness, I haven’t even told you anything important yet. 

You may remember our nephew, Prince Blueblood. I understand your history with him was, sadly like many other ponies, far from a personal highlight for you. I’m sure you’ve at least once asked yourself why I do not keep a stricter eye on him. Certainly, I couldn’t apologise enough to poor Rarity for that night. 

I do not wish to alarm anypony, but recent events have meant placing the prince under surveillance is more of a priority now than ever before. 

I understand Rarity was there for the night of an attack on Blueblood’s person during a performance of Pegasi of Paradise. I thought I recognised her lines in the press kit! Bah, wandering again. As I have learned from our dearest sister Luna, he has been the target of several more in the past weeks alone. 

‘Target’ is perhaps the best choice of words, as the last attackers were a band of skilled mercenaries. But what worries me is that this is a break in a pattern that seemingly HAS no pattern. The ponies before this were, like Board Treader,you know, the fellow from Neighs of Our Lives an actor in the play, seemingly just in the vicinity.

Luna’s findings confirm a powerful enchantment affects the minds of these ponies, compelling them to attack Blueblood on sight. And the consistency of the acts seems to suggest this mastermind is stalking him, selecting unfortunate citizens to become their pawns. 

The last three were skilled enough to battle Captain Evening Rose. If Luna and I had not been on hoof several citizens could have been injured or worse. And I would have lost my nephew. 

My first instinct would be to take charge of this myself, or to pass it onto your brother, but I have my duties and he has his, especially with the recent Lashverian involvement in the weather crisis facing the Crystal Empire. I would even consider sending Blueblood far away for his own safety if his adversary didn’t seem determined enough to hunt him across the most guarded city in the kingdom. 

I don’t know wh

Despite the danger, I hope you shall not find it amiss if I charge ask you all for whatever help you can give. To help my family one more time. And, given the increasing severity of these attacks, perhaps Canterlot itself. 

Please respond as soon as possible. Again, please forgive the state of this letter. It has been a trying day and I fear there may be even more ahead. 

Yours,

Princess Celestia


14


“Pianos,” Celestia said.

“Yes,” Twilight grinned, worrying equally that she seemed happy about it and that her hasty spell hadn’t been the best substitute for actually cleaning her teeth. “Um.” 

“A lot of pianos,” Spike clarified gravely. 

“But it’s bein’…handled, your highness,” Applejack added, hoping she wasn’t lying. “An’ we’re all here for ya 110%!”

“And I appreciate that,” Celestia said with a nod of relief, “especially given Peter Trotter’s, uh…situation. Are you sure you’re alright being here, Twilight? If it was Lily I wouldn’t leave the house unless Arbarus was trying to drown us in a thousand years of rain and thunder or something.” 

“No, it’s…well, it’s not alright Princess, but he told me to do what I do best, so…” Twilight shrugged haplessly but smiled. She blinked. “Lily?”

“Somepony from before your time.” Celestia closed her eyes, still smiling. Well, the eye that wasn’t covered by her slightly repositioned mane. “I’m glad you’re all here nonetheless, although I must admit I was expecting a more Elemental response?” 

“The rest of the Fam’s off making sure Klaw and the Mole Maestro don’t get eaten by the extradimensional horrors they’re trying to bring to this plane, so I needed something to do,” the hovering Horseshoe Torch breezed, flexing. “And besides, Princess, can you really get more elemental than good old fashioned cosmic ray fire?” 

Spike and Applejack shared glances. Rainbow Dash would’ve made almost the exact same brag and flexed the exact same foreleg, but at least they’d know they could absolutely count on her. And she wasn’t on fire. 

“I’m glad to know national security ranks so highly on your list of priorities, Johnnycake,” Celestia smiled wryly. “Extradimensional horrors, you say?”

“It’s just the Mole Maestro, your highness!” The Torch shrugged. “And Klaw, so, y’know, the Panther swapped in for me almost instantly.” 

“Mmm, I may send somepony to the embassy to request a report, then.” 

“I know Johnny is literally a lot more firepower than we usually employ,” Twilight said quickly, “but, well, he was there and this enemy has upgraded to ponies a lot more dangerous than a butler!”

“It is Canterlot…” Spike pointed out. 

“But since somepony had to look after Peter anyway,” Twilight continued pointedly over him, “Applejack and I thought it would be a good idea to split up. Everypony back home can look after Peter and Ponyville, while the four of us can try and investigate the threat and counter it as a less high profile unit.”

“Fightin’ fire with fire.” Applejack glanced at the Torch. “That’s what you were gonna say, right?”

The Torch’s smirking lips glowed. “You’re good.”

“And the rest of your friends are more high profile than yourself, your dragon assistant, and members of two of the most historic families in Equestria?” Celestia smiled, though without any malice. 

“Compared to Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash?” Spike countered. 

“Spike!” Twilight chided then blushed and grinned. “But yeah, what he said.” 

“I dunno about historic, though I’ll take the compliment on behalf of my family ma’am,” Applejack said as she tipped her hat, also blushing, “but I do know Fluttershy’s the best pony you could have lookin’ after one coughin’ up piano keys, an’ when Rarity read about what’s goin’ on with your nephew she laughed for ten straight minutes.” 

“The one that makes her sound kinda like a happy Nightmare Moon,” Spike sighed dreamily. 

Johnny blinked his glowing eyes in realisation. “Oh wow. It totally does…” 

Applejack squinted. “How would ya know what she sounded like?”  

“Got stuck in an alternate universe where she took over and got whammied by Madcap. See? I’m the perfect point pony!”

“It’s Twi’s show, hot shot.” Applejack’s Thing solid body language brooked no argument. 

“Totally,” Johnny agreed, drifting over to the Element of Magic, “as in point me at the bad guys chief, I’ll totally blow ‘em away!” 

“Ooh, you have thermal draft powers?” Twilight looked him over as if appraising a new, floating lawnmower. “Those could come in handy if I can’t block any projectiles!”

“I have more talents than one mark should have to bear,” Johnny said, nodding his blazing head sombrely. 

A beat as the mares and the dragon realised, no, he’d meant it. 

“You could always rustle up the Befrienders?” Applejack grinned weakly. 

“Perhaps a few weeks ago, but I’m not sure that would be advisable given their current troubles,” Celestia sighed. “But I think I begin to see you girls’ logic. The Befrienders, though noble, are more power than the situation currently requires, and your group is not only diverse but can move and coordinate faster.”

“Right,” Twilight agreed. “Spike and I can easily insinuate into Blueblood’s royal(ish) circles, Johnnycake claims to have similar contacts all over the city, and that leaves Applejack free to do what she does best and uncover the truth!” 

“I’m no Shamrock Runes, but I’ll do my best,” Applejack agreed.  

Johnny raised a blazing eyebrow. "Claims?"

Twilight shrugged. “Well, you almost got lost on the way here, and you didn’t stop anypony to ask for directions.”

“Almost got lost at street level,” Johnny clarified. “I’m used to a Pegasi-eye view of the capital!” 

“Oh yeah, that’s gonna be a real help.” Applejack rolled her eyes. “Either we stick that low dow—ah, Blueblood with a trail of fire leadin’ right to him or a bodyguard who can’t tell Aqua Fortis Avenue’s elbow from the Cauldron’s tail!”

“Park Basin, thank you, Applejack.” Celestia frowned slightly at the inadvertent mention of one of her local personal embarrassments. “And Johnnycake can be easily furnished with a map if need be. I appreciate your help too, given I recently learned a few of Blueblood’s acquisitions came from dubious use of your family’s lease. This is surprisingly generous of you.” 

Johnny shrugged. “Eh, I’ve been hanging out with the Element herself a lot lately.”

“Yeah,” Spike muttered, “a lot.” Only Applejack noticed.

“Besides,” Johnny continued gravely, ”if anything happens to old Blue in the a—butt…ons, then the societal needle for what constitutes a jerk will have to shift. Can’t take the chance it lands on somepony like me!”

“Mmm, the Bro Code I believe is the term.” Celestia smiled drolly, sending a silent shockwave of Did That Just Come Out of HER Mouth?! across the generation gap and into her younger subject’s heads. 

“Since you brought up a map, perhaps we could have a copy of that insuffer—your nephew’s schedule?” Twilight asked in a desperate attempt to restore reality. 

“I’m not sure that would be wise even if he had one,” Celestia sighed. “All too easy to fall into enemy hooves. If this unseen nemesis is even equine at all. I really shouldn’t say this but perhaps it’s not such a bad thing Blueblood’s alienated as many assistants as he has.”

“Okay, no social calendar…” Twilight mused, frowning. “He must have a business itinerary at least?” 

“Luna made some enquires along those lines,” Celestia agreed, conjuring a folder. “There’s the question of whether or not he’ll stick to it but from what I’ve gathered the more lucrative the subject the more likely his presence.”

“This is a great place to start!” Twilight said, using her telekinesis and speed reading to reorganise the papers within to today’s date. “Hmm, we should probably find a tourist’s guidebook or something so we can keep tabs on the hottest…social…”

She and everyone else was staring at the flyers the Horseshoe Torch had retrieved from his collar and was offering to her. Unfortunately, he’d forgotten to flame off. One corner was already smouldering. 

“Whoops!” Johnny flapped it out quickly, flames and epidermis creeping back along his foreleg to restore half of it to normal. The rest of him remained merrily ablaze. “Anyway! The latest in Canterlot for the next two weeks!”

“Thanks…?” Twilight carefully took the still smoking leaflets in her telekinesis.

“No problem.” The Torch’s leg reignited, buffing his already glowing 4 crest. “Like Rarity never left, right?”

“Don’t look at me,” Applejack said as the princess and dragon turned to her. “Honesty, remember?” 

“Um, yes, right. We can now try and narrow down where Blueblood will be and where this enemy might be!” Twilight pumped a hoof with a determined smile. Which liquefied instantly. “Uh…where is he now, exactly?” 

“Well it’s past noon, so I imagine he’ll be waking up by now,” Celestia smiled half fondly. “Sassy Saddles has been very good at getting him to keep something close to respectable hours but she’s busy with work, I understand. When Blueblood’s not entertaining her at the family’s…well, our townhouse in Highgates, he’s usually found hopping between apartments in Eminence Terrace or Ramrod Row. I’ve included the addresses in the file.”

“He’s still headin’ home at the end of the day?” Applejack squinted. “I know those old houses have tons of fancy magic locks and whatnot, but if somepony’s huntin’ him…what, not even bodyguards?”

“Both neighbourhoods have a decent C.E.U.P. presence,” Celestia smiled ruefully, “but as with so many things what is shielding Blueblood through the current crisis is a certain level of obliviousness. In this instance, he seems to think he is in a play.”

A beat. 

“I’m sorry, what?” Spike said. He shrugged as the other three stared at him. “Somepony had to say it!” 

“…Luna.” Johnny facehoofed, sending up sparks. “At the Palladium, Princess Luna stopped a panic by telling everypony we were the Rads—”

“Nopony calls them that,” Twilight muttered under her breath. 

“—and he bought it because of course he did, so of course he thinks this is all fake!” Johnny grinned. “Man, what a legend.”

“That’s one word for it.” Applejack tipped her hat, as always grateful that Celestia seemed to prefer this instinctual gesture to bowing. “We’ll get outta your hair and on his tail, your highness. He’s in our hooves now.”

There, that way, when they dig us outta the rubble, I’ll be able to keep my head high because I didn’t lie and say SAFE hooves. 

“Thank you.” Celestia inclined her head in her own sort of bowing nod as Twilight tucked the file into her saddlebag and the group began to rise from the palace gardens tea table. “Blueblood doesn’t seem to be in any immediate danger and you’ve all come quite a way, leaving an injured friend behind--”

“We’ll get settled but the sooner he’s safe, the sooner I can check on Peter,” Twilight smiled. 

“Which may take who knows how long, so I was offering use of the royal suites,” Celestia smiled back, levitating over another folder. “Along with the standard travel and finance package. We really must talk about getting you girls on adventurer’s insurance or something!” 

“Covering getting around the city will do for now.” Twilight levitated it into Spike’s claws. “And thank you but I think it would be best to keep a lower profile. A princess coming to visit her parents hopefully won’t disturb Blueblood’s stalker into something rash like a princess guarding their target.” 

“Sound,” Celestia agreed, spreading her wings and carefully readjusting her hair. “Thank you all again. I wish I could help but my presence has had no effect as is, and I must continue to serve the kingdom in other ways. Don’t let me detain you.” 

The group shared a communal nod as she took to the air, accelerating towards one of the mountain towers. 

Johnny blinked at Twilight in realisation. “Your parents?”

“Yes, on Discovery Canal!” Twilight smiled as they trotted for the passageway. “You can stay at a hotel or something if you’d like of course, but our neighbourhood’s close to Eminence Terrace and with good telescope views of Highgates and Ramrod Row. The two of us can fly, so if anything does happen while he’s at home…”

“Got it,” Johnny smiled, drifting between her and Applejack. “I know a couple of clubs and mares in all three districts, so I can stake him out if you guys need to do something else. Nopony will even know I’m there!”

“You’re still on fire, bud,” Applejack pointed out as they walked into the daylight.  

The Horseshoe Torch looked up at the crowds of ponies and creatures, some of them with pointing and/or screaming children, blinked and flamed off to trot abashedly between the two Elements. He got his groove back by flirting with an arts major on the underground ride over, then remembered Crystal and Rarity, and hoped whoever was after Blueblood had some nice punching bags for him to vent on. 


***


They exited on Faun’s Market and took a cab the rest of the way. Twilight excitedly asked the driver to stop a little after they passed the Hub Hall but insisted on paying the full fare. “It’s worth it, thank you!” 

“She loves this part,” Spike smirked at the other two as they followed the excited Alicorn around a bend.

“Yeah, who wouldn’t!” Twilight shot back, grinning. “It’s always great! Have you ever been here before, Johnny? The Canal itself?”

“No, but I’ve heard about it,” Johnny smiled, flaming on again so he could hover slightly and check out the surroundings. “You’re right. Worth it.” 

Discovery Canal had originally been one of the rivers fed by the mountain streams and waterfalls that snaked through the woodlands, beneath the hills that would one day become Canterlot Castle. Mining and growing urban sprawl had eventually shut off and drained both ends of the river, leaving an empty ditch-like stretch in the middle of the neighbourhood that it would be named after. Rather than let the space go to waste, and out of thanks to the region for centuries of shelter, the city had turned it into a communal garden. 

Trees, flowers and bushes pushed their way up out of the canal and over the bridge they were crossing now, Twilight dancing back and forth ahead of them. They were surrounded by lush green, flashing with leaves and petals almost every colour of the rainbow, sunlight sheeting through foliage. 

Twilight and Spike leaned over the railing to wave at some foals playing in a park areas below the bridge, grinning in memory of all the times they and Shining Armor had descended those steps and danced among those trees and swings. 

Applejack smiled. The way Twilight talked about her life in Canterlot made her sound like she’d been colder than a Winterzilla’s den in December, but when you saw where she’d come from, a childhood paradise the equal of any field or park in Ponyville right on the doorstep…

“We’re here!” Twilight trilled, knocking on the door. 

Shuffling on the other side…and the flicker of torch light on the woodwork. 

“Ahem,” Applejack said pointedly. The Torch continued to float obliviously above the cobbles. She’d have nudged him in the ribs if it wouldn’t have lit her up. “Hey! They’re only expectin’ one of us to be packin’ literal heat!” 

“Say what?” 

“Put it out man, you’re gonna scare the gems outta them!” Spike snapped, reaching up to snag his foreleg and haul him back to earth. Applejack felt a kind of maternal terror before she remembered, right, dragon. 

“Alright, alright,” Johnny huffed, the gesture instantly dissolving his epidermis into a frantic midge swarm of sparks as the door cracked open. 

“Sorry, sorry, I was oiling a catapult…” Twilight Velvet swung the door open, a surprised smile shooting across her face as she embraced Twilight. “Kids! And Applejack too! And…?”

“Tropical Storm.” Johnny took her hoof, instinctively slick as an oiled hinge. “My friends call me Johnny.” 

“Just swung by to say hello before he reaches his hotel,” Twilight said with an icy smile. “Isn’t that nice of him?”

Velvet squinted. “Have we met?”

“Well, all the attention, it’s embarrassing really, but I was on last week’s cover of Before the Cart. Best dressed, apparently. Really, if the charity hadn’t had a dress code…”

Johnny cocked his head with a What-Can-You-Do smile. Applejack almost knocked him off the steps as she doffed her hat. 

“Pleasure to see ya again, ma’am. Sure hope we ain’t messin’ anything up!”

“Oh, you know I enjoy a little mess now and then,” Velvet said. She winked and beckoned them all inside. “Am I making up the guest room or are you just passing through again? Spike! You’ve gotten so tall!”

“Maybe a little,” Spike said 'humbly', eating it up as the older pony clasped his fins between her hooves. “Hey, Night Light!” 

“Thought that was you!” The blue Unicorn returned his embrace, levitating his smudged overalls off. “Hi, sweetie! And Applejack! Always a pleasure! And…”

His eyes locked with Johnny’s and then shot all over his body, threat assessing. “This isn’t Thiever.” 

“Oh for sun’s sake…” Velvet whispered, massaging one of her temples. 

“Peter,” Twilight said as she and her father glowered at each other. 

“That’s what I said.” Night Light’s amber eyes matched his daughter’s, narrowing, then went wide. “Great Pony in the Sky, don’t tell me you got another one.” 

“What?!” Twilight and Johnny shrieked. 

“Well you didn’t tell us about the last one! And still haven’t seen fit to bring him through our door either, apparently!” 

“If you must know, Peter’s in bed recovering from a freak piano accident!” 

“Fell off the back of the cart while he was trying to fence them, eh?” 

“Dad!” 

“He said his job was damaging things.” 

“Damage Control, Damage Control, Damage Control!” Johnny backed up and tripped onto a sofa as Twilight jumped furiously in place, eyes leaking Kirby Krackle. “Why will nopony listen?! He works at Damage Control!” 

“I distinctly remember him admitting to being between jobs!” Night Light fumed. 

“Oh sure, anything you can misconstrue you remember!” It was weird how identical their fuming faces were. “I remember you running out in the middle of lunch to steal my copy of Fantastic Beasts to make sure he wasn’t a monster!” 

“Don’t you emphasise and eye-glow at me, young lady!”

“I’ll brew some coffee,” Velvet said loudly, spinning on her heel.

Applejack clamped her hat down on her head as she sprinted past Spike, outracing the azure and raspberry glows starting to fill the room. “I’llgiveyaahoof.”

“Wait!” Spike begged as she started to close the kitchen door. 

“And another thing! What did he do with my pipe?! I distinctly remember it being in my suit pocket for years! Until he showed up!” 

“You haven’t used that thing in forever!” 

“Immaterial!” 

“Spike ate it!” 

“What?!”


***


Okay, let’s review. Applejack leaned her snout against the door and closed her eyes. Last night I was hangin’ out with Captain-For-Real-Adventure. Now, instead of bein’ back home where Spider-For-Real-Pony is languishin’ after an alien symbiote, whatever the flying feather that is, dropped a momma-hugger ton of pianos on ‘im, I’m in the middle of THIS. 

She gave Velvet a shaky smile as she removed her hat and began to help organise cups. 

Because I thought it’d be a good idea to hike all the way up to For Real Canterlot to help Twilight save the biggest ego this side of lil’ miss Great ’n’ Powerful because…ask again later. An’ as back up, we got the Horseshoe Torch, who’s name, if I’m any judge (an’ he’s given me a lot to just based off Dash’s stories) is actually on account of the fact he’s lucky he hasn’t burned down his whole dang town! 

“Does Mr. Sparkle still take sugar?” she asked. 

There was an angry amber flash under the door frame. 

“Decaf,” Velvet said firmly. “No sugar.” 

“Gotcha.” 

An’ after I whip him up his cup o’ joe, we’re all gonna follow the royal voted most likely to accidentally loose the entire east coast in a poker game around an’ maybe, just maybe, make it through a probably literal murderers row of crazy ponies somepony’s throwin’ at him to ask ‘em why?

An’ everypony is deliberately NOT talkin’ about the fact Princess-For-Real-Celestia was tryin’ to hide a black eye.

She pulled her hat back on and looked out onto the Sparkles’ garden, where a glowing and ranting Twilight was making rose bushes grow bigger and thornier. 

Almost wish Rainbow was here, but on the bright side she AND Rarity AREN’T. 


15


“What do you mean she’s not in?!” the shadowy figure demanded. 

“I fail to see the difficulty.” Rarity gave them another unimpressed once over. “Twilight. Is. Not. In. There, you see? A little flat as mnemonic devices go, but…”

“BAH!” The figure gripped her cape, skull mask wobbling slightly as she flapped it dramatically. “She has fled my wrath! She knew this day would come and that her only hope would be to flee!”

“No, she’s just busy.” Rarity made a show of examining her hoof. “I’d offer to make an appointment but her assistant’s with her and, well, really, why waste everypony’s time?”

“Time?!” the whatever she was in the skull mask bellowed. “This duel has been years in the making!”

“Can’t have been very many.”

“What?!”

“Well, I’ve known Twilight for a while now and I’ve never heard of you.” Rarity deigned to make eye contact with the blinking purple eyes in the shadowy eye sockets. “Who did you say you were again?” 

“I am the feel of hoofbeats across her gra--”

“Never mind.” 

“What’s going on out there?” Peter Trotter’s voice called. 

“Nothing darling, you just relax!” Rarity trilled. “Listen, we’re looking after somepony right now so if you wouldn’t mind…oh, what’s the term? Getting lost.”

“Who’s that?” The skull woman was trying to peer around her now. “Has Trilight adopted a disguise in an attempt to escape me?!” 

“Twilight.” 

“Sorry?”

“Twilight,” Rarity repeated impatiently. “Twilight Sparkle. You said Trilight.”

“That’s right! The heroic fool who thought she could banish me to--”

“Twi-light,” Rarity enunciated carefully. “Spar-kle. The princess.” 

“Oh.” The shadow mare’s fang necklace rattled as she stopped standing on her haunches. “I…That’s quite a lot of…Are you sure?”

“Oh yes. Horn, wings. Seen them myself.” Rarity went back to her hoof. “I mean, you can hang around and fight her if you like…” 

“I thiiiink…” the mare in the skull and black cloak said, as if trying to tip toe through a minefield, “I may…be…in the wrong town…and possibly the…wrong…reality…” 

“Possibly,” Rarity sighed. 

“So I shall just…um…collect my army and…”

“Y'mean these guys?” asked an approaching voice.

Rainbow Dash flapped down to a few feet above street level, allowing three differently sized and proportioned skull-minions, trailing by a cord behind her, to sway in the breeze. 

“It’s hard bringing an entire horde through a rift, okay?!” The figure’s skull horns glowed with magic, eyes narrowing. “Although…since neither the mage or the princess are here, I wouldn’t need many minions or much magic to--”

“Oh, you’re here to see Twilight?” Rainbow dropped the three goons almost on top of her, zipping down to Rarity’s level and dancing nervously. “Can I go first? It’s important! It’s really important!”

“That’s what you say every other week, darling,” Rarity played along casually, rolling her eyes. “You’re still here aren’t you?”

“Well I might not be!” Dash clapped her hooves together pleadingly. “Please! I’ve been a good filly! But there were sparks this time!” 

“Sparks?” Rarity raised an eyebrow. “Hmmm, I don’t know, we told you not to pick it, sounds like your own fault really.”

“Sparks?” The figure hugged her cape a little. 

“I’m talkin’ to the lady here!” Dash snapped then instantly dropped back into desperation. “Please, I’ll do anything!”

“That’s rather what got you into this situation, now isn’t it?” Rarity sighed dramatically, loving every second. “I mean, I don’t know! You agree to cover one shift and suddenly everypony’s coming to you with overdue library books and revenge and exploding mares…”

“Exploding?” the shadow repeated hollowly. 

“Is there an echo in here?” Dash snapped. “Pleeeease Miss Rarity, I don’t wanna take out everything for hundreds of miles in a rainbow megaton of awesomeness!” 

“Twilight told you to behave yourself!” Rarity wagged an admonitory hoof because she’d overplayed the pedicure routine. “Really, I fail to see how this is my problem. I’m not going to be torn asunder by pure kinetic energy if you happen to stub your hoof and burst. Not in my contract.”

“But the dance!” Dash began to spin and prance violently on the doorstep. The would-be adversary tried to hide behind Twilight’s mailbox. “Even though it means I may take out half the eastern seaboard, the urge to dance is in my soul, Miss Rarity!” 

“No it isn’t!” Rarity fumed. “You traded it to us when you agreed to the bargain!”

“Then I was destined to explode this entire time!” Dash was moonwalking now. “Oh, cruel, cruel fate! ♪Goodbye Piccadilly, Farewell Leicester Square!♪”

The shortest minion’s eyes bugged. “Boss?!”

“Retreat!” The mystery mare was already stumbling over her wildebeest skull boots, cape blurring as she fled back to the caves they’d come from. “They’re all mad here! Retreat!” 


***


Rarity shook her head as they watched the minions hop to their hooves and scamper after her.  “Nice people, I thought.”

“No you didn’t.” 

“No, I didn’t.” 

“The old exploding pony dance routine,” Dash smirked, flapping indoors. “Never gets old.”

Peter was on the landing, eyebrow raised. “You two would tell me if you were plotting to take over the world, right?” 

“Funny. Should you be up?” Dash circled him, giving him a once over. “You do look less of a train wreck than before…”

“Cheers,” Peter muttered. 

“He had a coughing fit that sounded like Camptown Races, but other than that he’s seems alright.” Rarity trotted up the stairs. “Still, really don’t think you should be on your hooves, darling.”

“My Spider-Sense went off at the door!” Peter protested as she gently turned him around. 

“No it didn’t, you liar.” Dash hovered in the doorway behind them to make sure he didn’t try and escape Rarity’s grasp as she levitated his sheets. “Hay, you oughta be honoured! A quiet day in Ponyville. Usually the streets’re flooded with cake by now.”

“Because of Pinkie Pie…?”

“Pretty sure that’s prejudiced!” 

“To be fair it’s most likely because the Crusaders are off on that field trip,” Rarity smiled, helping a reluctant Peter back into bed. “But I’d think you’d enjoy a day off, darling! All that galloping and swinging you usually do! You look so peaceful when you and Twilight are just trotting through the marketplace…”

“Ooh, maybe that’s it!” Dash leered. “She’s not here!”

“I just want to see that letter,” Peter said for the sixth time in an hour alone.

“And throw off Spike’s nice neat filing system?" Rarity countered. "No, out of the question. Sit!” 

You can lift over eight tons and you grew up with May Reilly, Peter’s inner spider chittered, all eight eyes narrowing, you can take her. 

“I can read it in bed.” 

“With a stack of Scientific Equestria and Power Ponies right there?” Rarity smiled, indicating the bedside table. “Bit dry, don’t you think?”

“If it’s so dry then there’s nothing to worry about, right?”

“Other than your boredom, darling, and what sort of temporary hostess would I be if I allowed you to succumb to boredom?” 

“You were just telling me to enjoy the day off.” 

“Suggesting, darling, suggesting!” Rarity’s telekinesis fluffed his pillow. 

“I beat up Firelord once,” Peter muttered, feeling like his resolve had been turned into pebbles and they were slipping under his hooves. “Pretty sure I can handle a worrying letter.”

“Who said it was worrying?” Not a flicker in that porcelain smile.

“So Twilight and Applejack aren’t in the middle of anything dangerous, so there’s no drawback to me reading about how much danger they aren’t in! Glad we sorted that out.” 

“Yes, so much better than veiled threats,” Rarity agreed, levitating over some more apple juice. “And since there’s no danger, well, you can’t read about what isn’t there now, can you?”

“Trick question, Johnny’s with them.” Peter tried to sit up fast enough to startle her and winced at the sensation it sent slicing up his back. 

“Yeah, ‘cause as we all know, Applejack let’s anypony get away with anything.” Dash flicked through the stack of Power Ponies until she found one with Zap prominently on the cover. “And Twilight’ll be so glad ya dragged yourself all the way up there when she finds ya passed out on her hotel room floor.”

Peter’s eyes flashed as Rarity used passing him his cup to (gently) force him back down into a relaxing position. “So they have to stay at a hotel.” 

“Search me.” Dash shrugged, eyes on panels. “It’s Canterlot, there’s like a thousand! And even if they are and you found the right one it’s not like they’d let some rando into Princess Twilight’s room just ‘cause he says they’re dating.” 

“I wouldn’t be using the front desk,” Peter muttered. 

“Peter, come on,” Rarity urged. “Just because you’re up on your hooves again doesn’t mean you’re ready to go wall…crawling.” She made a face, still not remotely approving of the term. “What if you’re hurt so bad you get stuck or something? Not a lot of good for the old secret identity, I’d wager! You don’t even have your costume.” 

A beat.

“Wait.” Dash’s head snapped up from a double page splash of Zap battling Arbarus. “No way. Where?!” 

“Show me the letter and it’s all yours,” Peter said quickly. He felt a surge of guilt, fully aware he was probably dooming half of Equestria, but the satisfaction of Rarity’s stunned face drowned it out. 

Dash was suddenly perched on the edge of his bed, leaning in so close and smiling so widely his bruises and fur felt like they were trying to crawl up his torso to hide behind his neck. “Deal. Where? Now!” 

“Letter first!” 

“Twilight’s closet?”

“Please. Letter!” 

“Twilight’s lab?” 

“Clestia’s letter. Now.” 

“Twilight’s Canterlot trunk?” Dash’s pupils shrank with glee as Peter’s shrank with terror. “AHA!” 

“Secret compartment in the base,” Peter sighed. “You push the bottom stud in the middle and it slides out. But I want that letter!” 

“Hope you’re happy,” Rarity muttered as they shielded their eyes from the rainbow contrail. 

“Do I really need to point out how none of what’s about to happen would’ve if you’d just given me the sun blasted letter?” 

“Oh, we’re playing that game?” Rarity huffed, folding her forelegs. “Then permit me to point out the reason I didn’t is because there’s nothing in there and you’re already on edge!”

“Then why not let me--”

“Because you’ll see what you want to see! And then you’ll drop into the middle of what Twilight and Applejack are doing, probably just as they’ve fixed everything, and un-do it! Then you’ll wind up not only with probably more bruises, but on the end of a lecture Twilight wouldn’t have had to give you if you weren’t winding yourself up even tighter than she warned us you would!” 

“Wow…” 

Peter blinked at the panting fashionista. Rarity coughed and smoothed her mane back into shape. 

“We may be, ah, speaking from experience.” She gave an abashed grin. 

Then a faceless horror kicked the door back open. 

“Experience this!” 

Dash's voice was muffled because she was wearing the Spidey mask, the gloves on her forelegs. Her mane poked out of the neck, making it look even more like Spider-Pony’s head had been grafted onto the rookie Wonderbolt’s body. 

Rarity strangled a shriek as she tried to scramble under the covers. Peter could not begin to articulate how he felt about the image, beyond Do Not Want. 

“Rainbow!” Rarity chided. “What on earth are you doing?”

“♪Livin’ on the edge, fightin’ crime, spinnin’ webs!♪” Dash fluttered around the room, pointing her gloved hooves at things. The lenses narrowed. “Aww man, where’re the webs?!” 

“I beg your pardon?” Peter instinctively stuck his one working foreleg under his other’s cast, his mole standing out even more as his face coloured. 

“You know what I mean!” Dash hovered off the floor, turning her new gloves this way and that like a mantis testing it’s scythes. Her lenses shrank and grew as she tried to see if the mask had some kind of zoom feature. “The button that lets you shoot that stuff! They sell ‘em in like every toy store! I got one for my cousin’s Cute-ceanera!” 

“Oh, the Spider-Hero™ stuff?” Peter said. Dash blinked with Spider-Pony’s eyes at how…pouty he looked now. “Yeah, not how that works. Some marketing company threw it together. I don’t get a hay-penny.”

“Huh.” Dash wondered what the little nozzles on the ends were for then. “So how does…?”

“Letter!” Peter snapped. 

“Alright, alright.” 

Dash went to pull it out of her wing pocket, realised her mouth was now covered and just sort of shook her wing over him until the scroll flopped out. Peter sighed with relief as he unfurled it. 

Dear Ms. Sparkle, 

Regarding your recent correspondence, Quill Force Eight Publishing LTD. thanks you for your continued interest in our Starswirl the Bearded publications, Face Front, Beneath the Brim and Swirls!, but is writing this to ask that you please stop sending in your research on the alleged romance between Starswirl and his noted rival Moonstep the Mighty, particularly your impressively detailed charts. 

It is not QFE’s policy to publish what, at best, may be regarded as historical fanfiction, and the more detailed charts regarding physiological compatibility are hardly suitable material for Swirls!, a magazine for foals ages 5 and up. 

Furthermore, the sheer amount of mail has led to at least two mailroom injuries, for which we of course do not hold you responsible but

Peter checked the date, a month before Twilight’s ascension, even as he realised the paper stock was different and the text typewritten, and glared up into Dash’s lenses. It was, sadly, not the first time he’d glared into Spider-Pony’s face. 

“Didn’t say which letter.” She winked. “Oh wow, I didn’t know it could do that! Awesome! What’s this thing made of?”

“Hopes and dreams,” Peter muttered sourly, crumpling the letter up and hurling it across the room. A cyan telekinesis glow surrounded it and daintily dropped it into the small basket by the bureau. 

“I for one think it’s wonderful that you two are at this point,” Rarity smiled as he turned to blink at her. “You know, leaving things at each other’s places. And something that has to be hidden in a secret school trunk compartment? Delicious! Ooh, perhaps that’s what you need to cheer up! A costume designing session!” 

“For me or Spidey?” Peter smiled wryly. 

“Same difference, darling,” Rarity beamed. “How about something in a nice scarf? I’ll even let you pick the colours!”

“She’s being really generous,” Dash grinned as she pulled off the mask. “You’re maybe concussed and can’t be held responsible for your choices.” 

“I’m starting to see why Johnny hangs out with you two,” Peter muttered, sinking defeated into the sheets. 

“You’re one to talk, roomie!” Dash shot back as Rarity blushed. 

“I…didn’t mean it like that,” Peter said apologetically. “Sorry, I’m just…I dunno.”

“Stir crazy. I get it.” Dash nodded back. “Been laid up a time or two myself believe it or not.”

“I believe it.” 

“Wise guy,” she smirked as she tossed the gloves and mask into his lap. “Point is, you’re better off falling back on your friends than anything else, because anything else’ll probably mean you just fall on your back.”

“Now there’s an idea!” Rarity was halfway through sketching the scarf. “Your friends must have seen that unflattering headline by now. We should get them up here, make a day of it. Your aunt and Pinkie adore each other!” 

“Maybe tomorrow?” Peter tried a smile. “May’ll have told them Twilight’s got me up here and Spider-Pony’s burdened them with enough over the years. I think they deserve a day off from me if anything. Besides, the last thing I need is Fera busting on me for getting busted up.” 

“Is the burden that you’re way too down on yourself?” Dash muttered. 

“While I don’t agree with the wording,” Rarity said pointedly, nudging the Pegasus in the ribs with an elbow that had floored changelings, "I must echo the sentiment. Supporting each other isn’t a burden, it’s what friends do…Rainbow, would you mind? I can pay you back tomorrow.” 

“One bit in the jar comin’ up,” Dash agreed, heading for the door.

“Jar?” Peter blinked. “I thought Spike was joking!” 

“We like to think of it as keeping track of how much good we’re doing,” Rarity said. 

“Plus, when it’s full we can spend it on something special!” Dash beamed, fluttering back into the room. 

“Where was I…?” Rarity mused. 

“They’re his friends,” Dash prompted, returning to her (Spike’s) comic. 

“Thank you. Anyway, of course you’re not burdening them! It sounds like you could use a break from Spider-Ponying more than anypony else.” 

She gave it a bit as he considered the prospect then shared twin hyena grins with Rainbow. “So who’s Fera?”

“Give me the letter,” Peter said instantly, as much to take revenge as anything else. 

“Bet we can work it out.” Dash stroked her chin with a wingtip. “Somepony from the paper? Nah, look, he’s trying not to laugh so it’s totally somepony he used to date…”

“Oh gosh.” Rarity put a scandalised hoof to her mouth to hide the delighted smile. “It’s the Sphinx lady, isn’t it? The one Twilight’s always grumbling about!”

“Black Sphinx?!” Dash jumped up, scattering comics. “You two were…? You were! I thought your boss just made that up to make you look bad! Holy cow!” 

Peter flushed, unable to keep the grin off his face. “I was 18!” 

“Man, I do not get you.” Dash shook her head. “Mr. Responsibility, but you pal around with a jewel thief—"

“Ex-thief,” Peter corrected, frowning. 

“—and Johnny Storm,” Dash continued, crushing his protests. “Half the time out in the field you crack worse jokes than Spike does, but then when the mask’s off you’re all down on yourself because you didn’t recycle properly or whatever!” 

“…sorry?” Peter tried, partly apologising, mostly completely lost. 

“Don’t interrupt! Where was I?! So, you’re a depressed dork! And yet everypony you know is awesome!” Dash threw her hooves to the ceiling. “Seriously, the one who isn’t a kick butt detective runs a club! Your lawyer is a blind ninja or whatever! You’ve teamed up with every hero ever so you can thumb your tail at the mother hugging Iron Mage! And now you know me! Your crazy awesome social circle is complete!” 

“Say thank you,” Rarity rolled her eyes as the cornered patient turned to her helplessly. 

“WHO. ARE. YOU?” Dash bellowed, standing astride Peter’s bed and lowering her face closer to his on each word. 

“Right now, I’m terrified,” Peter squeaked. “Nice to meet you.”

“Feel better?” Rarity was legitimately examining her pedicure now.

“Little bit,” Dash wheezed, climbing off the bed. “Seriously, at least tell me this. Were you ever a Lad Pioneer?” 

Peter's eyes narrowed. “Give me that letter and I’ll spill.”

“UUUUGH!” Dash shrieked in almost Twilight worthy fashion and tossed the actual parchment out of her wings in a way that reminded him of pumpkin bombs. “Fine! Hope it makes you toss your piano keys all at once!”

Peter watched as she stomped out of the room, somehow feeling worse than when he’d come to in that string and ivory strewn crater. 

“What’s her problem?”

“You’re the one with the multiple personalities!” Dash called back up the stairs. The sound of the front door slamming was so loud leaves tumbled past the windows. 

“I think it’s more that it’s been bothering her since last night,” Rarity sighed. “You’ve seen how our Rainbow can be when she doesn’t care about something?”

“Oh yeah.” 

“Well, when she does she wants to know as much about it as possible. And when that doesn’t work all that passion builds up with nowhere to go, except into the frustration that she may be being kept out, and well…” Rarity shrugged. 

“I’m not…keeping anypony out?” Peter blinked. “I mean…That is…”

“You don’t mean to,” Rarity smiled kindly. “Or, if you don’t mind me saying so, you’re not sure if you are because you’ve had to keep a rather big secret for a lot of your life. Perhaps that’s why we don’t know each other as well as we ought to.”

“Ought to?” Peter repeated. 

“Twilight’s important to all of us too, Peter,” Rarity smiled wearily. “Alright, go ahead. Read her letter.”

Still turning occasionally to glance at her, Peter unrolled the scroll. His expression changed several times as he re-read it. Twice. 

“…is this why you were laughing? Because this is probably a Discord prank?” 

“Nooo,” Rarity said and bit her lip to quash a fresh swell of hooting, “but is it really worth working yourself up over? Or trying to leverage it out of Rainbow Dash?”

“Princess Celestia watching Neighs of Our Lives should probably worry a lot of ponies,” Peter chuckled. 

“Peter!” Rarity said a little more sharply than she should. It wasn’t the best time to be glib and she was a lifelong Lives watcher. 

“Sorry!” Peter shrugged. “But now I know what Twilight’s up against…”

“And Applejack. And Spike. And Johnny.” Rarity looked him right in the eye. “You trust them at least, I hope.”

“I trust Twilight just fine!” Peter protested. It was true but the defensiveness felt too instinctual. “I just…it helps.”

“You’re not going to go galloping after them with one working foreleg?” Raised aristocratic brow, Rainbow-Dash-Put-That-Down tone. 

Part of Peter resented that, the colt who’d gotten straight A’s. Spidey had landed him exactly one detention but the (admittedly bratty) instinct was that that wasn’t supposed to happen to him. 

“Couldn’t if I wanted to.” He gently rubbed the cast. “Although it’s already starting to feel better.”

“Oh, that’s good!” Rarity looked sincerely pleased for him before the governess returned to her face. “So you’re going to focus on getting better instead of stewing over what the others are up to?”

“…not more than I already am.” Peter shrugged. “You saying you’re not worried?”

“Of course not,” Rarity smiled sadly. “But it’s not the first time we’ve had to take something on faith in the Element game. And at least it’s not magic this time.”

“It’s Prince Blueblood, Rarity,” Peter said flatly. 

“I know!” She tried to hold in the laughter which just made her snorting even louder and unladylike. “You’ve, ah, you’ve met?”

“It wasn’t a…” Peter quickly scanned the letter. “Personal highlight. Wait, have you? Oh man, I’m sorry!” 

“Twilight hasn’t told you about the Gala?” Rarity’s brow went up again. 

“She starts and then gets this look on her face…” Peter pointed at her. “Like that one!”

“Yes. Well. We just tell ourselves it all ended with donuts.” Rarity forced a smile with years of behind the counter experience. “But have we at least sorted this out? You’re better off relaxing here and letting our friends get on with things in Canterlot. Like we’ve been telling you all afternoon.” 

“Alright, alright.” Peter held up his working foreleg. “Sorry, it’s just what I do. If I can do something, I’ve…just got to. Great power and all that.”

“Is that a Princess Celestia quote? I’ve heard it somewhere before.” 

“Probably me,” Peter smiled ruefully. “Twilight loves it. Well, she did.”

Rarity returned it. “I can see why. But at least she still loves you, right?”

“Yeah.” Peter’s smile became more sincere. “And I’m sorry about whatever it is with Dash. I spend a lot of time in my head anyway and I’m used to Twilight and Spike knowing what there is to tell. Which is not a lot.”

“Oh, I’m sure that’s not true and the girls and I would still be delighted to learn it.” Rarity put a hoof on his shoulder. “After all, that infamous Spider-Pony was probably going to run into those dashing Elements of Harmony anyway, so we may as well be friends, yes?”

“Right,” Peter smiled back, a slight narrowing of his eyes letting her know he’d caught and enjoyed the affectionate barb. “And it’d be nice to see everypony back home up here. Just, maybe the day after tomorrow? They all have work today and I’ll look less horrific by then.” 

“We have an agreement. Pinkie shall be thrilled,” Rarity agreed. “On that note!” 

She levitated a syringe. “According to Twilight’s schedule it’s time for your medication.” Her eyes flashed like flint struck by thunder. “Bend over.”

“What?!” Peter tried to haul the blankets up as a shield. 

“Kidding!” Rarity trilled, squirting the syringe into his apple juice. “See? We’re already having a whale of a time! Chin chin!” 


To be Continued

> Slight Learning Sensation (5)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


16


Despite everything, Applejack smiled as she stepped off the underground. There was just something about trotting up those steps into Old Canterlot. Well, there was still the Mound to go, but like a lot of the city it was the view as much as the journey. 

Night had come and gone with nothing apparently happening in any of Prince Blueblood’s current cribs, and they knew he was probably safe because Spike had spied him climbing into a carriage in Eminence Terrace. This had been almost noon, so they were all fairly refreshed even if Twilight and Night Light were very definitely not speaking to each other. But one problem at a time. 

“Coulda flown here in a quarter of the time,” Johnnycake muttered beside her as if on cue. They’d been partnered up. That was one of the Despites. 

“And tipped ‘em off.” She raised an eyebrow. “What part of not showin’ up in a streak of fire are you not gettin’ here?” 

“The part where we wanna get here ahead of Blueblood and protect him.” Rolling blue eyes. “Assuming they didn’t already get him.”

“We ain’t gonna let that happen.” 

“Sure about that?” 

She knew he was probably joking, and yeah, it was Blueblood, but if it’d been Rainbow Dash it would’ve just been sarcasm and grumbling and it wouldn’t matter because they’d get it done, whatever it was. Johnny being a probably was throwing her a bit. And he’d been smiling that way when he said it.

“Look, we know he’s got a meetin’ with those Alchemax folks later today. Before that he’ll probably hit up every high end dive the neighbourhood has. Once we peg down which one--”

“Anticor,” Johnny said immediately. “Up in White Steeple. New but with old money connections, spiked in popularity the last couple weeks when Sassy started dropping in. Also, one of my, ah, contacts in the Tartarus Gate Club says ol’ Blue recently squared a debt with Sir Bastion but they’ve still gotta look publicly on the rocks, so that’s the only other dive he’d sink to in this neck of the woods.” 

“Alrighty, so we know where he’s gonna be! Plenty of time to nose around, see if anypony knows somethin’. Or is gonna try somethin’.”

“And if they do, they’ll find the Highflying Horseshoe Torch waiting for them!” Johnny smirked, quipping just loud enough to turn a few heads. An impressed murmur snaked its way through the crowd. 

“Provided he ain’t too busy makin’ sure everypony knows he’s here and signin’ autographs,” Applejack muttered. 

“One time!” Johnny held up a defensive hoof, sparks flickering at the corners of his eyes. “That happened one time!”

“I was bein’ sarcastic, but good to know.”

“Oh.” 

He seemed cowed for the moment, or as close as his ego would allow, so Applejack got to enjoy the rest of the trot up the artificial hill. She’d visited the business districts before on Sweet Apple Acres’ behalf, but even that gave her a bit of the old thill from school trips, or that time her aunt and uncle had offered to make up Manehattan to her by inviting her and Apple Bloom along for the less busy parts of summer. And again, the view! 

Before them, rising over the hill, was Old Town, the roofs of the Bank of Canterlot and the Grassmarket and the Knot and the Equestrian Museum and Pinkie’s favourite stop, the Led Balloon club! And that was just at ground level, the stairways, balconies and turrets of the Trinity Seat mountain sparkling over it all. 

Behind was just as great: the sloping street of the Mound, New Town bustling away under the palace and Canterlot Castle, the National Gallery right behind them and the valley stretching all the way, parks and ponds and all, to Celestia’s School and the Platinum Memorial Gardens, distant trees marking the entrance onto the downward slope to the Cauldr—Park Basin. 

Again, all this just at ground level. 

“Heck of a town,” Applejack smiled. 

“Ain’t that the truth,” Johnny agreed, winking. Then blinked. “Uh, what’re you doing? White Steeple’s…over there. Somewhere.”

“Yeah, for starters!” Applejack was trotting to the curb, flagging down a cab that was just rounding the corner. The driver tipped her cap to let them know she was on the way. “We’ve gotta cut through practically half the Old Town if we wanna get there. The dang Knot’s on the way! We’ll be dead on our hooves if we walk it.”

“So why don’t I just fly on ahead?” 

“You gotta problem with cabs?”

“No?” 

“Then we’re takin’ a cab.” 

Applejack smiled as the driver pulled up, passing her one of Celestia’s vouchers. “Thank you kindly! Just drop us off in White Steeple, please?”

“No problem, ma’am, you and your brother hop right in.” 

“We ain’t related!” Applejack frowned, climbing onto the seat. 

She was preparing to move over to the end to free up space, the way they all usually did on a trip, but blinked as Johnny dropped and rolled under the cab, springing up on the other side and vaulting over the door, Contessas of Haphazard style. 

“You’re from Manehattan then?” the driver asked wryly. 

“It’s why she disowned me,” Johnny said, relaxing back with his hooves behind his head. He smirked at Applejack as they took off. “So, you just wanna sight see or…?”

“Lil’ bit,” Applejack admitted. “But we’re passin’ close to Baker street, and y’know the line. Who notices cabs? We’re only gonna have one shot at takin’ whoever comes after Blueblood by surprise. Don’t know about you but I don’t wanna blow it and risk ‘em bein’ ready for us next time.”

“Pretty sneaky for the Element of Honesty.” A slight admiration in the smirk now. 

“Practical.” Applejack leaned back and watched storefronts and cobbles go by. 

“What I meant!” Johnny enthused, either missing or ignoring the hint. “You guys are more organised than Pete let on. Rarity made it all sound like you just go, like…super hiking or something.”

“Says the explorer.” That made him laugh and she smiled like he hadn’t been getting on her nerves for the last couple of hours. “Although gotta admit, first time I ever met an explorer who didn’t know their way around Canterlot.”

“Pegasi eye view!” Johnny protested. 

“Even Rainbow Dash knows her way around regular eye view by now! An’ if she didn’t? Even she’s not so self-conscious she wouldn’t ask for directions. Back there, somepony’d think it was your first time ridin’ the underground.”

Johnny muttered over the clatter of hoofbeats on cobbles, forelegs crossed. 

“Oh my gosh…”

“You’re the one who wants to keep it on the downlow!” Johnny put his hind legs up on the partition to try and get some cool back. “Surprised anypony can get around without flying, anyway. It’s all so twisty. One of the neighbourhoods is literally called the Knot!” 

“You don’t know your way around Grocer, Baker an’ Maker street?” Applejack smirked. “Well don’t worry, I’m sure Highland Yard’ll help ya out!” 

She gestured to a poster coming into focus as the driver slowed at a red light. Buddy, Your Friendly Guardpony Pal and Mine, was kindly drying the tears of a relived looking foal as captions encouraged them to just ask. A few C.E.U.P. beat bobbies were even making a point of standing in plain sight on the opposite sidewalk. 

“I’m starting to see why Dash hangs out with you and Rarity.”

Johnny sat up slightly, extended foreleg glowing orange. In a silent burst of sparks Buddy’s cartoon face suddenly sported the sleek silhouettes of a moustache and pipe. One of the bobbies’ helmet plumes bristled with surprise! 

“Wonder if I should take that as a compliment.” Applejack leaned over the partition to talk to the bug-eyed driver. “If ya wouldn’t mind forgettin’ my associates lil’ fit o‘ pique, an’ anythin’ about royal security ya might’ve overheard ya can keep the change.” 

“Hey, 10-gems for a 15-bit fair, I’d forget my own hat size.” 

“Whatever peels your apple.”

They’d probably have had to make an offer like this anyway. During her time as the Pony Everypony Should Know, Rarity had picked up the fact cabbies in Canterlot made a decent side-line selling info on significant passengers. Hay, they’d made use of it a time or two when they were on Element business in the capital. 

“Speakin’ of Rarity, what’s up with you two?”

“What do you mean?” Johnny asked, eyes carefully on the souvenir stalls they were passing. 

“I mean I already heard how badly it went when ya were datin’ one of my friends before and I’m worried it’s gonna happen again,” Applejack said, the same way someone would tell you they were worried it might rain when their in-laws came to visit. Bigger things out there in the world, but this was…closer. 

“Well it’s a good thing we’re not dating then.” The soothing Canterlot breeze in the cab was slowly becoming stuffier.  

“She know that?” 

“There’s someone else, not that that’s any of your business either.” Johnny was still not making eye contact. 

“Good to know. So you can stop bein’ all possessive.” 

Johnny sat up, the smell of kindling following him…then shut his mouth. “Alright.”

Nothing but the rattle of hooves and wheels on cobbles, the clamour of pedestrians having way more fun than they were right now. 

“I, ah…I can be blunt like that.” Applejack adjusted her hat awkwardly. “Work myself up over nothin’ sometimes. Stuff that ain’t my business.” 

“I noticed.” 

More bustle. More silence. Johnny finally glanced over at her. 

“But Rarity’s your friend too. So…I get it.” 

“Good.” Applejack nodded and tried a smile. “Could always use at least one more.”

“Keeping an eye on me?” Johnny smirked. 

“Sayin’ ya don’t need it?” 

He winked. “Didn’t say that.” 

He hadn’t said yes, either. Not that she was sure this guy would be in her life if he wasn’t kind of in Twilight’s by dint of being in Peter’s, and if it came to it she’d always be Team Dash. Not no questions asked, just that she got the impression Johnny would answer them in…not the best way possible. 

“Well, we’re workin’ together,” Applejack settled, “might as well try to part on the right hoof, yeah?”

“Oh, I’m totally sticking with you,” Johnny agreed. “You’re the only one who can make sense of these streets.” 

“Gotta,” she countered. “Can’t fly.”

“Fair,” he chuckled. 

They were cutting through one of the millions of archways that decorated the city, balconies and walkways turning the street into a kind of tunnel. She got where he was coming from, the capital was full of stuff like this. 

Most of Old Town didn’t have fire escapes because the amount of staircases and walk in basements would allow an athletic pony to jog from their back door, up, down and through the streets, even under the hill and across a few roofs to call the fire brigade themselves. 

Given the fish ‘n‘ chips shop she knew for a fact was at the end of Highland Yard’s block was looming around the corner at them, she guessed the archway itself must’ve been a dang shortcut. 

She had a slight advantage over most of her friends, having had to learn how to navigate by district architecture or how high semaphore towers were in order to arrange deals with distant relatives, which was one of the reasons the native Twilight had asked her along. Even with their experience it would still be way too easy to lose track of Blueblood or his attackers, and Johnny’s…laziness(?) wouldn’t help. 

“Twi said you had some way to keep in touch?” 

She indicated the district’s trademark steeples rising over the local Fulmina Venite plant. The walls of the surrounding buildings also sported posters for the Spring Heels Walking Tour. “If those things are poppin’ up we’re practically there.” 

“And you want me whispering sweet nothings in your ear? Aww!”

Johnny gave a magician’s flourish and made a Fantastic Inc. compact appear in his hoof. “For real though, here. This baby’s synced up to my collar’s personal radio frequency. Just flip it open and tap the little speaker rune with your hoof. The map’ll even let you keep track of me. I’m the distinguished flaming horseshoe icon!” 

“Wow. Niffty!” 

Applejack admired the device. The roof had enlarged somehow as she’d swung it up, allowing her to better make out the small symbols on the glass covering the high-tech looking compass. It helpfully turned a more luminescent blue as they passed into the darkness of the tunnel that would deposit them in White Steeple, allowing her to follow a passing wire frame rendering of the streets. 

“So these engravings’re like buttons too?”

“Yeah! That little flag one’s for if you need help. Pings the others. And if you wanna call, you talk into--”

“I-I know-now how-ow a-a radio-dio works-rks, thanks-nks,” Applejack’s voice echoed out of his collar as she enunciated into the small grill in the base. She admired it as she tapped the speaker rune off. “That was pretty clear even for sittin’ right next to each other! Your boss find a way to compensate for the capital’s spellectrostatic? In somethin’ this tiny?”

“Uh, yeah, Reed’s a big one size fits all kinda pony,” Johnny said carefully, trying not to let on how much her know-how had caught his presumptuous self off guard and not to yell despite the ringing her stereo accent had started in his ears. “Twilight and Stud—”

“Spike.” 

“—have one as well. They’re channel 2.”

“And 3 is a conference call, got it.” Applejack slid it shut, still admiring the way it shrank back to normal as she clipped it onto her saddlebag. “Not that I don’t got confidence in this lil’ enterprise but could we use ‘em to call in your family? Y’know, if we needed to.” 

“Yours are basic compacts tuned to my collar, sorry.” Johnny shook his head, reaching up to tune the lining of his 4 logo. “And even if they could…hi sis! How’s it going?”

“—anks a bunch, Susie! That one mighta chipped my chin! Can’t risk losin’ these distinguished features!” 

“No problem! Hi Johnny, busy. What’s up?”

A shuddering sort of roar explosion. 

“Applejack says hi!” Johnny simpered. 

“App…? Oh! Uh, hi hon! How’s the leg?”

“It’s, um, it’s fine Sue!” Applejack side eyed Johnny for putting her on the spot as more sounds of war echoed out of his collar. “Got some ice on it when we got home. Well, an ice monster but that’s a long story. Your brother was just showin’ me his equipment.”

“Tropical Storm!!!”

“His radio Sue, geez!”

“Oh.”

“I’m sorry to interrupt, Susaphone,” a rich, polite voice interjected, “but my father’s murderer is getting away with the Maestro’s flute and I could use a boost to that outcrop.” 

“Coming right up, T’Challa. See you kids la--REED! ON YOUR LEFT!” 

The call snapped off, the logo’s blue glow fading as it emitted a dull dial tone noise until Johnny turned it off. 

“I savvy,” Applejack muttered as they finally passed out of the tunnel and into the bustle of White Steeple. “Hey, couldja pull over whenever ya can? Thanks.”


***


White Steeple was sort of the opposite of Park Basin’s story. Historically industrial, the neighbourhood had fallen into squalor as miners and immigrants trekked from all over only to find the warehouses empty. Underground passages to the caves that had acted as the city’s docks were eventually bricked up as trading and transport companies took over, stripping the neighbourhood of its primary means of survival long before the advent of the steam engine and the airship. 

Originally built out of surrounding hills as watchtowers, the district's namesake marble steeple structures had been built on and remodelled by the local aristocracy, to make sure they needn’t have anything to do with the rising tide of poor ponies. Both had been legendarily haunted by the masked mischief maker Spring Heels, bounding from spire to spire. 

While there was always some question if Heels had been anything other than old mares tales and an anti-social letter campaign, every history book in Equestria told the story of how Princess Celestia had returned after a year of adventuring, a new theory suggesting this may have been a coping mechanism for banishing her sister, taken stock of the situation and declared that this would not do. 

It had taken a decade and change but the wave of social programs, including Celestia pointedly placing her main bank there and forcing the aristocracy to actively come down and deal with the area, had finally washed away many of White Steeples problems, turning the marble housing into public space and reopening the tunnels for Canterlot’s developing underground society. 

Now for the last three centuries it had been just another part of Old Town, some areas trading on that history to draw curious tourists. Or rich ponies looking to repeat the aristocracy’s plans to rise above the residents. Hence one of Manehattan’s newest corporations opening an office here. 


***


“There’s tons of coves and chambers that still haven’t been opened back up,” their driver, Head Down, was explaining after Applejack had asked about Alchemax’s presence. “Word is they want ‘em for alchemical work. Don’t-Let-The-RCSB-Know alchemical work, depending on who you ask.” 

“Blueblood’s family owns a bunch of under-estate…” Johnny mused, sharing a look with Applejack. “And Reed’s always avoided his chemical businesses because they're the weakest. Even just dumping one of ‘em off on these jerks’d be a serious boost to his portfolio.” 

Head Down blinked. “Wait, Prince Blueblood?” 

“Eeyup,” Applejack smiled grimly, holding out two more vouchers. “His aunt herself asked us to keep an eye on the guy. An’ since we might ask ya to keep your ears open for anythin’ about him…and since it’s him, here’s two twenty-piece vouchers for the amount of grief you’ll be getting’ into if ya accept.” 

“Eh, one’ll do,” Head Down smiled, already looking tired from the ocean of gossip and back biting she’d have to wade through. “You Elements saved my sister during that changeling invasion, so I owe ya.”

“But it’s Prince Blueblood, so I’m throwin’ in at least another ten-piece voucher,” Applejack countered. 

“Won’t say no!” 

Head Down accepted both, slipping them under her hat before tipping it at them as she turned back into traffic. “I’d wish you folks luck, but…”

“It’s Prince Blueblood,” Applejack and Johnny said simultaneously, waving after her. 

“At least we agree on that,” Johnny grinned at her. 

“BLEGH!” They both jumped as a pumpkin headed pony shoved his masked face between them. “Heh, sorry! Couldn’t resist!” 

Applejack used her tail to slap the guide’s mask, spinning it around and blinding him as they set off. “Can we also agree these tours’re the lamest thing since clip on bolo ties?”

“Team coordination is important,” Johnny agreed. “On that note, where’re we going now? Alchemax or Anticor?”

“Should be easy enough to find.” 

Applejack indicated the tower block a few streets away, with the fancy schmancy stylised A logo. 

“Y’know the way to Anticor? I never heard of it ‘til now.”

“Dunno the street name but I know where every club in town is.” 

“I had a feelin’,” Applejack chuckled, shaking her head. She wasn’t endeared but he’d been just so…honest! “Doubt my hat’ll come up to the dress code so I check on the office, you see what’s trendin’?”

“Spidey would be hanging Turkish Delight off a fire escape out of desperation by now, so I am very down with anything that looks like a plan.”

Johnny saluted her as he moonwalked backwards into an alley. 

“’Least he wasn’t on fire…” Applejack murmured as she set off down her own street. 

Another Spring Heel guide ‘just couldn’t resist’. Tourists found him a few minutes later and debated the artistic message of a pumpkin headed pony struggling to free said pumpkin head from between iron fence posts. 


17


“I’m not trying to be difficult,” Fluttershy mumbled, “I just don’t think that’s how it works.”

“No, I know,” Peter said nodding, rubbing the back of his now smarting neck and worrying she thought he was grimacing at her. “But he dug that trench, right?”

“Yes, but I mean…” Fluttershy shrugged as she adjusted his blankets. “How does that translate to Rookhoof Has Superspeed?” 

“First off, river of lava!” Peter beamed. “Guy did not have a lot of time to dig!”

“He must’ve done it though, or else that story would be, well, a very depressing cautionary tale.” 

“Point, but second of all he grew strong enough to dig it at all, yeah?”

“Yeah?” 

“So his strength quadruples but his speed doesn’t?” Peter shrugged. “Mine did.”

“I see your point, but wouldn’t that mean Saddlerager’s does too?” Fluttershy held up one of Spike’s comics as if the character’s presence on the cover demonstrated something. 

“Ah, you’d think so, but in fact her legs don’t transform when she does—”

“I thought that was just artistic licence,” Fluttershy murmured, a little self-consciously.

“—but her bones are harder than diamond!” Peter continued, lost in nerdery. “So it’s like, how can she even land a hit on Rockhoof at all, buuuut Sadie can soak up tons of damage, the only time she’s ever even been winded was by a blow from the Overcorn, but she was from another dimension so the laws of the magic in her armour were different, so the real question is can Rockhoof survive long enough to try for an Infinite Mass Punch? And would that even work?!” 

“Oh, that’s one of the moves of Rainbow’s bucket list!” Fluttershy beamed. 

“Seriously, anything,” Rarity muttered to a portrait of Celestia on the wall. “Actually going to solstice. Not mentioning everypony’s hair. Carrying Spike’s gem basket myself. Just a sudden loss of hearing or spontaneous combustion. Anything to get me out of this conversation.”

“Okay, so what about Radiance vs Mistmane?” Fluttershy asked. 

“How is that a contest?” 

“Well, they can both do practically anything, right?”

“Uh, did Mistmane ever contain a nuclear explosion?” 

“Oh sun and moon…” Rarity buried her head in her hooves. “Shouldn’t you have dropped from your pain killers already, Peter?”

“Proportionate metabolism of a spider, dunno what to tell you.” Peter shrugged, enjoying the fact it no longer hurt after a good night’s sleep. “Besides, Twilight’s schedule says not for another couple of minutes and you’ve already tainted my apple juice with them enough as is!” 

“You silver tongued devil.” They all jumped, staring at the smirking Rainbow Dash leaning against the doorframe. 

Fluttershy tried not to crawl under Peter’s bed to die. “How long were you listening?” 

“Since halfway through Flash Magnus vs the Black Knight.” 

“And you didn’t save me?!” Rarity demanded. 

“Like you have anywhere else to be.” Dash trotted up to the bed, pulling a deli bag out of her wing pocket. “Fluttershy and Pinkie already solved the riddle of the mummy’s gold and the Crusaders’re gonna be on rec centre paint duty to make up for that whole thing. Slow day! I had to go all the way out to the mountains to find trouble. Here, peace offering.” 

“Thanks,” Peter smiled, accepting one of the hoagies. “This mean we’re good?”

“Gettin’ there.” Dash shrugged. “Anyway, you were goin’ on and on and on about how bad your happy pills taste, so I figured since you and Twilight are always stuffin’ yourselves at that place on Derby Street…”

“And I thought Rarity was the embodiment of Generosity,” Peter smiled wryly. 

“99% of the time.” Ruby eyed side-eyeing. 

“Betting against somepony who’s cutie mark is an arrow inside a target is a self-explanatory 1%,” Rarity smiled thinly.

“Speaking of Derby Street, the pub there sometimes has a darts tournament!” Fluttershy interjected. “And there’s a pool hall next to the bowling alley. You know, in case you ever wanted to invite anypony in the…um…”

“The business?” Peter supplied. 

“That was it!” Fluttershy smiled. “Well, if you ever wanted to invite them over. Rarity said your friends might be coming? Your real ones, that is! Oh, n-not that your colleagues aren’t…I mean…”

“I know what you mean,” Peter said, smiling reassuringly. It turned slightly more sly. “Though off the top of my head, seems like you wouldn’t mind seeing the Falcon again?”

“Oh, that reminds me, next time you see him could you give him this?” Fluttershy placed a crumpled list from her wing pocket on the bedside table. “It’s a list of foods and grooming products Redwing might enjoy.” 

“Redwing?” Rarity asked. 

“His partner!” Fluttershy’s smile robbed her of any scandalous hopes by its pure innocence. “He has a psychic link with all birds in Equestria, maybe the entire planet, but he has an extra special connection with her! Isn’t that fascinating?” 

“That’s one word for it,” Rarity said carefully. 

“Hey, respect,” Dash said. “Guy’s got good moves in the air, but that’s basically the vow.”

“Un cielo per tutti e un cielo per tutto,” Fluttershy explained to the confused ground walkers. “A sky for everyone and everything.” 

“Some legends say we got our wings from the lil’ guys,” Dash grinned, flapping her own to demonstrate, “so we look out for ‘em when we can.” 

“Beats getting bitten by a magically irradiated spider.” Peter smiled grimly at the memory. 

“Beg pardon, darling?” Rarity was staring at him. They all were. 

“In joke.” Peter coughed awkwardly. “Sure Fluttershy, I’ll pass it along. And yeah, Rarity phoned MJ’s club. They’ll drop by tomorrow.”

“The redhead?” Dash tried to look nonchalant. “Cool.” 

“Ah, the lovely Merry Jane!” Rarity flashed the speedster a lupine smile to let Dash know that yes, she’d noticed that little wing twitch. “I’ve always enjoyed our chats.”

“’Cause they’re mostly about you,” Dash muttered. 

“Pinkie likes her too,” Fluttershy noted. “Is that the order she’s working on? Mr. Cake was behind the counter today.” 

“Yeah, she said she’d whip something up,” Peter smiled, then glanced at the door as a distant ping echoed from downstairs. “Speaking of, think your soup's up.” 

“Your soup,” Fluttershy clarified. “Glad you liked it!”

“It’ll go good with Rainbow’s peace offering,” Peter smiled as she left, saluting the other Pegasus with the hoagie before narrowing his eyes at Rarity. “Beats the apple juice.” 

“Mmm, you have taken enough of a beating as is,” Rarity smirked, horn glowing. “Fine! Here you go, you big baby! A nice cool glass of conjured orange juice.”

“Oooh, freshly dimensionally squeezed?” Peter took it in his working hoof, admiring the swirling patterns inside. “Now this is medicine!”

“Quite.” Rarity’s eyes flashed malevolently as he took that first refreshing sip. Rainbow squinted at her, wondering what kind of plan/spell/revenge was being wrought. “And don’t worry about your medicine. All in due time. All in due time.”

“Your eyes are glowing.” Peter indicated his own with the glass. Rarity’s mortified hoof immediately flew to her left as he smirked. “They’re not, but they may as well be.” 

“Startin’ to see why Twilight keeps you around!” Dash cackled, flapping at Rarity’s shoulder level to force the fuming seamstress to trot out with her. “Enjoy the sandwich! I hear it’s an acquired taste!” 

“Kinda like these!” Pinkie Pie announced, bouncing up the stairs after Fluttershy, a tray of desserts balanced perfectly on her nose while the vet anxiously cradled a tureen that somehow smelled of crisp Spring air and a roaring hearth. “Hope you’ll have room for dessert, Pete. I wanna make sure everything’s pitch perfect for when your friends arrive.” 

“Thanks Pinkie, everypony.” Peter smiled gratefully as the party pony laid the tray gently on his lap, allowing Fluttershy to deposit the soup. “You’ve all been great. Usually when it’s this bad it’s just me stuck on the couch with a bunch of band aids until I get feeling in my legs again. It’s why I’ve been kinda bleh.” 

“A literal slime ball dropped a ton of pianos on ya, man,” Dash snorted, both dismissively and because that was still funny. “You can feel however you want, just feel better.” 

“That desperate to get rid of me, huh?” Peter smirked, taring a corner of hoagie off to dunk in Fluttershy’s soup. 

“You know it!” 

“Man Pinkie, these all look so good…” Peter mused through his mouthful, looking over the row of cupcakes like he was considering which kitten to adopt. “Oooh, what’s this powdery looking one?” 

“Wheatcake!” Pinkie beamed proudly at his bugging eyes. “Your aunt said it was your favourite.” 


***


“Which retired filly scouts just nailed that caregivers merit badge so hard?” Dash flopped onto a beanbag, hooves behind her head and pointing at herself with one wing, Rarity with the other. “♪These fillies!♪” 

“Here, here!” Rarity agreed, smile wavering only slightly as Dash kicked a shelf to send a copy of Smash Fortune’s autobiography tumbling into her grasp. “Perhaps we should take a quick jaunt to Canterlot so we can solve Princess Celestia’s problem and allow Twilight to admire our handiwork!” 

“Quick’s my second middle name,” Dash muttered, “but the only reason I’d be anywhere near Canterlot right now is to make sure I could get AJ and Twilight outta range of Johnnyflake’s epic fowl up.” 

“He is a professional, you know,” Rarity huffed, trying to keep a blush out of her face since she’d completely failed to stop that sounding so defensive. 

“Professional pest maybe,” Dash muttered. 

“He’s been a perfectly good friend to me these past months.” 

“I’m real happy for ya.” Rainbow raised the book slightly to block her from view. 

“You know I’ve tried wedeling just what went so wrong at flight school out of him?” Rarity frowned, sitting pointedly down on the couch she’d moved in from the living room. “And he still hasn’t told me anything? He’s never had anything but nice things to say about you, as a matter of fact.” 

“’Least he could do!” Rainbow’s tail shimmered as it lashed. Her voice had been raised but she was still refusing to look up from her book. 

“He’s my friend too, Rainbow,” Rarity sighed. “I love you too much to fix or force things between you and Johnny, but--”

“Then don’t.” 

Rarity blinked. Anger she’d expected, petulance even, but there was something deeply concerning to her about how…tired Dash had sounded. 

She’d seen vulnerable Rainbow Dash plenty of times, that mess at Best Young Flyer had happened at all because she’d recognised it. But when she thought of tired Rainbow Dash the image that came to mind was of that time she’d asked the Pegasus along to an Everything Must Go sale, to help fend off the more vicious shoppers.

The heiress they’d been competing with had been Queen Chrysalis and some of her horde, after a dress that legendarily held a map to the Heart of Equestria Itself! (Also, and she hated to admit this, but it had absolutely been Chrysalis’ style.)

The ensuing chase and melee had lasted several hours and just as many floors of the department store, which turned out not to be going out of business but simply infiltrated/infested with the little buggers. If Celestia and Luna hadn’t happened by incognito, hoping to score some bargains, and revealed the map to be simply part of a long defunct Legends-Through-Fashion line…

Anyway, the point was Rainbow had been found draped almost bonelessly over a throne of concussed changelings, staff and vicious shoppers, nothing left in her but contentment at a brawl well done. That was what a tired Rainbow Dash was supposed to look and sound like. Not an adult. A very weary one. 

“I think that went rather well,” Fluttershy beamed, drifting down to join them. 

Rarity blinked, wires crossing and wondering how Fluttershy had know about how they’d surfed that rack into the changelings’ pincer formation. “Sorry, what?”

“You know, lunch and everything,” Fluttershy smiled as she passed around extra bowls of her mother’s delicious soup. She had that look on her face, like whenever she tricked her animals into something. “Heh heh, and we don’t have to worry about making sure somepony takes his medicine, do we?”

“Ah, I was wondering if any of you girls would notice!” Rarity preened, taking a dainty sip from her levitated spoon. 

“Notice what?” Dash asked through a mouthful of sandwich, eyes still on the book while she used her wings to hold her hoagie and bowl. 

“My ingenious little ruse, of course.” Rarity admired her reflection in her spoon.

“Ruse?” Fluttershy asked in a very kitten on train tracks voice. 

“You see—” Rarity flicked her fringe in triumph, savouring the moment. “—I just redefined elegance in simplicity by making our Mr. Trotter take his medicine.” 

“Um.” 

“What?” Dash was finally looking up now.

“Oh come now, isn’t it obvious? I took care of his medicine and his constant whining about the taste!”

“No you didn’t,” Dash said distantly, as if she’d just been concussed. “I did.”

“No, I did,” Rarity smiled as patiently as she did with Sweetie Belle, which nopony deserved. “I distinctly remember pulling the plunger.” 

“No, shut up. I did.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“I! Did!” Dash enunciated. “I gave Pete his meds.”

“No, I mean did you just tell me to shut up?!” Rarity fumed. Then blinked. “Wait, when?”

“Like…just now.” Dash was making eye contact like they were both stuck in two runaway wagons barrelling towards each other. “Those things taste like warmed over nothing, so I stuck ‘em in his hoagie so he wouldn’t notice. Y’know, like with a pet.” 

“He wouldn’t shut up about the apple juice, so I used the same trick I do where Opalescence is being fussy,” Rarity agreed, feeling like her wagon was also a confession booth. “I mixed it into something else. His orange juice.”

“You didn’t conjure it.” Dash’s eyes were trying to narrow and widen at the same time. It made her look kind of like she was about to cry. “You mixed it up and hid it somewhere so you could teleport it in. Of all the Trixie tier—!”

“Pick your next words very carefully,” Rarity warned, horn flickering. 

“I’m shakin’.” 

Dash glared from her to the floor, trying to convince herself. 

“It’s medicine, right? A double dose can’t be too bad, right? It’s not like we drowned him in the stuff, right? He should be, like, twice as better.”

“Not how that works,” Rarity sighed, trying to force a smile, “but yes, twice the dose shouldn’t--”

“I put it in his soup,” Fluttershy squeaked with the same silently screaming urgency she’d save for the sky catching fire or the Crusaders getting their drivers licences.

Rarity and Rainbow practically flung their bowls to the middle of the floor as if trying to put guilty distance between them. 

“Not everypony’s!” Fluttershy stammered. “It-it-it-it’s just, yes, those potion pills can be a bit bleh, and Mom sent over so much soup and it’s made with so much love and care I thought…oh sun and moon.” 

“It’s fine, it’s fine.” Dash was on her hooves and skittering this way and that. “It’s fine! He survived the world’s lamest vaudeville accident! He can take a little secret sauce!” 

“Rainbow, there’s pain killers in there.” Rarity looked like she could bite the entire tree in half. “Potions to sift things out of your blood.”

“Maybe we drowned it out,” Fluttershy quavered hopefully. “I mean, it’s a lot of different ingredients all at once. M-maybe my soup, like, cancelled out Dashie’s sandwich or something? He was dunking it…”

“You didn’t cancel me,” Dash scowled. “Nopony cancels me.”

“Priorities!” Rarity snapped. She stomped over to the small box Twilight had left on the table, sorting through it. “Look, alright, I’m going to find that schedule. We can try to figure out when his next three doses were supposed to be and how long we should wait, because the most important thing is to make sure he doesn’t take anymore.” 

There was a pause. She turned around, levitating what looked like a medicine bottle but was in fact…

“Why is there a sugar shaker in Twilight’s medicine box?” Rarity asked with pre-detonation calm.

“Because Twilight packed it,” Dash responded leadenly. “And she was freaking out.” 

“Oh my,” Fluttershy mumbled. 

“No, wait, this is good, right?” Dash jogged up to Rarity, examining the shaker as if it might explode. “This means we haven’t been giving him meds, right?”

“No,” Rarity said with that same terrible calm, levitating an empty, similar looking pill bottle. “We have. That would be this. What I mean is, if this sugar shaker, with the Sugar Cube Corner logo on it, is in here instead of the extra pill bottle then where…?”

“Um.” 

They all turned slowly to Pinkie, standing on the staircase with a worried expression and an almost empty tray balanced on her back. 

“Twilight sent me out to pick up some extra stuff, but she, ah, ran out of sugar yesterday and I was gonna lend her one of ours. And they, uh, sure look sorta similar, huh? Guess those weren’t some new kinda sprinkles?” 

She squawked as the other three bore her up and onto their backs, into the rush up the stairs to find…


***


...an empty bed.

“We vaporised him!” Dash blinked. “Is it weird I’m kinda proud of us?”

“Yes, and no we didn’t.” Rarity stormed into the room, looking around and trying to figure out what Shadow Spade would do. Other than not be in this situation. 

“We‘ve lost Twilight’s boyfriend.” Fluttershy was running her hooves down the side of her face to avoid pulling out her hair. “How did we even do that? Is anypony else having trouble breathing?”

“Like he’d be under the bed,” Rarity snarled at Rainbow Dash’s peering face from her side. “Meds in his sandwich!” 

“You’re lookin’ too, little miss orange juice,” Dash snapped back. 

“Up here.” 

The Elements almost fell over craning up to stare at the ceiling. 

Seeing Peter Trotter crawling up there instead of Spider-Pony was disconcerting enough, but there was an odd, sedate motion to his slow progress that creeped them out even more. Including, y’know, the possibility he might fall off and break his head open.

“What in the name of Celestia’s sainted trousers are you doing?!” Rarity boggled. 

“Trying to assert my machismo and independence, mostly,” Peter said with distant, droopy cheerfulness. He either looked down at them or more probably his head just dangled limply towards the floor. His smile and eyes were unfocused and constantly changing shape. “It’s just made my legs hurt and I feel even more insecure now.” 

“Where are you going?” Fluttershy asked, trying to sound calm. 

“Going to the bathroom.” Peter took another wobbly upside down step. “Should probably be worried it took this long.”

“Dude, gross!” Dash snapped without a hint of admiration. “Get down from there! What if somepony comes in? They’re gonna see you!” 

“Sometimes I wonder if that would solve everything,” Peter beamed, finally scuttling under the top of the door frame. “Just strut into the middle of Ponyville Plaza and scream my secret to everypony at the top of my lungs. It would probably bring all my enemies down on what’s become a second home to me, and of course everypony would have the right to fear and reject me, giving me even more to feel guilty about, but maaaaaan, those five seconds of relief!” 

The Elements looked at each other as his tail began the slow process of sliding under the door frame. 

“I don’t think I like this game…” Pinkie murmured. 

“I don’t think he knows he’s playing,” Rarity said. “Rainbow, if he’s going to crawl over everything you’re probably the only one who can keep up.”

“Gotcha.” 

Dash nodded, flapping out the door and hovering a few inches in front of the arachnoid as he began to try and navigate the curve of the landing wall. 

“Everypony else, draw the curtains!” Rarity urged, telekinetically pulling the guest room’s shut. “We can’t risk anypony seeing anything until we’ve gotten him back into bed.”

“Then we can burn our hoof prints off and get our counterfeit passports,” Fluttershy babbled. “And that way nopony can hunt us down for treason.” 

“Ooh, what movie is that?” Pinkie asked, bouncing back up from drawing all the living room curtains. 

“The one where the Princess of Friendship burns her friends at the stake for breaking her coltfriend.”

Fluttershy was quivering so much she didn’t trust her hooves to draw the main library room’s curtains, so she just slammed the living room door and dragged the couch in front of it. 

“She won’t do that, darling,” Rarity assured, patting her. “She’ll be snippy and answer her own sarcastic questions for a few weeks, which is worse and why we’re going to make sure nothing happens, alright?” 

They all jumped at the sound of a slamming door. 

“What was that?!” Fluttershy squawked “The fuzz?!”

“Uh, the good news is he made it,” Dash called down to them. 

She hovered awkwardly for a few beats listening to the sounds coming from inside the bathroom even though she really didn’t want to, then finally knocked on the door. 

“Pete? Buddy? You, uh, you good in there?”

“My ribs still sting,” came the muffled, jovial reply, “and I’m scared there’s at least one more piano key inside me that I just can’t feel yet.” 

“Cool?” Dash glanced over her shoulder at the others. “Yoooou need any help?” 

“Nope!” Peter raised his voice over the flush. “And if I did, I’d probably be too embarrassed to ask! Kinda how my team ups work, really!” 

“You’d know…” Dash mused, jerking back from the door swinging open and Peter’s Vandergraph recording in an earthquake smile. “Gyagh! Uh…did you remember to wash your hooves?”

“I forgot.” Same cheerful intonation. “I feel ashamed and a failure.” 

“Okay, listen,” Pinkie huffed, “I’ve got plenty of songs to cheer ya up and all, but you sound, and I can’t believe I’m gonna say this, waaaay too happy! Also, and sorry for this Fluttershy, maybe you could share a little less?!” 

“Yes, he is, isn’t he…” Rarity mused. 

“Huh.” Dash banged on the door again. “Say Pete! Is your lawyer really Deerdevil?” 

“Yep! Sometimes I feel like I’m taking advantage of our friendship but then I remind myself how much hardboiled monologuing I have to take from Matt on the job and that it’s a decent trade, which just makes me feel selfish and guilty all over again.” 

“I think I’m going to cry,” Fluttershy whimpered. 

“You just have a lie down, dear.” Rarity patted her on the shoulder but nodded up at Rainbow. 

“Uh, what’s two plus two?” 

She shrugged at Rarity’s eye roll. 

“Four,” came the eventual cheerful replay. “I have a degree in thaumaturgical physics and had to think about that for a sec. Lapses like that are part of why I feel the need to remind myself and other ponies I have a degree in thaumaturgical physics, other than the lovely warm glow saying it gives me inside.” 

“Did you really date the Black Sphinx?” Dash tried, opening the door to make sure he hadn’t drowned or scrubbed his hooves off or something. 

“Oh my, yes.” Peter was either nodding or his head was trying to be in three places at once. “It was after MJ and I broke up for the first time. I was in a very weird place! There were a lot of gang wars, maybe that had something to do with it. Honestly? I was eighteen and Fera wore a lot of black. Also, it was nice to be wanted for being Spidey for once. Sometimes I wonder if the only thing that really gave me the high ground at all was the fact Fera was, and probably still is, the world’s most competent kleptomaniac.” 

“Oh my stars and garters.” Dash slowly turned to grin at the others. “He’s blitzed!” 

“What,” Fluttershy mumbled. 

“I’ve seen it happen in the Wonderbolts infirmary! Sometimes a pony crashes so bad the docs have to fill them up with a lot of different stuff, and it all mixes together to take their brain through the pain and, like, out the other side! They’re so in tune with the universal truth or whatever they’ll tell ya theirs without even thinking about it! Or being asked!”

“Honesty’s one of the virtues we’re supposed to uphold!” Pinkie beamed in relief, bouncing a little. “I mean, we’re not super great at it, but this is a good thing, right?” 

“Sleeping tablets.” Fluttershy began frantically digging through Twilight’s medicine box. “There must be sleeping tablets in here somewhere. Then we can end this nightmare. Just for a little while.” 

“Up-bup-bup-bup!” Rainbow wagged her hooves, grinning ferally. “Primo opportunity here, ladies!”

“What does that mean and why’re you rubbing your hooves like that?” Pinkie asked, feeling obligated to be the voice of caution since Fluttershy was too busy trying to bite the uncooperative lid off another medicine bottle. 

“Because what we have here is what every mare in Equestria wants.” Rarity’s grin was so bright it dimmed the room even more as she joined Dash in looping a foreleg around the serenely smiling Peter’s shoulders. “A stallion who will tell you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth! And a free afternoon…”


18


“And nopony knew anything?” Twilight’s voice asked through the collar. 

“Not the rank an’ file ponies anyway,” Applejack confirmed. “Some of ‘em heard they might be gettin’ a royal visit but nothin’ concrete. One poor gal was hopin’ to meet Princess Cadence.” 

“We should probably tell the sisters to keep an eye on that company,” Twilight mused. “Any luck on your end, Johnny?”

“Not yet,” Johnny sighed, lifting his head from lying against the back of his current perch. “That’s the problem with clubs, most of the ponies in the know don’t show up until fashionably after dark. I can drop back in a couple of minutes and see if anypony from Blueblood’s school days is hanging around. Guys like that have a desperate need to stay aware of their old pals if they can’t keep in touch.” 

“Because of friendship?” Twilight, who he now knew had been around those kinds of school cliques, didn’t sound too hopeful. He felt a chivalrous need to protect that reluctant optimism.

“What you don’t ask me I won’t have to lie about, Princess.” 

He turned to smile at the distant tower of the Sky Garden in New Town, where Twilight and Spike were taking advantage of the 360-degree view with telescopes. If anything Blueblood shaped happened Twilight could teleport right over, or close enough for a quick flight. 

“Mmm. What about that cab pony…Head Down? She mentioned Alchemax might be up to something with under-estate.”

“If she’d known more I figure she’d have told us,” Applejack pointed out. “Maybe we can use that? Tip the C.E.U.P. off an’ get Blueblood into protective custody?”

“Good idea, but we’ve got zero evidence of his collusion, or that they’re even doing anything wrong,” Twilight sighed. “Still no sign of him? Maybe he snuck into the club while you were…doing whatever it is your doing?”

“Keeping an eye on the situation!” Johnny declared, grinning as he shifted to better relax against the intricate tiers of his perch, nestled between two Pegasus statues. 

“What’s he doin’?” Applejack muttered. 

“He’s sitting on the top of the Balmoral,” Twilight reported simply. “I assume it’s a vantage thing?”

“Give the filly a prize!” Johnny winked, hoping he was looking right into her telescope. “Gives me a great view of not just Anticor’s front and the alley behind it, but the whole block. When our boy shows up, I’ll know it. Assuming you don’t spot him first.” 

“How’d ya get up there?” Applejack asked suspiciously. 

“Charmed my way onto a balcony in the building next door and used a big ol‘ thermal pulse to silently jet myself across the street.” Johnny buffed his crest and admired his hoof before looking back down at the throngs below. “Relax Applehat, no flash of flames, nopony saw anything.”

“AppleJACK,” both mares said sharply through the radio. 

“Right, what’d I say?”

“Applehat,” Twilight said before AJ could stop her. 

“Huh,” Johnny mused. “My bad, but on the other hoof if you girls ever decide to get into merchandising--” 

“Don’t need to,” Applejack cut in, “we’ve got REAL jobs.”

“And I worked part time as a mechanic to save up for college,” Johnny shot back, sitting up to glare at the distant Alchemax building, “because I couldn’t legally get paid by my sister’s company until I turned eighteen and I didn’t wanna sponge off her while she was trying to build it. So spare me the plucky-proletariat-pony lectures the know-nothing-playboy routine, alright?”

“Fair enough, but maybe I wouldn’t feel like it if that smart aleck playboy had the decency to take this seriously or, I dunno, remember my dang name!” 

“Yeah? Funny, ’cause the way I see it, forget you!”

“Guys!” 

A violet flash danced on the roof of the Sky Garden. 

The other end of the radio fell silent, leaving Johnny with nothing but the street noises and the nonplussed feeling of his temper having its brakes slammed on before it could really put the pedal down. 

“You saw that, right?” came Twilight’s sheepish voice after a tense few beats. 

“Yeah,” sighed Applejack. “Reckon we’re lucky the whole of Canterlot didn’t. Folks on the street’re lookin’ at me even funnier now.”

“Meanwhile, I’m almost as invisible as Sue,” Johnny tried to smarm, but there wasn’t much in the tank. Plenty of awkwardness and guilt, though. 

“It’s Canterlot, they’ll just think one of the Magic Quarter’s ponies went off,” Twilight said, trying to sound reassuring and not exhausted, “but at least I got the attention of everypony who counts. You guys were fine at Plucky’s last night, where did all this come from?”

Johnny folded his forelegs, although he was sort of hoping her telescope wasn’t on him right now. “Hey, your friend took a shot at me.” 

“Because I’M the one who had to do all the work to get us here an’ into position,” Applejack snapped, making him flinch.“An' even if I hadn’t would it kill ya to take this seriously?!”

“Would it kill you to lighten up?!“

“Against somethin’ that gave Princess Celestia a black eye?!”

“So, tension!” Twilight cut in, trying to sound upbeat. “Alright! Understandable!”

“Yeah, tryin’ to keep Equestria’s most unlikable bachelor alive, with only an explorer who’s too busy horsin’ around to learn street names in the most famous city in Equestria for back up, IS makin’ me feel mighty tense Twi, thanks for bein’ so understandin’!” 

“Don’t worry, I’m more than happy to handle this solo if you’re too tense to remember we’re on the same side!” Johnny snapped. “And since you didn’t turn up anything, how about you just head on back to Discovery Canal and get out of the way?” 

“An’ leave Twi ‘n' Spike to do the job an' carry your ego at the same time? Wouldn’t be very friendly of me!” 

“Alright, alright!” They could practically see Twilight waving her hooves in placating desperation. “We’re handling this differently, I get it! But we CAN handle it! We’ve all had to handle bigger!” 

“Yeah, with ponies we can rely on!” Johnny pointed out. “And it’s rich that the farm girl thinks I don’t have it together when she’s the one freaking out over a simple bodyguard assignment!” 

“Aww man, you’ve gotta be FOUR TIMES what Rainbow said you were!” 

“Oh boy…” Twilight moaned. 

“Ah, there it is!” Sparks vented from Johnny’s eyes and he had to grip one of the statue wings to keep from angrily losing his perch. “I’m the bad guy because of stuff you weren’t there for!” 

“Might as well’ve been! Worked alongside your friends and family enough times but man, not one of ‘em braced me for how condecendin’ you are!” 

“Cheap talk when you’re talking down to me from on high, farm girl!” 

“Say farm like it’s a slur again, playboy! I dare ya!” 

“Is it a Blueblood thing?” Spike asked. 

Nonplussed silence again. 

“I mean, it’s past lunch so that’s all I’ve got besides being a hangry thing.” 

“No,” Applejack sighed. “Sorry. I dunno. This whole thing’s gettin’ so big so fast. An' the big galoot hasn’t even shown up yet!” 

“And I wouldn’t have agreed to let any of you come on this mission if you couldn’t do it!” Twilight assured. “AJ, this is my hometown, I’m freaking out too! And it’s SENSIBLE to take the scale of all this into account! It’s one of the things I know I can count on about you. It means you’re doing everything you can to help.”

“Might be oversellin’ me there Twi, but…thanks.” 

The weary but relived smile in her voice cooled Johnny off a little. He didn’t like that part of her process seemed to involve harbouring a grudge on his ex’s behalf…but the modern Heroic Age had been going on for a decade now and the Elements had only been part of it for the last three years. And they’d been thrown headfirst at Nightmare-For-Real-Moon! For starters! 

“And Johnny…” 

Twilight took a second, trying to figure out what on earth she was supposed to say to her boyfriend’s roommate. 

“I’ve worked with your friends and family too, and they all KNOW they can count on you. Even Rainbow Dash would give you that. I won’t lie, I’m not sure about how you’re handling this, but your methods work for YOU. That’s honestly what we do. Everypony does her own thing and we all sort of…bring it in.”

“Put it that way, that’s…not too different from the FF,” Johnny smiled. 

“And that’s flattering.” 

He could sense Twilight trying to figure out how to articulate something in the pause. 

“You won’t remember me, so much was happening, but…Well, I was in my junior advanced year at Celestia’s school when Dr. Gloam hit the capital.”

“Wait, when he tried to steal her power?” Johnny blinked. “When…?”

“When he tried to threaten her into giving him dominion over the sun and the moon by levitating the school district, yes.” Twilight was trying not to giggle. “Sorry! It’s just…it’s so absurd, and I’m doing this over a phone. Anyway, I saw you all in action! I was the idiot trying to rally the rest of junior year? You and Mr. Grim stopped that tower falling on us?”

“Oh man, I do remember that!” Johnny shook his head. Advanced junior year, that would’ve been her equivalent of the high school grade he was in at the time. “Small world, huh?”

“You’d be surprised.” Applejack sounded more chilled out. “Should get Rarity to tell ya our cutie mark story sometime.”  

“You were awesome that day,” Spike said sincerely. 

“I’ve gotten better with age,” Johnny smiled, putting his hooves back behind his head. 

“Uh, I meant Twilight.” 

“Oh, right.” Johnny shrugged. “Well, same deal!” 

“Thanks.” Twilight sighed. “The ironic thing? I did it because, I don’t know, school spirit I suppose, but this was when I didn’t really care about anypony around me.”

“Sugarcube, y’know that’s not true--”

“It wasn’t even the first time I was a leader,” Twilight continued, a bit too casually. “I’d had to take charge of projects...not the same scale, mind you, but you know. It was a thing I knew I could do. But both times, in the aftermath I’d always feel so…Everypony would come up to me to say good job, even try to hoof bump me and I’d just…at best I’d just smile and nod and wonder why they were taking up my time like this. It was probably only those legendary Canterlot manners that kept me from snapping at anypony because I STILL remember feeling so annoyed. Oh boy, one more ‘thanks, you too!’. Talk about school spirit, huh?”

Wow, Johnny was mercifully too stunned to say but unfortunately unable to stop thinking. No wonder she and Peter were…

“You still looked after everyone,” Spike urged. 

“Seriously,” Johnny agreed, “if you guys hadn’t held that hall, we’d have been too busy trying to deal with Gloam’s windup toys to undo his spell. Was that escape tunnel your idea?” 

“Heh, no!” Twilight giggled. “A stray bolt just opened up the lecture hall all the way to the sub-basement and I figured, well, it’s a bottleneck, they’ll have to come one at a time. It was Mr. Grim’s idea to use those old balloonist club models to float us all out of there.”

“An’ it’s a good thing he did! An’ a good thing YOU did for all your class,” Applejack pointed out in a tone that brooked no arguments, somehow even more stubborn than her spat with Johnny. “An’ then, what, five, six years later ya showed up in Ponyville to save us all!” 

“Funny how stuff works out, right?” Twilight smiled. Johnny could hear it. “I only even read that old legend because it was the summer and I was trying to figure out what to pick for my major.”

“An’ lookit ya now.”

“Well, I’m miles away and thirty five floors up, but I know what you mean. Anyway, the point is…I’ve seen how the both of you work. It’s different, but you can do this. So please do whatever you have to do to move past this and…Huh.” 

“What’s up?” Johnny sat up, unconcerned with the possibility of the motion tipping him off the hotel and towards the street.

“Spike just pointed something out…Blueblood’s here. Uh, there! In Old Town!” 

“Where?” Applejack asked urgently. “I’m in the park next to Alchemax…”

“Graymalkin Street! He’s in his incognito carriage, so of course it’s got his silhouette wearing sunglasses and fedora on the shields, the conceited…!”

“On my way,” Applejack said grimly. “He stoppin’ anywhere?”

“That dress makers Rarity likes!” Spike piped up.

“Dimond Tips, got it!” Johnny scrambled up onto the roof proper and hesitated. “Uh, where’s Graymalkin Street?”

“On your left!” Twilight clarified. “No, my left! You got it! See the clock tower? It’s right past that!”

“Wait, you gonna fly?” Applejack’s voice was muffled and thumping with startled voices. “Sorry! Royal business! Sorry!”

“Nah, roof running!” Johnny grinned, pawing the ground and then galloping for the distant clock tower. Twilight’s startled protests sputtered out as his hooves flashed, a thermal pulse shooting him across the gap. “I’ll meet you on the street! No pyrotechnics unless we need ‘em, promise!” 

“Thanks!” 

It was progress of a sort. Hay, it'd taken him and Spidey most of freshman year to settle into just terse. 


***

The unignited Torch landed on the lower façade of the clock tower, gave an apologetic salute to the startled window washers on the building he’d just dashed across, and used the tower’s drain pipes to slide his way down to Greymalkin Street level. He landed in the small gardens ringing the tower and vaulted the fence, hoping he was facing the right way. 

Unfortunately, he was. Ugh. That carriage!

“Hey.” Applejack had been cutting through the alley he’d landed in, coming up next to him. 

“Hey.” Johnny glanced at her, trying not to…he wasn’t sure. “Look, maybe we don’t like each other, but…”

“But we’ll always have this jackass,” Applejack smirked, nodding at the Blueblood silhouette on the door. It was actually holding a hoof up to its lips, shushing the world. “Maybe keepin’ track of him won’t be so hard after all. See anypony suspicious?”

“Other than Blueblood, you mean.” Johnny indicated the shop window. Applejack squinted. The prince was wearing the fedora and shades of his carriage logo, the top of his head poking out over a blue scarf wrapped almost all around his face. “What do you think he’s up to?” 

“Talkin’ to somepony and…sneakin’ out the back? Ah nuts.” Applejack unclipped her compact. “Twi, we can see ‘im but…”

“I know, we’re on our way. Try and follow him! This leads onto Mousehole Street, if you lose sight of him…”

“Aw nuts,” Johnny echoed, eyes bugging. Applejack probably considered it a not particularly impressive omen that even he knew where Twilight was talking about. 

“Quickest way between two points…” She lowered her head and galloped into the store, skidding slightly as she and the Torch stopped before the startled manager. “’Scuse us ma’am, but we gotta use your back door!” 

“Well,” the mare said as she blinked, “that’s onto our diamond cutter and fitter on Mousehole Street you see, and she’s rather high end. Do you have an appointment?”

“We have a mission from Princess Celestia.” Johnny flashed her a winning smile. 

“This is Canterlot, sir, everypony does.” 


***


They made it out after hastily trading some vouchers for unadorned clothes, the only way to get access to the gem cutter. The store specialised in Rarity’s style of embroidering. Applejack wondered if that was a slightly better omen, even with the delay. 

Luckily for them, their quarry had gotten his scarf caught on a lower branch of one of the magi-phosphorescent trees used to light city passageways like this one. He was causing patrons of the indoor shopping centre/hoof-traffic hub to give him weird looks as he practically pulled the thing down on top of him. At least they could keep him in view. 

“Hey buddy, lemme help ya with that!” Applejack kicked the trunk just right, shaking the branch enough to toss the scarf lose. Johnny managed to catch Blueblood on his back before the prince toppled into somepony’s stall. 

“Ah, thank you citizen,” Blueblood beamed before hastily wrapping the scarf back around his muzzle. “I mean, fellow citizen!” 

It was more difficult to secure his disguise than it should have been because instead of the expected trench coat, the collar of which Blueblood could have simply tucked it into, he was still wearing his suit lapels, rose and all, meaning that in addition to an attention grabbing blue trail behind him his cutie mark was on full display. 

“Going to get some gems sewn on?” Johnny wheezed, gambling that their charge would be enough of a doofus to think they didn’t recognise him, or even that he didn’t recognise Johnny. “Me and my friend here heard about this fancy custom filly in Diamond Tips.”

“Hardly,” the toff scoffed then coughed loudly. “That is, I could hardly have said it better myself!”

“Oh, well, since we all seem to be goin’ the same way…” Applejack shot Johnny a look, not sure of what rattled her more. The lie he’d just forced her to take part in or the fact it was sort of working. 

“Ah, a philosopher!” They could hear the beaming expression behind the scarf, sucking them backwards through time to the moment Blueblood picked the word up and made a note to use it in conversation more. 

They set off through the throng, shoppers parting before Blueblood’s bulk, not out of deference but because it and his sheer ignorance would crush them like a planetary collision. Applejack checked the crowds, trying to think what the ponies in Ambush on Station Sweet 16 or Die Herd would do. Then realised that was what Rainbow Dash would do and just felt kinda lonely. 

The passageway between Greymalkin and Mousehole was one of hundreds all over Canterlot, old mining walkways caught up in the industrial revolution and the swell in pony population. Ponies needed to get around and shops needed to be where ponies were, so. The ceiling of the passage sported the occasional grate from the street above, allowing light and rainwater to aid the phosphorescent trees. Could that busker playing under one be the next assassin? The mare with the stroller? Any of the ponies and other creatures in the shops and café’s lining the passage? 

Mousehole Street, around the next bend and named for the hundreds of doors and archways in its packed, twisting architecture, would have twice as many. Since the universe seemed determined to ruin her nerves today, it was also one of the biggest parts of the sun damned Spring Heels tour. 

On the other hoof it’d be a nice excuse. ‘Sorry Princess, he just leapt out at us! I had to turn his pumpkin inside out, for the good of your nephew!’ 

Yeah, maybe. If she’d been a different sort of pony. 

She blinked. “Sorry, what?” 

“I said I like your hat,” Blueblood repeated, his beaming expression cutting right through his scarf and shades. 

“Oh! Uh, thanks.” 

“Yes, this is totally not a lie!” he continued, making Johnny shut his eyes briefly in the universal gesture of Aw Dude. “And why would I lie when we are of the same social standing? Why, as you can see, I wear a hat myself!”

Applejack checked the next storefront, her step skipping slightly as she fought to stop her hooves wrapping around his throat. “You certainly are wearin’ a hat.” 

“Yes, as us commoners so often do! Despite the fact it is the 21st reign of my aunt…’sssss employer Princess Celestia and not a dance number in some hackneyed Manehattan musical hall!” He chuckled to himself, making the scarf flap in time with each Oh of his Oh-ho-ho! “All somepony of a slightly higher stock than yourselves need do to pass among you, dolphin like, would be to have their butler rummage through their least used walk-in wardrobe and ferret out the pile of Hearth’s Warming gifts their misguided aunt left them!”

Applejack noticed the intricate moon patterns on the dusty navy-blue scarf and imagined herself lassoing a stampede to rein in the need to punch this ungrateful brat right in the gut.

“So!” Johnny beamed, trying to cover the sound of her furious silence. “Are you, uh, from Canterlot originally?” 

“Oh ho ho!” Blueblood chortled. “My family can trace itself all the way back to Princess Platinum’s sisters themselves!”

“Really?” Johnny half grinned, half sighed. The chortle had drawn even more shoppers’ and potential attackers’ attention, enough for the claim to draw even funnier looks. 

“Ack!” Blueblood’s entire disguise jostled as his brain kicked him with a boot marked Undercover, You Dope. “Blagh! Did I say Princess Platinum’s sisters? I meant their…ngh…s-servants! Oh ho ho, the very idea that my custom made and maintained mane could come from such vaulted heights! What a hard to starboard kind of mistake for me to make! How very, um…”

“Common?” Applejack snarled. 

“Mmm, was dipping my rod in the pond marked ‘foolish’, old hat rack but now you mention it, same pig sty, eh? Eh? Eh?” Blueblood made the mistake of elbowing Ponyville high’s star buckball player, who’d had to carry heavy loads since she was eight, in the ribs. “OW! Golly! Strong stock, aren’t we?” 

Inspiration then made the subsequent mistake of sparking in his brain. “Ah ha! That would be an inclusive we, not a royal one, of course. For there’s no doubt that we are all of the walking class!”

“Working,” AJ and Johnny said hurriedly as a passing wheelchair user glanced over at them. 

“Yes,” Blueblood said in tones that would have been for condescending to children if he’d been even remotely capable of talking to a child, “that is what we’re doing. We’re going to see that miserly dwarf Aggregate.” 

Applejack blinked, impressed. “Huh.” 

One of Equestria’s best jewellery workers and maybe the best diamond dog jeweller on the planet. Not so miserly when you considered the amount of finesse she employed, or the cost of the blackout glasses she needed so her telescopic eyes could cope with above-ground light. And the amount of charity work she did to pay forward pony kindness toward her own breed, who’d blame her for taking a bigoted cheapskate like Blueblood for all he was worth? 

“Why?” she asked.

“Royal business,” Blueblood snapped, tripping a little as he mentally caught himself. “…which is…none of mine! Is the point I was making! Common as the mud beneath our very hooves! The sort Aggregate’s kind plays in everyday!”

“Hey, just occurred to me,” Applejack smiled. “Since we’re on the same level that basically means I can say whatever I please to ya, yeah?”

“I…suppose.”

“Then shut your mouth before I cram everythin’ your wearin’ so far down it they come out your nose.” Exact same smile. 

“You dare—?!” Blueblood made a strangled noise, scarf shaking as he stamped the response down. “You…darling…thing! Oh-ho-hoooo!”

“Hey, we’re here everypony!” Johnny tried not to yell too loudly. “Well. Almost.”

Almost was Mousehole Street’s plaza, a passageway leading down to the under-offices that housed Aggregate’s workshop among other undercity businesses...and it was on the other side of a mob of pumpkin heads and placards. In a complete non-coincidence, the Greymalkin Street branch of the Canterlot tourism office looked down onto the plaza.  

“I don’t believe what I’m seein’,” Applejack said with complete and total honesty. 

“What do we want?!” a mare in a Canterlot Tours vest barked into her megaphone, her other three legs keeping her balanced on a soapbox. 

“Air-conditioned masks!” the Spring Heels pumpkin-heads chanted. 

“When do we want them?!” 

“The high point of the Summer Sun Celebration and Nightmare Night!”

“OH HO HO!” Blueblood almost collapsed on top of Johnny, clutching his sides as the laughter shook him. 

“I mean, it’s not exactly punchy but…”

“Oh no!” The prince used his telekinesis to remove his shades and dab at his watering eyes with the end of his scarf. “Workers rights just always crack me up. Like, the concept. Whoo!”

“Oh look, everypony!” The malevolent glee underlining  the megaphone let the Element and the Torch know exactly what they’d see even as their eyes flew to the ringleader. Her eyes flashed with pink light and her smile with sadism. “It’s Prince Blueblood!”

The two heroes looked at each other, nodded, and squeezed against the still chortling prince to start forcing him to walk backwards with them. 

“Destroy,” one of the pumpkin headed tour guides said. Pink lights began to flicker on in the eye holes of the masks behind him. “DESTROY!” 

“DESTROY!” The chant danced from pumpkin to pumpkin. “DESTROY!” 

“Flames now?” Johnny squeaked. 

“Please an‘ thank you,” Applejack squeaked back. 

“DESTROY!” The mob was only separated from them by distance and the decision whether to drop their placards or use them as bludgeons, but it was coming. “DESTROY! DESTROY! DES--” 

They all froze as a violet flash blinded them. The ringleader yelped as she lost her balance, eyes still glowing pink as she toppled off her soapbox and into the plaza’s fountain. 

“Twilight?!” Applejack gasped. 

“Never fear, Twilight Sparkle is…” The announcer quality drained out of her voice as she realised she was looking up into Blueblood’s beaming face. 

“Other way,” Spike squeaked reluctantly, eyes bugging at the sight behind them. 

“Oh. Never fear!” Twilight spun around, her confident smirk lasting all of a second before her eyes registered what was coming towards them. “Twilight Sparkle is…here. Oh boy.” 

Despite the panic and ‘Clowns!’ terror she narrowed her eyes as they met the glowing glare of the furious leader, rising out of the fountain. Was it her imagination or was the enemy’s chin…segmenting? Something was totally up with her lengthening ears and the green streaks shooting through her hair. 

Then the nearest pumpkin-head was launching itself at them and she was too busy yelping and throwing up a shield to care. 

“Twilight Sparkle’s here?” Applejack called over the thump-thump-thump and cries from the rapidly retreating crowds. 

“I haven’t had to go into action as a princess yet!” Twilight whined. “I was trying to think Rainbow Dash thoughts!” 

“Geez filly, don’t go scarin’ me like that!” 

“Sparky!” Blueblood crowed. 

“Not! Now!” Twilight was being forced back by the mob, partly because they’d started hurling bigger objects at her street length forcefield and partly to avoid crushing the innocent ponies behind that malevolent pink glow. 

“Streets almost clear!” Applejack called. “We can make a break for the Gantry in just a few seconds!” 

Twilight nodded. Not that her idea of a good time was being chased down the huge undercity elevator shaft by a rabid horde, but the winding tunnels would give them a chance to loose Blueblood’s pursuers and resurface somewhere where everypony didn’t wanna kill hi--

Well, where they wouldn’t necessarily do anything about it. 

“Need any help?” Johnny called, flaming on. The pumpkin-heads were hurling barrels from abandoned carts at the field and one was being backed up by a team for use as a ram. 

“Spider-Pony says you have a flare move?” Twilight grunted. Alicorn power meant she could maintain fields this size for a lot longer than she could have previously, not that doing so was easier. 

“Gotcha,” The Torch agreed. “On your mark?”

“Yeah!” Twilight risked glancing over her shoulder. “Blueblood, we need you to… Why are you smiling?!” 

She almost dropped her field from shock, yelping and throwing up another magenta layer to throw the throng back. The makeshift battering ram was derailed as a soaring pumpkin head crashed down on the drivers. 

“Because everything suddenly makes sense, Sparky old fizzle stick,” Blueblood chortled. “Yes, it’s all so clear now. Aunty didn’t really loose her mind after all! Oh ho ho! Well done! Those wings are so convincing they even fooled me!” 

“What?” The Torch squinted. Then his eyes widened. “Oh sun and moon. He thinks this is part of the play.”

“Well, it’s all so obvious!” Blueblood grinned. “I mean, Sparky? A princess?! Oh ho ho! Oh HO HO! OOOOOOH HOOO HOOO HO-hey, give those back!” 

“Flare in five!” Applejack snapped, slipping his stolen shades over her eyes and retrieving her lasso from her hat. “Four!”

“Shield dropping in three!” Twilight snarled, backing up as Johnny positioned himself in front of them. “Two!”

She and Johnny nodded at each other, the princess spinning away and throwing up a wing to protect Spike’s eyes as the Torch burst into blinding white flame. The cries of “DESTROY!” became slightly more guttural and hysterical. The pumpkin heads rolled over street debris and each other, clawing at their eye holes. 

“Plan?!” Johnny asked, flaming off and instinctively slipping Spike onto his back. Something about Applejack and Twilight’s attitude suggested they were going to be busy. 

“Oh, it’s an Elements of Harmony classic.” Twilight’s reply was slightly muffled because she’d caught the other end of Applejack’s lasso in her mouth. They galloped into the dazed and mercifully silenced Blueblood’s gut, doubling him over with a satisfyingly windless grunt and dragging him behind them as they shot towards the Gantry’s bay at the other end of the street. “Get the ever-loving hay outta dodge!”  


To be Continued 

> Slight Learning Sensation (6)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


19


“Are we sitting comfortably?” Rarity beamed, swirling her glass. 

“I’m good,” Fluttershy’s voice drifted from under the sofa the fashionista was lounging on. If she couldn’t see any of it then she wasn’t complicit, right? 

“Yeah, this’ll do.” Pinkie pouted up at Rainbow Dash’s perch as she sprawled upside down on a beanbag. “Since somepony decided bungee gear is illegal all of a sudden.” 

“You only wanna be upside down ‘cause he is,” Dash muttered, waving at the still smiling and slightly swaying Peter Trotter, dangling from the living room ceiling by a web-line from his tail. “Besides Rarity’s drinks already took forever!” 

“If you have a better way to enjoy everything we could ever want to know about our dear Mr. Trotter being dropped in our laps then I’d like to hear it!”

“Actually asking him stuff instead of downing margaritas in the middle of the afternoon?”

“It’s five o’ clock somewhere, darling.” 

“It’s go time is what it is!” Pinkie bounced (upside down. Somehow) on her bean bag throne. “Pete! Pete! Pete! Over here! No, over here! Peter! When’s your birthday?”

Dash locked eyes with Rarity for a mutual roll. 

“August 10th,” Peter mumbled happily. 

“I know, I know,” Pinkie giggled, waving the other two off. “I just wanted to hear him say it.” 

“At least we know that’s true.” Dash stretched cat like on her windowsill perch and sat up a little. “And on that note: Pete! Lad Pioneer! Were ya?” 

“And you wonder what I’d need these for,” Rarity muttered before taking a sip. 

“It’s been driving me nuts!” 

“I wasn’t.” Peter sounded slightly too chirpy this time. There didn’t seem to be any real pattern to it. His voice would just rise and fall like that, even in mid-speech. Could be the pills, could be the pianos. 

Dash alternated at smirking between him and Rarity. “Was that so hard?” 

“My uncle Glen was, though. That’s where I picked it up. Knots were one of the things I was good at. They’re really just patterns and engineering if you think about it. Funny how it worked out with the web-shooters and all, I suppose. Uncle Glen got me into it by comparing slipknots to pencil erasers, so if you made a mistake you could always start over again. To this day I still try and use ‘em when I’m hanging a perp in a web-cage. Make the guards job a little easier.”

“Aww, that’s sweet,” Pinkie cooed. 

“Did your uncle also teach you how to make bad jokes?” Dash asked, relaxing back against the curve of the window. 

“Kinda! Honestly dunno where those came from, just started doing it. Passing the time beating up muggers, I guess, that got old way sooner than you’d think. I was a cocky lil’ so and so that summer. After that, real super villains started showing up, and one day you wake up and you’re a few months from graduating and you realise you’ve been hitting this award-winning inventor in the head for the last three years. If that’s not ridiculous, what is? Uncle Glen was great though. Still remember the first trick he ever taught me: the ol’ You’ll Get All Wet routine.”

“Aww man!” Dash snickered along with Pinkie. “Classic!” 

Rarity raised a brow. “What, that thing with the door and the bucket?”  

“Totally!” Pinkie hooted, wiping her eye. “Didja get him back?”

“Yeah,” Peter smiled drunkenly but fondly. “Trick soap.” 

Rarity winced at how loud the other two were laughing and took a soothing sip. Which made her wince a little more. Ice cube headache. 

“Your uncle's cool,” Pinkie said. 

“He was the best,” Peter smiled. 

“Sounds it.” Dash’s grin became a leer with switch blade dynamicity. “Twofer! Who was your first kiss and your best kiss?!”

“Oooh, and the plucky Wonderbolt cadet from West Side Cloudsdale redeems herself by lobbing not one, but two hardballs!” Rarity crowed, almost tossing her margarita all over a stack of Twilight’s Sweet Filly High collection with the force of her toast. Dash doffed an imaginary hat. 

“First…” Peter’s pupils changed size as his internal hard drive struggled to run on DruggedtoYourEyeballsware. “Fera.”

“Whaaaaaat?!” Dash bellowed with glee as Rarity choked mid-sip, briefly drowning her scandalised delight.

“Who’s Fera?” Pinkie asked excitedly. “Her name sounds fun!” 

“The Black Sphinx!” Dash was back in the air now, wings beating from sheer Dudebro enthusiasm. “The jewel thief!” 

“Ex-thief,” Peter mumbled, “although she keeps joking about stealing the crown jewels and then gets this look in her eye like when she’d be picking the lock on one of the Crime King’s cashes, so sometimes I’m not so sure. I think what really sums up our relationship is that the first time she kissed me was to paralyse me and sneak off with the Ostleheimer diamond.”

Fluttershy peeked her head out from under the couch to make sure she’d heard that right. 

Pinkie pouted. “That doesn’t sound very romantic.”

“I don’t know, a mare who knows what she wants, that’s rather admirable.” Rarity grinned and levitated one of her hairpins to chime against her glass. “Best! Best! Best! Best!” 

Dash joined in the chant, Pinkie gradually joining in on party principles as Fluttershy scuttled back to safety. They faltered as Peter’s eyes began to look in two different directions. 

“Gem,” he burbled, “our first. Dunno if I really did turn into a firework display and then melt into a puddle but it felt like it.”

“Gem Stone?” Rarity crowed. “Oooh, I just knew you two had a history! It was practically smog in the air between you after that Sanctum thing.”

“Man, what the hay.” Dash shook her head. “Is there a single one of your friends you didn’t date first?”

Peter’s used rubber band of a smile began to part in response, and she frantically waved her hooves. “Wait, wait, wait, don’t wanna know, don’t answer that!” 

“Fine, you big coward.” Rarity sucked down the last of her margarita and used her telekinesis to pour a fresh one from the ice bucket she’d insisted on fetching from the boutique. “♪Oh Peter, dear!♪ What do you think of our little Dashie?” 

“She prefers to think of herself as the peoples’ Dashie!” Pinkie giggled as Dash glared between them, unsure how to feel about being ribbed and paid attention at the same time. 

“Rainbow Dash?” Peter gently rotated on his line to face Rarity’s general direction. 

“Hmmm. Dunno if we’d ever know each other if not for Twilight, really! We’d absolutely have bumped into each other in the business, but we probably wouldn’t have gone out for drinks after. It’d be nice if she didn’t have to be that kinda gal pal and mess with me every other second, but the more straight up threats mean she cares about Twilight almost as much as I do, and that’s good to see. Mom was a Pegasus and I think she’d have liked Dash a lot: she clearly loves flying like I do science, Twilight, and pizza. That order is probably not great. I’m out of things to say about Dash as a person because let’s be real, the only reason anypony thinks we’d hang out is because I’m friends with Johnny, and say what you will about her but she very definitely isn’t him, which is to her credit. Like, she actually learns from her mistakes, even if it takes a while. I’m probably on Johnny’s side because of the bro code but I don’t doubt he earned her wrath somehow, and it’d be hilarious if I didn’t keep getting caught in the crossfire. She’s a born hero, which I think is the problem: this is Equestria, we only really need heroes when the sky starts catching fire. She’s either gonna wind up saving this world for the rest of her life or taking it down with her. Her use of percentages offends me, but she’s got great hair.” 

He had completed two more gradual rotations in the course of all that. 

“Well?” Rarity raised an eyebrow at the blinking Pegasus. 

Dash’s eyes flicked the ceiling as she processed. “Honestly? 3% unsure, 20% bite me and 77% flattered.” 

“Awww!” Rarity telekinetically reached across the room and pinched her cheek. 

“Yeah? Your turn! Pete! What’s your take on Rarity?” 

“See Rainbow Dash re: Save and/or doom world.” 

Peter seemed content with the situation on some level, his babble becoming more congenial. Maybe it was the blood rushing to his head in addition to the overdose. 

“She’s like some alternate universe MJ. I think that’s why even though she’s gorgeous I’ve never really felt attracted to her. That and I’m the kid who feels the most comfortable standing in the corner at his own birthday party, and she exists on this Wood House level I can’t begin to comprehend. We’ve got a good respect/fear balance going on. I’ve always wanted to ask what she thinks of my costume, sort of the same way looking at a lit stove makes you want to put your hoof over it, but come on, that whole scene is beneath her. Sometimes I can’t believe we’re the same age, but whenever her friends make a joke she laughs like a little filly. The thought of her and Fera in the same room is terrifying. She loves Ponyville and I think that’s the only reason she’s still there, because it could not hope to contain her. She’d love staying in Manehattan but only for a couple of weeks, then the magic would go out of it for her, but I’m not sure how to tell her that without hurting her feelings. She’s also not just another Johnny, which is a relief because then I don’t think they could be friends and keep out of my hair. Her sister’s adorable but weirds me out.” 

“Aren’t we having fun?” Rainbow smirked. 

“Happy as a pig in imported mud,” Rarity smirked back. “If he hadn’t just implied I’m this close to running off with the town treasury I’d thank him for his candour.” 

“We’re going to Hades when we die,” Fluttershy observed from the shadows. 

“Oh, come on darling! Give it a go!” Rarity leaned onto her front to lower her glass, waving it like a doggy treat. Peter seemed to bob up and down at the same time, but it wasn’t clear if this was related. 

“Pfft, amateur.” Dash settled back on her perch. “Pete! Fluttershy! Yay or nay?” 

Rarity was almost thrown off as the other Pegasus’ head burst out from under the couch, magnetically attracted by the possibility of judgement. 

“Oh, she’s great!” Peter had his back to her, seemingly addressing either Spike’s pinball machine or Twilight’s framed and autographed Princess Celestia vs Godzilla poster. “Not even talking about how she handled that Kraken and Calypso thing. Just, y’know, generally.” 

“Oh!” Fluttershy blushed but smiled as Rarity patted her head in agreement. 

“She and May would be really good for each other, though I’m always worried I still freak her out. I get the mask thing, that’s probably natural and it’s not like I ever do myself any favours, but it’s like I still freak her out no matter what I do. Or maybe she’s just that sensitive? In which case I’m still the bad guy! That feels like how that works? So I overcompensate by trying to be extra helpful, which doesn’t work because she’s an entire veterinary clinic and forest ranger platoon rolled into one and I didn’t even have a goldfish growing up. Some of her animals freak out around me, probably because of my radioactive spider-blood. She feels like the best part of Ponyville, because even though we don’t talk much she’s always made me feel welcome. Should also really get over that chivalrous instinct to protect her in the field, Princess Celestia sure as hay didn’t come to me to reform Discord, and that’s just the tip of her track record if you think about it. Like, can you imagine adding up all the little kindnesses she must do for pony and beast in a year alone?”

“Well, you know,” Fluttershy mumbled, fidgeting her wingtips because one of her forehooves was still stuck under the couch, “we all do our best.” 

“You’re getting so much better at accepting compliments!” Rarity surprised her, not unpleasantly, with a sisterly forehead kiss. “Would you like to round things out, Pinkie?”

“Nah, half the fun is that if I dunno how folks’ll react to me then they won’t know either. Double the surprise!” 

Rarity glanced at Dash, who’d always had that older-by-a-few-minutes-sister vibe with Pinkie, to see if that checked out. The Pegasus just shook her head, signalling to commit to nothing but uncommitting. 

“But feedback is a big part of the catering process, so…” Pinkie mused. “Peter! No, it’s okay, you can keep looking at Twilight’s secret escape route--”

“It’s just a closet,” Dash said. 

“Suuuure,” Pinkie grinned. “Anyway! On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the last party I threw you?” 

Peter’s head lolled towards the floor as if from the weight of the question, eyes sparkling as addled synapses fought to form coherent sentences. Pinkie kept smiling as broadly, which made the other three look at each other as if hoping one of them would suggest using Twilight’s escape route first so they wouldn’t have to. 

“I…dunno if you can systematise Pinkie-parties like that,” Peter said eventually, with the off-handedness of someone chatting about the weather but as distantly as from Mars. “Part of the fun is not knowing how you’ll react. It’s sort of like when your parents take you grocery shopping for the first time and you have no idea what a supermarket is. Maybe that’s just me, I don’t remember my folks too well, but random stuff’ll come back like that. Honestly, next to Applejack it feels like Pinkie’s the one I’d have the most in common with if we sat down together for more than five seconds. Y’know, Earth Pony upbringing, tight family. I’ve had to lift way over ten tons of rubble off my back more than once, so I can’t imagine the strength it must take to do everything she does. I mean, she really does want everypony to be happy! It’s why it doesn’t feel fair to give her an arbitrary number, what she does is super intuitive and all she can do is her best. Maybe that’s an Earth Pony thing too, I dunno. That’s probably prejudiced, right?” 

“Nyegh,” Dash and Rarity dismissed, shrugging. Fluttershy didn’t dare say anything in case that made her prejudiced. 

“Promised…self…wouldn’t…cry,” Pinkie whimpered, pulling a handkerchief with her cutie mark on it to dab at her eyes. 

“When?” Dash asked frowning, then decided she didn’t care. “Somepony ask him somethin’ else!”

“You can’t be out of ideas already, darling.” 

Dash shrugged. “He already told me everything important.” 

“…when he was referring to you specifically?”

“Yeah, everything important.” 

“In this whole conversation?”

“You’re full of question I’ve already answered today.” 

That forced Rarity to down a fresh drink, which in turn forced Fluttershy to feel like she had to fill the silence. “Um, real or fictional, who’s your favourite superhero?” 

“Oooooh!” Dash leered. 

“Aquamage!” Peter was starting to sway back and forth a little for some reason. 

A beat. 

Dash squinted. “…seriously?” 

“I dunno, that little sonar noise he made was always fun.” Pinkie put her hooves to her temples and bugged her eyes, pupils spiralling to fill in for the lack of radar rings. “Boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop-boop!” 

“Remind me,” Rarity suggested, relaxing back on the couch and wondering how Twilight had wound up with such a perfect match while she’d been searching for one since her homecoming coronation. 

“The king of the seven seas!” 

“Oh, can never have too many of those.” Rarity rolled her eyes, telekinetically shaking up a fresh margarita. “If everyone who said they were the king of the seven seas actually was then they’d be standing on each other’s shoulders! You could literally skip across the pond to Thestralia on their heads.”

“Boop-boop-boop!” Pinkie agreed. 

“Okay, why?” Dash sighed. “I mean, I’m assuming it’s more than He’s-Not-Namor.” 

“That is a huge plus,” Peter agreed, nodding with drunken solemnity. 

“Ooh, I know that one!” Rarity waved a hoof. “The ecoterrorist, right?” 

“Just because he feels passionate about the environment--” Fluttershy began, scowling. 

“Doesn’t mean he gets to bust up my flight school spirit routine because he’s gullible enough to think the pendant Johnny gave me came from his treasury.” 

“You hated flight school,” Rarity pointed out. 

“It’s the principle!” Dash folded her forelegs, glaring at some bookshelves and waving a wing imperiously. “Go on Pete, enlighten us.”

“I forgot what I was talking about.” Peter smiled like two ends of a wire being pulled in opposite directions. “But all I remember is it made me happy. That happens a lot. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll take a scorpion tail to the head or something and just, like, forget how to be happy, forever. My left foreleg’s gone to sleep.” 

“Aquamage?” the Elements all prompted. 

“Aquamage!” Peter swung forward, startling them with the sheer enthusiasm as much as the violence of the motion, which sent him penduluming back and forth across the living room. “He’s everything I wanna be!” 

“…blonde?” Dash squinted. “Able to talk to fish?”

“Whale song is actually is one of the most complex forms of--” Fluttershy began. 

“Shhh!” Rarity insisted. 

“He’s a superhero who actually enjoys his work! Well, most of the time. I assume. He has his act together, that much is obvious. Seriously, do you know how much of the planet is covered in water? How far down all those trenches go? We haven’t even catalogued all the species in the Great Farrier Reef alone! And he’s in charge of all of that?! Seriously, if he just decided to wipe out crime what’d stop him? You think the mob’s more complex than the circle of ocean life? And this is assuming he wouldn’t just, like, buy up all their assets with centuries worth of lost pirate booty!”

“Wow.” Pinkie’s eyes were wide. “That all sounded amazing before it even got to the word pirate.” 

“I’m mad how much that makes sense,” Dash agreed with begrudging respect.

“And his costume? One of the all-time greatest!” 

“There is something about a stallion in chainmail,” Rarity admitted thoughtfully. 

“And that’s just the super stuff! He’s not only married to someone who can share the weight of a crown, he’s a dad! So, his job’s inherently part of his family life but doesn’t control it! That’s basically the Equestrian dream, right? Work/life balance I think they call it. I wouldn’t know because I’m 24 and still wearing the same wrestling outfit I made when I was 15…well, okay, MJ improved on the design a ton and folks seem down with the emotive lenses, but it’s like has this stunted my growth or was I just destined to burn out after graduation?”

“Alright, steady on there…” Rarity sat up, slightly alarmed and almost spilling her drink over Fluttershy. 

“Oh, also, y’know what? He’s a king, right? And Twilight’s a princess! Which is great, but y’know, it shook me! That’s okay, right?” 

“Absolutely, absolutely!” Rarity sprang off the couch, trying to get under Peter without having to touch him. “Do you maybe want to come down now, dear?” 

“No, it’s okay! I prefer this way sometimes. Probably a high off my altered brain chemistry. Where was I? Royalty! So Twilight’s got more in common with Aquamage than I do. Isn’t that neat? All these legends and folklore already sync up with actual history as is, and my girlfriend goes and does what my role model does just by existing: makes having Great Responsibility look possible. So when I look at Twilight even though it still intimidates me, Great Pony does it intimidate me, I feel like that Aquamage pipe dream is that little bit more possible? Does that make sense? What am I talking about, she already did that when she was just a Unicorn! Maybe it’s because you guys only have to break the Elements out every Summer, but I admire that…what’d we call it?”

“Work/life balance?” Fluttershy squeaked. 

“Oh yeah! Damage Control kinda gives me that. I guess I should maybe break out my collection to try to figure out how he manages to have a royal life, because good as things are, Sun and Moon, so good, that’s a conversation Twilight and I’re gonna have to have, right?” 

“We maybe aren’t the right ponies for this conversation…” Rarity mumbled. 

“What’re you talkin’ about?” They all turned to Dash, sitting up sternly on her perch. “Look, I razz the guy ‘cause it’s fun and it’s easy, but y’know what all that tells us? Like, beyond the lamest superhero other than Johnnycake maybe isn’t so lame? He does care about Twilight. Watch! Yo, Pete!”

“Rainbow!” Rarity snapped in panic. 

“You love Twilight?”

A breathless, processing pause. The tidal wave of Peter’s smile shrank and straightened with the simplicity of the answer. 

“Yeah. All my heart.”

“Oh my…” Fluttershy wiped at her eye as Dash threw up ‘see?!’ hooves. Rarity was too busy smiling to roll her eyes. 

“We knew that already though, right?” Pinkie looked between each of them like a puppy trying to work up the courage to ask mom and dad if it was okay to go mystery solving with the gang this weekend.

“It’s still nice to hear.” Rarity levitated her ice bucket, mildly pleased to see Fluttershy had taken a space on the couch. “I need to mix up some more. A couple of bumps, but I do believe we’ve got the makings of a thrill ride here! Anypony else want to ask something?” 

“Oh, are you comfortable?” Fluttershy tried.

“Might try that lil’ nook thingy in a bit.” Dash indicated with a jerk of her head an alcove made out of a hollow in the trunk, now absent a vase of magnolias Twilight had kept to snack on. When they’d come back from a long quest in the mountains she’d found them all dead, and been too depressed by the sight to replace them. 

“I meant Peter.”

“Then you’ve gotta ask him straight up.” 

“Are you sure that’s how it works?”

“Well that’s happening, so…” Dash now nodded towards Pinkie, trying to see if she could seesaw her head back and forth and swivel her eyes as much as Peter was. 

“Fair…” Fluttershy noted. “Ahem. Peter? Are you comfortable?” 

“Sometimes!” Peter said cheerfully and didn’t elaborate. They were all kind of grateful. 

“Oooh, I got one!” Pinkie waved to get his attention. “Is being upside down as fun as it looks?” 

“Eh, it’s alright.” 

“You ever hang upside down and just let all the blood rush to your head to see what happens?”

“Y’know, I’ve always wanted to, but then somepony’ll try to rob the stock exchange as if it has any actual money.”

“You ever wanted to eat some of your webs just to see what they taste like?”

“Gross!” Dash interrupted. “Quit hoggin’ him!” 

“You don’t have any more questions!” Pinkie shot back. 

“If I did, they wouldn’t be super disgusting ones like that!” 

“Yeah?” Pinkie grinned a challenge that made Fluttershy grip one of the sofa cushions just in case she needed to hide again. “Betcha can’t top it.”

“No fighting over the concussion victim, you two!” came Rarity’s maternal voice from the kitchen. 

“Oh, that’s how you wanna play it?” Dash’s fangs gleamed so bright it didn’t matter that they were metaphorical. “Pete, ol’ buddy, ol’ pal! Itty bitty rumour I’ve always wanted to clear up!” 

She flapped closer and timed leaning in just as Rarity and her now only slightly more appropriate drinks returned. “Is it true you eat bugs?” 

“Oh please,” Rarity scoffed. “You’ve met his aunt. As if somepony raised with those manners would ever--”

“I mean, I’m not proud of it,” Peter burbled. 

The room erupted in Dash’s laughter, Rarity’s duelling shrieks of outrage and horror, and Pinkie’s malfunctioning spring noise as she bounced backwards into her beanbags in disgust. 


***


Outside, Discord slithered from the living room window, which hadn’t been open before, up to the branch Owloysius was napping on. He turned to camera, held up a finger for shushing then rummaged behind him. He yanked the string of a Spidey plushy in his lion paw as far back as he could with his chicken talons and released. 

“WALLOPIN’ WEB-SNAPPERS!” Lil’ Spidey™ bellowed in a high-pitched Josh Keaton voice. 

A startled Owloysius crashed into the foliage, hooting in bewilderment and fighting his way back to the sanctuary of the tree through the only available opening. He zigzagged around the living room in a befuddled rage , his only instinct through the sleep disturbed panic to get revenge on the source of that voice, taking up Twilight’s time and now hanging from her ceiling like he owned the place! 


***


“Wha--?!” Dash was knocked out of the air by the brown blur, crashing into Pinkie’s bean bags and catapulting the yelping party pony into the couch Rarity had collapsed onto, in turn launching the fashionista, margarita kit and all, into the air as it tipped over. 

All three shrieked as the cocktail splashed onto Twilight’s CD player, not so much because the magi-tech burst into flames but because they were now inside a tree that was on fire!

“Owloysius!” Fluttershy cried, having taken the precaution of hitting the deck when he burst in and now on her hooves. “No! Bad!” 

She was flitting through the air, trying to match the owl’s furious dives for Peter’s face. The burst of flame and sudden smoke alarm understandably distracted her, and she was clipped across the nose by an avenging wing, crash landing on top of Pinkie and triggering some of the party favours in her hair.

Rarity shrieked her way out of transfixed awe at the primordial art piece that was about to become of Twilight and Spike’s Crystal Zeppelin and Destiny’s Fillies albums and, y’know, home as she was suddenly blinded by streamers and felt sparks (confetti) spreading over her hair! Pinkie’s hoof was tangled in one extra-long streamer, dragging her after Rarity as she began circling the room in terror.

Peter smiled happily at the lengthening flames and thought addled, upside down thoughts.

Rainbow Dash’s Wonderbolt training finally cut in and sent her lunging for one of the library’s six fire extinguishers (two of which Spike had brought out of self-awareness) in the kitchen. Unfortunately, Rarity and Pinkie happened to be in the way when she reached the entertainment centre and emptied the foam over as much of the scene as she could.

Rarity, now a glistening, glob covered fringe and a mouth, screamed in her general direction, setting Dash off and tumbling away from the faceless horror and into the oblivious Peter, her wings striking his shoulder and sending him spinning around fast enough to startle the enraged Owloysius back. But not so far back one of his splaying wings didn’t brush the arachnoid’s nose. 

“Everypony good…?” Dash panted as a trembling Rarity watched the paste and flakes tumble out of her fringe. 

And then Peter sneezed. 

The shrieking Elements hit the deck as 
A) Peter’s web-line snapped loose of his tail, plunging him face first into the floor and triggering his foreleg web-shooters, striking the over turned couch and yanking it upright as he flopped into a discarded ragdoll pose, at least cleaning up that mess, 
B) a final piano key, erupting from where we’d just be better off not thinking about, ricocheted wild helix patterns around the abused trunk with spaghetti western sound effects. 

Fortunately, the only casualties were a horsehead bust now facing the wrong way, a broken lamp, and Fluttershy’s nerves as the key plinked contentedly into the bean bag between her legs. She goat-fainted backwards onto the one behind her.

The smoke alarm finally shut off as she hit the fabric. Content that vengeance had been wrought, Owloysius settled on top of one of the bookcases and grumpily turned his back on the entire affair. 

“…I think we’re good?” Pinkie dared after a few eternally ringing seconds. 


20


“And that concludes our tour of Prime Chambers!” the tour guide announced as her boat languidly turned a bend into the undercity chamber it had set out from. She looked up as something shimmered between the waterfalls cascading above, but kept going on instinct. “Please wait until the ride has come to a complete stop and keep all hooves, wings, paws and talons inside at all…times…”

The tourists in the front rows had just enough time to squint at where a mining cart from the South Bridge mining tours had been in the air before it slammed down onto the quay, trundling to a stop at the admissions booth. Some of the waiting crowds broke out into uncertain applause. 

A pumpkin mask rose out of the pile inside before Twilight finally managed to pull it off. “Everypony in one piece?” 

“Wait!” Johnnycake sprang up next to her, Spike’s arms shock-locked around his neck as he patted frantic hooves all over his mane. “…yeah, my hair’s fine.” 

“Anypony got my hat?” Applejack managed from somewhere under a pile of dazed pumpkin-heads. 

“Stored it in a pocket space for you when we took that first dive,” Twilight smiled woozily, voice strangely thick as she summoned it in a violet twinkle. 

“Much obliged, Twi! You okay?”

“About to bEEEGHUGH!” Twilight hunkered over the mouth of the cloth pumpkin until the shivers went away and she could breathe again. “Ooooh, and I used to love that ride…”

Johnny patted at his collar, inadvertently slapping Spike’s hands free and sending him sliding down his back. “Got some mints here somewhere…”

“Fantastic!” Blueblood struggled out of the pile, tipping all four of his rescuers to the stone floor. “I mean, the commitment! The level of detail! It really does smell as if Sparky went and boaked! Marvellous!” 

“You can’t be serious!” Spike snapped, helping Twilight to her hooves. “What part of any of that felt fake to you?! When they were braking stalagmites off to try and spear us?! When Applejack had to lasso that lever so we wouldn’t crash?!” 

“Answered our own question didn’t we, old wallet skin?” Blueblood chuckled, putting his shades back on despite the fact they were now underground. 

“So this’d be what they mean by a sheltered life?” Applejack muttered as she used the last of her rope to bind the unconscious pumpkin-heads together. 

“Then again a lot our adventures are that You-Had-to-be-There sort of story.” Twilight shrugged, dabbing at her mouth with a handkerchief. “And it’s better than a panicking prince, believe me. Okay, time to take stock! Did we lose the last of them, and if so where are the re—?”

“DESTORY!” 

The ponies and dragon yelped as another cart burst from the upper caverns, furious pink eyes hurtling towards them. 

Johnny instinctively flamed on, then felt ice cold panic as he realised the thermal pulse he’d pushed the cart back with would leave it’s riders with a possibly neck breaking fall...

A purple aura flashed around them in time with the violent sound of the cart ramming off the cavern side and tumbling into the rushing shadows of the water.

“Nice reflexes,” Johnny grinned as he turned to Twilight. 

“School of Magic is big on multitasking.” Twilight shrugged humbly, then stopped short of lowering the five berserkers onto solid ground. Applejack retrieved her back up rope from their cart and stepped forward expectantly, but Twilight shook her head. 

“Sure, sugar cube? They’re kinda all…”

“DESTROY!” 

“That’s French you know,” Blueblood stage whispered to the Torch. 

“Point,” Twilight agreed with Applejack distractedly, “but maybe…”

She sent her captives drifting to one of the smaller torrents. 

“DESTROY! DESTROY! DES--” 

The overlapping chants snapped into garbled shrieks loud enough to carry over the echoed churning of the falls. Twilight quickly yanked the field out, the shivering bodies somehow more unsettling just spasming in mid-air than they’d been wielding sharp objects, but also more innocent for missing their pumpkin-heads. Their unfocused eyes were clear. 

“Could we get a blanket, thanks?” Twilight called to the nearby staffers, who jogged off towards a row of sheds at the end of the quay. “Can any of you hear me? Are you alright?”

“P-P-Princess Tw-w-wiligh-t-t…?” one of them quavered. 

She smiled and nodded, looking at Johnny. He saluted, flaming off to avoid startling the restored civilians but left a little glow in his hooves, carefully heating them up before the medics returned. 

“So we’ve got one way to snap ‘em out of it,” Applejack grunted, finishing up binding the unconscious pumpkin-heads together. “And we know what the big bad looks like!”

“Not really,” Johnny said simply. He looked between their confused expressions. “What? We don’t. She was a Skrull.”

“Skrulls are real?” Twilight asked at the same time AJ said, “You got somethin’ in your throat?” 

“No, and yeah. Respectively…backwards?” Johnny shook his head before turning to Applejack. “Skrulls are aliens! Like if changelings were lizards and also lamer. Only reason they haven’t taken over this planet yet is, in this order, competence, lack thereof, the amount of magic in the atmosphere making a full-scale invasion impossible and, last but not least, the world’s greatest team!”

“But there’s only two of us Elements here,” AJ smirked. 

“Yeah, okay, that was a good one,” Johnny huffed. “Point is they’re the ones after Mr. Bluey Four Shoes, and the one we saw might not even be female. Even if they are they’ll have dropped that disguise by now…”

“And could be anypony, anywhere,” Twilight finished, looking up from reorganising their jolted saddlebags to scan the crowds thronging the tour queue, the undercity streets beyond, even the guards approaching the shivering or unconscious pumpkin-heads. 

“Still not up on the difference between a twist and a turn,” Blueblood enthused, clapping his hooves, “but this play is full of them. Shape changing aliens, cart chases, royalty in disguise. You, lizard! Save my spot and don’t skimp on the saucy details when I get back.” 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, where’re you going?” Twilight teleported in front of him and winced as she was pushed along helplessly, nose buried in Blueblood’s chest as he trotted towards the street. It smelt of expensive cheeses and weapons grade hair products. 

“Just nipping out to complete an important errand,” the prince explained cheerfully. “Agh, wait! A common errand, which is not even in the same milky way as a royal one! Did I say royal? I meant important! Easy mistake to make! Importance and royalty, not mundanity and royalty…ooh, unless that’s the joke! What do they call it? Satire! D’you know until Sassy explained that to me, I thought it was a type of cracker?”

“A saltine?” Spike asked as the rest jogged to keep pace in the new ocean of civilians. 

“Very generous of you, but I filled up on Istallion salads and imported breads with names I can’t pronounce before setting off for that weasel in diamond dog’s clothing.”

“You’re going back to Aggregate’s?!” Twilight boggled, redoubling her efforts to push him back, hooves scrabbling as she turned around and tried to remember how to access her new Earth Pony strength, then realised the mental block here was that she’d probably be a pretty wimpy Earth Pony. She smiled awkwardly at the passing shoppers. “Heh, hello, hi, pardon us…”

“We lost ‘em in the tunnels and the only thing dumber than us goin’ back is that Skrull varmint still bein’ there,” Applejack pointed out reluctantly. “At least now we can stick with him in plain sight.” 

“Lucky us,” Twilight muttered, still on her hind legs and playing cowcatcher to Blueblood’s locomotive. 

“So immersive!” Blueblood chuckled as they took a turning, tourists parting in his and Twilight’s wake. “I take back almost everything I’ve ever said about the arts. Not artists though, got to have some standards, don’t we? Oh! Well, we specifically do not have to, for we are hardy, common folk! Standards? What are those?! Do they come with hay fries?”

“You know we know you’re nobility, right?” Spike asked from Applejack’s back, since Twilight was preoccupied, folding her forelegs and just riding the indignity out. 

“Shhh!” Blueblood hissed, right in her ear as he turned to Spike. “You’ll give away the ending!” 

“It’s only ‘til we catch that…Skrull,” Applejack sighed, then blanched as she caught sight of one of the under-plaza’s clocks. “Oh, hug my life, this whole thing hasn’t even taken an hour yet.” 

“They built mine carts fast in the olden days,” Twilight muttered. 

She flopped off Blueblood’s chest, spinning and using a foreleg caught in his scarf to be dragged behind him, like a motorboat made of privilege, so she could talk to the others. “Okay, strategy time. We know what we’re up against but so does his stalker. Johnny, you’ve got the most experience with these people, what can we expect?” 

“People?” the super pony chuckled almost incredulously. 

“They’re an extra-terrestrial civilisation,” Twilight said simply. “I mean, alright, they’re an aggressive, devious and imperialistic one, but yeah, they’re people! Just…not very nice ones. Say what you will, but to get here they’d have to have developed the facilities for space travel well before we built the steam engine!” 

“No, no, I get it!” Johnny assured. “It’s just…a lot of people just think of them as a couple more green weirdos the FF curb stomp every week. Don’t get me wrong, they can be the worst, but saying they’re just bad people, that is…a very good thing to hear coming from a princess.” 

“Oh.” Twilight felt like her blush must be lighting up the entire cavern. “Th-thank you!” 

“For once the dumpster fire that walks like a stallion an’ I agree on somethin’!” Applejack winked. Johnny wasn’t sure if he was included in it and if he should be flattered. “We do know what to expect, though. Just not which poor pony’s gonna wind up bein’ used to do it.” 

“Yeah, that’s weird.” Johnny frowned, not so deep in thought he couldn’t notice the interested looks he was getting from a passing sorority. “If the Skrulls could jerk us around like the Puppet Master or the Ring Master on a really good day they’d have done it way before now.” 

He looked up, stung by the static of an awkward look that passed between the two Elements. “…what?” 

“Nothing!” Twilight said quickly, lying so Applejack wouldn’t have to tell him about that time they and Rainbow Dash had been drafted into the Circus of Crime. Then decided they’d do a better job and overthrown the Ring Master before planning to steal all the gold in Equestria because they were evil now. Pinkie Pie was still fuming she hadn’t made the cut…

“Chrysalis had a mind thing, didn’t she?” Spike mused. 

“Yeah, she does…” Johnny sighed wistfully. “But! No one would imitate that chin just for fun, so it’s definitely the other shape shifting pains in the tail. Not their M.O., though. Too public. Chrysalis’ problem is she needs to let you know you’ve been blindsided, the Skrulls are big on infiltration so they can set you up for the big takeover.”

“Which they can’t do here, y’said?” Applejack asked. “I remember readin’ in school about how the stuff in the atmosphere’s so powerful it changes even the biggest asteroids into tennis balls, or whatever.” 

“That’s a hypothetical example,” Twilight cut in with her museum tour voice, “because it could be something entirely random! But yeah, that’s why we’re still here. The magic around this planet is so powerful it can interfere with nearby stars, which is why we need Avatars like the princesses for the sun and the moon. Discord wishes he could come up with as many spontaneous magical frequencies as the outer atmosphere! One consistent thing? It only seems to…‘stop’ technology. We’ve only had contact with alien races because of ships that got wiped trying to enter. Those that survived their crash landing, anyway. It’s easier to leave from down here but it’s still a close thing, which is why nopony or other civilisation is seriously pursuing space travel. It’ll take who knows how long just to get the basics ready, never mind getting it all past the barrier!”

Applejack frowned. “So how do these folks set hoof here in the first place?” 

“Big ships get the big blowout,” Johnny explained. “For whatever reason the magic doesn’t seem to care about itty bitty pods or whatever, so the Skrulls and the Kree can usually get a small platoon down here. It’s why every space case who ever hit Manehattan is one imperious poser with laser powers and like twenty basic minions. Couple hours to handle, tops. Captain Ultra could take ‘em.” 

“That’s reassurin’!” 

“You haven’t met Ultra.”

“Nah, I mean the atmosphere stuff,” Applejack clarified, trying not to sound too irritated and stay in business mode. “Means we won’t be that outnumbered. But go back a sec. Ya said they’d have a point guy with powers, right? Don’t you guys have a Skrull with all your mojo? I’ve seen Snips ‘n’ Snails playin’ with the action figure. My Granny gave ‘em a talkin’ to ‘cause they almost hit her with the spring arms once.” 

“Yeah, those things were always gonna be a hazard. I dunno what marketing was thinking, they’re usually so on the ball.” Johnny shook his head. “I mean, yeah, you’re right! The Super Skrull! And he’s not the only one! They kept trying to come up with new ones after him, like…” 

His frown deepened, like nitro glycerine being poured into an oil tanker spill. The girls exchanged glances. 

“There’s more than one?” Twilight prompted. 

“Unfortunately,” Johnny muttered. He looked up, probing the other three’s eyes for a beat. “None of ‘em were in Kl'rt’s league, though. Mostly ambitious officer types looking to make a big splash.”

“Hmm. Takin’ out an Equestrian noblepony might do it,” Applejack mused as they followed Blueblood around a corner and halfway across Grand Grotto. A few ponies were trying to approach Twilight with donations, assuming the princess being towed by an anonymous Unicorn was some kind of student thing, but were hesitating at the lack of a cap to drop change into. “Why Blueblood though? What’d he do, write ‘em a rubber cheque?”

“Maybe they think we’d let ‘em take over if they took down Equestria’s least popular lapels model,” Spike suggested. 

“They’ve tried zanier things,” Johnny agreed. 

“They do seem oddly public for a species focused on subterfuge…” Twilight adjusted her grip on Blueblood’s scarf to make the next turn. “And then there’s the mind control and the fact Canterlot isn’t a landing strip by now! Have any of these, uh, ‘Super’ Skrulls ever displayed anything like that?” 

“Other than maybe one or two of their anti-FF units none of them were that memorable.” Johnny shrugged, coming to a decision.

She had Water Mane under something powerful. She BRAGGED about it. Reed still isn’t sure what she used, but that’s where I’ve seen that eye effect before. Can ask her about it when she’s in an E.U.P. cell. At the bottom of a well. In the Frozen North. 

And I think I know just what bait to use. Buuuut I’m not sure I can spring the trap with two rookie Skrull hunters leaning over my shoulder. Plus, if I let Princess Responsible and Anti-Social Oakley in on my plan, they probably wouldn’t let me do it. Time for the SUBTLE-shoe Torch to flame on! 

….note to self: trademark Subtle Shoe. Rarity loves mystery stuff, she could write, I could co-produce! 

“Don’t do that,” Applejack muttered.

“Don’t do what?” 

“Smirk. Like in general, but we’re tryin’ to save a life here?”

“What part of Captain Ultra could take them did you not get?”

“The part that lets ya slack off,” Applejack snapped. “What, you’ve known about these folks since high school so it’s not a big deal? Pardon us little ponies if the idea of competent changelings freaks us out.” 

“Competent changelings is one hay of an oxymoron,” Johnny chuckled. Mistake.  

“Yeah?” Applejack’s eyes flashed dangerously. “An’ where were you when Chrysalis was this close to turnin’ this city, this kingdom, into her private snack bar? We’ve all got a couple extra scars an’ bite marks, but that doesn’t matter ‘cause you could just blow in an’ give ‘em a case o’ sunstroke?!” 

“Worked before!” Johnny retorted. “The FF’s kept way worse than Chrysalis out of Equestria for years!” 

“An’ if not for Cadence an’ Shining all she had to do was get past ya once! Ever think maybe the reason you’ve gotta fight Skrulls over and over’s ‘cause ya don’t take stuff like this seriously?! No way your family doesn’t!”

“Of course we do, but we’re pros!” Johnny snapped. “We can’t get the job done if we’re too busy freaking out over--”

“Oh, I’m havin’ the sane response here but that means I’m not ‘professional’?” Applejack practically spat, Spike gripping a little tighter in case all this rounding on Johnny threw him off. “Professional at what, even?! We don’t know what this whole mess is about any more than we did yesterday!”

“Wait an ivory inlaid Neighgyptian burial tick,” Blueblood cut in, almost swinging Twilight into a hay dog cart as he looked over his shoulder. “I’m confused, does this mean Candy and Captain Shiny aren’t actually married?”

Applejack glanced at Twilight. “This is Canterlot. Could always stick him in a vault for the rest of his life.”

“Standing right here!” Johnny protested. The air in the vicinity became so warm the ghost of vapour began to rise off a nearby fountain. 

“She means Blueblood, man,” Spike explained hurriedly. Flames wouldn’t hurt him but the prospect of being on an angry AJ’s back chilled his blood.

“Not that the idea doesn’t have a certain appeal,” the workhorse cut in. 

Johnny’s coat bristled with sparks, hating how much he admired all these shots. Shoppers flinched. Twilight finally let go of Blueblood’s scarf, sliding between the two as she started trotting. 

“Alright, calling it,” she sighed. “AJ’s right Johnny, we’re not sure what we’re in the middle of here. I want to pick your brain in a bit, but right now the best move is getting Blueblood somewhere secure, after this shopping trip. Or whatever he’s up to.”

“Sub plots lend flavour,” Blueblood called over his shoulder cheerfully. “Aunt Celestia taught me that! No relation to the Day Bringer! My family is just broom handlingly religious!” 

“We’ve been straight up talking about you by name this whole time!” Spike fumed. “The point of a sub plot is only the audience knows it’s happening! How do you think plays work?!” 

“A magician never reveals their secrets!”

“That’s show ponies!” Twilight snapped, feeling the gravitational pull as she shot all the way back to junior year. “Magicians tell us how their stuff works all the time! They just hide it in riddles or song lyrics to make it more difficult to fall into the wrong hooves, that’s all!” 

“By spear of destiny flavoured gum Sparky, it’s like school never ended!” 

Twilight attempted a more rapid version of Cadence’s breathing technique. Nervous murmurs went through the crowds as the cavern street and shop lights flickered purple. 

“We should probably go on ahead,” Spike suggested hurriedly. “…to the. The. Castle! Tooo…let them know to get ready for Blueblood?”

“They’ll probably take it better if you tell them it was his aunt’s idea,” Johnny said with a wink. “Scoring sympathy points also softens bad news! Make sure they know of your brave comrades (and Applejack), who heroically spent the whole journey in Blueblood’s presence!”

Twilight nodded. “Two teams. Applejack and I will stick with him and trick him up to the castle. Spike, you and Johnny head there first and let the princesses know they’re about to have visitors. Maybe hostile ones if we can’t find the Skrull first.”

“Look, I know Skrullella de Vil’s still out there but she’s probably holed up in some Cauldron dive by now,” Johnny protested, trying not to snap. Part of it was uncertainty, this didn’t feel like being benched, but… “Plus, if Spike takes the underground up to Palace Shades he’ll be surrounded by ponies who’d notice if--”

“Trust me, Spike can absolutely look after himself.” Twilight shared smiles with the dragon. She took advantage of Blueblood being distracted by a toy shop window to stop and speak to Johnny more directly. “You’re the most experienced with these creatures, so you’re the best choice to shore up the castle. Spike’s got clout with security and bureaucracy if the princesses aren’t there to okay us.” 

“You sure?” Johnny asked. “I mean, it’s just one Skrull…” 

The flipside of his subtle approach: it wasn’t that he didn’t get how dangerous the situation was, but to have room to prepare he’d have to underplay the threat of a Skrull maybe too crazy to care about getting seen. This might be his one chance to pin her to the wall. 

On the other hoof, leaving just two ponies to deal with that threat he was underplaying didn’t feel very heroic. 

“Who can look like anyone and brainwash them!” Twilight countered. She noticed Blueblood moving on and hurried after him, trying to speak plainly but calmly so the jogging didn’t make her sound like she was yelling. “AJ’s strength and my magic’s better off here, until we can get Blueblood under Celestia’s roof. Not that I don’t trust you guys but, well, fire’s even more of an issue down here than above ground. There’s only so many layers of rock before you hit maintenance lines, like gas pipes.”

“Point,” Johnny admitted, igniting and ignoring the startled shoppers as he drifted alongside her. “We’re only a compact call away if anything happens.” 

“Might come sooner than you think,” Twilight sighed, glancing over at Blueblood. They’d reached one of the Canterlot underground’s terminals and the prince was trying to find a low enough coin to tie a thread to, in order to cheat the turnstile. “Can’t say I’m not giving you the easier job, right?”

“Fair,” the Torch chuckled. “Okay little guy, hop on.”

“Sure,” Spike said awkwardly, eyes darting between the three adults before sliding off Applejack’s back. The Torch cupped his hooves to keep floating and allow the dragon to clamber up over his shoulders, which was cool of him. “You guys riding back to Mousehole?”

“Staircase Burrow, but same difference,” Twilight smiled, heading for the turnstiles, Applejack following. “Ask them to prepare some suites close to Blueblood's. Nothing fancy, just so we can stay close.”

Spike saluted. “Can do!”

Applejack tipped her hat to him, then locked eyes with Johnny. “Welp. Good luck.”

“Horseshoe’s in the name,” Johnny smirked. 

“I was talkin’ to Spike.” 

“Y’know, while I’m up at the castle maybe I should lodge a complaint with the princess. See when all that friendship stuff is supposed to show up.”

“When you start earnin’ it.” 

They blinked at a yelp. Twilight was trotting resignedly through her own turnstile so she could help Blueblood from the other side, because he’d gotten himself stuck in the bars and was languidly rotating into the floor and the roof like a tragic vaudeville act. 

Applejack sighed, stuck her metro card into her mouth and slid it through the magi-tech reader. Halfway through she kicked the side, sending Blueblood shooting out and across the room to ricochet off a poster for the underground’s latest ad campaign. 

In this case it was Princess Celestia, a publicity photo of her reading a book overlaid (with her permission and participation, of course) onto a train carriage background, so it looked like she was the tallest of four business ponies of ascending height sharing a seat. ‘If it’s Good Enough for Her…’ the slogan went, repeating with similar images of Luna, Cadence and other celebrities.

(One of the ‘If it’s Good Enough for Him…’ posters was Spider-Pony, put together from archived footage of the Web-Head sneaking a free ride in the doorway of one of the carriages. Mercifully it was too far along the terminal for the Torch to see it.) 

“Soooo…” Spike began diplomatically as the Torch drifted further off the ground. “You went to the same flight school as Rainbow Dash, huh?”

“If you don’t want me to do any loop-de-loops you can just ask.”

“Oh, was hoping they’d be included, actually.”

“I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship,” the Torch smiled, and blasted down one of the utility caverns, the dragon’s whoops echoing after the contrail had faded. 


21


“Second thoughts?” Applejack asked as she and Twilight took up positions close enough to Blueblood to keep watch, but not so close they’d have to do anything strenuous, like acknowledge his existence. 

“You know there’s no off button for big sisterhood,” Twilight smiled reassuringly. “But you trust Rainbow with Apple Bloom, so.”

“I meant me bein’ here,” Applejack sighed, gazing balefully down the tunnel to make sure more pumpkin heads weren’t about to come rattling out of the darkness.  “At all.”

“What?” Twilight blinked. “Oh! Look, you and the Torch going at it is far from ideal but, well, if it came to a choice between you then you’d be here! No question. Nothing against Johnny but it’s us. Y’know?” 

She looked warily at where they’d just come from. “Also, you’d tell me what your plan was even if you thought I’d freak out, soooo…”

“Yeah, findin’ out what he’s not sayin’ is gonna be real fun, you can just tell,” Applejack muttered ruefully. 

“AJ, I’m not mad at you,” Twilight assured. “If that’s what this is…?”

“I’m disappointed in myself, I guess.” Those green eyes finally looked up. “Been around big mouths all my life, I shouldn’t be lockin’ horns every five minutes. He’s as much of a flake as Dash rants about, but ya oughta be able to rely on me!”

Twilight blinked in shock. “I do!”

“Yeah,” Applejack sighed, smiling. “An’ I’ll try an' do more to deserve that. Cross my heart an' hope to fly.”

“But…?”

“Well, splittin’ us up the way ya have, that’s solid strategy. I know I’d do it.” Applejack glanced at the sudden flicker of an approaching headlight as the station began to fill with rumbling metal. “But…y’know. That’s not the real reason ya split us up, is it?”

The train’s entrance was too loud for replies and then there was the bustle of passengers getting off and on, and the quick one man street theatre of Blueblood trying to get upgraded to the (non-existent) first class car while maintaining his cover, and then trying to find seats close enough to him to keep watch. 

Twilight hated how relived she was that this kept her too busy to answer the question. 


***


“Make way, make way!” Blueblood announced, stumbling over his scarf to try and beat the rush when they arrived at 10th and Hollow. “Royal personage on deck!” 

“Yeah, so quit getting in the princess’ way!” a filly called from her mother’s back. Murmurs went up and down the car as Blueblood’s shades shook from the twin shocks of the slip and who he’d inadvertently complimented. 

“What?” Twilight pantomimed a look up and down the train as Applejack almost bit her hat brim trying not to laugh. “Oh, right. Sorry, folks! Drama class assignment. This is just really good cosplay! Forgive my study buddy, he’s playing Prince Blueblood…incognito! Method acting, you know? Trying to get at the role within the role.” 

“Careful or we’ll start to enjoy ourselves,” Applejack giggled as they trailed along in the fuming principle’s wake. “Nice bit of improv, though.” 

“Thanks,” Twilight grinned. “Johnnycake rubs off on you, I guess.”

“Don’t let Peter hear ya say that,” Applejack snorted, glaring at Blueblood’s sullen shoulders. He caught his reflection in one of the train windows and they perked right back up. 

“They have their own…chemistry,” Twilight managed after the blushing had subsided enough to get some circulation back to her brain and start working on this particular one of the many problems at hoof on this mission. “They’ve known each other since they were in high school. It’s not quite finding out you’ve got a special connection since before you met, but…”

“You should hear some of the stuff Dash has to say about him an’ flight school,” Applejack shot back. “An’ y’know he’s tryin’ to monopolise Rarity? While he’s seein’ somepony else?” 

“You’ve known Rarity longer than any of us, AJ, so you know she wouldn’t let him get away with anything like that. For the other filly’s sake, too.” 

“I know, I know, an’ it ain’t my place to say she can’t hang out with anypony but, uuuuugh, does it have to be him?!” 

“Maybe you just need to get to know each other?” Twilight gambled, suddenly knowing what it was like to stand under a space shuttle engine during countdown, even though those didn’t exist on this particular Earth yet. 

“I know all I wanna know!” 

“Gosh, popping out when I did was probably an A1 sauce on the orient express idea,” Blueblood mused as the crowds thinned enough to let them step onto the Staircase Burrow platform. “Couple of cork popping lines but this is one of those very dialogue heavy scenes. Hope they have another cart chase when I get back. Maybe they’ll hit the school tour this time!”

“Remind me again why ya didn’t warn Rarity,” Applejack deadpanned as they exited and began climbing one of the cavern’s Escher like structures, which miners had retooled into safer, more domestic versions they’d named the neighbourhood after. 

“I did!” Twilight protested, the indignation throwing her into the air and her wings kicking in. Remembering the Pegasus practice in undercity places like this was to stay in the air to free up floorspace for non-flyers, she flapped behind Applejack and tried to keep her voice down. “But you know what she’s like! There was just a lot of schoolgirl tittering and hints about taming, and I got all embarrassed and ran away before I could explain about all the racism! Besides, you were there. Nopony should have to be put through it, but the guy has to be experienced to be believed.” 

“Yeah, pretty sure the only reason the family didn’t ‘accidentally’ loose him in the Everfree is it’d count as animal cruelty,” Applejack smirked. 

They lapsed into post giggle fit silence after that. 

It took a few stairs and walkways to make it to the city tier Aggregate’s workshop occupied. They looked at each other, then at the daylight streaming from the tunnel mouth a few steps above, the Mousehole Street entrance they’d fled from. The bustle of the city suggested order had been restored up top, but it was hard not to imagine a swarm of pink, hate filled eyes cascading back through the opening. 


***


“You’re late,” the diamond dog said when she finally opened the door. Her Rajapalayamian accent made the gentle rebuke sound slightly lyrical.

“Late, old polystyrene bag? Moi? Late?!” Blueblood hammed. “How could I be late when this is the first of Celestia’s many days where we two common and/or garden plebeians have clapped spectacles on each other?!”

He thrust his chin left and right then gleefully pulled his shades and fedora off. “Aggrooooo!” he stage-whispered, mane and coat glistening in the tunnel lights and immediately drawing glances from passing ponies. “It’s meeeee!”

“I know, dear,” the jeweller said plainly but not unkindly. “I smelled you.” She put a paw on the prince’s head to shove it down so she could talk to the Elements. “He get hit in the head or something?”

“We’re tryin’ to prevent that if ya can believe it, ma’am.” 

“I studied in the Magic Quarter before it was properly ventilated, dear, I can believe some pretty amazing things.” 

Aggregate seemed pleasantly disposed, but adjusted the settings on her eyepieces to scrutinise first the girls then Blueblood, who she was still holding against the floor. “I said to come alone.”

“Them? Oh, they’re not really here,” Blueblood beamed. “It’s a play, you see! 

“Consider us background extras,” Twilight sighed. “May we come in?”

“Certainly Princess, but wait out front, yes?” Aggregate swung the door wider, letting Blueblood up. 

“Can we ask why?” Applejack tried as they trotted inside. 

Most of the hammers and pliers she could see on wall mounted racks were for fine work, but she knew from Rarity that the craft sometimes used heavy duty metallurgist equipment. It’d feel pretty dumb to go through all that with the pumpkin heads then let Blueblood out of their sight, with someone who knew their way around a hammer. 

“No,” Blueblood said with no trace of his oblivious joviality. “It’s private.” 

The Elements looked at each other, trying to figure out how that was supposed to make them feel. Confused and a little disorientated was a given. That was the tone they’d used on Tony Spark the night before last. 

“You girls like tea?” Aggregate asked as she waved Blueblood through a bead curtain in the back. 

“Oh, sure!” Twilight smiled. “If it wouldn’t be any trouble.”

“Good, good, second cupboard on the right. Leave it on the stool.” 

The jeweller waved a paw at another door, her back to them as she dropped to all fours and loped through the beads after the prince. Applejack swore she caught the flash of diamonds in the shadow that was Blueblood…which wasn’t much of a clue, why else would someone visit one of Canterlot’s greatest jewellers? 

“Small space,” she chuckled to Twilight, “we’ll probably hear it if she tries to murder ‘im.”

“We’ll probably hold him down for her if she asks nicely,” Twilight smiled back ruefully. 

“I heard that!” Aggregate yapped playfully from behind the still swaying beads. 

“She got any of that Neighponese stuff?” Applejack asked as she filled the kettle in the kitchen cove. 

“Ooh, yeah, but why would she waste it on riff raff like us and a jerk like Blueblood?” Twilight levitated the closest domestic brand out of the cupboard. “Should I get four cups? He didn’t accept any offer and the last thing I’m in the mood for is him spraying it all over her house because it offends his royal pallet.” 

“Yeah, just us girls,” Applejack said vaguely, bending down to try and figure out the settings on Aggregate’s old school stove. She leaned back up as Twilight’s magic seeped into it and ignited the burner she’d placed the kettle on. “Feels like the first thing to go right today, other‘n Spike not bein’ here.” 

“I wish everypony was here too, but they’re only an hour and a half away by train if anything goes wrong,” Twilight agreed. “And we’ll have at least one of the sisters back at the castle. Luna’s still in charge of the case, so she’ll be hooking up with Spike as soon as possible.”

“Y’know that’s not what I meant,” Applejack muttered, leaning against the doorframe. She and Rainbow Dash kept making overused stuff like that look so much cooler than it should that it was almost annoying. 

“We wouldn’t have made it to the Gantry without Johnny’s flare,” Twilight pointed out. “Or realised we’re dealing with a Skrull.”

“He’s also sayin’ she’s about as dangerous as a seltzer bottle on a rainy day,” Applejack countered bitterly. “Which neither of us thinks is true. She’s been hammerin’ the city for weeks an’ Johnny Come Lately’s still pretendin’ to check out his pony pedi!” 

“Yeah, that’s the other thing,” Twilight admitted. “Sending him to speak with the princesses might get him to drop whatever idea he’s gotten into his head. He either does or doesn’t know what this control thing is but he isn’t being straight with us, for whatever reason. I think he’s trying to protect us or something.”

“Like we rate even that,” Applejack snapped. “No, c’mon! You heard him on that radio. He’s been coastin’ this whole time an’ the only thing he’s put effort into is not sayin’ he thinks we’re Z-listers! ‘Cept he’s so full of it he thinks we don’t notice!” 

“Does that really bother you?” Twilight asked carefully. “The idea of not measuring up to some sort of super standard?”

“No, but it’s clearly what he’s doin’! This Skrull lady ain’t a big deal ‘cause he’s seen bigger ‘n’ badder! Well so’ve we, an’ we made it out alive, but that doesn’t mean we can just breeze through everythin’ else! An’ he’s actin’ like we’re the dead weight when we’ve had to lead him ‘round by the hoof this whole time, ‘cause he can’t be bothered to remember how the capital’s streets work?! An’ that’s the time we didn’t spend runnin’! An’ oh boy, now he’s got a lil’ ol’ secret, ‘cause he knows so much better than us!” 

A series of loud thumps from Aggregate’s back room froze them both up for a beat, the churning sound of the kettle at work rushing in to fill the silence and smothering the instinct to say anything else. 

Applejack sighed and removed her hat, running a hoof down her hair to the ribbon. “I just found out Equestria could be full of sleeper cells of lil’ green ponies, Twilight. An’ the Horseshoe Torch thinks playin’ chicken with one of ‘em’s more important than what the rest might be up to.” 

She shook her head. “Listen to me! Sleeper cells? Like somethin’ outta Dad’s paperback collection. Please tell me this is gettin’ to you too.” 

“Of course,” Twilight assured, putting a hoof on her shoulder. “But I trust the princess. You know if these people were that dangerous to Equestria she’d be doing everything to drive them out, disguises or no! And yeah, Johnnycake could take this more seriously, but I think the bigger thing is he’s making plans behind our backs. Would he do that if he was blowing this woman off?” 

“Pretendin’ to, or whatever he’s doin’ ain’t better!” Applejack shut her eyes after the snap, then deflated, putting her hat back on as if hoping it’d swallow her whole. “An’ I’m freakin’ out. I’m lettin’ you an’ Spike down and that’s even worse.”

“You told Johnny you were having the normal reaction,” Twilight pointed out. “Which is the other reason I went with you instead of him.” 

Applejack peeked from under the brim. 

“I was Princess Celestia’s faithful student.” Twilight shrugged. “I grew up learning how to push the limits of what a Unicorn should do. I have a love ley line in my living room and my boyfriend is a superhero. Trixie shook me as much as she did because I know how easy it is to get wrapped up in magic and not realise you’ve gone over the edge. That’s why I still trust Johnny, even though what you said is as true as anything he did. Skrulls are just that much a part of his world as legends and Harmony are of ours. And I need you here because somepony honest enough to admit, yeah, this is really freaking weird is the most vital person you can have in that world! You’re worried you’re letting us down? Do you know how much we all love that we can lean on you for this stuff?!” 

Cue tearful, silent hug. Abruptly undermined by the whir of a power drill from Aggregate’s workshop. 

“Besides,” Twilight managed through the mutual giggle fit, “if a himbo like him can take them, how hard can they be?”

“Can’t be as much of a pain in the tail as those darn tour ponies!” Applejack guffawed. 

Twilight felt her freeze up suddenly, breaking the hug to make sure the workhorse was okay, and she hadn’t accidentally done some weird Alicorn soul stealing spell or something.

“Holy horse apples,” Applejack whispered, trance like, then practically yelled at the exact moment the kettle finally chose to boil, “That might be it!” 

“What?” 

“Stay with Prince Prune Juice!” Applejack called, galloping for the door. “I’m hittin’ the streets! Don’t wait for me, soon as he’s done here get him to the castle!”

“AJ!” Twilight exclaimed, dancing desperately in the hallway with levitated cups and tea bags. “But, but, but! Mission! Aliens! Tea?!”

“No time, you’re the most powerful with hero boy gone!” Applejack whipped out the open doorway then skidded back, almost colliding with the frame. “Look, could be nothin’, but that protest was just happenin’, yeah?”

“I guess…?”

“But to get in there Skrull lady would have to blend in, right? An’ they can copy anypony’s appearance?”

“…so she’d have to replace the leader of that protest,” Twilight realised, eyes widening. “If she’s still alive we could have a witness who saw the Skrull’s last disguise!”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m headin’ for the Greymalkin tourist place!” Applejack agreed, nodding like repeating ammo being fired out it’s chamber. “But think bigger! Blueblood could be anywhere in Canterlot! None of the victims had anythin’ in common…”

“Except who mesmerised them?” Twilight tried. “No, wait, who’s stalking him!”

“Right!” Applejack was pawing the ground, confused pedestrians quickly leaning against the Burrow’s safety rails as she aimed herself at the topside entrance back to the plaza. “An’ if ya wanna follow somepony who gets everywhere what better job to get than a pony who’s supposed to be everywhere?” 


22


“At least he’s breathing,” Rainbow Dash said for the third time since they’d tucked him in. 

“If you can call it that,” Rarity muttered, because the uselessness of that observation was getting on her nerves. 

“We broke Twilight’s boyfriend,” Fluttershy said for the umpteenth time since the fire, but still too quietly to be noticed.

“Not even sunset yet,” Rarity mused, peering out the curtains at the late afternoon/early evening sky. “At least the paint should’ve dried by now.”

“And Vinyl Scratch’s old player is a perfect match for Twilight’s,” Dash agreed. “Do I wanna know why you’ve paint the exact colour of Twilight’s living room?”

“We’re magicians, darling, it pays to be prepared.” 

“Fair enough.” Dash leaned over Peter’s face. “Oh cool, I think he’s coming to. Hey, bud! How, uh, how’s it goin’?” 

“Better than usual, actually,” Peter burbled. “The new job, the new place, Twilight still feels nice and new even though we’re both finding our groove together. On the other hoof, it’s almost a relief to have all this F.E.A.S.T. and Bugle drama going on because I was starting to worry I’d accidentally fallen through a portal and stolen a way better Peter Trotter’s life. My tongue tastes funny!” 

“Aww sweet, he’s still blitzed!” Dash crowed. 

“Magnifique!” Rarity levitated over a stool, rubbing her hooves together. “They do say the best medicine for a pony who’s just recovered consciousness is getting them to speak at length about their juicy, juicy secrets.” 

“Who’s they?” Pinkie asked, poking her head through the door. 

“Us,” Dash and Rarity said instantly. 

“Alrighty,” Pinkie quavered, tossed into high school clique little sister mode by their certainty. “Dinner’ll be ready in about an hour.”

“Testing, testing, one, two, three!” Dash languidly clambered into the windowsill by the bed. “So you were a wrestler for like five minutes. Ever tangle with anyone worthwhile?” 

“Nah, we were pretty down market, but I punched out Catchweight in a Mason Square restroom once!” Peter’s squiggly expression became a wobbly kind of grim as he gripped the sheets with evil mastermind letter opener determination. “He knows what he did.” 

“What did he do?!” Rarity whispered with delight, flying too high on scandal to remember that she did in fact know who Catchweight was from her father. 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Peter cheerfully addressed the bedside lamp. “But he did and that’s the important thing.” 

“…maybe we broke him,” Dash said eventually. 

“Do any of us know anypony in Madripoor?” Fluttershy asked. “No? Just checking.”

“Don’t think so but can’t hurt to check.” Rarity illuminated her horn and waved it over the patient’s crossed eyes. “Peter darling! Yoo-hoo! Do you know where you are?”

“It smells like Twilight! That’s good enough for me!” The response had a sing song quality. 

“That’s at least the kind of too much honesty we were hoping for,” Rarity beamed. “Let me see now…ah! What’s your most embarrassing encounter with a celebrity?” 

“I punched out Mother Neighresia in a Mason Square restroom once!” 

“WHAT?” all four Elements squawked, Pinkie sprouting into the space between Rarity and Fluttershy. 

“No, wait, I always get those two mixed up.” Peter’s eyes blinked and twitched like warring radio signals. “Mother Neighresia was during that one spring break. I thought she was the Chameleon in disguise!” 

“Holy cow,” Dash whispered. 

“It haunts me. Got what I deserved though! Mare had a mean right hook.”

Dash crashed to the floor, almost fetal from laughter. “Can’t…breathe…!” 

“So other than assaulting national treasures, what else ya got?” Pinkie asked, too peppy to realise her curiosity was morbid. 

“I was on Saturday Night Live once!” Peter chirruped and then burst into sobs. Fluttershy instinctively flew to his side to wrap his head in her hooves and coo and shush in an attempt to drown out her own sympathetic tears. “Don’t make me go back!”

“Nopony’s going to make you do anything, darling,” Rarity assured hurriedly. She looked at Pinkie who’d frozen up then at Dash who was still on the floor making Forget-It face and settled for levitating Smarty Pants, who Twilight had left on the bedside as a good luck totem, making one of her felt legs pat Peter’s thrashing knee. “There, there. Many ponies have gone on to live rich, full lives regardless!”

“Do you need anything?” Fluttershy asked, stroking Peter’s mane. 

“An entire child’s birthday cake.” The thrashing had frozen, one leg inches from going up Rarity’s nose as Peter cooed with terrible drunken certainty. 

“Don’t move,” Rarity said firmly as a SWAT leader as Pinkie’s fringe began to swing towards the door. “Fluttershy means do you need any comforts or medicine?”

“An entire child’s birthday cake,” Peter repeated. 

“You’ll have Pinkie-Pasta like everypony else and you’ll like it,” Dash confirmed, wing-springing to her hooves. A leer spread across her face. “You want flies with that?” 

“Just extra bolognese, please! With enough onions and some black pepper it’s basically the same.” 

The Elements looked askance at each other. Fluttershy carefully let go of Peter’s head. 

“Um…garlic bread?” Pinkie asked. 

Peter looked around in cross-eyed panic. “Where?!” 

“Regular, got it!” Pinkie scuttled out of the crime scene as fast as she could without putting herself through the trunk. 

“Any wine?” Rarity asked, compelled by universal timing. 

“I prefer to think of it as taking stock but I know that’s just lying to myself.” 

“Have you thought about meditation at all?” Fluttershy quavered. Perhaps she could accidentally get locked in the cottage while looking for her mat. 

“Cola, then,” Dash said firmly, taking command. “Is it true you had a derby kart that could drive up walls?” 

“Yeah, though I’ve often tried to subconsciously block out the experience in self-defence.” Peter was trying to get up. “I blame society!” 

Dash squinted. “…for your lame derby kart?” 

“No, just in general! Can’t be responsible for everything! Makes you wonder why I try!” Despite Rarity’s best efforts (not to actually touch him) Peter managed to perform a lopsided cartwheel out of bed. “I feel guilty now! I should go to Sweet Apple Acres and use my freakish spider-strength to do all their work for them!”

“Or we could not all get arrested,” Rarity trilled, telekinetically dangling one of her spare sapphires in front of him to get his pinwheeling attention. “You know what’s good for a guilty conscience?” 

“Risking my neck to save shiftless strangers who somehow don’t know it’s a bad idea to walk through Celestial Park at night?” 

“Telling Auntie Rarity all about your foalhood!” Rarity beamed, trying to herd him back into bed. 

“Are we sure it’s not still going on?” Peter followed the sapphire just long enough to swerve off course as if the puppeteer had been yanked off stage, almost headbutting Dash. 

“Touché, but think of all the adorable hints I’ll be able to work into conversation. A key part of our dynamic is Does-She-or-Doesn’t-She!” 

“Since when?” Dash scoffed, flapping her wings to try and force Peter back on track. 

“Since somepony came through my window babbling about how the world was ending because Twilight had a boyfriend.”

“And she had a boyfriend,” Dash clarified, taking Peter’s tail to the face. “Blegh! I said the world was ending and by the way she had a boyfriend.”

“And we shouldn’t examine that association, should we?”

“The world was ending! I figured if we didn’t make it there wasn’t gonna be a better time to get ya in the loop!” 

“Awww!” Rarity placed a genuine hoof over her heart and if it had been anypony other than Rainbow Dash, they’d have found that worse than sarcasm. 

“Friendly Neighbourhood Element of Loyalty, that’s me.” Dash swatted at Peter’s tail, managing to grab his shoulders to stop him from following it anymore. “Where are you goin’?!”

“Do any of us really know?” Peter asked sadly. 

“Maybe we should get Zecora,” Fluttershy suggested, wondering why she hadn’t thought of that potential escape tactic until now. 

“Where in the library,” Dash enunciated. 

“I don’t know but it smells delicious!” 

“Thanks!” Pinkie called from downstairs. 

“And while I enjoy tripped out ponies and lit flames as much as the next mare, I think we’ve tempted fate enough as it is for today, dear,” Rarity smiled, telekinetically spinning him back towards the bed by his tail. 

Dash raised an eyebrow. “Giving up already?” 

“Darling please, what am I, a monk?” Rarity gestured Fluttershy to one end of the sheets while she grabbed another, trying to hoist them around Peter. 

“Dr. Gloam was a monk for a while,” Peter grinned at the ceiling, “and look what happened to him!” 

“Hmph! I’ll have you know with enough gold thread I could make even that mile long sacramento monstrosity look chic,” Rarity huffed. “Oooh! Idea! Peter, sweetie, opal web patterned livery on a vermilion base. What do we think?” 

“Who’s we?” One of Peter’s ears was flicking back and forth like a desperate satellite dish. 

“Perhaps as a spiffy sort of jacket.” Rarity nodded to herself, lost in creation. “Like a softer version of a guard’s whatsit…”

“Curiass,” Dash said automatically. 

“Or like Shining’s dress uniform! Oh, think of the family photos you could take! What a shame you couldn’t pattern yourself after something timeless like a cat, even the best variations on the creepy crawly theme feel like upscale Nightmare Night outfits.” Rarity’s eyes flashed as a bolt of mischief cut through the swirling mists of inspiration. “But enough about you! Let’s talk about what you think of Shining Armor.”

“Dessert before dinner!” Dash hooted, pounding the rail of Peter’s bed. “Love it!”

Peter shrugged. “We get along surprisingly well, considering he used to beat me up in high school.”

Silence so dead they could hear the hiss of Pinkie’s cooking and the random ditty she was hum-composing.

“Beg pardon?” Rarity managed eventually. 

“No, it’s okay, I deserved it!” Peter brightly assured a bedside photo of Princess Celestia. “I was going through a Ninja Turtles is Serious phase. That’s what was worrying me when Twilight first introduced us, way more than discovering the vigilantism. That he’d recognise me. He hasn’t so far, though! Kept waiting to see if he would, but nope and now I’m waaaay past the point I can naturally bring this up. If somepony tells him someday then every second ticking by right now is two plus years longer I’ll look like I’ve been hiding it. This weighs on me so much that sometimes I gotta wonder if he did recognise me and this is how he’s punishing me. And then I feel guilty for making Twilight and her brother’s existence all about me! Almost glad Luna hasn’t show up in my nightmares so far because whoo boy, can you imagine trying to unpin that hoof-grenade? I fought a guy named Hoof-Grenade once! His real name was Tiddlywinks.”

“Is any of this going where you thought it would?” Dash grinned at Rarity. 

“No, that’s the beauty of it!”

“I was going to save all the little critters,” the ball that had been Fluttershy whispered beneath the wings wrapped around her head. 

“And then there was that whole Lashveria thing!” Peter sat bolt upright and then toppled smile-first onto his front. 

“Lashveria what now?” Dash zipped to his side, turning his head so she and the second Rarity like head she’d sprouted over her shoulder could feast upon delicious secrets and, as a bonus, the guy could breathe. 

“Dr. Gloam’s kingdom?” Fluttershy asked. 

“The one with all the quaint little cottages? The big castle? Keeps denying that time he tried to dissect us to find out how the Elements work?” Rarity asked. “Grey green sky? Rains almost all the time? That Lashvaria?”

“How many Lashvaria’s do you know?” Dash scowled. “Hush up!”

“♫I’m not supposed to remember!♫” Peter sing-songed in time with which direction his eyes were facing. 

“Remember,” the Rainbow-Rarity hydra hissed hungrily. 

“We hit the perimeter wall at midnight,” Peter began. “Just the five of us, well, really Shining and the four he’d picked for Alpha team. Cap, Iron Mage, Timberwolf and, for some reason, me. I think he wanted either ponies he could rely on, or ponies that couldn’t be predicted. He treated us like his most trusted troops, laying down force-fields for us as we took the slope. He needn’t have bothered. Then again, he was the only one who cared about the threat. Celestia wanted to prevent a war. So did Shining Armor. So he brought it to the enemy. Nopony was supposed to know we were there. Not even us. As the castle and Von Bardis went down in flames, he turned his face to the rising sun and told us to--”

“♪EAAAT THIIIIS!♪” Pinkie Pie sopranoed, bouncing through the door seconds ahead of the beeping oven timer downstairs and with a steaming plate balanced on her head.

“Loud,” Fluttershy squeaked. 

“WHAT? OH!” Pinkie balanced one end of the plate with a hoof and slapped at her ear with another, trying to dislodge something without spilling Spaghetti alla Pinkuttanesca all over Twilight’s floor. “Sorry, there was an accident with the olives. Got Peter’s ready first because, well…”

They all turned back to the patient, who was on his back now and making robot motions with his forelegs, whispering, “Thwip, thwip!” 

“Aww man,” Dash pouted. “Just as it was getting good!” 

“I said about an hour,” Pinkie reminded her, skipping happily to the bed. 

“All is forgiven,” Dash dreamily decided as the scent trail crept into her nose and almost lifted her off the ground. 

“Here ya go, Petey.” Pinkie slid it into his lap as Rarity helped him sit up. “Careful, it’s hot.”

“My hind legs may be too nerve damaged to notice!” Peter leaned over and hugged her suddenly. “Thanks, Pinkie!” 

“How sweet,” Rarity chuckled, levitating a straw into the cola cup Pinkie had carried up with her tail. 

“Sure that’s not for the food?” Rainbow smirked, indicating the straw. “Dude’s still pretty out of it.”

Rarity raised a brow. “Are you volunteering to stay behind and feed him?” 

“Hay no.” Dash stretched, popping her neck then squinting as she made for the door. “Is he talking to you…?”

“Define talking,” Pinkie giggled. 

“And then Goose turns to Maverick and says you can be my wingpony any time!” Peter burbled as she gently pushed him back against the pillow. 

“At least you’ve got good taste in movies.” Dash shook her head. “Fine, dinner break, but to be continued!”

“The things a mare has to do for a little international intrigue,” Rarity huffed following her out of the room. She tapped Dash on the shoulder as Pinkie whispered something in Fluttershy’s ear. “What are you two up to?”

“Oh! We thought perhaps Peter…might, um. Might like to…” The Pegasus looked askance at the party pony who was looking into Rarity’s steely eyes. 

“Enjoy his dinner in peace…?” Pinkie ventured, pitch rising with her tremulous smile. 

“What a fine idea!” Rarity beamed, pointedly standing aside to allow them to pass through the space and into her clutches company. “Can’t have the two of you trying to tinker with him while he’s in such a delicate state! You’ll spoil the fun.”

“This is the life, huh?” Dash joined in, wrapping two strong forelegs around the two possible dissenters to make sure they couldn’t escape, not that they’d dare with Rarity on the steps behind them. “Good food, good company, and oh so many good stories!”


To be Continued 

> Slight Learning Sensation (7)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


23


“Well this is quite a to-do, isn’t it, Mr. B?” the man-(?)-servant said to the pony in black. 

“Yes indeed, Baldrick.” The butler turned a page of his newspaper without looking up or taking his hooves off the table. “Of course, with your life of day to day drudgery any time the lavatory flushes in a slightly different direction probably counts as ‘a bit of a to-do’.”

“It can’t half get intense ‘round our way during the rainy season, I’ll tell you that, sir,” the matted floor scrubber agreed. 

“Don’t.” Blackadder took another sip of pilfered Neighponese blend. “We’ve certainly landed on our hooves this time, Balders. Or at least I have, only the Great Pony knows what those things on the end of your legs are.” 

“Yes sir. Why, just this afternoon the Royal Medical College asked me if they could study them. From a high tower in a locked room through a really powerful telescope. I was so proud I almost wrote to our mum.”

“Well the central Equestrian post office is only a few perilous falls down a ravine away, why didn’t you?”

“I forgot whether I know how to write or not.” The studio audience of pots and pans roared with silent laughter. 

“Well I shouldn’t risk it then, could be dangerous. Surprised you’ve been allowed to mess around with the floors, honestly.” 

“Oh, my hooves are so repulsive they kill off most of the common or garden muck. I’m told provided I only use one and don’t hang about too long it’s actually quite good for the environment.”

“Remarkable!” Blackadder finally looked up from the Canterlot Herald. “And here I thought I’d found all the really good reasons not to want you around. Still, even you’d have to make a considerable effort to drive me out of a post this cushy. And as we both know, you’re about as worth considering as somepony who got lost on the way to a pub open mic night, and turned up with a box of rude shaped vegetables at a puritan’s dinner party.” 

“It was the aubergine what let me down,” Baldrick agreed languidly. 

“Play our cards right, discarding the used hankies and dead moths that comprise your hand, and we could really make something of ourselves up here!” Blackadder folded the paper and wistfully adjusted his lapels. “I as majordomo, you as something small in a bag in the corner of a dark underground room, with one of those doors that only opens from the inside.”

“Will we not be going back with Prince Blueblood then?” 

“I shouldn’t think so, no.” Blackadder began to pace contemplatively. “All we’ve got to do is keep our heads down during one of these random assaults and convince his royal ignoramus that the only thing young fillies these days love more than a stallion who sticks his neck out for danger is one who has a sarcastic tattoo on it, like ‘Cut along diagonal line’. Then we simply tidy what’s left into a bucket and add it to our resumés. I could even use him as fertiliser for the flowers at his funeral. An example of how I’m the sort of pony who takes the initiative!” 

“You don’t fancy the princess’ chances then?” Baldrick asked, wringing his sponge and turning it biohazardous colours. 

“T’ch!” Blackadder scoffed as if with centuries of experience. “Which one? Because unless the final confrontation comes down to a high stakes sitting around and waving competition they probably don’t have any.”

“Word down the Trough and Barrel is Princess Luna’s in charge.” 

“Well, far be it from me to question the tactical acumen of somepony who spent every decade after the Renaissance on the moon, Baldrick, but according to the briefing parliament received upon her return, consisting of her own testimony, the only thing she did for those hundreds of years, besides contemplate nightmarish ways to enslave everything on Earth, was try and come up with a fresh, dynamic spin on Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.”

“That doesn’t sound so bad to me, sir.” Baldrick helped himself to a potato. 

“Then how about the fact she only managed three? And two of them just switched the first letters of the words around.” Blackadder peered into a shiny pot’s surface to fix his reflection’s tie. “I wouldn’t go so far as to insult the lady by suggesting she really is the prince’s aunt. They married into the family, after all. But you’ve got to admit she’s hardly been making the best of this one in a million second chance.”

“What about all that charity work and the night stuff?” Baldrick dipped his potato in his bucket water and took another bite. “Helpin’ ponies with their ‘orrible dreams and such?”

“Precisely: what about it?” Blackadder asked over his shoulder, spooning coffee beans into assorted preparation machines with the royals’ cutie marks on them. “I mean, she comes back to find that with inflation the lint in her piggy bank could now buy Hawhinny. But, instead of becoming governor for life and hunting tourists for sport, she just skulks around in the dark, wondering why nopony likes her and eating spiders! Shame about the class barrier, the two of you could’ve opened the world’s most depressing café together.” 

“Is that what you’d do with the power of the night itself then, Mr. B?” 

“Mmm? Oh, Hawhinny was just an example,” Blackadder clarified, arranging some jaffa cakes just so on the princesses’ plates before stealing one for himself. “Although now you mention it, something about those shirts just always cheesed me off…”

“No, I meant skulk in the dark, eating spiders and wondering why nopony likes you.”

Blackadder shoved Baldrick’s face into his bucket on the way to the fridge for some milk. 

“The only thing these would be assassins have to worry about with her royal So-What’s-This-In-Door-Plumbing-Malarkey-Thenness in charge is that her nephew’ll say something to make her strangle him herself. I’d almost think getting the two of them to take each other out was the reason Princess Celestia put the matter in her second-rate sister’s third-rate horseshoes, if it wasn’t for the fact she smiles all the bloody time. Still got your sponge?”

“Y’ph’ ph’rr,” Baldrick managed. It was in his mouth. 

“Bite down a little, then.” Blackadder held the empty cup with Blueblood’s cutie mark on it. Baldrick’s jaws wrung a distressingly grey-green stream into it until Blackadder held up a hoof for when. “Thaaank you.”

The various custom appliances began to whistle as he flicked off the stove burners. 

“Still, the wallflower has thorns. It’s just possible she might save him by sitting on the next attacker or something. Assuming old Blue Brains doesn’t smother them with his tail the next time he bends over to grab a penny. There’s some way to make a profit here, Balders, it just requires the right sort of plan. A plan so cunning you could dress it in a tuxedo and put in charge of covertly poisoning sompony at your dinner party!”

“Or you could just let Princess Twilight take care of it, sir,” Baldrick observed cheerfully as his superior made sure the prince’s milk and coffee were thoroughly mixed with the whatever it was from his sponge. 

“Yes Baldrick, and I could also save time by either laying my head across the tracks now or by simply driving the train myself. Although if the so-called princess were the train in this analogy I’d probably be perfectly safe. She’d either be headed in the most wrong direction since the captain of the Titanic or so late I’d have starved to death.”

“Promises, promises,” said a carefully pleasant young mare’s voice. 

Blackadder realised the shift in light at some point had been a door silently opening, and wagged a stern hoof. “And that, Baldrick, is an example of the kind of treasonous gutter sniping I hope never to hear in these halls! Is that clear?”

Baldrick glanced at the tarnished water in the bucket he was holding. “Well, it’s been in my hooves for more than five minutes Mr. B.”

“I mean do you understand?”

“Uh…”

“Never mind, get on with your work.” Blackadder executed a perfect surprised spin and bow without missing a beat. “Your highnesses! What an unexpected pleasure.”

“Hello, Mr. Blackadder,” Twilight smirked next to Luna, who’s eyes were steadily turning moon-glow white. “It’s like those study sessions at monocyte manor all over again.”

“Such fond memories!” Blackadder oozed. “Have I mentioned how glad I am to see you yet?”

“Yes, I expect you’re as glad as a Mr. Glad of the Year contestant who’s just found out all the others died of heart attacks on his birthday.”

“Ah, I see your time away hasn’t diminished your mastery of the Canterlot analogy!” Blackadder tried a smile, but since he hadn’t just conned someone out of their life savings it wasn’t especially convincing. 

“Yes, it’s like riding a bicycle with really big wheels over ponies you don’t like.” Twilight continued to smile sweetly even as she was forced to lean around Luna’s billowing mane, which seemed to be growing larger as the Moon Raiser stood in outraged stillness. “Funny to see you here, what with Blueblood off on his own! And in such hectic times, too!” 

“Well, ma’am,” Blackadder smarmed, making the tactical masterstroke of picking up the coffee tray to look busy but the mistake of smarming, “it is the duty of a Blackadder to anticipate all our employer’s needs, even before they know they need them! And where else in the capital could good old Prince Blueblood need to be than his beloved aunts’ castle? So of course I offered my services, which unfortunately includes Baldrick down there…Say hello, Baldrick.”

“Hello, Raldbick.”

“He does his best.” 

“That counts for a lot,” Twilight smiled more sternly. “And how fortuitous! We were hoping that you’d not only prepare Bluebloods rooms but spread the word among the guards to be on the lookout for any tour ponies. Nothing violent, but they might have something to do with these attacks.”

“The prince…here?!” Blackadder tried to remain unflappable and boggle at the same time. 

“Yep!” Twilight beamed sweetly. “He arrived with me almost ten minutes ago. He’s being entertained in the gala hall, under the care of the Horseshoe Torch and my assistant Spike. You informing the rest of the castle would free me and the royal sisters up to spend more time guarding him, as well as ensure everypony’s safety.”

“Are you sure, your majesty? It’s just, what with one thing and another, the prince’s current predicament, say, might not bringing the most targeted pony in Canterlot straight to the heart of the monarchy be considered the most inadvisable move since noted pioneer Brigadier Blastersump elected to wear a kilt while hunting short sighted squirrels during the great nut shortage of 1926?” 

“It is almost sunset, Mr. Blackadder.” Luna’s voice didn’t so much echo as it sounded like lots and lots of little whispering things were repeating the sentence. Perhaps it was all the kitchen items that were now slightly levitating. 

“Rightawayma’am.” The scion of one of Equestria’s most slimy dynasties whirled on his heels with ballerina grace, not so much as rattling the tray on his back as he fled. 

“Sleep tight!” Luna called sweetly after him, eyes now normal. 

“Nice to see you again Mr. Baldrick,” Twilight smiled genuinely. 

“You too, ma’am.” 

The dogsbody smiled back, the pleasantness coming through loud and clear despite his several skin conditions. Luna offered him two jaffa cakes from the box she was levitating. 


***


“Almost wish I could pin it all on him,” Luna muttered as she and Twilight shared the rest out in the hall. Despite the tension they were snacking, because the prospect of a long Canterlot dinner with a prince who only drank water if it was imported but also somehow nationalist inspired lots of ways to cut the time as short as possible. 

“Working for Blueblood’s probably punishment enough,” Twilight pointed out through a chocolate orangey mouthful, and felt a mild elation whip through her as the Princess of the Night chuckled at that. 

It wasn’t quite Celestia tier but ever since her coronation Luna’s approval had taken on a new appeal. Maybe it was being the oldest little sister or something. 

“Sorry I don’t have more to give you, Princess. Applejack made the big connection, and he may be a creep but Blackadder’s right. The best I’ve got is bringing Blueblood here and gambling it's either too formidable or tempting a target.”

“A Skrull is hardly nothing, Princess Twilight,” Luna smiled. “Earth may not be ready to join the intergalactic community but terrorising citizens of a companionable world of the Shi’ar Empire is a far different matter than the usual trial by combat nonsense. Current treaty allows the Skrulls to create a new identity to move among non-member populations unmolested, not kidnap them! The neighbouring systems will want to be seen enforcing it, whatever they feel about our little backwater.” 

“Still can’t believe you’ve been off-world!” Twilight squeed slightly. 

“The trick is to remember to bring enough air with you when you teleport to the other side of the atmosphere,” Luna smiled ruefully. “I doubt my sister will be happy turning away all tours for the duration of the crisis, but that’s sound strategy. As was sending envoys on ahead to prepare us for Blueblood’s presence. As a precaution I’ve had all the staff in his part of the guest quarters moved to the south towers for the night. If this shifter does try their tricks it’ll be just them and me.”

“Us,” Twilight said with respectful firmness. “Five of us mean more of a chance of catching them. Six if your sister gets back from that mine inspection in time.”

“Very well,” Luna said neutrally. “We shall be glad of your company in any event. It is always good to have friends at your side.”

“Does that include Johnnycake?” Twilight asked. “I know he’s up to something but I’ve already had to work around Applejack arguing with him all day, and if we’re going to watch each other’s backs…”

“I’ve had to work with far more disagreeable creatures than that ‘superhero’ to keep this continent from sinking into the ocean, Princess. Have no fear. Honestly? I’m tempted to watch him pull this stunt of his just to watch it backfire on him.” Luna’s smile folded back into a frown. “No offence to your paramour but I still do not care for that word. Superhero.”

“You…know about Peter, then,” Twilight said quietly as they passed a series of windows. The gardeners on the other side were too far away to hear anything but it was instinctual. 

“Hmm? Oh, that’s right, some of them need to keep it a secret. Apologies. Our sister thought it prudent to…keep me in the loop…?” Luna kept the relief out of her face as Twilight nodded. “I find Manehattan’s  defenders as admirable as many of the champions I grew up with, but the times we came from…sometimes it was heroic for a pony to simply smile in the face of another long winter, or to ask for a hoof in marriage from a different rank. And braver for the other to accept. The idea that strange powers and gadgetry make one not only a hero but superior to others…”

“If it helps, none of them we’ve met has ever thought of themselves that way,” Twilight said quickly. “Even Johnnycake.”

“Mmm. Do you know he and Rainbow Dash used to…?”

“Oh yeah." Twilight threw in an eye roll before she could stop herself and joined in Luna’s chuckle. Just two Princess Ponies! Talkin’ the talk! 

She wondered if that was why Luna was taking the slightly longer corridors to the gala hall, enjoying not being the littelest Alicorn anymore, but then again Blueblood was waiting for them. 

“Oh! Just occurred to me. Have you encountered Skrulls before?” 

“Yes, though none with abilities like these.” 

Luna’s eyes narrowed, though it might have just been that they were out of chocolaty orange treats. 

“It’s not that they haven’t tried to use our people before but usually less directly than this! They understand enough of magic to know matters of ownership are important. So they think if they can trick or win over a nation they’ll just magically own the entire planet. They’d be some of the most cunning little buggers Celestia and I ever stood against if they weren’t that deluded! It’s better to think of them as slightly more patient changelings. Chrysalis is only patient so she can step out from behind the curtain and tell you how patient she’s been. Silly hag. One day she’s just going to stop caring what we think of her and then we’ll see a real monster. I’ve always wanted to put out one of her eyes. Just to show her. Are you hungry?” 

“I’m good,” Twilight said quickly. 


24


“And then I said listen here Adders, me old sock suspender,” Blueblood was telling Spike as they entered the now cavernous gala hall, “the day a stallion can’t knot his own bowtie is the day the fountains on Swan Street gain sentience and start offering bargains on double glazing! At which point they did. I should thank Discord really, having the staff take care of the old dressing m’self business saves oodles of time, while also leaving a few extra seconds to really shore up your argument for why you should get that land instead of the cystic fibrosis centre.” 

“Oh Great Pony, tell me you’re here to relieve us,” Spike said a bit too loudly when he saw Twilight, leaping off the couch he’d been sprawled on and adopting a more respectful stance when he saw Luna. “Um…”

“At ease, thou good and faithful servant,” Luna smiled. She glanced over at the unlit Horseshoe Torch, casually conversing with a few staff stragglers. The mare in charge of castle tours specifically. “Stuck between these two I’m sure you deserve some relief.” 

“Huh? Oh! Eh, Johnny’s not so bad.” Spike shrugged.

“First name basis now, huh?” Twilight smirked. “No sign of anypony?”

“There isn’t supposed to be,” Luna muttered, trotting over to the awe struck group as Johnny regaled them with tales of how he’d stopped Diablo from turning the Earth's core into soft cheese and still found the time to help the scarecrow find a heart. 

“Hello, Auntie!” Blueblood beamed as she passed. “Intermission almost over is it? Listen, I’ve been thinking, since you’re in the play does that mean I don’t really have an aunt Luna?”

“No, dear, I’m afraid we’re stuck with each other.” 

Luna telekinetically lifted Johnnycake into the air above her mid tall tale, stepping into his place in front of his crowd as he dangled helplessly. “Alright, let’s break it up there! We’ll be doing for ourselves tonight.”

“We will?!” Blueblood blanched. Not that you'd be able to tell. “Oh shoes, this isn’t one of Auntie Celestia’s character building exercises is it? Sparky! You’ve always been desperate to please, be a sport and carry both our loads, eh?” 

“Get stuffed,” Twilight said distractedly, admiring one of the tapestries before her eyes lit up. “Unless it really is a character building—?” 

“No!” Luna snapped. “Oh, Force Majeure, have you gotten all your people out yet?”

“Yes Princess, no problem,” the sanguine head of tourism beamed. “I made sure to help all the guards round them up and get them to safety. I even checked in with the rest of the staff.”

“Ah, most helpful,” Luna beamed back. 

“Yeah, it’s an admirable quality!” Johnny supplied, adopting a more casual mid-air pose in the glow of Luna’s magic. “One of many, I’m sure. Maybe once I’ve finished saving the day you could show me the sights, or--”

He managed to maintain the casual pose even as Luna practically flung him onto the couch next to Blueblood, making Force Majeure chuckle. “Yeah, fair enough. Been feeling kinda weird lately.”

“Weird how?” Spike asked. “You seemed fine when we got here.”

“Dunno, just kinda snuck up on me.” Johnny shrugged. “Maybe that creepy butler guy put something in my tea.” 

“Ah, Adders and his little jokes!” Blueblood chortled. “Oh ho ho! He once pulled this amazing tea prank. Well, I forget the details, but the point is the ambassador almost died! Oh ho ho ho!” 

“Are your powers still working?” Twilight asked. “Not that I’m in a rush to set the place on fire or anything, but if we’re going to be holed up here during…whatever this Skrull is going to try I’d prefer to have you throwing fireballs at them instead of just throwing up.” 

“You silver tongued devil!” Johnny smirked, wagging a hoof and creating a floating flame construct of a smiling devil emoji. “Speaking of, where’s your friend? It’s been almost two hours since somepony expressed disappointment in me for just existing.”

“Checking out a lead,” Twilight said diplomatically. “It’s why we’re clearing the tour ponies out. AJ thinks our Skrull is piggybacking on the capital’s tourism to keep track of Blueblood, which is why all the attackers have been so random. Hang around, step in front of the closest passer-by and zap, y’know?”

“Yeah, Batroc’s brigade is not a choice somepony’d usually make,” Johnny agreed. “Wait, wait, wait, our Skrull? You guys snatching rogues again?”

“No!” Twilight said, embarrassed at how defensive she sounded. 

“I mean, you’ve kinda already got Spidey’s,” Spike pointed out. “You did that thing where you tried to end all crime and then Doc Argo--”

“Ah, a doctor at last!” Blueblood rubbed his hooves together. “You can always tell a play’s kicking into high gear when the doctor shows up! Who’s dying? Is it Sparky?” 

“Okay, so sharing’s an option is what I’m hearing,” Johnny continued, “but what I’m getting at is it’d be totally cool if you wanted to swap Chrysalis for the Skrulls.” 

“Children,” Luna said with maternal patience and the suddenness of a beanbag round, making them all turn to her. “We’re preparing the castle for a potential siege, so say goodbye to Force Majeure while these nice guards take her home.”

“Parting is such sweet sorrow—!” Johnny began, zipping up the tour pony and almost taking one of Luna’s wings off with the speed. 

“Oh, don’t worry Mr. Storm,” Majeure smiled sweetly. “You get around and my job takes me all over Canterlot. Maybe I could…help with those street names sometime?” 

“It’s always nice to meet somepony with a good sense of…direction,” Johnny smiled back. 

“Guards!” Luna called with a pinch of Canterlot voice. Windowpanes rattled.

“Yeah, just what this migraine needed, Princess, thanks,” Johnny muttered, Force Majeure trying not to laugh as he rubbed his temples. His eyes squeezed shut. “Seriously, anypony got some aspirin? This is like listening to Deadfoal talk!”

“You’ve got a migraine now?” Spike squinted, digging into his backpack. “I’ve maybe got some stuff…”

The double doors creaked open as the rattling clipclop of Majuer’s escorts approached, revealing a platoon of palace guards totem poling their helmets around both doors in concern. “Your majesties? We heard a call!”

“Just these fellows, Sergeant,” Luna assured the Pegasus mare in charge. “Sorry to alarm you. We appreciate how much you have to deal with now that our nephew is here.”

“He is?” the sergeant blinked, pushing her door further in to get a good look around the room. 

“Great Pony!” Johnny swore, clutching his heads at the scrapping so hard Twilight flapped over to check him over out of concern.  

“Do you mind?!” Blueblood fumed. “I’m in the middle of watching a play here! Ah well, may as well make yourself useful. My fair Sassy shall be joining us after sunset and I’ve a package for her. I may ask you to help present it to her at the right moment if you have clean hooves. Let’s take a look!” 

He stepped up to the sergeant, levitating the cloth wrapping Twilight has seen him leave Aggregate’s workshop with, startling her back as he leaned down to scrutinise her hooves and almost took her eye out with it. And giving the guards behind her a full view of himself. 

“Destroy,” the stallion directly behind the sergeant said, ramrod straight and oblivious to how she bumped into him. 

Pink eyes flickered on up and down the ranks as the room began to fill with the colours of sunset. “DESTORY!” “DESTROY!!” “DESTROY!!!”

“In a minute, in a minute…” Blueblood muttered, levitating the sergeant’s right forehoof so he didn’t have to touch it. 

The sergeant took one look at Luna’s expression and put the full force of her wings into a tackle that sent her and the yelping prince sprawling into the room. Blue telekinetic magic covered the doors and KRAKADOOM!ed them shut, the chandeliers swinging violently.

“Out through the gardens!” Luna commanded. 

Splinters were already racing across the ornate framework. The relentless pounding knocked one of the still glowing door handles loose. Johnny doubled over in Twilight’s grip as she tried to turn him around, letting out a moan that almost carried over sound of armour against oak. 

“What’s wrong with them?!” Force Majeure cried, wrapping her forelegs around the nearest guard and burying her head in his chest like a frightened child. 

“Easy, ma’am!” he tried to assure her as he groped for his lance. “We’ll...” 

He shook his head to clear the sudden pink glow and looked at Blueblood trying to cope with the fact he’d just been touched by a commoner. “DESTROY!” 

“DESTROY!” echoed his partner as Majeure scuttled backwards. 

Luna and Twilight’s telekinesis turned both their helmets around then slammed them together in a gong-burst of blue and purple sparks. Spike shoulder charged the writhing Johnny’s hindlegs to try and get him moving. A series of sword blows finally hacked a space wide enough for three pink eyed guards to shove their heads through for a hearty bellow of “DESTROY!”

“I SAY THEE NAY!” boomed a sudden voice as the Horseshoe Torch reared up, bursting into flame. Twilight almost crushed Fore Majeure flinging herself away from him, Spike tumbling forward into the floor as the Torch rose.

Johnny’s head was now encased in a covering of his own epidermis, two twisting horns where his ears should be and the flaming outline of a reptilian eye branding itself over his face. He sagged in mid-air then spun towards the door with marionette violence. 

“THE HOUSE OF BLUE SHALL PAY FOR IT’S CRIMES!” he roared, both forelegs whipping up with boneless speed. The air in front of the doors ignited, burying the closest guards in fragments and bowling the rest down the hall. “AND THIS DEVILISHLY HANDSOME VESSEL SHALL SERVE AS THE PERFECT INSTRUMENT OF VENGANCE FOR…THE DREAD DORMAMMU!”

“Wow, hate to be them,” Blueblood observed. The rose in his lapel disintegrated into ash as the Torch twisted towards him, blazing helm upside down and inches from his face. “Oh, house of Blue!”


35


Princess Celestia nodded in satisfaction at her pocket watch and returned it to her wing, gliding off the mountain outcrop she’d settled on. 

She’d have preferred to start lowering the sun from one of the balconies back home, but there’d been a cart accident on the road below her on the way back and she’d stayed to do what she could before the nearest E.U.P. squad noticed her horn flare. 

Not that she hadn’t left it a bit before, dig through the centuries and try finding an Avatar who hadn’t, but having the job for a thousand years and counting meant you liked to do it properly. Also, be within walking distance of your study.

The nearing roofs of the city drew her on, combining with the satisfaction of a good day’s work to push her forward. Most of the sites were suitable for the capital’s undercity needs, which would lead to development of overcity facilities. A couple of years and Canterlot may have a few more boroughs! 

She saluted the Pegasi on cloud duty as she swooped over the walls, glancing behind her once she was sure she was high enough not to smack into a tower. Night was slowly darkening the horizon behind her, but it was the glacial pace of light straining through the magic in the atmosphere. Luna had as much right to leave raising the moon a bit but she was usually so punctual. 

Unless she was distracted...

Celestia flapped lower to keep an eye on the streets as the shadows began to trickle across the city. The sky was that restless orange of the uncertain period where Day’s baton wasn’t being picked up by Night and turning it those soothing blues and purples. Ponies in the streets didn’t seem to notice, and other than rush hour stragglers and early night owls everything seemed peaceful enough. Still plenty of cart and carriage traffic, even around the royal hill road…and an orange streak weaving it’s way uphill. 

Celestia dived at the same instant she teleported, materialising enough yards ahead and feet above to confirm… “Applejack!” 

The farm pony glanced up in as much relief as shock and hit the brakes, throwing up a Rainbow Dash worthy amount of noise, dust and terrain. Celestia landed and gently held out a wing to bring her to a padded halt.

“P-puh-p’n’ss! Tha…thank gosh! Woooooh doggy…”

“Did you run all the way here?” Celestia asked. 

She looked about then wrapped a wing around the panting mare, leading her over to a stream and turning nearby stones into a cup and pitcher, filling them. Applejack answered the question by taking the entire pitcher in both hooves and half dunking her head in it. 

“Found…she…gal in charge’a…whoo…” 

“Take it easy!” Celestia patted her shoulders. “Is this about Blueblood?” 

“Y-yeah!” AJ wiped her mouth, flying too high to care about who she was doing it in front of. “Twi an‘ th’ others…with him! Hugh! Figured…it’s the tourist biz!”

“Oh, don’t tell me he’s weighing in on this strike, that’s the last thing we need! I’ll pay for the air-conditioning enchantments out of my own pocket if I have to!”

“I mean, he was a jerk about it, but--” Applejack shook her head. “We found the link! There was a protest, filly in charge turned a bunch of those Spring Heels bozos into a mob and sicced ‘em on your nephew! She’s a, gah, whaddaya call ‘em, they’ve got more chins than…than somethin’ with a lotta chins, I dunno, I’m stressed!” 

“…a Skrull?” Celestia said with the gradual urgency of a thundercloud. “Here?” 

“Yeah!” Applejack nodded so fast her hat almost flew off. “The Torch’s treatin’ it like another day at the office, but she’s got these freaky eyes, that’s what that glow is! Hay, she might’ve set all this wage trouble up just so she could have a posse watin’ for us on Mousehole Street!” 

“I should be so lucky,” Celestia muttered, crouching down. “Climb up, you can explain on the way. The Skrulls are using tourism to go after Blueblood?” 

“Sounds insane, don’t it?” Applejack replied, talking fast so her brain wouldn’t register the fact she was now riding on the back of the face of the nation. “But it just came to me when we were makin’ that diamond dog tea. If ya can look like anypony then it’s the best way to cover the capital! Let’s her stalk that gussied up—Blueblood and just put her spell on somepony close by! That’s why all those attacks were so random, they…y’know! Were just random folks!” 

“A Skrull with mesmerising powers,” Celestia almost snarled. “By the Great Pony, at least Chrysalis had the decency to always blow it by telling you how clever she’d been! Do you have any idea where they could be?” 

“I think I know who they’re tryin’ to be,” Applejack called as the landscape sliced by beneath them. “I checked out the Greymalkin tourist place, asked around. Mare in charge of the Mousehole strike is Honey Glaze, I found her tied up in the basement, the poor thing! Turns out she rooms with a couple other girls in the business. We found them tied up at their jobs too. Been all over the city findin’ tour ponies trust up like Hearth’s Warmin’ gifts! I think this Skrull soup sandwich is workin’ her way up the chain, an’ oh wow, this is fast!”

“I know, apologies,” Celestia called over the rising wind. “I think I know what you mean, and I’m assuming the others are up ahead?” 

“Yep!” Applejack wrapped one foreleg around the princess’ neck and hung onto her Stetson with the other. “Worse part? The Torch’s up there with ‘em and has some fancy schmancy secret plan he thinks we don’t know about. ‘Fraid ya might have a couple new ballrooms if he goes ahead with it.” 

“That sounds like Johnnycake.” Celestia managed to make a sigh carry through her raised voice. They swept past the lowest turrets of the drawbridge, her wings flaring as she pulled to a sudden mid-air stop. “What in the name of the stars is going on in there?!” 

Applejack peered around the Neapolitan cascade of the most iconic mane in the kingdom. The gala hall. It just had to be the gala hall. 


***


At least three different coloured lights were flashing all around the building, unconscious guards littering the gardens outside like bad conversation pieces. The most aggressive of the lights was the same gold as contrails of flame lancing in and out of the balconies, laced with pulsing brick red Kirby Krackle. Each burst was accompanied by a wailing just accented enough to let you know it went to a better school than you. 

It was giving AJ weird flashbacks to Fluttershy’s second birthday in Ponyville, when Rainbow and Rarity had both called dibs on planning the party and, well, the important thing to understand was the difference between regular party balloons and hydrogen…

“Blueblood!” Celestia cried, shooting towards one of the stained-glass windows. Applejack braced instinctively but a golden aura flung it open so hard it almost shattered. 

The wailing was whipping around a corner as Celestia landed. “Three stars, you hear me?! Three stars!” 

Both mares stared after it, then felt an approaching heat and ducked as a faceless Horseshoe Torch shot over them, narrowly missing Applejack’s hat, and took the corner so hard and fast he spun upside down. 

“Get back here you treacherous—!” demanded an approaching purple glow. Then Twilight Sparkle realised who was in front of her and skidded to a mid-air halt. “Majesty! Your majesty! Um.” 

“Hi, AJ…” Spike squeaked, holding onto Twilight’s neck for dear life. 

There was some sort of volcanic eruption around the corner and four slightly smoking guards pinwheeled into the walls. 

“I can explain…?” Twilight tried. 

She flinched as a golden field snapped on behind her, shattering two flung spears from two furious, pink eyed guards behind her. 

“Where’s Luna?” Celestia asked urgently as Applejack slid off her back, thrusting her field down the corridor to force the guards into a stairwell. 

“Fighting about half the guards!” Twilight shrugged, landing to telekinetically bounce a door into a charging set of pink eyes. She glared at a portrait of Discord eating some popcorn, certain there was less in the bag than when she’d last circled the area. “The Skrull got to them somehow! I’m sorry Princess, it’s bedlam!”

“What’s with the pretty boy?” Applejack asked as they retreated to the foyer. 

“DORMAMMU DEMANDS SATISFACTION! AND MAYBE SOME OF THAT NEIGHPONESE TEA!” 

“He, ah, might be possessed by the Dread Dormammu,” Twilight grinned queasily up at Celestia. “Or he’s just got a super bad headache and thinks he is? I don’t know. My horn is very hot right now.” 

“I DON’T LIKE THIS PLAY ANYMORE!” Blueblood howled, lunging out of the way of a flaming baseball bat and swinging from the chandelier. “IT IS ANTI-DISTINCTLY-MINTLY!”

“Dormamu? Here?” Celestia looked up and used her magic to make a tapestry wrap itself around an attacking guard, saving an unaffected one from a nasty mace to the head. “The shadows aren’t doing anything…”

“Does this mean I can hit him now?” Applejack asked as she pulled her lasso out of her hat. There was a blue flash lower down the stairs in front of them as Luna materialised. 

“I’ll do worse than that once I’m done with these thralls!” She looked up. “Oh. Hello, sister.” 

“Luna.”

“I’m handling it?” 

Blueblood, riding an out of control dessert trolley for dear life, shrieked out of a passageway to ricochet off a wall and out the hall doors, careening down the path. Luna despondently shut her eyes. 

“Pink is the bad ones, right?” Celestia sighed, trotting towards her. 

“Uh, yes. Yes!” Luna followed her towards the sounds of armour crashing against armour. Her wings flicked slightly, like she was trying to stop them fidgeting. “We could…sort them out. Together. If. You know. If you’d like.”

“I’d like that,” Celestia smiled. “Girls, I know you’ve done it all day, but could you look after Blueblood? Spike, you’re still a minor, so please find some cover.”

“Uh, yes, ma’am.” Spike saluted. “Maybe the royal gardens’re clear by now?” 

There was a I-Was-on-the-Rowing-Team-Doncher-Know kind of wail from the rear of the building. 


***


“YOUR LESUIRE SUIT LAPELS AND NOSE JOBS CAN’T SAVE YOU NOW, MORTAL!”

The Dormammu Torch was weaving through pink eyed guards, his thermals bowling them over as he tried to get at the zigzagging Blueblood. The prince hit the dirt, covering his head as his pursuer swooped over him, circling for another dive…and pausing as a purple flash enveloped their prey. Blueblood was now hanging from a sturdy branch while Applejack and Twilight Sparkle stood in his place. 

“Alright!” Twilight snarled, loosing bolt after magic bolt. “This is for making me do one of these stupid team up fights!”

“THOSE ARE AN INSTITUTION!” the cyclopean Torch roared back, effortlessly weaving between each shot…right into the path of the lasso now around his leg like they’d planned. 

“Works for me!” Applejack grunted, yanking down as hard as she could. 

The Torch crashed into the water of the nearest garden fountain hard enough to almost crack the marble. Angry fists of steam hurtled into the listless orange sky, clearing to reveal a dazed Johnnycake bobbing on the surface of the now slightly lower water. 

“Oh, I say, bravo!” Blueblood cheered, clapping his hooves. “Gonna have to ask Sassy who wrote this, this must be at least the sixth act and I’m more awake than a new bug who’s just found the slugs we put in his pillow! Why, I’m even rooting for Sparky now! Bit socialist there in the middle but it’s amazing how much special effects can buck you up.” 

Before either Element could start swearing at him, the windows behind him plunged into kaleidoscopic glory that left black spots burning in their closed eyelids. The one garden door that was half closed swung open to let Princess Celestia and Princess Luna trot down the stairs, followed by Spike and the haggard remains of the unaffected guards. 

“And I’ve got to say, Auntie, these surprise cameos of yours really are the cat’s finest Istallion nightwear!” Blueblood grinned, galumphing towards her like the oversized schoolboy he was. He hesitated. “Here…is that a black eye?” 

“Just…makeup, dear,” Celestia smiled. She gently pulled him closer and gave him a kiss on the forehead. “I’ve got a cloak here that I want you to wear while you follow the guards to a, uh, special box seat. Please? We’re nearing the final act and it might get a bit rough.”

“Well, alright, since it’s you,” Blueblood sighed, taking the black silk and looking at it like it was a bag of week-old takeout. “Just hope if Sassy recognises me in this she doesn’t natter about it to her columnist friends.” 

“Sassy Saddles?” Celestia blinked as the guards lead him towards the palace, specifically one of the secure wings. “Right. We’ll keep an eye out for her.”

“I’ll handle turning her back to safety,” Luna assured, raising her glowing horn to the sky which began to shift into soothing purple like an ice pack after a hot day. She looked proudly over her shoulder at the neat ball of formerly berserk guards. “Still got it, don’t we?”

“We can gloat when it’s over,” Celestia smiled tiredly, trotting over to the uncertain Twilight and Applejack. She levitated Johnny out of the fountain and placed him on her back. “There’s still a Skrull out there and we’re a pony down.”

“Gee,” Johnny said cheerfully, cracking one blue eye open as he sprawled limply over her wings, “if only somepony had the brilliant idea of piquing their interest, covertly taking out a bunch of their scrubs and making themselves an irresistible target at the same time.”

It took Applejack a moment to piece it together, and since Twilight and Luna were too stunned to say anything she decided it was up to her. “Oh, you low down, double dealin’, no good lil’…!!!”


26


“Which celebrity he’d marry!” Rarity insisted before telekinetically dabbing at her lips with a napkin.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Rainbow Dash retorted, “I didn’t realise this was an issue of Cosmo. Not! Grossest bug he’s ever eaten!” 

“Darling, really! I literally just ate!” 

“You left half. You even arranged it.” 

“That’s the fun!” Rarity leaned back in her seat and took a sip. Just water, those margaritas were still in her system somewhere and she’d have a party to help organise. “Which villainess he’d marry!” 

“Tempting,” Dash agreed, saluting with her soda. “But we already got a bunch of Black Sphinx stuff…”

“Mmm, yes, that’s a tricky one,” Rarity mused. 

“How about if he ever cried at a wedding?” Pinkie asked before slurping her 25th obligatorily long strand. 

“Also neat, but he so obviously has,” Dash countered. “Man, does it have to be marriage? I feel like we got really stuck on that. Somepony pass the salad.” 

“Because it’s such a rich area!” Rarity explained, obliging. 

“You mean as an insight into his romantic side?” Fluttershy gambled.

“No, blackmail,” Rarity said simply. She decided to be naughty and popped a smidge of left over peppers into her mouth. 

“Aww man, y’know what I forgot to ask?” Dash half moaned, pausing in the act of making a salad sandwich out of her piece of baguette. “That thing with the Befrienders!” 

“…which Befriender he’d marry?” Fluttershy asked, blinking. Rarity had a very un-lady like laughing fit. 

“No, why he turned ‘em down.” Dash pointed a pasta laden fork at Rarity. “Y’know there’s probably a cool story there!”

“Perhaps,” Rarity agreed. “Still hoping for a spot?”

“Aww, worried you’re gonna have to be the spunky one as well as the sassy one?” Dash smirked. 

“Well I think you’d be great at it,” Fluttershy said quickly.

“Thanks, ’Shy. Ooh, hey, ever think of getting some of your best animals together and making, like, some kinda rescue squad? Kids love that stuff! Leave Angel outta it and you could probably get a sweet book deal.” 

“Animals are actually pretty good at policing themselves,” Fluttershy beamed. “That alpha stuff, um, sporty ponies talk about isn’t really a thing, but pack communities are fascinating structures. They’re sort of like ball teams, and sometimes more sapient creatures have to intervene between different packs, like a referee!” 

“Awesome!” Dash grinned, unaware the comparison had only been to keep her attention from immediately wandering.

“Would you wear a costume or just, like, your Wonderbolt outfit?” Pinkie asked.

“For the Befrienders?” Dash chewed some more pasta as she thought it over. “Depends. I mean—” She spread her wings and tossed her hair. “—I’m pretty iconic already.” 

“Could always do you up a Rainbow Mare Do Well outfit,” Rarity offered. 

“I’ll admit, kinda jealous I never got to rock the hat,” Dash conceded. “Loved your Waxing Gibbous outfit by the way!” 

“Cheers, spunky,” Rarity toasted with her water. 

“Do we really have to ask Peter anymore questions?” Fluttershy tried. “I mean, it’s getting late and he’s been, um, blitzed all day. Probably a good idea to let him rest. You know. Like we said we would.” 

“We never said we wouldn’t take full advantage of something like this if it happened, darling,” Rarity smiled with narrowed head girl my-daddy’s-a-governor eyes. 

“Is there really anymore we need to know?” Pinkie asked, trying to keep the quaver out of her smile. 

“Let’s ask him and find out,” Dash leered. 

Fluttershy took a deep breath. “It’s just that maybe there’s some things a pony doesn’t want other ponies to know and we should respect his privacy and not have Twilight cry, or turn us into statues, then cry because she turned us into statues.” 

“Twilight doesn’t need to find out,” Dash countered. “And AJ definitely doesn’t need to find out, ‘cause the last thing me and Rarity need is her hunting us down to find out who’s idea it was to start this game without her.”

“I’d sell you out in a heartbeat for the few precious seconds it’d buy me,” Rarity agreed. 

“Could we at least ask him fun stuff then?” Pinkie wheedled as she began to pick up everypony’s plates. “Y’know, nothing embarrassing.”

“I thought you just said you wanted this to be fun!” Rarity chided sweetly. 

“Is it really so wrong to wanna know what his favourite dessert is?!” Pinkie pouted. 

“Bannana Cream Cake!” Peter Trotter exclaimed enthusiastically behind Rainbow Dash. The Elements yelped, Pinkie almost hurling the dishes all over one of Twilight’s bookcases. 

“Holy cow, you trying to gimme a heart attack?!” Dash squawked. “What’re you even doing down here?”

“I finished,” Peter grinned. An empty plate was indeed on his back. His oversized chunk of watermelon smile was rimmed with Bolognese, which he wiped away with windshield wiper motions from his tongue. 

“Did you…like…it?” Fluttershy asked, sharing Istanbull-is-Nice-This-Time-of-Year side glances with the rest of the table.

“Yep!” Peter swivelled like an out of control cart tipping round a corner on one wheel, headed for the kitchen. Pinkie Pie hugged the plates almost as much as the wall to stay out of his way. “Y’know, if I could think about it, food would probably be one of the few things I’ve ever been able to consistently enjoy. Should probably wonder what that says about me. Good thing I can’t think too good right now!” 

He bumped into the sideboard hard enough to knock both the dishwasher and oven doors open. 

“Maybe we should give him a short, sharp shock or something,” Rarity winced.

“Couldn’t make things worse,” Dash muttered. Peter had put his plate away in the oven and was currently trying to stick his head in the dishwasher.  

“Hey old buddy, old pal,” Pinkie breezed over, pulling him out and leaning him against the kitchen wall like a standee from a normcore ad campaign, “who wants to play a fun game of staying in the corner and not examining the implications of that decision?” 

“Your mane smells like if one of those warehouses they keep parade floats in was a dessert topping,” Peter sighed happily.

“…huh.” Pinkie looked contemplatively into space, plate halfway to the dishwasher. “Parade float pie!”

“Or cake!” Dash said hurriedly. “That way everypony could have their own float.” 

“Ooh, quick thinking Dashie!” Pinkie held the last plate out towards Rarity expectantly.

“What?”

“Uh, you left half your dinner still on it?”

“And made it look good! Don’t get me wrong darling, it was scrum, dare I say diddily, umptious but you don’t think this figure happens with pasta, do you?”

“No, I think you’re gonna scrape it into the trash ‘cause it’s your plate.”

“I’ll have it,” Dash said through the remains of the breadbasket she was carrying.

“Scraping?” Rarity blanched then realised that wasn’t really noticeable in her case. “Hmph, very well! Just give me a minute to skip across town and fetch my disposal ensemble from the boutique.” 

“Your tweezers and waldos?” Fluttershy put her head on one side. “But I’ve seen you put week old stuff in your own bin without them.”

“Yes, darling, my own bin in my own home. Who knows what Twilight and Spike get up to here! There’re hazardous chemicals down in the basement, you know. I can’t risk marring these hooves, they could be called upon to save Equestria at any moment!” 

“And you’re telekinetic…”

“I was telekinetic once,” Peter mumbled, swaying slightly. “I didn’t think much of it!” 

“Seriously, I’ll just eat it.” Dash patted her belly. “It’ll be good carbs! Then we slip something cool into Twilight’s new player, kick back with some ice cream and find out which of his old boss’ headlines made lover boy here cry the hardest.” 

“Rarity, c’mon,” Pinkie insisted. 

“Fine, fine!” Rarity telekinetically pulled the backdoor open. The sky outside was slowly blooming into that stagnant orange of sunset trying to pass through a magic rich atmosphere.

Pinkie squinted. “You can use your mind to open a door but ya can’t open a draw and just use a knife and fork?”

“Do you want this washing up done properly or not?” Rarity huffed.  

“I’ll get the tablet thingies,” Fluttershy tried to swing open the cupboards without hitting anyone. “Oh dear, where do they keep them again?”

“Just give it to me!” Dash insisted, trying to put herself between Pinkie and Rarity. “I’ll even lick the thing clean if ya want!”

“Oh really!” Rarity reared up in revulsion. 

“Got it!” Fluttershy hefted out a cardboard box. “Wait, no, this is detergent. You’d think Spike would lay these things out better considering how high he has to rea--” 

Rarity’s shoulder hit hers, pitching her and her cargo into Dash, who’s startled wing flap jostled a cloud of floral smelling whiteness into the air, the breeze from the door sweeping it over all of them. 

“Oh, well done that mare,” Rarity coughed as vision began to dissolve back to normal.

“You’re the one who couldn’t clean up after herself,” Dash snapped, rubbing her hooves through her hair. “Man, hope this stuff doesn’t eat our skin or something…”

“Wow, it must be good,” Pinkie cooed. “It dissolved Peter!” 

Dash and Rarity’s eyes snapped to the appalling empty trunk wall, each other, then to the wide open backdoor. They almost dislocated each other’s shoulders squeezing into the space. Pinkie hopped onto their shoulders and Fluttershy fluttered into the air to try and peer into the space between the door frame and her head. 

The relief they felt on spotting Peter a little up the street was tempered by the fact he was talking to somepony, and sprinkled with caution when they realised it was Derpy Hooves. In her defence, the mail mare was the one doing the placatory smiling and nodding. 

Peter finished whatever he was saying and half danced into an alley between two houses before they managed to extricate themselves. Rainbow shot a couple of feet above the thatch roofs, trying to pick out that plain grey and brown combo but none of the ponies closing up storefronts or heading for the coffee shops and jazz joints could’ve provided enough cover. 

“Yo Derpy, wait up!” 

“You got your package?” she chuckled nervously. 

“Yeah!” Dash grinned. “It’s a lil’ Wind Rider Funko! Gonna put it on my mantle with my Spitfires! Bwugh! I mean, ah, did Peter say anything to ya?”

“The microscope guy?” Derpy’s brow furrowed as the others looked up at them nervously. “Oh, just stuff! I was trying to remember the difference between north and south and he just came over and said I had the way better shade of grey, which was nice of him! Kinda down on himself. Talked about walls a lot. Then he somehow got onto how it’s all Norman Osthorn’s fault he can’t enjoy pumpkin pie anymore, which is kinda sad I guess.”

“Well y’know those Manehattanites and their kooky sense of humour,” Dash said quickly as they hovered low enough for the others to hear. “Good luck with the compass stuff!” 

“Good luck with your friend’s…whatever he’s got!” Derpy waved as she wobbled back on her flight path. It took her through the Golden Oak’s backdoor and out through Twilight’s bedroom window. 

“Okay, so we don’t know where Pete is,” Dash grinned like someone terrified they’re about to make a tasteless joke to an accident victim, “but we know what he’s doin’.”

“Or to put it another way,” Rarity said distantly, “Spider-Pony is currently wandering around telling everypony his secrets.” 

“Sooooo,” Pinkie concluded nervously, “there’s a teeny weeny, ittby bitty, polka dot linguini chance we’re terrible friends who drugged him outta his gourd, and the Great Pony’s gonna punish us by making us responsible for revealing his secret, ruining not just his life but also probably Twilight’s.” 

“Hey girls?” Fluttershy asked calmly, two feathers on her wrist. “How do you know if you’re having a heart attack?”


To be Continued 

> Slight Learning Sensation (8)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


27


The lights were still on in the castle. 

Canterlot wasn’t Manehattan: the districts were mostly dark apart from the night hotspots. The Cauldron never stopped moving but most of the city was so quiet at night that, if you found the right kind of alley and stood stock still for long enough, you could hear the bustle of the undercity, which also kept its own time. 

The lights of the three major airship docks blinked on and off, with the last of the days airliners glacially landing and leaving. Only the perimeter train station was still fully lit, in expectation of a few express sleepers rocketing between the cities and supply convoys that would need rerouting to the undercity yards. The storefronts and tower windows of Aqua Fortis Avenue and the Magic Quarter were shrouded in thick blackout curtains, as laid down by law from decades of complaints about all the light pollution. 

Sassy Saddles glanced over the castle balcony at the little patches of dinner parties and all-night takeaways, of theatre performances and the occasional Unicorn burning the magical midnight oil, all freckling the shadowy curves of the streets. She’d ridden through them to get here and was trying to enjoy a slight buzz from all the ponies still out and about that she couldn’t see all the way up here, because accepting Blueblood’s redirection was turning out to be bloody tedious and bloody freezing!

It was probably this annoyance that meant she missed the fact that, while the city hummed along on its night time routine, the castle thrummed with tension like a generator under pressure. Then again, she did have a target to focus on. 

“I mean, I hate pulling this card,” she lied, “but you do know who we are, yes?”

“Of course, Miss Saddles,” the nervous guard assured, trying not to fumble her spear too much. “But there’s been a bit of a situation and I’m not sure if--”

“How bad can the situation be if you won’t tell me what it is?”

“…you’re not from here originally, are you ma’am?”

“My friend’s a national hero, you know!” 

“Oh yes, ma’am!” the guard agreed with a hasty grin. “That’s why we let her up fir—Um…”

“Can I at least sit somewhere warm?” Sassy huffed, trying to pull her gown around her shoulders without throwing off the design. “If I’d known there was going to be all this faffing about I’d’ve stayed in the coach! It’s like being shaved up here!” 

“Yeah, mountain air,” the guard said. “You get used to it. And sorry to keep you standing about out here but we’re kinda sorta…locking the place down?”

Sassy paused mid-shoulder rub. “Is this supposed to be romantic?”

“I’ve no idea,” the guard said mostly to herself. Her head almost recoiled all the way inside her helmet as the Unicorn whipped a champagne coloured invitation way too close to her eyes. 

“My princy project sent me this. To come here instead of his place. It took ages! I’ve had to pay for three coaches! We’re supposed to be having dinner!”

“Then he must’ve sent it before the lockdown. We’re not even sure there’s going to be a dinner at this rate. I am sorry, ma’am, I’d get you some coco or something, but I can’t leave my post! We’re not even sure what to do with you now you’re here but my friend’ll be back with somepony in a bit--”

“Are you even going to do anything for those poor coach ponies? All those turns!” 

“Well, they wanna stick with their coach, obviously, so somepony’s got to check if there’s room in the royal stables and if the waiting room’s secure, that kinda thing. We’d have you in there too if it was but you sort of, uh, you came up with--”

“Sassy Saddles?” asked a combo of transatlantic and southern accents. 

“The one and only!” Sassy tossed her mane, keeping up appearances even in the face of relief. “Applejack, Princess Twilight! So good to see you!”

“Oh, just Twilight please!” the mage assured, completely oblivious to the fact Sassy loved that insistence which is why she kept opening their every conversation with the title. “Agh, that’s right, Blueblood mentioned you were coming. Sorry, it’s been like the Grand Galloping Gala in here today. Are you alright?” 

“This nice guard has been keeping me company,” Sassy smirked, patting the other mare’s armoured shoulders, which had gone rigid with attention when the youngest princess snuck up on them. “Apparently they don’t know whether to let me in or toss me out. Must admit, that’s a new one. Normally the latter doesn’t happen until a few drinks after the other...are those butterfly nets?”

“They ain’t for butterflies,” Applejack smirked wryly, shouldering hers for now. “We’re huntin’ shapeshiftin’ aliens ‘cause Equestria is broken.” 

“A shapeshifting alien,” Twilight clarified then glanced at Sassy, still feeling weird to be the nerd in the presence of somepony like her. 

A lot of it was that, outside of old money like Blueblood, she’d never really had to worry about bullies and there was now this itchy feeling that being Celestia’s personal student had protected her from a lot of things her complete lack of social skills should’ve brought down on her like righteous thunder. 

Also, she’d just leaked potentially classified information. “Um.”

“Rarity said ya used to waste time with Johnnycake Storm,” Applejack cut in, having grown up with Rarity in various stages of Is-This-How-You-Posh-Right? Some things were just better done head on.

“That sounds like how I’d put it,” Sassy agreed. “Oh bloomers and britches, he’s not here is he?”

“Eeyup,” Applejack sighed. “He told ya about Skrulls, right?”

“Bragged, but yes. One of them jumped out of the bushes at us on a river ride, got caught in a swan attack. They’re not very good, are they?”

“Some of ‘em are,” Applejack muttered sullenly. “We’d tell ya to hunker down someplace safe but you’re probably better off stickin’ with us.” 

“Probably,” Twilight qualified as they exchanged looks. “What did Blueblood want to talk to you about?”

“No idea!” Sassy trilled happily. 

“Might be a bit of a wait, is what we’re sayin’,” Applejack explained. “This Skrull nut’s the one sendin’ folks after ‘im, and she coulda gotten to every guard in the joint with her mojo!”

“Every guard…?” Twilight mused to herself, gazing with unfocused eyes at the Unicorn mare in uniform, who was trying not to sweat insubordinately at the attention. “Or only…? Hmm.”

“Oh dear.” Sassy was trying not to laugh. “I feel silly now. Me and Johnny in the same place is bad enough, but Blueblood and Rarity? Talk about tension!”

Applejack blinked. “Sorry, what?” 

“You were there weren’t you, darling? She went into a lot of detail. Perhaps too much. But you were there when Blueblood--”

“Yeah, yeah, jackassery, cake, hatred for a thousand years.” Applejack waved an impatient hoof. “Rarity’s here?”

“Yes?” Sassy blinked. “Caught me as I was getting the last coach up. Jumped out of the bushes, actually, almost got run over! Wouldn’t tell me why she’s here, just that it’s important and oh why are we running?”


28


“So good to see you!” Spike said again as they took the last spiral of the dungeon’s staircase. “It’s been like Twilight’s midterms around here!” 

“Oh dear,” Rarity said on general principle. 

“He’s, ah, right through here, just don’t get too close, okay?” Spike stood up on tippy toe to mess with the imposing metal door’s lock. 

“Mmm, no fear of that,” Rarity smirked. “I can do better.”

“Yeah…?” Spike asked in a pitch almost higher than the metallic screech of the door swinging open. 

The cells carved out the cave walls glowed with blue-green runes and the enraged flickering of the horned Horseshoe Torch, whipping angrily back and forth behind a crystal barrier spread across the rune cell he’d been thrown in. 

“Oh heavens!” Rarity put a hoof to her mouth then fanned herself, swaying. “It’s worse than I imagined! I may faint! Oooh, look over there, an empty cell.” 

“Where?” Spike blinked, freezing halfway through turning in place. “Aww nuts.”

“Quite,” the thing with Rarity’s face smiled, primly shoving him inside. 

Spike staggered to his feet just in time for the clang of the bars being slammed shut. Faux-Rarity placed a glowing hoof against the lock, filling the dungeon with even more strange light and an unsettling hiss as she welded it into a black lump. 

“Hush now! The grownups need to talk.”

Her eyes glowed with purple malevolence, reflected in the crystal as she approached and almost making it look like the Torch had three eyes. She bowed before it. “Greetings dread one. I represent a…let’s say foreign interest, which--”

“THE SKRULL ARE KNOW TO ME, REPTILE.” The burning eye narrowed. “SPEAK PLAINLY.”

“…right.” Rarity’s throat gulped a nervous lump that didn’t belong to it. “Um, w-well obviously the Empire has plans for this planet. Plans we would be willing to modify for a noted entity such as yourself! Since the pony you currently inhabit is an enemy of ours, we would even be prepared to offer or procure a more desirable host. Ah, as a token of our respect, of course! Not to suggest you couldn’t do such a thing yourself!”

“YOU KNOW OF MY PLANS FOR THIS WORLD, YOUR VERY UNIVERSE…” The cyclopean eye flickered as if raising an eyebrow. “AND WOULD RELEASE ME ANYWAY?”

“…yes,” the false Rarity managed, glowing eyes locked on the floor in a sort of half bow. 

“Wait, why?!” Spike asked, gripping his bars. “Don’t you guys wanna take over? You think you can stab the Dread freakin’ Dormammu in the back?! What’re you gonna do, hope he sets off the sprinklers? Sings in the rain without his umbrella?”

“Cram it, kid!” 

The voice didn’t belong to Rarity. Neither did the blast of laser vision that missed Spike’s head by inches, drilling a smoking hole in the wall behind him. 

She turned back to the blazing light of the crystal cell, smirking as sparks danced around her eyes, still speaking in her real voice. “As you can see, mighty one, Skrulls like me could be useful for matters that would be beneath your notice. If you still desire a mortal form I can even lead you to a Skrull like me, but with all the powers of the Fantastic Family!” 

“LET ME THINK ABOUT IT.” She blinked as the tyrant of the Dark Dimension stroked his burning chin. “MMMM…NAH, YA BORING.” 

He causally rapped on the crystal. The Not-Rarity flinched back as it rumbled open like parting flower petals. And again, as a flick of the hoof sent an arc of sparks straight towards her. They whipped around her as if pirouetting, growing into the bars of a spiralling flame cage. For every spark, a bit of the epidermal mask peeled away. 

“Hi Lyja,” the Torch smirked, glowing eyes narrowed. “Looks like--”

“What?” The Skrull held up a hoof to one of her lengthening ears as green streaks shot through the purple of her assumed mane. “That door thingy’s really loud! I can’t...What?”

“Oh for—!” Johnny leaned in then shot back as the glow in her eyes intensified. “Nope! Ha-HA! Did you seriously thi--”

Lyja’s eye beams finished dancing around the crystal petals and bounced backwards into him. Spike watched nonplussed as the Torch dissolved back into Johnny, pinwheeling through the air and crashing into Applejack and Twilight just as they got the door open. 

“Yep!” Lyja-ity smirked as her cage winked out like the middle of a bomb defusal guide. 

She galloped and sprang over the limp tangle of Equestrian champions, her ears and chin now on display as her hair began to rearrange itself into its ponytail. “Sorry fillies and dragons! I’m afraid as always Johnny’s made things too hot to handle! Although believe it or not, I’m really here to just talk!” 

A golden glow wiped the self-confident expression off her face as it lifted her off the floor. Lyja yelped in shock as it burrowed into her, turning her fully back to her green skinned and purple jump-suited self. She spun in mid-air, eyes glowing furiously…and wilted as she found herself looking into a pair of narrowing magenta eyes through the golden aura.

“Talk to me,” Princess Celestia said. 

Luna and Sassy Saddles exchanged glances as they peered around her. 

“Lyja, Princess Celestia,” Johnny groaned as Applejack pushed him off her. “Princess Celestia, Lyja. She’s the worst.”

Lyja’s mouth twitched to deliver a comeback, but the mere inches between her and the horn that raised the sun itself kept it locked like a burial casket. 

“This is the pony who’s been siccing all those weirdos on my Princey Pie?” Sassy blinked. “Oh Great Pony, please don’t tell me she’s been Rarity this whole time! I feel sick.”

“Nah,” Applejack said as she pulled herself to all fours. “She just used ya to hitch a ride into the castle.”

“She likes using people like that,” Johnny muttered. He sat back on his haunches, forelegs folded as Twilight teleported Spike out of his cell. “And now she’s gonna spend the rest of her life in…mmmm, let’s see…how about that cell over there? It looks nice and depressing!”

“Slow down there, hot shot!” Applejack snapped. “First, nopony’s okay with what ya pulled to bag…Lyja, was it?”

The Skrull waved uncertainly. “Hi?”

“Yeah?” Johnny smirked. “Because not gonna lie, I’m pretty okay with how much it worked.”

“Second of all,” Applejack snarled, “no it didn’t.”

“Oh c’mon! I was hoping you’d be a poor looser but even Rainbow Dash could deal with being this blatantly wrong!” 

“Purple,” Twilight said distantly. There was a group pause.

“…gazoontite?” Spike said because someone had to.  

“No, AJ’s right. This…pony? Anyway, her eyes, powers, whatever are purple. The one we’re after, her powers glow pink. I saw it this afternoon.” Twilight looked from Lyja, now unable to repress a smirk, and Celestia, too in the moment to be nervous about looking her simmering former mentor in the eye. “We’ve got the wrong Skrull!”

Lyja was admiring her gloved hoof, violet sparks dancing around it just to rub it in. “Little bit.”

“Are you telling me…” Luna took a single stomp forward, the shadows of the cells around her starting to lengthen and fume at the edges like lit fuses. “That this…boy invoked the name of the Ancient One’s greatest enemy in our home for nothing?!”

“I know!” Lyja simpered. “Isn’t he sweet?” 

She found herself caught between a rock and an asteroid, which is to say both sisters were glaring at her. 

“My office,” Celestia said eventually. “Luna, if you’ll carry Ms. Saddles?”

Luna nodded, horn glowing. 


***


The protests in Johnny’s throat flicked with it, as the world cracked a whip and the existence of somewhere else flooded in around them. He was too duckfooted to gain much satisfaction from Lyja being held in golden shimmering place by one of the office chairs, or that while Spike had been braced for Twilight’s teleport, Applejack had not. 

“Now.” Celestia leaned over Lyja like a tyrannosaurus head through a drive in’s window. “Speak.”

“Objection!” Johnny barked, jumping up and down in place. “Or something! I don’t know! But you can’t listen to her, your highness! Look at that sneer! Her mouth? It’s like a soap opera wedding trailer: nothing but disappointment and lies!” 

“Johnnycake,” Celestia said, the patience steadily leaving her voice, “you are not the only one in this room who has dealt with these people. And as Applejack has said, while you caught her, your plan was pure gambling and brinksmanship. Sit. Down.” 

Johnny’s hindquarters took over before his inner delinquent could say something ornery. Twilight, who’d been raised by the Daymare to be as intellectually honest as possible, frantically tried to delete the treacherous sub-routine currently running in her brain that wondered if Celestia was one to talk, given her pupil's post-graduate career so far. 

“I’m serious,” Johnny tried, forcefully keeping his voice down. “I knew it was her, that’s why I played it the way I did. Lyja lives to mess with me. It’s literally her job! She wouldn’t be able to sit back and let somepony else do it!” 

“Well, yeah,” Lyja chuckled almost incredulously. “Can’t let something happen to my favourite meal ticket, now can I?”

Johnny blinked at her. 

“Are you working with the other one?” Celesita cut in sharply. “Have you also been targeting my family?”

“No, your highness!” Lyja squeaked. She must have meant it Johnny thought, because he was sure she was using her shifting to make herself a little smaller. Or maybe Celestia’s holding spell was getting tighter. “In fact, that’s why the Empire sent me. There’s a warrant in my glove. May I?” 

Celestia nodded, the golden field expanding slightly. Lyja pulled a scroll of glass-like material Johnny had seen the more hoity toity extra-terrestrials use from the lining of her left glove. It smoothed itself out in her pad and lit Celestia and Luna’s faces with glowing sigils near the bottom. 

“Four systems,” Luna murmured urgently to her poker-faced sister. 

“You’re hunting a fugitive?” Twilight asked. 

“Yes.” Lyja glanced at her uncertainly. Clearly dealing with a junior and an amateur, but it was important to her mission and survival in Celestia’s presence to appear official. “You’ve seen her powers in action? Then you know the threat she poses, not just to you but to the Skrull Empire. Our neighbours agreed, which is why I have authorisation to be here at all.”

“Then why use me to sneak inside?” Sassy asked, completely baffled.

“Habit.” Lyja shrugged, neither proud nor ashamed. 

“And they’d probably fry ya an‘ throw ya to Cerberus even if they thought you were tellin’ the truth,” Applejack said. “The only reason I haven’t asked to be the one to take ya out behind the royal shed is I already figured out who your target’s wearin’ right now. That an‘ Princess Luna called dibs.”

“I can always share,” Luna smiled grimly. “But yes, Applejack, Agent Lyja is telling the truth. The Skrulls couldn’t afford the kind of trouble it would take to forge these sigils. I suggest we keep her close and resume our search pattern.” 

“Your warrant say this De’Lila has been here before?” Celestia asked, levitating it around for Lyja. 

“Oh road apples,” Johnny said before he could register he was swearing in the heart of Equestrian politics. 

“Yeeeeah…” Lyja moaned half apologetically, as everyone who wasn’t over a thousand years old stared at him in shock. 

“The empath?” The air around Johnny was starting to waver and the flames in Celestia’s hearth were slowly growing larger. This was his cosmically irradiated equivalent of sweat. “The terrorist? But we sent her packing! We handed her over to that Skrull platoon! You got the paperwork, right Princess?” 

“Yes,” Celestia said, finally releasing Lyja and telekinetically holding the door open for Luna. “Some sort of dissident from the Super Skrull program. Why is she after Prince Blueblood, agent?”

“I swear if I knew I’d tell you,” Lyja almost pleaded, climbing out of the chair as everypony followed in Celestia’s wake. “We didn’t even know she’d escaped until we logged a missing capsule breaching your airspace. The Empire would have assigned me sooner but your atmosphere delayed triangulation until three days ago.”

“Oh, so that’s why you haven’t been stalking me!” Johnny grinned venomously. “Or taking other ponies hostage!”

“Self-defence,” Lyja said sweetly, though she was eying the Ponyville trio’s glares with due caution. “The Fantastic Family is wanted in questioning with oodles of intergalactic incidents, and you were on fire at the time. Really, it’s more that I’ve been put on the trail of a different perp, though if you’d like to come back to Tarnax with me…?”

“You’re hearing this, right?!” Johnny snapped, head shooting back and forth between each princess. 

“Unfortunately,” Luna sighed. “Galactic law is complicated. The closest concept we have is Manehattan custom and immigration control.” 

“Great Pony in the Sky…” Twilight whispered. 

“So it’s, like, space legal for this weirdo to come down here an’ hunt this weirdo?” Applejack squinted, pointing at Johnny. “But it’s wrong for ‘em to just invade us? Like they do all the time?”

“Not all the time…” Lyja huffed under her breath.

“Trial by combat.” Luna rolled her eyes. “The real bugger is, see, by law the other galactic charter members aren’t allowed to, oh I don’t know, cure the common cold or something. To be eligible a planet must reach a certain techno-sociological level, and helping us would be tampering with that development. On the other hoof, since we’re not there it doesn’t count as an act of war, like it would with the other systems, if they drop out of the sky and pick a fight for the land. Which is ridiculous because Equestria does not own the entire world. Not especially advanced of you lot, I must say.” 

“Just following orders, Princess,” Lyja stated, staring dead ahead. 

“Then you’ll follow ours.” Celestia glared down at her. “As Princess Luna suggested, we shall resume our search. You are coming with me.” 

Her expression softened as she looked over her shoulder at the uncertain Sassy. “Ms. Saddles, I really must apologise for how your night is turning out. Spike, would you please lead her to one of the tower rooms and stay with her? I would post a guard presence but--”

“Oh, about that!” Twilight hastily jogged up alongside, pinning Lyja between the two of them. “De’Lila’s powers! Can they affect female creatures?”

“Eventually.” Lyja blinked. “She has to focus harder, which is why she tends to go after males.”

“So potentially we now know which guards are and aren’t compromised.” Twilight looked up at Celestia. “And if we tell the female guards to be on the look out for her we might be able to head her off even sooner.”

“How?” Johnny asked. “De’Lila managed to be such a legit Sue she conned a whole new FF into existence, and that was only after studying her for five minutes. She could be anypony! Any creature!” 

“Nah, one specific one,” Applejack smirked, not even remotely hiding her satisfaction. “She’s usin’ tourism to set all this up. An’ all her victims had ties back to the head of castle tours, Force Majeure. You’d know that if ya hadn’t got yourself locked up to catch the wrong Skrull!”

“Wait.” Lyja glanced over her shoulder. “Being obsessed with me makes sense--”

“Bwugh?!” Johnny sputtered indignantly. “Wh—? N—! You! You are obsessed with me!”

“I’m assigned to you, sweetie.” Lyja’s delighted smile could have been used to peel fruit. “But are you saying you completely forgot Del’s M.O until just now?!” 

“Spidey and Timberwolf team up a lot, okay?! It all blurs together!” 

“They do team up a lot…” Twilight mumbled half heartedly, because she felt somepony should be on his side. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever!” Applejack snapped. “Point is, we’re on the right track!” She sighed. “An’ a big part of that…is that your plan worked. Kinda.”

The group paused to look at her. Spike and Sassy blinked, frozen halfway up a free stairwell. 

“No, don’t get me wrong ladies, it was a terrible idea.” Applejack adjusted her hat awkwardly and forced herself to look at Johnny. “But I hit on the tour lead by sheer dumb luck, an’ at least now we really know what we’re gettin’ into. Maybe we were gonna wind up here anyway, but it feels like we’d have gotten there sooner if you’d just talked to us!”

She sighed out through her nose. 

“And I ain’t apologizin’ for nothin’ but, ah…maybe ya woulda if I hadn’t given ya such a hard time. Ya called it back in Old Town. Team coordination is important.”

Johnny’s eyes flicked around the group, deliberately not to Lyja, who was trying hard not to laugh. 

“Yeah. Okay.” He tried a smile. “Wanna partner up then?”

Applejack smiled back. “Sounds like a plan.” 

“Then Princess Twilight is with me,” Luna sighed, opening the door ahead of them to a rattle of guard’s straightening up. “Now all we have to do is spread word among the mare guards, find De’Lila and hopefully the real Force Majeure, and make sure none of the stallion guards clap eyes on Blu--”

“There you are!” 

They all looked up at the twin voices, one dripping with evil honeyed satisfaction, the other booming with the carelessness only the very rich can afford. 

The guards looked up too, right into Force Majeure’s blazing pink eyes and just as Blueblood threw back his black hood. 
“Sassy, me old no questions asked list of exotic ingredients! This nice mare told me she’d lead me right to what I deserved! Look! I got a present for you! Me, your one and only pony!” 

“Thanks, sweetie,” Sassy mumbled. 

She flinched slightly but look relived as Twilight cast a forcefield across the entrance she and Spike were standing in. Johnny flamed on to try and draw the guards’ attention but every stallion’s eye that did turn towards them was fully pink. 

“I’ve got a present for everypony too,” Force Majeure trilled. Blueblood yelped as she punted him down the stairs into the middle of the guards, her tour uniform rippling into a green long coat as her true shape asserted itself. The only part of her that remained was De’Lila’s manic grin. “It’s called DEATH!” 

“After you, Princess,” Applejack sighed, popping her neck. 

“Cheers,” Luna said and headbutted the nearest guard before he was halfway through the DES--. “Alright, my little ponies! Here’s how this is going to work!”


To be Continued

> Slight Learning Sensation (9)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


29


“—so what really happens is that your system is trying to warm itself up as it rapid cools,” the swivel eyed loon was explaining, “and the sudden temperature change is what induces the pain, not the ice cream itself. Therefore the term ice cream headache is inaccurate and you can in no way be held responsible. I envy that!”

“That’s…cool,” Mr. Cake said carefully, holding Pumpkin Cake closer as she giggled at the silly man. He suppressed a relieved sigh at a familiar bouncing sound. 

“Ah-ha!” Pinkie announced, springing over. “Over here guys! Oh. Um. Hi, Mr. Cake! Sir. Fancy, ah, fancy seeing you here.”

“Yes, where we all live.” Mr. Cake adjusted his hat with a wry smile then blinked. “Pumpkin, no!” 

His daughter was gleefully pressing the young stallion’s mole, watching his eyes change direction through every rapid eyelid shutter. 

“I am so sorry!” 

“For what?” 

“I see you’ve met Peter!” Pinkie grinned desperately, putting herself between the baby’s hoof as the other three crowded around Peter as though framing him, expressions equally desperate. 

“Kind of.” Carrot Cake let Pumpkin put a corner of his hat in her mouth to settle her down. “Just don’t stay out too late, Pinkie. A longer sunset tonight doesn’t mean you don’t need to rest up.” 

“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” 

“Have a good evening, ladies.” 

The baker chuckled as his daughter tipped his hat to the group, finally heading inside. Pinkie knew which gobstopper the spare key was hidden under if she’d need it. 

“We can but hope,” Rarity muttered through her clenched grin. She took Peter by the shoulders, trying to turn him back towards the plaza. 

“I hope everything’s okay up there…” Fluttershy mumbled, looking up at the distant spires on the hill. 

“Focus on the here and now, darling,” Rarity grunted. 

She put her back into Peter’s shoulder blades, then wrapped her forelegs around his neck. Peter’s smile didn’t even quiver as her hindlegs kicked up dust. “Oh bollocks…” 

“This crazy cardio fad, huh?” Dash grinned at Lyra and Bonbon’s uncertain stares before turning on Rarity with a hiss. “What’re you doing?!”

“If you! Think! You can! Do! Better…!”

Dash instantly regretted wasting an eye roll as she grabbed Peter’s left foreleg and heaved. It was like she’d reached for a plastic bag and found a bollard instead. “Aww don’t tell me…”

“Yes!” Rarity whined. The two of them were taking synchronised turns now, yanking Peter’s shoulders one way or the other. “He’s sticking to the cobbles! Can I just say, what a revolting power? At least the webbing looks pretty!”

“♪Oh, so pretty!♪” Dash erupted suddenly, throwing a companionable foreleg around Peter’s neck and almost hitting her in the nose. Rarity turned to see what she was about to kill her over and instantly joined in, presenting Cheerile and the Flower Trio with the image of two swaying Elements of Harmony reciting classic Bridleway hits and one concussed looking stallion, who was happily listening to his own internal station. “♪So pretty and witty and bri-iii-ight!♪”

“Maybe he’ll let go if we tickle ‘im.” Pinkie looked around frantically. The streets were clearing but the book clubs and coffee shops had a lot of random hoof-traffic this early in the evening. “Fluttershy, your wings!”

“Um…no,” the other Pegasus blushed furiously. “In spite of today I reeeally don’t know him well enough.”

“Alright, alright, gimme one of your feathers!”

“No!” Fluttershy squeaked, wrapping her wings around herself in scandalised horror. 

“Could give him a wet willy…” Dash grunted as her gritted teeth and the flashing lights behind her squeezed shut eyes completely failed to budge the arachnoid an inch.

“Try it and I’ll pluck you like a griffon’s Blue Moon goose,” Peter slurred cheerfully while his head lolled towards Rarity, which she felt was atrociously unfair. 

“Oh, heard that, didja?! Then hear this:” Dash snapped, wings blurring as she tried to heft his stupid leg into the air with her. “Let! Go! You! Dingus!”

“Alrighty!” 

All that was missing was a pop. Rarity and Dash collapsed into each other like The Odd Couple in an earthquake as the micro-talons in Peter’s hooves retracted, pitching him forward with enough force to send him rolling. He bounced off a few fence posts and down a short hill like alleyway as the Elements gave chase. 

Ponies unlocking their doors or putting out the trash blinked as he shot past. “Nice hat! That mane style is totally working for you! Keep writing those songs, you’ll get there someday! You have beautiful eyes!” 

“Dead end!” Dash crowed as the rear wall of an Istallion restaurant on Trough Lane whipped into view around the corner. 

The Peter-Pinball hit a groove and jumped the last few feet. He bounced off, the force snapping him into an almost normal position as he rocketed back down the alley, over the yelping Elements and between Dash’s hastily spread legs. His slipstream dragged Pinkie’s mane back to front, as if wearing herself as a coonskin cap. 

Peter skidded frictionlessly into the streets, sitting so casually on his haunches that gawking pedestrians half wondered if he was sitting still and the world was moving around him. 

“Your zest for life makes me worry I’m wasting mine!” he called cheerfully as he slid past Mr. Waddle. 

“Those Manehattanites, you know,” Rarity panted jovially as the Elements raced past. 

They skidded into each other to take in the new horror. Peter’s tail had stuck to a streetlamp and he was now spinning around it like Singing in the Rain going horribly wrong. Thunderlane and Blossomforth flinched as afterimages of his nose whipped past them like a buzz-saw. 

“You’re a wonderful couple,” Peter’s voice warbled out of the blur. “Twilight and I find you to be a real inspiration.” 

“Uh, thanks?” Blossom glanced at her beau, who shrugged helplessly. “Are you alright…?”

“This is the most fun I’ve ever had that wasn’t at sixty stories above street level!”

“Skydiving!” Dash called, indicating Pinkie’s head with a frantic hoof. “Y’know, it sounds romantic, but they never think of what the sudden altitude change’ll do to your brain! Ground pounders, right?!” 

“I guess,” Blossomforth called back, taking refuge in prejudice. “Night, Dash!” 

“Maybe we could try cutting his tail off…?” Fluttershy suggested once they were in the relative clear. “We could tell Twilight we had to, for medical reasons.” 

“More likely he’d scythe our hooves clean off,” Rarity sighed. “Pinkie Pie, stop that at once!” 

Pinkie had managed to catch Peter’s whirling forelegs and was whooping as they spun. 

“What if we take the lamp?” Dash suggested. 

Rarity squinted up at her. “What?”

“Like, just the whole thing. Just unscrew it and carry it as far and as fast as we can.” 

“Do I look like a stevedore to you?!”

“Oh, you’re gettin’ crabby?!”

“I feel a smidge entitled, yes! Whose big idea was all this?” 

“Like you didn’t jump right in, blackmailer!”

“It’s charming when I do it!”

“We all went along with it, really,” Fluttershy mumbled. Dash and Rarity blinked at her and then tried to look anywhere but at each other. The only sound was Pinkie’s rotating whoops. 

“We should have left it alone,” Rarity sighed eventually. “Or at least gotten him to do it in bed.”

She wilted only slightly under Fluttershy’s bugging eyes. 

“Wouldn’t have happened if he didn’t have to be so…I dunno!” Dash muttered, folding her forelegs in a last attempt at defiance. 

“Cagey?” Fluttershy suggested. 

“I guess. I dunno. His life’s crazy, and it’s just gonna keep spilling into ours. How’re we supposed to be friends with somepony who drops all this stuff in our laps and then doesn’t explain anything? It’s not fair!”

“I mean…” Fluttershy shuffled her hooves awkwardly. “Peter probably tells Twilight a lot of it. For, um…obvious reasons.” 

“Oh, so he puts it all on her and slips up with us. That’s soooo much better!” 

“So…” Fluttershy squinted, looking between her and Rarity, who was very carefully not saying anything. “Slipping up isn’t fair to us and makes what we did…fair?” 

“Hey.” Dash’s eyes flashed but she held most of it in because of who she was talking to. “We didn’t plan on…whatever this is!” 

“I dunno, kinda looped back around to being fun! For me, anyway.” They all spun towards Pinkie, her mane swept in different directions. Over her shoulder they could see a distinct lack of Spider-blur. 

“Pinkie,” Rarity said carefully, “where did Peter go?”

“Huh?” Pinkie looked over her shoulder, her mane spiking with surprise and snapping back into its regular shape. “Oh fudge.”

“Can’t have gotten far,” Dash gulped as she rose, desperately checking the thatch roofs. “And he shouldn’t be too hard to spot.”

As if on cue the stagnant sunset snapped into purple night, Luna’s moon almost blinding the Elements like heaven’s own Klieg light. The shadows of the quaint little town spiked across the cobbles, throwing their night vision even further out of whack. 

“This way!” Rarity decided, galloping towards the lane back to the plaza. 

“Why?” Fluttershy asked. 

“Because it’s where the most ponies are and therefore the worst possible one!” 


***


The marketplace had long since packed up, only a few windows lit in the surrounding buildings. It would have been better, Dash thought, if they were being chased by a zombie horde or something. Being chased implied the possibility of escape and at the very least she could have punched her way out. 

She pushed her eyesight hard as streetlights automatically flickered on, their magic finally catching up to the sudden nightfall, and felt a stab of honorary familial relief when she spotted a stocky shape pulling a stall cart. “Yo, Mac!”

“Mmm?” Big Macintosh looked up, blinking as she hovered over him. “Eeyup?”

“You see anypony?! Lately?”

“Uh…how d’ya mean?” 

“Like yay high?” Dash dropped to the cobbles and raised her hoof to average stallion height. (You got good at estimating height in the pro flyer circuit.) 

“Well…” Big Mac shrugged. To him most ponies were about that small and Ponyville, to say nothing of the majority of Equestria, was full of them. 

“Acting weird! Talking weirder!” Dash shook her head, also remembering where they lived. “Gross little mole!”

“Oh, him.” Mac brightened. “Twilight’s fella.”

“What’d he say?! Which way’d he go?!” 

“That way,” Mac said, indicating. “An’ he said it doesn’t matter how quiet a pony is ‘cause if he’s got a good heart then when he speaks it’s always worth…hearin’…”

He watched the candy coloured blurs weaving around one of the wells and snorted despondently.


***


“Nonononono!” Rarity whimpered. “Not this way! Not city hall! Not…” 

She skidded to a halt. “Her.”

Windows fully lit because it’s the last building in town to officially close. Door open because she’s got some festival or other to go over, or making sure nopony’s using the Everfree to pull an insurance scam, and she just stepped out for a coffee because even if the aids hadn’t gone home already she’d feel guilty asking them to get it this late. Fully illuminated, nodding along pleasantly as he rambles, the last person in town who needs to know she’s harbouring a vigilante. 

Mayor Mare. 

“You can’t believe a word he says!” Dash hollered, shooting across the plaza to grab Peter by the shoulders. “He’s delirious! Look at that face! You think anypony sane walks around with that mole?! And that dopey smile! C’mon! He’s like a Daring Do movie trailer that promises it’s based on the heart-warming classic that’s thrilled millions worldwide: nothing but pageantry and lies!” 

“And good evening to you too, Rainbow Dash,” the mayor smiled. “That’s a shame, Mr. Trotter was making that Damage Control package sound very tempting.”

“Ah, Dashie’s just being modest,” Peter smiled, looping a companionable foreleg around the startled Wonderbolt’s shoulders. “Y’know how it is, can’t afford to lose any street cred and have folks think she’s a big softy who brings you your favourite sandwiches from Derby street.” 

“I’m glad both have made such a good impression,” the mayor chuckled as the rest of the Elements arrived. “Seems like you girls have been busy today!”

Rarity blinked guiltily. “Um…” 

“Mr. Trotter has nothing but good things to say about you and the town in general.” 

“The feeling’s mutual!” Pinkie beamed, bouncing into a group hug with Dash and Peter. 

“It must be, all four of you to look after one sick pony. I’m glad you’re feeling better, though.”

“All thanks to Fluttershy’s soup,” Peter smiled. “Sorry to blindside you like that, but I wasn’t sure I was gonna get another opportunity to let you know what a great town you’ve got here. You’re all good people. Hay, you’d have to be for the Elements of Harmony to live here! Which is also why that insurance package is totally legit, Twilight’s told me stories.” 

“I’ll keep it in mind.” The mayor saluted them all with her coffee. “Ladies, Mr. Trotter.” 

Rarity and Dash exchanged glances as the older mare trotted back inside, feeling, even though they were outside, like they’d just been sentenced to life as she pulled the door shut behind her.

“How long?” Dash sighed. 

“Achoo.” Peter’s eyes gleamed like Spider-Pony’s lenses in the moonlight. 

“So all that…?” Rarity asked distantly. 

“Complete and total pucky!” Peter smirked, folding his forelegs. “Well. Most of it.”

“And we get to spend the rest of our lives wondering which,” Rarity sighed, smiling back. “I can think of worse punishments.”

“No you can’t,” Peter said cheerfully. 

“Look, fine, we deserve it!” Dash said, holding up her hooves. “But cut Pinkie and Fluttershy some slack, we dragged ‘em along. No reason they should go down for what me and Rarity did.”

“Oh totally,” Fluttershy smiled. “That’s why Peter let us in on how he was going to get you back.”

“You two were in on it?” Rarity blinked, unable to imagine a universe where those two were A) players, B) who could out manoeuvre her.

“Peter whispered to Pinkie, Pinkie whispered to me,” Fluttershy explained, trying not to giggle. Too much. “All we had to do was come up with a way to get him out of the library.” 

“I’m impressed!” Dash smirked, noogieing a giggling Pinkie. 

“That fits,” Peter said carefully, his smile straight as a chopping block. “Honestly? If not for Pinkie’s cooking, I’d’ve been tempted to come up with a more…inventive surprise.”

“Darling, you have every right to be angry--” Rarity began. 

“Didn’t say I was angry,” Peter assured, putting his hooves on her and Dash’s shoulders. “But you could’ve just asked.”

“And you could’ve given a straight answer instead of going ‘whoops!’ and dancing around whatever it was!” Dash’s face was trying to organise frustration, concern and, yeah, guilt. “Seriously man, we want to be your friends.”

“And I’m sorry if I made you feel like we aren’t, but I’d also like a little choice in what I do and don’t tell you, so…” Peter shrugged. 

“As long as it’s because it’s something embarrassing, which we reserve the right to work out for our amusement, as friends do!” Rarity’s smile turned more sombre as she took his hoof. “And not because you think you have to keep something between us even when the mask’s not on.” 

Peter raised an eyebrow. “Even if I spill into your lives?” 

“Nah, if ya do it and then try to walk it back,” Dash clarified sharply. “We’re Elements of Harmony. We can handle one weirdo from Manehattan who likes Aquamage a little too much.” 

“And you don’t have to be embarrassed around us,” Fluttershy chimed in. “I mean, none of us have dated former jewel thieves, but we’ve certainly all got stories!”

“And the important thing is that we can laugh about ‘em!” Pinkie beamed. “Together!” 

“Sounds good,” Peter smiled. “Just…might take a while to get that comfortable, okay? Fera alone is like a dragon horde in therapy bills.”

“Timing is the most important thing in comedy!” Pinkie grinned, bouncing around them in a happy circle. “Speaking of, it’s been a long day and I’ve still got some finishing touches to put on your party!” 

“I can help!” Fluttershy offered. 

“Thanks girls,” Peter said sincerely. “I’ll be along to help in a bit.” 

Dash and Rarity began to turn after Pinkie and Fluttershy…and realised they couldn’t because the proportionate strength of a spider was keeping them trotting in place. 

“Right after the three of us have a nice, long chat about what we’re gonna tell Twilight tomorrow,” Peter grinned in a very symbiote way.


30


“I said why?!” Twilight yelled over the sounds of breaking glass and timber. 

De’Lila whirled, coat billowing as her forelegs morphed into giant mantis scythes. “What?!” 

“Why?!” Twilight repeated for the third time, voice distorted through her force field and the ripple of diverted impacts. “Why are you doing this?!” 

“No, sorry!” The Skrull darted around a pair of struggling Pegasi as they rolled their way into a wall. “Loud! Brawls, am I right?”

“Right!” Twilight called back, blinked, then took advantage of the opening to thrust her shield forward. 

De’Lila dived aside, the hem of her coat just missing being caught between the shimmering purple and a now cracked statue. Twilight groaned in frustration and dropped her defence, ducking as she tried to gallop after the root of all (this specific) evil through the tsunami of grappling guards, lasers and fireballs. 

The problem with defensive magic that could last more than a few hits was you couldn’t use that much power and remain mobile at the same time, and Shining had straight up told her that standing still in the middle of a riot, even shielded, was a bad idea. For starters, the winning side would be there, waiting for you to run out of juice. 

De’Lila ducked halfway up a staircase as a laser blast and a fireball collided again, because this was Twilight’s life now. 

“Cut that out!” the Horseshoe Torch snapped. 

“I will if you knock it off!” Lyja shot back, balanced on one of the few remaining desks. 

The fight had spilled out of the guard tower and into an office floor. A Pegasus guard flipped a charging, pink eyed Earth Pony into a filing cabinet, sending council planning applications into the air. 

“Uh, hooves up who’s got the best Skrull catching record!” Sparks shot out of Johnny’s outraged eyes as Lyja’s still glowing hoof simultaneously went up. “What?!”

“You what! Disposing of traitors is like half my job down here!”

“Your job is ruining my life!” 

“Oh, because it’s all about you!” 

“W-ha-ow!” De’Lila cackled. “You weren’t kidding, Ly!” 

“Shut up!” the exes snapped, hurling columns of furious gold and violet at her…which never connected because they snuffed each other out. Again. Twilight flinched as the pressure hit the staircase, the steps between her and De’Lila shattering. 

“Thanks!” she snapped as she dove forward, gambling on a simultaneous teleport to get her over the drop. She was pretty sure they were too busy yelling/shooting at each other now to hear her, channelling the frustration to boost her galloping after those insufferable coat tails. 

“Why are you doing this?!” she yelled as antiques and portraits sped past. 

“Power, mostly!” De’Lila ducked down a side passage, voice echoing off the walls. “But would you really miss Blueblood? Really?”

Twilight did some quick calculations and decided there was enough open space at the end of the corridor to risk a teleport. De’Lila skidded to a halt at the purple burst in front of her, almost hitting Twilight in the snout with her coat tails. 

“I’ll do anything to protect anypony. Anyone. Any time.” 

The Skrull squinted. “Even him?”  

“Even the least of us deserve that.” Twilight’s horn flashed, swinging a cabinet across the passageway in a rattle of fine china to block the obvious bolt. “I don’t know what it’s like where you come from but--”

“No!” De’Lila snapped, eyes blazing furious pink light. “You don’t.”

“An’ what’s Blueblood got to do with it?” 

Applejack emerged from a nearby staircase, cutting off her other escape route. “Seriously, he stand ya up or somethin’? Stick ya with the bill for lunch? Just tell me there wasn’t cake.”

“What?” The light blinked out in De’Lila’s confused eyes. “No! And I was trying to use him, if you must know!”

“So all this…because of one bad date?!” Twilight boggled. 

“You want this monologue or not?!” De’Lila snapped. She took a breath, backing up against a window and adjusting her coat collar. “It was part of my mission, you see.”

“Gold diggin’?” Applejack frowned. “What, ya thought your people’d take ya back if ya wrapped a lil’ royalty round your hoof?”

“The One Below can have my people,” De’Lila smirked, far too cool not to be seething with psychotic hatred. “And the only race I hate as much is the Kree, for creating the need for Super Skrulls in the first place. Would you like to see what’s under this coat? Where they ‘rewired’ me for enhanced bioelectricity so I can do what I do? Do you want to see how much it takes to give a shapeshifter scars they can never quite hide?”

“Want some new ones?” Applejack pawed the floor, ready to spring if she took advantage of that conflicted look on Twi’s face. 

“I’m…sorry for what you’ve been put through, but if you’ve rejected them why try and carry out the mission they made you for? Why come here at all?”

“Because the Empress and the Supreme Intelligence both want your magic.” De’Lila chuckled. “And me, well, it’s not holding them down with all those scalpels, but owning something they want is the next best thing. They say living well is the best revenge!”

Applejack squinted. “An’…Blueblood was supposed to put ya on the throne?”  

“Eventually! At least get me up the chain enough that I could start giving Celestia suggestions and spend enough time nearby to make them stick.” The smile left De’Lila’s face but not the sadism and volatility. “And then, over dessert, I realised what was wrong with the conversation: it was still all about him! He didn’t even notice my eyes were glowing!” 

“…oh sun and moon,” Twilight whispered. “He’s that much of a narcissist?!” 

“Yes! Can’t very well have a little pony walking around immunised like that, can I? Imagine if he got any real training. As is he’s just ridiculously lucky, like some cosmic joke! It should’ve all been over at Pegasi of Paradise but then his aunt got involved.” 

De’Lila heaved a sigh both Elements only ever heard from sociopaths. “And now of course I’m going to have to decide whether to erase your memories or just bump you off. Don’t suppose either of you would like to do the smart thing and become minions of your own free will? You wouldn’t have to pay taxes or anything!”

“I’m a librarian,” Twilight snarled. 

“Me, I’m just insulted,” Applejack growled. 

“Oh, then you’ll hate this!” De’Lila beamed and morphed into a roaring gargoyle-esque horror. 

The Elements of Magic and Honesty whinnied and grasped each other in sisterhood terror, their cries becoming more confused as the Skrull whirled and dived through the glass of a nearby window. The alien’s silhouette flashed past the moon, gliding in a predatory circle over the courtyard. 

“She’s goin’ after Blueblood!” Applejack realised. 

“He’s with Celestia,” Twilight moaned, half turning towards the stairs before remembering she had a way of keeping up. “Uh, o-okay, you find them, I’ll try and cut her off or something.” 

“Twi!” AJ called but the princess was already hurling herself into the open air, wincing at how close one jagged shard had come to slicing into her back. 


***


Keep out of your head, Dash and Luna had advised. 

Aerial combat was a lot like magical duelling: it paid to be inventive but also kept boiling down to the same couple of moves over and over. Both enemies were trying to knock each other out of the air but were built to stay up there. 

Keep moving. Don’t just think, do. She’d be better off trusting her wings and the new instincts that came with them, pressing the advantage of her horn. 

It helped that De’Lilah’s new wings reminded her of that pretentious coat. 

De’Lilah snarled over her shoulder as Twilight loosed a random volley of bolts, lighting the roof slats purple and turning a few turrets into plants. The Skrull tried to take advantage of the maze of spires and walkways, but she was simply gliding, even having to occasionally use the architecture to boost herself. 

Twilight felt a kind of competitive satisfaction as she realised her wings allowed her to keep pace, easily manoeuvre around the hazards and that she could just teleport past anything in her way without losing momentum. In fact, since it had worked before…

She waited until they’d swung around the bulk of the central tower, a straight view to the mountains in front of them, before teleporting a few feet ahead and rematerialising facing the opposite way she’d come: now dead on at De’Lilah. 

The Skrull yelped, pulling up involuntarily. Twilight conjured a force bubble around her, ploughing into it and shooting them towards the royal gardens. 

“Whoa! I mean…yeah! Ya like that?!” 

De’Lilah was rapidly assuming different forms, trying to find a monster big enough to burst the bubble. 

“Nice try,” Twilight smirked drunkenly, “but I live down the road from the Everfree forest! Neither you nor this bubble are going anywh--” 

And then De’Lilah was some sort of snake thing. Twilight shrieked, instinctively teleporting away at the same instant the bubble burst, taking De’Lilah’s satisfaction with it. 

Twilight scrabbled furiously at the air and then slats under her, a yell strangled in her throat as she bounced off a turret and found herself sandwiched between parapets. She groaned as she tried to get her bearings, watching as the Skrull-snake toppled out of the air, face first into the rim of a turret, then bounced down onto its tower’s staircase, end over end and always face first. 

She looked down out of inevitability and saw that along with a nice tumble to the gravel of the central garden, her fall would have plunged her into the weapons and fist strewn dust cloud that was the castle guard. 

“Oh good, you can fly now!” Two bickering lights were wafting around a nearby tower. Twilight watched as the Horseshoe Torch whipped around Lyja, using her powers to turn her hooves into thrusters and hover. “Because you just didn’t have enough ways to crowd me before!” 

“You’re the one getting up in my space right now, you egomaniac!” 

“As if you’re not gonna be even worse when you’re out of sight! Last time I saw you you tried to kill me with a robot dinosaur!” 

“Capture you, I tried to capture you!”

“Y’know, this, this right here, this is why you blew your cover! Because you have to split every possible hair!” 

“Fooled you long enough, terran! The real surprise was I didn’t blow it sooner by trying to strangle you! So you’d stop! Talking about! Your! ⎎⏃☍⏃☍⏁⏃! Hair!” 

Twilight narrowed her eyes as the gold and purple contrails flitted through a broken window in another part of the building, irritably pulling herself up the slanted roof. 

“Could’ve stayed in my nice warm library, but nooo.”


***


The balcony door above her was locked, and she banged her head on a small chandelier teleporting inside, grumbling  as she galloped down more of those legendary Canterlot staircases. Eventually she started teleporting, judging how close she was getting by the sound of distant violence. 

She tried to look reassuring at the few uncertain faces peering around half open doors and hasty furniture barricades. She realised any of the stallion butlers and clerks could be under De’Lilah’s influence, but how to do anything about it without spreading even more panic through the staff? Besides, it was nothing that couldn’t be solved by turning De’Lilah’s bones to glass! 

They’d want to shut this down quick anyway, but if the guard fight breached the castle walls and spilled into the residential Palace Shades neighbourhood just down the hill…

She rounded a corner, horn glowing because the candelabras hadn’t been lit yet before bedlam erupted, and almost walked into a mutilation courtesy of the Princess of the Night. 

“Wha—?!”

“Be thou whost thine shape claims thy be?!” the Royal Canterlot Voice demanded, angry and very sharp spell light dancing in Luna’s furious eyes.

“How do I know you’re you?!” Twilight shot back, letting a little glow into her own eyes to compensate for the sudden need to visit the little filly’s room. She was fairly certain the shadows above her hadn’t looked quite so claw like before…

“Thou dare...actually no, that’s smart.” Luna’s mane shrank back to its usual wavering instead of the mushroom cloud it had been about to become. “Even horn light can be faked but not the Royal Canterlot Voice. Not without practice and/or serious surgery. Your turn. What’s your favourite book?”

“…what sort of monster makes you pick only one?!” 

“There we go,” Luna sighed in relief. “Any sign of our quarry?”

“I lost her,” Twilight admitted. “But she’ll be after Celestia and Blueblood! Applejack’s looking for them now.” 

Fire and lasers flashed outside the windows, briefly turning the entire corridor bright as day. 

“And at least those two are keeping each other out of everypony’s hair,” Luna muttered. “Though I’d take them over--”

“Blueblood!” 

The two Alicorns flinched, less at Celestia’s voice and more at the name. The prince trotted around the corner, his black cloak smoking and tattered at the edges. He did not look happy. 

Princess Celestia looked frantic and even less so as her mane and neck swung around the corner before the rest of her. “Blueblood, come back!” 

“In a Canterlot minute Auntie, if you’ll pardon my accented nomenclature,” Blueblood huffed, pausing in front of Twilight and Luna. “Sparky! You’re in this up to your used shoestring of a neck. Tell the director I want a word. Fun’s fun and this isn’t it.”

Twilight blinked. “The director…?” 

“Yes! Furthermore, I demand to see the contract that says the audience must participate this much. I don’t remember signing anything. It’s well past din din and the great hall looks like the Paramount Lane ruggers club after the E.U.P. found out about old Clean Sheet and what he had in the basement, besides all the embezzling. It won’t do! No, you know what? Forgive me, what with ladies and Sparky present, but it shan’t do!”

“Blueblood, I know things are out of control right now,” Celestia moaned, paternally shoving herself between her two charges, “but that’s why I need you to make your way to one of the safe rooms. I can’t keep looking out for you in the middle of all this!” 

“You haven’t told him?!” Luna snapped. “There’s scorch marks all over my favourite swan statue and you haven’t told him?!”

“Because I’m trying to protect him!” Celestia snapped back, rounding on her sister and making Twilight back up so fast she rattled a portrait when she hit the wall.

Luna held their glare for a beat, then her expression softened. “If Lilly were here she’d tell you this isn’t the way to do it.” 

Twilight’s eyes flicked nervously between the sisters as Celestia sighed like something vast and ancient collapsing. Luna put a gentle hoof to her wing. 

“Blueblood, dear…this is real,” Celestia managed. “I’m sorry, but this is all real.”

“Huh,” Blueblood mused. “And I thought there were rules against commoners doing their own stunts these days!”

“Oh for—!” Twilight lunged past the startled sisters and grabbed the prince by his lapels. “She means the danger, you clod! The danger! The danger is real! All these ponies have been trying to kill you!” 

Silence except for Twilight’s laboured breathing and the far off sounds of battle. The stunned family resemblance between Celestia, Luna and Blueblood’s eyes was more obvious now. 

“…this isn’t a twist, is it?” Blueblood said slowly. 

“NO!” Twilight roared, shaking him as every candle in the hall flickered with purple sparks. “This is not a play! Not a hoax! Not an imaginary story! That lunatic in the long coat wants you dead! You wanna know why?! Because while I’m busting my hump trying to unlearn every arrogant, ignorant thing I was stupid enough to think made me worthy of your aunt’s attention, you’ve been allowed to coast on it to the point a siren can’t get your attention! You’re the one creature in this building that doesn’t have to worry about becoming De’Lilah’s puppet, and I legitimately can’t tell if she’s scared of you or she just hates you that much! The worst part?! I empathise! And I feel bad about it! Because I’m trying to be better! And you’re still the same!”

“Kind of loosing the plot here, me old--” Blueblood gagged, trying to pry her hooves off.

“UUUUUGH!” Twilight yanked his bewildered and reddening face down to hers by his bowtie. “Lemme spell it out for ya Bluey, me old demeaning nickname generator! This is all real and it’s ALL YOUR FAULT!”

She threw her hooves up as Luna’s wrapped around her and dragged her back, chest heaving. “I’m cool, I’m cool. Ten year breakthrough in the making happening all at once, that’s all…” 

Blueblood blinked looking up at Celestia. “Auntie…?” 

“I was just…” Celestia swallowed, Twilight feeling the frustration draining out of her as she realised those great eyes were watering. “Luna’s right, I’ve been doing this all wrong. I just wanted to keep you safe and I was worried it would all… We can do this later, right now could you please just lock yourself somewhere safe?” 

“What?!” Blueblood blustered, the violence of the motion ruffling his lapels and mane even more. (And still looking dashing, damn his eyes.) “No! If this is real then Sassy’s in the middle of it! I’ve got to get her out of here!” 

“What,” Twilight and Luna said in perfect sync. 

“What what?!” Blueblood snapped. “Keep up! Sassy! Safety! It’s easy enough!” 

“Sassy’s with Spike…” Celestia began. 

“And an actual handbag would be better protection!” 

“Blueblood!” Celestia snapped, shocked at both the insult and that she’d just snapped at him. 

“Is about to owe me big time!” 

Everybody whirled to face the dragon stumbling towards them dragging a firehose. 

“Well, me and Sassy,“ Spike amended, “because we just had the best idea to end all this. Princess, you and Princess Luna know this mountain like the back of your wings, right? Well, wouldja mind helping Applejack find out which pipes go where?”


31


“Brat!” Lyja snapped. 

“Psycho!” the Horseshoe Torch retorted, struggling to keep their hooves locked. 

They were hovering in a stalemate over the courtyard, grappling as they tried to literally overpower each other. Their powers crackled around their clenched hooves, making it look like they were having a tug of war with a sick sun.

“Pretty boy!” 

“Barbie girl!” 

“What?!”

“Oh please! What kind of strategic genius runs around with a ponytail and expects people to take them seriously?!” 

“⍜⊑ ⋔⊬ ☌⍜⎅, read a book!” Lyja’s eyes were leaking too much plasma energy to roll. “First off, Princess Celestia! The Peninsular war!” 

“Uh, I was there!” Johnny snarled. Out of malice, totally not because her lasers were starting to overtake his flames. “Time travel! She…rocked it! You…don’t! That’s the…point!”

“Second!” Lyja’s gritted teeth shifted a bit too easily into a sneer. “Thanks for calling me a strategic genius.” 

“Yeah, the genius behind Department 2162!”

“…RAAAAGH!” The furious Skrull shoved them both a few feet across the roofs, almost blinding him with violet laser wrath. “Will you just stop being terrible for five of your dumb Earth minutes and let me do my job?!” 

Wing like jets of flame burst from the Torch’s back, countering Lyja’s own thrust and stalling them over the spires of the great hall. “Whadda y’think?” 

“I think it’s kinda weird you keep forgetting I can do this,” Lyja sneered, Kirby Krackle swirling around her eyes as she suddenly released her grip. 

Her blast hit Johnny right in the 4 logo and sent him hurtling backwards. He slammed into a walkway, tumbling into a hanging banner as his epidermis dissolved and too winded to even cry out as it tore free of its moorings, swinging him through a broken window. 


***


He came ‘round tangled in the remains of a sofa, surrounded by warring guards. 

The mares were working together while the pink eyed stallions just sort of flung themselves around the place, the Unicorns so out of it that it didn’t seem to occur to them to use their magic. A constant chorus of ‘DESTROY!’ was doing nothing for his new headache. 

“You’re with the Elements, right?” barked a nearby captain as she clung to the back of a bucking Earth Pony. “Any word on, I dunno, a plan?”

“Mph…” Johnny wheezed apologetically. 

“Typical!” the captain sigh-yelled and continued to urge her deranged comrade on until his helmeted head crashed into a wall. Johnny’s blinking eyes narrowed as he watched a purple contrail shoot through the skylight. 

“DESTROY!” shouted a Unicorn looming over Johnny, brandishing an axe. He yelped as the handle became so hot it smoked slightly. 

“Gimme a minute,” Johnny muttered, rolling onto his back and thrusting his hind legs up in a reverse mule kick to force the attacker away. 

He scrambled to all fours, blinking as a snake wearing a long coat tumbled out of a stairwell and face first into a rug. 

“Elementsssss…” De’Lilah snarl-hissed as she melted back to her true form, forked tongue lashing angrily and her eyes blazing pink. 

“’Least it’s not the Web-Head!” She whirled but lost vital seconds shielding her eyes from the glare of the Torch flaming back on. “I’m still here though.”

De’Lilah let out a startled cough-like sound as he blasted off, shoulder charging her so hard they hurtled down the corridor and into the foyer. Experience and training meant both of them rolled as they struck the floor, but the play had been Johnny’s and it was his fine, unignited self on top when they finally stopped, pinning her.

“And now it’s just you and me.” 

“Hmmm, you’re not Dormammu,” De’Lilah smirked, eyes glowing, “but you’ll do!” 

She focused, almost filling the entire room with pink light, then snarled incredulously as she realised a sort of epidermal domino mask covered Johnny’s eyes, which were sheathed in their own usual glow.

“Yeah, nice try, but you’re starring in thermal vision now. All those empathic implants are doing is making your face look way more orange.” 

“You think that’s going to stop me?! I’ll strangle you with that collar and make a new coat out of your hide, Storm!” 

“So is this just a really bad week for you, or did you always have a thing for blondes?” Johnny grinned. “No, no, you’ve been so busy with the crazy army, you just lie back, relax and give with the Blueblood thing,”

“I already told your inane friends!” 

“Oh good, so there’s no reason for you to be conscious!” 

Johnny pulled back a clenched hoof…and hesitated. Why was she smi—?

“DESTROY!” howled three Pegasus guards behind him. 

A violet flash! Johnny and De’Lilah flinched as her would be saviours soared over them, one’s wing slapping Johnny in the face. 

“Sorry guys,” Lyja panted, lowering her sparking hooves and making her way carefully down the staircase. “He’s spoken for. Get away from the prisoner, Johnny.” 

“Or!” Johnny shot back, raising an ignited hoof. “I put you back in a flame cage and laugh at the two of you fighting over the top bunk.” 

“Are you serious?!” Lyja levelled both her glowing hooves at him, only a few yards between them now. “Were you not in the same meeting where I told Princess For Real Celestia I want to get her out of your collective hair?” 

“Oh right, sorry, I was too caught up remembering all those fun times where you violated basically my entire life.” 

“Like I’d have anything to do with a himbo like you if I wasn’t ordered to,” Lyja snarled. “You know something, ‘Cakey-pie’? You’re almost as bad as Blueblood!”

“Uh, The Worst says what?!” Johnny spat. 

“I said almost!” Lyja’s ponytail lashed with her increasing volume like a scale. “See, at least he’s oblivious. You’re so ready to blame me for everything when you knew what you were getting into. At least I was behind enemy lines! What’s your excuse? Groupies aren’t supposed to keep up with you?!”

“Do you hear yourself?!” Johnny yelled, grinning hysterically. “Are you really trying to be deep right now?!” 

“Like it’s so hard to be deeper than you!”

“Oh what, not everything I say is a lie so I’m shallow?!” 

“The only thing you talk about is you, so yeah!” 

“You were trying to kill me the entire time!”

“And nopony could blame me!”

“You’re both adorable,” De’Lilah cooed. “Hey, wanna see a Skrull make a fist out of their stomach?” 

“Yes!” Johnny snapped then spun to actually stare at her. “Wait, wh—UGH!” 

A green fist shot out of De’Lilah’s abdomen like a volcanic eruption, snapping his head back and sending him crashing into Lyja. Through the daze, outrage and, okay, yeah, admiration, he felt strong hooves grasping at him. His vision cleared in time to make out the recovered guards, now holding him and Lyja as De’Lilah stood, dusting down her coat. 

“Now…” the renegade mused. “What to do with you? The Fantastic Family’s absolutely on my list but would using their beloved little brother to finally ice Blueblood really be the best revenge? I mean, it’s Blueblood. There’s always winding my new toy up and pointing him at a mall, a park, perhaps even an orphanage…”

“Del,” Lyja groaned, shaking her head to clear it. “Stand down!”

“Not in the army anymore, remember?” De’Lilah beamed. “Wanna defect? I am about to win and everything!”

“In what universe?!” Lyja spluttered hysterically. “Three princesses on your tail! All this and you couldn’t even get one overstuffed pony aristocrat! Surrender and the Empire will--”

“Take me apart to make sure the next empath doesn’t go off model,” De’Lilah snapped, rounding on her. “Last chance, Ly. You’d fulfil your mission under my command so much better than you ever could following the Empire’s backwards traditions. I’d even let you keep the Torch as a pet if I’m in a good mood.”

“Del, this is nothing but escalation.” Lyja almost sounded like she was pleading. “My warrant is any means necessary! The Empire would like you alive, it doesn’t need you to be. You think the other systems will let you have this planet? They know you’re here!”

“Then they know to keep off my porch.” 

De’Lilah’s furious eyes lit the room with a poisonous searing pink. Johnny squinted, uncertain but…yeah, another flash. Something was going on with the fire extinguishers and drinks fountains. Each glowed, or maybe the glow moved from source to source. 

“Okay, I’m confused,” he announced on the basis that stalling was just a good idea in general. “Is this about Prince Pain in the Butt or world domination? Just wanna know what I got lobotomised for.”

“Oh sweetie,” De’Lilah cooed, condescendingly stroking his chin. “It’s always about world domina—what’s that sound?”

Johnny cocked an ear. It sounded like the world’s biggest seltzer bottle collection in a road accident. 

“DESTROY! DESTROY! DESTROOOOAH NELLY!” 

All across the castle grounds and the next room over even, that scooshing sound followed by interrupted zombie chants. The two Skrulls and the hero watched incredulously as the fountains erupted in multiple jets, extinguishers ripping themselves from the walls and firing everywhere. De’Lilah howled as she took a jet of water to the face. Johnny could feel the cold from here. 

He pivoted on a hind leg, spinning his captor around and lose, sending the guard face first into another jet. The guard yelped, eyes suddenly clear. Johnny flamed on and only had a second to wonder if that was a good idea with so much water shooting around, when a crowd of armoured mares burst from either side of the foyer, brandishing extinguishers and hoses. 

“Del!” Lyja barked, stamping on her captors’ hoof and kicking him into the wall. Johnny squinted through the jets, just making out her coat tails whipping around a corner. 


***

De’Lilah almost made it to the wall of the royal gardens before a blast of freezing cold blindsided her into a wheelbarrow. 

“Nothin’ like that fresh mountain water, huh?” Applejack smirked as she kept the garden’s industrial grade hose trained on the blinking Skrull. Cries of “DESTROY!” were winking on and off all around them. 

“Wh—?!” De’Lilah spluttered. 

“Two problems with a simple solution.” Three horned and winged shadows fell over her, the Skrull craning over her shoulder to stare at Twilight as Celestia and Luna looked on. “The real difficulty was finding you to stop all this, the second was how to get through to your victims without hurting them! We found out a short, sharp shock like a sudden temperature change snapped them out of it. Spike and Sassy got to talking when the fight forced them to take cover in one of the boiler rooms, which get most of their supply from the waterfall…and supply the castle fire hoses.”

“It was also Ms. Saddles’ idea to teleport it into the extinguishers,” Luna added. “Just so you can tell your Empress who she has to thank for your worthless carcass.” 

“Wait, wait, wait!” They all looked up as the Torch swooped over, hovering over Celestia’s shoulder as he trained a fireball on De’Lilah. “I mean, awesome plan and all, Reed’d love it, but it sounds like we’re actually letting the twisted sisters go?” 

“Johnnycake,” Celestia warned. 

“Princess, please! You don’t know Lyja like I do! I’m half sure the Empress stuck her down here to make sure she had one less knife to watch her back for! You put Lyja and Ms. Personality in the same pod, we’re gonna be doing this all over again next summer with a bigger budget! And probably casualties!” 

“I’ll show you casualties!” De’Lilah screamed. 

The wheelbarrow burst as her flesh rippled and stretched, an enormous reptilian tail knocking Applejack aside, the princesses diving for cover as three lizard-like heads shot forward. Johnny grunted, involuntarily flaming off as one of them snapped tight around his midsection, hauling him into the air on still growing batwings…

The world went a cold violet. 


***

Johnny flinched at the feel of what he realised was Celestia’s wing and the simultaneous realisation he must have hit the ground. He nodded at her concerned maternal face to show he was alright…then saw what was left of De’Lilah as she shrank back to something like normal and felt even worse. 

“Just one casualty,” Lyja said grimly, the light fading from her hooves. 

She looked more tired than annoyed as Twilight and Applejack surrounded her. 

“Princess? Permission to return the fugitive to the custody of the Empire.” 

Tense silence. 

“Was that necessary?” Celestia asked coldly. 

“You saw my warrant, ma’am.”

A cold flash in those gentle magenta eyes that shouldn’t have been there and made the younger ponies feel even shorter than usual. “I asked you a question.” 

“She wouldn’t have stopped until she brought down your castle, if not your entire world!” Lyja protested, glaring at Johnny. “I tried to talk her down. The Torch will confirm that.”

“You confirmed a lot tonight!” Johnny snarled, stomping towards her. “Like the fact every time I think I’ve seen as low as you can go, you will always surprise me!” 

He flinched at the feeling of a hoof on his shoulder and blinked in astonishment that it was Applejack. Grim faced, but not at him. 

“Best pick up your friend an’  get outta here. An’ if you’re smart, don’t come back.” 

Lyja glanced at Celestia, who nodded curtly. She started towards the body and blinked as a purple glow that wasn’t hers covered De’Lilah’s blackened coat, wrapping it around her like a shroud. She turned to stare at Twilight as she levitated the body up for her to carry. Twilight looked back, eyes unreadable but holding back tears. 

“I heard…when we were getting into position, you…” She swallowed. “Were you friends?” she asked quietly. 

“Once,” Lyja said simply. She placed herself beneath the body, taking the weight and turned. “My craft is…close by. We’ll…I’ll be going now.”  

Nopony said anything. 

Lyja turned and carried the shroud off into the shadows of the garden. A golden glow swung the massive gates open, making her hesitate only slightly but she didn’t look back and kept trotting. 


***

Her sombre expression lasted until she reached the cover of the woods and then she couldn’t hold back the snickering anymore. “Oh man!” 

“Shut up!” came a muffled giggle from inside the scorched coat, now shifting back to full green. “Shut up, shut up, shut uuup, they’re gonna he-hee-hee-hear uuuus!” 

“Sorry, sorry!” Lyja hunched over, shoulders quaking. “I just can’t believe that worked.”

“Were you fweinds?” De’Lilah’s voice snorted from the knot over her head as her hooves pawed at it. 

“Hey, who else’d bail you out?” Lyja smirked, dropping to her haunches so the whole bundle toppled, chuckling, to the grass. “Seriously, Del. Celestia’s nephew?”

“What?! He was like the one thing in the way,” De’Lilah grinned. They howled with laughter, Lyja collapsing next to her. Eventually she put her hooves behind her head, looking up at the moon and sighing. “Coulda been something, couldn’t it?” 

“Yeah,” Lyja agreed quietly. “Y’know his girlfriend works with Rarity Belle? How small is this world?” 

“I don’t know who that is.”

“The Element of Generosity.”

“Ly, it’s hard enough keeping up with the one’s in costumes.”

“The cake one.”

“…⊬⟟☍⟒⌇.” 

“Eeyup.” 

“So what happens now?” 

“Got a life model decoy in the trunk. Imprint yourself on it back to front, add some scorch marks and it’ll look messed up enough no one back home’ll ask any questions.” 

“Not what I meant.” De’Lilah’s smirk didn’t need fangs. 

“Oh…” Lyja’s smirk glowed in the moonlight. “I’m sure we’ll find some trouble to get into…


32


“You’re sure you’re okay?” Peter asked. 

“That’s what I’m supposed to be asking you.” Twilight managed a smile, though that hoof on her shoulder helped. 

“Honey, there’s barely a scratch on me and I’m spending the weekend down here anyway. What you saw, it’s okay if you feel…however you feel.”

“Being back home helps,” Twilight assured, sharing the smile between him and the equally concerned looking Spike. “Look, I know how this sounds but our duty…it feels like we’ll see worse. And Applejack and Spike were there too, so it’s not like we don’t have anypony to talk to.”

“It was so weird though!” Spike said for the tenth time since stepping off the train. “We all watched that Skrull whatever she was carry the…the…her out and then Princess Celestia sighed and started organising clean up. And one of the first things she did was send somepony down into the city for, like, the biggest takeout order in the history of Equestria!”

“Huh,” Peter smirked wryly. “Y’know, Cap does that too after an extinction level event.”

“A dragon or the egg situation,” Twilight smirked back playfully. “Would you kiss me or something? Everypony’s looking over here, they’re gonna think we’re a couple of manic depressives.” 

“Think,” Spike muttered, taking a sip of punch as Peter complied. The cup glowed purple and sloshed some of itself into his face. 

“Everypony having a good time?” May Reilly asked, trotting over from where she’d been talking with Rocky Roads. The editor waved a paw at Peter, seeming friendly enough even though they hadn’t spoken yet. 

Peter waved back uneasily, not sure how to start a conversation. Or ask Pinkie Pie if she’d looked up Ferocious Flattop, conspicuous by his absence. 

“Much better than last night,” Twilight beamed, hugging the older mare. “Although, I was noooot expecting work to follow me home today…”

They watched as Prince Blueblood, carrying a plate full of everything from a buffet for someone he didn’t know, loped pleasantly after a smouldering Johnnycake Storm, a litany of Canterlot analogies and aristocratic name dropping following in his wake. 

Johnny saw their amused expressions and trudged over to take revenge, fop in tow. He brightened when he noticed May. “Oh, hey Mrs. Trotter.” 

“Johnnycake, how many times are you going to pretend to forget? It’s May!” They embraced. May blinked as they broke, and she spotted Blueblood’s untouched plate. “Oh goodness, that’s rather a lot isn’t it? Surely you’re not going to eat all of that at once!”

“Mmm? This?” Blueblood performed some sort of chortle sniff. “Hardly! Common carnival fair, y’know! But my aunts go on and on about keeping up appearances. Sparky’s joined a commune or something, so the old Johnnyclotted cream of wheat thought we’d take a looksie. Hola, Sparky! Sort of outdoorsy for you, isn’t it?”

“We’re friends now,” Johnny said with kidney stone passing delight. “Princess Celestia thinks I’ll be a good influence on him.” 

May and Twilight frowned as Peter burst out laughing, doubling over. 

“Which means you’re his friend too, roomie,” Johnny smiled with a steely gleam in his eye. 

Peter made no noise as his pupils shrank because the terror stopped him from breathing. 

“Oh, so this is what you were talking about, me old china shop quartet!” Blueblood grinned, putting his plate on Twilight’s head and throwing a bulky foreleg around Peter before he could scramble over the table and move to the Bone Dry Desert, throwing the other around Johnny. “We’re going to have a whale of a time, the three of us! The three amoebas!”

“Amigos?” Peter croaked, trying not to gag on the smell of ten different colognes made by ravishing thousands of rain forest acres. 

“Don’t speak the lingo, old sporting loophole, just buy up the land!” Blueblood let out his signature chortle. The boys felt like they were being punched in the face by the best Istallion silk.

“He’s a fully trained diplomat, y’know,” Johnny mumbled out the free side of his mouth, one eye shut to keep Blueblood’s lapel rose from putting it out.

“Ooh, speaking of whales, there’s a thought! Ever been in international waters? Mmm, second thought, probably shouldn’t learn each other’s names in that case…”

“That’s my boyfriend you’re manhandling,” Twilight warned, levitating the plate off her head. 

“Boyf—?” Blueblood blinked at her. “Sparky? A boyfriend? Sparky?! Oh, well then! A happy ending…unless it’s satire? Ah well, I’ll laugh anyway!” His chest resumed pummelling it’s helpless captives. “OOOOOOOOH-HO-HO-HOOOOOO!” 

Peter glanced askance at Johnny during a lull. “Does he still think he’s in a…?”

“Yes.”

“How?” 

“I don’t know.”


***

The chortling wafted over Ponyville’s roofs and up into the foliage of the Golden Oaks. Pinkie Pie excused herself from a conversation with Gem Stone and Flash Sentry to bounce over and make it a duet. Above them, a white ear twitched. 

“That laugh…” Rarity growled. 

“I know, I know, but I like it,” Sassy chuckled, leaning on the windowsill. “It’s the same no matter what he’s doing--”

“To somepony,” Rarity bitterly cut in. 

“Fair, yes, and so I choose to focus on when he’s laughing at something good.” Sassy smiled, holding up her new necklace. “That’s the same pony who made this for me.”

“Very nice, I’ll concede that,” Rarity huffed, peering through her cage to take in the intricate patterns and wishing she had her magnifier. “Oooh, that shimmering! Like a dance! You can just tell it’s Aggregate’s!”

“I can’t,” Rainbow Dash muttered behind her. 

“Want to swing round, darling?”

“Not right now!”

“About that,” Sassy said gingerly, “what is this exactly?” 

She waved a hoof to indicate the birdcage formed out of the spare timber Twilight and Spike used for patching up the treehouse. It dangled from the top room’s branches by some sort of gossamer material as the two Elements sat back to back and swayed slightly. 

“Our just desserts,” Rarity smiled ruefully through the bars.

“Yeah,” Dash smirked over both their shoulders, “Twilight figures we’ll treat her property better if we’ve gotta spend a day as part of it. She’s overacted to way less, honestly.” 

“I’ll take your word for it. What’s that stuff keeping it up?” Sassy squinted at the signature product of Manehattan’s most infamous vigilante. 

“Nightmare Night decorations,” Dash said quickly. 

“Twilight gets these macabre phases,” Rarity agreed, rapidly nodding along. 

“Mmm, maybe I should pick her brain for line ideas while I’m down here,” Sassy mused, going back to playing with her new necklace. “Anyway, just thought I’d come up and say hi! Only really here because Blueblood’s tailing Johnnycake, didn’t mean to crash Peter’s party. Glad he’s alright! What happened to him?”

“Don’t, you’ll make Rainbow laugh and drop us,” Rarity sighed. “But it’s good to see you too Sassy, even with…him.” 

“I maaaaay have also have come up to see if we’re okay,” Sassy admitted, holding her necklace in one hoof. 

“Hey, Rarity’s hangin’ out with Johnnyflake and we’re still blowin’ up stuff with friendship rainbows,” Dash pointed out. 

“Johnnyflake!” Sassy cackled. “Can I steal that?” 

“Go ahead!” 

“You’ve both made your point!” Rarity smiled fiercely. “Who am I to stand in the way of true whatever it is that fathead does? My partner’s happy, I’m happy.” 

“An’ less likely to horse around with the truth from what I hear,” Applejack said, trotting into the room with a tray of food and drinks. 

“Twilight toldja why we’re up here, huh?” Dash smirked, idly kicking her hind legs as they dangled out her side of the bars. 

“Oh yeah,” Applejack smirked with Sassy. “Sounds like a hoot. I also talked her into decidin’ you’d been up here long enough to have some vitals, so play nice.”

“Awesome!” 

“Why thank you, darling,” Rarity beamed, taking the tray in her telekinesis. “Ooh, is this cider sparkling?” 

“No, an’ don’t push your luck.” Applejack glanced at the doorway as she heard a third set of hooves making their way up. “Oh, hey, MJ!” 

“Hey, AJ!” Merry Jewel smiled. “Came up for two reasons: Sassy Saddles in the flesh! Who passes that up?” 

“Ponies without your excellent taste, darling,” Sassy smirked, shaking hooves. 

“And to see if Peter was telling the truth. Sorry to see he was! Not that much, though.” 

“Oh goodness!” Rarity clung onto the tray with her hooves as Dash’s wings flapped hard enough to spin the cage around, instantly folding to allow her to adopt the perfect casual ‘Incarcerated-But-Making-It-Look-Good’ pose. 

“Oh hey, MJ, thought that was you,” the Pegasus said nonchalantly, examining the hoof she wasn’t holding under her chin.

“The one and only, Rainbow Dash,” MJ chuckled, indulgently taking Sassy’s place on the sill. “So, what’d you two even do to wind up in there?”

“It’s a long but funny story, fraught with peril and best not told in front of civilians,” Dash said with mock solemnity that instantly became coquettish cheerfulness. “Maybe we could talk about it on my day off, can swing by your club and tell ya on the way to the venue of your choice…?”

“Just the one?” MJ smiled back. 

“Schedule it around our dancing lessons, will we?” Rarity muttered. 

Dash elbowed her. Which shook the cage loose and dropped them on Blueblood. 


33


“That’s what we call a Ponyville experience,” Applejack sardonically explained to Johnny a few hours later, after Rarity’s bloodlust had been tempered and Blueblood had escaped back to Canterlot. 

They’d wound up on clean up duty because he could vaporise anything that couldn’t be re-used or repaired. Also, they hadn’t been avoiding each other during the party, but... 

“What, we were trading?” Johnny risked raising an eyebrow as he helped push the other bin cart. “Because unless it switches off at least one law of physics, something like last night really doesn’t count as an FF Canterlot experience.” 

Applejack’s eyebrow raising skills were designed for specific inferences not just facetiousness, and therefore better. “Those come with free food?” 

“I wish.” That made her chuckle, so Johnny counted it as a draw. “Everybody’s heading back to the city. Any more shots you wanna take?”

“Nah, reckon we’re square. For now, anyway. We can at least hang out.” 

“Better than whatever I have with Dash right now,” Johnny conceded. 

“Way better, an’ for the record I’m on my girl’s side no matter what.” Applejack shouldered some final trash bags into the cart for pick up in the evening and dusted her hooves. “But that doesn’t mean I ain’t on your’s. Wouldn’t be the first time I only knew somepony through Rarity.”

“Yeah?”

“We grew up together.” She indicated the town. 

“…huh.” 

“Yeah, sometimes I can’t believe it either.” She winked and tipped her hat. “She’s good at seein’ sides in people they don’t.”

“She figures we should be friends because I don’t have any that aren’t other heroes,” Johnny explained as they turned and headed back across the plaza. “It’s nice of her but I’m not sure she’s in a position to talk.”

“I’ll take the weird compliment of behalf of the group,” Applejack chuckled. “Reckon you’ll be around Ponyville a lil’ more then? ‘Specially since the princess sicced Blueblood on ya.” 

“Pretty sure that’s Luna’s way of getting revenge for messing up her favourite statue,” Johnny smiled ruefully. “But yeah. Might see what’s putting the pep in Pete’s step.”

“Who,” Applejack corrected. 

“Point. But yeah, see ya around whenever, I guess.” 

“We’re definitely gonna swing by Plucky’s sometime. I’ll buy ya an ice water.”

“Much obliged.” 

Johnny conjured a flame Stetson for tipping. He dissolved it, sensing she wasn’t looking away because it hurt her feelings or anything. “Something on your mind?”

“Not that it’s any of my business, but we’re sorta friends now an’, well, I made the mistake of thinkin’ you were just a goof…an’ for the record, as your friend, you can’ expect me to knock ya back on track when I think y’are bein’ a goof.”

“Noted, but?” 

“Well, ya got pretty intense around those Skrulls. Don’t gotta talk about it, but in my book friendship means givin’ a shoulder to lean on an’ a free ear.” They paused on the library threshold. “’Course ya got Pete an’ all.”

“He’s heard about Lyja, yeah. Almost as much as I’ve had to hear about Black Sphinx,” Johnny smirked. 

“Wait, that happened?! Dang.” 

“Tell me about it!” Johnny chuckled but it didn’t last. Lyja blanketed stuff like that. “Lyja’s…a lot of the things I said she was. Worst part is I keep finding more. Once upon a time, she was a lot of different women I was into. I don’t apologise for being me, but she made me question things about myself. How much of our twisted thing was her and how much of it was me, y’know?” 

“Sounds like a lot for one pony,” Applejack said gently putting her hoof on his shoulder. “Ya ever wanna talk an’ Rarity ain’t around…”

“Might take you up on it.” Johnny nodded, then huffed and puffed out his chest. “Well, that’s enough about my dating life! Your turn!”

“Get outta my town,” Applejack smirked, shoving him through the front door. 


***


Peter’s friends had taken the train back home about an hour ago, and probably wouldn’t have gone with the living room portal even if Twilight felt like telling them about it. Weird she and Peter shared it as much as they did, frankly. But the Torch needed to clock some flight time on his home turf after so long in the capital and the shortest distance between two lines is a nerd powered hole in the space/time continuum. 

He said his goodbyes to Rarity and Fluttershy, managed to get the happy couple to stop gazing moonstruck at each other long enough to turn it on, and trotted out of Twilight’s living room into 616B’s. 

He brushed his teeth before flaming on and circling Midtown and the Upper East Side a few times. The Crown would be sending the FF a report for a change, but he still checked in at the Baxter Barn. Had a fun little adventure correcting the Pop Up Pony’s efforts to teach Gloam Golems how to think for themselves. Pedestrians are not made of armour plating and have feelings too was the big thing. 


***

“You okay?” Sue asked as the Thing helped a Golem screw it’s foreleg back on. 

“Hmm?” Johnny looked up from the welding job Reed had asked him to do on the support beams of the Equestria State building. “Yeah, why?”

“You’ve been quiet since you got back from Canterlot.”

“I was laying down top shelf burns the whole time!” Johnny smirked. “What, you want me to play back my banter now?” 

Sue waved a dismissive hoof. “Great Pony no. But that’s what I mean. You can, and have, come up with those in your sleep.”

“Don’t think cruise control is the kinda tool you wanna use when you’re fifty floors up and trying to make sure the rest don’t come down.” The Torch winked. “But I could do that in my sleep too. Hay, maybe I should try out Damage Control. Show Spidey how it’s done.”

“That might not be a bad idea!” Sue enthused, gliding closer on her platform. “Also you know cruise control is not an autopilot, right?”

“It is if Reed builds it right.”

“Weird sentiment from an airship/race kart enthusiast.” Sue shielded her eyes from the sun as it glanced off the skyscrapers. “And a pretty see through stall tactic.”

“Only kind you’ve got,” Johnny countered, drifting further into the building to start work on the next weld. “By default.” 

Sue reappeared in front of him. “Seriously?”

“Most of banter’s improv, sis, doesn’t always work out.” 

“Johnny.”

“I am the definition of cool,” Johnny smiled, put some extra heat glow into it. “Just thinking about some stuff.”

He snickered as Sue raised a pointed eyebrow. The upside to their banter was living together pretty much their entire lives meant they didn’t always need words. 

“Celestia help us all,” Sue said for the sake of the thing, drifting past him. “We’re here if you want to talk.” 

“Gotta try my material on somepony,” Johnny called over his shoulder cheerfully as sparks began to fly. “Pete’s just so easy.”

Once he was sure she was out of sight and actually out of the building he let concentration turn his face into a slight frown. He wasn’t on autopilot but wasn’t exactly thinking either. Maybe it was just having too many things to think about. A few months, and it had been so fast. Rarity and Crystal, who he hadn’t spoken to for almost two days now. 

And Lyja. 

“Meal ticket,” Johnny said under his breath. “What does that mean…?”


To be Continued

> And Carry a Big Torch (1)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


1


“Almost there!” Pinkie Pie grinned as the Friendship Express rounded the corner, beginning the giddy uphill climb towards Canterlot. 

“Y’know, someday we should go to the city just to go,” Applejack smirked ruefully, raising her Stetson’s brim from over her eyes. She yawned and stretched, wanting to limber up now the spires of the capital were drifting into view. 

“Could set something up with Mom and Dad, if you’d like,” Twilight offered over the top of her book. “We’ll probably need to unwind after tonight.”

“I love the old hometown and all,” Spike said next to Rarity, “but if you guys’re looking to relax it’s probably the last place you wanna go.” 

That made Rarity chuckle, which almost gave him an out of body experience. 

“It’s just a party though, right?” Fluttershy asked anxiously. “I mean, true, the guest list is rather…” She trailed off uncertainly. 

“Insane,” Rainbow supplied from the next seat. Her forelegs were still behind her head, daylight sheeting between the windows and mountain peaks distorting off her shades. 

“Not all of them!” Twilight insisted then checked to make sure she hadn’t said that too loudly.

“Oh right, I’m thinking of the other politicians who tried to flood Manehattan, or crush us all to death with the planet’s magnetic field.” 

“There’s a Daily Show episode watin’ to happen,” Applejack murmured as she watched New Town getting closer and closer. 

“I prefer to think of them as high concept party tricks,” Pinkie beamed. It wavered slightly. “Really high concept.” 

“It won’t come to that,” Twilight assured. “We were asked to act as liaisons.”

“Which is princess-speak for ‘run security‘,” Dash countered with a feral grin. 

“And if that was what Princess Celestia meant don’t you think she’d have asked us to pack the Elements?” Twilight tried patiently. 

“And I enjoy a challenge.” Grins should not get more feral, and yet. 

“Like what, staying still at a political summit?” 

“Staying still,” Dash muttered, just in case her eyeroll wasn’t obvious from behind the shades. “We’re gonna be in the same room as Magnus Magnate the Magneto Mage, Twilight.”

“Aaaaaghshh-shh-shh!” Twilight hissed, hooves and wings flailing. 

She looked frantically over her shoulder to make sure nopony had heard that, which just made the other passengers further up the car wonder why she was looking over here. “It’s a secret summit! If somepony hears he and the Sub-Mariner are going to be in the capital tonight it could spark mass panic! We have to be inconspicuous!” 

“Yeah, cause a princess goin’ ‘aaaaaghshh-shh-shh!’, that’s totally not conspicuous.” Dash lowered her shades to make the eyeroll more obvious this time. 

“I’m not the one dressing like a secret agent,” Twilight retorted. 

“Your loss! 

Rarity’s eyes glinted. “Now there’s a thought. How do either of you feel about tuxedos?” 

“One of the few things almost as cool as me.” Dash shifted into one of her other relaxing poses before sitting up suddenly. “Wait, why? You offering?”

“Would you sit still for it?” Rarity raised a brow.

“You’ve got my measurements!” 

“Not for a tux I don’t! I mean, we are talking about a proper tuxedo, yes? Not just a pair of lapels?”

“No, but I could make 'em work.” Dash adjusted her shades. “Especially with these.”

“I’ll take some of that action!” Pinkie bounced in her seat excitedly, almost throwing off Twilight’s attempted to organise her saddlebag. “A tux is one of the few skit outfits I don’t have! Gotta be ready for anything!”

“Dunno if there’s much prep you can do for this kinda thing,” Applejack said gingerly. They all looked at her. “Not sayin’ it’s our first Canterlot rodeo but, well, y’know, these are pretty big-league guests! An’ not all of ‘em are friendly.” 

“I’ve got four binders in here we can study,” Twilight beamed, tapping her saddlebag. 

“And you didn’t have us pouring over them the entire ride?” Rarity leaned over to place a hoof to her forehead. “Are you feeling alright, darling?”

“Yes!” Twilight tried not to sound too defensive while also looking askance at the window. “I just got really into this volume on Wakandan influence on African history. Fascinating stuff!” 

“Ask a silly question,” Dash leered. 

“We should probably try not to,” Fluttershy mumbled. 

“Those binders got any plans for what to do if things start goin’ south?” Applejack asked as she tightened her own saddle bag. She didn’t sound especially hopeful. 

“They’re, ah, kinda all about that not happening,” Twilight admitted, wondering why she felt sheepish but feeling it was probably the right response. 

“It’s just a summit,” Spike assured. 

“A very exclusive soirée,” Rarity corrected with an extra thick layer of Canterlot accent. 

“Whatever it is,” Applejack said bluntly but patiently, “it’s a big deal meetin’ of leaders from four secret kingdoms. Which is sorta a misnomer if ya think about it, what with one of ‘em being a superhero, the only secret one bein’ the folks literally callin’ themselves the Unknowns, an’ the other two bein’ whatcha might call supervillains. Each an’ every one of ‘em good enough to go hoof to hoof with the princesses, who, let’s be real, invited ‘em over ‘cause their deals with Equestria probably ain’t friendly enough. Did I mention the two supervillains yet? An’ we’re gonna be in the middle.” 

Even Dash didn’t really have a cool rejoinder for that. 

“But the important thing is to have fun, right?” Pinkie said eventually. She looked from carefully blank face to carefully blank face as they slid into the darkness of the last tunnel. “Right? Guys?” 


2


The ride up to the palace was mercifully uneventful, but then it usually was. Usually. 

Twilight glanced out the coach window and raised an eyebrow as, yes, she hadn’t imagined it, they were passing through Palace Shades, but not taking the turn up the hill. She opened the driver’s side window and leaned out. “Excuse me, is everything okay?”

“Yes, your highness,” the nearest one assured over the clatter of wheels and hooves. “We’ve orders to take you a more discreet route.”

“That why we’ve gotta be cooped up?” Dash muttered irritably, wings flapping slightly to mirror the sentiment. Flying through Canterlot was still a thrill to her after so many missions, and switching right from one (admittedly cushy) box to another (even cushier) rankled. Plus, she always loved improvising a dramatic entrance for Princess For Real Celestia. 

“Um.” Fluttershy was sitting up to peer further ahead and wishing she wasn’t. “There’s road works? Hello?” 

“Road works?” Applejack joined her, squinting at the signs plastered all over construction equipment and tangled creepers. Oh good, some of them had thorns. She banged a hoof against the glass. “Hey!”

“I’m sure it’s just a detour,” Twilight assured. 

“Heh, yeah, that’s Canterlot traffic for ya,” Spike chuckled. “Good thing there’s like a hundred ways into almost everywhere. Man, I think these’ve been up…” 

He tailed off uncertainly, locking eyes with Twilight as they did the same anxious math. “…since…we were kids…” 

The inside of the carriage turned yellow for a second as it passed two large flood warning signs. They could hear moving water on the other side of the shadows.

“Maybe they wanna show us a waterslide first?” Pinkie ventured.

“I think the windows are locked,” Fluttershy said, high pitched and a bit too quickly. There was a click from the one Twilight had been talking through. “Yep.” 

“Not for long!” Dash flung herself onto her back, starling Rarity and Pinkie off their seat and lining her hind legs up with the window. “AJ, I got the left!”

“Loud an’ clear, RD!” Applejack assumed the same position, facing the opposite way. “On three—!” 

“Wait!” Twilight threw up a hoof. 

The drivers had untethered themselves and were now shoving against the sides to get the carriage into some kind of position. Dash sat up sharply at that whispering only moving foliage makes. The creepers were pulling themselves aside like stage curtains. 

With the grace of chorus girls, the trestles slid backwards and into a neat row behind the one with the large KEEP OUT sign, then all of them flattened with a violence that made the Elements even jumpier. The feeling of the coach rolling over this new ramp and towards the water didn’t help. 

Twilight tried to peer through the locked window, straining to make out what was ahead of them. The hidden entrance led into a bend in the hill’s river, fuelled from the castle’s waterfall. There was still sunlight but it was sheeting through thick trees, probably deliberately grown for the purposes of concealing whatever this was. There was the vague childlike thrill of being inside a tent. 

She wondered how many neighbourhood ponies knew this was here, or if it was just some enormously well-kept secret. The shape of the area helped too, so many of Palace Shades’ streets branched off the road up to the mountain that nopony just passing through would think one of them was…well, this was Canterlot, so it was probably a secret way into the castle.

She looked at the back of the surrounding buildings visible through trees. Something to do with utilities, right? Smart! No resident or passer-by would really have a reason to hang about, then. And the mud around the equipment was so covered in wheel ruts and hoof prints that there’d be practically no evidence of the coach being here. 

…still not a comforting thought. Although she was pretty sure Princess Celestian trickery didn’t involve drowning your faithful student and all her friends. 

Prooobably. 

Only one of the boring building’s rears pushed through the trunks and close to the riverbank, and it was walled off by chain link fencing. Which now glided apart like spaceship doors as a jetty rose out of the water, its rearmost plank extending to link up with a strategically worn gash in the brickwork. One of the loading bay doors rose, allowing two Pegasi and a Unicorn to jog out, pushing what looked like the base of another coach but with larger wheels. The Pegasi took flight, towing the thing by two cables while the Unicorn slowed, her horn glowing and casting something on the wheels.

“Uh oh…” Spike murmured as the contraption reached the end of the jetty. 

They all gasped as the glowing wheels flattened and began to rotate at the same instant it went over. Instead of splashing straight to the bottom of the river it now floated on the surface, kept aloft by the rapidly spinning magic, and from being swept away by the Pegasi handlers pulling it towards the coach. 

“Awesome!” Rainbow admitted.

“She’s the avatar of the sun an’ all,” Applejack grumbled under her breath, “but ain’t she ever heard of a doorbell?” 

“Oh hush, you love it,” Rarity chuckled. 

The lead driver looked in through the window as the raft bumped into the bank in front of the coach. “Sorry ladies,” his muffled voice came through the glass, “standard safety precaution. All hooves and wings inside the coach when, ah…docking I suppose, we’ve never really come up with a name for this. It being secret and all. But it’s all on timers! The windows’ll unlock when you’re on the way, and the doors once you’re in.”

“In where?” Fluttershy quavered. 

“We understand officer,” Twilight said, returning his salute. She settled back in her seat just in time to get rocked forward slightly as the crew’s last shove rolled the coach onto the raft. 

The Pegasi landed only to unclip their towlines, hovering as magi-tech clamps materialized around the coach’s wheels, securing it. They counted down the Unicorn on the jetty with five synchronized hoofwaves. She smirked, saluting the Elements, and released her horn’s hold on the raft, which began to glide along the tree lined river. Rainbow gave her a wink as they sailed past.

“Yeah, alright,” Applejack admitted. “This is pretty rad.” 

“Kind of relaxing!” Fluttershy agreed, watching the trees and sunlight tinge each other green and gold. 

“They could probably make a killing renting this place out,” Rarity smiled. “The romantic boat rides in Union Park have nothing on this!” 

“Wonder what’s waiting for us,” Pinkie said, voice muffled by her nose being pressed against the glass. 

“If I’m not back in five, just wait longer,” Dash smirked, sliding their window open and popping her neck before beginning to clamber out. 

“Rainbow!” Twilight squawked. “Hooves and wings inside the ride at all—! Dash! Diplomacy! Decorum!” 

“Can’t hear you, roof riding!” 

“Uuugh!” 

“Ya really want a stir-crazy Rainbow Dash in here with us?” Applejack smirked. 

“Okay, I heard that.” Dash leaned over the side to stick her upside-down tongue out at the workhorse before shooting off. 


3


Not that far and not that fast. The tree funnel or whatever this was didn’t hem them in but there wasn’t a huge amount of room for stunts and nowhere to land except the raft. What structures they could make out through the foliage seemed to be fencing, the sounds of muffled civilisation on the other side. Eventually it petered out, taking the fencing with it as forest glades and rocks took over.

The wheels whirred away under the river sounds and birdsong, carrying the raft faster than if it had just been drifting along but not so much the scenery lost it’s serenity. Dash returned a couple of times and then spent the rest of the trip on the roof, next to their luggage, pointing out cool landmarks she’d seen up ahead and hum-grunting Smoke on the Water.

“Maybe Mr. Mariner won’t be so…touchy if he comes up this way,” Fluttershy said as they drifted around another bend. 

“I thought he was on our side?” Pinkie looked around. “Y’know. These days.” 

Twilight nodded. “He was on a Befrienders roster for a while. But yes, that temper of his should absolutely be a factor. And so should his willingness to take part.” 

“Do we give Magnate a gold star just for turnin’ up too?” Applejack scowled. 

“I didn’t know he had his own country,” Rarity said eventually to break the awkward silence, which AJ clearly regretted causing. 

“Not until last year,” Twilight explained. “Genosha has its own dubious history, including outright slavery.”

Applejack’s brows went up. “An’ that makes conquerin’ it okay?”  

“No,” Twilight said quietly. “And that’s…kind of the thing. He didn’t. Conquer it, I mean. He campaigned for the position. And won.”

A second silence. Eventually Dash's scowling face appeared upside down at the window. 

“You guy’s are being super quiet in there. Tryin’ to air guitar up here. You’re making it weird!”

“That’s better, I guess?” Fluttershy tried. 

“Maybe?” Twilight shrugged. “Not that it makes up for what he’s done in the past, but it seems to have reined him in. For now, anyway.” 

“They’ve seen his outfit, right?” Rarity raised a brow. 

“Hey, guy’s a gifted orator, dunno what to tell you.” Twilight levitated a sheet from her binders. Magnate’s profile included a clipping of his cutie mark, a scroll with a shield like emblem ringed by a laurel reef. “Public speaking is part of his special talent. Guess he just got tired of trying to conquer the place.”

“Who says he didn’t?” Applejack grumbled then sighed. “I dunno. Mutants have somewhere to go now, I guess. Ignore me, that guy just gets under my skin.”

“For completely understandable reason!” Rarity huffed. “Charming grey though his eyes may be, his views are abhorrent. A disgrace to everything it means to be a Unicorn! Do you know we got one of those vile pamphlets of his through our letter box once? You can’t imagine how furious that made me when I saw footage of him bringing down that airship!”

“I can,” Twilight said softly, frowning. “We got one too. Shining got in trouble for fighting other foals that talked…like that. And then I found out Magnus taught on and off at magic school for a while. Not when I was going, but it’s so hard to imagine a pony going there and turning out that…twisted. Sometimes it makes me wonder if--”

Spike scowled. “No. Way,” he said firmly. 

“Oh darling!” Rarity reached over to give Twilight’s hoof a squeeze. 

Dash looked between the two Unicorns, still upside down. “You two know we’ve never thought of ya like that, right?”

“Never ever!” Fluttershy agreed vehemently. (For her.) 

“An’ that’s the truth!” Applejack agreed. “He shows up tonight, you two are gonna show him what Unicorn class is. An’ we’ll all show him what a true pony is.”

“Hay yeah!” Dash gave an upside down fist pump. She cocked her head to the side. “…that’s the dude’s cutie mark? Looks like the thingy on his helmet.” 

“Yep!” Twilight flipped it around for her. “Got an interview in here somewhere where he claims it’s to show the Hexquestrian movement rising to it’s true place in the chain of destiny, but I figure it’s just because he had to have something to offset his horn.”

“That’s not all it offsets,” Rarity said slyly, which set the entire coach laughing, even Spike, who wasn’t totally sure what it meant. 

“So what about the others?” Pinkie asked when they’d settled down. “They’re cat people, right? ’Cause I’ve got a ton of dog material but I dunno if that’s not equally insensitive. Gotta know your audience!” 

“Wakanda and the rest of the continent have a high feline tribal population, yes,” Twilight supplied, “but the current holders of the Panther Priest title are zebras! Prince T’Challa’s also been a Befriender and is probably going to be the most diplomatic of the bunch. Aqualusia is on good terms with them, so that should help too.” 

“Oh, that’s not so bad,” Applejack perked up slightly. “What about these Unknowns fellas?” 

“Yeah, how come we never heard of ‘em before?” Spike asked. Beat. “Oh.” 

“No, it’s alright,” Twilight assured shifting through more binders. “They’re so reclusive they make my pre-Ponyville days look like a Bridleway musical! The crown’s had some dealings with them before but it’s only in the last decade they’ve had much contact with Equestria. What we’re working with here is mostly from Dr. River Reeds files.” 

She sighed, wistfully clutching a sheaf of papers to her chest. “Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a day alone with that stallion’s archive!” 

“Ballpark it for us?” Rarity trilled, drinking in the sudden blush in Twilight’s face like ambrosia. 

“Anyway!” The sheets moved in a purple blur. “The Unknowns are a race of meta-normals created by extra-terrestrial science! Before anypony says anything about B-movies or whatnot, we should all take a second to appreciate how six magic jewels made from six ancient rocks to cure the Mare in the Moon sounds to normal people.”

“Yeah, but it’s cool when we do it,” countered Rainbow Dash, who was still upside down. 

“And I’m assumin’ there’s a reason for the name?” Applejack ventured. 

“Yep! Their culture revolves around a strange crystal derived compound they call…” Twilight scanned another page before turning it to them to take in the blueprints of what looked like a futuristic brazier and some speculative chemical equations. “Terrigan Mist. Something in their biology reacts to it almost like a Hex-factor in Exquestrians, gifting them with special abilities!” 

Another blur and the group were now passing around a page with before/after photos of a little filly now happily made of scales and fins.

“When a generation comes of age they take part in a ceremony ending with their exposure to the mist, and celebrate their new powers. According to these notes, while Dr. Rivers has observed certain archetypes repeating, it’s never clear what exactly you’ll get. They can even develop physical combinations with animals unrelated to their powers, hence their chosen name. They embrace this mystery because they effectively are the Unknown.”

“Has the right amount of flair to it,” Rarity said, craning over to examine more photos of Unknown pre-adolescents. “Oh, they’re adorable! Is that make up? On their faces I mean.” 

“Uh, some of them, I think, yeah…” Twilight tried to find the right paper. “Ah, here we go. An Unknown can develop coat marks, like zebra stripes or streaks in pony hair. Others also choose some as a sort of cutie mark. It doesn’t go into much detail, but they have an amazing iconograph. Guess I know what the after-dinner conversations gonna be about!” 

“So…do they not have magic until their big day?” Fluttershy asked. 

“They actually have a very big emphasis on education and martial skills,” Twilight beamed. “You know, make sure their young can look after themselves with or without powers. And their civilization is centuries ahead of us! And that’s without an amazingly diverse range of gifts that can be used in any number of combinations!”

“Attilan,” Applejack read off one sheet. “Wow! Check out those buildings, they look straight outta Star Trot or somethin’!” 

“Nerd,” Dash snorted. Twilight’s magic shut the window in her face. 

“Their capital colony,” she explained.

“So they’ve got more than one,” Appljack noted. “How come we never ran into ‘em before? These folks look cool an’ all but they are…” She glanced at Rarity for a polite way to put it. 

“Distinctive,” the fashionista supplied. 

“See those clouds in the background?” Twilight’s wings fluttered excitedly. “The Unknows are so advanced they created anti-gravity magi-turbines. Their colonies fly! Might even be capable of space travel! Attilan itself is somewhere over the Himaneighan mountains!” 

“So they live off the ground and just don’t come down?” Fluttershy cocked her head. 

“Ah.” Twilight’s ears folded slightly. “Well, we’re pretty integrated now but…”

“But zebras an’ other folks still find it easier to make it in the big cities,” Applejack said diplomatically, nodding. “Guess that’s part of the summit then. Give these folks a chance to give us a chance.”

“Leave it to me,” Rainbow breezed, wriggling through the window Spike had opened for her. “I’ll charm the tattoos off ‘em! Who’re they sending?”

“King Black Bolt and two royal interpreters,” Twilight read. “Queen Medusa and Princess Crystal.” 

“Interpreters?” Rarity asked. “Is there a language barrier? Just making sure how charming my gestures need to be!” 

“Oh no, King Black Bolt understands Equestrian-English and plenty of other languages just fine.” Twilight slid her binders back into her saddlebag to buy time. 

How to put it? How else? 

“Iiiiit’s more that his power is a form of energy so great that the sound of his voice is a sonic shockwave that could bring down a mountain? And, ah, that’s just if he whispers.” 

Dead silence. 

“So no knock knock jokes,” Pinkie said eventually. “Or, like…laughter at all. That thing that is so very useful for bringing people together.” 

“You have many other sterling qualities, darling,” Rarity assured through her own bewilderment. 

“Our security liaisons have the most experience with the Unknowns on the planet,” Twilight said apologetically, “they’ll have plenty of ways to handle King Bolt’s, uh…” 

“Wait, wait, wait,” Dash inadvertently bailed her out, “what liaisons? This is an Elements gig! We’re running security tonight!”

“I, w-well, I never said that,” Twilight stammered. There was a very specific reason she’d put off bringing up their backup, and part of it was pouting at her right now. 

“Just better keep out from under my hooves is all,” Dash grumbled, flopping back into her seat. 

“Magnate’s gonna be there, Dash, we’ll need all the help we can get.” Applejack glanced out the window as the light changed slightly. “Heads up!” 

Another magic tangle of vines was coming apart, revealing a cave mouth hidden in the side of the hill. Their raft’s propellers magically course corrected and gently but firmly turned them towards it. 


***


They were in darkness for a second before torches flickered to life around them. 

“Some operation…” Dash muttered appreciatively as her eyesight, sharpest of the group, made out cave mouths around practically the whole cavern and walkways above them. 

Canterlot guards were moving around on a large platform made out of the walkways, some now manning cranes and swinging different segments over to form a jetty and ramp.

“Hey, do you think…” Spike looked over at Twilight with amazed eyes. “Do you think we’re in the Niche?”

“Could be!” Twilight said enthusiastically. 

“I thought that was just an old mare’s tale,” Rarity said as the raft slowed to a stop at the jetty. The entire coach shook slightly as the clamps released. 

“So’re most of the things we see,” Applejack smiled, adjusting her saddlebag as she hopped onto the planks.


***


Most of Canterlot’s water was underground, torrents from the sea or mountain streams fed through the maze of caves that honeycombed this part of the kingdom. The few local rivers had been overtaken by mining, then the growth of the city when the towns built around that mining banded together. 

Part of what encouraged the camps to get along was the fact it was just easier to share the River Prime than bicker over it or find another source. Suddenly they were the largest city in the kingdom and in need of a lot more than fresh water.

The new capital of Equestria hadn’t been the easiest to get to. You could sail from the oceans straight into the Prime, but it was curving and narrowed as it went. Even the best freighter captains had to be careful and the only real docking point was a cove just before the hill that would become the castle. Which had given the Crown an idea.

As mining fell out of necessity Queen Palladium re-purposed the mines nearest the coast to act as docks, allowing ships to stop safely in the caves and transport the cargo underground for proper distribution in the city. Elaborate but effective, Canterlot in a nutshell. 

The three resultant “Nooks” had been vital to Canterlot’s survival before the advent of the steam engine and the airship, allowing the River Prime to become a proving ground for university rowing teams. 

There’d always been whispers of a secret fourth Nook, somewhere in the city itself that allowed the princesses to…do whatever you did with secret boat things. But it was Canterlot, ponies liked a little mystery. 


***


“Ahoy there!” called a friendly voice over the rattle of guards pushing the coach up the ramp. The Elements looked up to see Shining Armour standing at the top of the stairs, in full uniform sans his helmet. 

“You jerk!” Twilight laughed, galloping up to hug-punch Shining. “Why didn’t you tell me the Niche is real?!” 

“Who said this was it?” Shining chuckled, hoofbumping Spike’s offered knuckles. “Welcome back to Canterlot, guys. Thought we’d smuggle you in this way because why should our guests have all the fun?”

“Plus y’still hear stories about what happened last time old Mags tried to use the front door,” Rainbow smirked. “Mind you, the Wonderbolts were outta town at the time.“ 

“Thank the Great Pony,“ Shining smirked back. Dash grinned now. She and Shining had developed an unspoken sort of friendship (sometimes rivalry) since she’d made it into the Wonderbolts. Game respecting game. 

“We’re not having the summit in here are we?” Fluttershy asked, looking around. The cavern was well illuminated but still a dim sort of industrial. “I mean it’s very atmospheric but is it really the best example of Canterlot architecture?” 

“More the best way to avoid scaring everypony half to death,” Shining said. “The Panthers have stayed in town often enough, but everyone agreed this was the best way to get into the city. Make sure none of the parties feel like the others are being treated better.”

“The Mariner’ll feel right at home I’m sure,” Applejack smiled as they trotted towards an elevator, admiring the precision a crane was using to swing a boat over to another tunnel, where it slipped into the water and sailed away. “Is Cadence here too?”

“No,” Shining Armor said a bit too firmly and shut his eyes to amend it. “The Crystal Ponies need her to keep everything running while I’m playing soldier.” 

“This summit is to make some of these people less of a danger,” Twilight said gently, placing a hoof on his shoulder. Shining smiled slightly and nodded. 

“On that note,” Dash cut in with her usual delicate touch, “word is there’s another security team around these parts. What’s the deal?”

“That they’re something old and you girls are something new,” Shining smiled. 

“Flatterer. So where are they?” 

“That’s what I’m wondering,” Shining half muttered looking up at a clock built into a stalactite. “We were hoping you’d arrive together. But then, we knew you both could get tangled up in practically anything.”

“Somepony at the station diiiid try to sell everypony on the third return of Sombra,” Pinkie recalled. “He was loud and jumping around a lot. AJ and Dashie had to tie him up in his own robes!”

“Lovely detailing on his sign’s apocalyptic fresco though,” Rarity said. 

“Well I’m sure they’ll be along!” Twilight smiled nervously, telekinetically scooping Spike onto her back and jogging in place to take advantage of the lucky break while she still could. “Boy what a long ride, my dogs are barkin’, how about we go say hi to the princess and not get in a fight? …over the…delicious lunch she’s no doubt prepared for us! You know how Fluttershy can be if she doesn’t get her kale fix, ‘miright?” 

“It’s just such a rich source of vitamins C and K…” Fluttershy whimpered on the verge of apologetic tears.  

“Wait, you feel that?” Dash squinted at one of the caves. “Something’s going on with the air…”

“Finally!” Shining sighed. “Guess they took the long way around even with Ms. Storm’s powers. Smart. Considerate, even.” 

The group could feel more than hear something like engines in their ears now. Water rippled and dust drifted from one of the bays between parked coaches and boats.

“Oh boy…” Twilight mumbled. 

Dash’s eye twitched in time with a violent wing flair. “Storm?”

“BOOGA-BOOGA-BOOGA!” 

A flaming Galactaurus mask burst into existence in front of them. The Elements became a shrieking tangle of saddlebags and flailing hooves as the Fantasti-Chariot materialised in it’s bay. 

“Johnny!” the Phantasmal Pony snapped as the Thing rolled his ever lovin’ blue eyes.

The Horseshoe Torch tumbled cackling out of the air and onto his back, snuffing his flames as he struck the ground and laughed at what he had wrought. “Your faces! I can’t!” 

“Professional as ever, Storm,” Shining muttered, holding out a hoof. 

“Storm, huh?” Johnny snorted, accepting and being hauled to all fours. “Lookit Captain Shiny, all formal! I remember back when you and Soarin’ used to get together and plot revenge on Reverse Thrust. Didn’t have a problem with a lil’ scare between friends back then.” 

“Only because you made Reverse Thrust scream like a...” Shining Armor trailed off as he realised not only that Sue Storm was trotting towards him but that the baleful eyes of the less tolerant Elements (including his sister) were right behind him. 

“I’d apologise captain, but well…” Mr. Fantastic stretched over to shake his hoof and shrug. “Hello ladies, and…Spike, isn’t it? Good to see you all! Do you mind if I take notes? I’ve been dying to see the Magic of Friendship in action!” 

“Gimme a tire iron and I’ll give your burnout there one hay of a demonstration!” Rainbow Dash snarled, pulling herself loose of the group and starting towards Johnny. 

“What’s that Grim Skies old buddy?!” Johnny called hastily. “A sidekick?! At your age?! I dunno, that’s a very niche--”

“You know he’s going to make you pay for that,” Sue deadpanned as a rainbow contrail shot between her and Reed and began dancing around the Thing as he tried to haul the Chariot, made of four flying machines, into a straighter position. 

“Right, but I’ll survive the hit is the point,” Johnny said with a wink. “Hey, AJ!”

“Hey, goofball,” Applejack muttered. She stopped stomping past him to grab his utility collar, pull back on the rubbery but still sturdy material, then release it to thwack him on the nose. 

Her mood brightened as she trotted up to the Fantasti-Chariot. “Whoa! Nice ride! Solid rigs but she looks light as a baby bird’s feather! You an’ the doc throw this together, Mr. Grim?” 

“Stretch builds ‘em, I fly ‘em,” the Thing rumbled, “But I provide vital creative input, this is true. Y’know there wasn’t a single cup holder in this crate ‘til I—Yeah, nice to see ya too, squirt, geez, calm down, you’ll hurt yourself!” 

“Just wanna show ya I’m prime time material, sir!” Dash gabbled happily from where she was balancing on his back. “You’re strong, I’m fast, the perfect combo! And I’m real handy too! I can carry your bags, polish your bricks, get your dry cleaning…”

“…keep talkin’.” 


***


“Lovely to see you again too,” Fluttershy was saying as she and Sue shook hooves. “Twilight said you’ve met these people before?”

“We have history, yeah,” Sue smiled ruefully. “There’s only really one bad card in the deck, though. Magnate doesn’t need to hurl battleships at you to make it feel like he won.”

“Is he as scary as everypony says…?” Fluttershy asked nervously. 

“He’s a genius,” Reed said simply. He looked into Sue’s eyes and squeezed her hoof a little harder than he needed to. “But that needs something else to make it more than it is. Magnus sees a very real problem in the world, but without other people to help shape his solutions they might simply break it. Princess Celestia is hoping this Genoshia business is a good sign.” 

“Does he like animals?” Fluttershy asked, figuring it was worth a shot. 

“I believe he tried to feed the Hex-Ponies to a pterodactyl swarm once,” Reed said far too cheerfully and grunted as Sue elbowed him. Behind them the Thing had finally adjusted the Chariot but was now trying to stop a curious Pinkie Pie from popping out of wheel axels and glove compartments to ask about random buttons. 


5


“Are you really sure now’s the best time for this?” Rarity asked, standing next to a parked coach with Johnny. 

“Hello to you too.” Johnny raised a brow. “Best time for what?”

“Oh, do come on.” Rarity rolled her eyes. “The fate of Equestrian and Unknown alike may hinge on tonight and one of the meta-normals overseeing everything is supposed to not only have eyes for the first girl he ever loved.”

“Crystal? Here?” Johnny put a hoof to his heart. “Zounds! Don’t tell me the mice have eaten the pumpkin?! I still must be fitted for my gown! Quick, do you have the keys to your boutique?!”

“I have a hammer in my bag.” 

Johnny made a purring-growl and waggled his specifically groomed eyebrows. 

“Johnny!” Rarity stomped her hoof. (But not too hard.)

“You’re the one who used the word meta-normal in an adult conversation,” Johnny snorted, folding his forelegs as he leant against the coach. “Oooh, lookit me, I’m too hardcore to just say super-pony, come check out my black 'n' white seagull photography!”

“They were songbirds and I got them in a set, I didn’t take them, they gave that antechamber character!”  Rarity swatted at him, huffing when it just made him laugh. “Oh, you…you…you you! I’d let you crash and burn but there’s another mare involved, and I can’t simply turn my back on her!” 

“You know we’ve been talking for months. Like, talking-talking!” 

“Yes, very Hallmark.” Rarity sighed through her nose, looking at him sadly. “I can’t begin to understand how important Crystal is to you, but tonight is about so much more than just you two. Talking and rekindling an old flame are very different things. Sue and the others must’ve told you that.” 

“Sue and the others trust me, believe it or not,” Johnny smirked. Then side-eyed a crane. “Well. The others. I think Grim doesn’t care unless I wipe out and he can’t tape it.”

“And you’ve thought about how Crystal is going to feel, of course?” Rarity said sharply. 

“Rarity.” Johnny calmly put a hoof on her shoulder, smiling at her confused, grumpy expression. “Thank you for caring.”

“Thank you for getting your smelly grease monkey hooves all over my nice white coat.”

“Just a few months ago you were admiring how I can burn myself completely clean.”

“Oh, so you won’t smudge, I’ll just smell like a coalmine accident for no readily apparent reason. Cheers.” 

“You asked if you could make a dress that did the same thing.”

“Could’ve been worse.” Her eyes flashed. “I could’ve invested in slap bracelets.”

“They came in tiger stripes!”

“Sometimes I wonder what I ever saw in you,” Rarity sighed. 

“Maybe it’d help if you wrote it down.” Johnny put a little extra twinkle into his eyes. “We could read it together, have a laugh.”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. “And Crystal makes three?” 

“If she wants to get together again, yeah.” 

Johnny looked around to make sure the rest of their groups were busy with shenanigans and smiled at her. “It’s been years, Rarity. I’ve had way longer to come up with reasons this is a bad idea than you ever will.” 

“That’s your big pitch?” she scoffed. 

“I’m not trying to talk anypony into anything.” Johnny shrugged. “Way I see it, if it’s meant to happen it will. Don’t pretend you don’t get that.” 

“That’s cheating,” Rarity pouted. 

“For real? You’re a good friend. And I hope you’ll be her’s too.” Johnny let out a long breath as he glanced at Rainbow Dash now perched on a crane, cracking up at whatever Pinkie Pie had said to flummox Reed. “And honestly, Crystal isn’t who I’m sweating today.”

“That I can get behind,” Rarity smiled. “Rainbow’s been pretty tolerant of late.”

“…of me?”

“She’s stopped making cloud busts of your head and…well, I pinkie promised not to tell and it’d only give you nightmares.”

“Too late, saw her do the same thing to squad mates she hated in college.” Johnny frowned. “Did she really do that?”

“Not to your actual face, at least!” Rarity giggled. “But I mean it, we’ve been through a lot these last few months. I’d like to think we’ve grown a little too. And since we’ll have to work together, she’ll have to do more than just tolerate you, so--”

Johnny blinked. “She tolerates me?”

“I think it’s more than she’s had long enough to accept you’re a part of our lives.”

“I am?”

“We’re friends, dummy,” Rarity smirked, throwing a foreleg around his neck for a cuddle. “Maybe you could show up in Ponyville more, we could use this summit to start immunizing her!”

“To what…?”

“You! Maybe some kind of subconscious connection to peace and your presence…”

“There’s the evil mastermind I’ve come to rely on,” Johnny laughed. “Okay, make you a deal. I follow your Rainbow lead and you give me and Crystal space. Look at it this way: everything goes okay and you could wind up with two more people to judge for the price of one.” 

“Tempting,” Rarity agreed. “Nothing I can say to make you abandon your crazy love ship?”

“I say that after sticking me on foalsitting Sweetie Belle last week you owe me.” 

“I take it back, you’re a ruthless business colt,” Rarity muttered. 

“Any tips to get me started? With Dash I mean. She used to love it when I’d--”

“Don’t!” Rarity’s hoof flew to his lips. It tasted like porcelain and cucumber water. “Your problem right there is you’re thinking of the Rainbow you knew in school. A period of her life she hates worse than jazz flutes. Bad place to start.” 

“Whatever she told you, that jazz flute thing is not my fault,” Johnny said too quickly. 

“Mmm, will dig into that later,” Rarity agreed without missing a beat. “I know she hasn’t made getting to know the new her at all easy, Johnny, but that’s who you really want to know. I understand what makes you want to be friends again is very likely something from flight school, but it’s long past time to accept that that ship has—”

“We’re loosin’ her! Heads below!” 

Everypony flinched at a worker’s yell and the screech of metal as he jumped out of his crane’s cab, just in time to avoid the jibboom of the boat it had been struggling with smashing through the windscreen. The impact snapped the two rear cables of its platform, sending the ship’s end swinging down towards the workers on the jetty under it.

“I don’t think so!” The Thing smacked a clenched hoof against his segment of the Fantasti-Chariot, popping open a trunk. 

He snagged an industrial strength coil of cable in his mouth and swung it across the cavern, smashing the hook on the end through timber like it was a pillow. He didn’t even budge as the boat rocked with inertia. 

A few startled cheers went up over the grinding of the crane as he dragged it and the still trapped ship around so the rudder could park itself on more solid ground. The Thing wrapped a hoof around the cable and gave an almost bored tug, bursting the cab open like a paper bag as he hauled the boat out. 

“—sailed,” Rarity winced. 


***


“Great!” Shining Armor sighed, jabbing an intercom button in the elevator’s housing. “Torque Wrench, you awake? Gonna need a maintenance crew to the Niche. Yeah, number four finally went. It was a boat. Uh…nah, don’t bother, figure it’s better we take her apart and recycle what’s left. Okay.” 

He trotted up to the Thing and shook a hoof almost the size of his head. “Nice save, Captain Grim Skies.” 

“Eh, any distinguished colt of character woulda done it.” The Thing jerked his head at the elevator with a sound like a boulder having a coughing fit. “Didn’t cut quite the same rugged figure last time I was down here, though. Maybe I’d better take the backway out an’ hoof it up the hill. Should still fit in at least one of those ol’ passageways.”

Spike shook his head. “Seriously, how many secret tunnels does one castle need?”

“We didn’t have a Spark Inspirations freight elevator last time,” Shining smiled, beckoning everyone to follow him. “And we’ll probably have to shell out for some of their cranes too. If that old rust bucket finally tapped out the rest can’t have long to go, but one thing at a time.”

He pressed the button and the doors whipped open like an aesthetically pleasing breeze. 

“Alright, here’s the deal everypony: this place needs to stay a secret so we’re going up in groups! Makes it less weird if there’s only about four or so ponies climbing out of a suit of armour at time. Castle staff have been briefed for your arrival and can lead you to your rooms, so pick your partners and hop in. Today’s soup is Vichyssoise!”

“Carry your bags?” Johnny offered Rainbow Dash.

“Got enough baggage thanks to you already,” Dash smirked, following the Thing into the elevator with Pinkie Pie and Sousaphone Storm. “See ya up top! Whether I want to or not!”

“Promising start,” Rarity grinned as Johnny’s smile became slightly more genuine. “Fillies love it when a stallion makes that offer.” 

Shining squinted at Twilight. “…do I wanna know?”

“They used to date,” Twilight sighed. 

“Oh sun and moon! And you couldn’t have given me a heads up?” 

“Maybe if somepony had told me he was gonna show off his fancy secret submarine base…” Twilight grumbled. Shining’s eyes stayed glaring at the new coach and raft being set up as his cheeks reddened. 

The remains of two of Equestria’s greatest teams just stood there outside the elevator, everypony desperately resisting the urge to be the one to tap their hoof first. Fluttershy coughed. Somewhere a truck started beeping. 

Rarity glanced mischievously between Johnny and Shining and decided to get a little revenge for neither having mentioned their acquaintance before and depriving her of juicy secrets. “Sooo, what became of good old Reverse Thrust?” 

“He was in a coma for a while,” Shining smirked without turning around.

“Unrelated!” Johnny insisted as Rarity gaped at him. “Totally unrelated!” 


6


“Ready yet?” Princess Luna asked as she entered Celestia’s room. 

“In a bit,” Celestia smiled, looking up from various levitated papers…and scent bottles. One of the gold tinged bottles squirted some heather into the air.  “What do you think of this one?” 

“Eh,” Luna said simply, gazing out the window. 

Celestia tried to stop her teeth grinding. There were so many weaponizable mannerisms the 21st century had given her little sister to torture her with. “Well what about this one? I’m looking for an evening scent.” 

“Can’t go wrong with jasmine then.”

“True, but I don’t want to be typical.” 

“Trust me, you’re being very typical right now.” Luna rolled her eyes at the indignant steam that snorted from her sister’s nose and conjured a bottle from her own room. “Fine, here! Neighponese wisteria.” 

“Oooh! Give us!” 

Celestia gave two feather light puffs to either side of her neck and then spoiled the effect by telekinetically slamming an APPROVED stamp onto two different papers. “What?”

“It’s a summit Celestia, not a clubbing. No one’s going to care what you smell like. You’re not even wearing a gown!” 

“A clubbing?” Celestia said flatly. 

“Is that not what they’re called? The experience sounded violent, so I assumed…”

“Not unreasonable.” Celestia stacked her papers neatly and stood up. “It’s important that we make a good impression, Luna.” 

“Which is why I imagine Blueblood received an anonymous tip about the cure for premature baldness as the prize for attending a weeklong retreat in Mustangia,” Luna smirked. 

“Did he?” Celestia asked over-innocently as they set off down the hall. “How unfortunate, he’s quite talented at politics— ” 

“Buttering everyone up while he tries to figure out which pads to grease,” Luna grumbled. 

“—when he has a guiding hoof on his shoulder,” Celestia said firmly, half admonitory, half admission. “But we must be open and honest with these people, and that is quite a different sort of game.”

“Not sure it’s mine,” Luna muttered. “Once you had to make more than just Avatar decisions you were always the one who could figure out what somepony needed. Dreams are one thing, but the shell games in the waking world…I find it so much easier to just find out what they want, then decide whether they should get it or not!”

“We used to have far worse policies,” Celestia said gently. 

“If you mean being honest is the worse alternative!” Luna snapped. “I’m just saying, it’s a good thing it requires both our signatures to officially declare that sort of thing. Then again you’re the one who invited him into our home.” 

“There are many significant gentlemen in this affair, Luna,” Celestia sighed. 

“And you know exactly which one I mean. This is what I’m talking about! You’ve seen what’s in Magnate’s file, Great Pony in the Sky, you’ve lived through it! And yet you’re so together! The sister I learned these duties with would have cast him into Tartarus, and I’d have been right behind her with extra chains!” 

“There is the matter of Magnus renouncing his citizenship before embarking on his crusade,” Celestia said carefully. “And he’d just bend the chains around us anyway.”

“…fair,” Luna sighed. “I’m just trying to say…I know you were on a first name basis before he showed you who he truly was and yet here you are, putting it all aside so you can give his people something. Because you’re amazing like that.” 

Celestia hesitated as they neared a specific balcony. 

“I don’t know about putting it all aside.” She shut her eyes. “But perhaps if I’d made the Exquestrian situation more of a priority he wouldn’t have been driven to do those things.”

“Perhaps,” Luna volunteered sharply, “he was always just another egomaniac waiting to happen. And maybe, just maybe, you should accept the compliment instead of trying to take responsibility for somepony who’s just going to squander your kindness all over again.”

“He’s not the type to squander anything,” Celestia smiled ruefully. “Not if there’s something to gain. And yes, I should remember to stockpile my little sister’s praises for the lean winter months.”

“Compliment. It was a compliment. You’re going to have to do something amazing for praise and, well, you’re you.”

“Better than the alternative,” Celestia smirked back and adjusted a specific baluster with her telekinesis. 

Both sisters braced themselves only slightly as the balcony sunk and spun in a feat of lost architectural genius, replacing it with an identical balcony as it slid into a concealed shaft within the mountain and began to seamlessly slide into the darkness. 


***


“Oh!” Celestia remembered after only a few beats of whizzing mechanisms. “Did you remember to return that library book?”

“We’re about to meet with four of the most powerful secret kingdoms on the planet!” Luna scoffed then looked to the side. “…yes. Though I was tempted to hang onto it. If this goes turnip carts up we’ll be lucky the library doesn’t go down in the flames with the rest of New Town.”

“Ever the realist,” Celestia smiled pleasantly. “Did you talk to the Elements and the Family?” 

“Captain Shining…? Oh, the Manehattanites! Yes. They seemed to be having a good time of it, probably because Rainbow Dash and Tropical Storm got lunch at different places. You?”

“Popped my head in when I had a spare moment, yes. Would’ve made sure we could both show up but this under-estate thing is taking forever. Besides, it’s good for you to get back into the swing of things!”

“Throwing me into the deep end, I think is the expression,” Luna smirked. “Quite deep with some of the personalities we’ve got in here tonight. It’s Shining Armour I feel sorry for, our liaisons and his security are quite the juggling routine. With gunpowder and lit torches. Speaking of, did you know about Rainbow Dash and Tropical Storm? Great Horn Spoon!”

“Mmm?” Celestia blinked at her. “He prefers Johnnycake. Well, Johnny.”

“And I’d prefer to call the little devil a lot of things, but you went and gave him a medal.” Luna squinted at her. “Wait, did you not know?”

“Know what?” Celestia asked in a hoof stomping voice. “Oh, that’s right, they were at flight school together! That’s the sort of friendship we need to lead this kingdom into—alright, what’s so funny?” 

“Oh you’ll see!” Luna half cackled, hoof against her chest to steady herself. “Whooo! Alright, alright, game face, we’re nearly there. Who’s talking to whom?”

“Well, there’s four representatives, and they’ve come from so far away I thought we’d skip the speech and let them talk. I imagine they’ll all want to dive in anyway, they’re that sort. After that, just mingle. Magnus is the only one the four’ll really have to keep an eye on and while I trust Twilight’s planning methods implicitly, the Elements are better when they just…happen.”

“I know what you mean,” Luna agreed. “Any specific combinations in mind?”

“Well, you haven’t met T’Challa yet. He’s bringing his sister, bless him.”

“Aww!”

“I know, right?” 

The balcony/elevator glided to a halt and spun around to present its passengers with one of many junctions for the mountain’s secret passageways. One of the four entrances in front of them sported lit torches and hung banners for the occasion. Pageantry in secret, that was the Canterlot way. 

“Anyone you have in mind?” Celestia asked as they set off. 

Luna’s eyes glinted mischievously. “Bagsises Namor.” 

“Oh, for heaven’s sake!” Celestia rolled her eyes. 

“What? The moon and the ocean have a very unique relationship!”

“That’s what I’m worried about.”

“Odd time to get cold hooves about inviting terrorists, sister dearest!” Luna was enjoying herself a bit too much. 

“You see quite enough of him as is with your other little side projects,” Celestia said with a cold smile. 

“Ah.” Luna froze mid trot. “You…know about that.” 

“Xemnu comes to Equestria and I don’t get a vision?” Celestia scoffed as she passed. 

“…then why didn’t you do anything?” 

“Because I saw who would be there if I didn’t.” 

“They’re good people!” Luna called, making Celestia stop and look at her over her shoulder. “Or they want to be. I know what’s that like.”

“I…did wonder,” Celestia said gently. “Part of the reason I haven’t gotten involved is you’re all the royal presence required, and frankly it can’t go worse than mine did.”

“Shy-Hulk and the Surfer don’t resent you,” Luna assured. “They know you didn’t mean for those hearings to get as out of control as they did. It’s just going to take some time until there’s a place for people like u…like them. And the reality is it may never be a place fully in the light. I feel like I’m providing something close.”

“Then perhaps you’re better equipped for this summit than you thought,” Celestia smiled. Both sisters stood there, enjoying the quiet moment of understanding in the torch light. 

“…so,” Luna said eventually, trying to sound like she didn’t really care, but since it came up. “Have, ah, have you seen any of our other escapades? Any visions of the other…” 

She made a show of examining one of her shoes, which had actually been nicely buffed for tonight. “You know. Major incidents we prevented? Without needing any thanks.”

“Why would I need to?” She could hear the smile in Celestia’s voice even though she was trying to do that nonchalant too-cool-to-look-at-you thing. “I know that Equestria’s always being defended.” 

“Defen…?” Luna mused quietly to the flagstones. “Hmm.” 

“Luna!” her big sister called from further up the passage.

“Er, coming!” 


To be Continued 

> And Carry a Big Torch (2)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


7


“Golf jokes,” the Thing rumbled. “Ya can’t go wrong with golf jokes.”

“I can’t?” Pinkie Pie blinked. The law of big-tiny had placed them next to each other in the line-up. 

“Trust me kiddo, if in doubt, play it borin’.”

“Play? Boring?” Pinkie leaned around Rarity and Fluttershy to stare pleadingly at Rainbow Dash. “Help?” 

“Grim…” Sue warned from next to Reed. 

“C’mon, sis,” Johnny grinned, “he’s just trying to help.” 

“You be quiet,” Sue said, looking him up and down again. 

The Fantastic Family, and similar groups classified as ‘voluntary specialists’ in certain documents, didn’t have to abide by dress codes for functions like this. The Elements were well groomed but just as they were, as was she with only the addition of her dark blue FF utility collar. 

Reed always looked good to her, even after almost two days in his lab without sleep, but there was something so (she hated the word because it made anypony who used it sound like a pampered eight year old, but) spiffy in his own collar and the sky blue team vest that only he really wore anymore. 

The Thing looked much as he always did, solid and solemn, wearing boxer like trunks to cover what the transformation had done to his cutie mark and his two utility wristbands making each foreleg look nicely dynamic, not that they needed the help. 

And then there was her little brother. 

Johnny was wearing a t-shirt and blazer so casually he looked like all that was needed to complete the effect was a lopsided trilby whirling into his outstretched hoof. Maybe a couple of exotic medallions as conversation pieces. It felt like this antechamber should’ve been in a club so he could saunter onto the tables and start crooning funcktronica power ballads. If he didn’t sound so much like the older brother from Colt Meets World, you’d swear he was Troy Baker announcing which of the seven billion projects he’d be doing this week.  

Twilight shook her head to get rid of the little Spider-Pony telling her all this from her shoulder. Sue and Rarity exchanged glances, confirming that yes, they had seen the guest list and agreed that upon Johnny’s own head be it.  

“And I’m telling you it’s this one!” one of the walls said. 

A tapestry flapped indignantly a few times before pulling itself down sharply and rolling into the rafters. Princess Celestia trotted through trying to look self-satisfied and dignified at the same time. Princess Luna trotted out behind her, noticed the eleven witnesses and made her face carefully neutral. She’d just put something in her sister’s pillow tonight instead. 

“Good evening everypony, thank you for coming,” Celestia smiled as the tapestry unfurled back into place. “We are honoured to perform the setting of the sun and the rising of the moon in front of you as well as our guests.”

“Indeed, if anything we thank you for the privilege!” Luna let a little enthusiasm through the regally pleasant smile. “Even with the Summer Sun Celebration it’s rare that we can share this experience. It’s almost like a dance! The colours, the serenity, the Great Pony’s name are you wearing?” 

“Mmm?” Celestia blinked at her sister then followed her gaze to Johnny instead of just looking pleasantly around the room at everypony. If she could properly blanch she would have. “Oh.” 

“What?” Johnny blinked, then rounded on Sue. “What?”

“Sorry, Princess,” Sue and Twilight said simultaneously, the sister resignedly, the student desperately. They blinked at each other. 

“Don’t get me wrong, Johnnycake, that’s a very you look, it suits you, it’s just…” Celestia’s neck was craning from side to side like an uncertain jumbo jet debating which crash site would be less awful, an orphanage or a retirement community. “Is that really what you’re going with? Tonight?” 

“Is there a dress code now, your highness?” Mr. Fantastic blinked, almost going cross-eyed looking down at his 4 emblem. “Oh dear. Should I have worn my bowtie?”

“Ooh, that would make you look quite spiffy!” Rarity beamed. 

“What?” Johnny insisted again, defensively adjusting the lapels of his blazer. 

“…Princess Crystal is coming,” Celestia realised with self-chastising slowness. 

“Yes?” Luna looked between her and Johnny until it clicked. “…you’re not serious.” 

“It’s Johnny, Princess,” Dash patiently cut in, like she was explaining how to properly bandage an embarrassing workplace accident. 

“Thanks!” Johnny grinned. 

“I mean they’ve known him for years. This is totally not even in the top ten worst they’d be expecting!” 

Johnny’s grin wavered only slightly as Rarity gave him a hang-in-there nod. 

“Kid’s got a point,” the Thing rumbled in agreement. Dash grinned at Pinkie who gave her an enthusiastic tail tip up. The Thing thought she had a point! 

“Had to happen sooner or later.” 


***

The assembly either rounded on or flinched away from the aloof voice. 

The mare perched on a windowsill scoffed, silver and blue swirls still dancing around her from a silent rush up the side of the building. Then she was relaxing against a pillar, the swirls from her custom hoof shoes tracing back to the already fading afterimage springing from her perch. 

She gave Rainbow Dash, halfway through trying to assume a combat stance without elbowing Fluttershy in the throat, a curt nod of her aristocratic muzzle, then bowed to the sisters. “Princess Celestia. And Princess Luna. I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure.” 

Luna nodded. “Your reputation precedes you, acting ambassador Quicksilver. We presume it is one of the few things that can?”

“Just gimme enough build up,” Dash half sneered, though the smirks she and the lean, silver and blue maned Earth Pony were shooting each other were a certain kind of gratifyingly rivalrous. The Thing raised an almost paternal eyebrow as he heard the silent revving of the two speedsters’ engines. 

“Rainbow Dash,” Silver casually sniffed. Her eyes fell on who was peeking out over Dash’s shoulder and thawed. “Fluttershy.” 

“Hello again,” Fluttershy said politely. “Are you first then?” 

“Did anypony see you enter?” Luna asked as the Pegasus tried not to blush at how obvious the question had been. 

“Princess, with all due respect: please.” 

Silver ran a hoof through her mane, shimmering in the reddening evening light. Three medallions on her kerchief clinked softly from the gesture. Twilight recognised the foremost one as a symbol from a study she’d made of Roma iconography. Perhaps from Silver’s tribe? Or something even more personal? The others were the stylised B of the Befrienders and the Genoshian flag. 

She wondered if there was any significance attached to the fact it hung the lowest on the only other item of clothing Magnate’s daughter was wearing. 

“You two’ve teamed up?” Johnny asked, eyes flicking between both speedsters. “Guess we shouldn’t be surprised.” 

“Quick as ever, Storm,” Silver languidly shot back. Ah, yeah, Johnny remembered. She and Crystal had developed a gal pal thing, hadn’t they? Greeeeaaaat…

“Maybe I’ll tell ya about it sometime,” Dash said, which made him feel better even though she wasn’t looking at him. 

“Have you come ahead of Minister Magnate?” Celestia asked with practised professional courtesy. “We can fetch some refreshment if you’d like.”

“Thank you, no,” Silver said with a polite but still curt nod. “And yes, Father is only a few minutes behind. Well, a few for your majesties. He probably assumes I ran on ahead to announce him. Really though I just thought I’d make a search of the grounds to make sure no Hex-Ponies were keeping an eye on him. You know what Timberwolf’s like. I commend your choice of diplomats, as well.”

“Thank you,” Celestia said, looking amused. “We were hoping to meet everyone and enter the suites together, but I appreciate how much of a wait that must be to your perception. If you’d enjoy exploring the passageways or the grounds or even the city itself, please, feel free to do so.” 

“Uh, no, th-thank you.” Silver blinked, still managing to sound clipped even with the surprise of someone not used to being caught off guard. By actual consideration, no less! “To tell the truth I’m surprised the Panther Prince’s entourage didn’t beat me here.” 

“They’ll be about, I’m sure,” Celestia chuckled. 

“Always such a wonderfully stealthy people,” Luna nodded approvingly. 

“Thank you, Princess Luna,” said a rich voiced patch of shadow. 


***

The Elements were too shocked to cry out this time. The Fantastic Family had heard that voice often enough to not instinctively spring into action when a group of Amazonian creatures carrying high-tech spears dropped from the ceiling, forming a ring for a lithe, obsidian form to somersault into. 

“Cooooool…” Rainbow Dash half whispered over Rarity’s subtle “Oh my…”

“Aww for the love of my sweet aunt Petunia,” the Thing grumbled, “does everypony in the biz have to showoff? Door’s right there.”

The zebra nodded, shadows dancing across his suit to describe the motion. “My apologies for both the apparently ostentatious entrance and such a large Dora Milaje presence, but it is not only their prince they shepherd tonight.”

“Way to overdo it, bro,” sighed a younger zebra, somehow trotting out from behind him. Her mane was styled more for a runway, matching her choice of dress and jewellery. 

“Prince T’Challa, Princess Shuri,” Celestia smiled as the four royals perfectly matched each other’s bows. Twilight felt her own knees twitch belatedly. This was kind of her job too now…

“Wait, that’s Shuri?” Johnny blinked, grinning. “Wow! You’ve grown!”

“H-h-h-hi, Johnnycake,” Shrui simpered back, her face glowing red across her coco brown coat and the amber stripes around her muzzle. A slight tremor shook her smile and rattled her jewellery, her dress looking like it was being swept into a tornado. Rarity silently vowed to rescue the poor girl at the earliest opportunity. 

“Yes,” T’Challa deadpanned. “Hello.” His eyes didn’t narrow, if anything the shape of his mask lent them a half lidded, calm quality. But they did glow briefly. 

“I take it you had no trouble getting here?” Luna tried, eyeing the nearest impala and griffin Milaje. “Assuming you arrived via the Niche.” 

“Luna,” Celestia smiled, trying not to make it sound like too much of a warning. 

“Your directions allowed my sister’s craft to navigate caves and rivers undetected with time to spare, yes,” the Panther said. “Captain Aneka is, ah, downstairs as it were, going over things with Captain Shining Armor. She can be most…thorough and would not allow us to simply present ourselves without an escort. Naturally, while your Niche is—”

“Awesome!” Shuri butted in. “How long did it take you to set up all those cranes?! Do you use the streams for power?! If I could have some blueprints, I’m sure could find you some great ways to--”

“—a grand example of Equestrian architectural ingenuity,” T’Challa resumed seamlessly but firmly, “I felt it would be rude to both be late and to simply make our way through your home with an armoured cadre. Hence our stealth.”

“You never get to make fun of how I enter a room ever again,” Dash grinned ferally at Applejack. 

“May we introduce you to our friends the Elements of Harmony?” Celestia asked, indicating the group with a wing. “I’m not sure you’ve met before, though of course it would be remiss of me not to remember your friendship with Dr. River’s and his family.”

“It’s good to see our old friends again, yes,” the Panther said warmly, trotting over to shake Reed and Sue’s hooves. 

“Yeah it is,” Shuri beamed at Johnny. 

“As well as my fellow Befriender,” her brother said less warmly, his eyes glowing again as he clasped foreleg with the amused Quicksilver. “But I’ve not had the pleasure of the bearers of Harmony. Yet.” 

He turned to Twilight and bowed. “Princess Twilight. It is a pleasure.”

“Uh…y-you too, Prince Pant’Challa?” Twilight tried, her voice creaking slightly from a hasty return bow. She’d done this with Celestia since she was eight, sun and moon please don’t let him think it’s a race thing, what if it is thought, like subconsciously, no you and Zecora have made crazy good progress, stop it.

“’Sup,” Rainbow Dash said, and casually saluted in a way Twilight hoped was just to embarrass her, because the last thing this evening needed was a disrespectful Wonderbolt starting a war with maybe the most advanced nation on Earth. 

“Howdy!” Applejack contributed, at least bowing. 

“Charmed,” Rarity said, extending a curved hoof and making Johnny smirk and shake his head with his eyes shut. He opened them to see the glory of Rarity’s nonplussed face as the Panther simply shook it. Without looking Sue formed an invisible hoof and clamped it over his delighted mouth. 

“Hiya!” Pinkie grinned, grabbing the Panther’s hoof glove and shaking it vigorously. Shrui cracked up. “I’m Pinkie Pie! And this is Fluttershy!” 

She twitched her tail aside, leaving the still bowing Pegasus exposed. She opened one eye, realising they hadn’t needed permission to rise and blinked up at the living shadow looking down at her. 

“Um, hello.”

“Hello.”

“I’m Flu…Pinkie told you. I’m the Element of Kindness?”

“I am the prince of a small African nation.”  

“Oh.”

“Indeed.” 

“Who are we still waiting on?” Luna asked. The air behind her and Celestia began to ripple with lightning and Krackle, which grew lager. 

“It’s alright, we know what this is!” Mr. Fantastic assured Twilight as she and Applejack started towards the princesses. 

“We do?” The Thing squinted, then his eyes widened. “Awww crud…”

The Krackle became four figures, although everyone’s attention was naturally drawn to the largest shape. Which let out an excited bark and lumbered towards the Thing like a runaway roller coaster car, rattling lamps and tapestries. The collision almost knocked them all off their hooves and sent the Thing swaying. 

The Elements of Harmony saw a lot of things on even an average day protecting Ponyville. None of them had any idea how exactly to classify a giant bulldog with a tuning fork in it’s forehead.

“Awright, awright, heel already!” the Thing cried, trying to turn his right cheek towards the creature’s lapping tongue as it pawed at his mantle. “I’m happy to see ya too, ya oversized hydrant chaser!” 

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry Grim Skies!” moaned one of the new arrivals. “Lockjaw! Down, boy!”  

She was the youngest of the trio. She was an orange and red haired, golden furred Unknown with strange black patterns woven through her sunset hair, a multifaceted crystalline brand crowning her forehead almost like a Unicorn’s horn. She wore a yellow vest almost like a Winter Wrap Up suit with black diamond and lightning patterns to match the one’s in her hair. Like her elders she wore a silver collar around her neck, a medallion with an ornate lightning pattern marking her station. 


***


And to Johnny she was sunshine and water and oxygen and everything right with the world. She had a pair of eyes so perfect crystal blue she’d been named after them and he realised the memory of them would never be enough. 

“Lockjaw!” Crystal snapped, practically smacking him out of the stupor. “You’re embarrassing us in front of the avatars!” 

“Doggy…” Fluttershy said distantly. 

Lockjaw’s ears perked up and he spun away from the sopping wet Thing to see where the voice had come from. They locked eyes. It was love at first sight. 

“Stampede!” Applejack hollered as everypony dived out of Lockjaw’s way. The Panther simply took a casual but still catlike step to the left as an entranced Fluttershy raised her forelegs for an embrace. The Thing wiped some slobber out of his eyes and blinked as Lockjaw’s muzzle collided with Fluttershy’s upper body, each lick half lifting her off the floor as she cooed and rubbed every inch of face she could reach. 

“Lockjaw!” Crystal whined. A pair of tendrils made of red hair gently settled on her shoulders and she glanced irritably at her older sister. 

“I’m sure Princess Celestia is more than glad to see you trying to take responsibility for your charge, sister,” Medusa soothed as she and Black Bolt stepped forward. “Though perhaps you should have been paying attention when she specified a covert entry.”

“Maybe you should have told me who was going to be in the room,” Crystal muttered. She smiled awkwardly at the Thing. “Sorry, Grim.”

“Eh, he needs sluicing down at least once a month,” Johnny quipped. He fought not to burst into flames as Crystal turned to him for the first time. “I mean…hey.”

“Hey,” Crystal smiled. Her eyes drifted over his ensemble and her smile became subtly more approving. 

“King Black Bolt, Queen Medusa,” Princess Celestia said through the glorious tunnel Johnny had felt forming between them and forcing his eyes to drag themselves out of Crystal’s orbit to take in the sight of the other four royals bowing to each other. She smiled fondly at Crystal. “And Princess Crystal! It’s wonderful to see you again!”

“Thank you, your majesty.” Crystal bowed. 

“It is also a pleasure to meet you all for the first time,” Luna contributed, nodding at Black Bolt. “I’m afraid I was…away when our people made contact again. I’m glad you have found friends among us and we hope this night will add to those bonds.”

“Black Bolt thanks you, Princess,” Medusa said as her husband held out a hoof, the rune on his forehead glowing softly. “We’ve been hoping to meet for quite some time! The moon is a very important symbol in Unknown culture.”

“Really?” Luna blinked. Celestia winked at her. 

“Are they superheroes too?” Rainbow Dash whispered to the Thing as he thumped some drool out of his ear. 

Medusa was giving her a weird vibe, like a restrained Maneiac, even though her jumpsuit was a softer shade of purple. Her big thing seemed to be her waterfall of hair, putting every photo Dash had seen of her mother in the 80’s to shame, but she didn’t seem to have little fork thingy like her husband and sister. The closest thing seemed to be a tuning fork icon on the forehead of the mask she was wearing. 

Black Bolt looked like a Wonderbolt action figure Rainbow would have wanted when she was thirteen, an almost Panther black jumpsuit wrapped around his Shining-esque body and head, adorned with elaborate metallic lightning patterns. She wondered if the silver wings tucked to his sides were just for show, but they adjusted themselves slightly with an undeniably organic quality. They shimmered slightly as the silver rune rising out of his forehead flickered with strange light.

“Sometimes,” the Thing grunted back. 

“Is it true the big guy can clobber ya with just his voice?!”

“Trust me kid, ya don’t wanna find out.”

Dash took the hint and clammed up. She glanced at Rarity who was alternating between glaring (in concern) at Johnny, who was watching Crystal trying to reign Lockjaw in, and staring nervously at the giant creature from her perch on a table as it panted at her, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie. 

“It’s been a long time!” Sue smiled as she and Medusa embraced. 

“You’re always welcome in Attlian,” Medusa said, squeezing hooves with Blackbolt. 

“We’re hoping we can offer you all more than just the Baxter Barn after this,” Reed said solemnly as Black Bolt and T’Challa shook. “The Princess has some interesting plans in that direction.”

“Which I will go into as soon as our other guests arrive,” Celestia agreed. 

“Then let’s hear them.” 

All eyes turned to the passageway as two figures floated out of its shadows. The one who’d spoken used fin-like wings on his ankles to keep himself above the floor, the other seemed to be standing on nothing. 

The Sub-Marnier and the Magneto Mage. 

Lockjaw sank low and snarled at Magnate. The stately Unicorn lifted a silver eyebrow in the shadows of his signature helmet, but his purple cape didn’t so much as ruffle. Black Bolt trotted in front of the dog and narrowed his eyes as his horn crackled. With a reluctant grunt, Lockjaw sat on his haunches. 

“Thank you,” Magnate said languidly. Black Bolt gave him a curt nod. 

The master of magnetism’s eyes drifted impassively over the heroes surrounding him. Twilight was glaring at him. Magnate held her gaze for a beat then focused on Johnny. Or more accurately Johnny’s ensemble. He raised the other eyebrow this time. 

“You were supposed to wait for me,” he said without looking at his daughter. 

“And I didn’t,” Quicksilver parried with the same aloofness. Her expression became warmer as she trotted up to Crystal for a hug. “It’s good to see you again, Crystal.”

“You too, Silver. We should do something in Canterlot sometime!” 

“After we’ve discussed it,” Medusa said sharply. Crystal rolled her eyes. 

“May we proceed?” Namor cut in, landing to emphasis the point. He smiled, eyes flashing darkly as he looked to Luna and bowed. “Princess Luna!”

“Prince Namor,” Luna smiled back, eyes half-lidded. Sue Storm squinted. 

“Princess Celestia,” Namor almost grunted, nodding at her. “You wish to actually discuss Aquarian-Surface relations?” 

“Indeed,” Celestia replied, bowing. She looked over at Magnate, who simply looked back impassively. Rainbow Dash almost flapped into his face, roiling at the blatant disrespect, but the Thing gently placed a rocky hoof on her back. 

“Let’s get this over with,” Magnate said, floating over the assembly. The handles of the double doors loudly turned themselves and swung open, allowing him to seamlessly drift into a small (for Canterlot castle) dining/drawing room. 

The Panther’s eyes narrowed and glowed this time, while Medusa’s hair lashed slightly, but Celestia gave them a tired look, then smiled and nodded to them all. 

“If you would follow me, please,” she enthused, trotting in the lead, “we’d be delighted to offer you some Canterlot hospitality before we begin.”

Crystal was laughing with Quicksilver, who seemed content to go at somepony else’s pace for once, but did look around and smile at Johnny. He smiled back and stopped himself before walking into Rainbow Dash. 

“Uh, after you!”

“Thanks!” Dash blinked, and trotted after Sue and Reed, talking to Twilight. 

“Doggy,” Fluttershy said happily, nuzzling Lockjaw’s back as she rode on it. 

Rarity gave Johnny a helpless look as she trotted past. He felt a strange distance behind him and turned to see he was about to be alone in the antechamber with Princess Luna. Who was smiling in a way that reminded him of Namor. 

“Just wanted a quick word with you before the fireworks begin,” she said with poisonous cheerfulness. 

“There’s gonna be fireworks?” 

“Mmm, potentially.” She vanished in a blur of blue mist and Johnny’s pupils shrank as her voice whispered in his ear. “What with three of your old flames in the same room tonight.”

Johnny didn’t even have to turn around to know she was floating away from him. He’d forgotten how to walk. Why was he not a pile of collapsed mannequin limbs on the floor? Maybe if he reached the right temperature he could melt through the floor. The caves. The Earth’s crust. He’d always been vaguely curious about life as Thestralian goat herder. 

“After you,” Luna shark grinned, politely holding the door open for him. 


To be Continued

> And Carry a Big Torch (3)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


8


“What’s his favourite treat?” Fluttershy asked as she tried to find a part of Lockjaw she hadn’t patted yet. “Does he know any tricks? Is you a good boy? Is you? Is yooooou?” 

“He eats…a lot?” Crystal squinted. Lockjaw’s smile was distorting like a cartoon dream fade in as Fluttershy rubbed his squished jowls so fast she almost burned off her hooves. “As for tricks, Medusa’ll probably be mad…” 

Her expression brightened. “Lockjaw! Fetch!” 

Lockjaw barked in delight and his antenna lit up the room. He became a seething outline of light and Krackle dots and winked out of existence almost instantly. Fluttershy had instinctively yanked her hooves away and was staring with traumatized outrage at the empty space. 

“Where did he go.” 

“It’s alright, it’s alright!” Crystal waved calming hooves. “He’s just playing fetch!” 

“Oh.” Fluttershy rubbed her throat. She really shouldn’t get so testy, it was bad for the other person’s feelings and her vocal cords. “Um, fetch what?”

“Anything,” Crystal smirked with impish pride. 

Lockjaw rematerialized. He had one of the royal gardens’ smaller trees in his mouth and the room was suddenly full of indignant turtledoves streaming from its branches. 

One of them weaved its way out a window and through a crack in the fabric of a shrouded pavilion. It realised how many sets of regal eyes were looking nonplussed at it, chirruped apologetically and hightailed it outta there. 


9


“…as I was saying,” Princess Celestia resumed, “Equestria will of course be glad to adjust our charts to take the Aqualusian /Wakandan trade route into consideration.” 

“And Deviant Lemuria,” the Sub-Mariner said curtly. Aqualusia and the surface world had always had their tension, but then again the prince said almost everything curtly. “For your sailors’ sake.” 

“They’ve been quiet recently but I second the sentiment,” the Panther Prince agreed. “Wakanda will be happy to contribute the location if Prince Namor has no objections?” 

“Our maps are more accurate.” Namor hovered in place above the round marble table, scaled forelegs folded and motionless except for his flapping fins. “But thank you all the same.”

“Aren’t they extremely deep within the ocean’s trenches?” Celestia asked. “The warning is appreciated as are the gestures, but there is the matter of jurisdiction…” 

“The moon falls across them as much as any part of the ocean,” Luna cut in, speaking to the group but looking at Namor. “As Princess of the Night I have the right to investigate and enforce. Though I would not do so without Aqualusia’s accent first. In fact, I would prefer to have Prince Namor’s aid and guidance in such a situation.” 

Namor’s sullen needle of a mouth slid into a smile his perpetually frowning eyebrows automatically turned coquettish. Celestia and Magnate rolled their eyes in almost perfect sync. 

“Forgive us,” Medusa said from next to Black Bolt as his horn flickered gently, “but are we to understand Wakanda is considering a larger vibranium export?” 

“Not at present. We will of course continue to supply a small amount to specialised concerns, such as the Befrienders or Dr. Rivers research.”

“Defence concerns, I note,” Magnate said sharply. 

“Defensive, not aggressive, yes.” The Panther turned to him, tone courteous as ever and mask impassive. Even with it off, talking to T’Challa could be like staring into a dark pool. Whatever your sentiments, his surface was calm and reflected them back at you. 

“You must excuse me, Prince T’Challa,” Magnate rallied quietly. “This is coming so soon after our own agreement not to deal in such materials. I must be forgiven for noting a seeming…readiness to make an exception for Equestrian interests with which Genosha has a history.”

The Panther inclined his head. “Then I shall.” 

“You.” All eyes turned to Luna, her expression hard. 

“I beg your pardon, Princess?” Magnate asked calmly, but his cape rising slightly like regal hackles. 

“The groups you describe have a history with you. Not Genoshia.” The shadows of the pavilion seemed to grow longer, Luna’s eyes brighter. “You tried to kill them.” 

“Yeah, well,” the Thing cut in casually from where he was leaning against a column by Mr. Fantastic, “can’t blame a guy for tryin’, right?” 

“Grim!” Sue hissed. Namor’s chest heaved with a haughty but impressed chuckle. He cleared his throat when Luna rounded on him. 

Magnate and Celestia locked gazes until the Magneto Mage nodded irritably, magnanimously deciding to just ignore the last few seconds.  

“Equestria thanks you for those contributions, Prince T’Challa,” Celestia sighed wearily, putting a gentle wing over Luna’s shoulder. 

“It is Wakanda’s pleasure.” The Panther bowed slightly and turned to Medusa. “Queen Medusa, may I ask if the question was more than information gathering?” 

“Perhaps,” Medusa said firmly, stopping Black Bolt mid smile and nod. “Our colonies are self sufficient but everyone at this table knows the value of planning ahead.” 

“Then I shall broach the subject with my council. Perhaps you could talk to Shuri after we adjourn? Discuss any potential needs? If we can help Attilan at all…”

“Thank you,” Medusa smiled, nodding along with her husband. 

“Aqualusia will be glad to make the same offer,” Namor supplied, uncrossing his forelegs to place a clenched hoof over his heart in a vow. “How is Triton by the way?” 

“Quite well! We shall give him your regards.” Black Bolt glanced at her curiously then nodded vigorously when Medusa gave him a sharp look. 

“I’m well aware why my acting ambassador would refuse to…participate,” Magnate said, his eyes glinting along with the starlight across his helmet, “but speaking of Princess Shuri, a fine young lady to be sure, but shouldn’t all the others be in attendance as well?” 

“Didn’t see the point in bringing one,” Namor said languidly, the aristocratic equivalent of a shrug. 

“Where Crystal goes so does Lockjaw.” Medusa’s hair wearily gestured around the space. “I doubt even less room would be conducive to these talks.” 

Black Bolt gave Celestial and Luna an apologetic smile. 

“Besides, Grim Skies is already in here,” Namor smirked. The Thing winked at him as Johnny tried not to laugh. Black Bolt put his hoof to his smiling lips in a silent cough. 

“I think my sister could benefit from this more…informal style of affair,” the Panther said carefully. “Which is something I would like to discuss with your highnesses in due time.” 

“Not time like the present,” Celestia smiled. “Unless anyone has other points they’ve been waiting to raise?” 

Black Bolt placed a hoof on Medusa’s shoulder. She wrapped some strands around it as his horn hummed. Her eyes seemed to unfocus slightly and then return. “Your offer of sanctuary for those of our people who do not wish to undergo the great change is more than enough to start with. We take it this is to do with your proposed exchange program?” 

“Exchange?” Namor looked at Luna with a raised eyebrow then over his shoulder at River Reeds. “Did you know anything about this, Doctor?”

“First I’m hearing of it, your highness,” Mr. Fantastic said, quirking his own brow at Celestia as his three other friends turned to him. “Though…the Element girls are here.” 

“Oh for heavens sake…” Magnate shook his helmet. “Are you seriously proposing we take those fillies into the heart of our governments and sit down to be lectured about friendship?” 

Luna frowned. “That’s an interesting definition of exchange.”

“Hmm.” Magnate gazed contemplatively at the table. “In that case I would not be averse to a dialogue with Princess Twilight.” 

“The Elements are as free to accept or decline the offer as you all are,” Celestia said diplomatically and pointedly before Luna, eyes lighting up again, could say anything. 

“Ah, yes. She’s your former student, isn’t she?” Magnate’s mouth did something for a second. It might have been a smile. 

“Yes, I’m quite proud of her progress,” Celestia replied with a neutral one of her own. 

“We are all here to forge ties stronger than trade agreements,” the Panther said, facing Magnate along with the rest of the room. 

“Genosha will accept any offer of resources,” the mage responded coolly. His eyes flicked sharply to Celestia. “Though if we are to discuss taking people in, we will need a far longer conference. The persecution of Hexquestirans in Equestria is apparently so complex that simply letting them all escape to the sanctuary of Genosha can’t be considered a solution.” 

“Those who wish to lead their lives in Equestria should be allowed to do so,” Celestia said, unable to keep years of exhaustion out of her eyes. “Magnus, please. We’ve talked about this for so long.” 

“A rather one-sided conversation, as I recall.” 

“We believe you,” Luna said pointedly. 

Magnate’s nostrils flared as Namor, the Thing and the Horseshoe Torch burst out laughing. 

“Sister.” Celestia put her wing on Luna’s shoulder again. “Obviously our methods are vastly different, but I cannot disagree with the minister’s feelings. The conditions facing the Hex-Breed are no laughing matter.” 

The two superheroes coughed their way into uncomfortable silence, even though the smirk stayed on the Mariner’s face. 

“So is he saying we’re fools for trying to give our people a chance here?” Medusa glared. Her hair was wavering in time with sparks gathering around Black Bolt’s horn. Both were stoic but clearly unhappy. 

“I would never be so callous, your majesty,” Magnate replied smoothly. “But it would be remiss of me not to warn you of the dangers the truly unique face in trusting Equestrian society.” 

“An Unknown is an Unknown no matter their choice,” Luna agreed, nodding at Medusa before returning her glare to Magnate. “But permit me to ask something right out in response to your insinuations: are you saying Genosha would accept those who don’t chose to mutate?” 

“A relevant question your highness, thank you,” Medusa said. Their expressions, aimed at the seemingly unconcerned Magnate, were almost identical. The Fantastic Family exchanged glances but Celestia subtly shook her head to keep them in place. 

“You’re welcome your highness,” Luna said, her voice sharp enough to skin Teflon coated fruit. “I apologise if it seems I am speaking for Attilan. I merely wish to point out that the only way the minster could have his current position was if he was elected via a process available to all residents of Genosha. What’s that term that’s supposed to be unflattering somehow? Flat-Breed?” 

“A rare display of common sense on their part.” Magnus imperiously drew his cape around one foreleg. “Genosha’s…less gifted residents have nothing to fear from my administration, as would Unknowns of any sort. All are welcome, chiefly because much of the rest of the world is not welcoming. Perhaps Genosha shall lead by example. But as I’m sure Aqualusia’s own history demonstrates--” 

“Oh by Areion’s mane! Enough!” Namor’s hooves slammed into the table, cracks dancing under them as he leaned towards the sisters. “Grim Skies hasn’t even challenged me to a fight and this is already feeling like a waste of time!”

“Hey!”

“Hang on, old friend,” Reed soothed, holding up an elongated hoof. 

“Aqualusia needs nothing from the surface world except to be left alone!” The gills on Namor’s neck flared along with his eyes before settling. Somewhat. “I…appreciate this may conflict with my previous assertions that Equestria has been negligent in dealing with the issues we face. I came to this conference partly to…” His jaw clenched. “Apol--”

“There’s no need, Prince Namor,” Celestia said quickly. “Obviously we hope for a more amicable relationship in the future, but we shall respect your wishes. And we would be happy to offer aid if you felt it was needed.”

“You’ve done so much for us, despite these feelings,” Luna said with solemn eyes. She’d have reached out and taken his hoof if there hadn’t been witnesses and that oaf in the helmet sitting between them. 

“Thank you,” Namor said softly. He looked from her to Celestia. “Both of you. What trade needs we have are satisfactorily met, despite the Storm King’s best efforts, so you’d need not go to any trouble on that score.”

“Though he seems to be turning his attention away from the oceans and further into the continent,” the Panther said. “Not to interrupt, but I would like to take the opportunity to say you can count on Wakanda’s aid should he think to challenge Avatars again.” 

“Thank you,” Celestia smiled. 

“Well said,” Namor agreed. “As for this exchange…I’ve no idea how you’d get one of those overgrown children down there, but I would not be opposed. I must insist they stay only a day at most, I doubt I’d be in such an amiable mood as tonight after that.” 

Luna smiled at him, eyes half lidded. “Depends on the visitor, one assumes.”

Sue squinted again as Namor folded his forelegs in a jauntier manner. “Yes. Yes, it would.” 

“We must insist on the Elements, I’m afraid,” Celestia smiled brittlely. 

“Intriguing,” the Panther mused. “And somewhat serendipitous.” 

“Oh?” Luna asked. “Is there some specific service they can do you on Equestria’s behalf? I’m not sure we’d want anything in return if that’s an issue. It seems we’re mostly trading in security as is.” 

“I may take this opportunity to say that Wakanda’s needs are similarly met at present. I’m not sure of a need per say, but the only real thing my kingdom would like to deal in would be literature. From all present, of course.” 

“Oh?” Celestia asked with an almost identical inflection to her sister’s. 

“Somewhat amusing…I recently dealt with a smuggling ring. False paper businesses for covertly passing weaponizable spells through the kingdom. One of my leads was the discovery that some of our younger citizens use such services for the acquisition of bootleg Equestrian—what was the term?—ah, graphic novels.” 

“Comic books?” Johnny said. He shrugged as the whole table looked at him. Saved all of them the trouble of asking, didn’t it? 

The Panther nodded. “Indeed. I think it would certainly broaden our mutual understandings if we could experience each other’s art.” 

“Absolutely, we’d be delighted to arrange that with all of you!” Celestia beamed. It faltered slightly. “One of those publishers…”

“Enchanted Comics, yes.” 

“Oh dear. I hope the young ones are alright! Those spells are only in circulation because I couldn’t make the ban retroactive, I shudder to think what a bootleg version could do!” 

“Oh, they’re quite well. We got them out with the same dimensions they had when they went in.” The shadows of the Panther’s mask furrowed. “They were strangely enthusiastic to do it again, as a matter of fact.”

“I have wonderful memories of the Manehattan public library and the Museum of Mysti-Modern Art.” Medusa smiled, fondly wrapping a foreleg and tendrils of hair around Black Bolt’s own. “Would anyone be interested in extending this to the visual arts? Unknown expressionism has made a comeback recently!” 

Black Bolt’s eyes rolled. They froze as, without looking or altering her expression, Medusa gripped his foreleg tighter. 

“We’d be delighted!” Celestia smiled. She turned to Magnate with tempered enthusiasm and expectations. 

“Genosha’s wealth is in it’s people,” Magnate said. “Our museums have enough of the outside world’s works and I’m sure there is an agreeable price for our own. The true benefit shall be to those Equestrian minds prepared to recognize our most gifted artists’ visions. I take it your restrictions of my previous writings still apply?”

“I don’t know what you’re complaining about,” Luna muttered. “Your pamphlets were pulped but your book still sells well enough.”

“And yet I see almost no remuneration.” 

“Because you renounced your citizenship.” Luna smirked. “Perhaps you’d like to make some sort of claim now? I’m sure your gifted citizens include some cracking intellectual property lawyers.” 

The gilded parts of the immediate architecture quavered subtly. 

“Your message is yours to spread, Magnus,” Celestia sighed. “Have you any other needs we could discuss?” 

“There are several reasons I made this journey.” Magnate levitated a folded piece of parchment from somewhere in his cape. “To make contact with similar nations, chiefly. But if Equestria’s offers are true then I believe there is something you could supply me...Genosha with.” 

Celestial took the parchment in her own field, unfolding it on the table. And froze. 

Namor reared back in a mix of shock and amusement. The Panther’s eyes blazed almost blinding white. Medusa’s hair went limp with appalled shock as furious energy flickered silently around a clench jawed Black Bolt. 

The Fantastic Family began to carefully spread out, Johnny’s temperature subtly rising. If it did go down, he’d be the team’s primary counter to the Magneto Mage’s powers. He tried to peer between the Panther and Namor to get a good look at what all the fuss was about. It looked like an engraving of a golden apple.  

“…are you insane?” Luna said eventually. Her eyes were as white as the Panther’s. 

“Luna!” Celestia snapped. 

“Oh fine, fine!” Luna rounded on Magnate again, wings spread, hair billowing. “Yes, formalities must be observed, mustn’t they? May I ask if you are entirely in your right mind, sir?!” 

“I am quite well, thank you Princess.” Magnate seemed amused. “Yourself?” 

“I’m wondering why you’d ever think we’d knowingly give…one of those to someone like you!” 

Silence. 

“Ah.” Magnate nodded, speaking to himself. “So they do exist.” 

Luna’s face became an ashen, horrified shade of blue. Namor glared at Magnate. 

“Thank you for a wonderful evening.” Magnate nodded at a hard eyed Celestia. He rose into the air, turning in a swirl of royal purple fabric and seemed to notice the Fantastic Family for the first time. His smile lengthened incrementally. “Do excuse me.” 

“One last thing before you leave, minister,” Celestia said in almost Namorian tones. “The recipients of the gifts of those fruits have two responsibilities. First, we are forbidden from directly aiding those who would seek them.”

“How convenient,” Magnate drawled. 

“Secondly, we are obligated to warn them of the…idiosyncratic dangers involved in seeking them.” 

“I wear one of fundamental forces of this planet around myself like a second coat, Princess, but thank you.” 

And with that he was gone.


10


Almost. 

The conversations in the other room died as Magnate drifted through the pavilion’s curtains, frowning at how one almost caught on his horn and knocked his helmet lose. He gazed balefully around the room as all the younger mares looked up at him. Twilight had a very Luna expression. 

“Daughter,” Magnate said, not taking his eyes off her, “we are leaving.”

“Well maybe you are, minister,” Quicksilver drawled from the corner she was sharing with Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. 

“Silver.” 

“Oh please, old man.” She rolled her eyes, the same colour as his. “It’s not as if I won’t be home before you are.” 

“Fine,” Magnate said with seething restraint. He waved a blasé hoof in the Elements’ general direction as he drifted towards the antechamber, heading back into the mountain. “We’re to offer one of these young ladies an opportunity to stay with us for a few days. Princess Twilight is clearly uninterested. You pick one.”

Silver glanced at Rainbow Dash. “Hmm.”

“Hard pass.” 

“Oh, well, now you’ve made it a challenge.” 

“Ya’ll done in there?” Applejack asked as the Fantastic Family trailed Luna and the Sub-Mariner out of the room. 

“Well, I am.” Namor looked around the room. “Which one of you can hold your breath the longest in an emergency?” 

Pinkie bounced up and down, one hoof in the air. “Ooh, ooh, me! Why?”

“Namor, come on!” Luna chided, floating over the Thing to land beside him and deliver a (not very) stern nudge. “Do it properly!”  

“Very well, very well,” the Sub-Mariner huffed. “Aqualusia would be honoured to play host to one of you brave ponies.” His eyes flashed like a storm warning. “For a day.” 

“Thank you, your highness,” Twilight said quickly with a bow. “We can arrange it among ourselves.” 

Pinkie’s ears folded slightly. Luna gave Namor a far sterner nudge, making his gills flex in shock and jerked her head in the party pony’s direction. “Miss…uh…”

“Pinkie Pie,” Luna stage whispered. 

“Yes, her, she did answer the question first…”  

“We can arrange it among ourselves,” Twilight said even more quickly, the last syllables draining like batteries as she realised Pinkie was already shaking hooves with a nonplussed Namor. 

“A day’s all I’ll need, your lordship! Just gimme a few days to rustle up Granny Pie’s old diving suit and some waterproof balloons! Do you guys have water parks?” 

“We have…parks.” 

“They’re great,” Sousaphone smiled fading into view between the two. “And don’t let his highness’s stoic disposition fool you, Aqualusia knows how to throw a party.” 

She batted her eyes at Namor, who’s scales were becoming more armour like. “You should’ve seen the spread he put on when he kidnapped me. The third time.” 

“Always a pleasure, Sue,” the Sub Mariner said, smirking. 

“We need to talk,” Luna grinned, wiping it out like a village in a hurricane as she put a wing around Sue’s shoulders and led her over to a buffet table. 

“What a queen she would make…” Namor murmured distantly. 

“The royal sisters are princesses in perpetuity,” Mr. Fantastic said with pleasant frigidness, stretching over to shake the Mariner’s hoof. “Do let us know if you need any help with Atuma, your highness.” 

“A fine jest,” Namor sneered, squeezing Reed’s with full force because he knew it wouldn’t do anything besides make rude sounding noises. “There’s hope for you yet, Doctor.” 

He glanced up without a hint of concern as shadow and light from the looming Thing and ignited Torch fell over him. 

“We’ll walk ya out,” the Thing rumbled. 

“I am the host here, thank you Captain Grim Skies.” 

All three of the FF bowed to the approaching Celestia without ever taking their eyes off Namor. Who’s face became…perhaps…somewhat…uncertain as she put a very tight wing around his shoulder to lead him out of sight. That is, the room. “And besides, there are a few jurisdictional matters regarding celestial bodies I must discuss with Prince Namor.” 

Johnny only held in the triumphant laughter because it was Princess For Real Celestia. He caught a glint of reflected multicolours in one of the wall shields, turned, and felt his flames almost become ice cold. 

Crystal, Dash and Rarity were all making their way towards the buffet table. 


11


“A documentary, you say!” Ferocious Flattop announced loudly enough for the bullpen of The Derby Bugle to hear. As if that would be a problem. 

“Ah, yeah,” the mare in an ESU film department cap winced, one hoof to her ear as her crew trembled out of the elevator behind her. “Thanks for seeing us on such short notice Mr. Flattop, we appreciate it’s late.”

“Never too late to set Equestria straight!” Flattop barked proudly then leaned in confidentially. “Like that? Was my tagline during the radio show years! You kids can use it!”

“Thanks…?” the director tried.

“For the proper fee! Because I trademarked it! Always move fast with the good ones! Lil’ free lesson for ya there! The rest are available at one of my prestigious yearly seminars or yours for a lifetime on audiobook! Narrated by yours truly, naturally!” 

The late shift reporters went back to work, satisfied that this was indeed the boss they knew and not a changeling. 

“So what’s you kids’ angle?!” Flattop demanded, flinging open his office door. 

“Well, our subject is local journalism and how it handles the fast-paced world of modern Equestria--”

“Nonono, I mean what’s your preferred style of shooting!” Flattop sprang behind his desk. “Wide angle?! Long shot?! One of those artsy Gelderland sideways things all the horror weirdos use?! C’mon, c’mon, we’re burnin’ moonlight here! What’s better, lights on or lights off?! Window shuttered or city backlighting?! Should we open on my distinguished profile or the glint of my steely but approachable eyes looking directly into the camera?!” 

“Would you like anything to eat or drink before you start?” editor Rocky Roads offered kindly. 

“Good point,” Flattop said before rounding back on the duck footed crew. “Keep your hooves out of our pastry basket! Get your own! This isn’t a bakery or a charity! In fact, shoulda grabbed dinner before you barged in here!”

“You bought them up, Ferocious,” Rocky said patiently. He frowned and sniffed the group before realising what he was doing and backing off. “…I’m sorry, what did you kids say this was for again?”

“A look into the modous operandi of a mighty metropolitan newspaper and the peerless mind that edits it, obviously!” Flattop huffed with pride. His ears drooped as they caught up with his mouth. “Publisher. Publish it. That’s what I meant.”

His moustache drooped too at the memory of why precisely he’d stepped down. 

“Uh, media in general actually,” the director quavered, looking uncertainly between Rocky, a diamond dog who’d just sniffed her crew and seemed on edge, and Flattop, who was straight up called Ferocious but was also now making her feel sort of depressed. “Y’know, how you guys handle covering magic and the unnatural, small stuff, big stuff? You’re a local outfit, so we figured…” 

“As if there were any other choice!” Flattop boomed proudly, self-inflating with vigour. “Hey, careful with that tripod, squinty, I just had this place reupholstered!” 

“Did someone recommend you to us?” Rocky asked. “I’m sorry, there’s a familiar scent on your equipment…” 

“Mr. O?” the director tried. “He set this all up! I mean, we thought the timing was weird, but he scheduled everything so professionally! Said he could hook us up with real reporters…” 

“Never heard of ‘im!” Flattop snapped. “Reporters?! What do you think an edi—publisher, A PUBLISHER is except a reporter who cleaned up?! Reporters?! BAH! Whadda they know?!”

“Facts?” the director said, squinting and helping her nervous camera stallion steady the tripod in a way that wouldn’t offend the carpet. 

“I gotta fact for you, young lady!”

Rocky sniffed the air again, head whipping to the elevators. A small crowd of staffers was stabbing impatiently at the buttons. None of the three banks seemed to be working. “Who did you just say?”

“Mr. O,” the director repeated. 

“Everyone down!” Rocky bellowed, throwing himself between the crew and the office door. 

Ponies and assorted creatures scattered as the elevator doors slammed open, green smoke punching its way into the bullpen. Desks rattled as creatures took cover or the smoke almost bowled them over. Flattop’s chair clattered to the ground as he shot to his hooves, dithering uncertainly as green wisps lapped at his new upholstery before he bounded over the desk to help Rocky with the startled kids (and their cameras). His eyes popped as a whirling column rose in front of him to become…

“YOU!” he barked. “I might have known!” 

“Sorry,” Spider-Pony sneered. “Couldn’t resist.” 

He drew his web-wings up around himself like a cloak, making Flattop even angrier as he realised it couldn’t be that menace (who was surely at least lurking somewhere near by!) because it was an older version of that obnoxious costume, and spread them as he melted into the villainous visage of--

“Mysterio!” a voice snapped out of the fog. A reporter yelped as a lashing shadow split the desk they were cowering under in half. “Idiota! Where are you?! I can’t see a thing in your blasted fog!” 

“That’s alright,” the illusionist huffed. “We haven’t started rolling yet. Greetings, young visionaries! No, don’t stop cowering on our account, I bought my own cameras!”

He clapped his gauntleted hooves and a small squadron of magi-tech drone cameras whirled into the room. 

“Ferocious, get out of here!” Rocky snarled, squaring up to the doorway though not with much certainty. “He’s not the only scent I recognise!” 

“Ah, that’s right, you’ve met,” Mysterio’s voice leered out of that trademark polished helmet. He threw a foreleg up to make a curtain out of his cape. “May I present my distinguished co-star… No, over here you fool! Over here! Ugh! The one! The only!”

“Mueca Esgrimidor!” Flattop hissed in horrified outrage as the cape swung aside. 

“That’s Escorpión to you, old friend,” the olive armoured swordpony sneered, teeth gleaming in a venomous grin and his tail dancing in sadistic sync with the trails of his moustache. “You did give me the name after all. Along with my criminal record.” 

“Hey!” Mysterio yelped, flinching as Scorpión’s tail almost shattered his helmet on the way to slicing the carpet inches from Flattop. “Watch it! Do you know what it costs to make these things?”

“MY UPHOLSTERY!” Flattop bellowed. “YOU MONSTER!” 

“Monster?!” Escorpión’s tail lashed back into the air in perfect sync with the stunned hoof he placed over his heart. “If I’m a monster it’s only because of what you did to me! My moustache has started rattling when I get upset, did you know that?!”

“Oh, so that’s what that is!” Mysterio put a relieved hoof to his helmet. “That’s been driving me nuts all day. Thought I was getting an inner ear thing.”

“I admitted I should’ve checked those potions years ago, Grimidor!” Flattop snapped. “That’s what taking responsibility looks like! You’re the one who decided having a scorpion tail meant going on a crime spree!”

“Bah! My skills were worth a thousand times the pittance your precious paper was paying me! I took what was mine and you and la Araña took my honour!” 

“YOU WERE A MERCENARY!” Flattop bellowed in his equivalent of indignant spluttering. 

“I WAS A FREELANCE PEACEKEEPER!” 

“YOU WERE DROWNING IN CHEAP CIDER AND GAMBLING DEBTS BEFORE I FOUND YOU!” 

“♪Loving it!♪” Mysterio cooed as drones got multiple close ups of those rage filled faces from every angle. 

“We know what Grimidor wants,” Rocky said carefully, still shielding the film crew, “but what’s in it for you, Quark?” 

“Drama, mostly!” 

“Raider’s started airing documentaries for movie night and he caught the bug,” Escorpión muttered into one of the drones. 

Mysterio’s dome shot into his personal space, reflecting the swordpony’s irritated expression back at him. “That’s right, undermine me! Just completely ignore the fact I orchestrated aaaaaaall of this from a prison cell!” 

“You orchestrated? You’re only here because I agreed to bust you out.” 

“Strange how you only had the motivation after I made the offer! I’m the director and the real talent here, that was the deal.” 

“The deal was you get your little toys; I get my revenge!” 

“And a documentary about it. Not complaining about that part of the plan, are we?”

“If I didn’t need a demo tape…!”

“Well you do!” 

“Because I must remind the powers that be that they can rely on my expertise!” El Scorpión turned his best side to one of the cameras while leisurely making his tail form a double helix. “After the Maggia sees what I can do to anypony on their list I’ll be able to pay back your outrageous fee.” 

“I let you haggle me down to 10%.”

“Of every job I do for the next year!” 

“See? It was going to be the next decade. Is that really so much?”

“After el Rey del Crimen takes his cut?” Escorpión squinted at that thought, then sneered. “Ha! It’s so you don’t have to pay him yours, isn’t it?”

“Th-this is about art, not mere money!” Mysterio spluttered. 

“It’s always about money with el Rey.”

“Tell me about it.”

Both villains shuddered. 

“You can edit that part out, right?” Escorpión asked hastily. 

“Totally.”

“Good. Just make sure you get the best shot of what I’m about to do to...” 

Escorpión turned to find only an empty desk surrounded by swirling green mist. His eyes went wide behind their mask lenses. “…FLATTOOOOP!” 

His tail arced furiously through the air. One of the cameras made a sad dying battery noise as it was caught in a strike en-route to demolish Flattop’s desk. “My babies!” Mysterio protested. 

“You’re next if you don’t find him!” Escorpión snapped shoving the illusionist out into the bullpen.

“Hey, he’s your revenge patsy. Not my fault you can’t even keep an eye on him.”

“You’re the one who filled the place with smoke!”

“It’s called branding!”

“That what your therapist told you?” an airduct asked cheerfully. A grating whirring noise shook through the walls of the building. 

Escorpión reared up, ramming his tail into the ceiling duct…almost in perfect sync with Spider-Pony bursting from the other to crash down on Mysterio and deliver a kick to the fencer’s solar plexus.  

The room began to clear of Mysterio’s mist, funnelling into every vent. Plaster duster rained down from Flattop’s ceiling as Escorpión shot backwards into a bookshelf, dragging his tail down on top of him. “You?! Pero cómo..?!”

“Been here a while,” Spidey called cheerfully as the whir of hundreds of fans began to subside. “Got a hot tip you guys’d swing by and somepony had to take the time to set up The Bugle’s ventilation system just right. Who else was gonna do it, Ferocious?”

“YOU’VE JUST RUINED OUR ESCAPE, YOU MENACE!” the publisher bellowed. All three supers and most of the bullpen turned to where he, Rocky and the crew had been crawling across the floor to the stairwells. The vents had devoured so much mist there was only a slight green tinge to the air. 

“Oh, that’s right!” Spidey snapped two tips of his tail like fingers. “I’m in cahoots with everyone! That’s why good ol’ Mueca’s gonna do…”

He sprang out of the way of the tail’s barb. But it was a faint, curving into the space he was about to occupy and snagging his leg. Staffers ducked as Escorpión whipped the vigilante out of the office and across the room to slam into one of the wall-mounted frontpages of yesteryears. 

“…tHaT,” Spidey mumbled into the floor, half wondering through the pain if the photo had been by Peter Trotter. 

“Fulmina venite!” Mysterio’s pompous voice intoned seconds behind Spider-Sense. Spidey rolled to avoid a blast of Quark’s homemade lightning, launching himself to one of the bullpen’s support beams to keep the sights on him. And off his former co-workers. 

“Can’t even show up to you own demise on time,” the illusionist grumbled as he and Escorpión took position. 

“Wait…” Escorpión squinted then his moustache rattled. “Did you arrange for him to be here?!” 

“I wove a web of intrigue using a seemingly simple anonymous street tip!” Mysterio protested. “He shouldn’t have been here for at least half an hour!”

“You used Turk to plant it, man, don’t try and get anypony to feel sorry for you.” Spidey ricocheted off the walls a few times to keep them guessing, then used a ceiling fan to spin himself towards Mysterio. The illusionist vanished in a burst of green smoke and hammy laughter. 

“Guess it’s just the two of us.” Spidey ducked a tail swipe and hopped onto the nearest wall, Escorpión bounding across to the opposite one so they faced each other. “Mente si hacemos esto en español? Me gustaría la práctica!”

“Podría usar la práctica,” Escorpión corrected, looping his tail slightly to emphasise the difference. 

“Ah, bien, gracias.”

“De nada. MORIR!”


To be Continued 

> And Carry a Big Torch (4)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


12


“Lo ucciderò,” Rainbow Dash muttered, wringing more ice water out of her hair. 

“I’m sure that could happen to anypony with combustion powers,” Fluttershy murmured awkwardly, unable to keep from glancing back at the steam and splatter that had been an Alicorn ice sculpture over the buffet.

“Y’know how often he used that ‘sorry babe, I just sneezed!’ bit back in the day?” Dash growled. She glared at Quicksilver, lounging on a divan while an afterimage at the nearby balcony glanced over its shoulder from the noise. “Shut up.”

The other speedster smirked even more. “You are quick.”


***

“Do you know how much that cost?” Sue was hissing at her brother in another corner. 

“Do you know how much my mane cost?!” Rarity snarled, her fringe now a tangle of soaked trails over one eye. Sue shut her own. 

“It’s barely noticeable!” Johnny insisted, waving one hoof to clear black smoke streaming from his nostrils. 

He homed in on Crystal’s pole, carrying him over the nagging frequencies of his sister and Just Friend. She was talking to Medusa and Black Bolt by the balcony as the Thing made Lockjaw sit for an entire platter of shrimp. 

“Mmm-hmm, yuh-huh, ‘kay…” he mumbled to keep them going while his eyes tried to find Dash. Rarity was with him, Crystal was over there, and, yeah, there was Dash talking to the Panther and Twilight now, though Silver was hovering patiently. The thought of those two hanging out made something in his gut turn metallic, but it kept her away from Crystal, which kept his heart from bursting in his chest in self-preservation. 

Something was wrong. Rarity wasn’t talking. Sue wasn’t talking. He followed their carefully blank gazes over his shoulder and almost nosed Princess Celestia in the chest. She was looking at a roiling haze of steam where the ice sculpture had been. 

“I don’t want to know,” she decided. “Ladies, Johnnycake.” 

“Princess,” they all said, bowing as she trotted towards Reed, who was making frantic notes on multiple levitated pads as Pinkie Pie happily spoke at length into a recorder. The golden sheen of her magic restored a surprised Rarity’s mane.

Crystal and Medusa were whisper-snapping at each other as the younger Unknown tried to stop fidgeting red tendrils adjusting her drying mane. Black Bolt stepped between them sharply, horn glowing. Medusa glared between them, then rounded on Johnny. 

Oh good, she was coming over here. Crystal took an indignant, protesting step but he gave her a smile and she hesitated. 

“Tropical Storm,” Medusa said, rearing up on her foremost tendrils only slightly. 

“Your majesty!” Johnny gave a sweeping bow on the basis that digging was an inevitability, which rendered deeper a moot point. “Did you do something with your hair?”

“My sister informs me you two have been…talking.” She pronounced it like a stabbing.

Sue blinked. “You didn’t know?”

“You did, Sandstorm?” Medusa’s tone would have sounded accusing if you didn’t know her better. She just had that kind of voice. “And you didn’t tell me?” 

“How exactly was I supposed to bring it up?” Sue shrugged. 

“You weren’t,” Johnny said with a frigid smile. “Because it’s none of your business.” 

“My family is very much my business,” Medusa said in her Big Sister voice, reminding him why she and Sue were friends despite months without seeing each other. She glared at Rarity. “Who are you?” 

“Um, Rarity…your highness,” she added quickly, managing a bow. “I…um--”

“Don’t snap at her!” Johnny snapped, locking glares with Medusa. “This is between you and me, apparently!” 

“It’s between you and my sister,” Medusa snarled back. “I would know your intentions.” 

“Not threatening your friends.” Johnny’s eyes were starting to light up. “So nice to know what all those times we saved your home really count for.”

“We welcomed you into our home and you broke Crystal’s heart,” Medusa seethed. “If you think I’m letting you do that again--”

“I knew it!” the world’s most perfect voice snapped from behind her. 

The group turned to almost catch Crystal taking aim with a gathering Milky Way galaxy of snow before it hurtled towards them. Medusa rocked back on the two tendrils of hair she’d been rearing up on, blinking through her new full-face mask. 

“Is everything alright?” Princess Celestia called uncertainly, frozen mid-petting Lockjaw. 

Rainbow Dash had almost fallen out of the air, too startled to even laugh. Shuri was, but had her hooves clamped over her mouth. The Panther gestured frantically, and the Dora Milaje whirled around the princess to provide a muffling wall. 

“Oh fine, thanks!” Crystal snapped. “It’s just my sister deciding my life for me!” 

“Crystal!” Medusa sputtered, wiping at her face. 

“Oh, am I embarrassing you, your majesty?!” the younger Unknown snapped. Black Bolt put a hoof on her shoulder but she shrugged it off. Static danced along her coat and fire flickered around her eyes. “Good!” 

Lockjaw sat up, almost knocking Celesita and the Thing over as he whined. A roiling thundercloud formed under Crystal’s hooves. She snorted steam at a bewildered Medusa and spun around, surfing her ride out a window.

“Crystal!” Johnny called, igniting and rising off the floor. “Wait--”

The air in front of him shimmered as he thudded into it. “I will talk to her,” Sue said firmly, rising on her own invisible platform. 

Lockjaw whined again. The Thing gave him a consoling pat. 

Celestia fluttered over, placing a wing on Medusa’s shoulder. The queen turned to Johnny but there was no anger in her eyes anymore. She just looked very tired. Black Bolt glided across the room to her side, but she simply patted his arm with a hair tendril. “Bathroom?” she asked.  

“First on the right,” Celestia said, nodding to a nearby hallway. 

Medusa tendril-walked across the floor before turning to Johnny once more. “If it was your sister?” she asked, incongruously dignified considering only her muzzle was snow free. 

“Yeah,” Johnny admitted distantly. “Fair enough.”

He gave her enough time to half turn away before adding, “But so’s Crystal’s point.”

Medusa froze and Johnny would never be entirely sure if she wasn’t about to lash him to ribbons. Years later he wouldn’t even be able to remember if he was still alight at that point.

All the queen did was sigh and trot away, leaving him to realise there were still multiple political sets of eyes on him. Including Black Bolt, who was only a few inches away and the air between them was becoming very pressurised and tasting of ozone. 

“I must apologize, King Black Bolt,” Celestia said, stepping between them. Johnny had to back up to avoid being smothered by her tail. He saw Black Bolt accept a hoofshake and shake his head simply. 

“The royal gardens and, um, restrooms are quite secure. I’m sure both their highnesses will be fine until they calm down. If you would join me and my sister?” 

Celestia gave Johnny an inscrutable look over her shoulder as she led Crystal’s megaton of a brother-in-law away. 

“Way to go, small-fry,” the Thing muttered, fetching himself another plate of salad and some o’ them fancy noodles. 

“What, you’re ragging on me ‘cause Sue’s not here?” Johnny muttered. 

“Like I got nothin’ better to do?” 

Johnny raised an eyebrow as Reed walked over.  “What about you, leader-man?” 

“You moved out, son,” Reed said with a diplomatic smile. “We’re fine with you making your own decisions and mistakes.”

“Gee. Thanks.” 

“Well,” Reed sighed, his abdomen creasing slightly like a paper bag. “It is a political summit, Johnny.” He gave Rarity a pensive smile and nod. “Ms. Belle.”

“Doctor,” Rarity replied. She smiled at Johnny as his team-mates moved back into the throng, which was really only the Wakandan delegation at this point. “No judgement.” 

“Uh, lotta judgement. Bad enough she keeps Crystal cooped up basically her whole life, she doesn’t get to treat you like something she found in her bangs. Not when I’m around.”

“And they say chivalry is dead,” Rarity chuckled, rolling her eyes. 

“Y’know she was a super villain for a while?” 

She blinked at him. 

“Well okay,” Johnny admitted reluctantly, “she had amnesia at the time, but.” 

“But she’s just looking out for her little sister.” Rarity glanced at the hall. “If it was Sweetie Belle I can’t say I wouldn’t be a bit…you know.” 

“You’d make it work, though.” 

“Thank you.”

“And have better hair.”

“Oh, the things this fringe could do if it could move…” 

Johnny laughed along until he realised her eyes clouding over, entering some new, terrifying universe of possibilities. 

“Hi, Johnny!” Shuri said, suddenly upside down. 

Johnny flamed on, the startled thermal almost sending him into a wall shield before realising she was hanging from one of the drapes. “Shuri! Hey! Still thinking outside the box?” 

“I find it easier to just rebuild the box!” the young zebra grinned, flipping herself right side up to land in front of him. Not quite Spidey-style but with a lot of that trademark Wakandan sleekness. Her hoof jewellery had turned into a set of those clawed gloves T’Challa used when he wasn’t fully suited up, and Johnny admired the ballet of their switching back. 

“I just wanted to say I thought it was so cool how you stood up for Crystal like that.” 

“Cool is one of many things I do,” Johnny chuckled. He looked her up and down. “So you know Crystal? Guess you’re not sitting at the kid’s table anymore, huh?” 

“Did I ever?” Shuri chuckled. “Remember that one time I stowed away in your kart?”

“Which one?” Johnny laughed. 

“So I was thinking,” Shuri said quickly, “you know if you’re not too busy, this exchange thing's coming up and you know, there’s lots of haters like Warmonger out there, well, he’s cool with me, but you know what he and ‘Challa are like, anyway, it can be rough out there and we’ve known each other since I was a kid, so for the exchange would you like to maybe bodyguard or somethi--”

“Hello.” There was suddenly a chic wall between them. Rarity had returned from whatever dream domain she’d been ruling over with an iron fringe. Shuri’s stymied face shimmered in her eyes. “I am Rarity! We’re going to be best friends.” 

“We are…?” 

“Oh yeah, you’ll love it,” Johnny beamed as Rarity put a hoof firmly around her new charges shoulder and began to lead her over to Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy. “Rarity and her friends are all about friendship. It’s why they’re here.”

“Yes, well, got to have something to do in between bailing you out, darling, ciao!” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Johnny wondered as Reed stretched over for a refill of punch. 

“You don’t know?” Mr. Fantastic blinked. “Gosh. I thought you were being diplomatic. You know, for you.”

“Reed, c’mon. Grim’s just gonna find a more politically inappropriate way to tell me whatever you’re trying to say.”

“Mmm,” the genius conceded with a shrug. “Shuri’s had a crush on you for about the last six or so years now.” 

He savoured the bouquet of royal jelly mixed with a certain Neighponese blend as the Torch’s brain began tipping bricks of ‘A-DOI! ™’ over the sides of the mountain that comprised his feeling for Crystal down onto him. 

“Where’s T’Challa?” Johnny said with urgent realisation. 

“Where he needs to be,” said a rich voice right behind him. Johnny wondered how he hadn’t noticed the shadows getting deeper.

“I. Am,” Johnny managed in a strangled voice. “Going? To. See how Crystal’s doing?”

“Do as you will my friend,” the Panther Prince said pleasantly. 

He held out the tip of a hoof glove towards some buffet salmon. One of his four claws, which Johnny knew could disrupt things at the molecular level at the right frequency, whispered it’s way out like a speeding bullet and speared a slice. 

Johnny (stylishly) bolted. 


13


“So supervillain demo tapes, huh?”

“Docu-dramas, you fillystine!” Mysterio snapped, vanishing in another whirl of smoke as a wad of webbing covered the walls of the stairwell. 

“Doc-yo’-mama,” Spidey quipped just to not waste the line, and bounced off the wall to roll through the doors into—

“Credo Elvem ipsum etiam vivere!”

—a nightmarish colosseum full of green smoke and Mysterio gladiators fighting skeleton-ponies where The Bugle’s legal department should have been. Classy. 

“If nothing else you’ll have some cool behind the scenes featurettes,” Spidey concluded, flinching away from a trident thrust even though there was no Spidey-Sense buzz. 

He sprang to crouch on the green void between two columns. Mysterio liked to make it look like he had a perch point where there was actually a fall out an open window and he couldn’t trust the seeming miles of open terrain because the place would be full of desks to bump into. 

“Of course, then they’ll kick you out of the stage guild for giving away magician secrets, destroying the magic for children everywhere, that kinda thing…”  

“Those hacks could never think big enough!” a cheering section of Mysterios cried in unison. 

“I was joking, but cool.” 

Couldn’t just take a swipe at any of the combatants even if they came at him, since they were likely office workers caught up in the terror of the illusion. The riot was keeping his Spider-Sense humming constantly, making it hard to pin down Quark. And he’d lost sight of Grimidor, not good. That Mysty on the throne with the crown and waving a turkey leg around, maybe? Would he be that obvious? 

Spidey launched to another “column” (probably one of the exposed beams on this floor, but Spider-Sense said it was definitely there whatever it was, so) as a mace hurtled towards him. It struck the (probably) wall and shattered into a broken desk lamp. He began firing a couple of web-nets around the place to separate the combatants on general principle, relieved as some of them flickered into startled office workers for a second. 

“Getting desperate?” Mysterio’s voice sneered from everywhere.

“Waiting for your little buddies to show up, actually.” 

Peter listened for the whir of propellers over a looping soundtrack of tormented screaming as some drones whizzed around him. Didn’t need to be the big one, just solid…

“Eger for a close up of our imminent demise, are we?!”

“Nah, just giving you the spotlight you so richly deserve!” 

Smoke curled away from the one closest to him. Bingo. 

Spidey turned to face it head on and slapped the spider logo on his chest: the upgraded Spider-Signal spell Twilight had helped Gem finish off. Not only did the logo beam a Spidey mask decal, his lenses now burst into floodlights, lighting up his surroundings. Or, in this case, slamming through the drone’s high-def camera and into Mysterio’s scrying helmet. 

“MY EYES!” yowled an incongruous potted plant, standing up and clawing at its face. “MY BEAUTIFUL EYES!”

A web-line smacked into the polished surface, dragging Mysterio forward…or more accurately his helmet forward as Spidey’s hind leg snapped into his sternum, hurling the master of illusion backwards into Rocky Road’s waiting grip. “Gotcha,” the editor snarled. 

“phwuagh…” said Quintillion Quark, would-be master screen writer. 

“Where’s Ferocious?!” Rocky demanded. He blinked as Spider-Pony hefted the helmet, gingerly slipping his own head inside. 

“Working on it…” came the vigilante’s muffled voice. “The great auteur here’s gotta have at least one drone on the action. Let’s see…gah, so many playlists!”

“Inspiration…” Quark wheezed. Rocky gripped his shoulders even tighter and he shut up. 


***


Several floors below, Escorpión’s tail tore a gash in a shuttered door as easily as a can opener to a tin of tuna. His moustache rattled as he was forced to duck one of Mysterio’s stupid camera drones, glaring around as he stalked into The Bugle’s loading bay. His eyes narrowed as he spotted two figures galloping between delivery trucks. 

“In here!” Flattop barked, hauling open the doors of an armoured car. “We use it for the payroll! Can’t trust anypony these days! You’ll be safe in the meantime!” 

“But what about you?!” the director boggled, trying to keep her cap on her head as she dived inside. 

“Somepony’s gotta flag down the M.E.U.P. and round up all those menaces! No one invades Ferocious Flattop’s place of business and gets away with it!” 

He slammed the doors on the mare’s protests and turned to gallop…almost into the barb of Grimidor’s tail. 

“Admiring your handiwork?” the fencer asked casually as he languidly extended the appendage, forcing Flattop towards the side of a nearby truck. 

“Giving you these powers was one of the greatest mistakes I ever made, Mueca,” Flattop gulped as his hind hooves brushed against tires. “I admit that.” 

His eyes narrowed so intensely the villain hesitated. “The other was not seeing WHAT A TUCHES YOU WERE THE MOMENT WE MET!” 

“You know what?” Escorpión seethed, rearing up. “Forget the tape. When everypony sees your remains they’ll know to never mess with Escorpión!”

“Y saber es la mitad de la batalla?” 

Two web-lines enveloped the tail, yanking it off course and almost down one of Grimidor’s ears. As the villain staggered off balance Spider-Pony used another yank to haul himself hooves first into the side of Escorpión's head, sending him rolling across the bay to slam into another truck. 

“WHAT KEPT YOU?!” Flattop bellowed, the acoustics of the parking garage making it so much worse. 

“Get lost, pickle puss!” Spidey snapped. “No, seriously, book! You know he’s not gonna stop until you’re in your own obituaries!” 

“And I won’t stop until you’re finally run out of town!”

“Alright then, so you go find a new town, and I’ll show up to be run out once I’ve finished with your biggest fan!”

“And abandon my faithful staff?!” Flattop huffed. “And the other, less faithful, more useless staff?!” 

“Parásitos!” Escorpión bellowed, springing to his hooves. His tail stabbed into the side of the truck and swung it in a shower of sparks towards the two little ponies he hated most in the world.

It glanced off the armoured car, shattering one of the cab’s headlights and whipping up Flattop’s tie from the impact. Because the publisher was slung over Spider-Pony’s shoulder, sandwiched between it and the ceiling as the wall-crawler hugged that. 

“Admit it,” Spidey simpered, springing down and off the trailer to give them some distance, “you miss being in the thick of the action like this.”

“I’LL GIVE YOU THICK OF THE ACTION, YOU--"

“Because you’re never gonna give me a break, huh?” Spidey ricocheted off a support beam so they could take cover behind a row of trucks delivering printer rolls. “Well it’d sure foil my nefarious plans if you were to stay here and keep your head down. Be good and maybe I’ll let you pose over Scorpy’s unconscious body in Trotter’s photos and take all the credit.”

“That individual no longer works here,” Flattop muttered, adjusting his lapels. 

Behind the mask Peter Trotter stared at the old pony. “That individual?” Where’s the venom? The volume?! I knew he was mad at me for…whatever reason he picked out of hat but he’s so…cold! I practically set fire to the place looking for Snappy Scoop a couple moths back! Does he still not care?

…and why do I?! 

…is my Spider-Sense goi—?

“Cobardes!” Escorpión bellowed. Another truck crashed into the wall behind them, inches from their hiding space. 

“See, this is cosy, huh?” Spidey muttered to a frozen Flattop. 

He waited until the shadow of that lashing tail had passed before scuttling on his belly under the trucks, emerging right behind the villain. Grimidor’s tail was sensitive to vibrations, his own weird kind of Spidey-Sense, but if Peter was quick enough—

“HA!” Escorpión crowed, stabbing backwards. 

Spidey flipped out of the way, letting the impact of the barb colliding with the floor fling him towards a loading dock and, more importantly, away from Flattop’s hiding spot. He landed on a dolly and surfed it backwards, springing off and onto the wall behind it before it hit.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he decided as Escorpión sprang to the ceiling, “these evaluations are better done face to face.”

“¡El español no es la única lección que estoy a punto de darte!” Murita sneered. “¿Alguna última palabra?”

“Decisiones, decisiones,” Spidey mused. Then sprang head on! “Vamos a bailar!”


14


“You dance divinely, Captain Grim Skies,” Princess Celestia smiled as she waltzed with a rock monster. 

“Ya wanna be an idol o’ millions, ya gotta be good at millions o’ things, ma’am,” the Thing said, winking. He looked over his shoulder, monobrow creasing as he checked on Rainbow Dash, dancing with Quicksilver a little further up.

“She can look after herself, believe me,” Celestia assured. Though she did have to admit the two smirking speedsters, while agile as ever, did look like they were having a hoof-wrestling contest. To the death.


***

“Soooo…” Applejack had found herself sharing the same patch of ballroom with some of the Dora Mailaja. “Is it, uh, interestin’ bein’ a royal bodyguard? Thought about it as an alternative a time or two.” 

“The hours are long but you get to travel a lot,” a wildebeest said. 

“And the prince is very considerate,” the gazelle next to her supplied. 

“I do like to travel,” the farmgirl agreed. 

“Of course,” the gazelle admitted, “there’s always the possibility he’ll ask your hoof in marriage, choosing your tribe over all others and inciting civil war.”

“Indeed,” the wildebeest said, idly cleaning out one ear with the tip of her spear. “Sclerocarya here is one of my best friends, and she’d be as obligated to strangle me with my own beads as I would if our tribes ordered it.” 

“I’m, ah…” Applejack searched for something that would put her back on a sane planet. “I’m in the apple farmin’ game myself.”

“Huh!” Sclerocarva cheerfully indicated the wildebeest and herself with the tip of her spear. “Our tribes hang out because they’re big into peach farming. Small world!” 


***

Fluttershy was sharing a table with Black Bolt. 

“This is nice,” she concluded after ten minutes of total mutual silence. 

Black Bolt nodded. 


***

A blue flash in the middle of the dance floor! The band stopped dead.

Celestia squinted, then saw what it was and dropped the Thing to the floor as her pupils shrank to outraged pinpricks. 

Luna: grinning, hooves on the shoulders of a startled looking Namor. 

She shot a defiant look at Celestia, who’s mane seemed to be getting larger and more storm tossed, as she made her way over to the band and whispered something to the lead cello player. The Unicorn nodded and cast a spell over his band’s instruments. They all nodded and seamlessly struck up a dance-on-the-tables, drive-ins-and-malt-shops rockabilly number. 

Namor had just finished wiping down his dusty scales when Luna’s hooves clamped around his and whirled him into a tango. It was more of a tangle on the Sub-Mariner’s part for the first few minutes.


***


“Huh,” Spike mused, hopping off Twilight’s back, “didn’t know they served toast at this function—”

“Because this is your jam,” Twilight muttered under her breath. 

“—'cause this is my jam!” Spike strutted towards the dancefloor, waving over his shoulder at her. “See ya!” 

“Have fun, I guess,” Twilight chuckled. 

She sighed, looking at the various little huddles she wasn’t sure she could or should make herself a part of. Although Spike and Pinkie Pie dancing back to back made her smile. 

Fluttershy came up beside her. “Um, is everything alright?”

“The summit? Oh, I think it’s going better than expected, don’t you?” 

“I suppose so…” 

Twilight followed Fluttershy’s gaze. Rarity and the Panther Prince were dancing. Or the Panther was simply standing there while the fashionista tried to show off how well she could trot, moonwalk and shimmy all at once. No, wait. His tail was flicking around like a conductor’s baton. That seemed to be as far as it went.

“Wildcats don’t dance?” Twilight grinned lamely. 

“They can if they want to,” Fluttershy chuckled. 

“♪They can leave their friends behind!♪” they opined off key and dissolved into giggles. 

“I hate to be a bother,” Fluttershy tried once they’d caught their breath, “but are you sure? It’s just, I know why I’m in the corner, but you’re just sort of…standing here, and your binders were so comprehensive! You must have so many interesting questions.” 

“In my defence half the summit left after an hour, and one of the Attilan delegation's taking a really long time in the restroom.” 

“Well, all that hair…” Fluttershy suggested, hoping this didn’t condemn her to the gossiping level of Hades. 

“Point,” Twilight sighed. “I dunno. Research is one thing, but I’m a little out of my depth here. I mean, Princess Luna’s cutting up the dance floor! And she’s had to quickly add on a lot of stuff to her hundreds of years worth of experience! What’s one little Canterlot filly going to say to the prince and princess who were groomed for the power of Bast? Or-or-or not waste the Sub-Mariner’s time even more than he already assumes she will? I was practically raised by Princess Celestia and I still get tongue tied around her!”

“You know she wouldn’t have invited you if she didn’t think you could do those things, right?” Fluttershy asked gently. 

“Yeah, invited to a secret summit,” Twilight said, looking at Celestia pretending to laugh at whatever River Reeds and Johnnycake were saying, while glaring at how close Luna had pressed her cheek to Namor’s. The Mariner was having to use his fins to hover above the floor and keep up with her hoofwork. 

Fluttershy’s ears drooped slightly. There hadn’t been resentment in Twilight’s voice, but there was something there. “Um...”

“Hey, party ponies.” Rainbow Dash flapped over, trailed by Quicksilver. “Grabbin’ some air and humiliating the ambassador into the bargain. Wanna watch?” 

Twilight blinked. “You’re going to race? At night? In the dark?” 

“We’re going to talk,” Quicksilver said. She wasn’t smirking anymore. 

“About how awesome my victory is, yeah,” Dash said casually but too quickly. “Oh, hey, figured out where you guys’re going for this exchange deal yet? Leadfooted here keeps tryin’ to sell me on a Genoshian vacation.” 

“Not…yet?” Some back-of-the-neck sense made Fluttershy look back to the dance floor. Rarity was marching over with the Panther Prince and Shuri behind her. 

“His majesty wants to talk to you,” she told Fluttershy with a brittle smile. 

“T’Challa,” Quicksilver said, nodding as she joined Rainbow Dash on the balcony railing. 

The Panther nodded in return. “Silver.” 

Dash’s wings flared, passing through a swirling afterimage of a launching Quicksilver, tapestries billowing in their wake. The party watched as two multicoloured streaks blazed along the great arc of the Castle’s main tower, then flickered back into existence over the ribbon of a mountain stream. 

“Rainbow Dash is a, uh, sports enthusiast,” Twilight offered with an awkward smile. 

“One surmises,” the Panther agreed. “It’s clear why Quicksilver speaks so highly of her.” 

“She’s rad as all hay,” Shuri put in. “Can we keep her?”

“Sister.” 

“What? I just wanna hook her up to my equipment and figure out how she does that boom thingy! It’s not like I’m gonna ask for blood samples or anything!” Shuri folded her forelegs grumpily, then gazed thoughtfully at the ceiling. “Although…” 

Rarity and Fluttershy looked at Twilight. 

“It was just a couple dozen!” she protested. And realised she’d said that out loud. In front of strangers. She wondered if she could beat herself to death with her own wings. 

“You’re speaking about these fine ponies as if they’re not here,” T’Challa gently rebuked. 

“More like the one I’m talking about just left,” Shuri muttered. Her eyes focused so suddenly they could all swear they heard shutters buzz and she bounced up to Twilight. “Wait. You’re Twilight Sparkle! Oh man, I’ve wanted to talk to you for forever about that binding thing!”

“Oh.” Twilight blinked. “Um, thank you! Which…?”

“The one where you bound you and your friends’ destines together and then to the Elements of Harmony!” You could’ve shone Shuri’s grin on the clouds and used it to summon the world’s greatest detective. 

“I take it nopony would be opposed if my sister were to stay in Ponyville?” the Panther asked, politely but carefully. 

Twilight looked at Rarity, who gave her a look containing a lot of information. She intuited more by taking another look at Shuri. 

Smiling like a six-year-old on too many amphetamines, but capable of conversation about at least two very nuance laden (ridden?) schools of magical thought. Born into royalty, which must’ve come with everything ever written about diplomacy, but thinking so fast she couldn’t register the concept of boundaries. Privileged, with a tight familial circle that occupied an important societal and spiritual position. 

All that was missing was a little brother familiar. 

“The mayor’s office would be honoured,” Twilight smiled. 

“We do live next door to the Everfree Forest though,” Fluttershy mumbled honestly. “And not too far from Ghastly Gorge. Oh! And the gates of Tartarus are somewhere in the mountains, too. But we have some very nice public parks! And, um…a bowling alley?” 

“The Everfree Forrest?!” Shuri was dancing in place hard enough to send up sparks. “When can we leave?! I’ve got a sample kit in the trunk, oooh, but they grow them big out there don’t they, ugh, and the Doras will want snacks--”

“I can do snacks!” Pinkie Pie called, ice skating past.

“The Wakandan consulate shall be in touch,” the Panther said, a smile in his voice as he shook Twilight’s hoof. 

“A week?” Shuri’s eyes bugged. “’Challaaaaa, c’mooooon! Is this about the Great Sun Race? I can go next year!” 

“You’ll honour the racers of Wakanda with your royal presence like the rest of us and be distinguished about it,” the Panther said pleasantly. “There’s also the matter of which of you ladies will honour us with your presence.” 

“Quite,” Rarity said between smiling teeth. 

Fluttershy’s head slowly turned to take in each of the group as it sunk in that, yes, they were all looking at her. “Oh! Gosh! I’m flattered, your majesty, but I wouldn’t want to be a bother!” 

“That is most kind of you,” the Panther said. Something about the impassive cover of his mask made the amiable tone of his voice…worryingly so. 

“Twilight!” Fluttershy remembered hastily. “…is a princess!”

“With no real diplomatic experience,” the mage said cheerfully, as the Element of Kindness started at her with screaming eyes, “so it makes about the same difference whichever of us goes, if you think about it.” 

“Rarity’s the most seasoned traveller! And she could…make you a nice…cat suit?”

“I’m sure she could,” the Panther said distractedly. This was because he was frowning over his shoulder at Shuri, who was watching rapturously as Johnnycake argued with the Thing and Princess Luna about how best to extract Spike from the neck of a vase his fiery dance moves had plugged him into. “But I feel Ms. Rarity is the best suited to watching out for my sister.”

Shuri blinked. “She is?”

“I am,” Rarity said firmly.

“There’s just so many little animals I have to look after though,” Fluttershy tried desperately. “I’m the town veterinarian, you see.”

“And she’s super good at it,” Twilight said, beaming. “In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if she had everything wrapped up before the week is out. Oooh, I could make a schedule to maximise efficiency! How fun!” 

If Fluttershy had been the type she’d have kicked the princess right in the cutie mark.

“That is part of why we would like to extend the offer,” the Panther said. “The royal sisters tell us you have a close bond with nature. A trait all of Wakanda prises highly!” 

He and Shuri both gave slight bows. The zebra princess winked at Fluttershy.

“Oh, thank you, that’s very flattering!” Fluttershy managed to smile. “I’m not really familiar with your region though…”

“We would be happy to help.” The Panther held up a foreleg. Rarity and Twilight clustered even closer to Fluttershy, all three wondering if the thin card-like piece of glass(?) had materialised on his wrist or had always subtlety been there.

“Kimoyo,” the Panther enunciated carefully. “Archive. Wildlife.” 

Runes danced across the card’s surface and a golden phantasm of a book wafted out from T’Challan’s wrist. Fluttershy’s eyes lit up as a pop-up diorama spread out before her, a holographic valley full of miniature creatures, incredibly life like even with small scroll icons hovering over them.

Shuri stifled a laugh as all three Elements gasped: the animals had started moving! Even the grass and the branches swayed in a non-existent breeze. Some danced up out of the book and froze in mid-motion, their scrolls unfurling. 

Fluttershy turned as Lockjaw lumbered up to her, offering a devastated trey of hors d'oeuvres. Rarity gave her an encouraging smile.

“Oh, why not?” Fluttershy grinned, giving Lockjaw a pat. 

Twilight’s own smile faltered slightly as she looked between her friends and the two royal zebras as they began talking things over. Without her. 

“Everything seems to be happening in this corner!” Princess Celestia enthused, trotting over. She laughed as Lockjaw lumbered over and tried to follow the swirls of her ethereal tail. “Yes, yes, hello! Have you all come to an agreement yet?”

“I’m going to Wakanda, I suppose,” Fluttershy giggled as she bowed. 

“And Princess Shuri shall be staying under my watchful eye in Ponyville,” Rarity beamed. Shuri raised an eyebrow. T’Challa’s shadow lengthened to consume hers and she lowered her eyebrow. 

“Splendid!” Celestia practically clapped her hooves. “Everything alright, Twilight?”

“Fine, your highness!” Twilight forced a better smile. “Just…feel like some air. So I suppose I’ll, uh, also see what Princess Crystal’s up too?”

“A marvellous idea,” Celestia said then started up a conversation with the Panther. 

Twilight gave an uncertain Fluttershy and Rarity a reassuring smile and teleported out. Lockjaw spun so fast he almost knocked a startled Celestia through a column. His eyes rolled to Fluttershy. 

“Go on,” Fluttershy said, nodding. “She needs it.”  


***

Twilight materialised under the stars, savouring the cool air of the gardens, then blinked at a sudden wave of pressure. She yelped, shielding her eyes against a burst of light, then yelped even louder when she looked up into Lockjaw’s face. “Wha?! Um…hi? Lockjaw, right?”

The dog’s jowls spread in a smile. If he hadn’t been holding onto the tray, Twilight supposed, his tongue would have been lolling. Or concussing her. She teleported a few experimental feet away. Lockjaw let out a muffled bark and vanished, materialising behind Twilight and almost driving her headfirst into a tree. “Whoa!”

She staggered in a circle until she got her balance back then looked into those innocent ball bearing eyes and chuckled. “Fun, isn’t it?”

Lockjaw barked again. He held out the tray with a questioning expression. Smiling, Twilight levitated one of the most intact looking samples and patted his jowls. 

“Thanks!” She popped it in her mouth. “Wanna go find your princess?”   

She trotted off along the winding path, the great creature lumbering happily behind her, and felt her spirits perk up. 


15


Gloriously crisp mountain air washing over her. Luna’s stars tumbling past. Her entire body pulsing as she neared Rainboom speed. The theme park sets of the landscape vaulting all around her and the satisfaction of the gap between her and the Hex-Breed behind her. 

“And that!” Rainbow Dash cut her wings and thrust out her forelegs to meet the castle cobbles, leaning into the move and only regretting she didn’t throw up sparks as she performed a perfect 360 skid through the archway of the courtyard, stopping dead in the middle. “Is how it’s done.” 

“Your turnings gotten better at least,” Quicksilver smirked, breaking on a dime beside her. Dash let her have the sleekness of the maneuverer because the confirmed looser needed something. 

“Yeah? ’Least you race better than ya dance!”

“I swear, you make Cliff Bastion look modest some days. It’s almost mesmerising.”

“Dunno who that is.” Dash glided over to a fountain and splashed some water in her face. 

Silver shrugged. “A friend. He’s not important.”

“You wanna maybe talk about that?” 

“I thought you were trying to avoid our discussion.” 

“About your little island getaway, sure.” Dash used the rim of the fountain to boost herself into hovering over the cobbles. “I mean, if ya wanna get your tail kicked by the one and only Rainbow Dash (again), I could do it from home! (Again.)” 

“I think it would be good for you,” an afterimage said. Dash turned to find Quicksilver posed on a lower balcony, like a jungle cat in foliage waiting for an incautious entrée. 

Out of nothing more than pure competitiveness, Rainbow shot upwards, weaving between turrets and rolling into a landing on one of the opposite towers. An afterimage flickered curiously on the rim of its neighbour for a heartbeat and then another was kicking open the door while Silver lounged between turrets. 

“Doubt it’d do your ego any good!” the younger speedster sneered. 

“You’ll be delighted to know this isn’t about me,” Quicksilver replied, stone faced. 

“Then what’s it really about?” Dash muttered irritably, folding her forelegs. “Tell me your dad isn’t on a recruitment drive. I’m team Celestia all the way!”

“I wouldn’t insult you.” Silver waved a languid hoof, looking amused. Light from the moon mingled with strange speed trials from her shoe even though the gesture was normal paced. “Although you’re the one who’s tried to indoctrinate me, if you’ll recall.” 

Rainbow Dash blinked at her. 

“Those little friendship lectures,” Quicksilver sighed (half im)patiently. “No offence but Captain Adventure you most certainly are not.” 

“Yeah? Gimme a minute, I just made Wonderbolt reserves.”

“You did?” Silver’s grey eyes blinked in genuine surprise. “Oh. Congratulations!” 

“Thanks.” Dash smiled, wondering why she felt so flattered and disconcerted at the same time. Almost familial. Was this what her cousins felt whenever she praised whatever adorable little thing they were doing? 

“I still have no interest in them, but it’s good one of my few noteworthy competitors is achieving their goals.” 

“Thank the Great Pony, for a second there I thought you were a changeling or something.” 

“I think you need to hear what I have to say.” 

“Can we do it inside?” Dash sighed, blowing some hair out of her face. “Burned a lotta calories.” 

“Wherever you’d feel most comfortable.” Silver nodded, which made Dash feel like she ought to be tensing up.

She sprang off the ledge, free falling into the royal gardens. She flared her wings to slow her descent and an afterimage was halfway over the wall when she swung into a glide. 

“Speaking of, y’know that offer goes both ways, right?” she mused as she flapped over hedges and around low branches. “Ponyville’s only like an hour and half away. By train. We both know that’s nothing.” 

“To the likes of us, yes.” 

Dash derived the purest, pettiest pleasure from the fact the land locked Silver had to go at a normalish jog to navigate how dense the immediate foliage around her was. She put a hoof to her chest to be a jerk. “An outright comparison?! Be still my beating heart!” 

“What do you mean? Just because you have a charmingly supine first gear doesn’t mean we don’t share the gift. It’s refreshing whenever I can talk to somepony who does.”

“The gift.” Dash rolled her eyes. “Look, yeah I was born to be awesome, but nopony gave me my speed.” She squinted. “Huh. That your story?”

Silver smirked up at her. “Perhaps I’ll tell you when you’ve had enough of taking in the sights of Genosha.”  

“Didn’t say I was going.” Dash perched on a statue to get her bearings. “Agh, this place is a maze! No, wait, there’s the maze over there, so to get to the mountains we--”

“You’re stalling.” She looked down at the bored looking speedster. “You’re perfectly capable of flying a few feet to look for a lit window.”

“In the middle of the night?” Dash scoffed. 

“You outpaced me in the middle of those woods. Your eyesight isn’t just sharp, your night vision is excellent. Your tactics, however, are embarrassingly transparent. You’re hoping if you plod around long enough I’ll lose patience and race off.” She couldn’t break contact with those suddenly all-consuming grey eyes. “Because that’s what would work on you.”

“Yeah, I’m stuck with you in the cold and the smell of wet grass ‘cause I’m trying to annoy you,” the Pegasus deadpanned, hopping back to ground level. “Gimme a break, this place is huge!”

“And even if you were actually lost, you’re ridiculously well equipped to search it.”

“Y’know, you seriously need to work on your sales pitch.” She slicked her hair up in imitation of Silver’s mane. “‘Come to Genosha, Rainbow Dash, the great big island where you’ll be stuck with me for even longer!’ There a trivia night so ya can force even more boring questions on me?” 

“There’s plenty of talented creatures there,” Silver said taking a step forward that made Dash freeze up. “But almost none like us.” 

“Yeah, I’m one of a kind,” Dash smirked, buffing her chest to get some cool back. 

“You’re rare.” Silver’s eyes flashed. “We’re rare.”

“You’re soundin’ a lot like your dad right now!” 

They plunged into seething, freezing silence. An owl hooted in the hills, sounding almost close enough to land on either of their shoulders. 

“You’re still trying to get out of this,” the Befriender said in a cold, self-steadying voice, silver and blue swirls trembling around her shoulders, “so I’m going to let that go.”

“Outta what?!” Dash snapped. “I don’t know what this even is! You’re just talkin’ in circles about gifts and cults! Is this because I won?”

“Yes!” Silver’s eyes went so wide Rainbow flapped a few inches back. She was actually smiling. “You can keep up! More than keep up! You have the gift, or whatever banal little term you want to use!”

“We’ve been over this!” Dash rolled her eyes, turning towards where, yeah, she knew perfectly well the mountain balcony was. “I’m just an awesome little pony from Cloudsdale! No Hex-Factor! No vat of chemicals or cosmic rays! I’m just that good!” 

“That’s the point!” She drew up as the other speedster blurred into existence in front of her. “You’re, I hate saying this so much, but you are a natural! I took father’s offer to make Genosha into what he only talks about. A haven. You and your friends could help me do it so much faster. And neither of us would have to be alone!”

“What, I’m lonely now?” Dash couldn’t help the snigger. “Sorry, but, man, you should see my day planner! Well, okay, I don’t really use it and quest stuff means we’ll probably drop like 30% of it, but you saw who I arrived with, right? I am seriously only here because Princess-For-Real-Celestia gave me a holler! I hang out with my heroes every third week now!”

Silver rolled her eyes. “I’m happy for you.” 

“Yeah? ‘Cause I’d get it if you weren’t.”

“I beg your pardon?”

“Look, we heard about…y’know…” Dash shrugged a wing, strangely reluctant to be blunt to the other speedster all of a sudden. “Whatever went on with the Befrienders. Iron Mage.”

“Ah, that.” Quicksilver’s mouth curled with languid violence. “Yes, I’ll admit accepting to represent Genosha was a fresh start.” 

“For real, I’m down to prove you’re a buster any day of the week, but are you doing okay?” Dash stepped closer to her, trying to appear non-threatening. “I heard you talking to Mr. Fantastic about your shoes. You gotta get ‘em custom to deal with the friction, right? And the jerk who made ‘em spied on you your whole friendship, so you’ve gotta be lookin’ for a new supplier. Hay, you moved back in with your dad! That’s gotta suck!”

“Eloquent as ever.” The Earth Pony huffed aristocratically, jogging back towards the party. “Dr. Rivers and I had already made arrangements. I was thanking him again, that’s all. His work is perfectly suited to my needs. Even if it wasn’t, I have nothing to say to Antimony Spark.” 

Rainbow flapped alongside her in quick but uncomfortable silence. 

“Thank you for your concern though,” Silver said eventually. 

“Look, not that I need you even more in my hair, but y’know you can show up in Ponyville literally whenever you want, right? You could be on the east coast and back in a couple hours!”

“My people have lived on the boarders of many small towns, thank you.” 

“And because of that jackass in a can you had to run out on all your friends!” 

They were accelerating, nearing the edge of some trees, the mountain and the balcony back to warmth and music almost directly above them. Silver turned suddenly, Dash presenting her belly to the rock to keep up without losing momentum. 

“C’mon! Would it really be so bad? Just ‘cause I don’t wanna check out your digs doesn’t mean you can’t crash at mine! Wait, you can’t cloud walk…”

“Actually…” Silver smirked over her shoulder. 

She sprang through an afterimage, using a cart and a greenhouse roof as ramps. Dash’s eyes widened as her blue and silver trail bolted from one low hanging cloud to another. 

“Oh, think you can jaywalk in my neighbourhood?!” she grinned, using one to springboard herself into a wing sprint that bought her back alongside. 

“You really need to learn how to use coherent terminology. You were just trying to convince me to visit your neighbourhood.” 

“Yeah, after you tried to annoy me into checking out yours.” 

Dash whipped back towards the treetops, watching afterimages tumble a little behind her. One used it’s tail like a propeller and Quicksilver was hovering above the ground before dropping into a trot as she pulled up for landing. “Sweet! Enchanted soles?”

“Vibrations spells, actually, and I have to be moving for them to work.” Silver looked down proudly at her shoes. “Impressive how you’re still keeping up.”

Dash shrugged. “We could do this a lot more in Ponyville. Rolling skies, fields that go on almost forever, mountains, even a couple of danger spots if we get bored!”

She held up a wingtip to act as a moustache and mimed adjusting a set of lapels. “And if you’re lookin’ for hin-tell-gent chonversation, Twilight knows basically everything and Rarity freaks out if her coffee isn’t imported. C’mon. You think Kang’s tough? Try not crying when Pinkie throws you your first ever welcome party! Hay, you’ve been workin’ on vibrating too, right? There’s this box in a cave that drives us nuts whenever we remember it’s there! Maybe we could race to see who cracks it first? Spoiler alert: probably me, but does it sound like you’ll be bored?” 

“Do you get bored?” Silver asked casually.

“…sometimes?” Dash admitted. 

“I can imagine.” Silver looked her right in the eye but it wasn’t a challenge. “You love your friends, I can tell. It’s one of the things I admire you for. But they aren’t like you. Like us.”

“Really?” Dash quirked a brow. “’Cause I’m gettin’ the impression you’d be a snob to all of us the exact same way.” 

“Probably.” Silver smirked but her face became impassive instantly. “But you’ve given me your little sales pitch ever since we met and now, you’re finally going to do me the kindness of listening to mine.”

“Kindness is pretty high on our bucket list,” Dash sighed, reluctantly leaning against a tree. 

“What you have works but you have to do this…” Silver became a blurring row of three afterimages before sliding back into one. “Alone. Because you’re the only one who can do it. You’re the only one who can come near that speed. I’ll wager you have to push yourself hard to keep up with your fellow Wonderbolts, but that’s different. You’re trying to keep formation. You’re trying not to outpace them.”

Dash shrugged. “Spitfire and Soarin’ have clocked way higher CAS and wing power records than I have.”  

“Yes, after less than a decade of training. As a unit. And they help you, don’t they? Help you learn how to maintain control, how to keep yourself from accelerating and ruining a manoeuvre. Which takes the same level of high-speed coordination as, say, outdistancing a sub-sonic speedster through varied terrain, including a forest. At night.” 

“Keep telling you: I’m awesome.”

“I’m trying to tell you that I think what the Wonderbolts are actually teaching you is how to relearn what you did as a child.” 

That got her attention. 

“I did a little digging,” Silver said with a shrug. “Speed’s never been a problem, has it? Stamina either, I’d wager. Control’s the big thing, even if you didn’t know it. And once you have that, who knows how much further you’ll be able to take things. All this and no meta-normal factors? Creatures who naturally have your potential only exist in legend.”

“You’re weirdly into flattering me tonight.” 

“You’re strangely reluctant to accept, and I think it’s because it means admitting things about your friends and yourself you don’t want to.”

“Careful,” Dash snarled. 

“You fight a lot, don’t you?” Silver waited through the nonplussed, outraged lack of response. “You make up, absolutely, but it keeps happening. They keep assuming things about what you and you keep assuming things before it’s clear what the question should be. You all coordinate in ways it takes the Befrienders months of training to accomplish and you do it practically every day, but there’s always that one day, isn’t there? Where you leap in before you know what’s happening…or you have to wait for everypony else to get there.”

More silence. Dash wasn’t moving at all. 

“And there’s always a moment where you realise you have to go back a few thoughts because a conversation’s taking forever, and when someone asks you a question it’s not that you don’t know the answer, it’s that you came up with one forever ago and now you’re trying to go back and remember what it was. Because you were done with the topic hours ago.” 

“Maybe,” Dash muttered. 

“I know you didn’t finish school, but you’re not stupid.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“You’re raw and in desperate need of focus, but you’re perfectly capable at what you do. The problem is your friends don’t always need what you do. And they don’t have to live with it like you do.”

“Live with what?!” Dash stomped a hoof. “Talk sense for five seconds, wouldja?!”

“The slowness. You have trouble even feigning interest in anything you don’t care about, correct? There’re things you do with your friends only because you’re friends. Because they matter to you. Because you can slow down for them. This is admirable. The problem is they never speed up for you.” 

“You were goin’ about gifts a couple seconds ago!” Dash snapped. “If everypony could keep up with us how would what we do be special?”

“You can make a point like that because of what we do. You are, pardon the pun, a quick wit. Because you are a creature designed to operate in a fast-paced environment. Your mind makes connections and retains information at those speeds, but probably only those speeds. I’ve heard of Pegasi that can achieve at least a 180° field of awareness in flight.” Her eyes flashed as Rainbow’s flickered guiltily. “I thought so, and you’re only, what, 22, 23? What if that awareness grows the more you accelerate? And you can perform a Sonic Rainboom.”

“I…” Rainbow shook her head even though it was strangely clear. “You…I…”

“Want to know how much better you do at this level instead of your sleepy little town? I’ve been alternating the speed of my voice ever since we left. You keep up so well you haven’t even noticed. We slowed down and you performed that turn perfectly, communicating the whole time. You’re a speedster, Rainbow Dash. You’re meant to live at hundreds, thousands of miles an hour. And your friends aren’t.”

“Shut up,” Dash whispered, staring at nothing.

“Genosha is full of creatures like us. My father can play his little games and pretend the Brotherhood is off his leash, but we are giving them a place where they can be themselves. Your friends might accept you but they have no idea what you live with every day. They will love you but I’m sorry, they will never understand you.”

“I said shut up!” 

Dash’s wings flared violently. The small pocket of speed burst. Quicksilver staggered back, shocked. Dash trembled. She didn’t even know how she’d known to do that. 

“I…” Silver took a breath, shaking her head. “I’m sorry. I…loose myself too sometimes. It’s easy, isn’t it?”

Rainbow Dash said nothing but her lip was curling, her eyes narrowed as they filled with tears. Silver’s ears folded, her head drooping so low her kerchief medallions almost kissed the grass. 

“I’m sorry. I shall make my excuses to Princess Celestia and leave.” She turned towards the mountain and back again so fast an afterimage was still pointing at them as she looked over her shoulder. “And…perhaps I shall visit Ponyville. Someday?”

Silence. 

Quicksilver vanished in a series of afterimages up the side of the mountain. 

Rainbow Dash stood stalk still, the only movement baring her teeth as the silent tears streamed down her face. 


16


“I cannot believe her sometime!” Crystal snapped. The water in a nearby fountain frothed violently. “Sometimes I just want to grab some of that hair and-and-and…UUUGH!” 

She stamped her hooves. The water was now on fire. 

“Feeling better?” Sue Storm smiled wryly, dancing firelight describing the outline of an invisible umbrella construct she’d created to protect herself from scalding droplets.

“A little.” Crystal blew a bang out of her face and sighed. The fountain was now obscured by steam but was settling down. “Sorry. Not very regal behaviour, huh?”

“We’re friends, Crystal. If we vent to anypony, it should be each other.” Sue gave the young Unknown a hug. Why yes, she had always sort of wanted a little sister, how did you guess? “Crown feeling heavier than normal lately?” 

“No, my shoulders,” Crystal replied cheerfully. She swatted at some foliage, which became a starburst of ice. “Because my sister is almost always standing on them!” 

“You’ve been in each other’s pockets almost your whole lives,” Sue assured, “it’s natural to get on each other’s nerves! That doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to let off steam. Hay, if not for the business I’d be worried I’ve too much peace and quiet these days. Johnny told you he moved into his own place, right? I miss him but it’s been good for him.”

“Yeah.” Crystal smiled then fidgeted with some leaves she was thawing out. “You seem okay with us talking again…?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Sue smiled. “You’re just talking.”

“Yeah, and Johnny’s making the outside world sound a lot more tempting every day.” 

“What are you thinking?” Sue rolled her eyes at the innocent blinking. “Crystal. Johnnycake is my brother. I’ve been matching wits with Dr. Gloam since I was an undergrad. One of my powers is literally making invisible things visible.”

“Alright, alright!” Crystal grinned. “So I might be considering accidentally triggering Lockjaw’s powers and just happening to find myself on Bridleway.” 

Her eyes lit up as she looked at some of the lights glinting over the garden wall. “Or maybe back here! I haven’t been to Canterlot since that trip way back when, and we didn’t see everything. The undercity sounds amazing!”

“The capital likes it’s secrets,” Sue chuckled. “I’m sure I could talk Medusa around, if you’d like. Would you be thinking of taking Johnny?”

Crystal looked away from the promise on the horizon and recognised the question within the question. “I’m…not sure. I mean, he never really learned how streets work here and he gets so touchy about it!” 

“Crystal.” 

“Not saying never.” She shrugged haplessly. “Starting again sounds good but so does just, you know…starting. Literally anything! You know what I did last week? I helped stop Maximus. Again!” 

“You’re looking for more rouges?” Sue squinted. She didn’t see much difference between the never-ending swarm of goons they kept shepherding into the Stockade and the Unknowns’ own underworld. And that wasn’t counting the odd Kree detachment that sometimes made it through the atmosphere. 

“Oh, no!” Crystal laughed. “But we broke things off so I could focus on helping my people. Maybe if I’d been there that Kree/Skrull thing wouldn’t have forced us to relocate so far away.”

“And if you’d been there anything could have happened, including us never seeing you again! It’s not wrong you were in Manehattan when it happened, just like it’s not wrong you made a choice.” Sue looked the Unknown over in the moonlight. “And that’s what this is about, isn’t it? Choices.”

“Options,” Crystal agreed, nodding . “I need some! The colony will be taking care of itself after I’m dust. And it’s great that the family got so tight after I came back, but what was the point if Medusa’s just going to tie herself to everything I do? It’s like, even Lockjaw wonders off to sniff things or take a nap, y’know?” She shut her eyes. “I know you’re friends, but--”

“We’re friends too,” Sue said, putting a comforting hoof on her shoulder. “And much as I love Medusa you’re not wrong. Filly needs to learn how to be a queen and a big sister. Which was probably what that was back in the hall.”

“She’s lucky it was only snow,” Crystal muttered.

“You and Johnny have to control more than most of us,” Sue agreed. “We should all remember that. Have you tried talking to Black Bolt?” She patiently tightened her grip slightly as the princess opened her mouth. “Talking, not venting.”

“…ask again later?” Crystal's abashed smile glinted in the moonlight before she looked down at her hooves. “And Bolt’s great, Attilan’s great, the entire Unknown nation is great! That’s the problem! We’re so…contained! Everything works so well even our dangers are routine. Gorgon was just grumbling about what he’ll do with himself when Maximus finally runs out of ways to break out of the Maze.” 

“Pro-wrestling?” Sue smirked. Crystal burst out laughing so much she had to drop onto a bench. Sue sat next to her, sisterly stroking her mane as she lapsed into pensive silence. “So you want options. Would one of them be Johnny?”

“If he wanted to.” Crystal shrugged. “Although he’s always talking about this pony, Rarity? She sounds...What, what’s funny?”

“Johnny and Rarity?!” It was Sue’s turn to try and hold in her guts. “They’re not—! They…no, no they’re not. She’s far too sensi--”

She trailed off, remembering who she was talking about and cleared her throat. “No, Johnny and Rarity aren’t like that.” 

“Oh.” Crystal sat up. She seemed relieved. “Well, he talks about her a lot. I was hoping to meet her actually, but then that ice sculpture exploded.” 

“Yes, it did, didn’t it,” Sue smiled wryly. “But Rarity and her friends are great.” 

She scrutinised the young Unknown, who was now trying to avoid direct eye contact. “Ah. So that’s it.” 

“You’re as bad as Karnak sometimes, you know that?” Crystal smirked, wilfully looking straight at her. 

“It’s not wrong to want friends, Crystal. In fact, the Elements or the Bearers, whatever they’re calling themselves this week will be the first to tell you that.” 

“They do look fun. Especially the one with the rainbow hair!”

“…have you…not met?” Sue asked gingerly, partly out of shock that the Earth hadn’t been destroyed yet and that she seemed to be trying to hasten it. 

“Someone that normal looking with that colour scheme? I’d absolutely remember her!” Crystal beamed. “I only really spoke to Pinkie Pie, and that’s just because, y’know, she’s got so much to say! But I didn’t really get to mingle too much. I wanted to but it’s been so long since I saw Shuri. Can you believe how big she’s gotten?” 

“You’ve come a long way yourself!” Sue smiled. “Which might be Medusa’s problem.”

“She’s only got the one?” Crystal muttered. 

“Queen’s can be pretty busy,” Sue said gently. “I mean, I worked two jobs when I was growing up, and if I wasn’t mad Johnny was underhoof I’d be worrying where he was. It was tough not to say anything when he gave up on college but even though I just said how proud I am of him? It was hard to watch him finally decide to leave, too. And that’s just two little ponies from Long Island! Your sister has to look after…how many colonies do you guys have, eight?” 

“Point taken,” Crystal sighed. 

“I’m just saying, honey. Sometimes I worry I was so focused on growing up I wasn’t there for Johnny’s own childhood. You and Medusa have had to go through so much more.”

Static danced up and down Crystal’s forelegs, her forehead brand pulsing briefly. “So, what, I have to wait for her to be ready to let me go?” 

“Didn’t say that,” Sue soothed. “Just that you can make friends without having to fight her for them.” 

“I can’t promise you Johnny would just be a friend.” Crystal removed her communicator, the twin of the one in her old flame’s custom hairbrush chest. “And I can’t promise him anything either. It’s been years, Sue. I love my family, I love you all, but I really need something new!” 

They both looked up, startled as the nearby trees and bushes began to rock violently. Lockjaw erupted from the foliage, a terrified Twilight Sparkle clinging helplessly onto his antenna. 

“Nononononooooo, slow down, that’s the princess’s prize winning wisdom-willow! Augh! Left, left! Stop! Good doggy! WUAGH!” 

The dog bounded towards Crystal, skidding the last few inches to brake. Twilight, naturally, kept most of her momentum and was sent hurtling into the embrace of the statue atop the fountain. She hung there, eyes revolving in their sockets to cuckoo clock noises, as if dancing with the marble Alicorn. 

“SIT!” Crystal thundered in an almost Medusa voice. Lockjaw euphorically obeyed, slamming to the ground. The movement sent tremors into the fountain and jolted Twilight lose. Her yelp caught in her throat and became more confused as she landed on an invisible cushion. 

“Evening, Twilight,” Sue smiled. “You alright?” 

“bIg DoGgY,” said Princess Twilight Sparkle, future Nobel prize winner, “hA hA hA.”

“I am soooo sorry!” Crystal appeared over the Phantasmal Ponies shoulder, almost pushing her into the dirt as she leaned as close to Twilight as she could. “Lockjaw must’ve caught my scent, he gets so excited! Did you rub his tummy? I’m afraid that kind of seals it, normally he doesn’t let anyknown touch his brand like that…”

“I’m more of a bird person, really,” Twilight mumbled, smiling gratefully as Sue helped her to her hooves. “Hi,” she began cheerfully, “I’m Twi--” Then she remembered who she was talking to. “Princess! I’m, uh, I--”

Crystal backed up as the Alicorn bowed hastily, her horn almost colliding with the Unknown’s brand. 

“Princess Twilight Sparkle!” Twilight babbled. “I mean, you’re a princess too, I just, I’m, uh…”

“Oh, no, I get!” Crystal nodded hurriedly. “The dumb pageantry and stuff…n-not that you’re dumb! I just…um…”

“No, you’re right!” 

“…I am?”

“…no! Yes? I mean…” Twilight shook her head. “I, ah, it’s dumb! The pageantry. It’s a lot, right?”

“Right,” Crystal agreed, smiling. 

It wavered as the two stood there, wondering what on and under the Earth they were supposed to say next. 

“I’m Crystal, by the way,” the Unknown remembered suddenly. “Crystal Amaquelin.”

“Oh, I know! I’m Twilight Sparkle!”

“I know.” 

“Oh.” 

Silence except for Lockjaw’s deep breathing as he looked between the two. Sue gave him a scratch behind an ear, and slapped her forehead suddenly. “Hey girls, help a mare out, how’s it go? Why’s the fraction worried about marrying the decibel?” 

“Huh?” Crystal blinked. “Oh, that one! Because--”

“Because they’d have to convert!” Twilight grinned. She and Crystal dissolved into giggles, setting each other off even more. “Sorry, sorry. I just love that one.”

“No, I do too,” Crystal grinned. “You know more?”

“Almost as many as Princess Celestia! I guess it must be pretty big in your colonies? Math humour, I mean. You’re so advanced. It’s amazing!” 

“Oh, thanks but not as much as you may think. Man, our best minds have struggled with magic for centuries and you guys run…y’know,” —Crystal gestured to the garden and the city beyond it— “all this off it! Talk about amazing.”

“We, uh, we try our best,” Twilight smiled, blushing a little. “I, um, I like your dog!” 

“He’s okay,” Crystal smiled, rubbing Lockjaw under the chin. She leaned forward, looking him right in the eye and making him back into the edge of the fountain. “When he’s behaving himself.” 

Lockjaw folded his ears and whimpered curiously. 

“He’s pretty unique,” Twilight chuckled, “even by Equestrian standards.”

“Really? But you guys have dragons. In fact, I kept meaning to ask, that little guy who was dancing, is he with you…?”

“Spike? Oh, Spike’s been with me for…pretty much forever! And we don’t really have dragons, they’re their own thing. In fact it took Spike doing some soul searching for us to establish they have a culture at all. Oh, listen to me go on! Wanna meet him?”

“A dragon?! Are you kidding?! Of course!” 

They began to chatter about Equestrian/Attilan ecology and then devolved into music and how the late 90’s had been where it was at. They were enjoying themselves so much they didn’t realise Sue had formed a force field bubble around them all to levitate back towards the party. Or that she circled the gardens to give them a couple of extra minutes. 

Lockjaw leaned towards the Phantasmal Pony, panting expectantly. 

“Good boy,” Sue smirked, giving the sneaky creature a pat just above the antenna he only allowed people he liked to touch and looking at the nose that could track Crystal practically anywhere. “Very good boy.”

“You and Tropical Storm?!” Twilight squawked suddenly. “No! That’s so weird.”

“Yeah?” Crystal snickered abashed. “It was a long time ago, and he’s changed, kinda…”

“No, I mean, he’s friends with my boyfriend.” 

“Your boyfriend’s the roommate?!” Their delighted grins were reflected in each other’s eyes. “Oh wow, I’ve wanted to meet him for forever.” 

Lockjaw turned, almost smacking Sue’s head into her own field and dropping them all to their deaths as he sniffed a bemused Twilight. He gave a satisfied yap and vanished in a burst of light. 

“Um...” Twilight said, staring at an invisible floor that smelt of flea powder and ozone.

“Oh, I’m sure that’ll buff right out…” Crystal mumbled. 

“Work out, hon,” Sue corrected from the driver’s seat with experienced resignation.  

“Right! That is what I meant! Yeeeep…”


17


Yeah, sure, I’ll fight somepony with like twice my powers and a prehensile weapon in an enclosed environment. A low roof that cuts my reaction time in half, you say? We’ll pack a hamper, it’ll be a hoot! 

Spider-Pony grunted as he smacked into the floor for the umpteenth time, just managing to roll as Escorpión’s tail shattered the concrete where his head had been. It followed him as he galloped across the wall, trying buy distance from somepony as fast as him. 

“Payaso!” Escorpión sneered.

“Yeah?” Spidey shot back, tucking and rolling as another lash shattered a truck’s windscreen. “What’s Español for I’m a poser?”

“It’s a bit like the French,” Escorpión mused as his rival rolled to a stop in front of the armoured car. “Poseur.”

“So in a sentence you’d saaay…?”

“Oh! Soy un poseur!”

“HA!”

Mueca Esgrimidor blinked, howled with fury and lunged for his second-tier blood enemy, completely forgetting about his tail. And Spidey’s own amazing agility and reflexes, as he sailed between the jumping web-head’s legs to smash headfirst into the grill of the armoured car. The director yelped from the cab as the whole thing shook.

“Watch it, you clowns!” Ferocious Flattop barked (from hiding). “You know how much those things cost?!” 

“Oops!” Spidey fired two web-lines, scuttling backwards to draw them taught. “Hey Mueca, you mind taking a closer look in there, make sure you didn’t break anything?”

As the enraged swordpony hauled himself out of the shattered grill, Spidey tucked his hind legs up, launching himself into an almost bullet speed kick that drove the villain’s head, shoulders and forelegs even further inside the poor thing. He was about to make a quip when a scream cut him off. He looked up, balanced on Escorpión’s back, and into the terrified eyes of the director. 

Oh man, I completely forgot she was in there! Windshield’s cracked, what if it had burst?! Impact could’ve broken a leg! Or worse!

“Are you al—?” he started but—Spider-Sense! Suddenly he was in mid-air, wrapped in chitinous plating that smelt of dude bro aftershave and struggling to breathe. 

“No…necesito…verte…” Grimidor snarled, muffled by the engine block his face was buried in, “para…aplastarte!”

Spidey grunted as the tail lashed, ramming him against the wall. One of the ceiling lights burst into sparks as it slammed him into the ceiling. He fired a blind web-line from his own tail, feeling the strain of it connecting with something and the tail’s momentum vibrating up and down his spine. 

Okay, can’t take…too many more…of those! Need a…plan, Mr. thaumaturgical…physics degree!

Escorpión finally managed to burst out of the armoured car, spat out a piston and leered over his shoulder at his captured quarry. 

His view was blocked by a massive canine face. Lockjaw sniffed the air, looked between both combatants, then ambled cheerfully over to the nonplussed Spidey. There was a flash of light. 

“…yeah!” Ferocious Flattop said to the dancing remains of Kirby Krackle. “You’d better run!”


To be Continued

> And Carry a Big Torch (5)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


18


“So how does his fork work?” Spike asked. 

“Spike!” Twilight scolded. 

“What? Don’t act like it’s not bugging you too.” 

“You could at least ask politely!” 

“No, it’s cool,” Crystal smiled. “If you want to come to Attilan the house of science’ll be happy to explain all about brands.”

Spike squinted. “You mean shirts and shoes and stuff?”

“Man, I wish.”

“Sorry?” Twilight’s smile had become slightly confused. “House of…? But you said your people struggle with magic? Oh, do you mean Everfree think?”

Crystal blinked. “Do I?” 

“So you’re going to Atta...Apa…?” Spike’s eyes crossed as he wrestled with the various names he’d had to memorise in the past couple hours. “Aladdin…Crystal’s place?” 

“You mean we’d be going, yes. Oh, if, uh, if that would be alright?” Twilight shared grins with Crystal. “It sounds amazing!”

“I’ll do my best to make sure you’re as disappointed as I am,” the Unknown chuckled. “Are you not coming, Spike?”

“I kinda promised I’d help Princess Shuri get settled in Ponyville!” the dragon beamed. 

“Promised who?” Twilight smirked. 

“Please?” Spike clasped his paws together, keeping the puppy dog eyes and bended knees in reserve from long, long experience. “An extra coat of polish on every floor, not just the library rooms! Keeping the lab equipment in shape while you’re away! Your pick for breakfast, lunch and dinner for a whole week when you get back!” 

“Ah, rookie mistake.” 

They turned to see Johnnycake Storm leaning in the doorway back to the ballroom. “See, if you really wanna seal the deal you should be a pain in the tail most of the time. That way big sis caves at the first chance of a break. Makes haggling so easy it should be illegal.”

“Thank you so much,” Twilight muttered as Spike assumed a contemplative expression.

“Anything for princess and country!” Johnny beamed. His face softened into a more sincere and, almost impossibly, sheepish smile as he turned to Crystal. “Could I borrow you for a sec?”

“Just a sec?” Crystal asked with a raised eyebrow, but she couldn’t keep the snicker out of her voice. “Was wondering when you’d make your move.”

“Well, had to foalsit Namor and Magnate at the same time,” Johnny grinned, trying to get some of the usual swagger back. 

“Not Grim Skies? Was something in that wine?”

“Ugh, you’re right!” Johnny shook his head. “Man, I should’ve planned this. That ice sculpture was amateur hour!” 

“Oh, so that was you.” Crystal smirked, making him feel like he should either be melting or imploding. “I dunno, seemed about your speed to me.” 

“I’ll see you next week,” Twilight sighed, though she couldn’t keep a smile for Crystal off her face. 

“You will?” Johnny blinked, looking between them as Spike climbed onto Twilight’s back. “Oh! You guys’re friends now? Awesome!”

“Glad you approve,” Crystal said, mimicking his doorway pose against a nearby column. 

“Hey, you’re happy, I’m happy. We can all grab a nosh sometime! We can write it up for Princess Celestia, she loves that kinda stuff.” 

“What kinda stuff?” 

Her eyes flashed and seemed to take most of his oxygen with it. They’d always been…playful but it was dawning on him that the Crystal of today would be more experienced than the bright-eyed fellow teen he remembered. 

Yeah. Experienced.  

“Uh, what kinda stuff would you be into…?” She laughed as he squeezed his eyes shut in self-disbelief. 

“Ouch,” Spike winced as Twilight began the spiral staircase back down towards the party and blessed salvation. 


***


Applejack waved, taking a break from watching Mr. Fantastic amaze everyone with his stretchy disco moves. “Everything alright up there? You girls were gone for a bit an’ then Sousaphone showed up with this face like a beaver what just stashed some incriminatin’ evidence in another’s dam.” 

“…specific,” Twilight said as she blinked. She tried not to die of embarrassment as Shining and some of the castle guards started a dance duel with the Dora Malaje. Then realised something. “Wait, Sue’s a business pony, she knows all the math jokes! Did she just set us up?!”

Spike shrugged, watching Rarity trying to tidy up/completely redesign a maid’s uniform. “Probably.” 

“Probably,” AJ agreed. “Hey, was Rainbow with ya? Ain’t like her to miss out on a Five Feather Death Punch cover!” 

“No, sorry, I was with Crystal,” Twilight said. “She’s so cool!” 

“A great Unknown, ya might say?” the farmgirl grinned. 

Spike grimaced, hopping off Twilight’s back and heading for the buffet. “I’m outta here.”

“That was a good one and you know it!” Twilight called after him before turning back to Applejack. “Yeah, she knows all this stuff, you know? And she told me all these things about how to be a princess and yourself at the same time, just like Cadence, but it meant something, you know?”

“So when’s the honeymoon?”

“A week from now,” Twilight smirked back defiantly. 

“Nice, she seems like good people!” AJ finished a pull of punch. “Want any company? I got next to no idea what I’m doin’ here, may as well play third wheel.” 

“I’ve been there,” Twilight agreed with a demonstrative flap of her wings. “And sure, if you want! Attilan sounds fascinating and I totally forgot to shut Spike down just now because I have the flu or something…”

Applejack smirked wryly. “Yeah, don’t need Pinkie-Sense to guess where his compass is pointin’.” 

Spike was giving Shuri an overdone bow as Rarity introduced him as only she could. Shuri, for her part, was wondering why, since she and the dragon had already exchanged ‘adults, huh?’ pleasantries while the negotiations had been underway. 

“No problem if you want to stay home too,” Twilight pointed out. “Helping out on the farm did wonders for me, and Princess Shuri is way more affable than I was at her age.” 

“She did offer to give us an upgrade,” Applejack said. 

Twilight blinked at the fact the zebra was still alive. 

“And apologised when her brother coughed,” Applejack clarified pointedly with a raised hoof. “But nah, won’t say it ain’t temptin’, but this is to get us all outta our ruts. Stayin’ put’d be too easy. ‘Sides, you wanna be there for what Rarity’s gonna do the poor filly?”

“We call it plausible deniability in the princess racket,” Twilight chuckled. “Have you talked to Crystal yet? Like, talk talked? She’s so cool!”

“You’d know from princesses,” Applejack said and winked. 

They both blinked as Princess Celestia performed a seamless Grand Jeté over the entire dance floor’s heads, morphing a chandelier into a kaleidoscopic disco ball. The room erupted into startled cheers as Luna tried to hide behind her mane and die.

“Man, where is Dash?” Applejack complained. “She’s gonna spend all night carpin’ she missed that!” 

“…we need to keep her and Crystal away from each other,” Twilight realised from another, distant, terrified plane of existence. 

“Huh?” Applejack looked up to the landing where the Unknown and the Horseshoe Torch were trying to recover from the awe of Celestia having game. “You mean her an’ Johnny…?”

Twilight held up a wing, two feathers crossed, and nodded rapidly. 

“…saints alive, we’ve gotta get off this mountain.” 

“Eyup.”

“You girls talking about Dashie?” They looked up as a worried Pinkie Pie bounced over. 

“Everythin' okay, sugar cube?”

“I don’t know! I mean, my Pinkie-Sense might be going off or it might be the faux gras, but that sassy silver lady came back a few seconds ago.”

“Yeah?” Twilight asked carefully. Pinkie was bouncing in place and she was convinced the poor girl’s eyes were wider than normal.  

“And Dashie didn’t.” 


19


“Sorry, what were you saying?” Johnny asked, trying to see past the afterimage of the princess’ glistening shoes and billowing mane forever burned into his mind’s eye.

“No idea,” Crystal said sensibly. “Start over?” 

“Yes please.” Johnny instantly assumed a more casual stance against the balcony, one that let his chest fur poke just the right way out of his shirt collar without giving the impression of a Stalliongrad landlord. “So! Come here often?”

“For work, mostly! My ex and I used to get up to some stuff, though. He’d tell me Canterlot can be a great party town if you know where to look.” 

“Did I say that?” 

Mischievous eye twinkle. “A filly remembers these things.” 

“You…are a lot more than a filly.” Great Pony in the sky, he sounded like he was having trouble swallowing and that made him sound creepy and he needed to get himself under control before he turned the place into a volcano! “I mean, last time we worked together. You were absolutely the boss! It was, I dunno, inspiring. I guess.”

“You guess.” 

Had Crystal always enjoyed messing with him so much? Then again, part of the fun back in high school had been when she’d use her naivety to make him walk into a conversational wall, like he’d use ‘Gee Whiz Dr. Rivers!’ to set Reed up. It wasn’t just that she was somehow better at it than him now, and maybe always had been. Every creature in the business could do banter, and he had Pete for the sort that actually counted. What he needed now was a way to tell her…everything. 

Without sounding like a dork. 

“Can you blame me for being a little overwhelmed? After what you did to Terrax?”

“I’m sure you’d get that creative if you had control over all four elements!” Crystal grinned. “Have I mentioned how much I love the way you took down Fin Fang Foom?”

Johnny casually admired a set of ornamental swords with the air of a connoisseur. “Oh, you heard about that?” 

“Yeah. From you.” 

“Um.” Johnny froze halfway through running a hoof along the edge of a blade. Which turned out to be the right move because it made her laugh. 

“No, I mean it! I wish I’d been there. Probably have freaked out and been too busy trying to save you, but it sounds like you’ve seriously expanded your repertoire.” 

“What, this little ol’ thing?” Johnny held out a hoof, conjuring a lick of flame. 

“You do your best with what you have.” Crystal reached out, and he felt something run through his entire system as the flame began to lean towards her pad, heeding her own call. 

“Been a while since we did this.”

“Well who else are you gonna do it with, Firelord?” 

They both snickered, making the band of flame between them rise and fall like a sound graph. She pulled away from him suddenly, spinning on one hoof so the band spun around her as it elongated. Like she was pulling all the light towards her. 

Never to be outdone, Johnny released that flame to let Crystal weave it around herself like a boa and conjured two small fireballs in each hoof. The Unknown raised a brow as he casually juggled them, then let them roll up and down his shoulders before sending them down his back, curving his tail so the momentum sent them arcing across the gap between them to land on the burning halo around her shoulders. 

It would have been a perfect display of physics if they weren’t breaking most of its laws. 

Crystal laughed as she found herself the centre of a little solar system. Johnny was about to try a one liner when he noticed the subtle signs in her face that meant she was concentrating. It was a delight to be relearning her body language like this. 

He blinked, stupefied as his rolling fireballs suddenly jolted into the air, bounced by darting shapes. It took a few seconds of the movement replaying for him to realise what they were. Crystal, a look of gorgeous satisfaction on her face, had created fully detailed, small scale flame constructs of dolphins. 

Just to show off she even made the tableau play in reverse. “Come on Johnny, mouth off or I’m going to worry.” 

“Give a colt a minute, wouldja?” He couldn’t stop grinning. Maybe it was the light of the flames but was Crystal blushing? “You always did like dolphins.” 

“Shut up, they’re cute.” 

“Interesting!” 

Johnny flamed on, channelling his epidermis to form a fin and a dolphin mask. He’d have gone for a full tail, but he was still having trouble forming epidermal constructs behind himself. Crystal laughed, which was all that mattered. Man, she didn’t even loose her own construct. Not so much as a flicker! 

Mist formed over her shoulders, rolling and seething into a small floating fleet of ice dolphins. “Is this your elaborate way of asking me out for sea food?” 

“Hey, you’re the one who brought dolphins into it.” Johnny tried to admire the little marvels without getting too close and melting them. “You said you finally cracked the whole two at a time thing, but it’s cool to see it live! Guess all those pottery classes with Armilla payed off, huh?”

“Man, I should really look her up too,” Crystal sighed. “Also probably snuff these before the humidity does something horrible to the princesses’ drapes. Bad enough Lockjaw pulled up half their garden. By the way, you suck for not telling me Princess Luna’s real.” 

“She needs to be seen to be believed.” Johnny dissolved the dolphin gear so he could waggle his glowing eyebrows just right. “Like me!”

“Mmm-hmm.” Crystal raised her hoof and flicked it side to side under his nose. An ice construct rolled into existence between them, an invisible hoof impishly wiping away frost to let the mirror surface beneath reveal the flame moustache she’d given him. “You’re even more connected than I remember. You know Twilight Sparkle, right?” 

“We’ve teamed up a couple times, yeah. She’s--”

“Dating your roommate, yeah, you’ve both said. Does she know how mean you are about him?”

“You know I’m only super mean about people I like!” 

“You’ve never been that way to me,” she smiled as he rubbed the moustache away. 

“Well yeah, I always had to concentrate on keeping up with you! Your timing’s even better than your finesse! You still like Kaput and Concerto movies?” 

“Uh, I’ve got a soul, don’t I?!” She mock punched his 4 logo. Why did all the great ones do that? “Agh, jeez, will that mean all our Equestrian stuff’ll be too dated? I don’t want Twilight to feel like she’s on an alien planet or something.” 

“Crystal, one of her favourite movies is Godzilla vs Princess Celestia,” Johnny scoffed, then saw the light of kinship in her eyes and made his tone more helpful. “She left her home reel over at our place, so she has an excuse to visit Pete. They keep talking about making costumes of the Universal monsters so they can team up on Nightmare Night.” 

“Awww!”

“Yeah, they are the one justified use of the word adorkable.” 

“And what do you think I was when we started out? I was dazzled by everything.” 

“Manehattan’ll do that!” Johnny felt his smile waver and put some extra glow into it. “You know you’re always welcome, right?” 

“There it is.” Crystal dissolved her constructs, making his breath catch in his throat. “Johnny, if you want to ask me then just ask me.” 

A beat. Crystal blinked as she realised the Torch was trying a whole new tactic: considering his words carefully. 

“I do want to,” Johnny admitted eventually, “but I also don’t wanna make you feel…I dunno, obligated. It’s been so great to just talk to you again.” He ignited a mini halo around his hoof in memory of the more elaborate construct. “I was half joking before. Who else are we gonna share this with? I don’t want to shut that door!”

“Johnny, tonight is all about opening…something between our countries.” Crystal conjured a small cloud under her hooves to rise to his floating eye level. “Those talks have meant a lot to me too. Especially after so long. But I just met somepony else who understands something that’s a huge part of my life! That’s something new and I really need new.” 

“I hear you,” Johnny agreed. “Attilan’s lucky to have someknown as dedicated as you.”

“It was always going to come between us,” Crystal sighed. “You didn’t have to make the choice first.”

“…you…know about that.”

“Johnny, I love you--” Crystal made a small bolt of electricity crackle in and out of existence in her pad, her equivalent of snapping fingers, as his eyes glazed over with rapidly processed emotions. “As a friend! But come on, you’re the guy. ‘Ooh, it’s gonna hurt too much, better do it first, see ya ‘round kiddo!’” 

“I didn’t say see ya ‘round, did I?” Johnny asked in horror. 

“No, but it’s the same kind of dudebro pucky!” Crystal grinned. “And very sweet, in your own special way. If you wanna be friends, I wanna be friends.”

“This is all about what you want,” Johnny said and was surprised by the earnestness in his voice. 

Crystal snorted. She sighed and shut her eyes for a second. “I want to start something new.”

“I know,” Johnny agreed hurriedly. “Seriously, I get it! After you left to go back to your people I wound up as just the little brother and everything we’ve talked about over that radio for months, that’s been trying to be…literally anything else. I’ve even kind of got a real job lined up!”

Crystal blinked. “Skrull says what?” 

“I’m surprised too! It’s just a garage job, not exactly galloping out of my bailiwick there, but they at least called me back instead of worrying they were going to get jumped by the Super Apes…”

She clasped his hooves even tighter. “Congratulations!”

“Nothing concrete yet, but point is…I’m trying.” He took the risk of squeezing hers back. “You want new, I’m trying for new. Cards on the table…all I’ve got is trying. And I’m lucky you’ll still even look at me, never mind be my friend.” 

“Your family gave me back my home.” Crystal shut her eyes and nuzzled him. Johnny felt his flames spike in delighted shock, mesmerised by the light sliding off the thin protective field of her powers against his blazing epidermis. “It’s an honour to call you friend. And…” 

“And…?” 

“And I’m in talks with the Princess of Friendship, which opens up that avenue quite a bit, so.”

“So?”

“So.” Crystal’s eyes glinted with the kind of determined steel he usually saw in Medusa’s. “Come by next week. You can help Twilight get used to the city and we can talk. Face to face this time.” 

Johnny was smiling too much to speak and just knew he was going to say something dudebro and maybe not special like ‘righteous’ or even the dreaded ‘totes’, something that went out of style all the apocalypses ago, and ruin the moment by making her laugh not the right way. 

He was saved by the distinctive cacophony of a Lockjaw teleport just down the hall. 


20


“Are you sure everything’s alright?” Twilight tried carefully. For all the good it did.

“I told you I’m fine!” Rainbow Dash snapped. 

“I-I didn’t say this was about you, exactly,” Twilight stammered. 

“Then why even ask?!”

“Sugar cube, what’s wrong?” Applejack stepped between them. “C’mon, it’s us!”

“I know! I just--” 

Dash felt the breath catching in her throat and flapped her wings to keep her temper molten. She was not going to cry. She was not going to give that snob the satisfaction! 

She swallowed because inhaling would’ve meant her eyes watering instead of just burning. “You guys know I’ll always come back, right? When I…y’know.” 

“You’re always there for us!” Pinkie assured, trying to get around the other two for a hug. 

“Yeah, but y’know how sometimes I…” She looked imploringly at Twilight because if anypony had the words it had to be her. “When I’m trying to get in the zone?” 

“Aww shoot, hon, we all get carried away!” The weight and relief of AJ’s hoof on her shoulder. 

They will love you but I’m sorry, they will never…

“Yeah,” Dash smiled to drown it out, letting the drunkenness of shared experience flood her head. “Yeah, we do.” 

“Is this about flying lessons?” Twilight blushed a little. “I know I haven’t really…you’ve been great, it’s just, that weird box and everything, and we both know I’m not Wonderbolt material and you’re like lightning up there, like the phenomenon, not the sociopath--”

“Anytime you wanna get back in the saddle, I’m down!” Dash felt relief as they drew closer, just enough of a not-group hug for her get the benefit and still feel independent. “I just know I can be a lot to handle, y’know? I don’t…you guys don’t have to be…more? Y’know?”

“We know, we know!” Pinkie bounced around them until she found an opening and went in for the hug. 

But she didn’t, some small fork of lightning whispered deep inside. She just wanted everything to be alright. The looks on the other two’s faces. They didn’t either. Twilight literally just called one of the few ponies who might a sociopath. 

“Somepony said somethin’ to you.” Applejack wasn’t asking a question. She looked back down the hall towards the sounds of the party. “That dye job rockin’ little--”

“She…” Dash put a foreleg around Pinkie’s shoulders, but it was really to steady herself. “I dunno. She thinks we’re alike. Sometimes when we’re in high gear I…” 

She tightened her grip on Pinkie. “I love you guys. You know that, right?”

“That’s a question?” Twilight smiled, even though her voice was quavering, putting a wing on her shoulder. Rainbow felt a fortifying glow of pride that it was her wing training that had helped the newly minted Alicorn do stuff like that.

Applejack was glaring, not at her. Dash wondered why it sort of felt like it. “Was she spoutin’ off her dad’s campaign stuff?”

“Kinda.”

“I knew it!” Applejack gripped the brim of her hat, the way she sometimes did when she was mad but not mad enough to throw, but still just so mad! “I knew one of ‘em’d try to talk us into somethin’!” 

“You didn’t say yes didja?!” Pinkie blurted, eyes wide. 

“Of course not!” Dash blinked, wings flaring in outrage, which accidentally broke the hug. “Gimme a break, like I’d go anywhere near…”

Near what? Somewhere with other creatures who could open it up? All the way up? Who could stay there pretty much every day? 

Even the academy had in house limits, she reminded herself, for everypony’s good. Maybe that was an option then? There had to’ve been a Bolt who’s…everything just worked better in high gear. Soarin’ could seriously floor it and maintain his top speeds for whole days of training and was always the chilliest of the chill when he landed, maybe she could talk to him! 

…which, despite the fact it had been nice to go out with that sweetie pie Fifth Gear, was a prospect with a lot of appeal. 

A crash and strange light on the walls further down the corridor! 

Rainbow was already accelerating as the confused exclamation was halfway out of Twilight’s mouth. She used half a barrel roll to take the bend without losing momentum or smacking into the wall, and man did it suck Spitfire wasn’t here to see her complete it to orient herself right side up as she—Fire!

The Horseshoe Torch yelped, swerving into her own attempt to bank around him like a complete and total--


***


Impact, first each other then the floor! 

Panic knifed through Dash even with the realisation Johnny had killed his flames instantly, crumbs of epidermis dissolving in the air above them and a feeling of standing too close to a space heater vibrating up and down her torso. 

Two more things made her mad enough to bite through her own tongue: Johnny probably using the same collision avoidance technique she had because of flight school, and the fact she maybe realised this despite the fading pain because Silver was right about…about what she thought her deal was. 

“Miss me…?” Johnny groaned, managing a weak grin. 

“You smug—!” Dash sprang to her hooves, ignoring the feeling of her brain still settling in her skull, danger completely forgotten. “What’s wrong with you?!” 

Johnny blinked, trying to roll over to pick himself up. “You hit me…?”

“You swung right into my flight path! Twice! How did you even do that?! Agh, what am I saying?! If anypony could, of course it’d be you!”

“Hey, you were the one doing like Mach one indoors!” Johnny snapped, then blinked through rubbing his forehead. “And looking like a million bits while doing so!” 

“Seriously?! Y’know what, why am I surprised, you are such a--”

“Johnny?” called two voices at once: Crystal surfing into sight on one of her clouds, Rarity galloping up with the rest of the Elements. Lockjaw further confused things by bounding over, looking between Twilight and Crystal with unbridled but expectant joy.

“What’s going on?!” all three of the Torch’s exes said simultaneously, making his pupils shrink as they all looked at each other.  

“Th’ great pony inna sky is punishin’ me…” groaned what they’d at first assumed was a gaudy red and blue rug at Lockjaw’s feet.

“Peter?!” Twilight cried, bounding over to take him by the shoulders. Her wings flared and she swung to a baffled Crystal. “…’s native city’s local vigilante, Spider-Pony!”

“What’s going on up there?” came Princess Celestia’s voice from somewhere off stage. 

“Yeesh, colt!” Applejack boggled as she helped Twilight haul the Web-Slinger to his hooves. “Ya look like Apple Bloom’s community service record after that thing with the--”

Spidey’s lenses snapped wide open. “Escorpión!”

Applejack blinked. “Moths, actually.” 

“No, where’s Escorpión?! Big guy! Big tail! Big moustache!” 

“Right here!” 

A bureau sailed out of a doorway, baring down on all of them. Lockjaw vanished in a burst of Kirby Krackle, the air flickering with Twilight’s magic as it hurtled through the space the dog had been occupying to dash itself to kindling against a force field. 

Escorpión sprang back to dodge a retaliatory magic bolt, his moustache rattling furiously. He glared at Spider-Pony, assuming a similar arachnid crouch to his own, then took stock of the rest of the group. 

Rainbow Dash and the ignited Horseshoe Torch hovered above them, the Pegasus’ hooves clenched in a boxer’s stance. Applejack pawed the carpet, eyes trying to keep track of that lashing tail. Twilight’s wings were flared, magic dancing warningly around her horn and flickering in her eyes. Crystal balanced on a cloud and flexed, surrounding herself with oscillating bands of static. Pinkie Pie balanced on Lockjaw’s back in an identical pose, even matching the dog’s snarl. 

Rarity, currently going through one of her minimalist phases, simply conjured a mace can and raised a challenging eyebrow.  

“Your own Stampede Six and a little dog too, eh?” the fencer sneered at Spidey. “Of course you couldn’t take me alone!”

“Says the guy who was just in the middle of a team up,” Spidey retorted. “¿Podríamos seguir con el español? La Antorcha es como el único hombre en Manehattan que no puede hablarlo, ¡lo asustará!”

“Why did you just point at me with your tail? Are you talking about me? You’re talking about me, aren’t you?!” 

“Translate this!” Rainbow Dash snapped, wings blurring. “No siempre se trata de ti!”

“Dash, wait—!” Twilight began. She was talking to rippling, empty air. 

A rainbow streak arched around Escorpión’s instinctive stab, ricocheted off the wall and drove a kick into the side of his head that sent him staggering back. Roaring over the rattle of his moustache, Grimidor retaliated by snagging the girl’s tail in his teeth and swinging her into the floor, then into the ceiling, and finally into Spider-Pony’s lunge towards him. They crashed into Applejack charging seconds behind. 

“Back!” Escorpión snapped. 

Crystal wrapped both forelegs around as much of Lockjaw’s neck as she could to bring him up short. The Torch froze in the act of forming a fireball as the barb of that tail stopped seconds from driving right between Applejack’s suddenly very focused eyes. 

“Where am I?!“ Escorpión demanded. “Where did you all come from?!”

“You’re in Canterlot!” Rarity scowled. “And you and your tacky moustache can feel free to leave!"

“Canter—?!” The fencer’s eyes almost punched through his mask lenses. “Princesses?! What kind of game is the Spider playing here?!” 

He let out a high-pitched yelp as something yanked his tail back and spun, moustache rattling with wrath! It drooped as he spun to face brickwork and blue eyes.

“I got a game we can play,” the Thing said, one hoof holding the barb of Escorpión’s tail, keeping it wrapped around his foreleg. 

He whipped up his other foreleg suddenly, presenting the pad of his hoof at the same time he yanked. Twilight winced as the swordpony slammed face first into it, so hard he bounced back, once, twice…

“Three strikes,” the Thing rumbled as Escorpión slid to the floor, his tail flopping on top of him, “yer out.”

Lockjaw barked, bounding up to paw at the triumphant superpony. Pinkie clung to his fork, narrowly avoiding collapsing onto the trio woozily getting to their hooves.

“Your improv troupe must be so proud!” Johnny smirked, floating over to keep the swivel eyed Grimidor covered. “No, seriously, what would you’ve done if the prompt was something more esoteric, like the deal with airship food?”

“Better than you!” Rainbow Dash snapped, finally on her hooves. “What’ve you even done tonight?!”

“Run security,” the Torch smirked back on autopilot, “you’re welcome.”

He belatedly realised he’d noticed the flash in her eyes because she shot up to his level that fast, forcing him to back up slightly. “Yeah, real great looking out there, guy with a tail that big getting right past you and all! Where was that when you actually turned to ram into me?!”

Rarity blinked. “What?”

“Wait, that happened?” Spidey squinted. 

“If you think about it that technically means we arrived at the same time, so--” Johnny mumbled. 

“And if that wasn’t bad enough, you just floated there for the whole fight! Mr. Grim scores the winning hit and you’re busting his chops?!"

“A crowded corridor isn’t exactly the best place to throw actual fire--” Johnny hesitated, squinting at her face. “Have you been crying…?” 

Dash felt her heart almost stop from searing, ice cold, unforgiving fury. She missed out on the hasty bow everyone gave Princess Celestia as she galloped out of a stairway. Who took one look at the situation and began moving towards Spider-Pony. 

“Um,” the Web-Slinger said. 

“Guards are coming,” Celesita said simply. “Questions. Spears. Very little time. Come with me, please.”

“Wh—?” Spidey began desperately turning to Twilight. Celestia’s wings enveloped the vigilante and they both vanished in a golden burst of her magic. Lockjaw let out an impressed grunt. 

“Right then,” Rarity sighed as Twilight stared at the empty space. She looked down at the pile of chitinous used laundry that was Escorpión. “Ooh, should we hoofcuff him? I’ve got cuffs!” 

Everypony looked at her, except Rainbow Dash who was glaring furiously at the Horseshoe Torch. “What?”

“What?” Johnny insisted. “Look, I just wanna know what’s wro--”

“You think you can mess up and ask that question?” Rainbow Dash stabbed a hoof at his 4 logo, knocking him back a little more. “You think you can mess up my life and you get to ask that question?!”

“Your what?” Johnny boggled. “Is this about school? ‘Cause, heh, seriously, that parking space was not clearly labelled!” 

“Oh dear,” Rarity murmured as Crystal winced. Lockjaw whined questioningly.

“There it is!” Dash threw her hooves to the ceiling. “Everything’s a joke to you! Pinkie does everything she can to make everypony feel awesome all day, and then there’s you! I saved your tail for almost a year and it was all just a big joke!”

“Wh--” Johnny looked between Crystal and the Thing, forced to flame off and land as she continued to back him up. “You were an awesome partner--”

“Partner implies I was part of something!” Dash shrugged off Applejack’s attempt to take her foreleg. “But who could ever be part of anything with your ego?!”

“Danii, I’m just--”

“Yeah, aren’t ya!” Dash snorted. Her eyes were now honestly watering. “Aren’t you just! Just always there! Just always got an excuse! Just always whatever you need to be to win! Just soooo worried now, all this time later after you flake your way back into my life!”

“It ain't you,” Applejack assured firmly, trying to get between them, “that silver filly said somethin’ or--”

“Oh, for once it is absolutely about him!” Dash yelled, almost rattling every piece of china in the vicinity. “You wanna know what’s wrong, babe?!”

Johnny froze at the old pet name. 

“What’s wrong is that, yeah, I had to put up with that...with her and you found a way to make me even angrier! What’s wrong is I have to put with you now because maybe, just maybe, Rarity could make something worthwhile outta you!”

“Um, hello.” Rarity blushed as Crystal’s gaze snapped to her, following Dash’s pointing hoof. “I’m, um, yes.” 

“Kid!” the Thing insisted. 

“Although since the princess sure as hay didn’t call youwhen Discord and Sombra came back—” Dash’s voice was a dangerous whisper as she leaned practically nose to nose with the blinking Johnnycake. “—meaning tonight isn’t the only night I basically did your whole job for you, just like the good old days, I guess what I’m really asking is what are you even for?”

Dead silence. 

Lockjaw whimpered as the temperature began to soar. 

“Okay then,” Johnny said simply. His expression didn’t change even as he erupted into flames. “Fine. You don’t want to be friends? Then this was never gonna work.”

He turned to Rarity. “Hey. Thanks for trying.”

His expression softened into something as he shifted to Crystal. “I’m sorry you had to see this. Tonight was…it was still really good, but right now I gotta go burn up some stuff in the lower atmosphere.” 

“Johnny--” Crystal began, but the sound of his furious contrail weaving towards the nearest window drowned her out. She sighed in frustration, forming another cloud and looking between all the present Elements. “Grim, I’ll talk to him.”

“Pretty sure you’re the only one that can, kiddo,” the Thing said. He nodded. “Take care.”

“It, uh…” Crystal rubbed the back of her neck awkwardly, managing to lock eyes with a stunned Rainbow Dash. “It was nice to meet you all. I guess. See you next week, Twilight.”

She got out of there just in time for Shining Armour and a joint cavalcade of Castle guard and Dora Milaje to swarm in from every other doorway. 

“What’s goin--” the captain began, then tripped over the prone Escorpión. His eyes went wide as his helmet clattered to Twilight’s hooves, narrowing as she tired and failed not to laugh. “What is going on?!”

“Oh, just another night in Canterlot!” trilled Princess Celestia, springing out of a secret passageway concealed in another bureau, carrying a swivel eyed Peter Trotter in one wing and certainly not hiding something in the other. 

“Thank goodness you’re here, Captain,“ she continued as Lockjaw bounded up to her in delight, “to arrest this nefarious rogue that Princess Crystal little friend, yes, hello, yes auntie’s tail moves funny, caught sneaking about! Incidentally Twilight, guess who I secretly invited to make your stay less lonely!” 

“hWgH--” said Peter Trotter, future regent of Equestria, “sO fAs’. hOw? aGh.” 

“Yes, that’s Canterlot public transit for you,” Celestia beamed, letting him flop into Twilight’s hooves as the guard began levitating manticore restraints around Escorpión. “I’m quite proud. Why does this passage smell of burning?”

“He was seriously trying to be friends…?” Rainbow asked distantly. 

“Well…” Rarity glanced at the embers vanishing around the corner and sighed. “He was.”


21


“Alrighty then,” Spike concluded, moving a finger down his scroll, “that iiiiis three yellow Thai curries, one seaweed and cucumber curry with extra masala—”

Rarity frowned as Applejack squinted in disgust. “Don’t judge me.” 

“—cauliflower, chickpeas, and tofu special to share–”

Twilight smiled contentedly as Peter put a foreleg around her shoulders. They were wearing matching castle bathrobes, because of course they were. 

“—Pinkie’s going for two tofu wraps--”

“Dashie’ll like it with her curry,” the party pony said with an almost heart-breaking smile. “Y’know, when she comes back.” 

“Uh, yeah, of course,” Spike mumbled then hastily redoubled his interest in the scroll. “Two chicken jalfrezi for me, and back off Twilight ‘cause I’m the one picking all this up…”

“Fair enough, but you’re sleeping with the window open,” Twilight muttered, folding her forelegs. 

“Aaaand extra rice an’ poppadums all ‘round! Anypony want any drinks while I’m out?”

“Canterlot Sparkling shall more than satisfy me,” Rarity cooed, leading down to pet his fins like he’d planned, “but aren’t you just the sweetest thing to ask!” 

“Reckon the minifridge’ll do us.” Applejack cocked her head to the glasses of apple juice and lemonade on their coasters. “Sure ya don’t want company?”

“Eh, it’s only down to Palace Shades, but thanks. Oop, reminds me! Pony Joe’s okay with everypony for dessert?” 

The group gave a chorus of affirmatives, Pinkie bouncing on her tail for a final round of “Yes-yes-yes!”s. 

“Maybe pick up some Joe’s ice cream too?” Fluttershy ventured. “You know. Because of the spices and, um…Rainbow.” 

“No, somepony needed to say it, darling,” Rarity assured as the Pegasus tried to hide behind her fringe for daring to broach the subject. “A round of everything, Spike. She’ll need it.” 

“Okay, but it’ll bump up the cost. Speaking of!” Spike spun around, jerking a thumb at the open mouth of his backpack. “Pony up!”

“Payday’s Friday,” Peter said hastily as the group began slipping the required bits and gems for their orders into Spike’s pack. One of the side pockets began to slowly inflate as built in enchantments shrank and teleported the cash for easier storage. “So I’ll be able to pay you back next weekend. Sorry, wasn’t exactly expecting to be here tonight.”

“It’s fine,” Twilight beamed, levitating a 20-bit voucher into Spike’s pack. “I just hope your saddlebag’ll still be where you left it. Manehattan pigeons can be vicious!” 

“Industrious,” Fluttershy mumbled to herself. 

Peter shrugged. “Johnny promised to pick it up when he got back to the city, so...”

“An’ that don’t worry ya?” Applejack smirked, lounging next to Pinkie on the sofa.

“Speaking of,” Rarity tried carefully from a plusher version of her fainting couch, “any tips on how to deal with him when his head is, ah, that hot…?”

“Tell him what he’s gotta hear. He’ll either blow up because he doesn’t get it, or because he does and doesn’t want to admit it.” Peter glanced at Spider-Pony’s mask, crowning his folded and laundered costume on a chair. “You guys ever go through something like that with Rainbow?”

“Gotta familiar ring,” Applejack said as she frowned. “She’ll be shootin’ around somewhere ‘til she can’t put off dealin’ with it anymore. Problem is gettin’ her to tell me what it even is!”

“Us,” Twilight said, firmly but not challenging. 

“Y’know what I mean!” 

“Gotta familiar ring,” Peter agreed. 

“She won’t have to,” Pinkie gabbled, zipping back and forth as she set up a projector and screen, and scrabbling to pick up the (too many) home reels tumbling from her jittery hooves. “Because she’s gonna come back and we’re gonna get this curry-movie party started and nopony’ll have to be mad at anypony!” 

“I’ll, ah, I’ll get on that,” Spike mumbled, zipping up his backpack and trying not to race to the door too fast. 

He swung it open and flinched as a hoof almost knocked on the top of his skull. “Whoa! Oh, hey Ms. Storm, Mr. Fantastic!”

“Spike! Sorry!” Sue guiltily pulled her hoof back. “Just wanted to see how you guys were doing.”

“You’re staying, Dr. Rivers?” Twilight asked, wandering up. “We thought you’d all be heading back to Manehattan.” 

She looked at Peter, who was blushing and trying to keep out of sight. Reed and Sue were wearing the same robes they were.

“Johnny and Grim, yes,” Reed beamed. “But, well, it’s Canterlot and Sousaphone and I…well…”

“You want any curry?” Spike asked. Twilight wrestled with chiding him for missing a social cue even she could pick up and paternal pride at his offering. 

“We thought we’d get room service, actually,” Sue chuckled. “I also wanted to apologise for Johnny.”

“Eh, Rainbow Dash shouldn’t have said what she did,” Peter pointed out. He shrugged as Rarity and Applejack rounded on him. “What? She shouldn’t!” 

“She’s still not back?” Sue looked worried. 

“Grim said he’d talk to her before he left,” Reed said gently, putting a foreleg around her shoulders. “You know what he’s like when he’s taken a shine to somepony. Enjoy your night, everypony. Peter, would you like a ride back into the city tomorrow? Only we’ll be leaving early.”

Something about how one of the world’s greatest geniuses was completely oblivious to the embarrassment of wearing the same robe made Peter tighten the belt of his. “Uh, sure.” 

“Mostly we just thought we’d check in to see if you’ve decided who’s going where yet,” Reed continued cheerfully. “You’ll have to forgive the nosiness but it’s rare that we discover new places by invitation, and I for one am dashed curious!” 

“Call it professional curiosity,” Sue added. 

“I,” Rarity said, hoof to her chest and eyes closed like an anime character, “shall have the distinguished honour of educating Princess Shuri in Ponyville, with the Panther Prince’s blessing if not request!” 

“You mean entertaining,” Sue ventured.

“No.” 

“Pretty sure I’m going to Attilan,” Twilight said, waving as Spike jogged down the stairs to try and bum a ride off the staff bus. 

“You are?” Peter blinked. “The Unknowns’ city?” 

“I mean, I hope I am! Crystal was really into the idea, but we’d need to get approval from the council and I didn’t see her sister before she had to get her dog and, y’know, go. She promised to keep in touch at least.”

“Oh, Medusa’s fine,” Sue assured. “We met her and Black Bolt in the hall when everything was wrapping up. She seemed…I don’t know. Eager.”

Applejack quirked an eyebrow. “That unusual?” 

“No, but she was very…smiley.”

“Think she sniffed somethin’ while she was visitin’ the lil’ filly’s room?” 

Twilight and Fluttershy blushed while Peter tried to suppress a burst of shocked laughter and Rarity glared. Applejack frowned back at her, confused, not realising she was unconsciously replacing the absent Rainbow wavelength in the group’s social radiation. 

“Oh, that,” Sue said, waving an unconcerned hoof. “Snow gets everywhere, and she’s got all that hair…maybe she was just trying to make things up with Crystal.” 

“Hope I’m not a bone of contention then,” Twilight mumbled. 

“You’ll be anything but hon, trust me.” Sue winked. “So Shuri’s visiting Ponyville? That’ll be so good for her! Who’s taking her place?”

“Um…me, apparently,” Fluttershy said. “I hope it wouldn’t be any trouble if I asked you for some tips?” 

“T’Challa’s probably prepared for virtually everything,” Reed said with a certain level of wry ruefulness. 

“Oh. How nice.” 

“That just leaves Aqualusia and Genosha then,” Peter concluded, looking around the room. 

“I’ll speak to Dash,” Applejack said firmly. 

“Which just leaves under the sea to me!” Pinkie beamed, using her fringe to whip out a snorkel from her hair. She joined in as River Reeds bust out laughing so hard Twilight backed up. 

“And that’s goodnight from him,” Sue said, raising her voice and pulling her special somepony around by his horn. “Hope you enjoy the movie as much as Reed enjoyed that.”

“We’re just across the hall if you need anything,” Reed wheezed.

“So don’t need anything.” Sue smirked, leading him to their door. 

Twilight waved distantly and telekinetically shut the door. She stared at the wood for a few seconds, reflecting on how that was one of the premier minds of her nation. 

“Man.” Peter flopped back on the sofa, looking at his mask again. “The house of M itself. You guys get everywhere.”

“Any tips?” Applejack asked before a sip of apple juice. 

“Don’t go?”

“Sorry, gotta point to prove.” 

“That’s my girl.” They all jumped at the voice. Rainbow Dash smirked from her perch on the drawing room balcony, Spike on her back and trying to smother a laugh with his paws over his mouth. 

“Get in here so I can throw ya back out,” Applejack smirked, beckoning. 

“Easy filly, we’ve got hostages.” 

Dash sprang inside, waving the Pony Joe's boxes balanced in her hooves. Spike slipped off and opened his backpack to fill the room with the comforting odour of spice and vegetables, with the powdery underscore of rice and a strange flickering note none of the herbivores would recognise as his chicken jalfrezis.

“Are you feeling better?” Fluttershy tried after neatly tearing the cover off her own meal.

“So what’s the flick?” Dash flopped onto one of the Celestia’s foreleg sized arm rests without making eye contact. 

“Anchor Pony,” Spike and Peter said simultaneously.

“That’s not how ya spell Princess Bride,” Dash said breezily through a mouthful of rice and poppadum. 

A beat and then a chorus of agreeing grunts as the group realised how that covered basically everypony’s needs. Anywhere, ever. 

Fine, Applejack decided, hanging her Stetson on a free armrest as Twilight’s telekinesis slotted the reel into the projector and fast forwarded through the bit with the foal and the grandpa, she’d let Rainbow avoid the question for now. But if it took all night? That filly was going to admit she had something to prove too and that they were both gonna get it done on Genoshian soil. 


22


Almost two hours later, in the main guest suite:

“I’m just saying,” Peter called from the bedroom and over the complimentary copy of the Canterlot Beacon, “he’s your brother, it wouldn’t be any trouble.”

“Th’s a’ ‘ood ‘int,” Twilight allowed through her toothbrush, then spat the mix of minty fresh and still warm spice into the faucet’s stream, “but Shining’s not an emissary of friendship now is he?”

“That what the foals are calling it these days?”

“It helps you get the gist,” Twilight giggled, telekinetically giving her face one last dab with a towel before turning the faucet off with her mouth. “Anyway, what’s more discreet? Lockjaw in the library with that tuning fork or an armoured C.E.U.P blimp trekking all the way to the secret Unknown capital in Tibet?” 

“…did you just picture a blimp with Lockjaw’s face too?”

“…yeah,” Twilight admitted, then sprang into the bed, resting her head against Peter’s chest. “Thanks for letting us know he exists by the way, that wasn’t terrifying at all.”

“Discord,” Peter countered. 

“That’s not fair!” She prodded his tummy. 

“Neither is waking up in your body because he thinks that’s how relationship counselling works.” Peter nuzzled her as she levitated her book out of her saddlebag. 

“Counselling,” Twilight scoffed, “like we ever need counselling.”

“Right? We’re the ultimate team up!”

They were both genre nerds who lived in a world where narrative causality was the same as background radiation. They had no excuse. 

“Because we’re both so great solo,” Twilight smiled as she resumed her place, from memory because bookmarks in non-academic texts were for amateurs, “so while it’s sweet, could you please not worry about me, especially since I’ll be surrounded by an entire civilisation of super-powered creatures?” 

“It’s just that it floats, y’know?” Peter said for the seventh time since the topic had come up. “And it’s in my side of the business. That’s like twice the guarantee it’s gonna crash.”

“You just mentioned when one of my rouges messed with both of us,” Twilight pointed out. 

“Well, if you wanna be technical, he’s supposed to be your friend now.”

“He’s Fluttershy’s at least,” Twilight sighed. “But do you get where I’m coming from?”

“Yeah, of course.” Peter surprised her with an ear kiss. “Can’t help it. You’re great. Don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“It’s a diplomatic playdate, Peter,” Twilight chuckled for the seventh time since the topic had come up. “If Crystal hadn’t promised a swing by the Library of the Great Refuge I’d probably be bored stiff!”

Seriously. Just no excuse.  

“Unknown lore, huh?” Peter raised an eyebrow. “Hmm. Now I’m even more jealous.” 

“Have you never been to Attilan before?” 

“Eh, not often. And not via the scenic route, y’know? But it’s a marvel of engineering! It’s like what we should be aiming for in the next century!”

“I know, right?! I mean…magi-tech turbines! Self-sustaining perpetual motion magi-tech turbines! I’d ask for blueprints but Princess Celestia just laughed and said that’s more touristy then diplomatic and I felt about three apples tall.” 

“She didn’t mean it that way, hon.”

“I know.”

“Diplomatic?” Peter folded the paper away. “Is there anything Attilan needs from us?”

“Friendship?” Twilight ventured, turning a page. “I mean, we just met, but I got the feeling Crystal could use it. There’re all these places she wants to see in Equestria and it feels weird because I’ve been to most of them, y’know? Hay, she’s almost as into Canterlot as Rarity and it’s like, uh, neat, I’m from there?”

“You had fun taking me on that tour,” Peter smirked, wrapping his forelegs around her in the way they’d practised so as to flower her with maximum affection without disrupting her reading. 

“Yeah, but that was you,” Twilight smiled. “Oh, hey, have you ever teamed up with her? You know, what with her and Johnny and…all.”

“Uh, couple times, yeah. She’s good! Made a Gloam Golem punch itself in the head instead of me.”

“Huh!”

“Yeah.”

“That must be so fascinating! Being able to cycle through all the elements like that. Natural elements that is, not, y’know, our things.”

“Think she could give you some tips on how to mix your new magics?”

“Oh gosh, I didn’t even think of that, do you think I should ask? Would that be tacky?”

“Call it diplomacy!” 

“Wise guy,” Twilight smirked and went in for a kiss. She coughed as they drew apart. “Mgh! Chickpeas…”

“Brushed twice,” Peter muttered, favouring his jaw as the clambered out of bed, “maybe I should floss…”

“Just don’t use your webbing if you do,” Twilight called, going back to her book. 

“Bet if Crystal used her powers you’d be fine with that!” Peter called back as the bathroom light flicked back on. 

“That’d take a lot of finesse!” Twilight waited for the running water and brushing to die away. “But I meant more have you ever just hung out with her?”

“…Crystal?”

“Yeah! She and Johnny were together for a while from what I hear.”

“Well, this was all before he was in on the secret.” Peter checked his mole in the mirror to make sure there wasn’t any bruising from taking Grimidor’s tail to the face all those times. “There isn’t really any code of etiquette in the business, y’know? Like, in general, but there’s nothing in the Befrienders’ charter about when and when not to ask after your team up buddy’s special somepony. We’ve only really run into each other when something was so big it needed everypony. Which is how we met, if you’ll recall!” 

“Hard to forget,” Twilight snickered. “If you’re still worried about us making these trips—”

“Little bit.”

“—then why don’t you come?” Twilight lounged back on the pillow, shrugging as Peter turned to look at her. “You could get to know Crystal better, take in the sights. Experienced diplomats take their significant others along on business all the time, so it wouldn’t be hard to convince Princess Celestia.” 

“Tempting,” Peter smiled, turning back to the mirror. “Ah, I dunno. Making rent’s hard enough, I dunno if somepony with a thaumaturgical physics degree and an incomplete chemical engineering BA is the right choice for this kind of thing. Plus, enough ponies are in on the secret as is. I’d trust her with it, but…”

“But it’s your right to keep that circle small,” Twilight said as she nodded. “It was just a thought.”

“A kind one!” Peter assured. He paused in the doorway. “I’m just thinking, even with all that power if something, y’know, happened I’d immediately suit up, and that’d leave you with a ton of questions to answer, and if nothing happened I’d probably be a twitchy mess…” 

“You’d be fine,” Twilight insisted. She hesitated. “Is this about Johnny?”

“What about Johnny?”

“Well, his ex plus…whatever that was with Rainbow in the hall equals…” Twilight waved her hooves around while spreading her wings. “Blaaaaagh, y’know?” 

“That didn’t help, but, and we both appreciate how this sounds, they’re both adults.” 

“Indeed.” 

They held it for a beat before bursting out laughing. It guttered slightly as a reverberating noise made Peter clutch his stomach. “Uh oh, thaaaat was not a good idea after that much tofu and butter pecan, be right back!” 

“Poor baby!” Twilight managed through the spontaneous snickering, going back to her book with shaking hooves. She gave it a while, waiting for the sound of running water. “Peter? You okay in there, dear?”

“Beat up Firelord one!” came the muffled reply. “Can handle this!”

“I’ll take your word for it!” Twilight turned another page. “And we have a week to sort out this whole Attilan…thing. No rush!”

“Hey, I’m happy for you. My little diplomat!” 

“Buuuuut?”

“Nah, you’ll do great. Just…” Flushing, totally not meant to be cover at all, oh no.

Twilight raised an eyebrow without taking her eyes off We Didn’t Mean to Go to Sea. “Yeeeeah?” 

“Forget it.”

“Peter.”

“Promise me you don’t have any plans to visit the Savage Land any time soon, okay?”

“Pffft. Savage Land,” Twilight snorted. “Remind me to tell you about junior year sometime.”

“Yeah?” Pete chuckled over the sound of the tap. 

“Yeah!” Twilight shot back. 

“So what happened in junior year?”

“Ever been to Thistle Street?”

“Theeeee…shopping district, right?”

“And you said you didn’t have the knack for diplomacy. Have you?”

“Not by choice. Isn’t that in Park Whatsits?” 

“Park Basin?” Twilight rolled her eyes. “I love Princess Celesita, honey, but nopony calls it that.”

“Right, what is it again?” 

“The Cauldron.” 

“Oh yeah! What about it?”

“Been there. Done that. When I was, what, twelve?” Twilight flipped another page. “So yeah, Attilan should be a cakewalk.” 

“If you say so,” Peter murmured absently as he reached for a towel. 


***

On the “Counselling” portion of the conversation:

“Well…” Fluttershy mumbled. 

“Mmm?” Dash rolled over, breaking her staring contest with the ceiling but not the languid pose on her bed. “Yeah?”

“Goodnight?”

“You too.”

Dash went back to the ceiling. 

Fluttershy got into bed but didn’t lay down. 

“I’m fine.”

“Oh, that’s good.” 

“Yeah.”

A beat. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

Another beat. 

Dash sat up. Thought about it for a sec. 

“You didn’t have to be.”

“No, I know, you’re the toughest pony I know…”

“Darn skippy!” Dash smirked. 

“But I should’ve been…”

“Look. You’re the one who called the guards, yeah?”

“Um. Yes?”

“Then ya were there.” Dash laid back down. “G’night.”

“…good night,” Fluttershy smiled. 

The door swung open, not slamming but with enough force that the air sensitive Pegasi were startled. 

“Hey,” Applejack said, eyes locked on Rainbow Dash. 

“What?” the speedster scowled. 

“I’m goin’ to Genosha. As well.”

“Yeah?” Raised eyebrow. 

“Yeah.” Hard eyes. 

A beat as Fluttershy looked from one to the other. 

“So…”  Dash let it hang in the air. 

“We’re goin’ to Genosha. Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” 

A beat. A smirk slowly spread across Dash’s face. The gratitude was in her eyes and mostly grateful AJ had gone the tough pony route so this could be a cool smirk affair. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“It’s one in the morning, you guys,” Fluttershy said flatly. 

“Oh,” they both said at once. 

“Yeah…well…” Applejack coughed and adjusted her hat. “G’night.”

“You too,” both Pegasi said and rolled over as the workhorse closed the door and fled back to her and Rarity’s room. 

A beat.

“Okay?” Fluttershy whispered in her flight camp after lights out voice. 

One last beat. 

“Yeah.” Rainbow Dash smiled and pulled the blankets tighter around herself. “’S gonna be okay.”

Silence.

“Oh, I’m going to Wakanda! Just so you know.”

“…yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Awesome!”

“…I hope.”

“Can ya bring me back a cat suit? Or one of their crazy huge spears?!” 

“…um…why?”

“Why not?!”

“…I’ll see what I can do.” 

“Yeah?!”

“Yeah?”

“Okay!”

“Okay.” 


***

On “Diplomatic?”:

♪We are the Cartoon Heeee-rooooos, a-whoa-ooo, hmmm hmmm, last for-ev-AH!♪

♪Here comes Spider-Pony, a…nah nah…party…pony?♪

Pinkie Pie rolled over, squinting at the room’s other occupant reading Power Ponies by torch light. With the open window. 

“Hey, Spike?”

“Yeah?” 

“Do you know the bit in that song? With the words?”

“Uh…” 

“Eh, that’s okay. G’night!”

“G’night, Pinkie!” 

♪How would Spike know-oh-ho-ooooh? He wasn’t even born then!♪

♪So glad he was though! Pure as the driven snow-ow-ooow!♪

♪Can party on his birth-a-day! Makin’ up lyrics is more fun any-way-hey-hey-eeeey!♪


***

On “Etiquette”: 

“—and then she shall spread it, like a lilac scented virus,” Rarity was saying, making sure her pyjama ensemble was Just So in the mirror. “She shall make friends, oh yes. And they shall make friends. And they shall make friends.”

Applejack looked over from her bed, not missing a single grab of the tennis ball she’d been contemplatively tossing all night. “So ya figure you’ll have the next generation of queens wrapped around yer hoof iiiiin…?” 

“Mmm, about nine months.” Rarity telekinetically slotted a last curler into place. “One must allow for socialising!” 

“I guess. So what about all them guys like Magnate and Gloam and whatnot who won’t want ya to, y’know. Do that.”

“Oh, find a volcano, put a nice temple on top, and toss them in.”

Applejack caught the ball and thought about that for a second. “…could I call dibs on that?”

“I’d make you a little uniform.” Rarity pulled her mask on and felt her way into bed. “With apples made of fire.”

“That’d rock!”

“Indeed! Are you going to be alright?”

“Got stuff.” AJ resumed bouncing the ball. “But yeah.”

“Alright then. Good night, Jackie.”

“G’night, Ray-Ray.” 

Rarity pulled the exact right amount of blanket into the exact right position and relaxed to the reliable rhythm of that ball landing in her oldest friend’s pad. Better than a metronome and meant Rainbow Dash probably was alright, because Jackie was thinking about it and not ripping load bearing beams out with her mouth. 

In the next couple of seconds her dozing would be violently interrupted, and Applejack would miss the next grab and take the ball right between the eyes. And that would just be tonight. 


***

On “Blaaaaagh”:

“I needed that,” Sue Storm said with feeling, flopping into the sheets. 

“Well,” River Reeds chuckled as he levitated the spent ice cream tubs into the bin, “we tried everything else.”

“And I regret nothing.” Sue shook an exhausted but defiant hoof at the ceiling. “We should run security in Canterlot more often.”

“Just for the perks?” Reed climbed into bed next to her. “Because everyday with you is the greatest perk to existing I could possibly imagine.”

“River Reeds, you silver tongued devil!” She pulled him in for a kiss and relaxed the sound of his forelegs wrapping all the way around her. “You wouldn’t be compensating for a certain Imperious Rex, would you?”

“With you and Princess Luna talking about him?” So many ponies assumed Reed spent every second lost in calculation, oblivious to these things they called mortal E-mo-shee-eye-ans. They didn’t relish that glint in his eyes. Their loss. “Victor couldn’t plan a better revenge.”

“Well, given his track record…” 

That made Reed snicker into her shoulder. Sue relished moments like this, too. Moments where the monsters and the dictators could be smothered by security and quips. It wasn’t like Reed’s good old college roomie wouldn’t exploded back into their lives sooner or later. 

“What are you thinking about?” Reed asked. 

“Nothing.”

“I’m sure Johnny will be fine, Sue.”

“Famous last words.” She lay her head against his chest. “He’s grown so much Reed, but whatever this is with Crystal…what if it’s all one big step back? And he was already trying so hard to talk to Rainbow Dash again…”

“And, ah, how do we feel about her right now?”

“They’re adults,” Sue sighed. “Things happen. I was so hoping they’d get along again, though! She’s grown too. Her friends have been good for her and that could be good for him. I know he’s got Peter watching his back, but he’s got his own responsibilities.”

“And wanting to respect Johnny's space and worrying about him at the exact same time is living up to yours.”

“You’re smarter than you look, doctor.”

“It’s mostly my corporate finance officer. I may have the horn but she’s the real wiz.”

“Grim told you to say that, didn’t he?”

“…maybe.”

Sue chuckled and resumed relaxing. “I’ve known at least four of these ponies since they were barely old enough to start shaving, River. I just want them to be alright. Not to be mean, but what does it say that Spider-Pony is probably the most stable one of the bunch right now?”

“That there’s hope for us all,” Reed soothed. “And if the lad’s anything like me it really is all down to his princess.” 

Sue’s eyes glinted mischievously. “Don’t got a crown.”

“Don’t need one.”

Their kiss, and Rarity’s dozing, and Applejack’s tossing and Pinkie’s lyric composing and Princess Luna’s musing on how fine the ocean looked tonight was ruined by the sound of the bathroom door slamming open in the main suite and Peter Trotter yelling, “You went to the what when you were WHAT?!”


To be Continued 

> And Carry a Big Torch (6)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


23


Monday:

King Sombra was not having the best of resurrections. 

It probably said everything about his day so far that the part which had gone most smoothly was defeat in his home reality. 

Rather than risk those accursed Emissaries purify the allotropes containing his back up essence, he’d retuned the spells around them to, oh delicious irony, harmonize with their rainbow. When they channelled it, Sombra was torn apart…on their plane. And his regal essence borne along as it passed out of their reality and homing in on another…

Recuperating in the Nowhere might have been a better use of his time. In this Equestria, Manehattan lacked the crystal foundations he’d been counting on and its ley line ridden bedrock was a barely adequate substitute. They carried his darkness but like rapids, jostling the intended spells when they even worked correctly. This forced him to give his reconstitution away far earlier than intended, capturing a tower to hold everything together. 

Spreading across the patterns beneath Equestria and splitting the focus of this world’s Avatars was still possible if he could just send his obelisks past this stubborn peasant grotesquery! But even though he’d barred most of its streets and bridges there were pathetically piecemeal segments to his barricades, a few bound to crumble as the spells danced through frequencies. 

And this wretched city seemed to be infested with would-be champions, some gaudily dressed, all impudently defying Sombra by attacking barriers, daring to resist wraiths he conjured to discipline them! There seemed to be at least one for almost every street corner, all splitting his focus even further. 

The Emissaries’ counterparts finally arriving had been the crowning insult. Not that Sombra didn’t fully intend to practice his revenge upon them, but in this world Celestia’s student had had the audacity to become a princess herself! And worse still, she’d brought along some kind of jester! 


***


“Don’t crowd me,” Twilight muttered as she tried to fly up one of the oversized dumbwaiters that riddled his new base.

“It’s called watching your back.” Her clown was scuttling up the wall beside her. Sombra had naturally tried to spear him on previous floors but he seemed to have Mephisto’s own luck, always dancing out of the way of erupting obsidian tips at the last second. 

“So then why’ve you been jumping in front of me every five seconds?”

“Hey, what can I tell ya, I’m a jumper. I jump for the money, I jump for the show…”

“Y’know, somepony once told me good banter was just memorable communicating if you thought about it.”

“I--”

“And then they told me that good communicating was vital to a good team up.”

“Listening’s also vital to communicating.”

“So what are you trying to say?”

“…nothing.”

“Then what was that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing!” 

“Then why say anything?!” 

Sombra wished he could just conjure obsidian in his ears, but the conversation was channelled through spikes of the stuff he’d seeded in the walls and anyway his body was a construct that ‘listened’ by absorbing soundwaves, not mortal ear canals. 

“Oh, you’re not talking to me now?” They’d reached the doors, Twilight hauling them open with her telekinesis. They slammed a little louder than they needed to. 

“Focusing on the job.” 

“That must be nice, I’d do it myself but somepony keeps dogging my every move.” 

“And stopping the Element of Magic from getting swallowed by smog! Or worse!” 

“Everypony out there right now is risking their tails to stop this, and you’re not screwing up their shots.” 

“Nopony out there would let a princess of Equestria just go off on her own.” 

“Says the loner! Who’s teamed up with practically everypony!” 

“Big talk from the filly always trying to rally everypony! What, I should schedule my concern? Hey Spike, couldja be a pal and pencil in a 9:30 re: That One Creek, Twilight’s paddle arrangements, thanks, you’re a doll!” 

“9:30? A meeting at 9:30 PM? Pffft! Do you know me at all?” 

“What, you’re too good to work AMs now?”

“The average workday starts at nine o’clock. Who has a meeting at 9:30 AM?!”

“Average people who didn’t get handed their own library?”

“I HEARD THAT.” 

Sombra realised they were now passing through the indoor thermae and he did not have to simply fantasize about drowning them. 

The lurid one held up a hoof, one eye widening, the other narrowing. He’d done that off and on throughout their climb. “Wait!” 

“Now what?!” Twilight snapped. 

A layer of obsidian crackled across the surface of the water, almost immediately erupting into a rearing cloud of smog, shaped like a dragoon armoured with floating segments of obsidian.

“…oh.” 

“BEHOLD!” Sombra snarled through the construct. 

“Kinda hard not to!” The jester sprang to crouch on a wall, scuttling around to face him. “All that crystal and you couldn’t whip up a pair of trunks?” 

Sombra thrust his head forward, his dragoon seamlessly mimicking the gesture several floors beneath and shattering empty air. It at least sent the rodents scurrying. In opposite directions, so he elected for the devil he knew, whipping the dragoon’s hooves after Twilight. She dived through the saloon style doors of the bar as fragments of deckchair rained down all around her. 

“No!” 

The cry was followed by strands of webbing slapping into a crystal gauntlet. Sombra almost felt it as the dragoon was yanked back. That infernal clown again! Stronger than he looked. But Sombra had stared into the eyes of two Avatars. It took barely even a flicker of his will to lash the dragoon’s hoof forward, yanking that pest from the ceiling and sending him crashing into the countertop in a shower of tiles. 

“Are you okay?!” the two meddlers asked each other. 

“Me?” Twilight blinked. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re hiding from that...” The jester waved an impertinent hoof at the dragoon and thus the very concept of Sombra. “Behind this!” He tapped the countertop. A bottle of something fell over. 

The mixed look of concern and confusion vanished from Twilight’s face. “Taking stock, thank you very much!” 

“In the middle of almost being crushed by the Hot Topic parade balloon that never was?!”

“Pe--” Twilight's eyes flicked briefly to the thrashing dragoon. “…please understand, Spider-Pony. The plan is elegant, yet simple.”

“I must’ve hung from the rafters over a different strategy session.”

“No, the reason I chose this particular cover. He can’t touch me.”

“You don’t know that!” The Spider (a totem? So far from the jungles? Dressed so brazenly?) put his hooves on her shoulders, looking directly at her and proving every point Sombra had ever made about Celestia’s egalitarian nonsense. “In every fight, for every second, there is every chance you leave yourself open! A second! That’s all it takes! And you can’t promise yourself you’ll see it coming! That’s impossible! I have my own sixth sense and I can’t--”

“I mean,” Twilight enunciated irritably, removing his hooves with her own, which was a little more in line with Sombra’s views (apart from the physical contact, the child had a horn did she not?), “it’s basic geometry. The bar’s up against the wall and his legs are only yay long!” 

“…oh.” 

“DROWN YOU BOTH IN DARKNESS!” Sombra raved, trying to channel more water into smoke for the dragoon. “POUR SHADOWS DOWN YOUR CHATTERING THROATS!”

“Ah, go climb up your horn,” the Spider shot back. 

“We finally agree on something,” Twilight smirked, although she still sounded exasperated. “You may as well drop that thing! It’s drawing your magic away from the city and I’m still coming for you!” 

“We’re coming for him.” The Spider rapidly flicked a hoof between them. 

“Then you’d better start making a contribution beyond just snarky jokes!” Twilight took a second to stop glaring into his mask as a glint above the thrashing giant caught her eye. “Wait…”

Her horn glowed with telekinesis. Sombra whipped the dragoon’s head around, forgetting the obsidian in the walls he could simply scry through, and saw a tangle of sparking machinery wrapped in her field, yanking itself out of its already damaged place in the torn ceiling and—


***


Twilight and Spider-Pony ducked behind the counter as the hotel’s electrical system tumbled though smoke and met pool water, light stabbing out of the dragoon construct. The world filled with the high-pitched keening of magic going wrong and it vanished in an identical plume of sparks as those from the obsidian lacing the walls. 

Spidey peeked out at the coils of sickly purple wafting off suddenly clear water. “Wow. If 42nd street cleared that fast my life would be almost problem free.” 

“Mmm.” Twilight clambered onto the bar, using it to make fluttering up through the gash in the ceiling easier. “Well, come on if you’re coming.”

“Why would I not be coming?” Spidey simply jumped and stuck, clambering in after her. Their voices began to echo off piping and ducts. 

“Because I asked you to look after the city and--”

“And taking down King Salsa--”

“Sombra!” 

“…huh. Well, there goes my dream takeout brand name! Anyway, yeah, taking down tall, dark and snarly is the best way to do that.” 

“Alright!” Twilight settled on an outcrop of machinery so she could glare at him. “First off, the joke’s really that he isn’t called that, so you could open the franchise.” 

Spidey stared at her from the opposite wall. 

“Second, I could focus on this so much better if you weren’t crawling all over the situation and slowing me down!” 

“Oh, I’m slowing you down now?!”

“What do you think this conversation is?!”

“You stopping to chew me out for looking after my princess and my city at the same time!”

Twilight boggled, her flaring wings drowning him in outraged shadow for a beat. “I…wha—? You did not just…I don’t believe you! Your city? You’re gonna be that guy? You hate that guy!”

“…home! I meant to say home!” 

“Sure, sure. Hey, remind me real quick, who’s home were you in when we got word Sombra was walling off your city?”  

“I was just swinging by! Got you here, didn’t it?”

“You swung by to ask a bunch of personal questions! That I didn’t want to answer in Canterlot!” 

“You went. To. The Cauldron!” 

“Oh my gooooooosh!” Twilight dragged her hooves down her face until it felt like her eyelids were past her chin. “Yes, we established that! Because you kept asking about it!” 

She hesitated. “…can you smell gas?” 

“Spider-Sense!” Spidey nodded rapidly. Twilight followed his gaze downward.  

A crunching noise coming closer, air in the shaft getting thicker. Obsidian spears were rupturing from pipe after pipe below them. Mostly steam now, but enough of an acrid tinge that all it would take was one spark…

Twilight’s horn flared, conjuring a rapid layer of faux crystal. She glared at Spider-Pony as dobs of webbing, intended for a net that wouldn’t have done much better, smacked into her barrier’s surface. 

“Um. Race ya?” Spidey offered lamely. 

He galloped up the shaft, Twilight taking to the air, trying to remember everything Dash and Luna had taught her about shooting straight up. Use your legs, mostly. Don’t have a column of flame right behind you. 

“Where?” she called, snapping just as much, really. 

Bigger spikes were demolishing entire walls behind them, hissing and sparking from the hotel’s system racing up to claw at them…and a ping of elevator doors. 

The rumble in her bones was either her hitting the floor, the doors slamming shut, or the explosion finally happening. 

At first she thought some of the gas must’ve gotten to her, but the hall was just strangely lit. A waxy yellow glow trying to be comforting. And the knowledge that they’d been using a maintenance shaft, so there shouldn’t have been an elevator to have doors. 

And now there wasn’t, just solid plaster and bunting. Conjured to appear solid anyway. And music…

Spidey carefully picked himself up into a crouch. “Did we get off on the wrong floor?” 

“We’re in one of Sombra’s illusions,” Twilight clarified, “so the only thing for certain is we’re on a floor.”

Spidey trotted alongside her. “And we’re heading towards the spooky lounge music because…?” 

“Well, you’re determined to stick to my hooves like used gum today—”

“Thanks.”

“—and I’m trying to save all of Equestria, so I want to see why Sombra’s luring us into this…ballroom, apparently.”


***

One from woodcuts in her history books, or Celestia’s biography of old-world aristocracy. 

Ponies with shadows over their eyes (or shadows for eyes, perhaps) thronged the space, immaculately dressed from hundreds of years ago, talking, dancing, laughing. No musicians, so the music was probably coming from obsidian in the walls. Even though the space was too large to be part of the real hotel. 

“Think he validates parking?” Spidey asked, looking all around. Twilight tried not to laugh.

“Ah, the guest of honour.” 

They drew closer together, instinctively back to back as Sombra’s voice came from everywhere. 

“And her jester. You didn’t strike me as the type, Princess.” 

He pronounced the new title like a slur. 

“Neither did you,” Twilight shot back, eyes flicking from courtier to courtier. She conjured her Element, for all the good it’d do alone. “A party, I mean. What’s the occasion?” 

“Just thought you deserved a little preview of the glory that is to come with the Reign of King Sombra.” 

“Did you hear that in upper case too?” Spidey muttered. 

“Unfortunately.” 

The illusion flickered irritably. 

“Tell me you’re not going to try and convince me to join forces.” Twilight glared. What had the room looked like? Dark, there’d definitely been obsidian…she was sure the windows were in the same place. 

“Why not? You have potential. The Twilight Shimmer of my world didn’t have those distinctive wings. I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t had at least a mortal counterpart, but did you ever truly consider his ideas? Were they even the same as mine?” 

“Trust me pal, if you’re anything like those journals the lady found then you disgust her.” Spidey stuck a hoof out to see if he could trip a Unicorn in a millstone collar. No dice. Legs straight through each other. Also probably telling that there were only Unicorns in the illusion. 

“The lady is right here and can speak for herself, thank you,” Twilight muttered primly, before taking a breath. “But she echoes the sentiment entirely. Even if you hadn’t invaded this city.” 

“Mmm, well, the Empire seemed a tad obvious. Who usurped it in this world, by the way? Your sister and brother-in-law?” 

“Other way around, but yes. And if you’re related to Princess Amor the way our Sombra was then you’re a fine one to talk about usurping.”

Every Unicorn in the glamour chuckled with the same voice. Spidey’s tail flicked as his lenses narrowed. Well, one of them. 

“Spirit. I like that!” Sombra said, his voice swirling around them like a gathering hurricane. “I’ll crush it to powder, but I like it.”

“Crush…” Spidey’s head shot to a chandelier that hadn’t been above them a moment ago. “Twili—!” 

Twilight ducked, squeezing her eyes shut as she formed a force-dome over them. You didn’t feel impact when something struck your field, but there was still…weight. In your bones, up your spine. And oh yeah, they were still surrounded even though the illusion was going all Nightmare Before Hearths Warming on them. 

No, she loved that movie, the ponies were dissolving and the décor shredding was her point, and oh gosh it just dawned on her, was it racist she hadn’t noticed the whole ballroom was just Unicorns until…?

“Don’t get separated!” she called as mist whipped around them, howling but with no wind. 

“Oh sure, now you want me hanging around.” 

The retort never made it out of Twilight’s mouth as shards of obsidian shot towards them from all directions, passing right through—Agh, no, they’d been more illusions! A bluff to make her drop the field and she’d fallen for—

A fresh dragoon swung out of the shadows towards them, dragging some with it. The two darted in different directions again as a hoof blow shook the floor.

Twilight fired a localised burst of dispersal magic and thought she heard Sombra snarl somewhere. She wormed a stream of dispersion into the construct, trying to at least disrupt the spell’s frequency. Sombra simply allowed it to collapse and two more smaller dragoons were lumbering towards her. 

“Need to find him…” Twilight muttered, flapping into the air. 

“Ask and ye shall…” Spider-Pony looked to the left…then lunged for her. “Receive!” 

Twilight yelped in shock as he…used her shoulders to vault over her into a kick that caught Sombra right in the jaw, shattering the glamour. 

The wraith that would be king took a step back, blinking. Twilight felt the strange vertigo of going from a howling void to what appeared to be the obsidian stricken master suite, strangely, anti-climatically calm despite all the punching. 

“One...concussed, weirdly...renaissance fair...and new age, poser...coming...right…” Spidey finished his volley of blows by ducking the unfazed Sombra’s counter swipe, followed with a foreleg punch to the gut that rattled the windows. “UP!” 

And hopped back, clutching his smarting hoof. “…ow?!”

With a blasé expression Rarity could only dream of, Sombra headbutted him. There was a starburst of noxious green and Spider-Pony sailed across the room, taking a large portion of the wall with him. And kept on going. 

The smirk was wiped from Sombra’s face by a furious blast of violet magic. Twilight altered the next burst’s frequency and that seemed to hurt. Sombra retaliated by becoming mist as he telekinetically hurled a slab of obsidian at her. 

Twilight teleported, materialising on his left and trapping his hooves in cuffs of faux crystal. 

“You--” Sombra’s eyes widened and he just managed to swing his horn in time to deflect the following wave of magic. He became smoke again, shattering the cuffs as he sprang for the floor. “You surprise me, Princess. From what I could hear you didn’t seem particularly attached to your little harlequin. Was that what Celestia gave you here instead of a dragon?”

“Keep Spike’s name out of your mouth, but thanks for the idea!” 

Twilight’s eyes glinted vindictively as her horn flashed and suddenly Sombra’s cape was on fire. 

He wasted precious seconds dousing himself in magic while she teleported behind him, jabbing her crackling horn into his side. Sombra staggered forwards, teeth gritted, his form churning like mist under purple lightning. 

Twilight grunted as one of those armoured shoes shot backwards, winding her and knocking her off her hooves. She gasped and rolled as Sombra whirled to trample the floor, then let out a cry of pain as he stamped down on one of her wings. She’d gotten used to crash landings but Great Pony in the Sky, the alien, intimate pain! 

“Though I think the real surprise,” Sombra sneered, muzzle thrust inches from her face, “is that you left your little friends out in the streets to face my guardians. Is this what the magic of friendship amounts to here? What, you’re still the leader in this world so you get all the glory?” 

“Actually.” 

Why was the child smiling? 

…One Below! He’d been so busy trying to squash these two pests he’d completely lost track of the other barriers! 

“I just had to keep you busy until they were ready.” That light in her eyes, that wasn’t just…those other interlopers, the infernal fillies had been working in groups of them, hadn’t they, one to each pack of…! 

“YOU DON’T TOUCH HER!” 

The blow only got to Sombra because the fury of that cry startled him. His essence reeled as Spider-Pony cannoned into him, distorting his body with an axe-handle blow so it appeared the would-be-king’s neck twisted all the way around. 

The Spider’s next punch passing harmlessly through his chin surprised them both. Twilight lifting into the air, five shapes fading into view beside her, surprised them after that. 

The light wasn’t just coming from her…them. Sombra snapped his neck back into position to stare in horror at a radiant glow spreading through his obsidian. He looked down at his forelegs, fading in and out of view. “What are you doing?! Stop! I command you! What is this?!”

“This is what you asked about.” Twilight’s eyes were fully alight, her voice either distorting with vibration or six speaking at once. 

Spider-Pony backed up then felt an odd current practically bowling him into the air like a paper bag. He crouched on the wall it carried him to, wondering if he’d just been consciously brushed out of the way. 

“But you can’t—!” Sombra fired a blast at the nearest piece of obsidian, but it splashed itself into sparkles like a water balloon full of glitter. “This is not my reality! I planned it that way!” 

“...and this was their plan the whole time,” Spidey realised quietly. 

“Yes.” 

It wasn’t clear who the combined Elements were speaking to. 

“We knew we couldn’t count on just harmonizing you, Sombra. We had to be cleverer than that. And it took some time, but with the help of this city each of us found our places, each of us built up enough harmony that we could alter the waves of your magic…and kick your sad old tail!” 

“You can’t disperse me!” Sombra backed up until he bumped into a throne of obsidian he’d carved, desperately drawing his cape around himself. “I’ll pull myself back! Somehow! You can’t ever be rid of the shadows! That’s the one rule across all worlds!” 

“We don’t need to.” Twilight’s mane billowed around her as she reached out a hoof to the shades of Applejack and Fluttershy on either side of her. “We just need to contain you before we send you back home, where this magic can do a lot more than just disperse you!”

Spidey covered his eyes with a foreleg as the obsidian became even more agonisingly pink. There was an animal howl and a furious cloud of Sombra’s magic…


***

Followed by a tinkling of crystal. 

“Uh…” Spidey looked around the weather-worn but obsidian free suite. Not even any tares in the walls, although the furniture could do with some rearranging. “Yay?”

“Yay,” Fluttershy agreed, letting go of Twilight and Pinkie’s hoof. They were all here now, by the way. 

“Aww yeah!” Rainbow Dash clarified, performing a loop-de-loop. “Chalk another one up for the Rainboom Bombers!” 

“Still not callin’ ourselves that,” Applejack said, tipping her Stetson back to survey the scene. “Whoo-wee, wouldja dig that view! How much ya reckon this place’d set ya back?”

“You couldn’t pay me to spend a second with those drapes,” Rarity sniffed. 

“I’m sure they’re more than ready to accept any feedback you have after tonight,” said an approaching metallic voice. 

They all turned to see the Iron Mage sail through one of the shattered windows, carrying Captain Adventure, dangling from his hooves. The Falcon sailed in after them, followed by the Vision phasing through the wall and the Phantasmal Pony ferrying Mr. Fantastic and the Scarlet Whisper through the other broken window on an invisible platform. 

“Did it work?” the Whisper asked, galloping up to Twilight. 

“I think we were on the right track,” Twilight assured, nodding at her, Reed and Iron Mage. “Sombra’s altered frequency should’ve pulled all his constructs into himself and collapsed in on itself. We just have to find…whatever he turned into.”

“Ooh, a scavenger hunt?” Pinkie beamed. “I’ll help in a sec, quick question though, can I keep this? I’ve been looking for something to decorate goth birthday cakes with forever, and bats are so done.”  

She held up a shard of almost crown shaped magenta crystal in her hooves. It roared faintly and glinted with magic from a pair of furious eyes. 

“Uh, on second thought, I like my birthday ponies to…y’know…live.” Pinkie tossed it to Rarity, who squeaked and fumbled it to Mr. Fantastic, who telekinetically clamped it in a pair of glowing blue tongs. 

“—A MILLION, MILLION YEARS!” Sombra’s tinny voice bellowed from within. “YOUR MANES WILL BE LIKE NEEDLES AND YOUR TONGUES WILL BE CRACKED AS A DRY RIVERBED FROM ALL THE SCREAMING IN THE FIRES OF—”

“Oh my gosh!” Dash cackled. “He sounds like an evil chipmunk! This is the most perfect end to my third most Meh team up ever!” 

“Third, eh?” Captain Adventure smirked, raising an eyebrow.

“…well I mean, it’s only Sombra.” Dash landed, self-consciously. “Ma’am.” 

Spidey lowered himself on a line to address the mystics in the group. “So wait, back up. You guys did have a plan? Even though you said the Elements wouldn’t work?”

“Oh yes,” Mr. Fantastic said, cheerfully but carefully levitating the swearing crystal into a conjured case. “It took a while, and we had to keep the city from being overrun, obviously, but Whisper had a hunch how exactly he shrugged off that, uh, friendship rainbow at Mason Square.”

“Couldn’t have done it without her,” Iron Mage said proudly as the Vision held hooves with an abashed Whisper. 

“After that we basically just had to pick our partners,” Applejack agreed. “Reckon Spike’s still pallin’ ‘round with those Hooves for Hire guys.” 

“At least it’s not Deadfoal,” Twilight muttered, shuddering at the very idea. 

Spidey’s lenses narrowed, looking right at Twilight. “So what was all that last desperate chance stuff?”

“Well, splitting up and hitting him with different frequencies still involved actually, y’know, crossing the city.” Twilight glared back. “In the middle of his attack. Which he barely had control of to begin with, hence the ticking clock!” 

“So, what, you had time to come up with all this, but not to let me in on it?” 

“It was pretty last minute, son,” Cap said. 

“What, I have to explain myself to you?” Twilight took a step forward to glare back. Uh. More. “Because it’s your city?”

“Well you’ve been complaining about me being in the way all night, even though it’s my life to risk.”

“Um…” Fluttershy mumbled. She felt somewhat better for Redwing, the Falcon’s avian partner, landing on her back. 

“Is there something we should know…?” Iron Mage wondered. 

Twilight rounded on him. “Do you mind?”

“Yeah, we’re talkin’ here,” Spidey agreed. 

“If that’s what you wanna call it.” Iron Mage looked around the room and then at Cap. “Well…”

“Yeah,” Cap said, face impassive. 

“It was…” Iron Mage glanced up at the narrow-eyed Falcon then at the equally impassive Whisper and Vision. He started for the window he’d come through. “It was nice working together again.” 

“Yeah,” Eve Rose said dejectedly over the sound of his thrusters carrying him into the moonlight. 

“Gosh,” Mr. Fantastic said, blinking. “Tony didn’t even stay to haggle over who gets to hang onto the--” Sue elbowed him and he shut up. Briefly. “Well, I’m sure both the Befrienders and Fantastic Inc., and, uh, the young ladies if they want, can take turns if we get this to a nice cosy Canterlot vault…”

“We are…uncertain as to the current status of the Befrienders, Dr. Rivers,” the Vision said carefully. The Scarlet Whisper rested her head against his chest and he drew his cape over her slightly. 

Sue frowned sympathetically, although the two arguing behind her took the wind out of it a little. “That bad?”

“Arrowhead walked out,” Whisper sighed. “Again, but Mockingbird went with him, and tonight’s response to the alert was…”

“Sloppy,” Captain Adventure said sternly, striding towards the window. “Unforgivably sloppy. That can’t happen again. Sam?”

“Coming right up,” Falcon agreed, flapping over to grip her hooves. He turned to smile at Fluttershy as Redwing glided over to land on his shoulder. “Nice to see you guy’s in action. You do good work.”

“You too,” Rainbow called, waving, “awesome vertical moves out there!” 

“Thanks, love your Immelmanns!”  

“Betcha’d like to see his Immelmann,” Dash leered, nudging Fluttershy. 

“Um, I’d take a polite interest, certainly,” Fluttershy replied, confused, and even more so when a cackling Rainbow had to lean on Applejack for support. 

“Just saying a heads up would’ve been nice!” They all turned to the corner Twilight and Spidey were now sharing. 

“You weren’t even supposed to be here!” Twilight was retorting.

“What, because you had it on lockdown?”

“I didn’t say that!”

“So you were complaining to, what, just to complain?”

“Just to complain? I’ve been telling you to get off my back all night!” 

“And you didn’t tell me why!”

“Would you have listened?” 

“If you’d told me the plan at any point, sure! Did Cap know?”

“Mr. Spark did, so probably! What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Just that we’re supposed to trust each other more than they do these days, that’s all!”

“Oh, trust, yeah, I remember that! That was nice!”

“Hey, I would’ve trusted you plenty if it didn’t look like you were just galloping off to face Soarin’--”

“Sombra!”

“Sonar, salamander, somnambulist, whatever! I was worried!”

“You think I wasn’t?! You want trust? How about a little faith?”

“How about telling me your plans instead of to go jump in East River?”

“For the same reason I didn’t use your name, Pe--” Twilight blinked at the two remaining Befrienders, but her exasperation poured right back in. “Person of interest! Sombra can hear things through his constructs!” 

“Is that really the reason?”

“Part of it.”

“So what’s the rest?” 

“You know what’s the rest.” 

“Apparently I don’t!” 

“Well that’s your problem, then!” Twilight stormed into the hallway, lighting the walls with the angry purple glow from her eyes. “I’m finding an elevator and then Spike, and then we’re going home!” 

“Neat, the ride’ll give us plenty of time to talk!” Spidey snapped, leaping after her. 

“Oh, happy day!” Twilight yelled as they rounded a corner. “Think you could listen this time?” 

“I think--”

The remaining Elements and superheroes stood awkwardly in the decimated suite. 

“Well this was lovely,” Rarity said primly, pushing a frozen Fluttershy towards the hallway. “Must do it again soon, but not too soon, all that, byeeee!” 

“He’d better not say anything,” Dash muttered as they began to traipse after her. 

Applejack squinted. “Ya’ll really wanna get in the middle o’ that?”

“Hay no, he’d just better not say anything is all!” 

Pinkie was the only out of towner left now, looking around the room at four people she barely knew. “So, um. How ‘bout them Sox?”

“That’s in Chicloudgo, hon,” Sue said kindly. 

“Oh.” 

“I’m a Mets fan if that helps,” Mr. Fantastic offered. 

Tuesday:

“Not that we’re ungrateful, Princess,” Load Barer said carefully, awkwardly scratching her neck and wagging her hardhat slightly, “but…”

“I am,” Peter said, glowering from under his own. The effect was spoiled by the survey rig he was wearing, several clipboards, pens and even an eyepiece giving the surreal impression he was a huffy foal who didn’t like his casting in the school play.

“But darling,” Twilight trilled with venomous sweetness, “it’s for your own good!”

Spike tried and failed not to meet embarrassed eyes with Load Bearer, quickly turning it into looking over Damage Control’s equipment and a wall of Sombra’s obsidian. It stretched across the road, even through some waterfront buildings and into the river. 

“Besides, you heard Load Barer,” Twilight grinned. “What kind of magical disposal team couldn’t benefit from the aid of a student of Celestia?” 

“Uh, put that way…” mused the supervisor, who hadn’t thought anything of the kind. 

“Bare c’mon, she and Spike don’t even have hardhats!” 

“He’s got us there,” Spike said quickly, spinning on his heel towards the detour signs. 

“No he doesn’t,” Twilight hissed through smiling teeth. There was a burst of purple and Spike was suddenly staggering under a hardhat, while she now sported:

“That’s a plinth helmet,” Peter said. 

“A crystal reinforced plinth helmet, thank you.” Twilight tapped it to demonstrate. “Gift from my brother! Y’know, youngest captain of the guard in over a century? Taught me everything Celestia didn’t about magical safety? Spent almost a year learning everything there is to know about Sombra-traps?”

“I hear he’s super professional too,” Peter shot back. 

“Yes, well,” Twilight beamed, making a show of adjusting his rig just so, “you’re not dating him, are you?”

“You realise you’re holding up traffic?” Peter tried. He indicated the wall with a curt jerk of his head. “Sooner you stop…whatever this is, the sooner we can start taking that thing apart.” 

“Actually,” Load Barer said firmly, reminding everyone who was in charge, “I wouldn’t mind the princess taking a look. No offence, Pete, but your area’s, whaddaya call it—”

“Science,” Peter said dryly at the same time Twilight chimed in with, “Everfree Think.”

“—right, and you searched the tunnels, yeah?”

“You both know I did,” Peter muttered. Just like they both knew he’d yelped in a Rarity-like fashion when he’d stuck his head out of the manhole they’d been using for the survey and found Twilight, with an expression very like her mother’s, looking down at him. 

“And you found…?” Load Barer prompted. 

“Nothing,” Peter muttered eventually. 

“Which doesn’t mean there isn’t something still down there. The princess has the experience, and the last thing we need is to start drilling into this thing and waking something up.”

“Oh, Sombra’s still around,” Twilight said simply, “but don’t worry, he’s completely locked off from, well, basically everything. The princess is banishing him out of this reality anyway. I did a quick scan before announcing myself and it’s just so much dead rock.” 

Peter frowned. “Then why even show up?”

“What?!” Twilight wrapped a foreleg around his shoulders. “One of my most fearsome enemies just happens to attack the city of my one and only special somepony?! What kind of princess, nay, what kind of mare would I be if I didn’t invade both your work and personal space?!” 

“Okay, I see what you’re doing--”

“Yes, so glad you agree!” Twilight’s horn flickered and Peter was suddenly covered in twin roles of bubble wrap. “After all, it’s not like we’re in the exact same kind of business!”

“That’s not--” Peter’s eyes flicked to the nonplussed Load Bearer and to the rest of their crew by their equipment. 

“Possible?” Twilight’s smile was nigh Trixieian. “Of course not, because you’re just a Friendly Neighbourhood…” 

She let him dangle over the abyss for a beat before smushing his cheeks. “Cutie pie! Who I want to keep as safe as possible, because you’re just an average, ordinary, everyday little pony with no special friends or powers to defend yourself!”

“Twilight!”

“And sure, maybe barging in on you at your job and trying to do it for you looks oh so patronizing, to say nothing of a violation of the trust we founded this relationship on, but really, my real crime?” She pulled his muzzle closer, eyes glinting. “I care too much.” 

“Okay!” They both flinched as Load Bearer’s hoof stuck asphalt. “Look, dunno what this is, don’t wanna!” She indicated the wall. “Ya gotta way to bring this down?”

“Um.” Twilight quickly fired off three target runes at certain points. “It, ah, should all collapse if you start here. No magic or anything! But uh, well, I’d recommend sonics if you have anything like that. It crumbles but there’s a lot of it, so that way you can do it remotely and the actual clean up’ll be of all of the…um…yeah…”

“And extraction from those roofs?”

“Liquid nitrogen,” Peter supplied, trying to keep his voice steady. “Better to shatter ‘em and patch up all the holes.”

“And the river?” 

“Is the river?” Peter shrugged. Bubbles around his shoulders popped. 

“Sounds about right.” Load Bearer clapped her hooves. “Alright ladies, let’s get rolling!”

The couple moved to a doorway to continue the discussion. The words ‘Cauldron’ and ‘Oh yeah?!’ came up a lot, carrying even over the wailing of the banshee-bombs the crew used to strategically collapse Sombra’s wall. The fragments still had to be broken down for carting away, and the sound of jackhammers was soon mingling with the usual seagulls and traffic. 

Load Bearer looked down at Spike and twitched aside her earmuffs. “Wanna pair? This is just gonna get louder.” 

“Thanks.” 

Spike glanced at the doorway where Twilight was now shaking the bubble wrapped Peter. “Can I keep ‘em…?”

Wednesday 

Afternoon

“I mean, it’s weird, right?” Johnnycake said distractedly, peering over his controls. “Don’t get me wrong, proving our mettle to each other is a tradition in the business. Nothing wrong with some good ol’ friendly competition!”

“mmm hmm,” Rarity agreed, clutching his foreleg so tight bits of her own were reddening, staring down at the miles of countryside sweeping by beneath them. Oh good, now they were over solid rock…

“In fact, I worry about some of these new kids,” Johnny continued, banking his chariot around some low hanging clouds. 

“is that right.”

“Yeah, all this cooperation and whatnot. I hear some of them even share secret identities after the first case and it’s like, there’s such a thing as too much trust, y’know?”

“if you say so.” There were birds beneath them. 

“But Peter and the princess…man! Thought they were going to be the next Slim and Jean. Was even thinking of hiring an assistant to run out and get ‘em some of the most normcore sweaters possible. Maybe cause a power struggle, maybe not, have some embarrassing shots for the family album either way. But I could never risk been seen buying those sweaters myself, the Manehattan scene would eat me alive, and you’d barf at the rate the average temp pushes for these days.”

“business,” Rarity said just to say something. 

Johnny manoeuvred the hover-chariot between some clouds. She wasn’t sure what exactly she swallowed since her throat had gone dry millennia ago, when Johnny had arrived in Ponyville Plaza on this benighted thing. 

It wasn’t heights, exactly. She knew a certain filly who took understandable pride in being able to break the sound barrier at thousands of feet, and Rarity herself was a country gal! Hills and mountains and plenty of healthy, fresh air, that sort of thing. Why, some of the private boxes they’d watched Papa’s performances from…! 

But, you see, none of those had been piloted by Johnny Storm. 

Johnny ‘all his own stunts’ Storm. Johnny ‘eight loop-de-loops in one or bust’ Storm. Johnny ‘parachutes are for ponies who don’t want it badly enough’ Storm.  

The damn thing didn’t even have a guard rail. She knew, knew, if she said the word ‘seatbelt’, she knew the exact expression he’d make. 

“We’re getting close, right?” Johnny stood on tippy-hooves to peer down at some clearings. Rarity muffled a keening on par with the humming turbines that kept her trapped on this nightmare carnival ride. “Anywhere specific you wanna get off?”

A nearby cloud looked sort of like Discord and she wasn’t sure which would be worse, if it was or wasn’t. “down.” 

“Alrighty!” Johnny tapped a few runes, yanked the stick around a bit and, in a moment Rarity would never forgive him for, let it go. The chariot began to waft downward in lazy circles. “You see it a lot, y’know. It’s usually the stress of dating from outside, but sometimes it really is just both being in the business. And nopony’s even sure what you girls actually do! That’s gotta be keeping them up at night. That Pete’s side is so basic.”

Rarity quirked a brow, confidence returning now that gravity was less of a concern. ”So you’re taking his side?” 

“Didn’t say that.” 

“Can we at least agree he’s been just ghastly?” 

“Rarity, it’s Pete.”

“Yes, and Mr. Trotter has been hounding Twilight day and night! It’s disgraceful!” 

“Again, it’s Pete.”

Johnny stepped off the chariot before it had quite landed. Rarity trembled but there wasn’t as much of a bump as she’d expected, more an unpleasant feeling of simultaneous momentum and inertia. “That doesn’t make it alright. He should know to back off by now. And the things he’s said…!”

“Dude’s a talker,” Johnny said casually. He flicked his tail at the side of the chariot and it beeped twice. “And it’s not like Twilight doesn’t give as good as she gets.” 

“True,” Rarity smiled with brief pride before frowning at him. “But she shouldn’t be giving or receiving, is the point! I honestly don’t know what Peter’s hang up is. It’s not even as if going to the Cauldron is the scandalous thing to do anymore. They’ve got a Hay-Burger now for heaven’s sake!” 

“Please, you’re impressed with her.” 

“Oh absolutely. But she’s from Canterlot! What did anypony expect? Do you know how many times she claimed to be ‘from the block?’ Anypony who can sling a horn like that, there’s got to be something to it.” 

“I feel like the Cauldron really lost something when they started shooting all those music videos there,” Johnny said, helping her step off as the turbines finished folding away. 

“Their equipment, one assumes.” 

Johnny waved a hoof with a little too much aggression to be idle gesturing. “No, y’know, a certain rebellious integrity!” 

“You couldn’t get into those videos, could you?” Rarity’s eyes were half lidded with resignation. 

“Well can you remember any of them?! Trick question! And those short-sighted fools at Caravan Records could’ve had it all, if they’d only seen the potential of a stallion who’s his own special effect! But nooooo!” 

“I feel very sorry for Crystal all of a sudden,” Rarity said and smirked as Johnny froze, indignant nose in the air. “How’s that going by the way?”

Johnny recovered immediately. “Fantastic, how do you think? Haven’t even spoken to her since the weekend!” 

“Oh dear?” Rarity tried uncertainly. 

“No,” Johnny grinned, “it’s perfect. We’re so confident we’re just giving each other some space. Not too much, not too little, just enough.”

“For what, precisely?” 

“Don’t try to define it, Rarity, definitions put limits on things and if you’re anything it’s certainly not limited. It’s what I admire you for.”

“One of your far, far, far too many taglines is that you burn limits down and crank it up. You don’t even define what ‘it’ is supposed to be.”

“Boy that Pete huh, what a cad,” Johnny said quickly.

“Nice try, but I’ve mainlined my ardour with your roommate’s beastly behaviour!” Rarity snorted indignant jets from her nostrils, then daintily kicked a pebble. It ricocheted between boulders. Leaving marks. “Ahem. So there’s no escape is the point, Johnny dear. Take it like a stallion.”

“On that note…” Johnny looked around the miles of…rocks, basically. “Is there anywhere you wanna go, or…?” 

“Here is fine!” Rarity beamed hurriedly.

“For what again? You said you needed costume gems.”

“Quite right. These are my usual hunting grounds, actually!”

“Right, you said, but you asked me to pack some…?”

“Well, you had them, didn’t you?” Rarity’s eyes flicked uneasily between the chariot and the distant treetops. “But enough about gems, tell me about Crystal!”

Johnny folded his forelegs. “Why?” 

“Why not? Do you have your compact, by the way?”

“Yeah,” Johnny smirked. “Why?” 

“Oh, just, uh, just want to check the time, you know, as one does--”

“Rarity!” came Spike’s cheerful voice from on high.

The fashionista shut her eyes. “Oh dear.”

It wasn’t Spike, who’d been the sweetest little collaborator as always, it was who’s back he was riding on. She opened one eye as she felt the temperature starting to waver, and wished she hadn’t. Johnny’s expression was frigidly blank. 

Rainbow Dash landed and stared back. The grin melted off Spike’s face and he hurriedly began to clamber off. 

“You’re not being kidnapped by diamond dogs,” Rainbow said carefully, never breaking eye contact with Johnny.

“Diamond dogs?!” Rarity scoffed like she always did when she was cornered: far too much. “Pfft! The very idea! Pfft! Who said anything about diamond dogs? Pfft! Pfft!” 

“Spike did.” Rainbow should not sound that calm. Johnny should not be that still. “Like you told him to.” 

“…pfft?” 

“She was just trying to help, guys,” Spike protested lamely, looking between them. They both looked at him, which was worse, so he looked at Rarity. “What happened? This is the place, right?”

Rarity nodded. “Quite. They were supposed to spring out promptly at 2:00! Really, the only reason I can think to stay is so I can give them a piece of my mind! There’s fashionably late and then there’s whatever this is.”

“Beneath you?” Dash muttered. 

“Come on!” Spike cajoled. “You guys love beating up goons!” He began boxing the air. “A little double teamin’ for a bit of the ol’ one two! Like the good old days!” 

The Horseshoe Torch ignited, turned, and blasted into the air towards the distant spires of Canterlot.

“Well fine!” Rainbow Dash bellowed and her own launch bowled Spike into Rarity. 

“Oh dear, are you alright?” 

“Eh.” Spike’s fins drooped as he watched a fading rainbow contrail punching ugly holes through entire cloud banks. “Honestly looking forward to the long walk back. Less time caught between Twilight and Pete.” 

Rarity scowled. “He’s not said anything to you has he?” 

“They’re both fine to everypony else!” Spike kicked a pebble and hopped on one leg for a bit. “Ow! Anyway, that’s the worst part. They just stop if I get between them and then it all picks up again. It’s so weird!” 

“Yes, it’s been that sort of day,” Rarity sighed, patting his shoulder. 

“I’d write to one of the other princesses but it’s like, does anypony really deserve to get dragged into…whatever’s going on? I mean, I barely remember all that stuff with the Cauldron! Sure, I wouldn’t go down there after dark, but we’ve all been way worse places since then!” 

“Yes, and I can think of one or two of those places to send those lazy, flea ridden--” Rarity glanced up and squinted. “Oh, hello. What have we here?”

A moving column of earth was shuffling over the hills, turning to gravel as it hit the clearing and angled towards them. Rover scratched himself a hole and clambered out carefully. “Um, hello, hello, yes!” 

“Hmph!” Rarity spun on her heel, eyes shut and nose to the sky. 

“There is a problem?” Rover’s ears folded nervously. Spike blinked, noticing the terrified eyes of Spot and Fido in the shadows of the tunnel. 

“There was supposed to be!” Rarity snapped indignantly, rounding on him. Rover’s elongated arms went up as she advanced, as if held at horn-point, which wasn’t too far off the mark. “Where were you ten seconds ago, hmm? Kidnapping at 2:00, treats by second teatime, that was the deal!”

“Yes, yes, most generous, most generous, but--”

“Excuses!” Rarity flung her nose to the air again. “I ask for slavering fiends from the pit and what do I get? Excuses!”

“You of all ponies would like…slavering?” 

“Eww, of course not, it’s slimy and it gets everywhere!” Rarity stuck her tongue out in revulsion then glared down the hole. “And what are you two doing?” 

“That, uh, that is the thing,” Rover murmured, compulsively rubbing the back of one paw with the claws of the other as his comrades’ eyes shrank further back into the darkness, “while Miss Rarity’s offer was—is, is! Most generous, the pack still has many memories of it’s time with, uh, with the most esteemed of…well, you.”

A beat. 

“They’re scared of me, is what you’re saying,” Rarity said eventually. 

“This pack, sure,” Rover admitted, then held up a claw with a grin. “So! I sent word to not only the southern pack—”

Rarity and Spike followed his pointing towards another column of earth zigzagging over the distant hills. It had spear tips poking out if it.

“—but to our northern cousins as well, who’ll do anything for a lark!” Rover beamed so hard he was in danger of putting one of his eyes out with his fangs. “Took a while, but here they come! So! Pretty pony’s little friends beat up two packs, we take gems, all quits, yes?”

“That is…a plan, certainly,” Rarity mumbled. 

“Pretty pony…has gems, yes?” 

“Enough for a savvy negotiator to divvy up fairly, yes!” Rarity grinned desperately. The northern column was getting close enough for them to see axes coming out of it. “They’re in the trunk of the--”

Johnny’s Fantasti-Chariot beeped again, whirred, unfolded its turbines and taxied into the distance before wafting into the air and the wild blue yonder. 

“Yes, well, we’ll just leave this one out of the diary, shall we?” Rarity muttered, levitating Spike onto her back.


***


Evening

“And then he says he just thinks it’s a little reckless is all!” Twilight Sparkle snapped. It wasn’t just the volume of the music making her raise her voice. 

“Is that really what he said?” Gem Stone asked. 

She looked at Merry Jane, who gave her a raised eyebrow. Gem frowned and indicated the fuming princess with her head. It was MJ’s club after all! Who else was going to do it, Fluttershy? 

MJ shook her head. Gem gave her The Look. Fluttershy blinked. 

“Yeah, okay, fine!” The other Pegasus shut her eyes before turning one of her many trademark smiles on Twilight. “Peter can be like that, Twilight.”

“Like what, a total butthead for no reason?” Twilight muttered into her drink. Fluttershy put a shocked hoof to her mouth.

“…nyeah,” both exes said and shrugged. 

“Busy tonight, isn’t it?” Fluttershy tried. 

She still had no earthly idea what she was doing here. They’d come looking to see if they could find anything on the chest inside the tree’s cave in the public library, then gotten involved in rescuing urban legends from Flim and Flam’s circus, but that had been ages ago. And then they’d been invited to Ms. Merry’s nice club and, well…

“Reckless compared to what?” Twilight demanded suddenly. “I mean, could everypony kindly make up their mind? Either I’m too rigid or I’m too reckless. I didn’t ask to be a conduit for friendship itself, you know!” 

“It looks good on you though?” MJ tried.

“Was he always like this?” 

“Oh wow, that table doesn’t have any hay-fries, sorry gang, let’s do this aga--” 

“Sit,” Gem said firmly, telekinetically yanking MJ out of the air and back onto her seat. “Look, Peter’s…important but he driven us crazy too. We’ve been there.”

“And how’d you deal with it?” 

Gem and MJ looked at each other with completely blank expressions. 

“Well it’s good that you’re all friends, isn’t it?” Fluttershy looked around the group. Seriously. What was she doing here? 

“Friends,” Gem said distantly. “Yes.” 

“Y’know what the worse thing is?” Twilight levitated a ketchup packet and began worrying it like a stress ball. It bulged and shrank unnaturally. “It’s a one-way street with him.” 

“What?” MJ blinked, then her eyes narrowed. “Wait, you mean that thing he does?” 

“Yes!”

Gem stuck the table with a clenched hoof, rattling glasses. “I hate that!” 

“W-w-what thing?” Fluttershy squeaked. 

“That thing where he tells you not to worry about him,” MJ grumbled. “Because that’s so easy.”

“Right?!” Twilight threw up her hooves. “It’s like, hello, you save on bus fair by flinging yourself through the air on silly string! For starters!”

“And he always has to come smashing through somepony’s window or something,” Gem added. “When he doesn’t creep up behind you!”

“Oh man.” MJ rolled her eyes. “Y’know how much glass I used to have to clean out of his costume back in the day?”

“Because he only cleans it when he remembers to,” Twilight muttered. MJ nodded emphatically. 

“At least he told you guys,” Gem muttered. 

“Not exactly,” MJ clarified, holding up a wing tip. “I had to tell him I knew.”

“I didn’t even know his real name until the Lizard said it a few times,” Twilight said. 

“Well, you know,” Fluttershy tried, “secret identity?” 

“Pro tip: that excuse gets real old real fast,” MJ countered.

“After you’ve had to spend a whole reign of Celestia trying to get him to explain what’s wrong,” Twilight muttered. 

“What singular?” Gem quirked a brow. “Because it’s always more than one.” 

MJ rolled her eyes. “And Great Pony forbid he ask for help with any of it.”

“Well,” Fluttershy tried, because the magic rock she’d fused with had control of her vocal cords right now, “life in the big city--”

“I’m from the big city!” all three said at once. 

“Hay, you’re from the big city!” Twilight said, clasping her shoulder a little too firmly. “And none of us needed radioactive spiders to look out for ourselves! Gem, your dad’s a cop, isn’t he?”

“I’m a cop!” the other Unicorn said as she nodded fiercely, levitating her badge. Some ponies at nearby tables noticed and quickly made nonchalant exits. “And it didn’t stop Peter looking over my shoulder for most of my first cases!”

“And you solve mysteries, right?” Twilight asked Merry Jane. 

The Pegasus wing-shrugged. “Eh, now and then. He was so ticked off I didn’t tell him right away, and I knew from day one I’d have to tell him why not.” 

“Because he’d freak out and you’d never get anywhere,” Gem said flatly. MJ pointed at her with a wingtip. 

“Ever wanted to know how close you came to Sombra ruling Equestria?” Twilight asked. “Because I sure didn’t. We had to break into a changeling hive once and he didn’t even blink about sneaking me in. And now the Cauldron’s a big deal all of a sudden? They make music videos there now! They’re so lame Rainbow Dash can’t even ironically like them!” 

“Hold up, the Cauldron?” Gem squinted. “Park Basin?”

“Nopony calls it that,” Fluttershy said because Twilight was taking a big pull of MJ’s house special and she wasn’t looking forward to anything her friend would have to say after a few more of those. 

“Right, something’s always brewing and all that, ever seen Snake Eyes Casino?” 

“Long story,” Twilight sighed. “Why?”

“Girl’s gotta get her contacts where she can.” 

“Don’t you have a couple by now?” MJ asked. “Like, where you actually work?”

“Hey, Twilight’s brother moved up north. Pays to plan ahead.”

MJ brightened suddenly. “Oh hey, y’know who’s posted there now? Flash!” 

“…Flash Sentry?”

“The one and only!”

Gem was delighted. “Get outta town!” 

“Why not?” MJ snickered. “He did!” The two of them leaned on each other from laughter.

“Who’s Flash Sentry?” Fluttershy asked, pouncing on any chance to change the subject. 

“That is the million bit question,” MJ wheezed. 

“I…might have an idea, actually,” Twilight murmured, hoping the club lights, lowering for the upcoming dance number, hid her blush. “You guys know each other? How long? I’m thinking of examining friendships originating in big cities and, well, I spent forever in Canterlot barely talking to anypony, so…” 

“Just don’t get him started on their band,” Gem smirked, elbowing MJ in the wings. 

“Traitor.” 

“You guys were in a band?” Fluttershy blinked. Twilight was too nonplussed to ask. 

“You think that’s bad, guess who our drummer was.” Merry Jewel got some revenge noogie-ing the laughing Gem. “Nah, it’s been a while but Flash still feels like one of the gang. He and Harry used to be inseparable. In fact, Gem, didn’t you guys…?”

“Same academy, yeah! For a while. He got real serious about being a guard and I only signed up for the survival training. Last I heard he was posted at Befrienders Fort.” 

“Did Peter freak out over that too?” Twilight muttered bitterly. 

Gem nodded. “Totally brooded. And thought we didn’t notice.” 

“The kicker?” MJ couldn’t help a sentimental smile. “Those two used to hate each other.” 

Twilight choked on her drink. Some of it got in Fluttershy’s hair. 

“Oh Great Pony, yeah…” Gem stared down at the table cloth through a million years. “Wow. Peter used to complain to me about that ‘pretentious wannabe’ all the time.” 

She snickered. “Flash’s description was a lot more…colourful.” 

“How colourful?” Twilight’s eyes had narrowed. MJ looked up as the club’s lights flickered and gave the Alicorn a warning look as only a Manehattanite could. 

“But…they became friends?” Fluttershy bit her lip to shut herself up as they all turned to look at her. 

“Yeah,” Gem sighed, smiling. 

“Yeah,” MJ agreed. “Y’know what used to drive Pete nuts? And I swear, this had nothing to do with how they wound up, that’s the sad thing, but guess who’s the big apple’s number one Spidey fan.” 

Twilight blinked. “Oh my gosh.” 

The table erupted in laughter. Fluttershy joined in, relived. 

“Goes to show,” Gem decided with a shrug, “why we put up with him, I mean. He can always make you laugh.” 

“There is that,” Twilight agreed. “Maybe it’s the house specials, and I’m going to hit you up for the recipe sometime MJ—”

“Think we can talk about a royal approval sticker?” MJ smirked, raising an eyebrow. And winced at Gem’s elbow. “What?”

“—but what the hay, would you guys like to hear the first time I knew? I mean, it took a while to really know and I hadn’t even seen Cadence since Hearth’s Warming, and now that I think about it Chrysalis was posing as her for so long they hadn’t even organised the reception yet--”

“Sure,” MJ smiled as Gem blinked. 

“Okay, but abandon all respect for Twilight Sparkle ye who enter here!” the mage snickered. She turned to Fluttershy. “Might need some help here, do, uh, do you remember Smarty Pants?”

“Oh my!” Fluttershy put a hoof to her mouth to try and hold in the tittering. “I, ah, I think all of Ponyville remembers Smarty Pants!” It was their turn to descend into laughter. 

“You had a Smarty Pants?!” Gem grinned with nerdy childhood abandon. MJ smiled and shook her head at the ceiling. Some shadows flicking around one of the club’s skylights made her frown…

“You too?!” Twilight gripped Gem’s hoof then shook her head to clear it but didn’t drop her smile. “Okay, okay, later, because if I start on her now this’ll take forever, but it was the day after we beat Discord--”

“Everypony down!” MJ yelled to the entire club. 

They all instinctively threw themselves away from the table, almost the exact instant as the sound of breaking glass. Patrons erupted in confused screams as two shadows tumbled through the club lights. Only one of them hit the table, shattering it. 

“Peter?!” the three relevant mares cried. 

“You’ve gotta--” Spider-Pony clutched his side as he tried to sit up too fast. “Outta here! You’ve gotta get out before--”

“Now is tHaT any way to TaLk?!”  One of the shadows streamed into Spidey, pulling him out the wreckage and into the centre of the dance floor as party ponies and creatures rushed for cover or an exit. “After all, YoU’rE the OnE who Invited uS to this little DaNcE!”

Black and white, muscle and teeth. 

“Poison Pony…” Merry Jane whispered. She’d gone so still and so limp she almost looked like she’d suffered months of emaciation in a week. 

“Get behind me!” Gem ordered, throwing herself in front of the Pegasus with her horn glowing. 

“And by dAnCe…” The symbiote wrapped two tendrils from it’s Big Mac sized shoulders around Spidey’s neck and enlarged it’s mouth as they hauled him into the air. “We mean YoU jUmPeD uS!” 

“You won’t…touch them!” Peter snarled, straining.

“What're you whining about NoW?” Poison’s almost canine head turned to take in the logo, MJ’s initials naturally, over the bar. “Ah. wE see. Would you bEliEVe wE were just passing bY?”

“…what?”

“Then again!” Poison Pony’s tongue flicked gleefully. “WaStE nOt, WaNt NoT!” 

“Drop him!” Gem ordered. 

“We’D be delighted, DeTeCtIvE!” the monster simpered. “And may wE say how NiCe it is to sEe YoU aGaIn? Unfortunately, jumping ponies from the shadow is OuR tHiNg!”Spidey gagged as the tendrils tightened. “So We’Re not feeling very NiCe RiGhT nOw!”

“Neither am I!” 

Twilight rose into the air, a seething purple glow from her body swallowing Gem’s own cornflower aura. The symbiote made a high-pitched noise as a burst of purple sparks disintegrated it’s tendrils, letting Spider-Pony crash to the floor. 

“Twi--” Peter croaked under the mask, reaching out to her. “No—ge-get--"

“I’m handling it, thank you dear,” Twilight said far too calmly. 

“You DaRe…?!” Poison Pony hissed, rearing up as his forelegs morphed into razor sharp, more arachnidian shapes. Then the white mask eyes blinked as it realised who he was looking at. “Oh. That’s right. You’re a PrInCeSs now…”

“That’s right.” 

Twilight kept floating forward as he backed up, Fluttershy flapping behind her to quickly grip a mesmerised Spider-Pony and drag him back towards the relative cover of the devastated booth. 

“Um.” Poison looked around as his back hit the abandoned DJ’s turntable. “We’Re a HeRo NoW?” 

The symbiote made the mistake of trying to smile without even altering it’s teeth.

“Oh good.” Twilight’s eyes filled the world with purple as she sent her magic into the sound system. For starters. “So I don’t have to be.” 

Thursday:

“Okay, I screwed up,” Peter Trotter said. “Big time. No question.” 

He sighed. “And I know you’ve all these questions and I…haven’t exactly been the most coherent colt lately, and, heh, you know me, gift of the gab. Talk so cheap old man Flattop would order by the carbuoy and tip. Okay, maybe not tip, but…”

He dragged a hoof down his face and inhaled. 

“What I’m trying to say is, I’ve been…saying a lot of things, and not all of them make sense and some of them I probably shouldn’t have said--” 

He shut his eyes. 

“Really. Shouldn’t have said. And if you wanna talk about that I’m in a place now where-where I’m more prepared to listen. You, uh, you’ve always said I was good at…y’know. That. And I know I haven’t been lately, good I mean, at-at-at a lot of things, but I want to fix this and oh Great Pony in the Sky I sound like a goon, what am I doing?”

He pressed his head to the mirror and groaned. 

“Well, you’re trying,” said somepony behind him.   

Peter yelped, jumping and spinning on instinct so he was facing the other way when he hit the ceiling. 

“Sorry, sorry!” Twilight backed up, hooves waving. She grunted as she hit his bedroom door. 

“No, no!” Peter scuttled closer. “I mean, I’m the one who…”

“Little bit.” Twilight tucked her wings back in. “A lot. Actually.”

“Yeah.” Peter wondered what his ear folding must look like upside down.

A beat.

“I mean, what has this week been exactly?!” Twilight’s eyes bugged almost imploringly. “Where did all this come from? Is this even about the Cauldron anymore?” 

“It’s not…not about that?” Peter crawled out of the door after her. “Uh, look, would you like to sit down? Anything to drink? We should probably talk.” 

“Can it wait?” Twilight looked up at him, trying to keep her face impassive. “This exchange thing is coming up and I’ve spent a lot of time being mad when I should’ve been organising.” 

“Right.” Peter dropped off the ceiling. “Sorry.”

“I’m sorry too,” Twilight said quietly. 

Outside the sounds of the city kept on going. It was too gorgeous a day for this. They should’ve been walking along one of Ponyville’s winding roads, talking about nothing. He loved her and now he had absolutely no idea what to say to her. 

“I, ah,” Twilight began, then cleared her throat. “I just came by to say you don’t have to take Spike next  week.”

“Oh.” 

That had been his clumsy way of trying to open a dialogue. At the very least assess how this was coming off to the dragon, if not the rest back in Ponyville. The most he had right now was dirty looks from Rarity and Rainbow Dash punching the pad of her hoof meaningfully back during that Sombra thing. Fluttershy had dragged him to safety last night, but simply bitten her lip whenever he’d looked at her.

“Thank you, though,” Twilight said. 

“Sure!” He took a breath. “Uh, listen…about last night, the Poison thing--”

“You don’t have to apologise for a maniac, Peter.” Same careful tone. Like she was trying not to give anything way because she might…explode or something.

“No, right, just…he was just swinging by, like he said. Wouldn’t have even been there if not for me.”

“You thought he was going after Merry Jane again, I completely understand.”

“I’m just trying to apologise.”

“We both know that’s not what you’re apologising for.” Twilight’s wings twitched slightly. “And that it’s not going to be enough.” 

“Do you…know what would be?” He was trying really hard not to sound pleading. 

A long beat. 

Twilight let out an exhausted sigh. 

“I wish I had an answer. I…think the big thing is that this isn’t a friendship problem. And we’re all feeling that stuff out as we go, and I can’t…shouldn’t put it on the others to deal with our problems. Poor Pinkie Pie’s thrown me at least five random surprise parties, trying to figure out how to cheer me up! I feel terrible doing that to her.” 

“I hear that,” Peter sighed. 

“It’s not entirely your fault.”

“You don’t have to take blame off me like that.”

“Trust me, I’m keenly aware of what to blame you for.” Twilight shut her eyes. “That sounded horrible didn’t it? I’m sorry, I don’t know where that came from.”

Yes she did, part of Peter whispered. “You don’t have to beat yourself up. I’ve been…jumpy.”

Twilight squinted. “You’ve been questioning my every move. Look, I do that enough as it is, I don’t need a backseat inferiority complex!” 

“And that’s not what I’m trying to do!” 

“Then what is this, Peter?” She stepped towards him, eyes imploring. “Talk to me. We worked so well together, before we made this official! You used to come to me for magic cases all the time, but now you’re not just questioning my methods, you’re actually throwing them off! It feels like you don’t trust me anymore!” 

“I do!”

“Well I don’t feel it!” 

Twilight pressed a hoof to her chest for emphasis. She sniffed, fortifying it. “I don’t.” 

“I swear I didn’t mean for this to…” Peter trailed off. The look on her face. He’d done that and he hated himself for it. “It’s the business, y’know?”

“Clearly I don’t.” 

“It’s hard to find the words, okay?!” He placed his hooves on her shoulders, stammering his way towards something, anything. “It’s…it’s like, you’re here, and we’re…y’know. And then I find out that…that it’s like you’ve always been in the business too, and I…I’ve been at this so long…”

Twilight squinted again. “So, what, we’re too similar now?” 

“Of course not! I mean, not like…not like in the field, Sombra proved that--”

“I’m tired of justifying that, just so you know.”

“No, I get it, but…” 

He looked into her eyes. She let him stroke her check, that was something, but she was still looking at him with that careful, probing look. Like he was something under a microscope that’d started spelling out rude words at her. 

“Putting yourself in danger like that, it was a shock.”

“When? And may I point out you’ve been at this a lot longer than we have?”

“That’s what I mean! I’m lucky I didn’t get myself killed! Repeatedly!”

“Well I wasn’t exactly safe when you were leaping in front of every wraith on Monday! Do you know how many spells I had to stifle so I didn’t shoot you?”

“It just never hit me until then, okay?”

“What never hit you?”

“That…how close your side of the business, how close you come to…if you hadn’t pulled that off all of Equestria might’ve--”

“I know!” Twilight reached up and squeezed his hooves. “I think about that almost every day. About the girls, Spike. How they’re in this with me. Their destinies wouldn’t even be tied to the Elements if I hadn’t made a split-second decision in the face of eternal night! But I’ve put that aside when it counted, when we had to risk everything. You have too!”

“But that’s my responsibility!” 

“Well this is mine!”  

The sudden rumble of a truck slightly mounting the curb and rattling whatever it was carrying, complete with colourful pedestrian commentary, made them freeze up. When they remembered to breathe again it was slightly ragged. 

“We’re not gonna solve this today, are we,” Peter said despondently. It wasn't a question.

“I’m afraid not.” Twilight gently released his hooves and stepped back. “Look, I really do need to pack. Spike’s staying with Rarity for the week, so that’s fine.”

Peter just nodded numbly. 

“And…” Twilight screwed her eyes shut and inhaled through her nose. “And we will talk, I promise. But I seriously need to get ready for this Attilan trip.”

“Right.” 

“Promise me you won’t try to follow me.”

“…you think I would?”

“After this week? Can you blame me?” Twilight frowned. “You’re not wrong Peter, I do need some space right now. And all I’ve been doing back home is stewing. A change of scenery, it’ll do some good. And I need to do a project without anypony leaning over my shoulder.” 

Her eyes flicked to the floor. “Or anypony around that I’ll just vent to. It’ll let me cool off, come back to it when I can actually think.” 

She looked up at him now, pointedly. “And you need time to articulate…whatever this is for you.” 

“Are you going to come back?”

“The Unknowns have kept themselves secure for centuries before the Fantastic Family existed, Peter. I’ll be fine!”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Oh.” 

Another beat. They were just looking at each other now. 

Eventually, as the sun began to set, Twilight turned back to the centre of 616 Yancy Street’s living room, the curios and knickknacks and posters making it too facetious for one of the most important conversations of their lives, her horn glowing to open the ley line portal between their homes. 

“Well,” she mused, “there’s hope.”

Peter blinked. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. This still works.” 

She dipped a hoof into it and was gone.

Peter walked backwards to the couch and sat down like the collapse of empires. 

He should go after her, say…something! But what? The problem was he couldn’t tell her why he was so…so what, scared? For her? Of her? Of this stupid life they were tangled up in? Maybe he should just web himself to the roof for a few days and then try it again. Or follow Twilight’s lead, find a project to take his mind off things. 

Or! Maybe she’d be more forgiving if he brought her a project! But what? Uh, and she’d probably be a magic snob about it, and that’d just get them criticising each other again because this was all about everything now. But what if it was something really cool? Like what? Cold fusion, maybe? That’d get her attention. 

M.E.U.P. sirens howled from a few blocks away. Spider-Pony cursed as he launched himself out the window after them, still pulling on his boots. 


To be Continued 

> And Carry a Big Torch (7)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


24


“Well, here we are,” Fluttershy said as the lake came into view. 

“Figures he’d keep us watin’” Applejack muttered. 

The lake on the other side of White Tail Woods had been selected as the exchange’s meeting point/landing strip, far enough outside of town that the presence of their diplomatic partners’ means of transport, to say nothing of the partners themselves, wouldn’t cause comment and/or mass panic. 

“They do have a long way to come, dear,” Rarity soothed as they cleared the last of the trees. She was the only one not carrying a saddle bag, which rankled. She was throwing off the group’s aesthetic! She’d have conjured one of her purses, but she’d just have to lug it back to town. And what to put in it?! 

“I thought Dogzilla was pickin’ you up.” Dash smirked until the stretching beat and her subject’s distracted staring into the distance made it clear she’d wasted the line. “Yo, egghead!” 

“Mmm?” Twilight blinked and shook her head. “Sorry, was doing a quadruple check in my head, what’s up?” 

“Like we don’t all know.” 

Dash grunted in surprise as Applejack elbowed her right saddlebag hard enough to almost knock her out of the air. 

“Just seemed like you’d have the fastest trip is all, sugar cube.” 

“Oh, yeah, right.” Twilight nodded to herself. “Uh, Crystal sent a letter. Lockjaw’s…hibernating or something, I guess. The Unknowns have amazingly fast airships, so I’ll probably be there in a couple of hours.” 

“Really?” Pinkie cocked her head. “What’ll you do for in-flight entertainment? Wanna take one of my bags?” 

“It’ll be fine, thanks,” Twilight smiled. Then squinted. “…why?” 

“It can be used as a flotation device!” That indefatigable smile. 

“That’s alright,” Twilight said carefully, “you keep it.”

“Here’s hopin’ ya don’t need it,” Applejack smiled ruefully. She sat on her haunches as they came to the edge of the lake and adjusted her Stetson. 

“Oh that’s okay AJ, Mr. Mariner made it prrrrretty clear I’ll only be staying with him for a day.” Pinkie beamed as her eyes glinted. “So I’m just gonna have to pack every single possible party into a single day.” 

“Feel bad we’re gonna be all the way over in the Carrineighian now?” Dash smirked. 

“Point,” the farmgirl smirked back then glanced at the surface of the water. “Though if we gotta hang around here much longer I’m considerin’ signin’ up with one of those Hex teams so I can kick his can!” 

“Diplomacy suits you, darling.”  


***


The group wound away the next few minutes talking about their destinations, their hosts and what Applejack would do to Magnate if she could. All except Twilight, eyes on her book. Fluttershy wrestled with herself for a bit but knew she couldn’t just leave it at that. 

“Um.”

“Mmm?” Twilight looked up. “Everything okay Fluttershy?”

“Oh, I don’t mean to intrude, just wondering how you’re doing.” 

“…better for having something else to focus on,” Twilight admitted distantly. 

“It’s okay that you’re feeling however you feel, you know!”

“And, uh…” The book wobbled in Twilight’s field slightly. “What if I’m not sure how I’m feeling?”

“I think that’s okay too.”

They shared a smile as Twilight put her book back in her saddlebag. 

“I should really be asking how you’re feeling!”

“Um…” Fluttershy adjusted her saddlebags for something to do. 

“Excited, obviously!” Twilight beamed. “I mean, if the prince of one of the most powerful nations of a whole other continent invited me to experience it for a week, I’d sure be excited!”

“That would be the polite thing to be, wouldn’t it…” Fluttershy resisted the urge to chew on her hair. She wasn’t at band camp anymore, she was a big filly now…

“I almost wish I was going with you!”

“Maybe next time?” Fluttershy tried not to sound too hopeful, then thought about it. “Oh. I suppose that since this is the first time we’re doing something like this then there’ll be a next time, and a next.” 

“Of course! Prince T’Challa asked for you based on reputation, he’ll absolutely trust your judgement after at least a day or two.”

“W-well,” Fluttershy smiled, colouring, “I’m nopony special…”

“What’s up?” Rainbow Dash asked, flapping over. “Egghead teachin’ you the words to A Wizard’s Staff Has a Knob on the End?” 

“Please don’t tell the Genoshian government about that song,” Twilight muttered as Fluttershy put a shocked wing over her mouth. 

“Hey, if y’wanted confidentiality you shouldn’t have told me about it in confidence.” Dash scanned the hills. “Man, why do we have to wait around? I could be halfway up the continent by now and you could just ‘port everypony else!” 

“It’s kind of nice we all get to spend a little more time together though, isn’t it?” Fluttershy asked. “You know, before we go a week without each other.”

“…I guess,” Dash admitted, nonchalantly not making eye contact because she only had cool feelings like being awesome and not homesick.

“Are you sure you and AJ need to go?” Twilight frowned. “You know he’ll be just as much of a snob about you attending as declining. He needs Equestria to be lesser either way.”

“Pretty good reason to go, then! Anyway, it’s not like you’ve got it so rough. You and whatshername are practically married, and it’s only been five minutes.”

“Crystal. And she had a lot to say!”

“Whatever,” Dash said too limply to be a comeback. 

Twilight and Fluttershy exchanged glances. 

“How do you feel about her?” Fluttershy mumbled, then went cross eyed trying to ask herself why she’d just done that.  

Nose and wing flare but no eruption. “Whatever.” 

“It’s…okay that you feel however you feel you know,” Twilight tried, and almost elevated into a cloudbank behind them as the Wonderbolt cadet rounded on her. 

“What, I need your permission all of a sudden?” Dash huffed, eyes narrowing. 

“What?!” Twilight boggled. “I…no? Just…I get it! Kinda!” 

“What do you get?” Dash snapped. “Oh wow, a stallion who’s too into your life! That must be sooooo hard!”

“Now that you mention it,” Twilight icily shot back. “Thanks for being on my side, by the way.”

“Man, if you were anypony else right now--”

“You’d what?”

“Girls, please!” Fluttershy’s ears folded. Twilight vs Rainbow was pretty rare as these things went but then again so was spontaneous combustion and they both went off twice as fast. “It’d be awful if this was the last thing we remember about each other before we have to leave!” 

“Everythin’ okay over there?” Applejack called. 

“…yeah,” Dash called back but without much enthusiasm. Twilight looked equally deflated. 

“I mean it, though,” the mage said quietly after the obligatory awkward beat. 

“You haven’t been there,” Dash replied limply but too quickly. 

Twilight squinted. “Huh?”

“You and the web-head. It’s not the same.” 

“…is this about—?”

“Don’t, okay?” 

Dash sighed, eyes squeezing shut. Fluttershy took an uncertain step towards her, which did somehow make her feel a little better. “Just…it’s not the same. For starters? You guys could maybe actually fix things.” 

“Any idea how?” Twilight sighed. It would almost have been better if she’d been sarcastic. 

They were interrupted by Rarity’s startled yelp as a platoon of armoured blue merponies burst from the lake, towing a clear crystal bubble with golden filigree. They could see a spongey throne-like thing within, connected to a bubble helmet on it’s seat by a hose. 

“Ms. Pinkamina Diane Pie?” gurgled the leader, resplendent in his fin-eared dolphin helmet. His muzzle was covered by some sort of see through membrane, bubbles rising every time his lips moved. It ruined his professional tone a little. 

“Yeparoonie!” Pinkie smiled, bouncing up and holding out a hoof. The other’s exchanged glances as the merpony shook it with a flipper almost the size of her head and covered by armour plating. “I like your gills. Very streamlined.”

“Thank you! This way please, ma’am.” He gestured, indicating the bubble as two hulking dragoons, their fish tails covered in grass blades from the shore, slid it open. “We hope you like the oxygen, his majesty had it shipped from the top of Mount Everhoof itself.”

“Wow, fancy! And here I was ready to make do with the backup supply in my mane.” Pinkie spun for a group hug. “See ya soon, everypony!” 

“Always remember to wash your hooves, darling!” Rarity called, waving a handkerchief as the Aqualusians sealed the bubble. 

The leader bowed to Twilight and the creatures under his command began the awkward process of shuffling back to the water, rolling the bubble in after them. Pinkie was somehow now dressed in a smoking jacket, wearing the helmet with the contemplative face of a connoisseur.


***


“Well there she goes,” Twilight mused. 

“Too much to hope the rest of us get the luxury treatment,” Applejack muttered. “I’m half expectin’ bucket head to pick us up in a tin can.” 

“No way I’m carrying you all the way if we have to go it alone,” Dash clarified with a raised wingtip. “Just sayin’.” 

“Oh please, he’ll want to rub it in,” Rarity beamed, “so you two should turn the tables on him and enjoy it!”

“Or maybe that’s what he wants us to do,” Applejack huffed. 

“Um.” Fluttershy’s eyes were fixed on the sky. “I think this is me…?”

Two glints on the horizon became two aircraft, both with a strange feline quality. The effect increased as they drifted almost silently to the ground, wings and turbines folding away to become almost cat leg like struts. Their front sections opened and readjusted, now looking even more like roaring panther heads. 

“What up,” Shuri smiled at the Elements, casually trotting down the lower jaw of her ride, followed by a griffon Dora Malajie that looked more cheetah-like than usual, though no less muscular. 

“Princess,” she said sternly, talons gripping her spear a little harder. 

“What?” Shrui pouted. “They're cool! Fine, fine. Ahem. Hello, noble ponies! Wonderful to see you all again, this is General Okoye.” 

“Greetings,” Okoye said. She crossed the leg across her chest as well as both her wings with a nod at the group. 

“Don’t worry, she won’t be staying,” Shrui smirked with an eye roll. 

“Nice wings,” Dash said to Okoye, nodding at them, “what kinda mileage ya get?”

“Rainbow!” Twilight and Applejack grumbled with Okoyeian sharpness. 

“Enough to add momentum to my spear throws,” the general smiled, making the Pegasus blink because it wasn’t a brag. “Wakanda once again thanks you for accepting our princess and our invitation. Ms. Fluttershy, if you would like to follow me?” 

“Oh, of course,” Fluttershy said as Okoye stepped off the rim of the airship and began to walk towards the other. “Um, goodbye everypony! I’ll write!”

“’Scuse me,” Applejack cut in, addressing the griffon and indicating the two craft, “but, uh, ya seem to be leavin’ one o’ these beauties with us? Not that I mind, she’s a fine piece o’ work! But, ah, this a gift or somethin’? ‘Cause I can promise ya right now we don’t got anythin’ nearly as good to trade.”

“Oh, that’s for me!” Shuri said. “In case I need to jet back home in a hurry. O was only on board because royal bodyguard stuff, you know how it is.”

“You can tell Spike and I—” Rarity began. 

“Spike and me,” Twilight corrected automatically. Okoye gave an approving smile. 

“—all about it once you’ve settled in at the boutique,” Rarity beamed as if nothing had happened. Her smile became a little concerned as she (tastefully) indicated a saddlebag carelessly strung over Shuri’s vest. “Oh, is that all you need, darling?”

“Huh?” Shuri looked down at the strap. “Oh! Duh! Hold on.”

She casually spun one of the beads around her wrist. Fluttershy took a few steps behind Okoyo’s muscular frame as a line of futuristic suitcases wheeled themselves out of Shuri’s ship. One was flat and a feline Dora was riding it with a look of intense concentration. “Just the essentials!” Shuri beamed at the staring Elements. 

“Hold it.” Okoye held her spear in front of the last case, bumping it to a halt. With moves a little too casual to make the ponies feel comfortable she slipped its tip into the seam and twisted, letting the case fall open. 

“H-hey!” Shuri protested.

“Essentials, eh?” Okoye dipped her spear into the pile of—Twilight squinted, it looked like…pouches mostly, and hefted out a bulletproof vest and a pair of night vision goggles. Some throwing stars toppled out of the vest. 

“…adventuring essentials,” Shuri mumbled. 

“Friendship is the adventure your brother has chosen for you.”

“Oh yeah, great sales pitch.”

“Thank you for making this easier,” Okoye smiled, tapping the edge of the case. It snapped shut and began to whir to her side, making Fluttershy take even more steps back. 

“Ooooooooo!” Shuri whined. “At least leave me the grapple gun!”

“No,” Okoye said pleasantly, crossing both forelegs this time. “Wakanda forever. If you will please step this way, Ms. Fluttershy.” 

The Pegasus followed the griffon into the jaws of the other airship, nervously eyeing the case as it followed them. 

“Eh, no sweat kid,” Dash smirked as Fluttershy’s ride rose into the air with the purr of vibration harnessing turbines, “you can borrow mine.” 

“We can even make a little holster for it in your new dress if you’d like,” Rarity beamed. 

“…I’m gonna like it here, huh?” Shuri smiled. 

“We certainly hope so! There’s an entire binder to choose from if you don’t like how your room has been set up. Oh, and you simply must meet Sweetie Belle, we can swing by the school on the tour!” Rarity managed to keep up her enthusiasm even as she realised that one Dora Milaje was still perched on Shuri’s suitcase. “Oh, I, uh, can make up the, uh, sofa for your…?”

Shuri looked at the cat, who was looking straight ahead and through the Elements. Applejack put out a hoof to stop Rainbow experimentally waving hers in the Dora’s face. “Oh, no, it’s cool. She’ll watch me, stand guard outside then come back and swap with her partner. They can nap in the ship, those quarters are like really, really tiny hotels.”

“Less is more,” Rarity decided. “I suppose this is au revoir for now girls, make sure to bring back some juicy stories!”

“Make sure Shuri survives the Ponyville experience!” Dash smirked as they went in for the group hug. She winked at the zebra, who giggled. 

“We do hope you enjoy your stay,” Twilight smiled, “this town is one of the best things that ever happened to me. If you still want to understand the magic of what we do, well, you couldn’t ask for a better way to study!” 

“I’ll bare that in mind,” Shuri smiled back, trotting after Rarity, followed by her automated cases and the ever-silent Dora. “Say hi to Crystal for me!”

“Will do!” Twilight called as they all waved. 

“Cute kid,” Dash mused. “Rarity’s gonna eat her alive.”

“Rainbow!” 

“Can’t blame a filly for bein’ honest,” Applejack said simply. 

And then there were three. 


***


Minutes went by as they settled in to wait for whatever would happen next. Applejack watched as Dash began flying for something to do, other than share awkward silence with Twilight. The farm girl rested against a tree for a while before she looked Twilight up and down. “You okay, sugar cube?”

“I don’t feel like talking about Manehattan right now,” Twilight said, trying to keep her voice empty and her eyes fixed on the lake. 

“Oh, nah, nah, I just mean…” Applejack rubbed the back of her neck, abashed. “With all...that, ya only really had the weekend to get everythin’ ship shape. Normally you could have a bazillion years an’ still be worried ya didn’t make enough emergency checklists.”

“No such thing as a bazillion, AJ,” Twilight protested, because that was the only part she could protest. 

“I just mean this is a pretty big step for all of us, an’ you’re, I dunno. Dealin’.”

“Oh.” Twilight blinked. “Thank you?”

“Just sayin’!” Applejack smiled, putting a foreleg around her shoulders. “It’s nice when you’ve got as much confidence in ya as we do.”

“It’s Crystal, really,” Twilight smiled back, blushing a little. 

“Figured,” Applejack said. She glanced over at Rainbow Dash, who was making lazy circles around the lake. Still, for a filly who only listened out for her own name, or the words “chilli hay dogs” and “free”, the rookie Wonderbolt had almost as powerful a sense of timing. 

“She really wants to get to know the rest of you,” Twilight put in quickly, “and not to push it but, y’know, might not be a bad idea to talk about that night.”

AJ nodded. “We can’t keep ‘em apart forever. Besides, she didn’t take Dashie’s head off or nuthin’. I’m on my gal’s side but that whatever-it-was with Johnny was rougher than waxin’ your legs with sandpaper. Wouldn’t blame Crystal for havin’ a hurt feelin’ or two.”

“We’ll see how she is when I get to Attilan.” 

“Yeah. Lookin’ forward?”

“Honestly? Yeah! I wish you guys were coming with me, even with Johnnycake and Rainbow’s situation, but on the other hoof we’re all going to come back with a ton of stuff to talk about!”

“Oh, trust me,” Applejack smiled grimly, “the whole world’s gonna know what I think of that high ‘n’ mighty--”

Pink flash! 

“Whoa!” Rainbow Dash cried, almost missing her next wingbeat and plunging into the water. She zipped back to shore, landing behind whatever it was to make sure they were surrounding this…pony in a tour guide outfit?

“Hey!” she said, beaming. Her magenta mane tamped down her colour scheme a little too much for her to come off like Pinkie’s missing sister, but she had the right attitude. 

Her solid green eyes threw it off too, along with a strange diamond marking (growth?) in her forehead, and if nothing else her ears were elfishly slipped back. Then there was the suit she was wearing, a bit too retro air hostess for a filly so young and far too mint green to work with her coat colour. Her coat had a strange, overly glossy sheen that brazenly set it apart from the fabric. It wasn’t unpleasant but also a bit like someone had wrapped her in clingfilm. 

“Oh,” she said, mistaking the Elements’ stupefaction for her manners rather than her appearance. She put a hoof to her mouth and coughed, then saluted. “I mean, uh, hello! My name’s Blink, well it’s not my name name, but if you wanna make it big you’ve gotta have a Hex-name…not important. It is my pleasure to be your guide to the amazing world of Geno— Hang on, this is Ponyville, right?”

“That it is,” Applejack managed, tipping her Stetson back as a comfort thing. “Nice to meet ya, Blink.”

“Thanks, but I’m just your tour guide,” the filly smiled, though she clearly appreciated the courtesy. “And, uh, ride, kinda. If you’ll just take my hooves, I’ll have us on the cruise ship in, well, a bink of your eye!”

“Cruise, huh?” Applejack allowed herself an impressed whistle. “Old man didn’t mention that.”

“The Minister wants to show all our guest the best Genosha has to offer!” Blink grinned. 

“Show off, more like it,” Applejack muttered. Twilight flicked her with her tail as a crestfallen uncertainty spread across Blink’s face. “But on the other hoof our friend was just tellin’ us we should enjoy it, so hay, whaddaya say we get to showin’?”

“Cool!” Blink grinned. “I mean…that would be lovely Ms. Applejack. If you’ll both just take my hooves--”

“Wait, hold on!” Twilight backed away. “I’m not... Attilan? I’m waiting for the Unknowns’ delegation!”

“You are?” Blink looked mildly panicked, trying to dig a piece of paper out of the breast pocket of her uniform. Applejack wondered if it was just that she really needed the job, then swore she’d rip Magnate’s helmet off with his head inside if it was anything more than that. 

“B-but it says here, yeah, Applejack and Rainbow Dash?”

“Yeah,” Dash said sternly, her voice making the poor kid spin in her direction, “me and AJ. We’ve been waiting for ol’ bucket head’s ride for forever!”

“It hasn’t even been ten minutes,” Twilight insisted. 

“Oh, you’re…?” Blink looked over her shoulder at Twilight, her cheeks starting to glow magenta in a way that had nothing to do with mutant powers. “That makes sense, I was wondering why you weren’t rainbow coloured. And…an Alicorn. I’d, um, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention this to anyone back on the--”

Dash winked. “Mention what?”  

“I don’t do lies, but I don’t tattle neither,” AJ smiled and threw in her own wink, holding out a hoof.

“Have fun on your little cruise, guys,” Twilight smiled as Blink gripped the older mares’ forelegs a little too tightly. 

“We’ll bring ya back some plastic umbrellas,” Applejack chuckled. 

“Hey, listen,” Dash sighed, “about before, I shouldn’t have gone off like that.”

“It’s okay,” Twilight half lied as Blink’s face scrunched with concentration. 

“If you say so. What I’m really trying to say is, you and…” Dash caught herself, looking at Blink, who’s expression was going strangely blank. “Well, I meant it, you guys can fix this, so good lu--”

A pink flash and Twilight was alone, which figured. 


***


She went back to her book with a sigh, half keeping up with the chapter on telekinesis as a tool for weather manipulation, and half of herself in Manehattan to…what, not be her own person anymore? Was that it? Was that how it was going to be now? 

A party animal she was not, even in a post Pinkie Pie world, but she’d been a teenager once and duelling club could get intense. All that horn work, that overly articulate trash talk, and, when she’d hit 16, that one winter break where Mom and Dad had gone to see some friends in Las Pegasus, allowing her to stay at the school. 

It had honestly been so she could practice a few spells in a colder environment, up in the mountains without anypony listing lame reasons she couldn’t use the lab freezers to do it, but other students often took that option as well, if only for the lavish spread Princess Celestia provided. 

…which, now Twilight thought about it, might have to do with not just letting her mane down but also that her sister had been sealed in the moon longer than any of her students had been alive, and the most immediate descendants of her family by marriage included the Blueblood clan. Huh. 

Good thing so many of those memories were good, genuinely good, because the idea she may have ungratefully, obliviously spurned the princess (more) filled her with enough self-disgust to make her almost throw herself in the lake after she was done with this chapter. 

What had she been going on about? Oh! Right, yes…the point was, there'd been other ponies. Not like Peter, definitely not like Peter. 

But, look, she’d been 16, she’d had more downtime than she could fill with work, Spike was sneaking off to the kitchens all the time or napping in the boiler room after a snowball fight. She’d been responsible about it and that was all she’d ever say if the girl’s found out, which they wouldn’t if Twilight could help it. 

There’d even been some experimental thoughts, not that those had gone anywhere. Winter Mist had graduated next year anyway. 

And while she liked to think she hadn’t been an ice queen about it, none of those dorm room antics had been a relationship and both parties had known it. The R word just hadn’t figured into Canterlot Scholar and/or Probably- Going-Into-the-Steno-Pool-if-She-Doesn’t-Settle-on-Anything Twilight’s world. Celestia’s assistant, probably, not like that would really be much different from what she did now, even though they were kind of the same rank. 

Yeah. Right. 

But it would have been different, wouldn’t it? 

For starters, Celestia was surrounded by enough professionals. For whatever reason, she’d wanted her first student since Sunset Shimmer to have a life outside her magic…probably because of Sunset Shimmer. Twilight was really going to have finish that gateway sometime, it felt wrong to put off seeing the Canterlot High crowd just because the Empire was so far away. 

…Peter had offered to help by hitting up ponies in the business who had experience with wavelengths and materials. 

Would the Twilight who stumbled on the Nightmare legend really have been at all interested in anything more than resources? She was still in there somewhere, under all the parties and letters. Her life wouldn’t have been lesser without Peter, but to make a connection like that, even back when they were working cases together and pretending it wasn’t, y’know, like that, it had been…something she wasn’t sure she’d have done before Ponyville. 

And now, because she’d humble-bragged about that stupid thing with the Cauldron (yes, she’d been full of herself and an idiot and pretending not to be scared, and yes she and Shining would’ve probably wound up in the river if they hadn’t both been out there that night, shut up) it was the last thing she wanted to think about. And she didn’t want to stop thinking about it either! But she didn’t want to be defined by their relationship either! But a solution just wouldn’t come! 

She had liked having Peter Trotter in her world very much, even for all his stupid Everfree think nonsense, and it was eating her alive to even hypothesise a world without what they had. But she’d meant what she’d said. She did question herself too much, and he’d had a point, she did also get so into herself she didn’t have a plan for when things didn’t work, but that didn’t give him the right to…to…to shackle them to each other! To reach in and try to fix her! 

And she had to put aside what his calling meant, what those bruises he wouldn’t tell her about meant, how dare he suddenly just decide that he couldn’t with hers! How dare he care so much it turned itself into one of the worst things she’d ever felt, and it was just because he was scared too and aaaggGHHHHHHH—

Twilight telekinetically slammed her book shut. Accidentally coinciding with a thunderstorm happening right in front of her. 


***

She yelped in confusion, tripping over her saddlebags and dropping to the grass, shielding her boggling eyes as the light took shape. She couldn’t process what it was at first, some sort giant insect perhaps, but the turbines got her thinking enough to notice an increasingly familiar fork rune on the nosecone. 

“Uh…” 

She staggered to her hooves as the ship lowered towards her. “H-hello?”

Lightning bolt decorations on the belly peeled away from it like falling rose petals and extended glass slabs that formed a gangplank. Twilight gulped at the shadows coming towards her, and those were just the hooves. 

A lion-like chunk of Unknown muscle, almost an Earth Pony but for the satyr horns stabbing through his mane and, of course, his cloven, volcanic rock like mega-hooves that could clearly grind Big Macintosh to paste, towered over her. His eyes were as serpentine as they were bovine and feline, shrinking her through the slits of a domino mask he was wearing for some reason. Twilight couldn’t stop likening it to an executioner’s hood. The impression of a demon king, finally come to claim her for ignoring Celestia’s attempts to make her a worthwhile person, was aided by a crown like stretch of silver that separated his mask from his mane. 

“Do I have the honour of addressing Princess Twilight?” the apparition asked in a cultured baritone.

“bwugh?” Twilight managed. 

She could feel his voice in her legs but more like hearing a storm at night, in bed and knowing how far away it was and how safe you were. He sounded like some kind of wrestler version of her Canterlot lecturers and it had completely thrown her. 

“Well, obviously,” the mountain chuckled, his chest swelling so much Twilight could make out every detail of the almost chain link markings that ran down to his hind legs, “my cousin was very clear that I should be on the look out for a purple mare! A fine colour, I hope you don’t mind me saying so! Ah, and I must ask your forgiveness again for not introducing myself!”

He bowed, almost dragging Twilight down with his head’s gravitational pull. “Minister Gorgon of Attilan, cousin to King Black Bolt and to fair Crystal! A pleasure!”

“Oh!” Twilight’s legs stopped shaking, allowing her to return the gesture. “Yes, Crystal had so much to say about you!” 

Like how for-real-freaking-massive he was. 

“All good, I hope,” Gorgon chuckled again. A brown scarf around his neck shook from the motion. Twilight could be forgiven for not noticing it at first because Gorgon was a very brown, very big, big, brown, brown, big, brown, brown, big, big, big…Gorgon. It was the only word that could encompass all of him. 

“Yes, and I trust her judgement,” Twilight smiled. 

“Then you are an excellent judge of character! Unlike my cousin I fear, though I hate to disappoint her! Ah, but enough. I’m wasting your time! Would you please follow me?”

As if Twilight wouldn’t just be pulled up the ramp after him by the magnetism of his hooves. No, seriously, if she hadn’t had better manners she’d have asked what they were made out of. You’d think a cliff face at first, but there was a metallic sheen, but also too organic…

Then again, Twilight was now one of the world’s rarest breeds of pony, named after the substance of her horn. Who was she to judge? 

“This is amazing,” she breathed, looking all around the spacious cockpit. It was like a futuristic Cloudsdale waiting room, Dash and Fluttershy would’ve fit right in. “And the amount of power it must take to run all this and with barely a sound…”

“You are a princess of Equestria!” Gorgon rumbled. It was weird how charming he was, because Twilight could swear he sounded like the grumpy alien from Star Trot. “And we owe Princess Celestia herself much for respecting our secrets! How could we do any less? And for a champion of the world, to boot!” 

“Champ…?” Twilight blinked as he gestured to a sofa (with a harness, because still an aircraft) “Oh! N-no, I mean, thank you, but it was a group effort! I couldn’t have done anything without my friends.”

“Ah, and modest as well!” Gorgon said, stowing her saddlebags into a small alcove built into a column. “No wonder Crystal was so taken with you! My cousin Triton told me it had to be more than just Sousaphone Storm’s recommendation!” 

“Oh, you’ve met--” Twilight caught herself with an abashed chuckle as she strapped herself in. “Of course you have, I asked Dr. Rivers for information about you. Can I just say, your culture is fascinating? I mean, you have a city in the sky! A technological one! And even more all over the world! It’s astounding!”

“You flatter us!” 

Gorgon walked (the word was too tame) to his flight console and began to make adjustments. The major influence seemed to be sliders like on Vinyl Scratch’s turntables, seamlessly winding their way up and down lightning bolt shaped inclines. Gorgon had to do it by using the very tips of his hooves, perhaps because he’d crush the entire apparatus any other way. 

“You know the art of teleportation I trust?”

Twilight gripped her harness a little harder. “Yes?”

“Splendid, splendid! Then you’ll be familiar with the experience of travelling in an Unknown ship! However, it would be remiss of me not to inform you that the first jump can be slightly disorientating! Would you perhaps like to take a moment?”

“O-oh, sure, thank you.” Twilight squeezed her eyes shut on principle. “Okay?”

“Very well! Three, two…there we go.” 

Twilight blinked. She’d felt…a breeze, maybe.

She looked out the window, then through the glass of the cockpit as Gorgon contentedly adjusted his instruments. The sky outside was flickering, as if the passing clouds weren’t sure what their cue was and perpetually bumping into each other, passing through one another. Her ears hadn’t even popped and there was barely any sound, except for a low-key mechanical burbling like flowing water and Gorgon idly humming to himself. 

“Yes, that should do it,” he decided as miles of water shuttered into itself below them like a badly stung projection reel. 

He placed a hoof on a sundial like part of the console and the world slowed to something more like what Twilight saw from her balloon. “We should be arriving in a few minutes, Princess, though Crystal tells me you like to read so feel free to entertain yourself however you wish!”

“A few...?” Twilight blinked. “Are we in the Himaneighayas already?!”

“Goodness no!” chortled Gorgon, almost shaking the craft apart. “That would be a trip though! Ah, forgive me, you would have no reason to know. Fair Attilan has moved.”

An unreadable but definitely not happy expression fell across his face. 

“Moved?” Twilight squinted, curiosity overriding her uncertainties. “Well, I see, of course you could, but that region’s your ancestral home. Not that it’s any of my business Mister—agh, Minister Gorgon, but is there any reason to move?” 

“The threat of discovery by those less enlightened then yourself, Princess,” Gorgon smiled grimly. “Thankfully, that was not the case this time.”

“Huh. Guess that’s why Crystal didn’t keep in touch that much over the week…” Twilight mused to herself. 

“It can affect communications, yes, though we are always careful about signal traffic. It is one of the concerns of my post as a matter of fact!” 

“Oh? Then were you part of the decision to move the colony?” 

“No,” Gorgon said simply. “While we hope to create stronger ties with Equestria, I could not give any reason to bring Attilan as close to your coast as it currently is.”

“Huh. Then if you don’t mind me asking, why…?”

“Not at all,” Gorgon smiled, but it lacked any trademark joviality. “King Black Bolt shall do as he shall do.” 

Twilight sat there, in a semi extra-terrestrial airship, miles from her friends, her mentor, her home and her lover, who she was not sure how to feel about, and wondered what to do. Maybe it was harmony or maybe it was Princess Celestia. Maybe she could hope it was part of her all along, but it was the instinct. 

“Would you mind telling me more about your family?” she asked. “Crystal loves you all and she clearly wanted to tell me more than she could.”

Gorgon smiled, puffing out his chest. The rumbling commentary and Twilight’s laughter lasted the rest of the almost twenty minute flight to the hovering dais of spires and domes that was Attilan. 


***


Green eyes watched the craft approaching from the shadows inside one tower. Fangs gleamed in a sneer.


To be Continued 

> And Carry a Big Torch (8)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


25


“I’ve got work tomorrow,” Rocky Cake the Ice-Pony called over the sounds of Manehattan, weaving through traffic with the grace of an Equestria Games skater.

“And what did I say the last time you said that?” the Horseshoe Torch called back as they both swung the sharp angular corner of Federal Hall with effortless wine glass rim precision.

“You said 'that’s hilarious'. Classy, by the way.” 

Ice-Pony smiled despite himself as they began to make their way down Broad Street as only super-ponies could. Some pedestrians boggled, while others hid their foals’ eyes. A Unicorn conjuring ice, yes, even wrapping himself in the stuff like the Torch, but…from his hooves, not his horn?! What else might he take it into his head to do?! Not the most well thought out reason to hate and fear him, but for that side of Equestria any excuse would do.  

“I absolutely am,” Johnny said, idly guiding his old pal into an alley so they could open up without having to account for the increasing traffic. He began to brake as a fence loomed into view. “Hold up--”

“Please.” Ice-Pony hunched like a waiting leopard, momentum barrelling him towards chain-links and garbage cans like a surrealist vaudeville bit waiting to happen. “Haven’t been out of the biz that long!”

Johnny folded his forelegs, waiting. It took an eyeblink. A flex of his shoulders and the asphalt under Rocky’s hooves burst into a starburst of ice, hurling him into a somersault clean over the fence and practically across the entire street, civilians stopping to stare at a glistening trail of snowflakes (deliberately) left in his wake.

He saluted a gobsmacked Pegasus mare, frozen mid-flight as he sailed past her, casually twisting to thrust his hind legs into a flagpole and ricochet himself towards the gap between two water towers. A swish of his hoof and the moisture in the air was tripping over itself to become a bridge of ice, front and back pulverising themselves as they instantly formed and collapsed to keep him moving in his favourite way to travel. 

“Coulda fooled me,” Johnny breezed, keeping his forelegs folded as he jetted alongside his surfing friend. 

Okay, so he had just been out-styled. For now. He could deal. It helped knowing that, if he really wanted to, he could blast ahead and leave Rocky eating his contrail. Going full burn he could reach near sonic speeds, and only a hoof-full could keep up. Rocky’s old pal the Archangel, Slepnir, the Vision, the original Torch and maybe the Falcon on a really good day. After that he was only overshadowed by the best of the best, mostly Wonderbolts, naturally. Good old Soarin’, Spitfire…

Rainbow Dash. 

“Oh look, the Ms. Equestria pageant.” 

“This early?!” Johnny’s head whipped left and right, trailing sparks. 

“Just making sure you were paying attention.” Ice-Pony smirked, vaulting off his current bridge and onto a brand new one. He seamlessly skidded around on his haunches so he could keep surfing but talk face to face. “Least you could do considering whatever it is you’re trying to rope me into.” 

“Haven’t even told you anything yet,” Johnny muttered, rolling glowing eyes. 

“Exactly.” 

“C’mon man, it’s Peter.”

“…fine.” Rocky closed his eyes with a sound like a hoof crunching snow. “What is it this time?”

“Give ya three guesses, and the first two don’t count.”

The Exquestrian squinted as he used flipping onto a new bridge to turn the right way around. “He’s been framed for murder again?”

“Wh—No! At least…” Johnny thought about it. “Nah, it’s only after lunch but--”

“But it’s Peter.” Rocky nodded. “So, what are we actually doing?” 

“Meeting him halfway.”

“Okay, first off? It’s Peter. Second, this is you, since when do you meet anypony halfway?” 

“Halfway to Destiny Island, snow cones for brains!”

“Uh, which of us is the accountant again?” 

“Congratulations, you have the baby version of my sister’s job.” Johnny snorted sparks from his nose because he totally didn’t feel strangely bitter about that. Anymore. “Just make sure we make it to at least Battery Park before he does.”

“Have you two ever thought that’d make so much more sense for a meet up place than the Statue of-for-real-Destiny?” 

“The business world has turned you into a real cold hearted—Stilt Mage…”

“Excuse you?” Ice-Pony turned to squint at the Torch, then followed his gaze. “Oh. Huh.” 

An armoured Unicorn who used their telekinesis to manipulate their suit’s hydraulic stilts. To rob banks. Only in Manehattan. 

He was galloping across roads and over buildings a few blocks away, four heavy-duty wall safes dangling in his telekinetic field like the world’s saddest birthday balloons, seemingly heading for the end of the island. Even though they could now hear M.E.U.P. sirens, Ice-Pony and the Torch probably wouldn’t have even noticed if the world’s biggest slinky didn’t keep bobbing up and down between the rooftops, his armour glinting in the sun. 

For a beat they just hung there in the sky, Johnny hovering and Rocky balanced on a quick column of ice he’d formed on a roof, watching as Stilt-Mage took a corner so fast he almost teetered over, one elongated leg wiggling for half a block before he swung back on course. 

Then they smirked at each other. 

“Race ya,” they said simultaneously. 


26


Okay, it’s been almost half an hour, you can stop hyperventilating over the fact you’re basically IN THE FUTURE! IN THE SKY! 

Twilight couldn’t keep the grin off her face. She was standing with Gorgon on a floating platform, effortlessly gliding across Attilan’s gigantic version of an airport, one of three according to the minister! 

Her enthusiasm made up for the delay of the security checks and the visual disorientation: Unknown architecture was still very futuristic Cloudsdale like, but actual buildings seemed to go in for scale and more elaborate patterns. Lightning bolts and interlocking diamonds curled around hundreds of miles of column and wall, ships and platforms slotting easily into and out of bays. And then there were the Unknowns themselves! 

Twilight tried to keep from staring, but the crowds below were mesmerising. Horns, scales, wings, tails, even the occasional flash of fire or electricity! Every creature in creation seemed to be crowded into at least one body in the crowds filling the terminals beneath her. 

Despite her fascination, Twilight felt a guilty unease. Even at a distance the clusters of Unknown citizenry were…a lot to take in. And some mutations, like Gorgon’s, were clearly defensive. 

Then there was Black Bolt, the voice of the Unknown nation, forever dependant on his council as interpreters because his voice alone was powerful enough to split atoms. 

Crystal had tried to be humble about it but there had been a glint of familial pride in her eyes when she told Twilight all about their first meeting with the Fantastic Family, where her brother-in-law had effortlessly downed the Thing, one of the strongest ponies in Equestria. And every single one of his subjects, from adolescence onward, could be as potentially powerful. 

Twilight watched an uninitiated Unknown filly snuggle against her metallic, gazelle-like older sister and felt guiltier for allowing even a flicker of the kind of paranoia that had driven these people into centuries of hiding. 

She frowned as she followed the line of fascinating creatures to its end. The floating walkway ended in a heavily armoured series of towers, pale blue-green energy forming thin walls between them. Some of the Unknowns at the front were clearly yelling at armoured figures holding up warning signs. Twilight looked around, now able to make out even more on just about every walkway and balcony. They looked like checkpoints. 

“Something troubling you, Princess?” Gorgon rumbled. He still sounded so polite, like he’d offer to stomp whatever it was to death for her. 

“Not really,” Twilight said, hurriedly trying to clear images of Trixie from her mind, just in case. “I, uh, maybe I should be the one asking you. There seems to be…um…”

“An increase in security, yes. Good eyes, your majesty! Colony protocol is to go into lockdown except for the most important of ventures during a relocation.”

“Right,” Twilight acknowledged, then blanched. “Oh! I hope this isn’t all because of me! I mean, my visit! I’d hate to think...”

“Rest assured, it is not,” Gorgon chuckled, the platform wobbling slightly. “And I would like to also assure you that this is not some authoritarian display! While the king’s decision must be obeyed, it is an unexpected one and the city has the absolute right to voice that displeasure!” 

Now he sounded like he was a few seconds away from jumping off the platform to join them, if not start the revolution himself. 

“At least you’re looking out for them,” Twilight smiled. “Like Princess Celestia would.”

“You flatter us!” Gorgon bowed. “Much of the central city is fully operational, so you and Crystal should be able to make the most of your visit! And speaking of…”

Twilight turned as the platform rounded a corner, her wings flaring in delighted surprise. 

While passing spaces were full of armoured Unknown guards, they were now approaching an ornate balcony. 
Twilight felt a rush of embarrassment as the columns and patterns around the balcony lit up in shades of purple, just for her, but it was easily smoothed over by who was waving at her from the small crowd. Crystal of course, and a few Unknowns, some of them clearly children, who were waving banners with the Equestrian flag. 

Twilight’s smile wavered slightly at the sight of the Unknown sitting on his haunches next to Crystal, forelegs folded. He was an aquatic stag-like figure, purple tubing twisting around his body to connect to some sort of backpack. An oxygen supply, Twilight figured. What was throwing her, besides the cold expression on the Unknown’s face, was his purple swimming trunks. Their function was as obvious as the backpack, but still…

“Hi!” Crystal exclaimed, galloping up to meet them. “She still in one piece, Gorgon? Princess Celestia’s going to be pretty annoyed with us if you’ve been overly friendly again.”

“Have a care, fair cousin!” the giant guffawed, wrapping one of his tree trunk legs around Crystal in an embrace. The princess tucked all her legs in so she was braced but nicely limp, less likely to be almost crushed by the affection. Twilight got the impression this came from long experience. 

“Are you an Avatar?!” one of the grinning kids asked excitedly. 

“Uh…not yet?” Twilight grinned sheepishly. She could’ve sworn the green guy’s lip was curling. 

“Yeah, sorry about this,” Crystal smiled as she made her way out of Gorgon’s grip. “Can’t tell your class all about the Element of Magic coming to town and not make a day of it.”

“Class?” Twilight blinked. “You didn’t tell me you were a teacher!” 

“Huh? Oh, no!” Crystal coloured slightly as Twilight began to accept some banners and pictures of herself and the other Elements. (This advanced semi-extra-terrestrial race had crayons, apparently!) “Nothing like that. Just some self sufficiency stuff.” 

“Still,” Twilight grinned, levitating the children’s gifts into a neat bundle for her saddlebags. “Thank you very much, every…one!” 

She was keenly aware of how obvious and hasty her uncertainty had been, but wasn’t sure that was why green-backpack-fish-trunks-person was, what, mad at her? She’d only been here about forty-something minutes! 

“Gorgon, if you wouldn’t mind?” Crystal indicated the class then followed Twilight’s gaze. “Oh, hey, this is Triton! I told you about Triton, right? Say hi, Triton.” 

“Welcome aboard,” Triton said with the sort of enthusiasm Spike had reserved for washing behind his fins when he was five years old. 

“Ah, ignore our minister for exploration!” Gorgon boomed, hefting three of Crystal’s students onto his back with one sweep. “Someknown is simply grumpy because their relocation duties include examining the colony’s pumping stations.” He leered, bearing tombstone teeth. “For starters.” 

Triton smirked. “Looking to trade places, cousin?” 

Gorgon laughed so heartily his shoulders almost shot the trio on his back into orbit. They loved it. 

“It’s, ah, very nice to meet you,” Twilight tried. 

“Hope we can chat soon,” Triton sneered, eyes drilling into hers, “when I’m not so busy.” 

“That’ll be a long time coming, Tri,” Crystal beamed, throwing a foreleg around the paralysed Twilight’s own. “Me and Twilight are just gonna hang out, y’know, do filly things.”

“We are?” Twilight asked, then winced at a sudden increase of pressure and what felt like a warning buzz of static. 

“Ah, our cue to leave,” Gorgon said, stomping around to take the head of the class. “Now who wants to do something far more interesting, such as listen to the time Minister Gorgon made a tent out of Wicked Wing the Notorious?!” 

“Me!” the entire class crowed. 

“Goooor!” Crystal called in a rising snarl through her smiling teeth. 

“I mean, took Lockjaw out for a nice, sensible walk…” Gorgon lead the class around a throng of armoured guards, then lowered his head to whisper, lungs still too big not to broadcast, bless him. “That accidentally wound up in the dread domain of Wicked Wing the Notorious!” 

Twilight smiled then flinched as Triton clapped his hooves. A few guards emerged from various checkpoints to loosely circle her and Crystal, who was still smiling. 

“Keep an eye on the princess,” Triton muttered, never taking his off Twilight. 

“Princess Twilight is a diplomat, Tri!” Crystal chuckled. 

“Actually--” Twilight began, because her mother had raised her right, then bit her lip at another burst of static. 

“I mean, what, she’s going to kidnap me in my own room? She’s gonna be waaaaay too fascinated by my geology collections and stand up math routine!” 

“You have a routine?!” Twilight grinned. Crystal gave her a ‘seriously?’ sort of expression that neither she or Triton really noticed. 

“Oh, it’s for her protection actually, cousin,” Triton smirked, “but you make a good point. I should watch out for you. Can’t be too careful during a lockdown.”

Twilight felt an odd sensation in her spine that almost felt like her own Spider-Sense as the Unknown’s eyes flashed…wait, had that actually been a flash…? 

“You know how important family is to us,” Triton said leadenly, and she knew he was talking directly to her. He turned in an imperious swish of fins and stalked off towards a nearby checkpoint. 


***


Twilight blinked at Crystal. “Did I…do anything?” 

“You came to have a totally laid back Attilanian experience!” Crystal beamed, spinning her around so hard she almost wrenched Twilight’s foreleg out of its socket. 

The guards followed them, keeping formation but giving Twilight the impression of being stalked by heavily armed jungle cats trying out a new hunting technique. 

“Just you, me and the cosy confines of my rooms!" Crystal continued, tone a bit too bright and breezy. “Hay, maybe we’ll get really crazy and do some equations! What do you say?”

“What kind of equations?” Twilight grinned. 

It dawned on her that Crystal’s smile was not that enthusiastic. She looked around, trying to look like she wasn’t trying to see past their escorts. She hadn’t been here long but even though they seemed to be bypassing most of the terminals security there was still a lot of it. 

Or more accurately a lot of things that weren’t for security purposes seemed to be shut down. The atmosphere, now she was feeling for it, felt like congestion in Canterlot, and that was just the Unknowns waiting to get past. Others were asking very vehement questions, even snapping into the guards’ faceless helmets. Attilan security went in for creepy visors made of one-way mirrors, making it easy to feel like you were arguing with nothing. 

And gently pulsing cables winding from their gauntlets up their legs suggested this was because the creatures behind those mirrors were content to let you rant until you gave them an excuse to use their…what? Whips? Tasers? 

“Oh, there’s just so much to show you!” Crystal trilled, and Twilight began to get a good idea why she was smiling and, well, trilling so much as the guards’ body language began to loosen up. Just a couple of silly little princesses doing silly princess things together. 

“I was hoping we could go over the itinerary together,” she said hurriedly. “In your room! All day! At length!” 

“…really?” Crystal squinted, then realised and joined in nodding a little too much. “Good, because that’s the plan! We know how to party in Attilan, let me tell ya!”

One of the guards snorted derisively under their visor. A colleague nudged them. 

“I, um, I’d like to discuss your architecture too!” Twilight glanced up as they finally cleared the terminal building. She looked around at the miles of blue-green force field shimmering from practically every street. “It’s very…architectural!” 

Crystal nodded, dragging her towards a street. The guards quickly veered back into position to keep them surrounded. “I’ll order some decaf milkshakes and we can go over some juicy omnibuses together!”

“None for me thanks, I’m driving!” Twilight shut her eyes in self-disbelief, but they weren’t being electro-flayed in the street, so. 

She glanced up at the holographic screens, which moving from building to building, with genuine interest. She couldn’t read the language the Unknowns used (yet, and it looked like they used more than one! Fascinating!) but given the number of times a lightning bolt insignia or a picture of Medusa and Black Bolt repeated she guessed relocation protocol included ‘Please be patient’ PSAs. 

“Ooh, know where you can get some really good milkshakes and an engrossing journey into the white-knuckle world of Atillanian architectonics?”

“We don’t have knu--”

“The Royal Xeriscape!” Crystal decreed with girlish glee, swinging their strange procession around a corner and away from another checkpoint. Twilight noticed a few Unknowns pretending not to look at them, but with an air of expectancy. One of the large domes that decorated the nearby rooftops was getting closer, pulsing with green light. 

“Oh hey, nice saddlebags, how attached are you?” 

Twilight blinked. “I, uh…” 

She watched a group of young Unknowns, some un-mutated, hiding behind a column as some guards marched a nervous looking butterfly-ram in the opposite direction and made up her mind, eyes narrowing. “I can always get more books.” 

“Cool,” Crystal said, eyes grim but smile a lot more genuine.

They passed between the twin waterfalls of the Xeriscape’s entrance and down a flower lined path away from the shuttered entrance. It got a lot more complicated after that.


27


“Alright, I’m here, I’m…” Spider-Pony swung the corner of a building, releasing his web-line to send himself slicing almost half a block and catching himself on a semaphore tower. He squinted his lenses. “…not sure what I’m looking at.”

“Get away from me!” the Stilt-Mage hollered, galloping in circles around an apartment building. 

A safe in his field shattered a chimney as he turned to find the Horseshoe Torch smirking at him, yelped, spun around, and almost collided with a surfing Ice-Pony. He yelped again, involuntarily retracing his hind leg stilts and performing the world’s tallest breakdance to send himself galloping down a free street...to come face to face with Spider-Pony. 

“Agh! Not another one!” Stilt-Mage surprised them by deliberately lower his stilts this time, passing under the web Spidey had spun between buildings. “Where’s Deerdevil?! He knows the rules! I’m a one super per case stallion!” 

“I feel very sorry for Deerdevil all of a sudden,” Ice-Pony murmured, watching pedestrians at a stop light look up as one of Stilt-Mage’s hydraulic hooves stamped into the space between two waiting cabs. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” the Torch smirked at Spidey. 

“C’mon, man.”

“What?! It’s just Stilt-Mage.”

“Exactly! It’s mean. Hey, Rocky.”

“Hey, Pete.” 

“Out of my way!” Stilt-Mage yelled, stomping down Beaver Street, scattering carts and civilians. “Just need to reach the water! Liberty! Solvency!” 

There was a jarring metallic sound as his left foreleg stilt crushed the roof of an armoured car, while his right hind leg tore through the awning of an off-duty hansom cab, inadvertently turning both into roller-skates. 

“Oh no! Oh no! Oh noooo…!”

Stilt-Mage had the presence of mind to retract his remaining stilts, drawing out the precarious window for keeping himself upright, but physics began to take over, pushing the vehicles in opposite directions. The cab’s driver struggled desperately with his reins, saved from being dragged to death by a thin beam of flame that severed them, allowing him to bolt for the relative safety of a nearby alleyway. 

“And you haven’t just melted him to the street because…?” Spidey asked as all three heroes dived towards the panicking crowds. 

“You were just complaining that we were being mean.”

“There were two of you and it’s the Stilt-Mage.”

“Also, y’know, just complaining.”

“Got a lot on my mind, okay?!” 

“Yeah, all the different ways to clutch your Afghan, which to stare at now, wall or ceiling, what you’re not gonna eat tonight, and the oh so many meanings of Coloratura lyrics…”

“There’s no Coloratura lyrics!” Spidey snapped, swinging a little filly out of harm’s way. He looked askance as they soared towards the safety of a park. “That’s phase three…”

“There’s phases now,” the Torch deadpanned, forelegs flamed off so he could ferry the filly’s parents after them. 

“It’s like there’s a part of her still in the apartment that way, y’know?” Spidey’s ears folded, staring forlornly into nothing and completely oblivious to the armoured car demolishing a fountain. 

“You see what I’m dealing with here?!” the Torch snapped to the air, gesturing at his drooping roommate. 

“You see what I’m dealing with here?!” Ice-Pony shot back, surfing a bridge between Stilt-Mage’s legs and trying to conjure ice walls, keeping the skates off the still too packed sidewalks. 

“Wait-wait-wait, think I got it, think I got it!” Stilt-Mage thrust his right foreleg stilt down, fracturing asphalt and launching a fire hydrant into a geyser, tipping himself precariously forward but hauling his right hind leg out of the cab. “Yes!” 

He rocked backwards, wrenching his left foreleg out of the armoured car, which now looked more like a used soda can rolling towards rubberneckers at a subway kiosk. The cab had followed the ascending stilt for a beat before slipping free, and tumbled to the street, shattering into a small tidal wave of wreckage. Creatures on the sidewalk ducked, then looked up to find their imminent demise suspended in a web-net. 

“Okay, this is getting dumb,” the Torch said, landing on the roof of the car, and cranking his temperature real high, real fast. Smoke and an acrid stench burst from the tires as they became a snail trail of goop, the momentum practically leaking out of the runaway van as it began to glue itself to the street. 

The Torch was tossed off as it lurched to a halt a reasonable few inch from the subway crowd, casually flipping himself right way ‘round and dusting himself off as he hovered in mid-air. “It’s the Stilt-Mage for star’s sake!” 

“That’s right!” the villain called over his shoulder as he stomped past an office block, waving a clenched hydraulic hoof. “Stilt-Mage! Hay yeah!”  

The safes in his field swung with him, shattering a window. “Hey!” protested a startled zebra, staring out of the new hole in her office. 

Stilt-Mage flinched, covering his mouth with his waving hoof. “Oh, I’m dreadfully sorry, ma’am!” 

Then he looked at the industrial strength safe. A deranged smile began to creep over his face. 

“Uh, guys?” Spidey said as he perched on a streetlight, joining Rocky and Johnny in surrounding their quarry. “Spider-Sense tingling.”

Ice-Pony squinted. “Wait, really?”

“I mean, we know you’re bush league, but it’s only--” 

The Torch never finished the backhanded compliment. He turned in time to see another of the safes barrelling towards him, and suddenly the world was dancing planets and tweety birds. He sprawled in the wreckage of a stall selling sunglasses, blinking as a pair slid over his eyes. 

Spidey was too stunned to react as fast as usual and wound up inadvertently jumping into the safe hurled at him, whirling away to crash-land in a bookshop’s outdoor display. Ice-Pony tried to swing his bridge out of the path of the remaining two, but they shattered it at both ends, tossing him face first into an ice cream cart. 

“STILT-MAGE!” the villain bellowed, rearing even higher as his weaponized bounty orbited his head. “HAY YEAH!” 


28


“Wait!” the last guard protested. “I’m on your side! Let’s--” 

“Let’s go,” Crystal snarled. Twilight’s amber froze him in the act of waving his hooves.

The Alicorn winced, looking around at the tableau of amber and ice encased guards. “Ooh, sorry, should we have left one to interrogate, or…?” 

“They can tell us everything at their trial,” Crystal said, checking the streets to make sure they hadn’t been spotted. She was giving off some very Dash and Rarity vibes right now and Twilight wasn’t sure how to process that.

Crystal blinked as Twilight teleported the frozen guards into the middle of the Xeriscape’s outdoor fountain. 

“It’s art?” The princess shrugged. “Noknown should notice them for a while, is the point! Crystal, what’s going on?”

“Short version? Pretty sure Attilan’s been invaded. C’mon!” 

Crystal took her shoulder, push-running them further into the maze of foliage. 

“So this lockdown...”

“Is to keep us locked up, yeah. Look, Black Bolt and Medusa take security way too seriously but this…it’s not…y’know?”

“No, but I trust you,” Twilight assured, breaking away so they could gallop alongside. 

Crystal blinked. “…really?” 

“Yeah!” 

Crystal smiled a little drunkenly as she led Twilight through some bushes. 

It was replaced by a scowl as they peered out at a blue-green glow further up the street. “Shock, they expanded! We’ll have to take the long way ‘round…” 

“The long way where?” Twilight whispered, holding out a hoof. “Exact coordinates if you can!”

“Don’t know the city that well,” Crystal muttered, eyeing her hoof uncertainly but still grasping it. She waved at a shark fin shaped building on the horizon. “That’s this district’s central bureaucracy. How close can you get us?”

“We’re about to find out.” 

Some passing guards looked over at what might have been a purple flash, but ignored it to focus on some quality loafing. 


***


Crystal and Twilight blinked back into existence on one of a nearby building’s balconies, then flickered into the shadow of a broadcasting tower, each jump bringing the shark fin closer. 

“Who is it?” Twilight whispered as they quickly ducked behind a roof exit to avoid a checkpoint erected on a bridge between two buildings. “Who’s invading you, I mean?”

“We’ll find out I guess.” Crystal beckoned and lead the pony to the edge of the roof and out of sight. “Do we have to be so high up?” 

“Figured it’d be the quickest way to get close without accidentally hitting a checkpoint, sorry,” Twilight winced. They ducked behind what looked like a futuristic conning tower to avoid a guard at an office building window, but a surreptitious peek confirmed he’d gone to sleep leaning against the wall to look tough. “I mean, I’m from Canterlot, I’m used to heights, but I swear this isn’t some hero thing.” 

“That’s weird, right?” Crystal asked, conjuring a cloud-bridge so they could quickly jog to the cover of a larger building. “How that keeps happening, with rooftops and stuff?”

“Right?!” Twilight giggled. “Hay, I have my own balloon and I don’t get the appeal.”

“And some of them are so into it, too! All that posing on gargoyles. I’ve been able to wind-ride since I was, like, eight and that just looks crazy to me. Dunno how all those parkour people do it! Don’t they run out of breath?”

“There’s actually some really fascinating breathing techniques flying athletes do to conserve oxygen--”

“Cool, but their plan is still, y’know, gravity vs a rope. Some of them don’t even have ropes!” 

“True, but maybe that’s what all the gargoyles are for? Catching their breath?”

“Huh, that makes sense, actually.”

They gripped hooves again, three more teleports leaving them with just a roof garden between them and the suddenly much more imposing façade of the central bureaucracy tower.  

“This, uh, might be where we have to get serious,” Crystal mumbled sheepishly, looking down past the ornate hedges (even Attilan’s shrubberies were kind of futuristic!) at an elaborate maze of checkpoints choking the streets. “If we can get inside, I mean.”

“When,” Twilight said, squeezing her hoof. 

“Right,” Crystal smiled. “Do you want to take your saddlebags off or something?”

“Uh…” Twilight flexed a wing, testing the straps. “Actually, could I leave them inside? When we get in. On someknown’s desk or something. Oooh, do they have a mail room? Maybe a lost and found box?” 

Crystal just looked at her. 

“It’s just…” Twilight shrugged haplessly. “I’ll know they’re somewhere safe, where people respect books. And I brought you some perfume!”

“Really?” Crystal blinked. “Aww, you didn’t have to!”

“Did worry custom’s might think it was a bio-weapon but, well, I was with your cousin, so…”

“Yeah, Gor’s a sweetheart like that. Can you get us inside that window?”

“Which one? Floor, I mean, there are…there are an awful lot…”

“See the silver strip? Second one, with the blue highlights? The blacked-out row, yeah!”

“Provided there isn’t a desk or load bearing beam in the way. Hold tight!” 


***

They both instinctively shut their eyes as energy gathered around Twilight’s horn, felt the rushing nothing and then the slap of physics returning. They hadn’t hit anything, but the surprise of reality and light change still sent them both sprawling. 

The two lay there for a few rapid heartbeats, frozen in childhood uncertainty. But nothing happened. 

“It’s the weekend,” Crystal whispered as they clambered to all fours. “And honestly, they seem to have left this building alone. Don’t think the fake guards can operate the cerebros!” 

“The what?” 

“The guards must be fake! I mean, it’s mostly a feeling but a lot of district guards come from there so we can make sure there’s a rapport, y’know? But the checkpoints are so…so cold, and--”

“No, sorry, I meant what is it they don’t know how to operate?” Twilight turned to follow Crystal’s pointing hoof and her eyes lit up at the sight of wall mounted glass cases of… “Thinking engines?! Is that what those are?! You guys have thinking engines?!” 

“Shhh!” Crystal hissed, one hoof to her lips as she trotted towards a desk. 

“Sorry!” Twilight looked all around, her vision becoming sharper from sheer enthusiasm as she realised what the strange lighting bolt themed turntable things with glasses panes at every desk must be for. “I just mean…you guys have thinking engines?!” 

“Uh, that’s what Reed calls them?” Crystal shrugged, sliding tabs out of the desk. “I dunno. We’ve had them for forever. I mostly watch movies on mine.” 

“You have your own thinking engine?!” Twilight clapped her hooves over her mouth, but a S.W.A.T. team wasn’t crashing through the windows so she kept her smile. “Sorry! But…wow!”

“Would you…like…one?”

“…not sure I’d know what to do with it,” Twilight admitted, ears folding. 

“You guys must’ve some magic thing though, right?” Despite her urgent furrowing Crystal clearly felt a little bad. “Reed’s lab is amazing! Didn’t the Iron Mage put something out? Johnny was complaining about how cool it was. You got one for Spike?”

“Oh, that.” Twilight waved a hoof absently, marvelling at the alien, streamlined—boxes? Statues? Towers?—behind the glass. “That’s just magi-tech. No offence to Dr. Rivers or Mr. Spark, but a lot of it’s just putting the right…spell into the right… Huh…”

She thought about it, specifically the mirror in the palace of the Crystal Empire and the half completed gateway blueprints in her basement. She’d even received some of the components a few weeks ago and was waiting on some crystals! But now that Crystal mentioned it, wasn’t that sort of the same thing? 

All that metal, silicates designed to ferry information in a specific way, like casting a spell. She’d been using geometry to estimate where exactly to stream her and Crystal’s…information as her teleporting reduced it to light. Wasn’t that just a more complex version of how Spark Inspirations had made a killing storing the information of dragon metal on Spike’s MAGiPod? 

“Anywhere I can dump my saddlebags?” Twilight asked, deciding she had bigger priorities than letting her brain melt from how small the world might really be. 

“Triton’s office is through there,” Crystal said, waving at an ornate doorway at the end of the room. 

“Will he mind? I don’t think he likes me…”

“I don’t think that was him.” Crystal was pulling tabs out without closing them now and finally slammed one shut, squeezing her eyes shut. “Shock!”

Twilight froze, then finished shrugging off her saddlebags, respectfully sliding them into a space between Triton’s thunderbolt themed controls and what seemed to be his in-tray. She trotted carefully up to Crystal, who was now leaning her forehead against the wall, and placed a hoof on the other princess’ shoulder. 

“Sorry,” the Unknown whispered. 

“Is that why you haven’t involved your family?” Twilight asked. “You think these invaders might have replaced them somehow?”

“Or brainwashed them, or possessed them, or maybe I woke up in the wrong reality this morning and now some evil anti-Crystal is running around…” 

Crystal breathed sharply, elemental energy dancing in her mane. Once she was under control she turned sorrowfully to Twilight. “I’m sorry. It’s, uh, it’s been a week.”

“I can relate,” Twilight smiled. 

“Yeah?”

“Not important!” Twilight shook her head hurriedly. “Well, I mean, not as important. What are you looking for? Maybe I can help.”

“Triton’s all access pass,” Crystal said, wiping her eyes before removing more tabs. Twilight watched, fascinated as the Unknown simply brushed a spot on the structure and the tabs slid out, each holding at least four rows of tiny black, blue, silver or amber…teeny fork…thingies. “It’s this purple and gold rune, looks sort of like someknown had a coughing fit while drawing the Boltagon family crest. I’ll need it to get to the Maze.”

“Your prison,” Twilight mused, remembering the description from a week ago.


*** 

The need for secrecy meant the Unknowns had to develop an extremely specific approach to a penal system. 

The absolute worst that could happen to an ordinary Unknown was doing something so selfish or irresponsible they were banished from their home colony to another, with the understanding that, should they commit another offence of that scale, they’d get one last colony before being banished to the nearest wasteland to fend for themselves. Three strikes, then you were literally out.

The most mundane offenders, Unknowns who’d had too much to drink during a holiday and the like, got thrown in a cell for a night and would have to, as Twilight understood it, live there until their community service had been served. 

This was the principle that governed the Mazes, the colonies elaborate prisons, effectively small cities within the floating cities. You were less likely to commit an affront against your neighbour’s property if you’d been separated from your own for even a day, so the cell that would be your world for the duration of your sentence would be spartan but comfortable. 

Space and sense of self were key to the Unknowns’ identity, understandable when you’ve been raised in a world you can walk to the edge of in a few hours. If your crime wasn’t serious enough to deserve the banishment system, you would still be separated from what was yours in the Maze. The winding, interconnecting (sometimes even moving) corridors would have rooms, libraries, even small gardens or swimming pools, but even with a few communal gathering places you wouldn’t be part of society. 

You definitely were not in some elaborate hotel. For starters it was your job to help the staff maintain those spaces, or you’d be stuck in your room for weeks. Only when your sentence had been shortened or served would a jailer come for you and hand you the rune that would guide you out and back to the real world. 

And for the worst, like Crystal’s deranged cousin, one of a few Unknowns too dangerous to be foisted on the undeserving world below, there were the science-cells. 

Twilight suppressed a shudder, because that sounded like it’d be the perfect trap for her. 

Even if you weren’t a genius the cells were constructed to randomly generate amazing puzzles, backed by hypnotic effects that meant you wouldn’t be able to tear yourself away. If you did solve a puzzle, which could take years, there’d be another waiting for you. That would be your life until nature took its course. This was the kindness Unknown justice would do you if you were too dangerous to live, but they felt too sorry for you to simply end you. 


***

“Okay!” Twilight tried to beam. “Why are we going to jail?”

“We’re not,” Crystal said. “I don’t have the right to drag you into this. I feel bad just using you to break in here. I’m not even sure it’s Gorgon who picked you up! Listen, when I let the prisoners out, I’m going to tell them to head to the shelters, I want you to--”

“Crystal!” Twilight snapped, grinning. “Come on.”

They smiled at each other. 

“You said that you don’t think that was your other cousin,” Twilight resumed as she began to scan the desk/cabinet thing with her magic, “and that the guards have to be fakes. What are we looking for there? And what’s in the Maze that can help?”

“Lockjaw,” Crystal sighed. 

Twilight blinked. “…your dog is in jail? You guys put pets in jail?!”

Crystal flinched defensively. “No! I mean, it’s sort of like a timeout…yeah, okay, sure, we put pets in jail. Sometimes!” 

“And this lockdown isn't like those times?” Twilight prompted. 

She flexed her field and the entire structure unleashed all it’s tabs at once. A purple and gold shape flickered for their attention at the foot of one strut. 

“So easy it’s the last place anyknown would think to look!” Crystal smirked with vicious triumph, snatching the pass in her mouth before slipping it into her collar. “That’s the Triton I known! Which was one of the major clues. The cerebros, the shelter doors, transit…we pick our guards from districts so everyknown knows each other and there’s less tensions in situations like this.”

“My brother would love that,” Twilight said admiringly. 

“Thanks! But okay, so maybe someknown skips the odd course and forgets how to start up a mag-tram. But closing whole streets because public transport isn’t moving? Only turning on the checkpoints? Ignoring the cerebros built into every desk? Hala in the heavens, the Quantum Sector’s still dark!”

“I get the picture,” Twilight said as they made their way down the deserted halls. “And then the guards start doing the strong and silent routine, even though they’re friends with everyknown?”

She tried to suppress a smile. She was getting the hang of the lingo!

“Exactly,” Crystal muttered, beckoning her around a corner, “the relocation came out of nowhere too.”

“Your cousin Gorgon said that on the way in, so he’s probably, uh, still him if that helps.”

“Little bit!” 

“So we’re really doing whatever this is without him?”

Crystal smirked wryly. “Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had save the entire colony single-hooved. What about your friends? I’m gonna try getting in touch with the Fantastic Family, but we could use any help we can get.”

“I was the last one to get picked up for the exchange,” Twilight said apologetically, “and Spike’s staying in Ponyville. If you could get me some paper I could enchant a note, but even if no one noticed an origami swan trailing sparkles—”

“Awww!” Crystal cooed. 

“—we’re so far off the coast of Equestria it’d probably run out of juice and drop into the ocean before it came anywhere near Canterlot. Our best bet is probably still the Fantastic Family, maybe the E.U.P. I know some codes.”

“Wait…” Crystal jogged to a halt in front of a doorway, pushing it open onto a dark room as she looked at Twilight. “The coast of Equestria?! We’re that far away?”

“King Black Bolt didn’t tell you?”

“Black Bolt’s sick.”

A beat. 

“As in he ate something that disagreed with him,” Twilight ventured uncertainly, “or is this an ideological disagreement…?”

“As in bedridden!” Crystal snorted, blowing her fringe up like a banner of indignation as they walked into some kind of maintenance space. Pipes and plating surrounded them in the shadows. “Allegedly.”

“You think the invaders might have…incapacitated him?” 

“Maybe. You’ve got to understand, Bolt isn’t invincible but--”

“But he’s a living energy capacitor,” Twilight said, nodding. “He’s the definition of resilient.”  

“Yeah. If they said he’d had to recharge after exerting himself I’d almost have bought it, but sick…and then he initiates a relocation? Sometimes research teams on the surface come too close, but this feels like someone trying to catch us off guard in the rush. And they told us we’d be in the middle of the Mediterranean, not close enough to Equestria to pick up a princess!”

“Who passed the order?” Twilight asked as Crystal began checking different plates. “Wait, are we going to have to climb down one of these?!”

“Secret passageway into the Maze.” The Unknown looked up at the Alicorn’s expression and her own went a little sheepish. “It’s perfectly clean!” 

“If you say so! But yeah, who gave the order? Maybe that’s where the invaders started. Replacing somep--whoops, someknown in your inner circle.”

There was a hiss as Crystal pulled up the right grate. Pipes began to rearrange themselves and the two of them turned to see the shadows of a doorway forming in the wall behind them. 

“Medusa gave the order,” Crystal said quietly as blue-green lamps began to bathe their faces in an unsettling glow.

Twilight was quiet. Something about this situation was beginning to feel familiar even though she couldn’t place it, and anyway, it was being washed away by a wave of concern for her friend and the implications for her sister. 

“Has she been out of character at all?” she asked eventually. “If someone’s trying to control her actions then maybe we could--”

“Like she’d listen to anyknown else,” Crystal scoffed. She turned to Twilight guilty. “I mean, she was distant after we got back from the summit but, well, I did, y’know, throw a snowball right in her face.” She winced. “In front of all our friends and colleagues and a lot of strangers.”

“Distant how?” Twilight’s brow furrowed. “Did she lock Lockjaw up as well?” 

“I only found out because Gorgon bought me the paperwork!” Crystal snarled, some static dancing briefly between her teeth. “Karnak told me he was going to explain why it was an overreaction!” 

“Did Lockjaw start acting oddly around Medusa?” Twilight pressed. 

“He’s always been overenthusiastic! We fight about it all the time, but she’s the queen, I get it! But…” Crystal frowned into the shadows. “Yeah, maybe… She’s been spending all this time with Black Bolt. I mean, naturally, but that’s when everyknown started avoiding each other. He barked at Triton a lot and Triton’s the chilliest Un you’ll ever meet, I promise! He kept trying to sniff Medusa during a public address and knocked her into a bush!” 

“So if the person looking after your king isn’t you sister…” Twilight prompted as the Unknown tried to get her snickering under control. 

“Yeah…” Crystal sighed. “My duties are pretty minor compared to everyknown else’s but the council keeps in contact at least once a day. Medusa’s been outside the palace maybe twice, Gorgon’s busy trying to keep the city from imploding, and ‘Triton’ keeps wandering off into the shadows. Karnak’s just…gone! He said he was taking a pilgrimage to consider Black Bolt’s problem but…but I found his knapsack in his quarters yesterday.” 

“We’ll look for him,” Twilight assured, “but could he have just left it behind?” 

“Karnak never forgets anything!” Crystal’s voice hitched and she sighed with a trembling smile, rubbing at her eyes. “It’s one of his best worst features.” 

Nothing but the sterile electrical hum of the passageway. Twilight put a hoof on Crystal’s shoulder. 

“Your family sounds pretty cool,” she said eventually. “I’d like to meet them when all this is over.”

“Thank you,” Crystal whispered.

“Alright!” Twilight tried popping her neck like Applejack would do and completely failed to produce a sound. “What do we do first, Princess Crystal?”

“Well Princess Twilight,” Crystal said grimly, clutching Triton’s all access pass like a weapon, “we’re making this up as we go but first, we’re going to sneak into the Maze. Then we’re going to get my shocking dog back.”


29


“Plan!” the Torch yelled, ducking another safe. “Plan now, please!” 

“Don’t talk to me!” Spider-Pony called back. “Yike!” 

The ledge he’d been perched on shattered with a cartoonishly metal sound. 

“Finally!” the Stilt-Mage yelled to the world. “I’m finally going to show you overrated busybodies why you shouldn’t underestimate me! Today, you losers, tomorrow, Deerdevil! Then the day after that, ALL OF EQUESTRIA!”

He began to cackle like a lunatic, the swinging safes’ flight paths becoming more erratic. 

“Whoa!” The Torch hugged a wall to let a safe narrowly whip past him, leaving a blackened outline. “Seriously, somepony do something!”

“How do you plan for Stilt-Mage being dangerous?!” Spidey snapped mid-somersault. 

“YOU DON’T!” the Z-lister snarled, hammering a bus stop just to prove he could. 

All it would take would be one good swing for one of the most notorious glass jaws in the business, but that asteroid field of wall safes, to say nothing of Stilt-Mage’s fraying sanity, was keeping the heroes too busy moving to even be held at bay.

“Throw a fireball or something,” Spidey called, jumping so the missile coming for him staved in a metal fence instead of his skull. “These things have gotta be insured!”

“I can’t,” Johnny snapped, narrowly twisting between two safes. 

“Why the hay not?!”

“Because of the oxygen tanks!”

“Wait, that’s what those are?” Spidey ducked behind an abandoned cab and squinted. At first he’d assumed it had just been some try-hard upgrade to the stilt-suit, a desperate attempt to make the costume look cool. But yeah, that looked like a diving rig. 

“Elegance in simplicity,” Stilt-Mage crowed, demolishing the cab and forcing the duo to retreat even further up the street. “My problem's always been getting away before you clowns show up. So I figured this time I’ll have the best exit strategy: go where you can’t follow!”

The Torch squinted. “Into the river…?” 

“Huh…” Spidey peered over his shoulder. A ferry terminal was already in view a few blocks up, the air starting to taste of salt. “That’s…actually not bad.” 

“FLATTERY WON’T SAVE YOU!” 

The heroes dived in opposite directions as two safes formed a hammer to shatter the asphalt, the other two chasing them. 

“You aaaaaaaall laughed at me!” Stilt-Mage grinned, bug eyed and practically drooling. “Well who’s the fool now?!”

“Says the monologuer,” came a cheerful voice. 

The Stilt-Mage’s suit made a hydraulic noise as he craned his neck to look down between his stilts. And at the Ice-Pony, smiling up at him from under him and leaning against his right foreleg. 

“No,” Stilt-Mage said in a very small, very distant voice. “No, please…”

“Boop,” Ice-Pony said cheerfully, tapping the stilt. Ice crackled all around it like a wrapping paper commercial. Rocky spun on one hind leg, hoof gunning the remaining stilts. “Boop, boop, boop!” 

“Please…”

“Boop,” Ice-Pony concluded, gently clapping his hooves. 

Each frozen stilt erupted, Stilt-Mage screaming in terror as he plunged for the hard, unforgiving…thick, soft snow that suddenly covered the hard, unforgiving asphalt. It grew an extra layer, wrapping around him like the segments of a snowpony as it gently pushed him upright. 

“And that is how--” The satisfied look vanished from Rocky’s ice coated face as he looked up and ducked. “YIPE!” 

One by one the four wall safes plummeted out of the air to slam into his snow, narrowly missing Ice-Pony and the petrified Stilt-Mage. 

“And just like that I’ve forgotten my line,” Rocky muttered, placing a hoof to his chest. His lips creaked a little as he smirked at his converging colleagues. “Buuuut I think we’ll all remember how I totally scooped you two.”

“Scooped,” the Horseshoe Torch tried to nonchalantly scoff, without sounding like he was having some sort of hipster coughing fit. “What’re you, working for the Daily Planet in 1942?”

“I’m an accountant,” the Ice-Pony said with the sort of reserved deadpan Attitudes like them recognised as a relished line drop.

“Don’t move, you filthy mutie!” 

The trio turned to see an M.E.U.P. detail approaching. A Unicorn sergeant at the front had his horn levelled at Rocky, fumbling to bring his crossbow up as two bull guards tried to manoeuvre a security wagon around the safe shaped new potholes littering the road. 

“Why did I ever think about retiring?” Ice-Pony smirked to himself, expertly rolling his crystalline covered blue eyes.

“That’s right, mouth off! Gimme an excuse to--”

“To tell on yourself?” Spider-Pony somersaulted over his friends, lenses narrowed as he landed between the two Unicorns. “He’s with me.”

“They’re with me,” the Torch said, floating up to both shield the two vigilantes, who didn’t have the right kind of Q rating to get away with doing the M.E.U.P.’s job for them, and make it clear he was talking to the descending Pegasus captain, not her jackass sergeant.

“Holster it, Riot Act,” she scowled. “And be in my office when we get back.”

“B-but Captain--”

“My office,” the Pegasus almost snarled, wings flaring without looking at him. She looked the three heroes over, then Stilt-Mage, who’s lip was almost more droopy than his ears. “Well, you left the evidence intact at least.”

“Yeah, can’t speak for my colleagues,” Johnny grinned a golden sheathed grin, hooves on his hips, “but I pride myself on being the spirit of ta--ACK!”

A web-line had struck him between the shoulder blades. 

“All part of the service,” Ice-Pony said as he saluted, another line wrapped around his tail to leave Spider-Pony standing between the two. “Nopony need suffer terrible come ons on our watch!”

“Then you can both bite m--” 

The line died in the Torch’s throat as Rocky smacked the asphalt, launching all three of them into the air with his own version of a thermal burst, trailing Spidey and Johnny as he formed a new ice-bridge, heading for the rooftops a few blocks away. 



***

“Not that it hasn’t been lovely catching up, guys,” Ice-Pony called to signal they were about to land, “but next time you need financial advice, just call.” 

“Hey, don’t pout at me,” Spidey muttered, flipping into a crouch on a HVAC unit, “this was Johnny’s idea.”

The Torch pantomimed a shocked hoof to the chest. “Moi?!” 

Spider-Pony and Ice-Pony looked dispassionately at each other, then at Johnny with the same big eye, tiny eye squint. He followed their gaze past him, into the air over his shoulder.





ꓷЯƎИ YƎH, the now fading words of fire in the sky read from this side, ꟼ.A.Ƨ.A ƎƆA⅃ꟼ ⅃AUƧU ƎHT

“Because I care!” Johnny said, pressing both hooves this time. 

“About?” Spidey deadpanned as Rocky snorted vapour from his nose.

“I’ll tell you when you’re older,” Johnny smarmed, admiring his blazing pony-pedi as a flaming hoof construct materialised over his roommate’s head to pantomime a condescending pat. “Now Rocky, don’t let him stay up too late while I’m in Attilan and never feed him after midnight.” 

“You’re pawning Rocky off on me?”

“He’s clearly pawning you off on me,” Ice-Pony muttered. His eyes narrowed. “Attilan? Oh sun and moon, this is about Crystal, isn’t it?”

“They’re talking!” Spidey cooed, clasping his hooves and fluttering his lenses. “Just not about boundaries!” 

“See, you’re assuming he listened.” 

“She invited me!” Johnny protested, flames glowing brighter and epidermis briefly darkening. 

“Hay of a lot more than you did for me!” Ice-Pony jabbed a severe hoof, Manehattan sunlight glinting off every facet. “What part of work tomorrow did you not get?” 

“It’s Saturday,” Spidey said. 

“Pete!” Rocky protested. 

“No, you were clearly trying to blow me off,” the Torch said casually, hovering higher for blast off, “and now my work is done!”

“What work?!” Ice-Pony snapped, gesturing at Spidey. “What am I even supposed to do?!”

“Listen to him cry about his princess while I go see mine?” Johnny put his hooves on his hips and raised a glowing eyebrow at the obtuseness. “Duh?” 

“So telling Sue you said that,” Spidey muttered. 

Johnny’s pose remained, but his face was blank and his flames curled at the tips, practically quivering. “…you wouldn’t.”

“Oh wow, you’re terrified, now I’m totally gonna!” 

“It’d be murder!”

“It’d be hilarious!” 

“Wait-wait-wait.” They looked over as Ice-Pony patiently waved his hooves, then turned to Spidey. “So you are dating nobility?”

“I’m seeing Twilight Sparkle,” Peter said. His ears drooped a little as he looked away, forelegs folded. “Kind of.”

Johnny gestured with blazing hooves. “See?!” 

“Aww man, I owe Timber twenty gems…” Ice-Pony whined. 

“Make sure you declare that,” Spidey huffed. 

“Wow, guy’s on a whole different coast and still owning you,” the Torch grinned, “I’m almost impressed.” He turned to Ice-Pony. “You guys’re on the west coast these days, right?”

“The Hex-Ponies are on the west coast,” Rocky said, casually but firmly. “Keep telling you: got a real job these days.”

“What, knowing me is work now?” Spidey muttered. 

“You have to ask?” Johnny formed a flaming pocket watch. “Oh my, lookit the time!” 

“You seriously think we’re gonna stand for this?” Spidey made one lens enlarge and the other shrink, cracking his hooves. Ice-Pony smirked, an ice mace forming on the end of his tail. 

“Aww c’mon fellas,” Johnny wheedled. “What about true love?!”

“What about it?” the other two said in sync. 

“Then what about the good ol’ days? All of us burnin’, chillin’ and thwippin’! The Three...Amigos!”

“You’re rigging it so there’s two of us,” Ice-Pony deadpanned. 

“And you were totally about to say ‘Stooges’,” Spidey agreed as they began to advance, “don’t lie, we both saw your eyes twitch.” 

“So no 'thanks for the memories' it is then,” the Torch sighed, “just gonna have to appeal to a different kind of nostalgia. Hey, remind me, what was that one move from that dweeby Neighponese show you both liked way too much? Oh yeah!” 

He swung both hooves up to eye level. “Solar Flare!” 

Spidey and Rocky ducked, eyes squeezed shut…for a flash that never came. They looked around in bewilderment as a cackling contrail of flame streaked between them. 

“Oh Great Pony in the Sky, you actually fell for it!” the Torch crowed, echoing for blocks. “Have fun, nerds! Love ya!” 

“Man,” Ice-Pony sighed, his own epidermis crackling away to revert to Rocky Cake, “maybe I have been out of the business too long.” 

“At least you’ve got an excuse,” Spider-Pony muttered, watching the winking comet racing towards Mason Avenue, “I live with the guy.”

“Why?” 

“Homemade Asgardian death mech demolished my apartment.”

Rock just nodded. 

“And then Johnny went and told me about this place on Yancy Street the Thing was trying to saddle him with,” Spidey sighed. 

“Yeah, that sounds like Johnny,” Rock smiled. 

“Don’t you hate that? That you can’t hate him?”

“It’s like an ulcer sometimes. So! You’re dating a princess!” 

“She wasn’t when we met, okay?!” 

“Okay!” Rocky held up placating hooves. “Oh, hey, are you at Damage Control now?”

“Yeah?” Spidey blinked. “How…?”

“Saw a Trotter on the payroll!” 

“…you’re crunching numbers for Damage Control?”

“My firm is. Just covered somepony’s shift.” Rocky shrugged, leaning against the ledge of the building like he had Casual Friday t-shirts for bones. All these years and he was still like that, a chilled-out beach bum, sandy colour scheme and sunny disposition perfectly contrasting with his powers. “Might get transferred there sometime though, it’s a good account.”

“That’d be cool! Small world, huh?”

“Right?”

“You don’t have to hang out with me just because Johnny bugged you into it.”

“It didn’t take much bugging,” Rocky assured, icing up. “And it’s still my day off. Plucky’s?” 

“Plucky’s,” Spidey decided, hopping onto the end of an ice-bridge. “Gyagh! Cold, cold, cold…”

“The Mutant Menace strikes again!” Ice-Pony smirked as they began to surf towards the upper east side. 


To be Continued 

> And Carry a Big Torch (9)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


29


Darkness. Pipes. More darkness. The sound of incredibly distant, incredibly large fans. More pipes. Strange lights. Grates. Stranger lights. Hello Darkness, my old friend… 

Did I ever take normal vacations? Twilight wondered.

An Unknown colony took a lot of work to maintain. For starters it was designed to house every single need its residents could possibly have, which was useful for Crystal and Twilight’s purposes. Despite odours, the best of which could be described as ‘stale’, the arteries of Attilan were clean apart from either dampness or dust. 

Twilight wasn’t sure what happened to the…speciality of some of the tunnels but, given the number of generators and the occasional miles of glowing strips Crystal cautioned her not to touch, she wouldn’t be surprised if energising featured somewhere. 

For all the long stretches of darkness, Attilan’s infrastructure did offer variety every now and again. The sections of sewers they couldn’t avoid passing through felt almost like futuristic cathedrals, with Twilight having to tell Crystal about how the porcelain idol imagery was making her snigger and cracking them both up, taking the edge off their mission. Crystal kept inadvertently fulfilling her duties as host by pointing out recycling plants and transit systems, if only to warn Twilight what not to touch. 

The underworld went by in a gradual montage of grates and air vents. If they hadn’t been trying to avoid what few guards were posted down here, Twilight would’ve felt like she was just in a more industrial version of Canterlot’s undercity. Or some strange futuristic music video version, given how advanced even the most mundane of Unknown ordinance was. 

They even came with elevators and floating platforms to ferry workers across the vast distances. A few swinging maces on chains with a catchy synthesiser track and it would have been something out of an arcade cabinet. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie would have loved it. 


***

“So, uh, come here often?” Twilight smiled lamely as the platform they were riding passed between two massive cables, light spiralling down each of them like metal waterfalls. 

“Would you believe this is not the first time I’ve had to sneak into jail?” Crystal smiled back. “Actually, wanna hear something depressing? Knowing my way around all this is part of my job.”

“Shut up, that’s awesome!” 

“Knowing how to break into jail through the sewers is awesome?”

“Yes!” 

“Do you do that kind of thing often?” Crystal smirked. 

“Harmony takes us some interesting places,” Twilight grinned. 

“Sounds it!” 

“Like this!”

“Eh, give it a few more minutes, you’ll be as sick of this tub as I am.” 

“You just guided me through a few hundred miles of funny smelling tubes to save this tub.” Twilight smirked and stuck her tongue out. 

“We Unknowns can be a fickle bunch,” Crystal chirruped with mock-primness and her nose in the air. 

“You and Ponykind have that in common,” Twilight chuckled. “You should hear about my week.”

“Yeah?”

“Later. Maybe. It’s personal.”

“Oh, I didn’t mean—!”

“Crystal, I followed you through…all that.” Twilight waved a hoof behind them to indicate the miles of pipes and circuits and shadows. “I think we can safely say we’re friends at this point.” 

“Yeah, well.” Crystal was smiling but her brow was furrowing as she looked ahead. “Help me save Attilan and maybe the whole Unknown nation and I’ll let you call me whatever you want.”

“Nearly there?” Twilight asked as a single walkway came into view. 

“Almost,” Crystal sighed. “We’re nearing one of the maintenance ports for the mobile sections of the Maze. If we time it right and hold on, we can hitch a ride. After that it’s up to the rune to get us to Lockjaw.”

“And then we save Attilan,” Twilight concluded, hoping this was a boost and a little unnecessary. 

Crystal leaned down to do something with the exposed section of circuitry she’d manipulated to get the platform drifting this far. Twilight suspected this wasn’t something you were supposed to do, and had been flying a little bit on the teacher’s pet thrill of rule breaking. Crystal slid some bits around and yanked a transparent tube up like her mother’s suitcase handle, sending the platform turning gently towards a walkway. 

Its railings seemed to be built out of the same patterns covering most of Attilan, but Twilight was oddly grateful to realise they were imposed on amazingly transparent sheet of glasslike material. The gaps between patterns were too small for them to fall through, but still…nothing beneath them but shadows and pipes, and you could feel which of those would run out first if you fell. 

The walkway consisted of three curving and interlocking fork like paths, octagonal landing pads jutting out in places that probably made sense to Unknowns. Futuristic pieces of equipment lay here and there, lightyears ahead of Equestria and incongruously, casually abandoned like garden furniture. Crystal paused on the fork prong between two of these. 

“Do we have to wait for, uh, for the Maze to…land…or…?” Twilight asked, haltingly. 

“We should be so lucky,” Crystal muttered, squinting into the darkness. “But we can both fly, so.” 

“Right.” 

Concrete, immeasurable, ocean bottom, underground silence. 

Crystal seemed to be trying to psych herself up and what, the weight of this entire situation wanted to know, was Twilight supposed to say to lighten the mood? That was the problem with these seat of the pants adventures, never anytime to put a proper checklist together so you had something to make small talk over! Ponies didn’t wear pants, why had she said that? What was this place doing to her brain?! 

“Uh…” Crystal was looking at her now, so she had to say something. “A-after this is over…”

“Yeah?”

“…uh…wanna just…hang out in Ponyville? Sometime?”

“Really?” Crystal’s eyes were flickering with emotion and thankfully not the contempt Twilight felt that deserved. “Would that be okay?! Everyknown, sorry, everypony seems so cool and I dunno, it feels like your rainbow one doesn’t like me?”

Twilight blinked. “Rainbow Dash?”  

“It’s just…” Crystal avoided eye contact and tried to stop scuffing the catwalk. “She yelled at Johnny.

“You’re not Johnny,” Twilight said before she could stop herself. 

The Unknown smirked, in a way that reminded her of Rainbow Dash. “Nice of you to notice.” 

“Well, I…do…researching…” Twilight tried, then cracked up. “Sorry, I’m not… You need a prepared statement I’m actually very good at them, I was on the debate team, well, that is, I went to meetings and joined in sometimes, but it wasn’t really to be part of something or anything like that, just did my turn on the rota, was the sole opposition once which is ridiculously sad now I say it out loud and I don’t know why I had to tell you that. I’m not good at banter or whatever, is the point.”

Not like Peter, she avoided saying. And wondered how she should feel that there’d been a slight delay before she’d thought of him. 

“And now you’re in government!” Crystal nudged her. “Funny how things work out, huh?”

“Not really!” Twilight flustered. “There’s some functions and a code of etiquette, but I don’t really have to…do anything! Too new, I suppose.”

“Wow.” Crystal blinked. “I’m actually a little jealous.” 

“Rainbow Dash doesn’t hate you!” Twilight blurted, trying to get back on track. “It’s just, she and Johnny have…” She tried to find the right words and sighed. “They have a history, which is pretty obvious given that night in the hall. She doesn’t like to talk about it. We all went out for drinks at Plucky’s once and she seemed okay around him. I don’t know, she and Quicksilver were gone for a long time and she won’t talk about it, maybe something happened.”

“Silver can be very…” Crystal hesitated as she also tried to articulate another person. It looked a bit like wincing. “She’s had a difficult life. Not making excuses for anything she did do, but she feels like her guard’s got to be up all the time, y’know?”

“I got that impression a little,” Twilight agreed. “Anyway, I promise whatever Dash is feeling it’s not aimed at you.”

“That’s a relief,” Crystal smiled. “Seriously, filly has some mouth on her. It was impossible to look away!”

“She’s like that,” Twilight chuckled. “So, uh, I have to ask, how do you feel about Dash?”

“Nervous? Maybe? Not sure.” 

“Why? I mean, okay, they could hear her in the Summer Isles, but it’s not like she was mad at you! Not specifically!”

“She and Johnny…they, ah, they had a thing, didn’t they?”

“Yeah,” Twilight persisted, “but that’s nothing to do with you.” 

Something about the way Crystal’s ear flicked gave her a lot of information she couldn’t quite translate. “What?”

“It’s just…” Crystal shut her eyes, trying to dredge something simple but immense. “I can be like him. Sometimes.”

Twilight blinked.  “You’re into race karts?” 

There was nothing but the yawning silence of the tunnel for a while and then they were both laughing, an odd drunken relief. 

“Okay, okay!” Twilight heaved, trying to get herself under control. “Okay, Crystal, listen!” 

“Y-yeah?” The Unknown had a hoof over her chest, but she couldn’t stop smiling. It would’ve cracked her face in half. 

“If that’s true then it means, hay, you’re also like Rainbow Dash sometimes.” 

“I’ll...take that as a compliment,” Crystal smiled. 

“You should!” Twilight peered left and right as if waiting for a flap of wings in the industrial darkness. “Just, ah, do me a favour and don’t tell her I made that comparison.”

“No promises.” 

“Wow, you are like Johnny.” 

“Shut up!” Crystal swatted at the laughing Alicorn, one swipe inadvertently overbalancing her. Twilight leaned forward to catch her as she tried to pull herself back and they slumped against the railings in a sniggering heap, supporting each other’s heads on their shoulders. 

“Hey,” Twilight managed as they finally began to wind down. 

“Yeah?” Crystal sighed. 

“Come to Ponyville.” 

“Sure.”

“Best thing that ever happened to me.”

“Okay.”

“Promise?”

“Twilight…”

“Oh gosh!” Twilight sat up excitedly. “I just realised. We can teach you how to Pinkie Promise!”

“Twil—Pinkie what? Never mind, come on!”

Twilight tried to look over her shoulder as Crystal seized her foreleg, realising she could hear something humming towards them, but was yanked down and behind a large filing cabinet like piece of equipment. 

Twilight shrank into the space beside Crystal as the forks of the walkway began to come alive, sections sliding out like the jibs of ships or more cabinets, some of them clearly cranes, unfolding out of the floor. The hum began to mix with a slight rumble and a wall of metal was passing over them. 

They were looking at the underside of a pentagonal ship. No, Twilight corrected herself, a building. And more were hum-rumbling out of the darkness. The Maze was arriving. 

With a hiss of hydraulics and the rumble of large, old machinery, the walkways began to receive different floating…what, corridors? Storerooms? Basements? Twilight was trying very hard not to think about cells. 

She couldn’t help admiring the mechanisms at work around her, which helped a little. Loud as it was, the process was fascinating, and all done without any magic! The platforms each sported a part of the Maze and gently swung them into range of a crane, lowering and rising to remove small hatches. Others ferried things from the cabinets into the now open spaces, which let out the odd burst of strangely coloured mist or sparks. 

"A patch up? Man, we're way too lucky!" Crystal gestured to the block on their left as some lightning bolts slid open, pouring light across the walkways. 

They crept forward as a reptilian Unknown in a blue-grey jumpsuit plodded despondently towards one of the cabinets. Crystal smoothed her mane down despite not needing to and coughed. It was lost over the sounds of maintenance. Other Unknowns further up the walkways didn’t notice, simply extracting tools and hoses from their own sections. 

“Excuse me?” Twilight tried. The reptile just kept sliding tabs out of the cabinet until they found the right one, then began to sift through the tools kept in there. Finally, Crystal just trotted up and tapped her on the shoulder. 

The Unknown squawked, large fins bursting out of her head and tail as she spun around. She boggled at Crystal then practically threw herself at her hooves. Crystal quickly grabbed her by the shoulders and Twilight scurried after them back through the doors. 

“Princess Crystal,” the Unknown was babbling, “you-you-you-you’re Princess Crystal! I swear, I was just thinking about sticking the hose up my supervisor’s--”

“Good to know,” Crystal cut in quickly, “but Princess Twilight Sparkle and I really just need to catch a lift into the Maze. Can I borrow your cuffs? Thanks.”

She took the Unknown’s trembling hoof and pressed the cuff around it to the rune sticking out of her collar. It lit up with gold and purple light, projecting arrow runes onto the floor. 

The prisoner blinked. “A pony? Here?”

“Hi?” Twilight waved awkwardly. 

“Wait…” The Unknown stared at her wrist, her fins unfurling slowly as realisation dawned. 

“Yeah, if you could spread that among all your cellmates that’d be great,” Crystal grinned. 

“B-but I’ve still got three weeks on my--”

“Not anymore you don’t! How long until we’re supposed to take off?”

“Uh, an-an hour and a half?” 

“Cool, so that’s at least one free prisoner to contaminate most of their block.” 

Crystal turned and began heading for the hatch. Twilight felt hesitant to follow, wondered why, then thought about the system she was getting an impromptu close up of. 

“Uh, excuse me,” she ventured, “but…Gosh, how to put this…how many of you are, uh, awaiting release?” 

“A couple.” the Unknown blinked some more as they watched Crystal tap the rune to a worker per platform. Some were noting and hesitantly trying to approach, prompting the princess to wave them over. “They say we’re relocating so there’s delays. One Known in my garden rota was supposed to be out by now, but, y’know. Lockdown.” 

“Right,” Twilight said with a slow nod. That couldn’t be the only example, and Attilan had apparently been hovering off the coast of Equestria for at least a week. She suddenly had a fair idea of how exactly Crystal was feeling. 


30


The doors to the silo hanging off the side of the Baxter Building began to slide open, then paused. Enough light had fallen over the various aviation miracles inside to tantalisingly play over the many fins and pipes. 

“Reed?” Johnnycake asked, poking his head into the gap, eyes flicking left and right. “Grim? Sue?” 

Nothing. 

“You guys here?” Johnny asked, even though he was pretty sure he’d timed this right. Armarilla had a gallery thing today, so that was his sister and the Thing taken care of. 

He placed a hoof against one of the doors, tapping his 4 logo to activate a security enchantment, travelling up his forelegs and allowing him to push it further open. Something cool, something cool…which was a problem because he didn’t wanna be ostentatious. 

“Just swingin’ by,” Johnny said casually but not too loudly to the hanger, trotting over to the main bay. Nah, no good. One of the combined Fantasti-Chariots was under construction. Two of the four backups were missing from their own bay, which at least confirmed most of the fam was on the other side of town. 

“Takin’ a lil’ jaunt,” he continued to tell Reed’s security systems as he trotted further into the racks. It was a loophole he’d come up with in college when he’d first been out of the Barn. Sue might be mad, but she couldn’t say he didn’t tell her anything! This tape would just be the superhero equivalents of a note on the fridge!  

No. No. Hmmm, maybe. He wouldn’t take anything experimental (not if he was trying to make an impression on Crystal anyway) because Reed and Grim needed to have those certified by the Crown. The problem with so many of these was that they were explorer class, designed for at least a four-pony crew. Johnny could totally fly one solo but it’d take hours to set up properly without help and be kinda like showing up to the grocery store in a bulk carrier.

He smiled affectionately at one of the Thing’s sky-cycles and took a turn around a shipping container. One of the skimmers maybe? They couldn’t be too mad if he bought it back in one piece. Would they have enough charge to reach Attilan though? The backup chariots definitely wouldn’t. 

“Should be back around sundown,” he called idly, retrieving his compact. It was an all-purpose choice. Romance for Crystal, a big honking visual clue for when he should return the ship and, best of all, vague. 

“Huh.” Johnny blinked. He’d been going through their inventory and glanced at the map. The rune for Attilan was flashing in the corner. It was transparent and uncoloured, so not a danger signal, just the spells Reed had been allowed to weave into the city’s signals going ‘hey, over here btw’. 

Johnny quickly clicked through maps until he got to the continent, then scrolled over to the exact location. The rim of the compact let out a pleasing whizzing noise as it spun, the numbers for longitude and latitude glowing into existence on it. 

“Thought I’d, uh, get a lil’ sun ‘n’ surf,” Johnny said for the security systems. That close by? He wasn’t complaining! Less far to go and he wouldn’t have to be gallant and try and guilt Sue out of punishing him by offering to cover the fuel cost. 

…well, it wouldn’t be that high, anyway. 

He looked around, grinning at the skimmers and cruisers. Crystal was somewhere over a sweet ocean view and even the oldest of these puppies could get him there and back again in no time. With her in the co-pilot’s chair for preference. 

Man, what had he first showed up in when Crystal talked the Unknowns into letting her spend some time in the outside world? Grim would probably have retired it way before now, shipping it off to Blue’s Birds or somepony as he and Reed churned out something to redefine the concept of an airship. 

She’d liked that flying kart he’d had, but it figured Spark would monopolise them then give the best ones to Shining for a wedding present. The private sector sure was oppressive when it wasn’t working exclusively for him. 

Karts…now there was an idea! He couldn’t get his hooves on one without a lot of legwork, but Crystal also liked…he doubled back and shone his collars flashlight spell over…yes! One of the skimmer-sleds! Compact as one of the chariots, sleek as one of the skimmers and best of all, big enough to hold the Thing, and so two normal sized ponies. 

“Okay, cool, love ya!” Johnny called cheerfully, activating the levitation runes inside the cockpit with his collar sigil. He cantered alongside the sled as it hovered into position on the runway strip, clambered in and began the start-up procedures. 

He hesitated before hitting the ignition, then fed Attilan’s new coordinates into the compass and activated the autopilot rune. It would mean a slower flight, but these sleds were designed for weaving between mountain ranges or switching to alt-terrain mode more than tearing it up. In fact, Johnny decided as he leaned back in the pilot’s seat and put his hooves up on the console, a longer flight meant longer to decided what exactly he’d say to Crystal. 

He was so preoccupied with this that he didn’t even let out an obligatory whoop as the sled cruised out of the silo, swung towards the horizon, and gunned its afterburner. 


31


Take care of him, Johnny had said.

Well okay, Rocky reflected, it was Johnny, so he hadn’t actually said that. And if he had Rocky wouldn’t have been too sure how. Plus? It was Peter. 

“I mean, you worked together before, right?” 

Spider-Pony let out a single loud slurp from the straw in his mouth, a hoof despondently cradling his half-unmasked chin. That meant yes, Rocky had translated. Two would presumably mean no. 

“That must’ve been cool!”

Srpp

“Lotta history!”

Srpp

“So maybe if you focus on the really good--”

SRPPSRPP

Rocky winced and looked in every direction. The waitresses pretend they hadn’t been looking and apparently none of the rest of the afternoon crowd cared, but still! 

The afternoon crowd. That was the problem. It had been a while since Rocky had hit up Plucky’s but this early in the day seemed to belong to what he’d guess were the detective side of the business and wandering martial artists. He and Spidey were the only two actual factual superheroes in the bar, and Peter being in full costume was drawing glances. Rocky felt guilty for not icing up in solidarity, but knew it would be even more awkward. If not for the rest of the bar, then him.  

“Okay…” He let out a contemplative stream of steamy winter breath. “You and that redhead still friendly?” 

Srpp

“Oh hey, she owns a bar too, doesn’t she!” 

Srpp srpp.

“But I got a flyer?” Rocky frowned. “Photo on the front. Looked like a club or--” 

Srpp

“Ah, okay.” Rocky looked over their drinks. Technically Pete’s and he had a feeling he was going to be the one to pay. Not that Pete would try to stick him with the bill, but even with a new job it probably wasn’t wise to expect Spider-Pony to have some swingin’ around scratch. 

The drinks were all magenta if not outright purple and he wasn’t sure Peter had noticed. 

He looked around some more. “…that a new foosball table?” 

Srpp

“You wanna—?”

Srppsrpp 

Rocky ran a hoof down his face then let it drop to his side. A pair of ice cubes crackled into existence in his pad and he began to work them like worry balls. “Alrighty. What do you wanna do?”

Peter took a long, rattling slurp of his straw. Rocky glared at the tankard he was using. How thick was the monstrosity in there that it was emptying with the speed of drying paint? 

He hadn’t had much face time with, ah what’d everypony call them, the Elements? Of Whatstheirface, but they’d been there to help during Jean’s…episode, and just because the crown had passed strict laws against building giant robots to hunt him and his down didn’t mean Exquestrians couldn’t use all the friends they could get. 

Also, sure, he could sit here in silence but somepony had put on the worst possible song for this situation on the juke box. 

“Spidey.” 

Silence. ♫Everypony have fun tonight!♫

“Spidey!” 

Silence. ♫A celebration so spread the word!♫

The hay with it, it was Plucky’s, nopony would say anything. “Peter!” 

“Mmm?” Peter kept glumly staring into nothing. The Street Fighters at the next table were wondering why he was looking over here. 

“Wow, no freak out?” Rocky squinted. “You are in deep.”

Sr—“Byagh!” Spidey flinched away from the straw, blinking as ice finished forming over his drink. For good measure, more poured out of the mouth of the straw to encase all of it. He glared at Rocky, who was leaning forward enough to place a hoof on the underside of the table where his drink would be. 

“Yeah, that was getting old, and I already avoided enough real conversation when I didn’t join in the move up to San Foalsisco.” 

“I don’t feel like talking much right now, okay?”

“And that’s not supposed to make me even more worried?” 

“You’re here because you’re worried, huh?” Peter pulled the mask over his muzzle, one lens squinting. “Because I seem to remember Johnny dumping me in your lap.”

“Yeah,” Rocky agreed, nodding and leaning back in his seat while crossing his hind legs on the table, “because Johnny’s job is visiting planets that have giant moustaches, so he expresses concern way differently than the average little pony. Remember when he got those personality test results, then wrote in demanding they change the entire system so he’d be his own category?”

“Those things always have a wide margin of error,” Spidey muttered, reaching for another drink. His hoof only touched a tankard shaped ice sculpture, one of several. He glared at Rocky, hind legs still on the table, who winked. “What, you’re tea teetotal now?”

“No, you are.” Rocky indicated the faint purple in the ice. “Am I supposed to believe the colour’s a coincidence?” 

“…it’s her favourite,” the Web-Slinger said softly, staring at the tabletop. 

“Her favourite drink or her favourite colour?” Rocky squinted, unsure if he was committing treason but too confused to care. “Her favourite drink is her favourite colour?”

“No, I asked them to add the colouring.” Peter shrugged. “Just letting you know what you’re in for if you really wanna talk about this.”

“Thanks,” Rocky said, meaning it. He sat up properly and drummed his hooves thoughtfully. “Talk to your aunt yet?”

“Sweet suns no!” Peter practically sprang to the rafters, perching on the back of his chair like a cat. His ears drooped. “Gem and MJ know and they’re on Twilight’s side, so if she does know then she probably will be too.”

“Give the lady some credit,” Rocky said, beckoning him back down. “Also both your exes hang out with your girlfriend? Uh,” he amended hastily as Spider-Pony’s head swung towards him like a faceless owl, “at least they all get along…?”

“Oh yeah, don’t they just,” Peter muttered. He reached out and made one of the iced over drinks spin. “And the best part? I can’t blame any of them.”

“Okay, that’s a start,” Rocky said carefully, “you blaming yourself too much. Something we can actually talk about.” 

“How much is just enough?” Peter almost snapped, intently watching the spinning ice. “Could somepony kindly give me a graph or something so I can know these things?”

“Ooh, thematic deflection!” Rocky rolled his eyes. “You could take my spot on the team.”

“Maybe I should move out west.” Spidey slumped, practically slamming his cheek down on the table and making Rocky ice up as he flinched. “Not like Twilight couldn’t use the space, and practically stalking her didn’t do any good so what’s even the point? One of her rouges came back a while ago while I was in meltdown mode and y’know what? I was worse than useless.” 

“Alright, spiralling, that’s motion so we’re counting this as progress.” Ice-Pony leaned out to get a waitress’ attention. “Hi, can we get some banana desserts if you’ve got any? Gonna be a long night.”

“It’s only past noon, sir…” 

“I know, that’s why I’m stocking up now.”


32


I’m leading a jailbreak, Twilight Sparkle thought. Well, I’m accessory to a jailbreak. Shining would be so disappointed in me. And Princess Celestia! Rainbow would probably be proud and I’m not sure which is worse. I’M ACCESSORY TO A JAILBREAK!

A fairly quiet jailbreak, though. And it was hard to feel too guilty given what she knew about these Unknowns’ situation. Or maybe this hectic, off the grid, renegade lifestyle had eroded all that famous Sparkle family moral fibre! What was she going to be like when she got back to Ponyville?! Tagging statues in the park? Skateboarding in the wrong lane? Ignoring late returns?! No, let’s not go insane, centre yourself, woman! 

“How you doing?” Crystal asked as she pulled the access rune from a wall port, clearing an entire floor of security. She quickly waved on a gaggle of Unknown prisoners, cautiously poking their heads out of their now open cells. 

“Jailbreak,” Twilight squeaked from her bench. 

There hadn’t been much for her to actually do so far. The rune passed on what Crystal referred to as a code, setting mini-Thinking Engines in the prisoners’ shackles to a release mode. Not only did it turn the shackles into projectors, purple and gold arrows blasting out to guide them through the thousands of variations of the Maze, Crystal had somehow activated an emergency release setting used in the event the Maze had to be evacuated, allowing the prisoners to spread it through contact. No magic or research required, leaving Twilight to shuffle after Crystal as she essentially dismantled her capital’s entire penal system. 

“I know, isn’t it cool?” Crystal grinned. “I mean, there could be music…”

“I shall sing songs of this day!” called a gleeful zebra-peacock Unknown as he galloped past. 

“Find Lockjaw yet?” Twilight asked as Crystal beckoned her around a cellblock corner and into what looked and smelled like an art room, trying not to trip on abandoned sketches. 

The Maze was like this, weird jigsaw segments that didn’t quite feel like they belonged next to each other. At one point their markers had led them through a tunnel that she’d have sworn was underwater and they’d emerged in a shower room. That was as much sense as this place could hope to make. 

“No, but I’m working on it,” Crystal said as they galloped down a staircase. “Our best bet’s probably the warden’s zone, then we can check the prisoner manifest. It keeps track of where everyknown is, even when the segments readjust.” 

“What about your people?” Twilight asked, leaning to the right to avoid some liberated prisoners jogging up on the other side. “There’s no alarms yet but what about when the guards notice?” 

“Once the cuffs deactivate, they all get their powers back.” Crystal smirked. But not for long. “And they’re supposed to be stationed at the surface exits, but I think it’s like the rest of the city. Anything that’s not a checkpoint is too complicated for them so they just leave it.”

Sparks danced briefly around her eyes. “The Maze is built to be self-sustaining but it still needs outside supplies! Seeds. Medicine. These faceless Noknows could’ve left my people to starve, Twilight.”

“At least they’re out now?” Twilight tried. She hopped into the air and started flapping her wings to keep up with Crystal. “Tell me about the warden. They must’ve noticed they weren’t getting supplies. And that all their prisoners are kind of, uh, well…leaving.” 

“As far as their systems are concerned Triton released them.” Crystal slid to a halt in front of a lightning bolt patterned tube. “Bingo! People still say that on the surface, right?”

“Pretty sure!” Twilight swooped in as Crystal tapped the rune against the doors. She was too nervous/energised to land, which was awkward since they had nothing to do until the elevator let them off. “Any idea who these invaders could be?” 

“Skrulls, maybe?” Crystal shrugged. “Their feud with the Kree extends to us depending on who’s Empress at the moment, but I dunno, they’d be familiar with our tech.”

“Maybe they’re local? I mean, there’re only about ten ponies I can think of off the top of my head who’d have any idea how to operate your stuff. This place makes Manehattan look positively rustic!” 

“Oh no!” Crystal spun to look at her. “Please don’t think like that! If the Kree hadn’t left behind a ton of stuff and we hadn’t had to go into hiding we’d probably be on you guys’ level! Ah shock, that sounded super condescending--”

“If you think knowing how to work Thinking Engines is condescending,” Twilight grinned. “If so then condescend away, baby! You think those things are cool now, I guarantee you magic can make them cooler. We can talk about how once things settle down.” 

She looked up as pair of lightning bolt emblazoned doors came into view. “Which should hopefully be any second now…”

“Tail tips crossed,” Crystal said, tying her hair into a ponytail with static cling. 


***

Twilight had been preparing for just about every cliché she could imagine. Lasers, buzz saws, that kind of thing. 

She hadn’t expected opera music and a nice lobby. It was like they’d picked a fight with the Grand Galloping Gala. 

She flapped out after Crystal, looking around. Beyond the lobby was a lot of technological stuff she wasn’t sure about but was probably important. The branching hallways around them still looked more like a futuristic museum than the dungeon she’d been thinking of. 

“This is…nice?” she ventured as they passed into a garden area. It was segmented in glass covered rooms and none of it matched, but it was still disconcertingly pleasant. 

“Yeah,“ Crystal explained, “whoever gets elected warden has to spend a whole year in here, so we try and make it…Medusa keeps using the word amenable. They can even host long term prisoners for good behaviour. Keeps everyknown from getting too lonely, y’know?”

“Wow. You guys are advanced.”

“Aww, stop!” Crystal giggled, scanning the walls. “They can move everything in their zone around like a mini-Maze. Guess this year’s occupant is big on those garden parties.” 

“Can we talk to them about this?” Twilight asked, landing to admire a futuristic chandelier. “You mentioned they’re usually the understanding sort and, I mean, they must’ve been told you were all moving suddenly.” 

“Yeah, I was hoping to ask them before touching their stuff. Right now I’m just looking for a terminal so I can find--”

A spine curdling bark! Twilight squawked with terror as something large slapped against the glass in front of her, staring at a lolling tongue almost the length of her whole torso. 

“Lockjaw?!” the two princesses chorused. The dog scratched at the glass and whined. 

“The warden must’ve taken him in!” Crystal grinned, galloping up to press a hoof to the glass. “Aww hang on buddy, I’ll make sure they let you out soon!” 

“Well,” chuckled an oily, almost musical voice behind them, “we do tend to elect the generous sort, don’t we?”

Crystal spun, hunching almost as low as Lockjaw as the beast snarled. Twilight turned slowly towards a snipping sound. 

An Unknown was standing in the garden across from Lockjaw’s…Twilight realised it must be a cell, or at least being used as one. And she had a hunch who the Unknown in the green and black high collar outfit tending those rhododendrons was. 

“Maximus,” Crystal hissed. 

“Hail and well met, cousin!” the lunatic genius said cheerfully, not looking up from what he was doing. Two cables extended from his collar, one arranging flowers and shrubbery. The other ended in a pair of lightning bolt sheers and snapped with snake-like intermittence. “I must admit, you’re a tad late. I was getting worried! It’s been almost a week and your nose is usually so in Attilan’s business. Very patriotic.”

The regular cable caressed a flower. 

“How’re you here?” Crystal practically spat.

Maximus heaved a practised sigh. “Contrary to popular belief, sweet child, my parents did consider expanding the family after my precious brother was--”

“Noknown would let you out of the science-cells!” Crystal stamped forward, ice forming under her hooves and static dancing around her shoulders. 

“No Unknown did,” Maximus trilled. The cable whizzed into the folds of his collar as he looked up. 

He had a greasy black bowl cut mane and Black Bolt’s lilac coat, but his eyes were almost too large, ringed by bags, as if his face had trouble containing them. His smile curved a little too high, also creasing at the corners. 

The way that collar framed his face gave Twilight the impression of a cobra’s frills as he glanced at her. “Oh! You’ve brought something! It looks like a pony! Hello!”

“I know what you tried to do to Saddle Arabia,” Twilight said, eyes narrowing. 

“Always nice to have one’s works appreciated,” Maximus grinned, placing a touched hoof to his chest. He’d have been an Earth Pony if not for that smile. And those eyes…

“Why does the warden have you up here?” Crystal demanded, joining Twilight. Lockjaw banged a paw against the glass containing him. 

“Why?” Maximus stepped back, four cables extending from his collar, and twirled on one leg to take in each landscape. “You don’t think this just happens, do you?” 

Crystal slammed a hoof against the glass. “Do you have anything to do with this?” 

“Oh, I didn’t even know it was happening,” Maximus said cheerfully. He made the cables clap each other. 

The pair froze at a click and a hum. A glint in the corner of her eye and the smell of ozone made Twilight grab Crystal’s shoulders, hauling her away from the glass. Lockjaw howled, forced back as electricity surged across each cube. Crystal and Twilight stared from the floor as Maximus’s cell glass slid up into the ceiling, spilling the smell of freshly mown grass over them. 

“At least not until my collaborators offered me the position of warden,” the mad Unknown purred as he stepped towards them. “Think I’ve got the previous incumbent around here somewhere. Would you like to join them? I’m afraid it’ll be a tight squeeze.” 

One of his cables reared up like a whip, crackling with energy. Crystal brought a hoof up, a battering ram of super compacted snow blasting towards her cousin. It spat and sloughed off a sudden olive force-field, pushing Maximus back slightly but to no other effect. 

Crystal pushed Twilight to relative safety and flipped backwards onto all fours, hurling thunderbolts. Maximus’ cable lazily whipped out to catch them and swung them back to either side of her, Crystal ducking and crying out as sparks burst around her. Lockjaw raged and hammered against his glass, barking with fury. 

“Oh, shut up you witless mongrel!” Maximus snarled, then turned to Twilight, leering as her horn glowed. “And what is this one up to, hmm?”

“Something simple,” Twilight smirked, horn glowing. Maximus’  field, presumably technologically generated by his collar, was an oval shape inches in front of him, allowing his cables to work around it. And leaving his back exposed, particularly his long green cape...

The glass partition of Maximus’ garden, tinged purple, slammed down out of its housing suddenly. Maximus jerked and spun to stare at the tail of his cape, caught.

“And since you can see and hear us through that thing…” Twilight concentrated, firing a purple glowing musical note rune out of her horn, trailing a cheerful flute melody behind it. Maximus flinched as it flew towards him, passing effortlessly though his field and into his body. 

The Unknown blinked, tried to send his cables towards Twilight, then froze. And began to vibrate. Rapidly. 

“W-w-w-w-ha-a-a-a-at di-i-i-i-i-id y-o-o-ooo-ooo-OOOOU—?!” 

He was now a blur of green and lilac, finally lifted off his hooves and sent slamming into the glass. He crumpled to the floor, still trembling. His cables made irritating but impotent skittering noises.

“Huh...” Crystal blinked, then smirked. “Yeah, you’re gonna fit right in.” 

“Are you okay?” Twilight asked as they galloped up to Lockjaw. 

“About to be.” Crystal held up Triton’s rune, tapping it against the glass as an excited Lockjaw fogged it up. “C’mon, work you shockin’ thing!” 

Twilight had the presence of mind to trot backwards as it finally did. Lockjaw enveloped Crystal, bowling them both to the floor so hard they spun and bounced right way round and right side up. Maximus flinched as they almost crushed him, or maybe it was just another spasm. 

“Okay, okay, I know!” Crystal giggled at each slurping lick. Twilight smiled as she flailed her hooves to try and pet a heaving Lockjaw. “I know, boy! Wanna go to the communications hub? Do you? I know I do!” 

Loackjaw gave her one last slobber before his ears pricked up. He spun towards Twilight and growled, hackles rising. Twilight sprang back before realising he wasn’t reacting to her. She turned, registering the clatter of hoofbeats on metal then thumping on the soft carpet of the warden’s zone. 

“Uh, Crystal? Company!” 

Triton skidded around a corner and froze, glaring pure venom at Twilight. A few guards tumbled in after him, one almost hitting the floor. An imperious figure shoved past him, slowing as she registered the trio and the prone (still jittering) Maximus. 

“Crystal,” Medusa said distantly, “step away from your cousin.” 

“I think we all need to back off a little, yeah,” Crystal shot back. Twilight followed her and Lockjaw, trying not to make too many sudden movements. 

“He’s very dangerous you know,” Medusa smiled, trotting forward with languid arrogance that was strangely familiar. She stomped a hoof into Maximus’ back, stopping his trembling with a wheeze. “You could all have been very seriously hurt.”

“Oh, well, wouldn’t want anyknown to get hurt,” Crystal muttered, lightning filling her eyes. 

“Quite.”

“But you’re not Unknowns, are you?” Crystal reared up, sweeping a foreleg. Medusa froze as a trial of sparks slashed a blackened line into the last few paces between them. “You’re not even my sister!”

“Mmm, yes,” Medusa murmured to herself, “knew you were going to be that sort the second I laid eyes on you.” She smirked at Twilight, looking between them. “What a pair you make. And what a pair you will make...once we’ve studied you enough.” 

“You’re going to replace them?!” Triton snapped incredulously. Medusa spun on him like an enraged lioness, but his own anger was too focused on Twilight to notice. “No! No way! My brother--”

“Will be avenged when I say so!” Medusa snapped. Triton backed up, eyes locked on Twilight as she leaned down to haul Maximus up like a fallen teddy bear. “And my little Maxie-Waxie’s going to help, isn’t he?” 

“What,” Crystal and Twilight said in ear drooping sync, although the Unknown sounded queasier. And you couldn’t blame her since Medusa and Maximus were nose kissing and giggling.

“Oh my poor Maxie-Waxie!” Medusa cooed. “What’d the mean ol’ peasants do to you?” 

“Something…simple,” Maximus wheezed, glaring at Twilight. It melted into a dopey smile that almost split his head open as he nuzzled Medusa back. “But everything’s going to be so much better now you’re here, my little Battley Axely! And do remember, my cousin is royalty, if only by marriage. A few chips in her head and she’ll soon act like it, so try and leave enough of her, hmmm?”

“Hmm.” Medusa glanced at Twilight, pouting and tapping her chin. “Can I have the upstart peasant then?”

“You knooooow I could never deny you anything, my poisonous precious!” 

“Hey!” Twilight protested. “I’m royalty! Nobility! Technically! By marriage, even! And then I got coronated and everything! I’m even in Princess Celestia’s will!”

“How fortuitous.” The cold professionalism poured back into Medusa’s tone and body language as she began to step slowly towards them. 

“Two princesses versus one poser?” Crystals shared smirks with Twilight before they both took defiant steps forward, both lighting up their eyes as fire glowed around her hooves and magic gathered around the Alicorn's horn. “I like those odds!”

“Mmm.” A razor glint in Medusa’s eye. “But I’ve got a king.” 

“Aww shock,” Crystal murmured, ears drooping but eyes still glowing. She spun to Lockjaw. “Lockjaw! Get backup! Backup!” 

The dog whimpered but his rune sparkled, and he vanished in a burst of Krackle. 

“Oh, you’re going to need it,” Medusa chuckled with irrepressible delight, then clapped her hooves. “Black Bolt! ♫Darliiiiing!♫” 

Twilight and Crystal covered their eyes at a sudden explosion of space and power. Twilight knew what she’d see, but was still caught off guard by the figure floating above the charred floor. 

Black Bolt looked awful. His expression was vague, uncertain, his mouth hanging open in a silent moan. One of his metallic wings was still tucked in but the other hung limp and swaying. His eye flickered with sickly green light and his limbs dangled like an abandoned marionette’s. Which he might as well have been. 

“For crimes against the state of New Attilan…” Medusa began, stopping irritably as one of her long, also strangely limp tresses got in her face. “Oh, One Below with it, incinerate them!” 

Black Bolt’s head rocked forward, teeth clenched suddenly as he unleashed a battering ram of lightning and Kirby Krackle dead ahead. The explosion shattered and cracked glass the length of the entire garden, silver blue wind bowling the invaders over and into each other. 

“I spent days on those, you fool!” Maximus yelled from beneath a startled Medusa. He waved a clenched hoof. “They were pristine! You’re always breaking my things! It’s not fair!”

“Calm down, my sweet,” Medusa winced, scrambling to her hooves, and sneering at the almost mile long scorch mark bitten into the corridor. “At least you’ve one less loose end between you and throne.”

“You can always find the silver lining, my little Battley Axely!” the Madknown cooed. “Like a garrotting wire on a moonless night.”

“Oh, stop! Not in front of the help!” Medusa giggled, adjusting his crumpled collar. “Hmm, of course we’ll have to hunt down that wretched creature all over again but--”

A tinkle of magic echoed from up the hall, followed by twin thuds. Triton and Medusa spun and sprinted around the bend to see Twilight and Crystal staggering to their hooves in the foyer. 

Twilight met Medusa’s gaze then fired her horn. The faux-queen flinched but blinked as she registered a sudden wall of purple crystal covering the archway. 

“Come on!” Twilight urged, propping Crystal up and dragging her into a gallop. 

“AFTERRRR THEEEEEM!” Medusa howled, fangs glistening in her maw as her body flickered with furious green light. 

Black Bolt spun tonelessly, blasting off in a contrail of lightning and Krackle that almost sheered a yelping Maximus’ mane off, crashing through Twilight’s barrier in a purple cloud that rained glittering shards around the gaping hole in his wake. 
Triton sprang forward like a hunting hound, guards scurrying after him rather than be anywhere near the furious queen. The corridor filled with the sound of metal hoofbeats. 


33


“Might wanna pace ourselves there,” Ice-Pony tried. 

“You wanted momentum!” Spider-Pony has a spoon wrapped in his tail and was using it to stir the contents of a float glass like an industrial centrifuge. The contents included not only the banana float he’d ordered but the liquidised remains of his other order, an entire king-sized slice of Manehattan banana cheesecake, which he’d tipped into his float. 

“Progress,” Rocky corrected. He looked at the rest of the bar, rows of faces making it abundantly clear they couldn’t look away but were absolutely not going to get involved. “C’mon man, everypony’s looking at us.” 

“And?” Spidey looked over his shoulder, tail still blurring. “Hey, any of you geniuses know the mystery of the equine heart? Yeah, that’s what I thought!” 

“Okay, this is getting seriously close to some kinda class warfare thing,” Rocky winced. 

“Rocky, I absolutely intend to drink this beast, do I look like I care what the Great Pony in the Sky herself thinks?” 

“Which is what Johnny would say,” Ice-Pony countered. 

Spidey froze then squeezed his lenses shut. “Why can’t anypony just let me hang upside down and feel miserable?” 

“Your girl and her crew are all about friendship!”

“Yeah, well this isn’t a friendship problem!” Spidey’s tail lashed, inadvertently hurling the spoon across the room. 

A prosthetic leg blurred into its path before it reached the Fighter’s table, who’d all rolled out of their seats to take combat stances, except for the Earth Pony in the red gi who’d just fallen over. The spoon juddered into the mask logo of the coaster Plucky Stars was holding. 

She jabbed a warning wingtip in their direction. “Strike one.”

“Okay, okay!” Spidey threw up his hooves and sunk back into his chair, which he’d been standing on for his experiment. Ice-Pony stared, mesmerised by the gross little galaxy of dessert swirling in the glass. 

“You’re not actually gonna eat this thing.”

“Drink,” Spidey muttered despondently. 

“Dude!” 

“Whatever.”

“Okay, you’ve never taken a breakup this bad before, what is going on?”

“There it is!” Spidey trilled cheerfully, flicking his tail at Rocky. “The magic word!”

“Aww…” Ice-Pony squeezed his eyes shut. “Pete, man, I just meant, like, y’know, scale!”

“Well this is a pretty big fowl up, so I think we got that.” 

“It’s not a fowl up, you just freaked out! And I wanna help but I dunno why you freaked! I’m starting to think maybe you don’t either or you wouldn’t be trying to take the easy way out with…” Ice-pony waved at the nightmare float, refusing to make any more eye contact in case that somehow bought it to life. “That.” 

Spidey flopped back in his chair, staring into the shadows of the rafters. “Because I didn’t think about what it’d be like.” 

“Dating somepony else in the business?” Rocky squinted. It was admittedly kind of a blind spot for the Hex-Ponies/Befrienders side of things, where office romance was an inevitability. 

“That too,” Peter said quietly, “but now it’s about everything else. For starters? I don’t do anything anymore. Which you’d think I’d be ready for, but here we are.” 

“You’re like the busiest guy any of us know and you barely had a real job until now! Seriously, your blood pressure--”

“I do it without her.”

“…ah.”

“I get up in the morning without her. I go places without her. I even spent this week freaking out about how dangerous her life’s maybe always been, how big her destiny is, and now? I’m even doing that without her! And this is just day one! Of maybe spending the rest of my life without her!” 

“Okay, inside voice,” Rocky urged, clamping a cooling hoof around Spidey’s foreleg to clam him down. “You’re not gonna fix this if you’re just ranting about how you can’t fix it.”

Spidey made to swat the hoof away but got a grip, sighing and eventually nodding. Ice-Pony released him and raised the temperature of his hoof to normal to pat him on the shoulder. 

“She said we’ll talk when we get back,” Spidey muttered. “Even more to worry about. Which, ah, is why I’m being totally ungrateful right now, just so y’know.” 

“Hey, I’m a Hex-Pony. Senior year was somepony trying to kill somepony else on the lawn practically every morning.” 

Spidey chuckled, which was a start, but squeezed his lenses shut and massaged the space between them. 

“I just want a future, Rocky. Is that so much to ask?” 

Ice-Pony was trying to come up with something that wasn’t a quip or a reference to the Hex-Ponies own fun with quantum tunnelling when a giant bulldog materialised on their table, showering Krackle and frozen drinks everywhere, clamped the shirt of Spidey’s costume in it’s jaws and vanished. 

Rocky stared at little lights still dancing across the table. The nightmare float had somehow remained upright. 

Plucky Stars walked over with a pair of tongs, passed him the bill, then gingerly clamped the float and lifted it up to take it somewhere it could be freed from the torment of its existence. Rocky checked the bill and vaguely wished he could. 


34


“—uuuuuuh…” Johnnycake concluded after almost twenty minutes. 

He was running out of ocean, individual details of Attilan fading into existence as the floating city got closer and closer. The sled hadn’t received any hails, which should’ve raised his hackles, but Johnny was honestly just grateful to have more thinking time to waste. 

“Okay, c’mon,” he urged himself, rubbing his temples, eyes squeezed shut, “you’re the face of Hoof Beat 2006 to 2008, you can do this. Crystal, I…I…eyes? No, she knows everything you think about her eyes, she’s named after her eyes for sun’s sake…”

He placed an exhausted elbow on the dash, nudging some runes and triggering a swarm of alarms, which he silenced with a hard swat of his hoof. He took a deep breath. 

“Crystal…I love you.”

He looked out at the towers of Attilan. 

“…is that enough?”

His eyes narrowed as he noticed some of those neat holo-billboards suddenly switch to an image of Medusa’s dumb face. 

“Why can’t that be enough?”

As if in response the universe crushed him against the cockpit canopy with a loud bark and a smell like cinnamon and damp straw. He could feel a familiar tuning fork digging into his shoulder blades.

“Johnny?!” winced a red and blue blur in his peripheral vision.  

“Pete?!” Johnny struggled to turn without breaking something important. “Lockjaw?!”

The dog barked cheerfully. The sled vanished in a burst of Kirby Krackle. 


To be Continued

> And Carry a Big Torch (10)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


35


“Oxygen?” Twilight panted as they veered around another corner. 

“Maybe, but we’d need to contain him!” Crystal panted back. She was generating a mini whirlwind around her lower body to accelerate and provide a slipstream for Twilight to keep up. 

There was a violent burst of power behind them and cracks raced across the ceiling and floor. Twilight felt heat mounting behind them and grabbed Crystal’s foreleg, teleporting them into the doorway coming up on their right. They ducked behind some furniture as Black Bolt raced past their new hiding place, crashing through several walls.

“Sonics?” Twilight tried as they scurried through another archway. 

They could already hear the thundering sounds of Black Bolt coming back for them. The king lacked any sort of fine control in his fugue, but they couldn’t keep taking advantage of hairpin turns and overshoots forever. Not against a creature who couldn’t be slowed and could break through any cover. 

“Maximus uses them a lot,” Crystal agreed, “but…”

But HE'S a homicidal lunatic who wants to destroy your family, Twilight silently concluded as they galloped for a stairwell. Even if you could hurt Black Bolt badly enough to kill him, you just couldn’t. 

She winced as a distant booming made the entire floor shake. 

He, on the other hoof, barely even has to touch us to wind up with something like that time Pinkie forgot to clean her tapioca bowl and left it out in the sun. 

“Uh, banish him to a holding space?”

“What does that mean?!” 

“Only for a little bit! I’d bring him back!”

An archway loomed over them as they made it into daylight. 


***

The two panted outside the entrance to the Maze, scanning the deserted streets as they caught their breath. At least there wasn’t anyone around for Black Bolt to hurt. The ground shuddered under their hooves, nearby lights blowing out in bursts of Krackle. Oh, right, us, Twilight winced to herself. Us.

There was a hiss of hydraulics followed by a cheerful ping. Twilight realised there were elevators all along the walls of the prison entrance, because of course there would be when most of it was underground. “Oh,” Maximus said as he, not-Medusa and not-Triton stepped out, flanked by a contingent of guards, “well, that’s fortuitous. Did you really run the entire Maze?! And they call me insane!” 

“I can call him off you know,” Medusa taunted. “All you’d have to do is bow.” 

Her sneer became a frown as Crystal and Twilight looked at each other. 

Twilight smirked. “Beat the pucky out of her until she lets Black Bolt go?”  

“Now there’s an idea.” The advancing guards hesitated as the air around Crystal began to whistle and grow colder. 

“Out of the way!” Triton snapped, storming forward. “I’ll take ‘em both! Just as long as the pony’s mine!”

“I gave you no order!” Medusa screeched. Triton and the guards flinched. Maximus looked twice as besotted, but he was weird like that. 

He looked less happy as a purple glow lit up his collar, unleashing most of his cables and wrapping them around him. Medusa sprang backwards and into a feline crouch as he toppled to the marble, a spontaneous mini-tornado bursting into existence under the guards’ hooves and hurling most of her reinforcements across the courtyard. Twilight rose into the air, letting her eyes ignite with gathering magic. Crystal formed her static rings, making Triton reconsider lunging for them. 

Then the marble between them exploded. 

Twilight’s hasty field kept the worst of the wind, heat, and dust at bay, but the force was still like being run over by a train. She shook her head to clear it, then looked around frantically for Crystal. The Unknown struggled to pull herself up with the railings she’d crashed into. Twilight flapped to her side and helped her up, looking over at the clearing smoke and realising the only reason they were still alive was that Medusa had been knocked over, too. 

Black Bolt hovered above the small crater he’d made, bobbing ungainly. He was also facing the wrong way, his back to his targets. 

“Around, you fool!” Maximus coughed. “Turn around!” 

Black Bolt’s head drooped. 

“Agh, you never listen to meeeee!”

Medusa forced herself back to all fours, wiping her bangs out of her face and her eyes glowing a furious green. “Calm down, I’ve still got control!”

“Then tell the oaf to turn around!”

“I will if you give me a minute!” 

Both tyrants yelped as twin lights smacked into Black Bolt, rocking him forward. Medusa dived out of the way as Twilight’s amber and Crystal’s ice encased him, dropping a small meteor towards her. Maximus blinked at his brother’s face now inches from his own. 

“This way!” Crystal urged, leading Twilight towards the plaza across from the courtyard. They skidded to a halt as more guards swarmed in from both ends of the street. “Oh, shockin’ come on!” 

“Cousin!” boomed Gorgon, stomping through the pack. “Language! We have a guest! What in blazes is going on here?!” 

He spun as lightning surged out of the ice-amber, shattering Black Bolt’s prison. “Blackagar?! Maximus?!” 

“Yes, we know who we all are, thank you, cousin,” Maximus grunted, hopping to his hooves. The impact of his last landing triggered his cables, retracting them all back into his collar apart from two he used to smooth his mane. “You may all feel free to surrender.” 

“You must be joking!” Gorgon barked. 

“I admire a stallion with a sense of humour,” Medusa purred, dusting herself off as she joined Maximus. One of his cables affectionately draped around her waist. “Now, Black Bolt, bring those traitors over here. As many pieces as you can find!”

Twilight and Crystal braced as Black Bolt’s wings flared—

There was a flash and an airship the size of Applejack’s tractor slammed into him, both crashing through a guard tower, an elevator shaft, and presumably more walls.

Lockjaw cheerfully burst back into existence behind the staring crowd, dropping two superheroes face first into the street. 


36

“Twilight…?” Peter blinked through the mask. He wasn’t sure if the impact had messed up his right lens or whether that eye just wasn’t working. His ears were ringing but the grinding of his Spider-Sense was giving him weird bursts of lucidity. 

“Johnny?!” somepony cried. 

“…Crystal?!” The Torch flamed on and darted towards the yellow blur next to the purple Twilight blur. “What’s going on?! Your dog kidnapped me! Are you alright?! Is that a ponytail? It looks good on you!” 

“Thanks, listen, is the rest of the Family with you? Because this is one of those days!” 

Spidey cringed as Lockjaw picked him up by the tail, bounding through some armoured goons to drop him at Twilight’s hooves. “Are you alright?!” she asked, helping him up. 

“Maybe?” Peter decided. “What’s going on?!”

“Not sure.” Twilight blinked. “Did you follow me all the way out here?!”

“I don’t even know where here is!” 

“Attilan!” 

“Oh. Okay.” Spidey looked at the plumes of smoke and shattered glass, then caught sight of Medusa. 

His mouth suddenly tasted like battery acid and a creeping, clutching feeling spread across every hair and tendon in his body. Medusa looked back and they both sank into almost feral crouches. 

“Are you okay?” Crystal blinked at him, then looked between Johnny and Twilight. “Is he okay?” 

“What the shock is happening here?!” Gorgon demanded, stamping a hoof. It shook the entire street slightly but Spider-Pony and Medusa stayed locked in their stances, even as everyone who wasn’t in the air staggered. “Medusa! Explain yourself!”  

“That’s not Medusa…” said a guttural voice from under Spider-Pony’s mask. He could barely hear it over the pounding of whatever was happening with his biochemistry right now.

“Spider…” one of the guards said, tremulously. Twilight and the Torch blinked as guards who weren’t too terrified to move began to back away. 

“Spider!” The cry bounced between clusters, sending new ripples of itself among the whole group. Green bursts erupted here and there. “Spider!” Spider?!” “Spider!”

“Changelings?!” Twilight gasped. She’d have slapped herself for not figuring it out sooner if her brain wasn’t taken up with the chilling certainty of who was now in control of Black Bolt. 

“Invaders!” Gorgon bellowed, staring furiously at the panicking wave of insectoids trying to crawl over each other to get away from Spidey. “In my own army?! This shall not stand!” 

“Spider!” shrieked a hysterical changeling trying to climb up a shuttered kiosk. 

“Big deal!” Triton spat, bounding forward in a burst of green. His antlers evaporated into a crimson fin. “I’ll take ‘em all on! Nothing’s getting between me and the purple one!” 

Spidey’s head swivelled to glare at the changeling. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

“Pharynx?!” the Torch squealed with delight, squeezing his bunched hooves together and flaring even brighter. “You didn’t die in that wind tunnel explosion! Hallelujah!”

Crystal squinted. “You know this guy?”

“He’s Pharynx and he’s great!” Johnny nodded like a Lockjaw bobblehead. “He’s, like, my top favourite henchman ever and we have a blood feud and everything!” 

“No we don’t, stop telling people that!” Pharynx cringed. 

“You’re not going near Twilight!” Spidey growled. 

“Seriously?!” Twilight snapped. “In the middle of a warzone?! Sombra wasn’t bad enough?!”

“Wait.” Johnny’s glowing eyes widened to one overjoyed Sonic eye as he pointed at a green glow where Medusa had been standing. “If this is a changeling thing then that means…”

“Hello, Johnnycake,” Queen Chrysalis smiled coolly as a few last green sparks fell from her shoulders. “How have you been?”

“Eh, I like to live in the moment,” Johnny grinned. He flexed, an arsenal of flame construct weapons manifesting around him. “And right now, this is shaping up to be a great moment!”

“That’s about all it should take to be rid of you, yes.” Chrysalis’ fangs were showing. 

“Alright, I call dibs!” Johnny began whirling a pair of flame nunchucks in excitement, forcing everyone in his party, except the still hunched Spidey, to duck. “Twilight, I know you’ve had a lot of time to bond but there is some serious chemistry here, and you should know I don’t intend to give her back!”

Twilight stared at the Unknowns, then in concern at Spidey. This was happening too fast, too many questions. She looked at Crystal, who was looking up at Johnny with…was that a smile? She wished the swarm behind them would stop screaming “SPIDER!” so she could focus. 

Maximus trotted up beside Chrysalis, two collar cables producing a crown from somewhere and slipping it onto his head. Chrysalis chuckled as they held hooves and that seemed to calm her minions slightly. 

“You and Maximus?” the Torch asked, squinting.  

“Indeed!” The Mad Unknown buffed his chest. “My venomous Venus introduced herself shortly after her infiltration! You wouldn’t believe how far along she was! She just needed someknown who knew the colony to put the finishing touches on her plan!” 

“And then it became our plan,” Chrysalis simpered, nuzzling him. 

“Huh.” The Torch’s enthusiasm visibly dampened. “Well, you're the bad guy, shouldn’t expect your standards to be that high…”

Maximus’ cables reared up but Chrysalis simply patted his shoulder before taking a step forward, teleporting across the gap Black Bolt had created and reappearing only a few paces from the group. Pharynx stepped aside to let his queen take centre stage, but his narrowed eyes kept focusing on Twilight before tracking to Spider-Pony’s own. 

“Well?” Chrysalis asked, feigning boredom. “Who’s first?” 

“TREACHERY!” Gorgon roared, launching himself towards her. 

Twilight was seconds behind Crystal shouting a warning, but it was drowned by the impact of his hooves crashing down on…where Chrysalis had been standing. 

It was like watching stop motion played on two screens at once, at different speeds. Twilight watched helplessly as Chrysalis sidestepped Gorgon’s lunge, skipped into the air to avoid the shock waves, then almost playfully boxed his ear before landing like a facetious cat. 

Gorgon snarled, swinging his bulk around and kicking backwards so hard the air rippled, but Chrysalis wasn’t there anymore. The Unknown let out an indignant cry as he felt her hoof on his back, effortlessly pivoting over him, landing in front of him, smacking him across the eyes with a wing. 

Gorgon howled, rearing back in shock. Chrysalis blocked his blind swipe with one hoof, not even flinching as the ground under them cracked, then wrapped her willowy forelegs around her opponent’s leonine own and hauled as casually as lifting a cart’s tarp to load groceries. 

All 485 lbs of Gorgon staggered backwards, struggling for balance and leaving his torso wide open. Chrysalis shrank almost bonelessly low then sprang up like a piston, driving an elbow into the Unknown’s belly. 

The breath had barely been driven out of Gorgon’s mouth before she flipped backwards and locked her hind legs around his throat, actually trapping some of it. Chrysalis didn’t even grunt as she dragged him into the air, hurling him across the street to slam through the shuttered doors of a building. Halfway through her graceful tumble upright she teleported, now back where she’d been standing as if nothing had happened, beyond needing to adjust a strand of her mane. 

Chrysalis had just beaten one of the strongest Unknowns and it had taken seconds. Without magic. No, Twilight chided herself, she was running on…

Chrysalis’ swarm seemed to be settling down, excited hissing rising here and there. Crystal was gaping at the shattered shutters, then rounded on the queen with glowing eyes, rising into the air on a conjured thundercloud. 

“Wait!” Twilight and Johnny cried in synch. They blinked at each other. 

The Torch indicated with his flaming head. “Uh, you wanna…?”

“They steal love!” Twilight called. “We have to be careful, she’s multiplied her magic at least tenfold!”

“At least?!” Maximus huffed. “I can lavish my new queen with far more than that!” 

“…yes,” Chrysalis murmured distantly, before putting a bit more simper into her grin, “of course my Maxie Waxie can! But I’ll only need about a fraction to--”

She cried out, just managing to form a force field against three concentrated beams of magic, lightning, and fire. Johnny and the princesses managed to push her back, but nothing else. Chrysalis flared her wings, stopping herself completely. 

As the other two backed off, Crystal slammed her hooves hard against the marble, sending a rumbling barrage of localised quakes straight towards Chrysalis. The changeling dropped her field, sneering as her horn glowed and somehow redirected the waves around her. 

Maximus’ jeering laughter was cut short as they knocked him off his hooves. “Perhaps we should just teleport them into the Maze, my little Batteley Axely?” 

“Oh, but I have an example to set!” Chrysalis cooed, her eyes glowing green. “Besides, there’s plenty of us all over the colony. We can simply make more of them.”

A violet flash on her right! Chrysalis sprang sideways as a hovering Twilight fired shards of amber towards her but jumped right into a fire hose blast from Crystal. 

Twilight was caught completely off guard by a savage hiss, whirling in mid-air as Pharynx lunged for her—

A roaring red and blue blur torpedoed into the changeling’s side, sending them crashing into the middle of the horde. They chittered and screeched, climbing over each other to get out of the way as Spider-Pony furiously suplexed Pharynx so hard they bounced back into the air. 

Pharynx twisted, spinning them so his hind hooves connected with a wall in their path first and grabbed his opponent’s nearest foreleg in his jaws, slamming him into the space under them. Spider-Pony scrabbled for purchase as his tail swatted into the changeling’s eyes, following it with a headbutt that sent Pharynx skidding further up the side of the building. Cries of “Get it, Phrankie!” and “Yeah, howzat!” rose over hysterical shrieks of “Spider!” 

Spidey lunged up the wall, punching a web of cracks into where the darting changeling had been. The windows on either side of them burst, scattering the swarm as glass tumbled towards them. Pharynx hissed down at his opponent and Twilight could swear she heard Peter hissing back. 

She looked around, wings keeping her aloft even in a daze. Chrysalis was teleporting to different perch points, laughing as the Horseshoe Torch flitted after her, hurling fireballs seconds too late. Maximus was wrestling to pull his cape out of Lockjaw’s teeth as two of his collar cables, armed with miniature buzz saws, kept Crystal back. 

Twilight made a decision and used her telekensis to tie Maximus’ cables together. The Unknown let out a surprised yelp, loosing his footing. Lockjaw snarled and bounded towards an escalator, bouncing his prey’s head off every third step. 

“Good boy,” Crystal panted as Twilight landed beside her. “Only a whole shape changing army to go.” 

“We need a plan.” Twilight wrapped her hooves around the Unknown’s waist and urged her into the air as some of the horde lunged for them. “Whatever Chrysalis has tapped into she’s more than we can handle. We need to find the boys and regroup somewhere.” 

“But Johnny’s--” Crystal began as she formed a cloud. 

“Out of his league.” Twilight looked down at a now familiar glow coming from further up the block. “Because I think I know who’s love she’s running on…”


37


This was so much cooler in my head…

The Horseshoe Torch twisted to fly between a gap in the railings of a bridge connecting two buildings. Chrysalis was teleporting further up, and he was still seconds behind her, still only able to pull off his most basic move. 

“What’s the matter, your highness?” he called as another fireball burst on an empty balcony. “Too high and mighty to spend some time with your adoring public?” 

Chrysalis materialised casually balanced on the bridge now behind him. “Aren’t you having fun, little Torch? The youngest are usually so easy to entertain!” 

“Ooh, psychology!” Johnny darted back and forth in the air, trailing flame to make it even harder to pin him down. “See, it’s little things like that! I mean, I’m too studley and secure for it to work, but it’s the thought that counts! Literally!”

“You have no idea,” Chrysalis chuckled to herself. “Are you sure you want to do this? I’ve all this new power I’m just itching to use!” 

“You said the same thing in Subterrania that one time,” Johnny shot back, forelegs folded, “and how’d that work out? Besides, you’re not the only one who’s picked up a few tricks!”

“Stage magicians do tricks, dear. I’m a queen.” 

Chrysalis’ head shot back suddenly, her mouth gaping horrifically to fire a wave of ichor. Johnny yelped as he shot upward, instinctively firing off a jet of flames. Chrysalis sprang backwards seconds before it struck the bridge, twisting disconcertingly so she could scuttle down the railings and into the shadows of its underside.  

Johnny marvelled at the gross green net the mucus stuff had formed between buildings. He’d forgotten. Now he thought about it, fighting Chrysalis was like when he and Pete used to—

Peter. He’d make a trap like this so he could…

Smirking, the Torch rocketed downward, thickening his contrail to leave a vertical wall of flame. Chrysalis materialised behind where he would have been and gasped in shock, managing to halt her sweeping kick before she plunged her leg into molten agony.

She cried out as two more fireballs hurtled towards her, twisting her shoulders to avoid having her wings scythed off, preparing a green bolt for…nothing. Her head whipped around as a portal opened in the still blazing contrail and an epidermal basketball bounced off her nose.

“Swish!” the Torch grinned as she toppled backwards. He dived after her through the contrail, absorbing it. He conjured a giant burning fly swatter as Chrysalis crashed into some high-tech roof fixtures on the building below them. “Followed by a hoooooome ruuuu—NGH!” 

Chrysalis’ green telekinetic field surrounded him, yanking his forelegs and head back sharply. She’d completely killed his momentum too, which added to the strain of being bent over an invisible knee. Made of adamantium. The pressure was so much he almost flamed off. 

“Impudent brat!” Chrysalis hissed, buzzing into view. 

Johnny desperately increased his flames but the field didn’t even flicker. He’d seen her pull rusted mechanisms apart once, but this much power…! That smile and the glow around her horn probably weren’t good, if she didn’t break his back first!

A thundercloud formed behind Chrysalis and electrocuted her. The queen yelped as if somepony had pinched her somewhere inappropriate, then stared at purple crystal weights that suddenly sprang around her hooves. Johnny gasped as they dragged her down and through a skylight, releasing the field. 

“You guys teamin’ up now?” he wheezed as Crystal and Twilight raced across the sky towards him. “Cool! Guess more than just your colour schemes go together, huh?” 

“Not now!” Crystal insisted, using her powers to grab some of his flames like reins and pull him after them as they shot towards the horizon. 

“Uh, yeah now! We’ve got her on the ropes!” 

“What universe are you living in?” Twilight snapped. “Chrysalis is at least skilled enough to go horn to horn with Princess Celestia, Johnny! And that’s before she absorbed enough love to shield against all our magic at once!”

“You know magic?!” Johnny grinned at Crystal. 

“No! What?” Crystal stared at him, laughing incredulously as they looped around a tower. “C’mon, focus!” 

“She’s been toying with us!” Twilight snapped. “And Black Bolt could be back any second! We’ve got to grab Gorgon and…and Spider-Pony and get off the colony before--”

A green burst blinded them. Chrysalis hovered in the air before them, giving them time to recover and see her smiling, forelegs folded. 

“Before I…stop toying with you, little princess?”

“Dunno, pretty sure we’re not even into overtime yet,” The Torch smirked, cracking his hooves and sending out sparks. All three mares rolled their eyes, though Crystal did it with a smile. 

Chrysalis’ horn spat three green lightning bolts, forcing them to scatter before realising they hadn’t been the targets. Nothing had. 

“No!” Crystal cried as they swirled down among the building, igniting three green explosions. The windows of a high tower blew out. Acrid green smoke billowed up at them. 

She began to dive her cloud towards the sounds of sirens before a green glow enveloped them all. 


***

The three flinched to find themselves in the air over a park, the battered Maze courtyard in the distance. Chrysalis smirked, eyes glowing, and Lockjaw and Maximus appeared in a burst of green sparks too. 

Maximus took advantage of the dog’s surprise to buck him in the face and staged free of his jaws. “Chrysaliiiiis!” he sing-songed irritably. “I’m not having fun anymooore!”

“There there, dearest,” Chrysalis sighed, “mommy’s almost done.” 

She glanced at two wrestling shadows on the rooftops, not even looking as she formed a field to absorb a twin flame attack from Crystal and Johnny. A ring of surprised changelings, some still disguised, appeared among the grass, Pharynx and Spider-Pony tumbling out of the air to crash into a fountain. 

Lockjaw grunted in confusion, turning away from the sight as one of Maximus’ cables waved for his attention. It squirted a yellow gas in his face. The great beast whined and champed, staggering here and there before collapsing. 

“Go!” Johnny called to Crystal as Chrysalis dived towards the fountain. The Unknown looked uncertainly at him but shot towards her pet, forcing Maximus back with waterjets. 

Chrysalis glanced irritably over her shoulder to see the Torch and Twilight swooping after her. She stopped suddenly, forcing them to pull up and around to avoid smacking into her. “Alright, enough is enough. You want to save somepony, little princess? Catch him.”

Johnny squinted. “Catch who?” 

“Johnnycake?” Chrysalis said sweetly. She turned to him, her eyes gently pulsing green. “Ultracrepidarian.” 

“Yes, your highness,” Johnny smiled and flamed off. 

Wait, what? 

Johnny was too surprised to cry out as he began to drop. 

Twilight stared at Chrysalis, who nodded down at the flailing Earth Pony expectantly. She shot downwards, wrapping her forelegs around his still warm torso as she swooped almost half the length of the park to keep from ploughing both of them into the asphalt. Changelings ducked and yelped as she shot over them. 

“Are you crazy?!” she snapped at Johnny, braking over some trees. 

“No?! I mean…” Johnny stared at his hooves. “Flame on!” Twilight flinched but…nothing. “Flame on! Flame on!” 

They stared at each other as Twilight landed, gently laying him against a trunk. 

“She turned off my powers…” Johnny said to no one. 



***

Chrysalis landed effortlessly by the fountain as her swarm cheered. It became screams as Spider-Pony erupted from the water, aiming a punch right at—

Chrysalis swatted it aside, sending him spinning over the edge of the fountain and to the cobbles. Spidey rolled with it and sprang at her again. Just like Pharynx, no banter, just a savage blur of punches and kicks with maybe the occasional snarl. 

Chrysalis danced around each blow, grinning. “Yes, I’m excited too! But more experienced, I think. You’ve never been around a warrior class before, have you? Much too incautious!”

She began to use her elbows to block each attack as Spidey doubled his frantic pace. 

“I’ve been half expecting something like this, you know,” she chuckled, not even breathing hard. “You’re much more public than any of your predecessors! But then, a lower profile didn’t protect any of them either!”

She sidestepped as Spider-Pony lashed out with a wild kick, shattering the base of the fountain. A stunned and sopping Pharynx sloshed onto the grass as water rushed out, backing the cheering swarm up. 

“What are you?” Spidey snarled as he managed to turn a failed charge into locking shoulders with Chrysalis. That didn’t budge her either. 

“Deadlier than the male,” the queen chuckled. “It’s part of why your instincts are… You have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?” 

Spidey took a step forward that cracked the asphalt. Behind them Crystal was knocked off her hooves by a sweeping cable but slapped a hoof against the water, freezing Maximus in place. 

“Thought not!” Chrysalis sneered. “Well, for what it’s worth I don’t put much stock in those old totem feuds. A waste of energy, not that I don’t have enough to spare. But I do have an example to set to my subjects, so I want you to understand this is strictly professional.” 

She broke the lock with an effortless flex, ducking under Spidey’s follow up headbutt. The Web-Slinger flipped back onto his forelegs, aiming a forward mule kick that glanced off a green shield. The swarm hissed and cheered as the force flipped him face first to the ground. 

Twilight and Johnny watched, mesmerised, as Chrysalis blocked his next two roundhouse swings with her forelegs, then clenched her left hoof and swung the flat of it into Spidey’s chin. He staggered back, half turned by the force. Chrysalis lit up her horn and rammed the flat of it into his side. Spidey cried out as green lightning raced all over his body. 

Chrysalis spun as Twilight charged her, stopping her in her tracks as that same lightning blasted a ragged, smoking curve between them.

Johnny tried to shake off the shock and pull himself to all fours as Spidey launched another fruitless kick. Chrysalis deflected it with a foreleg and actually grabbed his leg, using it to pull his stomach into her other elbow. She finished by letting a gasping Spider-Pony curl around it, his head lolling on her shoulders, then screeched with triumph, launching them both into and through the remains of the fountain. Masonry shattered as she slammed her opponent into it and stomped down.

Spider-Pony sprawled beneath her. And didn’t get up. 

“Bravo!” Maximus called from a staring Crystal’s headlock as screeches and cheers rose up from the changelings. Pharynx resentfully pulled himself to all fours, glaring at the prone hero. Twilight’s heart was pounding hard enough to shake her apart. 

“This is what you’re afraid of?!” Chrysalis bellowed at her horde. Her horn glowed, hoisting Spidey up by his shirt. “This?!” 

The crowd cheered as she dropped him, ramming a leg into his side. They became less enthusiastic as he skidded towards them. Crystal tossed Maximus aside and raced over to him. 

“Back off!” she snapped, holding up a burning hoof. Some of the changelings had been cautiously creeping towards them but even they seemed grateful for the excuse. 

Chrysalis basked in her subjects’ adoration then hesitated, turning to see Twilight. Her eyes were fully alight, a wind was whipping up and nearby metal crackled with purple sparks. 

Chrysalis frowned, confused. Was the child preparing for some kind of last desperate stand or something? That look in the little upstart’s eye though…how much magic had she exerted humiliating these fools? Twilight was a student of Celestia, not an Avatar of the sun, but a student who had achieved Alicornhood, and the queen’s source wasn’t here to keep her fully charged. 

“Oh poo!” Maximus muttered, craning his neck at a glint in the sky. “And just as we were having fun too. Typical!” 

“What?” Chrysalis blinked at him then looked up. The glow faded from Twilight’s eyes as she realised what it was. 

A silver streak was weaving towards them across the sky, angling down sharply. The shadow at its centre was becoming too defined for comfort. Black Bolt was coming for them, still under Chrysalis’ control and completely lacking any over his own powers. 

“Oh no,” Chrysalis said distantly. She reared up waving her hooves. “No, nonono, stop! Not while I’m down here! You’re going to--”

Twilight looked at Crystal trying to haul Spider-Pony onto her back then behind her at Johnny, frozen at the sight of Black Bolt reduced to a brick through a cosmic window, and knew she didn’t have a choice. She galloped over to him, tackling him to the ground and throwing up a force field, praying it was enough for whatever came next. 

It almost wasn’t. 

Black Bolt crashed into the middle of the park. Lightning poured out of the impact site, carving the quaking ground into jagged fragments. Twilight felt the one she and Johnny were now stranded on pitching backwards, looked over to see Crystal clinging onto Spidey with one foreleg and the edge of theirs with another…

And then everything went white. 


To be Continued 

> And Carry a Big Torch (11)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


38?


He was riding a kart at full throttle, lighting up the Breytona speedway. It looked strangely like Yancy Street, the stoplights and windows too green. They flicked past, making him feel strange, but he had to keep his eyes on the road. He had somewhere to be. 

He passed the other racers effortlessly, one’s radio blaring recriminations at him in Danni’s voice, and sped under the shadow of an overpass. A feeling of relief washed over him, the intrusive cerulean light gone for the moment. 

He was standing still but the feeling of motion and mechanical perfection still racing through his blood. Crystal smiled at him almost sadly, her mane curling like smoke. She smiled politely waiting for him, but his mouth wouldn’t open. He was on the point of screaming pure silence at her when she held up a hoof with her communicator in it. The one she’d given him if he ever wanted to talk. 

“Maybe it isn’t,” she said without moving her lips, “because you’re only really asking that one question.” 

Then he realised where they were. Rarity’s boutique. 


38


The shock jolted him back to consciousness, though there was the strange sensation of opening his eyes and the lights staying off. 

“Oh thank gosh,” somepony sighed. “No, stay there! Hang on…”

Twilight Sparkle illuminated her horn, trying to give off just enough light so they could make out their surroundings without putting her patient’s eyes under even more strain. “Can you see okay, Johnnycake? Hear me?”

“Mpgh,” Johnny grunted, dragging a hoof down the side of his face. He champed his lips a few times then gave her a winning smile. “Ngh, had a harder time shaking off Friday nights, Princess.”

“Just Twilight, please. We’re who knows how far underground, I think we’re way past formalities.” 

“Point,” Johnny agreed, trying to sit up. He squinted as Twilight increased her light, adding to it by flicking on his collar’s spotlight. The lilac and lavender radiance revealed miles of piping. 

He followed Twilight’s gaze up into the shadows. A sluice-gate above them seemed their most likely entrance, but it was a few miles up and clogged with rubble. No going back, not that they’d want to with Queen Mean up there. 

“Wow,” Johnny settled, since whistling would’ve made his headache worse, “how’d we…?”

“My field,” Twilight explained, placing a hoof on his shoulder to help him back down. The archway he’d come to against felt warm, so it must’ve been where she’d propped him while he was out. “We were definitely in running water at some point, but I’ve no idea where we are now.”

“Crystal and the Web-Head?” 

She shook her head, making the shadows dance. “Hopefully they’re together. What?”

“…concussion,” Johnny lied, wiping that terrible alternate universe from his clearing mind. “Here, I’ll--”

He held up a hoof but remembered. He couldn’t. “My powers! Chrysalis turned off my powers!” 

“Calm down!” Twilight said, placing her hooves on his shoulders to keep him from sitting up too fast. “I’m…not sure she did. I’ll explain in a bit, but do you have any idea where in Attilan we are right now? We have to warn Equestria! I don’t know how, but Chrysalis is absolutely going to find a way to weaponize the colony.” 

“My compact.” Johnny shrugged her off and got to his hooves. Anything not to feel totally useless. “It’s not perfect but Reed worked up a positioning spell on our first stay. As for help, it’s a longshot, but…”

He adjusted the ring of his 4 logo, extending his collar mic. He and Twilight winced as the logo glowed blue but spat out alternating decibels of static. 

“Yeah,” Johnny muttered, curtly twisting it off, “figures. Maximus will be jamming every frequency going in and out of Attilan so the rest of the Fam doesn’t get in the way. Of course, Black Bolt hit us so hard he might’ve cooked something important.” 

“And we’ll still have to deal with him when we get to the surface,” Twilight said grimly. “I’m guessing Maximus will’ve shown the changelings all the ways out of Attilan and how to barricade everyknown in?”

“I’d put a couple gems on that, yeah. Especially now four…” Johnny looked down at his hooves. “Three new players are on the board.”

“You’re not out of the game yet,” Twilight assured, placing a hoof on his shoulder. “But I want to find Peter and Crystal first. Is there anywhere you think they might go to ground?” 

“…maybe.”  Johnny nodded to himself and tugged one of his mass-shifting collar pockets open. “Maximus knows how to block frequencies, but only the ones he knows about! Crystal should still be…packing…her…”

He stared down at the fractured communicator. The way its curves drooped in his hoof put him in mind of a baby bird with two broken wings. The ring that had connected it all had sprung open, spilling at least four wafer-thin under rings full of cracked circuitry. 

“Wow, that’s some advanced stuff!” Twilight said before she could stop herself. She looked up apologetically into the Torch’s face, but he was just staring at it. “Um…that’s a radio, right?”

“She said if I ever needed to talk,” Johnny said, not to her. 

“But if Maximus is jamming every signal…?” 

“Huh?” Johnny looked up and shook his head. “Eh, nah, that’d be fine, it’s…what did she call it, bio-metric? Like, yeah, it’s basically a radio but it runs on our…auras or something. It runs on us. As long as our hearts are beating, Triton said.” 

“Then we can work with that!” He blinked at the smile on Twilight’s face. Her horn lit up the tunnel even more. “May I?” 

“Reed probably wouldn’t ask, so…” 

Johnny passed the tangle of angles into the purple field and watched as Twilight’s eyes glazed over, purple light leaking into different lines of circuitry. He blinked as they gently traced geometric patterns towards him, then into his chest. There was no sensation, but it felt like it should be intrusive…

“Okay,” Twilight said distantly, eyes almost completely white, “say, well, pretty much anything.” 

“Like what?”

Both ponies flinched as Crystal’s communicator pounced back into itself, once again a flowing collection of angles and lines. “—or shock’s sake!” it said. “Johnny, come in! Please let me know you’re okay, this isn’t funny!”

“Crystal!” Twilight and Johnny cried simultaneously. She levitated it into his hooves and they crowded around it together. 

“Oh thank gosh!” Crystal’s relieved voice sighed. “Are you guys alright?”

“That’s what we should be asking you!” Johnny grinned. “Yo, webs for brains! You awake yet?” 

“He’s fine--”

There was the sound of hooves landing on metal. “Yeah, nuts to you too, Sad Snot Chili Peppers, Twili—Princess, are you okay?” 

“Sad snot.” Johnny shook his head. 

“Just woke up from getting curb stomped, sue me.”

“I’m fine, thank you,” Twilight cut in. “What about you two? Do you have any idea where you are?” 

“We got flushed into the west side tunnels,” Crystal replied. “I think you guys might have too, you’re coming in really clear.”

“Any way we could find each other?” Twilight asked. 

A beat. The hum of distant, nebulous machinery. 

“Johnny,” Crystal said eventually, “you remember the spot?”

“Yeah…?” Johnny blinked. “I mean, yeah! Good thinking! So if I can find a marker…”

“Exactly! Then we can figure out how to take these things on.” 

“Keep your eyes open,” Spidey cautioned, “we’ve found gunk and since Princess Crystal--”

“Just Crystal. I mean, we’re hundreds of miles under my home, why be so formal?” 

“Okay, cool, point is Crystal’s pretty sure this green stuff’s not coming from the city. And the changelings had to be hiding somewhere.” 

“And I’m burned out,” Johnny grumbled, “maybe permanently.” 

“Not if I can help it,” Twilight said, nodding grimly, “but I’ll watch your back. They’d have to stash the Unknowns they were replacing somewhere, too, so icor’s a potentially good sign. See everypony and every Unknown soon. We’ll…talk.” 

“Okay,” Spidey said carefully. 

“Good luck,” Crystal said, though Twilight and Johnny could hear the gears turning in her head as she thought about who that had been addressed to. The communicator fell silent. 


***

“Markers?” Twilight asked as Johnny they set off. 

“Unknown smugglers sometimes used these tunnels to sneak surface contraband on board the colonies,” Johnny said, leading her down the nearest tunnel as he scanned the walls. Using his collar’s floodlight was nowhere near using his flames to light up the joint and live up to his namesake, but it made him feel a little useful. “And like any great civilisation, the Unknown nation has two things: signs in seemingly random places and the urge to draw on the walls!” 

“Ah!” Twilight nodded as she trotted along beside him. “So they’d leave clues for their fellows to find their stashes?” 

“Right on the first guess! There’s thousands of little niches and disused tunnels in every colony, so all they had to do was get a job in maintenance and hide signs in some random political statement. Hay, by the time Crystal showed me how to do it Black Bolt had lifted the ban on surface goodies. We weren’t even the first kids to use one of those old caches for some private time.” 

“So,” Twilight said, hoping he wouldn't notice her blushing, “why’d Black Bolt decide smuggling was okay all of a sudden?”

“If I had to guess? He probably wanted to neuter it. Like, if it’s not a crime anymore where’s the serious money? For a guy who can’t help living out loud, he’s pretty sneaky. But also, Equestria’s greatest team had just helped his family take back their capital!” Johnny buffed his chest. While still walking, which was impressive. “Kinda hard to stay mad about Unknown foals swapping old records when your new best friends come from down there.” 

“I see! Aren’t they still worried about discovery?” 

“Black Bolt and Medusa always are, yeah.” Johnny rolled his eyes. “But Unknown collectors grab most of their stuff in desert settlements these days. Every creature in there is from all over, so, sure, maybe an aqua-stag or a mantis-Pegasus is weird, but, like, compared to who, y’know? Not everyone’s wearing those cloaks to keep out the sand.” 

“Interesting,” Twilight mused. “Maybe they could start a land colony in the Everfree or something? You know, wander out one day, attend a few town fairs, get everypony used to the idea, and then a few years later just mention in passing that they happen to come from floating cities in the sky, no biggie!” 

“Huh.” Johnny smiled at her. “Because you’ve already accepted the Everfree thing, so…”

“Yeah!” Twilight smiled, looking abashedly at the tunnel floor. “Just a random thought.” 

“I’ve had way more random,” Johnny assured, “and I make approximately 44,000-bits every year.”

Twilight stared at him. 

“You’re doing fine, is my point.” The superpony looked up at a tangle of Unknown runes on a pipe but it didn’t seem to be what he had in mind. “Hay, probably more than fine! What’s the take-home for a princess? Cadence was always nagging me to save.” 

“I’m a librarian…?” 

“What, still?” 

Twilight’s wing flared defensively. “Yeah!”

“Okay, cool.” Johnny quickly held up placating hooves, then squinted at something behind her. Twilight turned, her slightly more illuminated horn mixing with his floodlight to reveal another thistle briar of Unknown graffiti. “Aha!” 

“Good sign?” Twilight asked, cautiously following him down a tunnel. 

“Yeah!” Johnny waved at the red runes. “See that splatter mark at the edge? Way it’s coming out of that last flick? That means this-a-way!” 

“Fascinating.” Twilight blinked as they began climbing a staircase. “So we just follow…splatter marks?” 

“Little easier than that.” Johnny gestured gallantly for her to climb onto the balcony they’d reached before he began checking the edge of some docked hover-platforms. “See, each marker is for a landmark where another marker is. In this case, the trail’s taking us to the local water processing plant. We find the same colour splatter mark there, we follow it to the next utility station. Basic, but so low-tech no Unknown not in the know would think of it! What, the fancy self-cleaning sewers couldn’t be bothered with some paint, so they’ve gotta risk their necks? And who other than sanitation’s gonna know?” 

“The ones who sprayed the markers, presumably,” Twilight smiled. “Here, Crystal showed me how to do this!” 

Johnny watched, impressed as she used her telekinesis to pop open the small slot he’d been searching for and rework the wires inside. Orange lights flicked on at a terminal and their new ride coasted seamlessly out of its slot to wait for them. 

“So,” he began tentatively once they were gliding through a maze of Attilan piping, “Chrysalis.”

“Please don’t start that again,” Twilight sighed. “Listen, I’ve been polite about it but Rarity’s spoken for basically all of us. It’s nice that you’re fond of her for…whatever reason, but we aren’t. In fact, Princess Celestia passed on a respect for the sanctity of life as much as any other magic but if this entire city crashed down on Chrysalis I wouldn’t feel too bad!” 

Johnny blinked. 

“She sunk her fangs into my family!” Twilight seethed suddenly. “You understand? My family. And what makes it so much worse is she didn’t even know she was doing it, and if she did she wouldn’t have cared. And the next time I saw her she was talking about turning me into a weapon! And now she’s doing it to an entire people! We’re going to have to think very hard about how to fight something as powerful as she is when we get to the surface, and if we can’t hold her then I’m not sure I’ll have any choice but the obvious alternative!” 

“Whoa--” Johnny began. 

“I don’t want to be anything like that, of course I don’t! I also want to pour all this-this-this…poison she brought into my life out my horn and right into whatever she has for a heart! And I have to spend every day knowing I feel this and wonder if it’s bad that I don’t feel bad about myself for it, so if you want her, you know what, you can take her! Just as long as I get to snap her horn off first! At least!” 

Johnny let her breathe for a bit. “I meant how do you think she turned my powers off.” 

“Oh.” Twilight hastily smoothed her mane down. It had been rising like angry mist. She tried to fold her wings back in. “Um, y-yeah, probably the same way she mesmerised Shining. In your case that sounded like a post-hypnotic trigger. Have you been under her spell at any point?” 

“Once,” Johnny agreed, nodding. “She was trying to start something with Monster Island and Aqualusia. Don’t remember most of it, but she got the drop on me as this relief worker and I spent a while as her zombie spy/bodyguard. Grim smacked it out of me, though. Or so we thought.” 

“Hmm.” Twilight squinted at him as if trying to X-ray his face. “Do you have any idea how long?” 

“A week maybe? I was just supposed to be helping this E.U.P. camp get set up for flood relief and then…it’s mostly green.” 

“Then that’s long enough for her to come up with a contingency,” Twilight said. “I take it Dr. Rivers looked you over?” 

“He made me the world’s most uncool hat out of a salad bowl, but yeah. He seemed satisfied!” 

“He didn’t have to watch a leech with his sister-in-law’s face pouring a spell into his brother’s horn,” Twilight muttered, eyes narrowing. Her expression genuinely lightened as she put a hoof on his shoulder. “Maybe I’ve thought about it too much, but, well, I have been preparing for running into an enthralled pony again. I’ve been working on dispersal magic ever since Discord first showed up, just in case, you know? So I’m fairly certain I can find whatever she planted in your head and…uh…”

“Light me back up,” Johnny supplied with a grin. “Awesome! So what’s the hold up?”

“Well, we’ve got to rendezvous with the others first.” Twilight looked down. “And there’s no floor right now.”

“What, you need a gurney? Red carpet? Cosy fireside? C’mon, make with the lightshow!”

“Actually,” Twilight said patiently, “yes, a quiet, stable environment would help with something this complex. My test subjects so far have been three bunnies. One of them tried to take over Ponyville. Another still thinks it’s a dog.”

“…but like a cool dog, right?” Johnny said eventually. 

“Just saying you probably want some ponies who know you very well, just in case you forget…a lot of stuff, alright?” 

“Ten four.” 


39


“And those pylons! Manehattan’s got some beauties, but if I’m reading these walls right then you guys make at least twice the length, but on a tiny scale! For real, these should be in the Glitzernheim!” 

“Don’t you just hate these awkward silences?” Crystal smiled, floating her cloud around another wire strung pillar. 

“Sorry!” Spider-Pony chuckled, bounding from pillars and pipes beside her. “Guess these kinda places are just a little off my beat. Usually I don’t see something this intricate unless it’s a metal octopus arm aimed at my head.”

“Just promise you won’t be so busy admiring Maximus’ cables you’ll forget to punch him in the head,” Crystal smiled. She held up a hoof crackling with sparks to examine some graffiti on a sign and nodded to herself. 

“Clocking mad scientist is a Spidey speciality.” The Web-Slinger swung after her around a corner, crawling along the underside of a walkway to keep up as she lowered into a nearby tunnel. “Man, wish I had my camera…” 

“What, is there an Equestrian market for foreign sewer stills?” 

“You’d be surprised.” 

Crystal snorted. “You’re pretty funny.”

“I’m no Element of Laughter but I try!” 

“You’re also nervous.”

“…sorry?” 

Crystal squinted up at him, dispersing her cloud and daintily dropping to the tunnel floor. “You were near-feral not too long ago and I think this is you coping. You’re following me through sewer tunnels for Hala’s sake! I don’t care what kind of engineering geek you are, nothing’s that fascinating. You just don’t want to think too hard, so your mouth’s on auto-pilot.” 

“I can see why Princess Celestia had you over for tea,” Spidey muttered. 

“See, at least snippy is something.” Crystal tapped Triton’s access rune against a panel, unsealing a door hatch. “We’re fighting an invading army here! I know it’s stressful, but I don’t have time to play tour guide to somekno…pony in denial, okay?” 

Spidey squinted as he flipped off the doorframe to ceiling-crawl after her. “You offering to play therapist?”

“Hey, miles to go. Gotta pass the time somehow.” Crystal looked up at him in concern. “And being totally serious, that didn’t strike me as normal. Johnny and Twilight know you pretty well, I’m sure, and you caught them completely off guard. I mean, I’m pretty ready to shove Chrysalis’ horn up her spinneret—”

“Not sure she has those…” 

“—but she was disguised as Medusa and you went what Johnny would probably call ‘full beast mode’ just from eye contact.”

They emerged onto some kind of junction, water flowing up and down transparent tubes. 

“And got my butt kicked if you’ll recall,” Spidey said, bouncing off the floor to perch on a railing. 

“You’re not mad about that.” Crystal shook her head, using her powers to trot across the surface of the water in a storage tank. “I just need to know if it’s going to happen again. I want to know I can rely on you, because Attilan is relying on the four of us.” 

“Put like that,” Spidey sighed. A couple more parkour moves allowed him to follow her to another chamber and buy some time to think. “Honestly? I dunno. That’s never happened before. I mean, I get…tense around changelings, but I’ve never felt like…”

Crystal looked up at him from rewiring a platform.  

“Like I was more…spider than pony.” He shut his lenses. “I know that sounds like some kind of cheesy tagline, but…”

“Could you control it?” 

“No idea.” 

“Maybe we could use you to smoke out other changelings, then.”

Spidey squinted. The platform began to rise so he flipped off his perch to balance on the edge of it. “You’re benching me?”

“Anything but,” Crystal smiled. “I’ve seen you fight, remember? But fighting is thinking. Or, well, sensing according to Karnak, but back there you, uh...”

“Did not seem sensible,” Spidey agreed. “I get it.” 

“Chrysalis just doesn’t seem like the kind of creature we should underestimate, is all.” Crystal winced, rubbing one of her still bruised forelegs. “And taking her head on didn’t work.”

“Dunno about that.” 

She waited for him to elaborate. 

“She was shielding a lot.” Spidey shrugged. “And at least two of you pack literal heat. That tells us she’s not confident she can physically take what you can dish out. My bruised ribs and, okay, ego to the contrary.” 

“There are tricks you can pull with a forcefield…” Crystal mused. “The problem is Black Bolt.” 

“Sure, if he’s there. And no offence but your…brother-in-law?” She nodded. “Didn’t seem to be home. If the Thing tells you somepony can’t be clobbered, you listen. No way he outmuscles Grim Skies and a small airship put him down for, what, ten, twenty minutes?”

“Huh. When he was chasing me and Twilight he had no finesse,” Crystal mused, nodding to herself. “Maybe if we can separate him from Chrysalis long enough her influence starts to--“

Spidey tensed up. “Chasing Twilight?”

Crystal considered him, then smiled. “You’re one hay of a patriot.” 

“She’s…” Spidey let some piping and wires and tunnels go by, but the Unknown just sat there with that patient expression on her face. “She’s a good person.” 

“I hear that. You’re close.” 

“Maybe.” Spidey looked down into the shadows, half admiring the intricate maze of walkways and pipes, like looking at a map of Canterlot secret passages. “She…might not wanna be for much longer. Sun and Moon knows I’ve given her enough reasons not to.” 

“She’s the Princess of Friendship,” Crystal smiled, putting a hoof on his shoulder so he’d look at her. “If she wants to fix it, she will. Whatever it is.” 

“Thanks,” Spidey said. Eventually he coughed, rallying. “So enough about me! What’s with you and Johnny?” 

Crystal raised a brow. “Are you and Twilight like me and Johnny?” 

“Now who’s evading the question?” 

“Uh, I already had this conversation last week and nopony was wearing a mask.” 

“Right, so you have a blank canvass to vent to! And! You know I’m good at keeping a secret.” Although…at this point, what were the odds she could take a fairly educated guess at his real identity? 

“So am I,” Crystal smirked.

“C’mon, you said this’d take a while. Gotta pass the time somehow! Alright, how about the first time I met Johnny?”

“He had a lot to say about you back in the day,” Crystal chuckled, leaning on the handle of the platform, but really to settle in. “How do you know he didn’t already tell me?” 

Spidey winked. “How do you know either of us is telling the truth?” 

“Will you tell me how you get your mask to do that?”

“Maybe. It all started with a prototype Fantastic Inc. adamantine vault…”


40


“I don’t believe you,” Twilight Sparkle said. 

“No, seriously,” Johnnycake persisted, “we had nothing to do, so--”

“Not that!” Twilight scoffed. She’d have playfully elbowed him but they were crossing a walkway, and if Alicorn strength knocked him over the rails, well, he couldn’t fly right now. “That joke about the archbishop and the Super Apes! What did that have to do with anything?!”

“Just adding some colour.”

“Your sense of humour’s a lot more…blunt than Peter’s.“

“Blunt?! I’m a finely honed instrument!”

“Okay, okay.” Twilight rolled her eyes, still smiling. “You make those kinds of jokes around Crystal?” 

“Sometimes,” Johnny chuckled. He paused as they came to another graffitied wall and indicated a stairwell on the right with a jerk of his head. “She and a lot of the younger Unknowns are way into our weird little surface stuff. I think you’ll really like her movie collection.” 

“Ooh, any classics?” 

“Sure, maybe,” Johnny said neutrally. “You two are getting on pretty well, huh?”

“It’s a princess thing, I suppose.” Twilight shrugged. “I wasn’t born to it or anything but, well, you know what it’s like for something to just…happen one day.”

“True that,” Johnny smiled. “And if you wouldn’t mind some advice?”

“By all means!”

“It’s the days after where things start getting better. Crystal would probably have some better way to say it, but she’s better at basically everything.”

“Is…that how you feel?” 

“That’s how it is!” Johnny smiled, shrugging. “And by the way? She and Medusa married into the royal line. And! She’s got plenty of people between her and throne. You don’t have to worry about coming up short. Things do just happen.”

“…thanks,” Twilight smiled. She hesitated. “I know you must feel strange with your powers, uh...”

“They won’t be ‘uh’ for long, so I’m feeling pretty good, actually!” Johnny did a little skip-dance to demonstrate. 

“Right. Uh. But do you ever miss normal?” 

“Dunno. I co-rent, is that not normal?” 

“Oh, I-I didn’t mean anything by it!” Twilight stammered. “Just, that is, I guess...” She sighed. “Do you ever wonder if life would be better if you were just a little pony?” 

“No, but I’m pretty great.” Johnny finished examining his mane in a shiny panel. “Besides you guys got your laser necklaces out of a tree of whatever, right? Sounds pretty naturalistic to me.” 

“…that’s actually a good way to look at it,” Twilight said. She qualified it with, “I suppose.”

“You’re Princess Celestia’s student, too! C’mon, even if you didn’t earn your wings you’d probably still be hocks deep in the business by now. Magic doesn’t have anything more to do with who you are than Terrigan Mist does with Crystal. Just think of it as a radioactive spider.” 

“Okay,” Twilight said coolly, smirking as they boarded another platform to whatever utility station was next, “so what would you do if you’d never heard of cosmic rays?” 

“Super modelling,” Johnny said immediately, checking his teeth with a mirror from his collar. 

Twilight blinked. “So you’d…work with Photo Finish maybe?”

“I’d probably still be banned for life from her pool parties,” Johnny grinned, “and her secret weapon to liven up garden parties. But that’d just be the day job.” 

“There’s layers to this plan then?” Twilight smiled despite herself. 

“What? It’s a paycheck. And it’d go into some for real super modelling: custom airships! My special talent, Reed’s know-how, Sue’s business savvy, Grim’s snoring, we’d still be a force to be reckoned with! That’s not cosmic rays either, there was magic in that hanger.” 

“Friendship is magic,” Twilight agreed. 

“Wait, for real? I was just trying to sound awesome.” 

“You were doing a very good job!” Twilight chuckled. “But yes. Seen it with my own eyes. I don’t understand all of it yet, but you’re right. If six strangers could find out they had a special connection before they knew what Harmony was, then why couldn’t four ponies make one amazing family with no cosmic influence? Maybe you would’ve found the Elements before us or something!” 

“Now there’s an interesting parallel universe,” Johnny mused stroking his chin. 

Twilight smiled. “It’s complex, but so are people, and friendship can’t happen without them. That’s what my studies are. I think they always will be, because there’s no end to the possibilities. If anything, the most valuable lesson my friends have taught me is that there’ll always be more to learn.”

“Ever think of going into marketing?” 

“No, why?” 

“'Cause I dunno that I’d subscribe to your newsletter, but I’d sure read it!” 

“Oh. Uh, well, I still write papers if you’d be interested?” 

“Do they come with any gold braid? Maybe some of those fancy red ribbons? Those always look good on a shelf!” 

“My budget doesn’t really…? We can use some town hall stationary?” 

“Rustic chic, huh?” Johnny nodded to himself. “Well, maybe for a sunset shoot.”

“You’d shoot rustic sunsets in your Lower East Side apartment?” Twilight squinted, wondering why she was encouraging him. 

“Pete’s still got his cameras and I always look good! Why not?” 

“…you do you,” Twilight allowed. 

“Always do! You guys got a plan yet?” 

“We’ll talk strategies once…” Something about the way his smile didn’t change set off her own Spider-Sense. “Not what you meant.”

“I mean after,” Johnny clarified, holding up a hoof. “No pressure, but there’ll always be evil queens. You find them in every mall and behind every desk in Equestria, and that’s just Equestria. Whatever you guys have, that has to be stronger. It’s got the harder job. It has to work.” 

Silence. 

“Look, feel free to turn me into a toad or whatever--”

“That’s a hurtful stereotype,” Twilight sighed. “No, I know where you’re coming from. You’re being a good friend.”

“I’m an amazing friend,” Johnny agreed without a trace of irony. “But Pete was just your friend once too, right?” 

“He was…” Twilight rubbed her mane for something to do. “I don’t know, it’s hard to describe. I didn’t even know his name at first. His real one.”

“But you wanted to!” Johnny beamed. 

Twilight nodded slowly. “And now we’re fighting. Or we were. I’ve never been through a week like that!” 

“And now you’re in the middle of a changeling invasion,” Johnny agreed. “Lot on your plate, I get it. But you’ve gotta know that’s still gonna be there when the dust settles.”

“I said we’d talk after I got back from this exchange,” Twilight sighed. “Does that sound like the right move? I’ve never had to make this kind of decision before.”

“No, totally the right move.” Johnny put a hoof on her shoulder. “And listen, bro code, Team-Pete all the way, but that doesn’t mean I’m not on yours. Trust me, the problem isn’t talking, it’s getting him to pull his head out of his webs and listen. It’s all that inner monologuing, weighs on the ear canals or something.” 

“The Journal of Equestrian Medicine thanks you for your contribution.” Twilight rolled her eyes, but she was smiling. “Thanks Johnny, that means a lot.” 

“Hey, real fights, they’re tough. It’s okay to feel beaten up or whatever. And I’m rootin’ for you two, believe me, but it’s your choice if you get back in the ring. You can fight because you care, too.” 

“You’re actually pretty good at this.” 

“Multifaceted like a diamond,” Johnny agreed, nodding solemnly, putting a hoof over his chest. “Seriously. It’s a burden.”

“So how’d you and Crystal deal with, uh, differences of opinion?” 

“Dunno,” Johnny said, shrugging. Twilight flinched as he hopped off their platform, but it was only because they were inches from docking. “We never really fought. You coming?”

Twilight trotted after him, joining in the search for more graffiti. But she was distracted. 

“Yeah, party in the back,” Johnny said eventually, running a hoof along the stylish back of his mane, “but that’s not the reason you’re eyeballing me.” 

“No!” Twilight flustered, wings flaring. “I mean, that’s not what eyeballing is! Shining showed me, it’s kind of gross! Just, uh…”

“I’m fascinating, I know.” Johnny found another piece of graffiti and led her through a forest of futuristic power transformers. “I’ve had to make peace with it.”

“I’m just trying to figure you out, I guess. Brag all you want, but yes, you are a very interesting pony, powers or no. Dragon and the egg situation, I suppose.”

“My biographer’s in international waters right now,” Johnny said, and Twilight wondered if she should be worried that things like this were becoming less surprising to her, “but I could fill in any blanks? Seriously, we’ve got a-ways to go, what kind of host would I be if I let you be bored stiff?”

“It’s not your colony!” Twilight giggled. “I don’t know. It ties into the Magic of Friendship, kind of. Different people making something different together. You’re my boyfriend’s best friend but your ‘day jobs’ are very, very different—”

Johnny smirked, raising an eyebrow. “So he’s still your boyfriend?”

“—you’re part of a close family but you’re way more open than I ever was,” Twilight pressed on to avoid getting tongue tied. “Hay, on that note, our callings are a bit similar, too! We keep getting called all over Equestria, we value our friends, but we’re not identical. For starters, Great Pony in the Sky do I wish I had your budget! But for all that we even have friends in common, you know? Even if you and Rainbow Dash are fighting--”

“Okay, time out!” Johnny lashed his tail. “Rainbow’s fighting with me. I washed my hooves of the whole thing.”

A beat, nothing but the hum of Attilan’s electrical processes and running water echoing from somewhere. Twilight knew he wasn’t mad at her, but she had also put her hoof in it. 

“Rainbow was…not in a good place,” she sighed, “and she shouldn’t have said what she said. But Rarity told me about how you were willing to try and rekindle…something. Would you have done that if there was nothing there?”

“Got enough to fill the void,” Johnny muttered. “New apartment, new job, and I can make more friends.” He shut his eyes. “Look, I know she’s yours and Rarity’s. But if she doesn’t want it to happen what am I supposed to do?” 

“Then I guess my question is if you want it to happen,” Twilight said gently. She smiled. “Feel free to melt me down for scrap if I’m speaking out of line.” 

“That’s a hurtful stereotype,” Johnny smiled. He mulled something over. “Right. Crystal doesn’t hear a word of this, okay? Last thing I wanna do is make her worry. Ever.” 

“Uh, alright.” Twilight held up a hoof. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” 

Johnny watched as she held the pose for a little too long with a smile that was a little too sincere. 

“…yeah, okay,” he decided. He sat against some railings. “What do you know about Galactaurus?”

“You pushed back an entity even Discord doesn’t dare cross,” Twilight said diplomatically but still curious. “No easy feat.” 

“It is if you’re the Fantastic Family,” Johnny said but without much customary swagger. He looked up at the maze of pipes and tiles and walkways and lightstrips and shadows that made up the ceiling of Atillan’s underside. “What the news reels don’t show you is what I had to do so we could beat him. Did the Princess ever mention Uatu to you?”

“The Watcher,” Twilight breathed. “He’s real?” 

“As real as giant owl in a toga can be,” Johnny smiled. “Anyway, old big eyes shows up, skies of fire, storms, asteroids, the herald comes, yadda yadda. This was before the Surfer was on our side by the way, and while I’m not giving any of those medals back you should really thank our friend Armarilla.” 

“Armarilla Masterpeice?! The sculptress?!” Twilight clapped shocked hooves over her mouth. “Sorry, I’ll stop doing that, think it’s all those years I worked without a lab partner, had to take my own notes, go on, sorry.” 

“Anyway,” Johnny smiled, “even when she brought old Norrin ‘round, nothing we threw at his boss was working. The Watcher steps out of the shadows to tell us there might be a chance to grab the one thing he’s scared of…” He gestured to her, but she was keeping her word, which he could respect. “The Ultimate Nullifier. But it’s so crazy shielded it doesn’t even need to be guarded. Y'know, on account of being on some other plane of existence the mortal mind can't comprehend. Only one of us has the speed to fly through the crazy and bring it back before they go irreparably insane. Guess who.” 

“That’s…” Twilight didn’t have the words. “That was a lot to ask of you. And I’m speaking as somepony who had to go into the Everfree Forest to prevent eternal night. Weren’t you, uh…terrified?!” 

“Didn’t know to be.” Johnny shrugged then looked down at the floor. “But I was a quick study.” 

Twilight couldn’t do anything but let the silence stretch for a while. She’d heard about the Nullifier of course, mostly legends used to introduce her university studies into different planes of existence. Every single one had come with the same warnings. 

“What did you see?” she managed eventually. 

“Dunno,” Johnny said simply. 

She could have slapped him, but realised it wasn’t obtuseness or facetiousness. Well. Not more than usually. 

“I just know it was big,” Johnny decided. “Bigger than big. So big that you know little pony doesn’t really cover it. A secret so big that it isn’t really a secret, we’re just nowhere near whatever it is. Only reason I can still stand upright and eat solids is my brain apparently erased all of this in self-defence. Y’know. As you do.” 

He looked up at her and smiled. “But I hung on long enough to get the Nullifier to Reed. You wanna understand me, Twilight Sparkle? When I was fourteen years old, I survived a rocket crash. When I was fifteen, the world was going to end.” His eyes glinted. “And then it didn’t. Galactaurus backed down. If I treat every day like it’s a party, sure, I get how that can be a lot but…”

“But nopony could really blame you,” Twilight said gently. 

“Not for lack of trying!” Johnny winked. “But yeah. If nothing matters then everything does, I guess. I dunno, I never really put it into words. But I think you get it. You guys have stopped, what, four apocalypses and counting? It’s just hard not to enjoy being alive!” 

“Chrysalis is a lot more apocalyptic than she was in Canterlot,” Twilight mused, looking up at the ceiling. 

“Yeah, and she’s not taking Crystal’s home on my watch. And what I’m saying is even if this whole situation wasn't going down I’ve still got bigger problems than Rainbow Dash.” Johnny sat up. “Sorry, but there it is.” 

“No, you feel how you feel,” Twilight agreed. “Thank you for sharing all of that with me. It was a lot.” 

“I contain multitudes,” Johnny breezed. His smile flickered slightly. “Again, Crystal doesn’t need to know this. You coming?” 

“Yeah, of course! Lead on.” 

You’re  a good pony, Johnnycake, she thought ruefully as he led her to another platform dock, but you tell me to fight, then that you’ve given up on Dash. And you don’t fight with Crystal, but you’ll keep secrets from her that you just told a complete stranger.


41


“And we know times have been hard,” Queen Medusa said solemnly into a camera, “but as always Attilan has persevered.” 

She bowed her head sadly. “And it pains me that we must ask you not just to continue doing so, but to also endure betrayal by those we thought closest to us.” 

Behind her footage was being edited. Security pictures of the Horseshoe Torch, Twilight Sparkle and Spider-Pony battling Chrysalis and Thorax. By the time Maximus was done there’d be no sign of a single changeling, just plenty of juicy shots of ponies ravaging the capital of the Unknown nation. 

“Which regretfully,” Medusa continued, making sure the camera caught her eyes fighting not to shed a single, magisterial tear, “include my…our royal sister, Princess Crystal. These outsiders have turned her, and in her betrayal I feel that I have betrayed you all. From the bottom of my heart I am sorry and swear that we shall make amends.”

Footage of Crystal riding a cloud before unleashing green lightning was already cued to play as she started this bit. 

“If you see any of these dangerous creatures, please, do not put yourself at risk, but do not stand idle while Equestria tries to seize our home, your home, as they have the spirit of our sister! Only together can I finally run Celestia through with her little school filly’s own horn—Bleh, no, wait, that’s not right.” Medusa shook her head and cleared her throat. “From blah blah blah sister.” 

The changeling behind the camera, wearing a beret and ascot, nodded and hoofwaved her down from three. 

“Only together can we defend Attilan from those who would see her brought low. Report any sightings of the invaders to your guards. Do not risk yourself by attempting to reason with the fallen Crystal, as she has already released everyknown in the Maze onto our streets. Should she attempt to trick you, defend yourself!” 

Medusa fought to keep a sneer off her face, turning it into grimly narrowing her eyes, a nice touch though she said so herself. “Be especially wary of this purple pony, an agent of chaos the surface princesses have sent to corrupt our very way of life. We still do not know if it is this Twilight Treason’s honeyed words or freakish magics that have turned our sister against you, but her minions have made Equestria’s intentions plain.” 

She held up a hoof, tracing a lighting bolt in the air before clasping it with her other. “Until all are Known. Aaaand…” She smirked, dropping her false form in a burst of green sparks. “Cut.”  

“Excellent stuff, my little battely axely!” Maximus beamed as his cables manipulated a console to edit a few last changelings out of the footage. “Hopefully this is the last address you need make before all of Attilan bows to your true face!”

“I won’t miss your sister-in-law’s hair, that’s for certain!” Chrysalis simpered. The special wall Maximus had told her would somehow host their edited images slid back into the floor, allowing her to admire the Attilanian throne room “Hmm, you know, this really isn’t bad. Plenty of sharp metal bits, good scale. I could even live with the banners! Perhaps some ichor here and there…”

She bared her fangs in triumph, marching towards the enormous lightning bolt themed window, changelings hastily shifting out of her way as she looked down on the towers. “And best of all, it’s got a view.” 

It wasn’t Canterlot Castle, but it would be worth looking down on it like a cake decoration as her new weapon closed in on it. Celestia would be nothing more than a paper swan and Chrysalis would relish every second. (Until the scale allowed the swan and her various allies to swoop among the buildings and come crashing through her new window, but if she could plan ahead for inevitabilities like that she wouldn’t have been hiding in a wasteland for decades.) 

“We shall certainly be on the lookout for those little pests,” Maximus agreed. He made the final adjustments by hoof and stamped a rune with a gloved hoof. “And done!” 

Chrysalis watched contentedly as every billboard screen began playing her message with Medusa’s voice. Her brow creased slightly as Maximus slithered some cables around her shoulders. “Hmmm, and you’re sure you can track down all those Maze escapees?” She put on a concerned pout as he turned to her. “I’d just haaaaate it if they went and formed a rowdy, widdle resistance now we’re soooo close to our happy ending!”

“Tracking systems already in place, my chitinous cherub!” 

“Oh, you’re so clever!” Chrysalis endured yet another nuzzle. The 20th of this day alone. She was starting to think there might be something to her partner’s constant tales of parental neglect. “What about your, oh, I’m so scatter brained today, the farming beams?” 

She made sure to blink innocently. 

“The tractor beams?” Maximus blinked back, then chuckled. “Almost there, almost there!” 

“Almost?!” Chrysalis gasped, clasping his hooves, trying to maintain the lilt. “Oh, Maxie! How almost is almost?” 

“Well, I wanted your big broadcast to go perfectly, so I set up a sub-routine to--” Something in the Unknown’s collar chimed. He retracted a small rectangle of plastic Chrysalis had seen him use a few times and checked its screen. “Finish the task! All we need to do is insert this into the Hyper-Helm and Attilan is ours!” 

“You mean this?” Chrysalis reached out with her telekinesis to manipulate mechanisms woven throughout the room. 

With a pleasing swish, sections of the walls and floors reorganised themselves, lightning and diamond patterns streaming aside as insectile arms glided out to assemble a frame. Tiles from the surroundings interlocked, spreading glass sheets to complete the assembling of a complex console.

Chrysalis buzzed over to take her place behind it while Maximus used a cable to delicately slide his little gewgaw into a crown shaped slot. She flinched as it let out a piercing drill whine, but it was instantly drowned out by exhilaration as every light on the Helm and around the room turned either green or cerulean. 

Tentatively, the queen placed her hooves against two sliders. Her lip curled in triumph as map and compass holograms flickered out of the consoles on her left, while a series of green and cerulean lights lit up on her right. 

“Attilan is now mobile, though still only equipped with defensive weaponry,” Maximus smirked. “But with your ingenuity and my genius, the colony’s tractor beams have been considerably increased. With but a flick of a hoof and an eye on the gauge over there, no, that one, we can pull apart entire swaths of enemy territory!” 

His wide eyes were growing as his pupils shrank, forming unsettling wrinkles on his forehead as if his own skin were trying to get out of the expression’s way. “We can pull apart entire mountains!”

“Then I don’t need you anymore, do I?” Chrysalis smiled to herself, never taking her eyes off the instruments. A hologram of Canterlot rose out of the map as she almost caressed its slider. 

Maximus blinked. A contingent of changelings began to crawl across the walls towards him like leopards in long grass. “Come again, my little battely axely?”

“Maximus,” the queen sighed, pushing one slider towards herself so Black Bolt’s throne coasted up to her and allowed her to sit, “sweetheart. I am an invader. You are one of the rulers of the place I am invading. Let’s think about this.” 

“But…” One of Maximus’ cables reeled out of his collar to stroke his chin as he tried to concentrate. “You love me!” 

“I never said that!” Chrysalis beamed. “I did, however, take advantage of your rather obvious need to be loved. And now that you’ve given me these nice and simple controls to turn your colony into my personal fortress, I’m giving you to Pharynx as a chew toy.” 

“He looks soft,” her lieutenant snarled from the ceiling, “but what the hay, he also looks like a squealer!”

The rest of his goons cackled. Without turning around Maximus shot two cables into the ceiling, electrifying it. Pharynx and the other changelings jabbered and writhed as the current coursed through them, crashing to the floor like the Unknowns’ hopes and dreams. 

“But then…” Maximus’ brow wrinkled with confusion so much his eyes were being pressed down. “Who’s love have you been powering yourself with, by the One Below All?!”

Chrysalis rolled her eyes. “Who’s do you think?” 

A black gloved hoof wrapped around Maximus’ still crackling cables, hauling him off his hooves. 

“Oh, come on!” the mad genius gagged, struggling with his collar. Black Bolt gripped it with his other hoof and tore it apart, letting his brother drop to the floor. “Alright, alright, fine, I’m Un enough to admit when I’ve been outmanoeuvred. You wouldn’t happen to be in the market for a grand vizier, would you?”

“The plan doesn’t really need much more,” Chrysalis sighed contentedly as she sank back into her new throne. “Attilan crashes into Canterlot, devastating as much of Equestria as possible along the way. ‘Queen Medusa’, or maybe 'Princess Luna' depending on my mood, emerges miraculously unscathed and rallies her surviving subjects against those treacherous outsiders! Bonds are forged, passions run high, and I sit on both thrones with my new all-powerful secret weapon, slowly picking both sides off until they run out of love or bodies. Whichever comes first.” 

“Oh.” Maximus blinked, realising he was still quite taken. “But what about the Fantastic Family?”

“What about the Fantastic Family?” Chrysalis muttered, although she did rub her jaw at the memory of that one incident with the Thing. She waved an irritable hoof, still not looking at the brothers. “Look, just go hang upside down with your cousin and the dog, won’t you?”

“You’ll regret this!” Maximus yelled, shaking a clenched hoof as Black Bolt floated them out of the room. He squawked as his thrashing inadvertently banged his head off the doorframe. 

“You’ll still be on board when we crash,” Chrysalis trilled, waving after them, “so no I won’t.” 

“Loser,” Pharynx muttered as the other changelings cracked up. 

“Oh, I know,” Chrysalis sighed, slumping into Black Bolt’s throne. “He’s made me all cross now! I need to destroy something right this instant!” 

She spun the globe again, pulling up a hologram of the castle of the Crystal Empire. It flickered with static thanks to all the wild magic up north, but Chrysalis chose to see that as a glorious sign of things to come. 

“And it may be the long way around,” she sneered, engaging the helm, “but it’ll be worth it.” 


42


Spider-Pony squinted. “…the hay was that?” 

“What?” Crystal pulled up short on her cloud. “Your sense thing?”

“No, something…deeper…” 

They flinched at their surroundings shook, air shattering under the sound of grinding machinery. Spidey leapt off his current perch before he was thrown clear, firing twin web-lines to secure himself to the ceiling until it passed. “Did I ask what the hay was that already?” 

“We’re moving,” Crystal snarled, speeding her cloud into a tunnel mouth. 

“Uh, where?” Spidey had to abandon swinging to gallop along the tight tunnel’s floor after her. “You said those markers--”

“Attilan is moving,” Crystal clarified.

“Something tells me you’re not referring to the Unknown FM hit single.” 

“Oh!” The warrior princess left Crystal’s face as she looked over at him. “We actually enjoy a lot of pony music up here! Picked up some stray radio signals a few times, then Knowns just had to have more. There was a whole black-market thing, that’s what these tunnels are.” 

“For real?”

“Yeah! I mean sure, it used to be weapons for coups and stuff, but after our houses stabilised things it was all about surface goodies. Before Chrysalis played her hoof my biggest worry was my collection was going to be too outdated.” 

“Competitive field?” Spidey chuckled, twisting between beams and conduits. 

“No, for Twilight.” 

“Oh.” He swung along in silence for a beat. “I’m sure Johnny helped you pick out some timeless stuff. Guy might be full of himself, but only because he knows he’s got a good eye.” 

“He does,” Crystal smiled fondly. “Though maybe I should be asking you for tips on Twilight, hmm?”

“Why’s Chrysalis moving the city?” Spidey asked, taking a swing over a walkway more sharply than he’d intended. A wall panel clanged, half buckling as he stuck to it. “Uh…sorry.” 

“I feel like I should apologise.” Crystal waved it off, eyes narrowed. “As for Chrysalis, I can guarantee it’s for nothing good. We’re almost to the spot. All we can do is hope Johnny and Twilight make it in time for us to come up with something before she and Maximus hit Equestria. Any advice on changelings?” 

Spidey shrugged mid-swing. “You should ask Twilight.”

“I’m trying to be considerate here but, well.” Crystal made a face. “You’ve run into them before, right?” 

“Twice,” Spidey said simply. “All I know is I freak them out. Had to help the Elements solve some mystery in a tomb a bunch of them were using as a hive, but I’ve never run into Chrysalis until now. Twilight went on a big research kick after what they did to her brother, all I remember is creepy bedtime stories. Hay, that’s all changelings were to us until last year.” 

“Hmm. Anything about weaknesses to mistletoe or animal noises in those stories?” 

“Just some stuff about true love and magic mirrors, and Princess Celestia says that last one’s based on when Chrysalis tried to crush her with a vanity mirror, sorry. You guys pack any pesticides?”

Crystal raised a brow. “Yeah?” 

“Then if they’re anything like me a couple blasts of ethyl chloride should make them feel like a bad day after Hearth’s Warming.” Spidey winked at her from the upside-down apex of his latest swing. “Appreciate it if you’d keep that under your crown, my rouges have this on again off again thing with forward planning.” 

“I don’t wear a crown outside of state functions,” Crystal scoffed. “Hala, if Medusa and Black Bolt hadn’t been so into each other my family would’ve probably been a sidebar in the history files when Father’s ministerial term wrapped up.”

“Sounds like you wouldn’t have minded,” Spidey noted as they both landed on the steps of a water processing plant to catch their breath. 

“Sometimes.” Crystal shrugged, smiling as they sat on their haunches. “Didn’t have too long to think about it before Maximus’ big coup. And without that I might not have seen as much of your world as I have.”

“Hey, way Dr. Rivers tells it you guys were born here,” Spidey pointed out. “That makes it your world too.” 

“Thanks,” Crystal beamed. 

“Did I ever thank you?” Spidey put his head on one side as she blinked. “That thing with Dr. Gloam's golem a couple years back. You made it punch itself in the head, saved my tail?”

“Oh right!” Crystal’s own tail lashed at the memory. “Eh, just hit it with a lightning bolt. Throws off their systems. Wasn’t planning on it punching its own head off but it looked cool, so I’m not complaining.” 

“Same here!” Spidey chuckled. “A lot of this business is looking like you know what you’re doing.”

“Tell me about it.” Crystal smoothed down a strand of her mane even though it wasn’t in her face. “Would it be cool if I…showed up more? Kinda?”

Spidey squinted. “You’re asking for permission?” 

“Okay, seriously, that’s so creepy, how does it do that?” 

“Do what?” Spidey waggled his lenses. Crystal formed a warning snowball. “Alright, alright! You’d do fine in Manehattan. Hay, you did fine when you were rolling with the FF. We’ve had worst tourists.” 

“I meant if I maybe showed up with Johnny,” Crystal’s said in a voice that sounded like it was taking a lot of self-control not to bite her lip. 

Nothing but the whisper of outflowing water for a beat. 

“Uh…” Spider-Pony said for something to say. He stood up. “Sorry, sometime this just helps me think better.” And backflipped until he was perched on the side of a storage tank. “Okay, you and he are talking, so if you’re happy then everypony’ll be happy.” 

“Can see why you’ve lasted so long,” Crystal scoffed. “Seriously, that’s some Neighlympian tier dodging.” 

“So we’ve established you maybe don’t think you’d be happy,” the Web-Slinger noted thoughtfully as his tail pointed at her. 

“…yeah, ‘kay, that was pretty good,” the Unknown muttered, sullenly folding her forelegs and glaring at some grinding turbines a few walkways over. 

Spidey decided to drop the act entirely. “Do you want to get together again?”

“He says he’ll accept whatever I decide,” Crystal sighed. 

“Yeah, but that’s not the question. Manticore to your head, what do you want?”

“I…” The Unknown mulled it over. Or, if Peter’s own experience had taught him anything, stopped putting off an answer. “I love Johnny. It’s why I gave him that communicator. I mean, ‘in case you need to talk’? C’mon.”

“But?” Spidey prompted gently.

“Okay.” Crystal took a breath. She’d been fortifying for what felt like a tidal wave but it  was surprisingly simple once she committed. “I’d like to be with him again, but I want options.”

She shut her eyes and scuffed the metal floor. “That sounds awful doesn’t it?”

“Hey, that surface you’re so eager to visit?” She looked up as Spider-Pony tumbled off his perch to look her in the eye. “Everyone down there wants options too.”

“You Equestrians and your soliloquies,” Crystal rolled her eyes, but she was filling the air with silent gratitude.

“Yeah, my uncle was way better at this. So, ah…what’s ‘options’?”

“Everything else,” Crystal said before she could stop herself.

A beat.

Spidey rubbed the back of his neck. “Look, Johnny’s my best friend in this crazy business, got a roof over my head thanks to him. If you both want it, it’ll work. But I think the question you should ask yourself now is if he wasn’t an option…does that mean you wouldn’t have any others?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Crystal admitted, nodding to herself. She smiled. “Thank you.”

“You realise I’m obligated to be twice as rascally now?” Spidey noted, cartwheeling after her as they began to head further into the facility. “Y’know, overcompensate, bury the awkwardness?”

“There’s something our races have in common,” the Unknown smirked, “boys and their feelings.”

“Whatcha gonna do, make it illegal to talk about sports and monster trucks instead?” He perched on a wall, shaking a hoof at her. “Not in my Equestria!” 

“This isn’t Equestria.” Crystal began searching for more graffiti. 

“I dunno, imperilled, dependant on princesses to save us all, a monster trying to steal all the love for themselves…”

“We could forge a relationship over better things than Chrysalis, but I see your point.” 

“I was talking about Johnny.” 

Crystal shook her head as she chuckled. She found a splatter marked slogan and beckoned to follow her through a row of tanks. “Still not buying that’s how you guys became friends.” 

“Yeah, one of us tells only truths,” Spidey noted idly, casually hopping onto a conduit connecting the tanks and tightrope walking it, “the other only--”

“Or that there’s not something going on between you and Twilight.” She smirked as he almost toppled off. “C’mon, we both know friendship is a different wavelength from whatever this is. You just did me a serious favour and we’re not that far off being hocks deep in bug monsters. Unload!”

“She’s dating that guy who takes all my photos,” Spidey countered.

“Yeah, but he’s not here,” Crystal parried. Her follow up was casual but she was looking at him a little too hard. “Is he?”  

A beat.

“I’ll accept whatever she decides,” Spider-Pony said, hopping off the tanks. “If she just wants to be friends after everything that’s happened, that’ll be more than I deserve. I…”

He frowned and held up his left hind leg in disgust. “…just stepped in something gross!”

Crystal stared at the glistening green strand trailing from her travelling companion’s hoof to the floor. Still hopping, Spidey slapped on his spider-signal to get a better look at it. “Ugh, is this what being webbed up is like? I feel so bad now!”  

“Quit moving!” the Unknown sighed. He didn’t but she still nailed the goop with a thin stream of sub-zero air, flash-freezing it. A simple chop and Spidey’s leg was his own again, allowing him to turn with her to light up a row of towering panelled archways over the tanks. With a trail of ichor curling across the floor towards one. 

“So we thinkin’ nest,” Spidey ventured, “or…?”

Crystal lit up her own flashlight in her sigil collar and trotted up to the archway. Once you knew you were looking for it the patches of stale green were easy to make out between seams. “They’d have to stash the guards somewhere…” she muttered, sending small streams of wind into the seams to see which were hollow. 

Five spaces in just that one arch, it turned out, Spidey confirming it was reachable only by crawling. The arches had been designed as pillars of collapsible platforms, allowing non-flying maintenance workers to form bridges as needed, which also necessitated throughways and storage spaces. Crystal speculated some of the out-of-use storage tanks would be a good place to search as well, since while the first and second one they tried were empty the rest were crammed with cocooned, comatose Unknowns, some half armoured. 

The real shock was who they found at the top. 


43


Johnny and Crystal’s spot wasn’t exactly what Twilight had been expecting (which to be honest had been some kind of sci-fi malt shop) but the appeal was obvious. Part of Attilan’s defunct navigation systems, long since replaced by machines on the surface, the spot consisted of an ornate chamber, several shelves and packing crates, and the crowning glory of a glass observation port that wouldn’t have looked out of place in the Crystal Empire. 

“Huh.” The Torch frowned as Twilight used a quick spell to disintegrate most of the dust it had acquired. “We’re moving. Check those clouds. Not good.” 

“Gorgon mentioned their relocation protocol,” Twilight winced, “and how noknown was happy about it. Guess we know why Attilan’s so close to Equestira now.” 

“With Maximus at the wheel,” Johnny smiled wryly. “Good news is he and Chrysalis won’t be able to keep the Fam from noticing them. Bad news is it’ll probably be because they’ve used Attilan to do something terrible.” 

“Attilan’s armed?” 

“More to keep Kree or Skrulls out than zapping random ponies, but they don’t call him Maximus the Mellow. He’s probably turned the theme park into a death ray as an engagement present.” 

“Attilan has a theme park?!” Twilight boggled. 

“Did Crystal not tell you?” 

“I was saving it, you blabbermouth!” 

The two spun to see four shadows making their way down the ramp used to ferry supplies into what had become a lover’s point. Crystal stepped into the sunlight, smiling. 

“Crystal!” Johnny galloped up, taking her by surprise with an embrace which she enthusiastically returned. He smirked over her shoulder as Spider-Pony leaned in the archway. “Lockjaw! What’ve they done to you?!” 

“Taught me to get into real estate instead of slap bracelets.” 

Crystal squinted. “You what?” 

“I was misled!” Johnny protested. 

“By what?”

“His reflection, probably,” Spidey cut in. “What’s this about your flames? You back in the saddle yet?” 

“My new favourite princess has a plan, yeah.” Johnny indicated Twilight. “Of course she does, what’s she gonna do, rely on you?”

“Need a nurse?” Spidey asked. “What I lack in experience I make up in enthusiasm and an implacable bedside hammer!” 

“You mean manner,” Twilight chuckled. 

“No I don’t.” 

“You sound better,” Twilight smiled. 

“Uh, yeah.” For something to do, besides looking into her eyes, Spidey crawled up the rim of the arch.  “How, ah, how about you?” 

“I’d like to talk,” Twilight agreed, “just after, you know?”

“Totally.” Spidey quietly nodded back. “And hey, we brought you a lil’ war council!” 

Twilight blinked. Crystal grinned, standing aside so the two shadows behind her could join the conversation.

One was a koromiko Unknown that resembled an Earth Pony but had something of a mountain goat or eastern Unicorn about him, dressed in a viridian sash and strange headdress dome. His face was emotionless under the black domino mask he was wearing, the simple line of his mouth framed by a neat black beard. He was uncomfortably lean, but his long legs had a strange impression of weight, his forelegs wrapped up a little past the knee in black and white wraps. The other…

“Look out!” Twilight sprang back, horn glowing, then caught sight of Crystal’s stunned expression. “Oh! Oh, so this is…this is…?”

“I’m afraid so,” Triton smiled, stepping forward and bowing. “Triton Mander-Azur, Minster of Exploration at your highness’ service. I believe we have some…catching up to do.” 

“Um…” Twilight blushed but smiled in relief and returned the bow. “How about we just say it’s a pleasure to meet you?” 

“Fair,” Triton chuckled. Twilight understood why Crystal would have begun to suspect something when Pharynx replaced her cousin. His features were a perpetually serine smile, almost Celestian. “And may I also introduce my brother?” 

“Karnak Mander-Azur,” the bearded Unknown said as he bowed. “Magistrate and Minister of Defence to the house of Boltagon. We both regret this meeting cannot be under better circumstances.” 

Twilight bowed back. “Likewise, but I’m glad you’re safe!” 

“You’ll forgive me,” Karnack said with the same languid professionalism he apparently said all things with, “but our home has been invaded and turned into a siege engine aimed at your shores. Even if circumstances were not so, the natural rate of industrial and domestic accidents in Attilan alone--”

“Brother,” Triton smiled as Crystal rolled her eyes. Twilight could only blink. Karnack sounded a bit like one of Peter’s favourite Star Trot actors, the one with the cute catchphrase, and she wasn’t sure what to do with that. 

“Better to be accurate, brother,” Karnack replied, apparently unruffled. 

“Oh, right, Crystal mentioned,” Twilight smiled politely. “Your gift is to see…perfection?”

“Imperfections, your highness,” the Unknown corrected with a gentle smile. His blue eyes glistened behind his mask. “Everything in the universe is imperfect. My order sees no point in pursuing perfection, and thus our needs are simple. We need not know all for everything is imperfect, so we observe as much as we can. Thus we may come to know it’s flaws and so know it’s beauty and truth. For it is within our irreconcilable differences that we find a living, breathing harmony beyond ethereal, stagnant perfection. How can one be the best one can be if one seeks to be something one can never be? You see?”

“He’s a real knockout at parties, lemme tell ya,” Johnny smirked. 

“Spidey and I found them along the way,” Crystal explained, “and they know these tunnels well enough to have a good idea where the changelings are storing our missing people!” 

“So we might have enough help to take back the city?” Twilight beamed. 

“No,” Karnack said simply, “even if we find everyknown we shall simply have enough to outnumber these invaders and to provide a big enough target for the king.” 

A beat as Crystal squeezed her eyes shut at the pure embarrassment of family. 

“Huh,” Spidey said, because somebody had to. 

“He didn’t say it wouldn’t work, mind,” Triton smiled, “just that we need a bit of…finesse.” 

“Let’s see what we can do then,” Twilight decided. She turned to Crystal. “Agh, sorry, your colony, didn’t mean to take charge--”

“Saving our home always goes better with help,” Crystal assured. She and Johnny shared a smile, though he couldn’t help but notice the way Karnack raised an eyebrow. 

“Aren’t there some maps around here?” Triton was looking around at the packed shelves. “Karnack’s right, even if we round everyknown up we’re still going to need an approach…”

“Uh, somewhere, yeah.” Crystal began to loot the shelves, throwing up dust. “Blegh! Johnny, didn’t we leave some blankets down here last time? It’s been a while, but it shouldn’t be this mouldy!”

“Think those, ah, are the blankets,” Johnny winced, prodding something fibrous and dark with a hoof. He shook it rapidly, expecting to burn away any infection, but then remembered. He glanced meaningfully at Twilight as Crystal spread some old charts of Attilan out on the floor. 

“You guys go ahead,” the Element said as she nodded, indicating a space between two crates. “Just gotta…deprogram Johnny first.” 

“Anyknown got a pen?” Crystal asked, patting at her collar. She blinked as Johnny held a ballpoint out to her. “Oh. Thanks!” 

She gingerly took it from his mouth with her own. There was a moment of…almost, but not enough. 

“Do I wanna know?” Spidey asked from his current wall perch. 

Johnny just shrugged. “Autograph book.”

Spidey widened his lenses as far as they would go. “You can read and write?!”  

“I believe we have just found our distractions for Black Bolt,” Karnack said without taking his eyes off Crystal’s charts. 

“Be nice, brother,” Triton smiled. 

Johnny made a rude tail gesture at Spidey when he was sure Crystal wasn’t looking and trotted into the alcove with Twilight, who had been looking and was worrying about what her mother would say, even though she had no intention of bringing this up outside of a report to Celestia.

“So what’s the prescription, doc?” Johnny beamed. “Chanting? Pentagrams? Yoga?” 

“Not a doctor,” Twilight said absently as she focused. Johnny felt a telekinetic grip gently take his right ear as a purple magical construct formed, hovering between them. It looked like a sponge. 

“Y’know what, I take it all back.” They looked up to see Spidey draped on the shelf above them, resting his chin on his hooves and one hind leg idly kicked up. “Magic is a fascinating field worthy of close study.” 

“There’s hope yet,” Twilight smiled. Briefly. “Oh, hold still you big baby!” 


To be Continued 

> And Carry a Big Torch (12)
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


44


“This is taking forever,” Chrysalis sighed. 

Her underlings flapped their fans faster and shakily poured more wine. The queen sat, bored but as regal as a sphinx, on Black Bolt’s throne, idly flicking the Hyper Helm’s holograms on and off with her magic. 

“We could interrogate Maximus?” Pharynx suggested from where he crouched upside down on the ceiling. “Make him tell us how to step on the gas?” 

“You just want to beat something up,” Chrysalis muttered irritably. Her field surrounded her lieutenant suddenly, yanking him down to eye level. “And you’d have it by now, if you were hunting down those pests! You wouldn’t shut up about avenging your brother!”

“Squads…all over…city!” Pharynx wheezed. 

Chrysalis released him to drop to the floor, feigning indifference. In reality she kept forgetting just how powerful her magic was now, powered by a love strong enough to grind coal to diamond. “Well more changelings on the trail means you’ll find them faster,” she huffed. 

“Wouldn’t mind another crack at the spider,” Pharynx muttered. 

Chrysalis silenced the murmurs this started with a cold glance at some nearby minions. “Very well, but you’ll do it in disguise.” 

She stood sharply as her lieutenant began to protest. “Firstly, you will do it because your queen commands it! Secondly, it is a miracle our ruse has kept these Unknowns in place for as long as it has. I’m not taking any chances until Canterlot is well within my sights.”

She strode to the window, smirking down at the abandoned, checkmark pocked streets of Attilan. “Besides, you’ll have your fun soon enough, Pharynx.”

“Revenge for my brother,” the changeling snarled, his fin going rigid. 

“Yes, yes, dear old…him.” Chrysalis rolled her reflection’s eyes and admired its wings. "But even on the run, our quarry’s field is only so big. Crystal is one of these fools’ most recognised figures, and three little ponies are going to stand out even if the spider abandons that jester outfit. One of them is bright purple for goodness sake, how hard could she be to⁠—”

Every screen in the room and on the buildings outside flickered to life. A hum of readying public address systems sliced across radios. 

“—find…” Chrysalis blinked. 

“Attilan!” Johnnycake Storm’s blue eyed beaming face filled every screen with static laced chocolate brown and beach blonde handsomeness. “It’s been too long! Yeah, it’s your old pal the High Flying Horseshoe Torch, and no, your screens are fine, I’m just even more handsome than when you last saw me. Quick update: that footage is false, apart from how scruffy my old buddy Spider-Pony’s tail is! I love you too much to lie, Attilan. That’s how seriously I take this relationship.” 

“Get to the point,” someone off screen muttered, punching him in the foreleg with a red and blue hoof. 

“Where is that coming from?!” Chrysalis demanded. She spun furiously, staring her present subjects, who had absolutely no idea how to work an Attilanian coffee machine, much less conceptualise a broadcast hack and how to trace it. 

“Too Long Didn’t Read,” Johnny’s giant faces continued, “this lockdown is a sham, you’re being invaded to invade Equestria, and it’s all thanks to this lovely lady!” 

“Oh, that little…” Chrysalis snarled as photos of her un-morphed duel with the Torch began to fill every billboard in Attilan. 

“You’re looking at Queen Chrysalis, numero uno changeling and the third most depressing Princess Celestia wannabe to ever live. She enjoys conquering foreign lands, insurance fraud, maniacal laughter, and long walks on the beach. And don’t let the fangs fool ya, fellas, she’s got a sweet tooth!” 

Chrysalis clamped a mortified hoof over her mouth as the images cut to a still of how wide her mouth had opened to fire that ichor net. They would choose a frame where her left eye was twitching from the recoil! 

“She’s also due some serious payback, but don’t take my word for it! My lovely assistants, Princesses Crystal and Twilight Sparkle (and ol’ Web-Head because I felt sorry for him), are gonna demonstrate just how deep she’s wormed her way into your lives. Enjoy!”

He loomed in every Unknown’s vision for a second as he fiddled with whatever he was recording with, turning it down a random Attilan alleyway. 

“Hello and welcome to The Guards Are All Fake!” Spider-Pony saluted, flanked by an oddly terrified Twilight and Crystal. “Today’s prizes include the sweet taste of liberty and a lifetime’s supply of stain remover! And you at home don’t need to feel left out, all you need to do is take to the streets, walk up to the nearest goon in armour and do like so!”

He lashed his tail, signalling the quivering princesses to follow him as he bolted down the alley. Johnny’s feed went dark, replaced by security camera footage as the trio leapt over some plaza railings to ambush a passing guard squadron. 

“BOOGA BOOGA BOOGA!” Spidey bellowed, waving his hooves as he pranced and flipped all around them. 

“Spider!” screeched the captain, crashing backwards into his men as his disguise dissolved. The cry was picked up by another squad running around the corner, one still disguised guard leaping into an exposed changeling’s forelegs. 

“Avenue of Harmony,” Spidey snarled, hopping up to glare into a camera, “you can’t miss it.”

His hooves thrust up so violently every changeling except the glaring Chrysalis flinched. Her head twisted sharply to take in a giant web, a downward arrow in the centre, springing into existence down a ribbon of towers to her right. 

“Assuming you think you can go another round,” Spidey sneered into the lens, “and don’t send Black Bolt or your little attack dog.”  

He threw himself backwards off his perch, firing webs into the camera fast enough only for changeling eyes to track. 

“Dog?!” Pharynx sputtered. 

He hesitated as lights began to flash in different tower windows. The murmurs of the horde died down to listen. Yes, there was something out there. Like different strands of wind, clawing at the back of their necks. Angry shouting. The sounds of a mob. 

More lights began to flare up and down the streets. A checkpoint in the corner of the window shuddered under multi-coloured radiance before some Unknowns large enough to be visible from this high up rammed into it, disintegrating it into collapsing scaffolding and shattering safety lights. 

The skies began to fill with packs of flying changelings, not swooping down on helpless prey but desperately trying to weave between buildings to avoid ad-hoc air squads of furious flying Unknowns. Those that could lobbed power beams after their invaders. 

Chrysalis rounded on her minions. “Well?” 

Apart from a few warriors like Pharynx limbering up there wasn’t so much as a twitching wing. It was like being back in the nursery. 

“Get out there! We don’t need to win, we just need to hold these fools in place until we reach Canterlot!” 

“B-but,” one changeling stammered, trembling, “there’s a spider…”

“Yes!” Chrysalis stomped forward, sending even Pharynx and his cohorts scuttling backwards and halfway up the walls. “But it is out there and I am in here!” 

“I can take ‘im!” Pharynx snapped, hovering off the floor to try and regain order. “C’mon, I’ve protected the hive from way bigger! And we didn’t even have Black Bolt then!” 

“Oh, yes,” Chrysalis beamed suddenly, catching them all so off guard it was like she'd simultaneously slapped them. She instinctively shifted her vocal cords’ bio-thaumic aura to that of Medusa’s. “My ultimate solution. ♫Oh, darling!♫” 

Her eyes glowed green, magic mingling with her voice, slitting a portal in mid-air. The King of the Unknowns wobbled out of it from sealed off lower floors, which the changelings had taken over with ichor and kicked in walls. Gorgon, Lockjaw and Maximus dangled semi-conscious in cocoons, along with palace staff that had asked too many questions. 

“Yes,” Chrysalis cooed with her stolen voice, “I know you’re not feeling well, but just this one last thing and you can lie down.” She smirked. “And all of Attilan with you. But I just need you to pop over to the Avenue of Harmony and tie those last few loose ends up, around a mountain for preference!” 

Black Bolt turned to the cityscape, Krackle building around his body. “No, wait,” Chrysalis realised, “not the window, not my view, AGH!” 

She flinched as the Unknown crashed through it, then blinked as he took a sharp left, leaving a crackling trail of power to rub it in. “What?! You’re going the wrong way! What are you doing?!” 

“We don’t need him!” Pharynx insisted, making her flinch as he sprang past her into the air. He spun, pumping a hoof and yelling over the buzzing of his wings. “Who’s with me?!” 

His fellow warriors joined in, jeering and hooting, the rest following them rather than risk being left alone with their queen, who’s fangs were lengthening so she could grind her teeth. 

“What?!” she snapped to the almost totally vacant throne room. 

Her shadow flickered under her hooves from suddenly changing light. 

Running on centuries of experience and primal instinct, Chrysalis flung herself to the side, avoiding a combined beam of magic, fire, and lightning. The impact wave as it struck the floor still knocked her out of the air, sending her crashing into the floor just as it caved in from the sheer power. 


***


Chrysalis flailed and choked on dust, blinking from the shock of her landing. 

“Wh-wh’agh?!” she hacked. The breath was driven out of her lungs as a purple field enveloped her, crushing her forelegs into her chest and her neck into her torso. 

“Misdirection,” Twilight Sparkle snarled, hovering above her. She lashed her horn, hurling Chrysalis across the room, dropping her field in time for the queen to take an ice bat to the face and crash into a council meeting table. 

“Avenue of Harmony’s on the west side,” Crystal grunted, letting her bat dissolve back into water molecules. 

“I’m back too, by the way,” the Horseshoe Torch said cheerfully, flying three circles around a boggling Chrysalis’ resting place as he lazily carved a concentrated heat beam into the floor. 

“Ul--” Chrysalis choked, letting out some final hacking. “Ultracrepidarian! Ultracrepidarian!” 

“Gesundheit.” Johnny winked. “Just swung by to give you the good news! Crystal and Twilight’ll take it from here, especially since you so helpfully showed us where you’re keeping everyknown. Hey, pick me up some hoof cream while your down there?”

“Down…?” 

Chrysalis scrabbled to her hooves as the Torch clapped his. She looked down at the glowing smear around the table, and then she was falling again as it dropped through the floor. Her outraged scream was silenced by a satisfying metallic slam.

Johnny let the mask slip, looking at Crystal with concern through his flames. “You got this?” 

She smirked. “You’ve got your job, we’ve got ours.” 

Johnny gave her a quick salute as her rocketed up through the hole in the ceiling, but he knew no matter how fast he flew he’d still be weighed down by the anxiety he was leaving behind in that room. Leaving Crystal behind with that monster.


***

Below, Chrysalis stabbed a clenched, green glowing hoof through the remains of the table on top of her, pulling herself to her hooves. She’d crashed down into the offices her swarm had turned into a makeshift hive but not even webs of ichor and crawl spaces could make her feel better. 

Beating those upstarts to death with one of these slabs, that would--  

Twilight, surrounded by a force field, smacked down on top of Chrysalis, driving the changeling back into the rubble and bouncing into the air. She flared her wings, angling her field so it ricocheted off a beam, diving back for another strike. 

The trick lasted for two more shots before Chrysalis swiped her glowing horn, a slash of cerulean energy knocking Twilight’s fourth attempt off course. Another burst of magic and she was behind the Element, furiously spiking her field hard into the marble floor. 

Twilight choked down a cry of pain, scrabbling away as her field flickered out. Chrysalis’ horn gored the floor where she’d been, throwing up sparks. 

“You. Chipped. My. Fang.” 

Twilight blinked at the slight lisp in the queen’s voice and the shock that, yeah, she actually had at some point. 

She got over it at the same instant Chrysalis lunged, teleporting behind the changeling. She ducked a furious green and cerulean blast of magic, teleporting away again, trying to find an opening without getting fried by Chrysalis’ next volley. 

“That’s right!” Chrysalis shrieked, blowing apart an exposed beam, just to show she could, as her horn discharged over and over and over. “Run from my power! Run to your little friends! Bring them all! As many as you like! I’ll drain them one by one in front of you!” 

“At least I’ve got friends!” Twilight shot back. Literally, forcing Chrysalis to leave herself exposed, then levitating one of those beam fragments into her opponent’s side. It wasn’t knocking out that other fang, but it was so darn satisfying. 

“Where?!” Chrysalis spat.

She blinked and spun at a slithering sound, yelping as a green blur shot across the floor under her, slapping her forelegs, which suddenly couldn’t find any traction. She slipped and crashed to the floor, pawing helplessly for balance or purchase. 

“Not the most pleasant of my powers,” Trident admitted, flipping off his back and using his foreleg fins to slow himself to a stop by a smirking Twilight, “but exuding that little compound should prevent you from crawling out of reach!” 

“And you shan’t be using your favourite wing to compensate!” Karnack declared, tumbling expertly out of the shadows. 

Chrysalis tried to snap at him, even with only one fang, but hissed with animalistic panic as his hooves jabbed up and down her shoulders with near bullet speed. Her right wing crumpled uselessly as the Unknown cartwheeled to Twilight’s other side. 

“And this…” wheezed a voice behind the downed changeling. 

Chrysalis scrabbled to turn just in time to take one of a sopping wet Gorgon’s hooves to the face, sent pinwheeling through the air. 

“Is just the beginning!” the massive Unknown grunted. 

Chrysalis managed to slow her fall with her remaining wing, just enough to land hard and slip face first into the floor again. Barking with fury, a half-recovered Lockjaw bounded across the room, instantly on her. Twilight and the three Unknowns weren’t far behind him. 


45


“C-c-can we go now…?” the faux Crystal asked. 

“Yeah, sure, beat it,” Spider-Pony decided, flicking his tail roughly in the direction of the pub they’d been loitering outside when Twilight snagged them. The grateful but still terrified changelings dropped Twilight and Crystal’s appearances and bolted. 

“Try not to suck so much!” Spidey called after them. He wasn’t sure they heard him over the sound of civil rebellion. 

Well, wait, no, the idea was to get Attilan back to the status quo, which they seemed okay with, so was it really a riot if the authority the Unknowns were beating up wasn’t their own? Did shapeshifting insects really count as an authority? He wasn’t sure the UN recognised…wherever they came from. 

He shook his head to clear it as he jumped three times across a street to perch halfway up a wall and take stock. He’d kept the…urges or whatever clamped down the whole time, but being around even just two changelings still made him want to…he wasn’t sure. 

Pull rebar out through concrete. Hurl loaded wagons over, maybe even through, a building. Gallop from Manehattan to Neigh Jersey. Cover Blue Mountain Forest in webs. 

Show off his powers. Just to prove he could. 

It was like a steroid version of his Spider-Sense, though only Chrysalis had ever kicked it into overdrive like that. That jerk with the red fin and purple wings was also the first time it’d felt…satisfying somehow. 

A few months ago, in a pain killer induced fugue, he’d admitted to the other Elements that he did, occasionally, eat flies. He’d never do it in front of anypony of course, but, well, even when his fridge had been set for at least a week, it’d still been nice just to…maybe check out the local cobwebs and. Well. 

Twilight had never pressed him about it, but the scientist (wizard, whatever) in her probably thought along the same lines as he did. Maybe changelings were some kind of instinctual branch of that spliced in urge. Like perhaps he was following his nature, even though it wasn’t natural. Like perhaps he didn’t just want to beat changelings, but to stand over them, lean down and…

A brick lobbed at a ducking guard broke a window on the floor beneath him. 

Yeah, an active riot is probably not the best place to be thinking about this. Not that I really wanna. Two forms of dodging for the price of one! 

He looked around, uncertain if he should help, or even needed to. All the Unknowns pouring out of these doors and alleyways had powers, or at least combat training. The changelings hadn’t been expecting this and were scattering more than actually fighting back. 

He webbed up a few of their escape routes on principle, and flipped his way across the architecture until he found what he was looking for: a rune decorated Unknown manhole. 

“Wrong turn at Antlerquerque!” he cheerfully explained to a confused Unknown beating up a groggy changeling. Two web-lines to the sides, a deft yank, and he was dropping through the hole before the cover slammed back into place, scurrying along the ceiling of another Attilan maintenance tunnel. 

Follow the yellow conduits, Triton had told him. This phase of the plan required Black Bolt to be heading in the wrong direction twice, Karnak counting on a mix of his cousin’s stupor and Chrysalis’ unfamiliarity with Attilan's layout. Presumably if the king course corrected it’d be towards the arrow Peter had left behind, giving him time to meet up with Johnny.

From then on, the plan wasn’t to beat Black Bolt but to outrun him and, most importantly, keep him from making his way back to Chrysalis.  

Hot potato, with a half-alien super pony who could power all of Las Pegasus for a few decades and a potato head. Sounds simple enough. 


***

He reached the district’s upper power junction and took a ladder back to the streets, emerging in Attilan’s Old City and scaring the beejezus out of some changelings fleeing a mob. He saluted with the manhole like a hat. ”’Scue me folks, you wouldn’t happen to know the way to Carnineigh Hall?”

“War criminal,” said an approaching light and warmth behind him. 

“Flame Brain! Lacking in good taste and quality fake passports, too, I note!”

“Hey, they said they couldn’t accept Derby Bugle headlines,” the Torch smirked as he flew by, the Web-Slinger swinging after him as they raced to their next distraction point. “This is what happens when you’re your own press agent.”

“You are talking to me about this? You?” 

“Well, the dude we’re fighting can’t talk, so.”

“Is what we’re doing really fighting?” 

“Point,” Johnny agreed, looking between some passing towers as a silver streak rocketed towards the east side’s web arrow. “If we make this a street-fight he’ll steamroll us without even noticing.”

“And remind me again why we don’t just all grab Lockjaw, make a quick trip to Canterlot, and hang out in Hawhiney for a few days while Princess Celestia takes care of this?” 

“Trying to win back the best princess ever over here!” 

“…you haven’t talked to her yet?”

Johnny looked despondently at him through the flames and waved down at the streets, full of furious Unknowns and rabbiting changelings. 

Spidey shrugged mid-swing. “Still.“

“Hey, last time we saved Attilan I got a date out of it. You’ve gotta admit it’s a hay of a conversation starter.”

Yeah, an old one. And she’s looking for new options. “Good luck, man.” 

“Thanks. When you and Twilight’ve patched things up, wanna double date somewhere?” Johnny grinned. “Between the four of us we could get into a whole new kind of trouble, assuming we don’t found a new super team on the way! Still got a lifetime pass to Whinneyland somewhere in Sue’s attic.” 

“Appreciate the support but…” Peter went silent as they arced over another street. “Kinda assuming she’ll still--”

“Who’s assuming? Hang on, this looks like a good spot.” Johnny braked over an abandoned lot full of wrecked checkpoints and launched a flaming arrow construct into the air. The web arrow over the Avenue of Harmony disintegrated in silver Kirby Krackle. 

“Do we have a plan if he catches us?” Spidey asked, leaping rooftops after the Torch as they headed towards another district. 

“You trust Twilight to shut this down like I do Crystal?” Johnny asked over his shoulder. 

“Totally!” 

“Then start actually doing it.”

Peter blinked Spider-Pony’s lenses, almost missing his next web-line. 

“That’s plan A,” the Torch said, diving under a bridge to startle a pack of changelings hiding on the underside. “Plan B is to keep evading Black Bolt like you evade difficult topics. Y’know, Twilight, politics, your thing with those fruit pies, daddy issues with ol’ Falttop, the Spider-Kart existing at all…”

“I wish Fin Fang Foom had sat on you.” Spidey twisted in mid-air, weaving another web arrow under the bridge behind him as his tail fired off his next line. “Seriously, Attilan’s only so big. Just because Black Bolt's brain-fried enough to fall for this doesn’t mean he won’t catch on.” 

“So we whip up a new prank to keep him away from Chrysalis, which is the whole point,” the Torch countered. “Seriously, cake and medals in Canterlot before sunset, tops.”

“That’s the other thing.” Spidey landed on a roof to point at the horizon. Johnny followed his gaze, past the towers of Attilan to mountain peaks coming into view. “We’re somewhere in the Misty Mountains! Attilan might be taking it slow but we are getting closer to a populated part of Equestria. Also, pretty sure Black Bolt’s gaining on us.” 

“Or is he?” Johnny smirked, wound up a fireball and curveballed it over a few blocks to erupt into a new arrow over one of several spiky towers. 


***

They’d managed two new arrows each before the shaking started, all of Attilan rocking. 

Golden light flared at the edges of the colony’s base, clouds twisting into nothing in its wake. Snow tumbled from mountain peaks in the distance…and seemed to float, with more than a few rocks. Below them Unknowns and changeling’s hesitated mid-brawl. 

Spidey squinted, clinging extra hard to a high-tech gargoyle. “Did Lockjaw and Gorgon sneeze at the same time or something?” 

Johnny’s collar chirruped urgently. He stabbed it to activate his mic. “Sue?!”

“…that’s interesting.”

“Crystal! How’s bug sitting going?” 

“Dunno, everything’s shaking! How’s Black Bolt?”

“Don’t think he even noticed. Sounds like you got comms working though! ETA on backup? Playing tag with your brother-in-law’s fun and all, but we’d take the coast guard at this point.”

“Yeah, the FF’s on the way, but we’re not out of the woods yet. Those quakes are the Hyper Helm’s tractor beams! Maximus stuck something into it for Chrysalis, and the only thing I can override is comms.” 

Spidey and the Torch flinched at grinding thunder. Over the rim of Attilan a mountain top was finally coming apart. Rock, snow and grass sprayed so high it covered the edges of the city in a depressing Hearth’s Warming diorama.

“Any idea where we’re going?” Spidey asked. “’Cause the Crystal Empire is looking awfully close. Hay, this thing could mess up enough rivers to flood half of Northern Equestira!”

“Canterlot,” Johnny and Crystal said in perfect sync. The Unknown was reading the holo-map. The Torch just knew Chrysalis that well. 

“Maximus locked anyknown out, but he supped the tractor beams up to be almost as crazy as he is! It’s why we’re running so slow, so we should have time to take out at least one of their power plants. He’s, uh, engaged all their defences, so you should know them when you see them.” 

The Torch indicated with his head. Spidey followed to take in a series of golden glowing structures here and there, the same colour as the beams frothing at the edges of the city. A spray of snow and even some trees joined it, hurling a bolder far enough into the city to dash itself to pieces against one plant’s golden force field. 

Spidey gave the Torch a deadpan look but nodded. 

“Didn’t old bowl cut pull this before?” The Torch squinted. “How’d we get in then?”

“That’s the thing,” Crystal winced over the link, “you were about to try going nova when Black Bolt stepped in.” 

Johnny quirked a brow as Spidey put his head in a hoof. Although he wasn’t exactly wild about breaking out his biggest move either. 

Even if it worked his Nova Flame could reach temperatures close to a small sun, and the only times he’d unleashed it in Manehattan was either in mid-air and well out of civilian airspace, or with Sue containing as much of the damage as she could in a force field. 

Black Bolt might be addled enough to be steered into one of their targets, but there was no way he was going to miss one of the world’s most charismatic explosions on his doorstep. The plants weren’t that tall either, so there was the extra pressure of keeping the Nova confined to a neighbourhood. In the middle of an ongoing riot.

One single civilian casualty, even a changeling, and Johnny would never forgive himself. 

Oh, and then there was the totally cool fact that his powers would need at least an hour to recharge. With no guarantee the Nova would knock Black Bolt out. He’d seen Galactaurus step on the guy once and it only gave him a case of orbiting tweety birds, a really, really big fire wasn’t even going to give him a sunburn. 

“I’m trying to reach the Empire but there’s so much static,” Crystal snarled. “Hope it means they’ve spotted us and evacuated, but…”

“We’re on it,” the Torch declared, shooting towards the closest power plant. 

“Oh, are we?” Spidey snarked, swinging after him. “Well, on the plus side, the streets look like your room on laundry day, so we don’t have to worry about anypony walking in on us.”

“It’s anyknown.” Johnny glared at his own (still debonair) distorted flaming reflection in the golden field. “And that was one time, let it go.” 

“Takin’ it to my grave, partner,” Spidey shot back, weaving one more arrow between buildings. “Unless you’ve got a plan in that collar?”

“Time it so I hit Bolt Brain and this shield at once.” 

“Very zen!” Spidey boggled. “In a suicidal way! You wanna tick off Shy-Hulk too, go for a hat trick?!” 

Johnny flexed, his flames burning brighter. “You wanna be standing here when Black Bolt catches up to us?” 

A silver star flashed on the horizon. 

“Clocks ticking.”

“Oh sweet, so either you flash fry me, or he turns me into Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-Confetti for Chrysalis’ coronation parade when I jump in to try and save your tail!”

“Think of it as a display of Great Power,” the Torch smirked. 

“Shut up.” 

Searing heat poured off the Torch, rippling the thickening air. Nearby light strips blew out suddenly as every metal railing and support beam protested with creaking, hissing, and pinging. 

Johnny’s epidermis climbed from an agonising, furious red to churning, molten black, just in time to contrast with a blinding white corona slowly clawing its way through his flame aura. He gritted his teeth as blood orange cracks knifed their way over the protective shell, doubling over as he lifted an extra foot into the air. 

Black char spread across the ground under him like ice, forcing Spider-Pony to spring backwards. He was shocked as his friend thrust out a hoof, hanging onto just enough white-knuckle control to push him even further away with a thermal burst. It was still searing and the air was thickening to concrete. 

“Johnny!” Peter called, clinging onto a passing wall.

“Crystal,” Johnny growled calmly from somewhere inside the inferno, “dunno—Hngh! Dunno…if you can still hear this. Just. Just in—Agh! Just in case…I love you.” 

“Johnny!” Peter yelled again. Debris and broken glass hurtled back into the storefronts it had come from, borne on the Nova Flame’s gathering wind. 

“Get outta here already!” a pair of golden eyes, venting blood red flame, and a manically grinning magazine cover smile hissed at him from the incandescence. “Twilight’s. Gonna. Kiiillll meeeee anythin’ happens to ya!” 

“Because Black Bolt’s soooo much better!” Peter snapped back. “If you can’t take him what am I supposed to do, breathe on him?!”

A beat. Clouds were evaporating in the sky above them.  

“…you’re a genius,” Johnny said.  

“What?!”

The crowning sun that was Tropical Johnnycake Storm snapped up to glare at the descending Black Bolt. Spider-Sense lanced through Peter’s bones, snatching control of his body and urging it into a thirty-story leap, weaving a useless web-shield en-route to being anywhere but there.

Precious seconds from Black Bolt’s impact, which could still spread every molten fragment of him the length of Attilan and over its sides, Johnny:

Shot forward. 

Flipped over the reaching Unknown. 

And opened his mouth to pour the entire, roaring, pumping, seething, unstoppable glory of his Nova Flame out of it in a concentrated beam.

His jaw went near blackout numb almost instantly. Black Bolt took the solar fist right between his shoulder blades, slamming face first into the power plant's field. Webs of light shot across it for an eyeblink, before the entire thing contracted. The building inside exploded the same instant it collapsed, molten cracks punching their way up and down the streets. 


***

Johnny tumbled bonelessly to the ground, watching through a haze with some satisfaction as two other plants he could see from here flickered and dropped their fields, their windows going dark. 

Attilan must have stopped shaking because he couldn’t trust that fading, booming non-sound in his ears, but he was too out of it to even tremble. He coughed on the mix of ozone laced smoke from the wreckage and fresh air rushing back into the sweltering street. 

His collar felt limp around his neck, its circuitry most likely burned out. Even Reed’s unstable molecule fabric could only do so much. That was okay. Crystal probably had Chrysalis iced to the floor by now. He’d catch her at the victory ball, once his legs could work. 

Some still burning rubble shifted. 

Johnny rolled his eyes as Black Bolt rose slowly out of the wreckage of the power plant, the silver bolts of his costume now almost invisible under ash. “Yeah, you think you have the upper hoof now,” he wheezed, “but oh man, when I get my fine motor control back I am going to poke you so much, you have no idea.” 

Black Bolt wobbled through the air towards his target, his eyes glowing venomous green. Johnny coughed some smoke at him just for something to do. 

A roaring Spider-Pony swung through the roiling smoke, crashing both hind legs into Black Bolt’s head, grabbing his forehead rune and hurling him down the street in seconds. Johnny blinked as Peter lunged to meet the dazed Unknown as he stopped in mid-air, lowering to the street as the wall-crawler filled the air with so many punches and kicks it almost looked like there were three Spider-Ponies in one place. 

Spidey’s last kick was so powerful it snapped Black Bolt’s chin up and sent him flying away from the Unknown. He rolled as he landed, panting, lenses narrowed. 

Black Bolt blinked and wrinkled his nose. There was a sound like a finger poking through the membrane of the universe, and a wave of Kirby Krackle sent both super ponies flying.

“What was that?!” Spidey demanded once the ringing in his ears had modulated enough for him to hear himself. 

Black Bolt, still mesmerised, rubbed some sparks out of his nose and began to drift towards them. 

“Congratulations,” Johnny winced, “I think you made him sneeze.”  


46


“Stay down!” Twilight snapped. 

Chrysalis scrambled to her hooves to hiss at her. She was leaving herself wide open, but Twilight was too stunned to take advantage. The goal was absolutely to hit the changeling as hard as they could, wearing her down if not actually beating her. But Twilight hadn’t expected…anything like this. 

Lockjaw had savaged Chrysalis’ wings, she was now missing parts of her mane in addition to a fang, she’d actually bitten her own legs to try and pull Triton’s secretions off, and her black carapace had been torn open in places from blows and blasts. Twilight could see some kind of cerulean and lavender…gel?...in those gashes. Whatever it was, it wasn’t skin, even if it didn’t flow like liquid. 

She was staring into the worst part, the ragged, gaping burn mark that had been half of Chrysalis’ face. More gel underneath. The queen’s hateful, feline eye was suspended in it. 

Twilight blinked as Karnack used her shoulder to launch himself over her and into a kick. Chrysalis batted him aside, but it had been a set up for Gorgon to land his own attack, sending her flying. Triton leapt to headbutt her in the side, then landed on her as she hit the floor, driving the fins on his left foreleg into one of her gashes. Chrysalis shrieked in fury. 

“Focus, Princess,” Karnack grunted as Twilight helped him up. 

Twilight nodded numbly. She needed to be in the moment. The plan counted on giving Chrysalis no opening, using every shot to set her up for another one. Hammering her until she dropped. Giving her no time or room to use her boosted magic, taking away every physical advantage she had. 

But sun and moon, the sounds coming of out of Chrysalis…

Chrysalis gritted her teeth at Triton’s latest stab, then twisted her neck with a quick, sickening sound to bite his leg. The Unknown cried out in pain, then grunted as she headbutted him, catching his chest with her horn. Miraculously his scales were too thick for her to penetrate, but he still hurtled into a girder.

Twilight threw up a shield to absorb Chrysalis’ blind barrage of magic bolts, gritting her teeth from the impact. Black Bolt and Medusa’s love made Chrysalis’ blasts strong enough to blow out an entire wall already, and Twilight’s head was ringing from trying to take on that much magic. 

Lockjaw bounded forward, but a wad of ichor suddenly bound his forelegs together and he crashed to the floor. Chrysalis teleported out of the way of a bellowing Gorgon’s stomp, crouched ferally halfway up a wall, disconcertingly like Peter. 

“Fools!” she slurred through the remains of her jaw. She glowed with green magic, sealing her wounds and re-growing appendages with butcher sounds. “You think this will stop me?! You’ll be dust before I…”

She trailed off, her pupils shrinking. 

Twilight telekinetically hammered the middle of the beam, throwing the changeling off and into one of Gorgon’s blows. Chrysalis rolled across the floor and snarled as he charged her. Her entire body erupted with green and cerulean lighting, and Gorgon howled as it met his swinging hoof.  

Twilight teleported behind her but Chrysalis was still fast enough to spin and meet her. Force from their simultaneous magical beams drove both of them apart, sending Chrysalis smashing through pods and debris. Twilight’s hooves felt like they were being scraped off but she managed to flare her wings, slowing just before she was driven into the remaining wall. 

This was useless, wasn’t it? Even pulling from her Alicorn-increased magical reserves. Chrysalis could just channel more and more stolen love into her own beam, mow Twilight down before ever running out, not even needing to outlast the younger mage. And she’d caught onto the plan…

Triton sliced frictionlessly across the floor, knocking Chrysalis off her hooves and just managing to be out of range before Twilight’s blast hammered into the changeling. Twilight blinked with the shock of released pressure as a purple amber slammed Chrysalis into a wall, bursting pods and raining ichor. Gorgon and Karnak were already racing forward but there was a flash of green and the shadow inside the amber was gone. 

“She knows!” Twilight coughed as Triton helped her up. “She knows we--”

A cry from the gaping hole in the ceiling. Crystal tumbled through, just managing to throw up a cloud to catch herself. She tumbled onto her back, firing razor sharp icicles from one hoof and good old fashioned lightning from the other.  

Twilight and the rest of her family began to gallop towards her but a green flash blinded them. Twilight squinted to see a furious Chrysalis clinging to the ceiling, smoking and with some shards of ice buried in her carapace. She threw herself back, still knocked off her hooves as the queen launched herself down hard enough to punch a crater in the marble floor.  

“Know what?!” Chrysalis howled, spinning to the Unknowns. 

Crystal managed to tag her with a blast of lightning but she’d already been glowing with power, thrusting her wings forward. Twilight winced at a piercing shriek as they spat green and cerulean sound waves, flooring the Unknowns. 

“Know…what?!” Chrysalis panted, clamping her regrown fangs together to stop her twitching. “That you had…had your little friend up there, calling…calling for help while you tried to distract me?!” 

Twilight built up power for a concussive burst spell but the wind was knocked out of her as Chrysalis spun, spitting ichor with the force of a beanbag round. An alien tugging forced Twilight to turn her head as she scrabbled to get back up in spite of it. She stared in horror at her right wing, caked against a beam by the gunk.

“Or that you’re trying to burn me out?!” Chrysalis sneered. She blocked Twilight’s desperate magic bolt with a field, glancing furiously over her shoulder as Crystal tried a fireball from behind. “Make me use up all that delicious love?! Clever!”

She telekinetically hauled Karnack in front of her. Crystal gasped and lowered her hooves. “I expect it was this one, mmm?! Let me show you what I think of clever!”

Crystal yelled furiously, devastated as she drove Karnack face first into the floor. He didn’t move. 

“Who’s next, Princess?!” Chrysalis kicked him aside, advancing on her like a stalking wildcat. “The big one? Hmm?! Might take me a while. Little Johnnycake?” 

She leered, hissing at the way Crystal stiffened. “Yes, thought that was what that was. Or how about…” 

Crystal’s eyes met Twilight’s just before a blast of ichor glued her forehooves to the floor. 

“Your new friend!” Chrysalis announced, freezing Twilight in place with the look of delighted, childish sadism on her face. Twilight’s desperate list of duelling spells was drowned out by the buzzing of those wings as the queen of the changelings lunged for her.

Attilan rocked suddenly, lights flickering. Chrysalis froze in mid-air, blinking as her predator and survival instincts collided. Twilight noticed the cocoon next to her and acted on pure instinct, reaching out with her telekinesis.  

Four cables burst out of the ichor. Chrysalis yelped as they wrapped around her, twisting her upside down and around as she was slammed into it. She stared at the unconscious Maximus’ dazed face, grinning at her with only one of his too large eyes half open. 

That was it. 

Chrysalis snarled, eyes pure green. There was a burst between Twilight and Crystal, and suddenly Spider-Pony and a smoking Johnnycake were grunting in surprise as they hit the floor. Black Bolt didn’t even blink as he hovered above them. Spidey’s head whipped between Twilight and Crystal, but he probably wouldn’t have managed his lunge for Chrysalis even if that hadn’t cost him precious seconds. 

Chrysalis threw back her head and let out an enraged, almost un-sapient screech. Green and cerulean lightning raced out of her, up and out of every strand of ichor, filling the chamber with lightning.


47


Twilight must have blacked out for a second, because the world was whistling on and off all around her. She’d come clear of the beam at some point? She couldn’t feel her wing or any of her legs. She was on the floor? 

Peter was sprawled, smoking, inches from her. Her neck was a red hot line and her head was swimming, but she managed to turn it enough to register everyone was down. Black Bolt had been struck too, Chrysalis’ lighting still dancing around him, unnoticed. 

A stretching sound made Twilight realise the only reason any of them were still alive was that Chrysalis was still pulling herself free of Maximus’ cocoon. The queen hit the floor with a complete lack of dignity, ichor mixing with more of that gel. She rose, snarling as she rapid healed herself, her still closing face whipping this way and that as she searched for…Johnny, trying to get to his hooves. 

Chrysalis stomped past him to tower over Crystal, swatting at her ear. Twilight reached for strength she didn’t have to stand but turned as she heard Peter groan under the mask. His lenses twitched as he blinked. 

“Wake! Up!” Chrysalis snapped. Her chest and shoulders heaved as Crystal stirred. “Good.” 

She began looking around the room for something else. 

Peter rolled off his back onto his front, and began to haul himself inch by inch towards Twilight. She reached for him, not trying to stop him, just…just to have…something. 

Chrysalis thrust a hoof into a wad of ichor around a bent beam, pulling out a long shard of shrapnel. Johnny actually chuckled drunkenly as he realised what she was doing. Chrysalis used her telekinesis to roughly flip him onto his back, fully aware he was too exhausted to move. She kept her eyes locked on Crystal as she walked towards him, levitating her new dagger. 

Meaning she was paying no attention when Twilight clasped Peter’s hoof. 

Twilight pulled Peter up by his shoulders into an embrace. And suddenly knew that they both understood something. 


***

“There’s something there,” Chrysalis said with furious calm. “Still there. Tenacious. Like the two of you. Enough time and care, it would have made a banquet. Perhaps even enough to march on a thousand Canterlots. It’s a shame to waste it.” 

She rammed a hoof down on Johnny’s 4 logo hard enough to crack it, pinning him as she raised the shard in her hoof. Her eyes had never left Crystal’s. 

“But after today, well, I just hate you enough to make you watch.”

Johnny smiled helplessly at Crystal. It was, strangely, the only thing he could do. He wanted to tell her it was going to be okay, but, y’know. Vocal cords were muscles and all of his were…away right now. 

The world went purple. Mixed with lots and lots of shades of pink. He could swear he heard a rising choir somewhere. 

“What…?” Chrysalis blinked. She turned and covered her eyes. Johnny shut one of his own, not sure it was entirely of his own volition. 

You’d have to know you were looking for it, but he’d swear that was Twilight and Peter in the middle of that warm…whatever this was, light pouring out of them. Huh, looking at it was making him feel better. Healing him? The room even seemed to be rebuilding itself, or at least it's rubble was moving around. Ichor flapped and sheared from the walls, peeling itself into non-existence. 

Chrysalis looked up in shock as the shard shook itself out of her grasp. She tried to do something but the radiance had her somehow, paralysing her as it lifted her off the floor. Johnny put a restored hoof to his chest as he was released, blinking. 

Something wet dropped between Chrysalis and Black Bolt. Johnny scrambled to his hooves from surprise, backing up slightly. At first he’d assumed a pod had fallen loose, but it seemed to have just popped into existence…or been summoned. 

The light swirled around it like strands, almost carefully unwrapping it. One of them was wafting between his legs and he followed it back to Spidey and Twilight, both now back on their hooves as well. Though they were still…hugging? 

“No!” Chrysalis snapped, drawing Johnny’s attention back to the cocoon. 

“Medusa!” Crystal gasped in delight, as her sister rose hazily out of the melting mass. Black Bolt blinked and turned his head towards her. 

“…Blackgar?” Medusa murmured, blinking. She yawned. “Oh, my! What time is it? Have you been trying to build a den again?!” 

“No!” Chrysalis struggled to move. She clamped her jaws shut, convulsing, heaving, but still managing to gag the mantra out. “NonononononononnnNNGHHH--”

The love seemed to have been trying to escape via her mouth.  Maybe changeling teeth were magic enough to keep it at bay. Johnny was too busy shielding his eyes from the light to really think about it. Because, well, that meant the love had to try to escape through other means.


***

When it was quiet enough for him to risk opening his eyes the chamber still needed a serious patch up job, but was at least free of ichor and strangely illuminated, a little too dishwasher commercial from the amount of magic in the air. 

Black Bolt and Medusa were in each other’s embrace, and when the king opened his eyes to smile at his queen they were tired but clear. 

Crystal winked at Johnny from between her three cousins, all of whom seemed surprised to still be alive. He smirked, turning to see Twilight and Peter, still in full costume, finally breaking their embrace. He’d place all of Fantastic Inc.’s quarterly budget on Peter wearing the same smile as Twilight under the mask. 

He noticed Maximus in one corner, cuddling a chunk of debris like a teddy bear. Then realised what he’d assumed to be a lot of very burnt debris was Chrysalis. It was her twitching jaws and silently screaming eyes that gave her away.

“What’s going on?” Medusa blinked. “The last thing I remember there was this cloying maid and…”

“Well that solves that mystery,” Johnny smirked, indicating the remains of Chrysalis with his head. “She grabbed you during the summit, piggybacked to Attilan, snuck her swarm in, we saved the day, y’know, the ush. But it’s cool, no charge, you're friends of the family.”

“She…?” Medusa looked from Black Bolt then whirled on Chrysalis, her hair twisting into barbs. “You…dare?!” 

Chrysalis stared at her with unseeing eyes. 

“Medusa,” Crystal said gently, stepping between them. “C’mon. She’s useless. And you’re queen.” 

“I could do it if you like,” Gorgon rumbled, stomping forward. 

“No,” Medusa sighed, smiling. She leaned into a hug with Crystal, gently wrapping her hair around her little sister. “I’d only enjoy it if I did it myself.” Crystal punched her shoulder, making her chuckle. “And I’m in too good a mood.” 

“Your funeral!” 

Johnny’s head snapped up at the familiar voice, but the black blur was already slamming off Gorgon’s chest to ricochet off him. He felt Peter catch him and blinked as Pharynx rolled, draping the prone Chrysalis over his shoulders. One of her eyes was twitching. 

Black Bolt rose into the air, reaching for the changelings as Lockjaw snarled, but Pharynx threw his head back and let out of piercing, primal sound that made them all clap their hooves over their ears. 

They just managed to catch sight of him hauling his queen into the air with him, and by the time the group reached the surface the sky was full of buzzing as the whole swarm retreated, vanishing into the clouds. 


48

“It…would seem we owe you a debt, Princess Twilight,” Medusa sighed, surveying the wrecked streets of her kingdom. Black Bolt touched her shoulder, looking concerned, but she nodded at him. He took to the air, using his telekinesis to start picking up rubble. Some nearby Unknowns cheered at the sight. 

“It was a group effort,” Twilight said in a mellow voice. She and Spidey were close by each other but making sure not to hold hooves or something. Crystal gave Johnny a knowing look and he winked at her. 

“Still, the entire point of this exchange was to forge new connections,” Medusa smiled. “And I assume we still have a week to show you our gratitude.” 

“Don’t let her fool you,” Johnny quipped, “the Unknowns throw some wild parties!” 

“I had her first,” Crystal retorted. She turned to her sister. “And what about Johnny and Spidey here? We’re gonna leave them out in the cold?”

“Just passing through,” the Web-Slinger said and shrugged, hopping onto an undamaged streetlight. “Although could we bum a ride back to Manehattan?” 

“You’re leaving?” Twilight asked. 

“I…” Spidey shuffled awkwardly on his perch and cleared his throat. “Well, we weren’t invited, Princess, and you’ve got diplomatic…stuff to be doing. Don’t need somepony sticking to your hooves.” 

“We could use any and all help tending to the city,” Medusa cut in, curiously raising an eyebrow at how hard Crystal was trying to keep some laughter under control, “but we remember our friends.” 

She smiled as she looked between all three Equestrians. “Each of you has proven that we may consider your home a friend to ours.” 

“You’re not boring, I’ll give you that,” Gorgon chuckled hefting Maximus like a chunk of rubble. The mad Unknown grunted and began to stir, but Karnak gently pressed one of his pressure points and he went back to sleep. 

“Oh, I’ll sweep up, totally,“ Spidey agreed. “I mean who else’ll do it, Johnny?”

“Says the guy who leaves cobweb everywhere,” the Torch shot back. 

“But yeah, there’s somepony back home I have to talk to. Apologise mostly. She’s got her own responsibilities and I…I need to let her know I’m sorry for making them more difficult.”

“Do you trust her?” Twilight asked. 

“Cross my heart and hope to fly.” 

“Then she’ll understand,” Twilight smiled. 

She cleared her throat, trying not to blush. “Um, in the spirit of cooperation I’d be happy to help you as well, Queen Medusa. I’ve got a degree in telekinetics from Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns and I’m not a bad organiser if I say so myself!”

“We are more than happy to take you up on the offer, Princess Twilight,” Medusa said, draping a companionable lock of hair around the young Alicorn’s shoulders. They began to walk towards a damaged building, followed by Crystal and Johnny. 

Twilight looked back in time to see Spidey nod to her before he leapt to a new wall, following Trident off to their own clean up.


***

“I seem to recall your brother oversees Equestrian security?” Medusa asked, multiple tendrils reaching out sort debris into groups. “For obvious reasons it would be best if we were to collaborate in that regard. Not that this reflects on him, but Chrysalis could have gone after anyone at that summit.” 

“I understand, your highness,” Twilight agreed, helping her lift some rubble with her telekinesis. “It’s a shame my coltfriend isn’t here.” She smiled to herself. “He works at Damage Control. Don’t we all.” 

“Catch you later!” Crystal winked, patting her shoulders from a cloud. “I’ve got flooding and power grid duty with Trident, but I still owe you a tour.” 

“You can pay me back in Ponyville,” Twilight smirked back before turning nervously to Medusa. “Um, assuming that would be alright…?”

“Oh, I encourage it,” Medusa said idly. She smirked even though her back was to her stunned sister. “If you are the one to organise it, Princess. I think you’ll be a good influence.”

Crystal stopped fist pumping in time to pretend to admire her hoof before her sister turned around, but couldn’t keep a smile off her face. She and Twilight waved to each other as she rose into the sky. 

“Lemme know if that roommate of mine’s still being a blockhead,” Johnny said as he winked, flaming on, “I have it on good authority the Thing knows where he lives.” 

“Shouldn’t you both be careful then?” Twilight retorted, smirking. 

“Oh Princess, Princess, Princess,” the Torch grinned, “you’re showing so much potential!” 

Twilight shook her head and laughed as her new friend shot into the sky after Crystal. 


49

“Hey, wait up!” Johnny called cheerfully, pulling alongside her. 

“Yeah?” Crystal braked, hovering her cloud over a roof. “What’s the matter, stray hair out of place?” 

Johnny chuckled to buy time. “Yeah, uh, probably should be a couple after today.” 

“And it’s only noon,” Crystal smiled. “But y’know…I don’t regret that much of it.” 

“Cool,” Johnny smiled back. He bit his lip. “Crystal, can we…for real?”

“You know you can.” She put her hoof on his shoulder, or as much of it as she could with that thin protective field. “Twilight said you should be doing okay. Y’know,” she clarified at his look, “whatever it was Chrysalis did to you. But it’s okay if you’re not! I’d need a sec.” 

“Oh, that!” Johnny waved a hoof, sending up dismissive sparks. “Eh, that’s just the business.” 

“Well, at least I know you’re not a changeling,” Crystal smirked. “Okay, okay, for real, what is it? You taking off too? Because that offer to come hang out’s still good! You and Twilight seem to be getting along!”

“Yeah,” Johnny blinked, “it’s just…I…“ 

He flamed off, dropping to the roof. 

“Y’know, it just now hit me, I still don’t know how to say this. Or I do, just, I dunno if it’s enough.” 

“Say what?” Crystal asked. 

Their eyes locked. 

A beat. 

Another beat.

Johnny shut his eyes, leaned forward, and kissed her.  


50

They didn’t get married, that would have meant a lot of politics and been kinda sitcomy. Black Bolt and Medusa weren’t too sure about it, but Crystal’s happiness meant everything to them, and they eventually had their own little heirs to take her place. Spidey bought a tux and joked about how it was for if they ever changed their minds. The Thing cried when they made the announcement, the ol’ softy. 

They weren’t sure what they’d do at first, but they had the power of the elements with two times fire at their disposal, so they thought of something. Treasure hunting. Hooves for Hire. Damage Control for a while. But Johnny couldn’t keep them going on derby prize money forever, so Crystal just asked Princess Celestia for a spot in her cabinet or whatever. She was delighted to oblige, especially since she got the king and queen of superheroes as her new top agents. 

After Reed finally cured all diseases and figured out how to sort out the atmosphere, well, he and Sue were pretty old by now and they needed somepony to see what was out there. Life on the super shuttle was pretty cramped, but they had each other so that was a plus. They helped the Shi’ar kick the Skrulls and the Kree’s tails once and for all, and that was only the start of their universal legend. Guardians of the what now? Exactly. 

Or at least that was how it was supposed to go. 


51

But she wasn’t kissing back. 

Johnny’s eyes blinked open and he pulled back, resulting in this weird popping sound that neither of them would ever live down. 

He looked down and realised what else had throw it off. Crystal hadn’t been shoving him off or anything, but her hoof had thrown itself against his chest. Instinctively. 

“Sorry!” they said in sync. 

They stared at each other, and Johnny could see all the questions in her eyes. She wasn’t sure why she’d done it either, but she did know it was something she’d had to do. Not just because he’d caught her off guard either. 

A beat. 

Another beat. 

“This isn’t gonna work, is it?” Johnny smiled ruefully. 

“Sorry,” Crystal replied with the same smile. 

“No, it…” Johnny thought about it and surprised himself. “It’s okay.” 

“I just…” 

Crystal looked out to the horizon. Johnny followed her. Attilan was slowing even more, coming to a halt within range of the Crystal Empire. From this high up, past its spires, you could see endless white, and the ribbon of the railway line, twisting towards distant hills, lush and green. 

“I need options,” Crystal sighed. “I need new. I need to find out what I need. What I want.”

“And I want you to be happy,” Johnny assured. “So.” 

“I’m not saying never.” Crystal took his hoof. “But…look, don’t wait for me, okay? Not because I won’t ever come back. I don’t know that I won’t yet. But just because we’re not an option doesn’t mean we don’t still have those. I wanna see what Equestria and the rest of the world have to offer, and I couldn’t do that knowing you were sitting at home feeling all--”

“Sit at home?” Johnny smirked. He flamed on, rising above her. “Have we met?” 

“Johnny…”

“Crystal,” Johnny said gently. “I get it. It’s cool. Besides, my ride’s here.” 

Crystal followed his nod to see the Fantasti-Chariot, trailed by Princess Cadence and Princess Luna, circling for a landing. Black Bolt raised a hoof, welcoming them. 

“Uh.” Crystal shuffled a hoof. “I know this is a lot to ask after…that, but would it be okay if I crashed on your couch sometime?”

“Of course!” Johnny blinked, chiding himself for the overenthusiasm. “And couch, pfft, we’ll guilt Pete into giving up his room, it’ll be so easy it won’t even be any fun, don’t worry about it.” 

“The Baxter Barn just might be a little much, y’know?” Crystal smiled. “And I wouldn’t wanna get in Twilight’s way in Ponyville.” 

“Hey, if you’re worried about being the awkward one, don’t worry, Peter follows her like a little puppy all the time, and pays about as much attention to where he’s stepping. In fact, that’s good advice, no matter where you are in Equestria just remember you’re not Peter Trotter. That’s gotten me out of some pretty dark corners.” 

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Crystal chuckled. “I mean, we could use space, but I don’t want us to stop talking.”

“Better than you have tried to shut me up.” The Torch winked. 

“That a challenge?” Crystal smirked. 

She formed her cloud and reached out, surprising him with a cheek kiss that threw up sparks. Her field still protected her lips, and it was entirely platonic (with a hint of something neither of them could do anything about right now) but still. He couldn’t remember if she’d ever done that before. 

“Take care of yourself, Johnny,” his first true love said softly. 

“Yeah,” Johnny managed through the nonplussed numbness, “you too.” 

“Cooie!” 

They simultaneously turned, flinched, and blanched. 

“Hello there!” 

It was Cadence, coming towards them, waving her hoof more than her wings. She had that smile and swinging behind her, lenses narrowed in sadistic glee was Spidey, the little traitor. 

“Hi, Princess,” Johnny called, waving back, “this is my good friend Just, and I am Leaving!” 

He jetted off, ignoring Cadence’s protests, revelling in Crystal’s laughter, and burning through Peter’s web-line. 

“See ya street side, Flame Brain!” his roommate called, effortlessly catching himself on a turret. 

“Not if I see you first, Web-Head!” the Horseshoe Torch called over his shoulder. 

He did a few loop-de-loops and formed a decoy by the Tower of Wisdom to throw Cadence off his scent, then headed for the plaza to join in Twilight’s probable debriefing with Luna and the fam. 

Okay, as predictable as Attilan usually was (the twist this time being Maximus wasn’t just behind everything! Riveting.) today had not gone how he’d been expecting. And that was because he hadn’t thought about what Crystal would want, not really. 

Was it enough that he still loved her, probably always would? Yeah, but he understood now. 

Not today. And he shouldn’t wait either. If they found each other again, they’d find each other. 

And besides, it was strangely liberating. 

Because he had another option. 


To be Continued

> Epilogue: Dash and Learn
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------


1


“You coming?” Spider-Pony asked one week later. 

“Mmm?” Johnnycake didn’t look up from his copy of Under the Sun.

“Ponyville,” Spidey clarified, flipping off his perch on the windowsill. “The Elements’ll be back this evening, Shrui’ll be heading home. Gonna be a little party, Princess Celestia might even swing by! Wanna come?”

“Will we be using your little love connection?” Johnny raised an eyebrow over the brim of UtS’s Sapphire Shores vs Countess Coloratura cover. It was purely to give the impression he wasn’t banking on it, drawing on the reunited couple’s slight apprehension about jumping into a hole in space created by love. 

Although it was also because Peter felt okay walking on his bed, with his hoof boots that’d been all over every roof in Manehattan, pigeon capital of Equestria.

On the plus side, it meant the guy had lightened up since they’d bought the place, now okay with entering it in broad daylight if it was through Johnny’s room since, hey, why would it be weird if Spider-Pony checked in on that other superpony he was always hanging out with? On the other hoof, boundaries.

“Sure, since you’re banned from flying any of the Family’s fancy jets off the clock.” Spidey padded out into the living room. “Any mail?” 

“Uh, flyer for that new place on the corner, usual absence of your fan mail,” Johnny smirked, closing his magazine, “and some student loan stuff. Left it on the coffee table for ya.” 

“The ribbons are a nice touch,” Peter called from his own room. 

“They were on sale.” Johnny limbered up, popping his neck. “Dress code?” 

“Last time I wore a suit around Twilight it…well, guess it didn’t go bad, but no.” Peter emerged from his room and used his teeth to deposit his saddle bag on the couch. “Gonna take a quick shower, mind heating up those care packages Aunt May sent? Dunno where I stand with Spike.” 

“You haven’t talked to him?” Johnny quirked a brow but began rummaging. May Reilly made the best pony potluck stuff. She lived off residuals from a few cookbooks, even. Sue swore by them. 

“Told Twilight I’d back off, so.” Peter gave his teeth a quick brush, using the mirror to check Johnny was indeed using a glowing hoof to weave warmth into the peace offerings. Flame Brain had removed the tin foil, which briefly annoyed him, but the apartment soon filled with the smell of roast potatoes and he got over it. 

“Cool,” Johnny said with rare tact, immediately followed by another smirk. “Want me to quick dry you too?” 

He flamed on, laughing as a retaliatory web-ball disintegrated seconds from his mouth. 

“You coming or not?” Peter called over the water. 

“Eh, I owe Rarity a visit.” 

“…you didn’t? All week?” 

“Portal runs on you, and you were giving Twilight her much needed space.” Johnny shrugged, flaming off to keep up the nonchalance. “Besides, playing chicken with nobility’s fun and all but I’ve seen the kinda crazies who knowingly take the Panther on. Don’t got the fashion sense for it.” 

“Well at least you got Spike something nice,” Peter smirked, stepping out wrapped in a towel. He made a show of sniffing as Johnny squinted. “What, you can’t smell that? Roast chicken!” 

He shuddered as a series of thermal bursts lashed at him, his mane thickening into a Super Sayian mohawk. 


2


Owloysius blinked as the library floor unzipped itself. “Hoo!”

“Nu-uh,” Spike said as he folded his arms, shaking his head firmly. “Not my problem you can’t be bothered to remember the guest list.” He turned and saw who it was. “Oh. Hey, Pete.” 

“Spike,” Peter half-winced. “Ah, hey. Didn’t think anypony’d be around.”

“So you were just gonna…be alone in my house?” 

“Sounds pretty bad when you put it that way, yeah.”

“Like you put it any other way,” Johnnycake said, casually skipping out after his roommate. Peter shuffled out of his way, trying to keep Aunt May’s care packages carefully balanced on his back, and winced as the smaller box under Johnny’s own foreleg brushed his ribs. “Listen Spike, I know Pete’s already dropping a lot in your lap just by being here--”

“It’s cool, actually.” Spike scratched his fins as both 24-year olds blinked at him. “Twilight and Crystal swung by to grab some stuff. She said you guys weren’t fighting anymore and you were backing off, so…”

“So does that mean we’re cool?” Peter hazarded. 

Spike shrugged. “Figured you were here to talk it over.” 

“I meant you and me.”

“Oh,” the dragon blinked. “Well…you backed off, so yeah.” 

“Gonna need some convincing,” Peter smiled, holding out for a hoof bump the dragon returned. “Still want help setting up that O ‘n’ O campaign?” 

“Really?” Spike’s eyes widened. “Sweet, could use a good proof reader, y’know how Big Mac likes to go on, and it’s like, dude, just pack the thing off to Quill Force Eight or somepony, but he’s so worried about going mainstream or whatever, but that Apple pride means he won’t just use a pen name, and it’s like what?”

“Next item on our agenda!” Johnny cut in, trying not to snap. “Is Rarity around?”

“Uh, she and Shuri’re packing for when her brother shows up, yeah.” Spike tried to keep his expression neutral as suspicion dawned. “Why?”

“Lookit us,” Johnny smarmed, “a regular case of journalism 101! I wanna talk to her.”

“Oh yeah?” Peter raised an eyebrow, his eyes themselves flicking to the package. 

“Yeah, so I don’t have to talk to Shuri, and that way T’Challa--”

“Hoo.”

“The Panther Prince, not that it’s any of your business, anyway, so he doesn’t see me talking to Shuri and we don’t have to spend the rest of our lives in a cave in the Frozen North, making a living off my hair styling skills and your creepy web-origami dolls.”

“You said you liked those,” Peter pouted. 

“No, I just laughed,” Johnny clarified, trotting towards the door. 

Peter’s eyes narrowed. “What’s in the box?” 

“My contribution to tonight’s buffet!” 

“Pretty upscale for a potluck.” 

Spike looked uncertainly between them. 

“Pete,” Johnny breezed, swinging the library door open, “buddy, I love ya, but your idea of upscale is an IKEA box that has ‘this way up’ arrows in Swedish.” 

“Tell me you’re not going where I think you’re going.” 

“What, somewhere secluded to make a dramatic entrance?” Johnny flamed on, one foreleg unlit to protect the box. 

“I can take that--” Spike began. 

“That’s cool, but no.” The Torch pointed at Peter, pouting a blazing lip. “No desserts for him.”

“What’d I do?!” Peter protested. 

“Roast chicken,” Johnny smirked, “and I trust you to explain that reference to young Spike more than I trust you to keep your muzzle out of my hard won pastries now that I’ve made them forbidden fruit!” 

“…I would enjoy the endorphin rush more than the taste,” Peter admitted. He sighed. “Okay, y’know what, on your head be it.” 

“Thanks, pal,” the Torch said and winked. 

Spike blinked. “Be what?”

“All’s fair in love and war, kid.” The Torch took off, arcing over Ponyville and startling a few sunset stragglers with the presence of a low shooting star. 

Peter Trotter simply shook his head and began to carefully slide Aunt May’s leftovers onto Spike’s buffet table. 


3


Luna had raised the moon by the time Johnny turned back. He smiled to himself, imagining how cool the visuals of his blazing self against the shifting sky shades would look. Even with a box of Rarity’s favourite desserts under an unlit foreleg and some of her favourite flowers, freshly picked, in his unlit mouth. 

Taking time out to find them had paid off on multiple levels. Flying out of town kept them from bumping into each other (and Shuri, because that Panther threat was still pretty real), searching for them gave him even more time for a dramatic entrance, full moon would be perfect for presenting them, and the surprise would crank the party up as it was staring to wind down. 

Maybe he should hang back some, draw that angle out? It’d give him some time to put what he felt into words. Rarity liked prepared statements that sounded spontaneous. Of course she did, she was her own marketing department. An entrepreneur! There was a good opening! And she wasn’t making that much money yet, so it wouldn’t come off as gold digging! 

Rarity, Johnny thought. Rarity…okay…Rarity, you’re…just fantastic. 

And I know what that sounds like, but to be fantastic means to be something…something unexpected. Something that you can’t look away from, can never forget! I’ve been at this for forever and I’ve never met anypony quite like you. 

He smiled. No, I mean it. I know Fantastic, I know Family, thought I had a pretty good grasp on friends…and then I met you. And it’s never felt right that you and I could only…

You’re all about friendship…

Friendship, friendship, friendship…

Agh, wanna get OFF friendship! That’s the whole point! 

So a funny thing happened to me on the way to Attilan! Nope! Who in their right mind starts with their ex? 

You’re just the best friend I’ve ever had, okay? And I think that’s because we’re not. Not just friends. I don’t think that’s enough. 

Crystal’s right. We all need options. We all need new. To know what we even want. 

And I don’t just want to be friends with the most amazing pony I’ve ever met. How am I supposed to go back that? I already tried going back to the one certainty I’ve ever had in my life that wasn’t being on fire! And we both know why it didn’t work out. 

Crystal’s a lot of things, Rarity. And I’ll always love her. But she’s not you. And if you’ll just hear me out, I think...I KNOW the two of us, we could…

Sun and Moon, that’s it…

We could be timeless. 

…is that the Aurora Borealis?

It was coming up fast, whatever it was. Like…fast! 


***


Johnny put more oomph into his contrail, banking a hard left and trying not to damage Rarity’s flowers with his acceleration. The serpent of colour curved effortlessly around some clouds to lock back onto him. 

Johnny twisted, heading for the ground and a dense maze of trees. He’d need to slow to avoid starting a forest fire, but moonlight showed him enough of a path from above that he could instinctively navigate once he was level. If this was a machine it’d have trouble following him. Techno-magic flight wasn’t quite there yet, lacking the intuitiveness of a real flyer.

He braked sharply, stunned as his pursuer effortlessly passed him and swung themselves around and up, coming dead on at him again. If this was a Pegasus, they must’ve contorted themselves in seconds to avoid a crash landing. And to swing themselves back on his track like that…! 

He looped, thickening his contrail to give them something to think about and buy himself even more space. He wasn’t nervous at the prospect of a potential dogfight, no matter how fluid this thing was, but he’d never had to carry cargo this precious before. It was taking a lot of concentration not to seal his epidermis, and burn Rarity’s gifts to cinders, as was. 

He darted between two clouds, but it was already arcing up to meet him. He dived and rocketed towards the middle of it’s already fading contrail, passing through sheeting colours. He zig-zagged to buy time, since trying to outpace something this fast on a straight flightpath was a socks with sandals tier idea. Maybe he could throw up some flame constructs to act as roadblocks? But his hooves and mouth were full, and whatever it was might be explosive. 

Rarity deserved better than charred presents. She’d be understanding, though. She was great like that. 

A rainbow corkscrew swirled around him suddenly, overtaking him and pinballing off nearby clouds. Johnny braked hard as they squirted water, turning the air in front of him into an extinguishing maze. He swung his hind legs up and used them to blast off backwards, spotting the blur already lancing under him at a few stories, looping back up to meet him. 

Alright then. Not time to flare or fire off a decoy. Chicken it was. 

Johnny smirked, channelling even more heat into speed, tucking his one lit foreleg against his chest to minimise drag. He began letting his shoulders tip him to the right for the swerve, then realised that’d put the underside of Rarity’s candy a hairsbreadth from shearing past this thing, and adjusted to the left. 

He could see the distant lights of Ponyville behind his wannabe nemesis, all he’d have to do was barrel roll past and kick it into overdrive, back to where he could make a stand. Distance between him and the multicoloured menace was evaporating. 

The…multi…coloured…

Johnny blinked and jack-knifed, hind legs scrabbling on nothing as he tried to brake. His opponent swung herself around identically. Was she seriously trying to prove a point right now?! No, she was—

Her wings lashed, simultaneously spinning her and putting out a wall of air. Johnny bit down, almost through Rarity’s flowers, as it crashed into his side, completely killing his forward momentum. He watched as she tumbled away from him, using her last rotation to drive her hind hooves into a cloud and bounce herself back up to eye level. 

“Yeah,” Rainbow Dash muttered, “figures you couldn’t even crash into me properly.” 


***


“R’nb’gh’ D’gh?!”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full!” Her hoof slashed out and Johnny’s mouth fell open both from surprise and the intrusive feeling of Rarity’s flowers sliding between his teeth. 

Dash gave them a sniff. “Her favourites. That figures too.” 

The Torch glowered. “Give those back.”  

“And candy too, huh?” She was craning her neck to take in the box still under his foreleg, folding both her own while still keeping a grip on the bouquet. “I remember that. Of course, back then you didn’t know my favourites, so your little touch was buckball tickets. Still got ‘em somewhere.” 

“I’m real happy for you.” Johnny held out a hoof. It had reignited from annoyance, but it was the principle. “Give.” 

“Threw out most of the photos,” Dash continued casually. 

“Dannii, for Celestia’s sake!” 

“Don’t call me that!” Her wings bristled. Johnny was too irritated to take any pleasure in that. 

Her sigh caught him off guard. She looked like she was trying to hold back a small sun inside herself. “Look, I just wanna talk.”

“Cool. I don’t.” The Torch swung around, trailing flames. “If you won’t give those back, I’ll just go pick up more.” 

“Well, when ya put it like that.” A cyan blur at the corner of his eye. 

He’d barely felt the box slip out of his grasp. Johnny turned, flames curling furiously even as he kept his face neutral. Dash glared back, Rarity’s gift in each hoof. 

A beat. 

“What, you’re gonna make me race for ‘em?” the Torch scoffed, sending sparks out his nose. 

“Uh, that’d imply you could keep up.” 

Johnny killed the flames around both forelegs and shot forward to grab…only an already translucent rainbow contrail. 

“What’re you doing?” he demanded. 

“Stopping you from making a mistake.”

He stared at her. 

“C’mon, man!” Dash held Rarity’s gifts out like she was demonstrating why siblings shouldn’t marry. “Crystal didn’t work out, so you’re gonna ask Rarity again, and tank the healthiest thing you’ve had going with a mare in forever!” 

“What do you care?” Johnny muttered, his epidermis darkening. 

“Friends look out for each other!” Dash bit down on the outburst, sighing and suddenly avoiding eye contact. “And I…didn’t know you wanted to be friends.” 

“That was then,” Johnny said coldly. 

“Look, I shouldn’t have said those things, alright?” She was almost nose to nose with him all of sudden, alarmingly unperturbed by his flames. “You don’t wanna hear it from me, fine, but we both care about Rarity, so the least you could do is hear me out! For her!”

“You--”

“Please.” 

That knocked the wind out of him like one of Water Mane’s fire-hose routines. 

She’d had to pull it from somewhere deep inside, he could tell by the look on her face. 

That night in Canterlot was still fresh…but she’d just said the magic word she hated the most. For Rarity.

“Alright, alright!” Johnny threw up his hooves. “So how’re we doing this? Couple laps ‘round your dinky little town, winner sets terms? Duke it out, tell everypony it’s just a big misunderstanding on your way to the burn unit?” 

“Hey, remember that time you totally smoked me on the track?” Dash’s eyes glinted as he looked away, huffing sparks. “Yeah, exactly. As for a fight, you’re in the air surrounded by clouds full of water, trash talking the fastest weather team captain in central Equesteria. Check yourself.” 

“Way I remember it, you needed bailing out an awful lot.”

“Way I remember it, you dove in front of me every third punch!” 

“Yeah,” Johnny snapped, “so sorry I was watching your back! Y’know, like a team is supposed to!” 

“Agh!” Dash clamped her gift filled hooves to her temples. “This! This right here! This is what I’m talking about!” 

“You never talked about any of it!” The Torch’s golden eyes were wide with incredulity. “You just threw me out one day!” 

“It was about way more than just one day, you—!” Sparks almost shot from between the Pegasus’ teeth as she ground them, forcing a few layers over her anger. “We’re supposed to be giving each other a chance here!” 

Johnny folded his forelegs. “I thought we were talking about Rarity.” 

“Yeah, real classy the way you just zinged the dinky little town she was born in,” Dash muttered. 

Her face fell as Johnny’s blazing head whipped over his shoulder to guilty take in the distant lit windows and chimney smoke of Ponyville. She indicated a sturdy tree beneath them with her head, raising an eyebrow. 

A beat. 

Then the Torch nodded, following her spiral back to earth. 


***


“So is this about Rarity or you?” he called after her. He hadn’t quite forgiven her yet but was also legitimately asking. 

Dash shot him a seething look but clamped down on it, focusing on her landing in some thick branches. 

“This is about a lotta things. Rarity. Me. You. And what you do to people.”

“Save the planet they’re all standing on?” Johnny muttered, flaming off so his rapid cooling body could slump comfortably on a branch opposite hers, as she stashed Rarity’s gifts somewhere off camera. 

Dash rolled her eyes. “Okay, fine, this is what ya do when you’re not doing that.” 

“Which is what exactly?” 

“Stop interrupting! This is just like all those adventures back in the day! You keep jumping in front of everything I do! Then you’re all like ‘why’re you so crabby, babe?’!” 

“Yeah, if you’d care to shed any light on that I’d appreciate it!” Johnny threw himself against the trunk so hard a few leaves tumbled loose. Now his back hurt a little as he folded his forelegs. “Okay, I did…whatever in school and now you hate me. What does that have to do with Rarity?” 

“’Cause you’ll probably treat her like you did me.” 

She’d been looking right at him when she said it. So he noticed the slight shimmer in her eyes. Rainbow Dash sounded strangely calm, but she was this close to angry tears.

Johnny gave her a minute, also buying time to figure out where to go from there. Dash wiped her eyes and glared back. He had to keep from bursting into flames and taking down the whole tree from the ‘well?’ look on her face. 

He settled on, “And how’d I treat you?” 

“Not like Crystal, I’d bet.” 

“Hey, whatever this is between us, she’s not--”

“Yeah, obviously!” Dash waved a dismissive hoof, rolling her eyes. “She’s not the reason everypony after her was the rebound girl. That’s all you, babe.” 

“Rebou—?” Johnny squinted. “It’s not…why would you…? Rarity’s not a rebound anything! She’s just…she’s Rarity.” 

“She’s who you’re going for ’cause you can’t have what you really want.” 

Dash was trying to keep her voice steady and her eyes clear. He was too stunned by her descriptions to really feel anything yet. 

“One question. How soon after Crystal was I? You really wanna put this to bed, you really wanna understand, I need to know.” 

“You weren’t…” Johnny started, but trailed off, trying to process what felt like a lifetime ago. As if life was just a bunch of magazines you could single out in stacks for easy opinion forming. “You were the first serious one.”

“Oh, that makes me feel better.” 

“How do you feel?” He couldn’t keep the frustration out of his voice. “Dash, for Celesita’s sake, what is this? You won’t tell me anything! You won’t let me back in, you won’t let me start anything, but you don’t answer any questions either! I know you need me to be the bad guy but how’re you gonna sit there and talk to me about how unfair I am when you won’t tell me the rules?” 

“The Johnnycake I knew didn’t have much use for rules.” The corner of her mouth twitched. She was trying to hold back a smile. She squeezed her eyes shut and exhaled. “You’re right. I’m not…I’m not good at this, man. You’ve no idea how much it takes to learn how to let this sorta thing just…just happen.” 

“Should I come back after you’ve gotten into some zany shenanigans?” 

“You kid, but…” 

A beat. Then they both let out these weird, exhausted chuckles. 

“Whatever I did.” Johnny leaned his cheek against the trunk, feeling tired but needing to maintain eye contact. “Was it really so bad?”

“Yeah,” Dash snorted, mirroring him. “Worse part is, I think I figured it out. You didn’t know you were doing it.” 

“Treating you like the rebound girl?” Johnny arched a brow, smiling despite himself. “’Cause you were the one flying rings around me.” 

“And I’ve only gotten better with age.” Something strangely reassuring about that smirk. “But yeah. That’s fair. I’m the one who put the moves on ya.” 

“And, what, I’m a bad person for saying yes?”

“Trying not to think of you that way, so you could help with that.” Dash folded her forelegs, oddly dignified despite their poses angling her slightly sideways. Johnny held up a hoof in submission and resignation. “See, you’re saying I was your first serious fling but, real talk, you didn’t take me seriously at all.” 

“Because I didn’t let A.I.M. fry you, or Giganto eat you?” 

“Hey, I’ve taken on way worse!”

“Yeah, sure: now!” Johnny tried to stop his raised hackles jolting him out of the tree while also staying lose to roll with it if she lunged at him. “Look, if this is a powers thing it wasn’t that--”

“Discord you ain’t,” Dash snorted. “Trust me.” 

“I’m flattered to be that far down your list. But I’m trying to say I had at least five years experience on you!” 

“Sez the guy who was only there to get his licence renewed!” 

“Says the guy who was at this longer than you!” 

“You’re only a year older than me! I was the better brawler, you know I’m the better flyer--” 

“And you didn’t have the experience I did!” Johnny felt his epidermis manifesting across his face and chest and forced it down. “I’m sorry if that makes you feel…whatever, but that’s your problem! You know why I was all over you in the middle of those sky pirates and fake ghost scams and all of that?!” 

“Because you have a serious problem with sharing the spotlight!”

“You’d know!” Johnny snapped. “But pretending for a second that if anything happened to you there might not be an Element of Loyalty when Nightmare Moon came back?!” 

The look of shock in her widening, realising eyes got to him. His face softened along with his tone. “…can you imagine how I’d’ve felt if anything happened to you?” 

Silence. A few night animals skittering about somewhere but so far away they may as well have been on the moon. 

Dash shut her eyes, leaning against the trunk. “No fair,” she muttered. 

“Yeah, well.” Johnny leaned back to look up at some stars through overhanging foliage. “Neither was yelling at me to get out. And I know we were practically pulling each other’s hair out at the time, but…I went back and you’d just…gone? I had to practically live in the RA’s office to make sure you hadn’t been kidnapped or something!” 

“What, I go missing and it’s all about you?” Dash scoffed. 

“Hey, it happens! Web-Head tell you girls any Goat Goblin stories yet?”

“No…”

“There’s a reason.” 

Johnny leaned forward. He almost wanted to take her hoof, but the gap was too wide, and she’d probably punch him in the head for it anyway. 

“I mean it, Rainbow. The business can be intense, even the low stakes stuff we did at flight school. You can absolutely walk that off when you’ve played the odds ponies like us have, but it takes time to get there, and it’s still a hard balance to strike. You’re on the fast track now, but you were on the bottom rung when we were together. I’m sorry if that makes you feel like I was babysitting you but I’m not apologising for being the responsible one.”

“Alright, alright!” Dash’s wings spiked out as she threw up her hooves. She sighed, settling back down. “Alright. So what about everything else?” 

“What everything else?” Johnny moaned. “How I can take responsibility for stuff you won’t tell me about?” 

“Pretty telling ya didn’t realise you were doin’ it,” Dash muttered. She shut her eyes. “Okay, see, yeah, I shoulda known you were just looking out for me. But what about all those times you were away?” 

“Hey, I was working two jobs,” Johnny countered, shrugging. “Exploring the world and saving it.” 

“Cool, but you kept your medal collection in your dorm,” Dash said, her voice level to keep out any bitterness. “I saw that the couple times you deigned to let me in there.” 

Johnny squinted. “You’re complaining I was away all the time but also I swung by to be with you?” 

“I’m sayin’ you didn’t have enough medals for that excuse to work. And you didn’t hang out in my dorm all the time. You swung by when you decided to. Because that’s how our relationship worked. However you wanted it to, whenever it was convenient for you.” 

“Dannii--”

“I mean it!” Twigs and leaves whip cracked as Rainbow Dash sprang to her hooves, furiously but still perfectly balanced on her branch. “Don’t call me that! You always break it out when something’s going wrong and you wanna cute your way out of it!” 

“I’m just--”

“Thinkin’ of yourself! That’s the problem! No, th-that-that-that-that’s part of the problem!” She was half in the air now, wings flapping furiously, hooves clenched. “I can’t be angry at ya because you don’t realise! Because you’re not a bad person, but you do all these things that aren’t good! Did it ever occur to you to ask me why I hate it when you call me that?!”

“You’d just smack talk me!” Johnny blinked incredulously. “Look, calm down! You’re gonna put an eye out or knock us down or something!”

Dash was breathing hard but eventually nodded, forcing herself back down on her perch. It swayed almost in time with Johnny’s heartbeat as she struggled to force her wings back under control. 

“I hate seeing you like this,” he admitted gently. “I always have. You’re so cool but you get so angry. I hate the idea I did anything to…” He trailed off as she hung her head. He hated making her feel bad about it too. 

“I’m sorry.” 

That voice was too small to belong to Rainbow Dash. 

“It’s...” Johnny began, but this entire conversation wouldn’t be happening if it was okay. He cleared his throat. “Why don’t you want me to call you—” Her head snapped towards him, but he managed to keep going. “—that?”

Dash took a fortifying breath. “It’s dumb but…no, it’s not, it’s just this whole situation…” 

She put a hoof over her eyes. Johnny kept quiet, partly letting her collect herself. Mostly just having no idea what in the universe he was supposed to say. 

“Look, Dannii…that’s not me anymore. Call Me Danniiiii,—” She blew a raspberry and snorted at his spontaneously laugh. “—she was a pony who…she wasn’t happy.” 

Her eyes flicked to him, then away. “Except when she was with you. For a while.”

“I know those classes were brutal,” Johnny said carefully. 

“And you got to skip most of ‘em 'cause your licence was so specialised.” Her eyes glinted. “And you didn’t really wanna fly. Not fly. Not like me.”

“You kidding? I’d kill to fly like you!” 

“Yeah, so how come you never worked at it?” She stretched a wing. “Seriously man, what you do is nifty but you’re literally coasting on it. You don’t think about how to loop or adjust, you don’t think about how to make it work, you just settle for the fact it does! You don’t have to make these things work, it was all just monkey see, monkey do!” 

“Still had to do the written stuff,” Johnny countered. 

“Ugh! That stuff. It was just glorified flyers ed!” 

“No kidding. So…you just really hated it? Because that’s not my fault.” 

“Didn’t say it was,” Dash sighed. “But are you gettin’ the picture? Dannii is everything about that time I never wanna be again! She was away from home, scared out of her mind, she was realising this scholarship was never gonna get her what she wanted, and her boyfriend was either too hooves on or in the wind! And then you’d turn up with pizza or buckball tickets, and everything was supposed to keep going while I was this close to a nervous breakdown!” 

“I didn’t know--” Johnny began. 

“You didn’t ask!” 

“You didn’t tell me! You didn’t tell me any of this!”

“I know, alright?!” Dash shocked herself with the echo of her own voice as the night threw it back at them. 

She wrapped her wings around herself. 

“I know. And I get it, I shoulda, but I was trying to tough it all out! And what would I have even said? What would you have done?” 

“I’d have tried to make you feel better!”

“Would you even have been around?”

She was genuinely asking, which was what made the question so terrible. 

“I’d have tried to be,” Johnny said eventually. 

“Yeah,” Dash scoffed, shakily, sardonically, “because that was my life but I was your college fling. Gotta make sure it was running smooth for when you needed to unwind.”

“So I, I what, I used you?!” 

“Kinda! That’s what I’m trying to say! You didn’t realise you were doing it!” 

“I wasn’t—!” Johnny stopped himself. Dash waited through his bewildered silence. “Dash, I promise, whatever you think of me, I didn’t think of you like that. You were cool! I loved hanging out with you!”

“But you didn’t love me.” 

It was the flat way she said it. He should be used to running into walls at full speed by now, this entire conversation had been made of them. 

“We were in college,” Johnny sighed. 

“No, I was in college. You just came to get your flyers licence renewed.” Dash looked up at the stars again. “And that’s…that’s on me. I was 18. I had no idea what I was doin’. Y’know when I surprised you out on the track by flying all those circles around ya?”

Johnny smiled at the memory. “Yeah?” 

“I did that ‘cause I was terrified if you came over to me I’d have no idea what to say to you.” Dash smiled despite herself. “Before it goes to your head, it wasn’t the celebrity thing.”

“You really know how to hurt a guy.” 

“You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.” She winked, though it was a little shaky from suppressed giggling. “But…yeah. You were…somethin’ else. I had all these stupid lil’ movie ideas of what flight school was gonna be like, and then there was this burning pony doing basic yo-yos through the cloud hoops.” 

“Would you believe that was because I was trying to keep a low profile?” She raised an eyebrow at him. “I’d rigged the sprinklers in the senior’s gym because this guy called Reverse Thrust--”

“Oh, that guy. Did anypony like that guy?”

“He was okay when he wasn’t trying to prove something.” 

“It was flight school, Johnny, we were all trying to prove something.” 

“Fair,” Johnny chuckled. She was smiling so he pressed his luck and flexed a foreleg. “Okay, so you put the moves on the handsome young super stud! Where did we go from there?” 

“You said yes. And for real, who could blame you?” She tossed her mane. It legit sparkled in the moonlight. “But I wanna say…I’m sorry.” 

“For?” 

“For using you too. You were my first adult relationship and I only went for you because you were so…different.” 

“Dash, I like being different. Seriously, I get the Hex-Breed’s struggle and all, but you’re one of the best flyers I ever met, you know what a kick it is up there! And to be able to do what I’m not supposed to? You’ve no idea what that’s like!”

“Sonic Rainboom,” she countered. 

“Hey, gimme time.” He winked. 

She laughed. “I’m tryin’ to bare my soul up in here!” 

“Alright, alright,” Johnny grinned. “But you don’t sound mad at me anymore…?”

“Never say never,” Dash muttered, but still smiling. Her face fell. “But yeah, what you did wasn’t right but I’m no better. I think I just started the whole thing up because I was trying to avoid freaking out about school. You had your own stuff to take care of and I didn’t think about that.” 

She looked down. “Like the fact that maybe you actually wanna be friends.”

“That’d be cool,” Johnny said gently. “And hey, you’re right, nopony could blame you. I have amazing eyes.” 

“Yeah, blue with a blonde mane, that’s so outside the box!” She rolled her wonderfully wine coloured own. “But I shoulda been your friend first. Instead I jumped into 5th gear and expected everything else to catch up. And school wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry I put all that on you.” 

“Cool.” Johnny shifted on his branch, settling in. “So what else are you putting on me?”

“What you do without realising you do it,” Dash sighed. “I get you wouldn’t knowingly do this to me, but for real. I wasn’t really your girlfriend either. I was the mare you could play with when you had to go to flight school.”

Johnny exhaled through his nose but kept his mouth closed. The air temperature didn’t so much as flicker. He should have been proud of himself. 

“No, see, this is what I’m talking about!“ Dash stared at him almost imploringly. “You didn’t realise that was what we were! Okay, so I wasn’t your groupie, but…maybe we were both just friends who needed different stuff from each other.” 

“Then you could have told me what you were going through!” Johnny spurted. “I swear I’d have listened! I hang out with the Thing and Spider-Pony, trust me, you had way realer stuff to deal with! Half the business is in their ’30s and talk like a teenager’s diary, you were trying to become a Wonderbolt!”

“And now I’m the number three mare in your number one competitor,” Dash smirked. She shrugged at his look. “Twilight brought it all together, and you’ve met AJ.” 

“Point,” Johnny chuckled. “Look, I just mean…yeah, I wanna be friends. You’ve been keeping up with me since flight school, of course I wanna.” 

“Oh, I can do way more than keep up, colt, you’d best believe.” Dash’s eyes flashed again. “But I hear ya. Friends should be able to talk to each other.” 

“So say what you’re gonna.” 

“It’s a lot,” Dash warned. 

“What,” Johnny smirked, “you’re backing down now?” 

“This is about Rarity, so couldn’t if I wanted to.” Dash made herself comfortable on her perch. Totally not buying time. “Look, we’re cool now if you wanna be…”

“Sounds like you wanna be, so.” 

“Cool. But you said I was your first serious deal since Crystal. What was everypony else between us? A distraction?” 

“Some of them were a Skrull, but I get what you mean,” Johnny muttered. “Not saying all my rep is totally undeserved, but there’s a lotta context.”

“Well in this context, you went from dating a princess to having to settle for me.” Dash held up a wing as he began to protest. “First, I’ve been through so much with Twilight that Canterlot castle legit has a whole wing dedicated to stained glass windows of us. And we’ve been with her for everything since her coronation, I know it’s the pony under the crown, not the other way around. But Crystal was your first serious anything, right?” 

“Right,” Johnny said carefully. 

“And then you had to let that all go.” She held a hoof over her chest. “You wanna talk about it, that’s what friends do. But as your new numero uno friend, the loyal thing here is to tell ya what that did to you. See, all those mares before me, they were like me.” 

“Not really,” Johnny smirked. 

“I can be pretty generous.” Dash shrugged with terribly genuine modesty, “but yeah, they were who came after Crystal. They were who you had to be with because you couldn’t be with her. And seriously, you think being an Element is living a storybook? You met your perfect princess and you didn’t get to make it to the end of the book with her!”

“Crystal’s incredible,” Johnny said neutrally after a while. 

“Yeah, she’s awesome!”

“Wait…” Johnny almost fell out of their tree whipping towards Ponyville. “Crystal’s here?!” 

Dash shrugged. “Twilight got back a while ago. She came with. We hung out some. She asked after you.” 

“That’s…cool of her.” 

“But it complicates things, right?” She was watching him carefully as he turned to her. “You weren’t planning on her even being on the same continent when you asked Rarity to take the plunge.” 

“You always did have a way with words,” Johnny muttered. 

“You’re my buddy now, it’s my responsibility to bust your chops.” She wasn’t smiling. “And to stop you making the same mistake you’ve made your whole life since Crystal.” 

“Which is what? Treating you like the rebound girl? Rarity’s different!” 

“Rarity isn’t Crystal, man. She’s just who’s closest now you can’t be with your first love.” 

“She said never say never,” Johnny muttered almost petulantly. 

“Oh, that’s a huge help!” Dash’s eyes almost popped out her face from the swelling sarcasm. “Johnny, listen, it’s so great you didn’t mean to make me feel like a used innertube, but you still did it! If Rarity goes for this then hey, I’ll be behind ya both 5,000%! But what if she says no? Or what if she says yes, and you get bored someday? What if she gets bored first?” 

The immediate world turned blood orange as the Horseshoe Torch spontaneously ignited, hovering inches from her face. “I’m trying to move past Crystal!”

Rainbow Dash didn’t blink. “Have ya?” she asked calmly.

A beat.  

“…no,” Johnny admitted, melting under his flames, “not yet. But—!”

“Johnny.” 

Dash reached out, hesitating, but she felt him lowering his temperature and carefully placed a hoof onto his shoulder. 

“If Crystal is what she is to you, then how is every girl after her not the rebound girl? That’s what you’ve gotta work on. I’ll help! Rarity’ll help! But c’mon man, right here, right now, after everything I’ve just told ya…you’re gonna do that to her?” 

Another beat. 

Johnny flamed off, lowering into her embrace. Dash stroked his back gently, surprised at how pleasant the warmth under her hooves was. 

“You good…?” she asked after a while. 

“I’m out 50-bits on pastries with names I can’t pronounce, for one thing.”

“That’s the spirit,” Dash smiled. “C’mon, race ya back. Might even let ya win out of pity!” 

“No you won’t,” Johnny smirked, taking his head off her shoulders. 

“No I won’t.”


4


“But it turned out we couldn’t get the rights for the actual lyrics,” Pinkie Pie explained, “so I had to improvise a whole new version of Under the Sea!”

“Did you manage to take a picture of Namor’s face?” Crystal asked gleefully. 

“Nope, but this nice scribe promised me there’d be a teeny tiny, eenie weenie mosaic to commemorate the occasion!” 

“So tagging along on Triton’s next trip to Aqualusia,” Crystal shared grins with Shuri. “Wanna come with?” 

“You kidding?” the zebra laughed. “I haven’t finished mining this town for mysteries yet! You know how many secret tunnels there are around here?!”

Rarity chuckled nervously from the corner of the library she was sharing with the Panther Prince and some Dora Milaje. “Uh, we're still a work in progress."  

“Aren’t we all,” the Panther replied gently. He held up a hoof gauntlet, packed with enough Vibranium micro magi-tech innovations to hold most of the world’s major militarise at arm’s length, and diplomatically coughed into it. “I hope my sister was not…”

“Oh, she was a—!” Rarity hesitated. “She was herself! And I’m very glad to have made her acquaintance.” 

“That is gratifying, but I would still be willing to offer compensation for any and all…events she may have been involved in. I understand she became quite enamoured with these…” T’Challa held up the glove with his Kimoyo card, quickly scanning a hologram of the incident reports. “Cutie Mark Crusaders.” 

“…there’re some rather steep Canterlot parking tickets now you—” Rarity peered around his shoulder. “—mention it. Hello, girls!”

“Hi, sis,” Sweetie Belle beamed as she, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo looked up at the Prince. 

The Dora Milaje looked uncertainly at each other. Wakanda began training it’s children in the art of self-defence at adolescence, as it was never too early to start preparing for a new Panther Priest, but while this trio lacked any clear training there was…something in the air around them. 

“Uh, your majesty,” Rarity hastily networked, “this is my little sister, Sweetie Belle, and her friends from, well, you read that report.” 

“Howdy,” Apple Bloom supplied. 

“’Sup,” Scootaloo chimed in. 

The Panther inclined his head. “Greetings.” 

“Are you Shuri’s big brother?” Apple Bloom asked, craning her head. '’Cause if not you sure are big.” 

“I am, yes,” the Panther said as Rarity locked eyes with Applejack across the room. The farm girl pulled her hat down over her eyes. “A pleasure to meet you.” 

Scootaloo cocked her head. “Is it true you’re a superhero?” 

“Sometimes.” 

“Only sometimes?” Apple Bloom shared confused expressions with the other Crusaders. 

“I am prince of a small African nation.” 

“I am going out for some air!” Rarity announced with a porcelain smile, and tried to quickly but daintily scurry around the buffet table and out through the back door. 

“Coward,” she muttered as she passed Applejack.

“Girl, I spent a week on an island with a magic portal to an alternate future universe where I swapped bodies with Rainbow, and that was only the first day, do not start nothin’ with me!”

“Hmph!” 

Rarity hesitated as she almost walked into somepony’s tail by the kitchen. “Oh, do pardon me!” 

“It’s okay, I was just…” Crystal trailed off as she turned to meet her. “Um.”

“Princess Crystal,” Rarity smiled quickly, bowing. 

“Just Crystal please,” the Unknown cut in hastily. “Nice to, ah, see you again! Under better circumstances. Johnny’s told me a lot about you.” 

“Oh,” Rarity said, wondering what to do with that. “That’s nice of him! I suppose.” 

She brightened. “Crystal it is, then. Of course any friend of Twilight’s is a friend of mine!”

“Great,” Crystal smiled back, then indicated the door with her head. “Wanna get the drop on them?”

“This is the beginning of something beautiful,” Rarity beamed. 

She hooded her eyes as Twilight pushed the door open, freezing at the sight of them and jolting forward slightly as Peter Trotter walked into her, smoothing down his mane. 

“And what were you two up to?” Rarity trilled.  

“Um,” Peter said. 

“Talking,” Twilight smiled warningly. 

“Just talking?” Crystal smirked. 

“I hope you appreciate just how far back you’re setting Equestiran-Unknown relations,” Twilight said pleasantly, her eyes narrowing. 

“Don’t care,” Crystal beamed, stepping around her, holding out a hoof. “Hi! A pleasure to see you again!” 

“We haven’t officially met,” Peter said carefully. 

Crystal rolled her eyes. “Oh, naturally.” 

“Peter Trotter, rooming with your ex.” Peter smiled as they shook. “So if you wanna unload I’m good at keeping a secret.” 

“So I hear,” Crystal smiled. 

Rarity left them to it because Sweetie was currently on the Panther’s back for some reason, and if Applejack was just going to keep standing in the corner then she wasn’t about to stick her spa treated neck out. She indicated Peter with her head and gave Twilight a raised eyebrow. Twilight smiled and nodded. Rarity smiled back, stepping out through the kitchen door. 

She sighed in the crisp night air, looking around at the lights of Ponyville’s windows, wondering how her dinky little town could hold so very much of the world. She blinked as a soft radiance winked off, noticing it for the sudden gloom and chill of the surroundings. 

“Oh,” she and Johnny said as he came around from the side of Twilight and Spike’s tree. “Um.” 

“Good to see you…” Johnny said. He sounded…she wasn’t sure what he sounded like. 

“You too,” Rarity smiled. 

“How was Genoshia?” Johnny perked up. 

“That was me,” Rainbow Dash muttered, flapping around to join them. 

“Oh, right.” 

“I wondered where you were rushing off to, darling.” Rarity looked Dash over carefully. “I hate to pry, but does this mean…?”

“We’re good,” Dash said, landing to put a hoof on Johnny’s shoulder. 

“Magnificent!” Rarity beamed, clapping her hooves. “And just in time for Twilight and Peter to do more than talk as well! Timing truly is everything!”

“Geez Rarity, people are eatin’ here!” Dash squirmed. Rarity blinked as she fumbled to stop a slightly askew box from tumbling out of her grip. 

“Just something for the party!” Johnny said quickly. 

“Oooh, are those from that place on 23rd street?” 

“Wa’ u’n?” Rainbow Dash asked through a freshly inserted mouthful. She opened the box, wrinkling the lid so badly Rarity flinched. She peered at the decimated remains, which did not include any of her favourites, side eyed the cream covered smile and bulging cheeks of her friend’s cyan face, and shook her head. 

“I’m going to be helping clean up far too much tonight, darling.” She smiled sincerely. “Though I’m glad you can count yourselves off my list. Is it odd to say I’m proud of you?” 

“Dunno,” Johnny smirked, “maybe we should get a second opinion. Still got the diamond dogs number?” 

“North or South?” Dash asked, in between licking cream off her hoof. “She’s connected, y’know!”  

“Ah,” Rarity deadpanned, turning back to the certainty of Sweetie and political figures, “I see what I have to look forward to and the flaw in the design.” 

She shuddered as she heard them hoof bump behind her. She paused on the doorstep, squinting as she thought she caught a familiar scent. Then shook her head, smiling, and continued on. 


***


“Thanks,” Johnny breathed once she was out of sight. 

“You so owe me.” Dash flipped the remains of the box onto his back, frowning as she rubbed her stomach. “I hate profiteroles.”

“Tell you what. Tie Rarity and Crystal up for the rest of the evening and…” She turned as he scuffed some imaginary shoes. “The Mets game on the 3rd. Press box seats. My treat.” 

“The Nets, centre court,” Dash shot back instantly, “the 10th. And I’ve got a search and rescue test to ace the day before, so I’ll be bringing a date.”

“Deal,” Johnny smirked. 

“Probably gonna be Soarin’,” she smirked back. 

“So are you punishing him or me?” 

“The 10th,” she called over her shoulder as she flapped inside. “Hey, homewrecker.” 

“Hey,” Peter said, ducking under her as he stepped outside. He raised an eyebrow at Johnny. 

The Torch shrugged. “We’re good.” 

“Parallel universe or sleeper agent clone?” 

“I’m one of a kind.” 

“Inconclusive,” Peter mused, stroking his chin, “so perhaps it’s Rainbow they’ve gotten to.” 

“Hey, have you tried changing Rainbow Dash’s mind?” 

“I heard that!” drifted out over the stereo.

“For real,” Peter chuckled, leaning in the doorway once they’d settled down. “You were away for a while. Long enough for me and Twilight to make out. Up! Shut up.” 

“Happy for you,” Johnny said, holding up a hoof, “but didn’t ask. Me and her, we’re good.”

Peter raised an eyebrow. “Which her?” 

“Dash is gonna keep ‘em both busy tonight,” Johnny sighed, feeling oddly relived, “and she’s gonna be around to make sure I don’t…y’know.” 

“Wow. This has been a long week.” 

“I know, right?”  

“Wanna talk about it?” 

“Wouldn’t even know where to start.” Johnny shrugged. “I’m glad you got your princess, at least. You blow that, I’ll make sure you never taste soda that isn’t room temperature for the rest of your life.” 

“You would make a hay of a supervillain.” Peter beckoned with his tail as he turned back to the light and music. “Now stop standing around like a homeless Photo Finish model and help me save some of those little hay dogs, before Rainbow Dash and Applejack snag ‘em all.”

“Okay, but pace yourself,” Johnny smirked, “we’ve got work tomorrow.” 


To be Continued