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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Awesome!
See this is how power armour should have been presented in Fo4, not within the first 30 minutes of playing, not at the firsts levels. But in the end of an arch, the whole world being balanced on a knives edge, a giant force breathing down your neck, not just a handful of raiders and a deathclaw that dosn't make any sense at all. That there are an explanation as to how one control the power armour is also a nice touch as well.
First of all, only use the horse head, you waste too much meat by laying a whole foal in front of a door. Secondly, hide it in the persons bed, it is more classy and a movie did it. Thirdly, that is just a waste of slaves that could be doing work for you!
I am all for pony mayham, death and destruction… But a flesh eating spell deployed by pre-war people, being ponies or zebras for that matter, is maybe a tad too much. One of my favorite parts about FoE is that it have such a big helping of ponies and pastel coloures compared to the gritty post apocalypse, so reading that segment broke my suspension of disbelief.
Nitpicks:
" we’re going to be cutting it close." You forgot a capital letter here
"For the first time since then the only thing I could do is sit and wait" should be past tense
" I flexed repeatedly, each time my muscles feeling more powerful." There are something clunky over the wording here
"Their were no more red dots in my immediate vicinity but I knew where I could find more" there?
" Behind them looked like an armoury." Sounds a bit clunky
" The creators of the suit must of knew that close range" have known
"The luitentinet stared at his hoof in absolute horror" lieutenant?
"I flung her body to side and faced the crowd who would be my encore." you are lacking a "the" here
Well, that was a really savage fight. Really liked how it was executed though
Looking forward to the next chapter! Keep up the good work!
I’m really missing one of my favorite stories.