Page generated in 0.015 seconds
Total duration
639 users online
876,067 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Oh wow. I totally thought Ardent was a mare for the whole first chapter. Look at me making assumptions!
Anyway, pretty good chapter. Looking forward to the next one.
7852277 Thanks! To be fair after your comment I reread the chapter and was like "Yup, no mention lol" the only hint was the perk he got and it's a fair assumption since a lot of FoE stories have female protagonists.
Another day, another REVIEW TIME!
Wait... The pipbucks was made by Stable-tec, made to protect ponies, why would the manual mention that it would it mention shooting on other ponies? Mentioning zebras, and pointing out how it was made for personal protection, would make it more in line with the MLP part of FoE. One thing to really remember about FoE is how Stable-Tec actually did all of their stuff with good intentions, but just as Fluttershy and the megaspells, the road to hell is paved with good intentions.
So able to make a rocket launcher after seeing it just once, able to tone all things out and only concentrate on one sense, and having a tome for a bookmark... Do I smell eidetic memory? Would actually be pretty neat to see a "mimic" char in the middle of other chars with high level specialities, but it is just damn hard to pull of in the length, too many small details that need to be kept track off so there won't be any plotholes, lets see how it works out for Ardent in the long run.
Nitpick:
"Holy Luna, Pip-Bucks can truly do miracles, and fucking Celestia this needle that just shot through my cheek hurts! " It seems to be two separate thoughts, so the and should not be in italic
" Your vision will then display a hud at the bottom of your peripherals showing any nearby locations." HUD is an abbreviation so it should be in all capital letters, but with that said, would ponies with their low tech world know what a heads up display is?
" I wandered into a general store where a handful of ponies were shopping." Most other stories use hoofful instead here.