Page generated in 0.017 seconds
Total duration
1,053 users online
1,635,260 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I read, I saw, I commented a first post!
So after the mud and before the steam, really nice scene, but I was wondering if it wouldn't work better if it was the other way around. It would play more on doubt and surprise, and actually trick the reader when the description came, before the realisation finally hit both him and us... But that is just one of my many wild ideas.
I have never been one for saunas, not being fan of the warmth in general and instead loving anything snow and frosty, but after my girlfriend and I took a vacation to a waterpark resort did I finally experience the joy of the suana by getting a round of "saunagus" (have been looking for translations, but there are apparently none, its a kind of sauna therapy where a person makes sure that the air gets waved around and cool people off with icewater under it as well). So yea I do get why Ardent is into it!
And huzzah! Nibbly hear nibbles was had!
Nitpicks:
"almost overwhelmingly sweet The soap cleared off what oils remained after the sauna," Random capital T strikes
"Gale flipped me over after a particularly sensual moan and crawled on top." Need a line between this and the last segmetn
"I knew the answer was no when he walked passed me" Clunky this be, sentence.
"I took a bite of my meal, it tasted foul." So far with my understanding of English would it actually be acceptable to use present tense in the second sentence here.
Well, finally I have the time to read again Definitely an interesting chapter with Gale’s “affection” and the family bits.