Adam had recently gotten back from his deployment in Afghanistan to spend some time with his sister. He thought it was all gonna go great until one night everything changed, his world, his life, and his sister.
Definite upgrade in pacing since chapter 1, still would like to see some environmental narrative, but that is up to you. The gender bend I saw coming, but as long as it is properly executed I don't see any issue with it, just try to remember to make his reactions believable, it's a big change and people don't react well to big unwanted changes. I feel a great OOC disturbance in the force when it comes to Celestia and Luna, try to keep them true to themselves, it can only help you. I eagerly await the next chapter.
7674761 Thank you for your very thoughtful and informative review on my story! I'll try being more descriptive about my environments (something that I'm obviously not good at) and same with the inner dialog but it won't be very common. Probably, we'll have to wait and see. Adam's reactions in the second chapter are questionable but Adam is the type of person whose seen a lot of diabolical things during his time in Afghanistan and these things have changed him dramatically, therefore he's stopped caring about anything other than his sister as he wants to see her become successful rather than see himself successful. Lyna's reaction to becoming a pony may change as I probably forgot to do one for her and make it over the top. And for Celestia and Luna being OOC, they'll be like themselves usually on the outside but on the inside of Celestia's mind is the devil, but lesser. Luna's thou this and thou that will have to wait sadly, although, I am considering a rewrite but that'll not happen until I can clear up my schedule. Once again thank you for your review!
If they suddenly are Celestia and Luna I hope this isn't something like them with Luna and Celestia in their head. Or that someone tries to force them to take their destiny. I would prefer a funny and loveable story right now.
7682516 Just so you know, Adam and Lyna will keep their personalities, they both just look like Celestia and Luna but a tiny bit smaller than them, but I assure you that they are all separate characters and there's no voice-in-the-head thing going on. Sorry if I wasn't very good at showing that.
He mentally flipped off god as he didn't have fingers and heard a faint 'Fuck you too,' in the back of his head but he ignored it. Probably his imagination.
please no, why isn't there a story without that feature anymore?
Princess Celestia was having a feast as she devoured the cakes that sat before her. Princess Luna sitting across from her expressionless, turning to a waiter, "Uh, go get some mor―" but she was cut off.
"―EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!" a creature yelled loudly.
okay sorry if I doubted you, having two of them could be even better than what I had in mind.
She handed, uh, hoofed Adam his M4 which he used as a lean-on and boom, he was standing...as a horse.
I think I would prefer him using his magic for that instead of probably revealing his teats and everything else to others and somehow I'm just not in the mood for him standing as a not anthro this time.
If you guys are wondering what Adam looks like, he looks exactly like Princess Celestia but shorter than her and taller than the average pony by a few inches and he's naked.
1. Of course hes naked. 2. sooo he would look like a daugther of Celestia or just like her younger self right now? That would be nice, maybe having Celestia fixing his personality a bit. I mean he looks like a trouble maker somehow, and I guess I just suddenly want an adoption story.
Well okay I like this story so far, I can't exactly say what I think about his personality, his sister seems okay, but he is putting me off somehow.
7682578 Alright...so everything you've said is understandable. The magic won't happen as for now, they both only think that it's just a plain old horn sitting upon their foreheads. Humans have obviously never used magic so it will take time for them to find out, as of now they didn't even know that magic exists. Even though they've been sent into another universe. But they just go with it.
I'm sorry that you aren't in the mood for standing ponies but there will most likely be more standing in the future just so you know. If Adam gets some sort of robotic arms and legs to deal with standing as a pony? I do not know as that will be hard to explain as Equestria isn't very industrialized. Also, I have a thing for ponies standing and looking badass.
For what Adam looks like, he looks exactly like Celestia, from the ethereal mane to the cutie mark. The only difference is their personalities and Adam is shorter than Celestia but is hard to tell if you aren't observant.
Adam's personality is questionable but for someone who takes all of the burdens his sister has and has been to war multiple times, he's pretty random. Basically, a strange personality with a little Pinkie Pie added to it, not too much or he'll start breaking physics.
Alright...so everything you've said is understandable. The magic won't happen as for now, they both only think that it's just a plain old horn sitting upon their foreheads. Humans have obviously never used magic so it will take time for them to find out, as of now they didn't even know that magic exists. Even though they've been sent into another universe. But they just go with i
well yes, but like you said later maybe.
I'm sorry that you aren't in the mood for standing ponies but there will most likely be more standing in the future just so you know. If Adam gets some sort of robotic arms and legs to deal with standing as a pony? I do not know as that will be hard to explain as Equestria isn't very industrialized. Also, I have a thing for ponies standing and looking badass.
I'm probably getting used to it anyway after time, it feels like something that would only be annoying in the first moment. Maybe you just change them into being some sort of well...maybe not exactly anthro but different? arrrg I know there was a picture of Derpy standing and having a weird shape in her forelegs. She had a body form that still made her look like a little pony, but her body was meant to stand on two legs. However I can't remember if it maybe even was the same or if she wore clothes that made her look a bit different. I'm just so used to them saying that their spine can't take the staying on two legs for too long.
Adam's personality is questionable but for someone who takes all of the burdens his sister has and has been to war multiple times, he's pretty random. Basically, a strange personality with a little Pinkie Pie added to it, not too much or he'll start breaking physics.
aaahhh yes the war could be an explanation for that.....hhhmmm okay I try to look differently at him from now on.
7682555 naaah it's okay, I kind of start to see "the signs" if I read certain stuff. One could think the first storys I had to read on this site traumatized me a little bit
She sat up on her haunches then realized something and looked at him in confusion, "Wait, why do you sound female?" Adam's magenta eyes shrunk not realizing this before and spun around. Lyna looked away blushing and rubbing her foreleg, her wings shooting outward and making a 'pomf' sound as they unfurled, she knew what he was doing.
Adam hesitantly looked down and saw between his hind legs were two sizeable round teats and the shape of a female reproductive organ that he didn't want to believe nor see.
He threw his hooves into the air, looked straight up and yelled, "NEEEEEIIIIIIN―"
Okay, this is good, but did you have to genderbend Adam? I can understand ponies, but humans or human-turned-ponies? It's just weird.
Definite upgrade in pacing since chapter 1, still would like to see some environmental narrative, but that is up to you. The gender bend I saw coming, but as long as it is properly executed I don't see any issue with it, just try to remember to make his reactions believable, it's a big change and people don't react well to big unwanted changes. I feel a great OOC disturbance in the force when it comes to Celestia and Luna, try to keep them true to themselves, it can only help you. I eagerly await the next chapter.
Is Adam going to get his dick back?
7674761 Thank you for your very thoughtful and informative review on my story! I'll try being more descriptive about my environments (something that I'm obviously not good at) and same with the inner dialog but it won't be very common. Probably, we'll have to wait and see. Adam's reactions in the second chapter are questionable but Adam is the type of person whose seen a lot of diabolical things during his time in Afghanistan and these things have changed him dramatically, therefore he's stopped caring about anything other than his sister as he wants to see her become successful rather than see himself successful. Lyna's reaction to becoming a pony may change as I probably forgot to do one for her and make it over the top. And for Celestia and Luna being OOC, they'll be like themselves usually on the outside but on the inside of Celestia's mind is the devil, but lesser. Luna's thou this and thou that will have to wait sadly, although, I am considering a rewrite but that'll not happen until I can clear up my schedule. Once again thank you for your review!
7675154 You'll see in the next chapter.
Edit: Shit, I couldn't get it in the chapter, oh well, but he does find a way. When? I dunno.
Honestly i think they should be switched. He seems to match luna more the Celestia.
7678064 Perhaps, by that very notion, They are placed exactly where they need to be?
I bet the first think everypony thinks is that they are changelings.
can't wait for more
I really hope God will be a recuring character.
If they suddenly are Celestia and Luna I hope this isn't something like them with Luna and Celestia in their head.
Or that someone tries to force them to take their destiny. I would prefer a funny and loveable story right now.
I start reading later today.
7682516 Just so you know, Adam and Lyna will keep their personalities, they both just look like Celestia and Luna but a tiny bit smaller than them, but I assure you that they are all separate characters and there's no voice-in-the-head thing going on. Sorry if I wasn't very good at showing that.
please no, why isn't there a story without that feature anymore?
okay sorry if I doubted you, having two of them could be even better than what I had in mind.
I think I would prefer him using his magic for that instead of probably revealing his teats and everything else to others and somehow I'm just not in the mood for him standing as a not anthro this time.
1. Of course hes naked.
2. sooo he would look like a daugther of Celestia or just like her younger self right now? That would be nice, maybe having Celestia fixing his personality a bit. I mean he looks like a trouble maker somehow, and I guess I just suddenly want an adoption story.
Well okay I like this story so far, I can't exactly say what I think about his personality, his sister seems okay, but he is putting me off somehow.
7682578 Alright...so everything you've said is understandable. The magic won't happen as for now, they both only think that it's just a plain old horn sitting upon their foreheads. Humans have obviously never used magic so it will take time for them to find out, as of now they didn't even know that magic exists. Even though they've been sent into another universe. But they just go with it.
I'm sorry that you aren't in the mood for standing ponies but there will most likely be more standing in the future just so you know. If Adam gets some sort of robotic arms and legs to deal with standing as a pony? I do not know as that will be hard to explain as Equestria isn't very industrialized. Also, I have a thing for ponies standing and looking badass.
For what Adam looks like, he looks exactly like Celestia, from the ethereal mane to the cutie mark. The only difference is their personalities and Adam is shorter than Celestia but is hard to tell if you aren't observant.
Adam's personality is questionable but for someone who takes all of the burdens his sister has and has been to war multiple times, he's pretty random. Basically, a strange personality with a little Pinkie Pie added to it, not too much or he'll start breaking physics.
Anyway, thank you for your thoughts!
7682694
well yes, but like you said later maybe.
I'm probably getting used to it anyway after time, it feels like something that would only be annoying in the first moment.
Maybe you just change them into being some sort of well...maybe not exactly anthro but different? arrrg I know there was a picture of Derpy standing and having a weird shape in her forelegs. She had a body form that still made her look like a little pony, but her body was meant to stand on two legs. However I can't remember if it maybe even was the same or if she wore clothes that made her look a bit different. I'm just so used to them saying that their spine can't take the staying on two legs for too long.
aaahhh yes the war could be an explanation for that.....hhhmmm okay I try to look differently at him from now on.
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTJP10s3bn62RlmwZ1ss40tKrvev0CcgicyPgZLVcF8F2xpA6v9
that was the closest thing I found to what I actually meant right now.
7682555 naaah it's okay, I kind of start to see "the signs" if I read certain stuff. One could think the first storys I had to read on this site traumatized me a little bit
just to clarify they look like mini adults? or do they look like children version of the real 2?
cuz of the pic you have it can go either way
Got to admit i wish they were the size as they were while human. But i am enjoying this
I was expecting him to transform into Luna, but I merely assumed that from the story's cover art.
Either way you should add this to the TG/TF and transformations group
lpalmertheauthor.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/c1539-khaaan.jpg
I'm just not seeing a soldier as Celestia.. just not seeing it =v=
So now their Dopplegangers for Princess Celestia and Princess Luna I can hardly wait to find out when they all meet each other .