In the castle, Marshall and Mocha Jon were setting up for the redecoration, getting rid of all the girly flowers and replacing them with more masculine decorations such as wrestling posters and filling the book shelves with horror novels instead of spell books. Celestia and Luna have been stored away in the dungeons in separate rooms to avoid talk of a conspiracy and or revenge. Mocha Jon was also moving into the castle as well, Marshall was making him his full time right hand man. Upon entering one of the rooms set aside for Jon, Marshall was shocked and disturbed to see the entire room was filled with stuffed animals.
"Really? You told me you only had a couple!" He yelled out in surprise.
"Yeah, I had to give most of them away to Big Macintosh before I moved in here," Jon responded.
Marshall was looking around at all the plushies, Jon had a surprisingly large variety, he noticed a cowboy ferret, a viking goat, a gangsta squirrel, the list goes on. "Alright if you're gonna be my right hoof man you're gonna need to learn to let these things go at some point if you ever want to be successful."
"Last time I checked Celestia and Cadence both had a pretty youthful streak and it got them at very good... oh wait... okay I see your point... but I ain't loosing these guys." Jon responded, cuddling a skunk plushie dressed like a knight with his pet badger playing with him.
Marshall walked over and noticed something that instantly caught his attention, a brown bunny rabbit plushie dressed like a pirate. Without warning, Marshall picked that doll up and ripped its head off and tore off all the limbs of the plushie in a pretty angry manner, causing Mocha Jon to rush over in panic.
"Hey! Captain Fluffytail was two moons away from retirement! What up with the attack?" He angrily asked, his mild bronx accent becoming a bit more pronounced.
Marshall got a hold of himself and sighed in response, "Ugh i apologize... my hermana had one just like it..."
"Who?"
"My sister Teresa... She brought this doll everywhere and I don't like thinking about her!" He said in a little bit of anger.
"Okay pause! This sounds interesting, tell me everything that evil mare did to you! I wanna know more about some evil mares!" Jon was eager to hear more about how bad a girl could be, courtesy of Marshall's hypnosis spell.
"Okay I clearly need to tone down your mare hatred half and tone up your good slave half of the spell later. Anyway, it all started like this...:"
The scene shifted to a flashback of Marshall as a colt, he had his wings but no horn. He was walking in and was eager to show his parents (Pegasus father and donkey mother) his report card to where he had received all A-'s.
"Mama, Papa, my first straight A's in school! I finally learned how to fly through that hoop and..." He began until his sister, also a winged hinny, interrupted him by rushing right before him, revealing straight A+'s.
"Mama, my teacher says I was the best in the class and that maybe soon I could be able to join the racing team in just a few moons!" She yelled out in a high Latin accent similar to Marshall's.
Their parents got off the couch and went over to congratulate Teresa on this accomplishment.
"Wow honey! That's great news! You know, Marshall's been having trouble with his flying, maybe you could give him a hand sometime?" Their father mentioned without any accent in his voice, making Marshall look a bit upset and try to show his report card again, but before he could, he got cut off by the mother.
"Felicitaciones Teresa! I knew you would do so well so I called some of your friends and am taking you all out tonight to celebrate, it will be a fun fiesta for such a talented mare!" The donkey mother said, being the one who has the Spanish accent. "Marshall, go fetch your hermana's favorite toy before we take her out." Marshall walked off grumbling faintly and crumbled up his paper, thinking it would be a lost cause now...
In a narrative background, Marshall stated, "She was always the favorite of everypony, of our parents, of our teachers, of friends! Our time in boarding school was the worst..."
Flashing forward, we can see Marshall was sitting alone at a lunch table looking angrily at Teresa who was sitting at the popular girls' table. "So do you have any sisters?" One of the unicorn mares asked Teresa.
"Well I do have one brother, but trust me I would much rather have a sister, Marshall is gross, silly, half the time he smells like a bunch of deodorant and the other half like he needs deodorant, and don't get me started on how clumsy he is!" She stated with all the girls laughing out loud afterwards. Marshall over heard that comment and noticed all the girls including his sister laughing at him and he legitimately looked depressed. He even picked a flower from the bush he was sitting by to pull stems off of until he started sneezing really loudly from it, making all the popular mares turn around and see him look all nazily and stuffed up, making them all say 'Ew" and then laugh at him more.
In further narration, "Those mares always hated me, I was always an outcast because everypony cared about their opinions and never wanted to spend any time with the allergy ridden male hinny! So I had a plan..."
Suddenly the intercom for the school comes on and announces that there are going to be an election for student council Princess: "Attention students! It is time for our annual student council election! Our last Princess graduated last year and now it's time to indite a new girl for the job! It takes a lot of responsibility but it is the biggest honor you can achieve at this school. Sign ups will be held this afternoon in the gym, if you're interested in being Princess of the Student Council and have a chance to feel like Princess Celestia, come on down!" Marshall rubbed his chin with an interested look on his face and suddenly he started grinning, until he ha to sneeze one more time...
In the gym, Marshall was seen at the table and was about to sign up. He was up next but before he was able to get up close, three girls instantly cut him in line and the front girl signed up. They turned around and were revealed to be Teresa and two of the popular girls. They looked confused and a little angry and even a little amused at seeing Marshall there.
"What are you doing here hinny boy?" The unicorn asked.
"Signing up for student council? I have my note from the principle saying I can do it." He answered confusedly.
"You can't!!" The other girl exclaimed with a smug look on her face.
"It's 'Princess' of student council, because only us mature mares can handle the responsibility!" Teresa said as she finished writing her name down.
"Yeah, when has there ever been a famous Prince? Celestia is a girl, her niece recently became a Princess, and I heard her sister used to be a Princess, but no Prince!" The unicorn added as she chuckled maliciously.
"That shouldn't matter! I can do this because I..." Marshall began to add until he got cut off.
"Besides, why would anypony want a Prince? Stallions are just gross and immature anyway, go ahead and sign up, you won't be able to beat me anyway!" Teresa said as she and the girls tarted to walk off laughing at him. Marshall watched them walk off and got a bit of a tear in his eye but he shook it off and signed his name on the sheet.
Again in narration, "From that moment I knew I had to do something, but it didn't end there... Her campaign was largely aimed with one specific practice..."
A brief montage shows Teresa and her mare friends handing out buttons that say 'Why vote for the guy?' over a picture of Marshall sneezing again, handing out candy bars saying 'nerdy boy vs. pretty girl', and the two doing their campaign interviews/speeches, to which the girls drop a bunch of flowers over Marshall, making his allergies burst out on stage and prevent him from answering the questions, while Teresa just laughed.
As the students left the auditorium, they all clearly didn't like any of Teresa's strategies. "Man, how can he teachers just let those girls bully that guy like that?" One guy sympathetically asked his friend.
"Tell me about it, for a private school, they're surprisingly lax on their zero tolerance policies. Poor Marshall..." She responded.
Teresa's friends over heard that and they went to tell Teresa that her plans aren't working and she begins to panic until they have an idea... The screen changes to what looks like a classroom that is not very well lit. The three girls take out a box from the desk and can see that Marshall has most of the votes, and they begin to swap all the ballots with ones that say Teresa...
"I will not loose to a colt!" She quietly exclaimed.
To the surprise of the girls, the door suddenly opened and Marshall with a teacher came into the room and turned on the light, "You know I really appreciate you helping me clean out the black board erasers Marsh..." He began until they looked over at the fillies stuffing the ballot box...
"It's not what it looks like!" They all said in unison. The teacher was no fool though, he could see the ballot papers.
"You know what girls..." He gets a bit of an angry look on his face... "We need to go to the principle's office... but first you all need to say hello to the new Prince of the school!" He said pointing to Marshall who looked ecstatic and hugged the teacher.
The flashback finally ends, Marshall looking depressed and angry, "I hate that mare and never want to see her again!" He cartoonishly yelled out in anger as he threw a dinosaur plushie at Jon, who started a comedic cry then, "Wow, was the story that sad?"
"No..." Jon started rubbing his forehead, "That dinosaur plushie had a battery cartridge in it..."
this is an interesting chapter, We see that Mocha has a nice collection of many/stalliony of plushes and every one of them have a complex background story. To explain marshal past that is posed to explain why he hats mare so much has its good part but it feel a bit flat toward the end, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that coming form a grown stallion... I think that it the ranting could have been much longer and get progressively get more peaty as it goes long. I thing the part where his sisters was perfection incarnate to their parents eye and that marshal was always in his sister's shadow all his life, even doe he had very descent grades was very interesting but I thing that their peaty sibling rivalry could have been more expanded upon, like he was out shine her her in every way and that he always found himself on the out shined from sports baking signing, would have been a good way to build even more resentment against his sister and would have been expanded with all the other mares that he had interaction with further increasing his feeling of Inadequacy until it explodes. I think that the part that he managed to reveal a plot of cheating in the vote for princess sort of ruins the effect and should have restored his confidence in his warped mind in the idea in the system that their is no sexual discrimination against stallions. I think that big reveal could have worked if his victory had been sour by something even worst that happen to him afterwards; like having him been called princess the whole time or something worst. I like the fact that his allergies had constantly plagued life, seeing that he is a herbivore that is something, and that it had ruined his image and life experiences more than ones. I am surprised that he had never been confused to be a donkey instead of a highny. I would have liked to see Mocha be even more snarly with Marshal but that could come later.
To be honest this chapter explains a lot. While I think Marshall over reacted (not realizing a lot of votes came from mares at the school) it makes a decent plot twist. Great job with the chapter.
7328194 He was supposed to over react, there will be more mini flashbacks later that follow the same trend of him being out shined by his sister but are more comedy based and intended to show that he really over reacted to her then and he starts blaming mares when he really wasn't supposed too. Don't worry, Marshall is still the villain, this isn't supposed to be a Freudian excuse to where he opens up and later becomes good because of it, he is still evil and everypony will still think of him as evil throughout the story and he will suffer in the end.
7327574 I wanted it to seem like Marshall was blaming all girls for something over all petty done by just a few girls, that's why I switched it like that, also, I plan to have more mini back stories later that are more comedy based that just emphasize how he over reacts later and blames girls for nothing. What do you mean confused to be a donkey? It's like seeing a tan child during grade school, you never really know theyre hispanic so you don't judge based on that.
7328429 here's some idea for the stallion uprising.
In ponyville Mayor mayor is telling time turner to readjust her schedual so he can get her mane dyed. Instead of sighing and complying, he tells her he worked for weeks getting her schedual a together, and if she want to throw all of his work in the trash then he quits.
Dr philp (dr Phil) is talking with a couple. And of course he starts with telling the stallion he needs to love and respect his mare. (Taking the mares side about her feeling under appresheated) then dr and the stallion team up and tell her all she has been doing wrong and how she needs to treat her husband better.
A contracto pony, is listening to a mare's tenth idea change. Once the mind control hits, he tells her off, and quits.
Hoity totiy (the fashion pony) fires all the mares after they complain about the simplest things with his design.
The guard stallions break composure when mares Dilberatly try to mess with them.
Iron will telling. The mares to leave is audience so that way the stallions can learn how to assert themselves against the mares.
What do you think?
7328431 Sorry, I meant mule. For his past, I feel that his frustration might be sort of justified by certain people, but over time he would blow it out of proportion, he would imagine seeing discrimination every where he goes. I would think that last even might have started to make him weary of woman at the very least and make him try to out strip his sister. Still I have a little trouble imagining that he managed to use mind control magic, seeing that he was a hiny pepasus so soon after he became an alicorn, what would make him research it in the first place, back then?
7328499 I really love some of those ideas! They will actually come in handy for the next chapter you have no idea! Thank you!
7328501 Alright first, mules and hinnies are fairly easy to tell apart, mules get all the ugly traits of horses and donkeys and hinnies get all the cute traits from them.
His motivations will be explained more later don't worry, like I said I have more flash backs planned.
7328538 would you like more ideas?
7328589 Got any involving Dr Whooves or Caramel?
7328596 Doctor whooves kicking Derpy out of the tartdis. Claiming her clumsiness nearly destroyed a plane to again. And tell her until she learns to follow his rules, she can't come with him.
For Carmel, have it be that his latest delivery went astray, because a mare moved the grass seeds to a better place for them. When Carmel is getting blamed for being late or forgetting it, he grows a back bone and stands up to the mare and tells her off.
For Thunderlane. The twins blossom and (the other sister) are both trying to date Thunderlane. Thunderlane tells them both off, saying how they know only one of them can date him and when they break up, he will be blamed as a jerk. He is not going to repeat what happened to the last 4 stallions.
Snips and snails shoot spit wads at silver spoon and Diamond Tiara after they blame them for something as school.
Pipsqueak tells the party commity that they are only making girly parties. With lace and stuff animals and dresses. He and the other colts want to do paintball. Scootaloo loves the idea.
Jet stream tells off his wife and tells her he knew she was having an affair so he has had three. He also says screw social standing, he is filing for divorce.
Donut joe tells mares to get out of his shop when they whine for him to serve salad or a fat free donut.
Spike gets fed up with Twilight treating him like a baby and so he's moving out. He can even come to Marshall if you want.
Braeburn tells some mares off who are critiquing his work. The mares have been "thinking" about how the town should be decorated, while the men are trying to get the harvest and other things prepared.
Do you like these?
7328624 These actually help a lot! Wait for tonight or tomorrow and oart 9 will be up and you can see how it plays out! Thanks so much!