DECISIVE VICTORY AT MANEHATTEN
GENERAL SPITFIRE UNCONDITIONALLY SURRENDERS TO GENERAL APPLEJACK
To my (former) beloved subjects of the new United States of Equestria,
Well… this was unexpected.
Did you know that you are the first group of ponies in recorded history who actually overcame your natural skittishness and requested aid from other nations? Somehow you knew that Gryphonstone, Prance, Yakistan, and Saddle Arabia all had an axe to grind with me for some reason or another. Looking back, it seems obvious that naming the now former Princess Twilight Sparkle as the Princess of Friendship would come back to bite me in the flank. Who knew that the easiest way of fostering peace between nations was to unite them against a common enemy?
I’d be proud of her if I wasn’t so absolutely full of rage.
And now the royal treasury is running low. The Crystal Empire’s ambassador is saying that Princess Cadance is considering ‘re-evaluating our relationship,’ as he puts it. The world has turned upside down and the United States of Equestria is very much a reality.
One small question; what comes next?
A small part of me is actually happy this happened, because now you get to see exactly how hard it is to lead. From what I hear, you’re already embroiled in your first real conflict. Half of you want Twilight Sparkle as your first president, given that she was the one who formed those alliances will all your new buddy nations. The other half want Applejack, since she was the one who led your armies to victory as General. I’ve read some truly hilarious pieces already in support of both of them. I’m particularly fond of the story of Applejack bucking down an apple tree and then admitting to it because her unfathomable honesty means that she simply cannot tell a lie.
So you’ve been “freed.” Awesome! Wow! Have you set up a new tax plan yet? Or will you pull your new nation out of war debt on the strength of dreams and wishes? Have your new allies decided on what they want in return for recognizing your sovereignty and aiding in your war? Have you decided where your capital will be? Have you settled on a new form of currency, or will you be sticking to the Canterlot bit? What rights will your citizens have? What won’t they have? What term limits will your elected officials have? What will your elected officials be paid?
That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
Oh, everything seems wonderful now. I’ve seen the non-stop parties across the country-side. The fireworks that spelled out ‘CE-LOSER-TIA’ were a nice touch. But the honeymoon period will end. It always does. And then the in-fighting will begin.
My little ponies, you war has only just begun.
Meanwhile I’ll remain here on my lonely mountain. I’ll watch your developing nation grow with great interest. Who knows? Maybe I’ll actually offer my aid and become an ally once my urge to vaporize you all has finally passed.
But know this. In the days to come, when factions form and tensions rise, when supplies run low and anger runs high, when you start to hate those you elect to lead you…
…Don’t come crawling back to me.
You finally have what you wanted.
You’re on your own.
Forever yours,
Princess Celestia of Canterlot
Pfffft, the Mane Six are at the helm, the U.S.E is gonna be fine.
Rather nice story, I liked it, cheers.
Heh. As much as it kind of hurts to cast Celestia as George III, it's good for a laugh. And the closing chapter is really timely.
I should really listen to the original soundtrack sometime.
Ouch.
I guess I didn't really see it as a comedy but if I imagine like centuries down the road and the USE going very strong managing to go through all their problems it gets a laugh out of me. It makes me think of Celestia sitting alone going "...fuck".
7075296 You really should. You won't regret it.
7075296
You really, really, really need to. It is amazing, and everyone who I know has listened to it, has fallen in love with it. A great story to accompany a great soundtrack.
Deposed Tyrantlestia. Her urge to vaporize them all... hmmm.
She will get over it.
They should set Celestia on fire. 'Raiser of the sun burned to death' just has some delicious irony to it, y'know
7075284 not to burst your bubble, but sometimes they're kind of criminally retarded.
7075924 Well, usually not all at the same time....
7076657 Or Hillary...
Which doom is worse? The monster you know, or the conniving bitch you're blissfully ignorant of.
7076311 Because I didn't realize people would like it this much.
(Stealthily opens new Word document)
7076657
7076707 Ah ah ah. No politics in the comments, please and thank you.
7076707 of the two i'd pick a carrefully plased gunshot
7076731 A Patriot Arrow to take them both out forever? Those things can make some pretty sharp turns, as evidenced in "Robin Hood: Men in Tights".
7075284 Rainbow Dash decided to stop winter and destroyed the Weather Factory to prevent her tortoise from going into hibernation for 3 months...
Twilight still goes into obsessive check-list mode for every bit of planning she does (and you think the IRS taxcode is over-complicated... the USE taxcode soon overflows the Library of Congress... entire rainforests are ground up to print the first and only copy ever made.)
Rarity's a dressmaker. And she likes fashion shows.
Fluttershy... is Fluttershy. She'd bow to every special interest imaginable with the slightest wheedling.
Pinkie Pie... the idea of her leading any part of a nation is both intriguing and horrifying...
AJ. Probably the only real leader material in the bunch. But too obsessed with apples.
I need to hear more and I definitely need to hear about how Celestia comes out of this on top.
Well this was... Complete idiotic shite. Maybe you were going for over the top lol im so high and mighty -laugh but it just ended up being horribe and bitter and stupid and congrats, Celestia is a complete moronic bitchdouche. God I just want to knock her friggen teeth out.
Maybe you were going for that. You still failed.
i would love it where celly just drops everything
and i mean EVERYTHING
royal duties, paper work, RAISING THE FUCKING SUN
let see how long til ponies realized how much they need her
images.popmatters.com/news_art/m/movingpixels-handsomejack-splsh.jpg
Now read the story in his voice
7076828 Maybe it was Celestia who went on a rampage, and Luna just lost? Luna's now a meek little shut-in because big sister beat the shit out of her so many times. Ever think of that?
The story is "okay" at best.
We have no context to provide for Celestia's attitude. Nothing to tell us what happened in between letters. We have nothing to really make the story seem... Real. That isn't the most fitting term, but it'll have to do.
I don't even know what you were trying to accomplish. Was this a comedy? A tragedy? A drama? A slice of life? What? There is nothing to give it flavor. Instead we are given a minor edit of the Declaration of Independence, and a headline that explains jack ****. Who is leading which army? That isn't explained until later, which is useless. We are then given two letters from Celestia, and she is reacting incredibly OOC in both of them. I say OOC because you haven't established anything to explain her actions, why she's declared a tyrant, or why the ponies have made a Declaration of Independence. And because you haven't done that, we have to fall back to show standards, thus rendering the character's actions OOC.
This is a nice concept, but the execution is severely lacking.
I give this new country 300 years or so before some crazy old stallion with a horrendous hairpiece decides to try to take it over.
7081980 I wrote this in a little over an hour after being inspired by a song from a musical.
I didn't mean for it to be more than a dumb little bit of nonsense.
Believe me, when I put genuine thought into something it's plainly obvious to see.
7083387 *smirks* I'm a lab manager in developmental genetics at CHOP.
*waits for it to sink in* Yeah, they foolishly let me make science. Now it's far too late!
7075284 Yeah, so long as the Mane 6 are at the helm, everything will be fine.
They're all mortal, however, and even if they stay resolute and uncorrupted, they're gonna shuffle off the mortal coil sooner or later, and whoever takes up after them may not be so noble.
I can just see Tyrantlestia sitting back and watching the mushroom clouds a few centuries later and making plans to recover a few hundred Ponies to start all over again.
"I wish, this time, they'd developed recording technology so I could show this to the next round of fools as to why they should just let me lead ..."
your war