DECISIVE VICTORY AT MANEHATTEN
GENERAL SPITFIRE UNCONDITIONALLY SURRENDERS TO GENERAL APPLEJACK
To my (former) beloved subjects of the new United States of Equestria,
Well… this was unexpected.
Did you know that you are the first group of ponies in recorded history who actually overcame your natural skittishness and requested aid from other nations? Somehow you knew that Gryphonstone, Prance, Yakistan, and Saddle Arabia all had an axe to grind with me for some reason or another. Looking back, it seems obvious that naming the now former Princess Twilight Sparkle as the Princess of Friendship would come back to bite me in the flank. Who knew that the easiest way of fostering peace between nations was to unite them against a common enemy?
I’d be proud of her if I wasn’t so absolutely full of rage.
And now the royal treasury is running low. The Crystal Empire’s ambassador is saying that Princess Cadance is considering ‘re-evaluating our relationship,’ as he puts it. The world has turned upside down and the United States of Equestria is very much a reality.
One small question; what comes next?
A small part of me is actually happy this happened, because now you get to see exactly how hard it is to lead. From what I hear, you’re already embroiled in your first real conflict. Half of you want Twilight Sparkle as your first president, given that she was the one who formed those alliances will all your new buddy nations. The other half want Applejack, since she was the one who led your armies to victory as General. I’ve read some truly hilarious pieces already in support of both of them. I’m particularly fond of the story of Applejack bucking down an apple tree and then admitting to it because her unfathomable honesty means that she simply cannot tell a lie.
So you’ve been “freed.” Awesome! Wow! Have you set up a new tax plan yet? Or will you pull your new nation out of war debt on the strength of dreams and wishes? Have your new allies decided on what they want in return for recognizing your sovereignty and aiding in your war? Have you decided where your capital will be? Have you settled on a new form of currency, or will you be sticking to the Canterlot bit? What rights will your citizens have? What won’t they have? What term limits will your elected officials have? What will your elected officials be paid?
That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
Oh, everything seems wonderful now. I’ve seen the non-stop parties across the country-side. The fireworks that spelled out ‘CE-LOSER-TIA’ were a nice touch. But the honeymoon period will end. It always does. And then the in-fighting will begin.
My little ponies, you war has only just begun.
Meanwhile I’ll remain here on my lonely mountain. I’ll watch your developing nation grow with great interest. Who knows? Maybe I’ll actually offer my aid and become an ally once my urge to vaporize you all has finally passed.
But know this. In the days to come, when factions form and tensions rise, when supplies run low and anger runs high, when you start to hate those you elect to lead you…
…Don’t come crawling back to me.
You finally have what you wanted.
You’re on your own.
Forever yours,
Princess Celestia of Canterlot