Chapter 16: Dreamscape
Drifting was falling! Oh gosh she was going to die, she was going to… wait. No. She was floating. She was a few feet above the ground, floating in a small, purple bubble. She looked around nervously, before calling out. “H-hello? Is… is anyone there?” she asked. Everything seemed blurry. The grass, the trees, the mountains, Aeon, Neon.
She was jarred back to focus when she realized her friends were outside. Everything seemed to be coming into focus, as well. The world ‘snapping’ into place. She let out a yelp when the orb around her popped and dropped her to the ground, ungraciously landing on her face. “O-ow...” she groaned.
“Not as good as Neon’s, but you are a unicorn. How do you feel?” Aeon asked, trotting over and gripping the mare’s hooves, yanking her back up.
“Distorted. Like… everything is foggy,” she mumbled, glancing around at the slowly focusing world. “It’s so… weird. Like everything is… wait. Is the grass blue? Why is it… and now it’s green. What?” she asked. Things seemed to be changing, reverting to normalcy. She resisted the urge to cover her eyes, the shifting making her feel a little nervous.
“It does that the first time. You’re in a dream, Drifting. Well… sort of. You’re kind of in between dreaming and awake. Kind of like a day dream. In your dreams, anything and everything makes sense. But when you’re awake, you have logic and details. For example. What do you see when you look around?”
“A big, rolling field. Grass, trees in the distance.”
“Exactly. For example, I see cement and buildings in the distance,” Aeon said, giving a smile.
“And I see clouds, with decorative pillars,” Neon said with a nod. “That’s the secret of the dreamscape. It gives the ‘shape’ of the dream, but our minds fill it out how we are used to.”
“That doesn’t seem… useful for training...” Drifting mumbled.
“Oh, no. For now, you’re just getting used to it,” Neon said with a snicker. “The actual training areas involve more focused locations. The dream walkers shape those, so everyone sees the same thing.”
“But for now…?”
“For now, we’re just training you on how this works. And ummm… helping you… err...”
“Yes?”
“Be a mare.”
“What do you--” Drifting stopped mid sentence when she looked down. Her body was different. Very different. In the real world, even she had to admit she was a bit dainty and delicate looking, which she enjoyed. It was part of why she adored all of the help from Rarity. It really helped to draw that side of her out.
But here? Her legs were thick and strong, the exact opposite of how she was. And worse, she felt BIG. And hulking. And she didn’t even have to see herself to realize she was ugly. She was how she often saw herself. And she couldn’t imagine anything worse. She felt her heart rated start to get faster, humiliation flooding her.
“Easy! EASY! Drifting, Drifting, calm down!” Neon said, rushing forward and gripping her face in his hooves. “Hey, listen. Don’t panic, okay? It’s okay!” he said quickly. “We’re going to help, okay? It’s just a nightmare, and we’re here to get you out of it. Focus on my voice. Focus. Listen.”
Drifting stared up at him and slowly she let out a soft, weak reply. “Okay...”
“Good. Okay. This isn’t you, it’s just a poor representation of how you… view yourself… wow...” Neon said, looking her up and down. “You really don’t give yourself like ANY credit, do you? Well. I can tell you with a hundred percent honesty that this isn’t accurate at all. I proooobably wouldn’t have kissed you if it was even a tenth of this.”
She turned red. “W-what?”
“Yeah. So just relax, okay? We’re gonna help you out. You’re gorgeous. Aeon?”
“Okay then. Ahem,” the other unicorn said, stepping forward. “Yes. This is kind of how we see ourselves. And if you have a poor self image… it’s not always pretty. Fortunately, as this is a spell induced sleep, we can alter it. The initial form isn’t well buuuut… we’ll get you something nice, okay? I just need you to trust me. Now… I want you to look at me. And then I want you to focus on being shorter.”
“On being shorter?”
“Yes. Just will yourself. Imagine, and kind of… mentally push. Like your magic. You know how you transform? Envision yourself like that. Using your magic to alter yourself.”
Drifting blinked and, slowly, she nodded. “R-right. Shape myself...” she whispered. With the other mare’s words, she found it actually really easy. She could transform herself so well already, but here it was much easier. She didn’t even have to use her magic, just focus.
“Now, focus on your hair, I want you to make it shorter...” Aeon said gently, guiding her. Telling her how to adjust herself piece by piece. Eventually, the unicorn looked satisfied and a large mirror appeared in front of them. “Good. Now. What do you think?”
The younger unicorn gulped before looking inside. Relief flooded over her. She looked fine. Well, mostly. She made a few small alterations to herself. But she didn’t look big, ugly, clumsy or awkward. She looked like how she wanted to look. Delicate, soft.
“You know you looked almost nothing like that when you’re awake, right?” Neon asked, cocking an eye. “What you looked like before… no. I don’t know why you think of yourself like that… but no.”
“… I know that logically. But… sometimes it really feels like I do...” she mumbled. She missed the shared look of concern from her friends.
“Yeah. Anyway, let’s get going,” Aeon said before starting towards the trees. “You’ve got… oh! Wait. One last thing. Drifting, do you mind if I shape you a bit?”
“Shape me a bit?”
“Yes. Some things that… well. You don’t have the mental grasp for yet. So… here,” Aeon said. She stepped forward and her horn glowed for a moment, tapping the two together.
Drifting’s eyes bulged and she yelped, stepping back. Her cheeks burned and she looked back at the mirror. She didn’t look that different. No. But… she FELT different. She felt a LOT different. She felt… the appearances weren’t really physical. But they felt RIGHT. And she knew why. She was a girl. Fully. It wasn’t just that she LOOKED like one now. She felt like one. She stared at herself for the longest time.
And began to cry, covering her eyes with her hooves.
“W-what? Drifting? Oh my gosh, are you okay? I’m sorry. I just, I didn’t think you--”
“No! I-it’s fine,” Drifting whispered, sobbing into her hooves. “No, it’s perfect. I-it’s the best thing I’ve ever… oh it’s just so… I-I’m a girl!” she said, the tears flowing like a waterfall. “I’m fully. You made me… I can finally be a g-girl. I just… I-I feel right. I feel r-righter than I’ve… I’ve ever felt before. I-I just… I...”
Aeon and Neon shared a look, before Neon stepped forward and put a wing over her. “Hey. It’s okay, really,” he said softly. “Cry as much as you want. Okay? Just get it all out. Take as long as you need...” he whispered. After a few moments, Aeon joined them, forming a protective, warm barrier of hugs around the mare as she let out all of her pain from having been so wrong, for so, so long…
------
Drifting groaned when she slowly woke up. She felt exhausted, as if she’d just ran a marathon. Her eyes were wet with tears, and she could feel the sticky remains of prior tears across her face. Cottonpress stared down at her. “How do you feel?” he asked.
“L-like I was run over by a carriage...” she mumbled, groaning. “Wasn’t I just sleeping?”
“Hardly,” he said with a shake of his head. “You were expending magical energy and, as a unicorn, I don’t need to tell you how exhausting magic can be. Especially with a spell you’re not familiar with,” he said, before his horn glowed for a moment. Satisfied, he gave a nod. “Now. Your vitals are all good. Did they help you through the basics?”
She nodded, slowly sitting up. Everything hurt. No, it wasn’t only that. Everything felt… wrong. That feeling of wrongness was back. Only now it felt so much worse. She’d BEEN right for a minute. And now the ache of being wrong was all the clearer, since she finally knew, fully, what it felt like to NOT have it at all. “When can I go back?”
“In a week.”
“W-what?! I have to wait a week?!” she asked, almost jumping him, but instead just falling on her side.
“Yes, you do,” he said, glancing back to her chart. “You’re still a civilian, Miss Petal. That means there are other issues and problems with letting you in. More to the point, you’re not a priority. This is for military training, after all. And still in the testing phase. That means there are only set times you will be able to enter. Is that a problem?” he asked, his voice turning cold as ice.
She blinked and then shook her head. She wanted to argue more, to beg to go back in sooner. No, she wanted to go back in NOW. But something about the stallion told her that if she pushed, she’d lose the opportunity entirely.
“Good,” he said, before looking back up at her. “The next visit will be a lot easier, now that you know what to expect. Were there any issues I should be made aware of? Any headache?”
“Well, I ache all over. But no, my head feels fine.”
“Good. The aching and tiredness are normal. I’d advise you to head home and drink plenty of fluids. After a good night’s rest, you should be fine. Do you want an escort? Neon and Aeon should be here soon.”
Drifting glanced back to the bed for a moment, before shaking her head. “N-no. Honestly, I’d like to be alone for a little bit. Okay?”
“As you wish. Have a good day, Drifting,” he said, before turning and trotting away.
Drifting sighed, before climbing out of the bed. Her body felt tired, but no more than if she’d gone for a long run. She started to slowly walk to the exit and make her way out of the compound.
She couldn’t believe it. She’d always dreamed of being a mare. Wanted so, so desperately to be one. Even for just a second. A minute. Just to know how it felt. And for hours she had been one…
And now it was all the worse. Now everything just felt so WRONG. It nagged at her, like a pesky insect that kept biting her skin. No matter what she did, it just kept reminding her. She was wrong. She wasn’t a REAL girl. Now she knew what it felt like. What it meant.
And how wonderful it could be to just be right. Now, more than ever, she knew that she was definitely a girl. Even her worries and anxiety couldn’t make her doubt herself after that. But…
But she wanted to go back. She wanted so, so desperately to go back. To be able to be herself. A week? How could she last a day, let alone a week, without feeling that way? Without finally being herself? She managed to hold the tears in until she got outside and a block away from the compound…
But once she was sure nobody would see her, she couldn’t stop the silent tears from falling down her face. She’d finally been able to be herself. So why couldn’t she just stay like that, forever?
------
“That… was intense...” Neon mumbled, rubbing the back of his head as he stared at his wife across the table.
The mare just picked at her fries. As they hadn’t had to escort the unicorn home, they’d instead decided to go out and get some hayburger. “Yeah. I didn’t know she’d… take it like that. I don’ think I’ve ever seen someone so...”
“Yeah...” Neon mumbled. “She may not have been born it, but… dang. After that? I don’t think anyone could deny she’s a… well...”
“Definitely. The way she just… I knew she wanted to be a girl but like… I didn’t… realize how deep it all was. Do… you think she’ll be okay?” Aeon asked.
Neon hummed and then shook his head. “Honestly? Like… if I know my mares. Which, I’d remind you, I do. Nooooot a chance. Let’s make sure to check on her in a few hours, okay? Like… once the shock wears down, I think she’s going to be completely wrecked.”
“Wait, what? I meant okay like. In the long term. Why would she be upset now?She got to play as herself. Or like… how she wanted to be. Shouldn’t that be a good thing?”
Neon shook his head. “Nope...” he mumbled. “Remember Redsmoke? That stallion who lost his wing?”
“What does he have to do with this?”
“Just remember him. I thiiiiink we may have just screwed up.”
“… And what does Redsmoke have to do with anything? He turned down the invitation into the Dreamscape.”
“Exactly.”
“… Okay, I am going to backhoof you in a second.”
“He turned it down because he didn’t want to go someplace, be able to fly, then lose it all again,” Neon said quickly, inching away. “We… kinda just did that to her.”
“… Oh crud muffins.”
“… But hey. Maybe it won’t be so bad?”
“I take it back, let’s check on her in an hour.”
“Eeyup...”
------
Drifting laid in her bed, staring at the roof. She’d gotten her wish. Oh, how she’d gotten it. Only for a moment. Only for a few, small bits… but oh she wanted it back. She’d give anything to have it back. Already her mind was searching, looking for ANYTHING she could do to get a few more hours. Maybe if she dropped out? There were far quicker positions she could take that would remove her ‘minor’ status faster. Join the royal guard? No, that’d take almost as long as her current focus, AND she’d never get in if she dropped out.
Maybe if she found out how to do the spell on her own. She tapped her hoof. How hard could dream magic be? She’d heard of it, but never actually seen the spells. Then again, mental magic wasn’t really something she was good at. She could transform her body, sure. But her mind? She sighed and buried her head under a pillow. She knew she should be studying, but… but this was TORTURE! She wanted to be herself. SHE WANTED TO BE A MARE! For GOOD!
She swore she’d do anything for it. Become a member of the guard? Definitely. Heck, she’d have made a deal right now with Tirek himself if she could just be herself! Why couldn’t she just go and LIVE in that beautiful dream world? At least there she was right!
She had to learn that spell. To tap into it on her own. And she knew just where to start. With a slightly lifted heart, she crawled out of bed. “If I can study a bit of dream magic, I should be fine. I KNOW they have books on it in the library, how hard could it be?”
She had to try. She HAD to.
------
Weighted down by four different books on dream magic, Drifting trotted happily towards her room, nodding to the guard before she entered the hall.
She froze in place, staring at her door. Neon and Aeon were standing outside it, staring at her with looks of concern. “Errr… hello… guys...” Drifting said sheepishly, taking a step back. “I uhhhh… was at the library, getting some books for class. I have to stay up on my classes, you know.” She quickly checked to make sure her bag was closed so they couldn’t see the contents, before trotting forward. “What brings you guys here?”
“We just wanted to make sure you were doing okay. You left without us and all. Was it too intense?” Aeon asked, giving a wary look to Neon, who nodded.
“W-what? No! It was fun. I had a lot of fun, really,” she said quickly, shaking her head. “I really do need to study though. I-- eek! Hey, wait!” Drifting reached out a hoof, trying to snag the bag that flew out of her bag. Her cheeks burned when Aeon read the cover.
The unicorn then sighed. “Dream magic, huh? You want to become one of the dream walkers?”
“E-err...” Drifting said, shuffling from hoof to hoof. “M-maybe… I mean… it’s not… errr…”
“It won’t be easy. But if that’s what you want to do, hey, that’s on you. I’m just happy you’re not doing something dangerous.”
Drifting blinked a few times and stared at her. “You’re… not mad at me?”
“Why would I be mad? It’s our own fault, really. But...” Aeon glanced down at the book. “I don’t think it’s going to work, Drifting. You can’t just pick up a new magic like that. Your talent is in transformation, right? This magic is completely different. It’s… there’s a good chance you won’t be able to learn it. You may not have the capability of learning it.”
Drifting blinked a few times and looked down at the book. “I-I know. But… I want to try and...”
“Nothing wrong with that,” Aeon interrupted. “I’ll see if I can help, okay?” she said. “Do you mind if we come in?”
“Yeah, come right in,” the disappointed mare said, trotting into her room and moving her books aside.
Neon and Aeon lingered for a few moments outside. “Do… you think she can learn magic like that?” he asked.
“I can pretty much guarantee she won’t. There are only a hoofful of ponies who can learn all kinds of random spells. Maybe if it was similar but…” She rubbed her forehead. “We may have screwed up big, here.”
“We’re going to get another lecture from the princess of notebooks, aren’t we?”
“Yeah… probably… oh well. Let’s go stop her from doing something stupid. At least she’s directing it towards learning something. There are a lot of worse things she could do.”
Neon nodded, letting his wife head in before her. It was going to be a long, long night. He could feel it. Filled with LOTS of talking and crying. Oh well. It was kind of his fault, anyway.
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3 years....3 F
king years I've been waiting for this......THANK YOU! 
NEW CHAPTERS!!!!
(DEEP INHALE) UUUUUUUUHHH......
Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you so much for finally updating this story
This was one of the first stories I really and truly fell in love with on this site. It's so great to see it continuing!