The pace is now much better. Though the part where Twilight tells Fluttershy about her accident should still be expanded. It's a very crucial moment. I would think Twilight would be a lot more worried about it, that she truly starts having a panic attack. When Fluttershy's gentle methods don't work she then does it more forcefully. That she herself breaks Twilight's panic attack would give their relationship a lot more weight. Helping Twilight cope with her emotions makes Fluttershy a lot more of a mother/master figure to Twilight. Also given how worried Twilight was about losing her continence you should say that she purposefully wet her diaper. It doesn't make much sense for her to be worried about a nighttime accident but be totally okay with a daytime one. I would think Twilight would eat a lot of porridge. With her diet of milk and foal food she will need to also eat a lot of fiber. I would imagine that Twilight would seriously help out with the animals. Why wouldn't she? I understand the baby/pet dynamic but I would think they would lessen that at times for practical reasons.
Don't think I don't like the story. I do, I really do. I really love how subtle and casual you make it. I hope you'll reply to my comment this time, I don't know if you follow them or not. It seems like you do but that could be a coincidence.
I would think Twilight would want Fluttershy to be a lot more forceful than this. Twilight has a busy and powerful mind and she has trouble handling that. Fluttershy should try to keep Twilight's mind in check and also maybe force her to do certain things that Twilight doesn't want to do. Twilight is more of a 'tough love' type so that's how she would want to be treated I think. Though that could just be me projecting my thoughts onto this. This isn't criticism, this is just my take on it. I still do advice you though to make Fluttershy more forceful, she's Twilight's master after all. Even a real mother is quite a bit more forceful than Fluttershy now.
7071042 Thanks for the comment. I do read all of the I just only respond if I can answer or add something. In this case all I'm going to say is that there is a lot of foreshadowing in this chapter. I should have clarified at the end though. She wasn't having accidents throughout the day she just wasn't concerned with the wet diaper and she has gotten used to it as well. That being said I can see how it might be read as her being incontinent. You'll also see more of Twilight actually helping in the next chapter and maybe that'll make you feel better about that issue you had. There's a certain tone Fluttershy and Twilight take when they want the other to play or be serious, or at least that's what I'm attempting to get across. If Fluttershy needed Twilight to actually help she'd ask her in a more serious tone. I'm glad you're liking it though.
I must say, this chapter came as a relief. After the previous couple of chapters this one seemed back to the normal standard. The pacing was definitely better, it didn't feel rushed in most places. There were a few spelling errors, for instance "ever free" should be Everfree. I look forward to the next chapter and hope it keeps up with the increase in quality that I saw in this one.
The pace is now much better. Though the part where Twilight tells Fluttershy about her accident should still be expanded. It's a very crucial moment. I would think Twilight would be a lot more worried about it, that she truly starts having a panic attack. When Fluttershy's gentle methods don't work she then does it more forcefully. That she herself breaks Twilight's panic attack would give their relationship a lot more weight. Helping Twilight cope with her emotions makes Fluttershy a lot more of a mother/master figure to Twilight.
Also given how worried Twilight was about losing her continence you should say that she purposefully wet her diaper. It doesn't make much sense for her to be worried about a nighttime accident but be totally okay with a daytime one.
I would think Twilight would eat a lot of porridge. With her diet of milk and foal food she will need to also eat a lot of fiber.
I would imagine that Twilight would seriously help out with the animals. Why wouldn't she? I understand the baby/pet dynamic but I would think they would lessen that at times for practical reasons.
Don't think I don't like the story. I do, I really do. I really love how subtle and casual you make it.
I hope you'll reply to my comment this time, I don't know if you follow them or not. It seems like you do but that could be a coincidence.
I would think Twilight would want Fluttershy to be a lot more forceful than this. Twilight has a busy and powerful mind and she has trouble handling that. Fluttershy should try to keep Twilight's mind in check and also maybe force her to do certain things that Twilight doesn't want to do. Twilight is more of a 'tough love' type so that's how she would want to be treated I think. Though that could just be me projecting my thoughts onto this. This isn't criticism, this is just my take on it. I still do advice you though to make Fluttershy more forceful, she's Twilight's master after all. Even a real mother is quite a bit more forceful than Fluttershy now.
7071042 Thanks for the comment. I do read all of the I just only respond if I can answer or add something. In this case all I'm going to say is that there is a lot of foreshadowing in this chapter. I should have clarified at the end though. She wasn't having accidents throughout the day she just wasn't concerned with the wet diaper and she has gotten used to it as well. That being said I can see how it might be read as her being incontinent. You'll also see more of Twilight actually helping in the next chapter and maybe that'll make you feel better about that issue you had. There's a certain tone Fluttershy and Twilight take when they want the other to play or be serious, or at least that's what I'm attempting to get across. If Fluttershy needed Twilight to actually help she'd ask her in a more serious tone. I'm glad you're liking it though.
I must say, this chapter came as a relief. After the previous couple of chapters this one seemed back to the normal standard. The pacing was definitely better, it didn't feel rushed in most places. There were a few spelling errors, for instance "ever free" should be Everfree. I look forward to the next chapter and hope it keeps up with the increase in quality that I saw in this one.