Mamihlapinatapai

by WritingSpirit

Entry #1

"Forelsket."

"That one sounds neat. What does it mean?"

"The feeling of euphoria when you're falling in love with someone for the first time."

She was really fond of hillside picnics. It was an elegant pastime of hers, as I was informed. Right here, underneath the threads of a distant cosmos woven into the night sky, sharing a basket of sandwiches on a blanket spread out for two. While I was making out a few constellations from the expanse above, she was reading a book, aided by the brilliant light of Luna's full moon. She was particularly fond of reading on the hillside, especially during a picnic. I find that a little quirky of her; why bother taking the time to look through a book when you can have a chat while having a bite with someone else? You know, learn about their past experiences, talk about likes and dislikes, that kind of stuff. Of course, a mare like her would have an explanation for that. Last I checked from an acquaintance of mine, she mentioned that it calms her mind, that it brings her a state of tranquility. There should be a word for that: finding serenity in the form of a good book. Perhaps there is one in the very book she's reading now. I ought to have a look just to find out what it might be.

"Nunchi."

"Definition?"

She gave me a mischievous smile. "The art of gauging another's mood. You're not really good with that."

"Maybe, but I can make up for it."

"Sure you can."

I was there to entertain her. Well, not really, more like she graciously allowed me to entertain her. Funnily enough, royalty in Equestria never really asked for any sort of entertainment. There are no jesters here in the Canterlot court or back in the Crystal Empire where I was posted, that is, until she requested me to be at her side. I wanted to decline, really I wanted to, but it didn't help that her brother was the commander-in-chief in the empire. I could still remember him giving that deadpan stare of his when I tried explaining myself, enough to gouge holes into my trembling shins. All I could do after the reprimand that followed was salute and, immediately by instinct, shouted 'Yes, Sir!' before heading home and grovel at the bedroom ceiling.

"Pochemuchka."

"Huh. What does that mean?"

Another mischievous grin. "It means you."

I blankly stared at her, blinking and cocking my head sideways. "Me? What about me? What does that mean for me?"

Immediately, she laughed an effeminate laugh, covering her mouth with a hoof. "Pochemuchka means a pony who asks too many questions."

"That's pretty unfair, don't you think?"

Another laugh.

Something about the way she laughs always gets to me. How shall I put it... it's not too brusque nor verbose, unlike the rambunctious hoots and howls that the few mares in the guard would have, but at the same time, it isn't too delicate nor tactful either, which was a surprise when you consider where she hailed from. Her laugh echoes a certain innocence filled with delight— a genuine laugh, all in all, no second nature whatsoever. I found that really quaint. After all, with all the creatures she had fought with, I thought maybe it would take some form of toll on her outlook of life, not that I might want it to change, mind you. In fact, she was, true to her name, a sparkle of light that would guide us out of hopelessness in our darkest times to a brand new day. I, on the flip side, was just one lucky colt.

"Hyggelig."

I said nothing, chewing on my sandwich with straight lips.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt your feelings?"

"What does it mean?"

She giggled at my snarky tone. If her brother were here, I'm sure I'll be pummeled senseless. "It's how I'm feeling right now," she answered, giving a sigh. "Comfy and content, especially with you here."

I momentarily felt my face flush, before hurrying to restore my composure. Fortunately for my dignity, she didn't notice that, as she was already looking back down at her book, looking to quiz me with another entry. That was how I entertained her on most nights: being the target of her verbal teases that she would dish out every so often, all because she found my reactions, in her words, dorkishly hilarious. I watched as she scanned across the words, mumbling softly to herself while trailing down the paper. She wasn't laboriously and meticulously reading it, as her friends would have me believe, nor was she drowsily skimming through it either. Surprisingly, I would describe it exactly as how she did it: tranquil, gentle with a passion beyond the realm of my vocabulary, perhaps even beyond the realm of hers. Still ought to find a word for that.

Eventually, she landed on a word. It seemed to take her a while to pronounce it properly, but after she got it down, she closed the book as well as her eyes, placing it against the picnic basket. I just stared at her, waiting for her to say something, for her to grace me with a little bit more of her vast knowledge like she had the many times we had met before, all of which had the details faded into obscurity. It took her a minute to turn to me and open her eyes, before she muttered a singular amalgam of a phrase that baffled me so, that she giggled when I had to ask her to repeat it just to make it clear.

"Mamihlapinatapai."

---

I first learned about her when I was still a private, name freshly printed on the enlistment records. It is an heirloom given to me at the behest of my father, whom I'm not really that fond of but respected all the same. See, I come from a long line of decorated military officers. My great, great, several more greats-grandfather was a principal commander responsible for quashing a platoon of gryphon invaders in Trottingham. My great-grandfather was, aside from being part of the Wonderbolts, was in a squad that quelled a few dragons that were being unscrupulously territorial in the south. My grandfather and father, though never achieving glory to the extent of their predecessors, were highly respected in the guard despite. All that meant that I was destined to follow the same path whether I liked it or not. Honestly speaking, I'm indifferent either way.

I remember that day pretty well, for it was the first day where I was dumped with a bucket of ice-cold water in bed by some of the juvenile rookies that enlisted alongside me. Typical behavior, really. There were a few more instances after that, but once they received a harsh scolding from our superiors after a few friends and I pointed it out, they immediately stopped. Anyways, it was in the afternoon, after wiping myself dry and heading to the canteen with some of my buddies, where I read in the news about her acts of heroism. It was to be the first of many involving her friends, altogether being the Elements of Harmony. They made headlines all over not only for ending what was to be an eternal night, but also for being responsible for the return of Princess Luna. That article gave me a respectable impression of this mare, the mare who would soon become known as the Princess of Friendship across all the corners of Equestria.

Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight Sparkle was, to me, quite a picturesque name. When I read that name out loud in my head, I immediately thought of the blue and magenta hues of the early morning sky, with a few constellations barely visible behind the breaking rays of sunlight saying their poignant goodbyes. A feeling of melancholy washed over me as the name sailed off my tongue for the third time, almost as if I've met an old friend for the first time in a long, long while. Gosh, that sounded excessively sappy, coming from one in the royal guard.

My first time seeing her came a month after I was posted to the Crystal Empire, which appeared out of the blue in the frozen north. She wasn't a princess then, with her lack of wings and all. Apparently, she and her friends were there to welcome the inspector for the Equestrian Games that will be held at the empire, though I heard from the others that they made a blunder doing so. I was at a stadium then, overseeing the installations being built in preparation for the games, when she arrived with her friends and the inspector, apparently here to talk to Shining Armor on giving the inspector a proper tour. At that time, I didn't really think much about her, though I have to say, she does look pleasant to be around.

A couple more sightings and a princess-hood later, I finally had a proper encounter with her during the princess summit, when she bumped into me moments after her arrival. It wasn't really her fault; she was too busy taking in the sight of all those ponies trumpeting at her arrival. I would be too, if I had all that prepared just for me to trod on the carpets and giving the other princesses various hugs. Us Equestrians could never do anything without little fanfare. Anyways, when she bumped into me, I was, at first, slightly surprised, but I quickly proceeded to carry out the mundane duty I was tasked with.

"Her Highness, Princess Twilight Sparkle," I recalled myself announcing.

When we retired for the night, the guys couldn't stop teasing me about it while we were at the local tavern. So a pony who had ties with royalty bumped into one of the stationed guards! Big deal! Knowing them, I'm sure some of them would like Twilight to bump into them too! Sometimes, I can't believe that the guard were a bunch of goofy ponies that were my friends instead of the strong-willed and ever determined stallions tasked with the security of Equestria, as my father had me believe. Still, I would never trade those guys for a bunch of stone-faced statues; they just make life as a guard seem all the more better and exciting.

Few days after that, I was posted in one of the castle hallways. Up until noon, nothing really much happened, just the humdrum of whistling and staring at crystal walls. Life as a guard in the castle really boils down to that, which can be pretty boring. You'd find a way to entertain yourself after some time, of course. Back then, I think I was counting how many facets were there on one of the crystal pillars, when I heard a bunch of questions coming down from the corridor. From the corner of my eye, I could make out Twilight dragging herself down the hallway, with Princess Cadance and the rest of Twilight's friends following closely behind.

"I wanna tell you everything, I do," I heard her say. "But I'm exhausted from all the dancing."

"Dancing?" exclaimed the others, bewildered.

That was when we 'met' the second time.

When you become a guard, you'll tend to notice the eccentricities of those you're serving. As much fun as it might be for a juicy discussion over dinner, you are expected to turn a blind eye and never speak of it when you notice them. What happens in the guard, so on so forth. So when she bumped into me and fell back onto her flanks, I clutched on a shred of decency, put on my best good-natured smile and helped the newly-crowned and admittedly klutzy princess up. That was when I noticed her cheeks turning red and a glamorous shimmer in her eyes; two things that were not present in our first encounter. That bugged me for a little while, but with my decency and common sense still intact, I shook it off, reached out a hoof and helped her up.

"We've got to stop bumping into each other like this," I quipped what I find now to be a horrendous attempt to be a tease, before trotting away, ignoring the curious stares of the rest, even from Princess Cadance. Some part of me just wants to hightail it out of there before the rest of the guys could see me; their incessant teasing had gone stale last night and the last thing I wanted was for it start up again. Another part of me, however, was still in a state of shock. Was Princess Twilight Sparkle really fawning over me?

That question lingered for a moment, before I shook my head. "There's no way, Flash Sentry," I chastised myself. After all, what are the chances that a rookie guard could find affection in a princess? It was, to me back then, a pretty unbelievable concept originating from a far-fetched and highly-strung imagination. With that, I dismissed myself from those thoughts and trotted onward to the barracks, not realizing I was biting my lip throughout the way.

"Maybe..."

---

"Excuse me? Nurse?"

"Yes, sir?"

"I'm here to see Princess Twilight Sparkle?"

"Ah, the Princess. Third floor, room six."

The Princess once talked to me about the number six. She explained that it is the smallest perfect number and followed that up with an explanation on what a perfect number is, which I had obviously forgotten. She was as fascinated with mathematics as she was with science and literature. I find that fascination unique; most ponies I've met understandably abhorred mathematics, which made it ever more fascinating for me to see her expressing her love for numbers and equations. There was a time when she read out loud a book regarding a subject she had called 'mathematical beauty'. Don't remember the details, but it was about how some formulas are exquisite because of how perfect they seemed to be, how they appear in instances of nature and so on. Hearing her read that out loud really was like watching a play. Somehow, Twilight Sparkle enthralled me with a speech on mathematics!

Thanking the nurse, I trotted up the first flight of stairs, leaving behind a trail of puddles along the way. It had been raining heavily outside, the sun shying away behind a veil of dismal gray, and according to the weather factory, it will be for another week or two. The prospect of that put a damper, no pun intended, on my mood, though I did expect it to happen. After all, it was tradition for the weather scheduled by the pegasi to reflect the general semblance of Equestria. In fact, I believe they should've added in a little more precipitation, as well as throw in some lightning and thunder into the mix, should they want to accurately portray the general populace's atmosphere.

I reached the second landing and turned to the left, though I immediately halted, stiffening up when I saw a pair of familiar faces seated on one of the many waiting benches outside. Sleeping quietly was none other than Princess Cadance, whose mane looked unkempt and strewn about with visible black circles outlining her eyes. Her head was resting on the lap of none other than her husband and captain of the Royal Guard, Shining Armor, who immediately perked up at my arrival, his drowsy visage abruptly skewering itself up into a dark, menacing frown.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Out of fear, I gave no reply. At that point, Princess Cadance stirred from her sleep, turning to look at me. "Flash?" she mumbled, rubbing her eyes before letting out a languid, unprincess-like yawn. "They're not allowing anypony into her room right now..."

"I see."

"Especially you," Shining callously added, the toxicity of his tone stinging me a little. "Not after what you did."

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? After what you did, now you're fucking sorry?"

"For Faust's sake, Shining, we're in a hospital!" Cadance exclaimed, shocked. "Flash already apologized, okay? Like he did the hundred times before! Just leave him be!"

"That doesn't change anything!" he hissed, his vengeful glare shimmering. "If it wasn't for him, this wouldn't have happened!"

"Look, Shining, he's here because he cares about—"

"If he did, she wouldn't be in that room right now!"

"SHINING ARMOR!"

The hallways boomed in what we call the Royal Canterlot Voice, leaving the two of us stunned, the doctors and nurses aghast, and sending a few patients scurrying into their rooms. Rarely does Princess Cadance ever utilize the Royal Canterlot Voice. In my time of serving her, I had never seen any instances of her using such a powerful form of speech ever, even when dealing with the most unruly and unscrupulous of subjects. There was one time that it really came close, when she was in court interrogating the head of what was arguably a fanatic cult that worships King Sombra. All of that only makes it surprising to see the very first demonstration of it right now: against her own husband, of all ponies!

Shining, of course, didn't take it too kindly. At his wife's outburst, he immediately stormed off towards the washroom, leaving us alone in a huff. The princess, quick to realize what she had done, opened her mouth and began raising her hoof to reach out to him, only to cease on either. As for me, I just solemnly looked on, once again doing nothing. I'm not one who likes to get involved with certain affairs, especially when it comes to couples. To me, a mess between two lovers should be handled by their own volition; any suggestions from an outside party would jeopardize the relationship indefinitely. Twilight would've been proud to hear me say that out loud.

"I'm sorry, Your Highness."

"Don't be, Flash," Princess Cadance managed a closed-mouth smile, breaking her gaze and turning to me. "It's been a long day for the both of us, and I'm sure it's been a long one for you as well. Shining will get to his senses eventually. You know what, I'll have a talk with him and I'll ask him to apologize to you later."

"But I don't want to impose—"

"I mean it," the princess bluntly snapped. "Shining shouldn't be acting unreasonably like that in the first place and he knew better, damn him. You didn't do anything to deserve what he said. It was an accident, alright? We all knew it was an accident."

I swallowed to soothe the ache gnawing my throat. "Do you really believe that?" I asked dryly.

Princess Cadance's smile grew wider, the corner of her shut lips creasing with a breathy hum. "Does it really matter?" was her response.

I spent another minute in silent contemplation, before excusing myself and made my way down. Was it silent contemplation though? Was I really thinking and reflecting as I wanted to believe I had done? Or was it silent prayer? Oh, certainly nothing like that, I suppose. Maybe it was silent mourning, though that train of thought would derail eventually later on, so I guess not. Maybe... yes, maybe it just had an extra unneeded word. Maybe it was just that: silence. I spent a minute in silence, thinking nothing, doing nothing, all for nothing. Alright then, enough rambling, let's move on.

When I stepped out into the rain, drenching myself in the ceaseless volley of empyrean accusations, I made my way to the local tavern. In my journey, I remembered thinking about Shining's outburst. He had every right to be angry with me, even if Princess Cadance insisted on an apology from him. I don't mind an apology every now and then, not that anything would change. After all, I played the part of a neurotic apologician and look how that turned out; we all believed what we wanted to believe, in the end. I may deny how everything had played out as much times as possible and I will still be subjected to the same treatment. I'm fine living as a villain, however. Honestly speaking, I'm indifferent either way.

I stared up at the maw of the sky, up against the needles firing at me, only to notice that the storm clouds were drifting in opposite directions. Even the sky, like the married couple before me, was divisive at the very notion of my presence. I didn't really expect that, even though I should by now, pegasi traditions and whatnot. In the end, however, we believe what we want to believe, remember? It was probably all a coincidence, I may never know. When the rest of the world has shunned you, what else is there for you to know? To that notion, I thought back to when I asked the Crystal Princess that question, on whether it was an accident or not with what happened.

"Does it really matter?"

Princess Cadance generously provided me that answer, and for that, I thank her. She was acknowledging the hardships I was facing and was extending her deepest sympathies, much like Her Royal Highnesses Princess Celestia and Princess Luna did. I appreciate it, having to hear something sweet once in a while, especially if that sweetness has its origins in royalty. However, compared to her aunts, she was still rather young. Being young, she was inexperienced in certain fields, which was expected. Do understand, if you're in my position right now— scratch that, if you are a new recruit in the guard, you'll come to learn about the subtle art of putting up a farce, whether it be from you or from somepony else. You'll learn that when a princess smiles like how she did, with the lackluster shimmer instead of a glorious, confident sheen in her tired eyes, it really could only mean one thing.

"No, I don't. I don't believe you. I don't believe it was an accident. I'm not sorry. Shining was right about this whole thing. You deserve it, so you bloody damn well suck it up. In fact, you should be the one that's supposed to be sorry in this whole mess, you murderer."

Really though, can you imagine Princess Cadance spitting out that word?

"Murderer."

Honestly speaking, I'm indifferent either way.

Comments

[Thestoryteller]

Interesting.

[SilverKaizoku]

...Okay...

I'm interested and confused.

[Harmony Pie]

You are a brillant writer!

[Phoenix Nebula]

..... WHAT?!?!