Mamihlapinatapai

by WritingSpirit

Entry #9

I remembered it was snowing that day.

It was the first snow of the year, heralding what would become the coldest winter in a while, according to the Cloudsdale schedule. Not that I was worried about that; we had braved through a Yakyakistani snowstorm together before, after all. I would love to step out and have time to patiently wait for me as I admire the fluffy, crystalline flakes gently drift in the chilly breeze, if only time wasn't that cruel of a bastard. I'm sure Twilight would love that as well, you know, spending time to admire the snow. We would frolic in the fuzzy fields of white, perhaps make a few snowponies — Twilight was pretty adamant about how it trains your concentration — or even just have something as simple as a picnic. Perhaps after all that, she would disclose to me what she thinks of the snow and how she would describe it, much like how she embellished the rain by entitling it the 'symphony of the skies'. It was something I'm pining to hear from Twilight, what with her extensive and eloquent vocabulary. She would know what to call the snow.

"...can't believe I left it in the bathroom... of course it has to be in the bathroom..."

I withstood the urge to laugh, instead focusing my sights on the magnificence beyond the carriage window. One would be envious, seeing all the ponies prancing outside in their best bib and tucker. It was almost as if naturism was against the law in this city, though anyone would know it was anything but. All the sleek suits and frilly dresses were really to conform to have a place in the baroque backdrop of Canterlot; an unwritten rule conditioned in the mental annals of the respective figureheads that live here, set in stone alongside other ludicrous, redundant rules such as how your head must be angled towards the sky in a show of dignity, or how you must have a moderate spring in your step as you trot by to enhance your fanciful display. Canterlot was the apotheosis that resulted from a society of conformists; an epitaph dictating the loss of individuality as they all desperately trample over each other, striving to steal the light of recognition.

Thank the alicorns Twilight wasn't one of them.

"I even wrote a reminder for that too... what's the point of a reminder if it doesn't, well, remind?"

"Twilight, you should really stop beating yourself over it," I finally butted in. "It's nothing major you should be worrying about."

"What do you mean it's nothing major?" she cried haughtily. "This is my speech we're talking about! It's the speech I've been preparing ever since we've been invited! I've toiled through hours and hours up to midnight just for trying to make it sound right! All that work, all those hours of thinking and writing and drafts... all of it was wasted because I forgot to take it out of the bathroom!"

"Well, I did ask you not to, I don't know, bring it into the bathroom?"

"Oh, please, Flash Sentry! You were saying that because you thought I'd get it wet, which was why I had all the proper spells ready in case such a scenario were to happen! I casted all four of Starswirl's basic water resistant spells, a variation of enchantments that prevent any possibility of the paper coming into any contact of water at a molecular level, some charms that cancels out all the chances of osmosis ever happening to an infinitesimal degree—"

"The point is, you're being excessively worried over a piece of paper," I cut in. "Look, I get it. You want to look your best, it's an important speech to a bunch of high horses, one mistake may or may not cost everything— in retrospect, it's not that big of a deal."

Twilight glumly frowned at my response. "I'm not worried about that..." she mumbled, glancing away.

"It's Princess Celestia, isn't it?"

The meek nod she gave was not surprising. The funny thing I find about Twilight, chastely speaking, was her perpetual goal of sustaining whatever attachments that she may have, whether it be with her big brother, her best friends or even her former mentor, the latter being especially so. One could not deny the influence that Princess Celestia had wielded to all of her students, especially to Twilight; one also could not deny that Twilight was the only one of her students still actively trying to impress her former mentor, even after her ascension into princesshood. Some would cry obsession, though they would rather have their dignity intact than risk disparagement. Really, if you tried to bring any sort of harm to the darling of Equestrian royalty, you're really better off playing a little game of Russian roulette. Trust me when I say you'd have much better odds of winning there.

I would know.

"What makes you think she'll get upset at you for not delivering the perfect speech?"

"What makes you think she won't?"

"Because it's irrational. Last I checked, that was Discord's job," I retorted. "I don't know what you'll think she'd say, but you know she wouldn't get mad over something as small as a speech. If I were her, I would already be proud just to see you standing up there and trying your best. Hell, Twilight Sparkle, I know I would be."

For a moment, there was a little spark in her eyes, though it quickly vanished a blink later. With a soft sigh, Twilight crossed her hooves and shuffled in her seat, drawing her gaze out the carriage window into the city she had once called home, perhaps musing on some thoughts of her past; one could only tell so much from the soft smile she was giving. Throughout most of the time we had left in our journey, I kept my eyes fixated on her, for once to plainly admire the mare I was guarding instead of figuring out what she was thinking. That warm and pleasant smile, those soft and fluffy cheeks that just looked adorable when she pouts, the rosy streaks in her violet mane that mimic the ethereal rays of sunlight currently streaming across her visage, the violet flame of life burning brightly and joyfully in her eyes as she turned my way... it might just be me, but Twilight looked a little more beautiful than I remembered.

"See anything you like?"

"Definitely," I muttered breathlessly in response to her tease, smiling when she giggled mirthfully. "Look, don't worry about the speech. Whatever you come up with, I'm sure it'll be a good one, what with your way of words and everything. Even if that fails, at least you know that one pony would cheer for you, no matter what."

The cheesiness of that line was enough to make her roll her eyes.

"Charmer..." she muttered gruffly.

"You know you like it."

"I do, unfortunately," was her response, sighing dreamily as she slumped towards her side of the carriage. "Gods above, what did I do to deserve you?"

"Technically, you worked through a loophole in the law and dragged me into being your bodyguard."

"You're never gonna let me hear the end of it, aren't you?"

"Probably not," I responded cheekily, to which she rewarded me with a pout.

The carriage quickly came to a halt, signaling the end of our short journey. As the carriage pony came and open the door, I carefully stepped outside and, with a slight bow, offered my hoof out to Twilight after me; to that, she stifled a grin and played along, trying her best not to giggle and holding her head high as she stepped down, her hoof in mine. Together, we strode into the venue of our next gathering: the Hôtel Sanctuaire, one of Canterlot's largest and finest hotels with a rich history of hosting a countless amount of gatherings arranged by nobles and corporate entities alike. It was essentially a monument of and to luxury, with all the biggest names in the world having walked down its halls before us. It was also home to the Canterlot Sanctuary Gala, the annual function we were attending alongside all of Equestria's largest financial players and, suffice to say, it's the wildcard of business gatherings in Equestria, second only to the Grand Galloping Gala. In short, this was to be the most important function I would be attending in all my life.

"Any plans for tonight?"

"None so far," she answered breathily. "I looked up all of the places Rarity suggested for us to visit after the banquet and I honestly doubt we can appreciate visiting an art gallery or a sculpture garden or something along those lines. Whatever deeper meaning they're trying to convey is beyond even my capacity of understanding, much less they try to invoke yours. No offense."

"None taken," I nonchalantly replied. "So it's just gonna be another one of those nights, huh?"

"I guess so. Then again, maybe we need a night like that after all."

I sported a knowing grin at those words.

"Maybe we do."

We strode across the carpeted halls, with walls gleaming in sleek marble and furniture all gilded in gold. All the staff members and whatever few guests that could afford spending a night or two here quickly bowed as we trotted by them, to which she could only awkwardly acknowledge each of them with a nod. Our next moment of solace together came when the sleek doors of the elevator started to close, leaving us in a world where we're joined only by our reflections fading into perpetuality within the realm of the two mirrors built into its sides. That moment was quickly broken when a hoof quickly wedged itself in between the narrowing niche, forcing the doors to part again. The look of surprise on the unicorn's face was evident, as were the ones we both wore.

"Your Majesty!"

"Cardinal!" Twilight exclaimed. "What a coincidence! What are you doing here? I thought you said you weren't coming?"

"I wasn't, but I had to because my father had some company matters to settle back at home," the young colt explained. "It was to be in the end that I'll have to come in his place. Not that I mind, of course."

Cardinal was the name given to the younger Atelier, the scion to the mogul's iron throne and, as I would find out much later, one of Twilight's potential suitors. We had met before back in Manehatten, when he offered to dance with Twilight while I was busy talking to his father. Still, this time I actually got to see him up close and the conclusion I came to was that he was like his father in almost every way: smartly dressed, sincere with his smiles, aggressively diligent and possesses a keen eye for a profitable business venture. Even the gaze he spared for me, with the telltale spark and everything, uncannily resembled his father's. It's not surprising that many had spoken highly of Cardinal Atelier, at such a young age even. I'd reckon that like his father, he would go far.

"You'll be giving the speech later, aren't you?"

"Y-Yeah..." Twilight flusteredly replied. "I'm actually kinda nervous just from thinking about it already."

"You'll do fine, I'm sure. Ain't that right, my friend?"

"Huh?" I stumbled on my words when I realized he had turned to me, making Twilight giggle. "Oh, I, uh... sure, I'm sure!"

"See? What did I tell you?" Cardinal retorted, grinning at me just as a ding sounded off in the elevator, prompting the doors to part. "Well, I guess this is my stop. See you at the gala!"

Some part of me was flushed with relief when the doors finally closed, once again leaving us alone together. I would call it selfish, but I knew it was much more than that. Was it envy, I wonder? Perhaps it was, though I would be quick to dismiss it with a bit of rational thought. There really is nothing to be envious about, especially since Twilight was the one who made the first move, which was a choice that I had come to admire and appreciate. It was, as Shining Armor said, something she had decided to do for herself, which meant a lot if you knew her well. Having been with her for more than a year, I could understand that; the mare who calls herself Twilight Sparkle was unbelievably selfless, to the point where having her finally do something for herself was akin to a miracle. With that in mind, I was proud that she chose me, even though it hadn't been the smoothest road to travel down. Question is, was she?

"Twilight?"

"Hmm?"

"You think it was all worth it?" I asked, fidgeting in place. "How we got here, the things we said, the things I did especially..."

"Why? What brought this up all of a sudden?"

"Just contemplating, you know? About you and me being together... about us..."

To that, she bore me with her warmest smile. "You know how I feel about that, Flash," she said.

As the doors parted the second time, I looked on as she strutted out, only to tense up when she teasingly brushed her tail against the underside of my chin. The heartwarming smile of hers turned into a coy smirk, leading me along as we headed to our room when I should be the one escorting her. To be clear, we didn't do much that afternoon, as Twilight insisted that we sleep it off and brace ourselves for tonight. Though she was quick to doze off, I couldn't find it in myself to do the same, mostly because I still wasn't exactly used to having her snuggle up against me like that, with her rear hooves brushing against mine and the feathers in our wings entwined. It was a petite situation that should be handled with care, so to speak. I do manage to doze off after obliging myself with a couple rounds of slow breathing, the lights and sounds of the busy city of Canterlot fading away into the distance as I sank further into her fuzzy warmth, joining her in slumber.

In peace, together.

---

This was supposed to be the part where I quote the finishing lines of her speech.

Unfortunately for you and me, I couldn't recall anything of what she said that night. If I could, I would go back in time and memorize every line, every word, everything. Sadly, time being the cruel bastard it was, I will never know. Mind you, I'm not saying Twilight made a forgettable speech; I was regrettably too mesmerized in her delivery of it. It was the way she articulated and enunciated certain words, the gentle gestures she make with her hooves and the swirls accentuated by her chartreuse strapless dress; it was the way her wings sway and ruffle at every turn, the candid smile she wore and, most of all, the fire of life in her eyes, punctuating her vigorous convictions that came in her sentences. This was a moment for her to shine, for her to captivate. It was her moment and she reveled in it.

"Thank you, fillies and gentlecolts. Enjoy the rest of the night."

I was still left in awe even as the drizzle of genial applause filled the room, snapping out of it only when Twilight strode back to my side, giggling at my expression. There was a bounce in her step and an almost visible flutter in her chest; both of that, combined with the glowing simper she wore, attested her pride and confidence, to which she has every right to. I would say that only because it was a side you don't see often in Twilight. Beneath her heroics and her royalty, her courage and glory, the Twilight Sparkle I know was a mare that was apprehensive with every move she makes or, to put it nicely, she's overly cautious. There were times, however, where it would relent, if the motives behind choosing me as her royal bodyguard were of any indication.

"Well? How was it, Flash?" she asked breathlessly. "It wasn't too bad, was it?"

"Not at all, Your Highness."

"Formalities!" she whined, giving an insistent tug on my wings with her magic when I chuckled. "Just because we're in an important function doesn't mean you get to call me that!"

"This being an important function is all the more reason that I should refer you properly. Plus," I stopped to lower my voice. "We don't want anyone here to get any ideas."

Twilight rolled her eyes at that statement. "There's nothing to worry about," she said. "Everyone here would be more concerned about making the right deals and looking their best instead of us. Plus, last I checked, there isn't any law that forbids a princess from getting together with her own royal bodyguard, even if he's a lump like you."

"This lump has feelings too, you know?"

"Yes he does. My big, fluffy, handsome worrywart of a lump."

Honestly, I might never get tired of hearing that.

You could say that my presence alone was enough to have Twilight lower her guard. After all, having to guard her was my responsibility. I really liked the idea of that, the notion of her feeling safe around me, even though it should actually be the other way around. Seriously, if a manticore showed up at the door, I'd reckon Twilight will handle it more effortlessly than I would. I'd try my best to fight it off, sure, but she would pull off the final punches needed. She was really shaping up to be an icon of grace and power, much like Princess Celestia; a thought made known to me when Twilight careened to the elder alicorn's side, gushing with pride at the words of praise she received. All I could do was smile at the growing resemblance between teacher and student, that is, until they start striding towards me.

"We meet again, Flash Sentry."

"Y-Your Majesty!" I instinctively stuttered with a quick bow, much to their amusement. "It's an h-honor to be in your presence once again!"

"Rise, my loyal subject," her gentle voice, coupled with her effeminate laugh, caressed my ears. "How have you and Twilight been these days?"

"We've been doing fine, Your Majesty," I answered breathlessly, my glance drifting over to Twilight as she trotted back to my side. "The both of us are."

Princess Celestia's smile only widened.

"Glad to hear that. Come now, the buffet's upon us."

Can a buffet be criminal? With what I was looking at, I'm inclined to think it should be. Pounds upon pounds of food gathered on the table from all over Equestria and beyond, from the instantly recognizable to the unbelievably exotic, a latter few of which even Twilight looked mildly disgusted by. Honestly, it's hard to like the swamp-green clumpy moat that they labeled 'spinach stew' or whatever in Faust's name is the abomination that they dare call a 'candle salad'. With such choices listed out there, it's expected that we opted for something that looked and sounded safer; I had a Caprese hay sandwich and some pita wraps whereas she stuck with a Mediterranean salad and a slice of strawberry shortcake for dessert.

"You're really eating that?" I couldn't help but question her second choice. "Weren't you feeling a little sick this morning?"

"Think it was just the nerves from the speech."

"Twilight, you were throwing up in the shower."

"Okay, so maybe I'm just a little under the weather," she fussed. "That's what I get for working on a speech for days on end and barely getting any sleep just because you have some words on the tip of your tongue that just won't come out. Still want to indulge myself in some cake though. If I do fall really sick, at least you'll be there to help me, won't you?"

I didn't know whether to feel blessed or lament at the possibility of that. "Suit yourself," I simply replied.

You know what they say about ignorance.

"The signs were there! The signs were all there!"

Such a blissful night indeed.

"Flash Sentry!"

I turned at the sound of the voice, putting up a smile when I saw the distinguished stallion that is Cardinal Atelier approaching me, holding in his hoof a bottle of wine with a scarlet ribbon tied around the neck. I would've turned and beckoned Twilight over but she was too busy discussing the fundamentals of cake-eating with Princess Celestia, whom I heard was quite the expert. It took me a while to realize I didn't need to; the spark in Cardinal's eyes — a spark akin to his father's — were a sure sign that he has some sort of business with me instead. Before I could inquire, however, he suddenly handed the bottle to me, much to my surprise.

"A gift," he said, grinning. "With regards from my father to the princess."

"Thank you..." I mumbled, blankly staring at the bottle in my hoof. "Won't you be joining us?"

"Oh, I would love to, certainly, though I have other plans as of late. My father had some deals he wanted to settle, as it were. You know how our fathers can be with managing their businesses, don't you?"

"Of course. Please help us thank your father, on behalf of Princess Twilight."

"I will. You two have a good night, Flash Sentry."

A good night was all that I wanted, really; I wouldn't ask for anything more. The rest of the gala was uneventful for me, the royal bodyguard who had to make himself content with standing beside Twilight as she steered herself into having conversations like knowing what kind of marble you use in your fountain would bring good fortune or figuring out how to make nose rings seem trendy. As the eccentric talks wind down and the multitude of ponies headed home, I escorted her and her sagging frame back up to our room, her droopy eyes trying its best to prop itself back up alongside her listless mumbling. Her tired gaze drifted towards me once the elevator doors parted, her pent-up frustration culminating in a loud, languid sigh when the doors closed.

"Thank Celestia and Luna that's over!" she cried haughtily, throwing her hooves in the air. "So, this is with regards from Mr. Atelier, huh? Neat bow and everything."

"I... uh, yes," I stuttered, flimsily handing her the wine bottle. "Still, don't you think it's best if we save it for tomorrow instead? Considering what you've been through, I understand if you would want to have some rest. If you ask me, you look pretty worn out from all the chatting."

"I can handle being awake for another hour or two, Flash," Twilight assured.

"Plus, I think you should at least have a chance to enjoy yourself tonight as well. You were really, really tense today!"

"Oh, you have no idea."

Like in the afternoon, we didn't do much once again, instead indulging in the opulence of free wine and starting off the fiery chain of conversations that would precede them. I couldn't remember what Twilight had been rambling about that night, nor do I remember what I went on to bewail about either. Perhaps it was the fatigue, perhaps it was our drunken state, but that night... on that crispy winter's night, all that happened after the banquet became a nubilous blur. The last thing I recalled seeing was Twilight snoozing in bed, bottle empty and rolling underneath the bed while I tried my best to fight the sleep in the side chair, only to have my efforts be in vain. The sounds of Canterlot drifted away, followed by the lights as the two of us were swallowed back into the black of slumber, not knowing that one of us will soon venture far below the abyss that she would ever want to.

Tonight was the night it all started. All it took to change the public eye was one moment. One moment of chaos and frenzy, of disaster and agony. One moment that shook the Equestrian core, that pierced the hearts of ponies nationwide. One moment entombed in their heads, unearthing its marred form with every glance they directed at me. Tonight was the night that I became a murderer and I had not realized it yet. If I knew — if I only knew — then perhaps it would've turned out differently for us. Perhaps we would still go on with our daily lives, not worrying what the world thinks of us. Perhaps the semblance of gray permeating over the plains and cities would be bright and clear instead. Perhaps the unborn child would grow up into a healthy foal and we would teach it how to stand, how to walk, how to read, how to use its horn if it were a unicorn or how to fly if it were a pegasus. All those moments that could be... they were lost to us now. Lost in the furor that would come, all in a flash, all in a moment, all of it.

In flames, together.

---

I heard it.

Through the thick haze of silence, I heard it. It was faint, but I could hear it, whizzing around and darting about in the darkness, aimlessly and senselessly in its blind search for me. In its frailty, it was a stinging buzz, though as it grew it transformed into a rapid patter, like raindrops on a window. Without ever resting, it started to morph once again, growing louder and louder until there were cracks in the darkness. I could only cover my ears with my hooves, to no avail as a frantic ringing of a bell unfurled and unleashed itself upon the world, tearing apart my senses with its defiant, deafening tone, so much so that the darkness retreated into the distance without delay.

"Be careful! You don't wanna wake them up!"

"I really don't think we should be doing this..."

"Our fucking lives are at risk here! We can't back out now..."

The encroaching rays of light caught me off guard in a blinding glare. In my returning vision, I could make out the luxurious suite Twilight and I were in. I could make out her form breathing steadily and wings folded neatly as she slept on the bed. What I couldn't make out were the other two figures scampering about. No matter how hard I squint, I could never make out their faces, though their voices were as clear as day. One of them — from what I could tell, the leader of the two — had a gruffness and grittiness in his tone, while the other was exasperated with anxiety. For some reason, the latter voice sounded a little familiar, as if I heard it somewhere before.

"You really don't think he'll actually—"

"I don't know and I don't intend to know. I just want to get this over with."

I strained to open my eyes, though with my consciousness drifting in and out like that, it was hard to even think of doing it. The two colts remained oblivious to my attempts as they continued their work, with one of them heading out and returning with something in his hoof. The unmistakable sound of something splashing into the carpets and the blankets began to ring in my ears, the pungent aroma of kerosene filling the room making my heart drop. I tried to yell, to cry, to scream, trying to reach them with all my might even though my voice refused to come out. It was as if something was holding my senses back, caging the growing desperation and turmoil within my head. When they were finished with their work, I could hear one of them — the passive of the two — approaching me, tensing up when his familiar voice uttered a single word.

"Sorry."

A loud boom rocked from somewhere beneath us, one strong enough to shake the room. By the time I realized it, the two ponies had already left, leaving me struggling to grapple with my senses. My vision was scurrying in a blur, the pounding in my head quickening as I teetered my way towards Twilight, trying to balance myself in the spinning world. Before I knew it, a second boom suddenly threw me off my hooves, leaving me tumbling onto the damp floor. From below, amid crackles and crashes, I heard a voracious rumble, one growing dangerously in intensity. It was reaching for Twilight and I from within the dampness, its intent made known to me once I cleared enough of the haze around my head to piece everything together.

"TWILIGHT!!"

Before I knew it, I was thrown out into the corridor, gnarling with a grunt when my back slammed against the wall. Quickly, I tried to pick myself up, hissing when I felt a twinge in one of my rear hooves, only to pale when I saw Twilight in the corner of the room, teeth clenched and wings unfurled while she struggled to get up. It was only when she could finally open her eyes, seeing the floorboards around her falling into a pit of fire, the embers climbing up the walls and the cracking beams of wood from above, that everything began sinking in.

"F-Flash?!"

Without a second thought, I dove back into the room, grabbed her hoof and leaped back out into the corridor, just as another explosion from below tore up the remainder of the floor, the force of it throwing the two us forward. I could only turn around and watch in utter horror as the ceiling came rushing down, ripping through the floor and sending what was our room spiraling down into an abyss of flames, punctuated with one more explosion that made Twilight jump with a gasp. I gritted my teeth, hugging her trembling form tighter defiantly in the face of the roaring blaze before me.

"F-Flash, what's happening?!" Twilight squeaked with a shudder over my shoulder.

"I don't know..." I gasped, wracking my ringing head. "Th-There were these ponies, they— I don't know, they c-came into our room and they were... fuck, it's not coming back to me!"

"We need to get out of here," she stuttered, looking for any means to escape. "We need to get out of here now—"

All I heard was a telltale creak before the floor beneath us gave away.

For a moment, time, true with its cruelty, ceased to exist. We were falling through space, spiraling in irregular pirouettes with our gazes firmly stuck on each other. The sparkle in her eyes had burnt out, her pinprick pupils frozen in utmost terror as we drowned in a hail of splinters, rock and glass, the sonorous thunder of flames swirling about and barraging all our senses. I could see the moments she spent with me flashing before my eyes, with some part of me believed she was viewing the same sight as well. It was a terrifying cliche, wasn't it? Having our last moments in playback at times like this? Still, I was mystified. In fact, I was so fixated in that, so selfishly grasping onto the idea of it, so conceited with those moments of the past, that I failed to notice a steel bar protruding from the floor below.

A loud, metallic pang rang through my ears, my world crashing to a halt with reality yanking me back to the sight of Twilight Sparkle being struck on the forehead by the thick cylinder of steel.

I let out a pained yelp, my back slamming into a blunt corner of rock before I tumbled across the ground and onto my sides. Gritting my teeth, I looked beyond the growing flames, horrified to see Twilight lying there without any sign of movement while the flames began eating her away, the first feathers of her bent right wing beginning to scorch into a sooty black. With much of it being drenched in kerosene, the embers soon burst out into a large blaze, screaming and roaring as I hastily dragged myself over. The numbness stirring in my lower body was starting to sting, forcing me to crawl around the burning debris as I reached out to her, trying my best to clamp back a scream of agony while doing so.

"TWILIGHT!!"

When I finally reached her side, I immediately kicked and fanned away the flames. I must've looked sacrilegious, half-soaked in her blood, the rivulets of which were streaming from her bludgeoned forehead and creeping out from her nostrils while a greater volume rushed down from her thighs. I choked at the smell of burnt flesh and the sight of her spindly wing bones, some of them black and broken, jutting out from the charred, rubicund crust of her burnt skin, the remaining coral fibers of tissue clinging onto it quickly melting off like candlewax in the intense heat. Her mouth was slack and open, shivering manically with quick, silent gasps. What really terrified me, rather, were her eyes: blank, listless and distant, yet glistening with fresh tears. My hoof trembled violently as it descended onto her form, my breath strangled as I gave her a desperate shake.

"T-Twilight?"

She did not respond.

"Twilight? Twilight, say something!"

Still as a rock, soaked in a puddle of red and staring into nothing, Twilight Sparkle did not respond.

Correction: she could not respond.

"TWILIGHT!! TWILIGHT, PLEASE, FAUST—!!"

Another explosion rocked from somewhere above us, reminding me of the situation we were in. With a screech of pain, I wiped my tears away and hauled Twilight up onto my back with my wings, dragging myself away just in time before the ceiling above came crashing down in a roar. Everything still in a blur, I sauntered towards what I could make out as the fire exit, using all my strength to heave the door open before finally tumbling out into a stairwell. Quickly, I shut the door behind me, the ravaging booms and razing embers that had been bombarding my hearing lassoed into an abysmal rumble. With my wings folding in around the prone mare on my back, I soldiered onward to safety.

I fear the stars.

"SOMEPONY!!" I shrieked, heaving and panting in a funnel of echoes as I made my way down. "PLEASE, SOMEPONY!! HELP!!"

For they glitter the sky, greeting me in this warm night.

With a strained push, the steel door parted with a rumbling squeak, allowing me to fall forward into a pile of wet snow with a pained cry. Carefully, I pushed my wobbling hooves back up, all while having my wings holding Twilight safe around my red-stained back. Her figure felt cold, her inner warmth draining out along with her blood rushing down my sides. Adjusting my vision, the foggy pants I was giving out told me that I was definitely outside, with the murky puddles I was splashing in and the nauseating smell coming from the sides making it known to me that I was in one of the back alleys. For a moment, I gazed up into the snow sparkling in the backdrop of a starless night and exhaled a long gasp, before trudging on.

Attention dazzled, my gaze lingers on them to no end.

The murky lights in the distance were leading me onward, beads of sweat and tears intermixed with the streaming trail of blood I was leaving behind me. From beyond, past the rampant howl of the flames above, I could hear the sounds of the bustling capital, all converging toward the horrifying sight they were looking at in the middle of the night. There were cries and wails of terror and despair; there were the unmistakable barks from the guard trying their best to contain the escalating situation. Feeling frantic, I quickly dragged myself into the open, hissing and wincing before my voice, mangled and croaky, finally broke free.

"SOMEONE HELP!!" I yelled with all my might. "PLEASE, HELP US!! SOMEONE, PLEASE!!"

As I wonder: what hides behind this glorious view?

I could make out a few figures rushing towards me, supporting me as I made my last steps into the main roads of Canterlot. Right before the public eye, my hooves finally gave way and I collapsed, the collective gasps of every single pony resounding throughout the crowd when they saw the mare I was carrying on my back, frenziedly shaking and horrendously disfigured as she slumped over to my side. With a moan, I finally turned to her, my tears welling up at her petrified look of terror with my hoof reaching out to caress her cheek, staining it as it sank into the rivers of burgundy trailing from above.

"T-Twilight... Twilight, please... Twilight, we're safe now, Twilight, please...."

What hides behind the stars, lying await in the darkness?

"Twilight, please! Twilight, it's me! It's me! Please just..."

Will it come one day, to this fertile soil and reap it of life?

"Sir, we need to bring her—"

"NO!!" I howled, gripping tightly onto her hoof even as she was being lifted onto the stretcher. "Please, Twilight! I'm begging you, say something! Twilight, just say something!!"

Will it come one day, to swallow the sun?

"TWILIGHT!! TWILIGHT, NO, LET ME GO!! LET ME GO!! SHE NEEDS ME, LET ME GO!!"

I wonder and wonder still, yet the stars are still there; smiling, comforting, assuring that it will never come to be.

"TWILIGHT!!"

They whisper them gently, so much so that it makes me shiver.

"TWILIGHT!! Twilight, Twi..."

I fear the stars.

"I'm sorry..."

I remembered it was snowing that night.

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry..."

Kneeling on the paved road, I watched, sobbing in a fit of tears as Twilight Sparkle, the mare whom I fell in love with, whom I was supposed to protect, was carted away hurriedly in a stretcher.

"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..."

I was her royal bodyguard. I was her royal bodyguard, yet... yet...

"I'm sorry, Twilight, I'm sorry..."

I could've saved her but I didn't! I could've stopped the fire but I didn't! I fucking didn't! I was too weak to even save myself, to even stand up and walk, to even think, to even give a flying fuck about whatever that was fucking happening before me! I should've known whatever the fuck I was supposed to do, I should've realized that! The whole time... the whole fucking time... I'm a useless excuse for a pony! I failed to do the one thing I was tasked to do! I was her royal bodyguard and, as her royal bodyguard, I was tasked with protecting Twilight Sparkle, yet when the time came...

"T-Twilight, I'm s-sorry..."

MURDERER.

I played the part of a neurotic apologician quite well, don't you think? Perhaps a little too well, if you asked me; something like this would usually be quoted to be exemplified as the moment I was born for. It would've been an utterly surreal sight, I'm sure, seeing the royal bodyguard of Princess Twilight Sparkle on his bruised knees, thrashing and screaming into the sky while tears ran down his eyes, all the while having a large crowd surrounding him and the raging fire still burning strong in the higher floors of the hotel. The sky was a myriad of blue, violet and a glimmer of orange, the spectacular hue of chaos bursting in the night. What captivated me that night, however, wasn't any of that.

What captivated me was the snow.

When I opened my eyes into the ephemeral abyss above me, my delirium could make out the snowflakes dancing before me in an erratic waltz. They were showering heavily, almost as if laughing at my devastating predicament and brushing me off. They were spiteful as much as they were sporadic, piling onto me and my burdening despair. They were envious that I remained standing there, willpower shaky but still strong. They were once stars that hung in the night sky, once marveled in its array and complexity, only for their grace to shatter in their long fall back to earth. Like how the rain was the symphony of the skies, the snow was a threnody; an ode played at the funeral for all these fallen stars, to which was only met with disgust and rage. Twilight would've been proud of me if she heard that.

That night, I could feel the semblance of Equestria already shifting, all of it converging against me. In one moment, Twilight and I were holding the crown from the sky we once ruled; in the next, she was torn down, stripped of a wing and a child, whereas I had to endure the most difficult months I would ever face in my entire life, all because of one pony's elaborate ruse for personal gain. I remembered thinking about the grin she wore, the gentle laugh she gives and the omnipresent spirited curiosity in her eyes; I remembered believing that they were sights I might never, ever see again. Lastly, I remembered finally surrendering to my fatigue, falling forward into the pile of fallen stars with only a passing thought in my mind: that the stars had finally fallen to earth and, lo and behold, reaped me of life; that I truly, truly, feared the stars as I thought I would.

That was the last memory I had of that night, before everything was swallowed up into nothing and the world around me finally grew still, leaving me in the darkness.

In silence.

Alone.

Comments

[Aether Rain]

Oh man, this chapter somehow so heartwarming yet... So hurtful....

[WritingSpirit]

7148242

Glad to hear that!

Took some time and a couple of drafts when trying to balance between both ends, especially the final part.
Personally found it hard to write those kind of sequences, especially after Twilight's head hit the bar

[AngelDCS]

Those ponies who wanted to kill them.. Should burn in hell. Good chapter

[StormyVenture]

Painful, that. Important to remember, I suppose, but that's going to hurt for a long time. And I just mean the actual events, not the feelings and knowledge of what is just short of absolute failure. I mean technically he saved both their lives. I doubt either of them would have survived that. -- Still disappointed that pony magic can't regrow limbs, although perfect regeneration/magical healing would be a little too convenient.

Anyway, the story feels kinda disjointed. I mean, I guess it's supposed to be at some level, but that it's still kinda mucky. In particular trying to keep track of where the story is in time is pretty hard. Not only that, but it could use work in other areas in my opinion. I'm not quite sure if I could really point it out, but the flow of the story is a little rough.

Stuff like this:

"We need to get out of here," she stuttered, looking for any means to escape.
"We need to get out of here now—"

Ought to be:

"We need to get out of here," she stuttered, looking for any means to escape. "We need to get out of here now—"

Maybe it's FimFic's fault, but you don't need a line break/newline there at all.

7155715
Ironically, having to live with having done such things is probably a worse punishment, unless they are actually and literally insane.

[WritingSpirit]

7160742

might not be?

It can go both ways, though might be not infers a more definite negative 'not' over might not be. It's the sort of balance that I would reckon Flash Sentry was looking for to counter what Twilight said previously:

"That might be it."

It might be not, you know?

Anyway, the story feels kinda disjointed. I mean, I guess it's supposed to be at some level, but that it's still kinda mucky. In particular trying to keep track of where the story is in time is pretty hard.

Yeah, it was supposed to be hard to keep track of the timeline of this story.

I originally wanted to put in something to help guide the reader, though I thought it'll be more interesting to withhold the information of it instead. I believed that with what Flash had to go through, most of the events in his memory would not include the context of time, with some of the events negating the presence of it entirely. His scorn towards the passing of time was one of the things I was subtly trying to imply throughout the story, up until Entry #8 when he mentions about what a cruel bastard it was.

Maybe it's FimFic's fault, but you don't need a line break/newline there at all.

As for that part, that is unfortunately a writing habit of mine.
Thanks for pointing that out!

Also, thanks for faving the story!!