Chapter 3: Meeting the princesses
Chapter 3: Meeting the princesses
1st Person POV - Sebastian(Sasha)
We had just entered the edge of the Everfree Forest when all of sudden we were surrounded by ponies in heavy armor.
They consisted of 2 earth ponies, 4 unicorns, and 3 pegasi, the pegasi were armed with crossbows while the earth ponies and unicorns were armed with spears.
"Drop your weapons!" A guard shouted. "By the order of the Princess herself, you are under arrest for harming the bearers of the elements!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Sebaste yelped "We're not the ones who did that! We just saved them!"
"It's true, these two saved me from Timberwolves! And they helped my friends when we were attacked!" said Twilight.
"Is this true?" An earth pony with a scar across his face asked.
I nodded. "Yes, you see, we had just woken up from whatever happened to us when we heard a scream. We went to go investigate and found Twilight surrounded by those timberwolves. After that, we were on our way here to Ponyville when we were attacked by a squad of Chaos Marines. That's when the rest of the bearers appeared, Rainbow, Rarity and Applejack helped by keeping them distracted, but now Rainbow has a broken wing and Rarity is unconscious. So it is of utmost importance that we take them to a hospital right away!"
The Squad leader nodded. " Very well, by the way, what are your names?" he asked.
I thought for a moment before answering," You can call me Battle-Brother Sebastian."
" Call me Sebaste-915." Sebaste answered.
There was a flash of light, and Celestia and Luna themselves appeared in front of us.
Everyone bowed down to them, while Sebaste and I knelt down on one knee.
Celestia then said,"You may rise, there's no need for that."
We did just that, it was then I then noticed Spike running towards us.
" Twilight! When you didn't get back in time, I thought the worst and wrote to the princesses! I'm so glad you're safe!" he said, as he hugged her.
"I'm sorry for making you worry! I was chased by a pack of Timberwolves and would've been killed if it weren't for these two." Twilight said,hugging him back.
Luna spoke up," So you two are the ones that saved my sister's student twice and helped her friends ?"
"Yes ma'am" I confirmed
" Then you have our thanks, we're glad that you were at the right place at the right time" She said.
"Your majesties, if i may, my friend and i were sent here unwillingly by someone called the Merchant, and we were wondering if you could send us back to our world." I said.
Celestia sighed. "Unfortunately, we cannot help you with that, whatever he did to send you here, he's made it impossible to send you back. I'm sorry."
We both nodded.
"Guards, escort them to the hospital. Rainbow Dash and Rarity need immediate medical attention." She ordered, then said, " Luna and I must return to Canterlot, but you are welcome to stay in Ponyville in the meantime."
"Thank you." Sebaste and I said.
I then made one request: " If it's alright with you, we'd like to apply to the Royal Guard Reserves, this way we are able to help your people."
Celestia nodded. "I don't see why not. You look like you have military experience."
I burst out laughing, "That's an understatement, your Highness. We're not entirely trained in military matters."
"I understand, I'll see what I can do." She said, then both Celestia and Luna flew back to Canterlot.
"Right then, Let's get you and Rarity to the hospital." I said to Rainbow, then turned to Twilight. "We'll see you after we drop these two off"
She nodded,then walked away with Spike, Pinkie, Fluttershy and Applejack.
With the guards escorting me, Rainbow, and Sebaste, who was still holding Rarity, headed over to the Ponyville Central Hospital, where, hopefully, they would be able to heal our newly made allies.
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An understatement? AN UNDERSTATEMENT? That is not an understatement. It would be an understatement if those two had spent he last 40 years fighting in constant wars. If they weren't trained and didn't actually go into a war, it isn't an understatement. It is the exact polar opposite.
Remove the word "So". If you must have something before "It is of the...", write "That is why".
1: You accidentally had an unnecessary space 2: There is no need to write like "blah blah dialogue blah blah," said insert name here 3: If you ignore 2, put a comma at the end of the quote before you say who answered.
Sounds awkward. A better way to write it is "As we did just that, I noticed Spike running towards us."
Look back at one. Here, have a look at a slightly modified version:
How much better does that look?
Look back at 3. Also, space required between "said," and "hugging."
Modified version:
3 changes related to spaces, one for a comma.
Finally, we get to the other one that I actually wanted to talk about. First, look back at 3. Second, you didn't capitalize I twice.
There are a number of other problems with grammar, spacing, and punctuation, but aside from that, this is pretty good.
Even though I know that this isn't the standard WH40K/HALO fic, Sebastian would know from his knowledge of WH40K that to fight for the imperium of man would mean eliminate all xenos i.e. The equestrians and the Spartan...
I would immediately be on my guard at that point, for one reason... How the hell did they know what just went down if none of them were there? Granted, Spike wrote a letter expressing his concerns about Two being late, but still... That group seemed to be lying in wait for them, knowing in advance that they'd be hurt.
Long story short... It's a trap!